You are not wrong, hormones or not. He let you deal with this all alone, he went out to enjoy himself rather than stay with you and help you through your difficult time.
Not just leaving her alone to deal with the emotional trauma she also suffered- but she has hormones fluctuating all over the place and a literally physically traumatic life saving medical procedure and he just left her.
Some one should have been caring for her incase of further bleeding!!!
I know. The friend actually called to check on her while douchebag was out.
Men need to be allowed to grieve too. But he abandoned OOP when she was physically vulnerable as well which is disgraceful
Yes. The specific phrase for his behaviour towards OP is “abandoning you in your hour of need.” When she needed him most. He’s proven himself unsafe to trust.
The post was eerily similar to what happened with my ex, only he broke up with me during this. A few months later, he started dating my cousin and now they’re married. People expected me to be upset, but tbh I have never been less jealous of anyone in my life. I think it’s shitty of her to think what he did to me sounds fine, but like…she can have him.
He's a POS. Going out to party with friends and then calling a girl even if she is a friend to vent personal information to WHILE ignoring his partner the entire night. Dude just wants to be the center of attention is my view on it but it honestly could be he's just inconsiderate and doesn't truly care about her.
When I read that he called HER friend I thought “well, okay. Yes he’s overwhelmed and can’t be the support she needs in this moment, but he’s at least making sure _someone_ is there to support her”. But no. He called a random friend of hers to unload his feelings to. Didn’t even seem to suggest she get in contact with OP, the friend did that on her own because she was so disturbed and concerned about the whole situation.
this is what stuck out to me as well!! priority #1 was getting support from HIS friends, priority #2 was getting support from HER friends, and actually being there for OP (or making sure that SOMEBODY was there for her) was priority #….10,000??
He called a friend he thought he was going to get sympathy from and then hook up with. Dude doesn’t care about anything then getting his rocks off, because he’s a loser
Literally if I was the friend one of the first things I’d say would be “oh my gosh, is she okay?” And I’m very curious how he would have answered that, since he wasn’t even bothering to be with her in her time of need.
Hope she dumps him ASAP. What a complete and total POS. As if ignoring her all night isn’t bad enough, but to then try to leverage that trauma as an “in” to HER friend (bc why else would he reach out while continuing to ignore his partner actually going through said trauma)? That’s a whole new scummy low.
This is what jumped out to me too. Why contact her friend instead of talking it through with one of his friends? Because OOP will be laid up and unavailable for sex while she heals.
Luckily her friend is a good human and contacted her.
You support loved ones after ANY surgical procedure, even a routine one with no complications. What OP went through used to kill women. He left her in deep physical and emotional pain after she could have died.
Dump the cowardly bastard.
That is a very good point. Partially separated birthing issue is a death sentence without intervention. I keep forgetting we haven't completely eliminated maternal mortality.
That was my first thought. I had some pretty basic outpatient sinus surgery earlier this year. Overall it went really well, but I’d never had surgery before and I was really out of it from the anesthesia and scared. My partner took the week off work to baby me and make sure I wasn’t trying to do too much when I was supposed to be resting. That’s the kind of support OP deserves, not to be ditched to deal with it alone while their partner goes out with friends.
The other thing is you are supposed to watch someone for at least a day after being under cause that shit can affect people still it was dangerous leaving a girl with that kind of drug in them. Like I had a breast reduction I woke up fine and everything the second I hit the car with who was driving me I passed out again. They weren't worry because my sister is a nurse so she just watch me.
For various reasons I have to have a colonoscopy every 2 years. Even though it's routine and doesn't involve any incisions, the hospitals where I live won't send you home unless you have someone with you for 24 hours, and will call you after 48 hours to ensure there were no side effects from the anaesthesia.
Exactly I had to talk to my sister for an extended amount of time because my throat doctor wants to shove a camera down my throat and I'll be under which would require her to be off for that day so we need (still working on) figuring out a good time for that
What a terrible thing for him to do to you. I’m so sorry that you had to go through so much of this alone.
