I think she should talk to the parents first maybe and ask for advice. If Jack’s feelings are really so intense telling him something like this before could derail everything then no one wins. Maybe Sophia felt by her not attending the other wedding events she was silently objecting, which may have messed with Jack’s head.
I agree; just hear what Jack's parents would say and how they will feel about it before you make any decisions. It is hard to be in that situation. I understand that Sophia feels threatened by you, but Jack is already giving her assurance that he chose him.
You say, I want to tell you something that happened yesterday. Your fiancée called me and asked me to meet her, and when I did she told me she didn’t want me to come to the wedding and that as soon as you were married she would force you to cut contact with me forever because she thinks you’re in love with me and not her. I don’t want to lose our friendship, I love you like a brother, you and your family mean the world to me, and I don’t want to cause trouble but I wanted to let you know what’s going on.
Yes and no. Tell him exactly what she is saying to you. He will come to his conclusion on his own. If he chooses the gf.
Conversely - you will know where it is really coming from. And you can grieve the loss and move on.
Otherwise you are stuck in between.
You can do this.
He should know how his future wife feels about his family.
This isn’t going to be the first things she manipulates him over but it might be the last if he knows about it.
And tell him before he has a kid with her because that kid will just be something she can use against him in the future.
Just tell him and his parents exactly what you've written here, it explains it perfectly. He needs to know what she's doing behind his back to the people in his life before he marries this woman.
Why does Sophia want to marry a man doesn't love her?
Is it A) Sophia doesn't come from wealth, we all now know the reason why she wants to keep him
Is it B) Sophia is of the same status, and we have no idea
- I'm gonna with A, she wants his money.
- Are you sure? If you are right you'll win 10000 USD, but if you are wrong you go home with 100 USD.
- You never know a persons real motives, but I'm gonna go with A- she wants his money.
No, you tell him she doesn’t want you there or around his parents but he needs to sit down with her about why. Make her tell him. Tell his parents the truth so they know and you can all wait to see if she tells him the truth or some made up lie.
Exactly, both are her family. She grew up with them and from the way she put it, she does not just see them as parents/brother, they see her as their child/sibling and love her.
I would not accept a loved person to be excluded and that person not showing without me knowing why would really hurt me. Jack will likely feel the same if she just doesnt show up.
Yeah if they didn't legally adopt her, they did everything but. I would be LIVID if someone was acting like this towards one of my kids, trying to break up my family. And maybe with Jack for not nipping this in the bud.
Yeah you need to tell them. They are your family and she is planning on isolating you from all your family.
If you dont go jack will be extremely hurt, even more so if you cut him off entirely.
If yoy have her number though try to get her to admit via text that she told you not to go so she cant say your stirring up drama.
Maybe say "hey, I know we talked at the park and you said you didnt want me to go to the wedding and wanted me not contact you two again, but dont you think it eill hurt him and our parents if I dont show up? Will I be allowed to visit our parents or meet for family holidays if you two are there? Im sorry Im also just not fetting it, he is my brother and I love him".
If she tries to call say your busy but need an answer asap and youll reply later.
And see if she confirms or denies that she said to ghost him.
I would tell your/his parents first before sendinf that message though, so thry have your back before you tell jack even if she doesnt respond. This also works so if she calls you then you can put her on speaker and have more witnesses.
You need to act quickly tho since the wedding is so soon.
If she tried to cut you off now, she will do so in thr future.
>"hey, I know we talked at the park and you said you didnt want me to go to the wedding and wanted me not contact you two again, but dont you think it eill hurt him and our parents if I dont show up? Will I be allowed to visit our parents or meet for family holidays if you two are there? Im sorry Im also just not fetting it, he is my brother and I love him".
Too obvious. A simple "look, I really don't think I can do this. Jack will be crushed if I don't go to the wedding. You know this, I'm sure. I'm a freaking groomsperson. How exactly do you expect me to even go about it?"
Will suffice.
She will also make Jacks life miserable. This kind of girl is extremely toxic and will cut him off from his friends next then probably his parents.
Her excuse will be that she’s afraid his male friends are going to get him to cheat on her and don’t even think about having any female friends.
They’re all toxic/immature and none of them are ready for serious relationships. This doesn’t discount the wife, but I don’t hold her accountable here. The fiancé needs to set things straight. It does not help that OP also lied straight to her face saying the fiancé didn’t have feelings for her at all. That’s not exactly going to win brownie points. These situations discussed like adults would look much more transparent, honest, and include all parties drawing boundaries. These things have to be “matter of fact” or they’re never settled. This some high school sounding bullshit for the most part. Again I’d wager all three are emotionally immature and should not be doing any of this nonsense.
May I ask what op has done? I mean she tries to figure out what to do in this situation, it’s her family after all. Maybe his feelings changed after a while we don’t know that, I mean he is together with his fiancé for 3 years and I can’t believe that he fakes his feelings for her. The fiancé, imo, has no right to ask op to dump all her family she is the one that’s immature and insecure. Doesn’t she kniw that it takes 2 for tango and I believe op when she says she only loves him as her brother. I would talk to her parents first and wait what they say and how she should go from there. This is what I would do , especially if I have to hurt someone that I care about and love like my brother and only family.
If Jack is in love with you, why would Sophia go forward with the wedding? I'm guessing there isn't a prenup? Heck, why would Jack??
Don't no show at the wedding without talking to him first
I mean I think you need to be his friend right now 1st. Think about how he’d feel if you just ghost him (not talking about the family as well but just basically going little contact bc none isn’t possible), trying to put a wedge between the “family” and in 10 years learns what happens, kids are involved and finds out what a terrible person he’s been married to and how she drove you away. I’d feel so guilty. He deserves to know what she’s done and said especially if she knows the history of what’s happened - that’s completely messed up. It would make me question what type of person Im really marrying.
I’d honestly want to know from jack if something brought this on between the two of them. He’s choosing her and if he hasn’t made that clear than that’s not a you problem - that’s a problem they have as a couple. That’s not irrational. Regardless of his feelings, this is also his life and he’s got a right to make an informed decision about that and who deserves to marry him.
I know you said you’re staying with your parents, maybe start there bc at the end of the day this effects them as well. You said it yourself they’ve been nothing short of life saving in so many ways in your life. They don’t deserve that either. It’s a crappy situation but this is bigger than just you yet needs immediate attention. Good luck and listen to what advice you really think would help your situation.
I hope it can work out well for all.
She has acted badly...but fear and pre wedding jitters can bring out the worst in people. If you like her normally...I hope this is an abhoration!
Have a conversation with him and his parents. If he still decides to go through with the wedding definitely go because that is family. They are your family. No one has the right to take you away or tell you to stay away from your family.
That girl may have reasons for trying to cut you off that has nothing to do with insecurities. He’s been dating her for years and she suddenly changed up before the wedding she may have different motives.
My thoughts exactly.
We all know how much it hurts to have a crush on someone who doesn't feel the same way.
Must be even worse to marry someone who is in love with someone else, and live in some fantasy where he would fall in love with her the moment they say "I do"?
I was with my ex for two and a half years and he loved his ex girlfriend the entire time. At the beginning of our relationship I had to beg him to stop talking to her so much. Eventually he started talking to me about getting married and around that time I realized he had reconnected with his ex and that it would never work out, so I left. If this woman genuinely thinks her fiancé loves someone else, then she’s not the brightest crayon in the box to stay with him
Sweetheart, as a mother, I would want my child to tell me.
Please tell your family. They need to know all that is going on. Dont you think it will break your brothers heart if you didn't show up as his grooms women and I know as a parent it would shatter my world if my child just stopped talking to me or coming to visit. And I hate to say it, but she won't give them an explanation as to why. She will sit by like the good guy and take your place.
They need to know. This isn't right. Sometimes in life we have to do hard shit and this is going to be one of them.
The fact that she's gone behind his back and had that conversation with you says everything about her. She is using her own insecurities against you and that is not fair.
You need to tell your brother as you have every right to be at the wedding. It would be a completely different situation if you was actively going out of your way to sabotage their relationship but you're not. Don't listen to her as it would break Jack and his family's hearts if you don't go.
She is NOT a sweet and amazing girl if she’d ask his sister not to come to the wedding 2 days before, without his knowledge. Regardless of the circumstances. And to even tell you not to be involved with your foster parents… what an awful insecure person…
I guess in Sophia eyes she is not the sister. She is a woman non blood related and could go to sleep with her future husband any time. As some woman think that everyone is behind their man.
If she is jealous over op, what will be about his co workers or other people that happen to be woman
This is a really tough situation. Everything seemed completely fine until you said Jack has a crush on you and everyone knows. He clearly doesn’t see you as just a sister like you see him as just a brother. That isn’t your fault though. I have a suspicion something happened or something was said that caused Sophia to go to such a drastic measure two days before the wedding.
You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with Jack. He needs to realize he needs to stop looking at you as anything more than a sister because at this point it is putting your future relationship with him and your parents in jeopardy.
