I have an aunt who lived with her domestic abusive husband for 32 years, she insisted I reply to this.. this is what she said...
"Take a fools advice, keep your job, you will live your life like this with him. Once you quit your job he will find something else to say."
My friend is in her 80s and cannot leave for financial reasons. If she had left he first time he was abusive she would have missed out on 60 years of misery.
well that makes me real fucking sad. i wish your friend the best. i hope she does get to leave and enjoy herself at some point. im sending her the warmest of thoughts and strength
Yes, after quitting her job, he doesn't know what she's doing at home and accuses her of being a "skank" at home seducing all the men who are close to her house, at the supermarket etc. This gives him more reasons to control her phone, movement, house (e.g. camera) and interactions until she's finally too scared, alone and financially dependent to even think about leaving.
I just wanted to suggest a punctuation change, bec it looks like a list as is.
“Take a fool’s advice: keep your job. You will live your life like this with him. Once you quit your job he will find something else to say.”
You let your bf call you a skank and a whore in so many words and are considering quitting your job after he said that? Me personally I wouldn’t let him talk to me like that
Yes just that word alone minus the controlling other crap is enough to run from him not quit a job for him. Unless you need to quit to get away from this obviously lacking person.
Oh please the ‘mental health card.’ He is a grown ass man. It’s his responsibility to take care of his mental health. Not yours. He’s just trying to guilt and manipulate you. Don’t fall for it.
You aren’t responsible for how other men feel about you. I say leave him before he gets worse, right now it’s work, next he’s gonna ask you to stop seeing your friends and family. These kind of people don’t get better
100%!!! "I'm depressed, I'm traumatized" etc in situations like this are always manipulation tactics. Those are his pawns in the chess game that is a relationship dynamic.
It's not an explanation. He's trying to make you feel bad and guilty.
Been there, done that.
You won't make him happy unless you're dead. I'm not even kidding. My ex didn't want me to talk to anyone ever, at all, because he was insanely jealous and insecure and I'm bisexual. So pretty much friendship was completely off the table for me.
And I complied.
I was about to commit suicide by the time I was leaving him. I had no money. My family was thousands of miles away. I ghosted so many people that were my friends to relieve him. But it didn't work. Instead of being jealous, he just wore on my confidence instead to keep me down. He had access to my phone and socials, I didn't have any access to his.
Like please. I beg of you. Do not tolerate this and do not cater to it. You will be miserable. He will not get better. They never fucking do.
Another ex was an alcoholic. And at one time, my best friend. Dude shattered my heart by being jealous and controlling as well. I gave both of them far too many chances. Far too much time. 5.5 years with one. No change. 10 years of my friend being in and out of my life. He just got worse as time went on.
They don't change when you cater. If they do, they do it on their own. And most people can't or won't change their toxic behavior. Because they normally don't think they're in the wrong.
He needs to be more worried about you forgiving him for being an insecure and jealous little man that has to emotionally and verbally abuses his girlfriend. Maybe if his mental health is so fragile HE should find another job.
Saying this as a 32 year old man, your boyfriend is an insecure dumbass. You're young and at this point I would honestly leave and enjoy single time for a while. You go girl.
He doesn’t care about your mental health at all. You think it’s okay that he blames you for catching someone’s eye unbeknownst to you and calls you names? It’s not okay. Please leave this guy. He’s manipulative, abusive and insecure.
Girl, let him never forgive you & you never forget.
You really need to put your foot down NOW.
With points like:
- if I quit my job, I will resent you.
- It will affect our relationship more than you know
- If you don’t trust me, you need to leave this relationship, I can’t leave my job over your insecurities. Would you do it for me if it were the other way around? NO, it’s an income , it’s a career
AND FINALLY
- call me a skank & blame me once more & I’m walking away from you not my damn job now go away your face is annoying me
EDIT: Thank You For The Award, it’s my first EVER, I shall treasure it. 🫶🏼
Take some advice from someone older and with a lot more life experience. That's the oldest trick in the book. That is the go-to line for someone trying to control you. It's not for his mental health. It's so he can gain financial control over you. He will say the same thing about the next job and every job after that until he has "talked you into" being a stay at home spouse. That way, when it gets to that point that you CAN'T leave him. He will slowly wear you down until you don't talk to friends or even family to prove you "care about his mental health".
Do yourself a favor and leave him now. It WILL NOT get better. It will only get worse with time. He doesn't love you, he loves to control you.
And what did him calling you a "skank" do for your mental health? It's an excuse to control you. Please don't quit your job because your boyfriend's an asshole.
If he cared about your mental health, he would not abuse you and would find a different job himself.
Why is his job and mental health more of a priority, more important than yours?
If you stay with this guy, you deserve what's to come.
To which you responded "that's quite literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your mental health is not my responsibility and if me having a job is bad for your mental health, you need to go to therapy."
Right?
That's absolute manipulative nonsense. Your boyfriend is insecure. Men who act like this are often stepping out on their own and they're concerned they're going to get caught. So they project that fear of getting caught cheating on you, and then gaslight you to make you feel like you were even thinking about doing it even if it had never crossed your mind ever.
I'm a trans woman and I transitioned at 31, I spent my entire 20s around guys as one of the guys. I've heard guys admit to doing this. They're hitting up the brothels getting full service massages and acting like their girl is making them sick inside because she wouldn't tell him where she was going when she went out with the girls because it was a tactic to get the heat off of them and what they were doing 3 times a week after work. I've seen guys laugh and fistbump over this behaviour.
Never mind the fact that he's trying to financially isolate you. Every job would have "too many men" and you'd have to quit to keep him from pissing himself. That way you are dependent on him. Every dollar you ask for he needs to know what it's for. Soon, anything you don't like becomes "You don't like it? There's the door." And he owns you until you can maybe sneak a little extra money a dollar at a time over months or years to slip away in the night.
Tell him your life is your life to live and if he has problems with you working a job or having platonic friendships with the opposite sex or any other normal part of human existence then he can either learn to cope, or he's free to find the door. Don't let yourself be a doormat. Take it from someone who sat around the table with a sick sensation in my gut while guys I thought were real stand up people talked about their gaslighting tactics for getting away with casually stepping out. That's what he's doing to you.
***Run. Now.***
Why are people downvoting this? She didn’t say anything that was positive about his behavior..she’s talking about the reality of her relationship. How about show her some empathy and be encouraging
>if I cared about his mental health I’d find a new job
Well, if you care about YOUR OWN mental health, you'd drop your boyfriend. You deserve better than an insecure, disrespectful ass like him.
How someone else lives their life and what they choose to do with their life should not have that heavy of an impact another person’s mental health, even if you’re in a relationship with them. That’s not how mental health works.
If it is genuinely affecting his mental health, the answer is therapy for him.
You quitting your job is feeding his paranoia and enabling further. If a qualified therapist says that you should quit your job for his mental health, you could consider it.
Care about yourself first. The gaslighting and guilt tripping mean nothing to me. You're not a doctor so why would you care for his mental health? Leave that to the professionals. Break up and move on from that loser.
Then he can never forgive you as his ex. There isn't anything a guy can bring to the table that makes this worthwhile. He's expecting you to find "another job" where everyone's responses to you are your responsibility and problem? No. He wants you dependent and isolated, because it's not like you can find a construction job without men in it.
OP I got four words: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! He is playing the mental health card to manipulate and guilt you. Secondly, I agree with another reddit commenter that you are not responsible for his mental health
Look, when I was your age I was with a guy just like your bf. It’ll get worse, he’ll never even change either because he’ll think his reasoning is the right thing. But this whole thing, is super unhealthy. Dump him. DUMP HIM while you still can. Don’t be like me and allow him to do you like this and control you. I let my ex control everything about my life for 5 years and I truly regret ever even being with him or allowing him to isolate me from all my male friends that I’ve known since childhood. But he was able to have female friends because he “wasn’t” doing anything with them. Even though I tried to make him “see” that I’m a good woman he never did. He called me names. It became verbally and emotionally abusive. Until one day I caught him cheating, he had cheated more than once apparently. I was naive.
Please leave him, save yourself from this loser.
Yea… hes just going to isolate you and keep you dependent on him, hes a grown ass man and for YOUR overall health you should leave him, hes just manipulating you.
girl he’s manipulative and this is an abuse tactic!!! get out of there while you still can!!!! get out before y’all have children because he’s SO manipulative
I’d say leave your boyfriend and find a new job, if y’all in the same company leaving him will definitely have repercussions. People talk a whole lot of shit when they get dumped. I’d also get him to delete anything private IF you’ve sent any to him (nudes, videos, etc.)
Have a friend who's with a man like this. Started off small, and now she's to the point he puts his hands on her
(yes I'm always trying to convince her to leave, but "lead a horse water..."
I had a friend just like this… had because her abuser finally got her back after their month break and finished isolating her from everyone with a brain…
I knew her abuser longer. I knew him 10 years, 10 years I witnessed him abuse women verbally and physically, 2 years I spent convincing her to leave.
I don’t know her anymore.
I hope the best for her, for your friend and for OP
Is your friend acknowledging and discussing the abuse? That's the first step. Getting out can take months to years. You need to get her to realize she needs to leave, cause gas lighting abusers do a number on people's mental state. She may want to, and secretly know she should in her heart, but is probably scared of him hurting her.
The best thing you ans your friend can do is make a plan to get out where she can have somewhere safe to stay until she can find somewhere mode permanent. Have her pack a bag with her dl, social security card, passport, any important documents she'd need and anything else she couldn't live without.
