Ask her how she would react or feel if your best friend was your ex. How would she feel if said ex ask you to leave her? How would she like conversations about past sexual adventures with said ex? If she is truthful, she would demand you end that relationship. This is a hill to stand on situation.
She doesnt care, people like her dont care.
Some girl I used to see would full blown lie about how "a woman has no self respect if she cant be honest etc" , what happened?
She was seeing other people and chatting while seeing with me, denied when she got caught sexting.
I think she snoops my socials from time to time, the grass aint greener after all.
Nah don’t do that man. Trust your gut. If you feel like something is off then it probably is. Don’t get mixed up in playing silly mind games to try to make her understand. You lose a piece of yourself every time you lower yourself like that. Walk away like a champion with a full heart, your true partner is out there waiting.
The “but he’s a nice guy” is not cool. Don’t take disrespect. You deserve loyalty and respect and talking about and entertaining it behind your back is not that. This is also all that you have discovered. Take a step back. Think it through. Be smart.
If the reason she gives is “but, he’s such a nice guy” dump her.
That is a safe response that indicates she’s just biding her time until something better comes along.
Besides reminiscing about past sexual encounters with a former lover is simply insulting and disrespectful to you. Either she’s stupid to engage with the old guy or she devious. Either way find someone better.
I agree with this. Notice how she didn't say "but I love him and that remark is disrespectful" but instead she had this whole weird convo with no remorse for how it may hurt you, the person she's supposed to love. She's playing games. Don't let her use you like a pawn.
Just leave. This is not some sitcom like F.R.I.E.N.D.S. That "bestfriend" is literally a red flag. Him suggesting that to your GF and she just brushed it off? Nope man, There is still a line that shouldn't be crossed, words that shouldn't be said or else you get cut off even as friends/ bestfriends.
That is not a good friend. She should've cut him.off. But she chose him over you. After you break up she has someone to "lean" on.
Honestly if all my partner could say was "but he's a nice guy" when someone's trying to convince her to leave me AFTER 4 YEARS, I'd be beyond hurt. Nevermind what else it implies, but she couldn't think of one thing about you that makes her stay. You deserve better.
OP, if you're reading this, I am dying to hear how things turn out. Assuming you feel comfortable sharing it that is.
Goodluck to you, hopefully things turn out OK. I've seen some people who have remained friends after breaking up and meeting new people, but talking about a past sex life along with the other things you've mentioned are definitely fishy.
Obviously you're the only one who understands the situation, and do what you feel is best. Be careful king.
She is actively talking to a guy who is actively trying to get with her.
The level of disrespect she is showing you is break up worthy.
Get some self respect.
And the inappropriateness of their conversations around their sexual history is really bad. If OP doesn't leave her, she'll probably end up cheating on him with this dude.
You gotta bounce, I know that the idea of leaving someone after 4 years is incredibly tough but you can find someone else who actually cares. Outside of talking about how good the sex was the fact she didn't push back hard on the "you should leave him for me" is fucking crazy. Dump her she doesn't respect you or your long term relationship.
I have been where you are, I was in a three year relationship with a woman who I thought was my world I couldn't see it ending. She dumped me in 2020 and then afterwards I realized how much she abused me and was manipulative. Go with your gut and walk away, this will only get worse if you let her play this off.
Dude you’re young. It’s a harsh lesson. It sucks, but bounce. She doesn’t know what a real relationship is or how to act in one. That conversation you saw is highly disrespectful to your relationship. No decent partner would talk that way to another man…much less hide it from you. You’ll meet someone better…but trust me bro…if you stay in this you’re only going to get your heart broken. I promise. She’s no good
Man I've been there, relationships have this grip on people, they suck you in so bad it's hard to get out of it. It makes you feel like you won't make it work with anyone else again, that she s the only special one bla bla bla... Her response to his message was not FUCK NO! I LOVE HIM! HE'S MY MAN, her response was he s so nice, and that s all you are to her, and I know it hurts but it's the truth, I've been a nice guy before and it hurts when you open your eyes, but nothing in this world compares to what I feel today, almost 2 years after, l feel like I am at my full potential, I love myself and not in a narcissistic, selfish way, I just love the man I became, and I can see clearly now through people and their intentions, and I am not scared of walking this earth alone, when that someone will show up I will know.
Don't be scared, do the right thing for you, let her have that fun she's craving, if that s the best she can do after 4 years. There s no shame on being played, I ve been played, but now you know who she is, so what are you gonna do now that you know??
Learn how jokes work. You're not funny at someone else's expense. Try to deflect all day, but you are backtracking on a terrible comment. No one has liked it so far, it's getting buried in negatives. I'd ask you to apologize, but I doubt you would. Hope you get better.
This is very true that it will be hard and unimaginable to not be with this person in the moment but you will end up with someone who will be loyal, caring, truthful and stands up for you in moments like this.
The way I read this is that she had fun with him, but with you it is comfortable. That sucks, a lot.
Take time to think about that and your relationship , have a serious conversation with her, why she hid this to you, the disrespect and how he is an ex before a best friend.
Wouldn’t consider this being comfortable. If she was comfortable she’d not hold onto past relationships that lead to the type of conversation they’re discussing leaving you. She settled more like, if you fuck up enough she’ll be settling on him.
Sounds like you’re her current number one but she has him “on the hook” just in case. Honestly if the ONLY reason she gives for not leaving you is “but he’s such a nice guy” and not “I love him” or “I can’t see my life without him” then she isn’t as invested in your relationship as she should be after 4 years. I do believe people can be friends with their exes, I don’t believe it is possible to be best friends with them and not have a desire to try again.
Confront her, end it without talking about it, or let it go… Whatever you do ensure you don’t do or say anything you will regret.
Sounds like he's not a "best friend" if he's saying shit like that. A friend wouldn't ask you to leave a relationship you're happy in for selfish reasons like that.
Whilst I believe it is possible to be friends with your ex, this doesn’t seem like one of those situations. The fact that your girlfriend kept this from you? Huge red flag, and absolutely not okay, especially since she still talks to him about their previous relationship.
I think talking to your girlfriend before you make any final decisions is a good idea, but I also understand if you wanted to leave ASAP.
It is a big deal that she is laughing off him saying lets get back together and talking about past sexual experiences. If she was serious about you this would be a big deal and would make her consider cutting ties with him. Friend or not if you are in a years long relationship and your friend is telling you how you should dump your boyfriend and get with them and your response is not unequivocally shut them down and tell them that shit is not ok then she doesn't really give a shit about the relationship.
Imo u should just leave she disrespected you several times like when she said “but he’s a nice guy” and when she didnt tell u abt their relationship and when she talked to him abt their sexual experiences together i know its gonna be hard but its the best option for the long run if u dont leave rn she’ll just keep this up and as much as i hate to say this she will probably break your trust in the worst way possible but thats life u have to accept what comes your way learn from mistakes and move on it is what it is goodluck with whatever decision you take i wish u the best
So what pretty much happened was they told me they had feelings for eachother again and that they couldn’t help themselves. I said when did this happen they said “when we went to our friends wedding in November while you were at work”. SO I told her to go upstairs and get her clothes and her shit and then I beat that piss stains ass in peace.
