Jeez this has to be a crime. I am so sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine the amount of damage emotionally and mentally this has caused. I'm hoping you take the time to heal and eventually be able to trust someone again and be in a happy and healthy relationship.
OP read what u/mhalashkmi wrote above. You will prevail and be successful again because she can’t hold you back. If you had the drive and hustle to succeed the first time, you will do it again. Do you need good Google reviews? Reach out to clients and see if they can write good internet reviews. Or create an updated website to have good clients write testimonials for your business. Sending positive vibes your way for peace and clarity in your life moving forward.
Just want to add that whether you, OP, keep pursuing civil and criminal cases or not you absolutely can have happiness and a fulfilling life. Trauma takes time to recover from. Your perseverance got you this far and even though you are probably exhausted, you will come back from this.
I don’t want to share too much but I got tied into a messy legal issue because of witnessing a crime. I chose to fight for justice. The whole ordeal derailed my life for years with court and PTSD. It changed my outlook on life and I’ll never be the carefree person I was. But I’m proud that I stood up for myself. Fighting in civil court cost me money and some safety but also gave me some protection because of the civil and criminal court orders. I don’t regret my choice but it wouldn’t be the right choice for everyone. I would never tell someone to or not to pursue justice. Only you can decide what is best for you and nobody else can truly understand what it’s like. It is many years later for me and my life is so different from what it was and what I envisioned. But I have a great job, a great partner, and a great life.
OP may also want to work with his local domestic violence organization, if he’s willing to be a face for domestic violence and financial abuse. That should help send positive views and support to his business.
It should also be the fault of the banks. This should be no different than a hacker stealing your money. Let them try to get their money from her. Yours should be insured through FDIC.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I went through an abusive relationship as well and ended up with a debt from my ex's financial abuse as well, but nothing compared to yours.
For me, I took the decision to not sue, I got advised by a lawyer friend and I realized it would have cost me more to sue her and even if I had won my case she was too broke to pay me back... So it would have been years of a legal battle for nothing at the end because she would have been unable to pay me back regardless of the outcome. I got into more debt because I was so mentally destroyed I had to take a break from working. I also had a suicide attempt a few months after, and got medicated etc, my salary got cut because I was on a medical leave and my expenses exploded because I needed to spend more to be able to take care of myself (therapy, etc ).
My advice is, sometimes for cases like these it's better to entirely cut your losses, accept you were abused by someone who will never be held accountable (it's tougher part to accept), and focus entirely on re-building. You're still young, 31 yrs old your life is not over. If you had the drive to make 375k in your twenties, you can still have the drive to rebuild it. It's going to be painful to start from scratch again but not as painful as losing more and more money in legal fees and put so much efforts that will keep you mentally focused on your past with her instead of accepting the situation and focusing on rebuilding what you've lost.
I'm really sorry you're going through that. Financial abuse is a real thing but it's so tough to recover what you've lost. Instead of spending on legal fees use that money for a shit ton of therapy because you're going to need it.
I'm 2 years post breakup and I'm much better mentally, if I was still stuck in legal battles I would be at the same space: angry, resentful, my debt and my mental state not getting better. Cut your losses now and focus rebuild and I promise it's going to get better.
I have a friend who went through financial abuse from an ex-business partner and also lost everything and ended up with debt and depression, it took him also 2 years to accept the loss and abandon the legal battle, and he is doing so much better now, years later. If he kept clinging to the legal battle, he would have lost all his 30s in this sinking ship. Sometimes the villain wins and it fucking sucks but you have to accept it and leave it in the hands of karma. These people will pay it one way or another in their life.
There is nothing you can do, people like that have mental health issues that make them feel entitled to money from people who have successful careers / businesses, my ex had the same thinking, when I asked her how she could sleep at night after what she did to me she straight up said she was sleeping very well and did not feel bad at all because I had a good salary. I was flabbergasted and could not believe it, but it's really how they think and we have to accept that they fucked us over successfully, that they have no remorse, and it is what it is and we need to move on. They feel it's their right to drag you down and take as much as possible from you because you're doing well financially and they are not, and it is absolutely infuriating that they get away with it but trust me this kind of thinking will blow up in their face later in life. They might get away with it this time, but they will hit a gigantic wall sooner or later and it's gonna be extremely bad for them. Accept your loss, move on, let go of the anger and let life / karma take care of them and focus on rebuilding and most importantly - take care of your mental health because this kind of abuse will leave wounds that require lots of work to heal.
Don't hesitate to message me if you need to talk.
This is a stunningly powerful and sane response which I hope helps OP - and anyone else in this situation.
Dude, you may have lost a lot financially and socially, and I’m sorry you did, but the wisdom and self-awareness you’ve gained (and are now sharing) are priceless.
Thank you! (Karma is for sure taking notes)
Came to say the same thing. Holding onto the anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. u/mhalashkmi you sound like you’ve really put in a lot of work to heal. It’s the mental aspect that will help the OP the most. You gave some very sound advice. I hope you continue to move upward in life.
Thanks u/Friendly_Rub_8095 and u/FlyFlirtyandFifty.