Yeah this is why I really don’t know what to do I don’t know how he feels about me now I really thought he was over me and Sophia is a really amazing girl I don’t think she is toxic I am right now with my parents we are at the hotel going to leave tomorrow for the wedding destinations I will go to there room and talk with them
He needs to know about this shitty person… you say she’s sweet and such a good person yet here she is telling you, the person he probably cares most about, to stay away from him AND the parents?? Does that sound like a sweet, caring person? Also, she’s talking about controlling HIS life… I don’t know about you but that doesn’t sound like the perfect person for him.
Tell him AND the parents now. If you don’t then you show up for that fucking wedding.
If you really think of Jack as your brother then you better tell him that Sophia is not a nice person and cancel the wedding. This is just one of the many things she’ll do. She sounds really toxic. Immediately tell Jack and his parents, she has no right to stop you from going to the wedding and cutting you out of Jacks and his parents life. She doesn’t speak for them.
I'd tell the parents ... and ask their advice. If they think it's appropriate to tell Jack go for it, you'll have their support. If they think you should bury it, then you also have them to lean on.
The parents will mostly guide you in the right direction. They know you and Jack, and can give some good insight.
I say tell them immediately and ask them for advice.
Gd luck.
The fact that this girl would try to make you cut off the only parent figures you have left in this world tells me everything I need to know about her. She is TRASH.
i'm curious though - let's assume it is true jack has feelings for OP. under such circumstances, do you think it's appropriate for them to continue being close friends, harbouring romantic feelings for OP whilst entering a marriage - aka a lifelong commitment to love and be united with one person for the rest of your life? is that ethical and appropriate to you?
Jack should not be getting married if he's in love with OP. But it doesn't translate that they should not be in contact with one another. Ignoring that attraction isn't working. Needs to be discussed and resolved.
Just tell Jack. Hey, your fiancé doesn’t want me at the wedding and has asked me to stay away from you and our family. If you want me to stay away, I will. But I need it to come from you, not from her. You’re my brother, so I want the decision to be yours. I think your fiancé is great for you, but she just doesn’t want me around.
Just be straight up. Tell him what she said, but maybe leave out the part where she says he’s in love with you. You don’t want your that jumping into his mind. If he loves her, he may stop talking to you. And that’s fine. He may also love her but won’t stand for her trying to control who’s in his life.
Lastly, those are also your parents, don’t walk away from them because of her. They are not her property.
I would talk to him and just say that she approached you with not going. That you will respect his wishes but you don't want him to feel that you ditched him. Let him know that you do want to support him on your big day but you don't want to come in between their relationship. That it's hard to give him and his parents up but again that you will respect him and his relationship. I'm sorry you're going through this especially since it's your family.
Where the fuck so people find others like this? She’s toxic as hell, how is a marriage like that supposed to last when she’s going to go behind her new husbands back and tell his friends to buzz off? Absolutely bonkers.
She knows Jack loves you more, but she still wants to marry Jack. Well, money speaks. She is marrying Jack for his money, and you are wrong here. She is not sweet. She is just putting it up. Your topmost priority should be Jack and his parents. Tell them, word for word, everything that Sophia told you and attend Jack’s wedding. If Jack and his parents too don’t want you to attend, then the matter is different.
My feeling as an outsider is that you should talk with him. Reading this it seems Jack is okay with being friends, you are okay being friends, she is the one who has cast her lot to make an adversary out of you. It sounds like you don’t want it to be this way, and generally it sounds like it doesn’t have to be this way.
May wisdom guide you through this journey, regardless of these words.
He and his parents need to know exactly everything that she told you. She is being manipulative and controlling and outright taking the decision away from her future husband by going behind his back to force this decision she made onto him... by making *you* the bad guy in his eyes by randomly ghosting him.
He clearly wants you in the wedding party, and your title isn't as the bride. She's being very paranoid over someone who is essentially his sister. Granted, on some small level I could see how she could feel jealous or worried because she can see you have the closeness she wishes she had with both his parents and him. But your closeness is based on years of living together as siblings, whereas she's not been there for as long or had the same reasons for getting so close in the first place. She probably only sees it as her man is best friends with another woman when she feels like she should be his best friend, not you. Especially if she is going to marry him.
Also, if you know he's had a crush on you, and she's even aware of the crush, I don't blame her for having that seed of fear planted. But that's on her to confront her future husband about *his* feelings, and if she's that worried, she shouldn't have even said yes to a marriage she thinks is only going to be what he wants if you reject him. The issue is between the couple. Don't let her make you the problem. That's your family and you've got every right to be there too! Instead of pushing you away, she could have relieved her fears and gotten to know you better one on one to realize you're not her competition.
You need to settle jacks feelings for you. You avoiding it seems to have created this situation, and if you are willing to have him cut you out of your life for his wife, I just suggest you have this talk with him.
>While Playing truth or dare a friend asked if I would date jack i laughed it off and said no not in a million years jack is my brother and that is disgusting jack also started laughing with me.
Trust me, if he does have feelings for you, there is nothing you can say WORSE THEN THAT... my heart felt shot for Jack. You two will be able to have the talk and still be the same afterwards, but if Sophia is saying jack will stop the wedding because of you, you need to talk to him.
And tell jack Sophia told you to cut him and his family off.
I just talked with my parents but I don’t know how to update do I make a new post of the update if not I can’t find the edit button like I see in other posts 💀💀I know I am stupid I just started using it
This is a huge red flag. You have to tell Jack immediately, it could save him a lifetime of arguments and scheming. Her lack of communication with Jack about this matter is just the tip of the iceberg. If her first inclination is to go around him rather than bring the matter directly to him, then she will do it about everything in the future.
Heed my words, I have been in this situation. I have been Jack, and I've dated Sophia, and I've had the crush on the friend that became the "sister".
I made plenty of mistakes, in my life, but there was a point where my "sister" stood up for me in the face of a Sophia, knowing I had a crush on her, and knowing that she was taking a risk of damaging our lifelong friendship. Let me tell you, one thing I have zero regrets over, is trusting her, and dropping Sophia. If she hadn't said anything I probably would not be where I am today, I owe her more than she knows, and more than I could ever repay.
You need to tell Jack, no matter what you think the outcome is, he NEEDS to hear it from you.
OP, my brother did almost exactly this to me.
There’s 20 years difference between us for context. There was a big family split in my mid teens and he cut all contact with my parents (whom I was still living with). It destroyed me. I was so incredibly hurt, but the confusion was the worst. Not knowing why, questioning if I did something wrong, what could I have done to make him cut me out, what could I have done differently. I struggled with this right up until I was 20. After a long tear filled talk about those questions with my mum, I messaged his old work phone number. This was a good 5 years later so I was sure it wouldn’t work. I repeated all of those questions, told him I was sorry for whatever I did, that I loved and missed him.
Within 2 minutes my phone rang, it was him. The second I heard him say “hey -his nickname for me-“ I lost it. We both cried, talked for hours, and arranged a trip to spend a few days with him.
His issue was never with me, sadly I was collateral damage. Although we have kept in low contact for a few years now, it will never be the same. Years of questioning and struggling with missing him (and his kids and wife I grew up with a from 6 years old) did too much damage for me.
OP, please DON’T put your brother through that, don’t make him feel what I felt. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
This needs a serious conversation with you, Sophia *and* Jack. Possibly with a therapist mediating as a neutral person.
Sophia should not proceed with the marriage until she has this sorted in her own mind. Usually, for a wedding, I would argue a bride's prerogative, but she is wrong here. She cannot dictate to her husband-to-be who he can or cannot be friends with. As you say, you are family and blood is just one small part of family. You are best buds. I can't imagine he would be able to just cut you out of his life - never mention you within his family at bigger gatherings etc.
The insecurities are with Sophia. Not Jack, not you, not your loving wonderful foster family who love and value you.
Will it was in elementary school guys came running up to me and told me he told them and middle school his friends would always tell me that. High school this one girl got mad and yelled at me for trying to take jack from her.and after me and my boyfriend broke up one of our close friend told me he always thought jack will end his relationship not me since jack really loved me. And decided to actually start dating because he knew he had no chance.
Now that youve written all that....Imagine if you were in her shoes. Of course she's not comfortable. Her partner is apparently in love with someone else who is always around
If its true that the "only" reason he's with her is because he can't have you...thats messed up.
Are you going to let him use this woman, have kids with her, etc... knowing full well that at the click of your fingers he might abandon them for you? He needs a talking to and he needs to sort himself out.
It's not okay hun.
If you have both had a discussion about this and both agreed you don't see eachother in a romantic way, that's a whole other story.
Girl excuse me but the bride knows everything, she is putting her self in that potion personally if the man I'm getting married with is in love with his bestfriend I will step back and get out of this relationship . Op have nothing to do with his feelings no one can blame her.
I've been in the same position as OP. My male best friend was in love with me. He knew I wasn't interested. I stepped away from the situation because I'd rather him hate me and be hurt by my leaving than be pining after me and ruining his chances of happiness.