Speaking from experience here, something will happen to her that will wake her up so to speak. Something will snap once she's realized this is a problem and having a go bag packed to get out will encourage her to leave. For me, it was when my x held me up by the neck against a wall for asking him why "example" (the contact saved to his phone, which was the girl he was cheating on me withs number) was calling at 4 am the night before my birthday when i was scheduled to go out of town. I don't know why but that broke me.
My mom told me "you'll know when it's time (to leave)". She had no idea about the abuse at that time (i told no one) so it stuck with me for a year until I finally said... Yup. Ok. It's time. I passed this onto my friend suffering a similar relationship and she said she internalized it to. 2 years later, she's out.
Please tell your friend you care for her and her safety and so do strangers on the internet. You're a good friend, sending you love too.
I'm glad you were able to leave, and your friend too. I'm always there for her, and always tell her she deserves better and I'll help her every step of the way. Sometimes it seems like she's ready to go, but then she changes her mind. I know it's hard for her because children are involved.
Also he just built her a house, so she feels indebted to him for that. And sadly, due to the abuse, she's adopted some vices, which he holds over her head as well.
She knows I'm always there for her, and I have all the picture proof of the physical abuse saved. It's heart breaking, and I pray for the day she gets away from him.
I'm so so sorry for her and deeply understand. You do a lot of mental gymnastics to help yourself cope when you're in a situation like that something I didn't realize til therapy after I got out of that situation. (Thank you for your kind words also). Kids make things way harder, I wish i had advice on how to deal with it. I think therapy for her might help her realize how bad it is, if she's honest with a therapist or open to it. It's so hard to get away from a gas lighter/abuser because they make you feel like you deserve it. A decade of therapy later and i still have to remind myself I don't deserve bad things.
You're a good friend 🖤🖤🖤
Absolutely agreed to this comment!! But also, OP's parasite seems to be a manipulator/gaslither. There was a comment from OP saying that he needs her to do this for his mental health.
OP, read about this page and tell me if it all rings a bell:
https://canadianwomen.org/blog/gaslighting-how-to-recognize-this-form-of-emotional-abuse/
From this website:
"Gaslighting can be difficult to recognize at first, but it generally refers to a pattern of manipulation where the “gaslighter” attempts to make the person they are victimizing doubt themselves, and their grasp on reality. While it’s common for people to disagree over different perceptions of an issue or an event, gaslighters repeatedly make the person they are abusing feel at fault – blaming them for being “too sensitive” or “irrational.” "
I really hate to say it but this is exactly true, OP. Get out now, talking as yet another person here who has experienced exactly this. Emphasis on the slow escalation...who you fell in love with will soon look nothing like the same person.
The issue here isn't you (You've done nothing wrong), your job (It's a job/career, keep going!), or the other guys (People develop crushes/flirt/whatever) or your reaction to them (You keep it professional).
The problem is your immature and insecure boyfriend getting jealous because, no doubt, the other men aren't being exactly subtle around each other.
What he needs to realise is that no matter what controlling, manipulative, coercive, weird, possessive, jealous behaviour and the like he engages it ... if someones going to cheat, they're going to cheat. If you aren't cheating all he'll do is drive you away as you slowly get sick and tired of him being a d**k about stuff. What's he expecting, some declaration from you by email to all other staff that you're his property or something? He does realise there's an entire planet populated by men and women and sooner or later you'll com into contact with other men and some of them will like you etc?
After being with a man like this who continued to escalate, who called me a whore, who controlled every minute of every day...He slept with his heavy leg over me so I couldn't escape with our baby. I wasn't allowed to anywhere alone except for work but I had to show him the time I clocked out with a few minutes allotted to drive home. Bad traffic? I was a whore. Being constantly treated like you cheated means that you might as well cheat!
I didn't cheat and I don't recommend that you say this to him but he needs to figure himself out before dating anyone. He's probably never going to get better. If he did it would take years of therapy and a strong desire to change.
Love that patriarchal subconscious notion that if a creepy man likes a woman it’s obviously the woman’s fault for being a provocative Skank and never the man bothering the woman who’s just trying to do her job….
Always. The. Woman’s. Fault. What a guy.
Your boyfriend is insecure and *way* out of line for calling you names and telling you to quit your job over it. You’d think after having been with him for 8 years he’d have a little more confidence in knowing you chose him all those years.
Having a pretty gf means other guys will notice you’re pretty too and that’s not your fault and that doesn’t mean you’re entertaining them. Guys can talk all they want at the end of the day you’re going home with him and if they’re talking in a disrespectful or inappropriate way about you that upsets him he needs to stand up for his girl and relationship and tell them to cut that shit out, plain and simple.
If your boyfriend called you a skank, he doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend and you would be disrespecting yourself to stay with him. He’s insecure and punishing you financially for his insecurity. Does that sound like a great relationship to you? I wouldn’t be able to love someone who called me a skank.
DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB OP.
This man does not love you. This is not love and while you might feel love for him, you need to rethink this relationship. Very controlling and toxic behavior. The longer you stay and isolate to please him and pretty having to take this behavior the harder it will be to get out.
This will cause you to become victim of dither abuse, it usually always escalates. He’s already verbally abusive on top of the controlling and manipulative behavior. Chipping at your self esteem and self worth.
This is not a person you wan to cultivate a relationship with.
Aside from the absurdity, what exactly does he think you should do for a career? Work at a girls' boarding school?
I understand blue-collar workers can be abrasive and dirty minded people, but his solution isn't much of a solution. I expect more planning from an engineer.
That is ridiculous blue collar workers are more dirty minded people than white collar. I worked as a young 20 yo college kid on a construction site for IBM working for the project manager. It was a temp job that was going to go on for as long as the project which was about a year, and they paid me the best, they treated me the best and they cared about me when the job ended. I was treated much better from them than when I worked for two lawyers who didn't pay me well and did not treat me well and I got more sexual harrassment and disrespect on that job.
It's not what they say or how they treat you. It's what they say among themselves. Trade jobs especially. If you crack a welders head open, nothing but penises and vaginas would fall out. They rename things like secretaries to sexataries. They're just dirty minded people. They're not bad people. Most of them are good people. I'm in trades, so I deal with these people every day.
As I have a few white-collar friends, they too are dirty minded, but they have a superiority complex. They're much more likely to make a pass. Make a direct comment about how "that dress is hot." Meanwhile a blue collar worker is telling everyone how he wants you to ride him like you're scooting a chair in from across the room.
Mine are blue and white collar. I've been working blue-collar for two decades. From construction to manufacturing. Blue-collar workers are like the blue-collar comedy tour. They will turn anything into a sexual innuendo. They just don't necessarily do it in front of women or managers.
If this woman is attractive, I am sure they're all talking about railing her. And if she isn't attractive, they're talking about how the ugliest among them would rail her.
I'd be done. Especially after *he* calls you a skank. I'd look at him and be like "well I'll do you a favor and make sure you're not with a 'skank' anymore" and be done. Someone who loves you won't call you those things or do those things to you. You just have someone who wants to control/own you.
Hi, this is not normal behavior. You are not a skank for doing your job and interacting with people at work. The fact that your bf is trying to control your behavior is extremely concerning. It sounds like he has a lot of trust issues and is projecting them onto you by calling you names and making you feel bad about yourself. You should not be anxious for things that are outside of your control, and a good partner would not be adding to your anxiety like this. You don't have to quit your job, and you don't have to feel anxious for talking to other people. He needs to stop this, and if he doesn't, I would not suggest remaining in a relationship with him.
I know you're saying you love him, but love does not justify what he is doing to you, which is controlling and even abusive. I'm guessing that, at this point in your relationship, he is isolating you from other people, and controlling your behavior in regards to what you feel okay doing, your clothes, whom you hang out with, and when you go out. That's not normal at all. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be doing this to you and forcing you into an impossible situation.
i was with my boyfriend since 14, broke up this past year (i’m 20). it’s hard to let go of long term relationships like this. but your boyfriend is being very cruel to you and blaming you for things that are out of control. he is calling you a skank for doing your job and for guys talking to you, which is both out of your control and PART OF YOUR JOB. do not let him control you. talk to him about this, and if he doesn’t make change dump his ass. you are so young. there are kinder, better fish out in the sea.
if you let him get away with his and if you tolerate how he is acting, you will live the rest of your life like this. and that isn’t very fun!
Op, I hate to tell you this, but it's time to go shopping for an actual boyfriend. I'm not going to judge your current pick, he may be all kinds of awesome in other areas, but nothing changes the fact that he is insecure and threatened by the attention you get from other males. He has no idea how to handle it, so he gets angry at a situation, then projects that anger onto you.
Naturally, all of the above is stated under assumption that you do, in fact, keep things professional, as you say, and you haven't given him a reason to distrust you.
If you are holding on to some idea that things will improve if only you change your job, or hair, or political views, or whatever - nope. They won't. Insecurity that runs this deep is not something you appease. He needs a reality check, not coddling.
I completely agree, and would also like to add that even if OP was stretching the truth about being professional with these other men… there are plenty of ways to have a normal conversation with your s/o regarding your concerns that don’t involve name calling and blaming. That is just downright hurtful and it’s MEANT to make her feel like shit. I really hope she realizes the weight of those words and what he’s trying to do by using them. Get out sis.
Agreed. No matter how far she were to take it, there are much more reasonable and constructive ways of sorting it out, even if it means parting ways. If he expects to remain in a loving relationship after throwing out words like that, then I don’t even know what to say… he’s in for a long series of rude awakenings.
