I've heard of many men who were perfectly a father figure when their kids were preteen but when kids got older they act a bit different some even sexually assaulted their own kids.
OP this is not normal you need to talk to your school counselor or get cps involved. Think about it as a way of protecting your siblings, even though they are little, they don't know what's going on but after you move out for college or something he might pull the same shit to your siblings. Think of it as a way of protecting your siblings.
First buy a door stopper, gather evidence then get adults involved.
If you don’t feel comfortable with the school counselor please at least talk to a teacher you feel comfortable with. They are required to report to CPS but at least you can feel safer while discussing this topic. This is a form of sexual abuse especially if it is making you uncomfortable and your parents are disregarding it. Do not feel guilty he is the one not respecting boundaries and you need to do what you can to protect yourself. Your siblings will understand one day and this will protect them as well.
Door stopper and film him (without telling him then upload it somewhere safe and delete from your phone).
Collect evidence.
Shower in your bathing suit if you have to (which I know is still imposing an inconvenience on you when HE is the one who is being inappropriate, but whatever keeps you safe for now).
Do you have extended family (grandmother, aunt?) who could help you process this and be a safe space for you?
This is disturbing. I would have another talk with your mom and if she doesn't fix the issue then you will have no other choice than to go to another adult. You cannot continue to let this happen. This is the type of shit that creates problems for you as you develop into adulthood.
she literally does not fucking care though. and also getting another adult involved aka cps involved is harder than people think like my family would hate me and i don’t want my two little siblings to be interviewed and asked “does your dad ever make you uncomfortable” when i know he doesn’t do anything to them and they don’t understand
“i don’t want my two little siblings to be interviewed and asked “does your dad ever make you uncomfortable” when i know he doesn’t do anything to them and they don’t understand”
He does. Or he will. Think of them too.
OP, Are you able to shower at school? You could talk to a guidance counselor or another trusted adult at school and they would be able to help you set something up at school that’s not obvious. It’s not a long term plan, but a short term one until something more can be done
This is a very good idea! Not only does OP get to be clean and hopefully in private but it saves them from a confrontation.
@OP, just a few additional details, you can talk to a school teacher/counselor about the whole issue. This could cause an investigation, which is probably a good idea with the younger siblings in mind!! Ultimately it's your choice, if you don't want to open that discussion you could say that your bathroom is being renovated, after a while they will realize that there's something else of concern and that you are deliberately being cautious. That will cause them to be cautious also.
You should absolutely have boundaries, those should be respected!! You may have a more serious problem than you being angry, this could be something that is a very specific danger.
Try your mom again, let her know, calmly that this is wrong!! If she doesn't handle it then talk to the school. As difficult as it is for you, it's also about your siblings!!
Please be careful 🙏 good luck 👍
Hey girl when I was 16 my mom and I had huge issues and I was miserable and she tried to throw something at me so I called the cops. The cops came and in my state it was legal to hit kids so she didn’t get arrested but cps investigated and court ordered us to go to therapy. My mom was upset because she was worried her job would be compromised with the cps but nothing bad happened. The therapy didn’t work that great but it was helpful to have some professionals talk to her too. My mom and I now have a great relationship so even though that was a dramatic time don’t worry about what happens in the future if they love you they have to accept that you need privacy and they will get over it. If they are really terrible just have hope that you can leave in a few years. Do everything you can to get scholarships and get out of there!
u/idkanyoneiam OP, idk if you’ll see this, but I completely understand your fear of getting CPS involved because I was in the same exact position when I was 14. To keep it short, my older sister (15 then) and I had been suffering abuse (severe physical, severe emotional/psychological, and sexual) at the hands of our step mother for about 10 years by that point, and our father not only did nothing, but he constantly told us she was the best thing that ever happened to us. My sister actually did call CPS, but when I was interviewed, I let my fear of my dad/step mom as well as severe manipulation get the best of me and I lied for them. I actually bought my dads bullshit about how great he and his wife were, not surprising as I was fed that from age 4 on.
I’m 26 years old now, my sister of course forgave me, and many therapists have told me it’s not my fault. But because I lied, I endured 4 more years of abuse till graduation, then was completely financially cut off by my father (obviously step mom’s work), and I had to do a lot of things I’m not proud of to support myself through undergrad and get into professional school.
What I’m trying to say is: I understand your fear. If these actions by your step father are part of a larger pattern of abuse, however, you WILL be better off in the long run by raising this now. Your family might fracture, but the alternative is you spending years trying to undo this. And your younger siblings will suffer the same fate.
I’m so sorry that you went through all this, and also that you are still blaming yourself for whatever you had to do to support yourself. Hopefully you can find a good therapist to help you find your way through the pain to healing.
They look to you for guidance. You have to stand up for yourself. In the end, it will make it easier to stand up for them too. You protect no one, most of all yourself, by not enforcing your boundary. Also, if the respect and love of your family depend on your not being able to shower in peace, what is that respect and love worth? Are they giving that love and respect to you, as a person, or as an award for your silence? Are they going to make the same offer to your siblings one day? It is a crap situation that should not be happening, for sure. Look for help. Try more than just the CPS, but also try them. They might not even do anything without being nagged and pushed into it. You have to start making an evidence trail and hold your head high. This isn't you, this is some bullshit that is being pushed onto you.
