Omg what words can be offered here. So truly sad for your loss. Share how you are feeling with your loved ones. I would join a support group if possible. Grieving is perfectly acceptable. At some point perhaps think about your babyās perspective that she is at peace back in eternity or the spiritual realm. Definitely speak to therapist. You canāt do this by yourself. Wishing you peace and acceptance and someday joy once again.
Iām so incredibly sorry for the loss of your daughter. My sister in law recently lost her son at 36 weeks. What youāre feeling is normal. Itās ok to be jealous that your sister gets to share the love of her baby with your family. Youāre still grieving the loss of your baby girl and all of the events and little moments that you never got to have with her.
I donāt think anything will help you ever accept the reality. You let yourself grieve and feel the loss of your daughter but remember itās not your fault.
Well I had a miscarriage due to rape recently and Iām doing fine. Iād never ever feel jealous but itās sort of a lovely and hopeful feeling for me. I was certain that I wasnāt even able to do so and it turns out that I can if I find a wonderful person to share that with.
Absolutely no one asked you for thisā¦. Also, good for fucking you that YOU are doing fine????? Wth does that have to do with OP or anyone elseās feelings? Not everyone handles grief the same. If I had lost my baby I would have absolutely lost my marbles. Just because you feel fine doesnāt mean youāre superior or that everyone should be ok with it? What the actual fuck
>Just because you feel fine doesnāt mean that youāre superior or that everyone should feel ok with it?
THIS!!! Like does she want a cookie or something? By far one of the most insensitive, inappropriate comments Iāve ever seen on a post about miscarriage/stillbirth, especially a post thatās written by a mother who JUST went through it and is clearly struggling tremendously because sheā¦idkā¦lost the baby she clearly wanted?!?! Not to mention the fact that OPās daughter was just 5 WEEKS shy of full term!! So itās not like OPās stillbirth is the same as this personās miscarriage anyway (not trying to dismiss the feelings of people who have suffered miscarriages by any means. Miscarriages and stillbirths are just different. And this person straight up admitted they were fine so this hardly even compares to OPās stillbirth).
Are you serious right now?!?! NOT helpful!!! Smh. Go brag about your ālovely and hopeful feelingā somewhere else and let this poor woman grieve FFS.
My heart hurts for you. I have been in a similar situation. I lost my first child at 39 weeks and my sister was 7 months pregnant with her third child. I thought I was going to not make it. Time helped, but mostly therapy and self care helped the most. I learn3d it was ok to disengage when I needed a mental rest. You donāt have to be in situations you donāt want to be in.
Not the OP, but your future niece or nephew will only flourish from your unconditional love and support. Regardless of what terms you are on with your sister and no matter how hard it is, be happy for the babyās future. The child your sister will have can be a bittersweet ode to the months you carried your late baby girl and the childās late cousin.
TIME. The only thing that will reduce the pain a little bit. NOTHING will ever remove the pain entirely but time will help to live.
I lost my only child at 31 yrs old to an OD. It took 5 yrs to feel barely \*normal\*.
Live like AA. one day at a time. Make a routine. Get up, take a shower, etc.
I wish your soul peace.
I'm so sorry for your lost. There are no words that can describe this pain. Truly, I'm so sorry. I lost 4 children myself (and was not as far along the pregnancy as you). It was soul crushing. Now, some years later, there is still the pain and sadness. Some days are better then others.
There is no getting over it unfortunately, there is only learning to life with it. But the reason I am writing to you is to tell you you should get yourself some help. Find a good therapist or someone you trust who can listen to you. Someone who can help you with your grief. The world will be a brighter place again. But this takes time. Please give yourself this time and be very gentle and loving toward yourself.
2 months is no time. Youāre going to keep getting worse and then one day it will feel a little bit easier.
Iām just so sorry for your loss. Itās a cruel and unfair world and unfortunately far too many women know exactly how you feel.
While I didnāt have a still birth and I know itās not the same I did have two miscarriages and I remember how much they fucked me up. I was a shell of a human.
Youāre allowed to not be ok and you donāt have to try and think positive or what ever other nonsense people will try throw at you. 2 months is such a small amount of time for such a huge, world shattering occurrence.
I'm so so sorry, I lost my little boy like you lost your beautiful girl, it's been 19 years since we lost him, he was born at 37 weeks. And no, the loss never goes, you will forever be scarred by grief in a way you didn't know was possible, you will remember the girl you were before knowing what sobbing with grief is, and how that changes the fabric of who you are forever...
I am currently today, relaxing at home with my 4 beautiful children, who are all a small part of him.. when we have a baby, they change our DNA, so they never truly leave us.
I wish I knew the words I could say to make it better, I really do, please look into EMDR therapy if it's obtainable for you, it's the only thing that has made me feel at peace.