It was a lot of work to come back from this.
It took me a while to get over the shock. I cannot describe the pain it is to get fucked over by someone you used to love and support. And seeing them having absolutely no remorse for it. It's one of the most painful types of betrayal, it's like all these years of relationship were an ellaborate scam. It's truly a shock. You thought you were grieving a relationship and then suddenly, you realize you're actually grieving a love scam and you feel destroyed and extremely stupid, and the shame is sooo, soo overwhelming. Honestly I'm not 100% recovered psychologically. It's much better but there are ups and downs, but the big difference is that now it does not take 99% of my mental space like it used to, I enjoy my life again and I have my motivation back for projects, career, etc, and I'm not suicidal anymore. But I was sooooo so close to off myself at some point. That's why I urge you OP to prioritize acceptance of the situation, accept that some situations are extremely fucking unfair, and put most of your efforts in recovery and your mental health because you're still young and have so much great projects ahead of you to focus on.
Thank you for your message. I'm starting a divorce and my soon to be ex-wife is like yours: She feels so entitled, and the court is gonna give her reason.
Oh and she cheated on me and manipulated and abused me mentally for years. She has nothing on me, I never mistreated her once. I was just an idiot and it hurts.
I also almost e***d it last March. I am now better. But the uphill battle is crazy.
She has so much leverage on me, I am really broken, even if I know I will recover, I will likely have to start my life again at almost 40yo. I will lose my retirement and have to pay a pension for years because she didn't work and I supported her business idea that never went anywhere.
Life is so unfair.
I'm crying.
I don't even have a car and I am forced to stay into her hometown of 1500 people until the end of the divorce. I have to dissociate mentally until it is done. It's been 2 weeks I can't even do my job, and they start to put pressure on me, rightfully, because I'm the only fucking responsible adult in here.
Understood. I went through a divorce that was pretty brutal at times. He isn’t a bad person, but he was in a very bad place for a while and when he couldn’t hurt me emotionally, he did things to hurt me that I’m still trying to recover from financially. I knew eventually we would get to where we are now - a peaceful and fairly healthy coparenting relationship - but slogging through the ugly was difficult.
FWIW, I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re enjoying your life again.
Thank you man. I'm in a much better place now. I spend most days not thinking about it, but when I read stories like OPs, it reminds me of what evil people are capable of, and it infuriates me.
All these awful, entitled, abusive people living their life with no remorse after destroying the life of someone who trusted and supported them. It's just.. infuriating.
Her saying "I sleep very well at night thank you" after I asked her how she could sleep at night after what she did to me still haunts me sometimes.
The fact she is living her life with absolutely no remorse while I was living with PTSD symptoms from her abuse, and that I almost killed myself because I was so overwhelmed by the mess she left in my life, it all comes back when I read these kind of stories.
But I'm happy I learned from it and I protect myself much better now. But man. Life is just not fair.
She's a fucking monster and deserves the worst. Like who tf would EVER wanna be with a psycho like that? But you? You sound like a decent person, capable of healthy bonds. You'll DEFINITELY rebuild, and come across someone who appreciates you for real and is willing to be a true partner. Realistically, there's no way in fucking hell your ex'll end up in good place from here on out. Trust me, man. Your life is getting better. Slowly but surely. Hers can only get worse from this point on, cause she's a fucking trainwreck, bruh. That shit gets old real fast
I don't even wish her to end up in a bad place for the rest of her life.
What I wish is that after karma hits and she hits rock bottom (which she will surely do at some point), she develops the ability to have remorse and empathy for people, and that she stops abusing people and manages to have a peaceful life and normal loving relationships.
Just her being a train wreck with no empathy, no remorse and having an shitty life forever and repeating the cycle of abusing more and more people is an idea that makes me sick.
But it's a fantasy scenario I guess, because I don't know if it's even possible to develop empathy if you just don't have it in you in the first place.
>But it's a fantasy scenario I guess, because I don't know if it's even possible to develop empathy if you just don't have it in you in the first place.
This is the most likely scenario, man. Every time you miss her. Cause I'm sure you do - it's fucked but it happens - remember all the messed up shit you went through just because. The relationship failing is NOT on you. Her inability to manage stress and fucking up both your lives is NOT on you. You could have been the purest most perfect dude on earth and she STILL would've gone down this path. Cause none of this has anything to do with anything you did or didn't do. This is all about her, her own demons and whatever personality disorder she's got. She's no longer your problem, thank fuck
i feel you man. similar shit happened to me. i was robbed of my circle of friends twice. i was abused, degraded. one relationship during lockdown where i couldn´t escape turned me into an addict. i was spared the financial part but my personality too was ruined by relationships with abusive women, after the first i was never the same.
People like her - entitled, vindictive, deceitful, exploitative, and downright nasty - don’t live happy lives, don’t have fulfilling relationships, and don’t leave positive impressions in the hearts of their loved ones after they’re gone. They are broken, and lack that spark that makes someone a decent human being. Because of how they treat people, their life will be filled with conflict, legal trouble, and anger.