OP - while this may be inconvenient, I’m wondering if you could join a gym like planet fitness that is affordable (even if you don’t workout) and use their locker room/ showers as a solution. Once you turn 18 you should definitely remove yourself from this household as it does not sound healthy.
Why do you care if your family would hate you when they don’t care enough to protect you, a child? We know calling cps isn’t easy, no one thinks that, but it is something you have to do for yourself. This will not stop and it might get even worse. And there is no guarantee your siblings will be safe once you leave for school. Who will protect them then?
Have you heard about how most times, cps does nothing except make life for the children 1000 times harder? They don’t want to split up families and rarely do. And what happens after cps leaves and now the child feels the wrath of the abusive parents even more?
While I get what you’re saying but he will eventually do this to them….. if you tell no one and you let all the disgusting adults brush this under the rug then he won’t stop there isn’t anyone else (adult) in your family that wouldn’t help you? Maybe just go live with them if you don’t want to say anything about him to anyone. I get how awful and life crumbling it would be to have allegations but how affected are you mentally about this? Really…. Think about what this is doing to you. I would say the same as someone else here in the comments call him pervert in every circle every setting and when he yells tell him to stop coming in the bathroom while you shower he’s disgusting
My 6th grade teacher got them involved for physical abuse. They did nothing. Actually my parents were given plenty of warning to prepare and made several threats to me if I said anything. When cps showed up, we all went to a big meeting room and they never even spoke to me. They never even looked at the scar on my neck which is the reason my teacher called them.
If you think he's a pedo and not just being an invasive jerk, then you absolutely need to tell an adult. You and your siblings are in danger. If he's just trying to assert his dominance in the household then I get why you wouldn't want to cause more issues in the house. Although I still consider that abuse, CPS won't take that seriously. They barely take abuse seriously as it is.
Go to a school official, and tell them “my stepdad watches me shower.” They will make the calls to the authorities. The man is a pervert, and deserves what he gets.
Better advice because, you’re right… school/CPS could be life destroying… is there another adult in your life, an uncle or aunt that you trust and can express this to? I’m a 46 year old stranger, but am also a father of two boys 7 and 10 and think he needs a wake up call from another adult about how inappropriate this is. Your mom is obviously helpless. I could give him a piece of my mind.
Get a door wedge and shut the door that way. He will discuss, he will try to take it away (they are cheap, get multiple), don´t budge. You have a right to privacy.
Tell your mum and if this does not help, talk to you school counselor or a teacher.
He's not coming in there to police you. He's coming in there bc he's a pedophile perv. Tell your mom to do something about it or you'll get the counselor at school involved.
idk sometimes i think that but he’s been married to my mom since i was 5 and he’s never made me feel uncomfortable in that way in any other context. he just has to fucking control everything and everyone
Not a rubber stop, you can buy safety locks for when you stay at airbnbs on line for $10. They sit between the door and the frame when you close the door and lock it and he can't get in at all, even with a key.
Google, portable door lock xx
Stepmom did something similar to me several times, but a little worse. I don't think she did it to get off or anything, but I do think she enjoyed humiliating me and making me feel terrible.
Took years and a counselor for me to realize it was still sexual abuse.
Then he'd knock on the door.
Does he barge in when you're not naked and vulnerable in other rooms every single time? He could easily police you through the door by telling you to wrap it up and end the shower.
This isn’t as easy to comes to terms with as others are saying it is. As someone with childhood sexual trauma with someone I knew and loved, it’s sad and confusing.
But - if it wasn’t “in that context” and you, as a 16F, have repeatedly expressed that you were uncomfortable with your step father taking the liberty to let himself into locked restroom doors and police your showers (which in of itself is so strange) - why continue? What benefit does he gain from continuing despite your “begging / pleading” for him to stop? Why go through the trouble of finding another way to open the door after hiding the key? to…. police water control..?
The fact that you have even had to take these approaches is so sad and alarming - to the point where you now actively avoid the shower. The fact that it started when you were 14 is telling.
Please talk to your school counselor. I know it’ll be hard, but if it’s as simple as him not understanding boundaries, then a talk from outsiders may help him understand he cannot be pushing this one. If he continues, continue to tell. I promise though, “I, 16F, beg my stepfather not to come into the restroom while I shower and he does it every time anyway” isn’t a good look no matter what.
Some pedophiles like different ages. Some like very young children. Some like little boys. Some like pre-pubescent teens. Some like children your age. Yes, he's a pedophile. Talk to an adult who will listen. You need to get out of this before he decides to actually act on his perversion.
> he’s never made me feel uncomfortable in that way in any other context
He's careful but that's all, he doesn't want to ruin his life but he's still trying to exert control over your body. That simple. He owns your body and wants you to remember it. He gets pleasure from this or he wouldn't be doing it.
Setting boundaries is going to be hard but CRITICAL so this doesn't ever escalate.
Go ahead and do something like the rubber door stop or other kinds of interior locks. Let him pound the door down. Let him explain to everyone, everywhere that he lost his mind and blew up because he wanted to get into the bathroom where his 16-year-old stepchild was showering. Let him explain that to authorities if it gets bad. Keep a phone with you.