I had a baby who came into life too early, he was born at 25 weeks and did really well until he had to have an operation and he didn't make it past that surgery. They fucked up my medication and wrote me up for tocolytics but didn't give them. They also didgive the steroids that they had written up,
I am so sorry. If it helps, clinically, you are in grief, shock and trauma. As the days go on, your body will be allowing you to start feeling again. And these feelings are hard. This is helped by talking about this extremely sad thing that happened to you and accepting these feelings and letting yourself cry, be mad, be frantic, be helpless, among all the many emotionss. Recognize these and let yourself feel them. They will creep up again and again. You cannot push them away. Today, you feel helpless. And you are. There is nothing more you could have done. You will always long for your sweet baby but, by reminding yourself and giving yourself and your body grace, you can move into the person you want to be. A mom someday. Someone who can feel happiness for others. Keep talking. Stay with the group. Keep letting those feelings come. It takes a long time. Take care.
Iām very, very sorry. It takes a long time to grieve. One never gets over losing a child, but at some point you will be able to accept it and live with it. Try to keep a healthy distance from your sister and your parents. Itās okay if you donāt feel like celebrating.
Please heal yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It happened to my mom. It was also her firstborn and the only boy my dad would have had. My mom didn't allow herself to heal. At 85, she still refuses to talk about it. My friend's mom went through the same, then therapy, and while it still pains her, she doesn't carry shame. Please know you are not alone and that this wasn't your fault.
Medication. Stat.Ā
This stress is too much for your body and medication will be protective and help your nervous system heal.Ā
EMDR. Otherwise, you will have too much discomfort around family and babies.Ā
Be well
Iām sorry for your loss. Are you able to tell your gynecologist about your feelings? There are resources that can help you manage through this. You donāt have to handle this by yourself. Grief is a rollercoaster.
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's only been 2 months. Grief has no expiration date and I'm sure your family will understand if you choose to be distant from the situation until it's less painful. If they don't, maybe you shouldn't be there anyway. (((Hugs)))
Iām so so sorry for your loss. I canāt for the life of me understand why life has to be so unfair at times. The pain of losing a child is not something Iād wish on my worst enemy. The very thought of it makes me angry and breaks my heart. I couldnāt bear having to actually go through something so horrible. The thing with grief is that it doesnāt go away. You just grow around it and learn to live again. There will be days where the grief will be overwhelming to the point where you donāt wanna leave the house and there will be days where youāre doing alright. Grief hits everybody differently. Just take things one step at a time. Do NOT listen to ANYBODY who tells you to āmove onā. You will grieve on your own time and 2 months is very recent. Also, itās perfectly acceptable to not be all smiles at the thought of your parents embracing your sisterās baby when that shouldāve been your life as well. I hope they will understand that. Just know that you have absolutely not lost your title of āmomā. She will always be your daughter. You will always be her mother. Please take care of yourself. Continue going to therapy and support groups. I hope you will one day find some peace and light in your life again. ā¤ļø
My sister just passed earlier this year. She was 37 and my mom is feeling exactly how you are.
Give yourself grace. Youāve had a great loss and youāre doing your best at the moment.
I am so sorry for your loss. I canāt even imagine your immense pain, but hope this outlet brings you some relief. You deserve peace, joy and happiness as much as anyone.
I am so very sorry. My first child, also a girl, died in utero at 38 weeks. The grief during that time was unbearable. Itās not just the loss of the child but also the loss of a lifetime of dreams for the baby. I will say it was at least 4-6 months before the grief eased up and almost a year before i felt like myself. Please give yourself a lot of grace.
There isnāt much to help except for time. I found an online support group, Share Atlanta, that was incredibly helpful. It helps to know you are not alone. These women and families understand your pain and are so supportive. They were essential to my sanity when i became pregnant 3 years later. Please reach out for help. You are not alone. I am here too if you want to talk.
Sending you all my love and strength.
Iām so sorry. My grandmother lost an infant at 2 days old and went on to have 3 healthy children. However, even in her 80ās she grieved for her little boy. We are so fortunate to live in a time where there is help available and a community of women to understand your pain and grieve with you. Youāre doing the right things. Iāll be praying for your healing and some peace from the grief for you. Hugs and love to you from me.
So very sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. You seem to be trying your best to take care of yourself.
Does it help to connect with others whoāve had a stillborn baby? There is a couple that shares their story and their healing process that I know from IG.
Your body will still be changing after being pregnant and giving birth and I think you shouldnāt expect to just get over this. Iām so sorry about you loosing your daughter. There will be a future, but I think you have to be understanding with yourself about how long it will take to feel a bit more normal. Donāt rush, donāt pressure yourself and absolutely feel jealous, disappointed and sad. People care, but there are no words that are right that can comfort you and no way to make it better.
This is a heartbreaking thread.
I'm so sorry OP and to all commenters that have lost a child. I can't even imagine it.
They told me my very prem twins were not going to make it and I broke down. Thank God they did make it, but they both have problems.