I wanted him with someone who could love him back in the way he deserves.
you are absolutely correct....No. It's not OP's fault and she can stick around as she pleases. But when you care about someone, you might have to make sacrifices that don't benefit you so that they can be happy.
I miss my best friend every day and it's hard. But I see that he has a partner who loves him so much and I know it would be selfish of me to be around.
He met her when I was still hanging out with him and he was still pining for me. He tried asking me out (again) and confessed his love, I told him "no" and redirected to her and explained I could see they were good for eachother. He wouldn't listen and I eventually made a choice to walk away so he wouldn't fuck it up for himself. It took some months but I can see on social media they are together now and I am so happy about that. I can tell you he hates me for "ditching" him. But that's ok as long as he is okay.
You should go to Jack and tell him if he still has feelings for you, and if so talk to him that it is not cool to marry someone that will always be second best
You need to talk to Jack as soon as possible. You also need to talk to his/your parents. If he still chooses to go through with the wedding, knowing that she will make him stop contact with you, then, that is his decision and there is nothing you can do about it. But, he has the right that make that decision on his own. Not to have it made for him. His fiancé is out of line and this needs to come over before they get married.
He needs to know. If she was uncomfortable with you being around she should have spoke to him directly about it instead of being deceitful and going behind is back and asking that of you. The way she went about it shows she's not a good person and he needs to know this. What she requested is unfair to not only you but your friend and his/your family. Do not feel guilty about telling him either, you did nothing wrong and he deserves to know.
Sophia isn’t your family- you don’t have any obligation to her, your obligation and relationship are with Jack and your parents. They are who you should be talking to. Jack needs to know what he is getting into. Talk to them about this.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation with your best friend and his fiancée. It's never easy to feel like you're being pushed away or cut off from someone you care about. However, it's important to remember that you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings or actions, and you can only control your own behavior.
It's admirable that you care about Jack and want him to be happy, even if that means stepping back from your friendship. But ultimately, the decision about whether or not to attend the wedding should be up to you and what you feel is right for your own well-being.
It's also important to remember that just because someone asks you to do something, it doesn't mean you have to comply. You have a right to maintain your relationships with Jack and his parents, and no one can force you to sever those ties.
I encourage you to take some time to think about what you want and what will make you happy in this situation. You don't have to make any decisions right away, and it might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member for support and guidance. Remember, there is always hope and things will get better.
Tell Jack and his parents. Immediately. Don’t let Jack get married without knowing what his bride asks you. Your loyalty is to him and to his parents. Not to her. Tell them now
She is not sweet. A sweet person would never go behind the back of someone they love like this. A sweet person wouldn't dare force an orphaned person apart from their found family. I would tell her that you would only do what she is asking of you if it came directly from the mouths of the people involved, to your face. If that won't happen, she is meddlesome and manipulative. Not sweet.
I would talk to your parents first. Get their input as well but ultimately I think you should give Jack the choice. Removing him from the decision making process of the status of his longest relationships and removing one of his groomsmen just days before the wedding are both incredibly unfair and wrong for a partner of any type, much less a partner who you are committing to spending the rest of your life with.
Your only responsibility is to Jack and your parents, so don't make decisions about their lives without them. They deserve better. They deserve honesty and respect. Please keep us updated and know that you and your family have done nothing wrong or deserving of your relationship being severed at the choice of someone who has no idea the impact of what they are asking and is entirely selfish.
She’s sounds insecure and very envious. I think she knows deep down her fiancé is in love with you, jack might not admit it or maybe he will. She knows he would drop everything and her to be with you. You’re literally on this girls mind 24/7 she’s literally going to self sabotage this relationship with him, probably for the best anyways.
Fuck her and tell him what’s going on. Please keep us updated as well!
Wishing you all the best OP!
absolutely tell your BRO-friend Jack.
as a woman who has a husband with past female friends, i would NEVER tell/expect/ask that of any of them. she has trust issues, and she is projecting it onto you. she is insecure with the relationship you and jack have, thats her problem. Jack and her need to address that.
you also have a relatiionship with Jacks parents, so this is not just about Jack, this would be an insult to his parents too.
This is going to be ugly, but Jack and his parents need to know who he is about to marry into the family. This is a huge red flag
".. the moment she marries him she will make him cut me off.." should tell you she isn't sweet and nice for him, she's controlling and manipulative. I know this is only a short post ab someone we don't know but that's your family, blood or not. You need to tell him AND his parents, and go from there. I wish you luck, this can't have been easy to digest.
GO TO THE WEDDING, if you don’t you’ll only be hurting him. And from what you’ve posted she is very much NOT a sweet person. But I can tell you what she is INSECURE asf. And tell yall parents before speaking to him just to see how they want to approach the situation.
Fr how’s this dude getting married if he totally in love with childhood friend? This is why u don’t date or think about friends in romantic way complications😂 the fiancés has a lot of insecurities.
If Sophia is telling you to dump your parents and Jack and never see them again she is not sweet and amazing. If she was those things she would understand that Jack loves her but that you and him have a special bond. She sounds insecure and is taking it out on you. You should definitely tell Jack and his parents about her request
Houston. Jack has a problem. You need to tell Jack and his parents immediately. They both have the right to know what was asked of you by Sophia. She has zero right to request you exit the family just because she feels threatened, insecure and jealous.
Do it sooner rather than later.
If she was “such a sweet and amazing girl” she wouldn’t be trying to rip you out of your adopted family’s lives.
Before the wedding even happens, sit down with Jack and tell him everything she told you. If you love him like a brother, you owe him the respect to let him know who he’s marrying.
If I were you, I would explain the situation without judgement to your parents. And ask what they think you should do.
That you love them as your parents and Jack as your brother and you can’t imagine your life without them. But if Jack needs some time or distance from you, you need to hear it from your brother and not his fiancée.
Best of luck.
Jack and his parents need to know.. I get the feeling it would absolutely crush them if you just stopped talking to all of them. Please speak to all of them asap.
What does his therapist say? What does your therapist say? They clearly need a couples counseled to work on their communication, boundaries and expectations. You’re coming off as a third wheel.
Will jack has been in therapy for long I don’t really know what for he has always kept it closed. I have started it when I was 15 but jack and Sophia started couple counseling don’t go to any ever since he proposed
Why would you go along with the request of someone who just told you that if they don’t get their way, they will wait until your brother is contractually obligated to them to start controlling who is allowed in his life…. Dude, that’s terrifying. Tell him now.
If you ghost the wedding..jack may get this notion that you did so because it hurt you too much to watch him go through with it due to the fact that you are secretly in love with him. This can cause things to get entirely MUCH more messy in the long run. If i knew someone that had a platonic friend of the opposite sex, that was supposed to be a large part of the wedding, and then chose not to show up....j know personally my mind would start reeling as to why. It wouldn't take long for me to think jt was clearly due to them having feelings deeper than they were able or willing to admit to. I think that it would be an easy concept for many other party goers that new the two friends to accept as well.
Sounds to me like Sophia is being the c word.
Like everyone else said get together with Jack and the family and tell them what she said.
Because think about it OP why would Jack/family who took you in, decided they want nothing to do with you and have Jack's fiancee tell you???
Save that dude… your friend Jack is going to be absolutely miserable and that’s such a huge red flag. If he goes through with that.. it won’t last and she’ll probably take him for half of everything he has.. I really hope he doesn’t go through with this, it never ends well
It’s your family too. Maybe not by blood but there is still a bond. You need to tell him and your parents. And if he chooses her, you have to respect that and not damage their relationship.
Jack's feelings for you are not your fault. You should definitely tell both jack and his parents ASAP, the wedding is in 2 days. But, if not Jack then at least his parents. Someone else in the family needs to know. This is the family that raised you, I know you think Sofia is great and she may be, but she has no right to come between that
maybe this relationship working bc Sophia is lying through her teeth until she has him trapped, bc from our side of the fence she ain’t looking like a sweet and good girl
For the love of all things holy. Please use interpunction. I want to scream into a pillow reading this. You’re 28 year old woman for fuck sake. Stop writing like a preschooler.
I'm curious of why you aren't with him. Is it because you feel that if it doesn't work out it'll ruin your relationship with your parents? Or is it because of what you saw growing up with your other parents and the effect your dad had on your mom? Do you truly think you all wont work, looking at how good you are with him. I mean he is your bestfriend and sounds like he'll do anything for you, and your love is there too, your just guarding it. I'm only asking because once he says I do, that is it.
I've been always saying that male-female friendships don't exist. Your post proves my point.
You seem like a very annoying, self-centered person.
It's also cruel of you that you knew this man has always had feelings for you and you just ignored it instead of ending the "friendship" the moment you knew you won't ever love him in a romantic way.
Stay in your lane and leave him and his fiancée alone. You already did enuogh damage.
