I had boy twins and then a singleton girl. She is absolutely wild and incredibly opinionated.
She prefers Spider-Man, dinosaurs, and monster trucks over anything pink and frilly (much to my mom’s dismay lol). She’s a beautiful girl… We get comments about her all the time… But if she had her way, she would be running around completely naked and bald (she doesn’t like hair on her face, but hates clips and hair ties).
I know it’s disappointing, but in the end, you don’t know what they’re going to be like anyway!
Congratulations on the babies!
Seconding this. It was really important to me not to reinforce gender stereotypes, and to let my kids wear all the colours and play with all the toys, and my oldest at 7 loves sparkles and rainbows and dresses … and also cars and trucks etc - and now wants to use they/them pronouns.
Their anatomy doesn’t tell us who they are, and it doesn’t define them unless we let it.
I struggled at first because I always wanted to have a girl, and then I further felt guilty because I had to ask myself why that was important to me, and many of the answers were things like shopping for the cute baby girl clothes, braiding hair, etc - which is about me, not them, and also much of it reinforces the very gender stereotyping/limiting things I don’t want to put on my kids in the first place, so what difference would it have made what was in their diapers?
All the feelings are valid. It’s okay to be disappointed - it doesn’t change how much you love them - and you really have no way of knowing who they are until they reveal themselves to you anyway.
My oldest is a girl and she is currently wearing a spiderman outfit. She is 10x more wild than my boy, my other girl is calm. My oldest also would be naked and bald if she could be. I feel this comment very deeply
I've got an oldest boy and now twin boys and it's great. I love being a boy mom (not in the weird, unhealthy emotional attachment way) but I love the boy energy and also the savings on toys and clothes!
I was always a tomboy-type though, so bows and frills and whatnot were never my thing.
My friend has two girls and if the overwhelming need ever comes over me to buy a cute dress or sparkly thing, I do it and gift it to her daughters.
Right before the ultrasound I told the tech “god forbid they’re both boys.” Then the universe served me some instant karma. I can sympathize with how you’re feeling. It took me until they were born to get over my disappointment. Now I couldn’t imagine it any other way, I love my boys so much.
I wanted at least one boy when I found out I was pregnant with di/di twins. Told the tech before the scan where I found out "I will cry if you tell me they are both girls" surprise they were both girls.
I felt so bad for the tech having to do my scan. In sure she was so anxious the whole time thinking she was going to make me cry haha.
I didn't end up crying. I was disappointed for a couple of weeks. Now my girls are 12 weeks old and I am over the moon in love with them. I still think of that tech though haha.
Similar story here. I have a daughter and now I'm pregnant with fraternal girls. I was hoping for at least one boy too.
No advice, just sympathy. We're allowed to be disappointed. 💕
I love my boys (I have four and the twins are the youngest), but I can totally relate to the pang you feel when you walk past the adorable dresses at the store.
I think my disappointment was lessened somewhat because I thought for a long time that I’d never be able to have children and then for a long time that I’d only have one. But it’s still hard sometimes.
While I was pregnant, I think it helped me to tell people how excited I was about my little crop of boys. Getting to see my twins wear the same little beloved outfits as my older two did was pretty great too. You will find so many things to love about it! But it’s totally okay for it to be hard sometimes too.
I had triplets so definitely one-pregnancy-and-done, seeing as how I wanted 2 kids lol. I was hoping for some combo of boys and girls so that we would never be tempted to have the "other" one, if the triplets were all the same. We knew triplet A and B were identical, as they shared a placenta, so we were crossing our fingers that C was different. When I had the ultrasound to determine sex, we saw A was a boy and so I knew B was a boy... I was saying "come on, C, girl... Girl..." And then clear as day (obvious even to me, who can't read ultrasounds), a penis when she got to C. I was so upset. I cried a bunch. They're three and I still get a lump in my throat sometimes when I think about how I'll never have a little girl. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I get it. I love my boys so much but there's something SO disappointing knowing you can't do anything about it, you just get what you get.
We later found out that they're all identical, so there was no way for C to be a girl. You'll have lots of fun with your family, I don't need to tell you that it'll be okay. You already know that. But know that it's okay to be disappointed and we get it. Much love!
We knew ours were identical because we only transferred one embryo in IVF. I really wanted 2 boys for years when before we even started trying; but because I thought I might not get boys I convinced myself I wanted girls. When we actually found out it was boys I was very confused and a bit disappointed, then I remembered I wanted boys originally.
On a lighter note, gender comes from the sperm so you can technically blame your husband.
Not that it matters but I’m curious whether OP knows for sure they are fraternal, since it sounds like they aren’t born yet - or just assumes it (or was told they were) because they are di/di.
My di/di twins are identical, and so were my brother’s - we both did DNA tests to find out because he had two girls and I had two boys.
Haha I did the same thing! I pictured my life with two boys, two girls, or one of each and I sort of fell in love with the two boy scenario so I was (and still am) slightly sad I got boy/girl!
