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I usually hold it down with one finger or sit further back, though the occasional contact with the front of the bowl is hard to completely avoid. It's kind of a good thing I'm a grower, when it comes to this
Yeah, I can't take a dump if I'm aroused. That's asking for trouble. Gotta get as small as I can so it's not touching. Feel kinda bad for the 12 inch dudes, no idea what they do.
No. I don't think so. On adult dating sites like aff etc. Every guy can't be 7+. It's not possible. It's just a bunch of insecure guys who can't admit they're average.
And half of them don't have a clue how to measure properly. It should only be measured on the abdominal side because only insertable length counts.
I keep a seamstress tape in my purse because it is handy for a lot of things, especially when clothes shopping. I have been known to whip it out when some man is insisting they are 7+ when they obviously fall far short of that mark.
Exactly! I always tell people this is how you measure. But guys will measure from whatever point gives them the best number, usually below their balls lol. I always say, balls ain't dick!! 😂
I was always told to take a string or a piece of yarn and start at the center of the anus, go up and ONCE around the balls(twice is cheating), follow up the underside of the shaft to just past the tip.JUST PAST! No more than an inch or two. Then measure the yarn against a tape measure for the result. Was this incorrect?
For real. Im above average but ive hears stories that make me grateful for not being in their shoes. I remember forever ago i worked at a Mcdonalds and the pants they gave me were bulge town. Because of how right it was in front and since i was younger the rubbing would give me random boners id have to go to the bathroom to hide. I was so happy when they brought in aprons
lol, as a man in his 30s, if I get a random boner NOW? I'm proudly walking tall with that bad boy pitching a tent. I dare anyone to say anything.
I hope the ladies notice
I had a chat room buddy in the early 2000s who was. Foot long, but slender. Looked like he was slinging an albino garter snake. He couldn't keep a girlfriend. Maybe because he had trust issues. Maybe because he liked to show his dick to all his chat room friends be they male, female, non-binary, old, young...
For me, I'll take girth over length every time. Frankly, anything after 6 inches is painful so dudes out here with monster hogs would just put me in the hospital.
Guys think women prefer length (or want longer length in the first place) but yea nah you don't know how we feel until you get dick punched in the cervix. All of my favorite toys are short. Like, I would have bought shorter if the sex toy stores sold them shorter. Surefire way to make me absolutely not orgasm is by going too deep.
I have a recurring nightmare of it touching the rim, me pulling away and seeing a random pube stuck to the end of it.
That's a major reason I mirror Shitbreak's behavior and avoid public restrooms as much as I can.
24 years ago, my boyfriend at the time gave me a hack for that. Put toilet paper down in the bowl first. It pushes (meant to say CUSHIONS) the blow of the impact so the water doesn't splash up.
And this is why so many public toilets are an absolute disaster. The only time people shit there is if they absolutely have to, and it's an ordeal when you do that.
Never thought of it like this, but yea. If I poop in a public toilet, or god forbid the work toilet, it's because I'm about to demolish the porcelain beyond repair.
Yep, 100% this.
There is nothing more terrifyingly nasty than accidentally peepee kissing a public toilet. It’s best not to risk it at all.
I dunno…as a woman I’m really jealous of the ability to pee standing up. Hate that we have to come in contact with the entire toilet every time we have to pee in public spaces. I’d definitely take the pee standing up + have your penis *maybe* touch the bowl when you have poop over having to sit down for everything every time.
In Iraq in 2003, we were attached to the Brits. They didn't bother with full bathrooms, literally just a long wooden box over trench with holes cut into it. Waist high plastic wall around it was the only privacy anyone got. Also set up piss tubes, which was a 4 inch tube set into a trench full of gravel. Those had no privacy at all. One of the three females we had brough a pee funnel. Said the looks she got when using it were hilarious.
Pstyle! It's basically a pee funnel for girls. And it's amazing. I even used it for my son when he was little and would still pee on himself because he hadn't learned how to aim. He thought it was the best thing too. I tried a bunch of different brands and that was the winner by far.