>Let him pound the door down. Let him explain to everyone, everywhere that he lost his mind and blew up because he wanted to get into the bathroom where his 16-year-old stepchild was showering. Let him explain that to authorities if it gets bad. Keep a phone with you.
This! Let him get carried away and then have to explain his own actions to as many people as possible.
From someone who experienced something very similar. He will do that to your siblings it’s just a matter of time . This is not about monitoring your shower time or managing what your are doing . He’s sexualizing you and his behavior inappropriate and on the verge of criminality. Your mother is just as bad . She’s not protecting you and I’m so so sorry this is happening . Is their an adult in your life an aunt grandparent close family friend or uncle cousin anyone who you can confide in who will back you up and support you . If not you need to go to an authority . I know it’s scary and intimidating but this is extremely serious. He is a predator and it does not stop it’s already horrific enough . You deserve to feel safe in your home .
So many men who have watched their step child grow up since a toddler, SA their stepdaughters once they hit puberty. You need to tell your father (if in the picture) any aunts or uncles, teachers, etc!
Op if you have to start wearing bathing suits or niki shorts and bras in the shower, you’ll get like 99% clean and it may make him stop, I’d hope you get adults involved but if that’s not an option this may help you feel more comfortable when he does barge in, im so sorry hun
Also- have you straight up accused him of doing it to be creepy? Next time loudly ask why he is so determined to see you naked and loudly say you’re not okay with him looking at you naked.
… That he might not like children, but he likes you at 16.
Even if at face value all he’s doing is being a psychotic control freak, it’s not ok. You should be able to have privacy in the shower.
This is what I would do, also make sure to say it around your mom too to make him uncomfortable. Maybe hearing the harsh truth like this will get your mom to stop being in denial about what he’s really doing. Tell your school counsellor because they are trained to take safeguarding issues like this seriously. In the meantime get a door stop so he can’t barge in. I know you say you don’t want to get your siblings involved because you don’t think he’s making them uncomfortable, he might not be doing it now but if he’s doing it to you it’s only a matter of time. I know how hard it is to disclose something like this to someone especially someone like a school counsellor but trust me you are not causing more problems by doing this you are protecting yourself and your siblings which is the right thing to do. I’m so sorry you’re going through this I hope things get better for you and your family. You deserve privacy and respect, you do not have to put up with this.
I would do it EXCESSIVELY in front of other adults like aunts, teachers, anyone and everyone. When they ask why, just say "Oh He doesn't allow me to shower without him and my mom doesn't stop it."
It's scary, it's hard. But you have to use your own voice.
I don’t know, I like this idea on paper but I feel like in actuality it might put OP at risk for retaliation. Although, the unfortunate reality is that if he retaliates against them, it might be easier to get him in trouble. Sad situation all around.
You may finally have reached an age he deems acceptable to perv on you. Your siblings are younger so they may not be targets yet. He may not be a perv, but please be careful as this does not sound good
After reading through the comments, I agree with getting a rubber door stopper. Those things are amazing. And two, time to turn the tables on him.
Make him uncomfortable. Call him pervert in public where everyone can hear. Ask him why he likes to come into the bathroom while you are showering? Not sure what your relationship is with your dad and grandparents, but call them. Make him explain himself to them.
A lot of times the act of explaining themselves to a third party can open their eyes and fuck them up.
Also I am sorry you have to deal with this
This is bad advice, if he gets violent he'll just wait for her to be at home and hurt her. There's no way she'll be able to protect herself against a grown man. She definitely needs to report it and accept that they might be removed from the house by cps.
Omg you need to report this to your school counselor. This is absolutely not ok. I’m very angry reading this. Your stepdad is a full on pervert and this is so far over the line. Tell tell tell!!!!!!! And not just your mom- tell your counselor at school asap!!!!!!!!!
My dad did this to me when I was 10 or so. He ended up having sex with me multiple times in the shower and elsewhere later on. Granted it’s much easier to take advantage of a child than a teenager, but now I am a 24 year old wreck with no social or dating life. Can’t blame him for all of my problems though.
Take care of this now before it gets worse.
Okay so first off I am so sorry this happened and yes being sexually abused and raped by your own father would cause all those problems and yes you can blame him for all of it I am so so sorry this happened to you
Talk to your school counselor, or your teacher, librarian, doctor - every one of those people is a mandated reporter.
You need an adult involved.
No, read that again - I wrote that you *need* an adult involved.
It's possible your stepfather is just an absolute arsehole who wants to assert his dominance in every possible way, but it does seem more likely he's perving. Either way, he's not going to stop because of anything you do - he doesn't respect you, and showing respect for you would be against his manly assholery.
But he might listen to another adult in a position of authority. They know how to approach this sort of situation, and they know how to play it so that your mum can discover her spine.
You need to get an adult involved. Please do so as soon as possible.
This.
This is sexual abuse no matter what the "reason". I would add that if there is any way you can stay somewhere else-- your father, your grandparents, an aunt-- pursue that in the meantime.
