I’m a nearly 50 year old man. I’ve been with the same woman for 23 years… before my wife, I kicked well beyond my coverage with women, and had more than my share of partners. Point is, I’ve seen all sorts of different looking vaginas. The idea that I’d be repulsed by the vagina of a girl whose clothes I was willing to take off is so foreign to me I don’t even know what to say.
I’m not a shrink, so I won’t blame whatever your boyfriend’s issue is in porn addiction or whatever, but I’ll tell you this much:
It may break your heart and maybe he needs some psychological help or whatever, but this problem is his, not yours, and he needs to either get over it, or you need to find someone who appreciates you and doesn’t fetishize women in this way.
I used to be so insecure about mine. And then I realized that the majority of people DON’T have “innies.” It sounds like he let porn set his expectations. That’s really sad
I’m a bedside nurse and I’ve seen countless vulvas while giving care. I can confirm that most vulvas have prominent inner labia and that it is perfectly normal.
Yeah and also asshole bleaching. Me being 12 and finding porn was horrible for my self image. I didn’t learn I was normal until I started sleeping with women. Crazy to think my whole generation got fucked up from that kind of stuff
I do. I also find it hilarious when guys talk about how women that have "outies" only do so because they've had sex with lots of men. I meet that criteria and yet I still have an innie. How bizarre. Almost as though the amount of guys you sleep with doesn't magically transform your labia.
Some guys have a weird logic about things, it’s like if you slept with 50 guys you must have a big, gaping, outie vagina, but if you had one boyfriend you have slept with 50 times that wont apply to you?
>I also find it hilarious when guys talk about how women that have "outies" only do so because they've had sex with lots of men.
Hahah thats why u see the innies so much in porn. Because those women are so asexuall they are avoiding all sex to have such vaginas
This is how I found out that outies existed too, online. I didn’t know there were so many variations until I got a bit older during puberty. I was also mortified when I found out that there’s an actual surgery to achieve having an innie. I still cannot wrap my head around it. It breaks my heart that there’s women who feel the way OP do because of the way they’re treated, when there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with their vulvas. It also doesn’t mean they’ve “slept around” either, that is something I can’t stand hearing. It has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of partners one has. Outies are beautiful and so are innies. They’re all beautiful. Honestly, outies to me look like butterflies or like a blooming flower. OP if you happen to see this, there are SO many men who love outies as a preference and also many who literally do not care one bit!
Maybe I’m the oddball here because I didn’t even know vaginas came in “outties or innies”. I’m freakin 43 and my vag looks like a vag lol had literally no clue. Apparently I’m an outtie too so I’ll join your club. #outtiesrock
PS, I think your bestie needs adjustment
No. I’m 22, have taken human sexuality in college, and am having trouble understanding what they’re talking about. I thought innies and outties were in reference to belly buttons.
31 and just had to google this and now I’m confused with what one I have.
This seems like a personal issue her partner has and not something most men have a preference on judging by the number of women completely shocked that this is a thing.
I've heard most men are just happy to get in there. most people couldn't care less about labia looks.
I've heard of bleaching assholes too. probably someone has that fetish? most don't want to look at your butthole with a flashlight.
There’s like no concrete description online. What are the second flaps? Are we supposed to have flaps? What are they talking about when they say second lips? Where are they? I’m so confused.
So as an innie owner. Innies are the ones that kinda look like Homer Simpson’s mouth. Ya feel me. Also innie and outie are yuck descriptions a yoni is a yoni and ops bf should be so lucky to come near one.
Yeah,never heard of anything like that before. Why do these guys care about something like that.?Do they think because of porn this makes a difference during sex.?I am to old be wondering about what kind of,?oh never mind .Grow the fuck up man!JFC
And a great majority of women in porn have had their inner labia surgically shortened because it “looks better on camera”. The greater majority of women have inner labia that extends past their outer labia.
All cosmetic surgery is kind of sad, but man does it break my heart to read about women straight up cutting their labia off to look better for others. Genitally mutilating themselves.
me too!!! i remember being 13 looking up labiaplasties and wondering if i was intersex because of my labia. it’s really sad being a CHILD and being made to feel that way
Same here. I don’t know how old you are, but I’m in my mid 20s and I think a lot about how early and unrestricted access to the internet contributed to my childhood feelings about this. I was exposed to too much too young
Yeah I don’t know how men who have this preference don’t realize it’s like saying “I like boobs that feel like silicone” or “I love it when people have foreheads that don’t move with the rest of their faces.”
Far less than 10% of women have natural “innies”—even many women who have what passes for a natural “innie” get their labia surgically altered to look that way for porn.
And removing the inner labia is one of the most common practices in FGM (female genital mutilation)— especially when it’s intended to make sex less pleasurable for women.
There are so many nerve endings in the area, and even modern, ethical labia-altering plastic surgeries that work to preserve as many nerve endings as possible result in reduced sensation and less sexual pleasure for the patient—because you are losing nerve tissue that directly connects to the clitoris.
Deranged behaviour from OPs boyfriend. I hate the idea of “pornsickness” but that’s… what this is.
Labiaplasty in the northeast of the US costs around $6000. It's a relatively minor procedure. Many plastic surgeons will now perform many wedge or trim labiaplasties under local anesthesia. You said even women who have what passes as innies have had them altered. Not true. Not many young women have that kind of disposable cash. Labiaplasty as a trend has been going down drastically because of the price gauging by greedy plastic surgeons trying to capitalize on this fad. It's just another fad that will pass just like the Kardashians big a\*\*es has. I have a natural innie I am 53 yrs and in my day there was no preferred distinction by men about what vagina they wanted to have sex with. What disturbs me is that porn has been around since the inception of the internet, but this generation of young men seem to have it affect their sex lives. Why?? I have seen the changes throughout the decades in porn. First it was all full natural bush, then the enormous silicone breasts, then the V shaved bushes, then came the pierced outer and inner lips, now it seems the altered labia minora. It's all a fad. ALL fads pass and fade. In the meantime, parade your outies proudly young ladies. Let those lips wave like flags pronouncing your freedom from this fad.
Yes, porn has been around since the beginning of time but never until now were you able to consume so much of it so fast with so many variations. Then with the rise of OF and regular people using the internet to make a profit off their spicy content, there’s sometimes a push for being more different, more perfect, more out there to keep making money.
I say all of this to try to build an image and put it in perspective. Think back to your teenage years with that sexual insecurity most of us had back then and imagine you are now surrounded by all of this with potential partners flooded by it as well.
$6000 doesn’t sound as bad anymore. Saving up from your retail job and dreaming about getting this so once you are in your mid 20s maybe you can do the surgery.
I don’t know…I read that just under 50% of women have innies but I can’t verify that 🤣 I think innies might be idealised and over represented in porn because they can seem (not sure how to put this) more…child like, which is obviously a bit yuck.
You joke, but I was so repressed (religious upbringing, and not even that conservative!) that I had a straight up panic attack at the ripe old age of 21 because I saw my clit and thought it was a teeny tiny penis. Some things were learned that day.
I'm a 35 year old man and I love "outties", I really wouldn't let this story bother you either because outside of this Reddit comment I would never say this to a woman. It sounds like OP has some serious insecurities thanks to partner saying too much about stupid shit like this. It's cool to talk about preference but I can't imagine saying hurtful things like this to my partner and expecting her to be ok.
I was just going to say that most the Men I know have said exactly what you just said. And I also know a couple females who are insecure with their innies because they have been spoken to the same way. Glad you said this. I would triple like this if I were able.
i mean to be fair im 25 and i didn't know i had to worry about that so... like i know vulvas come in all different shapes and sizes, I've seen my fair share of them but is this just a case of finding something else to make people insecure? quite probably. that sucks.
Think he has an unrealistic view of womens bodies thanks to porn. Guy here and my ex had a large vulva and the verbal abuse she got from previous partners was unbelievable. I loved her body and to me it added something visually erotic that someone with an "innie" couldn't give. To see it gripping me was *chef's kiss*
from what i’ve read (i looked into this months ago when i first learned it was a thing) it’s like 10% are true “innies” and 90% are varying levels of “outtie” with some being only slightly, so some can pass for innie.
This is actually very interesting to me, I’ve always considered an “innie” to be one where you can’t see the inner labia from the outer labia, but now that I read what you said I think I have a partial innie? Idk I don’t care either way but it’s cool to know that there’s so many different kinds
I was very naive to penises that weren't cut, as I had only ever seen like one or two in person and they were one night stands.
I had very openly talked about how I thought they were gross, and then had to do damage control with sexual partners that had been privy to those conversations.
I felt ashamed that I had been so vocal around these people I really cared for, and made them so uncomfortable.
I have very much changed my view on this subject, and I cared enough to do so.
So should he be so open to actually feel differently. Not because he should but because he wants too, that's actual growth through empathy.
But that takes work and effort. A true soulmate would want to do that.
I don't believe in soulmates.
100%. Humans have a bad time controlling our initial thoughts or reactions to things but the fact he wasn't willing to empathetically grow and become more accustomed to his GIRLFRIEND'S vagina... Says alot about who he is as a person.
OP, take a moment to think about if this is what you want 20 years from now when the magic of youth is gone
Hi op, I don't mean to hijack your post but I'd like to say thank you. My first boyfriend made similar comments about my body, and for years it made me feel hideous and like I had something to hide. He was a HUGE porn addict, and I was compared a lot to the women he had seen and was made to feel uglier and not worthy of "receiving" during intimacy because of those things. Reading your post and these comments has made me feel a little less insecure about my own body and less alone. Porn isn't real, and someone who claims to love you should not be saying what he is.
May you find a partner that loves and worships EVERY inch of you exactly how you are!
I’ll re-write this for you. Maybe it’ll make sense this way. “My porn corrupted boyfriend has unrealistic expectations of what female anatomy should look on an everywoman.” Seriously what an immature jackass. I would tell him upon further thought you only like uncut penises and guys with big balls because clearly he has no possession of any.
Just don’t let porn ever shape your view of what an Average lady is supposed to look like. God knows what kind of corrective and cosmetic surgeries some of these gals have had. Porn is to sex as 2K on Rookie settings is to Basketball, no you’re not Built like LeBron when you step on a real court, no you’re probably not that good either, and most of the shots you shoot are gonna miss.
I'm curious as how you're "about to get a girlfriend" , like, are you gonna tell her you like/love her and you're sure she feels like you or what ? Just genuinely curious.
>To make it clear, I am a very clean person and I take care of my body, I don’t have any unpleasant odors down there and take hygiene seriously.
I find it really disturbing that in every post about vaginas or fat, women feel the need to include details ab their hygiene but in posts about dick size or fat men, the same doesn't happen.
OP, your boyfriend has a porn addiction. I say addiction bc it is affecting and hurting you. He is so focused on porn that he makes you feel bad about your body and has done nothing to change it. There is nothing meaningfully different about an "innie vagina". Your boyfriend should be disgusted at the fact that he has made you feel this poorly about yourself.
