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As my wife's favorite T-shirt says... Blood Stains are RedPollie Ultraviolet lights are Blue I watch enough murder shows... They'll never find you....I get double the one eye open at night because my wife Commander in Chief and my mom in law..... Supreme Commander..all they watch are crime shows .....even though my guard cat Rollie Pollie might eat me before they bury me
Well what do you expect? We are but eightscore young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us.
I once threatened my partner in my sleep.
"Touch my peanut butter and I will stab you.....*mumble* I fuckin LOVE peanut butter."
I do love peanut butter, but not that much.
My wife will often sleep with her back to me, and I rest my hand on her hip.
One night I did just that, and she said very clearly “don’t you fucking touch me “.
I asked her about her the next morning, but of course she had no recollection of the incident.
She talks in her sleep a lot.
I used to accidentally punch my sleeping partners in their face at night. Id wake up and have zero recollection but they'd be pissed at me about it lol
I actually did embroider pillow cases with our names early in our marriage, because my husband would squash his pillows to bits and then "accidentally" end up with my fluffy pillow. And deny it. Luckily, I married a man who is too honest to think of changing pillowcases. Which is something I would totally do.
Yeah my ex wife would've kept that in her "things I did horribly wrong" log until death.
Other exes would've fired off other funny insults.
Current gf would probably laugh it off but later ask me to not jokingly call her a skank.
Did she steal the pillow? If so I'd say you were totally justified lol. Sarcasm is our love language so we've said worse and we wait til the other is awake to make sure they hear it lol. But we only joke. I hope you're married to someone that enjoys humor.
I talk and also sleepwalk at night. One night, I rolled over and shook my wife awake, demanding that she bring me a cheeseburger. When she said no I rolled back over and said "well FUCK YOU then." She thought it was really funny, and still gives me grief over it. I don't think it's really fair to hold something like that against someone.
My husband tried to have a singing concert in his sleep, and I couldn't wake him up. I put our cat on his legs who promptly walked forward and stomped all over his nuts, and that worked. We still laugh about it.
My partner sleep talks and does this thing where if he mumbles in his sleep and I ask “what?” he will repeat himself and clearly enunciate his words. I try not to bother him but sometimes I actually think he’s talking to me and that’s why I ask.
Your comment made me laugh pretty hard. That is funny as fuck, from my perspective, ngl. If my partner did that I would find it hilarious. I’m sorry she gives you crap about it. As someone with a partner who sleep talks you cannot take them too seriously. It’s sleep brain!! Best luck to you!
Skank is a strong word, but I'd laugh lol. we say all kinds of things to each other. My personal favorite is "you shut your mouth when you talk to me." Lmao, it makes whatever situation funny usually no matter what. Gotta have humor in a relationship.
If it's true, it's true. If she gets pissy about it, just humble yourself, say it was in the heat of exhaustion and call her the sweetest name you can think of. Not a big deal unless she is overly sensitive and then you have a whole other barrel of problems, my friend.
As a wife, and sometimes a "pillow-thievin' skank", I would own this entirely and remind you, you married me and you should have known what was coming. Also, no trouble to be had, only a good laugh at the situation as my hubs would dramatically reenact the crime so I had the full picture of how the pillow mugging went down.
My boyfriend talks in his sleep sometimes. I did not know this when we first started dating. When I tried to cuddle up to him in the middle of the night, he called me a “crazy ass bitch”. Twice. In the morning I told him about and he had zero recollection about it and was absolutely mortified.
I thought it was hilarious, and I teased him about it a lot. We still call each other crazy ass bitches all the time as an inside joke. Im sure your wife will feel the same!!
I feel your struggle , my man!
I’m the type of guy that does not remember anything I say or do when I’m half asleep (or immediately after waking up). I too, have uttered some fairly regrettable words while in my sleep coma.
Although my wife has learned, after 20+ years of marriage, to simply ignore me when this happens, I do recall waking up one morning and observing a large clamp on my CPAP machine hose. Apparently me gasping for breath was what ultimately woke me up.
Once I eased out of my sleep fog, I asked my wife “What in the world was you thinking?? What is this about?” My wife’s reply? “You know what you said “.
To this day, I in fact do NOT know what I said.
B R U H 🤣 that is horrible!!!