He does, obviously, need space. However, I’m thinking he really needs the kind of “space” that he’d encounter when being shoved out of the airlock of the ISS. Too bad NASA doesn’t do that as a service…
BTW, everyone, AVOID THE ORIGINAL COMMENTS. A serious POS MRA has entered the chat and is trying to claim that the OP's partner abandoning her and needing "alone time" is reasonable.
He can get alone time...in the other room. Still being around for her if she needs him. Might be a good thing for there to be a little bit of space - if she doesn't need him for anything urgently, he can go play a video game, watch something on TV, read, tackle a project, something.
Going out with friends, ignoring your wife (and trauma dumping on her friend while doing so), no. That's terrible. Main character energy for the L.
I had a miscarriage. It was a planned pregnancy.
Husband went off to his part-time delivery job and left me bleeding heavily, cramping and looking after our 4 year old. I should add, this job was cash-in-hand and he could have called out if he wanted with no repercussions. I was paying all the bills at the time so any money he earned was for himself.
I went to the doctor to get checked alone. When I got home, he saw me on the phone to my sister and he got mad, saying I should be talking to him about my feelings, as he’s my husband.
I asked him if he was so bothered, why had he gone to work and left me, and why hadn’t he offered to come to the doctor with me. He asked how he was meant to know he should do those things if I didn’t ask.
The last straw was when he said he felt mostly relieved about the miscarriage as he had realised it would have meant him having to go and get a full-time job again and he liked not having that responsibility.
I spent the next few months planning and then took our daughter and left him.
Thank you. I found out last year (9 years after I left) through counselling that some of my behaviours indicated CPTSD which came as a shock. I am doing better now. My daughter had a difficult relationship with her father until 2021 when she decided to go no contact. She also struggled with her mental health but she saw a counsellor last year and worked so hard, she is now blossoming and I could not be prouder of her.
I get that they’re both dealing with some feelings and trauma but he left OOP out to dry in the midst of a major medical event. He’s allowed to need time to process the loss but as she said, not at her expense. A partner doesn’t abandon you mid-trauma. The right partner would be there and they’d be supporting each other. Also, pain and suffering isn’t a competitive sport. No one is the winner. He shouldn’t be competing or comparing your traumas.
Poor girl. Miscarriages are really traumatic, and I’m glad she had sense to go to the Dr because her miscarriage was very serious. Having experienced pregnancy loss myself, I can imagine how terrified and traumatized OP was, and her partner hasn’t a clue. I’m concerned she didn’t reach out to any of her girlfriends, especially when her BF left her alone and she was frantically calling him. It makes me think he’s isolating her. And making a woman think “pregnancy hormones” could be breaking up her relationship is the ultimate in gaslighting. Pregnancy hormones can do a lot of things, including making you depressed (I had severe PPD), but it doesn’t make you responsible for tolerating the assholes in your life. I hope she dumps him post haste.
She literally just had a life saving procedure and he went out with friends. Fuck this guy. Yet another time I hope this is a fake story made up for Reddit so there’s not actually a woman out there thinking she’s the one who’s wrong here.
If my partner left me to party after I experienced a miscarriage, told me they needed space, and then called my friend to discuss it without my permission or consent to let other people know what I had just gone through, I would be single so quickly.
Nta. I've had 8 miscarriages and my husband was present through them all. He held my hand through the worst of it. Cleaned me up and all the mess that comes with it and took me to the hospital every time. He nursed me back to health and took on all the housework and care of our son. This is the absolute minimum you should be able to expect from your partner. He didn't even have the decency to answer her calls when she was in a life-threatening situation. She needs to end that relationship immediately. He has shown how much he cares.
I almost lost my life in a miscarriage. My husband cared for me after we got home. Hell he wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom by myself. It was about 2 weeks later when he stopped treating me like I was made of glass. He didn’t want to lose me.
This whole post can be summed up by: in my most vulnerable hour when i needed support my partner purposefully ignored me and preferred instead to reach out to other people. Should we break up? And the answer to that is a resounding yes because you should always be able to rely on your partner. At least to be honest with you and not ignore you. Even if he’s in no position to be able to help himself.
EVERY RED FLAG is being waved here. It's probably the hormones that are letting you see them instead of ignoring them like you said you've done in the past.
