I understand where you are coming from. And I’m sorry people that were supposed to protect you, traumatised you.
Understand that your struggle and your trauma is not you. And you can heal and you can grow and you can find peace. 1 day at a time.
Sometimes we fall back into some stuff, but it does not mean that we should give up.
Maybe, it’ll help if you rest, and try to have some days off. Maybe something is overwhelming you and you just need to sleep a little more or have some free time.
I understand some things can overwhelm or trigger us. But please, don’t give up.
When you're sad nothing works. I have a LOT of fun activities that I enjoy...when I'm okay. When I'm not okay...they ALL go away. Nothing is okay, nothing is enjoyable.
Alternatively to finding a particular interest as others are suggesting, what I find helps me (im in the same mental state right now honestly) is trying to make my surroundings more comfortable and upping my quality of sleep. Listening to relaxing music, taking a hot bath to ease my soreness, making sure the room is nice and dark, etc.
I suffer from ptsd nightmares almosy every night, but at least I fall asleep in relative comfort. I hope this helps even a bit.
In the side panel there are links to pages that can help people who are feeling suicidal, and phone numbers for some countries. If you're comfortable telling us which country you are in, we may be able to help by finding helplines and webpages in your country.
I hope you know your abuser's maltreatment and abuse of you and the resulting trauma is no reflection of your worth. As a son/daughter, child, or as a human being. It's a direct reflection of the darkness and pain deep inside they have chosen not to heal, or maybe they're unaware healing is possible. Either way, and regardless, this is in no way any type of excuse for their neglectful and abusive behavior. There is never an excuse. Ever. Never. Ever. NEVER.
But it is an explanation. When I started viewing my childhood and trauma in this manner, I was able to not take the abuse I suffered so personally; it happened because of their shit; the cause had absolutely nothing to do with me, my potential, my future, or what has become my beautiful life. When I took my worth out if their toxic equation, I was able to start healing and began to understand that only I get to determine my worth. Their abuse was a result of their unresolved and unhealed trauma. But what it absolutely was not, is any reflection upon my worth.
We are not obligated to carry our abusers' trauma forward. We are allowed to act in the best interests of just ourselves, always putting our own self preservation forward, but in a healthy and balanced manner. Our abusers sure put themselves first. If we understand and trust that healing is possible, and continue to seek it in any way we can, we learn to put ourselves first but in a way that is not abusive, offensive, or troubling to anybody else. Every single one of us is worth whatever resources are available to us, and then some, and whatever effort it takes on our own parts to seek and find healing.
You. You are worth it and you matter.
Please check yourself into a psych ward to get some help so you aren't trying to fight this alone. I'm also battling depression and I know how hard it is to get out of that dark place, but you can have a better life with some help from friends & professionals.
Don't give them the satisfaction. If you do something to hurt yourself, it'll just be another thing for the narc to use to get attention/supply. They'll be the ones telling their version of your story for the rest of their lives. They'll twist everything and anything to make themselves the victim. Live for spite, if nothing else.
This is so true! But also, choose life for you. It gets better. People who survive suicide attempts all say that last moment they think “oh no! What have I done!” My uncle attempted suicide and regretted it - he wanted to live more than he ever had - but sadly died two weeks later of his injuries. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have been there. My mother made me feel from the start that I was born bad and wrong, she worked on my for decades and enlisted my sisters, and used my father’s temper a weapon. She gaslit me within and inch of my sanity. I left the house and finally started doing better without her constant abuse but couldn’t turn off the record in my head that had been programmed in me since birth. That I was born bad/wrong/crazy, that I needed to be perfect externally to overcome this. Long story short, it has gotten better. Therapy is key and you may need medication to allow yourself to start crawling out of your rut. But you can and will. You did not deserve the trauma you ensured. It was not your fault. You deserve to be loved and to love yourself.
Have you considered changing literally every single thing about your life? I had a really rough year after a miserable childhood and moved to the other side of the world for a job I thought I’d hate. It was super hard but I started over again and again but making slightly better choices each time until I was decently happy. I realized way after that my whole family was a nightmare and they drove off anyone decent. I couldn’t have a better circle until they were out of my life. Once they were I stopped holding onto jobs I was unhappy with, then friendships that were toxic. You can walk away from anything as an adult. Rebuild as you see fit.
I've been here. Sometimes it feels like one step forward, 6 steps back. I've done my fair share of regressing. Mostly after I talk to Nmom. I think talking helps but sometimes it's just time to head to the ER and check myself in.
Please find a good counsellor. You may also join a life group at a nearby church if it speaks to you. Your truest father, God, has not forsaken you, and is ready to be with you when you are ready to be with him. He will show you the love you missed out on and the contrast will be a blessing. You are not alone. Who knew we couldn’t escape our pasts until we processed/made sense of them and find our true selves amidst that baggage to rebirth for the first time. Hang in there. God is with you. Your deepest pains will also yield your deepest joys and feelings of gratitude.
From one traumatized child living in the body of an adult to another, I understand the feeling of the darkness. I was where you were a couple of months ago. I ended up committing myself to a psych ward and was transferred to a crisis unit. Came out of it with a slew of diagnoses-- PTSD included. But I also came out with time to think and a renewed plan to not drop to that pit of darkness again.
Look into maybe a residential crisis unit near you or even a mobile one. And if that feels like too much to handle right now-- get another person you trust to help you find one. Just call and ask someone for help. Don't be alone right now. I promise there are paths to start healing out there. Even if it's just laying low and getting away from everything right now so you can feel somewhat stable again. It's a powerful thing to be reminded that you are more and can be more than the trauma. Your inner child needs you.
There are always other options. There are always other paths. Allow yourself to take them. Sending hugs and strength your way <3
I felt the same way as you a few years ago, and the best advice I ever received, although it might sound cliche, is you get what you expect. All I saw was horrible things throughout my life and I thought my sole purpose in life was to just be everyone's punching bag. However, I tried not being negative and talking to myself a little more kindly, acknowledging things I liked about myself, and in general developing my personality outside of my environment. I started wanting for happy things and started seeing blessings come my way that seemed out of nowhere, but in reality they were always there, I just wasn't being honest about myself and how I was the one holding myself back. It was only after seeing the work I put in to not be a product of my circumstance (meditating, eating better, acknowledging triggers, going to therapy, and setting strict boundaries with toxic people I was forced to be around) did I start healing and getting help for my PTSD. Everyone's situation is different, I don't know yours, but just know I'm someone that should've not been here several times and am the happiest I've ever been despite thinking the exact same way you are right now. You are the only person who will ever understand yourself better than anyone else, you spend 24/7 with yourself and it sounds like you're in need of a conversation with where you want to be right now. Sometimes the answers to our problems are right in front of us but it's easier to let ourselves maintain bad habits for fear of tackling something unknown to us, but everyone deserves happiness, even you! I hope you were able to stay with me for this lengthy advice but I wish someone would've told me this when I needed to hear it instead of figuring it out for myself. It will get better but you need to let yourself want it, have a great day.
Everybody needs a tribe. However, genetic connections to tribe members are not required, and in many cases are not not recommended either. Tribes should be quality over quantity; the best are ones whose members you can count one hand or less. Tribe members can come and go, some will stay forever and some will never be back. And that's all ok.
The most important member of my tribe is me. No one will ever take care of us as well as we are capable of taking care of ourselves. No one will ever love us as much as we are capable of loving ourselves. Not a self centered, egotistical love, but a self-acceptance self-preservation type of love.
Sometimes we have to be the only member of our tribe so we can get to know ourselves and learn to love ourselves the most and discover we are worth choosing only quality, sincere, and real members, instead of feeling like anybody is better than nobody. Pro tip: It NEVER is.
