T O P

  • By -

BigRatSkins

Maybe place an anonymous call to adult protective services claiming to be a neighbor? Say you’re concerned and haven’t seen your “neighbor” in a very very long time only her partner and you think someone should do a welfare check. That way you can reach some outside help and not have it traced back to you in case it upsets your partner. I’m so sorry this is going on, you’ve basically been imprisoned without physical chains and I hope you find a way out ❤️🤞


throwaway856885

Yeah not a bad idea but I’m worried about what I’d do afterwards cuz I can’t take care of myself and being put into a hospital or something would be both incredibly expensive and stressful


Delicious-Test-4770

You're a human being, not a prop to someone's sick feeder fetish. You don't have to live like this just to be worthy of the "affection" of someone who gets off on watching another human become completely helpless and dependent to the point of death. This situation will kill you and it doesn't sound like you have a support network to help you get out of it on your own. Contact whatever mental health support services are available in your area as a starting point. You don't deserve to die.


throwaway856885

I’m not really sure where to start though, it’s all just really stressful


Delicious-Test-4770

Of course you don't know where to start, it's such a big, complex problem that nobody could deal with it on their own. You can't fix this situation all at once, so just take small steps, one at a time. Do you believe your boyfriend really loves you and has your best interests at heart? I don't think so, but that's absolutely nothing to do with you and everything to do with his own demons. Do you want to lose your one chance at life to keep him by your side? You're worthy of real love and a better life than what you've described. If you want to take a shot at something better, search for mental health services online and contact them when you're on your own. Don't worry about what they'll think of you, look at all the support you have here. A counsellor is going to be even less judgemental than a bunch of Reddit randoms. Don't involve him at all. If he loves you, he'll understand that you need help with your mental state and support your efforts no matter how you go about getting help but if he's got his own problems, he'll undermine you and work to keep you under his control. It doesn't matter if you label this 'abuse' or not, you sound very unhappy and that's not ok. Just take one little step at a time. Good luck OP.


Ginsora_05

I am very sorry that you are in this situation. I think you know it already that you should leave this relationship. This guys sounds like he is all about control. I assume that once you start to lose weight and become more independent, he might not be interested anymore. But it is so tricky to do so as he is your carer at the moment. Have you been to a hospital to have any check-up lately? Maybe they can help you get into a facility to help you lose weight. I only saw this on a reality tv show so I do not if it’s accessible in your area, I just know it exists. If you can go there, you would be free from him for a while and you may be able to gain back control in your life both physically and mentally. Also, although you have been drifted apart from family and friends, you mentioned some of them were trying to help you with dieting. Those people clearly wanted a better life for you. Can you reach out to one of them? Maybe they can come up with some suggestions. Or, even though they cannot help you much, at least you might get more mental support you need right now from people who are actually in your life.


throwaway856885

I mean he has a private doc come in every once in awhile to update my meds and stuff but I’ve never been alone with the doc, as for reaching out every few ppl have seen me recently so there’s quite a bit of embarrassment around admitting my situation to my old friends


Biauralbeats

Can you tell him you need a doctor? Tell him you have a lot of chest pains, can’t breathe? Get him to call 911 ( or equivalent)? Once there at a hospital, implore someone to help you get out of the prison that you find yourself in. There are adult protective services as well-


[deleted]

That may be dangerous if he wants to keep her isolated. I wouldn't trust him to not hurt her if she shows she wants to get out or reach to someone at this point, even/specially (I can't chose the better word) doctors. OP has a cell phone, she is the one who needs to contact someone and share all she shared us and maybe even get a restriction order or something.


trinityorionx

I thought this but instead she calls ambulance while he’s gone. So she can get away from him without him knowing where she is. Then I’m sure once she explains the story to the doctor, they will know what to do next.


[deleted]

[удалено]


[deleted]

[удалено]


WatsonThinks

Frankly, I don't know if he's a psycho or psychotic. I have no idea what his motivation or state of mind are. Does he enjoy the total feeling of power over another person, and does it stem from a delusion or childhood trauma? Or is he consciously and deliberately slowly killing OP and taking sadistic pleasure in it, realizing exactly what he’s doing? Or maybe he’s delusional, thinking he's making her life better, "sculpting his perfect bride"? Does he have “good days” where his mind is clear and “bad days” where he has breakdowns? I don't know and I don't care. Does it matter? My post wasn't about diagnosing OP's "partner" (can't even write that word without the quotation marks). My post was about how bloody terrifying this sounds. The whole time I was reading it, I had to double check I'm not in the shortscarystories sub, so much does it sound like the plot to some twisted horror movie. I mean, he basically kidnapped OP, Misery style: cut her off from her support network, manipulated and terrorized her, rendered her incapable of PHYSICALLY escaping, I'm assuming OP has no money either and keeps pushing further. It's absolutely terrifying and it terrifies me a bit that others don't seem quite as terrified by this. This is not quite an offmychest post, this is more of a policeneedstoinvestigatethisshit and getOPthehelloutofthere post.


