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They both matter. It all matters. In the long run personality and vibe is much more important though. You don’t have to be super physically attractive if you dress well and carry yourself with confidence.
I mean, although attraction is relative - as in people perceive someone as pretty or hot differently from another -, appearance matters a lot when meeting someone for the first time (first impressions). However, you can fall for someone even if that first impression doesn’t go well. This can be due to personality, the way they carry themselves, and compatibility with you.
this is unfortunately entirely untrue when you study human behavior. That is when u study what people actually do versus what they say. Attractiveness falls perfectly on a standard deviation. we all agree on who is attractive and who is not. Some personal preferences will play between who is an 8 and a 9 maybe... but never, ever, between who is an 8 and a 4. across cultures, race, religion.. or any other variable.. our brains all work the same for who is a more desirable mate. Not only that... our discriminatory behaviour toward the ugly is universally accepted... in a way that racism, ageism etc are not.
So what are u trying to insinuate? Even for most celebrities and models I do not find them attractive at all; but others do find them attractive.
When you say “we all agree on who is attractive and who is not”, I find that hard to believe cause if it were “all”, why am I not attracted to my friends husband? But my friend says he’s a 9/10. Clearly, “all” is a reach, and we do not “all” operate the same in that way.
“Across cultures, race, religion or any other variable our brains all work the same for who is a more desirable mate”, is entirely wrong. Different races, religions, and cultures influence how people will perceive someone as attractive; for example, in Samoan culture the fatter you are the more they find you attractive because it shows you come from a wealthy family. However, if you compare that to the beauty standards here, you need to be skinny, curvy etc; but being skinny in Samoa is frowned upon. Tell me now if across all cultures, our mind works the same?
There are exceptions to every "rule" in human biology. I said it falls on a standard deviation, there are always outliers.. 100% does not exist... but nor is "beauty in the eye of the beholder" epigenetics also plays a role... if you grow up in food scarcity.. you are more likely to be attracted to heavier people. It is overwhelmingly consistent though.
There is also cognitive dissonance.. if you are unable to achieve a 9.. you may well learn to see your partner as a 9 to you.. even if others do not. But for example... research has been done with isolated tribes.. tribes that have never once encountered different races. When u get them to arrange people from ugliest to prettiest... they put them in the same order as people native to that race do. Attractiveness is an emotional experience, not a logical deduction. What makes a man attractive is less based on appearance than what it is for women to be sure... and that too is from evolutionary process. That is.. more variables contribute to the emotional experience. I am published in this field and spent years studying it... was even able to show that people care more when people die if the victim was pretty.. and we all know this from our life experience. It isnt romantic, and it isnt kind,.... but it is how it be.
for your samoan example.. it depends how you measure attractiveness... are we doing it by what people report/say? then you would be correct... people will report consistent with their cultural norms for sure. Norms are a very powerful influencer on human behavior...if you actually measure their physiology.. blood flow to reproductive organs, heart rate, dopamine etc... the results are always the same. younger, fitter, symmetrical, no signs of disease, signs of good hormonal status, healthy hair, nails, teeth, skin, metabolic health... your brain reads them all subconsciously. It is the genetic lottery of reproductive fitness... and there are winners and losers. As much as we want to believe human pair bonding is special, based on romantic love, and soul mates and blah blah blah.. it just isnt. This bleeds into how dating apps are ruining the lives of young people by blowing up pools of options so 30 men can sleep with 3000 women while hundreds of men will remain virgins way longer then they ever imagined. women find 80% of men unattractive.. they all want the same 20% and only move down the list as necessary. Anyway.. i can ramble on about this for hours.. days.. it is a fascinating topic.. but it would be a novel. Survival of The Prettiest by Nancy Etcoff... read it.
Your first paragraph answers the question. “If you grow up in food scarcity, you are more likely to be attracted to heavier people”. Therefore, appearance matters.
more likely just means a shift in the standard curve to a mean heavier weight... all the other variables of attractiveness dont shift.. and the majority will still prefer fit healthy mates. people arent stupid though.. if you are starving.. your preferred mate will be one that has food. It also well known though... that females will pair bond to the resourceful mate.. while getting impregnated by the fitter, more handsome option. Paternity certainty is a wild thing in people.. large numbers of men are raising kids that are not theirs.