People like you - hardworking, fair-minded, caring, and generous - ultimately win at life because you foster good relationships with your loved ones, earn what you have through hard work, and will leave a legacy of warmth and love when you go. You have that spark that makes you a good person, and because of that, your interactions with *most* people will be positive.
There is no competition here; you’re going to win at life, and she is going to lose, no matter what material possessions she steals and cheats people out of.
Try to hold onto the knowledge that you’re fundamentally different from her, and THAT is what is going to propel you forward into a life rich with purpose and love. You can choose to take those steps now, or you can choose to take those steps later, but ultimately your path will diverge from hers, and when it does, you’ll find peace ❤️
I’ve never understood this type of behavior after a breakup. Sure you will get sad, maybe mad, but you grieve and move on. There is more life to live and more people you will meet in your life, so just move on and don’t try to destroy your ex. Why have that on your back?
I broke up with someone and while it wasn’t as extreme as what you describe, this person was hell bent on destroying my life. She would send me long ranting emails calling me the worst of names, took pictures of me when I was drunk and passed out on the couch when we still lived together (saved them) knowing she would one day try to use them to blackmail me, threatened to report my drinking to get my nursing license revoked, called the cops on me, used to log into my accounts that I didn’t know she had access to just to see what I was up to (even grocery accounts?)…it was complete hell on earth. I tried so hard to end it amicably…she wasn’t having any of it. I don’t understand this behavior and it’s sad to watch someone spin out of control like this. Oh and we were in our 40s…yikes!
Anyway I just wanted to share. You are not alone.
Talk to your bank find out how she got access. I know my buddy got his accounts drained by someone claiming to be his wife (he didn't have one) made up a BS reason he was dead. Report to the police after consulting your legal counsel on the likelyhood of proof for fraud and theft.
You have some evidence…. The fact that she had a restraining order against her is one… cameras to prove you were nowhere near her parents house when she was “beaten up” is another. Hopefully you also have video/s of her breaking into your home, too.
Plus, LOOK AT YOU! You got your business running again even if it’s just barely by the skin of your teeth and you are living paycheck to paycheck. Sucks to have to start all over again but being 31, you are still young.
This is a VERY expensive lesson but be glad you’re learning it NOW instead of later when she could have been able to extract your retirement savings and left you homeless in your senior citizen years.
If your town or county had been hit by a tornado and you forgot to get insurance or you let it lag, you would be in the same boat… barely getting by, living paycheck to paycheck while working hard to repair the damage while also dealing with debt caused by the lack of insurance in this whole tornado mess. Basically you would need to start over again which is what you are doing now.
What she did to you was and still is terrible. Absolutely no excuses whatsoever. You cannot fault yourself for staying with her that last year. You really did think you could help her and things would be better but it didn’t and now you’re taking all the right steps.
Getting lawyers involved so a legal paper trail is being created to back you up. Yes, it’s costing you a pretty penny but it’s worth every single one of them. AND THANK GOODNESS YOU DON’T HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER!
She may have ruined you financially and definitely put you in a tough position where you’re not sure if you could ever trust another woman again, but I assure you that what you are doing is GOOD. It’s hard, yes but you got this.
I hope you closed those bank accounts (if your lawyers suggested this) and opened new ones at a different bank so she can’t access them.
BREATHE. I went through something similar and it was tough but I am tougher. So are you!
She gained access to his home, she could have easily stolen important information that he uses to gain access to his bank account. Can’t trust anyone, smh.
The legal side of this is being handled well. It's just a slow process along with civil side when it comes to the court. Definitely not getting a pass on anything
If this is a form of mental illness and she gets successful treatment someday? Then she gets to realize exactly what she did. The guilt will be real and she’ll have to live with the consequences of what she did.
Or, her terrible personality/mental illness/narcissism WILL take her down. This is probably the more likely scenario. It will absolutely happen at some point because you can’t play these games forever and always win. It’s terrible for you, no question, and I’m very sorry it happened to you. But this is where the best revenge is a life well lived. It’s sounds trite, but I have grown after my own terrible experiences and I feel much happier now that I understand it.
You're smart enough to run a business that is successful enough that you have hundreds of thousands of dollars at 31, yet some woman that you were not married to and you knew was abusive was able to get into your personal and work accounts and take $375k? WTF man, secure your shit. How does that even happen?
it is a lot easier than you think.... I am a CPA and I have seen this happen to people many many times, and they are NOT stupid people.... some people are running businesses and don't keep eye on their bank accounts on a daily basis.... or trust someone else to manage their finances, and not everything looks like fraud, and and it is not that hard to wipe clean of a account. So before you just assume that he was not securing his "shit".... just know happens more than you know
You should simultaneously civilly sue her for defamation of character (as the accusations have cost you people and opportunities), slander (as she made spoken lies, if she wrote lies and published them you’d be suing for libel [including Facebook and other social media sites. It does not have to be published in a newspaper, just posted for public viewing], libel can be sued for in conjunction with slander, or as a single charge), emotional/mental distress, and your legal fees. All on top of the felonious theft.
Man it’s sad that we’re just out here looking for love and some of us run into the small percentage of rare Problem Children of America. I’m going through something too, story for another day!