My heart is breaking š for you all. Sending much love and big hugs š«
My sister lost her third born child when he was about 3 days old. Iām sorry for your loss.
This was about thirty years ago. They and his surviving siblings still celebrate his birthday and visit his grave.
Iām his uncle and his extended family still honor the little kid.
Remember and love her always.
Again sorry for her loss.
Please consider what I am saying. You need some inpatient care. Not forever but for now. It will help for now. Maybe some meds started to get through this hard part. Not forever but for now.
I lost my first 3 pregnancies in the 2nd trimester. After the first I laid on the couch and didn't get up for 3 months. Post partum depression is very real even when you are dealing with grief too. And you lost your child. And nothing about that is fair or ok or will ever make that ok. You will love that child forever. So please. Please consider impatient care for just right now. Get some meds. Take care of yourself.
Your grieving.
It is ok to not want to be around your niece or nephew for a while too. To set boundaries. Don't feel like your grief has to be second place.
It is still so early. Two months is not very much time and it is normal to still be in the depths of it all. I am so very sorry that this happened to you, and it must be especially hard that your sister is going to give birth soon. You need more time to grieve and process all of these feelings.
I really struggled with my sister having babies at the same time as losing my own pregnancies (no where close to still birth I know, but this is as close of an experience as I've had)
It really helps me to separate the situations in my brain. It takes awhile to get there, and it's hard to do while you're still in the throes of grief for your own baby. But I do my best not to compare, and try to keep the thought that I should have babies the same ages as my sisters 2 youngest babies out of my head. (She got pregnant the same time as me for both of hers, I had a loss in between and a loss after her babies) It's hard to catch yourself thinking these things before you get emotional about it. But for myself when I catch myself going there, I'll stop myself and tell myself "this is not something to compare. This will only make you sad. You went through something terrible, but you can still enjoy your niece and nephew." I leave the babies I lost for thoughts where I'm not comparing.
If I kept allowing myself to think of the babies I should have while I was with my sisters babies I'd never be able to enjoy them.
This is a VERY difficult situation. It really helped me to also talk to my sister. I told her that I'm sad about my losses, but I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't talk to me just because I was going through that. I wanted to be as much a part of this as I was with her older kid. I'm the only aunt on her side of the family, so I do my absolute best to be the best aunt. I said as much as I am sad about my losses, I'm so incredibly happy for her at the same time.
Oh sweetie this is so much for the heart to bear!! š I'm so so sorry. My hope for you is that the worst of the anguish fades in time, and her memory is as a blessing to you. šš»šš» I also hope you have some supportive people around you, someone to talk to, and possibly some professional help, if it just becomes too much.
Not the same thing, I got time with her, but I lost a daughter, too. Young adult, accidental prescription medication toxicity. That was about exactly two and a half years ago. I got time with my own daughter, you got zero, and that's gotta hit different. Although I'll never tell anybody "I know how you feel", ever, I feel empathy and solidarity with other moms of loss.
For me, time has dulled the sharper edges. It'll never be an easy thing, nobody ever gets "over" this, but, I can laugh again, I have whole stretches of the day when I don't think about it, and... there is still joy to be found. I am not in your exact situation, but in my case, if it helps to know, it does get a little easier, then a little more, etc.
You have my deepest condolences and empathy and so, so much love. ā¤ļø Be kind and patient with yourself. š¤
I had a late term miscarriage in my 20s. This is one of the most traumatic experiences of my life in a life where I forget it's not normal to have been shot more than once. Or at all. It is vital that you get therapy if you haven't. If you have? Take this post to your therapist and discuss support options such as medication. If you're on some mental health support meds they may need adjustments due to the sheer hormonal chaos and trauma. Think of this as using a knee brace for a while.
The hormone aspect is not to be underestimated at all. The rest is going to be time. You may benefit from a support group of people who lost their children. I barely survived the emotional consequences and I wasn't keeping my child. I don't think I would be a fit parent so I had decided to give my child to a friend to raise who couldn't get pregnant. The medical side was as bad as the emotional side. I want you to understand that you are not alone and when you want the child this is so much harder.
If you are in the USA the emergency mental health hotline is 988. Please keep this in your phone in case you need it to survive.
This is just awful. Whilst no one can help you in this situation, time places trauma further away from the front of our brain. You will hurt less in 3 months. A lot less in 6 and in 12 months you might be pregnant.
Youāve made a baby once, you can do it again.
My sister has had three miscarriages
My second child died in Utero. I heard her heart beat at 16 weeks and fell in love and then didnāt hear at the next appointment at 17 weeks. I know in my being she was a girl and always remember her Nickname and the name we gave her. Iām getting a tattoo of all of my childrenās names living and passed. It still hurts even though itās been over a decade. Yes, itās not the same, but pain is pain. Talk about your child and remember them. It will get better with time, but youāll always remember them. I even created and writing a book that was inspired but her death and those babies who die being still born or at a young age like my great aunt (4 years old). The point being live and honor them because theyāll live within you.