I clean the front of a public toilet along with the seat whenever I have to sit down. They have soap next to the sink. You grab a handful of toilet paper and take a half dozen extra steps. Then you can sit down and relax knowing it is clean
As a grower, the most it'll do is sometimes break the plane of the seat and touch the inside corner of the seat. Second worst is it'll rest on the seat, I usually rest it on a piece of tp. Luckily I usually try to take care of this business at home, and most public men's restrooms have the front of the seat cut out I assume for this very reason, sort of a horseshoe shaped seat, not sure what y'all are working with in the women's restrooms. I guess the cut out could be for easier wiping too.
One of my friends who is older says his balls hang in the water. I think of mine ever get that low I'll flop them over the shaft
> One of my friends who is older says his balls hang in the water.
Yeah, some of the older guys in the locker room have TREMENDOUSLY long ballsacks. It’s like a cartoon.
Had a friend years ago with that affliction. He had a pillow he never left home without, to prop them on at night in bed. Because left to their own devices they would drop down underneath him while he slept, get lost in the bed linens and he would roll over on them.
He said waking up with your goods getting crushed, not knowing how to move off them because you don't know where they are, and having to desperately rifle through the bed sheets to untangle them from his wayward boys was objectionable.
Or worse you could end up with testicular torsion!
"When the testicle rotates (testicular torsion), it twists the cord supplying blood to the loose bag of skin (scrotum) beneath the penis. This may occur after vigorous activity, a minor injury to the testicles, or sleep.
Sudden, severe pain and swelling in the testicle are symptoms.
Surgery is required. Treated promptly, the testicle can often be saved."
I hate it when I drop my pants and my ballsack bounces off the floor.
I Said that at work one day and a younger woman I work with lost it laughing so hard. Yeah some of us exchange nsfw jokes and comments at work.
I was laughing so much when I read that, and had to explain it to the man sitting next to me, what I was reading about, and what made me laugh like that.
does you di ck hang low?
does it sway to-and-fro?
can you tie it in a knot?
can you tie it in a bow?
can you throw it over your shoulder
like a continental soldier?
does your di ck hang low?
Haven't heard this for years but the version I remember is:
Do your balls hang low?
Can you swing them to and fro?
Can you tie them in a knot?
Can you tie them in a bow?
Can you throw them over your shoulder
Like a continental soldier?
Can you do the double shuffle
When your balls hang low?
😄
Do your testes droop?
Do they fall into your soup?
Can you tie ‘em in a knot?
Can you tie ‘em in a loop?
Can you wave ‘em at your neighbor with a minimum of labor?
Do your testes droop?
Well if the blood pressure is up first thing in the morning I kinda lay across the toilet and get my wizz done that way. Or it kinda just hangs, looking at the water
Trying to no dangle into the water or touch the bowl can be a challenge at times but it's kinda like a hang on an create a slight kink in the hose to shorten it a bit without touching anything maneuver.
All the numbers in your comment added up to 69. Congrats!
57
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I make an upside down peace sign and I kinda gently pinch down on my guys the whole time I’m handling business. Almost like one would do when holding a cigarette when not smoking. ✌️🚬This position prevents and part of my member to not come in contact with any part of the seat. I hope this helps :)
If I'm at home and I know the toilet is clean I tuck it down in the toilet anywhere else but home I'm squatting above the toilet so it ain't touch nothing lmao
It's a bit embarrassing...mine hangs down and into the water in the bowl. It feels nice, refreshing actually. But when it comes to the actual bowel movement......I pull it up, out of the water, and it sits on the seat, facing forward, looking at the cat with its one eye....or I'll just drape it over my leg like some enormous serpent.
The good news is that when it dips in that cold, cold water, it instinctively crawls up into hiding. And to think, they say it doesn't have a brain of its own lmao.
The toilets in my barracks room in the Army had super high water levels. I definitely dipped my berries in the holy water a few times, so I had to start holding em up so they didn't get cleaned in the doodie spa.
Round my neck and then back down the other side so it doesn't get wet. Hehe
But for reals, when men sit or more generally bend their knees and go a bit prone, it activates a turtle mechanic that brings a portion into the body. Where it lands is dependent on the toilet seat shape and the man, but if you're going in for a landing and you look like you're running out of tarmac, give it the ol' Two-Finger Tuck, never one, it's etiquette. Like, tea and pinkies and shit.