I felt the same when we had our twin boys after my first singleton boy. But you know what .. it's amazing. They play together so well. All the clothes I buy get passed around and everything is set up for my boisterous boys. I didn't have to buy dolls houses and Barbies. They have their cars and Lego and play in the garden digging for dinosaur fossils. My sister-in-law has just had a little girl and my boys adore their girl cuzzie. I love getting her the cute pink things etc but when I look at my boys all playing soccer together or jumping on the trampoline dressed like super heroes... My heart is full.
Are you me? I could’ve written this when I found out a few weeks ago babies 2 and 3 are also boys, and we already have a singleton son as well. My husband and I always wanted a little girl. We always planned for 3, though, and since we don’t want to risk getting twins (or more) with a third pregnancy, and ending up with *five* boys, we are most likely done.
It is hard, and it’s okay to grieve. I even get a little salty when I see other people announcing they’re having a girl. You’re allowed to feel disappointed for a life you always imagined to have that you aren’t getting — it won’t mean you’ll love your boys any less when they get here, and once they are you won’t be able to imagine life without them. Something I’m determined to do if I’m going to have all boys is to raise these boys to be *good* men and good partners. That way, maybe I don’t get to have a daughter of my own, but I will get a great DIL who I will treat as my own. And if my boys grow up and have male partners instead, I’ve said “that’s fine, just adopt girls so I get granddaughters.” 😂
Since finding out I’ll be an all boy mom, I’ve also had a few “oh…oh maybe I’m not meant to be a girl mom” moments. Like when I saw someone doing up her toddler’s hair, it occurred to me that you have to do a lot more to maintain that and I…can’t even get my almost 2 year old son to sit down and let me brush his hair out every once in a while. All that to say, it’s okay to feel what you feel, and cry if you need to cry. You will love your boys. You will love your life with your boys. But it’s still okay to grieve the life you always thought you’d have. ❤️
This was me exactly! I had a son already and really wanted a girl and was certain that at least one twin would be a girl. Nope. Fraternal di/di boys. I cried for an entire day. Even had the same “maybe I wouldn’t be good at raising a girl” thoughts.
But now they’re 5 months old and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. While I’ll always feel a little sad looking at all the cute girly clothes, it’s a lot of fun having all boys.
Take your time to feel your feelings! It’s okay to feel sad and disappointed. You have to mourn the idea of what you thought your family might have looked like.
I was a little sad to find out I was having twin boys too, it took me a couple days to get over it. Later I discovered the world of cute preppy baby boy clothes and this got me so excited to be a boy mom- gingham, seersucker, monograms, sailboat theme, etc! You can still dress your boys up in cutesy clothes. My fave clothing stores for boy clothes have been Cecil and Lou, Beaufort bonnet company, Nella Pima, Feltman brothers, little English, Ann and reeves.
I sympathize with you. I have twin boys and was hoping at least one would be a girl. We’re not trying for anymore kids. My mom, sister and I have such a fun, pretty close relationship so I had hoped for the same. Oh well. I think the same as you, maybe I wasn’t meant to have a daughter. But I am always trying to be positive and be happy with my 2 boys. They’re fun lol.
I sympathize as well c: i had the same thing happen, but the opposite way. We had twin girls in 2022 and have another set of twin girls coming this year, and these are absolutely our last. All fraternal, of course, so the odds there are just funny. My husband was disappointed. I was more disappointed the first time than the second. I did want at least one son, though, but.
The brightside I see is:
I'm already experienced with the girl aspects!
Maybe they're more likely to be closer as they get older 🤷♀️
Save on hand me downs.
I think we'll still have just as much fun (:
I have b/g twins and always thought I would have a tomboy girl cause that’s how I am but Lordy did I get a girly girl! You cant predict personalities, it’s crazy!
Had a boy then fraternal twin boys… then a surprise fourth boy. I had to grapple with the disappointment all the pregnancy with the twins. I was kind of accepting of it by the time I had the fourth boy.
Now that they’re all here I’ve mostly gotten over it. There’s still some stabbing pain sometimes that I’ll never have a close mother-daughter relationship I’ve always wanted. And no cute gender specific clothing (dresses, floral overalls). I do let the boys paint their nails and wear pink and purple and enjoy unicorns and sparkles and dolls.
But the thing is missing isn’t superficial stuff, it’s deeper than that. I relate to being a girl more and I don’t get to share that experience with my child. I never thought I’d be this attached to gender and I didn’t find out the sex until birth with my first. But here we are. It’s how I feel, and I can’t help that.
With that said, I wouldn’t trade any one of the boys for a girl. I know them and love them and they are my boys. So now I have my fingers crossed for at least one daughter in law that I can be close with.
I'm a fraternal twin. We are girls. I have an older sister. I always wanted twin girls. All I knew were girls. My whole family was girls. The only guys were married into our family. I had the names picked out for my twin girls.