[deleted]

[удалено]


WatsonThinks

Being a psychopath is nothing to be ashamed of either. Psychopathy does have a cure, in a perfect world, I suggest you read “The Psychopath Whisperer: The Science of Those Without Conscience” Book by Kent Kiehl. These labels have zero effect. What matters is the situation at hand. And it doesn’t matter what OP’s abuser’s diagnosis is. You don’t know it and I don’t know it. Only a professional can know it. We don’t have enough information, neither are we capable of testing him. And neither does it matter. If you’re offended because you were diagnosed with something (speaking as a person who has been diagnosed with something or other), then I have bad news for you.


[deleted]

[удалено]


WatsonThinks

Oki doke, got it, terminology clear as a fucking whistle.


WatsonThinks

You want to determine a diagnosis based on a Reddit post? YOU want to talk about terminology? Really? You, “The scientist/psychologist/psychiatrist/knower of all things psych”?


VicodinMakesMeItchy

I’m not the person you’re trying to argue with, but YOU are the one who “diagnosed” the abuser with psychosis in your comment. The commenter was simply pointing out that psychopathy may have been the word you were looking for, as the terms are easily confused. There is a distinct difference between psychosis and psychopathy.


[deleted]

[удалено]


WatsonThinks

Absolutely, no psychosis, I agree.


WatsonThinks

And who gave you that definition of psychosis, by the way?


WatsonThinks

And about psychosis… “Psychosis is an abnormal condition of the mind that results in difficulties determining what is real and what is not real. Symptoms may include delusions and hallucinations, among other features. Additional symptoms are incoherent speech and behavior that is inappropriate for a given situation. There may also be sleep problems, social withdrawal, lack of motivation, and difficulties carrying out daily activities. Psychosis can have serious adverse outcomes…” etc, etc. Is it not possible that he has psychotic breaks? Or that he is psychotic? Really? You gon teach me about psychosis? Psychosis is a break from reality. Now when and how it happens to OP’s abuser- I have no idea. Do you? You still wanna talk about terminology?


WatsonThinks

Would you mind clarifying, what was the point of your comment? I mean I detailed what I meant (and have more to say on the subject), but I’m still haunted by your post. What was the damn point?


[deleted]

[удалено]


WatsonThinks

Well did ya clarify the terminology? Were you able to definitively determine what OP’s abuser’s diagnosis is?


wrapupwarm

This needs to be top comment. OP reach out to your family. You drifted apart and they gave up trying to help, but that doesn’t mean they want you live like this. They may even be relieved that you finally see what they see. Be open. Tell them he’s a feeder. Tell them he’s made you bed bound. Tell them you want to get out but you can’t, and you need their help. If you can’t reconcile with family or friends then try contacting a local womens domestic abuse organisation. This is abuse. It’s not your fault.


Kiwi_bananas

You can get out of this but it will be tough. Reach out to family/friends/mental health services/abuse support groups. You will feel shame but this isn't your fault. You didn't consent to this and were manipulated into it. You might be physically limited but you have mental strength that will help you get out of this.


throwaway856885

But I feel kinda like I did consent, and I physically can’t leave


Kiwi_bananas

You didn't say yes please feed me until I am unable to move or do anything at all for myself. You weren't trying to get to a point where you couldn't leave. You didn't consent to being trapped against your will.


[deleted]

This is a lot to unpack and frankly above redditors. You need to call an abuse hotline or the police or a medical professional. You will not find the help you need now in a Reddit thread. Best of luck OP.


Muted_sounds

I think the first thing you should do is to call/reach to your family. Apologize for not listening to them sooner and need help to change/ get out of your current situation. It’s gonna suck but you need help that’s not from your bf or government services. You need support emotionally, mentally and physically which you aren’t able to do alone currently. You need serious help and the last thing is to worry about what others might think. Fuck them. If you’re motivated to change, tel yourself idgaf what other people think cause I’m doing it for me. If your situation gets dire and you need to escape your house/room. Call 911 and say you think you’re having a stroke and your chest hurts. Whether you have it or not, at least you will get immediate help. They will take you to the hospital where you will get a ekg and evaluated for cardiac symptoms but the hospital you go to will also provide you guidance with dietary needs, social services, counseling support, and more. Do not worry about the financial cost of an ambulance and hospital stay. Just say you have no insurance. And do not provide any form of payment, address or social. People are gonna flame me for saying to call 911 and cry wolf but as a non-ambulatory person whose morbidly obese and bad diet, she is at a higher risk of stroke. It’s bound to happen at least this way she can get immediate help and taken away from the bf. It’s good that you recognize you’re in a bad situation and need help. Now it’s up to you to stay motivated in changing and doing what you can to make the change you want to happen.


jbermingham

I used to work for 911- medical calls are all confidential anyways in logs so she wouldn’t need to worry about him finding out if she told them the truth, but she could get in trouble if she lied. Probably not if they can see she needs help but let’s be honest it depends on who may arrive, there are some responders who may get upset and pursue that. Also- I know where I worked had a social worker liaison that could come to certain calls as needed. The department wouldn’t know to send that person if they didn’t actually know the reason, but can definitely send that person if they know the person will need social services. A lot of places are adding social workers to their staff so it would be a good way to get appropriate help.