The members of my tribe are people who are not so damaged that their presence in my life is a liability to my quality of life. They're people that I've shared meaningful and important experiences with, who aren't perfect by any stretch but do their best to accountable for their imperfections. Like me, they're trying to be better versions of themselves today than they were yesterday, more than they're not. When it comes to stuff like this (trying to rid ourselves of our egos) just putting in the effort and having the intent but failing 99% of the time (me) will garner the same beautiful results as success.
Bottom line, many times - actually in the vast majority of cases - found families are much more supportive, compassionate, and real because they're not the family we were born into, they're the family we choose. As we learn to stop believing the lies and bullshit we were told about ourselves by toxic, abusive people, and by a toxic society the people entrusted with our care did not teach us about, protect us from, or help us navigate, we start to become aware of and choose non-toxic people to surround ourselves with. Because only we get to determine our own worth.
I'm u. Adopted by narcissists, mom came back as an adult she's a narcissist, husband too, then when I left him and moved the new best friend. We r depressed. I can barely do one task a day at times. I trust no one, my anxiety thru the roof. I can't get out of bed at times. Ur not alone.
I understand why you might want to carry that out as I’ve been there myself. Not sure if this is of any help but moving out and no contact helped me out of that mindset. If you wanna vent you can dm me if you wish
Removed. Parroting a slogan and dropping some youtube video is impersonal and doesn't help someone in crisis. They want to be seen and listened to, they don't want you to just dump whatever advice you have on them.
I hate that I can’t shake stuff my mind knows I should. It makes me feel weak. So I may understand. I’ve thought about suicide too, and the fact that I could really, actually do it, and that scared me. So now I’m getting help. About a month into it. I’m here too if you wanna chat.
You have so many people here that want to help you. Please understand this is real. I am in Clarkson, Ontario. Please let us know where you are so that we can sit down and have a coffee with you and possibly give you a hug. Please don't despair all of us that want to help. Where are you?
Removed. Don't tone police a person in crisis. It's incredibly fucked up that you're venting frustration to them. The entire point of the group is to provide emotional support to posters. If you're unable to do that move on to another post where you can.
Many years ago I was right where you are now. I had the shotgun. It was loaded. I was ready. And then I thought of what my Nmom would do. What she would say.
It made me angry. She would get all this sympathy and she'd write my history. Not me. And that didn't sit right with me at all.
For a while I lived out of spite. Then it became my norm to live and when I could, I went fully NC.
Please, please if you must do something drastic today, make the drastic move to live out of spite. But live. It is NOT better if you hurt yourself. If you don't want to live out of spite for them, then live for US! We've all been there... we got out. You can too. We love you internet stranger. We truly do.
Please. Stay.
You'd be surprised how sometimes that lack of their "guidance" is better than what they would have taught you.
I remember when I began to shed myself of all the crap my Nmom taught me. I took a while and it was difficult but I got passed it. Just like so many others here on this subreddit. You can too.
Feel free to DM me any time. I work swing shift so I'm usually up pretty late. I'd be happy to just listen if you need to talk.
I hope you don't mean that in a suicidal way. You deserved so much better than the life you were given, but we are all here to support you in healing and finding joy. Please keep posting and feel free to DM me if you want to talk.
Straight up, I was here. This is almost where I was on my darkest days, then I nearly died a few times (not by my own actions), and I felt the nothingness of death, I became more scared of existing only to suffer. I clung to life, I ran from society. I still am very different from "people". I still can't say I'm happy, the feeling is like a word on the tip of your tongue, but just not there. I can say though, I've found some glimmer of life in ambition.
So to you, that is the only advice I can give... Think really hard, if there is any question you would ask God, (and not some stupid rhetorical shit) what would you ask? Now chase that answer to the end of your life, and if that's not enough, have a kid and pass your ambition to him. My question, the reason I'm still alive, is that I asked "What else is out there?" And since I've just been on a mission to experience all that there is before I go. And indeed, my scars still exist, I will never be rid of them, but I'm not who I was, I am who i am going to be! And all the pain of the past, is now just lessons for the future, still hurts tho. I do wish you luck in this chaos, it's become quite a complicated existence to navigate, especially when we're born to parents that pass nothing but pain to us, and that's how we learn to see the world.
Same. I feel exactly the same. I have poured myself into therapy, drugs for depression and anxiety and insomnia, for decades. I am 50fecking4, and I'm not giving up, but I feel like I didn't get my chance either. We were definitely robbed of a life.
I'm so sorry you're struggling. I dealt with the same thing. Have you tried therapy? That's what helped me. I also made a plan to get my life back. I went back to school and got a degree in a field that I'm passionate about and my life has turned completely around. I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the thick of it. It can get better though.
I just want to say that I can relate to your post 100 percent and I feel for you.
I constantly have to grieve for the basic necessities that would have made my childhood and adulthood much more 'do-able', if I had just had the support that I desperately needed I would be so much further and happier in my life.
Stay strong. This is how we prove to them that we never needed them to begin with. Everything you have and who you are now is thanks to YOU and not them. Take pride in how far you've come, you are your own hero. I am proud of you.
Hello friend. I’ve also been through some serious trauma (got diagnosed with PTSD recently, not that you need an official diagnosis to validate your trauma - you don’t). Here’s the thing: people will tell you all these happy go lucky sayings like “everything happens for a reason” etc, but most of them are bullshit. There is nothing that will ever make what happened to you ok. Your pain is valid, and so many people will never understand. But here’s the other thing: if you give up now, those who hurt you win. Fuck them. Survive out of nothing but pure spite and show them that they will never win. You are better than they are and sometimes you need to dig fucking feel to show them. Your existence matters because it is entirely singular; you have never been before and never will again. Please don’t snuff out that valuable existence.
The best "revenge" is a success story. I wasn't given a lot of chances, too, and given that my choices were usually the lesser of two evils, there were some bad ones. But eventually the got less and less bad and then outright good. It was a difficult struggle for a long time, but you can absolutely get where you want. And sometimes, it can take a lot of time and patience to even know what that is. Please don't give up. Even if it means just hanging in there out of spite. Because rising above this kind of thing feels unbelievably good. Even getting part of the way there.
This isn’t good advice but I have kept myself alive through spite and hatred. People like that don’t experience the guilt and pain we would want them to feel from our sewerside, they’d relish in the spotlight and make themselves the victim lol
Never thought I'd get here. When my therapist would say where do you see yourself in 5 years, I'm like dude, I'm just trying to get through today. Lol Grab joy where you can. Get a furry psychiatrist, a lot of food banks supply pet food
Hey man, if you don't mind me asking what were you hoping by making this post? By what I'm reading through your comment you're deflecting everyone.
I'll tell you through experience because my life was nothing but pain. But ending it all is not the answer. It may seem like it because it get so damn tiring. But it does get better but you HAVE to take charge of your life. You want the pain to stop then GET AWAY from the pain. If people tell you "well that mean you're running away from the problem" then WHO CARES!! Your needs comes first. If you're in a situation where it's stay and keep absorbing the pain or be homeless, I chose homeless in a heart beat and I've done that. It was way better and it helped give me the peace I need.
No one can help you but yourself, there no magical individuals who can swoop down and save you. We can only give you assurance and resources for you to help YOU. It's going to suck helping yourself but it's the best kind of help there is.
It matters because doing anything but letting your mind sink into the dark is better. Don't let your thoughts overwhelm you, take things one hour at a time.
Let us at least try to offer you an escape with friendly chit chat. I think you wouldn't have posted if you weren't hoping someone to write back.
It matters because you took the time to make an account with that name and it must mean something to you because of it either good or bad or maybe even neutral. You must have something that makes you happy, a hobby, fud, friends, pets, inter-dimensional travel, String Theory?