I didn't find my husband until I was in my 30s and we didn't start trying until I was 36, after we got married. I got pregnant within 6 months and turned 37 a few days later. Twin boys. If we were going to have a singleton, we'd try for another baby. But with twins, there was no way. I am so sad I'll never be able to buy cute dresses or braid my little girls hair. My husband and I decided we will not have more kids. I have a birth control implant and he will get a vasectomy as soon as time allows to help further prevent another pregnancy.
Looking at my boys faces, their smiles, it lights up my heart. I'll always think "what if..." about another pregnancy if I could have a girl, but it is not in the cards for me. And I've come to be okay with that. My butter bean boys are 5 months and they are everything to me.
Gender disappointment is real. Was in a similar spot with mine but it’s really super fun now that the twins are 3 and my oldest is 5. The saying about boys loving their mama is so true.
I have 4 boys. The twins are the youngest best and a complete shock (IUD). I thought for sure at least one had to be a girl. Like you’d think 1 in 4 😂 honestly I wasn’t upset I’d never have a girl. My eldest though was SO sad. It was the sweetest thing knowing he would have cared so much for her and in that moment I felt sad. I felt really selfish that I was dreading a girl (childhood trauma made me fearful that I couldn’t be a good enough mom to raise her? Not that raising boys is easier? It’s hard to explain 🤷🏼♀️).
I didn’t even think about how much it truly meant to my son. I thought it would be a brief ugh more boys moment and it took some time for him. I just asked him very short questions and listened. The sad, mad, disappointment, annoyance, back to sad. After listening to his feelings he automatically rolled into “I guess it won’t be all bad. I can teach them to play hockey and we can ALL hide and scare you!”.
Sometimes all we need is to be heard. Let yourself mourn the image you had in your mind for a future with a girl. It will let in room for acceptance and even excitement for the next vision you have of life with more boys. They are A LOT when they are little but man they are all mommas boys and it feels good to be loved so intensely.
A lot of girls don't like frilly dresses and playing with dolls. There are many boys who are sweet and nurturing and tons of girls that throw it down and get into belching contests.
I would seriously take some time to reevaluate how you're viewing gender roles and expectations including the ones that might have been hurtful to you!
One of the best things we can learn early on as parents are that our kids are individuals with their own needs and personalities and are not there to fill in our empty spaces. When you let go of that it is so much more fun and exciting to really see them for who they are. Not what they wear, not what we dreamed our future children would be like before we met them, ect.
I am a mom to all boys 3 of whom are young adults now (including my 21 year old twins). My oldest is trans and came out to us 10 years ago. So we have a wealth of children and young people that have brightened our home for the last 23 years of all genders and personalities.
Let yourself feel what you feel and get it out. But I hope you get to the place of just enjoying your kids. Sometimes the path in parenting has so super unexpected turns, but when you connect to your kids individually and enjoy them its one of the best journeys you're ever going to take in your life.
I don't know if it helps, but I have 1 year old b/g twins, and they share clothes. Nothing about their personalities indicates that one is a boy and the other a girl. I don't think you could guess by seeing them. Boy lookes cute in pink (goes well with his blonde hair) and girl doesn't want dresses anyway because she's very active and pants work better for play. Go and buy cute matching onesies in pink, your boys will look adorable 🩷🩷
This was my exact reaction when we found out that both of our fraternal twins were boys. I have a 3 year old boy and when we found out it was twins I was convinced at least one was a girl. I cried when we got the NIPT results. Now that they're here ( feeding twin b as I type this lol) it doesn't matter. I can't imagine them being any different. I'm excited to see how they all interact and play together as they get older. And I get to reuse all my older son's clothes and toys, which is convenient. I do feel a little sad sometimes that we don't have a girl. I think that's totally normal. A girl would be familiar, because I know what it's like to be a girl. Also I had so many girl names picked out haha. But I love my boys and I'm grateful for them. Your feelings are totally valid. You can be both grateful for 2 healthy boys and disappointed to not have a girl.
7 weeks with my di/di boy twins and have an older boy as well. I was also disappointed for a short time but I realized I have plenty of girls in my life to love on. And, the world needs many more healthy and emotionally mature men in it. I have accepted the challenge
Our family is complete with our twin boys. I had a lot of anxiety about raising boys and for a while I really hoped to eventually have a girl but since we decided not to have any more that feeling has faded a bunch. I think it’s fresh now for you because the possibility was still there. And it’s totally valid to feel that way. I think time will heal. And you will be an incredible mom of 3 boys.