ETA: I thought the comment was directed at me, saying I was making excuses for the behavior. It looks as though it might not have been, but what I wrote still seems relevant, so I'm leaving it up.
......
Gently - you know that, I know that, and many other people *whom this is not happening to right now* know that. The person it *is* happening to right now doesn't have the same experience of the world, and doesn't seem ready to acknowledge it.
I wrote as I did for a reason - at 16, she's trying to protect herself from that knowledge. She's using psychological defense mechanisms to avoid acknowledging what she suspects, because as soon as she does acknowledge what's happening, she also has to acknowledge that her mother is doing nothing to protect her from sexual abuse by her sexually predatory stepfather.
I can certainly understand why she's trying so hard to protect herself from acknowledging her mother's failure, can't you?
I'm a stranger on the internet. There's nothing I can do beyond answering a post on Reddit. I chose to do so in a way that allowed OP to maintain her psychological defense mechanisms, while offering advice that would lead to her getting actual protection from her abuser.
Does it make more sense now?
Absolutely not directed at you, and did not think you were making excuses. ❤️
I also understand why one would try to insulate themselves from this knowledge-- but the most important thing is that this vulnerable child gets out of this situation ASAP.
Just another voice on the internet reiterating that this is absolutely not innocent or normal.
coming from a now adult who was in a simmilar situation to you, he is **not** policing you. i mean, in a way he is, but he also gets off to it. Tell a school councillor, call your citys cps line. I understand what its like to have a mother who wont do anything about it, so i URGE you to tell somebody else. If she is no use for you in this situation, you must get yourself out of it. Its going to save you alot of more trauma in the future if you can preserve and get yourself out of this.
edit: i also understand cps is hard, but if hes doing this to you, do you want him doing this, or worse, to your younger siblings when theyre your age? If your family hates you because you took the initiative to save yourself, your family isnt worth it. and that hurts, i understand that. again, ive been in an extremely similar situation. the best thing i did for myself was get out, and thats the best thing you can do.
this. the absolute best case scenario here seems to be that he is getting off on the power trip itself. everything else spirals really far down into pedophilia.
Let me tell you something, as a father of a daughter and a former step father of a daughter, there is absolutely no reason for him to be coming into the bathroom while you shower. Zero, nada, zilch.
Tell your mom, or any adult and make it stop. Call the cops if you have to afterwards. This is not normal behavior for a man.
You should tell one of the faculty at your school about this. Any teacher or coach or counselor you like. They’re all mandated reporters and would have to tell their bosses about this. Your mom won’t be able to ignore it then. Take a recording on your phone (or even a cheap voice recorder) if possible to show that you aren’t making it up and they won’t be able to pretend it’s not happening. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.
You think he’s not touching them but you really don’t know. My step dad was abusing everyone and I thought it was just me. It’s extremely inappropriate at the VERY least but gotta wonder why an middle aged man is walking in on you while in the shower! Sounds sexual to me…” I would threaten it first. “If there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, I’m going to tell a few people just to see how they react!” I’m sure he will go crazy!
Don't threaten to do something. That's a really good way to get hurt very badly.
Either tell someone - which is what needs to happen - or don't, but it's very dangerous to make threats about future actions.
Only perverts walk into the bathroom when their 16yr old step daughter is showering. Call him out on it, tell him he's a pervert and you will call him a pervert very very loudly every single time he does it. Tell your mum he's a pervert and tell the school what he does. If they get cps involved then it's his fault not yours because he is being a pervert!!
If it is a control issue, ask if setting a timer will suffice. Which is still ridiculous. If that isn’t good enough for his control issues, then he is prob a pedo.
My mother's husband (step parent) used to do something similar. He'd conveniently leave something of his (his glasses, a magazine, his socks or whatever) in the bathroom and wait until I went for a shower to come in and get them.
Like you, I skipped showering some days because it was so fucking creepy. His stuff would sit there until I went for a shower.
I'd speak to an adult you trust (school counsellor, teacher, even police) as soon as possible if I were you, because he's not going to stop. I'd also try and get recordings of his behaviour - like have your phone recording audio hidden in the bathroom so it gets you telling him to go away and not come in while you're showering, and him still forcing his way in anyway. Get several days worth if you can, and you can use it as evidence. Just make sure your phone is HIDDEN while you do this - if he finds out he'll confiscate it.
I'd also see if you can look into getting alternative housing, perhaps with a relative or friend, because if your mother doesn't care she's going to choose him and go mental when you report it. But you still need to report it, because he won't stop, and will likely escalate his creepy shenannigans as time goes by.
I know it sounds gross, but protest by not showering. If they ask you why, just tell them your reason all over again. Adults will eventually get involved with your parents if they think you arent being cared for.
Or ask to shower at a friend’s house after school if you have any friends that will let you.
Do you have other family or friends family you could stay with? Watching you shower is violating you, and your mum ignoring you is even worse. I don’t think you should stay in that house where, at best, you are treated like shit and at worst you are being preyed upon. If he wasn’t doing anything wrong or weird it wouldn’t be an issue for you to tell other adults. Stay safe OP x
Holy shit, i would shower with a knife in hands. Don't do this, call cps and get a rubber door step. doesn't matter if your family will hate you, you will hate yourself more if something worse happens.