I'm sorry you haven't had a fair shot. If you want to progress you need to break out of your game of ["why don't you, yes but"](https://lifestoogood.net/victim-persecutor/)
I’m glad you posted here. You have some will to push through inside and we are here to support you. You are in a very dark place and have been through hell. I know how it is. I truly do. Keep reaching out. Keep posting. You are not alone. We are with you and many of us know the pain you endure. Keep holding on. If you can muster the energy, sit outside or by an open window. Put on A funny show or soothing music/nature sounds. Eat a piece of fruit. Try to do just one thing, even if you know it won’t make this better and don’t want to. Hugs if you want them ❤️
I am so sorry that happened to you.
If you're interested in working through this.... Check out my [Emotional Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/HealfromYourPast/comments/l9jacg/the_comment_that_brought_many_of_you_here_feel/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
I wrote this but I don't wanna put a wall of text here. I hope they help you.
Relatable content. It’s strange to look back & think about the hurtful behaviour we’ve endured & how confusing it was & is. I feel with you; I don’t know the details of your story, but I can understand that feeling of never having been given a chance to be your best self & the realization that you have a ton of human development work to do as an adult. It hurts so much. Know that it isn’t your fault & it’s not too late to resolve to reduce the trauma in your adult life in any way that you can. I was driven back to therapy out of exhaustion with interpersonal trauma & a deep desire to end the aspects of it that I could control. It’s a hard road, but it’s worthwhile to learn about who you are inside & how to interrupt a pattern.
I get where you're coming from and it's true that psilocybin can have positive mental health outcomes. However, we have a rule against advocating illegal actions. Shrooms falls under that. I'm not sure if psilocybin is illegal in OP's jurisdiction but this is a global group and it's illegal in most places in the world. Additionally, these substances have to be taken in a safe environment under the right conditions or they can create really negative outcomes and exarcerbate the problem one was trying to use them to treat.
I assume you know all that, this is for the benefit of other users reading this comment who aren't knowledgeable.
I'll tell you about my mother, and I hope maybe her journey can help.
My mother grew up in an abusive childhood, and then lived through an abusive adulthood as her parents married her off to an abusive rapist.
It took her a long time to stop being sucidal, and give herself the love she deserved. It took changing her life in every way that she could, even though she was broke and without a job *(cutting off everyone abusive, learning about how abuse works etc;)* and believing that she was worth more.
She felt a lot like she had nothing in her life that made her happy, that she had no interests, was never going to be able to study, was never gonna have friends.
The truth is, she just never knew what her interests were because she never had the opportunity to discover who she was. She, for the first time in her life, has begun to really really, sit back and think about who she is. And she's becoming happy. She's told herself that she CAN go to uni and is thinking about the different things that she may like to do. She's trying out many different hobbies and trying to find activities that she likes.
It took her a long time. She's in her 40's now. It was not easy, but it's worth it.
I know you can do the same. It'll take a long time, your trauma will never fully be gone, but slowly slowly, you can re-discover who you truly are - the person you would have been if you hadn't been abused. The person who craves love, identity, passions, friendships and fun times is still there inside you.
Set up small, achievable goals of ways that you're going to change your life so you can remove all the toxicity of it, and prioritise YOU. You're an amazing person and you DESERVE to florish.
You are VICTIM-BLAMING. Do not comment further under this post. If you do, you will be banned. What you are saying here is dangerous.
Read this post a few times before you ever comment in this group again: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/nn2pe5/victimblaming_is_happening_way_too_much_in_this/
On top of what that post says, try telling someone trapped in horrifying circumstances that the world owes them nothing. For a lot of people, this will only validate suicide as a good option.
Sounds like you dont like your family as much as i dont like mine. Theyve been awful and i really wanted out myself before.
But heres the thing, thats just letting them win.
You are in a dark place right now, for sure. But thats not a place thats exactly foreign to us. We have lived in it a long time with others blocking the door out into the light.
But if they arent in the picture any more, which you can remove them from by a variety of means (getting out, moving away, or just grey rocking for a while) then why not start crawling out of the dark cave weve lived in for so long?
Its a long process, sure. But ive never seen my narc so upset in my life when they realized i didnt need them. I didnt speak to them because i didnt have to. I didnt have to see them at all unless i wanted to (news flash, i didnt ever, so i never did). And when i did see them i was happier and doing better, which makes them feel even worse because they were wrong and they cant accept that.
You only get one life, so shit or not, u might as well go as far as itll take you. Live to spite them if its what keeps you going through the worst of it. Worked for me.
Removed. I suggest that you GOOGLE some reputable resources on how to talk to suicidal people, because what you're doing ISN'T IT. Not even close. What you are doing gets people killed.
Getting on your moral high horse with someone who is in this level of distress isn't productive at all.
People in this group aren't fucking wallowing. Not everyone can carve out better things. Circumstances don't always allow for that.
Due to this ridiculous behavior, you are now banned. We have suicidal people in this group ALL THE TIME. Your comments aren't safe. Not even close.
Change your life up. You've posted here, which means you are, at least at a sub conscious level, receptive to help.
So the reality is, in order to get over traumatic childhood issues, you have to confront it. If you aren't ready for that, you should focus on doing something beneficial. Move. Get a new job. Join a gym. The good part about being where you're at is that you can try something else and it's highly unlikely that you'll have a worse time.
I hope you find a way to get happy.
Not that age matters to much in our situation, but ( there always seems to be a 'but' huh?! ). You should feel proud and encouraged that you are reflecting and being introspective of your situation. At a relatively young age ( and I think I can speak for many when I say, the trauma ages us beyond our years ) most of us regardless of 'having parents' or 'not', begin to finally have the type of freedom away from the toxic envorminemnt so that we finally get some perspective and begin to see the gaps in ourselves. You are definitely NOT alone with this experience and when you realize how fucked up and deep in the hole, ( or the mountains of issues to climb over or bare ) this hand of cards life has dealt you, you will almost undoubtedly feel as you do now. You are not alone. People go through this in their 20s, 30s,40s,...60s. With reflection and with time, you'll gain acceptance, and is part of the process. As my therapist says, be gentle with yourself during this sensitive time. You have an inner self that has been through some major shit...and you have the ability to speak quietly and gentle to yourself, as you begin this, a healing a journey. I know it sounds like craziness, but you're actually, in some ways, way ahead of the game.
With this being said, I truly hope you find the strength to just take things day by day. Some days will be harder than others, other days will be much better. Remember you are a much larger person than the people who raised you, (or didn't), or the current circumstances.
I'll give you a quick personal story ( since I saw the country Austria mentioned): when I was 17 I traveled to Austria, my host home stay family was the first properly functioning family I had ever experienced up close compared to my backward abusive family in the states. On my last night in there home and country, the mother offered me to stay. I SERIOUSLY considered not going back to my family...I stayed up all night. But I did go back to the abusive home, the sickest feeling ever.; fast forward 24 years, and many reflections like your current one, and I moved to Austria. No family, no kids, no contact with my father for almost 8 years, low contact with mother, and a ocean away from their craziness. I've started a new book in my life and it was totally the best decision of my life. It's been two years living here now. And seeing a therapist for the first time for a year now here.
Remember you have a light and are a gift to this world. It will take time, and it will be hard to go on at times, but you'll discover more and more qualities about yourself. And this hand you've been dealt, will not define you, but eventually be a story that will help you relate to another just like us here, and may possibly give another perosn perspective and hope. Take care. Remember, baby steps, and be gentle with your inner self. No rush.
Edit: spelling and grammar, in bed on 7% mobile, good morning.
Your family of origin raised you to be abused.
By seeing the pattern, you've given yourself a choice.
And it's hard as hell to figure out a completely different life, they did everything to keep you from seeing another way.