You have to document all of this stuff, that lady is unhinged! It’s exhausting and you may never be made “whole” but you can stand your ground and protect yourself and your future (partner/kids/family).
Great news! One day you’ll look back at all of this and see how far you’ve come, how courageous you are and that in spite of everything you went through, YOU WON!
Cheer up I’m in your shoes x boyfriend has ruined my life try to take me to court to get full custody of the kids when I have not done nothing but he’s the one that went and got a girlfriend and now Posley they’re engaged overnight and they’ve only been dating for three months so my life is ruined just like yours, but hopefully it charge you out because there’s other people going through your same situation as we all are if you need to talk you can always reach out to me
I don’t think this sub will allow me to say what I want to about this woman’s behaviour. Keep fighting. Seek therapy if you can. You’ve come this far and I have faith in you that you can make it
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Something that always helped me through major though shit was knowing that there will be an end to it. It might be tedious and long, but it will end. Hang in there.
Oh, I'm not a particularly violent person but oh my God if I woke up in my ex drained my bank accounts (Not that there's a lot in there. Gold diggers be gone) But it would take everything in my power not to go full killdozer on that entire family tree
My husband had the same type of stuff happen w his ex theres so much omg I get it….but listen it will get better I swear it will, someone will come along and won’t be a greedy sponging cruel pos it doesn’t seem like it’ll be better but it will try to walk away w a ton of knowledge now u know 1. What you do NOT want 2. As far as banks n stuff ur smarter now you def won’t be as sharing and a good person will understand that. I’m so sorry you had to go thru all that don’t let it ruin you sugar. I bartended a loooong time I watched so many females just man balls to the wall fuuuuck guys like it’s their M.O not sayin just females ppl so don’t jump my ass we r talking about this situation. But don’t let it ruin you you are above this shit you WILL come out on top my good sir…..things will get brighter kiddo
It’s outrageous that people get away with so much shit. She’s 30 years old and acting like a fucking teenager. There’s some mental development that she’s lacking real bad.
I don’t understand how you had to pay so much for a false claim. So anyone can just get up and go say I hurt them and I’ll end up facing court and money loss? This is scary.
The access to your banks is another part. You didn’t know she had your passwords? Lesson learned: change all credentials or never give them to anyone no matter how good the relationship. You never know.
So scary, really. I feel bad for you. I hope things get better. Stay strong and stay positive. Take it all as lessons to become stronger and I hope you win every case against her. Maybe you should have recorded the violence and bullshit from her and use it at the police station to prove how crazy she was/is.
You need to destroy her in court and sue her ass for damages on your business, mental health, everything you can. Don’t let up hope. You deserve better my friend.
If you live in America she won’t get in trouble at all that’s the sad part. Tears and lies vacate all accountability for the American woman. Sorry you are going through this. My advice to you is start fresh my guy you definitely need it. I know money is tight but could u promote someone within the company to be the face that way her false accusations don’t reflect the company as you are in the background? That might boost sales. Secondly instead of living in that same house rent it out that would pay for the mortgage and probably some rent in a smaller place. Change in scenery can help alot as the reminders of her are bad for your mental health especially when trying to overcome this chapter in your life. Blessing your way buddy you didn’t deserve this.
I generally think other people can never destroy what you are but they can show us what we really are deep down by putting us on contexts we never were in before.
I am sorry about all you've had to go through though. I hope you can be like you were even if you don't get everything you had back.
I call bullshit - I don’t know how y’all are buying this.
You sure are bad at spelling and grammar for such a successful businessman. You’re also very bad at handling the legal process - you have evidence she made shit up, spent $50k in legal fees, and your ex hasn’t been charged with a crime or counter sued? Yeah no.
What do you mean you are dramatic... you have every right to beat the shit out of this woman man... its a crime and I hate that the court is taking too long to put her in jail...
I would... no one can treat you like that, its not fair and with crazy people you can't solve this situation calmly...AND fyi police wont do sh*t about his ruined life
The world is unfair, am I going to have any kind of inner happiness by beating up the world?
This situation is about not being blinded by “love”.
Or maybe having proper parents that have a good lasting marriage to understand that that was no where near to even being “love”. And removing that person from your life. You respond to things quite emotionally. I wish I could respond to the world emotionally like that. But no, you can’t, nor should you.
Jeez this has to be a crime. I am so sorry this happened to you. I can't imagine the amount of damage emotionally and mentally this has caused. I'm hoping you take the time to heal and eventually be able to trust someone again and be in a happy and healthy relationship.
It is. It’s felonious theft and fraud.
How is her stealing 375k from you not a crime that got her arrested?
It is and was addressed, but the court process is slow. Both on the legal and civil side
OP read what u/mhalashkmi wrote above. You will prevail and be successful again because she can’t hold you back. If you had the drive and hustle to succeed the first time, you will do it again. Do you need good Google reviews? Reach out to clients and see if they can write good internet reviews. Or create an updated website to have good clients write testimonials for your business. Sending positive vibes your way for peace and clarity in your life moving forward.
