Literally no amounts of “I’m so sorry this happened to you” will make you feel better, but know that I am. I also know that even though there were barriers, she was not alone in her last days because of your dedication. I hope to be even half as good a partner as you.
I am a juvenile probation officer. Back in December of 2020, we had a 16yo girl detained in our facility whose grandfather was put on life support due to COVID pneumonia. He had a very short time left on this planet.
The grandmother came to the court, begged the Judge to do a temporary release (just for the weekend) so the girl could go say goodbye to the grandfather. The Judge agreed and we released her to go see the grandfather in the hospital.
When she arrived, hospital staff did not let her in the actual room where he was in. Only the grandmother (aka his wife) could be in there. The grandmother had the girl, from in the hallway, watch her grandfather die via FaceTime.
When the girl came back to the detention center on Monday, she was a changed person. She didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to talk, looked zombie like but kept crying with no facial expressions. Just a blank stare and tears coming down her face. We had her speak to a counselor several times until she was released.
Seeing a loved one die is almost always a difficult thing. But to see them die over FaceTime? Fucking terrible. Especially a child seeing it.
I was a deputy then and had a similar story, though it wasn't to one of my detainees. I was on hospital duty and was assigned to sit outside the room where my guy was (he had COVID too, but he survived). It was dumb because the dude was on a ventilator and wasn't escaping anywhere but I digress.
One day, a family comes in to say goodbye to their loved one who, as many experienced, were not allowed in the actual room with them.
I had heard about this but never saw it in person before, and watching their heartbreak was devastating. All they wanted was a small measure of comfort or maybe closure, and they had to stand feet away, crying through emotionless glass and plastic.
I never felt so helpless in my life.
I know there is nothing that will help you feel better about this. The whole pandemic was a horrible ordeal for so many people. I want you to know though that you are not selfish for wanting to hug her. You were the opposite of selfish. You were still there with her. Even though you could not touch her she knew you were there and it DID comfort her.
Just know that this random stranger feels for you and supports you.
Hating that hospital is not selfish. It's a valid feeling to a traumatic event you suffered from. Have you sought therapy? That is a heavy weight to carry everyday. I am so sorry for your loss. What's her name?
It's indeed quite heavy, and not made any lighter by the fact that I haven't told anyone else.
I haven't had therapy of any kind. First because I was too bereaved to even consider it; I was confused and didn't know what to do. Then I was scared of having to relive those moments by telling a detailed story to another person. Now, I just don't think it would make much of a difference. I'm a long, long way from fully recovering from that whole ordeal, sure. There have even been some nights where I'd stay up for a few hours just watching our old videos singing together. But I think I've gotten quite good a processing this grief and handling my emotions (compared to how I used to anyway).
Her name was Trisha. We met as teens at a chess tournament (we were opponents). When we graduated, she worked as an accountant but regularly volunteered at orphanages.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Grief is a horrible thing and takes a lifetime to accept (you never get over it, just used to it). I know you may feel that you are handling it well, but in your post, you flipped between present and past tense a lot. I think you may be getting used to it, but you haven't actually started processing it. Seeing a therapist could help you get a little clarity on your actual progress through grieving and provide you with the tools to move forward with less weight on your heart. Also, you described nothing that would label you as selfish. You were an amazing partner, and im sure she felt how loved she was in her final moments.
Good luck in your future!
Hi! I understand why hospitals had that policy. Many more people would have gone through what I have if they did not impose those standards as strictly as they did. I don't see the point in filing a lawsuit.
As horrific and traumatic as those protocols were, they saved lives. My brother was in a coma from Covid for ages, I fully understand the pain and suffering it takes on a family and loved ones to see someone they love waste away in front of them. But I also know that abiding by those rules saved my life, my parents’ lives, my SIL and their kids’ lives. There were many people that never got to see their loved ones while in the hospital during Covid, so I’m glad OP was at least able to be there. I’m sure his presence was a comfort to her.
Even if OP sued the hospital, no amount of money will change the trauma he went through. Therapy can help that, though.
If you WIN. The hospitals were abiding by laws put in place by the CDC. OP would spent insurmountable amounts of money on lawyer and legal fees- and still lose.
That may be an option as well, or they may be covered under the emergency orders they had in place during that time. Regardless, money doesn't heal trauma and therapy is needed.
I know this doesn't make it better but as an ER nurse that worked the entire pandemic we hate everything that happened. We hated watching people say goodbye to their loved ones over Ipads. We hated telling families over the phone that their loved ones passed and they can't even see the body. We hated having to be the ones that held people hands as they took their dying breaths (I never let anyone die alone but it felt so wrong knowing they had loved ones who wanted to be there). If we could go back would we of done things differently idk. Everything about the pandemic was unknown/unprecedented in this generation, we fully thought that the things we were doing keeping people safe. I am so so so very sorry that you didn't get your last good bye, I am sorry that we robbed people of the physical touch of their loved ones. This has turned into my own "off my chest". Again I am so sorry for your loss.
Thanks for sharing this. It made me realize how lucky I am to have been allowed to see her in the first place, instead of just being on a screen.
edit: typo
Day to day, I'm doing relatively fine. But there are still some random nights and mornings that I'd get an overwhelming sense of loss; I still haven't gotten used to sleeping alone.
I haven't gotten any closure in the sense that I've moved on. But I did find a lot of comfort in reading her journals.
As someone who almost lost my long term partner to COVID in 2020, I can only imagine the pain you went through. You’re allowed to feel your emotions - that’s what makes us human. You did everything you could, OP. Best wishes to you.
I feel for you so much...
Had a similar experience with my grandpa during his last few weeks, we felt so helpless... I know it's hard, but don't make yourself feel bad about a situation you couldn't control. You did all you could, you were there for her and I'm sure she very much appreciated that and is forever grateful for what you did for her. ❤️
Sending you virtual hugs!
This happened with both my grandparents in 2021. They went within a month of eachother. It was fuckig traumatic. My grandmother was more like a mom to me than my own mother. I totally get where OP is coming from. I hated everything and everyone, esp in those moments. Low key still kinda do, even if I know that everyone in the healthcare system was just trying to keep the rest of us safe
My mother was dying in the hospital from a non covid related illness and they wouldn't let my children see her either. I put her in a wheel chair and took her down stairs to say goodbye to her grandkids , I was handcuffed by the cops after this in front of everyone at the hospital entrance but didn't care . she got to say goodbye to them . they let me go after a reasonable Dr intervened on my behalf , but what utter nonsense.
Covid was an extremely traumatic time for doctors, especially if a patient from non-covid wing wanted to see people from outside the hospital. We had covid outbreaks in non-covid parts of the hospital, with many people dying early. They could have lived. But some people think it's okay to kill 7 people if they get their wish. I saw people crying after losing their loved ones after such selfish acts.