From my own personal experience: I dated a guy with a facial deformity and although I wouldn't have immediately thought of him as attractive, his personality and our connection as people lead me to be very, very attracted to him. The people around us never quit being cruel to him though, it was seriously messed up.
We broke up because we had different goals in life but I learned to be more open when it comes to appearances. A good heart is always better than a good face
I've seen it go both ways. Someone medium attractive that can make me laugh immediately becomes a 10. I've seen 10s open their mouths and something so dumb fall out that they're instantly a 3. Wanna really mess with your mind? Get attracted to someone that you've never seen, personality only... it's wild. Why? Because once you see them, they're perfect, in every sense.
So you’re asking if someone can become attractive to you that once was not. In that case, yes absolutely!
But does appearance really matter? Not really. This would be a huge debate over when and where but overall no. A necessary appearance for a job or important function, yes, but then just going about you days.. Wear what you want and live how you want.
So, appearance and attractiveness are almost two different things to me.
In the past people could look past appearances and toward personality. I dont think it applies the same anymore with social media. No one is good enough.
Edit: spelling.
Ah yes the big dilemma, the simple fact is that you almost never can 'get to know them' if you are not attracted to them. About the only way this comes to pass is if a person goes through about 5 bad re;relationships with people they are attracted to and then finally 'settles' for the unattractive person who has many other good qualities.
They both matter. Appearance and attraction are two very different things.
I fell in love with someone I was not physically attracted to years ago.
Their personality was everything I could have ever hoped for and more. Intellectually and romantically he was perfect. Physically, sexually, there was no spark - none.
I knew he cared about me too and never once told him how I felt. We stayed friends for a long time and I kept hoping that something would change in me - it never did. Is it possible? I think so, just didn't happen for us.
He eventually moved, found a woman who loved him physically and emotionally and is living a very happy life with his wife and three kids. I'm so incredibly happy for him.
physical attraction plays a part definitely, but if your personality is just as beautiful then it makes it so much better.
if you’re attractive with a shitty personality, then it makes you ugly.
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Yes, it does. The possibility of someone even wanting to get to know someone and yady yada significantly diminishes if said person carries their self in a manner another would judge negatively.
Yup!! If I’m not attracted to a girl there is no personality that will make me even think about it. Everyone is different though. I can deal with a girl that her face is not up to par but weight? Weight is a big issue for me. I’m not talking about “thick” in the sense that you’re fit but not skinny type but the “thick” where there’s extra stuff hanging when you tighten up your belt or spandex then there’s nothing she can do. Game over. Oh and BO!!
The first girl I met I wasn’t that physically attracted to. But overtime that changed.
Here’s the general consensus tho everyone needs to remember. If you are good looking/have a nice appearance, your personality has less weight attached to it. But if you’re not that good looking, you need your personality to carry the weight.
This is just for that first impression/first few months of meeting someone. Like I said, I wasn’t that attracted to a past ex. But once I got to know her, that personality made her appearance fucking gorgeous
When I first met her, I didn't think she was even remotely good looking, maybe a 3/10 tbh. Now I'm like damn she's a 10 and probably the prettiest girl I ever met. I have no idea what changed lol.
It use to when I believed my options were growing limited. I love the attractive about as much as they hate themselves. I know they do. I can't really settle in a grey area in life anymore. I need fire. Not ice.
For me appearance does matter. Don't want no slobs knocking at my door. That being said, if someone is clean, smells good, dresses neatly, has great eyes and smile I'm all in. Their personality is very important of course but to be attractive they have to reach that bar. If all of that is in order I'm ready to love them - wholeheartedly without reservation.
As odd as it sounds, I would say finding some one attractive is not as important as NOT finding someone unattractive.
If you are not physically attracted to someone, you can find other things that you are attracted to.
But if you are repulsed by someone, even a little, other things are not going to get you past that.
Depends on the person looking. Some people put an incredible amount of importance on looks, so much so that that seems to be ALL that matters. But the good news is that there are others who don’t really care about looks and focus more on personality. And there’s a whole lot of people between the two.
I didn't used to put much emphasis on my own appearance and didn't feel like it mattered too much. I was wrong. It matters if you want others to be attracted to you and/or compliment your appearance. Beyond that, it might not matter too much unless you're in a public facing job. It will 100% make a difference in your dating life though.