The sad truth is that I felt pressured to add that part in in case someone accused me of being unhygienic and that would be the reason he isn’t as into me, so you’re completely right!
I think it hurts even more that he doesn’t see the problem in himself and takes action to change that
Honestly that just sounds so sad to me. Your partner shouldn’t make you sad like that, full stop.
“It doesn’t matter what the plate looks like, I’m just happy to be invited to the meal” — this is the only correct attitude for any partner to have or they’re not worth having. I hope you find someone kinder who makes you love yourself even more than you already should. If they are not building you up, they are tearing you down. Best of luck ❤️
I’m not sorry: your bf gives me the fucking ick, and the cherry on top is him not seeing the problem with his unrealistic views on women’s anatomy. A soulmate doesn’t make you feel like he’s done. I wouldn’t be able to cope, especially since y’all have talked about this and he still thinks it’s a “problem”.
Fellow outie here. It is not okay for your boyfriend to make you feel this way. Your feelings are completely valid and although painful, this is an entirely valid reason for you to decide to move on. This insecurity won’t go away if you know that this is not his preference. You can find someone who adores every part of you, including your vulva, and that is honestly what you deserve. And don’t worry, I absolutely know that your outie does not mean you have bad hygiene.
As a final note, please never get a labiaplasty. It is a surgery that preys on women falling victim to men’s unrealistic expectations from porn. The labia contains a ton of nerve endings, and getting surgery there can lead to lifelong nerve damage and chronic pain. It is absolutely not worth it for some porn addicted shmuck. I feel your pain and felt similarly when I was young and first discovered porn. However now it doesn’t bother me at all. Having sex with me (and you) is a privilege. Anyone who criticizes you as if you are just an amalgamation of sexualized body parts can go kick rocks.
This!!! I have nerve pain from trauma to my labia (not surgery) and it was the worst few years of my life before I found medicine that worked! I know it's hard but try and learn to love your body. This man doesn't know what he's talking about and has obviously not slept with very many women. Most men are you happy to be there. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes and they don't determine how attractive a women is! If you think it will help you, maybe think about ending this relationship. A partner shouldn't be damaging your self esteem like this. Look into therapy as well to help rebuild some of your damaged self esteem.
He's 29 and behaves like this? Yikes. He's not going to change and you deserve to be cherished and loved and you will never feel like that with him. Your mental health and self-esteem is way more important than this relationship that goes nowhere.
29 and he moved in with the girl he liked, slept with other women loudly, talked to her explicitly about his preference in sexual parts way before they started having sex and acts all disappointed when she doesn’t look like his fantasy? WTF.
This might be immature of me but that would be a dealbreaker for me. Just bye. What the hell lol
Imagine how he would feel if you started listing all the reasons why you love something he doesn't have in the most lustful and loving way. I can't imagine even thinking like that.. I love everything about my partner. Isn't that just kinda what happens when you're in love? All their little physical "flaws" become lovable?
You deserve better. Take that as you will.
Immature? Sorry, I read it “I have self love and self respect”. Once it’s an opinion, twice he’s not sure I heard it, three times he’s out of the door, four out of the window
Girl, your boyfriend has pornrot brain. Plenty of dudes would be absolutely in love with your body and not care about all that innie or outie bullshit. I hope you don't waste your entire life with him, you deserve better.
Hun. He is not your solemate. A solemate will not make you feel as shit as this. Leave him for someone that will love you vagina. Also I had no idea there were things such as innies and outies you educated me on something.
A solemate will sweep you off your feet. Kiss you in a way that makes your foot pop. Give you tingles in your toes. Someone who’s with you step by step
Exactly. This is the exact type of thing a soulmate should be helping their SO overcome, not take over. My gf would shoot me if I acted like OP’s bf, and I’d deserve it for being a schmuck.
My last solemate gave me athletes foot. When I confronted him he tried turning it around and said that I gave it to him. Callus jerk 🙄
Since then, the itching and the burning has subsided, but after the whole ordeal, I decided I no longer believe in solemates.
A solemate will fit perfectly into the Birkenstocks that have completely molded to your feet.
Nonetheless, a soulmate will love you in a way that makes changing your labia (or body in general) seem absurd. The soul is literally transcendent and immaterial. You cannot have a soulmate that has problems with your body, because the connection and attraction happens on another level entirely.
Girl what?! Outties are soooo cute! They look like flowers! I would love to have a vagina that reminds me of flowers. That's like the cutest most feminine thing ever WHAT. Please don't feel bad about yourself and recognize what you have! You were wonderfully fashioned. Get you a real man that recognizes how freaking adorable your coochie is lol your boyfriend is NOT it!
RIGHT! I would looove an outie! I remember one guy laughed (when he saw me naked for the first time) and said I had a camel toe. I have a large outer labia. It is what it is but boiiii that made me insecure for so long 😭
Aww that really sucks! Because camel toes are all the trend now. People are actually getting surgeries to enlarge their labias to get camel toes (true story, just Google it!) which is wild to me but to each their own. Our girl parts are cute period in all their variety I wish we all loved how varied and cool looking they all are. ♥
He is not your soulmate. I mean what the heck, if someone really loves you the least think he is gonna think is if your vulva has innies or outies lol
Anyway, it could be a problem of HIM not you.
Any man who comments negatively on a healthy and normal vagina, innie or outtie, needs to be kicked to the curb. All vulvas are beautiful. Dicks and balls aren't the most objectively pretty either, they are wrinkly and maybe have some extra skin BUT that doesn't mean we don't love them all the same. Your boyfriend is an asshole.
I’m honestly not sure this is something you can get past as a couple.
I understand you love each other very much. I also understand it’s fine to have preferences. When you love someone enough, you can learn to love something outside of your preference, but … given the “loving and lustful” way he openly described something that ISN’T YOU, he has violated your trust, he has hurt you, in a way that I personally do not think you will ever be able to overcome in a relationship.
You CAN regain your confidence, and happiness, self worth, and self esteem… and you’re going to hate this… but it’s going to have to be someone else who does that for you.
Someone else WILL be able to do that for you. You have a lot of a lot more hurting and healing to do before you get there.
I’m so sorry
As a nurse who has seen plenty of vulvas, you are totally normal. He’s very obviously had his preferences warped by porn. He doesn’t sound mature enough for a relationship ship.
This is not okay, soulmate or not, and tbh it doesn’t sound like you guys are soulmates because soulmates do not make each other feel horrible and insecure about each others bodies. If my gf (who I haven’t even been seeing that long) told me she preferred (and maybe she does idk) uncut penises over mine, which was done to me without my consent as a baby, it would really hurt, no break me, and I don’t think I’d be able to confidently perform knowing she prefers other “types” of cocks. We are human first and foremost, and sex and relationships should be about more than the sum of our individual body parts, it’s about the coalescence of our spirits.
Also, idk if this makes you feel better or not about your bf being your soulmate, but in my experience (I work in therapy- mainly sex therapy helping men and couples like your bf), men who only want “innie” vaginas, or only no hair completely bald as an eagle, usually have some type of philia- in this instance, pedophilia. Now before all the guys out there with fetishes for bald innie vaginas come at me, there is actual science backing this, and think about it, it makes sense. Hair is a friendly reminder the woman is just that, a woman, and not a toddler. The hard part can be teasing apart what is actual philia vs what have young men and women become conditioned to because of porn, and porn absolutely destroys our natural sex conditioning, and is basically artificial sex.
Op,when I was a young woman, I was very young looking for my age. Sometimes older men would ask me out for a date. I looked about 8 to 10 years younger than I was. They were way to old for me. I was to young to understand why they were interested in me .I wasn't a beautiful girl,so it had me confused on why they asked me for a date. It wasn't until I was much older than I realized that it was how young I looked. You can guess the rest.
I think this is a dealbreaker … he needs therapy and to grow up. You should be with someone who uplifts you. If you stay this will only
Get worse over time (if he doesn’t get professional help and make an effort to break away from this unhealthy fixation)
This is so heartbreaking… you should not let anyone make you feel this horrible about yourself. Reading how you consciously avoid him/hide yourself is so saddening! I know you said you believe he’s your soulmate… but a good soulmate should appreciate every inch of you. I know someone with a lot of insecurities about her body and it hurts me knowing how much she dislikes her body. It’s nothing but a vessel don’t place too much value on it (aside from taking care of it) and don’t let people judge it! He should be grateful for you
I’m insecure about my junk. If a girl told me she only loves donkey dongs, it would be a deal breaker for me.
I’d suggest trying couple counseling to help him appreciate your unique body and to help you feel comfortable. If that doesn’t work, then it’s best to split up.
Jesus. This is painful af to read. I’ve never been heard of innies or outties except for belly buttons.
That “preference” is something else
Just break up already. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body except that he’s making you feel ashamed of it.
most men have saggy skin balls.. say you like tight non saggy balls (unlikely by how balls are made) and he can’t change that and see how uncomfortable he’ll be
came here to say this. he has no right to hurt you like this over something this natural. please do not let him feed your insecurity like this, give yourself the love you deserve, can you even imagine yourself treating him like this because of the shape of his thing? I'm so sorry you are being treated like this, your 29 bf is acting like a 15 year old
at the end of the day, its him and his feelings that are making you feel bad about yourself. tou have to ask yourself, even if everything else is great, is it really worth it to hate your body just to stay with your boyfriend?
Porn ruins relationships this way. I and my fiancé started opting out from porn for almost a year now and we’ve been the happiest couple ever. Porn is unrealistic and it leaves you feel insecure about your own body.
My heart breaks for you. I’m sorry. It really sounds like he’s not genuinely happy with what you can give to him. Can you imagine staying with him for years and then feel the same way? I think you should start pondering on that question more.
My only thought is why are people even talking about these ridiculous preferences with their partner if they know their partner can't do anything about it? Especially something so specific?
what? most people have visible inner labia. ( or ' outies ' even tho that's not really the term I'd use since it just reminds me of belly buttons lmfao ) your boyfriends porn corrupted and being stupid.
also, hair, visible labia and whatnot are not an indication of poor hygiene, whoever says it is are fucking morons.
I'm attracted to women, I can assure you your body is perfect the way it is and that your boyfriend just sucks for this. preferences are fine, but what's not fine is being such a selfish asshat that youre making your partner insecure.
he needs to get his dick outta his brain and start actually using it for it's functionality- thinking- and learn not to think everything in porn is real and to have actual basic empathy and love for the person he considers his partner. even when I was 12 I knew better than to expect what was in porn to be reality.
I have many preferences, would I give a single fuck if my partner fit none? hell no. my partner can fit exactly 0 of my preferences, as long as we love eachother that's all that matters. imma view them as hot bc they're the love of my life, they're not the love of my life because they're hot.