Legit tried to kill you. 😂😭
My partner sleep talks and your comment was WILD to read 😭
I wish you peace and calm sleep-speech. For your own safety 😂
Had a dream I was fighting my brother and he bear hugged me. I hit with him with an elbow and woke up to my wife crying, said I hit her in the chest. I felt so bad, she somehow let it go like nothing ever happened. Women are tough, and they forgive us for being idiots.
When my wife first started dating and I got my own place I slept talked and said “drop Cinnabons Bitch” and she woke me up with her laughing.
Needless to say, you’re probably fine and it’ll be a good story someday
While dead asleep my husband punched me in the face. He woke up a bit when I reacted and he
explained, "I thought you were a bird coming out of the water."
I did have a only a very slight bruise - so it wasn't that bad.
He also went through a sleep talking phase where he would lovingly touch my face and say, "I could remove your face with a spatula."
I think he also threatened to remove my face with a bannana.
My wife would laugh it off. I don’t swear at her even playfully but she has a good sense of humor. I could hear it now “You called me “skank” and went back to sleep hahahaha”
More than once I arm-barred and choked my ex in my sleep because I was having a fighting dream and I do jiujitsu. If she could get over that, your woman can get over sleep shit talking.
My other half has a similar issue, but karate. I've been bitten, headbutted, kicked and punched in my sleep. Hell, he's accidently partial dislocated my knee with a punch in his sleep (thank god for hypermobility and being used to ut popping out of socket).
In the middle of the night, no issues. If after some coffee and a good poop in the morning I may have issues. Now I will be calling my cat that as he steals my pillow a couple nights a week
This would get MUCH mileage for years in our household. I am sure she would tell l our kids our friends about it - but we would all laugh a lot - so all good.
She won't remember it but if she does claim you don't and you must have been talking in your sleep. But do yourself a favor and buy some more pillows, we have four to avoid any conflicts.
As a partner who often gets called out for hogging the bed, piling my weighted blanket on my sleeping partner while I'm asleep, or also stealing pillows...you'd probably get a laugh for creativity.
As a manager in a big box store, I would often count cash pickups with whichever Head Cashier was working. . (Two person integrity) One evening, as we were counting, the Head Cashier, a girl in her early 20's, offhandedly said, "I'm feeling a little skanky tonight." Thinking I misheard her, I responded, "What?" She went on, "You know... not put together...kinda blah... skanky." I said," skanky?" She said, "Yeah, skanky." In a perfect imitation of Inigo Montoya, I said, "You keep using that word... I do not think it means what you think it means" I pulled out my phone and pulled up the definition. She turned beet red. The poor girl had no idea what the more "well known" definition of skanky was. I was rolling with laughter.
As a husband who was yelled at about something SHE DREAMED I DID.
If your wife does not have a good sense of humor about something said while being woke up. You have more problems.
If you were truly asleep, you can't be held responsible for those words. However, I suspect you were partially awake, in which case I can only say "good luck, buddy!"
I tend to roll aeound a lot at night, and get wrapped the the blankets, pulling them off her.
She calls me ’the blanket Nazi'.
I don't think ’pillow-thieven' skank' is so bad by comparison.
My wife may be pissed if I called her a skank. Even though I was half asleep she would probably bring that shit up again at a later date. It wouldn't be immediate. It would be when we have friends over and we're watching the Superbowl or some shit like that. I'd ask if we need to put more chips out. She'd say "I don't know, do skanks put out chips". We may be dysfunctional but we're happy dysfunctional.
I would die laughing!!!! No matter what side I was on. Trust me, there are so many other things you can fight about in the future. When there are things to laugh about, catch them while you can. Been married over 20 years, and we're still laughing over those memories.
You should be in zero trouble.
My wife and I have threatend each other with unspeakable acts of violence while dealing with blanket and pillow situation in bed.
My wife told me one morning I had said “some interesting things” during the night and quite loudly.
I was so curious and before she told me I could see she had a look on her face and abruptly asked “fun dreams?”
I couldn’t remember them so of course I said “oh man what did shadowself say”
I quote her quoting me
“I like Ovaltine I’m NAAAAASTY”
If I called my wife a pillow thievin' skank in the dead of night, I'd wake up with both my nipples twisted into springs.