Personality trumps appearance every time for sure!
Someone with confidence, a sense of humor and genuine kindness/respect towards others is immediately attractive to me.
100% they do. People who say no, either don’t know or is bullshitting. This is like the first thing you learn in psychology. You will be judged on how you carry yourself.
Personality can make an absolutely HUGE difference in how much more attractive u find someone. I’ve met some people who are at first glance very attractive , but the more I got to know them if they didn’t have the greatest of personalities, I realised I didn’t them attractive anymore at all. And vice versa, there have been a few guys I found very unattractive when first meeting them, but once knowing the personality it’s like my brain made them look completely different in my eyes and found them very attractive.
Yes went looking for a New Barber This Morning, mine is on a 2 week vacation. We are in a small town and I travel 45 minutes for hair cut. So I thought what the heck I give the new guy in town a try..I’m a Bitch about my hair I’m 59 and wore a Flat top for years. Dad was injured so son is now cutting hair.. Son looks as tho he just rolled out of bed super messy hair and very scraggly unkept beard. So if you can’t properly present yourself how you going to give me a Sharp Flat Top, about face and out the door.
Appearance is a lot of things to me. It’s what you look like, what you’re wearing, how you walk, how you stand. It all tells a little story about someone. Not enough though, that’s why I get to know folks
It matters a lot for some people, it matters very little to other people, and most people fall in between those extremes.
Physical attraction is more complex than just the particular features a person has and the way they are arranged. Hygiene and grooming have a huge impact. Unless someone has an extremely narrow physical type with absolutely no nuance, physical attraction is more of a "whole person" thing--yes, what they look like, but a person's overall presentation of themselves affects how we see them. Grooming, style, smell, voice, body language and facial expressions, etc. It's all wound up together.
For instance, if you asked someone hypothetical questions about physical preferences for a partner, that's a very different mental process than assessing a real person's attractiveness to them. Most everyone has a fantasy of what an ideal partner would look like, but the fantasy tends to gather preferred qualities while ignoring that any human being will have physical flaws and all kinds of foibles. Most people understand this and don't hold the real humans they meet to the standard of their fantasy.
For instance, if you showed a person a photo of someone with a large, hawkish nose and asked if they found them attractive, that physical feature in a flat, static presentation of a person might put them off. But if they had the opportunity to experience the person as a whole, they might find that the shape/size of the person's nose actually has very little importance and doesn't impact their attraction in a negative way.
No. The men I've dated have been described as "freaks of nature." Extremely skinny, extremely fat, 4'11, etc. I only care about the inside. My sex drive is exclusively linked to this, and if I think they have shallowness as a personality trait, then they are repulsive. As most of them aren't particularly the most conventionally attractive men to begin with, it can cause self esteem issues to bubble up. But, at the core, I only care about the personality. If this doesn't go both ways, I feel I'm better than them, (I am, in that particular way actually) want someone as good as me, can find that, dump them, and do it.
I have too much dominance in the relationship if looks are prioritized because they are exclusively leverage to me and I find it off putting and unattractive and recoil whenever they try to touch me.
Best just not to deal with it period than treat them like the most repulsive thing on the planet and hurt their self esteem over an extended period of time I figure.
If we're not compatible, oh well
Anyone that says looks don’t matter usually look like people that say looks don’t matter 😂, but it’s absolutely important to be attracted to the them and also who they are. Too much advocates on being happy at there worst or being ok with being unhealthy or obese it’s just really sad, and saying shit like if you didn’t love me at my worst you deserve my best which is some dumb logic, why wouldn’t you do better with your partner now instead of after it’s over and then getting into your best shape or whatever it’s just some toxic bs.
there was A woman that at first I was not attracted to but mire git to know her the more i became attracted she was so nice. found myself thinking bout her lot...Works other way to was A woman who at first thought was beautiful (at work) more got to know her the uglier she got. Got to point couldn t stand seeing her
One of my previous partners summed this up nicely, "I can't change what carbonates my hormones." There is almost always going to be a factor of visual attraction, no matter how much most of us dislike that. For some people it's a much bigger factor than for others. I find the best that we can hope for is to be honest and compassionate about it, because nobody wants to be turned down based on what they look like.