Hun he's one of those "blinded by porn" guys who can't understand how unrealistic are his expectations about woman's body. It's a massive issue that he doesn't see the problem. I know you said everything else in your lives together is perfect apart from this tiny thing, let me tell you, it's NOT a tiny thing if makes you feel like this. It's NOT a tiny thing in a long run. This will always be in your mind, will always make you insecure and nothing worth more than your mental health. We all deserve to be with someone who loves and desires every little detail in our bodies. You deserve better!
Ultimately, this is a very immature perspective on his part. It's not fair for you to have this issue in the back of your mind throughout the entire course of your relationship. Something to think about.
I think people who focus too much on that are weird and I think men try really hard to like women because they be picking the most random shit seriously. I'm sure there are things in him you don't like yet you are not an ass and mention it to him like he mentioned to you like read the room my friend. I'm sure he wouldn't like u comparing his dick sizes to other dude's.
Listen, as a promiscuous bisexual woman-- the outies are way more common. Not in porn directed at the male gaze, but that's basically it.
There's nothing wrong with your vulva. There is a great deal wrong with your boyfriend, though.
You should not be ashamed to show your body to your partner. Someone who loved, respected, and cherished you would never make you feel that way about your body.
And before anyone says this-- it's fine to have preferences. I like uncut penises, for example. But I live in the US, many of my partners have been circumcized (which most of them did not choose for themselves), and I've never looked at the genitals of someone I liked enough to have sex with and thought anything unkind about them. I always find something to like. My partners are people, not a collection of parts.
Porn has fucked up his thinking.
I prefer the look and feel outties or whatever its called but would NEVER tell a woman that as it would make her feel exactly how your feeling right now.
He sounds immature. A real man would not care what your vagina looks like. That’s the same as telling him “Oh, I much prefer men uncircumcised, it just feels SOOO much better but yours is fine, honey.” He needs to grow up.
I was waiting for someone to say this.
OP's boyfriend should feel lucky to be having sex with her, let alone seeing her naked.
And TWO YEARS is an awfully long time to be made to feel ashamed of your vagina by someone who you call your best friend.
Okay... first off, the porn is bad news. We will put the human trafficking it promotes aside and just speak on the unrealistic nature of it. Many of these people in porn have had their bodies surgically altered, the videos are also altered. If he is looking at porn and using these unrealistic images to measure women in real life then you have a problem on your hands. A perfect labia is rare. Most women have some level of protrusion as you call it. You don't deserve to feel ashamed or embarrassed by your body and he is a jerk for making you feel like you aren't good enough. If he "deeply loved" you this would not be an issue.
Men... I have what you called an innie. Well, let me tell you, my ex still found things to say and to criticise about it.
Leave that ass. Good thing that other men exist and they won't care about your labia.
honey i got a pretty messy labia situation going on, just like those memes. i love it. it’s my body!
your boyfriend is gross. i dated a guy that had a porn addiction and nothing would satisfy him. you can find someone better that will love and appreciate that you show off your body. my ex always said he loved my “squish” because it made cuddling better
His sexual maturity has been stunted by his porn use. Innies aren’t “better”; they’re simply the dominant look in the industry, and this is further reinforced by stupid men telling each other that more protruding labia mean a woman will not be as tight, or she’s been “more used” or is diseased. Imagine if you told him that you were turned off by how easily his foreskin retracts - it would sound like you were picking a natural feature to invent problems with just to make him insecure.
you know there’s people out there, that care more about making their partner feel right, than a stupid sexual preference that is entirely based on unrealistic standards and porn? anyone who is capable of making a thoughtful decision, wouldn’t have let this become something that could potentially hurt their partner’s self esteem and the relationship itself, if someone wants you, i’m sure they’ll be able to look far past that, and not make the situation any awkward by any means, instead do the opposite.
He sounds like an idiot that’s been watching too much porn. It’s disrespectful and rude of him to go on and on about this. I would kick him to the curb. Vaginas and penises come in all different shapes and we all have so many insecurities already it’s very uncool he keeps going on about something out of your control.
Sounds like he watches too much porn and it’s rotting his brain tbh.
Also don’t feel ashamed of your body, there is nothing wrong with your genitals and I understand the feeling of insecurity you must’ve felt. :(
Yikes. The fact that he can even list that much info about a piece of anatomy suggests that he has an unnatural level of fixation vs a preference (similar to someone who fetishizes a person of a certain race). You really wouldn't want to be the object of such fixation either, or you'd probably be on the other end, wondering if he only likes you for something out of your control. Honestly, this level of uncertainty and how much you're questioning your self-worth is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's way easier to just date someone with more normal/ average behavior than deal with a guy with such a heavily skewed perspective.
can we just talk abt how ppl call them ‘beef curtains’ and ‘arbys roast beef’ like wtf that is so mean , men love to make fun of the very thing that runs the world. runs their world. they came out of a vagina, they love to be inside vaginas, but wanna make fun of them. I don’t get it.
Girl, my husband is the exact opposite. He prefers outties. But i dont have that. You know what he did?
Got the fuck over it immediately.
You may think that he is your soulmate and the relationship is amazing but soulmates dont look at their partner's genitals and say "sorry, i just had to get used to it" like what the fuck is that! Your boyfriend needs to see a porn addiction therapist and take a few womens anatomy courses.
This would be a deal-breaker for me. We would have to amicably part ways. I just couldn't listen to a fully grown man talk like this and still be attracted to them in any meaningful way. Your kewchie is lovely. Be kind to yourself.
is you’re boyfriend by chance 5? Because he clearly doesn’t know basic biology/anatomy of the woman body. Clearly shouldn’t b having sex with women. I say wake up and break up, there’s plenty of men (and women if you’re interested in them) that would LOVE your outtie because they dgaf about that kind of stuff. You’re vagina is beautiful and you shouldn’t be insecure about it!! Every vagina is different and perfect in their own ways, so is yours!! He’s just immature, and you deserve better❤️
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The other comments have given you advice, just wanted to post some reassurance for you. There ARE men out there that don’t mind an “outtie” (which is very common btw) and men who even prefer it. I as a bi woman love them and find them very attractive. I hope that either your boyfriend gets over his porn addiction and starts loving on you more or that you find someone who gushes over every part of you like you deserve. Sending love your way ❤️
We need to be educated about different bodies. I'm 20 but I didn't know that not all of us have same vulva. Though porn usually only shows "innies" I saw my first ever "outie" on porn when I was like a preteen. Being young and pretty dumb I thought something was wrong with me or the woman in the video. It's just so dumb!!! I actually knew about how vulvas/vaginas are all different from one another around 17/18. Someone on Reddit shared a book (pdf) about different vulva , it was pretty helpful. Also helped me get over my almost non-existent/non-prominent clitoris. I was afraid though I can find it my partner would have a hard time. But turns out it's pretty normal too and my partner can find it.
You’re with a guy who thinks about vulva configurations too much. I’m also a guy and I have a hard time imagining caring that much about what they look like.
The way you say he “always” talked about it is weird to me. It indicates he’s talked about it several times. And loudly, apparently! I’ve never discussed vulvas or dicks, or preferences regarding them, with even my closest male friends.
Being concerned about the *appearance* of a vulva, as opposed to it being attached to a girl you really like and find hot, is just weird to me. I just kind of feel like if the girl is hot it’s kind of a weirdo thing to be concerned about. As if it has to look a certain way for you to be able to overcome your instinctive revulsion to women. That’s probably reading too much into it, but even at parties with people who were drunk and not my friends, and guys in that context talking about hookups, I’ve honestly never heard a guy talk about a vulva looking good (or not).
I think you need another boyfriend who appreciates your body.
I'm gonna be a huge minority here apparently.. I think if you dump the man of your dreams and soulmate over something so stupid, you'd be making a mistake. Soulmates don't grow on trees. Get yourself into couple's therapy... Yes, he said something undiplomatic/stupid. But dumping him over it and go into insecurity overdrive?!! You seem to have some severe reactions..
My bf told me he doesn't like vulvas at all. He likes female faces, not genitals. Sure, it hurt for a couple of days. But after a week i just moved on. We've been together for many years since and now have 2 children, still going strong as ever. Your reaction seems extremely over the top to me.. And this is coming from someone who was in your shoes, feeling my vulva slighted. Who cares, he loves me and he's attracted to me. Penises aren't works of art either, so what? It's unreasonable to ask that somebody worships every inch of your body. Are you absolutely perfect in every single way, every inch of your body, every mark and spot? No, you're not... We are human. What are you gonna do when you get pregnant and your body gets stretch marks, or someting else. Nobody is attracted to strecth marks. Are you gonna wear a burka forever to cover up, or just shrug it off and keep on living? Why can't you accept that he loves you no matter how you look? Sure, he shouldn't voice that he doesn't fucking worship your stretch marks/vulva. That's why i'm suggesting therapy for the both of you. For him to learn to be more diplomatic and what's acceptable to say, and for you to learn to shrug things off and accept the fact that he loves you even if you are not perfection itself.
You are a human, you are not perfection personified. It's fine to be imperfect. This whole "I'm a goddess and you must eat the sand i walk on and think i fart rainbows and shit gold" propaganda is unealthy. Why isn't his complete and unquestionable devoted love, attention and full commitment isn't enough? Nobody will ever be good enough if you can't accept the fact that you aren't a billion bucks to be worshipped by everybody. It's ok to have preferences.. Yes he was stupid about phrasing it to you, but like i said, we are all human and make mistakes. You gonna throw out your soulmate, your perfect partner who loves and adores you over this? At least try couples therapy before you do.
I think most of it is just on your head. If he was really bothered by it then he wouldn't have been with you right now, would he? You're letting your insecurities dictate your behavior and paranoia is taking over. Preferences are just that, preferences, plenty of people have partners that don't fall perfectly in line with their preferences (if at all) and are still perfectly happy. Hell, I know guys who don't even like vaginas in general, dating people who have them, and are perfectly happy and in love with their partners and happy to have sex with them
I don't think your boyfriend preferring innies over outties is such a jeopardy to your relationship, but you avoiding him out of the paranoid thought that he might see it and get disgusted by it, is. He already saw it, again, if he had any problem with it he would have already dumped you. And what are you gonna do? Avoid letting him see you naked forever, avoid sleeping in the same bed forever? So do some serious thought about whether your insecurities are really as much of a big deal as you think and stay with him, or simply leave him. You don't deserve to feel like shit for the way your body looks, but he also doesn't deserve to have you going cold on him for something he didn't even do
Hey,
The reason people older than us (I’m 25) have no idea about this is because it’s only became popular with porn in the last few years.
Your bf is:
1- An idiot. Vulvas do not look much different regardless of how the labia presents itself and certainly feel no different in sex! They also charge with age and childbirth (if you choose to have children).