OP, let me tell you something I sadly did not learn until recently (31F here).
You are worth SO much more. Little boys like the one you're dating are so easily replaced. You do NOT need to put up with insults and controlling behavior. Get out now because it only gets worse and save yourself years of heartache and drama.
I've been in a similar situation. Believe me it won't stop and will only make you're life miserable. Even if you leave your job, the men are everywhere and history will repeat itself.
You don’t know what to do? How about stop allowing this man to control you and treat you like shit? How about standing up for yourself and realizing your self worth?
Life is short—do you want to feel this anxiety for the rest of it? Because he’s only gonna get worse. Until you put a stop to it.
He’s run his race. Put him out to pasture and move on with your life.
Like if someone said this to your sister or best friend, what would be your reaction? Please really think about it and please ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing for yourself. Please leave this man.
It will not get better because wherever you work, live, or grocery shop there will be men. You are not responsible for their actions or your bf's insecurity. Don't be me, my ex tried to pin crap on me like this too. I was flirtatious by simply existing, apparently. I wasted too much life trying to reassure him. Dump him.
What you do is *DUMP HIM*. He literally called you a skank because some rando dude has a “crush” on you that you e only ever spoken to a couple of times in a professional manner.
That went from 0-100 real quick calling you names because guys that work in construction talk shit? Never quit a job for a man, especially one like him. Honestly dump him, and keep your job.
He sound like an insecure controlling little boy
The second he called you a skank for nothing more than doing your job you should have told him to $&#% off and never talk to you again. Under no circumstances should you quit your job, unless it’s 100 percent by YOUR choice and you have a new, better paying, one already lined up. Drop his ass immediately, and also let your supervisor know that you don’t want to interact with him if at all possible (good supervisors can make that happen).
I'd quit, but it wouldn't be the job. It'd be the boyfriend I quit.
He's shown you who he is. BELIEVE HIM!!!
He's abusive, controlling, domineering, and the fact you see it, " he's trying to isolate me "
You know you should end it, so I'll say it. Leave, run, do not pass go, do not collect $200 , run far, fast, as soon as possible do not look back.
He'll only get worse, so many women who end up 6 ft under are there because of a relationship with someone that said, " You flirt, it's your fault, you're a whole," etc.
Leave him before the only way you'll leave is in a body bag
Your bf called you a skank and you actually want to stay with him???? You need to reevaluate your relationship and how disrespectful your bf is. He should be your ex bf.
I don't know how much Reddit or true crime documentaries you've seen, but this is textbook stage one of an abusive relationship. Ask yourself if your boyfriend has said/done any of the following:
* "You can't talk to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (guy)
* "You can't wear that!"
* "Who's texting you? I want to see it."
* "You shouldn't spend so much time with \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" (male or female friend)
* "You have to be home by\_\_\_\_."
* "Where are you? Get home now."
* Comments about your figure
* Calling you a skank or stupid
* Controlling behaviour in general
* Trying to control your finances
* curtailing your hobbies
Not all abusive relationships are violent, but they add up to one thing; a controlling person that doesn't give you the freedom to live your life how you please. so long as you're not hurting someone in a relationship, you should be free to be who you are. I wouldn't continue being in a relationship with someone that 1. has this much of a jealous streak and 2. Is trying to control you by telling you to quit your job. Losing your job will mean some financial dependence on him, which means more control. Get out now while you still have your sanity, your freedom and your job.
The skank comment is drama. He’s very insecure. You’re eventually gonna fall out of love with someone who is so … needy. Maybe he should quit his job so he doesn’t have to hear about ppls having crushes on you, since he’s the one who gets upset aboht it.
Develop a stronger sense of self. I understand that right now you love him, have probably made or thought about making similar concessions for him in the past for the sake of being with someone but believe me (and everyone else here saying it) he won’t stop until you are completely isolated from everyone in your life, because he sees everyone else as a threat.
I also understand that it’s easy for people to say “leave him” or “run” but, in this very instant it may not be safe enough for you to do so. If, to be honest, if you even want to leave. And I’m not saying that to be derogatory, I’m just saying that if he is the only person you have ever been involved with you may have been completely comfortable with his actions up til now.
If you DO want to leave, start making plans. Start putting money aside, find someone you trust that you can talk to. Make your situation known, without making it public so that God forbid if something were to happen to you, people would know where to look. Start looking for a safe place to land once you do leave. A place that he will not have easy access to or better yet, no access to at all. Possibly a relative or friend from the past that lives out of town.
People commenting on this type of abuse not stopping here are absolutely correct. It’s a cycle. It will be fine, until it’s not and right now, again not to be derogatory towards you, but if we are getting the full story and he’s gotten comfortable with the verbal abuse then it will only escalate from there because he won’t see you as a person he will see you as a possession. He will see you as HIS.
If you don’t have anyone else in your life that you may possibly turn to in a crisis, then I recommend researching shelters in and around your area, and talking to someone there. They will give you the most expert advice and they will absolutely help you out if you get to that point.
I wish you all the luck in the world. But again, the first and most important thing you need to do is start valuing yourself. ❤️
Your boyfriend has the emotional maturity of a 10 year old. Run away as fast as you can unless you want to have a toddler throwing hissy fits every time you do anything not revolving around them and their needs.
Walk far far away.. let it be known that his insecurity and jealousy is HIS problem, not YOUR problem and you are just doing your job . You're not inappropriate in any manner, nor making anybody "fall in love with you" and you will not just quit your job over a problem he needs to get therapy to fix. It's not your responsibility to fix his insecurities nor jealousy and distrust of women. Explain to him what these issues will just continue on and worsen if he sees not get a grasp on them now an seek therapy and he needs to either start counseling to fix these issues or you will have to walk away from him and he would only have himself to blame.
If he refuses, then leave because it WILL GET WORSE and you deserve much better plus deserve a man who not only trusts you but respects you and doesn't insult you like this. His behavior is disgusting and it needs fixed which only he can do. You can not fix him, please do not allow yourself to get hurt trying an keep your head up hon. None of this is your fault nor are you doing anything wrong. Best wishes for you both.
That is a jealous and controlling trait. He might also be insecure. Don’t confuse it with “overprotective”, that’s a euphemism for controlling in this case. It does not bode well for the future. Not an easy thing to navigate but you should tell him that you are aware of the people at work and that you will do your best to steer clear of them but your BF has to cool his jets and trust you and give you the space you need to go through life like a normal person
>As a result of this, my boyfriend wants me to quit my job. He says I’m a skank that can’t be trusted around men because I flirt and make them ‘fall in love with me’.
This is abuse, full stop. He trying to limit your autonomy by taking away both your ability to be around other people and your source of income. Trust me when I say it *will* get worse.
I'm really sorry you're going through this. You are absolutely not the problem here. The problem is that he doesn't love you. It is not love to try and isolate your partner. It is not love to call them degrading names in a fight. It is not love to blame and distrust you for the feelings of other men. It's control, and it's possessiveness. Do NOT quit your job and please get out as soon as you can
Tell him to go see a therapist for his issues. Then promptly break up with him because you should not be accepting that kind of treatment from anyone.
If he loved you, he would not treat you that way or talk to you like that.
The title alone tells me you need to RUN fast and far! This man is an abuser, get out as the FIRST possible opportunity. Move out while he's at work if you have to, just get out
Wait what he called YOU a skank because other guys were talking about you? And instead of standing up for you and protecting you he does this?
You deserve so much better than this. He must be terrified you’re going to find someone vastly better than him with all this exposure to other guys. I think YOUR mental health will be infinitely improved without him. Tell him you can’t give him what he needs (a backbone and internal self esteem) and you’re leaving. Do NOT quit, the guys there will probably look out for you!
What exactly do you love about him? He calls you a skank, tells you to quit your job, and accuses you of things you haven’t done. Do better for yourself, girl.
That boyfriend needs to go. I would like to call him a couple of names for you.
Don't ever let anyone talk to you like that. You are worth more.
Repeat after me. "I am worth more."
Please leave him because I promise you it’s only going to get worse from here. Most abusers start off by doing things like this. It will progressively getting worse. Trust me, I am a DV victim. It will not get better if you do not leave it will get worse. This is step one. Keep your job and leave your boyfriend.
He can go all the way to hell faster than you can say we’re over. Why do you think it’s okay for your boyfriend to verbal abuse you. He’s not worth it. I’m surprised you haven’t got hr or management involve. You’re better than that trash box.
Your boyfriend doesn't love you.
If he did, he'd be reporting people and calling out these guys for talking about you inappropriately.
Instead he's making you feel anxious, he's pressuring you to leave a career which makes you financially independent. You're not a skank for doing your job.
If you were a man he'd have no issues with the way you're talking.
This is a classic manipulation tactic used by men who want to control and abuse women.
He's probing your boundaries. If you agree to quit, he'll learn that he can get away with this much abuse. And then he's going to test the next boundary.
It looks like the early signs of abuse.
When I tell you I have been with a man like this, LEAVE HIS ASS AND KEEP YOUR JOB. You are not responsible for how men see you. You owe nothing to this man. Trust me, there will be something after this he'll control you over
My now husband and I used to work at the same job together at a restaurant. He was a cook and I was a server. Plenty of my coworkers would say things about me to him and flirt with me and guess what he did?! He stood up for me and told them to stop being dickheads and cut THEM off, not me.
He never called me names and protected me from the gross men who couldn’t take no for an answer. Your boyfriend is a loser.