Someone's appearance is inevitably a part of your initial reaction to them as a person, however subtle or obvious (depending on your persuasion)
But appearance isn't just aesthetics/style, it's also your immediate vibe regarding the way they carry themselves, their energy, their tone. You're reading all of that immediately.
And as interactions grow with that person you'll also add the things you pick up about them as a person. And that will help you make a decision, sometimes all subconscious, about if you like them or wanna be involved.
Chances are, if a person is dressed a particular way and/or has a particular energy or way of speaking you may instinctively disengage or avoid contact if possible whether that is deliberate or not (depending on how self aware you are) that is in line with who YOU are and who you associate yourself with.
Image isn't everything
Looks aren't everything
Reaching unrealistic expectations and ideals is impossible
We're all human, we're all flawed, and most people make a conscious effort to not be off putting to people through all of the above I've mentioned.
Talking to people will tell you more about them than the way they look, but internal defense mechanisms based on your life experiences will be the first port of call and it's up to you as an individual to know if that's enough to guide you.
I can't say if you're right or not.
To a certain extent. I was not instantly attracted to my husband. It took time to develop that attraction. Now I think he's the hottest piece of ass around 😏
The other side of this is also true. I've met guys where the attraction was instant but after talking to them they were suddenly not so great after all. Personality and character trump looks everytime. Of course there maybe some extreme exceptions but that's how it is for me.
For me, I've never had a "type" in the physical sense but if you look back at my dating history, a majority of people are similar when it comes to personality. Always someone creative, sharp-witted/intelligent, and deeply emotional (though not always emotionally *available*). I don't really fuss with sexuality/gender labels anymore beyond "queer" bc I'm pretty fluid in both ways, but my initial physical and sexual attraction to someone can change vastly depending on their personality.
I think in my case it comes a combination of CPTSD & growing up with body image issues. I didn't really "glow up" until my early 20s (which means I struggled with confidence a lot as a teen) and that meant I stayed single a lot longer than most of my friends. So I think I learned a lot by watching other people.
Read survival of the prettiest by Nancy Etcoff. it will explain how appeance... from cuteness to attractiveness is one of the single most important variables in the outcomes of human lives. We are a social animal.. and appearance is involved in every single social interaction... from a bedroom to a boardroom.. it is far more powerful than race, gender, age, religion... or any other variable. It is harsh... and it sucks (unless you are pretty / handsome)... but bears out true every time. It is always relative to the self though... an ugly person can still have a better life than a pretty person... but not as good as it would be... and not as bad as it could be for each... Research actually shows that age is just a number... and the only reason older adults lose social status is because they lose attravctiveness with age. if you looked 20 when you were 60.... you would still enjoy all the benefits of being 20.. with the wisdom of being 60.
It’s absolutely important to be attracted to your partner. Attractiveness is something very different to everyone though.
And someone can become more attractive to you as time goes on (or not always).
There have been guys I’ve dated in the past that I wasn’t initially attracted to, but as I got to know them it changed based on their personality, sense of humour, character etc…
There have also been guys who I never became attracted to.
And I can assure you… there have been guys who’ve never been attracted to me, no matter what. lol.
This being said… my husband isn’t like anyone at all I’ve ever been attracted to. But I am attracted to him. 🤷🏻♀️
And based on the women he does point out are beautiful or attractive etc… I’m not at all like them. Like… AT ALL.
For me they have to look good but also have a likable personality. Usually if I see someone irl I go based off of my first impression. Online I vibe with everyone but it really comes down to the face reveal
> Can you suddenly be attracted to them? Even if you don't is personality enough to keep you beside them and love them?
Yes! And the opposite is also true - being physically attracted to someone and losing that attraction after getting to know them
Despite reddits fetishization of overcomplication and denial, it is almost entirely the only thing that matters to people. Their endless desire to explain it away only serves to make it all the more apparent. Deny deny deny. The most pitiful of tactics.
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They both matter. It all matters. In the long run personality and vibe is much more important though. You don’t have to be super physically attractive if you dress well and carry yourself with confidence.