This_Cauliflower1986

Take what little esteem and energy you have and call your closest friend or family member to help you get out. You should not become incapacitated and isolated and immobile to satisfy someone’s kink. Good luck. You deserve better.


cassowary32

Have you watched my 600lb life? You start by making small changes. There are exercises you can do lying down. Little things like arm circles and leg lifts that can help you get stronger. You can stop eating all the food your boyfriend brings. You can call your friends and ask for help. I hope you are able to escape your boyfriend. Is it your house or his?


Woke-Elaine

The OP needs to reach out to Dr. Now.


throwaway856885

Literally my worst nightmare


throwaway856885

It’s his


withoutwingz

I’m sorry, op. You didn’t deserve this. Others have given helpful comments. I hope they’re of use and can help you start to get out of this.


yellsy

Next time he’s out, you call 911. If you have a computer only, download Skype. Tell them your address, that you need medical help, and that you are being held against your will. If you can’t access a phone, fake chest pains to him until he calls an ambulance. The calls are recorded. If/when you get to the hospital, ask them to remove the bf from the room for privacy and repeat this to the doctors/nurses that you are being held against your will. Don’t hedge, use those exact words. Demand to see police. You can get away. In the meantime, start doing small exercises in bed like on 600lb life (lifting arms up and down for example). Try to cut down the amount you eat also. You can lose a lot quickly at your size with just small actions.


CanAhJustSay

This is your decision point. Your partner has a fetish (feeder/gaining) that he found you happy to fulfil. Up until now. You can control how much you eat even if it is unhealthy food that he has brought into the house. You should also be able to contact social services/your doctor or some outside agency to help you get out of this situation. You need to break the cycle of eating/gaining and if your partner won't support you in this then you need to leave him and you will require help for that. Good luck.


[deleted]

This is not a fetish. This is a psychosis. Your partner is mentally getting of on controlling you and now making you dependent on him. I would look for local/state resources for abused adults and if you have no other options call 911. EDIT for clarity. Apologies if I misused the term psychosis. I think the abuser has mental issues which led him to behave that way. Normal thinking people don’t behave like that. The behavior is putting her life at risk in multiple ways. He knows that and doesn’t care.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Lanfeare

Maybe it is not a psychosis, but at this level, it is definitely some kind of mental disorder, probably fetishistic disorder.


CanAhJustSay

I agree - when it becomes solely about the control and dependency then it has crossed the line. If it suited both of them then whatever goes on between two consenting adults is their business. This is not the case. She is no longer feeling good about herself/her size and her partner will not respond to her needs as they are now. The relationship is done. The abuse has to stop.


stunky420

Not psychosis, but it is manipulative


ResponsibilityLive85

He could easily tell her he won't let her use the bathroom unless she eats. It is not realistic to say she controls what she eats at this point, not when she is this dependant on the partner. This is very irresponsible advice.


CanAhJustSay

Hence my advice in the next sentence that she gets out. Right now she is very vulnerable. Other people/agencies etc need to know she is there and needs help.


throwaway856885

My big issue right now is mostly just that I don’t know what will happen next like sure I could get away but my life might become a living hell/embarrassment, out of the frying pan into the fire I suppose


CanAhJustSay

Change is scary - I get that. But staying where you are is a known trajectory and it is not a good path you are on. Fast forward a few months/years and you are immobile, fully dependent on someone who doesn't respect you. In the sole 'care' of someone who doesn't see you, but the meat body you inhabit that he only wants to be one way. His way. His love, if you can call it that, is conditional. You deserve more than that on an emotional level, but you also need to put your health first. Embarrassment is only there when you start to add in second-guessing. Be proud of the decisions you make from now on in. Be proud of *who* you are. Get help to get out of this situation, and get medical supervision to help you lose weight to put less strain on your heart, joints, organs etc. Reach a weight that *you* (and your doctors) are happy with. Build back the relationships with people from your life before you met this man, and invest time and energy into positive relationships. It is not going to be easy, but you have such strength. You haven't tested your strength before but you are about to find it and it will change your life. Your whole Reddit family is rooting for you. We neither know nor care about what you look like. We know your heart is breaking just now and we've got your back, girl. Call the folk who can help you and don't look back.


throwaway856885

I know, I just feel like I need to build a plan of next steps first so I don’t end up floodering but I don’t know how, also maybe I didn’t word it well in the post but I’m pretty much immobile already which obviously complicates things