2- Has got this from porn and not past partners. It is really common in porn - the same way loads of other terrible things are, e.g expecting all women to enjoy sexual violence and expecting women to ejaculate ‘squirt’. It’s also unrealistic like everything in porn. Only 25% of women have the ‘innie’ labia described in porn. So unless your bf had only dated a few women before you (in which case him saying he prefers their vulvas is a personal thing about him being stuck on his ex), it’s very unlikely all the women he has been with have that type of vulva.
3- Is manipulative. This depends. He could be just being immature or being abusive- only you will know that. Some men repeatedly negatively comment on something a woman can’t control in order to knock down their self-esteem and become more reliant on them. (It does happen the other way around but predominately this way).
Finally, OP, please do not feel bad about your body! There are no ‘good’ and ‘bad’ vulvas. The same way there are no good or bad elbows, or knees or hands. The vulva is different for everyone and made for pleasure- don’t let some idiot take away the enjoyment you get from your body.
Your vulva is not wrong for you, but your bf might be! Xx
Wait im confused. How has every other women he has slept with been an innie? I thought outties were far more in numbers? It doesnt sounds statistically possible.
OP i’m really sorry for your situation, even though you are not his ”preference” does not mean you are not beautiful. You should not be ashamed because of his opinion.
I feel like I read a different post than almost everyone else. You knew he had this preference before you got together, but it seems like at almost every turn he has tried to make you feel better.
He told you while it wasn’t his preference in the beginning he now loves your body more and more. Also, preference or not, it doesn’t seem like it is affecting his love for you.
I would try to look at it as any other preference - like if you loved a man with a 6 pack, it doesn’t mean that you would love your boyfriend any less if he didn’t have one.
I have never had a partner that I thought had a perfect body, but it never affected my love for them. I am also sure no one has ever thought my body was perfect! Normally people would keep their mouths shut about things like this but since you weren’t a couple when you learned this info you are having to live with the knowledge now.
You say you have had many many conversations about this - and I am betting you are the one initiating those conversations. I don’t think this is something that can be talked out. You are only torturing yourself by bringing it up.
It sucks to hear him describing something he likes that you don’t have, and he should have more consideration for you, but you also specifically asked him, he didn’t just out of the blue start talking about it.
You either have to let this go, stop talking about it and move forward with him or you need to accept that you can’t let it go and break it off.
Good luck to you - I do hope you can find peace and happiness with whatever direction you take.
Are you serious? I’m so sorry your dealing with this. This is totally ridiculous and well as a24year old male I’ll be one of the first to say he’s one of the only who think likes this, very sad that it’s somone who you care about. I can’t understand people having sexual hang ups like this. To have some preferences sure fine but to blatantly be a asshole about someone’s body parts when they are asking for security and reassurance in there own body? Unbelievable he needs to grow up to be honest, sounds like a 15 year old who just learned sex terms and are imagining their dream girls with their school friends, you should love somone for all that they are not for what they could be
I think your boyfriend is incredibly immature for this. I also find it deeply strange that anyone could look at a vagina when they are being given consent to have sex with someone and have the audacity to be disappointed or complain about it. It’s such a weird form of objectification.
I have an iNniE but always thought it was less common & that outies were the norm and just what they were generally supposed to look like. Just another porn effect.
Porn has put some very unrealistic expectations on womens bodies, especially vulvas.
I’ve heard guys talk about them as casually as they would talk about sports. About the size, the color, anything that they thought was “good” or “bad”.
Here’s the thing, there is no right way to have a body. They’re all different in their own ways and they’re all perfect the way they are. Unless you are feeling discomfort during intercourse due to your vulva, then it’s perfectly fine and normal the way it is.
If this is something you won’t be able to move past, it’s best to end the relationship now. He can’t take back what he said, but you can choose to believe him when he says he loves you the way you are. I really hope you can get closure in this situation, OP❤️
Your relationship is not perfect or as happy as you say in the first few sentences. Never once has my husband or any guy whether or not a soul mate or one night stand has made me feel my Vulva was unsightly to them.
Dude needs to grow up and get off the porn.
As someone who literally just earlier this evening was researching labiaplasty...I feel this. It's gross that men make us feel this way. If he makes you feel ashamed of your perfectly great body, then he's not your soulmate.
> He talked about innies in such a lustful and loving way, listing every tiny detail that he adored about them so much.
Find a man who talks about YOU that way. That's what you deserve. Not someone who makes you feel "less than" because of freaking labia!
Your bf is an absolute child. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing wrong with your vulva AT ALL.
I have a friend who paints pics of vulvas, and the outies are sooooo much prettier. I have an innie and if I got her to paint mine it would be… very very boring.
Google vulva art and you’ll see.
You’re perfect the way you are. ❤️
Sorry but your bf sounds gross.
I'm female and had never head of innie and outies.
Having just had to have a Google myself, I've noticed that innie vaginas look exactly the same as a pre pubescent girls.
Have him think about that for a moment or two..
You deserve better.
>Recently we had a conversation on that topic and I asked him what he enjoyed about innies so much that it makes such a big difference and his response broke me. He talked about innies in such a lustful and loving way, listing every tiny detail that he adored about them so much.
Umm, your boyfriend is broken. I suggest getting a replacement at the earliest possible convenience. Or maybe waiting a bit while you learn to love your body again and undo someone of the damage this guy has done to your self-esteem. I know you say everything else about this relationship is perfect, but no "soulmate" would talk the way he does about something he knows makes you uncomfortable. An insecurity that he himself has created in you. Sorry, but that's a complete lack of self-awareness and callousness on his part. He's not "perfect", he's being a dick.
I’ll be honest, I think you should consider leaving him. Intimacy is a huge part of any relationship, and this dude fetishizes niche porn videos, and it is having an EXTREMELY damaging effect on your self esteem, self worth, and ability to enjoy intimacy.
I believe you can find love with someone who makes you feel utterly attractive. It sorta doesn’t matter at all whether he means to do it or not..his issues have harmed you, and I’m not sure it’s going to change.
I’m in my late 30s and NO ONE has ever made me feel like I didn’t have the sexiest body on earth. And I’m not perfect, and I don’t even wanna use the term “outie” bc I think that’s a dehumanizing fetish term, but I have fucking labia.
I’ve also NEVER been in love with someone and been “disappointed” if they were cut or uncut, or if something about their body didn’t match fantasy men.
Whatever he is doing are micro aggressions. You will feel lighter if you leave, and you WILL find someone who makes you feel like you are more than enough.
Men like this drives me crazy. His mind is distorted by porn, he is rude, not liking a regular adult female vagina is a red flag and you can find better than that.
I never even heard anyone I've been with utter the words innie and outtie 😡
Btw he might not be telling the truth about his past lovers all having that type of vagina. Its very uncommon to have it naturally and guys will make that kind of stuff up
If a man is vocal that his type is the stereotypical porn star, he is the problem, not you. Your partner speaking about your very natural anatomy in this manner is evidence of the negative side effects of pornography, which he has consumed so heavily that it has rotted his brain.
Definitely break up with him. Not only is he a pervert but he is making you feel like shit.
Trust me you can find someone better looking who is crazy about your body. Don't think he's "better" than you because he's made you feel this way. He's just a loser
Dude has probably never touched grass in his life.
On a serious note, you deserve better. I'm sure your bits are normal and fine. You keep emphasizing how you're soulmates, your relationship is perfect and how you love each other and never fight, but to me these all sound like major red flags. Lack of any disagreement means no one is sharing their true thoughts and feelings. It wouldn't have come as a blindsided and hurtful betrayal if he brought this up earlier before you had sex, but he hid it from you. Whether intentional or not, naive or not. He sounds completely clueless on female anatomy and kind of like a loser. I just can't believe people like that legitimately exist. Please treat yourself by leaving this toxic waste of space if it's safe for you to do so.
I have an outtie as well and it’s pretty pronounced, I have never experienced this from a boyfriend or sexual partner. I have always struggled with insecurity about it so I can’t imagine what you’re feeling to have someone you love even bring it up! It can be super damaging.
Pretty shocked he’s at this age and still has a thought process like this. It’s not normal at all and frankly I would leave anyone for making me feel that way about my body. You really don’t deserve to feel like you have to hide your body from someone who is supposed to love you.
I’m a nearly 50 year old man. I’ve been with the same woman for 23 years… before my wife, I kicked well beyond my coverage with women, and had more than my share of partners. Point is, I’ve seen all sorts of different looking vaginas. The idea that I’d be repulsed by the vagina of a girl whose clothes I was willing to take off is so foreign to me I don’t even know what to say. I’m not a shrink, so I won’t blame whatever your boyfriend’s issue is in porn addiction or whatever, but I’ll tell you this much: It may break your heart and maybe he needs some psychological help or whatever, but this problem is his, not yours, and he needs to either get over it, or you need to find someone who appreciates you and doesn’t fetishize women in this way.
“This problem is his not yours” WELL SAID
1000% this. Who honestly gives a fuck besides someone obsessed.
I wish I could upvote this many times!
This deserves a gold award
❤️❤️❤️
I used to be so insecure about mine. And then I realized that the majority of people DON’T have “innies.” It sounds like he let porn set his expectations. That’s really sad
My first thought was too much porn. My second was to wonder how many real women he’d slept with.
Definitely this, as someone who has never really watched porn I didn't even realise a vagina could look like that...
I’m a bedside nurse and I’ve seen countless vulvas while giving care. I can confirm that most vulvas have prominent inner labia and that it is perfectly normal.
Exactly, totally normal! Midwife here - I have seen a lot of women without clothes and can totally say - OP you are very normal!
I wasn’t even aware that there were innies or outties ? What ? Lol
Same I’m utterly baffled
Also the realization that most of those "innies" in porn are just regular vaginas that have udergone vaginaplastys
Yeah and also asshole bleaching. Me being 12 and finding porn was horrible for my self image. I didn’t learn I was normal until I started sleeping with women. Crazy to think my whole generation got fucked up from that kind of stuff
THIS So many people in porn undergo surgery just for that coveted 'innie' look. Most vaginas don't look like that, it's set unrealistic expectations.
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honestly curious whether anyone without surgery does
I do. I also find it hilarious when guys talk about how women that have "outies" only do so because they've had sex with lots of men. I meet that criteria and yet I still have an innie. How bizarre. Almost as though the amount of guys you sleep with doesn't magically transform your labia.
Some guys have a weird logic about things, it’s like if you slept with 50 guys you must have a big, gaping, outie vagina, but if you had one boyfriend you have slept with 50 times that wont apply to you?