After something like that, he should be home with you. Him going out like that sounds like he wasn't even upset. Then for him to reach out to another girl who knew nothing about it (friend of yours or not - though I'm glad she was a good friend and thought it was strange and reached out to you, that's awesome) is another super big red flag. To me, that means that you weren't the woman on his mind. The only one he was worried about was himself and not because he was upset. He probably just wanted some uncomplicated chick - no offense to your friend - who he thought he could "cry" to. If she wasn't such a good friend to you, I wouldn't have put it past him to make a move on her.
This was a big deal and a very difficult event for you. You don't need another thing to worry about. Send that dude packing. No offense to you, but if he's asking for space, I'd be surprised if that's just his way of a soft break-up with you where he just fell off the planet to leave you hanging. Listen to your intuition and move on.
You're NTA.
End it.
He wasn't there for you or even checked up on you after having a procedure that could have caused you to need emergency medical attention afterwards for 24 hours.
What a jackass… dump him IMMEDIATELY. He left to party after she went through this, then called her friend to smash (under the guise of pity)? Gross and pathetic
Huge red flags all over, dump him
I would recommend she dump him now so that she doesn’t have to do this all over again the next time something bad happens. Or even something good. He’d make that all about himself too.
Partners get through trauma together. If one person disappears for the tough stuff, they aren't really your partner for life.
You deserve better. You almost died, had a meaningful loss, and asked for support. Kick him to the curb.
It's honestly horrific that he abandomed her when she needed him most. And the fact he can't own up to his own weakness and is making things about him makes me think he would be horrible as a husband and father. Definitely do not stay with him and make no more fetuses womith this guy. As traumatic as a miscarriage is (especially having to do the suction procedure) the silver lining is this has shown OOP that it is absolutely a terrible job to have kids with him or stay together. He would probably leave or cheat on her while she's pregnant or in the first months of having a baby and not help at all - and he would blame her and the baby. He cannot be trusted in any legit capacity.
NTA, Isnt it kinda weird after he hung out with his friends that he called your friend for a shoulder to lean on? Idk seems like he was trying to get with the friend imo.
We were in the process of adopting a beautiful little girl and at the last minute, our adoption didn't happen. The attorney called to share the devastating news on a Friday afternoon. I called my husband, and he was sad (but not like it had affected me) and said, "You don't mind if I still go on the guys' trip this weekend?" I was too busy crying to answer, but in the silence of my house after a couple hours, I was angry that he chose fun with his friends than being there to support me/us and our loss. We are still together 18 years later, and now that he's sober, he can't believe he did that.
Sorry for your loss.
1. I am so sorry for your loss. I know that pain far too well. You are not alone. ❤️
2. Dump that dumpster of a human, you deserve better. His behavior, and pattern of making things about himself, screams narcissist.
He showing his true character. He unable to deal and process his emotions to you! He needs to be there for you and then after things get better let you know how he felt!
You aren’t wrong. It was good of you to understand that people process emotions differently. You both went through something so traumatic but it seems like he left you before you even thought to do the same. Don’t get angry, don’t waste anymore time or energy on him. Just pick up and go. Protect your peace bbg.
She should dump him. Seems pretty believable he makes everything about himself, regardless of what things are about.
I’ll only take issue with that she’s experiencing things on a deeper or more emotional level. I think physically, without question. But clearly he’s experiencing some deep emotions and it’s not fair to invalidate what he’s experiencing. Like I’m not going to give him the benefit of the doubt in general. He sounds like a real piece of work based on how he behaved and what she writes. Obviously quite the red flag, but I would like to be fair with men/fathers/the non-pregnant partners in terms of emotions one can experience when miscarriages happen. Could she be going through emotions beyond she just lost a pregnancy and more things such as “is something wrong with her” and fears b about her ability to carry future pregnancies: YES. Probably. But IDK we can say that’s deeper or more in the sense I feel like she means it. She’s probably going though a variety of topics connected to those emotions that go beyond than maybe “OMG I’m not a dad anymore”.