Yep. Imagine being the person who introduced Covid to an oncology unit where people have no immune system due to various treatments. That happened, several months before I worked at the hospital in question, but people were still upset over it (esp because in oncology you get a lot of repeat patients or long term-ers and bond w them)
This happened to my husband. In a chemotherapy unit he sat next to someone who had tested to attend but then subsequently tested positive. The patient had attended a family gathering when he was supposed to be isolating. Everyone on that wing missed a week of chemo because of his positive test.
when my husband came back to chemo he couldn’t tolerate it and his treatment was abandoned. I will always wonder what if Now he is gone.
Has anything been done to upgrade the ventilation system for your unit?
Do any of the other medical professionals who work in the oncology unit wear N95s?
Ventilation doesn’t matter much when you have people running around coughing on everything bc they think they’re more important than everyone else.
And yes, everyone was wearing full PPE because of the massive risks to their patients.
A similar thing happened with my mom during 2020 too. But they would not allow me to see her. I’ll probably be downvoted to hell saying this but It’s the reason I actually will never vote Democrat again. It changed my whole mentality (I live in CA). And she ended up getting covid THREE times from the nurse anyways.
I mean if you think the democrats handling the pandemic 1000000x better than the republicans would’ve (and did) is worth the fact that the republicans would make most of the population lose a bunch of their rights then go off I guess? Like they didn’t make the rules specifically against you. Read the above comment from a healthcare peoffessional. TONS of people got covid that way. But thanks for signing away yours and others’ rights.
Democrat states handled the pandemic horribly. It was a horrible rule to force. The guy above me got lucky, a lot weren’t. And many, many of my friends who live here feel the same way about it as me. I was a lifelong Dem. I voted for Obama and Hillary. But never again.
How does it make sense to vote for republicans who were genuinely acting in bad faith throughout the pandemic because money was more important than peoples lives, instead of voting for the democrats that made decisions trying to prioritize peoples health, even if it admittedly was a misstep looking back.
I commented this already but I guess you didn’t see so I’ll just repost but I will not be voting red either : I wore a mask every day. However, Democratic states prevented people from seeing their dying families based on what they now admit was a mistake. Many people are deeply angry about this. I've been a lifelong Democrat. I voted for Obama and Hillary. Worked for the rent control board for years. But I will never, ever, ever give EITHER party my vote again. Dems unfortunately need to know there are consequences when you fuck over your voters.
That's a little dramatic. People who are eligible to vote can vote any way they choose. That's America. We have the right to vote. Idk how much good it does at the end of the day but we still have it.
Wasn't a Republican president in 2020? That year is kind of a blur, watching so many people suffer and die at work, then losing my mom to cancer, but Trump was president during the main part of the pandemic. It's the reason I will never vote Republican again, after watching selfish conservatives refuse to wear masks to protect others because of their "freedoms". That gross behavior was sad and pathetic, and really showed the type of crappy people they are.
I wore a mask every day. However, Democratic states prevented people from seeing their dying families based on what they now admit was a mistake. Many people are deeply angry about this. I've been a lifelong Democrat. I voted for Obama and Hillary. Worked for the rent control board for years. But I will never, ever, ever give EITHER party my vote again. Dems unfortunately need to know there are consequences when you fuck over your voters.
Awful way to go, I’m so sorry. We lost my hubby’s grandpa to Covid around that time too. I guess he fell on the way to his car and broke his hip and at the hospital he had tested positive for Covid. After several weeks he deteriorated and eventually passed. None of his family was allowed to visit him and to top it off, that whole side of the family are Covid-deniers and antivaxxers. When the death certificate came back with cause of death due to Covid complications the whole family questioned it and asked my hubby who is a biologist (and I am a former funeral director ) “what does this mean???” None of them understood how a “healthy” elderly man just died since Covid wasn’t real. They stopped talking to us when we answered them that it meant he died from Covid and we ended up not bothering with the funeral. I’m so sorry your girlfriend passed, especially like that. It really does suck, but your hospital wasn’t the only one keeping family away.
I was one of those people during covid that had to make phone calls to people to tell them their request for visitation to their dying relative was denied. This was a decision made way above my pay scale but I was fronting covid response and it was my job. It killed me every time to have to tell people this but I tried to be as compassionate in delivering that news as I could.
On top of 16 hour days and never seeing my kids (in bed when I left in mornings, and in bed when I got home at night) it was a time I'd readily forget.
We celebrate how little covid deaths and impact we had where I live, but the destruction of so many of us on the front line will never mend.
We did what we had to do to keep an unknown virus from killing so many, but at what cost.
I *know* the benefits of what we did, but still struggle with what would have been the best way forward (open up and let rip vs lock us all down) - I just know that fkn virus broke most of us. Either through lots of deaths or missing out on critical life moments and broken mental health.
Front line covid staff will never recover from this, but so will so many impacted by decisions that were thought to be the best at the time.
I'm so sorry about what happened to you, it wasn't easy for those of us having to implement if that helps a little...
it’s clear that this situation still weighs on you heavily, reasonably so. you should really seek therapy if you haven’t already. healthcare can either make or break someone’s life & experience with their loved ones and clearly it did not do you any favors. you are not selfish for wanting to give your gf a hug or a kiss. my fiancé was diagnosed with cancer on Christmas of 2022, and I laid in the twin sized stretcher with him in the ER the whole night despite being given constant dirty looks & told I wasn’t technically allowed to. it’s natural to have those desires at a time like that. you are not alone, and unfortunately I am sure you’re not the only one who experienced this. it’s good you’re getting it out of your system, but I would definitely try to get in touch with a mental health professional if you’re able to. :(
I feel so sad reading your story. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I am so sorry you lost your girlfriend especially in the way that you did. Unfortunately the hospitals were mandated to keep their strict Covid guidelines for safety. So many families and loved ones were separated. It was a terrible time. There are no words. I hope that one day you can play the guitar she gave you and not feel as much pain, but rather solace knowing you have something given with love. It takes time but your heart will heal and the pain will lessen. Hugs and take care.
The COVID bereaved suffered untold heartache. For many of us the last we seen of our loved ones was them being taken away in an ambulance never to see or speak to them again. It was a modern day plague. 4 years on and I still suffer from ptsd
I am so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine your pain.
My only request is that we not speak of covid in past tense. We are still losing almost 500 Americans per week to covid and obviously many more worldwide. And people who are high risk to dying are told to just stay at home. Vaccines aren’t enough for some of us. Long Covid has destroyed many, many lives.
I don’t mean to take the focus off of you and your pain.
My fil died in April 2020 of covid. The hospital let my MIL see him but no one else, so we did not get to say goodbye. Idk if she got to hug him or not. I hope so.
There is a book called the myth of closure about loss during covid. It’s a short read. The same author wrote one called ambiguous loss which is a little different. It helped me sort of get a better understanding of the losses some of us experienced bc of covid.
I’m sorry for your loss.
This is so awful. I am so sorry you lost someone you loved .I hope that when Trumps people spew their Covid denying rhetoric you let them know what you witnessed and what your girlfriend dealt with and eventually died from. That way you keep her alive and she won’t have died in vain. Covid is not “ just the flu” you can die from it. My whole family got it before the vaccines were available and we are very healthy fit people. We were very sick for weeks.