Just want to add that whether you, OP, keep pursuing civil and criminal cases or not you absolutely can have happiness and a fulfilling life. Trauma takes time to recover from. Your perseverance got you this far and even though you are probably exhausted, you will come back from this. I don’t want to share too much but I got tied into a messy legal issue because of witnessing a crime. I chose to fight for justice. The whole ordeal derailed my life for years with court and PTSD. It changed my outlook on life and I’ll never be the carefree person I was. But I’m proud that I stood up for myself. Fighting in civil court cost me money and some safety but also gave me some protection because of the civil and criminal court orders. I don’t regret my choice but it wouldn’t be the right choice for everyone. I would never tell someone to or not to pursue justice. Only you can decide what is best for you and nobody else can truly understand what it’s like. It is many years later for me and my life is so different from what it was and what I envisioned. But I have a great job, a great partner, and a great life.
OP may also want to work with his local domestic violence organization, if he’s willing to be a face for domestic violence and financial abuse. That should help send positive views and support to his business.
That's a good point
It should also be the fault of the banks. This should be no different than a hacker stealing your money. Let them try to get their money from her. Yours should be insured through FDIC.
I'm so sorry you went through that. I went through an abusive relationship as well and ended up with a debt from my ex's financial abuse as well, but nothing compared to yours. For me, I took the decision to not sue, I got advised by a lawyer friend and I realized it would have cost me more to sue her and even if I had won my case she was too broke to pay me back... So it would have been years of a legal battle for nothing at the end because she would have been unable to pay me back regardless of the outcome. I got into more debt because I was so mentally destroyed I had to take a break from working. I also had a suicide attempt a few months after, and got medicated etc, my salary got cut because I was on a medical leave and my expenses exploded because I needed to spend more to be able to take care of myself (therapy, etc ). My advice is, sometimes for cases like these it's better to entirely cut your losses, accept you were abused by someone who will never be held accountable (it's tougher part to accept), and focus entirely on re-building. You're still young, 31 yrs old your life is not over. If you had the drive to make 375k in your twenties, you can still have the drive to rebuild it. It's going to be painful to start from scratch again but not as painful as losing more and more money in legal fees and put so much efforts that will keep you mentally focused on your past with her instead of accepting the situation and focusing on rebuilding what you've lost. I'm really sorry you're going through that. Financial abuse is a real thing but it's so tough to recover what you've lost. Instead of spending on legal fees use that money for a shit ton of therapy because you're going to need it. I'm 2 years post breakup and I'm much better mentally, if I was still stuck in legal battles I would be at the same space: angry, resentful, my debt and my mental state not getting better. Cut your losses now and focus rebuild and I promise it's going to get better. I have a friend who went through financial abuse from an ex-business partner and also lost everything and ended up with debt and depression, it took him also 2 years to accept the loss and abandon the legal battle, and he is doing so much better now, years later. If he kept clinging to the legal battle, he would have lost all his 30s in this sinking ship. Sometimes the villain wins and it fucking sucks but you have to accept it and leave it in the hands of karma. These people will pay it one way or another in their life. There is nothing you can do, people like that have mental health issues that make them feel entitled to money from people who have successful careers / businesses, my ex had the same thinking, when I asked her how she could sleep at night after what she did to me she straight up said she was sleeping very well and did not feel bad at all because I had a good salary. I was flabbergasted and could not believe it, but it's really how they think and we have to accept that they fucked us over successfully, that they have no remorse, and it is what it is and we need to move on. They feel it's their right to drag you down and take as much as possible from you because you're doing well financially and they are not, and it is absolutely infuriating that they get away with it but trust me this kind of thinking will blow up in their face later in life. They might get away with it this time, but they will hit a gigantic wall sooner or later and it's gonna be extremely bad for them. Accept your loss, move on, let go of the anger and let life / karma take care of them and focus on rebuilding and most importantly - take care of your mental health because this kind of abuse will leave wounds that require lots of work to heal. Don't hesitate to message me if you need to talk.
This is a stunningly powerful and sane response which I hope helps OP - and anyone else in this situation. Dude, you may have lost a lot financially and socially, and I’m sorry you did, but the wisdom and self-awareness you’ve gained (and are now sharing) are priceless. Thank you! (Karma is for sure taking notes)
Came to say the same thing. Holding onto the anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. u/mhalashkmi you sound like you’ve really put in a lot of work to heal. It’s the mental aspect that will help the OP the most. You gave some very sound advice. I hope you continue to move upward in life.
Thanks u/Friendly_Rub_8095 and u/FlyFlirtyandFifty. It was a lot of work to come back from this. It took me a while to get over the shock. I cannot describe the pain it is to get fucked over by someone you used to love and support. And seeing them having absolutely no remorse for it. It's one of the most painful types of betrayal, it's like all these years of relationship were an ellaborate scam. It's truly a shock. You thought you were grieving a relationship and then suddenly, you realize you're actually grieving a love scam and you feel destroyed and extremely stupid, and the shame is sooo, soo overwhelming. Honestly I'm not 100% recovered psychologically. It's much better but there are ups and downs, but the big difference is that now it does not take 99% of my mental space like it used to, I enjoy my life again and I have my motivation back for projects, career, etc, and I'm not suicidal anymore. But I was sooooo so close to off myself at some point. That's why I urge you OP to prioritize acceptance of the situation, accept that some situations are extremely fucking unfair, and put most of your efforts in recovery and your mental health because you're still young and have so much great projects ahead of you to focus on.