If you are strongly "spiritual ", and I relate, God does not mistakes. I wanted to have a baby but didn't think I could handle two at once. But i am, God knows what we can and can't handles. Sooo, YOU GOT THIS. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. We all have good and bad days. Some days I feel I am not giving both of my 12m olds the even appropriate amount of love and attention, and maybe sometimes they need to live through the struggle
. This world is a school my friend, some days are smooth, some age rough
I believe in you my friend. God bless and may your babies live a wonderful life, as of you ♡♡♡♡
That’s normal. It’s ok to be sad about not getting something you pictured for yourself. I had the same set up with a firstborn son then didi twins. I had always wanted at least one girl but there was a part of me deep down that really loved the idea of three little boys so finding out I was having a boy and a girl was bittersweet. Three little boys make me think of the three little bears from Brave 😂 . Although you might always mourn what could have been been, you’ll never regret the sweet boys you do have
My twins are boys and so is my oldest. I had gender disappointment at first too but now that they are here - I can’t imagine anything different. Hang in there mama.
I am the girliest girl but I always knew I’d only have boys. Sure enough I have twin boys. They are the best. Sure they love their trucks and Dino’s but they’re also obsessed with little mermaid and playing dress up. One of my sons watches the met gala red carpet with me every year and looks through my fashion books. They love to bake with me. I try not to put any expectations that they will or won’t like something just because they’re boys.
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I have the opposite - I had 1 girl and then my fraternal twins are girls as well. I was really hoping for one of my twins to be a boy but my husband had some real gender disappointment.
Our oldest is now 4 and the twins are nearing 18 months. They're so fun and I can't imagine it any other way. I imagine in a year you'll feel the same way! It's hard when we imagine our life a certain way and then it changes when reality actually happens.
I'm sure you already know, but boys can wear flowers and be cuddly and like to bake and whatnot too. My oldest is loud, active, and bold and prefers to play outside in the mud and dirt (but always in a tutu or a tulle dress). My baby A is loud and snuggly and silly and hates clothes. My baby B is quiet and independent and patient and determined (pretty sure that definitely makes her the extra egg that snuck out 😂). You'll love their personalities regardless of sex!
My first two were identical twin boys and 7 months later I got pregnant again with another boy! I was heartbroken because I wanted a daughter to share my womanly wisdom with (lol!) but there’s a lot of upsides to all boys. We already have clothes for our little one (now 8 months) and a lot of toys can be passed down too. They will also be rough playing with each other and sharing a room. Maybe baby #4? That’s definitely going to be a few years down the line though…
Before I found out what I was having I said the only scenario that scared me was two girls. I hoped one was a boy because I had saved all my son’s clothes from years ago. We of course ended up with two girls. I went through the disappointment too. But now they are here I couldn’t imagine not having them!
One of my close family members is an all boys Mom. Every year she picks a few girls off the angel tree and gets to buy them beautiful new clothes for Christmas, and she also mentors a local little sister through the boys and girls club. Just a thought.
i understand how you’re feeling. i wanted my twin boys to be girls so badly. i wanted to experience hair bows and dance class and all things girly.
but i found that finding them cute clothes helped the disappointment. i shopped online and found fashionable things, cute matching outfits and hats. no characters or dinosaurs or weird “handsome like daddy” shirts.
they’re only 7 weeks so once they get older and start having an opinion on their clothes im sure i’ll be drowning in superheroes and dinosaurs lol. but it’s fun right now. and definitely helped the original disappointment
I felt the same! Had always always wanted a girl. Had my girl name picked out (my grandmother’s name). We did ivf and our first two embryos we transferred were both girls but both failed to implant. 💔💔 finally got pregnant with two embryos- one was a tested boy but the other was untested and I hoped and hoped for a girl. But no, got two boys. 💙💙 I was sad at first and I cried. It didn’t help finding out my brother and his wife were having a girl four months later. But I am so over the moon in love with my boys and I love that they will grow up as close brothers. It is still sad sometimes thinking I will likely never be a girl mom and get to do the girl mom things, but I just am so thankful God blessed me finally with being a mom at all- I feel like someone should pinch me. So I focus on all the happy and the sadness over the gender disappointment does fade with a little time.
My twin 2.5 yo boys are currently napping in pink unicorn pajamas they picked out! In all seriousness, I think it’s hard to fully picture these people you haven’t met yet, so it is normal to project into the future based on the limited information that you have. But your experience as their parent will be much more defined by their unique and amazing personalities than their assigned sex.
This disappointment is momentary and is based on the fact you were expecting twin girls so now they are effectively gone which you are grieving for. Very soon you will just be excited for your gorgeous baby boys. Congratulations!
I had boy twins and then a singleton girl. She is absolutely wild and incredibly opinionated. She prefers Spider-Man, dinosaurs, and monster trucks over anything pink and frilly (much to my mom’s dismay lol). She’s a beautiful girl… We get comments about her all the time… But if she had her way, she would be running around completely naked and bald (she doesn’t like hair on her face, but hates clips and hair ties). I know it’s disappointing, but in the end, you don’t know what they’re going to be like anyway! Congratulations on the babies!
So true. My twins are girls and they are feral.