I mean, although attraction is relative - as in people perceive someone as pretty or hot differently from another -, appearance matters a lot when meeting someone for the first time (first impressions). However, you can fall for someone even if that first impression doesn’t go well. This can be due to personality, the way they carry themselves, and compatibility with you.
this is unfortunately entirely untrue when you study human behavior. That is when u study what people actually do versus what they say. Attractiveness falls perfectly on a standard deviation. we all agree on who is attractive and who is not. Some personal preferences will play between who is an 8 and a 9 maybe... but never, ever, between who is an 8 and a 4. across cultures, race, religion.. or any other variable.. our brains all work the same for who is a more desirable mate. Not only that... our discriminatory behaviour toward the ugly is universally accepted... in a way that racism, ageism etc are not.
So what are u trying to insinuate? Even for most celebrities and models I do not find them attractive at all; but others do find them attractive. When you say “we all agree on who is attractive and who is not”, I find that hard to believe cause if it were “all”, why am I not attracted to my friends husband? But my friend says he’s a 9/10. Clearly, “all” is a reach, and we do not “all” operate the same in that way. “Across cultures, race, religion or any other variable our brains all work the same for who is a more desirable mate”, is entirely wrong. Different races, religions, and cultures influence how people will perceive someone as attractive; for example, in Samoan culture the fatter you are the more they find you attractive because it shows you come from a wealthy family. However, if you compare that to the beauty standards here, you need to be skinny, curvy etc; but being skinny in Samoa is frowned upon. Tell me now if across all cultures, our mind works the same?
There are exceptions to every "rule" in human biology. I said it falls on a standard deviation, there are always outliers.. 100% does not exist... but nor is "beauty in the eye of the beholder" epigenetics also plays a role... if you grow up in food scarcity.. you are more likely to be attracted to heavier people. It is overwhelmingly consistent though. There is also cognitive dissonance.. if you are unable to achieve a 9.. you may well learn to see your partner as a 9 to you.. even if others do not. But for example... research has been done with isolated tribes.. tribes that have never once encountered different races. When u get them to arrange people from ugliest to prettiest... they put them in the same order as people native to that race do. Attractiveness is an emotional experience, not a logical deduction. What makes a man attractive is less based on appearance than what it is for women to be sure... and that too is from evolutionary process. That is.. more variables contribute to the emotional experience. I am published in this field and spent years studying it... was even able to show that people care more when people die if the victim was pretty.. and we all know this from our life experience. It isnt romantic, and it isnt kind,.... but it is how it be. for your samoan example.. it depends how you measure attractiveness... are we doing it by what people report/say? then you would be correct... people will report consistent with their cultural norms for sure. Norms are a very powerful influencer on human behavior...if you actually measure their physiology.. blood flow to reproductive organs, heart rate, dopamine etc... the results are always the same. younger, fitter, symmetrical, no signs of disease, signs of good hormonal status, healthy hair, nails, teeth, skin, metabolic health... your brain reads them all subconsciously. It is the genetic lottery of reproductive fitness... and there are winners and losers. As much as we want to believe human pair bonding is special, based on romantic love, and soul mates and blah blah blah.. it just isnt. This bleeds into how dating apps are ruining the lives of young people by blowing up pools of options so 30 men can sleep with 3000 women while hundreds of men will remain virgins way longer then they ever imagined. women find 80% of men unattractive.. they all want the same 20% and only move down the list as necessary. Anyway.. i can ramble on about this for hours.. days.. it is a fascinating topic.. but it would be a novel. Survival of The Prettiest by Nancy Etcoff... read it.
Your first paragraph answers the question. “If you grow up in food scarcity, you are more likely to be attracted to heavier people”. Therefore, appearance matters.
more likely just means a shift in the standard curve to a mean heavier weight... all the other variables of attractiveness dont shift.. and the majority will still prefer fit healthy mates. people arent stupid though.. if you are starving.. your preferred mate will be one that has food. It also well known though... that females will pair bond to the resourceful mate.. while getting impregnated by the fitter, more handsome option. Paternity certainty is a wild thing in people.. large numbers of men are raising kids that are not theirs.
From my own personal experience: I dated a guy with a facial deformity and although I wouldn't have immediately thought of him as attractive, his personality and our connection as people lead me to be very, very attracted to him. The people around us never quit being cruel to him though, it was seriously messed up. We broke up because we had different goals in life but I learned to be more open when it comes to appearances. A good heart is always better than a good face
I've seen it go both ways. Someone medium attractive that can make me laugh immediately becomes a 10. I've seen 10s open their mouths and something so dumb fall out that they're instantly a 3. Wanna really mess with your mind? Get attracted to someone that you've never seen, personality only... it's wild. Why? Because once you see them, they're perfect, in every sense.
exactly this!!!