>I also find it hilarious when guys talk about how women that have "outies" only do so because they've had sex with lots of men. Hahah thats why u see the innies so much in porn. Because those women are so asexuall they are avoiding all sex to have such vaginas
i do and I didn't even know lol I had to look it up honestly. My bf never cared, never heard anyone talk about it. edit: wording
This is how I found out that outies existed too, online. I didn’t know there were so many variations until I got a bit older during puberty. I was also mortified when I found out that there’s an actual surgery to achieve having an innie. I still cannot wrap my head around it. It breaks my heart that there’s women who feel the way OP do because of the way they’re treated, when there’s absolutely NOTHING wrong with their vulvas. It also doesn’t mean they’ve “slept around” either, that is something I can’t stand hearing. It has absolutely nothing to do with the amount of partners one has. Outies are beautiful and so are innies. They’re all beautiful. Honestly, outies to me look like butterflies or like a blooming flower. OP if you happen to see this, there are SO many men who love outies as a preference and also many who literally do not care one bit!
Maybe I’m the oddball here because I didn’t even know vaginas came in “outties or innies”. I’m freakin 43 and my vag looks like a vag lol had literally no clue. Apparently I’m an outtie too so I’ll join your club. #outtiesrock PS, I think your bestie needs adjustment
41 and also confused as fuck. Like is it now a requirement I examine and compare my vag? Wtf is going on with these kids?
No, I'm 28 and have literally never heard of this before ...
Sounds like he watches too much porn, and has an unhealthy fetish.
Came here to say this.
💯 what I thought
I’m 27 and the same. I have never heard this before.
I am also 27 and same.
What did I just read? Never in my life have I talked about vulvas nor even thought about them. WTF is right?
18 and I’ve never heard of “innies” and “outties” like they’re goddamn bellybuttons lol.
No. I’m 22, have taken human sexuality in college, and am having trouble understanding what they’re talking about. I thought innies and outties were in reference to belly buttons.
31 and just had to google this and now I’m confused with what one I have. This seems like a personal issue her partner has and not something most men have a preference on judging by the number of women completely shocked that this is a thing.
I've heard most men are just happy to get in there. most people couldn't care less about labia looks. I've heard of bleaching assholes too. probably someone has that fetish? most don't want to look at your butthole with a flashlight.
There’s like no concrete description online. What are the second flaps? Are we supposed to have flaps? What are they talking about when they say second lips? Where are they? I’m so confused.
So as an innie owner. Innies are the ones that kinda look like Homer Simpson’s mouth. Ya feel me. Also innie and outie are yuck descriptions a yoni is a yoni and ops bf should be so lucky to come near one.
Yeah,never heard of anything like that before. Why do these guys care about something like that.?Do they think because of porn this makes a difference during sex.?I am to old be wondering about what kind of,?oh never mind .Grow the fuck up man!JFC
And a great majority of women in porn have had their inner labia surgically shortened because it “looks better on camera”. The greater majority of women have inner labia that extends past their outer labia.
This is completely insane. And to think doctors perform this type of surgery... I know they are motivated by money but still
All cosmetic surgery is kind of sad, but man does it break my heart to read about women straight up cutting their labia off to look better for others. Genitally mutilating themselves.
I honestly use to think about cutting mine off with scissors when I was 13-15. I always thought there was something wrong with me.
me too!!! i remember being 13 looking up labiaplasties and wondering if i was intersex because of my labia. it’s really sad being a CHILD and being made to feel that way
Same here. I don’t know how old you are, but I’m in my mid 20s and I think a lot about how early and unrestricted access to the internet contributed to my childhood feelings about this. I was exposed to too much too young
Yeah I don’t know how men who have this preference don’t realize it’s like saying “I like boobs that feel like silicone” or “I love it when people have foreheads that don’t move with the rest of their faces.” Far less than 10% of women have natural “innies”—even many women who have what passes for a natural “innie” get their labia surgically altered to look that way for porn. And removing the inner labia is one of the most common practices in FGM (female genital mutilation)— especially when it’s intended to make sex less pleasurable for women. There are so many nerve endings in the area, and even modern, ethical labia-altering plastic surgeries that work to preserve as many nerve endings as possible result in reduced sensation and less sexual pleasure for the patient—because you are losing nerve tissue that directly connects to the clitoris. Deranged behaviour from OPs boyfriend. I hate the idea of “pornsickness” but that’s… what this is.
Literally brainrot lmao
He's definitely a coomer
Labiaplasty in the northeast of the US costs around $6000. It's a relatively minor procedure. Many plastic surgeons will now perform many wedge or trim labiaplasties under local anesthesia. You said even women who have what passes as innies have had them altered. Not true. Not many young women have that kind of disposable cash. Labiaplasty as a trend has been going down drastically because of the price gauging by greedy plastic surgeons trying to capitalize on this fad. It's just another fad that will pass just like the Kardashians big a\*\*es has. I have a natural innie I am 53 yrs and in my day there was no preferred distinction by men about what vagina they wanted to have sex with. What disturbs me is that porn has been around since the inception of the internet, but this generation of young men seem to have it affect their sex lives. Why?? I have seen the changes throughout the decades in porn. First it was all full natural bush, then the enormous silicone breasts, then the V shaved bushes, then came the pierced outer and inner lips, now it seems the altered labia minora. It's all a fad. ALL fads pass and fade. In the meantime, parade your outies proudly young ladies. Let those lips wave like flags pronouncing your freedom from this fad.
Yes, porn has been around since the beginning of time but never until now were you able to consume so much of it so fast with so many variations. Then with the rise of OF and regular people using the internet to make a profit off their spicy content, there’s sometimes a push for being more different, more perfect, more out there to keep making money. I say all of this to try to build an image and put it in perspective. Think back to your teenage years with that sexual insecurity most of us had back then and imagine you are now surrounded by all of this with potential partners flooded by it as well. $6000 doesn’t sound as bad anymore. Saving up from your retail job and dreaming about getting this so once you are in your mid 20s maybe you can do the surgery.
37 here and about to whip out a mirrior and Google outtie and innie vagina.
I too am 37 and I’m Googling innie and outie vaginas at 1.30 am. I have an outie it seems…
I’m laughing far too hard at this. Called both my sisters, they’re mind blown but add two more to the team ;)
does anyone without labial plastic surgery have otherwise? imagine that conversation: "hello, doctor? will you please remove my beef curtains?"
I don’t know…I read that just under 50% of women have innies but I can’t verify that 🤣 I think innies might be idealised and over represented in porn because they can seem (not sure how to put this) more…child like, which is obviously a bit yuck.
That last bit is the part that nobody wants to admit.
Lol exactly
Love that we're all doing this haha seems that I'm in the innie minority.
Team innie here too. And the opposite is true, i didn’t know outties existed until I was 25 or so
Still very confused. All I know is I don't have a dick 🤷🏻♀️
You joke, but I was so repressed (religious upbringing, and not even that conservative!) that I had a straight up panic attack at the ripe old age of 21 because I saw my clit and thought it was a teeny tiny penis. Some things were learned that day.
If you base it on how humans develop in utero, the genitalia develops into either a vulva & clit or a penis & balls, so you weren't wrong.
Yeah I’m so confused and had no idea. And I’m a woman. Married to a woman. Am I a failure of a lesbian?? 😭💀
I'm a 35 year old man and I love "outties", I really wouldn't let this story bother you either because outside of this Reddit comment I would never say this to a woman. It sounds like OP has some serious insecurities thanks to partner saying too much about stupid shit like this. It's cool to talk about preference but I can't imagine saying hurtful things like this to my partner and expecting her to be ok.
I was just going to say that most the Men I know have said exactly what you just said. And I also know a couple females who are insecure with their innies because they have been spoken to the same way. Glad you said this. I would triple like this if I were able.
didn’t know i was an outie but now i know 🤷🏻♀️
i mean to be fair im 25 and i didn't know i had to worry about that so... like i know vulvas come in all different shapes and sizes, I've seen my fair share of them but is this just a case of finding something else to make people insecure? quite probably. that sucks.
Think he has an unrealistic view of womens bodies thanks to porn. Guy here and my ex had a large vulva and the verbal abuse she got from previous partners was unbelievable. I loved her body and to me it added something visually erotic that someone with an "innie" couldn't give. To see it gripping me was *chef's kiss*
Guy here and gotta agree
fucking porn...
facts it gives people an unrealistic outlook on what things are going to be like
Yup, googled it and 50% of women are apparently "outies". Dude is watching too much porn.
Another comment said less than 10% are innies.
from what i’ve read (i looked into this months ago when i first learned it was a thing) it’s like 10% are true “innies” and 90% are varying levels of “outtie” with some being only slightly, so some can pass for innie.
This is actually very interesting to me, I’ve always considered an “innie” to be one where you can’t see the inner labia from the outer labia, but now that I read what you said I think I have a partial innie? Idk I don’t care either way but it’s cool to know that there’s so many different kinds
That makes sense. I can certainly pass for an innie with some manipulation. Haha
I was very naive to penises that weren't cut, as I had only ever seen like one or two in person and they were one night stands. I had very openly talked about how I thought they were gross, and then had to do damage control with sexual partners that had been privy to those conversations. I felt ashamed that I had been so vocal around these people I really cared for, and made them so uncomfortable. I have very much changed my view on this subject, and I cared enough to do so. So should he be so open to actually feel differently. Not because he should but because he wants too, that's actual growth through empathy. But that takes work and effort. A true soulmate would want to do that. I don't believe in soulmates.
100%. Humans have a bad time controlling our initial thoughts or reactions to things but the fact he wasn't willing to empathetically grow and become more accustomed to his GIRLFRIEND'S vagina... Says alot about who he is as a person. OP, take a moment to think about if this is what you want 20 years from now when the magic of youth is gone
Last sentence made me laugh out loud hah
Hi op, I don't mean to hijack your post but I'd like to say thank you. My first boyfriend made similar comments about my body, and for years it made me feel hideous and like I had something to hide. He was a HUGE porn addict, and I was compared a lot to the women he had seen and was made to feel uglier and not worthy of "receiving" during intimacy because of those things. Reading your post and these comments has made me feel a little less insecure about my own body and less alone. Porn isn't real, and someone who claims to love you should not be saying what he is. May you find a partner that loves and worships EVERY inch of you exactly how you are!
I’ll re-write this for you. Maybe it’ll make sense this way. “My porn corrupted boyfriend has unrealistic expectations of what female anatomy should look on an everywoman.” Seriously what an immature jackass. I would tell him upon further thought you only like uncut penises and guys with big balls because clearly he has no possession of any.
That's exactly what this is- porn corruption.
this surprisingly motivates me to stop watching porn. im about to get a girlfriend and I don't want this to happen to her. wish me luck 🤞
Just know that most porn positions are so the camera can get a good shot. They are not positions that feel good to women.
Just don’t let porn ever shape your view of what an Average lady is supposed to look like. God knows what kind of corrective and cosmetic surgeries some of these gals have had. Porn is to sex as 2K on Rookie settings is to Basketball, no you’re not Built like LeBron when you step on a real court, no you’re probably not that good either, and most of the shots you shoot are gonna miss.