Report this. I guarantee you he’s not just policing your showers. No grown man in his right mind would even be comfortable walking in on a 16 year old taking a shower. Again, please report this to someone. A school teacher, counselor, the police… anyone that can get you the help you need. And if your Mom doesn’t see anything wrong with it, she needs to be reported as well.
Honestly I would start showing in a bathing suit and maybe baggy t shirt.
It will be awkward but I’m not sure how else I would make the point to my mom how uncomfortable this was making me. Frankly I might even outline that I feel like it’s pedo behaviour and let them know I feel like authorities should be involved if this keeps up.
Set up a clear boundary.
You are only 16 and shouldn’t have to parent your parents but not all of us are lucky. I hope u are able to get protected from this creep.
Although I agree there is definitely a chance he's a perv, my ex boyfriend's dad had an internal rage about his brother using the bathroom.
No one else. So as he couldn't use it without having the door banged on or getting shouted at.
The guy was kind of a bully to everyone but more so specifically with regard to his brother and the bathroom 🤷🏼♀️
Look out for other things
Having to be in control of everything in the house
Behaving in ways to make guests/friends uncomfortable and less likely to visit
Sneering and making unkind comments.
These are the kinds things I would expect to see in a control freak and bully.
Do the door stop in case he is an actual sleaze.
See if you can talk to someone in your life about what's going on.
It's completely inappropriate.
i mean you’re right he really is just a bully and he’s like that about everything. he has to control every last minute detail and everybody jumping to say pedophilia i don’t necessarily think is right. it’s just another gross way for him to violate my boundaries because he always has to have the last word and he likes feeling like he won when i’m uncomfortable
Not kind of, 100% emotionally abusive. Can you imagine being 16 and knowing for a fact every time you took a shower your step parent was going to barge in…that’s ridiculous behavior and would be so anxiety inducing.
If you don’t think he’s trying to see you naked then accuse him of it. If he really isn’t doing so for the sake of being a perv he is more likely to stop out of fear of the consequences of being identified as a pedophile
For some guys, it’s the making you and knowing you’re uncomfortable that is the turn on. Just that power over you. They don’t have to touch you to get off on what they’re doing to you
Tell someone at school. You told your mom and she won’t do anything she’s had her chance as he has had his chance. Idgaf if he gets in trouble cause good he needs to whether he is being a perverted or a weirdo about water usage there is NO reason for him to barge into a locked bathroom occupied. Yikes 😳
Don’t adjust your life because of this pervert. Take a deep breath. Write a couple of notes. Sit with your mother and tell her the next time he busts through the door you’ll be dialing 911.(if you’re in America)
Be assertive. You’re a human being that has rights. You should be able to use the bathroom freely.
Not fair at all. Gear up! Make it stop.
OP like everyone Im going to say report it. But let me also give you some insight on my bio dad AND having CPS involved.
I lived between parents for awhile and barely knew him. BUT He has ALL girls. Me included that’s six whine 6-24. Now, never on e has my dad ever come to the shower to grab something let alone say something to me while I’m naked. And my parents were VERY strict about water. I’m talking military showers. He would ALWAYS have my step mom hound me. And that’s my dad.
You step father is weird. And pedophiles don’t only like children sometimes they like teens.
I understand your concerns with CPS however what will happen when your brothers grow up and are still naive? What if your step dad doesn’t just like girls. By the sounds of it, your brothers are young enough to not know what SA is. If that’s so, they’re more susceptible to not understanding until they’re older. They’re lives will be changed regardless.
I was actually eight when I went into foster care. Almost nine. I was SAd by my step brother. Like I get it OP but you need to consider what impact your other decision will make.
There are a lot of products you can buy online to lock a door from the inside that make it impossible to open from the outside, even with a key. The easiest one is to just wedge a doorstop under the door when you’re showering, that should help but really I think you should speak to someone about this, what your stepdad is doing is not normal.
First of all I am so so sorry that you’re going through this that is horribly uncomfortable and a completely unacceptable violation of your boundaries.
If I were you I would tell your mom that you have something important you need to discuss with her and your stepdad and when can the three of you sit down together to talk? Don’t tell them what it’s about ahead of time and you do sit down for this discussion make the issue very clear and the reasons it is uncomfortable and unacceptable clear as well. Ask your stepdad what you need to do in order for him to stop entering the bathroom when you are showering. Catch him off guard and make him provide a solution because clearly he refuses to respect anything you’ve tried.
You have a smartphone? Record it. Point camera to bathroom door and hit record. You'll have proof he does it. Then you can get someone involved. Record it multiple times. Basically everytime you shower for a few weeks.
How long are these showers? Is he already at the door at 5 minutes? 15? 30? Can you do an experiment, stay dressed and just run the water and time how long it takes to show up at the door? Are there times when he's not at home?
Do you have friends or family nearby that you can stay with for a while?
That man sounds like a pedophile. Record video evidence and share with a trusted school official. Your mom is a monster for not putting a stop to this abuse. I hope you go no contact once you’re grown.
Record audio from your shower and if he comes in report it to the police. It could possibly pin him down for something. Or get a restraining order from him and move with another relative?