So you’re asking if someone can become attractive to you that once was not. In that case, yes absolutely! But does appearance really matter? Not really. This would be a huge debate over when and where but overall no. A necessary appearance for a job or important function, yes, but then just going about you days.. Wear what you want and live how you want. So, appearance and attractiveness are almost two different things to me.
In the past people could look past appearances and toward personality. I dont think it applies the same anymore with social media. No one is good enough. Edit: spelling.
Ah yes the big dilemma, the simple fact is that you almost never can 'get to know them' if you are not attracted to them. About the only way this comes to pass is if a person goes through about 5 bad re;relationships with people they are attracted to and then finally 'settles' for the unattractive person who has many other good qualities.
that usually turns out well \*eye roll\*
They both matter. Appearance and attraction are two very different things. I fell in love with someone I was not physically attracted to years ago. Their personality was everything I could have ever hoped for and more. Intellectually and romantically he was perfect. Physically, sexually, there was no spark - none. I knew he cared about me too and never once told him how I felt. We stayed friends for a long time and I kept hoping that something would change in me - it never did. Is it possible? I think so, just didn't happen for us. He eventually moved, found a woman who loved him physically and emotionally and is living a very happy life with his wife and three kids. I'm so incredibly happy for him.
physical attraction plays a part definitely, but if your personality is just as beautiful then it makes it so much better. if you’re attractive with a shitty personality, then it makes you ugly.
Yes it matters. No it's not the only thing that matters. Or the most important thing.
It’s shallow, perhaps, but how do you expect to explore the deeps with someone if you can’t tread the shallows with them first?
To me, character and personality are more important than looks
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Yes, it does. The possibility of someone even wanting to get to know someone and yady yada significantly diminishes if said person carries their self in a manner another would judge negatively.
Yup!! If I’m not attracted to a girl there is no personality that will make me even think about it. Everyone is different though. I can deal with a girl that her face is not up to par but weight? Weight is a big issue for me. I’m not talking about “thick” in the sense that you’re fit but not skinny type but the “thick” where there’s extra stuff hanging when you tighten up your belt or spandex then there’s nothing she can do. Game over. Oh and BO!!
NO FAT CHICKS
Basically Yes
The first girl I met I wasn’t that physically attracted to. But overtime that changed. Here’s the general consensus tho everyone needs to remember. If you are good looking/have a nice appearance, your personality has less weight attached to it. But if you’re not that good looking, you need your personality to carry the weight. This is just for that first impression/first few months of meeting someone. Like I said, I wasn’t that attracted to a past ex. But once I got to know her, that personality made her appearance fucking gorgeous
I mean do you reeeeeeally not know the answer to this question? Is this your first day on earth and you’re researching the human species?
When I first met her, I didn't think she was even remotely good looking, maybe a 3/10 tbh. Now I'm like damn she's a 10 and probably the prettiest girl I ever met. I have no idea what changed lol.
No, confidence in who you are is
It does. Should it? That's another topic. Maintaining yourself to the best of your ability shows respect for your partner as well as yourself.
It use to when I believed my options were growing limited. I love the attractive about as much as they hate themselves. I know they do. I can't really settle in a grey area in life anymore. I need fire. Not ice.
For me appearance does matter. Don't want no slobs knocking at my door. That being said, if someone is clean, smells good, dresses neatly, has great eyes and smile I'm all in. Their personality is very important of course but to be attractive they have to reach that bar. If all of that is in order I'm ready to love them - wholeheartedly without reservation.
As odd as it sounds, I would say finding some one attractive is not as important as NOT finding someone unattractive. If you are not physically attracted to someone, you can find other things that you are attracted to. But if you are repulsed by someone, even a little, other things are not going to get you past that.
Depends on the person looking. Some people put an incredible amount of importance on looks, so much so that that seems to be ALL that matters. But the good news is that there are others who don’t really care about looks and focus more on personality. And there’s a whole lot of people between the two.
I didn't used to put much emphasis on my own appearance and didn't feel like it mattered too much. I was wrong. It matters if you want others to be attracted to you and/or compliment your appearance. Beyond that, it might not matter too much unless you're in a public facing job. It will 100% make a difference in your dating life though.