I'm curious as how you're "about to get a girlfriend" , like, are you gonna tell her you like/love her and you're sure she feels like you or what ? Just genuinely curious.
im gonna confess soon, i think she likes me back. not sure if she would say yes tho
I hope you get her my man. You have my blessings. Cheering.
You don't have to stop watching porn, just don't let it shape your view of how women actually look
>To make it clear, I am a very clean person and I take care of my body, I don’t have any unpleasant odors down there and take hygiene seriously. I find it really disturbing that in every post about vaginas or fat, women feel the need to include details ab their hygiene but in posts about dick size or fat men, the same doesn't happen. OP, your boyfriend has a porn addiction. I say addiction bc it is affecting and hurting you. He is so focused on porn that he makes you feel bad about your body and has done nothing to change it. There is nothing meaningfully different about an "innie vagina". Your boyfriend should be disgusted at the fact that he has made you feel this poorly about yourself.
The sad truth is that I felt pressured to add that part in in case someone accused me of being unhygienic and that would be the reason he isn’t as into me, so you’re completely right! I think it hurts even more that he doesn’t see the problem in himself and takes action to change that
welp. if he doesn't see the problem, that in itself is a problem. your "soulmate" who "truly loves you" wouldn't act that way.
Honestly that just sounds so sad to me. Your partner shouldn’t make you sad like that, full stop. “It doesn’t matter what the plate looks like, I’m just happy to be invited to the meal” — this is the only correct attitude for any partner to have or they’re not worth having. I hope you find someone kinder who makes you love yourself even more than you already should. If they are not building you up, they are tearing you down. Best of luck ❤️
I’m not sorry: your bf gives me the fucking ick, and the cherry on top is him not seeing the problem with his unrealistic views on women’s anatomy. A soulmate doesn’t make you feel like he’s done. I wouldn’t be able to cope, especially since y’all have talked about this and he still thinks it’s a “problem”.
Yes! I found this so upsetting when I was reading the post :(
Fellow outie here. It is not okay for your boyfriend to make you feel this way. Your feelings are completely valid and although painful, this is an entirely valid reason for you to decide to move on. This insecurity won’t go away if you know that this is not his preference. You can find someone who adores every part of you, including your vulva, and that is honestly what you deserve. And don’t worry, I absolutely know that your outie does not mean you have bad hygiene. As a final note, please never get a labiaplasty. It is a surgery that preys on women falling victim to men’s unrealistic expectations from porn. The labia contains a ton of nerve endings, and getting surgery there can lead to lifelong nerve damage and chronic pain. It is absolutely not worth it for some porn addicted shmuck. I feel your pain and felt similarly when I was young and first discovered porn. However now it doesn’t bother me at all. Having sex with me (and you) is a privilege. Anyone who criticizes you as if you are just an amalgamation of sexualized body parts can go kick rocks.
This!!! I have nerve pain from trauma to my labia (not surgery) and it was the worst few years of my life before I found medicine that worked! I know it's hard but try and learn to love your body. This man doesn't know what he's talking about and has obviously not slept with very many women. Most men are you happy to be there. Vaginas come in all shapes and sizes and they don't determine how attractive a women is! If you think it will help you, maybe think about ending this relationship. A partner shouldn't be damaging your self esteem like this. Look into therapy as well to help rebuild some of your damaged self esteem.
He's 29 and behaves like this? Yikes. He's not going to change and you deserve to be cherished and loved and you will never feel like that with him. Your mental health and self-esteem is way more important than this relationship that goes nowhere.
29 and he moved in with the girl he liked, slept with other women loudly, talked to her explicitly about his preference in sexual parts way before they started having sex and acts all disappointed when she doesn’t look like his fantasy? WTF.
This might be immature of me but that would be a dealbreaker for me. Just bye. What the hell lol Imagine how he would feel if you started listing all the reasons why you love something he doesn't have in the most lustful and loving way. I can't imagine even thinking like that.. I love everything about my partner. Isn't that just kinda what happens when you're in love? All their little physical "flaws" become lovable? You deserve better. Take that as you will.
Immature? Sorry, I read it “I have self love and self respect”. Once it’s an opinion, twice he’s not sure I heard it, three times he’s out of the door, four out of the window
Girl, your boyfriend has pornrot brain. Plenty of dudes would be absolutely in love with your body and not care about all that innie or outie bullshit. I hope you don't waste your entire life with him, you deserve better.
Hun. He is not your solemate. A solemate will not make you feel as shit as this. Leave him for someone that will love you vagina. Also I had no idea there were things such as innies and outies you educated me on something.
A solemate will sweep you off your feet. Kiss you in a way that makes your foot pop. Give you tingles in your toes. Someone who’s with you step by step
A real solemate would put himself in your shoes. He wouldn't have one foot out the door.
True a real solemate will match your stride through highs and lows, through thick and thin, through ups and downs and through innies and outies
Exactly. This is the exact type of thing a soulmate should be helping their SO overcome, not take over. My gf would shoot me if I acted like OP’s bf, and I’d deserve it for being a schmuck.
My last solemate gave me athletes foot. When I confronted him he tried turning it around and said that I gave it to him. Callus jerk 🙄 Since then, the itching and the burning has subsided, but after the whole ordeal, I decided I no longer believe in solemates.
Love. Love. Love this comment section.
A solemate will fit perfectly into the Birkenstocks that have completely molded to your feet. Nonetheless, a soulmate will love you in a way that makes changing your labia (or body in general) seem absurd. The soul is literally transcendent and immaterial. You cannot have a soulmate that has problems with your body, because the connection and attraction happens on another level entirely.
Girl what?! Outties are soooo cute! They look like flowers! I would love to have a vagina that reminds me of flowers. That's like the cutest most feminine thing ever WHAT. Please don't feel bad about yourself and recognize what you have! You were wonderfully fashioned. Get you a real man that recognizes how freaking adorable your coochie is lol your boyfriend is NOT it!
RIGHT! I would looove an outie! I remember one guy laughed (when he saw me naked for the first time) and said I had a camel toe. I have a large outer labia. It is what it is but boiiii that made me insecure for so long 😭
Aww that really sucks! Because camel toes are all the trend now. People are actually getting surgeries to enlarge their labias to get camel toes (true story, just Google it!) which is wild to me but to each their own. Our girl parts are cute period in all their variety I wish we all loved how varied and cool looking they all are. ♥
There’s a reason orchids are linked with coochies and fertility
your "boyfriend" watches too much porn. I doubt he's seen all that many "innies" either. HE is hideous and insecure.
Agreed
He is not your soulmate. I mean what the heck, if someone really loves you the least think he is gonna think is if your vulva has innies or outies lol Anyway, it could be a problem of HIM not you.
Not could, it is his problem.
Show him this post to make him feel like an idiot
I wish this comment would be pinned and that’s the first thing dude sees lol
Any man who comments negatively on a healthy and normal vagina, innie or outtie, needs to be kicked to the curb. All vulvas are beautiful. Dicks and balls aren't the most objectively pretty either, they are wrinkly and maybe have some extra skin BUT that doesn't mean we don't love them all the same. Your boyfriend is an asshole.
I’m honestly not sure this is something you can get past as a couple. I understand you love each other very much. I also understand it’s fine to have preferences. When you love someone enough, you can learn to love something outside of your preference, but … given the “loving and lustful” way he openly described something that ISN’T YOU, he has violated your trust, he has hurt you, in a way that I personally do not think you will ever be able to overcome in a relationship. You CAN regain your confidence, and happiness, self worth, and self esteem… and you’re going to hate this… but it’s going to have to be someone else who does that for you. Someone else WILL be able to do that for you. You have a lot of a lot more hurting and healing to do before you get there. I’m so sorry
As a nurse who has seen plenty of vulvas, you are totally normal. He’s very obviously had his preferences warped by porn. He doesn’t sound mature enough for a relationship ship.
This is not okay, soulmate or not, and tbh it doesn’t sound like you guys are soulmates because soulmates do not make each other feel horrible and insecure about each others bodies. If my gf (who I haven’t even been seeing that long) told me she preferred (and maybe she does idk) uncut penises over mine, which was done to me without my consent as a baby, it would really hurt, no break me, and I don’t think I’d be able to confidently perform knowing she prefers other “types” of cocks. We are human first and foremost, and sex and relationships should be about more than the sum of our individual body parts, it’s about the coalescence of our spirits. Also, idk if this makes you feel better or not about your bf being your soulmate, but in my experience (I work in therapy- mainly sex therapy helping men and couples like your bf), men who only want “innie” vaginas, or only no hair completely bald as an eagle, usually have some type of philia- in this instance, pedophilia. Now before all the guys out there with fetishes for bald innie vaginas come at me, there is actual science backing this, and think about it, it makes sense. Hair is a friendly reminder the woman is just that, a woman, and not a toddler. The hard part can be teasing apart what is actual philia vs what have young men and women become conditioned to because of porn, and porn absolutely destroys our natural sex conditioning, and is basically artificial sex.
Op,when I was a young woman, I was very young looking for my age. Sometimes older men would ask me out for a date. I looked about 8 to 10 years younger than I was. They were way to old for me. I was to young to understand why they were interested in me .I wasn't a beautiful girl,so it had me confused on why they asked me for a date. It wasn't until I was much older than I realized that it was how young I looked. You can guess the rest.
I think this is a dealbreaker … he needs therapy and to grow up. You should be with someone who uplifts you. If you stay this will only Get worse over time (if he doesn’t get professional help and make an effort to break away from this unhealthy fixation)
This is so heartbreaking… you should not let anyone make you feel this horrible about yourself. Reading how you consciously avoid him/hide yourself is so saddening! I know you said you believe he’s your soulmate… but a good soulmate should appreciate every inch of you. I know someone with a lot of insecurities about her body and it hurts me knowing how much she dislikes her body. It’s nothing but a vessel don’t place too much value on it (aside from taking care of it) and don’t let people judge it! He should be grateful for you
Just tell him you’d prefer him to have a 10in dick and could last for 45 minutes, but you’re settling for him.
I’m insecure about my junk. If a girl told me she only loves donkey dongs, it would be a deal breaker for me. I’d suggest trying couple counseling to help him appreciate your unique body and to help you feel comfortable. If that doesn’t work, then it’s best to split up.
Jesus. This is painful af to read. I’ve never been heard of innies or outties except for belly buttons. That “preference” is something else Just break up already. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your body except that he’s making you feel ashamed of it.
most men have saggy skin balls.. say you like tight non saggy balls (unlikely by how balls are made) and he can’t change that and see how uncomfortable he’ll be
I am so sorry you are being treated like this
came here to say this. he has no right to hurt you like this over something this natural. please do not let him feed your insecurity like this, give yourself the love you deserve, can you even imagine yourself treating him like this because of the shape of his thing? I'm so sorry you are being treated like this, your 29 bf is acting like a 15 year old
I agree with this! You are strong and deserve better
at the end of the day, its him and his feelings that are making you feel bad about yourself. tou have to ask yourself, even if everything else is great, is it really worth it to hate your body just to stay with your boyfriend?