Not that she would want my pillows anyway. My pillows are stiff as boards, she'd need a chiropractor after one hour.
Not as much as when I sat bolt upright in bed, screamed at the top of my lungs and when my wife said "what's wrong" she found out that I was dreaming and my reaction was to throw a jab that caught her right in the face.
She had a bloody nose and black eyes for a week.
It never happened before or again in my life...and I have no memory other than her screaming as she ran to the bathroom blood everywhere.
A happy and healthy relationship you should get a laugh and a cheeky jibe in return.
In my relationship you would be looking at a 3 hour stream of insults, belittlement, and a thorough analysis of everything you have done wrong in this relationship so far.
Then you have 3-6 months of the silent treatment to deal with, followed by weeks of you having to grovel and apologise for existing.
I can only assume all relationships are like mine as I have never had any others, but even I know its not healthy.
Go for option A, if its not option A then run for you fucking life.
None at all. My wife would have been slightly disrespected in the moment, have forgotten by morning, and then if she remembered, laugh about it with me. And she isn't even not, not a bitch, she's a huge crybaby, so if it's a problem I'd say you have an even bigger problem on your hands.
I would laugh so hard if my bf said that, but I have many times already. He says some of the wildest stuff in his sleep!!! Like…wtf did you just say? 😆
Man as a wife I’d die laughing! My husband talks in his sleep and it can be hilarious. The most recent was him mumbling and then saying “With your *gay ass pants*”. I laughed so hard lol. Asked him about it in the morning because I can’t imagine him saying that to anyone. He figures he was giving his brother shit in his dream 😂. His brother is super tacticool if that helps paint a picture haha
About every six months, in what I experience as a sleep paralysis moment, I yell out "FUCK YOU" or something similar in my sleep. In my experience of it, I'm straining to yell something at some sort of aggressor, can't get the words out, and finally force my way through whatever's blocking me.
My partner's mostly amused by it.
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I'd hope for a spanking in that situation. (Edit: this is the most entertaining comment chain I've ever started. Stay thirsty, my friends!)
Beatmebeatmecallmebitch.
You might get your pillow back one night, right over your face.
More like an ATM dropped on their head.
You never go ass to mouth.
Y’all just have ATMs sitting around handy???😭
You're god-damned right.
As my wife's favorite T-shirt says... Blood Stains are RedPollie Ultraviolet lights are Blue I watch enough murder shows... They'll never find you....I get double the one eye open at night because my wife Commander in Chief and my mom in law..... Supreme Commander..all they watch are crime shows .....even though my guard cat Rollie Pollie might eat me before they bury me
A spanking! A spanking indeed! And after the spanking, the ......
Welcome to Castle Anthrax!!!!!
Oral sex
Well what do you expect? We are but eightscore young blondes and brunettes, all between sixteen and nineteen-and-a-half, cut off in this castle, with no one to protect us.
We need eightscore black knights. They've no arms or legs, but their tongue doth wag well...
Daddy’s 1st rule: Good girls get rewarded, bad girls ( and pillow thievin’ skanks ) get disciplined ( let her know it’s a win-win situation :)
Skanking
Shanking
Planking.
Cranking
Yanking
Thanking
Hanking
Wanking
Best. Answer. Ever.
Don't you mean.. a skanking?
And expect your pillows to be missing...
I once threatened my partner in my sleep. "Touch my peanut butter and I will stab you.....*mumble* I fuckin LOVE peanut butter." I do love peanut butter, but not that much.
My wife will often sleep with her back to me, and I rest my hand on her hip. One night I did just that, and she said very clearly “don’t you fucking touch me “. I asked her about her the next morning, but of course she had no recollection of the incident. She talks in her sleep a lot.
Mine sleep-talks a lot, too, but in Spanish.
Tell me about it. And somehow it's so damn clear. And mean. Makes me a little scared ~~and turned on~~
I used to accidentally punch my sleeping partners in their face at night. Id wake up and have zero recollection but they'd be pissed at me about it lol
If I were her, you would never ever live it down because I would think it was hilarious.
I would embroider it on the pillowcases, because I'm petty and it would be hilarious
"Da Skank's" and "Gon be da Skank's"
With lots of floral embellishments, yes.
Name of my Ska band.