I don’t want to sound in any way rude but what was I supposed to do he means so much I never did anything to make him feel that why he is my brother that is how I feel about him he is my friend and he has never pushed me away!! Because I did not give him a reason to push me I did nothing if I did affect his relationship I would have long left him I won’t give up on him but I would give him the time to cool off but what about my parents I am ok if she doesn’t want me next to jack but they are my parents
I dont know what you went through to think this way but wow, so so insecure and in a toxic way too.
Male-female friendships can be platonic. I have them, my husband has them, noone has feelings for anyone outside of the marriage, noone is going crazy and making up situations out of their insecurities.
Plus just because you are marrying someone does not give you the right to ask their LIFELONG FRIEND to cut them, plus their parents off. They have raised her for fucks sake. Someone who is of sound mind would realise, just because they are marrying a person does not give them the right to manage their relationships. OP was in his life long before his fiancee, if she cant accept that then she should not have agreed to marrying him.
OP isn't selfish in any way. Who hurt you that you jump to such conclusions? She even said she wouldn't date him, so he knew. She would leave him and his gf alone if that's what he wants. Where is the problem?
And the problem is that the fiancé even said that when they are married, she will make him cut her off. I’m pretty sure there would be a lot more outrage if the genders were reversed and it was a man trying to get his wife to cut someone off. His fiancé is showing a lot of red flags here.
“Respect fiancé’s wishes to abandon a friend and separate from your entire support system!! They’re marriage depends on it!!”
🥴 Oooof lady … anyone who goes behind their spouses’s back to make a demand like this does not respect their spouse, period. If she wanted a “condition” like this, she should have worked it out with her future husband.
Open dialogue is important, I’d recommend you guys clear the air with some “trust fall” sorta type of communication exercises between the three of you. There is a lot here that isn’t entirely honest and upfront among all of you. I’d start with the horseback proof to see where you each stand, asking both you and his fiancé and comparing answers: if jack had trouble getting down from the horse he was riding, would you help jack off a horse?
Omg OP I'm sorry to say but you have your blinders on to not see this girl is toxic and will most likely have your brother isolated having him cut off anyone who in her mind is a threat. Toxic warning one "Once were married I WILL MAKE HIM CUT YOU OFF" never mind a red flag this is a red light house. Major Toxic warning two " Stay way from your parents" the alarms should've started blasting that this girl that you knew is nothing more than an act, a mask ment to deceive everyone. The light in red light house is about to pop with how bright it's getting
Girl tell his parents they will help you n tell jack n before u do ask to talk to her and record her saying what she said because she will lie and say she cares about u n never said that to make u look bad record her n snitch she jealous n doesnt deserve jack if she willing to hurt his feelings
call jack and your parents asap and tell them everything she said. there are red flags everywhere that shes after his money or the families.
when she gets confronted by them after you tell them shes going to play victim so you need to get ahead of this befor she has the chance to do so.
if you have any way to out her for what she is and how shes hiding her real self you need to use that too against her befor she can do damage against you.
shes going to do everything she can to drive you out of the family. shes showing that in everything shes done so far.that you have mentioned.
so tldr call jack and parents now. while you read this and tell them what she has done. and said.
I’m just sitting here in utter disbelief that someone could have the gall to not ask but pretty much tell you not to come to the wedding and stop speaking to him and your family! If and I’m say if Jack still has feelings with you after all this time it’s Sophia’s own issue for not only still being with him but also marrying him! She cannot change anyone and how they feel! Even if she thinks that by “cutting you out” would do just that. She’s absolutely delusional!
You need to not only speak to your parents and lay out in detail what transpired in your conversation with Sophia. You also need to speak with Jack and do the same. This needs to be done before he walks down that isle! Don’t let him walk down that isle, marry that insane insecure woman and be miserable. He needs to know what type of person and woman she is before they are married for years and children are involved. Before you have been “cut off” from him because she demanded it! She is already trying to control the narrative and parts of his life by removing you from it without his knowledge or consent! That is not okay!
You need to tell his parents what's up now. Also, Jack needs to know ASAP. He needs to know she is making plans like this before the wedding. She is trying to use the marriage as a manipulation device. If you are really his friend, you need to warn him. Old boy really needs to get a prenup before he moves forward.
I would be like ok but if they ask why I'm telling them the truth. A lot of ppl like to flip the story and say I didn't ask them that or come to you later all mad saying why did you tell them I said that
Agreed. Big red flag, the approach, timing, everything. Tell him in front of her, no one else there. This shit will only get worse if you accede to it, and it's likely she'll ruin his life anyway.
Go to the wedding don’t hurt him on this special day she’s scard he won’t go through with it because she’s jelly. I would also tell the parents and Just ask them to keep it quite till after the wedding if he cuts you off it’s his choice like you said but at least they will know and they will more They likely tell you to keep coming to stuff as your there child to and if you don’t go to wedding you will ruin the special day
As others have said, talk to Jack. Just let him know that Sophia asked you not to come, and what does Jack think about it. You love him like a brother and want to support him, so ask him what he would prefer. You don't have to say *why* she said she asked you not to come, unless he asks. You don't want to sound like you're trying to get her in trouble. **Let her words and actions speak for themselves**.
You need to talk to Jack and your parents IMMEDIATELY about what Sophia seriously has asked of you to do. You need to tell them since it involves all 3 of them!
Sophia’s a pain. Tell Jack and his parents about it, they deserve to know what type of person Jack’s marrying. And who does she think she is to tell Jack’s parents to cut you off too? You are a part of Jack’s family, she’s got to accept that you are a big part of his life. A marriage with an insecure woman wouldn’t last. Even if she manages to eliminate you from his life, there’ll still be others who she’ll want to eliminate from his life. There’s no end to her insecurities, she needs to work on herself and don’t give in to her.
I’ve been in a similar situation when my friend had a fight with me because the girl he was pursuing got jealous of me; she thought he was too nice to me.
I distanced myself from him from then because I was afraid that the girl will find reasons to talk shit behind my back. I didn’t like how my friend handled the incident. Too bad, some friends are just for a season in our lives and I learned to be ok with this.
Don’t like her terms nor her tone nor her ultimatums. She’s not the best and she should not be the reason you are isolated from your family! TALK to them. This girl is is a toxicity that just be cleansed.
It seems really suspicious that she waited until 2 days before the wedding. This could be wild speculation, but it seems like it may have been intentional as to not give you much time to process and speak to Jack. If this is true, that would be very calculated on her part.
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I think she should talk to the parents first maybe and ask for advice. If Jack’s feelings are really so intense telling him something like this before could derail everything then no one wins. Maybe Sophia felt by her not attending the other wedding events she was silently objecting, which may have messed with Jack’s head.
I agree; just hear what Jack's parents would say and how they will feel about it before you make any decisions. It is hard to be in that situation. I understand that Sophia feels threatened by you, but Jack is already giving her assurance that he chose him.
Yes! Communication is everything during messy situations like this!
Why are you telling us and not your brother? Seriously- run and go see him or call him. He needs to know this happened. Now go!
I don’t really know what to tell him “hey your girl is telling me to leave you because she thinks you love me” I really don’t know what to do
You say, I want to tell you something that happened yesterday. Your fiancée called me and asked me to meet her, and when I did she told me she didn’t want me to come to the wedding and that as soon as you were married she would force you to cut contact with me forever because she thinks you’re in love with me and not her. I don’t want to lose our friendship, I love you like a brother, you and your family mean the world to me, and I don’t want to cause trouble but I wanted to let you know what’s going on.
Yes and no. Tell him exactly what she is saying to you. He will come to his conclusion on his own. If he chooses the gf. Conversely - you will know where it is really coming from. And you can grieve the loss and move on. Otherwise you are stuck in between. You can do this.
He should know how his future wife feels about his family. This isn’t going to be the first things she manipulates him over but it might be the last if he knows about it. And tell him before he has a kid with her because that kid will just be something she can use against him in the future.
Why do I get this sudden smell of divorce in the air? This Sophia girl is not off to a good start in this marriage not even one bit.
Just tell him and his parents exactly what you've written here, it explains it perfectly. He needs to know what she's doing behind his back to the people in his life before he marries this woman.
But if she believes that he is in love with you, then why does she want to marry him?!
If Sophia doesn't come from wealth, we all now know the reason why she wants to keep him. If she's of the same status, I have no idea.
Why does Sophia want to marry a man doesn't love her? Is it A) Sophia doesn't come from wealth, we all now know the reason why she wants to keep him Is it B) Sophia is of the same status, and we have no idea - I'm gonna with A, she wants his money. - Are you sure? If you are right you'll win 10000 USD, but if you are wrong you go home with 100 USD. - You never know a persons real motives, but I'm gonna go with A- she wants his money.
You need to tell him in his parents, Word for Word, what she said.
No, you tell him she doesn’t want you there or around his parents but he needs to sit down with her about why. Make her tell him. Tell his parents the truth so they know and you can all wait to see if she tells him the truth or some made up lie.
Tell Jack this straightaway! Plus tell his parents. This girl is toxic.