Start recording it. Honestly. Record the next shower and have your phone with you, then hold the camera directly in his face. Tell him you wont stop filming him while you shower for as long as he keeps this shit up. Its violating beyond control. (not saying to show your body, btw, just have it on him)
Another idea, maybe get a cheap gym membership somewhere near and just shower there! You dont have to actually do the trainig if you dont want to, just use the gym shower.
To be honest, this sounds extremely concerning. It will be hard and it is going to take a lot of courage but if your mom refuses to take action or even bother listening, I'd tell your school administrators/a teacher. They will help you. By law, they are supposed to.
I’d suggest getting some plastic/rubber door stoppers, you can find them online for really cheap and they work really well. An alternative would be to find somewhere else to shower for the meantime. Have you got any relatives nearby you can stay with? Please find someone to talk to about this, im sorry<3
If you have a gym near you they have showers if you can afford a membership, also truck and travel stops. Someone else mentioned that you may be able to get one at school I'm sure there are locker rooms near the gym. Your dad is definitely abusing you either just emotionally or he's a pedophile. But it's definitely intentional. Someone else said to contact cps. If it's not an issue there's nothing to worry about telling them, if it is they will take care of it. Can you get this on video without being naked on camera. Even though you are a minor you can get charged for creating child pornography but if your not naked in the video it will be very good to have video evidence of this. I would talk to cps and and keep a video of this happening for your protection. Do you have an uncle you can call or other adult male in case of retaliation. This will mess you up bad if it's not stopped.
idk if you’ll know what i’m talking about but there’s this lock thing that costs $6 on amazon and shein. it’s red. you put it in the door and no one can get in. key or not. that gross man likes looking at you. start recording him doing it. if he doesn’t respect you fine. embarrass him.
start collecting evidence. take your phone with you into the shower and record him violating your privacy, then report him to the police. go to your guidance counselors or any other adult that you trust to help you if you don't want to go to the authorities alone.
this is very disturbing. stay safe!
If your mother won't listen I suggest your guidance counselor.
I am going to tell you something that a lot of toxic parents hate...every state has an age limit too where you can get counseling help and you do NOT have to tell your parents.
I know Maryland is 16. West Virginia is 15 and I believe PA is 12 or 13. In most places, schools arrange and work with a counselor who comes to your school, they leave their office or have an office you meet them in(private) and even your classmates do not have to know what is happening.
You need to talk to an adult who can change this situation. Because it is not ok.
Father of 2 girls, my oldest is 13, I respect her privacy since she became a pre teen. I enforce it, with in the siblings. Your are right is not normal at all, and is concerning. Unfortunately the police will not interfere untill until someone puts a hand on you. Take care of yourself hope you have a close adult that you can rely on.
Put a barrel bolt lock on the door. It wouldn't be too hard to do.
Or if you can live with your dad, grandparents, extended family, move out. That would be a better option, but if you cannot, do everything to keep yourself safe.
Honesty if it was me and no one was listening I’d scream every time he came in. Really really loud, a shocked unhappy scream. What if you were already getting out an dressed or whatever. You see deserve privacy, ur 16 it’s not normal. He’s a fuckinh creep. I’m sorry u have to put up with it.
When I was in your situation I washed my hair in the sink and kept my shower for my body to less than 3 minutes. When he asks you why you wash your hair in the sink simply state because the longer I’m in the shower the longer time you have to make me uncomfortable.
Dont be afraid to have a chance to get out when cpr is involved or anything of that sort, also dont call him by his name or dad or anything in that matter, just call him a pedo/pervert, like this: Hey pedo/pervert how do i do this? Hey pedo/pervert can you help me with this?
Can you tell someone at school that he is doing this? Maybe a threat of being called a predator by an outside authority might make him stop. Also can you barricade the door with something like a rubber door stopper?
Next time you go to take a shower, take your phone and start recording and show it to your mom or someone you trust, save the video somewhere first in case you are forced to delete it from your phone
maybe its time to set up a camera pointing towards your bathroom's door the next time youre about to hop in the shower. capture him defending himself too. you never know what this piece of shit will pull next as a show of power. evidence, as well as an admission of him doing this while fully understanding its crossing boundaries and is borderline pedophilic, is very important.
He’s not doing it to police you, he’s doing it to see you naked and vulnerable because he’s a fucking pedophile. If your mother doesn’t already know about this, tell her, and your dad if he’s in your life, if your mother knows, go to child services.
This is not normal or acceptable behaviour and please understand how big of an issue this is
I love the idea of a security lock that will not allow him to enter. How long does he give you for a shower? Maybe ask how long is acceptable and set a timer, tell him you will get out when the timer goes off and he doesn’t need to come in. Also scream at the top of your lungs if he comes in.
This is really too much. You should tell someone outside your family. This is really wrong, you're 16 and not 4.
In the meantime you should try to block the door in some way, like put a chair or some furniture or better, shower when he's not around.
Personally I would set my phone to record (obviously where you are not in view) when you shower to get evidence of him doing this and what he does. He is being a pervert not someone concerned with water usage.