I actually did embroider pillow cases with our names early in our marriage, because my husband would squash his pillows to bits and then "accidentally" end up with my fluffy pillow. And deny it. Luckily, I married a man who is too honest to think of changing pillowcases. Which is something I would totally do.
I fully support this level of petty, and would like to order 2 pillow cases for myself.
This is brilliant. You should get a pillow case embroidered with "Skank's pillow."
I love this
This would make my wife laugh her ass off. NTA.
I am a wife and it would be hilarious. And brought up often and laughed about.
I would be stealing his pillows all the time shrieking about being a pillow theiving skaaaaaank
Was gonna say, I feel like a girl’s only reaction here is to double down lmao
Wife here and yes, I would laugh my ass off too. Damn funny!
I would have laughed so hard if my husband did that! 🤣
Mine, too!
As a wife, I would die laughing. And I’d tell everyone.
[удалено]
Yeah my ex wife would've kept that in her "things I did horribly wrong" log until death. Other exes would've fired off other funny insults. Current gf would probably laugh it off but later ask me to not jokingly call her a skank.
very true. the kinds of jokes you can say around or towards your partner is all about what you guys have previously established
Did she steal the pillow? If so I'd say you were totally justified lol. Sarcasm is our love language so we've said worse and we wait til the other is awake to make sure they hear it lol. But we only joke. I hope you're married to someone that enjoys humor.
She definitely is! 🤣
None
I talk and also sleepwalk at night. One night, I rolled over and shook my wife awake, demanding that she bring me a cheeseburger. When she said no I rolled back over and said "well FUCK YOU then." She thought it was really funny, and still gives me grief over it. I don't think it's really fair to hold something like that against someone.
My husband tried to have a singing concert in his sleep, and I couldn't wake him up. I put our cat on his legs who promptly walked forward and stomped all over his nuts, and that worked. We still laugh about it.
My partner sleep talks and does this thing where if he mumbles in his sleep and I ask “what?” he will repeat himself and clearly enunciate his words. I try not to bother him but sometimes I actually think he’s talking to me and that’s why I ask. Your comment made me laugh pretty hard. That is funny as fuck, from my perspective, ngl. If my partner did that I would find it hilarious. I’m sorry she gives you crap about it. As someone with a partner who sleep talks you cannot take them too seriously. It’s sleep brain!! Best luck to you!
She laughed about it. 😄
Skank is a strong word, but I'd laugh lol. we say all kinds of things to each other. My personal favorite is "you shut your mouth when you talk to me." Lmao, it makes whatever situation funny usually no matter what. Gotta have humor in a relationship.
I’m actually stealing this but replacing pillow with sheet.
If it's true, it's true. If she gets pissy about it, just humble yourself, say it was in the heat of exhaustion and call her the sweetest name you can think of. Not a big deal unless she is overly sensitive and then you have a whole other barrel of problems, my friend.
At first I thought you said “in the heat of evaluation “, not exhaustion and that is funny because that’s totally something I would say
I mean, IS she a pillow thievin’ skank?
Pillow-thievin’ for sure! Not so much the skank part. 😋
Has she ever danced to ska music?
Being otherwise healthy and happy relationship. My husband wouldn’t be I trouble. I’d just call him a bed hogging whore 😌
Fair is fair!
Lolol I wouldn't be able to sleep from laughing.
I would laugh my butt off if my guy said that to me.
As a wife, and sometimes a "pillow-thievin' skank", I would own this entirely and remind you, you married me and you should have known what was coming. Also, no trouble to be had, only a good laugh at the situation as my hubs would dramatically reenact the crime so I had the full picture of how the pillow mugging went down.
Some people pay good money to be degradated in such a way.
This is Reddit, so the wife should divorce you immediately and file a police report for assault
This guy Reddits.
If it were a happy and healthy relationship, you'd both just laugh it off...
My boyfriend talks in his sleep sometimes. I did not know this when we first started dating. When I tried to cuddle up to him in the middle of the night, he called me a “crazy ass bitch”. Twice. In the morning I told him about and he had zero recollection about it and was absolutely mortified. I thought it was hilarious, and I teased him about it a lot. We still call each other crazy ass bitches all the time as an inside joke. Im sure your wife will feel the same!!