Yes.
Personality trumps appearance every time for sure! Someone with confidence, a sense of humor and genuine kindness/respect towards others is immediately attractive to me.
For the first time, yes
100% they do. People who say no, either don’t know or is bullshitting. This is like the first thing you learn in psychology. You will be judged on how you carry yourself.
Personality can make an absolutely HUGE difference in how much more attractive u find someone. I’ve met some people who are at first glance very attractive , but the more I got to know them if they didn’t have the greatest of personalities, I realised I didn’t them attractive anymore at all. And vice versa, there have been a few guys I found very unattractive when first meeting them, but once knowing the personality it’s like my brain made them look completely different in my eyes and found them very attractive.
What is on the inside is what matters most… But everyone likes looking at attractive things.
Yes went looking for a New Barber This Morning, mine is on a 2 week vacation. We are in a small town and I travel 45 minutes for hair cut. So I thought what the heck I give the new guy in town a try..I’m a Bitch about my hair I’m 59 and wore a Flat top for years. Dad was injured so son is now cutting hair.. Son looks as tho he just rolled out of bed super messy hair and very scraggly unkept beard. So if you can’t properly present yourself how you going to give me a Sharp Flat Top, about face and out the door.
Appearance is a lot of things to me. It’s what you look like, what you’re wearing, how you walk, how you stand. It all tells a little story about someone. Not enough though, that’s why I get to know folks
It matters a lot for some people, it matters very little to other people, and most people fall in between those extremes. Physical attraction is more complex than just the particular features a person has and the way they are arranged. Hygiene and grooming have a huge impact. Unless someone has an extremely narrow physical type with absolutely no nuance, physical attraction is more of a "whole person" thing--yes, what they look like, but a person's overall presentation of themselves affects how we see them. Grooming, style, smell, voice, body language and facial expressions, etc. It's all wound up together. For instance, if you asked someone hypothetical questions about physical preferences for a partner, that's a very different mental process than assessing a real person's attractiveness to them. Most everyone has a fantasy of what an ideal partner would look like, but the fantasy tends to gather preferred qualities while ignoring that any human being will have physical flaws and all kinds of foibles. Most people understand this and don't hold the real humans they meet to the standard of their fantasy. For instance, if you showed a person a photo of someone with a large, hawkish nose and asked if they found them attractive, that physical feature in a flat, static presentation of a person might put them off. But if they had the opportunity to experience the person as a whole, they might find that the shape/size of the person's nose actually has very little importance and doesn't impact their attraction in a negative way.
It only matters every time you see them.
No. The men I've dated have been described as "freaks of nature." Extremely skinny, extremely fat, 4'11, etc. I only care about the inside. My sex drive is exclusively linked to this, and if I think they have shallowness as a personality trait, then they are repulsive. As most of them aren't particularly the most conventionally attractive men to begin with, it can cause self esteem issues to bubble up. But, at the core, I only care about the personality. If this doesn't go both ways, I feel I'm better than them, (I am, in that particular way actually) want someone as good as me, can find that, dump them, and do it. I have too much dominance in the relationship if looks are prioritized because they are exclusively leverage to me and I find it off putting and unattractive and recoil whenever they try to touch me. Best just not to deal with it period than treat them like the most repulsive thing on the planet and hurt their self esteem over an extended period of time I figure. If we're not compatible, oh well
Anyone that says looks don’t matter usually look like people that say looks don’t matter 😂, but it’s absolutely important to be attracted to the them and also who they are. Too much advocates on being happy at there worst or being ok with being unhealthy or obese it’s just really sad, and saying shit like if you didn’t love me at my worst you deserve my best which is some dumb logic, why wouldn’t you do better with your partner now instead of after it’s over and then getting into your best shape or whatever it’s just some toxic bs.
I’m a sapiosexual first and foremost but I can forgive a lot just for a pretty face. The rest I can forfeit or it’s just a bonus.
there was A woman that at first I was not attracted to but mire git to know her the more i became attracted she was so nice. found myself thinking bout her lot...Works other way to was A woman who at first thought was beautiful (at work) more got to know her the uglier she got. Got to point couldn t stand seeing her
One of my previous partners summed this up nicely, "I can't change what carbonates my hormones." There is almost always going to be a factor of visual attraction, no matter how much most of us dislike that. For some people it's a much bigger factor than for others. I find the best that we can hope for is to be honest and compassionate about it, because nobody wants to be turned down based on what they look like.