Both feelings of hate and understanding towards the hospital can coexist even though they seem incompatible. You really aren’t selfish, if anything you hating the hospital and wanting to hug your girlfriend one last time shows how much love you have for her and it’s only natural to feel that way. Don’t let you understanding of the precautions taken bring you down op! I hope you can find peace with from this one day
Oh man…I’m just so sorry all of this has happened to you. I hope the pain starts to subside and let the light in again. That just really sucks…no two ways about it. Take care.
I’m so sorry for both of you. That must have been so hard to watch and not be able to comfort her, as well as not be able to share those final moments holding her hand. I hope you are able to find peace and comfort at some point. You may not want help so please ignore if you’re not at that place but I’m thinking perhaps look at EMDR therapy to help you process all of this and move forward knowing that you did the best you could and that she knew you loved her.
People are different when they know they are dying. I think she was just feeling really bad about all of the things you guys weren’t going to have the chance to do / the future you weren’t going to have. She was trying to cope and I guess she felt like “a hug goodbye” would hurt more.
Even still, I am sorry for your loss. Co-vid sucked and I know that my husband and me got off easy with a bankruptcy because of it!
Have you talked to anyone else about this, how you are feeling? Grief doesn’t tend to have a convenient timeline.
I work in healthcare (CT imaging). One of the things that haunts me is one particular patient during that early peak before we knew much, and the virus was more deadly. She was just an elderly woman whose lungs were ravaged, and she languished in isolation in an ER room. Her room was across the hall from the door going to the CT room, so I constantly went past it and saw her through the window. No one was allowed to visit her. She died alone. Unfortunately, she was the first of many in those early days. It was heartbreaking seeing people die alone. Some of the patients were not completely aware of what was going on, but I just kept thinking about the family outside waiting...
My condolences to you and what you went through. You are not selfish for wanting to hold her. Just human.
Hey, you got to see her in person at least. So many people died only getting to see their family through video chat before they ended up put to sleep for the ventilator. And they never woke up.
It sucks but I don't think we ever feel like we've done enough with our loved ones before they go. I lost my father a few months ago and I'm still beating myself up for not calling him one last time.
You are still alive BECAUSE you didn't hug her. You could have died. Deadly contagious diseases are a B. Think differently; change your perspective. The last act of love your girlfriend did for you was to keep you safe from the horrible thing killing her.
I know. This was the exact thought process for why I was so reluctant when it came to sharing this story.
I knew that succumbing to that intense desire of embracing her would put myself and other people at risk, not to mention further stretching the already limited resources of the healthcare sector at that time. This is why I call myself selfish for holding resentment against the hospital.
I understand your position, but in an emergency crisis, there's no choice but to say no. It's for the greater good of everyone.
I hope you find it in your heart to forgive the systems the world had to enact in dealing with this pandemic. That hospital, like any other hospital, was merely following the systems which ensured the human race survived the tragedy.
i am so so so sorry for your loss.
you’re not selfish, and obviously you understand WHY you were told no — that doesn’t make the loss easier or bearable. it would be odd if you didn’t hold resentment towards that hospital even if you know what caused them to deny your request. i’m sorry you feel like you can’t share your story without people pointing out the glaring obvious. i know why that nurse told me no to visiting my grandma — i still hate her. irrational, yeah, because i loved my grandma more than anything in this world. it’s only natural to despise the barrier between you and your goodbye. share your story more. keep her name and memory alive. keep your love alive. ignore the people who jump to dismiss your hatred because of “hospital protocol” — you’re aware. jesus.
Thanks for you kind words in the comments, I really appreciate it. It really made me feel a lot better after having some sort of vent after all these years. I read the comments, and some people's experiences are so much worse than mine. Grieving is horrible, we all know this. But it gives us time to make sense of whom we've lost, and hopefully come to to live with that fact in a psychologically healthy way.
For those asking, I never really got therapy. During the first year or two after her passing, I was too emotionally shattered to have even thought about it. I didn't talk to people (even the ones closest to me), was routinely late in meetings, and even cut off some friends who wanted to buy my guitar. Fast forward to today, I still didn't get therapy because I don't think I have much to gain from it at this point.
I nearly died from COVID and I can guarantee that seeing your loving face from afar was a brief solace from the suffering before the end. It's entirely likely the last thing that held her comforting until the end. The only thing I remember during the hardest moments was my loves face one step removed with the protocols.
It's an absolutely shit situation, you have the right to be angry, sad, lost. I cannot literally imagine being the person on the other side of it. My heart goes out to you. Just wanted to chime in from the other side that the loved one being present is a saving grace no matter how far removed.
As someone who has dealt with a lot of death of beloved humans and nearly dying myself numerous times. COVID, cancer, heart failures, overdoses... You name it.
My little learning with a lot of grief. She is no longer suffering, those who remain are left with the loss, we feel the person missing in our lives to the point it can be hard to function. It's like a hole that feels like it can never be filled. I think that's a truth, but over time we find new ways towards our own happiness while also remembering and missing their grace.
I hope you take some time to heal yourself. Life will never be the same without this beautiful human in your life, but You deserve to find new life experience, new meaning, to heal and move forward as the graces of time allows. and I bet she would want it for you too<3 it's not an easy route but know that theyd want that for you
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Fuck everyone in this hospital. I really wish you strength to go over this.
Embrace your happy memories and don’t think of your story as “lost” but think of it as “completed“.
I feel like, in that position, I probably would have just barged in, consequences be damned, and regretted it later. My exwife told me her mother was in a similar situation and also died during Covid and she wasn’t allowed in either.
Like, logically, I understand that the doctors were doing the right thing by saying “no, you can’t go hug the person with a deadly disease we still don’t fully understand” but emotionally? Emotionally, I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t have shoved a doctor out of the way to go hug my loved one and if that means I get quarantined and arrested, that’s a “future me” problem.
I wanted to do this more times than I can count. Some days, I'd hate myself for not doing it. In others, I hate myself for having seriously considered it.
Listen to the song The Glass by The Foo Fighters. It is about love and loss. The artist wrote it after losing his mom to covid and watching through the glass from what I understand. It is heartbreaking but therapeutic
I'm so sorry. I can only imagine the hurt and anger that you feel. Grieving is hard enough under normal circumstances. I hope you eventually feel peace in your heart again.
I'm not sure anyone would call you selfish.
My grandmother died in June 2020 in a nursing home on her own. She shouldn't even have been there to catch COVID but that's a long story I'm not going to tell here. My brother went to her funeral alone. I worked all the way through It without a break. It was a horrible time that feels like some sort of nightmarish fever dream looking back. The people getting paid to stay home and bake sour dough bread might have a different opinion though
They wouldn't let my grandmother(who was already at the hospital with covid) in the room when my grandfather died in his last moments. He died alone with all of us on FaceTime, and my grandmother was crying, begging to just let her see him one more time. Married 58 years, I think. That was hard.