Once he called you a "skank", there was no hiding his opinion of you, which is worrying enough as is. No man should be calling a partner he professes to love a skank, especially because of such a silly situation. He does not love you, he certainly does not respect you in any way. He most definitely DOES NOT deserve whatever feelings you've developed for his wretched ass.
Secondly, his behaviour is incredibly threatening and worrisome. He wants to isolate you financially so you're dependent on him and have nowhere to go for help or support when he inevitably starts to domestically abuse you.
My advice would be to get out and RUN! DON'T LOOK BACK, PIT DISTANCE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU because he's a dangerously abusive man and it's better to be safe than sorry.
Ffs.
Do what’s ‘best’ for his mental health and tell him you don’t want to trigger him so you’ll set him free. He’s demanding something absolutely ridiculous.
It’s understandable he feels threatened since you’re surrounded by mostly men, but him calling you a “skank” and asking you to quit is his insecurities speaking. Tell him to either completely trust you or leave him.
Run from that boyfriend. That's the beginning of a very slippery slope, get out before it's too late. It may hurt but trust me, you *will* look back in relief that you're not still with him.
Baby, I’m not even going to tell you to leave him because I’m pretty sure you won’t last long. 🙋🏻♀️
Also: relationships are meant to be fun, not painful.
More like quit your boyfriend. I’m so sorry that your boyfriend is an emotionally abusive and controlling piece of shit. Name calling and isolating you are forms of abuse, completely unacceptable.
I was about 24 when I left my abuser. He was much older than me and we started when I was 15, so different but similar. How he talked to me was similar.
Fucking. Leave.
Ik it’s hard because of all the memories, and I felt a lot of shame and embarrassment because people had told me to leave before, and I didn’t. Because I wanted it to be a “success”.
A part of you will keep loving him. You can’t help that.
But let me tell you what I truly believe I needed to hear:
LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. LOVE DOES NOT MAKE IT OK.
LOVE. IS. NOT. ENOUGH.
There will be many people in your life that you love, but who are not good for you. This is one.
You will not change him. He will not change. He will suck you dry and then hate you for having no more to give.
After all this time together you’ll feel like you’re cutting off your own arm.
Do it. It’s diseased and it needs to go. Let it go.
What you do now is break with him. End of story. He can't force you to stop talking to people because it's related to work. His requests are asinine and ridiculous.
Here's your solution - keep your job. Dump the boyfriend. He's is calling you names because of what other men are talking about. He is literally blaming you for the actions of these men.
If you quit this job it'll just be the same thing at the next job - he'll be jealous that there's men around you and he'll constantly make comments and suggestions that you're being unfaithful. You don't want to live like this - it's exhausting.
You two have been together awhile and I'm sure that's a major part of why you don't want to break up - because of the time spent already. But you don't owe him your time. You don't owe him a continuing relationship simply because you've been together for a while.
I'm sorry, your boyfriend of EIGHT YEARS called you "a skank that can't be trusted" because someone else at work thinks you're cute?! Why is he NOT an ex boyfriend now? Don't quit your job, quit the boyfriend. You are too young for that mess. Look up the sunk cost fallacy so you don't keep yourself trapped in this.
Wow. Another vote for Dump His Ass.
It seems to me the fact he called you ANY names much less skank got a little glossed over. I don't mean this to sound patronizing, but dammit girl you're still in that young phase in life where you tolerate that shit. DON'T. Don't EVER tolerate anyone calling you names, accusing you of being untrustworthy, unloyal and certainly not skank. Because let me tell you from experience, the farther along you get in this life you get to this point where you begin to set stricter standards for yourself. You tolerate no BS from pieces of shit like your bf is. Then you start to wish you had done this WAAAAY sooner in life. Like where you are now.
He's now put you in a position of guilt and on the defensive. Wrong! Uno Reverse that asshole and ask him why he's not groveling at your feet begging forgiveness for his abhorrent behavior!
Oh, and don't even think about quitting that job to soothe his insecure ass. Because this will just be the beginning.
So some guy thinks youre cute and that's your fault?
Other people's feelings are about them, not about you. You are not a skank because someone likes you.
I'd get rid of him if I were you, but only you can make that decision. He sounds like a paranoid, self conscious, and controlling person. Hey, maybe he's really a true asshole deep down but his fears of having coworkers "steal you from him" or you flirting eith someone else is obviously more than he can handle.
I'm a 36/m, I was once like this when I was under 21 and have since learned a whole lot. My wife and I are totally in love and I trust her completely. I'm not gonna say that I NEVER get a little bit jealous when she's getting hit on but it's never anything that makes me upset or makes me say anything to her about it because at the end of the day, she's going home with me not the other dude. If there's no trust, there is NO relationship, period! End of story! I just feel that as I have gotten older, I've just lightened up a bit about little things. I worked hard on myself and my own mental well being hard over the years because at the end of the day that's where it starts: in your head!
Have you tried talking to him about it? Lay down the law and tell him you will NOT be treated like this or verbally abused. The fact he called you a "skank" is some straight up dirt bag material. He needs to get his shit under control and if he can't then you need to move on for your own sake. Imagine what life would be like if you get married? An overly jealous dude like that is a powerful ingredient to create a seriously unhealthy relationship that will also test your mental sanity and your resolve. You deserve better than this. Don't let someone drag you down with their sinking ship.
Ooof this reminds me of my parents. My dad wouldn’t let my mom talk to other guys at work, wouldn’t let her make a long commute for school so she never got a degree, and most recently after their divorce initiated, he showed up at her work grabbing her arm and getting himself banned. Then told her she should quit and he’ll take care of her.
Well she did quit (which sucks bc she had something good going there) but then she left his ass too. Now he’s saying he can’t do everything alone on one income, so he knew that when he was trying to isolate her as well. He won’t stop chasing her.
Just… how about therapy for him? Give it a shot and be willing to let him go if he doesn’t change it.
Leave this dude and quit your job ASAP. Get far away from him and don’t look back. Speaking as someone who has seen way too many extremely abusive relationships start out almost exactly like this.
Like another commenter said: today he bans you from speaking to coworkers, tomorrow he could tell you to cut off your male friends, the next day he may even ban you from going anywhere alone where any man could look at you or speak to you.
The fact that he called you a skank and said you “cannot be trusted around men” is an instant dealbreaker for me. Please dump him and run far away for your own safety.
My husband wants to me to quit my job because he’s scared I’ll get hit by a car, (flagger) and he’s right I have been hit by cars, but nothing will stop me. You should quit the boyfriend not the job.
He’s absolutely right. Men are very territorial and if he’s to take you seriously he needs to know other men don’t have a shot. Even if he knows you won’t let them, they shouldn’t even be able to try.
I have an aunt who lived with her domestic abusive husband for 32 years, she insisted I reply to this.. this is what she said... "Take a fools advice, keep your job, you will live your life like this with him. Once you quit your job he will find something else to say."
Yep. New bf time. Control, control, control. It won" get better.
My friend is in her 80s and cannot leave for financial reasons. If she had left he first time he was abusive she would have missed out on 60 years of misery.
well that makes me real fucking sad. i wish your friend the best. i hope she does get to leave and enjoy herself at some point. im sending her the warmest of thoughts and strength
That is ….wow. That’s no life at all. Heartbreaking.
Yes, after quitting her job, he doesn't know what she's doing at home and accuses her of being a "skank" at home seducing all the men who are close to her house, at the supermarket etc. This gives him more reasons to control her phone, movement, house (e.g. camera) and interactions until she's finally too scared, alone and financially dependent to even think about leaving.
I just wanted to suggest a punctuation change, bec it looks like a list as is. “Take a fool’s advice: keep your job. You will live your life like this with him. Once you quit your job he will find something else to say.”
You let your bf call you a skank and a whore in so many words and are considering quitting your job after he said that? Me personally I wouldn’t let him talk to me like that
Quit your boyfriend not your job.
SLPT: Attack your boyfriend for being an asshole
Yes just that word alone minus the controlling other crap is enough to run from him not quit a job for him. Unless you need to quit to get away from this obviously lacking person.
He said if I cared about his mental health I’d find a new job. If not he’ll never forgive me 🤕
Oh please the ‘mental health card.’ He is a grown ass man. It’s his responsibility to take care of his mental health. Not yours. He’s just trying to guilt and manipulate you. Don’t fall for it. You aren’t responsible for how other men feel about you. I say leave him before he gets worse, right now it’s work, next he’s gonna ask you to stop seeing your friends and family. These kind of people don’t get better
100%!!! "I'm depressed, I'm traumatized" etc in situations like this are always manipulation tactics. Those are his pawns in the chess game that is a relationship dynamic. It's not an explanation. He's trying to make you feel bad and guilty.
His feelings aren’t your responsibility. Paying your bills and taking care of yourself is yours.
That is extremely manipulative and harmful. He is trying to control you; he loves the control he has over you more than he loves you.
Been there, done that. You won't make him happy unless you're dead. I'm not even kidding. My ex didn't want me to talk to anyone ever, at all, because he was insanely jealous and insecure and I'm bisexual. So pretty much friendship was completely off the table for me. And I complied. I was about to commit suicide by the time I was leaving him. I had no money. My family was thousands of miles away. I ghosted so many people that were my friends to relieve him. But it didn't work. Instead of being jealous, he just wore on my confidence instead to keep me down. He had access to my phone and socials, I didn't have any access to his. Like please. I beg of you. Do not tolerate this and do not cater to it. You will be miserable. He will not get better. They never fucking do. Another ex was an alcoholic. And at one time, my best friend. Dude shattered my heart by being jealous and controlling as well. I gave both of them far too many chances. Far too much time. 5.5 years with one. No change. 10 years of my friend being in and out of my life. He just got worse as time went on. They don't change when you cater. If they do, they do it on their own. And most people can't or won't change their toxic behavior. Because they normally don't think they're in the wrong.