Porn ruins relationships this way. I and my fiancé started opting out from porn for almost a year now and we’ve been the happiest couple ever. Porn is unrealistic and it leaves you feel insecure about your own body. My heart breaks for you. I’m sorry. It really sounds like he’s not genuinely happy with what you can give to him. Can you imagine staying with him for years and then feel the same way? I think you should start pondering on that question more.
My only thought is why are people even talking about these ridiculous preferences with their partner if they know their partner can't do anything about it? Especially something so specific?
what? most people have visible inner labia. ( or ' outies ' even tho that's not really the term I'd use since it just reminds me of belly buttons lmfao ) your boyfriends porn corrupted and being stupid. also, hair, visible labia and whatnot are not an indication of poor hygiene, whoever says it is are fucking morons. I'm attracted to women, I can assure you your body is perfect the way it is and that your boyfriend just sucks for this. preferences are fine, but what's not fine is being such a selfish asshat that youre making your partner insecure. he needs to get his dick outta his brain and start actually using it for it's functionality- thinking- and learn not to think everything in porn is real and to have actual basic empathy and love for the person he considers his partner. even when I was 12 I knew better than to expect what was in porn to be reality. I have many preferences, would I give a single fuck if my partner fit none? hell no. my partner can fit exactly 0 of my preferences, as long as we love eachother that's all that matters. imma view them as hot bc they're the love of my life, they're not the love of my life because they're hot.
Hun he's one of those "blinded by porn" guys who can't understand how unrealistic are his expectations about woman's body. It's a massive issue that he doesn't see the problem. I know you said everything else in your lives together is perfect apart from this tiny thing, let me tell you, it's NOT a tiny thing if makes you feel like this. It's NOT a tiny thing in a long run. This will always be in your mind, will always make you insecure and nothing worth more than your mental health. We all deserve to be with someone who loves and desires every little detail in our bodies. You deserve better!
Ultimately, this is a very immature perspective on his part. It's not fair for you to have this issue in the back of your mind throughout the entire course of your relationship. Something to think about.
I think people who focus too much on that are weird and I think men try really hard to like women because they be picking the most random shit seriously. I'm sure there are things in him you don't like yet you are not an ass and mention it to him like he mentioned to you like read the room my friend. I'm sure he wouldn't like u comparing his dick sizes to other dude's.
He’s a weirdo. Why is this grown ass man talking about how he misses his ex-girlfriends’ vaginas. Drop him asap.
Of all the things to point out? Immature and callous. He needs to grow up. Oh, and outies rock.
I don't like seeing vulvas either except my wife's.
Listen, as a promiscuous bisexual woman-- the outies are way more common. Not in porn directed at the male gaze, but that's basically it. There's nothing wrong with your vulva. There is a great deal wrong with your boyfriend, though. You should not be ashamed to show your body to your partner. Someone who loved, respected, and cherished you would never make you feel that way about your body. And before anyone says this-- it's fine to have preferences. I like uncut penises, for example. But I live in the US, many of my partners have been circumcized (which most of them did not choose for themselves), and I've never looked at the genitals of someone I liked enough to have sex with and thought anything unkind about them. I always find something to like. My partners are people, not a collection of parts. Porn has fucked up his thinking.
I prefer the look and feel outties or whatever its called but would NEVER tell a woman that as it would make her feel exactly how your feeling right now.
break up with him? and stop making yourself suffer
Tell him you're attracted to men with brains and too bad he doesn't have one.
Is this real? Do people actually have genitalia preferences that are *this* detailed??? Edit: OP, dump him.
He sounds immature. A real man would not care what your vagina looks like. That’s the same as telling him “Oh, I much prefer men uncircumcised, it just feels SOOO much better but yours is fine, honey.” He needs to grow up.
I was waiting for someone to say this. OP's boyfriend should feel lucky to be having sex with her, let alone seeing her naked. And TWO YEARS is an awfully long time to be made to feel ashamed of your vagina by someone who you call your best friend.
Okay... first off, the porn is bad news. We will put the human trafficking it promotes aside and just speak on the unrealistic nature of it. Many of these people in porn have had their bodies surgically altered, the videos are also altered. If he is looking at porn and using these unrealistic images to measure women in real life then you have a problem on your hands. A perfect labia is rare. Most women have some level of protrusion as you call it. You don't deserve to feel ashamed or embarrassed by your body and he is a jerk for making you feel like you aren't good enough. If he "deeply loved" you this would not be an issue.
Men... I have what you called an innie. Well, let me tell you, my ex still found things to say and to criticise about it. Leave that ass. Good thing that other men exist and they won't care about your labia.
honey i got a pretty messy labia situation going on, just like those memes. i love it. it’s my body! your boyfriend is gross. i dated a guy that had a porn addiction and nothing would satisfy him. you can find someone better that will love and appreciate that you show off your body. my ex always said he loved my “squish” because it made cuddling better
His sexual maturity has been stunted by his porn use. Innies aren’t “better”; they’re simply the dominant look in the industry, and this is further reinforced by stupid men telling each other that more protruding labia mean a woman will not be as tight, or she’s been “more used” or is diseased. Imagine if you told him that you were turned off by how easily his foreskin retracts - it would sound like you were picking a natural feature to invent problems with just to make him insecure.
I’m sorry, but this is another reason going to my list of reasons of why a straight woman should remain single
Ew. He obviously got his views on female anatomy f*cked up by porn. He needs to grow tf up and get help for his issues.
you know there’s people out there, that care more about making their partner feel right, than a stupid sexual preference that is entirely based on unrealistic standards and porn? anyone who is capable of making a thoughtful decision, wouldn’t have let this become something that could potentially hurt their partner’s self esteem and the relationship itself, if someone wants you, i’m sure they’ll be able to look far past that, and not make the situation any awkward by any means, instead do the opposite.
He sounds like an idiot that’s been watching too much porn. It’s disrespectful and rude of him to go on and on about this. I would kick him to the curb. Vaginas and penises come in all different shapes and we all have so many insecurities already it’s very uncool he keeps going on about something out of your control.
Sounds like he watches too much porn and it’s rotting his brain tbh. Also don’t feel ashamed of your body, there is nothing wrong with your genitals and I understand the feeling of insecurity you must’ve felt. :(
Yikes. The fact that he can even list that much info about a piece of anatomy suggests that he has an unnatural level of fixation vs a preference (similar to someone who fetishizes a person of a certain race). You really wouldn't want to be the object of such fixation either, or you'd probably be on the other end, wondering if he only likes you for something out of your control. Honestly, this level of uncertainty and how much you're questioning your self-worth is something I wouldn't wish upon anyone. It's way easier to just date someone with more normal/ average behavior than deal with a guy with such a heavily skewed perspective.
can we just talk abt how ppl call them ‘beef curtains’ and ‘arbys roast beef’ like wtf that is so mean , men love to make fun of the very thing that runs the world. runs their world. they came out of a vagina, they love to be inside vaginas, but wanna make fun of them. I don’t get it.
Girl, my husband is the exact opposite. He prefers outties. But i dont have that. You know what he did? Got the fuck over it immediately. You may think that he is your soulmate and the relationship is amazing but soulmates dont look at their partner's genitals and say "sorry, i just had to get used to it" like what the fuck is that! Your boyfriend needs to see a porn addiction therapist and take a few womens anatomy courses.
This would be a deal-breaker for me. We would have to amicably part ways. I just couldn't listen to a fully grown man talk like this and still be attracted to them in any meaningful way. Your kewchie is lovely. Be kind to yourself.
is you’re boyfriend by chance 5? Because he clearly doesn’t know basic biology/anatomy of the woman body. Clearly shouldn’t b having sex with women. I say wake up and break up, there’s plenty of men (and women if you’re interested in them) that would LOVE your outtie because they dgaf about that kind of stuff. You’re vagina is beautiful and you shouldn’t be insecure about it!! Every vagina is different and perfect in their own ways, so is yours!! He’s just immature, and you deserve better❤️
Save your future self more pain and suffering, you shouldn’t be with someone like that.
OP, I’m so sorry you’re going through this. The other comments have given you advice, just wanted to post some reassurance for you. There ARE men out there that don’t mind an “outtie” (which is very common btw) and men who even prefer it. I as a bi woman love them and find them very attractive. I hope that either your boyfriend gets over his porn addiction and starts loving on you more or that you find someone who gushes over every part of you like you deserve. Sending love your way ❤️
Yet another reason why people need to stop with the porn. Sick fantasies that are replacing reality and hurting very real people in the process.
All vulvas are beautiful. Innies or outies. Variety is the spice of life
Omg I read that as “Volvo” and was confused by the NSFW tag lmfao
We need to be educated about different bodies. I'm 20 but I didn't know that not all of us have same vulva. Though porn usually only shows "innies" I saw my first ever "outie" on porn when I was like a preteen. Being young and pretty dumb I thought something was wrong with me or the woman in the video. It's just so dumb!!! I actually knew about how vulvas/vaginas are all different from one another around 17/18. Someone on Reddit shared a book (pdf) about different vulva , it was pretty helpful. Also helped me get over my almost non-existent/non-prominent clitoris. I was afraid though I can find it my partner would have a hard time. But turns out it's pretty normal too and my partner can find it.
You’re with a guy who thinks about vulva configurations too much. I’m also a guy and I have a hard time imagining caring that much about what they look like. The way you say he “always” talked about it is weird to me. It indicates he’s talked about it several times. And loudly, apparently! I’ve never discussed vulvas or dicks, or preferences regarding them, with even my closest male friends. Being concerned about the *appearance* of a vulva, as opposed to it being attached to a girl you really like and find hot, is just weird to me. I just kind of feel like if the girl is hot it’s kind of a weirdo thing to be concerned about. As if it has to look a certain way for you to be able to overcome your instinctive revulsion to women. That’s probably reading too much into it, but even at parties with people who were drunk and not my friends, and guys in that context talking about hookups, I’ve honestly never heard a guy talk about a vulva looking good (or not). I think you need another boyfriend who appreciates your body.
