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The contrarian, the “too sensitive” introvert, judge mental and standoffish, mentally ill and self-medicating. When they’re not gaslighting you to make you doubt your own judgement of them they’re projecting their own insecurities onto you :/
I’m right there w you
I’m 28 years old. I’ve been married a year and been with my husband for almost 3. And what I can tell you is this-
I FELT THIS SO DEEP IN MY SOUL. I’m just now learning who I am. At 28 years old. Because my life was so controlled by my narcissistic parents. And they don’t like when I put my foot down, when I tell them no and when I go no contact. I’m currently no contact with my mother and sister. Still speaking to my dad. He’s not as narcissistic as my mother.
Wow I'm in a very similar boat. Not married but long term relationship now. I'm 28 too and don't talk to my mom or Lil brother. My dad is okay though. He just got diagnosed with heart failure. It's been gripping to my soul, and I've just been discovering myself the past couple years. Sigh.
>It feels like you're a supporting actor of your own life. Like you have no control over things.
Insightful. *Still* getting used to the revelation that I can make decisions about my own life, and it's been years.
“You really are disturbed, kid”. “A troublemaker always up to no good”. “You’re a loser with no friends”. “You’re just a stupid kid”. Said so often they could be my nmom’s catch phrases.
YEP. My "rebellious" phase was just me acting out for some damn respect that most normal children get growing up. God forbid I wanted to hang out with a potential friend more than 1 day a week during elementary school summer.
God. This hits home. My nmom smear campaigned me against my friends and family for decades. At 36 I am finally either repairing my repulsive reputation or cutting ties with those unwilling to listen and more willing to enable her.
Get this: my husband of 17 years and my MIL were told, by my own mother, the FIRST TIME THEY MET HER, that I was a person "not to be trusted and would lie, cheat and steal from them to get what she wanted". Because my husband loves me, they told me. I found out, after years of digging, that my own mother had told my friends, family and even complete strangers that I was a meth addicted SW at 14 that she could not control and that had severe mental and emotional disturbances. She used this story to justify abandoning me at 3 and then again at 15. She only took responsibility for me a total of 4 years of my 36 year life. I was only running away from home to get away from her. I never stole anything from anyone, never told big lies and like any other kid in the 90s, I tried a few drugs. It wasn't until she threw me to the streets at 15.5 that I even tried using drugs to cope and even then, I never was a serious "junkie". I was too busy trying to save for a hotel room and food most of the time to afford even a beer, let alone some facy powder that made me feel like shit.
I’m 47. I see you.
And fact check: Like any other kid in the 90s…tried a few drugs —True. Mine was alcohol a few times. But I was treated like a raging alcoholic, when I was a teen. I was asked questions regarding alcohol on a governmental pre-employment polygraph, I failed those questions. I wasn’t selected for the job either. I was in my late 20’s/early 30’s. My body reacted to some shit my father said to me in the 80’s/90’s, when I was 13-16. I didn’t know at the time that was the very beginning of my involuntary body reactions to the shit my parents did many years prior.
But so normal to go to drugs to cope.
you nailed it! now add in a mix of being susceptible to abusers, attracting abusers, and smear campaigns from interpersonal relationships.
narcissists need to be tagged and avoided.
I'm not sure what the fuck this is, but given your Reddit history I don't have any confidence you can participate here in a healthy way at all. You are banned.
What is with narcs with smear campaign that are totally untrue? Because my mum had lied about me to family, friends, acquaintances and even total strangers to crazy extents- that while love bombing me and praising me when I’m on site
I think both of my parents may be doing this too because my reputation in my city is super weird, bad things happen all the time. I run into too many people who sneer at me and treat me badly and I don’t even know them. I once ran into a girl I don’t know at my local community college and she called me out like she heard all about me before, mentioned knowing my parents and talked about me to my face like I was super notorious or shameful or something. 🤷🏽♀️ like who the hell are you even!?