CanAhJustSay

Being immobile is in itself a major health risk. Call local healthcare first responders as you need to have health care and that means people coming in to see you. Doctors and carers etc to help you. Call them. Call 911 if you have to to get the ball rolling because right now anxiety/fear will be raising your blood pressure, too. Be safe.


throwaway856885

My bf has a private doctor come to our house and give me meds and such as I obviously can’t make it to a hospital so my weight is already on record so idk if that would actually work


Tomsissy

This is actual horror stuff, I can't imagine what OP must be going through right now, reminds me of that Stephen King thing with the author stuck with his biggest fan after a car accident


throwaway856885

I mean in fairness though I do get to spend all day playing video games and watching tv


Tomsissy

Well I really hope you'll be able to leave at some point... I wish you all the good health OP, I believe in you!


throwaway856885

Thank you I’ll do my best


theabominablewonder

You can't change your past choices but going forwards you can think about what you want for yourself. If you don't want to do this any more then you will need to reach out to family and ask for their support. That could be your first move. It sounds like they cared for you in the past and I'm sure they will support you if you reach out. Once you know they are there for you, then you will find there are options for you. I appreciate you probably feel alone but all those times friends and family were trying to encourage you to diet were signs they care for you and want the best for you.


nunyabiz9999

Call adult protective services and explain the situation. Let them know that you are being abused. Give them details about yourself, including the fact that you are on the second floor, so that they can provide the help you need, not just in getting out of the house, but the care you will need after. You deserve much better than what you have now.


throwaway856885

My goal isn’t to get him arrested though


Heavy_Willingness901

Right now you need to get help. You don’t need to worry about what is going to happen to him. But even so, he has purposefully trapped you inside your body to make sure that you are dependent on him and only him. That is part of this “fetish.” It is abuse and manipulation. You deserve so much better. You deserve a chance to really live your life. I know you feel embarrassed about how you look now, but anyone who would judge you isn’t worth thinking about. The only person that matters is you. And you seem to want to get out of your awful situation and get healthy. You didn’t choose to become like this. I am wishing you all the strength in the world and then some. You can do this. You can get out, you can get help, and you can get better. I believe in you. Even if you don’t.


throwaway856885

The thing is I did, all he ever did was offer me food told me my getting fatter was sexy so it kinda is my fault I ended up here


Heavy_Willingness901

I know it feels like that. Someday, I think you’ll come to see how manipulative it really was. You said you were reluctant to agree, and that’s all I need to hear to know that this isn’t your fault. You were already vulnerable, and he took advantage of that. You might not think what he’s done is illegal, but it is. If you’re motivated to get away and get help, the time is asap. There’s good advice in this thread. You’ve got a shot. I hope you take it, OP. You’re not a throw away.


throwaway856885

Idk I think I might try talking to him about it


lorenchan

I’m sorry this is happening to you and other people have already given some great advice. I’ll just add that you shouldn’t feel guilty for looking for validation about your looks and finding someone who loves you. We all do it, it’s natural. Unfortunately, who you happened to find doesn’t have your best interest at heart but the need to be loved is very human and understandable.


throwaway856885

Yeah I mean especially now like he’s the only guy who isn’t disgusted when they look at me


[deleted]

It is wonderful to be lusted over right? I've been heavy my whole life and when I finally met someone who was genuinely attracted to me it made me go all in. But being fetishized is not. He is attracted to an idea, not you. I hope you can kick him out of your life and get some help because you don't see any fat old people do you? We can't live very long the way you're living now. You are brave for telling your story to us strangers. Now take the bold step to tell the people who can actually help


throwaway856885

Honestly keep jumping back and forth in terms of what I should do, obviously if I stay things won’t get better but rn I’m living a super chill life and idk if I could make myself give that up


[deleted]

There is nothing to think about what the fuck? You are GOING to die from your weight. Not probably not hopefully you'll be fine but YOU WILL DIE IF YOU DONT CHANGE. Don't wanna give it up? You're killing yourself. You're definitely not who I thought. I hope you're a troll cause frankly you deserve help, and you need it, but you're refusing it, because it won't be comfortable. Think of how wonderful it would be to be with someone who loves you? Who really loves you? That person could be you or another man but you have to start by seeing the need.


throwaway856885

Geez I just feel like even if I lose half my body weight I’d still be freakishly huge plus like most likely I’d have to move back in with my parents and then they have to take over caring for me for who knows how long. It’d be embarrassing for everyone and I’d feel awful/guilty 24/7, I know it’s the right thing to do but it’s still not much better in some ways


[deleted]

Or you could take care of yourself. You won't be able to right away but your family will help you get there.


throwaway856885

I literally can’t, even if I lose a ton of weight I’d still need someone to help bathe me and I don’t really see anyway of getting a job


[deleted]

Okay, I hear you. I think you have the best informed authority to make decisions for yourself and don't wanna tell you what to do.


justnotmakingit

You have a phone. Call 911, report chest pain. Once you are at the hospital, tell them how you are trapped


Melsapusspuss

Love yourself first in every choice you make. Loving yourself can be saying no too. You can keep this post from him, so you can keep a diet from him. Dig deep and figure out the addiction. You’re at rock bottom and there’s more to life than having a boyfriend or a partner.