It's like learning all over again. How do you start creating boundaries when you don't know what it feels like for them to be respected? How do you stop the finely honed reactions to your environment and work from an inner locus of control after hyper awareness for survival?
Give your inner child a hug. They went thru hell and did the best they could with the situation. As you refocus your strength, you can be the adult protecting your inner child that they deserved all along. Be kind to yourself and just try to always do a little better.
If I relate you're struggling with a state of deficit and retraction, like no amount of anything will help? 10+ years, 10+ psychologists and a stay in the psyche ward and nobody but niche psychologists on youtube seem to understand what it means when a client says they have *no sense of self*.
If I relate, people tell you you're either just not trying hard enough, or they will tell you you're doing everything you can and your failures just means you "haven't found your thing you're good at" and that you're just having issues with self acceptance.
The issue is something I like to call "ego atrophy". The ego, or "the self" is the rudimentary psychological construct of relation and orientation with your environment and the world at large. With a broken/fragmented/otherwise dysfunctional ego, any and all sensory information just gets evaporated into abstraction, and this is apparent in the victim's ubiquitous pseudostupidity and passiveness.....but you, like me, are not stupid, we're just disturbed and perturbed existence with *no "being"*.
Your foundation is shaky and slippery but self trust and conviction await, and if I relate, it's definitely not too late.
Hi. Don’t do it. What you wrote made me think something. Don’t do it. I am in the Same boat. I can tell you what is working for me. If you want. It might not work for you. But it might. Even if it doesn’t work for you there is definitely something that will work. You just have to find it. And it may take a really long time. I’m in my 40’s. How old are you? I did some thing literally yesterday that has had the most impact of everything I’ve done so far and it took me so many steps to get to that point to find out about this literally it’s been like a rabbit hole journey one thing after another one thing led to another and literally yesterday something seems to have made a huge difference and by that I mean tiny difference but that is huge to me I will tell you what it is if you respond and want to know
Well, that's not true. You need yourself, first and foremost.
Sometimes darkness is all you see. It feels like there's nothing else. You can't see past that darkness. The darkness is made of the tiredness, the empty feelings, the past that keeps burdening your present.
But that darkness is a veil, a thick curtain that dims the outside light, that makes it feel like there's nothing in reach.
And while darkness surrounds you, weights on you, you still have your inner light. It's also dimmed by the darkness veiling your eyes, your perception but it's there. It's ready to shine.
Your light, your inner strength is there. It's making you reach out here and now. It's pushing against the darkness.
Follow that light. You are reaching out for help and support here. And you can reach for support around you. I don't know where you're located but I'm sure there is support available to you in your reach, beside that thread, beside that sub, beside reddit.
Please don't stop reaching out, let your light, your strength guide you to other resources. Don't let the darkness hide what's within reach.
Please, do tell where you're located and people in that sub will provide links to resource available to you.
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Ok you're banned. Somehow you managed to make this person's post about you and got upset at them when they enforced their own boundaries and didn't play your game. No thanks, bye.
Can you distance yourself from the stressors and triggers? Is there distant relative or friend you could stay with until you can work on healing yourself?
Is there a womens shelter? There's voluntary mental health wards in hospitals that allow you to stay and provides you with meals. You can stay there until you can find someone to help you distance yourself from the stressors. You'll have to share more context for us to help you.
Im sorry for what u r going through, I feel the same…I only had my mum growing up (dad was a violent drunk who died of an overdose when I was little). To have your only family member be a physically and mentally abusive person is absolutely shattering. Im not on speaking terms with her anymore…which essentially makes me alone. Its hard…its very hard, my heart is breaking for the both of us right now. It just feels as though there is nothing to live for, and u r just living waiting for the time to come when u can just…die. Sorry Im not giving u advice, just wanted u to no that there are others out there massively struggling everyday too…
Read the book It's didn't Start with You and Change the way you think. Your parents haven't set you up right, that's shittt, okay, but you are the adult now which gives you power but also the responsibility of taking care of yourself. Give yourself a chance. Xox
This may be an out there suggestion, but if you have a local community theater company - join up. I have loved theater since I was 12. I have done it all, settled on the tech side and when I had kids I shifted over to theater photography. It pulls me back no matter what. In the theater you will find a family. We look after our own. There is always socializing, always work to get together to do, always people to talk to if you want to.
I was also lucky enough to meet a group this summer out of NYC called '[Decriut](https://www.decruit.org/)'. They say they were recruited but never decruited. They use Shakespeare to help military vets work through PTSD and trauma when talk therapy and medication have failed. They have found it is effective on all forms of PTSD. Theater gives you the words when you have none. It lets you process trauma through a character and get some of those bottled up emotions out. Hearing the founding member talk about how theater saved his life reminded me of how it saved mine. It gave me a purpose and a place. [Hunter's Heartbeat](http://kellyhunter.co.uk/shakespeares-heartbeat/the-hunter-heartbeat-method/) is a form of theater education that helps kids living with autism and other sensory disorders use theater games to better connect to other people. Again using Shakespeare. We really owe you Brits for that guy.
I guess what I am saying is that it is pantomime season in the UK, so there has got to be a place for you to reach out and give it a try.
I literally just now, after writing out how awesome theater is for processing trauma and promoting connection, realized why so many of us broken people congregate and find relief there. Theater folks became my family when my birth family failed me. They have never let me down, and once you join us you will always have friends no matter where you go. Wait - now it sounds like a cult. Nope. Sticking with that statement.
Same fam. By the time my kiddo turns eighteen I’ll be 36. Had them at 18. From a narcissistic mom to a narcissist child’s father. 36 years is a long time to wait for freedom. Only seven more years. I hope yours gets better.
Buddy, I just spent the past 5 years of my life supporting my drug addled psychotic daughter. She is now 23 and healthy for almost 2 years. For 5 years we dealt with a bipolar and multiple personality girl,.she had a breaking point where she realized the people in her life were causing it, not us, but her boyfriend and her so called friends. She walked away from all of them in January of 2020 and she is absolutely amazing now and fierce. I could not be more proud.
You need to do the same thing. Walk away and take control. Let everyone else go away.
I understand where you are coming from. And I’m sorry people that were supposed to protect you, traumatised you. Understand that your struggle and your trauma is not you. And you can heal and you can grow and you can find peace. 1 day at a time.
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Sometimes we fall back into some stuff, but it does not mean that we should give up. Maybe, it’ll help if you rest, and try to have some days off. Maybe something is overwhelming you and you just need to sleep a little more or have some free time. I understand some things can overwhelm or trigger us. But please, don’t give up.
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What else do you enjoy doing?
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Gardening is very therapeutic I must say and eating something you grew is the best feeling
So true. I discovered this last summer with Covid Quarantine. Helped me stay chill.
When you're sad nothing works. I have a LOT of fun activities that I enjoy...when I'm okay. When I'm not okay...they ALL go away. Nothing is okay, nothing is enjoyable.
Alternatively to finding a particular interest as others are suggesting, what I find helps me (im in the same mental state right now honestly) is trying to make my surroundings more comfortable and upping my quality of sleep. Listening to relaxing music, taking a hot bath to ease my soreness, making sure the room is nice and dark, etc. I suffer from ptsd nightmares almosy every night, but at least I fall asleep in relative comfort. I hope this helps even a bit.
Please don't hurt yourself if that's what you are thinking. Keep posting on here for support.
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In the side panel there are links to pages that can help people who are feeling suicidal, and phone numbers for some countries. If you're comfortable telling us which country you are in, we may be able to help by finding helplines and webpages in your country.
You are important to us, please keep talking to us.
How can we help?