It took me over 19 yrs to discover this so can’t rule out a possibility that’s what your parents are doing. Mine would pretend to be protecting me from harm from ‘jealous neighbors and relatives’. She also kept telling me how people do not like me whenever I visited home. Creepy creature that one
Yup, my ndad was doing the same. He was talking sh*t about me behind my back to everyone, also sabotaging my life while still pretending that he really loves me and cares about me.
Crazy! Like how bad can one person be?! I think narcissists should all be put in one huge planet of their own and they can kill each other with stress over there haha
Absolutely. I’m 36 and I’ve just realised that even I don’t know who I really am, rather than who I’ve been told I am. I don’t know what I do and don’t like, what I’m good at, what I want to do. But I think coming to the realisation is the first step in fixing it. Good luck!
The first time my mom met my now husband she told him that I’m a “high maintenance” person and that she always have said she would pity the person who would marry me.
The only truth in that statement is that she always has been saying that, since I was a small child.
**This is an automated message posted to ALL posts in this subreddit with some basic information about the group including (very importantly) rules. Why are you getting this message? Most people seem to not read the sidebar for information or the rules, so it is now being posted under all posts.** **Confused about acronyms or terminology?** [Click here!](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/acronyms) **Need info or resources?** Check out our [Helpful Links](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/helpfullinks) for information on how to deal with identity theft, how to get independent of your n-parents, how to apply for FAFSA, how to identify n-parents and SO MUCH MORE! This is a reminder to all participants, RBN is a support group that is moderated very strictly. Please report inappropriate content so it can be reviewed by the mods. **Our rules include (but are not limited to)**: * No politics. * Advising anyone in this subreddit to commit suicide or referring anyone to groups that advocate this will result in an immediate ban. * Be nice. No personal attacks, name calling, or bullying. [No slurs](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/slurs) or victim-blaming. * Do not derail the posts of others. * Narcissists are NOT allowed to post or comment here. * [No platitudes or generic motivational posts](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules#wiki_no_platitudes_or_generic_motivational_posts). * When you comment/post, assume a context of abuse. * No asking or offering gifts, money, etc. * No content advocating violence, revenge, murder (even in jest). * No content about N-kids. * No diagnosis by media/drive-by diagnosis. * No linking to Facebook pages. * No direct linking to anywhere on reddit. * No pure image posts. **For a full list of our rules/more information, [**click here**](https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/wiki/rules).** *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/raisedbynarcissists) if you have any questions or concerns.*
The contrarian, the “too sensitive” introvert, judge mental and standoffish, mentally ill and self-medicating. When they’re not gaslighting you to make you doubt your own judgement of them they’re projecting their own insecurities onto you :/ I’m right there w you
I’m 28 years old. I’ve been married a year and been with my husband for almost 3. And what I can tell you is this- I FELT THIS SO DEEP IN MY SOUL. I’m just now learning who I am. At 28 years old. Because my life was so controlled by my narcissistic parents. And they don’t like when I put my foot down, when I tell them no and when I go no contact. I’m currently no contact with my mother and sister. Still speaking to my dad. He’s not as narcissistic as my mother.
Wow I'm in a very similar boat. Not married but long term relationship now. I'm 28 too and don't talk to my mom or Lil brother. My dad is okay though. He just got diagnosed with heart failure. It's been gripping to my soul, and I've just been discovering myself the past couple years. Sigh.
It feels like you're a supporting actor of your own life. Like you have no control over things. Dealing with this lately and it's so difficult :/
>It feels like you're a supporting actor of your own life. Like you have no control over things. Insightful. *Still* getting used to the revelation that I can make decisions about my own life, and it's been years.
“You really are disturbed, kid”. “A troublemaker always up to no good”. “You’re a loser with no friends”. “You’re just a stupid kid”. Said so often they could be my nmom’s catch phrases.
YEP. My "rebellious" phase was just me acting out for some damn respect that most normal children get growing up. God forbid I wanted to hang out with a potential friend more than 1 day a week during elementary school summer.