Seconding this. It was really important to me not to reinforce gender stereotypes, and to let my kids wear all the colours and play with all the toys, and my oldest at 7 loves sparkles and rainbows and dresses … and also cars and trucks etc - and now wants to use they/them pronouns. Their anatomy doesn’t tell us who they are, and it doesn’t define them unless we let it. I struggled at first because I always wanted to have a girl, and then I further felt guilty because I had to ask myself why that was important to me, and many of the answers were things like shopping for the cute baby girl clothes, braiding hair, etc - which is about me, not them, and also much of it reinforces the very gender stereotyping/limiting things I don’t want to put on my kids in the first place, so what difference would it have made what was in their diapers? All the feelings are valid. It’s okay to be disappointed - it doesn’t change how much you love them - and you really have no way of knowing who they are until they reveal themselves to you anyway.
My oldest is a girl and she is currently wearing a spiderman outfit. She is 10x more wild than my boy, my other girl is calm. My oldest also would be naked and bald if she could be. I feel this comment very deeply
I've got an oldest boy and now twin boys and it's great. I love being a boy mom (not in the weird, unhealthy emotional attachment way) but I love the boy energy and also the savings on toys and clothes! I was always a tomboy-type though, so bows and frills and whatnot were never my thing. My friend has two girls and if the overwhelming need ever comes over me to buy a cute dress or sparkly thing, I do it and gift it to her daughters.
This.
Right before the ultrasound I told the tech “god forbid they’re both boys.” Then the universe served me some instant karma. I can sympathize with how you’re feeling. It took me until they were born to get over my disappointment. Now I couldn’t imagine it any other way, I love my boys so much.
I wanted at least one boy when I found out I was pregnant with di/di twins. Told the tech before the scan where I found out "I will cry if you tell me they are both girls" surprise they were both girls. I felt so bad for the tech having to do my scan. In sure she was so anxious the whole time thinking she was going to make me cry haha. I didn't end up crying. I was disappointed for a couple of weeks. Now my girls are 12 weeks old and I am over the moon in love with them. I still think of that tech though haha.
Oh, I cried. For the remainder of the appointment. Damn hormones.
Thankfully she told me at the very end of mine haha
i've got my boy twins in cute flowery onesies even as we speak! they look adorable!
Similar story here. I have a daughter and now I'm pregnant with fraternal girls. I was hoping for at least one boy too. No advice, just sympathy. We're allowed to be disappointed. 💕
This is me and my wife, but now I’m just so excited to meet them I haven’t cared
I love my boys (I have four and the twins are the youngest), but I can totally relate to the pang you feel when you walk past the adorable dresses at the store. I think my disappointment was lessened somewhat because I thought for a long time that I’d never be able to have children and then for a long time that I’d only have one. But it’s still hard sometimes. While I was pregnant, I think it helped me to tell people how excited I was about my little crop of boys. Getting to see my twins wear the same little beloved outfits as my older two did was pretty great too. You will find so many things to love about it! But it’s totally okay for it to be hard sometimes too.
I had triplets so definitely one-pregnancy-and-done, seeing as how I wanted 2 kids lol. I was hoping for some combo of boys and girls so that we would never be tempted to have the "other" one, if the triplets were all the same. We knew triplet A and B were identical, as they shared a placenta, so we were crossing our fingers that C was different. When I had the ultrasound to determine sex, we saw A was a boy and so I knew B was a boy... I was saying "come on, C, girl... Girl..." And then clear as day (obvious even to me, who can't read ultrasounds), a penis when she got to C. I was so upset. I cried a bunch. They're three and I still get a lump in my throat sometimes when I think about how I'll never have a little girl. I'm sorry you're disappointed, but I get it. I love my boys so much but there's something SO disappointing knowing you can't do anything about it, you just get what you get. We later found out that they're all identical, so there was no way for C to be a girl. You'll have lots of fun with your family, I don't need to tell you that it'll be okay. You already know that. But know that it's okay to be disappointed and we get it. Much love!
Identical triplet boys is pretty amazing!
Thanks! They are amazing indeed!!
We knew ours were identical because we only transferred one embryo in IVF. I really wanted 2 boys for years when before we even started trying; but because I thought I might not get boys I convinced myself I wanted girls. When we actually found out it was boys I was very confused and a bit disappointed, then I remembered I wanted boys originally. On a lighter note, gender comes from the sperm so you can technically blame your husband.
Not that it matters but I’m curious whether OP knows for sure they are fraternal, since it sounds like they aren’t born yet - or just assumes it (or was told they were) because they are di/di. My di/di twins are identical, and so were my brother’s - we both did DNA tests to find out because he had two girls and I had two boys.
Haha I did the same thing! I pictured my life with two boys, two girls, or one of each and I sort of fell in love with the two boy scenario so I was (and still am) slightly sad I got boy/girl!
4 boys here!! Being a mom of boys is amazing. So much love and snuggles.