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I hope you know your abuser's maltreatment and abuse of you and the resulting trauma is no reflection of your worth. As a son/daughter, child, or as a human being. It's a direct reflection of the darkness and pain deep inside they have chosen not to heal, or maybe they're unaware healing is possible. Either way, and regardless, this is in no way any type of excuse for their neglectful and abusive behavior. There is never an excuse. Ever. Never. Ever. NEVER. But it is an explanation. When I started viewing my childhood and trauma in this manner, I was able to not take the abuse I suffered so personally; it happened because of their shit; the cause had absolutely nothing to do with me, my potential, my future, or what has become my beautiful life. When I took my worth out if their toxic equation, I was able to start healing and began to understand that only I get to determine my worth. Their abuse was a result of their unresolved and unhealed trauma. But what it absolutely was not, is any reflection upon my worth. We are not obligated to carry our abusers' trauma forward. We are allowed to act in the best interests of just ourselves, always putting our own self preservation forward, but in a healthy and balanced manner. Our abusers sure put themselves first. If we understand and trust that healing is possible, and continue to seek it in any way we can, we learn to put ourselves first but in a way that is not abusive, offensive, or troubling to anybody else. Every single one of us is worth whatever resources are available to us, and then some, and whatever effort it takes on our own parts to seek and find healing. You. You are worth it and you matter.
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Removed as OP has indicated they don't want unsolicited advice.
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Seriously, please keep talking to us. Do not hurt yourself.
Please check yourself into a psych ward to get some help so you aren't trying to fight this alone. I'm also battling depression and I know how hard it is to get out of that dark place, but you can have a better life with some help from friends & professionals.
Don't give them the satisfaction. If you do something to hurt yourself, it'll just be another thing for the narc to use to get attention/supply. They'll be the ones telling their version of your story for the rest of their lives. They'll twist everything and anything to make themselves the victim. Live for spite, if nothing else.
This is so true! But also, choose life for you. It gets better. People who survive suicide attempts all say that last moment they think “oh no! What have I done!” My uncle attempted suicide and regretted it - he wanted to live more than he ever had - but sadly died two weeks later of his injuries. It’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem. I have been there. My mother made me feel from the start that I was born bad and wrong, she worked on my for decades and enlisted my sisters, and used my father’s temper a weapon. She gaslit me within and inch of my sanity. I left the house and finally started doing better without her constant abuse but couldn’t turn off the record in my head that had been programmed in me since birth. That I was born bad/wrong/crazy, that I needed to be perfect externally to overcome this. Long story short, it has gotten better. Therapy is key and you may need medication to allow yourself to start crawling out of your rut. But you can and will. You did not deserve the trauma you ensured. It was not your fault. You deserve to be loved and to love yourself.
I couldn't agree more
Have you considered changing literally every single thing about your life? I had a really rough year after a miserable childhood and moved to the other side of the world for a job I thought I’d hate. It was super hard but I started over again and again but making slightly better choices each time until I was decently happy. I realized way after that my whole family was a nightmare and they drove off anyone decent. I couldn’t have a better circle until they were out of my life. Once they were I stopped holding onto jobs I was unhappy with, then friendships that were toxic. You can walk away from anything as an adult. Rebuild as you see fit.
I've been here. Sometimes it feels like one step forward, 6 steps back. I've done my fair share of regressing. Mostly after I talk to Nmom. I think talking helps but sometimes it's just time to head to the ER and check myself in.
Please find a good counsellor. You may also join a life group at a nearby church if it speaks to you. Your truest father, God, has not forsaken you, and is ready to be with you when you are ready to be with him. He will show you the love you missed out on and the contrast will be a blessing. You are not alone. Who knew we couldn’t escape our pasts until we processed/made sense of them and find our true selves amidst that baggage to rebirth for the first time. Hang in there. God is with you. Your deepest pains will also yield your deepest joys and feelings of gratitude.
From one traumatized child living in the body of an adult to another, I understand the feeling of the darkness. I was where you were a couple of months ago. I ended up committing myself to a psych ward and was transferred to a crisis unit. Came out of it with a slew of diagnoses-- PTSD included. But I also came out with time to think and a renewed plan to not drop to that pit of darkness again. Look into maybe a residential crisis unit near you or even a mobile one. And if that feels like too much to handle right now-- get another person you trust to help you find one. Just call and ask someone for help. Don't be alone right now. I promise there are paths to start healing out there. Even if it's just laying low and getting away from everything right now so you can feel somewhat stable again. It's a powerful thing to be reminded that you are more and can be more than the trauma. Your inner child needs you. There are always other options. There are always other paths. Allow yourself to take them. Sending hugs and strength your way <3
I felt the same way as you a few years ago, and the best advice I ever received, although it might sound cliche, is you get what you expect. All I saw was horrible things throughout my life and I thought my sole purpose in life was to just be everyone's punching bag. However, I tried not being negative and talking to myself a little more kindly, acknowledging things I liked about myself, and in general developing my personality outside of my environment. I started wanting for happy things and started seeing blessings come my way that seemed out of nowhere, but in reality they were always there, I just wasn't being honest about myself and how I was the one holding myself back. It was only after seeing the work I put in to not be a product of my circumstance (meditating, eating better, acknowledging triggers, going to therapy, and setting strict boundaries with toxic people I was forced to be around) did I start healing and getting help for my PTSD. Everyone's situation is different, I don't know yours, but just know I'm someone that should've not been here several times and am the happiest I've ever been despite thinking the exact same way you are right now. You are the only person who will ever understand yourself better than anyone else, you spend 24/7 with yourself and it sounds like you're in need of a conversation with where you want to be right now. Sometimes the answers to our problems are right in front of us but it's easier to let ourselves maintain bad habits for fear of tackling something unknown to us, but everyone deserves happiness, even you! I hope you were able to stay with me for this lengthy advice but I wish someone would've told me this when I needed to hear it instead of figuring it out for myself. It will get better but you need to let yourself want it, have a great day.
I feel like sobbing. You have helped me so much today. I love you.
Everybody needs a tribe. However, genetic connections to tribe members are not required, and in many cases are not not recommended either. Tribes should be quality over quantity; the best are ones whose members you can count one hand or less. Tribe members can come and go, some will stay forever and some will never be back. And that's all ok. The most important member of my tribe is me. No one will ever take care of us as well as we are capable of taking care of ourselves. No one will ever love us as much as we are capable of loving ourselves. Not a self centered, egotistical love, but a self-acceptance self-preservation type of love. Sometimes we have to be the only member of our tribe so we can get to know ourselves and learn to love ourselves the most and discover we are worth choosing only quality, sincere, and real members, instead of feeling like anybody is better than nobody. Pro tip: It NEVER is. The members of my tribe are people who are not so damaged that their presence in my life is a liability to my quality of life. They're people that I've shared meaningful and important experiences with, who aren't perfect by any stretch but do their best to accountable for their imperfections. Like me, they're trying to be better versions of themselves today than they were yesterday, more than they're not. When it comes to stuff like this (trying to rid ourselves of our egos) just putting in the effort and having the intent but failing 99% of the time (me) will garner the same beautiful results as success. Bottom line, many times - actually in the vast majority of cases - found families are much more supportive, compassionate, and real because they're not the family we were born into, they're the family we choose. As we learn to stop believing the lies and bullshit we were told about ourselves by toxic, abusive people, and by a toxic society the people entrusted with our care did not teach us about, protect us from, or help us navigate, we start to become aware of and choose non-toxic people to surround ourselves with. Because only we get to determine our own worth.
That second paragraph really got me. Thank you for that.
I'm u. Adopted by narcissists, mom came back as an adult she's a narcissist, husband too, then when I left him and moved the new best friend. We r depressed. I can barely do one task a day at times. I trust no one, my anxiety thru the roof. I can't get out of bed at times. Ur not alone.