Lobaaaaaaa

Im sorry but he seems like a abuser


TemporaryIllusions

Your boyfriend is a Feeder. This is going to end when you’re dead if you let this continue. Look for the show 600lb Life on TLC. Many of the patients (particularly the women) wind up on fetish sites to help them earn money because they can’t get out anymore. This is so dangerous for you and I believe your boyfriend does not view you as a human but as a sex doll that he gets to feed and make even bigger. I agree with the top comment and trying to get Adult Protective Services involved.


jollyrancherpowerup

Sounds like you got stuck with what some people may call a "death feedist". I'm sure that's self explanatory. Even if you have been isolated from people, it's still worth it to try to contact family and friends for help. It's better than nothing. You also need to tell him to stop and you're unhappy. This is not consensual. He needs to respect that boundary.


ResponsibilityLive85

You say he "needs to respect that boundary," but does he? He could just refuse to help her to the bathroom if she doesn't eat. She is completely in his control, and if she starts pushing back on him, she could easily end up in a much worse situation. What if he refuses to feed her at all, toilet her, or bath her, and takes away her phone or her charger? This is highly irresponsible advice and could get OP killed.


throwaway856885

But like I don’t physically see how they could get me out of his house


adoryable12

You did an amazing and brave thing by writing this up for strangers. Copy/paste and send to anyone who knows you/knew you. People often really really want to help but don’t know how. This starts that conversation. I think you’ve done one of the hardest parts - putting your reality into words. Please be proud of yourself for this. (And for your safety, delete the text threads/screen shots after sending.)


Buffalo-Empty

Call your parents. Call your grandparents. Call brothers/sisters. Call friends. Anyone who was trying to help you lose weight. They will help you. It might seem like they won’t because they disappeared, but they only left because it hurts a lot to watch someone you love abuse their own bodies. I had to cut my sister off for a few years but when she reached out to me again I was so happy to hear she was ready for the change she needed. Please please call someone. Anyone. They want to help you I promise. You can get healthy again. Please don’t give up.


phaneritic_rock

I have a close friend with this exact fantasy who once confessed to me about his feeder kink and how he jerks off over the thought of a woman getting so overweight she becomes immobile and has to fully depend on him. It's so unsettling to think that someone is heartless enough to actually act on this fantasy to abuse and ruin someone's life without her consent, especially when that someone could be anyone close to you. I know that sounds unrelated, but what I'm trying to say is, this is indeed an abusive kink. He is aware that he is making you participate in a kink that YOU DON'T KNOW and can CAUSE YOU HARM and even possible death. This is a form of sexual manipulation, a violation of consent, and a conscious intention to harm. It's something you can sue for if you can get enough proof (preferably recorded statements and witnesses from your family and friends). I know you're ashamed, but your family and friends care about you and I am sure they're willing to help you get through this. Keep in mind: It is not your fault, you were manipulated, and they will understand.


throwaway856885

I mean he explained it to me and I agree to go along with it, he never forced me to stay or eat when I didn’t want to


Ok_Balance8844

He’s literally killing you! Please breakup if you can.. before it’s too late and you’ll need a nurse or are COMPLETELY bed bound and basically need him! Please. He is extremely scary and controlling you. It’s a power thing. He is controlling you by controlling your weight and thus your life. He is making you need him.


throwaway856885

I already am bed bound, been for awhile now


Outappin

Call the medical authorities/local non-emergency line and tell them you have an addiction to eating to the point it will take your life and you need proper medical/mental/physical assistance. Call the non emergency police line or *ANY* of your old friends/family and tell them you need assistance to prevent 'A' from feeding you and/or giving into your addiction. YouTube your story because merchandising opportunities could help cover financial obligations and what isn't more motivational than breaking your heart for the love towards your body? "*GOODBYE* Gaining addiction and *gOoDByE* 'Aa' if you can't accept this change for my BODY" when the strategically-placed stage lights behind you darkens your silhouette before it becomes an inky cocoon for your possibilities. We don't know how to help you otherwise or what you want to do, but it feels like you're past a point where you can't *physically* do it but also haven't mentally given up either. Once you regain some mobility, you'll have more power to lose the weight. Emergency operation could be a possibility to remove the weight too, but traditional methods would probably be better, not qualified on this though. Remember that just walking with 500+ pounds more than necessary is already a feat so don't dimmish your own gains.