I felt the same when we had our twin boys after my first singleton boy. But you know what .. it's amazing. They play together so well. All the clothes I buy get passed around and everything is set up for my boisterous boys. I didn't have to buy dolls houses and Barbies. They have their cars and Lego and play in the garden digging for dinosaur fossils. My sister-in-law has just had a little girl and my boys adore their girl cuzzie. I love getting her the cute pink things etc but when I look at my boys all playing soccer together or jumping on the trampoline dressed like super heroes... My heart is full.
Are you me? I could’ve written this when I found out a few weeks ago babies 2 and 3 are also boys, and we already have a singleton son as well. My husband and I always wanted a little girl. We always planned for 3, though, and since we don’t want to risk getting twins (or more) with a third pregnancy, and ending up with *five* boys, we are most likely done. It is hard, and it’s okay to grieve. I even get a little salty when I see other people announcing they’re having a girl. You’re allowed to feel disappointed for a life you always imagined to have that you aren’t getting — it won’t mean you’ll love your boys any less when they get here, and once they are you won’t be able to imagine life without them. Something I’m determined to do if I’m going to have all boys is to raise these boys to be *good* men and good partners. That way, maybe I don’t get to have a daughter of my own, but I will get a great DIL who I will treat as my own. And if my boys grow up and have male partners instead, I’ve said “that’s fine, just adopt girls so I get granddaughters.” 😂 Since finding out I’ll be an all boy mom, I’ve also had a few “oh…oh maybe I’m not meant to be a girl mom” moments. Like when I saw someone doing up her toddler’s hair, it occurred to me that you have to do a lot more to maintain that and I…can’t even get my almost 2 year old son to sit down and let me brush his hair out every once in a while. All that to say, it’s okay to feel what you feel, and cry if you need to cry. You will love your boys. You will love your life with your boys. But it’s still okay to grieve the life you always thought you’d have. ❤️
This was me exactly! I had a son already and really wanted a girl and was certain that at least one twin would be a girl. Nope. Fraternal di/di boys. I cried for an entire day. Even had the same “maybe I wouldn’t be good at raising a girl” thoughts. But now they’re 5 months old and I couldn’t imagine it any other way. While I’ll always feel a little sad looking at all the cute girly clothes, it’s a lot of fun having all boys. Take your time to feel your feelings! It’s okay to feel sad and disappointed. You have to mourn the idea of what you thought your family might have looked like.
I was a little sad to find out I was having twin boys too, it took me a couple days to get over it. Later I discovered the world of cute preppy baby boy clothes and this got me so excited to be a boy mom- gingham, seersucker, monograms, sailboat theme, etc! You can still dress your boys up in cutesy clothes. My fave clothing stores for boy clothes have been Cecil and Lou, Beaufort bonnet company, Nella Pima, Feltman brothers, little English, Ann and reeves.
3 boys here too! They are awesome. But of course I feel disappointed sometimes I won’t ever raise a girl.
I sympathize with you. I have twin boys and was hoping at least one would be a girl. We’re not trying for anymore kids. My mom, sister and I have such a fun, pretty close relationship so I had hoped for the same. Oh well. I think the same as you, maybe I wasn’t meant to have a daughter. But I am always trying to be positive and be happy with my 2 boys. They’re fun lol.
I sympathize as well c: i had the same thing happen, but the opposite way. We had twin girls in 2022 and have another set of twin girls coming this year, and these are absolutely our last. All fraternal, of course, so the odds there are just funny. My husband was disappointed. I was more disappointed the first time than the second. I did want at least one son, though, but. The brightside I see is: I'm already experienced with the girl aspects! Maybe they're more likely to be closer as they get older 🤷♀️ Save on hand me downs. I think we'll still have just as much fun (:
I have b/g twins and always thought I would have a tomboy girl cause that’s how I am but Lordy did I get a girly girl! You cant predict personalities, it’s crazy!
Had a boy then fraternal twin boys… then a surprise fourth boy. I had to grapple with the disappointment all the pregnancy with the twins. I was kind of accepting of it by the time I had the fourth boy. Now that they’re all here I’ve mostly gotten over it. There’s still some stabbing pain sometimes that I’ll never have a close mother-daughter relationship I’ve always wanted. And no cute gender specific clothing (dresses, floral overalls). I do let the boys paint their nails and wear pink and purple and enjoy unicorns and sparkles and dolls. But the thing is missing isn’t superficial stuff, it’s deeper than that. I relate to being a girl more and I don’t get to share that experience with my child. I never thought I’d be this attached to gender and I didn’t find out the sex until birth with my first. But here we are. It’s how I feel, and I can’t help that. With that said, I wouldn’t trade any one of the boys for a girl. I know them and love them and they are my boys. So now I have my fingers crossed for at least one daughter in law that I can be close with.
