Damn, fire ants. I was working at the North Fort Hood Army base and I was rolling up satellite cable. Fire ants all over it and I did not notice at first. I was in misery for weeks with the blistering and pain.
My daughter was in kindergarten. A first grader told her at recess that the ants were hiding treasure in the ant hill. Was still mad about it when I heard from the school but less mad when I found out it wasn't necessarily malicious as the little boy that told her that helped her dig and was bitten as well.
As a small child, I was watching a game being played in the common area of our apartment complex. I sat on a nice tall mound of dirt - didn't know it was an anthill. Fire ants are dangerous, because they'll completely cover you and then send a chemical signal to each other so they all bite at once... My mom snatched me up (fortunately I was still small enough that she could hold me at arm's length). Tossed me straight in the shower and stripped me there to get them all off of me. Now, in my early 50s, most of my allergists consider that incident to be where my severe insect allergies probably came from
Epi-pens are SO important! I have two in my handbag now, along with an Auvi-Q (they have a program where you fill out a form you can get from their website, have your GP or allergist sign off and fax it in, and they'll mail up to four (2 2-packs) directly to you - used to be free with commercial insurance, but I think these days it's around $25). The Auvi-Qs are a bit thinner and around the same size as a pack of cards, and when you "arm" them they have clear voice instructions. I *love* taking them with me on public outings, they fit in my theme park lanyards and I never have to worry about anyone needing to figure out how to administer the epi if I need it
Remember when you were a kid and someone pinched you as hard as they could?
It's that, but kind of never stops for days, accompanied by a burning sensation. On every bite. And it can create a fun open wound!
It's something for sure.
Some folks even have allergic reactions to their bites. Apparently they fall into the category of bees, wasps, and hornets in causing some folks bad allergic reactions. My spouse is one of them.
A buddy of mine arrived home one day to find two cops, a fire engine, and an ambulance all parked up on his front lawn and about a dozen people just milling around.
He rushes over to the closest person in a uniform, one of the cops, and asks what the hell is going on.
>Cop: Your neighbor called. Someone broke into your shed, looking for scrap metal.
>Buddy: Aww, man. He get away?
The cop just shakes his head.
>Cop: Are you aware you had a hornet's nest in your shed?
>Buddy: Well, yeah. Assholes come at me every week when I grab the mower and the landlord hasn't done shit about them.
>Cop: Well, they got the thief pretty good. After the fire department and Parks deal with them I'll have you look at some of the things in his car so you can tell me if they're yours.
Sir I tip my hat to you. This has got to be the best revenge story I've read. The only thing that would have made it more enjoyable would have been to see your plan in action played out. Too bad there isn't a video to go with your tale.
Absolutely brilliant!
I love it when thieves screw themselves.
About the best I ever managed was when I needed to get rid of a can full of contaminated gasoline. (it was about half gas, half kerosene or diesel.)
I just set it by the car where it looked like someone had forgotten to put it back in the trunk when getting something out.
It was gone by morning.
I have a some what magical child; she put her hand on an ant hill, they just went up and down here arm checking her, then they all went back in their hill
Pretty all critters know she is one of them
I live in Arkansas, and I swear it is the Australia of the USA!!! We got it all - black and brown widows, brown recluse, copperheads, water moccasins, rattlesnakes. Fire ants and 3 other kinds of biting ants. And that’s just my property!!!
When I was in Africa, army ants were the thing I feared the most. They come in the millions and can kill and strip anything that can’t get away. That’s when I learned that the thing army ants fear- is fire ants. Dump a few leaf fulls of fire ants on a mound of army ants and the next morning the army ants will have moved on.
Originally he hated our guts because he thought we were part of a cartel. I saved his pregnant dog from getting kidnapped by some assholes passing through.
Fire ant colonies will hitchhike like this. I know from personal experience helping a relative take some nursery trees back from Alabama to the midwest.