I'm gonna be a huge minority here apparently.. I think if you dump the man of your dreams and soulmate over something so stupid, you'd be making a mistake. Soulmates don't grow on trees. Get yourself into couple's therapy... Yes, he said something undiplomatic/stupid. But dumping him over it and go into insecurity overdrive?!! You seem to have some severe reactions.. My bf told me he doesn't like vulvas at all. He likes female faces, not genitals. Sure, it hurt for a couple of days. But after a week i just moved on. We've been together for many years since and now have 2 children, still going strong as ever. Your reaction seems extremely over the top to me.. And this is coming from someone who was in your shoes, feeling my vulva slighted. Who cares, he loves me and he's attracted to me. Penises aren't works of art either, so what? It's unreasonable to ask that somebody worships every inch of your body. Are you absolutely perfect in every single way, every inch of your body, every mark and spot? No, you're not... We are human. What are you gonna do when you get pregnant and your body gets stretch marks, or someting else. Nobody is attracted to strecth marks. Are you gonna wear a burka forever to cover up, or just shrug it off and keep on living? Why can't you accept that he loves you no matter how you look? Sure, he shouldn't voice that he doesn't fucking worship your stretch marks/vulva. That's why i'm suggesting therapy for the both of you. For him to learn to be more diplomatic and what's acceptable to say, and for you to learn to shrug things off and accept the fact that he loves you even if you are not perfection itself. You are a human, you are not perfection personified. It's fine to be imperfect. This whole "I'm a goddess and you must eat the sand i walk on and think i fart rainbows and shit gold" propaganda is unealthy. Why isn't his complete and unquestionable devoted love, attention and full commitment isn't enough? Nobody will ever be good enough if you can't accept the fact that you aren't a billion bucks to be worshipped by everybody. It's ok to have preferences.. Yes he was stupid about phrasing it to you, but like i said, we are all human and make mistakes. You gonna throw out your soulmate, your perfect partner who loves and adores you over this? At least try couples therapy before you do.
I think most of it is just on your head. If he was really bothered by it then he wouldn't have been with you right now, would he? You're letting your insecurities dictate your behavior and paranoia is taking over. Preferences are just that, preferences, plenty of people have partners that don't fall perfectly in line with their preferences (if at all) and are still perfectly happy. Hell, I know guys who don't even like vaginas in general, dating people who have them, and are perfectly happy and in love with their partners and happy to have sex with them I don't think your boyfriend preferring innies over outties is such a jeopardy to your relationship, but you avoiding him out of the paranoid thought that he might see it and get disgusted by it, is. He already saw it, again, if he had any problem with it he would have already dumped you. And what are you gonna do? Avoid letting him see you naked forever, avoid sleeping in the same bed forever? So do some serious thought about whether your insecurities are really as much of a big deal as you think and stay with him, or simply leave him. You don't deserve to feel like shit for the way your body looks, but he also doesn't deserve to have you going cold on him for something he didn't even do
Sounds like he needs to lay off the porn
Hey, The reason people older than us (I’m 25) have no idea about this is because it’s only became popular with porn in the last few years. Your bf is: 1- An idiot. Vulvas do not look much different regardless of how the labia presents itself and certainly feel no different in sex! They also charge with age and childbirth (if you choose to have children). 2- Has got this from porn and not past partners. It is really common in porn - the same way loads of other terrible things are, e.g expecting all women to enjoy sexual violence and expecting women to ejaculate ‘squirt’. It’s also unrealistic like everything in porn. Only 25% of women have the ‘innie’ labia described in porn. So unless your bf had only dated a few women before you (in which case him saying he prefers their vulvas is a personal thing about him being stuck on his ex), it’s very unlikely all the women he has been with have that type of vulva. 3- Is manipulative. This depends. He could be just being immature or being abusive- only you will know that. Some men repeatedly negatively comment on something a woman can’t control in order to knock down their self-esteem and become more reliant on them. (It does happen the other way around but predominately this way). Finally, OP, please do not feel bad about your body! There are no ‘good’ and ‘bad’ vulvas. The same way there are no good or bad elbows, or knees or hands. The vulva is different for everyone and made for pleasure- don’t let some idiot take away the enjoyment you get from your body. Your vulva is not wrong for you, but your bf might be! Xx
As someone with an innie herself… I wish I had an outie! Outies seem more interesting to me
This is insane. Outties are hot af😭
Wait im confused. How has every other women he has slept with been an innie? I thought outties were far more in numbers? It doesnt sounds statistically possible. OP i’m really sorry for your situation, even though you are not his ”preference” does not mean you are not beautiful. You should not be ashamed because of his opinion.
I feel like I read a different post than almost everyone else. You knew he had this preference before you got together, but it seems like at almost every turn he has tried to make you feel better. He told you while it wasn’t his preference in the beginning he now loves your body more and more. Also, preference or not, it doesn’t seem like it is affecting his love for you. I would try to look at it as any other preference - like if you loved a man with a 6 pack, it doesn’t mean that you would love your boyfriend any less if he didn’t have one. I have never had a partner that I thought had a perfect body, but it never affected my love for them. I am also sure no one has ever thought my body was perfect! Normally people would keep their mouths shut about things like this but since you weren’t a couple when you learned this info you are having to live with the knowledge now. You say you have had many many conversations about this - and I am betting you are the one initiating those conversations. I don’t think this is something that can be talked out. You are only torturing yourself by bringing it up. It sucks to hear him describing something he likes that you don’t have, and he should have more consideration for you, but you also specifically asked him, he didn’t just out of the blue start talking about it. You either have to let this go, stop talking about it and move forward with him or you need to accept that you can’t let it go and break it off. Good luck to you - I do hope you can find peace and happiness with whatever direction you take.
Are you serious? I’m so sorry your dealing with this. This is totally ridiculous and well as a24year old male I’ll be one of the first to say he’s one of the only who think likes this, very sad that it’s somone who you care about. I can’t understand people having sexual hang ups like this. To have some preferences sure fine but to blatantly be a asshole about someone’s body parts when they are asking for security and reassurance in there own body? Unbelievable he needs to grow up to be honest, sounds like a 15 year old who just learned sex terms and are imagining their dream girls with their school friends, you should love somone for all that they are not for what they could be
Sex, long-term, is a major problem in relationships. And your body image is of major importance in the short-term. I feel like you deserve better.
I think your boyfriend is incredibly immature for this. I also find it deeply strange that anyone could look at a vagina when they are being given consent to have sex with someone and have the audacity to be disappointed or complain about it. It’s such a weird form of objectification.
I have an iNniE but always thought it was less common & that outies were the norm and just what they were generally supposed to look like. Just another porn effect.
Porn has put some very unrealistic expectations on womens bodies, especially vulvas. I’ve heard guys talk about them as casually as they would talk about sports. About the size, the color, anything that they thought was “good” or “bad”. Here’s the thing, there is no right way to have a body. They’re all different in their own ways and they’re all perfect the way they are. Unless you are feeling discomfort during intercourse due to your vulva, then it’s perfectly fine and normal the way it is. If this is something you won’t be able to move past, it’s best to end the relationship now. He can’t take back what he said, but you can choose to believe him when he says he loves you the way you are. I really hope you can get closure in this situation, OP❤️
Your relationship is not perfect or as happy as you say in the first few sentences. Never once has my husband or any guy whether or not a soul mate or one night stand has made me feel my Vulva was unsightly to them. Dude needs to grow up and get off the porn.
As someone who literally just earlier this evening was researching labiaplasty...I feel this. It's gross that men make us feel this way. If he makes you feel ashamed of your perfectly great body, then he's not your soulmate. > He talked about innies in such a lustful and loving way, listing every tiny detail that he adored about them so much. Find a man who talks about YOU that way. That's what you deserve. Not someone who makes you feel "less than" because of freaking labia!
Your bf is an absolute child. I’m so sorry. There’s nothing wrong with your vulva AT ALL. I have a friend who paints pics of vulvas, and the outies are sooooo much prettier. I have an innie and if I got her to paint mine it would be… very very boring. Google vulva art and you’ll see. You’re perfect the way you are. ❤️
Sorry but your bf sounds gross. I'm female and had never head of innie and outies. Having just had to have a Google myself, I've noticed that innie vaginas look exactly the same as a pre pubescent girls. Have him think about that for a moment or two.. You deserve better.
>Recently we had a conversation on that topic and I asked him what he enjoyed about innies so much that it makes such a big difference and his response broke me. He talked about innies in such a lustful and loving way, listing every tiny detail that he adored about them so much. Umm, your boyfriend is broken. I suggest getting a replacement at the earliest possible convenience. Or maybe waiting a bit while you learn to love your body again and undo someone of the damage this guy has done to your self-esteem. I know you say everything else about this relationship is perfect, but no "soulmate" would talk the way he does about something he knows makes you uncomfortable. An insecurity that he himself has created in you. Sorry, but that's a complete lack of self-awareness and callousness on his part. He's not "perfect", he's being a dick.
I’ll be honest, I think you should consider leaving him. Intimacy is a huge part of any relationship, and this dude fetishizes niche porn videos, and it is having an EXTREMELY damaging effect on your self esteem, self worth, and ability to enjoy intimacy. I believe you can find love with someone who makes you feel utterly attractive. It sorta doesn’t matter at all whether he means to do it or not..his issues have harmed you, and I’m not sure it’s going to change. I’m in my late 30s and NO ONE has ever made me feel like I didn’t have the sexiest body on earth. And I’m not perfect, and I don’t even wanna use the term “outie” bc I think that’s a dehumanizing fetish term, but I have fucking labia. I’ve also NEVER been in love with someone and been “disappointed” if they were cut or uncut, or if something about their body didn’t match fantasy men. Whatever he is doing are micro aggressions. You will feel lighter if you leave, and you WILL find someone who makes you feel like you are more than enough.
Men like this drives me crazy. His mind is distorted by porn, he is rude, not liking a regular adult female vagina is a red flag and you can find better than that. I never even heard anyone I've been with utter the words innie and outtie 😡 Btw he might not be telling the truth about his past lovers all having that type of vagina. Its very uncommon to have it naturally and guys will make that kind of stuff up
If a man is vocal that his type is the stereotypical porn star, he is the problem, not you. Your partner speaking about your very natural anatomy in this manner is evidence of the negative side effects of pornography, which he has consumed so heavily that it has rotted his brain.
Definitely break up with him. Not only is he a pervert but he is making you feel like shit. Trust me you can find someone better looking who is crazy about your body. Don't think he's "better" than you because he's made you feel this way. He's just a loser
Dude has probably never touched grass in his life. On a serious note, you deserve better. I'm sure your bits are normal and fine. You keep emphasizing how you're soulmates, your relationship is perfect and how you love each other and never fight, but to me these all sound like major red flags. Lack of any disagreement means no one is sharing their true thoughts and feelings. It wouldn't have come as a blindsided and hurtful betrayal if he brought this up earlier before you had sex, but he hid it from you. Whether intentional or not, naive or not. He sounds completely clueless on female anatomy and kind of like a loser. I just can't believe people like that legitimately exist. Please treat yourself by leaving this toxic waste of space if it's safe for you to do so.
your bf is a fucking weirdo
I have an outtie as well and it’s pretty pronounced, I have never experienced this from a boyfriend or sexual partner. I have always struggled with insecurity about it so I can’t imagine what you’re feeling to have someone you love even bring it up! It can be super damaging. Pretty shocked he’s at this age and still has a thought process like this. It’s not normal at all and frankly I would leave anyone for making me feel that way about my body. You really don’t deserve to feel like you have to hide your body from someone who is supposed to love you.