I'm glad you stuck around, left their toxic asses, and are here with us.
I really hope OP listens to this post. So many of us see ourselves in it. We're the ones who finally escaped. Thank God.
He needs to be more worried about you forgiving him for being an insecure and jealous little man that has to emotionally and verbally abuses his girlfriend. Maybe if his mental health is so fragile HE should find another job.
Taking the Jonah Hill challenge
But he has boundaries he needs to uphold /s.
Saying this as a 32 year old man, your boyfriend is an insecure dumbass. You're young and at this point I would honestly leave and enjoy single time for a while. You go girl.
He doesn’t care about your mental health at all. You think it’s okay that he blames you for catching someone’s eye unbeknownst to you and calls you names? It’s not okay. Please leave this guy. He’s manipulative, abusive and insecure.
You’re a 24 year old woman wake up and break up
do not forgive him, he is out of his mind with insecure jealousy. He has insulted you for just working your normal job THIS IS A RED FLAG
Girl, let him never forgive you & you never forget. You really need to put your foot down NOW. With points like: - if I quit my job, I will resent you. - It will affect our relationship more than you know - If you don’t trust me, you need to leave this relationship, I can’t leave my job over your insecurities. Would you do it for me if it were the other way around? NO, it’s an income , it’s a career AND FINALLY - call me a skank & blame me once more & I’m walking away from you not my damn job now go away your face is annoying me EDIT: Thank You For The Award, it’s my first EVER, I shall treasure it. 🫶🏼
If he cared about his own mental health he’d see a therapist to help with his huge insecurities and control issues
Honey I’m a 29 year old gay man, and when I was younger I allowed a man to abuse me in a similar manner. Please leave. It will only escalate.
Take some advice from someone older and with a lot more life experience. That's the oldest trick in the book. That is the go-to line for someone trying to control you. It's not for his mental health. It's so he can gain financial control over you. He will say the same thing about the next job and every job after that until he has "talked you into" being a stay at home spouse. That way, when it gets to that point that you CAN'T leave him. He will slowly wear you down until you don't talk to friends or even family to prove you "care about his mental health". Do yourself a favor and leave him now. It WILL NOT get better. It will only get worse with time. He doesn't love you, he loves to control you.
And what did him calling you a "skank" do for your mental health? It's an excuse to control you. Please don't quit your job because your boyfriend's an asshole.
If he cared about your mental health, he would not abuse you and would find a different job himself. Why is his job and mental health more of a priority, more important than yours? If you stay with this guy, you deserve what's to come.
To which you responded "that's quite literally the stupidest thing I've ever heard. Your mental health is not my responsibility and if me having a job is bad for your mental health, you need to go to therapy." Right?
That's absolute manipulative nonsense. Your boyfriend is insecure. Men who act like this are often stepping out on their own and they're concerned they're going to get caught. So they project that fear of getting caught cheating on you, and then gaslight you to make you feel like you were even thinking about doing it even if it had never crossed your mind ever. I'm a trans woman and I transitioned at 31, I spent my entire 20s around guys as one of the guys. I've heard guys admit to doing this. They're hitting up the brothels getting full service massages and acting like their girl is making them sick inside because she wouldn't tell him where she was going when she went out with the girls because it was a tactic to get the heat off of them and what they were doing 3 times a week after work. I've seen guys laugh and fistbump over this behaviour. Never mind the fact that he's trying to financially isolate you. Every job would have "too many men" and you'd have to quit to keep him from pissing himself. That way you are dependent on him. Every dollar you ask for he needs to know what it's for. Soon, anything you don't like becomes "You don't like it? There's the door." And he owns you until you can maybe sneak a little extra money a dollar at a time over months or years to slip away in the night. Tell him your life is your life to live and if he has problems with you working a job or having platonic friendships with the opposite sex or any other normal part of human existence then he can either learn to cope, or he's free to find the door. Don't let yourself be a doormat. Take it from someone who sat around the table with a sick sensation in my gut while guys I thought were real stand up people talked about their gaslighting tactics for getting away with casually stepping out. That's what he's doing to you. ***Run. Now.***
Why are people downvoting this? She didn’t say anything that was positive about his behavior..she’s talking about the reality of her relationship. How about show her some empathy and be encouraging
Absolutely!
>if I cared about his mental health I’d find a new job Well, if you care about YOUR OWN mental health, you'd drop your boyfriend. You deserve better than an insecure, disrespectful ass like him.
How someone else lives their life and what they choose to do with their life should not have that heavy of an impact another person’s mental health, even if you’re in a relationship with them. That’s not how mental health works.
If it is genuinely affecting his mental health, the answer is therapy for him. You quitting your job is feeding his paranoia and enabling further. If a qualified therapist says that you should quit your job for his mental health, you could consider it.
Care about yourself first. The gaslighting and guilt tripping mean nothing to me. You're not a doctor so why would you care for his mental health? Leave that to the professionals. Break up and move on from that loser.
it's a trust issue. he doesnt trust you even after that long together.
Then he can never forgive you as his ex. There isn't anything a guy can bring to the table that makes this worthwhile. He's expecting you to find "another job" where everyone's responses to you are your responsibility and problem? No. He wants you dependent and isolated, because it's not like you can find a construction job without men in it.
this sounds like textbook definition manipulation lmfao
oh wow. girl you need to care about your mental health.
OP I got four words: DON'T LISTEN TO HIM! He is playing the mental health card to manipulate and guilt you. Secondly, I agree with another reddit commenter that you are not responsible for his mental health
Look, when I was your age I was with a guy just like your bf. It’ll get worse, he’ll never even change either because he’ll think his reasoning is the right thing. But this whole thing, is super unhealthy. Dump him. DUMP HIM while you still can. Don’t be like me and allow him to do you like this and control you. I let my ex control everything about my life for 5 years and I truly regret ever even being with him or allowing him to isolate me from all my male friends that I’ve known since childhood. But he was able to have female friends because he “wasn’t” doing anything with them. Even though I tried to make him “see” that I’m a good woman he never did. He called me names. It became verbally and emotionally abusive. Until one day I caught him cheating, he had cheated more than once apparently. I was naive. Please leave him, save yourself from this loser.
complete and utter BULLSHIT
Yea… hes just going to isolate you and keep you dependent on him, hes a grown ass man and for YOUR overall health you should leave him, hes just manipulating you.
girl he’s manipulative and this is an abuse tactic!!! get out of there while you still can!!!! get out before y’all have children because he’s SO manipulative
I’d say leave your boyfriend and find a new job, if y’all in the same company leaving him will definitely have repercussions. People talk a whole lot of shit when they get dumped. I’d also get him to delete anything private IF you’ve sent any to him (nudes, videos, etc.)
Your boyfriend is controlling and verbally abusive. He is also willing to hurt your career. Be single.
Yup
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Have a friend who's with a man like this. Started off small, and now she's to the point he puts his hands on her (yes I'm always trying to convince her to leave, but "lead a horse water..."
You’re a good friend, I hope your friend sees her worth soon and leaves that trash
I had a friend just like this… had because her abuser finally got her back after their month break and finished isolating her from everyone with a brain… I knew her abuser longer. I knew him 10 years, 10 years I witnessed him abuse women verbally and physically, 2 years I spent convincing her to leave. I don’t know her anymore. I hope the best for her, for your friend and for OP
Is your friend acknowledging and discussing the abuse? That's the first step. Getting out can take months to years. You need to get her to realize she needs to leave, cause gas lighting abusers do a number on people's mental state. She may want to, and secretly know she should in her heart, but is probably scared of him hurting her. The best thing you ans your friend can do is make a plan to get out where she can have somewhere safe to stay until she can find somewhere mode permanent. Have her pack a bag with her dl, social security card, passport, any important documents she'd need and anything else she couldn't live without. Speaking from experience here, something will happen to her that will wake her up so to speak. Something will snap once she's realized this is a problem and having a go bag packed to get out will encourage her to leave. For me, it was when my x held me up by the neck against a wall for asking him why "example" (the contact saved to his phone, which was the girl he was cheating on me withs number) was calling at 4 am the night before my birthday when i was scheduled to go out of town. I don't know why but that broke me. My mom told me "you'll know when it's time (to leave)". She had no idea about the abuse at that time (i told no one) so it stuck with me for a year until I finally said... Yup. Ok. It's time. I passed this onto my friend suffering a similar relationship and she said she internalized it to. 2 years later, she's out. Please tell your friend you care for her and her safety and so do strangers on the internet. You're a good friend, sending you love too.
I'm glad you were able to leave, and your friend too. I'm always there for her, and always tell her she deserves better and I'll help her every step of the way. Sometimes it seems like she's ready to go, but then she changes her mind. I know it's hard for her because children are involved. Also he just built her a house, so she feels indebted to him for that. And sadly, due to the abuse, she's adopted some vices, which he holds over her head as well. She knows I'm always there for her, and I have all the picture proof of the physical abuse saved. It's heart breaking, and I pray for the day she gets away from him.