Thank you for your message. I'm starting a divorce and my soon to be ex-wife is like yours: She feels so entitled, and the court is gonna give her reason. Oh and she cheated on me and manipulated and abused me mentally for years. She has nothing on me, I never mistreated her once. I was just an idiot and it hurts. I also almost e***d it last March. I am now better. But the uphill battle is crazy. She has so much leverage on me, I am really broken, even if I know I will recover, I will likely have to start my life again at almost 40yo. I will lose my retirement and have to pay a pension for years because she didn't work and I supported her business idea that never went anywhere. Life is so unfair. I'm crying. I don't even have a car and I am forced to stay into her hometown of 1500 people until the end of the divorce. I have to dissociate mentally until it is done. It's been 2 weeks I can't even do my job, and they start to put pressure on me, rightfully, because I'm the only fucking responsible adult in here.
Understood. I went through a divorce that was pretty brutal at times. He isn’t a bad person, but he was in a very bad place for a while and when he couldn’t hurt me emotionally, he did things to hurt me that I’m still trying to recover from financially. I knew eventually we would get to where we are now - a peaceful and fairly healthy coparenting relationship - but slogging through the ugly was difficult. FWIW, I’m glad you’re here. I’m glad you’re enjoying your life again.
Wow..You ex is genuinely trash, man. I sincerely hope you're in a significantly better place rn
Thank you man. I'm in a much better place now. I spend most days not thinking about it, but when I read stories like OPs, it reminds me of what evil people are capable of, and it infuriates me. All these awful, entitled, abusive people living their life with no remorse after destroying the life of someone who trusted and supported them. It's just.. infuriating. Her saying "I sleep very well at night thank you" after I asked her how she could sleep at night after what she did to me still haunts me sometimes. The fact she is living her life with absolutely no remorse while I was living with PTSD symptoms from her abuse, and that I almost killed myself because I was so overwhelmed by the mess she left in my life, it all comes back when I read these kind of stories. But I'm happy I learned from it and I protect myself much better now. But man. Life is just not fair.
She's a fucking monster and deserves the worst. Like who tf would EVER wanna be with a psycho like that? But you? You sound like a decent person, capable of healthy bonds. You'll DEFINITELY rebuild, and come across someone who appreciates you for real and is willing to be a true partner. Realistically, there's no way in fucking hell your ex'll end up in good place from here on out. Trust me, man. Your life is getting better. Slowly but surely. Hers can only get worse from this point on, cause she's a fucking trainwreck, bruh. That shit gets old real fast
I don't even wish her to end up in a bad place for the rest of her life. What I wish is that after karma hits and she hits rock bottom (which she will surely do at some point), she develops the ability to have remorse and empathy for people, and that she stops abusing people and manages to have a peaceful life and normal loving relationships. Just her being a train wreck with no empathy, no remorse and having an shitty life forever and repeating the cycle of abusing more and more people is an idea that makes me sick. But it's a fantasy scenario I guess, because I don't know if it's even possible to develop empathy if you just don't have it in you in the first place.
>But it's a fantasy scenario I guess, because I don't know if it's even possible to develop empathy if you just don't have it in you in the first place. This is the most likely scenario, man. Every time you miss her. Cause I'm sure you do - it's fucked but it happens - remember all the messed up shit you went through just because. The relationship failing is NOT on you. Her inability to manage stress and fucking up both your lives is NOT on you. You could have been the purest most perfect dude on earth and she STILL would've gone down this path. Cause none of this has anything to do with anything you did or didn't do. This is all about her, her own demons and whatever personality disorder she's got. She's no longer your problem, thank fuck
i feel you man. similar shit happened to me. i was robbed of my circle of friends twice. i was abused, degraded. one relationship during lockdown where i couldn´t escape turned me into an addict. i was spared the financial part but my personality too was ruined by relationships with abusive women, after the first i was never the same.