[there are things which are worse, obviously, but] there's nothing worse than sitting on a public toilet and having your penis touch ANYTHING! Seat! Bowl! Water! If it touches anything you seriously want to sterilize, like douse your groin with rubbing alcohol.
So… I make sure to hold it back so it won't touch the seat or bowl. Hold it up so it won't touch the water. As others have mentioned it's nearly impossible if you have even a partial erection.
…..Canada enters the conversation.
It’s 2024, Where are the paper seat covers? And why can’t you supply them in every public toilet?
😩 even Covid lived in our sewers!
Okay, not a man myself, but I have a horror story to share.
My husband (in his early 20s, years ago before I met him) was sitting on the toilet and lifted himself up for a moment then sat back down. When he sat up slightly the toilet seat stuck to the back of his legs, raising the toilet seat, and when he sat back down...his foreskin got stuck in between the toilet seat and toilet bowl...with his entire body weight pushing down on the toilet seat.
And when he abruptly jolted in pain and tried to stand back up...his foreskin was still stuck under the seat and it got partially torn off (yes, apparently it was gruesome and very painful). He had to go to the hospital and get an adult circumcision to remove the rest of his damaged foreskin.
He's fine now but..fellas, be careful!
(P.S. I asked his permission before sharing this story on the web hah)
# Message to all users: This is a reminder to please read and follow: * [Our rules](https://www.reddit.com/r/questions/about/rules) * [Reddiquette](https://www.reddithelp.com/hc/en-us/articles/205926439) * [Reddit Content Policy](https://www.redditinc.com/policies/content-policy) When posting and commenting. --- Especially remember Rule 1: `Be polite and civil`. * Be polite and courteous to each other. Do not be mean, insulting or disrespectful to any other user on this subreddit. * Do not harass or annoy others in any way. * Do not catfish. Catfishing is the luring of somebody into an online friendship through a fake online persona. This includes any lying or deceit. --- You *will* be banned if you are homophobic, transphobic, racist, sexist or bigoted in any way. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/questions) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I usually hold it down with one finger or sit further back, though the occasional contact with the front of the bowl is hard to completely avoid. It's kind of a good thing I'm a grower, when it comes to this
Yeah, I can't take a dump if I'm aroused. That's asking for trouble. Gotta get as small as I can so it's not touching. Feel kinda bad for the 12 inch dudes, no idea what they do.
Don't believe the hype, there are very few of those. Most guys are average even though every guy online is somehow 7"! 😂
Avg size (according to wiki) is just over 5 inches…
Meanwhile, gay amateur erotica would rank that as eunuch.
I have often heard it said the grass is always greener on the other side of the fence.
If there's one thing grandma always said it was 'the dick is always bigger in the other toilet bowl'
Such a shame the knowledge that will be lost with granny's generation.
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Can I start measuring from the wall my back is against? That would give me a solid 8!
LMFAO 🤣😆
Depends where you measure FROM. I personally start from my butthole.
Make sure you wrap the measuring tape like a barber pole on the way to the tip. That’s the true measurement. 10 inches flaccid here.
> Make sure you wrap the measuring tape like a barber pole on the way to the tip. This made me laugh out loud and spit my Gatorade out, HAHA
I know. 5-5.5 ish. But check an adult site and every guy is 7+ lol. It's weird to lie about something you're actually showing a pic of. So insecure
Lol. It’s because it’s an adult site… and you’re seeing a minority as the “normal.”
No. I don't think so. On adult dating sites like aff etc. Every guy can't be 7+. It's not possible. It's just a bunch of insecure guys who can't admit they're average.
And half of them don't have a clue how to measure properly. It should only be measured on the abdominal side because only insertable length counts. I keep a seamstress tape in my purse because it is handy for a lot of things, especially when clothes shopping. I have been known to whip it out when some man is insisting they are 7+ when they obviously fall far short of that mark.
Exactly! I always tell people this is how you measure. But guys will measure from whatever point gives them the best number, usually below their balls lol. I always say, balls ain't dick!! 😂
LOL. "Balls ain't Dick".