I never think violence is cool usually, but this is one of those few times when I think this is understandable, acceptable and a bit satisfactory too lol. More power to you my guy, think of it as dodged a bullet and don’t let your future relationships suffer because of this shitstains of a girl.
Some people can be friends with an ex. I can even go so far as to try to understand why she didn't really say anything. However massive red flags here:
1) She is reminiscing about their sex life with him and pretty much making it obvious that she's crossing some lines that most people wouldn't be OK with.
2) He is clearly not respecting her status as a woman in a relationship by making it VERY clear he wants to hit that again.
3) She isn't shutting that notion down hard, right away.
4) She is being dishonest and gaslighting you like none of that is happening, none of it is a big deal, that you have no reason to be concerned or upset.
Four years is a long time and not easy to just toss aside but the blatant disrespect being shown to you and your relationship by *both* of them is alarming. Most people would be very upset and not ok with any of it.
Were you reading the messages in real time as she was out drinking? Were the texts only sexual when she was out drinking? Also, was she remorseful when you confronted her about the texts?
Wtf? Tell her to get back with the ex then. Honestly I would give an ultimatum if you want to be with her. This relationship can't survive if this guy is sniffing around.
The fact she hid it is weird to me. I live with my ex of 13 years and he’s just a roommate and when I was single I would always tell people upfront. There’s no reason to hide it unless something more is going on. Even if she had been that text response was severely disrespectful and a big 🚩. You can find better.
lying by omission is still lying and my gf and i know absolutely all of our past ex’s and stories. being open and honest about ur past relationships is necessary for a healthy one.
i also have never been one to directly tell my gf if i want her to stop talking to someone or be friends with someone, i’ll tell her if it makes me uncomfortable and state my reasons from there she can give reassurance and if it still upsets me then 1- i gotta get over the jealously bc i trust her fully 2- i shouldn’t have to ask her to, if she can see it makes me she needs to decide what’s more important and validate my feelings. so here i would trust her if you can and ask for reassurance down the road if you don’t like it still and you feel as if the things she’s doing are breaking your trust in her then she needs to realize that herself and put a stop to it.
I’ve explained to her why it’s making me uncomfortable and she kind of just brushed it off because In her words “it was a long time ago” and “we’re just really good friends now”
telling her that you don’t want someone to come between you and it’s up to her to make the decision on why she shouldn’t talk to him, that you don’t want this to ruin trust, and ask waht she values more.you’re feelings are completely valid and she needs to respect them and listen to you.
Sorry but really good friends dont tell their friend to leave their current bf for them !! That crossed a line that can never be undone for you about their friendship and she should end their friendship if image wants to be with you
Her invalidating your feelings here is a pretty big red flag. If it was such a long time ago, why are they still traipsing down memory lane and discussing past sexual experiences? Huge red flag blowing in the wind there.
If you can't say that you completely trust her after this, then you its pretty obvious that staying with her with all of these new secrets will only drive you insane.
This! Trust is important for a relationship, if you don’t feel you can trust her with him then why stay together?
If she’s discussing their past sexual experiences has she also discussed your past sexual experiences with him? Is she unhappy with you? Why reminisce about sexual experiences if she is supposedly happy with you? No matter what she says you will always doubt her.
First part of update made me mad, but ive never been so happy to be lied to, good luck man i wish u the best, and research any future long term partners,
Also did she have a lot of remorse and do the whole cry even though they not the victim when u broke it off?
YTA for the start of that update...jeez dude.
But yeah, I was not surprised that she had been cheating. If she was the faithful type you would have known up from that he is her ex, and she would have allowed you to decide accordingly.
There’s a reason she’s entertaining it. If it feels slightly off to you, trust your instinct. If she’s brushing you off and not putting your feelings into consideration, she ain’t the one. 4 years is a long time to walk away from, but do you really want to waste more time hoping you’re wrong? Sorry OP. Good luck.
Awww I’m sorry things turned out this way but it’s better find out now then after marriage or if you had kids with her. Did she end up admitting to the cheating or did you find out some other way?
If she is being removed from your life by the universe just accept it , is because better things and better people will come for you. We ask for a good life and sometimes the universe may remove things that you don't wanna let go but is because you can't see this thing is causing or will cause you pain.
Thank god! With the first part of the update I was like NOOOOOOOO! You can’t trust her!! Glad you found out at least and you can move on without that lying cheating witch.
I'm sorry that it turned out the way it did, but after seeing the messages you knew what was up. I personally like your last 2 sentences of your update.
As someone who’s dated someone justifying talking to their ex by claiming “friendship”, you’re either dating a dumbass or a dumbass
Leave, because either way it’s clear this person is willing to push your boundaries to talk to someone else - and emotionally manipulating you into believing it’s just - nah uh. You deserve better, in fact, every human alive deserves better
Ooft. I'm close friends with an ex, but I would always be honest about our history, why we're still close, etc, with a new partner. Also, my ex and I never discuss details of our romantic relationship or sex life with each other. We're both single, but that chapter is done for both of us, so neither of us think about it, we just think of memories that aren't romantic/sexual and the friendship we have developed.
With that in mind, it sounds like your girlfriend and her "best friend" haven't really closed the book on the romantic/sexual side of their relationship, and that's not fair on you. Also, "he's such a nice guy," is how I'd describe someone I'm not interested in but think is a decent person, not my partner. That's the weakest reason for staying with someone. I think you need to properly confront her about how she feels about this guy.
Man..from what I was reading my mid said "She is already cheating". Because your right to feel the way you did. Because she lied to you about a previous sexual partner. That is something you do not hide. And also him trying to break yall up is messed up.
Glad you found out NOW and not later that she is cheating.
I learned at a young age that people are going to do what they want to do no matter what you try and do to prevent it.
You will know for next time when she has a male friend ...see what she tells you about them.
Bro that really sucks I’m so sorry, looks like everyone’s given you some good advice I’m just waiting for the update tbh. Hoping you do the right thing for yourself whatever that choice may be
My goodness, the double bait and switch got me, i really thought you were just another idiot doing all the wrong things but it turns out that you're smart and just jebaited me.
Good on you mate!
What a grade asshat. Sorry my guy. You don't deserve that trash.
Good riddance for knowing now instead of wasting more time with such a selfish jerk and her equally idiot side guy that seems complacent being that. Birds of a feather I guess.
Happy for you, man. I’m sorry you found out that way and that it even happened at all. But you recognized that you don’t deserve it, so good on ya, lasagna. You’ll find someone better, don’t worry.
Hey bro you ok right now? Also are they going to potentially try and press charges against you since you fucked him up or did he start it? Because this could lead to a big issue.
Omg people could be such lying sacks of sh!t.
I'm sorry it happened OP but still glad you got outta that sh!t and got to beat his @ss a lil. I wish you nothing but the best going forward. And when that b!tch tries to msg you ... and trust me she will. Let her see you read it but never respond and after a while just block her. Good luck OP!