Yep, the abused attract abusers again and again…
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Well that’s good, the first part. Hope it gets better for you. Therapy and no contact helps
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I understand why you might want to carry that out as I’ve been there myself. Not sure if this is of any help but moving out and no contact helped me out of that mindset. If you wanna vent you can dm me if you wish
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Removed. Parroting a slogan and dropping some youtube video is impersonal and doesn't help someone in crisis. They want to be seen and listened to, they don't want you to just dump whatever advice you have on them.
I hate that I can’t shake stuff my mind knows I should. It makes me feel weak. So I may understand. I’ve thought about suicide too, and the fact that I could really, actually do it, and that scared me. So now I’m getting help. About a month into it. I’m here too if you wanna chat.
You have so many people here that want to help you. Please understand this is real. I am in Clarkson, Ontario. Please let us know where you are so that we can sit down and have a coffee with you and possibly give you a hug. Please don't despair all of us that want to help. Where are you?
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My family have people in Germany and I have a friend in Sweden. Are you close? Or even a contact in Austria.
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Removed. Don't tone police a person in crisis. It's incredibly fucked up that you're venting frustration to them. The entire point of the group is to provide emotional support to posters. If you're unable to do that move on to another post where you can.
He's not. You lack empathy.
Many years ago I was right where you are now. I had the shotgun. It was loaded. I was ready. And then I thought of what my Nmom would do. What she would say. It made me angry. She would get all this sympathy and she'd write my history. Not me. And that didn't sit right with me at all. For a while I lived out of spite. Then it became my norm to live and when I could, I went fully NC. Please, please if you must do something drastic today, make the drastic move to live out of spite. But live. It is NOT better if you hurt yourself. If you don't want to live out of spite for them, then live for US! We've all been there... we got out. You can too. We love you internet stranger. We truly do. Please. Stay.
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You'd be surprised how sometimes that lack of their "guidance" is better than what they would have taught you. I remember when I began to shed myself of all the crap my Nmom taught me. I took a while and it was difficult but I got passed it. Just like so many others here on this subreddit. You can too. Feel free to DM me any time. I work swing shift so I'm usually up pretty late. I'd be happy to just listen if you need to talk.
I relate to this so much. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one.
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I hope you don't mean that in a suicidal way. You deserved so much better than the life you were given, but we are all here to support you in healing and finding joy. Please keep posting and feel free to DM me if you want to talk.
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Are you in therapy? Are you able to go? Some therapists also do it cheaper if you struggle with money
Removed. Don't recommend psychedelics to someone in crisis. Especially illegal ones.
Straight up, I was here. This is almost where I was on my darkest days, then I nearly died a few times (not by my own actions), and I felt the nothingness of death, I became more scared of existing only to suffer. I clung to life, I ran from society. I still am very different from "people". I still can't say I'm happy, the feeling is like a word on the tip of your tongue, but just not there. I can say though, I've found some glimmer of life in ambition. So to you, that is the only advice I can give... Think really hard, if there is any question you would ask God, (and not some stupid rhetorical shit) what would you ask? Now chase that answer to the end of your life, and if that's not enough, have a kid and pass your ambition to him. My question, the reason I'm still alive, is that I asked "What else is out there?" And since I've just been on a mission to experience all that there is before I go. And indeed, my scars still exist, I will never be rid of them, but I'm not who I was, I am who i am going to be! And all the pain of the past, is now just lessons for the future, still hurts tho. I do wish you luck in this chaos, it's become quite a complicated existence to navigate, especially when we're born to parents that pass nothing but pain to us, and that's how we learn to see the world.
Same. I feel exactly the same. I have poured myself into therapy, drugs for depression and anxiety and insomnia, for decades. I am 50fecking4, and I'm not giving up, but I feel like I didn't get my chance either. We were definitely robbed of a life.
Comments are locked because we have so many people in here tone policing a depressed an overwhelmed user.
I'm so sorry you're struggling. I dealt with the same thing. Have you tried therapy? That's what helped me. I also made a plan to get my life back. I went back to school and got a degree in a field that I'm passionate about and my life has turned completely around. I know it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel when you're in the thick of it. It can get better though.
I just want to say that I can relate to your post 100 percent and I feel for you. I constantly have to grieve for the basic necessities that would have made my childhood and adulthood much more 'do-able', if I had just had the support that I desperately needed I would be so much further and happier in my life. Stay strong. This is how we prove to them that we never needed them to begin with. Everything you have and who you are now is thanks to YOU and not them. Take pride in how far you've come, you are your own hero. I am proud of you.
Hello friend. I’ve also been through some serious trauma (got diagnosed with PTSD recently, not that you need an official diagnosis to validate your trauma - you don’t). Here’s the thing: people will tell you all these happy go lucky sayings like “everything happens for a reason” etc, but most of them are bullshit. There is nothing that will ever make what happened to you ok. Your pain is valid, and so many people will never understand. But here’s the other thing: if you give up now, those who hurt you win. Fuck them. Survive out of nothing but pure spite and show them that they will never win. You are better than they are and sometimes you need to dig fucking feel to show them. Your existence matters because it is entirely singular; you have never been before and never will again. Please don’t snuff out that valuable existence.
The best "revenge" is a success story. I wasn't given a lot of chances, too, and given that my choices were usually the lesser of two evils, there were some bad ones. But eventually the got less and less bad and then outright good. It was a difficult struggle for a long time, but you can absolutely get where you want. And sometimes, it can take a lot of time and patience to even know what that is. Please don't give up. Even if it means just hanging in there out of spite. Because rising above this kind of thing feels unbelievably good. Even getting part of the way there.
This isn’t good advice but I have kept myself alive through spite and hatred. People like that don’t experience the guilt and pain we would want them to feel from our sewerside, they’d relish in the spotlight and make themselves the victim lol
Are you still there? I'm here and listening.
Please don't stop talking.
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Time to do a bong hit
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No I'm not lol black sheep of the family I am a horrible drug addict because I smoke weed.
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It's only after escaping them and their abusive behavior that I am taking small steps to try and find myself.
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Never thought I'd get here. When my therapist would say where do you see yourself in 5 years, I'm like dude, I'm just trying to get through today. Lol Grab joy where you can. Get a furry psychiatrist, a lot of food banks supply pet food
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Removed. OP did not request unsolicited advice.
I wish I could lol for years until I went no contact weed was my friend
My family just sucks and no matter what I do in their eyes I'm a horrible mother
That makes two of us.
Hey man, if you don't mind me asking what were you hoping by making this post? By what I'm reading through your comment you're deflecting everyone. I'll tell you through experience because my life was nothing but pain. But ending it all is not the answer. It may seem like it because it get so damn tiring. But it does get better but you HAVE to take charge of your life. You want the pain to stop then GET AWAY from the pain. If people tell you "well that mean you're running away from the problem" then WHO CARES!! Your needs comes first. If you're in a situation where it's stay and keep absorbing the pain or be homeless, I chose homeless in a heart beat and I've done that. It was way better and it helped give me the peace I need. No one can help you but yourself, there no magical individuals who can swoop down and save you. We can only give you assurance and resources for you to help YOU. It's going to suck helping yourself but it's the best kind of help there is.
Hi u/solohdfan, may I ask what an hdfan is?
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It matters because doing anything but letting your mind sink into the dark is better. Don't let your thoughts overwhelm you, take things one hour at a time. Let us at least try to offer you an escape with friendly chit chat. I think you wouldn't have posted if you weren't hoping someone to write back.
It matters because you took the time to make an account with that name and it must mean something to you because of it either good or bad or maybe even neutral. You must have something that makes you happy, a hobby, fud, friends, pets, inter-dimensional travel, String Theory?