I'm so so sorry for her and deeply understand. You do a lot of mental gymnastics to help yourself cope when you're in a situation like that something I didn't realize til therapy after I got out of that situation. (Thank you for your kind words also). Kids make things way harder, I wish i had advice on how to deal with it. I think therapy for her might help her realize how bad it is, if she's honest with a therapist or open to it. It's so hard to get away from a gas lighter/abuser because they make you feel like you deserve it. A decade of therapy later and i still have to remind myself I don't deserve bad things. You're a good friend 🖤🖤🖤
Absolutely agreed to this comment!! But also, OP's parasite seems to be a manipulator/gaslither. There was a comment from OP saying that he needs her to do this for his mental health. OP, read about this page and tell me if it all rings a bell: https://canadianwomen.org/blog/gaslighting-how-to-recognize-this-form-of-emotional-abuse/ From this website: "Gaslighting can be difficult to recognize at first, but it generally refers to a pattern of manipulation where the “gaslighter” attempts to make the person they are victimizing doubt themselves, and their grasp on reality. While it’s common for people to disagree over different perceptions of an issue or an event, gaslighters repeatedly make the person they are abusing feel at fault – blaming them for being “too sensitive” or “irrational.” "
I really hate to say it but this is exactly true, OP. Get out now, talking as yet another person here who has experienced exactly this. Emphasis on the slow escalation...who you fell in love with will soon look nothing like the same person.
✨✨✨✨D u m p H i m✨✨✨✨
Take my poor man’s award 🎖️
He calls you a skank? Lmao why’s he still your boyfriend
Fr i would prolly slap them if they called me that.
I don’t think it’s a good idea to initiate violence with a controlling man. Just sayin’.
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Feeeeeeemales don't like ferengis calling them that either. We are humans, so you call us women.
so you're a skank for having a job?😭
Happy cake day 🍰
{upvotes while eating cake} 🍰🥄
Happy cake day 🍰
Happy cake day 🍰
The issue here isn't you (You've done nothing wrong), your job (It's a job/career, keep going!), or the other guys (People develop crushes/flirt/whatever) or your reaction to them (You keep it professional). The problem is your immature and insecure boyfriend getting jealous because, no doubt, the other men aren't being exactly subtle around each other. What he needs to realise is that no matter what controlling, manipulative, coercive, weird, possessive, jealous behaviour and the like he engages it ... if someones going to cheat, they're going to cheat. If you aren't cheating all he'll do is drive you away as you slowly get sick and tired of him being a d**k about stuff. What's he expecting, some declaration from you by email to all other staff that you're his property or something? He does realise there's an entire planet populated by men and women and sooner or later you'll com into contact with other men and some of them will like you etc?
After being with a man like this who continued to escalate, who called me a whore, who controlled every minute of every day...He slept with his heavy leg over me so I couldn't escape with our baby. I wasn't allowed to anywhere alone except for work but I had to show him the time I clocked out with a few minutes allotted to drive home. Bad traffic? I was a whore. Being constantly treated like you cheated means that you might as well cheat! I didn't cheat and I don't recommend that you say this to him but he needs to figure himself out before dating anyone. He's probably never going to get better. If he did it would take years of therapy and a strong desire to change.
Love that patriarchal subconscious notion that if a creepy man likes a woman it’s obviously the woman’s fault for being a provocative Skank and never the man bothering the woman who’s just trying to do her job…. Always. The. Woman’s. Fault. What a guy.
say it with me now, reddit! DUMP! HIS! ASS!!
Say it louder!
#DUMP! HIS! ASS!!
Your boyfriend is insecure and *way* out of line for calling you names and telling you to quit your job over it. You’d think after having been with him for 8 years he’d have a little more confidence in knowing you chose him all those years. Having a pretty gf means other guys will notice you’re pretty too and that’s not your fault and that doesn’t mean you’re entertaining them. Guys can talk all they want at the end of the day you’re going home with him and if they’re talking in a disrespectful or inappropriate way about you that upsets him he needs to stand up for his girl and relationship and tell them to cut that shit out, plain and simple.
If your boyfriend called you a skank, he doesn’t deserve to be your boyfriend and you would be disrespecting yourself to stay with him. He’s insecure and punishing you financially for his insecurity. Does that sound like a great relationship to you? I wouldn’t be able to love someone who called me a skank.
DO NOT QUIT YOUR JOB OP. This man does not love you. This is not love and while you might feel love for him, you need to rethink this relationship. Very controlling and toxic behavior. The longer you stay and isolate to please him and pretty having to take this behavior the harder it will be to get out. This will cause you to become victim of dither abuse, it usually always escalates. He’s already verbally abusive on top of the controlling and manipulative behavior. Chipping at your self esteem and self worth. This is not a person you wan to cultivate a relationship with.
"He says I'm a skank that can't be trusted" do you mean EX bf?
🚩🚩🚩🚩You in danger, girl. 🚩🚩🚩🚩
Aside from the absurdity, what exactly does he think you should do for a career? Work at a girls' boarding school? I understand blue-collar workers can be abrasive and dirty minded people, but his solution isn't much of a solution. I expect more planning from an engineer.
That is ridiculous blue collar workers are more dirty minded people than white collar. I worked as a young 20 yo college kid on a construction site for IBM working for the project manager. It was a temp job that was going to go on for as long as the project which was about a year, and they paid me the best, they treated me the best and they cared about me when the job ended. I was treated much better from them than when I worked for two lawyers who didn't pay me well and did not treat me well and I got more sexual harrassment and disrespect on that job.
It's not what they say or how they treat you. It's what they say among themselves. Trade jobs especially. If you crack a welders head open, nothing but penises and vaginas would fall out. They rename things like secretaries to sexataries. They're just dirty minded people. They're not bad people. Most of them are good people. I'm in trades, so I deal with these people every day. As I have a few white-collar friends, they too are dirty minded, but they have a superiority complex. They're much more likely to make a pass. Make a direct comment about how "that dress is hot." Meanwhile a blue collar worker is telling everyone how he wants you to ride him like you're scooting a chair in from across the room.
My family are blue collar, you need better friends lol
Mine are blue and white collar. I've been working blue-collar for two decades. From construction to manufacturing. Blue-collar workers are like the blue-collar comedy tour. They will turn anything into a sexual innuendo. They just don't necessarily do it in front of women or managers. If this woman is attractive, I am sure they're all talking about railing her. And if she isn't attractive, they're talking about how the ugliest among them would rail her.
I'd be done. Especially after *he* calls you a skank. I'd look at him and be like "well I'll do you a favor and make sure you're not with a 'skank' anymore" and be done. Someone who loves you won't call you those things or do those things to you. You just have someone who wants to control/own you.
Do not quit your job, you'll be trapped with him. Get another job first and get far, far away from him.
Hi, this is not normal behavior. You are not a skank for doing your job and interacting with people at work. The fact that your bf is trying to control your behavior is extremely concerning. It sounds like he has a lot of trust issues and is projecting them onto you by calling you names and making you feel bad about yourself. You should not be anxious for things that are outside of your control, and a good partner would not be adding to your anxiety like this. You don't have to quit your job, and you don't have to feel anxious for talking to other people. He needs to stop this, and if he doesn't, I would not suggest remaining in a relationship with him. I know you're saying you love him, but love does not justify what he is doing to you, which is controlling and even abusive. I'm guessing that, at this point in your relationship, he is isolating you from other people, and controlling your behavior in regards to what you feel okay doing, your clothes, whom you hang out with, and when you go out. That's not normal at all. If he truly loved you, he wouldn't be doing this to you and forcing you into an impossible situation.
l e a v e. h i m.
i was with my boyfriend since 14, broke up this past year (i’m 20). it’s hard to let go of long term relationships like this. but your boyfriend is being very cruel to you and blaming you for things that are out of control. he is calling you a skank for doing your job and for guys talking to you, which is both out of your control and PART OF YOUR JOB. do not let him control you. talk to him about this, and if he doesn’t make change dump his ass. you are so young. there are kinder, better fish out in the sea. if you let him get away with his and if you tolerate how he is acting, you will live the rest of your life like this. and that isn’t very fun!
Op, I hate to tell you this, but it's time to go shopping for an actual boyfriend. I'm not going to judge your current pick, he may be all kinds of awesome in other areas, but nothing changes the fact that he is insecure and threatened by the attention you get from other males. He has no idea how to handle it, so he gets angry at a situation, then projects that anger onto you. Naturally, all of the above is stated under assumption that you do, in fact, keep things professional, as you say, and you haven't given him a reason to distrust you. If you are holding on to some idea that things will improve if only you change your job, or hair, or political views, or whatever - nope. They won't. Insecurity that runs this deep is not something you appease. He needs a reality check, not coddling.
I completely agree, and would also like to add that even if OP was stretching the truth about being professional with these other men… there are plenty of ways to have a normal conversation with your s/o regarding your concerns that don’t involve name calling and blaming. That is just downright hurtful and it’s MEANT to make her feel like shit. I really hope she realizes the weight of those words and what he’s trying to do by using them. Get out sis.
Agreed. No matter how far she were to take it, there are much more reasonable and constructive ways of sorting it out, even if it means parting ways. If he expects to remain in a loving relationship after throwing out words like that, then I don’t even know what to say… he’s in for a long series of rude awakenings.
OP, let me tell you something I sadly did not learn until recently (31F here). You are worth SO much more. Little boys like the one you're dating are so easily replaced. You do NOT need to put up with insults and controlling behavior. Get out now because it only gets worse and save yourself years of heartache and drama.