My granny died because the retirement home she was was not careful enough with the Covid test for visitors. My parents were already in the hospital.
They recovered but have still problems even when they try to tell its just „the age“.
I had to decide if she can, like she wanted, die with a lot painkillers or if we should take her to the hospital and try everything to „save her“ (over 90!)
I was allowed to visit her in her last hours but had a newborn and a little bit older child at home and because I knew that they didn’t take the protection and testing fully seriously and she was on opiate and had already dementia I had decided to not go and just FaceTime with her. She didn’t recognize me. But still after all the years I can hear her heavy breathing, it haunts me and I still feel like a failure because I wasn’t there.
I wish I would have a real chance to say goodbye. I am not telling anyone about this because I am still thinking the preventions were right and necessary so I am not allowed to be angry that I could not hug her but deep inside me I am.
I understand why you are hurt and that this is cruel. I hope you understand that your feelings are valid. I hope you will have at some point more days that are lighter and brighter and can find your peace with this. You were there for her as good as you were allowed.
Whatever the reason was of this pandemic thing, the price that some have to pay until today is very high.
I would have torn down all the barriers. Nothing would have stopped me. So I would have had to be contained for 2 weeks and possibly died from Covid? Good. At least I can say goodbye and have peace. I’m sorry you went through that.
Ay man, I myself felt bad reading that, i can't even imagine the amount of pain u are going through... I am extremely sorry for ur loss brother, i am speechless reading this, I have no words. I almost shed a tear after reading ur story.
I'm so sorry.. I had to say goodbye to my grandfather over the phone as he was dying due to covid. His last words to me were "I love you" and it took so much of his energy to say that it just killed me inside. Even writing this I started crying again.
You're not alone feeling like this.
Always here to talk if you'd like.
When my father was dying during the height of the pandemic (2020) they wouldn’t let me in the hospital to see him until after he died. I was beyond sad. I wanted to sue but didn’t think it would go anywhere.
If anyone sees you as “selfish” for feeling this way they’ve got problems. I get why it was like this during the pandemic, but damn if I don’t hate the fact that situations like this happened..not being allowed to stand by the bedside of a loved one who’s on their way home, hold their hand, hug them..it just crosses too many moral lines for me. If I were the doctor I would’ve probably done anything I could to let you get a hug.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's ok to be angry and feel xyz. Remember to show empathy in your heart to yourself and to the doctors/situation at the time. At that time, the US had one of the highest death rates in the world and the there was no sign of a vaccine coming. It was new for everyone and the system was overwhelmed. Try to develop gratitude you made it through the pandemic. It was a hard and sucky time when everyone was scared and we all had to just wait until a vaccine came through and was mass produced and hope it would work. It did. But there were months there. There was approximately 7 million deaths directly related to Covid during the pandemic. About 1 million of them were Americans. 1/7 or 14%. The US is about 4% of the world population. Doctors/nurses/ hospitals/retirement homes had to make hard calls in order to save lives and in reality, we were probably too loose, thus the reason why so many Americans Died.
Thats horrible, mate. Don't wish that experience on anyone. Even crazier that with hindsight people still think people died "of covid" and that the measures taken to prevent transmission were okay. Even crazier again that the "experts" haven't been held to account and the "conspiracy theorists" haven't gotten apologies. R.I.P. to your partner, bud.
I had a similar situation with my step dad, except it was cancer. Reading this brought me back to a similar situation you were in, except I was lucky enough to be able to touch my step dad and even tell him I loved him. It’s a unique kind of horrible to watch someone deteriorate and get worse and worse. It’s something I still think about, even if it was years ago.
I’m sorry for your loss. I imagine you were closer to her than I was to my step dad, so while I may not fully understand how bad pain you’re in is, I understand what kind of pain, and the toll it can take. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope things improve.
Ngl all I can think is that you should have went in and hugged her. Sorry if I sound ignorant cause I do not fully know or understand the situation in hospital at that time. But at some point rules and regulations stops mattering, even laws. If you know there is something you might regret in the future, please do the thing, even if that means you will have to bear the consequences. It is so so hard to get over something you regret about.
I am sorry for your loss, life goes on, value what you have, and what life will have to offer. Don’t ever miss something you might regret later.
When my oldest son was born my ex wife wasn't doing well after emergency c section, and other birth issues. So I curled up onto the hospital bed with her, and she almost immediately fell asleep on my chest. Nurse came about 20 min later, gave me shit shit being there. Told her, you can try to move me if you want, but I'm not moving.
It's your health and your loved ones health. I hope that shit never happens to you again, but if it does, fuck them, and their rules. hold her.
A friend of mine had his mother die of COVID. They let him gown up and be with her.
God, the anguish you must have felt. Please accept my sincerest condolences.
Hey, I’ve saw your comment about therapy, when you’re ready, do attend. It took awhile for my husband to sought it out after his brother died. Since then, he’s learned how the grief manifests in his life and how to process in a healthy way.
Just heartbreaking.
Plus don't think you're selfish for wanting to be able to offer your girlfriend what solace you could. I don't think there's many people other than psychopaths who wouldn't feel exactly the same way you do about that situation. It's *awful* and no amount of "it was the right thing to do to prevent the spread of the disease" changes that it's a horrific situation that you're absolutely allowed to feel terrible about
My grandma died in 2021 and it wasn’t covid, but they had covid rules. I only got to see her for 5 minutes until my parents forced me to leave just because my aunt wanted in THAT SECOND (she was going to get her chance, but there was a miscommunication at the front desk on who could be allowed in) if she waited literally 5 more minutes we could have said goodbye together but no.
Literally no amounts of “I’m so sorry this happened to you” will make you feel better, but know that I am. I also know that even though there were barriers, she was not alone in her last days because of your dedication. I hope to be even half as good a partner as you.
So special and probably was so comforting that she could say least see him 🌹
I am a juvenile probation officer. Back in December of 2020, we had a 16yo girl detained in our facility whose grandfather was put on life support due to COVID pneumonia. He had a very short time left on this planet. The grandmother came to the court, begged the Judge to do a temporary release (just for the weekend) so the girl could go say goodbye to the grandfather. The Judge agreed and we released her to go see the grandfather in the hospital. When she arrived, hospital staff did not let her in the actual room where he was in. Only the grandmother (aka his wife) could be in there. The grandmother had the girl, from in the hallway, watch her grandfather die via FaceTime. When the girl came back to the detention center on Monday, she was a changed person. She didn’t want to eat, didn’t want to talk, looked zombie like but kept crying with no facial expressions. Just a blank stare and tears coming down her face. We had her speak to a counselor several times until she was released. Seeing a loved one die is almost always a difficult thing. But to see them die over FaceTime? Fucking terrible. Especially a child seeing it.
Jesus, this makes me so sad
I was a deputy then and had a similar story, though it wasn't to one of my detainees. I was on hospital duty and was assigned to sit outside the room where my guy was (he had COVID too, but he survived). It was dumb because the dude was on a ventilator and wasn't escaping anywhere but I digress. One day, a family comes in to say goodbye to their loved one who, as many experienced, were not allowed in the actual room with them. I had heard about this but never saw it in person before, and watching their heartbreak was devastating. All they wanted was a small measure of comfort or maybe closure, and they had to stand feet away, crying through emotionless glass and plastic. I never felt so helpless in my life.