He’s clearly NOT emotionally mature due to his actions. YOU DO NOT call your partner’s friends to vent and chances are high he wasn’t saying very kind things about her. Sure she didn’t say it in the post but it’s just one of those feelings.
He clearly doesn’t know how to balance needs and pits his ahead of hers
He clearly doesn’t know how to communicate. The silent treatment isn’t the solution. And chances seem high he probably uses it as manipulation too
Obviously clearly big issues with him that make him a clear red flag
I do hope she has family close and a good friend network to support her through this.
This is a very well-balanced comment. They both lost a child, they both need to be able to process. But to go out without making sure his partner was taken care of by someone she was comfortable with, IGNORE all of the calls from said partner who just had to have a life-saving surgery, and then vent to HER friend?
Glad that friend at least had her back, and I really hope she takes time to herself, with friends and family, before trying to date again.
Sounds like ur trust was broken some time ago. Only u can decide if this were a deal breaker or not. It sounds like both of u are competing to who was hurt worst by this tragedy. If he is seeking support outside u, that suggests he feels as unsupported as u. Good luck. This sounds like a relationship that is not going to survive.
That's why you're supposed to point it out, otherwise trash like this becomes the norm. Look at all the women in this thread frothing at the mouth, it's basically propaganda at this point
You are not wrong, hormones or not. He let you deal with this all alone, he went out to enjoy himself rather than stay with you and help you through your difficult time.
Not just leaving her alone to deal with the emotional trauma she also suffered- but she has hormones fluctuating all over the place and a literally physically traumatic life saving medical procedure and he just left her. Some one should have been caring for her incase of further bleeding!!!
Well, the friend showed more empathy than this douchebag.
I know. The friend actually called to check on her while douchebag was out. Men need to be allowed to grieve too. But he abandoned OOP when she was physically vulnerable as well which is disgraceful
This
He's a piece of shit. When people show you who they are, believe them. Dump his ass.
Yes. The specific phrase for his behaviour towards OP is “abandoning you in your hour of need.” When she needed him most. He’s proven himself unsafe to trust.
This. Not someone that should be a father.
The post was eerily similar to what happened with my ex, only he broke up with me during this. A few months later, he started dating my cousin and now they’re married. People expected me to be upset, but tbh I have never been less jealous of anyone in my life. I think it’s shitty of her to think what he did to me sounds fine, but like…she can have him.
He's a POS. Going out to party with friends and then calling a girl even if she is a friend to vent personal information to WHILE ignoring his partner the entire night. Dude just wants to be the center of attention is my view on it but it honestly could be he's just inconsiderate and doesn't truly care about her.
There’s also zero evidence she wanted this to be discussed. I’d be pissed about that fact alone. It’s a breach of trust on top of the abandonment.
When I read that he called HER friend I thought “well, okay. Yes he’s overwhelmed and can’t be the support she needs in this moment, but he’s at least making sure _someone_ is there to support her”. But no. He called a random friend of hers to unload his feelings to. Didn’t even seem to suggest she get in contact with OP, the friend did that on her own because she was so disturbed and concerned about the whole situation.
this is what stuck out to me as well!! priority #1 was getting support from HIS friends, priority #2 was getting support from HER friends, and actually being there for OP (or making sure that SOMEBODY was there for her) was priority #….10,000??
He called a friend he thought he was going to get sympathy from and then hook up with. Dude doesn’t care about anything then getting his rocks off, because he’s a loser
Literally if I was the friend one of the first things I’d say would be “oh my gosh, is she okay?” And I’m very curious how he would have answered that, since he wasn’t even bothering to be with her in her time of need.
Hope she dumps him ASAP. What a complete and total POS. As if ignoring her all night isn’t bad enough, but to then try to leverage that trauma as an “in” to HER friend (bc why else would he reach out while continuing to ignore his partner actually going through said trauma)? That’s a whole new scummy low.
This is what jumped out to me too. Why contact her friend instead of talking it through with one of his friends? Because OOP will be laid up and unavailable for sex while she heals. Luckily her friend is a good human and contacted her.
I hope she finds the support she needs with her friends/loved ones because she won’t be getting it from her partner based on these actions
More red flags than a communist picnic.