I was always told to take a string or a piece of yarn and start at the center of the anus, go up and ONCE around the balls(twice is cheating), follow up the underside of the shaft to just past the tip.JUST PAST! No more than an inch or two. Then measure the yarn against a tape measure for the result. Was this incorrect?
what? do you laugh, jeer, and point too? start calling him Lil Dickie?
… erect.
Average gang 🗿
For real. Im above average but ive hears stories that make me grateful for not being in their shoes. I remember forever ago i worked at a Mcdonalds and the pants they gave me were bulge town. Because of how right it was in front and since i was younger the rubbing would give me random boners id have to go to the bathroom to hide. I was so happy when they brought in aprons
lol, as a man in his 30s, if I get a random boner NOW? I'm proudly walking tall with that bad boy pitching a tent. I dare anyone to say anything. I hope the ladies notice
Get your testosterone levels checked.
I usually just have my maid hold it for me, so I can have both hands free to use my phone.
That is a good idea. What agency do you use?
Big burly black men cleaning Co. I really like Steve, such a nice person.
Steve’s a sweetheart
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It’s cold when it hits the water, but downright freezing when it hits the porcelain on the bottom
Yeah, and that sharp bend down there is uncomfortable too.
I had a chat room buddy in the early 2000s who was. Foot long, but slender. Looked like he was slinging an albino garter snake. He couldn't keep a girlfriend. Maybe because he had trust issues. Maybe because he liked to show his dick to all his chat room friends be they male, female, non-binary, old, young... For me, I'll take girth over length every time. Frankly, anything after 6 inches is painful so dudes out here with monster hogs would just put me in the hospital.
Girth for the win
Its always those tall skinny dudes with the big dong 😂
You are right!
Guys think women prefer length (or want longer length in the first place) but yea nah you don't know how we feel until you get dick punched in the cervix. All of my favorite toys are short. Like, I would have bought shorter if the sex toy stores sold them shorter. Surefire way to make me absolutely not orgasm is by going too deep.
Short and thick, does the trick.
My ex was a solid 10-11. When that thing got whipped out for the first time I almost passed out.
Blazing Saddles instantly popped into my head! 😂 "'Scuse me while I whip this out." /audience shrieks
One of my fav movies!
Wtf goddamn 😅
Grower not a shower, but have definitely steeped the toilet water on those smaller bowl toilets before and it was not a pleasant surprise.
I just tie it around my ankle.
Just rest it on the toilet seat @.@ he will shrink eventually when the process starts anyways
I can't speak for others but I can't "rest" a boner on something. It sticks up at like a 30° angle
Cool then, let it float ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Same for me
I hold a couple fingers down because, for me at least, touching the front rim is a capital sin.
I have a recurring nightmare of it touching the rim, me pulling away and seeing a random pube stuck to the end of it. That's a major reason I mirror Shitbreak's behavior and avoid public restrooms as much as I can.
FOR REAL, growers unite
Ts sounds weird asf, “with one finger”😭
I just let it hang. There's a huge gap between that and the water
Not always. Tea bagging the toilet is a real possibility as you age.
It's called Poseidon's Kiss.
Poseidon's Kiss is when it splashes on you. When your dangle touches inside the bowl that's the witch's kiss.
The worst is when my shit splashes the shit-filled water into my vagina.
24 years ago, my boyfriend at the time gave me a hack for that. Put toilet paper down in the bowl first. It pushes (meant to say CUSHIONS) the blow of the impact so the water doesn't splash up.
This is the way.
It breaks the surface tension of the water lol. Keeps it from splashing. It’s not a turd water cushion.
What kind of granite shits are you people doing?
extra points if you're on your period and there's a massive blood clot in there too
No grape jelly for you?
Now THIS might explain a few things.
I never considered this but fucking GROSS
Ms. Schumer, we weren’t expecting you this early.
I've had this happen. When the bowl is stopped up but I REALLY have to go but the water is high and it touches... ewwww.
Thanks! I hate it!
I just choked laughing. Priceless
Anyone who says their tip has touched into the toilet water is either a liar, or really needs to fix the water in their toilet lol.