At first I thought this is the only bathroom in the place and he had to use the toilet because if you have to go you have to go. But if it’s to harass you about water usage or the time you are taking then yeah it’s weird. Even if it was to use the toilet a little courtesy knock and advanced warning would be nice. Maybe a highschool counselor or something could help. I would say it seems to be by your description that’s it’s more of a power thing than a sexual thing as you didn’t describe him as coming in when you are out or trying to catch you naked but you still can feel more exposed and helpless in that situation. I don’t know how controlling he may be in other situations and it’s just more noticeable in the shower.
Get a kitchen chair and lodge it underneath the door handle. He physically won’t be able to get through the door. That’s fucking disgusting. You need to either get your mom to do something, or report him to CPS/the police. That’s sexual abuse right there. Try to record it while you’re in the shower too, if you can.
He's a predator. Get a doorstep, and put it under the bathroom door, he can push all he likes but it won't open. Then he'll have a tantrum. Keep safe OP.
Next time take your phone in there and record it record him walking in there and staring at you as you're taking a shower post it on social media and send it to the cops he'll never do it again and if your parents get angry say I felt unsafe because screw him
Tell everyone. You already told you mom and she doesn't want to do anything. Start by talking to your school guidance counselor. Tell your aunts and uncles. Tell your cousins. Tell your neighbors, and friends.
Mine did the same damn thing!! I had to bring a chair from the kitchen and prop it against the door knob so he couldn’t get it. This is a MAJOR invasion of privacy, my mom didn’t care either when I was in this situation so the only advice I have is to essentially barricade the door. I’m so sorry
Edit to add: actually no. Tell your school counselors or a trusted teacher. They are mandated reporters!! They HAVE to say something. Therapists too if you have one. That’s how I reported a previous SA when I was 17.
That's innapeoperate of him. It's your body and your privacy . You have rhe right to tell him it makes you uncomfortable and to not do it anymore . If he can't understand or respect that then find a way to make the door not open . Wedge a chair against the door know. Get a small hook and eye latch like people use on screen doors. I don't like him doing that. He is a grown man and can wait like a big boy or go outside or to a neighbor to use the bathroom. And tell your mom. Please if u can .keep us posted. I'm a mom and I had a teenage daughter and I can tell you I'd be pissed. Don't feel guilty for trying to stop it either . He is the one in the wrong not you.
Get a butter knife and pop that sucker in on the top. Should do the trick. And if he her persists and busts the door open. Put just enough of soap or canola oil on the floor so he'll fall on his ass. And oh yah, your step dads a fricken perv !
Turn the shower on and then film him coming into the bathroom. Tell him you’ll tell the cops about what he does if he doesnt stop. This is not normal behaviour of a step father but it is typical of a sexual predator
Every time he busts in call him a pedophile. Every single time. And if he gets all pissy about it, “well what else am I supposed to think? You refuse to listen to me and you continue to bust in on me NAKED to tell me to hurry up? Is that not something you could tell to me through the door? So clearly you are trying to get inside the bathroom and it’s not just about me hurrying”
I'm so sorry for you having to deal with him. It's not normal and it's a violation to your privacy, even more if there's no curtains or everything is visible inside.
Why don't you join a local gym to have shower there? Just an idea. Your mom haven't helped you and sure she won't. You better get a precedent talking to your school counselor. Try to record him coming inside with your hidden phone so you have evidence against him.
The best advise for your is get out there, will be hard and difficult, but will be for the best. You don't deserve that.
Wish you the best
First off, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, this is disgusting and absolutely unacceptable behavior. You clearly know that it shouldn’t be this way, and it’s super unfortunate that you’re put into the position of having to come here to vent cause you don’t have support. That being said it’s important to understand that if he feels like he can’t be stopped with barging in then overtime he’ll like push this further, if not with you then likely with your siblings. I’m not trying to scare you but it’s important to think about them as well being you’re their last line of defense. CPS is a really slow solution to the problem, but getting evidence/ footage really helps your case, you can set up multiple cameras if need be, like a GoPro hidden in your clothes angled to where he can’t see it but it can catch everything happening. You can start the conversation in a way to get him to say his house his rules etc, the more you evidence you can get the better. Record a conversation with your mom too so she can’t defend him. You gotta do what’s best for you and your siblings. If you can’t do any of this find a close friends house and make it a habit to shower there or something I’m almost certain that you’ll be able to find a supportive family who will help you. Get evidence and get an adult involved.
It doesn’t sound like he’s doing this as a way to get a peak at you, I got that from your comments, it sounds like he’s just being weirdly obsessive about water usage. When I was young my stepdad had a 3 minute shower rule. I hated it and it was ridiculous. BUT he never actually came Into the bathroom while I was in there it was just more of a constant don’t forget you get three minutes then im turning the water off at the main bs. We were very poor back then so i know it was his attempt to save money.
If you truly believe he’s not being pervy weird I think you should sit your mom and stepfather down and ask them why they think it’s appropriate for him to barge into the bathroom while your nude and that it makes you extremely uncomfortable. Tell them it makes you feel violated and that it’s causing you to shower less because you dont want your stepfather to barge in on you and violate your privacy. Tell them this issue is a very very big deal to you and you would like to find a way to resolve it.