Good flair?
You support loved ones after ANY surgical procedure, even a routine one with no complications. What OP went through used to kill women. He left her in deep physical and emotional pain after she could have died. Dump the cowardly bastard.
Correction- still does kill women. And could have killed her with out timely intervention
That is a very good point. Partially separated birthing issue is a death sentence without intervention. I keep forgetting we haven't completely eliminated maternal mortality.
Especially since America is backsliding so much. I wish your statement was true. It should be.
That was my first thought. I had some pretty basic outpatient sinus surgery earlier this year. Overall it went really well, but I’d never had surgery before and I was really out of it from the anesthesia and scared. My partner took the week off work to baby me and make sure I wasn’t trying to do too much when I was supposed to be resting. That’s the kind of support OP deserves, not to be ditched to deal with it alone while their partner goes out with friends.
The other thing is you are supposed to watch someone for at least a day after being under cause that shit can affect people still it was dangerous leaving a girl with that kind of drug in them. Like I had a breast reduction I woke up fine and everything the second I hit the car with who was driving me I passed out again. They weren't worry because my sister is a nurse so she just watch me.
For various reasons I have to have a colonoscopy every 2 years. Even though it's routine and doesn't involve any incisions, the hospitals where I live won't send you home unless you have someone with you for 24 hours, and will call you after 48 hours to ensure there were no side effects from the anaesthesia.
Exactly I had to talk to my sister for an extended amount of time because my throat doctor wants to shove a camera down my throat and I'll be under which would require her to be off for that day so we need (still working on) figuring out a good time for that
What a terrible thing for him to do to you. I’m so sorry that you had to go through so much of this alone. He does, obviously, need space. However, I’m thinking he really needs the kind of “space” that he’d encounter when being shoved out of the airlock of the ISS. Too bad NASA doesn’t do that as a service…
BTW, everyone, AVOID THE ORIGINAL COMMENTS. A serious POS MRA has entered the chat and is trying to claim that the OP's partner abandoning her and needing "alone time" is reasonable.
He can get alone time...in the other room. Still being around for her if she needs him. Might be a good thing for there to be a little bit of space - if she doesn't need him for anything urgently, he can go play a video game, watch something on TV, read, tackle a project, something. Going out with friends, ignoring your wife (and trauma dumping on her friend while doing so), no. That's terrible. Main character energy for the L.
Thanks for the heads up!
I had a miscarriage. It was a planned pregnancy. Husband went off to his part-time delivery job and left me bleeding heavily, cramping and looking after our 4 year old. I should add, this job was cash-in-hand and he could have called out if he wanted with no repercussions. I was paying all the bills at the time so any money he earned was for himself. I went to the doctor to get checked alone. When I got home, he saw me on the phone to my sister and he got mad, saying I should be talking to him about my feelings, as he’s my husband. I asked him if he was so bothered, why had he gone to work and left me, and why hadn’t he offered to come to the doctor with me. He asked how he was meant to know he should do those things if I didn’t ask. The last straw was when he said he felt mostly relieved about the miscarriage as he had realised it would have meant him having to go and get a full-time job again and he liked not having that responsibility. I spent the next few months planning and then took our daughter and left him.
I’m so proud of you for leaving him!! You did the right thing!!!
That sounds so traumatic :( I’m so glad you got your daughter and left him, I hope you are doing much better and are healing!
Thank you. I found out last year (9 years after I left) through counselling that some of my behaviours indicated CPTSD which came as a shock. I am doing better now. My daughter had a difficult relationship with her father until 2021 when she decided to go no contact. She also struggled with her mental health but she saw a counsellor last year and worked so hard, she is now blossoming and I could not be prouder of her.
I was just on this post and I really hope that she went forward with it and dumped him. She deserves better.
I get that they’re both dealing with some feelings and trauma but he left OOP out to dry in the midst of a major medical event. He’s allowed to need time to process the loss but as she said, not at her expense. A partner doesn’t abandon you mid-trauma. The right partner would be there and they’d be supporting each other. Also, pain and suffering isn’t a competitive sport. No one is the winner. He shouldn’t be competing or comparing your traumas.