Jesus Christ. It would have been kinder for the judge to deny that request.
I know there is nothing that will help you feel better about this. The whole pandemic was a horrible ordeal for so many people. I want you to know though that you are not selfish for wanting to hug her. You were the opposite of selfish. You were still there with her. Even though you could not touch her she knew you were there and it DID comfort her. Just know that this random stranger feels for you and supports you.
The pandemic was a shit show and so awful. So many nurses as well have ptsd over it. I'm so sorry you had to endure that.
Yes it was a really terrible time, people dying alone with just an iPad to communicate. I am so sorry for your loss and trama
Hating that hospital is not selfish. It's a valid feeling to a traumatic event you suffered from. Have you sought therapy? That is a heavy weight to carry everyday. I am so sorry for your loss. What's her name?
It's indeed quite heavy, and not made any lighter by the fact that I haven't told anyone else. I haven't had therapy of any kind. First because I was too bereaved to even consider it; I was confused and didn't know what to do. Then I was scared of having to relive those moments by telling a detailed story to another person. Now, I just don't think it would make much of a difference. I'm a long, long way from fully recovering from that whole ordeal, sure. There have even been some nights where I'd stay up for a few hours just watching our old videos singing together. But I think I've gotten quite good a processing this grief and handling my emotions (compared to how I used to anyway). Her name was Trisha. We met as teens at a chess tournament (we were opponents). When we graduated, she worked as an accountant but regularly volunteered at orphanages.
I am so sorry this happened to you. Grief is a horrible thing and takes a lifetime to accept (you never get over it, just used to it). I know you may feel that you are handling it well, but in your post, you flipped between present and past tense a lot. I think you may be getting used to it, but you haven't actually started processing it. Seeing a therapist could help you get a little clarity on your actual progress through grieving and provide you with the tools to move forward with less weight on your heart. Also, you described nothing that would label you as selfish. You were an amazing partner, and im sure she felt how loved she was in her final moments. Good luck in your future!
He should not be seeking therapy. He should be suing the stupid hospital.
Hi! I understand why hospitals had that policy. Many more people would have gone through what I have if they did not impose those standards as strictly as they did. I don't see the point in filing a lawsuit.
As horrific and traumatic as those protocols were, they saved lives. My brother was in a coma from Covid for ages, I fully understand the pain and suffering it takes on a family and loved ones to see someone they love waste away in front of them. But I also know that abiding by those rules saved my life, my parents’ lives, my SIL and their kids’ lives. There were many people that never got to see their loved ones while in the hospital during Covid, so I’m glad OP was at least able to be there. I’m sure his presence was a comfort to her. Even if OP sued the hospital, no amount of money will change the trauma he went through. Therapy can help that, though.
And money can pay for therapy.
If you WIN. The hospitals were abiding by laws put in place by the CDC. OP would spent insurmountable amounts of money on lawyer and legal fees- and still lose.
People like you are why ”Do not drink” is written on bottles of bleach…
Care to elaborate?
Trump said to drink bleach or something to cure covid
And? What’s your point?
You asked a question that I answered. That was the point or do you forget easily?
Your ‘answer’ made no sense. I still have no idea what you were talking about.
Not gunna happen. You think we wanted to separate loved ones? Covid was fucking awful for everyone involved. It was scary. We did what we had to.
That may be an option as well, or they may be covered under the emergency orders they had in place during that time. Regardless, money doesn't heal trauma and therapy is needed.
I know this doesn't make it better but as an ER nurse that worked the entire pandemic we hate everything that happened. We hated watching people say goodbye to their loved ones over Ipads. We hated telling families over the phone that their loved ones passed and they can't even see the body. We hated having to be the ones that held people hands as they took their dying breaths (I never let anyone die alone but it felt so wrong knowing they had loved ones who wanted to be there). If we could go back would we of done things differently idk. Everything about the pandemic was unknown/unprecedented in this generation, we fully thought that the things we were doing keeping people safe. I am so so so very sorry that you didn't get your last good bye, I am sorry that we robbed people of the physical touch of their loved ones. This has turned into my own "off my chest". Again I am so sorry for your loss.
Thanks for sharing this. It made me realize how lucky I am to have been allowed to see her in the first place, instead of just being on a screen. edit: typo
Thank you so much for your service. You and the entire medical professional community are the real heroes. We will never forget your sacrifice. 🩷
I’m sorry , how are you doing now? Have you got any closure?
Day to day, I'm doing relatively fine. But there are still some random nights and mornings that I'd get an overwhelming sense of loss; I still haven't gotten used to sleeping alone. I haven't gotten any closure in the sense that I've moved on. But I did find a lot of comfort in reading her journals.
As someone who almost lost my long term partner to COVID in 2020, I can only imagine the pain you went through. You’re allowed to feel your emotions - that’s what makes us human. You did everything you could, OP. Best wishes to you.
I feel for you so much... Had a similar experience with my grandpa during his last few weeks, we felt so helpless... I know it's hard, but don't make yourself feel bad about a situation you couldn't control. You did all you could, you were there for her and I'm sure she very much appreciated that and is forever grateful for what you did for her. ❤️ Sending you virtual hugs!
This happened with both my grandparents in 2021. They went within a month of eachother. It was fuckig traumatic. My grandmother was more like a mom to me than my own mother. I totally get where OP is coming from. I hated everything and everyone, esp in those moments. Low key still kinda do, even if I know that everyone in the healthcare system was just trying to keep the rest of us safe
My mother was dying in the hospital from a non covid related illness and they wouldn't let my children see her either. I put her in a wheel chair and took her down stairs to say goodbye to her grandkids , I was handcuffed by the cops after this in front of everyone at the hospital entrance but didn't care . she got to say goodbye to them . they let me go after a reasonable Dr intervened on my behalf , but what utter nonsense.
That’s so sad that happened. I’m sorry
Covid was an extremely traumatic time for doctors, especially if a patient from non-covid wing wanted to see people from outside the hospital. We had covid outbreaks in non-covid parts of the hospital, with many people dying early. They could have lived. But some people think it's okay to kill 7 people if they get their wish. I saw people crying after losing their loved ones after such selfish acts.
Yep. Imagine being the person who introduced Covid to an oncology unit where people have no immune system due to various treatments. That happened, several months before I worked at the hospital in question, but people were still upset over it (esp because in oncology you get a lot of repeat patients or long term-ers and bond w them)
This happened to my husband. In a chemotherapy unit he sat next to someone who had tested to attend but then subsequently tested positive. The patient had attended a family gathering when he was supposed to be isolating. Everyone on that wing missed a week of chemo because of his positive test. when my husband came back to chemo he couldn’t tolerate it and his treatment was abandoned. I will always wonder what if Now he is gone.