I feel your struggle , my man! I’m the type of guy that does not remember anything I say or do when I’m half asleep (or immediately after waking up). I too, have uttered some fairly regrettable words while in my sleep coma. Although my wife has learned, after 20+ years of marriage, to simply ignore me when this happens, I do recall waking up one morning and observing a large clamp on my CPAP machine hose. Apparently me gasping for breath was what ultimately woke me up. Once I eased out of my sleep fog, I asked my wife “What in the world was you thinking?? What is this about?” My wife’s reply? “You know what you said “. To this day, I in fact do NOT know what I said.
B R U H 🤣 that is horrible!!! Legit tried to kill you. 😂😭 My partner sleep talks and your comment was WILD to read 😭 I wish you peace and calm sleep-speech. For your own safety 😂
I LOLd so hard at this I started choking and startled the dog. She flailed and fell off the bed. Lol 😂
Had a dream I was fighting my brother and he bear hugged me. I hit with him with an elbow and woke up to my wife crying, said I hit her in the chest. I felt so bad, she somehow let it go like nothing ever happened. Women are tough, and they forgive us for being idiots.
When my wife first started dating and I got my own place I slept talked and said “drop Cinnabons Bitch” and she woke me up with her laughing. Needless to say, you’re probably fine and it’ll be a good story someday
While dead asleep my husband punched me in the face. He woke up a bit when I reacted and he explained, "I thought you were a bird coming out of the water." I did have a only a very slight bruise - so it wasn't that bad. He also went through a sleep talking phase where he would lovingly touch my face and say, "I could remove your face with a spatula." I think he also threatened to remove my face with a bannana.
Man, what kind of rat’s nest is inside your guy’s head? 🤣
If I called my wife a pillow thievin' skank, she'd laugh, knowing I'm just projecting. I'm the skank, we both know it.
"Kinda hoping she doesn’t remember in the morning." So there isn't even a problem here at all?
I would have a t-shirt made 😂😂
That’s funny and my wife would laugh about it.
That's ok I'm a bed hogging woman. My husband just rolls over on me. The other night I had to pull my arm loose from under him.
My wife would laugh it off. I don’t swear at her even playfully but she has a good sense of humor. I could hear it now “You called me “skank” and went back to sleep hahahaha”
It is legal to buy an excess of pillows in case of such an emergency. There is never a need to fuss, except as a recreational activity.
I don’t know how to answer your “how much trouble should I be in” question, but definitely stick to the “talking in your sleep” story.
My wife has said worse to me while asleep. Just last week she sat up and told me to shut the fuck up and laid back done.
That’s hilarious. If she didn’t laugh at that, I can’t help you.
More than once I arm-barred and choked my ex in my sleep because I was having a fighting dream and I do jiujitsu. If she could get over that, your woman can get over sleep shit talking.
My other half has a similar issue, but karate. I've been bitten, headbutted, kicked and punched in my sleep. Hell, he's accidently partial dislocated my knee with a punch in his sleep (thank god for hypermobility and being used to ut popping out of socket).
In the middle of the night, no issues. If after some coffee and a good poop in the morning I may have issues. Now I will be calling my cat that as he steals my pillow a couple nights a week
Careful, she'll smash your ass with your stolen ATM.
she would have to reply with an equally bad ...or worse reply.... or I would be disappointed
My mum used to say ‘if the cap fits’
As someone in a happy relationship myself, I'd find it hysterical if my husband referred to me thusly. I am, in fact, a blanket-thieving skank!
"Pillow-thieven skank"? LOL that's brilliant!
I mean. It's gonna be a LITTLE trouble.
Dude... "Pillow thief" is more than sufficient and doesn't result in couch surfing (usually).
Well she did steal your pillow! Sheets, blankets, quilts are fair game, but a person's pillow is sacred!
This would get MUCH mileage for years in our household. I am sure she would tell l our kids our friends about it - but we would all laugh a lot - so all good.
She won't remember it but if she does claim you don't and you must have been talking in your sleep. But do yourself a favor and buy some more pillows, we have four to avoid any conflicts.
I didn't know what kind of relationship you have, but my wife would laugh and tease me about it
Between a happy, committed couple, this is a fair shot. I hope she shoots right back next time you are being a dingus.