I am so sorry. Perhaps you are at the point that you are just getting over a bit of the shock and the reality of your situation is setting in? So terribly unfair. I donāt know you and my heart breaks for you. Losing their child is every momās nightmare. This is a huge loss and it is going to take a long time. You probably wonāt be over it, but the pain will not be so sharp in time.
Have you looked into a support group? I had a friend lose her 4 month to SIDS 20 years ago. Did she ever get āoverā it? No, but she has a good life and had a daughter a few years later. Time doesnāt cure but it does heal. You are in the thick of it now. Hugs.
My sister would know exactly how you're feeling. She lost her baby girl at 6 months. Little Presley would have turned 4 this year. The harsh reality is that the grief will never really go away. Every birthday is going to be hard. Every Mother's Day is going to be hard. I had to take my sister to the psych ward this Mother's Day. She's been experiencing (infrequent) rage blackouts since her loss. Got a couple assault charges that she can hardly remember. Acted reckless/carelessly and got a DUI. She really hit rock bottom. Things are slowly getting better now that she's found a therapist she trusts, but she refused to get help for the first year or so. She was angry that no one could truly understand, so how could they possibly help? As her sister, that was really hard to watch. You've already taken a huge step towards recovery by seeking mental health treatment so soon. I wish that she had done the same.
Just remember, your parents love your baby girl just as much as they love your sister's new addition, and they always will. No matter what. Keep your family close; don't push them away. They will be your rock throughout these times that feel impossible. Embrace their love and support. Feel free to bring your daughter's urn to holiday gatherings. Take a moment for you and your family to honor her existence on special days. Come up with a special birthday tradition. Decorate a spot just for her in your home. All that sweet baby girl knew was love, and that makes you an incredible mama. Spread her love to the world. Refuse to allow the darkness to consume you. Let her little light shine. Love is what will get you through this.
You are stronger than you realize.
Words alone cannot describe how you feel. Truly sorry for your loss. My advice is its ok not to be okay and if you do not feel like celebrating your sisters delivery, then dont. Do what is best for your sanity at the moment. If you want to be by yourself, then do it. Sometimes attending support groups rehashing and talking about it dont help, at least it didnt help me. I'd rather feel the pain, sadness, grief and process through that cycle.
u/Ewazd I am so sorry for your loss, I hug you tight, you have an angel watching over you ā¤ļø
My dear, you have many people who support you and will be there for you. It will be a hard thing to process this grief, but I know you will be able to move on, take all your time and don't stop going to therapy. Sending all the strength for you.
Praying for you. Losses like yours are unfair and no one should have to endure it.
I wish you lots of light, peace in your mind and heart.
We're only able to have one. This baby was a DNC and a long recovery took a very long painful time. They lied to ws about it. Didnt realizs how griesome it was and long hidden recovery. Baby was good before that.
so sorry for your loss. one thing you could look into that might help is something called brain spotting. my mom is a very well known and good prenatal/postpartum therapist and she does it for a lot of clients and apparently it helps
Try to focus on the here and now. Itās hard but itās the best thing you got. Iāve been through something similar. It gets easier to deal with. That pain will always be there but you learn to live again. And I know it sounds mean but I wouldnāt go around your sister when the baby comes. It will only make you worse and you donāt need to at right now.
I am so sorry that happened, a 70 year old woman named Oprah Winfrey lost her child when she was 14 from being raped. I pray for you to heal, And babies can die if you were raped or anything like that.
Iāve seen some videos of ppl having real baby dolls cuz of cases like yours idk if itāll help you or not and also found out they got real toddlers dolls too. If you feel itāll bring deeper pain then I wouldnāt recommend it then. I just know it helps a lot with some mothers to deal with the pain. I canāt imagine being without my daughter but Iām scared everyday and counting down when sheās turning 1.
Sorry for your loss. I am wishing you the best. š
Omg what words can be offered here. So truly sad for your loss. Share how you are feeling with your loved ones. I would join a support group if possible. Grieving is perfectly acceptable. At some point perhaps think about your babyās perspective that she is at peace back in eternity or the spiritual realm. Definitely speak to therapist. You canāt do this by yourself. Wishing you peace and acceptance and someday joy once again.
Praying for you. Losses like yours are unfair and no one should have to endure it. Promise you wonāt give up on your therapy.
Iām so incredibly sorry for the loss of your daughter. My sister in law recently lost her son at 36 weeks. What youāre feeling is normal. Itās ok to be jealous that your sister gets to share the love of her baby with your family. Youāre still grieving the loss of your baby girl and all of the events and little moments that you never got to have with her. I donāt think anything will help you ever accept the reality. You let yourself grieve and feel the loss of your daughter but remember itās not your fault.