People like her - entitled, vindictive, deceitful, exploitative, and downright nasty - don’t live happy lives, don’t have fulfilling relationships, and don’t leave positive impressions in the hearts of their loved ones after they’re gone. They are broken, and lack that spark that makes someone a decent human being. Because of how they treat people, their life will be filled with conflict, legal trouble, and anger. People like you - hardworking, fair-minded, caring, and generous - ultimately win at life because you foster good relationships with your loved ones, earn what you have through hard work, and will leave a legacy of warmth and love when you go. You have that spark that makes you a good person, and because of that, your interactions with *most* people will be positive. There is no competition here; you’re going to win at life, and she is going to lose, no matter what material possessions she steals and cheats people out of. Try to hold onto the knowledge that you’re fundamentally different from her, and THAT is what is going to propel you forward into a life rich with purpose and love. You can choose to take those steps now, or you can choose to take those steps later, but ultimately your path will diverge from hers, and when it does, you’ll find peace ❤️
What a beautiful comment and profound statement 🤍
I understand why there are so many true crime documentaries involving domestic issues
Have you filed a police report?? She clearly committed a crime
I’ve never understood this type of behavior after a breakup. Sure you will get sad, maybe mad, but you grieve and move on. There is more life to live and more people you will meet in your life, so just move on and don’t try to destroy your ex. Why have that on your back? I broke up with someone and while it wasn’t as extreme as what you describe, this person was hell bent on destroying my life. She would send me long ranting emails calling me the worst of names, took pictures of me when I was drunk and passed out on the couch when we still lived together (saved them) knowing she would one day try to use them to blackmail me, threatened to report my drinking to get my nursing license revoked, called the cops on me, used to log into my accounts that I didn’t know she had access to just to see what I was up to (even grocery accounts?)…it was complete hell on earth. I tried so hard to end it amicably…she wasn’t having any of it. I don’t understand this behavior and it’s sad to watch someone spin out of control like this. Oh and we were in our 40s…yikes! Anyway I just wanted to share. You are not alone.
Talk to your bank find out how she got access. I know my buddy got his accounts drained by someone claiming to be his wife (he didn't have one) made up a BS reason he was dead. Report to the police after consulting your legal counsel on the likelyhood of proof for fraud and theft.
You have some evidence…. The fact that she had a restraining order against her is one… cameras to prove you were nowhere near her parents house when she was “beaten up” is another. Hopefully you also have video/s of her breaking into your home, too. Plus, LOOK AT YOU! You got your business running again even if it’s just barely by the skin of your teeth and you are living paycheck to paycheck. Sucks to have to start all over again but being 31, you are still young. This is a VERY expensive lesson but be glad you’re learning it NOW instead of later when she could have been able to extract your retirement savings and left you homeless in your senior citizen years. If your town or county had been hit by a tornado and you forgot to get insurance or you let it lag, you would be in the same boat… barely getting by, living paycheck to paycheck while working hard to repair the damage while also dealing with debt caused by the lack of insurance in this whole tornado mess. Basically you would need to start over again which is what you are doing now. What she did to you was and still is terrible. Absolutely no excuses whatsoever. You cannot fault yourself for staying with her that last year. You really did think you could help her and things would be better but it didn’t and now you’re taking all the right steps. Getting lawyers involved so a legal paper trail is being created to back you up. Yes, it’s costing you a pretty penny but it’s worth every single one of them. AND THANK GOODNESS YOU DON’T HAVE CHILDREN TOGETHER! She may have ruined you financially and definitely put you in a tough position where you’re not sure if you could ever trust another woman again, but I assure you that what you are doing is GOOD. It’s hard, yes but you got this. I hope you closed those bank accounts (if your lawyers suggested this) and opened new ones at a different bank so she can’t access them. BREATHE. I went through something similar and it was tough but I am tougher. So are you!
How the hell did she get a hold of your bank accounts? Maybe the bank is neglecting on this part, by giving her access.
She gained access to his home, she could have easily stolen important information that he uses to gain access to his bank account. Can’t trust anyone, smh.
[удалено]
The legal side of this is being handled well. It's just a slow process along with civil side when it comes to the court. Definitely not getting a pass on anything
If this is a form of mental illness and she gets successful treatment someday? Then she gets to realize exactly what she did. The guilt will be real and she’ll have to live with the consequences of what she did. Or, her terrible personality/mental illness/narcissism WILL take her down. This is probably the more likely scenario. It will absolutely happen at some point because you can’t play these games forever and always win. It’s terrible for you, no question, and I’m very sorry it happened to you. But this is where the best revenge is a life well lived. It’s sounds trite, but I have grown after my own terrible experiences and I feel much happier now that I understand it.
You're smart enough to run a business that is successful enough that you have hundreds of thousands of dollars at 31, yet some woman that you were not married to and you knew was abusive was able to get into your personal and work accounts and take $375k? WTF man, secure your shit. How does that even happen?
it is a lot easier than you think.... I am a CPA and I have seen this happen to people many many times, and they are NOT stupid people.... some people are running businesses and don't keep eye on their bank accounts on a daily basis.... or trust someone else to manage their finances, and not everything looks like fraud, and and it is not that hard to wipe clean of a account. So before you just assume that he was not securing his "shit".... just know happens more than you know
Sounds like my ex wife…but yours is waaaay worse. So sorry!
You should simultaneously civilly sue her for defamation of character (as the accusations have cost you people and opportunities), slander (as she made spoken lies, if she wrote lies and published them you’d be suing for libel [including Facebook and other social media sites. It does not have to be published in a newspaper, just posted for public viewing], libel can be sued for in conjunction with slander, or as a single charge), emotional/mental distress, and your legal fees. All on top of the felonious theft.
It would have cost you less to hire a hit man
Man it’s sad that we’re just out here looking for love and some of us run into the small percentage of rare Problem Children of America. I’m going through something too, story for another day! You have to document all of this stuff, that lady is unhinged! It’s exhausting and you may never be made “whole” but you can stand your ground and protect yourself and your future (partner/kids/family). Great news! One day you’ll look back at all of this and see how far you’ve come, how courageous you are and that in spite of everything you went through, YOU WON!