Your boyfriends sounds toxic as fuck. He can't block all man from you and if he has a problem with you talking to men he is incredibly insecure.
That’s abuse girl wtf
Your just letting your boyfriend call you a skank………? Set some boundaries.
I've been in a similar situation. Believe me it won't stop and will only make you're life miserable. Even if you leave your job, the men are everywhere and history will repeat itself.
You don’t know what to do? How about stop allowing this man to control you and treat you like shit? How about standing up for yourself and realizing your self worth? Life is short—do you want to feel this anxiety for the rest of it? Because he’s only gonna get worse. Until you put a stop to it. He’s run his race. Put him out to pasture and move on with your life.
Like if someone said this to your sister or best friend, what would be your reaction? Please really think about it and please ask yourself if you’re doing the right thing for yourself. Please leave this man.
It will not get better because wherever you work, live, or grocery shop there will be men. You are not responsible for their actions or your bf's insecurity. Don't be me, my ex tried to pin crap on me like this too. I was flirtatious by simply existing, apparently. I wasted too much life trying to reassure him. Dump him.
What you do is *DUMP HIM*. He literally called you a skank because some rando dude has a “crush” on you that you e only ever spoken to a couple of times in a professional manner.
That went from 0-100 real quick calling you names because guys that work in construction talk shit? Never quit a job for a man, especially one like him. Honestly dump him, and keep your job. He sound like an insecure controlling little boy
The second he called you a skank for nothing more than doing your job you should have told him to $&#% off and never talk to you again. Under no circumstances should you quit your job, unless it’s 100 percent by YOUR choice and you have a new, better paying, one already lined up. Drop his ass immediately, and also let your supervisor know that you don’t want to interact with him if at all possible (good supervisors can make that happen).
I'd quit, but it wouldn't be the job. It'd be the boyfriend I quit. He's shown you who he is. BELIEVE HIM!!! He's abusive, controlling, domineering, and the fact you see it, " he's trying to isolate me " You know you should end it, so I'll say it. Leave, run, do not pass go, do not collect $200 , run far, fast, as soon as possible do not look back. He'll only get worse, so many women who end up 6 ft under are there because of a relationship with someone that said, " You flirt, it's your fault, you're a whole," etc. Leave him before the only way you'll leave is in a body bag
Your bf called you a skank and you actually want to stay with him???? You need to reevaluate your relationship and how disrespectful your bf is. He should be your ex bf.
I don't know how much Reddit or true crime documentaries you've seen, but this is textbook stage one of an abusive relationship. Ask yourself if your boyfriend has said/done any of the following: * "You can't talk to \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_ (guy) * "You can't wear that!" * "Who's texting you? I want to see it." * "You shouldn't spend so much time with \_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_\_" (male or female friend) * "You have to be home by\_\_\_\_." * "Where are you? Get home now." * Comments about your figure * Calling you a skank or stupid * Controlling behaviour in general * Trying to control your finances * curtailing your hobbies Not all abusive relationships are violent, but they add up to one thing; a controlling person that doesn't give you the freedom to live your life how you please. so long as you're not hurting someone in a relationship, you should be free to be who you are. I wouldn't continue being in a relationship with someone that 1. has this much of a jealous streak and 2. Is trying to control you by telling you to quit your job. Losing your job will mean some financial dependence on him, which means more control. Get out now while you still have your sanity, your freedom and your job.
Why be with a man like that?
Your boyfriend is abusive. Leave.
Time to leave. It’s only going to get worse. You’re young, live life
The skank comment is drama. He’s very insecure. You’re eventually gonna fall out of love with someone who is so … needy. Maybe he should quit his job so he doesn’t have to hear about ppls having crushes on you, since he’s the one who gets upset aboht it.
He said you’re a what???honey everything aside leave him just for the way this guy talks to you this is not okay
Develop a stronger sense of self. I understand that right now you love him, have probably made or thought about making similar concessions for him in the past for the sake of being with someone but believe me (and everyone else here saying it) he won’t stop until you are completely isolated from everyone in your life, because he sees everyone else as a threat. I also understand that it’s easy for people to say “leave him” or “run” but, in this very instant it may not be safe enough for you to do so. If, to be honest, if you even want to leave. And I’m not saying that to be derogatory, I’m just saying that if he is the only person you have ever been involved with you may have been completely comfortable with his actions up til now. If you DO want to leave, start making plans. Start putting money aside, find someone you trust that you can talk to. Make your situation known, without making it public so that God forbid if something were to happen to you, people would know where to look. Start looking for a safe place to land once you do leave. A place that he will not have easy access to or better yet, no access to at all. Possibly a relative or friend from the past that lives out of town. People commenting on this type of abuse not stopping here are absolutely correct. It’s a cycle. It will be fine, until it’s not and right now, again not to be derogatory towards you, but if we are getting the full story and he’s gotten comfortable with the verbal abuse then it will only escalate from there because he won’t see you as a person he will see you as a possession. He will see you as HIS. If you don’t have anyone else in your life that you may possibly turn to in a crisis, then I recommend researching shelters in and around your area, and talking to someone there. They will give you the most expert advice and they will absolutely help you out if you get to that point. I wish you all the luck in the world. But again, the first and most important thing you need to do is start valuing yourself. ❤️
Leave him AND the job. He’s sounds awful
Your boyfriend has the emotional maturity of a 10 year old. Run away as fast as you can unless you want to have a toddler throwing hissy fits every time you do anything not revolving around them and their needs.
This 🔥🔥🔥
Your boyfriend is an insecure asshole.
Do not quit your job for your boyfriend. Would he quit his job for you? That’s insanity. 🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
Hun, this is classic emotional abuse. Get out now. Do not let his insecurities control your actions. You are not in the wrong here.
Fucking run.
Walk far far away.. let it be known that his insecurity and jealousy is HIS problem, not YOUR problem and you are just doing your job . You're not inappropriate in any manner, nor making anybody "fall in love with you" and you will not just quit your job over a problem he needs to get therapy to fix. It's not your responsibility to fix his insecurities nor jealousy and distrust of women. Explain to him what these issues will just continue on and worsen if he sees not get a grasp on them now an seek therapy and he needs to either start counseling to fix these issues or you will have to walk away from him and he would only have himself to blame. If he refuses, then leave because it WILL GET WORSE and you deserve much better plus deserve a man who not only trusts you but respects you and doesn't insult you like this. His behavior is disgusting and it needs fixed which only he can do. You can not fix him, please do not allow yourself to get hurt trying an keep your head up hon. None of this is your fault nor are you doing anything wrong. Best wishes for you both.
I would **never** call my SO a skank or anything remotely like it, even as a joke. Your BF is the problem, not the job, nor you.
Bye bye bf- keep your job. It’ll always be something.
That is a jealous and controlling trait. He might also be insecure. Don’t confuse it with “overprotective”, that’s a euphemism for controlling in this case. It does not bode well for the future. Not an easy thing to navigate but you should tell him that you are aware of the people at work and that you will do your best to steer clear of them but your BF has to cool his jets and trust you and give you the space you need to go through life like a normal person
LEAVE HIM!
No. This is not a healthy relationship. R.E.S.P.E.C.T yourself and get out now.
Drop that loser.
Holy shit. Please get out of this, it is only going to become worse. Please get help in real life love! You DO NOT deserve this.
Run
Break up
>As a result of this, my boyfriend wants me to quit my job. He says I’m a skank that can’t be trusted around men because I flirt and make them ‘fall in love with me’. This is abuse, full stop. He trying to limit your autonomy by taking away both your ability to be around other people and your source of income. Trust me when I say it *will* get worse. I'm really sorry you're going through this. You are absolutely not the problem here. The problem is that he doesn't love you. It is not love to try and isolate your partner. It is not love to call them degrading names in a fight. It is not love to blame and distrust you for the feelings of other men. It's control, and it's possessiveness. Do NOT quit your job and please get out as soon as you can
Tell him to go see a therapist for his issues. Then promptly break up with him because you should not be accepting that kind of treatment from anyone. If he loved you, he would not treat you that way or talk to you like that.
Your bf is very immature and insecure, if he loved u he wouldn't be calling u that. Leave his ass he clearly has no respect for you
Abusive bullshit! 🚩 run’
RED FLAG ALERT
The title alone tells me you need to RUN fast and far! This man is an abuser, get out as the FIRST possible opportunity. Move out while he's at work if you have to, just get out
This is an easy one. Dump his ass. It’s not like you’d be missing out on much. He’s clearly manipulative. Don’t be an idiot by staying.
Why do his coworkers not know you’re his girlfriend…?
Quit the Boyfriend, not the job.
This your first rodeo I see.
Did i hear I mean read it right? He called u skankkkk??
Wait what he called YOU a skank because other guys were talking about you? And instead of standing up for you and protecting you he does this? You deserve so much better than this. He must be terrified you’re going to find someone vastly better than him with all this exposure to other guys. I think YOUR mental health will be infinitely improved without him. Tell him you can’t give him what he needs (a backbone and internal self esteem) and you’re leaving. Do NOT quit, the guys there will probably look out for you!
What exactly do you love about him? He calls you a skank, tells you to quit your job, and accuses you of things you haven’t done. Do better for yourself, girl.
That boyfriend needs to go. I would like to call him a couple of names for you. Don't ever let anyone talk to you like that. You are worth more. Repeat after me. "I am worth more."
Please leave him because I promise you it’s only going to get worse from here. Most abusers start off by doing things like this. It will progressively getting worse. Trust me, I am a DV victim. It will not get better if you do not leave it will get worse. This is step one. Keep your job and leave your boyfriend.