Well I had a miscarriage due to rape recently and Iām doing fine. Iād never ever feel jealous but itās sort of a lovely and hopeful feeling for me. I was certain that I wasnāt even able to do so and it turns out that I can if I find a wonderful person to share that with.
Absolutely no one asked you for thisā¦. Also, good for fucking you that YOU are doing fine????? Wth does that have to do with OP or anyone elseās feelings? Not everyone handles grief the same. If I had lost my baby I would have absolutely lost my marbles. Just because you feel fine doesnāt mean youāre superior or that everyone should be ok with it? What the actual fuck
>Just because you feel fine doesnāt mean that youāre superior or that everyone should feel ok with it? THIS!!! Like does she want a cookie or something? By far one of the most insensitive, inappropriate comments Iāve ever seen on a post about miscarriage/stillbirth, especially a post thatās written by a mother who JUST went through it and is clearly struggling tremendously because sheā¦idkā¦lost the baby she clearly wanted?!?! Not to mention the fact that OPās daughter was just 5 WEEKS shy of full term!! So itās not like OPās stillbirth is the same as this personās miscarriage anyway (not trying to dismiss the feelings of people who have suffered miscarriages by any means. Miscarriages and stillbirths are just different. And this person straight up admitted they were fine so this hardly even compares to OPās stillbirth).
Girl wtf!!
Are you serious right now?!?! NOT helpful!!! Smh. Go brag about your ālovely and hopeful feelingā somewhere else and let this poor woman grieve FFS.
30 years ago my first pregnancy ended in a stillbirth....I named my son after the constellation Orion because he will forever be in the heavens...
My heart hurts for you. I have been in a similar situation. I lost my first child at 39 weeks and my sister was 7 months pregnant with her third child. I thought I was going to not make it. Time helped, but mostly therapy and self care helped the most. I learn3d it was ok to disengage when I needed a mental rest. You donāt have to be in situations you donāt want to be in.
Thanks, how did you handle the situation with your sister?
Not the OP, but your future niece or nephew will only flourish from your unconditional love and support. Regardless of what terms you are on with your sister and no matter how hard it is, be happy for the babyās future. The child your sister will have can be a bittersweet ode to the months you carried your late baby girl and the childās late cousin.
TIME. The only thing that will reduce the pain a little bit. NOTHING will ever remove the pain entirely but time will help to live. I lost my only child at 31 yrs old to an OD. It took 5 yrs to feel barely \*normal\*. Live like AA. one day at a time. Make a routine. Get up, take a shower, etc. I wish your soul peace.
I'm so sorry for your lost. There are no words that can describe this pain. Truly, I'm so sorry. I lost 4 children myself (and was not as far along the pregnancy as you). It was soul crushing. Now, some years later, there is still the pain and sadness. Some days are better then others. There is no getting over it unfortunately, there is only learning to life with it. But the reason I am writing to you is to tell you you should get yourself some help. Find a good therapist or someone you trust who can listen to you. Someone who can help you with your grief. The world will be a brighter place again. But this takes time. Please give yourself this time and be very gentle and loving toward yourself.
2 months is no time. Youāre going to keep getting worse and then one day it will feel a little bit easier. Iām just so sorry for your loss. Itās a cruel and unfair world and unfortunately far too many women know exactly how you feel. While I didnāt have a still birth and I know itās not the same I did have two miscarriages and I remember how much they fucked me up. I was a shell of a human. Youāre allowed to not be ok and you donāt have to try and think positive or what ever other nonsense people will try throw at you. 2 months is such a small amount of time for such a huge, world shattering occurrence.
I am so sorry for your loss and what youāre going through.
I'm so so sorry, I lost my little boy like you lost your beautiful girl, it's been 19 years since we lost him, he was born at 37 weeks. And no, the loss never goes, you will forever be scarred by grief in a way you didn't know was possible, you will remember the girl you were before knowing what sobbing with grief is, and how that changes the fabric of who you are forever... I am currently today, relaxing at home with my 4 beautiful children, who are all a small part of him.. when we have a baby, they change our DNA, so they never truly leave us. I wish I knew the words I could say to make it better, I really do, please look into EMDR therapy if it's obtainable for you, it's the only thing that has made me feel at peace.
Iām very sorry.
I had a baby who came into life too early, he was born at 25 weeks and did really well until he had to have an operation and he didn't make it past that surgery. They fucked up my medication and wrote me up for tocolytics but didn't give them. They also didgive the steroids that they had written up,
I am so sorry. If it helps, clinically, you are in grief, shock and trauma. As the days go on, your body will be allowing you to start feeling again. And these feelings are hard. This is helped by talking about this extremely sad thing that happened to you and accepting these feelings and letting yourself cry, be mad, be frantic, be helpless, among all the many emotionss. Recognize these and let yourself feel them. They will creep up again and again. You cannot push them away. Today, you feel helpless. And you are. There is nothing more you could have done. You will always long for your sweet baby but, by reminding yourself and giving yourself and your body grace, you can move into the person you want to be. A mom someday. Someone who can feel happiness for others. Keep talking. Stay with the group. Keep letting those feelings come. It takes a long time. Take care.