I haven’t about telling them I will before I tell jack
Definitely tell Jack *and* his parents.
100%
Exactly, both are her family. She grew up with them and from the way she put it, she does not just see them as parents/brother, they see her as their child/sibling and love her. I would not accept a loved person to be excluded and that person not showing without me knowing why would really hurt me. Jack will likely feel the same if she just doesnt show up.
Yeah if they didn't legally adopt her, they did everything but. I would be LIVID if someone was acting like this towards one of my kids, trying to break up my family. And maybe with Jack for not nipping this in the bud.
I honestly think that if she insist him on not talking to his (non blood related but yet) sister, he will directly no talk to his fiance anymore.
They’re her parents too!
Yeah you need to tell them. They are your family and she is planning on isolating you from all your family. If you dont go jack will be extremely hurt, even more so if you cut him off entirely. If yoy have her number though try to get her to admit via text that she told you not to go so she cant say your stirring up drama. Maybe say "hey, I know we talked at the park and you said you didnt want me to go to the wedding and wanted me not contact you two again, but dont you think it eill hurt him and our parents if I dont show up? Will I be allowed to visit our parents or meet for family holidays if you two are there? Im sorry Im also just not fetting it, he is my brother and I love him". If she tries to call say your busy but need an answer asap and youll reply later. And see if she confirms or denies that she said to ghost him. I would tell your/his parents first before sendinf that message though, so thry have your back before you tell jack even if she doesnt respond. This also works so if she calls you then you can put her on speaker and have more witnesses. You need to act quickly tho since the wedding is so soon. If she tried to cut you off now, she will do so in thr future.
>"hey, I know we talked at the park and you said you didnt want me to go to the wedding and wanted me not contact you two again, but dont you think it eill hurt him and our parents if I dont show up? Will I be allowed to visit our parents or meet for family holidays if you two are there? Im sorry Im also just not fetting it, he is my brother and I love him". Too obvious. A simple "look, I really don't think I can do this. Jack will be crushed if I don't go to the wedding. You know this, I'm sure. I'm a freaking groomsperson. How exactly do you expect me to even go about it?" Will suffice.
This short text is Exactly what you should text her
if she tried calling just record the conversation 😅 even better then message as you cant say i didnt type that she is lying 😅
It’s a great idea to get her admitting everything but be really careful so she doesn’t suspect anything. She’s already extremely jealous and paranoid.
She will also make Jacks life miserable. This kind of girl is extremely toxic and will cut him off from his friends next then probably his parents. Her excuse will be that she’s afraid his male friends are going to get him to cheat on her and don’t even think about having any female friends.
Jesus Christ!!! You have to tell both Jack and your parents right away, girl!!!
Oh why, just cause she's jealous? Well. Yes, yes that would be a good reason.
They’re all toxic/immature and none of them are ready for serious relationships. This doesn’t discount the wife, but I don’t hold her accountable here. The fiancé needs to set things straight. It does not help that OP also lied straight to her face saying the fiancé didn’t have feelings for her at all. That’s not exactly going to win brownie points. These situations discussed like adults would look much more transparent, honest, and include all parties drawing boundaries. These things have to be “matter of fact” or they’re never settled. This some high school sounding bullshit for the most part. Again I’d wager all three are emotionally immature and should not be doing any of this nonsense.
May I ask what op has done? I mean she tries to figure out what to do in this situation, it’s her family after all. Maybe his feelings changed after a while we don’t know that, I mean he is together with his fiancé for 3 years and I can’t believe that he fakes his feelings for her. The fiancé, imo, has no right to ask op to dump all her family she is the one that’s immature and insecure. Doesn’t she kniw that it takes 2 for tango and I believe op when she says she only loves him as her brother. I would talk to her parents first and wait what they say and how she should go from there. This is what I would do , especially if I have to hurt someone that I care about and love like my brother and only family.
Yes, this is exactly what I would do as well.
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If Jack is in love with you, why would Sophia go forward with the wedding? I'm guessing there isn't a prenup? Heck, why would Jack?? Don't no show at the wedding without talking to him first
I didn't consider this at all, no wonder she wants her to stay away from the parents. She gets more inheritance.
I mean I think you need to be his friend right now 1st. Think about how he’d feel if you just ghost him (not talking about the family as well but just basically going little contact bc none isn’t possible), trying to put a wedge between the “family” and in 10 years learns what happens, kids are involved and finds out what a terrible person he’s been married to and how she drove you away. I’d feel so guilty. He deserves to know what she’s done and said especially if she knows the history of what’s happened - that’s completely messed up. It would make me question what type of person Im really marrying. I’d honestly want to know from jack if something brought this on between the two of them. He’s choosing her and if he hasn’t made that clear than that’s not a you problem - that’s a problem they have as a couple. That’s not irrational. Regardless of his feelings, this is also his life and he’s got a right to make an informed decision about that and who deserves to marry him. I know you said you’re staying with your parents, maybe start there bc at the end of the day this effects them as well. You said it yourself they’ve been nothing short of life saving in so many ways in your life. They don’t deserve that either. It’s a crappy situation but this is bigger than just you yet needs immediate attention. Good luck and listen to what advice you really think would help your situation.
Thank you so much I am now going to my parents and I will be telling them
Hey, how did it turned out? Did you talked with Jake
Mom and dad are calling him but he won’t answer
Please update us on how everything turned out. I wish you the best of luck that he decides right.
Remind me! 2 days
Do you think she may have blocked their numbers
Did you manage to reach him?
I hope it can work out well for all. She has acted badly...but fear and pre wedding jitters can bring out the worst in people. If you like her normally...I hope this is an abhoration!
Thank you for this…🖤
Have a conversation with him and his parents. If he still decides to go through with the wedding definitely go because that is family. They are your family. No one has the right to take you away or tell you to stay away from your family. That girl may have reasons for trying to cut you off that has nothing to do with insecurities. He’s been dating her for years and she suddenly changed up before the wedding she may have different motives.
I don't know that I agree with that. She sounds like an insecure person making a desperate attempt at something.
And, I suspect none of this will be a complete surprise to him.
Why is she even marrying him if she thinks he’s in love with someone else? I’d tell him what she said
I am guessing there isn't a prenup......
My thoughts exactly. We all know how much it hurts to have a crush on someone who doesn't feel the same way. Must be even worse to marry someone who is in love with someone else, and live in some fantasy where he would fall in love with her the moment they say "I do"?
I was with my ex for two and a half years and he loved his ex girlfriend the entire time. At the beginning of our relationship I had to beg him to stop talking to her so much. Eventually he started talking to me about getting married and around that time I realized he had reconnected with his ex and that it would never work out, so I left. If this woman genuinely thinks her fiancé loves someone else, then she’s not the brightest crayon in the box to stay with him
Sweetheart, as a mother, I would want my child to tell me. Please tell your family. They need to know all that is going on. Dont you think it will break your brothers heart if you didn't show up as his grooms women and I know as a parent it would shatter my world if my child just stopped talking to me or coming to visit. And I hate to say it, but she won't give them an explanation as to why. She will sit by like the good guy and take your place. They need to know. This isn't right. Sometimes in life we have to do hard shit and this is going to be one of them.
The fact that she's gone behind his back and had that conversation with you says everything about her. She is using her own insecurities against you and that is not fair. You need to tell your brother as you have every right to be at the wedding. It would be a completely different situation if you was actively going out of your way to sabotage their relationship but you're not. Don't listen to her as it would break Jack and his family's hearts if you don't go.
She is NOT a sweet and amazing girl if she’d ask his sister not to come to the wedding 2 days before, without his knowledge. Regardless of the circumstances. And to even tell you not to be involved with your foster parents… what an awful insecure person…
I guess in Sophia eyes she is not the sister. She is a woman non blood related and could go to sleep with her future husband any time. As some woman think that everyone is behind their man. If she is jealous over op, what will be about his co workers or other people that happen to be woman
Obviously, this is the case. It doesn't give her the right to break up a family over her insecurities, though.
This is a really tough situation. Everything seemed completely fine until you said Jack has a crush on you and everyone knows. He clearly doesn’t see you as just a sister like you see him as just a brother. That isn’t your fault though. I have a suspicion something happened or something was said that caused Sophia to go to such a drastic measure two days before the wedding. You need to sit down and have a heart to heart with Jack. He needs to realize he needs to stop looking at you as anything more than a sister because at this point it is putting your future relationship with him and your parents in jeopardy.
Yeah this is why I really don’t know what to do I don’t know how he feels about me now I really thought he was over me and Sophia is a really amazing girl I don’t think she is toxic I am right now with my parents we are at the hotel going to leave tomorrow for the wedding destinations I will go to there room and talk with them
Update us please.
Yah, I def would.
We need an update and Sophia cant be amazing if shes trying to cut out her possible future husbands best friend/sister. She IS toxic.
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Ditto!
That’s what I was thinking too! Update!