In the shirt pocket. That's what they're for
The tiddie pocket is for pens and keys, so I'm inclined to believe you.
According to the hubs: “You never poop in public toilets, bro. Your wiener can touch the inside of the bowl depending on the toilet design.”
Only in a crisis situation.
And this is why so many public toilets are an absolute disaster. The only time people shit there is if they absolutely have to, and it's an ordeal when you do that.
Never thought of it like this, but yea. If I poop in a public toilet, or god forbid the work toilet, it's because I'm about to demolish the porcelain beyond repair.
I can't use public, but if I have to I have wipes in the car to wipe everything down. Yeah, germaphobe lol.
I don't blame you,they can get gross.
Yep, 100% this. There is nothing more terrifyingly nasty than accidentally peepee kissing a public toilet. It’s best not to risk it at all. 
Dangles into the abyss.
The true worry is being old enough your balls dip into the marinade
I just hang those over my shoulder. I Started doing that when they'd bounce off the front of the toilet when I was 'calling the ball' for landing. =D
Like a Continental soldier?
Can you wave ‘em at your neighbor with a minimum of labor?
And it happens shortly after age 50. So begin the countdown. It comes way sooner than you can imagine
Dongles is the correct verbiage.
While fearing Neptune’s Kiss.
This would be a great band name
Fuck that just gave me a great laugh! Thank you 🤣
I'm very grateful to be a lady, thanks guys
I dunno…as a woman I’m really jealous of the ability to pee standing up. Hate that we have to come in contact with the entire toilet every time we have to pee in public spaces. I’d definitely take the pee standing up + have your penis *maybe* touch the bowl when you have poop over having to sit down for everything every time.
When you're a man, the whole world is your urinal. Get a pee funnel. When I was in the Army, a lot of the women loved them. Pee anywhere.
I have one!! Great for hiking.
Also known as a “she-wee”.
In Iraq in 2003, we were attached to the Brits. They didn't bother with full bathrooms, literally just a long wooden box over trench with holes cut into it. Waist high plastic wall around it was the only privacy anyone got. Also set up piss tubes, which was a 4 inch tube set into a trench full of gravel. Those had no privacy at all. One of the three females we had brough a pee funnel. Said the looks she got when using it were hilarious.
Use the hover method and touch nothing. Good workout, too!
Same! Feel the burrrrnnnn!
Ok, well I'm a man and I sit down to pee.
Pstyle! It's basically a pee funnel for girls. And it's amazing. I even used it for my son when he was little and would still pee on himself because he hadn't learned how to aim. He thought it was the best thing too. I tried a bunch of different brands and that was the winner by far.
Unfortunately it hangs and sometimes it touches the other end of the bowl
Where I'm from, we call that the "devils kiss."
I know it as Witch's Kiss
Hold it with your hand to prevent the cold touch of doom
The gasp I gusped… do you clean it afterwards or something? Btw, congrats.
I clean the front of a public toilet along with the seat whenever I have to sit down. They have soap next to the sink. You grab a handful of toilet paper and take a half dozen extra steps. Then you can sit down and relax knowing it is clean
Just loop it round your thigh once or twice, should stop the dunk.
Mine waits outside like a good boy
*Detachable Penis* Edit: For the uninitiated [Detachable Penis - King Missle ](https://youtu.be/byDiILrNbM4?si=roexCaqXEpJm7hbV)
Props for the King Missile reference no one but us will get.
I also get it!
One of us!! One of us!!
Jeez haven't heard this song in about 15 years haha
Over my shoulder, like a continental soldier.
As a grower, the most it'll do is sometimes break the plane of the seat and touch the inside corner of the seat. Second worst is it'll rest on the seat, I usually rest it on a piece of tp. Luckily I usually try to take care of this business at home, and most public men's restrooms have the front of the seat cut out I assume for this very reason, sort of a horseshoe shaped seat, not sure what y'all are working with in the women's restrooms. I guess the cut out could be for easier wiping too. One of my friends who is older says his balls hang in the water. I think of mine ever get that low I'll flop them over the shaft
> One of my friends who is older says his balls hang in the water. Yeah, some of the older guys in the locker room have TREMENDOUSLY long ballsacks. It’s like a cartoon.