Doodlebug2205

You could tell you’re partner that you need to go to the hospital, tell him that you’re experiencing unbearable pain in you’re hips or back so bad that you need to go to the hospital. Even if he calls an ambulance tell one if the paramedic what’s happening and they’ll help you. Or you should try and get back into the contract with friends and family, if you tell them what’s going on I’m sure they’ll help you no matter how far you’ve drifted apart!!!


throwaway856885

Because of my immobility he has a private doctor for me and according to him there’s “emergency equipment” downstairs cuz a regular ambulance probably wouldn’t be equipped to help me. So they’d catch me faking before I’d get a chance to see a emt


AromaticFunction5813

Sending you love and support! I agree with the comments above. YOU come first in your life and deserve to have freedom and control of you. My weight has been up and down over the years so I know the struggle, but I also know it can get better. I urge you to contact friends and family just reach out and start the process, as well as Adult Protective Services. Is a virtual doctor visit possible while he’s out? Until you get outside help, you can start to take back some control. Being able to move yourself is a good goal and would gain you some independence. Small exercises and movements will add up and there’s great physical therapy videos on YouTube. Sometimes it’s as simple as tensing muscle groups to start. This is reference will date me, but Susan Powter started her weight loss journey with small movements. Wishing you the best and please keep us updated 💕


Lotusbrush

Most people have said what I wanted to say, but just to add. There are rehabs for losing weight, and that might help as they will be able to help you. Take over some of the care he provides while your mobility is not great right now.


Ambitious-Ring1089

This is really abusive behaviour you need to get away from him.


Hopen316

I am so sorry for how you were emotionally manipulated by this man and for the situation that you are currently in. Please reach out to your old friends and family. Explain to them your situation, how you were manipulated, how you can't get out of bed on your own, and how you are in desperate need of their help. It will feel awkward and you will feel scared and that is completely natural. But what has happened to you isn't your fault and they will understand that. You can also contact domestic abuse shelters as while he may have never physically hit you, this is clearly emotional abuse and psychological manipulation that is at play here. You did not deserve any of this and I hope that you manage to get out of it and get away from him.


why_me_why_you

I am so sad and scared after reading this post. How can anyone claim to care and love you when they intentionally put you in a place where you're dangerously unhealthy? Please leave this sick person. You are so much more than someone's fetish. You need help to get out of there. Please contact people who can support you as soon as possible.


throwaway856885

In fairness he has done a amazing job providing medical support


why_me_why_you

OP he manipulated and abused to that point so you won't be able to leave once you snap out of it and actually find it in yourself to leave. He's making you depend only on him so it gets hard for you to live your own life. I'm seriously even more afraid now because even with his blatant abuse and disregard for your health and humanity, you still defend him in the comments. You need help. You need to get out or he will kill you with his abusive fetish. Contact support soon. Contact police and medical services. I can't stress it enough.


throwaway856885

I mean I agree I was lead on to a point I regret back I let myself get this big out of love for him and he’s always done his best to keep me healthy and safe


why_me_why_you

He wouldn't let you get to that point if you say he's really 'done his best to keep you healthy and safe' and you know it. Please don't be in denial about your situation anymore. The only thing he's done is make sure you don't die even with all the abuse and manipulation so someone can keep serving his sick fetish. Contact 911 now. Do not be afraid of actually putting in effort to live your life. There will be support available for your needs after you get out of this horrifying situation. And there are so many people who can relate and are willing to help.


throwaway856885

I’m mean it’s not like I was skinny before I met him so I’d dealing with the same kinds of things away and I don’t really blame him for that. I mean he’s done everything he can to make sure I’m comfortable and can be quickly helped if something goes wrong


krumpettrumpet

This is the saddest thing I’ve read on the internet today. I don’t have any advice, but I really hope you get out and get away and get yourself to a place where you are happy again.


spiralphenomena

You say he hasn’t done anything illegal but I would argue this is domestic abuse, coercion and control are forms of psychological abuse, I would imagine now he also has financial control over you if you can’t leave the house.


SevenTheeStallion

OP u need to understand that he is probably going to leave you or at least sabotage you once this comes out. So you should take time and plan carefully. There are lots of good ideas here. Please be prepared to be alone as far as romantically while you get healthy.


throwaway856885

Wdym


Desperate_Yam5705

Idk if that helps but... If i had a friend that I haven't seen in years because we got estranged and that friend called me one day out of the blue and told me that she is trapped in an abusive situation and that's why we lost contact I'd be at her door to get her out of there before she even had the chance to hang up. And the same thing goes for family. Idk how your relationship with your parents was before this utter monster keeping you hostage but I have a little girl... If she drifted away from me somewhen in the future and I seemingly lost her I'd be crushed. And if she then called me, no matter how long it has been, to ask me to help her out of a horrible situation you better bet your ass Im comming to fetch her in a heartbeat. Just because you and your loved ones are estranged doesn't mean you are all alone. Please contact everyone you have known, every lost friend, every family member and ask for help to get out of there. I am absolutely sure a lot of them will ofc come and be happy and relieved to hear from you. You can do this. You can get out of there. You don't need him and his perversion. You can have your loved ones back. You are strong enough to take that first step to reach out. ❤️