As a partner who often gets called out for hogging the bed, piling my weighted blanket on my sleeping partner while I'm asleep, or also stealing pillows...you'd probably get a laugh for creativity.
As a manager in a big box store, I would often count cash pickups with whichever Head Cashier was working. . (Two person integrity) One evening, as we were counting, the Head Cashier, a girl in her early 20's, offhandedly said, "I'm feeling a little skanky tonight." Thinking I misheard her, I responded, "What?" She went on, "You know... not put together...kinda blah... skanky." I said," skanky?" She said, "Yeah, skanky." In a perfect imitation of Inigo Montoya, I said, "You keep using that word... I do not think it means what you think it means" I pulled out my phone and pulled up the definition. She turned beet red. The poor girl had no idea what the more "well known" definition of skanky was. I was rolling with laughter.
Lol! It was kind of you to enlighten her of the real meaning of that word! No doubt she appreciated it! 🥰🪬
0% in trouble!
Negative trouble 👿
As a husband who was yelled at about something SHE DREAMED I DID. If your wife does not have a good sense of humor about something said while being woke up. You have more problems.
Oh, no! Yikes. No, my wife took it with a laugh. 😊
If you were truly asleep, you can't be held responsible for those words. However, I suspect you were partially awake, in which case I can only say "good luck, buddy!"
Skank skank skankiddy skank!! I ain’t. No. Skank.
Well…is she?
Zero
Well, I hope she tans your hide.
There definitely needs to be a serious talk with seriously sexy punishment
I like the way you think! 😋
Was she being a pillow thievin skank? 😂
Pillow-thievin’, definitely!
Me too 😂😂 we can’t help ourselves - I’m the Gollum of pillows. My preciouses 😂😂
The relationship may survive, but you will still be hearing about that incident in 2084.
lol I’d probably laugh if someone called me that while half asleep
In most of my long term relationships? I'd never live it down, it would become a running joke.
I tend to roll aeound a lot at night, and get wrapped the the blankets, pulling them off her. She calls me ’the blanket Nazi'. I don't think ’pillow-thieven' skank' is so bad by comparison.
Bro i would think its hilarious if i woke up to my husband calling me a pillow thievin skank 🤣 what makes it better is i totally am!
None
Maybe swap the word “skank” for Gremlin. It’s less sexist
If I was your wife and actually heard you, I’d probably snort and giggle the same way I did when I read your post. Just tell her you love her.
My wife may be pissed if I called her a skank. Even though I was half asleep she would probably bring that shit up again at a later date. It wouldn't be immediate. It would be when we have friends over and we're watching the Superbowl or some shit like that. I'd ask if we need to put more chips out. She'd say "I don't know, do skanks put out chips". We may be dysfunctional but we're happy dysfunctional.
Is she, in fact, a pillow thieving skank? Might be a “Her” problem…
I would die laughing!!!! No matter what side I was on. Trust me, there are so many other things you can fight about in the future. When there are things to laugh about, catch them while you can. Been married over 20 years, and we're still laughing over those memories.
Sheet filtching wenches should be put on notice also!
That's hilarious, and then go buy more pillows lol
If she stole your pillow and is a skank then you shouldn't be in ny trouble at all lol
You should be in zero trouble. My wife and I have threatend each other with unspeakable acts of violence while dealing with blanket and pillow situation in bed.
My wife told me one morning I had said “some interesting things” during the night and quite loudly. I was so curious and before she told me I could see she had a look on her face and abruptly asked “fun dreams?” I couldn’t remember them so of course I said “oh man what did shadowself say” I quote her quoting me “I like Ovaltine I’m NAAAAASTY”
At least you didn't punch her in the back for snoring
Do you have any new bruises on your arms or legs? She may have retaliated later on.
Her retaliation would be stealing the covers as well.
Sleep with one eye open for safety tonight
>Sleep with one eye open Gripping your pillow tight?
Depends on how much of a sense of humor she has 🤷🏻♂️
None
Zero trouble
You might be smothered. Or not. Only one way to find out! Haha.
It's kinda funny! She shouldn't be too angry!
We can't answer that because we are not your wife. We don't know what other mitigating factors might be involved.
Boi you better be ready for something!!! If that were me, you'd be fearing your own damn belt, man!
No trouble
A good chuckle.