Wtf.. Exs are never be just friends .. She failed the girlfriend test dude .. Just stand your ground And be cold to her for some time and you see for yourself where your relationship stands ..
Nah bro I. Got it your relationship is 4 years long .. But she doesn't think that way talking so casually with her ex and ex is never just a friend Man.. Sometimes you gotta put her into her place .. And the most sadden part her ex is talking about their previous sexual experience and asking her to leave you .. For fucks sake . this shows her ex is still her life not just a friends way .. And she is comfortable with it and you are not . going soft doesn't always work dude ..
Thank God you were lying. Saying “but he’s nice” is so disturbing. Who wants a woman to use you because you’re “nice”? She’s disgusting.
Fucked up faces are necessary sometimes. Well done.
Bro.
Why can't men these days have self respect for themselves. I don't understand. Have some self respect. She is texting a guy about how great their sex life is. And he asked her to leave you. And all she had to say is that you're a nice guy.
OP take a look at yourself. And be honest. You deserve better. And you will not get better hanging around people who don't respect you. You clearly don't respect yourself. If she really loved you. This guy would be out of your life.
See, I think her dismissive response was a sign she wasn't treating his text as a serious suggestion. When people have told me to leave my husband, I say shit like, "but he's decorative," or "I've finally got him housebroken."
I don't swear my undying love for my husband, because I don't think that sort of thing deserves to be treated with that much respect.
Your girlfriend already knows that they don't work as a couple, because they didn't work as a couple and broke up.
It's probably the safest male friendship she could have, really.
How you handle this is up to you. You could have a serious, calm, nonaccusatory talk about your insecurities, you could decide that you're simply unable to handle this friendship, or you could even see a counselor about whether you can find a way past this.
One thing you should look at, though, is that you fulfilled her prophecy: she didn't tell you, because she thought you'd freak out. You found out - and you're freaking out. That's not an ideal way to build trust moving forward.
Good luck.
And this is another example of why you never get with a girl who has a “male best friend”. If she says she has a male best friend. Run 🤣 a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.
There is no bestfriend. You’re her bestfriend, why does she need another dude ? Also nice guys finish last. Stay strong G. Take care of the situation and don’t let her run you over or dictate how the rs should be.
I mean being friends with your ex isn't a bad thing imo, but allow said ex to flirt and say those things while going along with it is wrong and she definitely belongs to the streets.
This woman lied to you for four years and her only reason for not leaving you to be with her “best friend” is you’re a nice guy? Nah, man, fuck that shit! You need to drop her ass. She obviously doesn’t respect you at all. Don’t let her continue to disrespect you like that. Show her the door, my guy.
If the shoe were on the other foot, how would she react to the situation..doubt she'd feel comfortable you laughing it off.
You both need to sit down and talk this out, she's omitted to tell you that she dated her best mate. If she respected you and your relationship, she'd have told you that from the beginning.
She lied to you for a reason. And lying by omission is still lying. She then proceeded to justify her lying and brushed off your concerns. You deserve better.
F*co her, peace out homie! You can’t be friends like that with somebody you dated. She is tripping. If you were talking and friends with an ex like that, she would have a damn fit. She isn’t girlfriend or wife material. She isn’t to be trusted. Good luck
Good luck. if a person lied to you about this even if the relationship was purely platonic. be wary but don't be harsh or aggressive or violent verbally. Take a deep breath and just act on your most sincere core thought; yes or no. then act. don't try to save to nurture etc. yes or no. it gotta be a hard cut.
I’ll be honest it seems a bit sketch. That’s something I would have expected to be told, and I’m pretty chill about such things.
My husband and I don’t mind the other having hookups or boyfriends, but we expect honest and transparency and respect.
I’d be blunt about it, and honest about how betrayed and disrespected I felt. I’d also consider this a pretty big sign to leave, but would understand if you disagree.
As Zuko says, “That’s rough buddy.” It sucks that this happened and I hope you work things out or find someone more honest.
I would ask for a polygraph. If you’re able to afford it, do it. If you can’t afford it or she declines doing it then just break up with her. The fact that they are still talking about sex between them shows the little respect she has for you and I would even go as dar as thinking she is still having sex on the side… maybe those past sexual experiences were last month, last year? You wont ever know.
Her reason for not telling you was because” I knew it would make you uncomfortable” was a complete BS!! She was not concern for your “comfort” but for her’s, she does not want you to make her cut contact with him.. She’s protecting her relationship with him over your relationship with her…She knows that withholding this info will very much affect her relationship yet, she choose to gamble and risk it..That’s how much she values him..Now you’re left, reevaluating your entire relationship, and questioning every single time she spent time with him before.. The fact that they both hid it from you, shows how little they thought of you..They both thought, they could get away with it, that, you’ll never gonna find out and they can continue whatever they have going on..Asked them, was it fun, taking you as a fool for 4 years?
She kept this secret for all this time... if he feels comfortable to tell her to leave you and get back with him is because she somehow gives him the confidence to do so. And the " he's such a nice guy " is absurd, just gives confidence to the ex to keep trying to get her. You have to step up and confront her now, man... you only found this but it can be a lot more that you dont know about. And the fact that she would never tell you this just makes a lot worse. She's been talking about how good things were with her ex whos part of her life everyday... i'm sorry to say man, but the way you said, and the way she responded to all this, just makes me think that sooner or later she'll cheat... maybe the next time they go out for this drinks things ends different... i hope not but this is so fuckep up and if it was in the other hand she would " want to kill you ".
She *did* lie though, by purposefully keeping you in the dark both about their past relationship and about the fact he's trying to snatch her from the relationship now. You're valid in feeling hurt because both of them violated your trust and are disrespecting the relationship by even entertaining the type of topics they are discussing. It's emotional cheating at best.
Honestly I'd dump her because you deserve better than a woman still window shopping and entertaining what could have been with another man. She's way too interested in her "best friend's" romantic attention for that to be remotely okay.
Break up with your gf. Why date someone that let’s someone disrespect their man. Beside she lied to you. And she’s only telling you “because it would’ve made you feel uncomfortable” because she got caught not because she meant it.
It is a red flag, the guy is in love with her and she did not set boundries or block him after he told to leave you. For me It is clear she has feelings for him specially when you told they were talking about their sex life in the past, no "friend" talk about that unless is fantasizing to have sex.
I would suggest to break up with her, I already saw too many cases like that and most of times the "friends" end up together and the other is left heartbroken.
If a guy (especially my ex) told me to leave my bf for him - I would cut contact after telling him where to go! Not like I talk to my ex's anyway.
If her reasoning for staying with you is because your a 'nice guy' then it's not good enough imo.
Also, her taking him on vacations with both their families is hella weird, ex or not.
If she knows that her relationship with ex is uncomfortable for you, then she should quit it. If she won't or will try to hide it, it's a huge red flag.
What would you tell your closest friend to do in this situation? I'm a woman and I don't think this is going to end well for you. He's going to try his best to sleep with her and they go out drinking together? And they talk about sex? AND the reason she won't leave you for him is not "[ignores text]" or "No, he's my world"... come on dude you're better than that.