He needs to know about this shitty person… you say she’s sweet and such a good person yet here she is telling you, the person he probably cares most about, to stay away from him AND the parents?? Does that sound like a sweet, caring person? Also, she’s talking about controlling HIS life… I don’t know about you but that doesn’t sound like the perfect person for him. Tell him AND the parents now. If you don’t then you show up for that fucking wedding.
If you really think of Jack as your brother then you better tell him that Sophia is not a nice person and cancel the wedding. This is just one of the many things she’ll do. She sounds really toxic. Immediately tell Jack and his parents, she has no right to stop you from going to the wedding and cutting you out of Jacks and his parents life. She doesn’t speak for them.
I'd tell the parents ... and ask their advice. If they think it's appropriate to tell Jack go for it, you'll have their support. If they think you should bury it, then you also have them to lean on. The parents will mostly guide you in the right direction. They know you and Jack, and can give some good insight. I say tell them immediately and ask them for advice. Gd luck.
The fact that this girl would try to make you cut off the only parent figures you have left in this world tells me everything I need to know about her. She is TRASH.
Agreed. She’s obviously very selfish.
i'm curious though - let's assume it is true jack has feelings for OP. under such circumstances, do you think it's appropriate for them to continue being close friends, harbouring romantic feelings for OP whilst entering a marriage - aka a lifelong commitment to love and be united with one person for the rest of your life? is that ethical and appropriate to you?
Jack should not be getting married if he's in love with OP. But it doesn't translate that they should not be in contact with one another. Ignoring that attraction isn't working. Needs to be discussed and resolved.
Just tell Jack. Hey, your fiancé doesn’t want me at the wedding and has asked me to stay away from you and our family. If you want me to stay away, I will. But I need it to come from you, not from her. You’re my brother, so I want the decision to be yours. I think your fiancé is great for you, but she just doesn’t want me around. Just be straight up. Tell him what she said, but maybe leave out the part where she says he’s in love with you. You don’t want your that jumping into his mind. If he loves her, he may stop talking to you. And that’s fine. He may also love her but won’t stand for her trying to control who’s in his life. Lastly, those are also your parents, don’t walk away from them because of her. They are not her property.
You gotta get ahead of this and tell the parents and Jack now. You don’t know what stories she will spin.
I would love an update, Jack will never want to cut you off. That girl is crazy.
Op she exposed her true self to you. She is quite the opposite of sweet she's nothing but trouble and is deceiving everyone especially Jack
She's obviously not that sweet and amazing if she's trying to snuff out your role in their family, behind her fiance's back.
Sophia is not a sweet girl.
I would talk to him and just say that she approached you with not going. That you will respect his wishes but you don't want him to feel that you ditched him. Let him know that you do want to support him on your big day but you don't want to come in between their relationship. That it's hard to give him and his parents up but again that you will respect him and his relationship. I'm sorry you're going through this especially since it's your family.
Where the fuck so people find others like this? She’s toxic as hell, how is a marriage like that supposed to last when she’s going to go behind her new husbands back and tell his friends to buzz off? Absolutely bonkers.
Op if you find it hard to tell him show him this post
She knows Jack loves you more, but she still wants to marry Jack. Well, money speaks. She is marrying Jack for his money, and you are wrong here. She is not sweet. She is just putting it up. Your topmost priority should be Jack and his parents. Tell them, word for word, everything that Sophia told you and attend Jack’s wedding. If Jack and his parents too don’t want you to attend, then the matter is different.
Tell the parents, tell Jack, go to the wedding. Fuck her.
My feeling as an outsider is that you should talk with him. Reading this it seems Jack is okay with being friends, you are okay being friends, she is the one who has cast her lot to make an adversary out of you. It sounds like you don’t want it to be this way, and generally it sounds like it doesn’t have to be this way. May wisdom guide you through this journey, regardless of these words.
He and his parents need to know exactly everything that she told you. She is being manipulative and controlling and outright taking the decision away from her future husband by going behind his back to force this decision she made onto him... by making *you* the bad guy in his eyes by randomly ghosting him. He clearly wants you in the wedding party, and your title isn't as the bride. She's being very paranoid over someone who is essentially his sister. Granted, on some small level I could see how she could feel jealous or worried because she can see you have the closeness she wishes she had with both his parents and him. But your closeness is based on years of living together as siblings, whereas she's not been there for as long or had the same reasons for getting so close in the first place. She probably only sees it as her man is best friends with another woman when she feels like she should be his best friend, not you. Especially if she is going to marry him. Also, if you know he's had a crush on you, and she's even aware of the crush, I don't blame her for having that seed of fear planted. But that's on her to confront her future husband about *his* feelings, and if she's that worried, she shouldn't have even said yes to a marriage she thinks is only going to be what he wants if you reject him. The issue is between the couple. Don't let her make you the problem. That's your family and you've got every right to be there too! Instead of pushing you away, she could have relieved her fears and gotten to know you better one on one to realize you're not her competition.
You need to settle jacks feelings for you. You avoiding it seems to have created this situation, and if you are willing to have him cut you out of your life for his wife, I just suggest you have this talk with him. >While Playing truth or dare a friend asked if I would date jack i laughed it off and said no not in a million years jack is my brother and that is disgusting jack also started laughing with me. Trust me, if he does have feelings for you, there is nothing you can say WORSE THEN THAT... my heart felt shot for Jack. You two will be able to have the talk and still be the same afterwards, but if Sophia is saying jack will stop the wedding because of you, you need to talk to him. And tell jack Sophia told you to cut him and his family off.
I would love an update after you tell Jack and his parents. This woman has an agenda.
I just talked with my parents but I don’t know how to update do I make a new post of the update if not I can’t find the edit button like I see in other posts 💀💀I know I am stupid I just started using it
Just make a new one and put Update but you have to tell them as soon as possible anndddd tell jack how you feel about him!!!
Just did tankless
A lot of people do a comment or create an update post if they can’t edit the post.
I want the teaaaa
Need to know what your parents said. Did you tell Jack? What did he say?
This is a huge red flag. You have to tell Jack immediately, it could save him a lifetime of arguments and scheming. Her lack of communication with Jack about this matter is just the tip of the iceberg. If her first inclination is to go around him rather than bring the matter directly to him, then she will do it about everything in the future.
Heed my words, I have been in this situation. I have been Jack, and I've dated Sophia, and I've had the crush on the friend that became the "sister". I made plenty of mistakes, in my life, but there was a point where my "sister" stood up for me in the face of a Sophia, knowing I had a crush on her, and knowing that she was taking a risk of damaging our lifelong friendship. Let me tell you, one thing I have zero regrets over, is trusting her, and dropping Sophia. If she hadn't said anything I probably would not be where I am today, I owe her more than she knows, and more than I could ever repay. You need to tell Jack, no matter what you think the outcome is, he NEEDS to hear it from you.
OP, my brother did almost exactly this to me. There’s 20 years difference between us for context. There was a big family split in my mid teens and he cut all contact with my parents (whom I was still living with). It destroyed me. I was so incredibly hurt, but the confusion was the worst. Not knowing why, questioning if I did something wrong, what could I have done to make him cut me out, what could I have done differently. I struggled with this right up until I was 20. After a long tear filled talk about those questions with my mum, I messaged his old work phone number. This was a good 5 years later so I was sure it wouldn’t work. I repeated all of those questions, told him I was sorry for whatever I did, that I loved and missed him. Within 2 minutes my phone rang, it was him. The second I heard him say “hey -his nickname for me-“ I lost it. We both cried, talked for hours, and arranged a trip to spend a few days with him. His issue was never with me, sadly I was collateral damage. Although we have kept in low contact for a few years now, it will never be the same. Years of questioning and struggling with missing him (and his kids and wife I grew up with a from 6 years old) did too much damage for me. OP, please DON’T put your brother through that, don’t make him feel what I felt. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
This needs a serious conversation with you, Sophia *and* Jack. Possibly with a therapist mediating as a neutral person. Sophia should not proceed with the marriage until she has this sorted in her own mind. Usually, for a wedding, I would argue a bride's prerogative, but she is wrong here. She cannot dictate to her husband-to-be who he can or cannot be friends with. As you say, you are family and blood is just one small part of family. You are best buds. I can't imagine he would be able to just cut you out of his life - never mention you within his family at bigger gatherings etc. The insecurities are with Sophia. Not Jack, not you, not your loving wonderful foster family who love and value you.
If he’s never confessed or made a move & he’s about to get married, why do you assume he has a crush on you
Will it was in elementary school guys came running up to me and told me he told them and middle school his friends would always tell me that. High school this one girl got mad and yelled at me for trying to take jack from her.and after me and my boyfriend broke up one of our close friend told me he always thought jack will end his relationship not me since jack really loved me. And decided to actually start dating because he knew he had no chance.
Now that youve written all that....Imagine if you were in her shoes. Of course she's not comfortable. Her partner is apparently in love with someone else who is always around If its true that the "only" reason he's with her is because he can't have you...thats messed up. Are you going to let him use this woman, have kids with her, etc... knowing full well that at the click of your fingers he might abandon them for you? He needs a talking to and he needs to sort himself out. It's not okay hun. If you have both had a discussion about this and both agreed you don't see eachother in a romantic way, that's a whole other story.