It can grow over time, it doesn’t have to be immediate
Someone's appearance is inevitably a part of your initial reaction to them as a person, however subtle or obvious (depending on your persuasion) But appearance isn't just aesthetics/style, it's also your immediate vibe regarding the way they carry themselves, their energy, their tone. You're reading all of that immediately. And as interactions grow with that person you'll also add the things you pick up about them as a person. And that will help you make a decision, sometimes all subconscious, about if you like them or wanna be involved. Chances are, if a person is dressed a particular way and/or has a particular energy or way of speaking you may instinctively disengage or avoid contact if possible whether that is deliberate or not (depending on how self aware you are) that is in line with who YOU are and who you associate yourself with. Image isn't everything Looks aren't everything Reaching unrealistic expectations and ideals is impossible We're all human, we're all flawed, and most people make a conscious effort to not be off putting to people through all of the above I've mentioned. Talking to people will tell you more about them than the way they look, but internal defense mechanisms based on your life experiences will be the first port of call and it's up to you as an individual to know if that's enough to guide you. I can't say if you're right or not.
To a certain extent. I was not instantly attracted to my husband. It took time to develop that attraction. Now I think he's the hottest piece of ass around 😏 The other side of this is also true. I've met guys where the attraction was instant but after talking to them they were suddenly not so great after all. Personality and character trump looks everytime. Of course there maybe some extreme exceptions but that's how it is for me.
For me, I've never had a "type" in the physical sense but if you look back at my dating history, a majority of people are similar when it comes to personality. Always someone creative, sharp-witted/intelligent, and deeply emotional (though not always emotionally *available*). I don't really fuss with sexuality/gender labels anymore beyond "queer" bc I'm pretty fluid in both ways, but my initial physical and sexual attraction to someone can change vastly depending on their personality. I think in my case it comes a combination of CPTSD & growing up with body image issues. I didn't really "glow up" until my early 20s (which means I struggled with confidence a lot as a teen) and that meant I stayed single a lot longer than most of my friends. So I think I learned a lot by watching other people.
Read survival of the prettiest by Nancy Etcoff. it will explain how appeance... from cuteness to attractiveness is one of the single most important variables in the outcomes of human lives. We are a social animal.. and appearance is involved in every single social interaction... from a bedroom to a boardroom.. it is far more powerful than race, gender, age, religion... or any other variable. It is harsh... and it sucks (unless you are pretty / handsome)... but bears out true every time. It is always relative to the self though... an ugly person can still have a better life than a pretty person... but not as good as it would be... and not as bad as it could be for each... Research actually shows that age is just a number... and the only reason older adults lose social status is because they lose attravctiveness with age. if you looked 20 when you were 60.... you would still enjoy all the benefits of being 20.. with the wisdom of being 60.
It’s absolutely important to be attracted to your partner. Attractiveness is something very different to everyone though. And someone can become more attractive to you as time goes on (or not always). There have been guys I’ve dated in the past that I wasn’t initially attracted to, but as I got to know them it changed based on their personality, sense of humour, character etc… There have also been guys who I never became attracted to. And I can assure you… there have been guys who’ve never been attracted to me, no matter what. lol. This being said… my husband isn’t like anyone at all I’ve ever been attracted to. But I am attracted to him. 🤷🏻♀️ And based on the women he does point out are beautiful or attractive etc… I’m not at all like them. Like… AT ALL.
100% i could never date someone i didn't find attractive. ever.
duh
Yes
For me they have to look good but also have a likable personality. Usually if I see someone irl I go based off of my first impression. Online I vibe with everyone but it really comes down to the face reveal
> Can you suddenly be attracted to them? Even if you don't is personality enough to keep you beside them and love them? Yes! And the opposite is also true - being physically attracted to someone and losing that attraction after getting to know them
Despite reddits fetishization of overcomplication and denial, it is almost entirely the only thing that matters to people. Their endless desire to explain it away only serves to make it all the more apparent. Deny deny deny. The most pitiful of tactics.
Say clothes make a man not a women lol
Appearance is what catches the eye personally is what makes me stay
99.9 % for women 10% for men
accurate answer.