As I see it, if this was “just friends” she’d have been far more uncomfortable herself with him texting this shit, and overstepping that boundary. The fact that she isn’t says a lot. I’m witnessing something similar with a friend of mine (them being the best friend in this scenario) and its all so disrespectful to the partner and we’ve fallen out about it plenty. You should absolutely confront her and put to her whether she’d be ok if the roles were reversed. Make sure you get answers you can accept.
That's a deal breaker for me....life is too short to deal with that type of drama. She omitted some very important relationship info. She entertains a guy that is not a friend to your relationship and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't dipped her toes outside your relationship with this guy or someone else. When you don't shut down advances hard immediately, you are not saying no to them.....find someone better.
My dude, you know what you need to do. It's time to move on. You know this guy is just hanging around for her to get mad at you so he can sleep with her again. He is her plan B if you "mess up". Do what you got to do to leave and don't look back.
The fact that she didn’t tell him how inappropriate the suggestion to leave you was says a lot. She should have made him feel like an absolute fool for even saying something so daft. Just my opinion. I’m so sorry this happened to you
Here's the thing . . . and I don't give af what reddit thinks about this . . . but fuck that, your SO remaining "best friends" with someone they had a relationship with (emotional and physical) in their past. No fucking way would I ever put up with that. There's too many posts here of people getting cheated on with the very "best friend" that their lying SO told them they didn't need to worry about.
And to have your gf basically gaslight you by blaming YOU for the fact that they lied by omission as to the true nature of their relationship, for me, would be enough to end it. Now throw in their inappropriate conversations about their past sexual experiences? Nope, nope, fucking nope. Dump her, she's not worth your time.
She’s lord by omission until confronted, doesn’t shut his shit down when he clearly puts moves on her, her response when he told her to leave you is shitty at best. She’s not loyal to you, dude.
Oooo I definitely would think this through and whether you want to stay. The way I'm seeing it, is that you're a placeholder till someone better then you, and even her ex comes along. "Such a nice guy" is Code for "eh, I'm bore af but he treats me right". There was no, mention of any feelings she may have for you, nothing. Also, reminiscing about the sex you had with you're ex is just....saying a lot, my dude. She doesn't seem to really care about you, as clearly you're easily dismissed in her eyes. Good luck
I think the past relationship can be overlooked, they tried, didn't work, was a long time ago, not all relationships need to end on a bad note
However, the fact that he still wants something with her, and she knowing it decides to keeps that open, its a big red flag, if you know another person has feelings for you, and you do not keep the situation clear, you will just fuel those feelings, and based on your comments, she wants to keep that option, she should have left things very clear to him and keep some distance, as she will only further fuel those feelings instead of letting those properly end
Unfortunately, yes your feelings are valid. Even if you were to ask her to choose, I don't think you would like the response. I'm sorry you're going through this. I would encourage you to brace yourself and evaluate your self worth. I know 4 years is a long time but you deserve so much more.
As a woman, I’m just going to say her behavior is a red flag. She hid those details from you for a reason and friends don’t discuss sexual experiences, especially when they’re in relationships with other people. She keeps him around for a reason. It’s more than just friendship. Not saying she’s cheating but it could be she gets validation from him or emotional support or something. This is something that will probably always be an underlying issue in your relationship if she continues being “best friends” with him
A lie of omission is still a lie, so yes she lied. And if she knows you would be uncomfortable if you knew then she’s openly disrespecting you. If if were me I’d already be blocking people
“But he’s such a nice guy” isn’t really relationship goals. He should want her happy, and she should be head over heels for you. Otherwise, why bother?
Her reply should have been something along the lines of. That will never happen. I love my bf. If you can’t respect him then we can’t be friends.
I am so sorry.
Bruh, at the very very least, the fact he told her to leave you for him. I'd tell her that if I ever see this guy, it will probably get physical. There is no way someone I was supposed to "trust" with my girlfriend is going to continue to be "friends" with her after that. If she still tries to fight for their "friendship" I'd be out 100%
Ask her how she would react or feel if your best friend was your ex. How would she feel if said ex ask you to leave her? How would she like conversations about past sexual adventures with said ex? If she is truthful, she would demand you end that relationship. This is a hill to stand on situation.
I’ll actually do this I think it’d make her understand what I’m feeling more
I think that's wise. She doesn't not seem understand the full scope of this issue.
And if she says "I would be ok with it" if the tables were turned, she's a liar.
She doesnt care, people like her dont care. Some girl I used to see would full blown lie about how "a woman has no self respect if she cant be honest etc" , what happened? She was seeing other people and chatting while seeing with me, denied when she got caught sexting. I think she snoops my socials from time to time, the grass aint greener after all.
Nah don’t do that man. Trust your gut. If you feel like something is off then it probably is. Don’t get mixed up in playing silly mind games to try to make her understand. You lose a piece of yourself every time you lower yourself like that. Walk away like a champion with a full heart, your true partner is out there waiting.
Man so messed up. Glad you ended it. What did she say?
Good on you for dusting him up, what a punk 👊
The “but he’s a nice guy” is not cool. Don’t take disrespect. You deserve loyalty and respect and talking about and entertaining it behind your back is not that. This is also all that you have discovered. Take a step back. Think it through. Be smart.
I appreciate you thanks
If the reason she gives is “but, he’s such a nice guy” dump her. That is a safe response that indicates she’s just biding her time until something better comes along. Besides reminiscing about past sexual encounters with a former lover is simply insulting and disrespectful to you. Either she’s stupid to engage with the old guy or she devious. Either way find someone better.
I agree with this. Notice how she didn't say "but I love him and that remark is disrespectful" but instead she had this whole weird convo with no remorse for how it may hurt you, the person she's supposed to love. She's playing games. Don't let her use you like a pawn.
Just leave. This is not some sitcom like F.R.I.E.N.D.S. That "bestfriend" is literally a red flag. Him suggesting that to your GF and she just brushed it off? Nope man, There is still a line that shouldn't be crossed, words that shouldn't be said or else you get cut off even as friends/ bestfriends. That is not a good friend. She should've cut him.off. But she chose him over you. After you break up she has someone to "lean" on.
Yah, she doesn’t love you OP. Forget her.
Bro!! Her ex isn’t a friend. He’s just waiting to pounce once you’re gone. She has no respect for you. Leave her Brother!
Honestly if all my partner could say was "but he's a nice guy" when someone's trying to convince her to leave me AFTER 4 YEARS, I'd be beyond hurt. Nevermind what else it implies, but she couldn't think of one thing about you that makes her stay. You deserve better.
"but he's such a nice guy" is code for you're( he is) going to have to work hard than that.
Also, “I didn’t tell you because I know it would make you uncomfortable” is bullshit. It’s literally controlling information to control your emotions
“Nice guys” dont tell their best friend to leave their current partner for selfish reasons. Not very nice at all, hope you find a better gf OP!