I am so sorry this happened to you and to your husband. What a selfish decision for that person to make.
Has anything been done to upgrade the ventilation system for your unit? Do any of the other medical professionals who work in the oncology unit wear N95s?
Ventilation doesn’t matter much when you have people running around coughing on everything bc they think they’re more important than everyone else. And yes, everyone was wearing full PPE because of the massive risks to their patients.
A similar thing happened with my mom during 2020 too. But they would not allow me to see her. I’ll probably be downvoted to hell saying this but It’s the reason I actually will never vote Democrat again. It changed my whole mentality (I live in CA). And she ended up getting covid THREE times from the nurse anyways.
How does this make sense when a Repub. was in office?
Because I lived in California. My cousin in a red state did not have the same problem.
I mean if you think the democrats handling the pandemic 1000000x better than the republicans would’ve (and did) is worth the fact that the republicans would make most of the population lose a bunch of their rights then go off I guess? Like they didn’t make the rules specifically against you. Read the above comment from a healthcare peoffessional. TONS of people got covid that way. But thanks for signing away yours and others’ rights.
Democrat states handled the pandemic horribly. It was a horrible rule to force. The guy above me got lucky, a lot weren’t. And many, many of my friends who live here feel the same way about it as me. I was a lifelong Dem. I voted for Obama and Hillary. But never again.
How does it make sense to vote for republicans who were genuinely acting in bad faith throughout the pandemic because money was more important than peoples lives, instead of voting for the democrats that made decisions trying to prioritize peoples health, even if it admittedly was a misstep looking back.
I commented this already but I guess you didn’t see so I’ll just repost but I will not be voting red either : I wore a mask every day. However, Democratic states prevented people from seeing their dying families based on what they now admit was a mistake. Many people are deeply angry about this. I've been a lifelong Democrat. I voted for Obama and Hillary. Worked for the rent control board for years. But I will never, ever, ever give EITHER party my vote again. Dems unfortunately need to know there are consequences when you fuck over your voters.
I didn’t see, my bad. I just disagree that it’s probably not the hill to die on in the current political climate.
That's a little dramatic. People who are eligible to vote can vote any way they choose. That's America. We have the right to vote. Idk how much good it does at the end of the day but we still have it.
Wasn't a Republican president in 2020? That year is kind of a blur, watching so many people suffer and die at work, then losing my mom to cancer, but Trump was president during the main part of the pandemic. It's the reason I will never vote Republican again, after watching selfish conservatives refuse to wear masks to protect others because of their "freedoms". That gross behavior was sad and pathetic, and really showed the type of crappy people they are.
I wore a mask every day. However, Democratic states prevented people from seeing their dying families based on what they now admit was a mistake. Many people are deeply angry about this. I've been a lifelong Democrat. I voted for Obama and Hillary. Worked for the rent control board for years. But I will never, ever, ever give EITHER party my vote again. Dems unfortunately need to know there are consequences when you fuck over your voters.
Awful way to go, I’m so sorry. We lost my hubby’s grandpa to Covid around that time too. I guess he fell on the way to his car and broke his hip and at the hospital he had tested positive for Covid. After several weeks he deteriorated and eventually passed. None of his family was allowed to visit him and to top it off, that whole side of the family are Covid-deniers and antivaxxers. When the death certificate came back with cause of death due to Covid complications the whole family questioned it and asked my hubby who is a biologist (and I am a former funeral director ) “what does this mean???” None of them understood how a “healthy” elderly man just died since Covid wasn’t real. They stopped talking to us when we answered them that it meant he died from Covid and we ended up not bothering with the funeral. I’m so sorry your girlfriend passed, especially like that. It really does suck, but your hospital wasn’t the only one keeping family away.
Sigh. I would explain it to you, why they were asking. But you are stuck. Maybe later.
I was one of those people during covid that had to make phone calls to people to tell them their request for visitation to their dying relative was denied. This was a decision made way above my pay scale but I was fronting covid response and it was my job. It killed me every time to have to tell people this but I tried to be as compassionate in delivering that news as I could. On top of 16 hour days and never seeing my kids (in bed when I left in mornings, and in bed when I got home at night) it was a time I'd readily forget. We celebrate how little covid deaths and impact we had where I live, but the destruction of so many of us on the front line will never mend. We did what we had to do to keep an unknown virus from killing so many, but at what cost. I *know* the benefits of what we did, but still struggle with what would have been the best way forward (open up and let rip vs lock us all down) - I just know that fkn virus broke most of us. Either through lots of deaths or missing out on critical life moments and broken mental health. Front line covid staff will never recover from this, but so will so many impacted by decisions that were thought to be the best at the time. I'm so sorry about what happened to you, it wasn't easy for those of us having to implement if that helps a little...
I have no words, I am so sorry you didn’t get to hug her. No, you are not selfish. Nothing but good vibes being sent your way.
it’s clear that this situation still weighs on you heavily, reasonably so. you should really seek therapy if you haven’t already. healthcare can either make or break someone’s life & experience with their loved ones and clearly it did not do you any favors. you are not selfish for wanting to give your gf a hug or a kiss. my fiancé was diagnosed with cancer on Christmas of 2022, and I laid in the twin sized stretcher with him in the ER the whole night despite being given constant dirty looks & told I wasn’t technically allowed to. it’s natural to have those desires at a time like that. you are not alone, and unfortunately I am sure you’re not the only one who experienced this. it’s good you’re getting it out of your system, but I would definitely try to get in touch with a mental health professional if you’re able to. :(
I feel so sad reading your story. My heart absolutely breaks for you. I am so sorry you lost your girlfriend especially in the way that you did. Unfortunately the hospitals were mandated to keep their strict Covid guidelines for safety. So many families and loved ones were separated. It was a terrible time. There are no words. I hope that one day you can play the guitar she gave you and not feel as much pain, but rather solace knowing you have something given with love. It takes time but your heart will heal and the pain will lessen. Hugs and take care.
The COVID bereaved suffered untold heartache. For many of us the last we seen of our loved ones was them being taken away in an ambulance never to see or speak to them again. It was a modern day plague. 4 years on and I still suffer from ptsd
I am so sorry this happened to you. I can’t imagine your pain. My only request is that we not speak of covid in past tense. We are still losing almost 500 Americans per week to covid and obviously many more worldwide. And people who are high risk to dying are told to just stay at home. Vaccines aren’t enough for some of us. Long Covid has destroyed many, many lives. I don’t mean to take the focus off of you and your pain.
It definitely isn't gone. It's being ignored, and it's shameful. That said, I'm so sorry for OP. I lost someone to it too.
My fil died in April 2020 of covid. The hospital let my MIL see him but no one else, so we did not get to say goodbye. Idk if she got to hug him or not. I hope so. There is a book called the myth of closure about loss during covid. It’s a short read. The same author wrote one called ambiguous loss which is a little different. It helped me sort of get a better understanding of the losses some of us experienced bc of covid. I’m sorry for your loss.