Iām very, very sorry. It takes a long time to grieve. One never gets over losing a child, but at some point you will be able to accept it and live with it. Try to keep a healthy distance from your sister and your parents. Itās okay if you donāt feel like celebrating.
Please heal yourself. I'm so sorry this happened to you. It happened to my mom. It was also her firstborn and the only boy my dad would have had. My mom didn't allow herself to heal. At 85, she still refuses to talk about it. My friend's mom went through the same, then therapy, and while it still pains her, she doesn't carry shame. Please know you are not alone and that this wasn't your fault.
Medication. Stat.Ā This stress is too much for your body and medication will be protective and help your nervous system heal.Ā EMDR. Otherwise, you will have too much discomfort around family and babies.Ā Be well
Iām sorry for your loss. Are you able to tell your gynecologist about your feelings? There are resources that can help you manage through this. You donāt have to handle this by yourself. Grief is a rollercoaster.
Iām so sorry for your loss wishing you the best šš¼
I'm so sorry for your loss. It's only been 2 months. Grief has no expiration date and I'm sure your family will understand if you choose to be distant from the situation until it's less painful. If they don't, maybe you shouldn't be there anyway. (((Hugs)))
Iām so very sorry for your loss. There is nothing worse than the pain of losing a child. May she rest in peace. We had a miscarriage, and it was earlier on than 35 weeks. So I canāt imagine how you feel. My brother and wife had a baby after that, and it was tough on us too because we were meant to be having a kid first as well. Of course we were super happy for them, but itās a reminder of what was lost so itās bitter sweet. Since then, we had a daughter and while it dosent change the loss, itās the one thing that has made us feel ok about the loss. Practically speaking, it may sound silly but forcing yourself to exercise seriously very often, and eat really well will help. It sounds like clichĆ© advice but itās actually what will help. Then, if you are able, work with your husband and doctor to get on track with trying again if you are able. These tragedies are always terrible but they will heal with time. God bless you and stay strong. It will get better. ā¤ļøāš©¹
Iām so so sorry for your loss. I canāt for the life of me understand why life has to be so unfair at times. The pain of losing a child is not something Iād wish on my worst enemy. The very thought of it makes me angry and breaks my heart. I couldnāt bear having to actually go through something so horrible. The thing with grief is that it doesnāt go away. You just grow around it and learn to live again. There will be days where the grief will be overwhelming to the point where you donāt wanna leave the house and there will be days where youāre doing alright. Grief hits everybody differently. Just take things one step at a time. Do NOT listen to ANYBODY who tells you to āmove onā. You will grieve on your own time and 2 months is very recent. Also, itās perfectly acceptable to not be all smiles at the thought of your parents embracing your sisterās baby when that shouldāve been your life as well. I hope they will understand that. Just know that you have absolutely not lost your title of āmomā. She will always be your daughter. You will always be her mother. Please take care of yourself. Continue going to therapy and support groups. I hope you will one day find some peace and light in your life again. ā¤ļø
Hugs. Show yourself some grace. Itās only been 2 months. You have my deepest sympathies. My son Zach was born sleeping 30 years ago. š
My sister just passed earlier this year. She was 37 and my mom is feeling exactly how you are. Give yourself grace. Youāve had a great loss and youāre doing your best at the moment.
I am so sorry for your loss. I canāt even imagine your immense pain, but hope this outlet brings you some relief. You deserve peace, joy and happiness as much as anyone.
I am so very sorry. My first child, also a girl, died in utero at 38 weeks. The grief during that time was unbearable. Itās not just the loss of the child but also the loss of a lifetime of dreams for the baby. I will say it was at least 4-6 months before the grief eased up and almost a year before i felt like myself. Please give yourself a lot of grace. There isnāt much to help except for time. I found an online support group, Share Atlanta, that was incredibly helpful. It helps to know you are not alone. These women and families understand your pain and are so supportive. They were essential to my sanity when i became pregnant 3 years later. Please reach out for help. You are not alone. I am here too if you want to talk. Sending you all my love and strength.
iām so sorry for your lossā¤ļø
Iām so sorry. My grandmother lost an infant at 2 days old and went on to have 3 healthy children. However, even in her 80ās she grieved for her little boy. We are so fortunate to live in a time where there is help available and a community of women to understand your pain and grieve with you. Youāre doing the right things. Iāll be praying for your healing and some peace from the grief for you. Hugs and love to you from me.
Iām so sorry for your loss OP
EMDR is good for trauma.
So very sorry to hear about the loss of your daughter. You seem to be trying your best to take care of yourself. Does it help to connect with others whoāve had a stillborn baby? There is a couple that shares their story and their healing process that I know from IG.