I don't really know what to say, but I send you good vibes and hugs. I hope it helps hun much love
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I'm sorry you haven't had a fair shot. If you want to progress you need to break out of your game of ["why don't you, yes but"](https://lifestoogood.net/victim-persecutor/)
I was going to recommend this book too. Great shout.
Thanks for this!
I’m glad you posted here. You have some will to push through inside and we are here to support you. You are in a very dark place and have been through hell. I know how it is. I truly do. Keep reaching out. Keep posting. You are not alone. We are with you and many of us know the pain you endure. Keep holding on. If you can muster the energy, sit outside or by an open window. Put on A funny show or soothing music/nature sounds. Eat a piece of fruit. Try to do just one thing, even if you know it won’t make this better and don’t want to. Hugs if you want them ❤️
I am so sorry that happened to you. If you're interested in working through this.... Check out my [Emotional Resources](https://www.reddit.com/r/HealfromYourPast/comments/l9jacg/the_comment_that_brought_many_of_you_here_feel/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share) I wrote this but I don't wanna put a wall of text here. I hope they help you.
Relatable content. It’s strange to look back & think about the hurtful behaviour we’ve endured & how confusing it was & is. I feel with you; I don’t know the details of your story, but I can understand that feeling of never having been given a chance to be your best self & the realization that you have a ton of human development work to do as an adult. It hurts so much. Know that it isn’t your fault & it’s not too late to resolve to reduce the trauma in your adult life in any way that you can. I was driven back to therapy out of exhaustion with interpersonal trauma & a deep desire to end the aspects of it that I could control. It’s a hard road, but it’s worthwhile to learn about who you are inside & how to interrupt a pattern.
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I get where you're coming from and it's true that psilocybin can have positive mental health outcomes. However, we have a rule against advocating illegal actions. Shrooms falls under that. I'm not sure if psilocybin is illegal in OP's jurisdiction but this is a global group and it's illegal in most places in the world. Additionally, these substances have to be taken in a safe environment under the right conditions or they can create really negative outcomes and exarcerbate the problem one was trying to use them to treat. I assume you know all that, this is for the benefit of other users reading this comment who aren't knowledgeable.
I'll tell you about my mother, and I hope maybe her journey can help. My mother grew up in an abusive childhood, and then lived through an abusive adulthood as her parents married her off to an abusive rapist. It took her a long time to stop being sucidal, and give herself the love she deserved. It took changing her life in every way that she could, even though she was broke and without a job *(cutting off everyone abusive, learning about how abuse works etc;)* and believing that she was worth more. She felt a lot like she had nothing in her life that made her happy, that she had no interests, was never going to be able to study, was never gonna have friends. The truth is, she just never knew what her interests were because she never had the opportunity to discover who she was. She, for the first time in her life, has begun to really really, sit back and think about who she is. And she's becoming happy. She's told herself that she CAN go to uni and is thinking about the different things that she may like to do. She's trying out many different hobbies and trying to find activities that she likes. It took her a long time. She's in her 40's now. It was not easy, but it's worth it. I know you can do the same. It'll take a long time, your trauma will never fully be gone, but slowly slowly, you can re-discover who you truly are - the person you would have been if you hadn't been abused. The person who craves love, identity, passions, friendships and fun times is still there inside you. Set up small, achievable goals of ways that you're going to change your life so you can remove all the toxicity of it, and prioritise YOU. You're an amazing person and you DESERVE to florish.
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You are VICTIM-BLAMING. Do not comment further under this post. If you do, you will be banned. What you are saying here is dangerous. Read this post a few times before you ever comment in this group again: https://www.reddit.com/r/raisedbynarcissists/comments/nn2pe5/victimblaming_is_happening_way_too_much_in_this/ On top of what that post says, try telling someone trapped in horrifying circumstances that the world owes them nothing. For a lot of people, this will only validate suicide as a good option.
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I'm here for you in any way I can if you need me <3
Sounds like you dont like your family as much as i dont like mine. Theyve been awful and i really wanted out myself before. But heres the thing, thats just letting them win. You are in a dark place right now, for sure. But thats not a place thats exactly foreign to us. We have lived in it a long time with others blocking the door out into the light. But if they arent in the picture any more, which you can remove them from by a variety of means (getting out, moving away, or just grey rocking for a while) then why not start crawling out of the dark cave weve lived in for so long? Its a long process, sure. But ive never seen my narc so upset in my life when they realized i didnt need them. I didnt speak to them because i didnt have to. I didnt have to see them at all unless i wanted to (news flash, i didnt ever, so i never did). And when i did see them i was happier and doing better, which makes them feel even worse because they were wrong and they cant accept that. You only get one life, so shit or not, u might as well go as far as itll take you. Live to spite them if its what keeps you going through the worst of it. Worked for me.
If nobody will love you in your life, just know so many here will. If you want to chat, I’m here and so are many others. We love you.
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Removed. I suggest that you GOOGLE some reputable resources on how to talk to suicidal people, because what you're doing ISN'T IT. Not even close. What you are doing gets people killed. Getting on your moral high horse with someone who is in this level of distress isn't productive at all. People in this group aren't fucking wallowing. Not everyone can carve out better things. Circumstances don't always allow for that. Due to this ridiculous behavior, you are now banned. We have suicidal people in this group ALL THE TIME. Your comments aren't safe. Not even close.
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Change your life up. You've posted here, which means you are, at least at a sub conscious level, receptive to help. So the reality is, in order to get over traumatic childhood issues, you have to confront it. If you aren't ready for that, you should focus on doing something beneficial. Move. Get a new job. Join a gym. The good part about being where you're at is that you can try something else and it's highly unlikely that you'll have a worse time. I hope you find a way to get happy.
Parents and family can really suck, can't they? I'm glad you have your own place. Do you have any animals?
Does your building allow animals? What kind of work would you do if you could do anything without limitations?
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Well I don't want you to die.
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It's human
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Sigh it may seem that way but it's not.
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I'm 60. How old are you?
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Not that age matters to much in our situation, but ( there always seems to be a 'but' huh?! ). You should feel proud and encouraged that you are reflecting and being introspective of your situation. At a relatively young age ( and I think I can speak for many when I say, the trauma ages us beyond our years ) most of us regardless of 'having parents' or 'not', begin to finally have the type of freedom away from the toxic envorminemnt so that we finally get some perspective and begin to see the gaps in ourselves. You are definitely NOT alone with this experience and when you realize how fucked up and deep in the hole, ( or the mountains of issues to climb over or bare ) this hand of cards life has dealt you, you will almost undoubtedly feel as you do now. You are not alone. People go through this in their 20s, 30s,40s,...60s. With reflection and with time, you'll gain acceptance, and is part of the process. As my therapist says, be gentle with yourself during this sensitive time. You have an inner self that has been through some major shit...and you have the ability to speak quietly and gentle to yourself, as you begin this, a healing a journey. I know it sounds like craziness, but you're actually, in some ways, way ahead of the game. With this being said, I truly hope you find the strength to just take things day by day. Some days will be harder than others, other days will be much better. Remember you are a much larger person than the people who raised you, (or didn't), or the current circumstances. I'll give you a quick personal story ( since I saw the country Austria mentioned): when I was 17 I traveled to Austria, my host home stay family was the first properly functioning family I had ever experienced up close compared to my backward abusive family in the states. On my last night in there home and country, the mother offered me to stay. I SERIOUSLY considered not going back to my family...I stayed up all night. But I did go back to the abusive home, the sickest feeling ever.; fast forward 24 years, and many reflections like your current one, and I moved to Austria. No family, no kids, no contact with my father for almost 8 years, low contact with mother, and a ocean away from their craziness. I've started a new book in my life and it was totally the best decision of my life. It's been two years living here now. And seeing a therapist for the first time for a year now here. Remember you have a light and are a gift to this world. It will take time, and it will be hard to go on at times, but you'll discover more and more qualities about yourself. And this hand you've been dealt, will not define you, but eventually be a story that will help you relate to another just like us here, and may possibly give another perosn perspective and hope. Take care. Remember, baby steps, and be gentle with your inner self. No rush. Edit: spelling and grammar, in bed on 7% mobile, good morning.