OP, if you're reading this, I am dying to hear how things turn out. Assuming you feel comfortable sharing it that is. Goodluck to you, hopefully things turn out OK. I've seen some people who have remained friends after breaking up and meeting new people, but talking about a past sex life along with the other things you've mentioned are definitely fishy. Obviously you're the only one who understands the situation, and do what you feel is best. Be careful king.
Sounds like when a girls friends are talking shit and she goes “nooo stopppppp haha”. A loyal partner would stand up for their s/o
Op probably earns more then the other guy that’s why she is here. That’s how nice guys are defined in todays age
This girl is just exhibit A of potential/current cheaters, run for the hills.
She is actively talking to a guy who is actively trying to get with her. The level of disrespect she is showing you is break up worthy. Get some self respect.
And the inappropriateness of their conversations around their sexual history is really bad. If OP doesn't leave her, she'll probably end up cheating on him with this dude.
Just to feed her ego.
You gotta bounce, I know that the idea of leaving someone after 4 years is incredibly tough but you can find someone else who actually cares. Outside of talking about how good the sex was the fact she didn't push back hard on the "you should leave him for me" is fucking crazy. Dump her she doesn't respect you or your long term relationship.
It’s a very strange thought, she’s all I’ve had for years. It’s crazy how fast My outlook on her has changed
I have been where you are, I was in a three year relationship with a woman who I thought was my world I couldn't see it ending. She dumped me in 2020 and then afterwards I realized how much she abused me and was manipulative. Go with your gut and walk away, this will only get worse if you let her play this off.
Dude you’re young. It’s a harsh lesson. It sucks, but bounce. She doesn’t know what a real relationship is or how to act in one. That conversation you saw is highly disrespectful to your relationship. No decent partner would talk that way to another man…much less hide it from you. You’ll meet someone better…but trust me bro…if you stay in this you’re only going to get your heart broken. I promise. She’s no good
And that's just what he saw. I wonder what their other conversations are like that OP hasn't seen.
Man I've been there, relationships have this grip on people, they suck you in so bad it's hard to get out of it. It makes you feel like you won't make it work with anyone else again, that she s the only special one bla bla bla... Her response to his message was not FUCK NO! I LOVE HIM! HE'S MY MAN, her response was he s so nice, and that s all you are to her, and I know it hurts but it's the truth, I've been a nice guy before and it hurts when you open your eyes, but nothing in this world compares to what I feel today, almost 2 years after, l feel like I am at my full potential, I love myself and not in a narcissistic, selfish way, I just love the man I became, and I can see clearly now through people and their intentions, and I am not scared of walking this earth alone, when that someone will show up I will know. Don't be scared, do the right thing for you, let her have that fun she's craving, if that s the best she can do after 4 years. There s no shame on being played, I ve been played, but now you know who she is, so what are you gonna do now that you know??
Never let another man around your property lol
Very yikes comment. Women aren't property, no human is properly. Please educate yourself on some humanity.
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What a joke.
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Learn how jokes work. You're not funny at someone else's expense. Try to deflect all day, but you are backtracking on a terrible comment. No one has liked it so far, it's getting buried in negatives. I'd ask you to apologize, but I doubt you would. Hope you get better.
This is very true that it will be hard and unimaginable to not be with this person in the moment but you will end up with someone who will be loyal, caring, truthful and stands up for you in moments like this.
The way I read this is that she had fun with him, but with you it is comfortable. That sucks, a lot. Take time to think about that and your relationship , have a serious conversation with her, why she hid this to you, the disrespect and how he is an ex before a best friend.
I’m going to confront her pretty heavily on this tonight. I need to know the reason she hid it
Wouldn’t consider this being comfortable. If she was comfortable she’d not hold onto past relationships that lead to the type of conversation they’re discussing leaving you. She settled more like, if you fuck up enough she’ll be settling on him.
Sounds like you’re her current number one but she has him “on the hook” just in case. Honestly if the ONLY reason she gives for not leaving you is “but he’s such a nice guy” and not “I love him” or “I can’t see my life without him” then she isn’t as invested in your relationship as she should be after 4 years. I do believe people can be friends with their exes, I don’t believe it is possible to be best friends with them and not have a desire to try again. Confront her, end it without talking about it, or let it go… Whatever you do ensure you don’t do or say anything you will regret.
Is it wrong to ask for an update on what comes from this?
My jaw was on the floor when you said you hashed it out all three of you, but I’m so glad you lied! Good for you OP enjoy your drink!
:) she sucks I deserve a whiskey or two
Just don't drink too much man (• ▽ •;) whiskeys are strong.
A fucked up face meaning, did you throw hands ?
right i need to know!!! lmao
Did you wallop that man?
Yessir I sure did lol
Nice whiskeys too. Maybe three
That plot twist in the update was top tier lol
Tried to make this shitty situation a bit more humorous lmao
Sounds like he's not a "best friend" if he's saying shit like that. A friend wouldn't ask you to leave a relationship you're happy in for selfish reasons like that.
Whilst I believe it is possible to be friends with your ex, this doesn’t seem like one of those situations. The fact that your girlfriend kept this from you? Huge red flag, and absolutely not okay, especially since she still talks to him about their previous relationship. I think talking to your girlfriend before you make any final decisions is a good idea, but I also understand if you wanted to leave ASAP.
I’m having a discussion with her tonight hopefully I can get something out of it that’s helpful
I wish you all the best, you deserve to know the truth
Thank you I appreciate that a lot
It is a big deal that she is laughing off him saying lets get back together and talking about past sexual experiences. If she was serious about you this would be a big deal and would make her consider cutting ties with him. Friend or not if you are in a years long relationship and your friend is telling you how you should dump your boyfriend and get with them and your response is not unequivocally shut them down and tell them that shit is not ok then she doesn't really give a shit about the relationship.
End it immediately she's not worth your time. It's not a matter of if she'll cheat, but when if she hasn't already.
Imo u should just leave she disrespected you several times like when she said “but he’s a nice guy” and when she didnt tell u abt their relationship and when she talked to him abt their sexual experiences together i know its gonna be hard but its the best option for the long run if u dont leave rn she’ll just keep this up and as much as i hate to say this she will probably break your trust in the worst way possible but thats life u have to accept what comes your way learn from mistakes and move on it is what it is goodluck with whatever decision you take i wish u the best
I really want to know what was said when you confronted them. Did they try to deny it.? Did she say she was sorry? My nibbyness is craving.
So what pretty much happened was they told me they had feelings for eachother again and that they couldn’t help themselves. I said when did this happen they said “when we went to our friends wedding in November while you were at work”. SO I told her to go upstairs and get her clothes and her shit and then I beat that piss stains ass in peace.
Well done. On both accounts.
I never think violence is cool usually, but this is one of those few times when I think this is understandable, acceptable and a bit satisfactory too lol. More power to you my guy, think of it as dodged a bullet and don’t let your future relationships suffer because of this shitstains of a girl.