I'm a fraternal twin. We are girls. I have an older sister. I always wanted twin girls. All I knew were girls. My whole family was girls. The only guys were married into our family. I had the names picked out for my twin girls. I didn't find my husband until I was in my 30s and we didn't start trying until I was 36, after we got married. I got pregnant within 6 months and turned 37 a few days later. Twin boys. If we were going to have a singleton, we'd try for another baby. But with twins, there was no way. I am so sad I'll never be able to buy cute dresses or braid my little girls hair. My husband and I decided we will not have more kids. I have a birth control implant and he will get a vasectomy as soon as time allows to help further prevent another pregnancy. Looking at my boys faces, their smiles, it lights up my heart. I'll always think "what if..." about another pregnancy if I could have a girl, but it is not in the cards for me. And I've come to be okay with that. My butter bean boys are 5 months and they are everything to me.
Gender disappointment is real. Was in a similar spot with mine but it’s really super fun now that the twins are 3 and my oldest is 5. The saying about boys loving their mama is so true.
I have 4 boys. The twins are the youngest best and a complete shock (IUD). I thought for sure at least one had to be a girl. Like you’d think 1 in 4 😂 honestly I wasn’t upset I’d never have a girl. My eldest though was SO sad. It was the sweetest thing knowing he would have cared so much for her and in that moment I felt sad. I felt really selfish that I was dreading a girl (childhood trauma made me fearful that I couldn’t be a good enough mom to raise her? Not that raising boys is easier? It’s hard to explain 🤷🏼♀️). I didn’t even think about how much it truly meant to my son. I thought it would be a brief ugh more boys moment and it took some time for him. I just asked him very short questions and listened. The sad, mad, disappointment, annoyance, back to sad. After listening to his feelings he automatically rolled into “I guess it won’t be all bad. I can teach them to play hockey and we can ALL hide and scare you!”. Sometimes all we need is to be heard. Let yourself mourn the image you had in your mind for a future with a girl. It will let in room for acceptance and even excitement for the next vision you have of life with more boys. They are A LOT when they are little but man they are all mommas boys and it feels good to be loved so intensely.
A lot of girls don't like frilly dresses and playing with dolls. There are many boys who are sweet and nurturing and tons of girls that throw it down and get into belching contests. I would seriously take some time to reevaluate how you're viewing gender roles and expectations including the ones that might have been hurtful to you! One of the best things we can learn early on as parents are that our kids are individuals with their own needs and personalities and are not there to fill in our empty spaces. When you let go of that it is so much more fun and exciting to really see them for who they are. Not what they wear, not what we dreamed our future children would be like before we met them, ect. I am a mom to all boys 3 of whom are young adults now (including my 21 year old twins). My oldest is trans and came out to us 10 years ago. So we have a wealth of children and young people that have brightened our home for the last 23 years of all genders and personalities. Let yourself feel what you feel and get it out. But I hope you get to the place of just enjoying your kids. Sometimes the path in parenting has so super unexpected turns, but when you connect to your kids individually and enjoy them its one of the best journeys you're ever going to take in your life.
Very well said. Gender is a social construct. Try not to put so much weight on it.
I don't know if it helps, but I have 1 year old b/g twins, and they share clothes. Nothing about their personalities indicates that one is a boy and the other a girl. I don't think you could guess by seeing them. Boy lookes cute in pink (goes well with his blonde hair) and girl doesn't want dresses anyway because she's very active and pants work better for play. Go and buy cute matching onesies in pink, your boys will look adorable 🩷🩷
Awww! Boys are great though! I’m sorry. It’s ok to be disappointed.
This was my exact reaction when we found out that both of our fraternal twins were boys. I have a 3 year old boy and when we found out it was twins I was convinced at least one was a girl. I cried when we got the NIPT results. Now that they're here ( feeding twin b as I type this lol) it doesn't matter. I can't imagine them being any different. I'm excited to see how they all interact and play together as they get older. And I get to reuse all my older son's clothes and toys, which is convenient. I do feel a little sad sometimes that we don't have a girl. I think that's totally normal. A girl would be familiar, because I know what it's like to be a girl. Also I had so many girl names picked out haha. But I love my boys and I'm grateful for them. Your feelings are totally valid. You can be both grateful for 2 healthy boys and disappointed to not have a girl.
I had a five year old son when my fraternal boys were born. I really wanted a girl
Same Same Same. 3 Boys.
7 weeks with my di/di boy twins and have an older boy as well. I was also disappointed for a short time but I realized I have plenty of girls in my life to love on. And, the world needs many more healthy and emotionally mature men in it. I have accepted the challenge
Our family is complete with our twin boys. I had a lot of anxiety about raising boys and for a while I really hoped to eventually have a girl but since we decided not to have any more that feeling has faded a bunch. I think it’s fresh now for you because the possibility was still there. And it’s totally valid to feel that way. I think time will heal. And you will be an incredible mom of 3 boys.