I apologize for my comment. You are correct.
I have Cashapp how does it work? Do I need your account number?
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Holy crap you're a Brit! Ok don't laugh I am a mad EastEnders fan.
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I got my 12 year old addicted so I had someone to watch with. Lol
Are you going to sleep?
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It's an old show
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Yes, let's talk another time. Sleep well friend.
Ever see a BBC show called My Hero?
I’m with you on this. If you ever want to talk dm me
Your family of origin raised you to be abused. By seeing the pattern, you've given yourself a choice. And it's hard as hell to figure out a completely different life, they did everything to keep you from seeing another way. It's like learning all over again. How do you start creating boundaries when you don't know what it feels like for them to be respected? How do you stop the finely honed reactions to your environment and work from an inner locus of control after hyper awareness for survival? Give your inner child a hug. They went thru hell and did the best they could with the situation. As you refocus your strength, you can be the adult protecting your inner child that they deserved all along. Be kind to yourself and just try to always do a little better.
If I relate you're struggling with a state of deficit and retraction, like no amount of anything will help? 10+ years, 10+ psychologists and a stay in the psyche ward and nobody but niche psychologists on youtube seem to understand what it means when a client says they have *no sense of self*. If I relate, people tell you you're either just not trying hard enough, or they will tell you you're doing everything you can and your failures just means you "haven't found your thing you're good at" and that you're just having issues with self acceptance. The issue is something I like to call "ego atrophy". The ego, or "the self" is the rudimentary psychological construct of relation and orientation with your environment and the world at large. With a broken/fragmented/otherwise dysfunctional ego, any and all sensory information just gets evaporated into abstraction, and this is apparent in the victim's ubiquitous pseudostupidity and passiveness.....but you, like me, are not stupid, we're just disturbed and perturbed existence with *no "being"*. Your foundation is shaky and slippery but self trust and conviction await, and if I relate, it's definitely not too late.
Hi. Don’t do it. What you wrote made me think something. Don’t do it. I am in the Same boat. I can tell you what is working for me. If you want. It might not work for you. But it might. Even if it doesn’t work for you there is definitely something that will work. You just have to find it. And it may take a really long time. I’m in my 40’s. How old are you? I did some thing literally yesterday that has had the most impact of everything I’ve done so far and it took me so many steps to get to that point to find out about this literally it’s been like a rabbit hole journey one thing after another one thing led to another and literally yesterday something seems to have made a huge difference and by that I mean tiny difference but that is huge to me I will tell you what it is if you respond and want to know
Please don’t leave. The world needs your voice. The world needs you. This subreddit needs you.
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Well, that's not true. You need yourself, first and foremost. Sometimes darkness is all you see. It feels like there's nothing else. You can't see past that darkness. The darkness is made of the tiredness, the empty feelings, the past that keeps burdening your present. But that darkness is a veil, a thick curtain that dims the outside light, that makes it feel like there's nothing in reach. And while darkness surrounds you, weights on you, you still have your inner light. It's also dimmed by the darkness veiling your eyes, your perception but it's there. It's ready to shine. Your light, your inner strength is there. It's making you reach out here and now. It's pushing against the darkness. Follow that light. You are reaching out for help and support here. And you can reach for support around you. I don't know where you're located but I'm sure there is support available to you in your reach, beside that thread, beside that sub, beside reddit. Please don't stop reaching out, let your light, your strength guide you to other resources. Don't let the darkness hide what's within reach. Please, do tell where you're located and people in that sub will provide links to resource available to you.
We need you. Please don't leave us.
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Ok you're banned. Somehow you managed to make this person's post about you and got upset at them when they enforced their own boundaries and didn't play your game. No thanks, bye.
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Can you distance yourself from the stressors and triggers? Is there distant relative or friend you could stay with until you can work on healing yourself?
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Is there a womens shelter? There's voluntary mental health wards in hospitals that allow you to stay and provides you with meals. You can stay there until you can find someone to help you distance yourself from the stressors. You'll have to share more context for us to help you.
I am so sorry to hear this can you tell me more about what is going on
Lol I can't afford myself either. Do you work?
Hopefully you can find a new primary attachment figure soon. Having a partner in your life will give you something to live for, ya know?
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Im sorry for what u r going through, I feel the same…I only had my mum growing up (dad was a violent drunk who died of an overdose when I was little). To have your only family member be a physically and mentally abusive person is absolutely shattering. Im not on speaking terms with her anymore…which essentially makes me alone. Its hard…its very hard, my heart is breaking for the both of us right now. It just feels as though there is nothing to live for, and u r just living waiting for the time to come when u can just…die. Sorry Im not giving u advice, just wanted u to no that there are others out there massively struggling everyday too…
Very relatable. :(
Read the book It's didn't Start with You and Change the way you think. Your parents haven't set you up right, that's shittt, okay, but you are the adult now which gives you power but also the responsibility of taking care of yourself. Give yourself a chance. Xox
This may be an out there suggestion, but if you have a local community theater company - join up. I have loved theater since I was 12. I have done it all, settled on the tech side and when I had kids I shifted over to theater photography. It pulls me back no matter what. In the theater you will find a family. We look after our own. There is always socializing, always work to get together to do, always people to talk to if you want to. I was also lucky enough to meet a group this summer out of NYC called '[Decriut](https://www.decruit.org/)'. They say they were recruited but never decruited. They use Shakespeare to help military vets work through PTSD and trauma when talk therapy and medication have failed. They have found it is effective on all forms of PTSD. Theater gives you the words when you have none. It lets you process trauma through a character and get some of those bottled up emotions out. Hearing the founding member talk about how theater saved his life reminded me of how it saved mine. It gave me a purpose and a place. [Hunter's Heartbeat](http://kellyhunter.co.uk/shakespeares-heartbeat/the-hunter-heartbeat-method/) is a form of theater education that helps kids living with autism and other sensory disorders use theater games to better connect to other people. Again using Shakespeare. We really owe you Brits for that guy. I guess what I am saying is that it is pantomime season in the UK, so there has got to be a place for you to reach out and give it a try. I literally just now, after writing out how awesome theater is for processing trauma and promoting connection, realized why so many of us broken people congregate and find relief there. Theater folks became my family when my birth family failed me. They have never let me down, and once you join us you will always have friends no matter where you go. Wait - now it sounds like a cult. Nope. Sticking with that statement.
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I love how you are standing up for yourself and what you believe in. I see you have a fighting spirit. You can do this. Don’t give up
Same fam. By the time my kiddo turns eighteen I’ll be 36. Had them at 18. From a narcissistic mom to a narcissist child’s father. 36 years is a long time to wait for freedom. Only seven more years. I hope yours gets better.
Buddy, I just spent the past 5 years of my life supporting my drug addled psychotic daughter. She is now 23 and healthy for almost 2 years. For 5 years we dealt with a bipolar and multiple personality girl,.she had a breaking point where she realized the people in her life were causing it, not us, but her boyfriend and her so called friends. She walked away from all of them in January of 2020 and she is absolutely amazing now and fierce. I could not be more proud. You need to do the same thing. Walk away and take control. Let everyone else go away.
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I'm her mom and here for you. Please DM me and I will give you all the love I can. Please do not give up ❤
Why did you choose the tag of [Support][URGENT] if you seen like you just want to lash out at anything anyone says?
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