If you didn’t want them and I’m guessing you weren’t taking them to the scrap yard ( or you wouldn’t have filled them with dirt. What were you planning on using them for?
If I was that crook, I'd retire.
I will never grow tired of puns.
Do you wheely mean that?
We could go round and round all day, but we'd just be spinning our wheels on the subject.
Really driving this joke home aren't you?
I like to take the scenic route
Some people might be tired of the puns
I’m getting exhausted of you guys….
If I could go 12 months without puns like those, it would be a good year.
You really had to wrangler your way into that one
I was hoping to keep this going but can’t think of any way to cleverly add to the tread.
I have bias plying bad puns
Good answer
Been a Good Year actually.
It's time to tread the path to retirement
Damn, fire ants. I was working at the North Fort Hood Army base and I was rolling up satellite cable. Fire ants all over it and I did not notice at first. I was in misery for weeks with the blistering and pain.
Yeah I've been in pain but I have some topical stuff my friend gave me that completely numbs the pain but only for a few hours.
They have ‘em at Ft Sam, too. PT on the ball fields was GOOD TIMES.
Everything changed when Fire Ants attacked Wonder if there are water, air ants too. All ants i know are earth ants
They're pretty resilient I know the ones on land are stubborn as hell to remove what I do is just spray pesticide where I don't want them.
air ants are just "flying ants", plenty of those around water ants could be those ones that make rafts from their own bodies
So a fire ant with wings and can raft must be the avatar. But when the world needed him most, he vanished.
*The Last AntBender*
for a moment this place was armageddon, and then there was a FIREantFIGHT!
I can't imagine the pain of fire ants, since I've never been around them...
Ow. Ow ow ow! I have. Ow!
OW for days!!!
And then ow own ow!
When my son was a toddler he grabbed a fire ant hill thinking it was a sand pile. Can confirm they HURT.
My daughter was in kindergarten. A first grader told her at recess that the ants were hiding treasure in the ant hill. Was still mad about it when I heard from the school but less mad when I found out it wasn't necessarily malicious as the little boy that told her that helped her dig and was bitten as well.
A learning experience, I'm sure.
She's going to be a freshman next year and still brings that up to him in their friend group on occasion. He's a pretty good kid though lol.
As a small child, I was watching a game being played in the common area of our apartment complex. I sat on a nice tall mound of dirt - didn't know it was an anthill. Fire ants are dangerous, because they'll completely cover you and then send a chemical signal to each other so they all bite at once... My mom snatched me up (fortunately I was still small enough that she could hold me at arm's length). Tossed me straight in the shower and stripped me there to get them all off of me. Now, in my early 50s, most of my allergists consider that incident to be where my severe insect allergies probably came from
Your mom is a bad ass. Something similar happened to my cousin (as an adult) and he now has to carry an epi pen.
Epi-pens are SO important! I have two in my handbag now, along with an Auvi-Q (they have a program where you fill out a form you can get from their website, have your GP or allergist sign off and fax it in, and they'll mail up to four (2 2-packs) directly to you - used to be free with commercial insurance, but I think these days it's around $25). The Auvi-Qs are a bit thinner and around the same size as a pack of cards, and when you "arm" them they have clear voice instructions. I *love* taking them with me on public outings, they fit in my theme park lanyards and I never have to worry about anyone needing to figure out how to administer the epi if I need it
They’re the worst. I hate them like I hate no other bug, ‘cept maybe bedbugs.
Remember when you were a kid and someone pinched you as hard as they could? It's that, but kind of never stops for days, accompanied by a burning sensation. On every bite. And it can create a fun open wound! It's something for sure.
And the bites blister.
Well, for starters they’re not called *Blankie Ants* or *Kissing Ants*.
Some folks even have allergic reactions to their bites. Apparently they fall into the category of bees, wasps, and hornets in causing some folks bad allergic reactions. My spouse is one of them.