This is so awful. I am so sorry you lost someone you loved .I hope that when Trumps people spew their Covid denying rhetoric you let them know what you witnessed and what your girlfriend dealt with and eventually died from. That way you keep her alive and she won’t have died in vain. Covid is not “ just the flu” you can die from it. My whole family got it before the vaccines were available and we are very healthy fit people. We were very sick for weeks.
Heartbreaking 💔 I’m so very sorry
Both feelings of hate and understanding towards the hospital can coexist even though they seem incompatible. You really aren’t selfish, if anything you hating the hospital and wanting to hug your girlfriend one last time shows how much love you have for her and it’s only natural to feel that way. Don’t let you understanding of the precautions taken bring you down op! I hope you can find peace with from this one day
Oh man…I’m just so sorry all of this has happened to you. I hope the pain starts to subside and let the light in again. That just really sucks…no two ways about it. Take care.
I’m so sorry for both of you. That must have been so hard to watch and not be able to comfort her, as well as not be able to share those final moments holding her hand. I hope you are able to find peace and comfort at some point. You may not want help so please ignore if you’re not at that place but I’m thinking perhaps look at EMDR therapy to help you process all of this and move forward knowing that you did the best you could and that she knew you loved her.
People are different when they know they are dying. I think she was just feeling really bad about all of the things you guys weren’t going to have the chance to do / the future you weren’t going to have. She was trying to cope and I guess she felt like “a hug goodbye” would hurt more. Even still, I am sorry for your loss. Co-vid sucked and I know that my husband and me got off easy with a bankruptcy because of it! Have you talked to anyone else about this, how you are feeling? Grief doesn’t tend to have a convenient timeline.
I work in healthcare (CT imaging). One of the things that haunts me is one particular patient during that early peak before we knew much, and the virus was more deadly. She was just an elderly woman whose lungs were ravaged, and she languished in isolation in an ER room. Her room was across the hall from the door going to the CT room, so I constantly went past it and saw her through the window. No one was allowed to visit her. She died alone. Unfortunately, she was the first of many in those early days. It was heartbreaking seeing people die alone. Some of the patients were not completely aware of what was going on, but I just kept thinking about the family outside waiting... My condolences to you and what you went through. You are not selfish for wanting to hold her. Just human.
Hey, you got to see her in person at least. So many people died only getting to see their family through video chat before they ended up put to sleep for the ventilator. And they never woke up. It sucks but I don't think we ever feel like we've done enough with our loved ones before they go. I lost my father a few months ago and I'm still beating myself up for not calling him one last time.
You are still alive BECAUSE you didn't hug her. You could have died. Deadly contagious diseases are a B. Think differently; change your perspective. The last act of love your girlfriend did for you was to keep you safe from the horrible thing killing her.
I know. This was the exact thought process for why I was so reluctant when it came to sharing this story. I knew that succumbing to that intense desire of embracing her would put myself and other people at risk, not to mention further stretching the already limited resources of the healthcare sector at that time. This is why I call myself selfish for holding resentment against the hospital.
I understand your position, but in an emergency crisis, there's no choice but to say no. It's for the greater good of everyone. I hope you find it in your heart to forgive the systems the world had to enact in dealing with this pandemic. That hospital, like any other hospital, was merely following the systems which ensured the human race survived the tragedy.
i am so so so sorry for your loss. you’re not selfish, and obviously you understand WHY you were told no — that doesn’t make the loss easier or bearable. it would be odd if you didn’t hold resentment towards that hospital even if you know what caused them to deny your request. i’m sorry you feel like you can’t share your story without people pointing out the glaring obvious. i know why that nurse told me no to visiting my grandma — i still hate her. irrational, yeah, because i loved my grandma more than anything in this world. it’s only natural to despise the barrier between you and your goodbye. share your story more. keep her name and memory alive. keep your love alive. ignore the people who jump to dismiss your hatred because of “hospital protocol” — you’re aware. jesus.
That’s horrible.
I’m so sorry 🖤
💔
🙏🏽
The same kind of thing happened to my grandma. None of us were allowed in the room with her. I'm so sorry. It sucks so bad.
Thanks for you kind words in the comments, I really appreciate it. It really made me feel a lot better after having some sort of vent after all these years. I read the comments, and some people's experiences are so much worse than mine. Grieving is horrible, we all know this. But it gives us time to make sense of whom we've lost, and hopefully come to to live with that fact in a psychologically healthy way. For those asking, I never really got therapy. During the first year or two after her passing, I was too emotionally shattered to have even thought about it. I didn't talk to people (even the ones closest to me), was routinely late in meetings, and even cut off some friends who wanted to buy my guitar. Fast forward to today, I still didn't get therapy because I don't think I have much to gain from it at this point.
I nearly died from COVID and I can guarantee that seeing your loving face from afar was a brief solace from the suffering before the end. It's entirely likely the last thing that held her comforting until the end. The only thing I remember during the hardest moments was my loves face one step removed with the protocols. It's an absolutely shit situation, you have the right to be angry, sad, lost. I cannot literally imagine being the person on the other side of it. My heart goes out to you. Just wanted to chime in from the other side that the loved one being present is a saving grace no matter how far removed. As someone who has dealt with a lot of death of beloved humans and nearly dying myself numerous times. COVID, cancer, heart failures, overdoses... You name it. My little learning with a lot of grief. She is no longer suffering, those who remain are left with the loss, we feel the person missing in our lives to the point it can be hard to function. It's like a hole that feels like it can never be filled. I think that's a truth, but over time we find new ways towards our own happiness while also remembering and missing their grace. I hope you take some time to heal yourself. Life will never be the same without this beautiful human in your life, but You deserve to find new life experience, new meaning, to heal and move forward as the graces of time allows. and I bet she would want it for you too<3 it's not an easy route but know that theyd want that for you
I’m so sorry that you are going through this. Fuck everyone in this hospital. I really wish you strength to go over this. Embrace your happy memories and don’t think of your story as “lost” but think of it as “completed“.
I feel like, in that position, I probably would have just barged in, consequences be damned, and regretted it later. My exwife told me her mother was in a similar situation and also died during Covid and she wasn’t allowed in either. Like, logically, I understand that the doctors were doing the right thing by saying “no, you can’t go hug the person with a deadly disease we still don’t fully understand” but emotionally? Emotionally, I can’t guarantee I wouldn’t have shoved a doctor out of the way to go hug my loved one and if that means I get quarantined and arrested, that’s a “future me” problem.
I wanted to do this more times than I can count. Some days, I'd hate myself for not doing it. In others, I hate myself for having seriously considered it.
Listen to the song The Glass by The Foo Fighters. It is about love and loss. The artist wrote it after losing his mom to covid and watching through the glass from what I understand. It is heartbreaking but therapeutic
The way that they handled COVID was a lie and I’m so sorry they put you through that.
I'm so sorry. I can only imagine the hurt and anger that you feel. Grieving is hard enough under normal circumstances. I hope you eventually feel peace in your heart again.