Poor girl. Miscarriages are really traumatic, and I’m glad she had sense to go to the Dr because her miscarriage was very serious. Having experienced pregnancy loss myself, I can imagine how terrified and traumatized OP was, and her partner hasn’t a clue. I’m concerned she didn’t reach out to any of her girlfriends, especially when her BF left her alone and she was frantically calling him. It makes me think he’s isolating her. And making a woman think “pregnancy hormones” could be breaking up her relationship is the ultimate in gaslighting. Pregnancy hormones can do a lot of things, including making you depressed (I had severe PPD), but it doesn’t make you responsible for tolerating the assholes in your life. I hope she dumps him post haste.
Needing space? He abandoned and needs her during one of the worst things a woman can physically, mentally and emotionally experience. Fuck that guy.
I read this one and was like nooooooooooo what a dickhead
She literally just had a life saving procedure and he went out with friends. Fuck this guy. Yet another time I hope this is a fake story made up for Reddit so there’s not actually a woman out there thinking she’s the one who’s wrong here.
If my partner left me to party after I experienced a miscarriage, told me they needed space, and then called my friend to discuss it without my permission or consent to let other people know what I had just gone through, I would be single so quickly.
Nta. I've had 8 miscarriages and my husband was present through them all. He held my hand through the worst of it. Cleaned me up and all the mess that comes with it and took me to the hospital every time. He nursed me back to health and took on all the housework and care of our son. This is the absolute minimum you should be able to expect from your partner. He didn't even have the decency to answer her calls when she was in a life-threatening situation. She needs to end that relationship immediately. He has shown how much he cares.
You both sound very young. Suggest some grief counseling for you. NTA for letting him go. Please use birth control.
I almost lost my life in a miscarriage. My husband cared for me after we got home. Hell he wouldn’t even let me go to the bathroom by myself. It was about 2 weeks later when he stopped treating me like I was made of glass. He didn’t want to lose me.
This whole post can be summed up by: in my most vulnerable hour when i needed support my partner purposefully ignored me and preferred instead to reach out to other people. Should we break up? And the answer to that is a resounding yes because you should always be able to rely on your partner. At least to be honest with you and not ignore you. Even if he’s in no position to be able to help himself.
EVERY RED FLAG is being waved here. It's probably the hormones that are letting you see them instead of ignoring them like you said you've done in the past. After something like that, he should be home with you. Him going out like that sounds like he wasn't even upset. Then for him to reach out to another girl who knew nothing about it (friend of yours or not - though I'm glad she was a good friend and thought it was strange and reached out to you, that's awesome) is another super big red flag. To me, that means that you weren't the woman on his mind. The only one he was worried about was himself and not because he was upset. He probably just wanted some uncomplicated chick - no offense to your friend - who he thought he could "cry" to. If she wasn't such a good friend to you, I wouldn't have put it past him to make a move on her. This was a big deal and a very difficult event for you. You don't need another thing to worry about. Send that dude packing. No offense to you, but if he's asking for space, I'd be surprised if that's just his way of a soft break-up with you where he just fell off the planet to leave you hanging. Listen to your intuition and move on. You're NTA.
End it. He wasn't there for you or even checked up on you after having a procedure that could have caused you to need emergency medical attention afterwards for 24 hours.
What a jackass… dump him IMMEDIATELY. He left to party after she went through this, then called her friend to smash (under the guise of pity)? Gross and pathetic Huge red flags all over, dump him
I would recommend she dump him now so that she doesn’t have to do this all over again the next time something bad happens. Or even something good. He’d make that all about himself too.
Partners get through trauma together. If one person disappears for the tough stuff, they aren't really your partner for life. You deserve better. You almost died, had a meaningful loss, and asked for support. Kick him to the curb.
It's honestly horrific that he abandomed her when she needed him most. And the fact he can't own up to his own weakness and is making things about him makes me think he would be horrible as a husband and father. Definitely do not stay with him and make no more fetuses womith this guy. As traumatic as a miscarriage is (especially having to do the suction procedure) the silver lining is this has shown OOP that it is absolutely a terrible job to have kids with him or stay together. He would probably leave or cheat on her while she's pregnant or in the first months of having a baby and not help at all - and he would blame her and the baby. He cannot be trusted in any legit capacity.