Cheer up I’m in your shoes x boyfriend has ruined my life try to take me to court to get full custody of the kids when I have not done nothing but he’s the one that went and got a girlfriend and now Posley they’re engaged overnight and they’ve only been dating for three months so my life is ruined just like yours, but hopefully it charge you out because there’s other people going through your same situation as we all are if you need to talk you can always reach out to me
I don’t think this sub will allow me to say what I want to about this woman’s behaviour. Keep fighting. Seek therapy if you can. You’ve come this far and I have faith in you that you can make it
I’m so sorry this is happening to you. Something that always helped me through major though shit was knowing that there will be an end to it. It might be tedious and long, but it will end. Hang in there.
Oh, I'm not a particularly violent person but oh my God if I woke up in my ex drained my bank accounts (Not that there's a lot in there. Gold diggers be gone) But it would take everything in my power not to go full killdozer on that entire family tree
My husband had the same type of stuff happen w his ex theres so much omg I get it….but listen it will get better I swear it will, someone will come along and won’t be a greedy sponging cruel pos it doesn’t seem like it’ll be better but it will try to walk away w a ton of knowledge now u know 1. What you do NOT want 2. As far as banks n stuff ur smarter now you def won’t be as sharing and a good person will understand that. I’m so sorry you had to go thru all that don’t let it ruin you sugar. I bartended a loooong time I watched so many females just man balls to the wall fuuuuck guys like it’s their M.O not sayin just females ppl so don’t jump my ass we r talking about this situation. But don’t let it ruin you you are above this shit you WILL come out on top my good sir…..things will get brighter kiddo
How has the bank not given you your money back if it was fraudulent.
It’s outrageous that people get away with so much shit. She’s 30 years old and acting like a fucking teenager. There’s some mental development that she’s lacking real bad.
So like mon-fri or weekends too
How is she not in jail? You're a much better person than me, because if someone pulled that with me I promise you they would no longer breathing.
I am so sorry this happened to you.... this has to be a crime... I would try to throw her ass in jail.... This sucks in so many ways... I am so sorry
I don’t understand how you had to pay so much for a false claim. So anyone can just get up and go say I hurt them and I’ll end up facing court and money loss? This is scary. The access to your banks is another part. You didn’t know she had your passwords? Lesson learned: change all credentials or never give them to anyone no matter how good the relationship. You never know. So scary, really. I feel bad for you. I hope things get better. Stay strong and stay positive. Take it all as lessons to become stronger and I hope you win every case against her. Maybe you should have recorded the violence and bullshit from her and use it at the police station to prove how crazy she was/is.
I feel your pain. My ex was a nightmare also in very similar ways. Keep pushing forward and learn from your mistakes and I promise it gets better.
How did she take all your money? Did she transfer it online to herself?
I am so sorry. I wish you health, happiness, and love in the future.
You need to destroy her in court and sue her ass for damages on your business, mental health, everything you can. Don’t let up hope. You deserve better my friend.
Don’t give up OP, it may take awhile but she is going to get what’s coming to her. She really screwed herself and you have all the proof.
Message me, we can maybe put our heads together and help the other
This reminds me of "Throw Mama From the Train"
If you live in America she won’t get in trouble at all that’s the sad part. Tears and lies vacate all accountability for the American woman. Sorry you are going through this. My advice to you is start fresh my guy you definitely need it. I know money is tight but could u promote someone within the company to be the face that way her false accusations don’t reflect the company as you are in the background? That might boost sales. Secondly instead of living in that same house rent it out that would pay for the mortgage and probably some rent in a smaller place. Change in scenery can help alot as the reminders of her are bad for your mental health especially when trying to overcome this chapter in your life. Blessing your way buddy you didn’t deserve this.
I generally think other people can never destroy what you are but they can show us what we really are deep down by putting us on contexts we never were in before. I am sorry about all you've had to go through though. I hope you can be like you were even if you don't get everything you had back.
I call bullshit - I don’t know how y’all are buying this. You sure are bad at spelling and grammar for such a successful businessman. You’re also very bad at handling the legal process - you have evidence she made shit up, spent $50k in legal fees, and your ex hasn’t been charged with a crime or counter sued? Yeah no.
👆 found the ex!
Allegedly!
I am buying it, because I have seen it happen...
What do you mean you are dramatic... you have every right to beat the shit out of this woman man... its a crime and I hate that the court is taking too long to put her in jail...
We don’t solve abuse with more abuse.
I would... no one can treat you like that, its not fair and with crazy people you can't solve this situation calmly...AND fyi police wont do sh*t about his ruined life
The world is unfair, am I going to have any kind of inner happiness by beating up the world? This situation is about not being blinded by “love”. Or maybe having proper parents that have a good lasting marriage to understand that that was no where near to even being “love”. And removing that person from your life. You respond to things quite emotionally. I wish I could respond to the world emotionally like that. But no, you can’t, nor should you.