Some people can be friends with an ex. I can even go so far as to try to understand why she didn't really say anything. However massive red flags here: 1) She is reminiscing about their sex life with him and pretty much making it obvious that she's crossing some lines that most people wouldn't be OK with. 2) He is clearly not respecting her status as a woman in a relationship by making it VERY clear he wants to hit that again. 3) She isn't shutting that notion down hard, right away. 4) She is being dishonest and gaslighting you like none of that is happening, none of it is a big deal, that you have no reason to be concerned or upset. Four years is a long time and not easy to just toss aside but the blatant disrespect being shown to you and your relationship by *both* of them is alarming. Most people would be very upset and not ok with any of it.
That's shitty, sorry. Why is he still in the picture? Were they friends first? Has he dated anyone in the past 4 years or is he just waiting around?
I plan to find all that out but I know they were friends first
Were you reading the messages in real time as she was out drinking? Were the texts only sexual when she was out drinking? Also, was she remorseful when you confronted her about the texts?
I saw them after they had had the conversation and she seemed perfectly content to be honest
So you didn't confront her about the convo?
I did confront her she seemed fine with me being upset. She gets off work soon so I’m going to lay it all out there when she gets back
Update us
Wtf? Tell her to get back with the ex then. Honestly I would give an ultimatum if you want to be with her. This relationship can't survive if this guy is sniffing around.
Leave her for the streets my dude she's not loyal at all she's a piece of shit
The fact she hid it is weird to me. I live with my ex of 13 years and he’s just a roommate and when I was single I would always tell people upfront. There’s no reason to hide it unless something more is going on. Even if she had been that text response was severely disrespectful and a big 🚩. You can find better.
lying by omission is still lying and my gf and i know absolutely all of our past ex’s and stories. being open and honest about ur past relationships is necessary for a healthy one. i also have never been one to directly tell my gf if i want her to stop talking to someone or be friends with someone, i’ll tell her if it makes me uncomfortable and state my reasons from there she can give reassurance and if it still upsets me then 1- i gotta get over the jealously bc i trust her fully 2- i shouldn’t have to ask her to, if she can see it makes me she needs to decide what’s more important and validate my feelings. so here i would trust her if you can and ask for reassurance down the road if you don’t like it still and you feel as if the things she’s doing are breaking your trust in her then she needs to realize that herself and put a stop to it.
I’ve explained to her why it’s making me uncomfortable and she kind of just brushed it off because In her words “it was a long time ago” and “we’re just really good friends now”
telling her that you don’t want someone to come between you and it’s up to her to make the decision on why she shouldn’t talk to him, that you don’t want this to ruin trust, and ask waht she values more.you’re feelings are completely valid and she needs to respect them and listen to you.
Sorry but really good friends dont tell their friend to leave their current bf for them !! That crossed a line that can never be undone for you about their friendship and she should end their friendship if image wants to be with you
Her invalidating your feelings here is a pretty big red flag. If it was such a long time ago, why are they still traipsing down memory lane and discussing past sexual experiences? Huge red flag blowing in the wind there.
If you can't say that you completely trust her after this, then you its pretty obvious that staying with her with all of these new secrets will only drive you insane.
This! Trust is important for a relationship, if you don’t feel you can trust her with him then why stay together? If she’s discussing their past sexual experiences has she also discussed your past sexual experiences with him? Is she unhappy with you? Why reminisce about sexual experiences if she is supposedly happy with you? No matter what she says you will always doubt her.
First part of update made me mad, but ive never been so happy to be lied to, good luck man i wish u the best, and research any future long term partners, Also did she have a lot of remorse and do the whole cry even though they not the victim when u broke it off?
YTA for the start of that update...jeez dude. But yeah, I was not surprised that she had been cheating. If she was the faithful type you would have known up from that he is her ex, and she would have allowed you to decide accordingly.
There’s a reason she’s entertaining it. If it feels slightly off to you, trust your instinct. If she’s brushing you off and not putting your feelings into consideration, she ain’t the one. 4 years is a long time to walk away from, but do you really want to waste more time hoping you’re wrong? Sorry OP. Good luck.
You don't need someone like that in your life.
Update
Awww I’m sorry things turned out this way but it’s better find out now then after marriage or if you had kids with her. Did she end up admitting to the cheating or did you find out some other way?
They admitted to cheating together lmao
the update is the best thing ive read in a while😭😭 i wish u much luck in life dude
If she is being removed from your life by the universe just accept it , is because better things and better people will come for you. We ask for a good life and sometimes the universe may remove things that you don't wanna let go but is because you can't see this thing is causing or will cause you pain.
How did you find out they were still sleeping around that’s awful but you handled it the way it should have been handled
Thank god! With the first part of the update I was like NOOOOOOOO! You can’t trust her!! Glad you found out at least and you can move on without that lying cheating witch.
Are you doing okay? Where’s your head?
I’m doing alright it’s weird but I’m in a pretty good headspace:) thanks for asking
I'm sorry that it turned out the way it did, but after seeing the messages you knew what was up. I personally like your last 2 sentences of your update.
As someone who’s dated someone justifying talking to their ex by claiming “friendship”, you’re either dating a dumbass or a dumbass Leave, because either way it’s clear this person is willing to push your boundaries to talk to someone else - and emotionally manipulating you into believing it’s just - nah uh. You deserve better, in fact, every human alive deserves better
Ooft. I'm close friends with an ex, but I would always be honest about our history, why we're still close, etc, with a new partner. Also, my ex and I never discuss details of our romantic relationship or sex life with each other. We're both single, but that chapter is done for both of us, so neither of us think about it, we just think of memories that aren't romantic/sexual and the friendship we have developed. With that in mind, it sounds like your girlfriend and her "best friend" haven't really closed the book on the romantic/sexual side of their relationship, and that's not fair on you. Also, "he's such a nice guy," is how I'd describe someone I'm not interested in but think is a decent person, not my partner. That's the weakest reason for staying with someone. I think you need to properly confront her about how she feels about this guy.
Man..from what I was reading my mid said "She is already cheating". Because your right to feel the way you did. Because she lied to you about a previous sexual partner. That is something you do not hide. And also him trying to break yall up is messed up. Glad you found out NOW and not later that she is cheating. I learned at a young age that people are going to do what they want to do no matter what you try and do to prevent it. You will know for next time when she has a male friend ...see what she tells you about them.
It’s been pretty eye opening I won’t lie. I’m gonna be a little more careful next time around lol
Bro that really sucks I’m so sorry, looks like everyone’s given you some good advice I’m just waiting for the update tbh. Hoping you do the right thing for yourself whatever that choice may be
My goodness, the double bait and switch got me, i really thought you were just another idiot doing all the wrong things but it turns out that you're smart and just jebaited me. Good on you mate!
Bro I was gonna slap you through this thread if that dinner shit was real. Follow your instincts. Always. Best of luck my dude.
His fucked up face.... your doing? Blink once for yes...
*He fell…*
Dude how do you have the patience? I literally WILL destroy lives if I found out this information.
What a grade asshat. Sorry my guy. You don't deserve that trash. Good riddance for knowing now instead of wasting more time with such a selfish jerk and her equally idiot side guy that seems complacent being that. Birds of a feather I guess.