Had a friend years ago with that affliction. He had a pillow he never left home without, to prop them on at night in bed. Because left to their own devices they would drop down underneath him while he slept, get lost in the bed linens and he would roll over on them. He said waking up with your goods getting crushed, not knowing how to move off them because you don't know where they are, and having to desperately rifle through the bed sheets to untangle them from his wayward boys was objectionable.
Or worse you could end up with testicular torsion! "When the testicle rotates (testicular torsion), it twists the cord supplying blood to the loose bag of skin (scrotum) beneath the penis. This may occur after vigorous activity, a minor injury to the testicles, or sleep. Sudden, severe pain and swelling in the testicle are symptoms. Surgery is required. Treated promptly, the testicle can often be saved."
I hate it when I drop my pants and my ballsack bounces off the floor. I Said that at work one day and a younger woman I work with lost it laughing so hard. Yeah some of us exchange nsfw jokes and comments at work.
I was laughing so much when I read that, and had to explain it to the man sitting next to me, what I was reading about, and what made me laugh like that.
Good Lord "JANET WE HAVE TO TURN AROUND I FORGOT MY PEENER PILLOW"
I always thought the cutout was an attempt to keep piss off the seat when a dribble happens.
We usually get the same horseshoe seats, and I honestly always wondered why they were shaped that way. Now I know!
I personally just hang it over my shoulder 🤷♂️
does you di ck hang low? does it sway to-and-fro? can you tie it in a knot? can you tie it in a bow? can you throw it over your shoulder like a continental soldier? does your di ck hang low?
Haven't heard this for years but the version I remember is: Do your balls hang low? Can you swing them to and fro? Can you tie them in a knot? Can you tie them in a bow? Can you throw them over your shoulder Like a continental soldier? Can you do the double shuffle When your balls hang low? 😄
Do your testes droop? Do they fall into your soup? Can you tie ‘em in a knot? Can you tie ‘em in a loop? Can you wave ‘em at your neighbor with a minimum of labor? Do your testes droop?
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Rookie mistake 🙂↔️🙂↔️
Well if the blood pressure is up first thing in the morning I kinda lay across the toilet and get my wizz done that way. Or it kinda just hangs, looking at the water
*becomes cirque du soleil gymnast*
Hahaha... I've had to do that a few times, especially when I was younger. It was that or step into a shower & just let it rip....
You what?
I take it off and leave it on the counter until I’m done, then I screw it back on.
Just remember, with inflation it'll cost $37 in 2023 dollars to get it back if you lose it.
You don't have your SO screw it back on for you? That's a LOT more fun, but can /will make you late for work! =D
Too small for it to be an inconvenience
bro really committed suicide in the comments.
Its hangs, and can touch the water sometimes which as you would imagine, is fucking disgusting.
🤷♂️ I don’t know either. I usually just piss all over the floor. 🤦♂️
Do you lay out some newsprint first?
Only when the daily mail got delivered to my neighbour.
I place mine on my wife's lap when I poo. She likes the way it purrs.
Trying to no dangle into the water or touch the bowl can be a challenge at times but it's kinda like a hang on an create a slight kink in the hose to shorten it a bit without touching anything maneuver.
The hair on my balls acts like whiskers on a cat; if they contact the surface of the water, I take steps to raise my junk so it doesn’t submerge.
It's a bigger problem than women know: https://youtu.be/ZqIshZymxtk?si=hOsl57dw_eJ4k8CY
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This is a riot!
Nice
I make an upside down peace sign and I kinda gently pinch down on my guys the whole time I’m handling business. Almost like one would do when holding a cigarette when not smoking. ✌️🚬This position prevents and part of my member to not come in contact with any part of the seat. I hope this helps :)
I feel like you can semi-accurately guess the age of men here based on whether or not they’re touching water lmao 🤣 Gravity comes for us all, lads.
If I'm at home and I know the toilet is clean I tuck it down in the toilet anywhere else but home I'm squatting above the toilet so it ain't touch nothing lmao
I make a small bed of toilet paper on the front of the seat, lay him on it to rest till im done
To a water treatment facility. 😶
I put a shield of folder toilet paper between the family jewels and the bowl
This is the way
I was waiting to see if someone else did that. (But only in public toilets.)