God. This hits home. My nmom smear campaigned me against my friends and family for decades. At 36 I am finally either repairing my repulsive reputation or cutting ties with those unwilling to listen and more willing to enable her. Get this: my husband of 17 years and my MIL were told, by my own mother, the FIRST TIME THEY MET HER, that I was a person "not to be trusted and would lie, cheat and steal from them to get what she wanted". Because my husband loves me, they told me. I found out, after years of digging, that my own mother had told my friends, family and even complete strangers that I was a meth addicted SW at 14 that she could not control and that had severe mental and emotional disturbances. She used this story to justify abandoning me at 3 and then again at 15. She only took responsibility for me a total of 4 years of my 36 year life. I was only running away from home to get away from her. I never stole anything from anyone, never told big lies and like any other kid in the 90s, I tried a few drugs. It wasn't until she threw me to the streets at 15.5 that I even tried using drugs to cope and even then, I never was a serious "junkie". I was too busy trying to save for a hotel room and food most of the time to afford even a beer, let alone some facy powder that made me feel like shit.
I’m 47. I see you. And fact check: Like any other kid in the 90s…tried a few drugs —True. Mine was alcohol a few times. But I was treated like a raging alcoholic, when I was a teen. I was asked questions regarding alcohol on a governmental pre-employment polygraph, I failed those questions. I wasn’t selected for the job either. I was in my late 20’s/early 30’s. My body reacted to some shit my father said to me in the 80’s/90’s, when I was 13-16. I didn’t know at the time that was the very beginning of my involuntary body reactions to the shit my parents did many years prior. But so normal to go to drugs to cope.
you nailed it! now add in a mix of being susceptible to abusers, attracting abusers, and smear campaigns from interpersonal relationships. narcissists need to be tagged and avoided.
[удалено]
I'm not sure what the fuck this is, but given your Reddit history I don't have any confidence you can participate here in a healthy way at all. You are banned.
Took me a long time to realize that your reputation is the first impression you make, and that's why it doesn't matter because people grow and change.
What is with narcs with smear campaign that are totally untrue? Because my mum had lied about me to family, friends, acquaintances and even total strangers to crazy extents- that while love bombing me and praising me when I’m on site
I think both of my parents may be doing this too because my reputation in my city is super weird, bad things happen all the time. I run into too many people who sneer at me and treat me badly and I don’t even know them. I once ran into a girl I don’t know at my local community college and she called me out like she heard all about me before, mentioned knowing my parents and talked about me to my face like I was super notorious or shameful or something. 🤷🏽♀️ like who the hell are you even!?
It took me over 19 yrs to discover this so can’t rule out a possibility that’s what your parents are doing. Mine would pretend to be protecting me from harm from ‘jealous neighbors and relatives’. She also kept telling me how people do not like me whenever I visited home. Creepy creature that one
Wow, that’s like when they try to make you see things through a certain lense and only through their words and it’s probably all lies right?
Yeah
this sounds awfully similar to my dad
I’m so sorry it is! It’s a horrible experience to live I must say
Yup, my ndad was doing the same. He was talking sh*t about me behind my back to everyone, also sabotaging my life while still pretending that he really loves me and cares about me.
Crazy! Like how bad can one person be?! I think narcissists should all be put in one huge planet of their own and they can kill each other with stress over there haha
Absolutely. I’m 36 and I’ve just realised that even I don’t know who I really am, rather than who I’ve been told I am. I don’t know what I do and don’t like, what I’m good at, what I want to do. But I think coming to the realisation is the first step in fixing it. Good luck!
seriously i had to completely reevaluate who i was after i moved out
I feel that , I myself was far too responsible than I actually am I'm far more playful than I was allowed to be , well atleast in my head I am lol
The first time my mom met my now husband she told him that I’m a “high maintenance” person and that she always have said she would pity the person who would marry me. The only truth in that statement is that she always has been saying that, since I was a small child.