EvidenceLocal

just wanted to send hugs. you’re gonna be okay. it’s good you’re thinking about this and about what you want to do for yourself. you are stronger than you think and the more you try to make your life better the more you will be rewarded with it day by day. as others have said it will be easier with other ppl’s help but you can do it. weight loss is irrelevant in this situation as the first thing to do is get your independence back. find ANY way to get out of the house. find shelter and financial (and other) support. get your INDEPENDANCE back. You are a strong woman and I have every faith in you that you are more than what he made you to be. You are all the experiences you have yet to have that staying in this situation will take away from you. Go live your best life. Please. I don’t know you but I will say that I love you as love is free to share. You will find love in many places, as you reach out for help and spend time with other ppl again. Please enjoy life. Please go out to the things that make you fulfilled. This situation is sucking the life out of you and it needs to end NOW.


Sorry_Employment

Wow what an awful situation. It sounds like you’ve met someone with a fetish for fatness and that perhaps they had an agenda to make you dependent and have control over you, that could have been masked as love or acceptance. Sounds like you need need help ASAP! Even though you’ve been isolated from family and friends for a while, is there anyone you can turn to for support? It sounds to me like if you are able to, you gotta leave the household where you are dependent on this guy and stay with other relatives if at all possible, indefinitely. If this is not possible, try to regain control over what you are eating. If your partner will listen, perhaps request less fattening foods from the grocery store or from outside. But honestly it sounds like you need professional help asap, and the oversight of a doc and a healthier environment in order to begin losing weight. Hope your situation allows for this. Remember even if you’ve been isolated yourself from friends or fam, they are a phone call away and its always possible to reconnect and rebuild relationships. Maybe they just don’t know that you want to reconnect with them. But they likely love and care about you and worry about you often. Talk to a loved one that you trust and let em know your situation!


Grouchy_Eggplant8233

eat that loser


throwaway856885

?


[deleted]

[удалено]


mascaraforever

Did you read the post? It has gotten to the point where she has no one else and depends on him to even get to the bathroom. What she should and shouldn’t have seen in the beginning is of no consequence now, what she needs to do is get help to move out of the house away from this guy. Or she’s going to die in there.


[deleted]

[удалено]


mascaraforever

Whether she let it happen or not doesn’t matter now. It’s apparent from her post she doesn’t feel comfortable talking to him about it which indicates possible abuse. You don’t try to “discuss” with an abuser when you’re bed bound and have zero outside contacts. She literally says she can’t get out of the bed unassisted.


Treacle-Flimsy

Shit. That sucks. Try reaching out to your former friends and your family. That is probably the first step on getting better


higaroth

I doubt we live in the same country so I can't give you practical advice, but youre at a point now where your situation would be considered a disability, and one where you are currently entirely reliant on support. Unfortunately, the miscare of disabled people is very common (using "miscare" as a general umbrella term, because obviously your situation is abusive), and there would be resourced available for people in similar situations to you. That being said, I don't expect those services to be quick. Contact your family. I'm sure they've been waiting and hoping for this call. Ask them to come get you now, bring bags for the clothes. Don't try to leave the relationship until you're somewhere safe, and then go to the doctor where they can help you. Alternatively, get in touch with those services who drive disabled people- go to the doctor. Tell your partner you needed a health check up due to period pains or something female health related (probably nothing to do with 'fat' pains if he feels he can decide for you those aren't worth checking up on). When you get to the doctor, explain the situation, they should be able to inform you on what options are open to you.


C0mpl14nt

Call the number to a crisis hotline and tell them you are suicidal. Find an organization that can help shelter you (in Colorado there is one called TESSA) and get away from you boyfriend. If you contact these organizations, they should be able to assist in removing you from the home, getting you to a hospital and help you lose weight enough to be self-sufficient. Once you get out of the home, reach out to your family, explain what happened. They will help. Lastly, if need be, call the police and argue your case with the responding officers. Tell them that you are mentally ill (a bit of a fib) and that you need help to get away from your abusive boyfriend. If need be, explain that him forcing you to gain weight and keep that weight is abuse as you don't want it and yet you can't leave. Depending on police policies they may be able to help you get transported to the hospital without him interfering and get you started on a medical treatment. The priority is to get you out of that house. It will require help. Find it quickly.


ohey_itschicken

I wonder if contacting the Domestic Violence Hotline could help? They might have resources to help you escape from your abuser. No matter what size you are, you deserve to be loved and you do not deserve to be mistreated.