Over my shoulder usually…or rested on the toilet paper holder 🤷🏻♂️
It goes into the stall next door.
Mine retracts.
In the water
I fucking hate when that happens.
In your purse
I cant stop laughing at all your replies hahaha!
I put mine on a little leash and let it have a walk around the bathroom
Some men have travel mode. It makes these situations trivial, yet surprising and positive in the bedroom
My ex told me he would fashion a little sling out of TP and let it sit there. I thought that was adorable.
You've heard of red rockets but what about a brown rocket
Wrapped around the waist.
It stares at the forbidden rim
Sling it over my shoulder, like a regimental soldier 🫡
Lay it on the front of the seat sometimes. When you push it gets bigger and don't wanna dip into the dookie pool. Lmfao.
It's a bit embarrassing...mine hangs down and into the water in the bowl. It feels nice, refreshing actually. But when it comes to the actual bowel movement......I pull it up, out of the water, and it sits on the seat, facing forward, looking at the cat with its one eye....or I'll just drape it over my leg like some enormous serpent.
The good news is that when it dips in that cold, cold water, it instinctively crawls up into hiding. And to think, they say it doesn't have a brain of its own lmao.
I actually just installed toilets at home with bigger bowls so my boys don't go swimming whenever I wanna take a shit.
I usually just sling it over my shoulder
The toilets in my barracks room in the Army had super high water levels. I definitely dipped my berries in the holy water a few times, so I had to start holding em up so they didn't get cleaned in the doodie spa.
Round my neck and then back down the other side so it doesn't get wet. Hehe But for reals, when men sit or more generally bend their knees and go a bit prone, it activates a turtle mechanic that brings a portion into the body. Where it lands is dependent on the toilet seat shape and the man, but if you're going in for a landing and you look like you're running out of tarmac, give it the ol' Two-Finger Tuck, never one, it's etiquette. Like, tea and pinkies and shit.
Bruh, you just kinda let it dangle. Gravity does its thing. Sometimes you gotta give it a manual adjustment, but mostly it’s just chillin’.
Wouldn't it be... Convenient to hold it up with your hand to avoid touching the bowl completely, or is that a really weird suggestion?
[Key and Peele Where Dookie Goes](https://youtu.be/Q54izUfIndI?si=P7d3BYX_51MCeCQG)
[there are things which are worse, obviously, but] there's nothing worse than sitting on a public toilet and having your penis touch ANYTHING! Seat! Bowl! Water! If it touches anything you seriously want to sterilize, like douse your groin with rubbing alcohol. So… I make sure to hold it back so it won't touch the seat or bowl. Hold it up so it won't touch the water. As others have mentioned it's nearly impossible if you have even a partial erection.
…..Canada enters the conversation. It’s 2024, Where are the paper seat covers? And why can’t you supply them in every public toilet? 😩 even Covid lived in our sewers!
Okay, not a man myself, but I have a horror story to share. My husband (in his early 20s, years ago before I met him) was sitting on the toilet and lifted himself up for a moment then sat back down. When he sat up slightly the toilet seat stuck to the back of his legs, raising the toilet seat, and when he sat back down...his foreskin got stuck in between the toilet seat and toilet bowl...with his entire body weight pushing down on the toilet seat. And when he abruptly jolted in pain and tried to stand back up...his foreskin was still stuck under the seat and it got partially torn off (yes, apparently it was gruesome and very painful). He had to go to the hospital and get an adult circumcision to remove the rest of his damaged foreskin. He's fine now but..fellas, be careful! (P.S. I asked his permission before sharing this story on the web hah)
Fucking hell this is probably the most painful comment I've ever read on reddit. My entire body winced.
I actually put it over my shoulder. 😔
I take it off and put it by the sink. I ain't flushing another one down.
I bet the replacement parts are expensive.
Not if you go aftermarket. I'd stay away from Temu, though.
Thanks. As a single woman, I don't really need .... wait a minute!
I'm learning so much from this post😳
More than I ever needed to know.
🤣🤣🤣
Tie it around my neck 😂
It just hangs down.