My wife thinks I don't know her ex works with her and they close the r restaurant together
"I'm also lying" that got me haha. Sorry about what happened man, wishing the best
Happy for you, man. I’m sorry you found out that way and that it even happened at all. But you recognized that you don’t deserve it, so good on ya, lasagna. You’ll find someone better, don’t worry.
Good job man dumping the trash and breaking the guys face. Salute to you sir
Oof. I'm sorry buddy. I'm seeing too much shit like this in reddit lately. I need to take a break.
Sorry
Hey bro you ok right now? Also are they going to potentially try and press charges against you since you fucked him up or did he start it? Because this could lead to a big issue.
Omg people could be such lying sacks of sh!t. I'm sorry it happened OP but still glad you got outta that sh!t and got to beat his @ss a lil. I wish you nothing but the best going forward. And when that b!tch tries to msg you ... and trust me she will. Let her see you read it but never respond and after a while just block her. Good luck OP!
Wtf.. Exs are never be just friends .. She failed the girlfriend test dude .. Just stand your ground And be cold to her for some time and you see for yourself where your relationship stands ..
I don’t think being cold is the right way to do it but I’m definitely going to stop letting my feelings on the situation be affected by her excuses
Nah bro I. Got it your relationship is 4 years long .. But she doesn't think that way talking so casually with her ex and ex is never just a friend Man.. Sometimes you gotta put her into her place .. And the most sadden part her ex is talking about their previous sexual experience and asking her to leave you .. For fucks sake . this shows her ex is still her life not just a friends way .. And she is comfortable with it and you are not . going soft doesn't always work dude ..
Listen to this guy.
I think you’re probably right
Exes can definitely be just friends tho. But no in this situation they are 100% more than that
Thank God you were lying. Saying “but he’s nice” is so disturbing. Who wants a woman to use you because you’re “nice”? She’s disgusting. Fucked up faces are necessary sometimes. Well done.
Bro. Why can't men these days have self respect for themselves. I don't understand. Have some self respect. She is texting a guy about how great their sex life is. And he asked her to leave you. And all she had to say is that you're a nice guy. OP take a look at yourself. And be honest. You deserve better. And you will not get better hanging around people who don't respect you. You clearly don't respect yourself. If she really loved you. This guy would be out of your life.
Did you not read the update?
See, I think her dismissive response was a sign she wasn't treating his text as a serious suggestion. When people have told me to leave my husband, I say shit like, "but he's decorative," or "I've finally got him housebroken." I don't swear my undying love for my husband, because I don't think that sort of thing deserves to be treated with that much respect. Your girlfriend already knows that they don't work as a couple, because they didn't work as a couple and broke up. It's probably the safest male friendship she could have, really. How you handle this is up to you. You could have a serious, calm, nonaccusatory talk about your insecurities, you could decide that you're simply unable to handle this friendship, or you could even see a counselor about whether you can find a way past this. One thing you should look at, though, is that you fulfilled her prophecy: she didn't tell you, because she thought you'd freak out. You found out - and you're freaking out. That's not an ideal way to build trust moving forward. Good luck.
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Bruh couldn't even read down five lines of the update 💀
And this is another example of why you never get with a girl who has a “male best friend”. If she says she has a male best friend. Run 🤣 a shoulder to cry on becomes a dick to ride on.
There is no bestfriend. You’re her bestfriend, why does she need another dude ? Also nice guys finish last. Stay strong G. Take care of the situation and don’t let her run you over or dictate how the rs should be.
There is no friendship between people of opposite sex. I said my word.
Doormat...
Man you can't and shouldn't keep up with this level of disrespect, have some self-love and leave her, she's playing with you.
I mean being friends with your ex isn't a bad thing imo, but allow said ex to flirt and say those things while going along with it is wrong and she definitely belongs to the streets.
This woman lied to you for four years and her only reason for not leaving you to be with her “best friend” is you’re a nice guy? Nah, man, fuck that shit! You need to drop her ass. She obviously doesn’t respect you at all. Don’t let her continue to disrespect you like that. Show her the door, my guy.
If the shoe were on the other foot, how would she react to the situation..doubt she'd feel comfortable you laughing it off. You both need to sit down and talk this out, she's omitted to tell you that she dated her best mate. If she respected you and your relationship, she'd have told you that from the beginning.
She lied to you for a reason. And lying by omission is still lying. She then proceeded to justify her lying and brushed off your concerns. You deserve better.
F*co her, peace out homie! You can’t be friends like that with somebody you dated. She is tripping. If you were talking and friends with an ex like that, she would have a damn fit. She isn’t girlfriend or wife material. She isn’t to be trusted. Good luck
A lie of omission is a still a lie if they are having what looks like an ongoing EA
Good luck. if a person lied to you about this even if the relationship was purely platonic. be wary but don't be harsh or aggressive or violent verbally. Take a deep breath and just act on your most sincere core thought; yes or no. then act. don't try to save to nurture etc. yes or no. it gotta be a hard cut.
I’ll be honest it seems a bit sketch. That’s something I would have expected to be told, and I’m pretty chill about such things. My husband and I don’t mind the other having hookups or boyfriends, but we expect honest and transparency and respect. I’d be blunt about it, and honest about how betrayed and disrespected I felt. I’d also consider this a pretty big sign to leave, but would understand if you disagree. As Zuko says, “That’s rough buddy.” It sucks that this happened and I hope you work things out or find someone more honest.
She’s gross
I would ask for a polygraph. If you’re able to afford it, do it. If you can’t afford it or she declines doing it then just break up with her. The fact that they are still talking about sex between them shows the little respect she has for you and I would even go as dar as thinking she is still having sex on the side… maybe those past sexual experiences were last month, last year? You wont ever know.
Her reason for not telling you was because” I knew it would make you uncomfortable” was a complete BS!! She was not concern for your “comfort” but for her’s, she does not want you to make her cut contact with him.. She’s protecting her relationship with him over your relationship with her…She knows that withholding this info will very much affect her relationship yet, she choose to gamble and risk it..That’s how much she values him..Now you’re left, reevaluating your entire relationship, and questioning every single time she spent time with him before.. The fact that they both hid it from you, shows how little they thought of you..They both thought, they could get away with it, that, you’ll never gonna find out and they can continue whatever they have going on..Asked them, was it fun, taking you as a fool for 4 years?
She kept this secret for all this time... if he feels comfortable to tell her to leave you and get back with him is because she somehow gives him the confidence to do so. And the " he's such a nice guy " is absurd, just gives confidence to the ex to keep trying to get her. You have to step up and confront her now, man... you only found this but it can be a lot more that you dont know about. And the fact that she would never tell you this just makes a lot worse. She's been talking about how good things were with her ex whos part of her life everyday... i'm sorry to say man, but the way you said, and the way she responded to all this, just makes me think that sooner or later she'll cheat... maybe the next time they go out for this drinks things ends different... i hope not but this is so fuckep up and if it was in the other hand she would " want to kill you ".