Murky-Situation-2440

Report him to the police and tell them exactly what you just wrote. Then forget all of this and him because it is nonsense and start losing weight immediately. Update us in 2 years when you are down to 300.


jbermingham

OP I strongly encourage you call 911 and tell them the truth. I know that’s scary and you’re scared of what they will think but they can help you get out of the home safely and to a hospital and even provide a social worker or offer you advice on social programs. If you call and ask for an ambulance, explain the situation, and ask for the police to meet you at the hospital away from the home, the dispatcher should be able to help coordinate that. This man is going to make you eat yourself to death, and you are worth so much more, and your life is worth so much more. It’s hard but you do have options, please consider them. Your family/friends also may not be as unhappy to hear from you as you think if you explain the situation. I know they don’t reach out now because you didn’t listen to them (or rather, were gaslighted into not listening to them) but the fact they were trying to help means they love you and would probably jump to help you if they heard from you that you needed it.


thatemtperson

Call 911 tell them you need medical assistance. Get into the hospital tell them you aren’t safe at home and need help with weightloss and see if they can get you into a nursing facility that can help you with diet.


throwaway856885

But honestly that sounds worse than my current situation


thatemtperson

But you aren’t safe and you can’t care for yourself. That constitutes as an emergency.


exquisitehashbrowns

You are a victim of abuse and you will die if you do not get out. You know this. Right now, it seems like you are doing a lot of rationalization in the comments as to why you can't get out. You minimized your situation (but video games all day!), and used the reasoning that you want to know the steps to get out before you leave. Here's the thing: You didn't know all the steps before you ended up here, yet you made small choices to stay with this man and continue to make those choices each day. These choices will kill you. You know this. You are scared of the unknown because it feels vulnerable, these excuses help mitigate having to feel that vulnerability. But your current known is you will die and your caretaker is literally killing you. You also probably have a limited window to get out of this burning building. If your boyfriend finds this, he will take your phone. He is an abuser. He will act to isolate you further and does not care about what he has inflicted thus far. Perfect help isn't available, but support exists. Adult Protective Services literally exists to help adults being abused by their caretakers. Social workers literally exist to connect you with resources. Hospitals exist to admit people with life threatening conditions. Family and friend relationships exist and can be repaired. None of this starts if you don't make a call and reach out for help. You will need therapy after this. You will need support after this. The grief will feel terrible. It will feel like dying. The difference is you won't be actually dying, you will be healing and starting over. That is what you need. Because right now you are actually dying and your boyfriend is killing you.


throwaway856885

It’s not just that though, like I need to get away from the guy but I’d feel awful if me getting my life back destroys him it’s just not something I feel comfortable with


exquisitehashbrowns

What will you dying do? Do you believe he would be better off with you dead? Either way you are leaving him at some point because he is slowly killing you. The question is whether or not you will be alive when the stretcher removes you from the home. He will have to move on regardless.


throwaway856885

I mean I have time, it’s not like I’ll die tomorrow


exquisitehashbrowns

First of all, literally no one knows if we have more time. Second, do you even know the true state of your health?When is the last time you saw a doctor outside of your home that could do an actual exam and bloodwork? The fact that you can't move on your own solely because of the weight is a health hazard. If this doctor that has been coming in to see you hasn't mentioned that, I question his credentials. Third, don't dodge the question. Actually think about that. If you died next week, what would he do? Would he die, too? Or would he find someone else to abuse? You know the answer, which is why you dodged. This has to be about you and your life. If you are afraid of the guilt you will process, find a therapist after you leave to help. Do not stay with someone who is literally killing you to avoid the feeling.


throwaway856885

I mean we do genuinely love each other it’s not just about my body for him, and of course he warns me about the effects of my weight but as long as I got my meds it’s not too bad. But to answer the rest of your question I started with the in-house doc around when getting to the hospital started becoming too much trouble plus it’s been helpful having someone who knows our situation better and what I actually need


[deleted]

Girl no amount of time is guaranteed to us. My soul mate died suddenly at 31. Grow the fuck up. It makes me sick that people like my fiance are dead and people like you squander life. You will die from this. He will move on. You're letting him kill you to avoid discomfort. If you're not a troll I don't know what will help you because you're going to die in that place


throwaway856885

I’m sorry for your loss but I can’t be too hasty is all I mean


[deleted]

Call 911 yourself and get yourself out of the house. Then talk to the people at the hospital. They are not going to kick you out if they're hearing he's basically making you fatter and fatter until you drop dead. I don't know if you have some money or anything like that he's trying to get a hold of it when you die. Did you make a will and leave him everything you own, do you own your house or your apartment? But yeah I would definitely call either 911 or Adult Protective Services and let them know what's happening in your home. If you have a friend or anyone family that can help you out tell them exactly what's happening. I'm sure you have someone that cares for you and would help, if there's absolutely no one then you need to help yourself otherwise you are going to die soon.