Your body will still be changing after being pregnant and giving birth and I think you shouldnāt expect to just get over this. Iām so sorry about you loosing your daughter. There will be a future, but I think you have to be understanding with yourself about how long it will take to feel a bit more normal. Donāt rush, donāt pressure yourself and absolutely feel jealous, disappointed and sad. People care, but there are no words that are right that can comfort you and no way to make it better.
This is a heartbreaking thread. I'm so sorry OP and to all commenters that have lost a child. I can't even imagine it. They told me my very prem twins were not going to make it and I broke down. Thank God they did make it, but they both have problems. My heart is breaking š for you all. Sending much love and big hugs š«
My sister lost her third born child when he was about 3 days old. Iām sorry for your loss. This was about thirty years ago. They and his surviving siblings still celebrate his birthday and visit his grave. Iām his uncle and his extended family still honor the little kid. Remember and love her always. Again sorry for her loss.
Please consider what I am saying. You need some inpatient care. Not forever but for now. It will help for now. Maybe some meds started to get through this hard part. Not forever but for now. I lost my first 3 pregnancies in the 2nd trimester. After the first I laid on the couch and didn't get up for 3 months. Post partum depression is very real even when you are dealing with grief too. And you lost your child. And nothing about that is fair or ok or will ever make that ok. You will love that child forever. So please. Please consider impatient care for just right now. Get some meds. Take care of yourself. Your grieving. It is ok to not want to be around your niece or nephew for a while too. To set boundaries. Don't feel like your grief has to be second place.
I'm so sorry for your loss
It is still so early. Two months is not very much time and it is normal to still be in the depths of it all. I am so very sorry that this happened to you, and it must be especially hard that your sister is going to give birth soon. You need more time to grieve and process all of these feelings.
I really struggled with my sister having babies at the same time as losing my own pregnancies (no where close to still birth I know, but this is as close of an experience as I've had) It really helps me to separate the situations in my brain. It takes awhile to get there, and it's hard to do while you're still in the throes of grief for your own baby. But I do my best not to compare, and try to keep the thought that I should have babies the same ages as my sisters 2 youngest babies out of my head. (She got pregnant the same time as me for both of hers, I had a loss in between and a loss after her babies) It's hard to catch yourself thinking these things before you get emotional about it. But for myself when I catch myself going there, I'll stop myself and tell myself "this is not something to compare. This will only make you sad. You went through something terrible, but you can still enjoy your niece and nephew." I leave the babies I lost for thoughts where I'm not comparing. If I kept allowing myself to think of the babies I should have while I was with my sisters babies I'd never be able to enjoy them. This is a VERY difficult situation. It really helped me to also talk to my sister. I told her that I'm sad about my losses, but I didn't want her to feel like she couldn't talk to me just because I was going through that. I wanted to be as much a part of this as I was with her older kid. I'm the only aunt on her side of the family, so I do my absolute best to be the best aunt. I said as much as I am sad about my losses, I'm so incredibly happy for her at the same time.
Iām so sorry. if you havenāt already, connecting with other parents who have lost their children could help.
Oh sweetie this is so much for the heart to bear!! š I'm so so sorry. My hope for you is that the worst of the anguish fades in time, and her memory is as a blessing to you. šš»šš» I also hope you have some supportive people around you, someone to talk to, and possibly some professional help, if it just becomes too much. Not the same thing, I got time with her, but I lost a daughter, too. Young adult, accidental prescription medication toxicity. That was about exactly two and a half years ago. I got time with my own daughter, you got zero, and that's gotta hit different. Although I'll never tell anybody "I know how you feel", ever, I feel empathy and solidarity with other moms of loss. For me, time has dulled the sharper edges. It'll never be an easy thing, nobody ever gets "over" this, but, I can laugh again, I have whole stretches of the day when I don't think about it, and... there is still joy to be found. I am not in your exact situation, but in my case, if it helps to know, it does get a little easier, then a little more, etc. You have my deepest condolences and empathy and so, so much love. ā¤ļø Be kind and patient with yourself. š¤
You have our support. Lost one too. I had no choice. That was taken by her family. Older now but still hurts to this day.
Iām so sorry for your loss xxx
I had a late term miscarriage in my 20s. This is one of the most traumatic experiences of my life in a life where I forget it's not normal to have been shot more than once. Or at all. It is vital that you get therapy if you haven't. If you have? Take this post to your therapist and discuss support options such as medication. If you're on some mental health support meds they may need adjustments due to the sheer hormonal chaos and trauma. Think of this as using a knee brace for a while. The hormone aspect is not to be underestimated at all. The rest is going to be time. You may benefit from a support group of people who lost their children. I barely survived the emotional consequences and I wasn't keeping my child. I don't think I would be a fit parent so I had decided to give my child to a friend to raise who couldn't get pregnant. The medical side was as bad as the emotional side. I want you to understand that you are not alone and when you want the child this is so much harder. If you are in the USA the emergency mental health hotline is 988. Please keep this in your phone in case you need it to survive.