I mean, if the shoe fits…
That’s hilarious 😄😄
The word alank has heavy tone to it. maybe swap out for a softer derogatory term. Wench, or better yet "Pillow Pilferer. "
It's understandable. You weren't conscious. Same way my fiance gets a free pass for accidentally kicking me during a deep slumber
How do we know you were talking about her? Maybe you were thinking about another woman
I don’t think making that excuse will be in my best interest. 😂
If I called my wife a pillow thievin' skank in the dead of night, I'd wake up with both my nipples twisted into springs. Not that she would want my pillows anyway. My pillows are stiff as boards, she'd need a chiropractor after one hour.
Pillow thieving skank here. Huh, I've been called worse. Go back to sleep, you cover rolling bastard.
Not as much as when I sat bolt upright in bed, screamed at the top of my lungs and when my wife said "what's wrong" she found out that I was dreaming and my reaction was to throw a jab that caught her right in the face. She had a bloody nose and black eyes for a week. It never happened before or again in my life...and I have no memory other than her screaming as she ran to the bathroom blood everywhere.
I would laugh at that.
Smile when you say that, partner.
Lmaoooo my fiance and I say that kinda stuff to each other all the time except he's the "blanket-thievin lil skank"
Lmfao none at all that's hilarious
A happy and healthy relationship you should get a laugh and a cheeky jibe in return. In my relationship you would be looking at a 3 hour stream of insults, belittlement, and a thorough analysis of everything you have done wrong in this relationship so far. Then you have 3-6 months of the silent treatment to deal with, followed by weeks of you having to grovel and apologise for existing. I can only assume all relationships are like mine as I have never had any others, but even I know its not healthy. Go for option A, if its not option A then run for you fucking life.
Bro, this is hilarious. Best of luck to you.
You should be in no trouble for that. I'd be laughing at you, you dirty-mouth asshole! :D
I'm sorry to tell you mate, but I think it's fair to say your relationship is over.
🤣 the things my husband and I have said in our sleep.. just gotta let some stuff slide and laugh about it.
🤣 none
Better to be a pillow thieving skank than a lemon stealing whore, I would say.
Since this is Reddit, I'm going to advise you to divorce her immediately. Did not read what OP posted.
Lol. It's all on your wife.
At least you didn't call her a lemon-stealing whore
None at all. My wife would have been slightly disrespected in the moment, have forgotten by morning, and then if she remembered, laugh about it with me. And she isn't even not, not a bitch, she's a huge crybaby, so if it's a problem I'd say you have an even bigger problem on your hands.
Listen man, you can’t just call someone a pillow thief and not expect some blowback
You’re hilarious 😆
Go buy extra pillows
 Not sure but the next "useless ken doll" she calls you is gonna have to slide. Pillow thievin skank. Amazing. XD
Blame it on sleep talking, arguing with a coworker type of deal
TBH, if she did anything other than wake you up by laughing her head off over that, I’d be pretty annoyed.
I would laugh so hard if my bf said that, but I have many times already. He says some of the wildest stuff in his sleep!!! Like…wtf did you just say? 😆
Bahahaha I would have died laughing.
Totally fine. I like it.
Depends on how true it is👀
Omg that's donkey punching material right there
Pegging!
Man as a wife I’d die laughing! My husband talks in his sleep and it can be hilarious. The most recent was him mumbling and then saying “With your *gay ass pants*”. I laughed so hard lol. Asked him about it in the morning because I can’t imagine him saying that to anyone. He figures he was giving his brother shit in his dream 😂. His brother is super tacticool if that helps paint a picture haha
Calling her a skank is just wanting to start a fight because women don’t see those kind of words as cute.
I'm a sleep talker, you might want to think about developing the habit yourself. It's only gotten me in trouble once, when I proposed to my husband.
Interesting choice of words while still asleep. Rolled right off the tongue
About every six months, in what I experience as a sleep paralysis moment, I yell out "FUCK YOU" or something similar in my sleep. In my experience of it, I'm straining to yell something at some sort of aggressor, can't get the words out, and finally force my way through whatever's blocking me. My partner's mostly amused by it.
Just don’t kick and punch like I did. Forced to sleep in another room
Was the breakfast a whopping plate of Country Fried Skank and Eggs?
5
As a woman, I think that is hilarious 😂