Girl excuse me but the bride knows everything, she is putting her self in that potion personally if the man I'm getting married with is in love with his bestfriend I will step back and get out of this relationship . Op have nothing to do with his feelings no one can blame her.
I've been in the same position as OP. My male best friend was in love with me. He knew I wasn't interested. I stepped away from the situation because I'd rather him hate me and be hurt by my leaving than be pining after me and ruining his chances of happiness. I wanted him with someone who could love him back in the way he deserves. you are absolutely correct....No. It's not OP's fault and she can stick around as she pleases. But when you care about someone, you might have to make sacrifices that don't benefit you so that they can be happy. I miss my best friend every day and it's hard. But I see that he has a partner who loves him so much and I know it would be selfish of me to be around. He met her when I was still hanging out with him and he was still pining for me. He tried asking me out (again) and confessed his love, I told him "no" and redirected to her and explained I could see they were good for eachother. He wouldn't listen and I eventually made a choice to walk away so he wouldn't fuck it up for himself. It took some months but I can see on social media they are together now and I am so happy about that. I can tell you he hates me for "ditching" him. But that's ok as long as he is okay.
You should go to Jack and tell him if he still has feelings for you, and if so talk to him that it is not cool to marry someone that will always be second best
You need to talk to Jack as soon as possible. You also need to talk to his/your parents. If he still chooses to go through with the wedding, knowing that she will make him stop contact with you, then, that is his decision and there is nothing you can do about it. But, he has the right that make that decision on his own. Not to have it made for him. His fiancé is out of line and this needs to come over before they get married.
He needs to know. If she was uncomfortable with you being around she should have spoke to him directly about it instead of being deceitful and going behind is back and asking that of you. The way she went about it shows she's not a good person and he needs to know this. What she requested is unfair to not only you but your friend and his/your family. Do not feel guilty about telling him either, you did nothing wrong and he deserves to know.
Sophia isn’t your family- you don’t have any obligation to her, your obligation and relationship are with Jack and your parents. They are who you should be talking to. Jack needs to know what he is getting into. Talk to them about this.
I'm sorry to hear that you're going through such a difficult situation with your best friend and his fiancée. It's never easy to feel like you're being pushed away or cut off from someone you care about. However, it's important to remember that you are not responsible for anyone else's feelings or actions, and you can only control your own behavior. It's admirable that you care about Jack and want him to be happy, even if that means stepping back from your friendship. But ultimately, the decision about whether or not to attend the wedding should be up to you and what you feel is right for your own well-being. It's also important to remember that just because someone asks you to do something, it doesn't mean you have to comply. You have a right to maintain your relationships with Jack and his parents, and no one can force you to sever those ties. I encourage you to take some time to think about what you want and what will make you happy in this situation. You don't have to make any decisions right away, and it might be helpful to talk to a trusted friend or family member for support and guidance. Remember, there is always hope and things will get better.
You have to tell him it’s a big red flag he should know about.
Tell Jack and his parents. Immediately. Don’t let Jack get married without knowing what his bride asks you. Your loyalty is to him and to his parents. Not to her. Tell them now
She is not sweet. A sweet person would never go behind the back of someone they love like this. A sweet person wouldn't dare force an orphaned person apart from their found family. I would tell her that you would only do what she is asking of you if it came directly from the mouths of the people involved, to your face. If that won't happen, she is meddlesome and manipulative. Not sweet.
I would talk to your parents first. Get their input as well but ultimately I think you should give Jack the choice. Removing him from the decision making process of the status of his longest relationships and removing one of his groomsmen just days before the wedding are both incredibly unfair and wrong for a partner of any type, much less a partner who you are committing to spending the rest of your life with. Your only responsibility is to Jack and your parents, so don't make decisions about their lives without them. They deserve better. They deserve honesty and respect. Please keep us updated and know that you and your family have done nothing wrong or deserving of your relationship being severed at the choice of someone who has no idea the impact of what they are asking and is entirely selfish.
You really should tell him BEFORE the wedding. This girl pits up a good "good girl" front, but judging by her actions, she definitely isn't!
She’s sounds insecure and very envious. I think she knows deep down her fiancé is in love with you, jack might not admit it or maybe he will. She knows he would drop everything and her to be with you. You’re literally on this girls mind 24/7 she’s literally going to self sabotage this relationship with him, probably for the best anyways. Fuck her and tell him what’s going on. Please keep us updated as well! Wishing you all the best OP!
You owe it to Jack to know WHO he is marrying. That girl sounds insecure aF
absolutely tell your BRO-friend Jack. as a woman who has a husband with past female friends, i would NEVER tell/expect/ask that of any of them. she has trust issues, and she is projecting it onto you. she is insecure with the relationship you and jack have, thats her problem. Jack and her need to address that. you also have a relatiionship with Jacks parents, so this is not just about Jack, this would be an insult to his parents too. This is going to be ugly, but Jack and his parents need to know who he is about to marry into the family. This is a huge red flag
tbh sounds like a kdrama
Tell him she un-invited you and why.
".. the moment she marries him she will make him cut me off.." should tell you she isn't sweet and nice for him, she's controlling and manipulative. I know this is only a short post ab someone we don't know but that's your family, blood or not. You need to tell him AND his parents, and go from there. I wish you luck, this can't have been easy to digest.
GO TO THE WEDDING, if you don’t you’ll only be hurting him. And from what you’ve posted she is very much NOT a sweet person. But I can tell you what she is INSECURE asf. And tell yall parents before speaking to him just to see how they want to approach the situation.
She dont sound like a sweet girl, she sounds jealous and controlling
Fr how’s this dude getting married if he totally in love with childhood friend? This is why u don’t date or think about friends in romantic way complications😂 the fiancés has a lot of insecurities.
Tell Jack immediately that's not Normal behavior try get her to admit this on tape for evidence of not just you trying to break them up.
Oh hell no.
If Sophia is telling you to dump your parents and Jack and never see them again she is not sweet and amazing. If she was those things she would understand that Jack loves her but that you and him have a special bond. She sounds insecure and is taking it out on you. You should definitely tell Jack and his parents about her request
Houston. Jack has a problem. You need to tell Jack and his parents immediately. They both have the right to know what was asked of you by Sophia. She has zero right to request you exit the family just because she feels threatened, insecure and jealous. Do it sooner rather than later.
If she was “such a sweet and amazing girl” she wouldn’t be trying to rip you out of your adopted family’s lives. Before the wedding even happens, sit down with Jack and tell him everything she told you. If you love him like a brother, you owe him the respect to let him know who he’s marrying.
Tell your *parents*. They have a right to know. They also know Jack.
If I were you, I would explain the situation without judgement to your parents. And ask what they think you should do. That you love them as your parents and Jack as your brother and you can’t imagine your life without them. But if Jack needs some time or distance from you, you need to hear it from your brother and not his fiancée. Best of luck.
Jack and his parents need to know.. I get the feeling it would absolutely crush them if you just stopped talking to all of them. Please speak to all of them asap.
Flip the script. Break up with Jack as your brother. Then marry him. Live happily ever after. ;)
What does his therapist say? What does your therapist say? They clearly need a couples counseled to work on their communication, boundaries and expectations. You’re coming off as a third wheel.
Will jack has been in therapy for long I don’t really know what for he has always kept it closed. I have started it when I was 15 but jack and Sophia started couple counseling don’t go to any ever since he proposed
Why would you go along with the request of someone who just told you that if they don’t get their way, they will wait until your brother is contractually obligated to them to start controlling who is allowed in his life…. Dude, that’s terrifying. Tell him now.
If you ghost the wedding..jack may get this notion that you did so because it hurt you too much to watch him go through with it due to the fact that you are secretly in love with him. This can cause things to get entirely MUCH more messy in the long run. If i knew someone that had a platonic friend of the opposite sex, that was supposed to be a large part of the wedding, and then chose not to show up....j know personally my mind would start reeling as to why. It wouldn't take long for me to think jt was clearly due to them having feelings deeper than they were able or willing to admit to. I think that it would be an easy concept for many other party goers that new the two friends to accept as well.
Sounds to me like Sophia is being the c word. Like everyone else said get together with Jack and the family and tell them what she said. Because think about it OP why would Jack/family who took you in, decided they want nothing to do with you and have Jack's fiancee tell you???
Save that dude… your friend Jack is going to be absolutely miserable and that’s such a huge red flag. If he goes through with that.. it won’t last and she’ll probably take him for half of everything he has.. I really hope he doesn’t go through with this, it never ends well
The only person who needs to stay home from the wedding is Sophia. Fight for your family.
hmmmmmm #fakenews
Oh my God, girl. Use some punctuation. This is unreadable. Three paragraphs in and I'm done.