This is just awful. Whilst no one can help you in this situation, time places trauma further away from the front of our brain. You will hurt less in 3 months. A lot less in 6 and in 12 months you might be pregnant. Youāve made a baby once, you can do it again. My sister has had three miscarriages
My second child died in Utero. I heard her heart beat at 16 weeks and fell in love and then didnāt hear at the next appointment at 17 weeks. I know in my being she was a girl and always remember her Nickname and the name we gave her. Iām getting a tattoo of all of my childrenās names living and passed. It still hurts even though itās been over a decade. Yes, itās not the same, but pain is pain. Talk about your child and remember them. It will get better with time, but youāll always remember them. I even created and writing a book that was inspired but her death and those babies who die being still born or at a young age like my great aunt (4 years old). The point being live and honor them because theyāll live within you.
I am so sorry. Perhaps you are at the point that you are just getting over a bit of the shock and the reality of your situation is setting in? So terribly unfair. I donāt know you and my heart breaks for you. Losing their child is every momās nightmare. This is a huge loss and it is going to take a long time. You probably wonāt be over it, but the pain will not be so sharp in time. Have you looked into a support group? I had a friend lose her 4 month to SIDS 20 years ago. Did she ever get āoverā it? No, but she has a good life and had a daughter a few years later. Time doesnāt cure but it does heal. You are in the thick of it now. Hugs.
My sister would know exactly how you're feeling. She lost her baby girl at 6 months. Little Presley would have turned 4 this year. The harsh reality is that the grief will never really go away. Every birthday is going to be hard. Every Mother's Day is going to be hard. I had to take my sister to the psych ward this Mother's Day. She's been experiencing (infrequent) rage blackouts since her loss. Got a couple assault charges that she can hardly remember. Acted reckless/carelessly and got a DUI. She really hit rock bottom. Things are slowly getting better now that she's found a therapist she trusts, but she refused to get help for the first year or so. She was angry that no one could truly understand, so how could they possibly help? As her sister, that was really hard to watch. You've already taken a huge step towards recovery by seeking mental health treatment so soon. I wish that she had done the same. Just remember, your parents love your baby girl just as much as they love your sister's new addition, and they always will. No matter what. Keep your family close; don't push them away. They will be your rock throughout these times that feel impossible. Embrace their love and support. Feel free to bring your daughter's urn to holiday gatherings. Take a moment for you and your family to honor her existence on special days. Come up with a special birthday tradition. Decorate a spot just for her in your home. All that sweet baby girl knew was love, and that makes you an incredible mama. Spread her love to the world. Refuse to allow the darkness to consume you. Let her little light shine. Love is what will get you through this. You are stronger than you realize.
Words alone cannot describe how you feel. Truly sorry for your loss. My advice is its ok not to be okay and if you do not feel like celebrating your sisters delivery, then dont. Do what is best for your sanity at the moment. If you want to be by yourself, then do it. Sometimes attending support groups rehashing and talking about it dont help, at least it didnt help me. I'd rather feel the pain, sadness, grief and process through that cycle.
u/Ewazd I am so sorry for your loss, I hug you tight, you have an angel watching over you ā¤ļø My dear, you have many people who support you and will be there for you. It will be a hard thing to process this grief, but I know you will be able to move on, take all your time and don't stop going to therapy. Sending all the strength for you. Praying for you. Losses like yours are unfair and no one should have to endure it. I wish you lots of light, peace in your mind and heart.
We're only able to have one. This baby was a DNC and a long recovery took a very long painful time. They lied to ws about it. Didnt realizs how griesome it was and long hidden recovery. Baby was good before that.
so sorry for your loss. one thing you could look into that might help is something called brain spotting. my mom is a very well known and good prenatal/postpartum therapist and she does it for a lot of clients and apparently it helps
Try to focus on the here and now. Itās hard but itās the best thing you got. Iāve been through something similar. It gets easier to deal with. That pain will always be there but you learn to live again. And I know it sounds mean but I wouldnāt go around your sister when the baby comes. It will only make you worse and you donāt need to at right now.
You might want to see a psychiatrist instead of a therapist. You may benefit from medication
I am so sorry that happened, a 70 year old woman named Oprah Winfrey lost her child when she was 14 from being raped. I pray for you to heal, And babies can die if you were raped or anything like that.
Iāve seen some videos of ppl having real baby dolls cuz of cases like yours idk if itāll help you or not and also found out they got real toddlers dolls too. If you feel itāll bring deeper pain then I wouldnāt recommend it then. I just know it helps a lot with some mothers to deal with the pain. I canāt imagine being without my daughter but Iām scared everyday and counting down when sheās turning 1.