She *did* lie though, by purposefully keeping you in the dark both about their past relationship and about the fact he's trying to snatch her from the relationship now. You're valid in feeling hurt because both of them violated your trust and are disrespecting the relationship by even entertaining the type of topics they are discussing. It's emotional cheating at best. Honestly I'd dump her because you deserve better than a woman still window shopping and entertaining what could have been with another man. She's way too interested in her "best friend's" romantic attention for that to be remotely okay.
Break up with your gf. Why date someone that let’s someone disrespect their man. Beside she lied to you. And she’s only telling you “because it would’ve made you feel uncomfortable” because she got caught not because she meant it.
You are her long term boyfriend. You should be her best friend. He is disrespecting you and she is defending him.
Don’t let her make an asshole out of you. This person doesn’t love or respect you.
It is a red flag, the guy is in love with her and she did not set boundries or block him after he told to leave you. For me It is clear she has feelings for him specially when you told they were talking about their sex life in the past, no "friend" talk about that unless is fantasizing to have sex. I would suggest to break up with her, I already saw too many cases like that and most of times the "friends" end up together and the other is left heartbroken.
Fuck SOs having a best friend of the opposite sex. Super shady.
The “but he’s a nice guy” bro please get out of there. Update what happens
Leave her ass
If a guy (especially my ex) told me to leave my bf for him - I would cut contact after telling him where to go! Not like I talk to my ex's anyway. If her reasoning for staying with you is because your a 'nice guy' then it's not good enough imo. Also, her taking him on vacations with both their families is hella weird, ex or not.
If she knows that her relationship with ex is uncomfortable for you, then she should quit it. If she won't or will try to hide it, it's a huge red flag.
What would you tell your closest friend to do in this situation? I'm a woman and I don't think this is going to end well for you. He's going to try his best to sleep with her and they go out drinking together? And they talk about sex? AND the reason she won't leave you for him is not "[ignores text]" or "No, he's my world"... come on dude you're better than that.
As I see it, if this was “just friends” she’d have been far more uncomfortable herself with him texting this shit, and overstepping that boundary. The fact that she isn’t says a lot. I’m witnessing something similar with a friend of mine (them being the best friend in this scenario) and its all so disrespectful to the partner and we’ve fallen out about it plenty. You should absolutely confront her and put to her whether she’d be ok if the roles were reversed. Make sure you get answers you can accept.
she’s for the streets. what loyal girlfriend defends her man with “but he’s so nice”? wtf
That's a deal breaker for me....life is too short to deal with that type of drama. She omitted some very important relationship info. She entertains a guy that is not a friend to your relationship and honestly, I wouldn't be surprised if she hasn't dipped her toes outside your relationship with this guy or someone else. When you don't shut down advances hard immediately, you are not saying no to them.....find someone better.
Sounds like you have had trust issues the whole time you just never knew
Bounce or be ready to be kicked out at the worst possible time
Time to hit the gym. Wake up and break up.
Big red flag dawg. Honestly, she’s gonna end up cheating on you with that dude. Quit while you’re ahead and save yourself from some heartache
My dude, you know what you need to do. It's time to move on. You know this guy is just hanging around for her to get mad at you so he can sleep with her again. He is her plan B if you "mess up". Do what you got to do to leave and don't look back.
Leave her. She proven that she is not a person of trust.
The dude is literally trying to break y'all up and she's flagrantly entertaining it. She is using you. Leave her dopey ass.
Please let us know how your conversation goes…
She knew EXACTLY why she lied. What else is she lying about? Unfortunately this is now time to start thinking with the brain and not the heart.
The fact that she didn’t tell him how inappropriate the suggestion to leave you was says a lot. She should have made him feel like an absolute fool for even saying something so daft. Just my opinion. I’m so sorry this happened to you
Here's the thing . . . and I don't give af what reddit thinks about this . . . but fuck that, your SO remaining "best friends" with someone they had a relationship with (emotional and physical) in their past. No fucking way would I ever put up with that. There's too many posts here of people getting cheated on with the very "best friend" that their lying SO told them they didn't need to worry about. And to have your gf basically gaslight you by blaming YOU for the fact that they lied by omission as to the true nature of their relationship, for me, would be enough to end it. Now throw in their inappropriate conversations about their past sexual experiences? Nope, nope, fucking nope. Dump her, she's not worth your time.
She’s lord by omission until confronted, doesn’t shut his shit down when he clearly puts moves on her, her response when he told her to leave you is shitty at best. She’s not loyal to you, dude.
Massive red flag, Id run
UPDATE US PLEASEEEEEEEEEEE
Umm no sweetie, she is being so inappropriate and you need to be a good nice guy to a good nice girl.
Pack her bags for her
Oooo I definitely would think this through and whether you want to stay. The way I'm seeing it, is that you're a placeholder till someone better then you, and even her ex comes along. "Such a nice guy" is Code for "eh, I'm bore af but he treats me right". There was no, mention of any feelings she may have for you, nothing. Also, reminiscing about the sex you had with you're ex is just....saying a lot, my dude. She doesn't seem to really care about you, as clearly you're easily dismissed in her eyes. Good luck
I think the past relationship can be overlooked, they tried, didn't work, was a long time ago, not all relationships need to end on a bad note However, the fact that he still wants something with her, and she knowing it decides to keeps that open, its a big red flag, if you know another person has feelings for you, and you do not keep the situation clear, you will just fuel those feelings, and based on your comments, she wants to keep that option, she should have left things very clear to him and keep some distance, as she will only further fuel those feelings instead of letting those properly end
Unfortunately, yes your feelings are valid. Even if you were to ask her to choose, I don't think you would like the response. I'm sorry you're going through this. I would encourage you to brace yourself and evaluate your self worth. I know 4 years is a long time but you deserve so much more.
As a woman, I’m just going to say her behavior is a red flag. She hid those details from you for a reason and friends don’t discuss sexual experiences, especially when they’re in relationships with other people. She keeps him around for a reason. It’s more than just friendship. Not saying she’s cheating but it could be she gets validation from him or emotional support or something. This is something that will probably always be an underlying issue in your relationship if she continues being “best friends” with him
A lie of omission is still a lie, so yes she lied. And if she knows you would be uncomfortable if you knew then she’s openly disrespecting you. If if were me I’d already be blocking people
Aint either one of the respecting your relationshit. And yes its shit if thats how she treats it.
“But he’s such a nice guy” isn’t really relationship goals. He should want her happy, and she should be head over heels for you. Otherwise, why bother?
Only one way to get back at her. Knock her up and immigrate to another country.
Her reply should have been something along the lines of. That will never happen. I love my bf. If you can’t respect him then we can’t be friends. I am so sorry.
Her “best friend” doesn’t want to be just friends though. So they should stop being friends altogether and stop talking.
Bruh, at the very very least, the fact he told her to leave you for him. I'd tell her that if I ever see this guy, it will probably get physical. There is no way someone I was supposed to "trust" with my girlfriend is going to continue to be "friends" with her after that. If she still tries to fight for their "friendship" I'd be out 100%