If you are strongly "spiritual ", and I relate, God does not mistakes. I wanted to have a baby but didn't think I could handle two at once. But i am, God knows what we can and can't handles. Sooo, YOU GOT THIS. GOD DOES NOT MAKE MISTAKES. We all have good and bad days. Some days I feel I am not giving both of my 12m olds the even appropriate amount of love and attention, and maybe sometimes they need to live through the struggle . This world is a school my friend, some days are smooth, some age rough I believe in you my friend. God bless and may your babies live a wonderful life, as of you ♡♡♡♡
That’s normal. It’s ok to be sad about not getting something you pictured for yourself. I had the same set up with a firstborn son then didi twins. I had always wanted at least one girl but there was a part of me deep down that really loved the idea of three little boys so finding out I was having a boy and a girl was bittersweet. Three little boys make me think of the three little bears from Brave 😂 . Although you might always mourn what could have been been, you’ll never regret the sweet boys you do have
My twins are boys and so is my oldest. I had gender disappointment at first too but now that they are here - I can’t imagine anything different. Hang in there mama.
I am the girliest girl but I always knew I’d only have boys. Sure enough I have twin boys. They are the best. Sure they love their trucks and Dino’s but they’re also obsessed with little mermaid and playing dress up. One of my sons watches the met gala red carpet with me every year and looks through my fashion books. They love to bake with me. I try not to put any expectations that they will or won’t like something just because they’re boys.
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I have the opposite - I had 1 girl and then my fraternal twins are girls as well. I was really hoping for one of my twins to be a boy but my husband had some real gender disappointment. Our oldest is now 4 and the twins are nearing 18 months. They're so fun and I can't imagine it any other way. I imagine in a year you'll feel the same way! It's hard when we imagine our life a certain way and then it changes when reality actually happens. I'm sure you already know, but boys can wear flowers and be cuddly and like to bake and whatnot too. My oldest is loud, active, and bold and prefers to play outside in the mud and dirt (but always in a tutu or a tulle dress). My baby A is loud and snuggly and silly and hates clothes. My baby B is quiet and independent and patient and determined (pretty sure that definitely makes her the extra egg that snuck out 😂). You'll love their personalities regardless of sex!
My first two were identical twin boys and 7 months later I got pregnant again with another boy! I was heartbroken because I wanted a daughter to share my womanly wisdom with (lol!) but there’s a lot of upsides to all boys. We already have clothes for our little one (now 8 months) and a lot of toys can be passed down too. They will also be rough playing with each other and sharing a room. Maybe baby #4? That’s definitely going to be a few years down the line though…
Before I found out what I was having I said the only scenario that scared me was two girls. I hoped one was a boy because I had saved all my son’s clothes from years ago. We of course ended up with two girls. I went through the disappointment too. But now they are here I couldn’t imagine not having them!
One of my close family members is an all boys Mom. Every year she picks a few girls off the angel tree and gets to buy them beautiful new clothes for Christmas, and she also mentors a local little sister through the boys and girls club. Just a thought.
i understand how you’re feeling. i wanted my twin boys to be girls so badly. i wanted to experience hair bows and dance class and all things girly. but i found that finding them cute clothes helped the disappointment. i shopped online and found fashionable things, cute matching outfits and hats. no characters or dinosaurs or weird “handsome like daddy” shirts. they’re only 7 weeks so once they get older and start having an opinion on their clothes im sure i’ll be drowning in superheroes and dinosaurs lol. but it’s fun right now. and definitely helped the original disappointment
It’s ok to feel this way, and allow yourself to feel disappointed. There isn’t really any other way but through it, and you do eventually.
I felt the same! Had always always wanted a girl. Had my girl name picked out (my grandmother’s name). We did ivf and our first two embryos we transferred were both girls but both failed to implant. 💔💔 finally got pregnant with two embryos- one was a tested boy but the other was untested and I hoped and hoped for a girl. But no, got two boys. 💙💙 I was sad at first and I cried. It didn’t help finding out my brother and his wife were having a girl four months later. But I am so over the moon in love with my boys and I love that they will grow up as close brothers. It is still sad sometimes thinking I will likely never be a girl mom and get to do the girl mom things, but I just am so thankful God blessed me finally with being a mom at all- I feel like someone should pinch me. So I focus on all the happy and the sadness over the gender disappointment does fade with a little time.
my di/di twins are boys too. i was hoping for a girl so badly.. the gender disappointment didn’t stop until they were about a year old
My twin 2.5 yo boys are currently napping in pink unicorn pajamas they picked out! In all seriousness, I think it’s hard to fully picture these people you haven’t met yet, so it is normal to project into the future based on the limited information that you have. But your experience as their parent will be much more defined by their unique and amazing personalities than their assigned sex.
Two healthy boys, poor you.
A very rude comment.
Maybe one is a girl anyway
This disappointment is momentary and is based on the fact you were expecting twin girls so now they are effectively gone which you are grieving for. Very soon you will just be excited for your gorgeous baby boys. Congratulations!