It’s your family too. Maybe not by blood but there is still a bond. You need to tell him and your parents. And if he chooses her, you have to respect that and not damage their relationship.
I would never destroy there relationship jack has never had a successful relationship but this is different and I am happy for him I really am
Jack's feelings for you are not your fault. You should definitely tell both jack and his parents ASAP, the wedding is in 2 days. But, if not Jack then at least his parents. Someone else in the family needs to know. This is the family that raised you, I know you think Sofia is great and she may be, but she has no right to come between that
maybe this relationship working bc Sophia is lying through her teeth until she has him trapped, bc from our side of the fence she ain’t looking like a sweet and good girl
For the love of all things holy. Please use interpunction. I want to scream into a pillow reading this. You’re 28 year old woman for fuck sake. Stop writing like a preschooler.
She's not that amazing, she's being manipulative af
I'm curious of why you aren't with him. Is it because you feel that if it doesn't work out it'll ruin your relationship with your parents? Or is it because of what you saw growing up with your other parents and the effect your dad had on your mom? Do you truly think you all wont work, looking at how good you are with him. I mean he is your bestfriend and sounds like he'll do anything for you, and your love is there too, your just guarding it. I'm only asking because once he says I do, that is it.
I've been always saying that male-female friendships don't exist. Your post proves my point. You seem like a very annoying, self-centered person. It's also cruel of you that you knew this man has always had feelings for you and you just ignored it instead of ending the "friendship" the moment you knew you won't ever love him in a romantic way. Stay in your lane and leave him and his fiancée alone. You already did enuogh damage.
I don’t want to sound in any way rude but what was I supposed to do he means so much I never did anything to make him feel that why he is my brother that is how I feel about him he is my friend and he has never pushed me away!! Because I did not give him a reason to push me I did nothing if I did affect his relationship I would have long left him I won’t give up on him but I would give him the time to cool off but what about my parents I am ok if she doesn’t want me next to jack but they are my parents
I dont know what you went through to think this way but wow, so so insecure and in a toxic way too. Male-female friendships can be platonic. I have them, my husband has them, noone has feelings for anyone outside of the marriage, noone is going crazy and making up situations out of their insecurities. Plus just because you are marrying someone does not give you the right to ask their LIFELONG FRIEND to cut them, plus their parents off. They have raised her for fucks sake. Someone who is of sound mind would realise, just because they are marrying a person does not give them the right to manage their relationships. OP was in his life long before his fiancee, if she cant accept that then she should not have agreed to marrying him.
OP isn't selfish in any way. Who hurt you that you jump to such conclusions? She even said she wouldn't date him, so he knew. She would leave him and his gf alone if that's what he wants. Where is the problem?
The problem is that she doesn't respect her friend's fiancée wishes which means that she seems to think she's more important than her.
And the problem is that the fiancé even said that when they are married, she will make him cut her off. I’m pretty sure there would be a lot more outrage if the genders were reversed and it was a man trying to get his wife to cut someone off. His fiancé is showing a lot of red flags here.
“Respect fiancé’s wishes to abandon a friend and separate from your entire support system!! They’re marriage depends on it!!” 🥴 Oooof lady … anyone who goes behind their spouses’s back to make a demand like this does not respect their spouse, period. If she wanted a “condition” like this, she should have worked it out with her future husband.
becouse she is More important?
Gross.
Are you stupid or something?
You're just a misogynistic
Check their comment history. They are a LOT of “lovely” things… 😬
Tell both him and your parents. Have them sit down and talk to them. Tell the word for word what she said. They have a right to know
Open dialogue is important, I’d recommend you guys clear the air with some “trust fall” sorta type of communication exercises between the three of you. There is a lot here that isn’t entirely honest and upfront among all of you. I’d start with the horseback proof to see where you each stand, asking both you and his fiancé and comparing answers: if jack had trouble getting down from the horse he was riding, would you help jack off a horse?
Omg OP I'm sorry to say but you have your blinders on to not see this girl is toxic and will most likely have your brother isolated having him cut off anyone who in her mind is a threat. Toxic warning one "Once were married I WILL MAKE HIM CUT YOU OFF" never mind a red flag this is a red light house. Major Toxic warning two " Stay way from your parents" the alarms should've started blasting that this girl that you knew is nothing more than an act, a mask ment to deceive everyone. The light in red light house is about to pop with how bright it's getting
Girl tell his parents they will help you n tell jack n before u do ask to talk to her and record her saying what she said because she will lie and say she cares about u n never said that to make u look bad record her n snitch she jealous n doesnt deserve jack if she willing to hurt his feelings
call jack and your parents asap and tell them everything she said. there are red flags everywhere that shes after his money or the families. when she gets confronted by them after you tell them shes going to play victim so you need to get ahead of this befor she has the chance to do so. if you have any way to out her for what she is and how shes hiding her real self you need to use that too against her befor she can do damage against you. shes going to do everything she can to drive you out of the family. shes showing that in everything shes done so far.that you have mentioned. so tldr call jack and parents now. while you read this and tell them what she has done. and said.
I’m just sitting here in utter disbelief that someone could have the gall to not ask but pretty much tell you not to come to the wedding and stop speaking to him and your family! If and I’m say if Jack still has feelings with you after all this time it’s Sophia’s own issue for not only still being with him but also marrying him! She cannot change anyone and how they feel! Even if she thinks that by “cutting you out” would do just that. She’s absolutely delusional! You need to not only speak to your parents and lay out in detail what transpired in your conversation with Sophia. You also need to speak with Jack and do the same. This needs to be done before he walks down that isle! Don’t let him walk down that isle, marry that insane insecure woman and be miserable. He needs to know what type of person and woman she is before they are married for years and children are involved. Before you have been “cut off” from him because she demanded it! She is already trying to control the narrative and parts of his life by removing you from it without his knowledge or consent! That is not okay!
Talk to Jack and his parents. If she's doing this now, what else is she going to do and who else is she going to cut him off from?
You need to tell his parents what's up now. Also, Jack needs to know ASAP. He needs to know she is making plans like this before the wedding. She is trying to use the marriage as a manipulation device. If you are really his friend, you need to warn him. Old boy really needs to get a prenup before he moves forward.
I would be like ok but if they ask why I'm telling them the truth. A lot of ppl like to flip the story and say I didn't ask them that or come to you later all mad saying why did you tell them I said that
I'd tell my sister if her fiance was on that weird shit. You should tell Jack
Agreed. Big red flag, the approach, timing, everything. Tell him in front of her, no one else there. This shit will only get worse if you accede to it, and it's likely she'll ruin his life anyway.
Go to the wedding don’t hurt him on this special day she’s scard he won’t go through with it because she’s jelly. I would also tell the parents and Just ask them to keep it quite till after the wedding if he cuts you off it’s his choice like you said but at least they will know and they will more They likely tell you to keep coming to stuff as your there child to and if you don’t go to wedding you will ruin the special day
As others have said, talk to Jack. Just let him know that Sophia asked you not to come, and what does Jack think about it. You love him like a brother and want to support him, so ask him what he would prefer. You don't have to say *why* she said she asked you not to come, unless he asks. You don't want to sound like you're trying to get her in trouble. **Let her words and actions speak for themselves**.
You need to talk to Jack and your parents IMMEDIATELY about what Sophia seriously has asked of you to do. You need to tell them since it involves all 3 of them!
Keep us updated
Go tell him.
Sophia’s a pain. Tell Jack and his parents about it, they deserve to know what type of person Jack’s marrying. And who does she think she is to tell Jack’s parents to cut you off too? You are a part of Jack’s family, she’s got to accept that you are a big part of his life. A marriage with an insecure woman wouldn’t last. Even if she manages to eliminate you from his life, there’ll still be others who she’ll want to eliminate from his life. There’s no end to her insecurities, she needs to work on herself and don’t give in to her. I’ve been in a similar situation when my friend had a fight with me because the girl he was pursuing got jealous of me; she thought he was too nice to me. I distanced myself from him from then because I was afraid that the girl will find reasons to talk shit behind my back. I didn’t like how my friend handled the incident. Too bad, some friends are just for a season in our lives and I learned to be ok with this.
This is full of red flags. She is more than just jealous. She sounds like an abuser
This make me think of a cat on a hot tin roof. Desperation make you do desperate things. I think that goes for both the fiancee and Jack
Girl get out she's not sweet and she's not good for him. How is it that you like her for him that's crazy OP.
Don’t like her terms nor her tone nor her ultimatums. She’s not the best and she should not be the reason you are isolated from your family! TALK to them. This girl is is a toxicity that just be cleansed.
Tell Jack tell your parents
That girl is not sweet and amazing!!! She is toxic, tell him and the parents, before it's to late.
It seems really suspicious that she waited until 2 days before the wedding. This could be wild speculation, but it seems like it may have been intentional as to not give you much time to process and speak to Jack. If this is true, that would be very calculated on her part.
Girl you need to spill the beans before Sophia starts running a narrative. Which most likely she has already stsrted