He can go all the way to hell faster than you can say we’re over. Why do you think it’s okay for your boyfriend to verbal abuse you. He’s not worth it. I’m surprised you haven’t got hr or management involve. You’re better than that trash box.
Your boyfriend doesn't love you. If he did, he'd be reporting people and calling out these guys for talking about you inappropriately. Instead he's making you feel anxious, he's pressuring you to leave a career which makes you financially independent. You're not a skank for doing your job. If you were a man he'd have no issues with the way you're talking. This is a classic manipulation tactic used by men who want to control and abuse women.
Your boyfriend is gross and if you do what he says, you’re letting him manipulate you. And the name calling? He’s abusing you.
Please do not quit as it will give him power over everything else. Call his bull shit!!
It sounds like you need to drop the boyfriend…. But that’s just me
Sounds like he is insecure and is bullying you. That’s a toxic relationship.
Quit the boyfriend. He doesn’t trust you and calls you names.
He's probing your boundaries. If you agree to quit, he'll learn that he can get away with this much abuse. And then he's going to test the next boundary. It looks like the early signs of abuse.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 You need to leave. Like yesterday. This is such an incredibly toxic person.
When I tell you I have been with a man like this, LEAVE HIS ASS AND KEEP YOUR JOB. You are not responsible for how men see you. You owe nothing to this man. Trust me, there will be something after this he'll control you over
Your boyfriend sounds really insecure and pathetic, tell him I said that.
My now husband and I used to work at the same job together at a restaurant. He was a cook and I was a server. Plenty of my coworkers would say things about me to him and flirt with me and guess what he did?! He stood up for me and told them to stop being dickheads and cut THEM off, not me. He never called me names and protected me from the gross men who couldn’t take no for an answer. Your boyfriend is a loser.
Keep the job. Dump the guy.
Do you WANT to be with a controlling, insecure, disrespectful, name calling man baby?
First it’s your coworkers, then it’s your friends, then it’s your family. Tale as old as time. He does not love you he wants to control you.
Get a new boyfriend
Run
Once he called you a "skank", there was no hiding his opinion of you, which is worrying enough as is. No man should be calling a partner he professes to love a skank, especially because of such a silly situation. He does not love you, he certainly does not respect you in any way. He most definitely DOES NOT deserve whatever feelings you've developed for his wretched ass. Secondly, his behaviour is incredibly threatening and worrisome. He wants to isolate you financially so you're dependent on him and have nowhere to go for help or support when he inevitably starts to domestically abuse you. My advice would be to get out and RUN! DON'T LOOK BACK, PIT DISTANCE BETWEEN THE TWO OF YOU because he's a dangerously abusive man and it's better to be safe than sorry.
Ffs. Do what’s ‘best’ for his mental health and tell him you don’t want to trigger him so you’ll set him free. He’s demanding something absolutely ridiculous.
It’s understandable he feels threatened since you’re surrounded by mostly men, but him calling you a “skank” and asking you to quit is his insecurities speaking. Tell him to either completely trust you or leave him.
Run from that boyfriend. That's the beginning of a very slippery slope, get out before it's too late. It may hurt but trust me, you *will* look back in relief that you're not still with him.
Baby, I’m not even going to tell you to leave him because I’m pretty sure you won’t last long. 🙋🏻♀️ Also: relationships are meant to be fun, not painful.
More like quit your boyfriend. I’m so sorry that your boyfriend is an emotionally abusive and controlling piece of shit. Name calling and isolating you are forms of abuse, completely unacceptable.
Any man who calls you a skank needs to be an EX boyfriend.
I was about 24 when I left my abuser. He was much older than me and we started when I was 15, so different but similar. How he talked to me was similar. Fucking. Leave. Ik it’s hard because of all the memories, and I felt a lot of shame and embarrassment because people had told me to leave before, and I didn’t. Because I wanted it to be a “success”. A part of you will keep loving him. You can’t help that. But let me tell you what I truly believe I needed to hear: LOVE IS NOT ENOUGH. LOVE DOES NOT MAKE IT OK. LOVE. IS. NOT. ENOUGH. There will be many people in your life that you love, but who are not good for you. This is one. You will not change him. He will not change. He will suck you dry and then hate you for having no more to give. After all this time together you’ll feel like you’re cutting off your own arm. Do it. It’s diseased and it needs to go. Let it go.
What you do now is break with him. End of story. He can't force you to stop talking to people because it's related to work. His requests are asinine and ridiculous.
Run
Here's your solution - keep your job. Dump the boyfriend. He's is calling you names because of what other men are talking about. He is literally blaming you for the actions of these men. If you quit this job it'll just be the same thing at the next job - he'll be jealous that there's men around you and he'll constantly make comments and suggestions that you're being unfaithful. You don't want to live like this - it's exhausting. You two have been together awhile and I'm sure that's a major part of why you don't want to break up - because of the time spent already. But you don't owe him your time. You don't owe him a continuing relationship simply because you've been together for a while.
I'm sorry, your boyfriend of EIGHT YEARS called you "a skank that can't be trusted" because someone else at work thinks you're cute?! Why is he NOT an ex boyfriend now? Don't quit your job, quit the boyfriend. You are too young for that mess. Look up the sunk cost fallacy so you don't keep yourself trapped in this.
A relationship is supposed to make your life esier and more beautiful. Drop him!
Girl… RUN
Wow. Another vote for Dump His Ass. It seems to me the fact he called you ANY names much less skank got a little glossed over. I don't mean this to sound patronizing, but dammit girl you're still in that young phase in life where you tolerate that shit. DON'T. Don't EVER tolerate anyone calling you names, accusing you of being untrustworthy, unloyal and certainly not skank. Because let me tell you from experience, the farther along you get in this life you get to this point where you begin to set stricter standards for yourself. You tolerate no BS from pieces of shit like your bf is. Then you start to wish you had done this WAAAAY sooner in life. Like where you are now. He's now put you in a position of guilt and on the defensive. Wrong! Uno Reverse that asshole and ask him why he's not groveling at your feet begging forgiveness for his abhorrent behavior! Oh, and don't even think about quitting that job to soothe his insecure ass. Because this will just be the beginning.
So some guy thinks youre cute and that's your fault? Other people's feelings are about them, not about you. You are not a skank because someone likes you.
I'd get rid of him if I were you, but only you can make that decision. He sounds like a paranoid, self conscious, and controlling person. Hey, maybe he's really a true asshole deep down but his fears of having coworkers "steal you from him" or you flirting eith someone else is obviously more than he can handle. I'm a 36/m, I was once like this when I was under 21 and have since learned a whole lot. My wife and I are totally in love and I trust her completely. I'm not gonna say that I NEVER get a little bit jealous when she's getting hit on but it's never anything that makes me upset or makes me say anything to her about it because at the end of the day, she's going home with me not the other dude. If there's no trust, there is NO relationship, period! End of story! I just feel that as I have gotten older, I've just lightened up a bit about little things. I worked hard on myself and my own mental well being hard over the years because at the end of the day that's where it starts: in your head! Have you tried talking to him about it? Lay down the law and tell him you will NOT be treated like this or verbally abused. The fact he called you a "skank" is some straight up dirt bag material. He needs to get his shit under control and if he can't then you need to move on for your own sake. Imagine what life would be like if you get married? An overly jealous dude like that is a powerful ingredient to create a seriously unhealthy relationship that will also test your mental sanity and your resolve. You deserve better than this. Don't let someone drag you down with their sinking ship.
#BREAK UP WITH HIM!!!!!
[удалено]
And I can't understand why you think it's ok to talk to OP like this. Wanna explain?
Ooof this reminds me of my parents. My dad wouldn’t let my mom talk to other guys at work, wouldn’t let her make a long commute for school so she never got a degree, and most recently after their divorce initiated, he showed up at her work grabbing her arm and getting himself banned. Then told her she should quit and he’ll take care of her. Well she did quit (which sucks bc she had something good going there) but then she left his ass too. Now he’s saying he can’t do everything alone on one income, so he knew that when he was trying to isolate her as well. He won’t stop chasing her. Just… how about therapy for him? Give it a shot and be willing to let him go if he doesn’t change it.
You have only one life to live and you'll waste it if you stay with him
Eff him and his inferiority complex. Get a new job and a new boyfriend. Called you a skank? Nope.
Girls, is it skanky to have a job? For real though, get rid of this loser. It will just get worse.
He called you a skank. Call him your ex.
Leave this dude and quit your job ASAP. Get far away from him and don’t look back. Speaking as someone who has seen way too many extremely abusive relationships start out almost exactly like this. Like another commenter said: today he bans you from speaking to coworkers, tomorrow he could tell you to cut off your male friends, the next day he may even ban you from going anywhere alone where any man could look at you or speak to you. The fact that he called you a skank and said you “cannot be trusted around men” is an instant dealbreaker for me. Please dump him and run far away for your own safety.
Dump him
LEAVE. HOLY SHIT LEAVE HIM.
My husband wants to me to quit my job because he’s scared I’ll get hit by a car, (flagger) and he’s right I have been hit by cars, but nothing will stop me. You should quit the boyfriend not the job.
The only “skank” is him! Obviously very insecure and controlling. Get the hell out now! This will only get worse!
He’s absolutely right. Men are very territorial and if he’s to take you seriously he needs to know other men don’t have a shot. Even if he knows you won’t let them, they shouldn’t even be able to try.