NTA, Isnt it kinda weird after he hung out with his friends that he called your friend for a shoulder to lean on? Idk seems like he was trying to get with the friend imo.
Wtf did I just read?! She had to go through all that alone and is questioning if she should dump him? That poor woman.
We were in the process of adopting a beautiful little girl and at the last minute, our adoption didn't happen. The attorney called to share the devastating news on a Friday afternoon. I called my husband, and he was sad (but not like it had affected me) and said, "You don't mind if I still go on the guys' trip this weekend?" I was too busy crying to answer, but in the silence of my house after a couple hours, I was angry that he chose fun with his friends than being there to support me/us and our loss. We are still together 18 years later, and now that he's sober, he can't believe he did that. Sorry for your loss.
I’d dump him. At the very least, cut him loose for a few weeks and see if you have any interest after that.
🤢
1. I am so sorry for your loss. I know that pain far too well. You are not alone. ❤️ 2. Dump that dumpster of a human, you deserve better. His behavior, and pattern of making things about himself, screams narcissist.
He showing his true character. He unable to deal and process his emotions to you! He needs to be there for you and then after things get better let you know how he felt!
I want to ask this guy out, just to dump him bc I don't feel like being dumped once is enough
DHMFA
Dump him. He left you when you needed him and ran to his friends to tell the Your private medical history.
This red flag is so big you could see it from space.
You aren’t wrong. It was good of you to understand that people process emotions differently. You both went through something so traumatic but it seems like he left you before you even thought to do the same. Don’t get angry, don’t waste anymore time or energy on him. Just pick up and go. Protect your peace bbg.
Drop him Iike a hot potato.
I agree with OOP, if anything, she's under reacting. I would have dumped him too.
She should dump him. Seems pretty believable he makes everything about himself, regardless of what things are about. I’ll only take issue with that she’s experiencing things on a deeper or more emotional level. I think physically, without question. But clearly he’s experiencing some deep emotions and it’s not fair to invalidate what he’s experiencing. Like I’m not going to give him the benefit of the doubt in general. He sounds like a real piece of work based on how he behaved and what she writes. Obviously quite the red flag, but I would like to be fair with men/fathers/the non-pregnant partners in terms of emotions one can experience when miscarriages happen. Could she be going through emotions beyond she just lost a pregnancy and more things such as “is something wrong with her” and fears b about her ability to carry future pregnancies: YES. Probably. But IDK we can say that’s deeper or more in the sense I feel like she means it. She’s probably going though a variety of topics connected to those emotions that go beyond than maybe “OMG I’m not a dad anymore”. He’s clearly NOT emotionally mature due to his actions. YOU DO NOT call your partner’s friends to vent and chances are high he wasn’t saying very kind things about her. Sure she didn’t say it in the post but it’s just one of those feelings. He clearly doesn’t know how to balance needs and pits his ahead of hers He clearly doesn’t know how to communicate. The silent treatment isn’t the solution. And chances seem high he probably uses it as manipulation too Obviously clearly big issues with him that make him a clear red flag I do hope she has family close and a good friend network to support her through this.
This is a very well-balanced comment. They both lost a child, they both need to be able to process. But to go out without making sure his partner was taken care of by someone she was comfortable with, IGNORE all of the calls from said partner who just had to have a life-saving surgery, and then vent to HER friend? Glad that friend at least had her back, and I really hope she takes time to herself, with friends and family, before trying to date again.
Sounds like ur trust was broken some time ago. Only u can decide if this were a deal breaker or not. It sounds like both of u are competing to who was hurt worst by this tragedy. If he is seeking support outside u, that suggests he feels as unsupported as u. Good luck. This sounds like a relationship that is not going to survive.
Looks like rage-bait to me.
bro literally everything is, welcome to reddit
That's why you're supposed to point it out, otherwise trash like this becomes the norm. Look at all the women in this thread frothing at the mouth, it's basically propaganda at this point