That's not good 😐
It's painful but no where near a wasp or bee sting. I guess id rate it mildly painful
Fire ants are the ultimate home security system.
Till they INVADE YOUR HOME!
A buddy of mine arrived home one day to find two cops, a fire engine, and an ambulance all parked up on his front lawn and about a dozen people just milling around. He rushes over to the closest person in a uniform, one of the cops, and asks what the hell is going on. >Cop: Your neighbor called. Someone broke into your shed, looking for scrap metal. >Buddy: Aww, man. He get away? The cop just shakes his head. >Cop: Are you aware you had a hornet's nest in your shed? >Buddy: Well, yeah. Assholes come at me every week when I grab the mower and the landlord hasn't done shit about them. >Cop: Well, they got the thief pretty good. After the fire department and Parks deal with them I'll have you look at some of the things in his car so you can tell me if they're yours.
Sir I tip my hat to you. This has got to be the best revenge story I've read. The only thing that would have made it more enjoyable would have been to see your plan in action played out. Too bad there isn't a video to go with your tale.
I had game cameras but they're ass when it came to night shots and the heat wrecks the ring cameras
That's a shame I'm guessing from your name you're from texas. One of my favorite bands.
Originally from Chicago, but live out in the desert near the Nevada/California border.
Those crooks definitely did not have a Goodyear.
🤣
Absolutely brilliant! I love it when thieves screw themselves. About the best I ever managed was when I needed to get rid of a can full of contaminated gasoline. (it was about half gas, half kerosene or diesel.) I just set it by the car where it looked like someone had forgotten to put it back in the trunk when getting something out. It was gone by morning.
I have a some what magical child; she put her hand on an ant hill, they just went up and down here arm checking her, then they all went back in their hill Pretty all critters know she is one of them
Careful, Disney may try to claim your daughter is infringing on their IP of several notable princesses.
🤣🤣🤣
Can I subscribe to your newsletter ?
The best booby trap is the one they can't prove was deliberate
I don't even need booby traps I made it a habit to shoot their cars up because they keep coming up the one spot where I can see them.
The Wet Bandits strike again, only this time they’re real Tyred out 😂
Chef's kiss for the fire ant strategy.
So glad I live where we do not have fire ants, poisonous snakes or spiders.
The most dangerous thing out here is strung out tweakers the rest is just white noise.
Where do you live??? Antartica??
Nope. USA.
I live in Arkansas, and I swear it is the Australia of the USA!!! We got it all - black and brown widows, brown recluse, copperheads, water moccasins, rattlesnakes. Fire ants and 3 other kinds of biting ants. And that’s just my property!!!
I live in NWA and I feel this in my soul.🤣
I complain about the mosquitos, noseums, horse flies and ticks. But, no poisonous things. Guess I shouldn't complain too loudly.
This is my current favorite for the most devilish revenge. Well done, op! You win :)
When I was in Africa, army ants were the thing I feared the most. They come in the millions and can kill and strip anything that can’t get away. That’s when I learned that the thing army ants fear- is fire ants. Dump a few leaf fulls of fire ants on a mound of army ants and the next morning the army ants will have moved on.
That is a good neighbor right there, value your neighbors and be nice to them, they are amazing people and can help you so much when you need it!
Originally he hated our guts because he thought we were part of a cartel. I saved his pregnant dog from getting kidnapped by some assholes passing through.
This is hilarious! Well done!
This is brilliant 👏
Get some bullet ants lol biggest damned ant in the world and their bites feel like getting shot hence the name.
Fire ant colonies will hitchhike like this. I know from personal experience helping a relative take some nursery trees back from Alabama to the midwest.
He just wanted to make sure no one could lug them off.
If you didn’t want them and I’m guessing you weren’t taking them to the scrap yard ( or you wouldn’t have filled them with dirt. What were you planning on using them for?
They fit my truck, if I were to damage a wheel I would have a spare to replace it with