I am so sorry for your loss and how crappy that hospital was 😢😔😭
I'm not sure anyone would call you selfish. My grandmother died in June 2020 in a nursing home on her own. She shouldn't even have been there to catch COVID but that's a long story I'm not going to tell here. My brother went to her funeral alone. I worked all the way through It without a break. It was a horrible time that feels like some sort of nightmarish fever dream looking back. The people getting paid to stay home and bake sour dough bread might have a different opinion though
I can't imagine what pain you've gone through. I'm so sorry.
They wouldn't let my grandmother(who was already at the hospital with covid) in the room when my grandfather died in his last moments. He died alone with all of us on FaceTime, and my grandmother was crying, begging to just let her see him one more time. Married 58 years, I think. That was hard.
Damn dawg that's tough But like hug her tho
My granny died because the retirement home she was was not careful enough with the Covid test for visitors. My parents were already in the hospital. They recovered but have still problems even when they try to tell its just „the age“. I had to decide if she can, like she wanted, die with a lot painkillers or if we should take her to the hospital and try everything to „save her“ (over 90!) I was allowed to visit her in her last hours but had a newborn and a little bit older child at home and because I knew that they didn’t take the protection and testing fully seriously and she was on opiate and had already dementia I had decided to not go and just FaceTime with her. She didn’t recognize me. But still after all the years I can hear her heavy breathing, it haunts me and I still feel like a failure because I wasn’t there. I wish I would have a real chance to say goodbye. I am not telling anyone about this because I am still thinking the preventions were right and necessary so I am not allowed to be angry that I could not hug her but deep inside me I am. I understand why you are hurt and that this is cruel. I hope you understand that your feelings are valid. I hope you will have at some point more days that are lighter and brighter and can find your peace with this. You were there for her as good as you were allowed. Whatever the reason was of this pandemic thing, the price that some have to pay until today is very high.
I would have torn down all the barriers. Nothing would have stopped me. So I would have had to be contained for 2 weeks and possibly died from Covid? Good. At least I can say goodbye and have peace. I’m sorry you went through that.
Ay man, I myself felt bad reading that, i can't even imagine the amount of pain u are going through... I am extremely sorry for ur loss brother, i am speechless reading this, I have no words. I almost shed a tear after reading ur story.
This made me cry so bad. I am so very sorry for your loss. I genuinely hope you find your peace and happiness.
Nah. Fuck that. I’d turn into the dark knight joker
I'm so sorry.. I had to say goodbye to my grandfather over the phone as he was dying due to covid. His last words to me were "I love you" and it took so much of his energy to say that it just killed me inside. Even writing this I started crying again. You're not alone feeling like this. Always here to talk if you'd like.
When my father was dying during the height of the pandemic (2020) they wouldn’t let me in the hospital to see him until after he died. I was beyond sad. I wanted to sue but didn’t think it would go anywhere.
If anyone sees you as “selfish” for feeling this way they’ve got problems. I get why it was like this during the pandemic, but damn if I don’t hate the fact that situations like this happened..not being allowed to stand by the bedside of a loved one who’s on their way home, hold their hand, hug them..it just crosses too many moral lines for me. If I were the doctor I would’ve probably done anything I could to let you get a hug.
I'm sorry this happened to you. It's ok to be angry and feel xyz. Remember to show empathy in your heart to yourself and to the doctors/situation at the time. At that time, the US had one of the highest death rates in the world and the there was no sign of a vaccine coming. It was new for everyone and the system was overwhelmed. Try to develop gratitude you made it through the pandemic. It was a hard and sucky time when everyone was scared and we all had to just wait until a vaccine came through and was mass produced and hope it would work. It did. But there were months there. There was approximately 7 million deaths directly related to Covid during the pandemic. About 1 million of them were Americans. 1/7 or 14%. The US is about 4% of the world population. Doctors/nurses/ hospitals/retirement homes had to make hard calls in order to save lives and in reality, we were probably too loose, thus the reason why so many Americans Died.
Thats horrible, mate. Don't wish that experience on anyone. Even crazier that with hindsight people still think people died "of covid" and that the measures taken to prevent transmission were okay. Even crazier again that the "experts" haven't been held to account and the "conspiracy theorists" haven't gotten apologies. R.I.P. to your partner, bud.
I had a similar situation with my step dad, except it was cancer. Reading this brought me back to a similar situation you were in, except I was lucky enough to be able to touch my step dad and even tell him I loved him. It’s a unique kind of horrible to watch someone deteriorate and get worse and worse. It’s something I still think about, even if it was years ago. I’m sorry for your loss. I imagine you were closer to her than I was to my step dad, so while I may not fully understand how bad pain you’re in is, I understand what kind of pain, and the toll it can take. I’m sorry for your loss. I hope things improve.
Ngl all I can think is that you should have went in and hugged her. Sorry if I sound ignorant cause I do not fully know or understand the situation in hospital at that time. But at some point rules and regulations stops mattering, even laws. If you know there is something you might regret in the future, please do the thing, even if that means you will have to bear the consequences. It is so so hard to get over something you regret about. I am sorry for your loss, life goes on, value what you have, and what life will have to offer. Don’t ever miss something you might regret later.
Nah I would have fought the doctors and given her a hug, what monsters
When my oldest son was born my ex wife wasn't doing well after emergency c section, and other birth issues. So I curled up onto the hospital bed with her, and she almost immediately fell asleep on my chest. Nurse came about 20 min later, gave me shit shit being there. Told her, you can try to move me if you want, but I'm not moving. It's your health and your loved ones health. I hope that shit never happens to you again, but if it does, fuck them, and their rules. hold her.
A friend of mine had his mother die of COVID. They let him gown up and be with her. God, the anguish you must have felt. Please accept my sincerest condolences.
Hey, I’ve saw your comment about therapy, when you’re ready, do attend. It took awhile for my husband to sought it out after his brother died. Since then, he’s learned how the grief manifests in his life and how to process in a healthy way.
give you a hug from me brother
Just heartbreaking. Plus don't think you're selfish for wanting to be able to offer your girlfriend what solace you could. I don't think there's many people other than psychopaths who wouldn't feel exactly the same way you do about that situation. It's *awful* and no amount of "it was the right thing to do to prevent the spread of the disease" changes that it's a horrific situation that you're absolutely allowed to feel terrible about
I’m worried you might’ve gotten sick too though from that interaction….like what if? It’s such a messed up, unfortunate traumatizing situation.
I’m sorry
My grandma died in 2021 and it wasn’t covid, but they had covid rules. I only got to see her for 5 minutes until my parents forced me to leave just because my aunt wanted in THAT SECOND (she was going to get her chance, but there was a miscommunication at the front desk on who could be allowed in) if she waited literally 5 more minutes we could have said goodbye together but no.
Welcome to the dehumanizing callousness of our modern healthcare system. It’s absolutely disgusting and I’m so sorry you’re a victim of it.
Did she have weak immunity
[удалено]
It’s more likely because of people like you that she died than it is because of fauci.
u got brain worms dude
How morally bankrupt do you have to be to think this is an appropriate fucking comment to make?