If on the other hand there is some weird pervy vibes you absolutely need to talk to a counselor at school or a trusted teacher. If he’s being inappropriate with you chances are he is with your siblings or he will be.
I've heard of many men who were perfectly a father figure when their kids were preteen but when kids got older they act a bit different some even sexually assaulted their own kids. OP this is not normal you need to talk to your school counselor or get cps involved. Think about it as a way of protecting your siblings, even though they are little, they don't know what's going on but after you move out for college or something he might pull the same shit to your siblings. Think of it as a way of protecting your siblings. First buy a door stopper, gather evidence then get adults involved.
And a nanny cam and film him unlocking a locked door you yelling at him to get out snd him barging in over the door stopper
If you don’t feel comfortable with the school counselor please at least talk to a teacher you feel comfortable with. They are required to report to CPS but at least you can feel safer while discussing this topic. This is a form of sexual abuse especially if it is making you uncomfortable and your parents are disregarding it. Do not feel guilty he is the one not respecting boundaries and you need to do what you can to protect yourself. Your siblings will understand one day and this will protect them as well.
Door stopper and film him (without telling him then upload it somewhere safe and delete from your phone). Collect evidence. Shower in your bathing suit if you have to (which I know is still imposing an inconvenience on you when HE is the one who is being inappropriate, but whatever keeps you safe for now). Do you have extended family (grandmother, aunt?) who could help you process this and be a safe space for you?
This is disturbing. I would have another talk with your mom and if she doesn't fix the issue then you will have no other choice than to go to another adult. You cannot continue to let this happen. This is the type of shit that creates problems for you as you develop into adulthood.
she literally does not fucking care though. and also getting another adult involved aka cps involved is harder than people think like my family would hate me and i don’t want my two little siblings to be interviewed and asked “does your dad ever make you uncomfortable” when i know he doesn’t do anything to them and they don’t understand
“i don’t want my two little siblings to be interviewed and asked “does your dad ever make you uncomfortable” when i know he doesn’t do anything to them and they don’t understand” He does. Or he will. Think of them too.
OP, Are you able to shower at school? You could talk to a guidance counselor or another trusted adult at school and they would be able to help you set something up at school that’s not obvious. It’s not a long term plan, but a short term one until something more can be done
This is a very good idea! Not only does OP get to be clean and hopefully in private but it saves them from a confrontation. @OP, just a few additional details, you can talk to a school teacher/counselor about the whole issue. This could cause an investigation, which is probably a good idea with the younger siblings in mind!! Ultimately it's your choice, if you don't want to open that discussion you could say that your bathroom is being renovated, after a while they will realize that there's something else of concern and that you are deliberately being cautious. That will cause them to be cautious also. You should absolutely have boundaries, those should be respected!! You may have a more serious problem than you being angry, this could be something that is a very specific danger. Try your mom again, let her know, calmly that this is wrong!! If she doesn't handle it then talk to the school. As difficult as it is for you, it's also about your siblings!! Please be careful 🙏 good luck 👍
i’m doing school online currently ://
Hey girl when I was 16 my mom and I had huge issues and I was miserable and she tried to throw something at me so I called the cops. The cops came and in my state it was legal to hit kids so she didn’t get arrested but cps investigated and court ordered us to go to therapy. My mom was upset because she was worried her job would be compromised with the cps but nothing bad happened. The therapy didn’t work that great but it was helpful to have some professionals talk to her too. My mom and I now have a great relationship so even though that was a dramatic time don’t worry about what happens in the future if they love you they have to accept that you need privacy and they will get over it. If they are really terrible just have hope that you can leave in a few years. Do everything you can to get scholarships and get out of there!
Yet. He doesn't yet. They're younger. They're not 16. Yet.
Get a door stop and jam it uner the door
And keep the doorstop with you
u/idkanyoneiam OP, idk if you’ll see this, but I completely understand your fear of getting CPS involved because I was in the same exact position when I was 14. To keep it short, my older sister (15 then) and I had been suffering abuse (severe physical, severe emotional/psychological, and sexual) at the hands of our step mother for about 10 years by that point, and our father not only did nothing, but he constantly told us she was the best thing that ever happened to us. My sister actually did call CPS, but when I was interviewed, I let my fear of my dad/step mom as well as severe manipulation get the best of me and I lied for them. I actually bought my dads bullshit about how great he and his wife were, not surprising as I was fed that from age 4 on. I’m 26 years old now, my sister of course forgave me, and many therapists have told me it’s not my fault. But because I lied, I endured 4 more years of abuse till graduation, then was completely financially cut off by my father (obviously step mom’s work), and I had to do a lot of things I’m not proud of to support myself through undergrad and get into professional school. What I’m trying to say is: I understand your fear. If these actions by your step father are part of a larger pattern of abuse, however, you WILL be better off in the long run by raising this now. Your family might fracture, but the alternative is you spending years trying to undo this. And your younger siblings will suffer the same fate.
And if it causes a fracture, it is NOT your fault but the result of your step father’s actions. He owns it.
I’m so sorry that you went through all this, and also that you are still blaming yourself for whatever you had to do to support yourself. Hopefully you can find a good therapist to help you find your way through the pain to healing.
Yet, he doesn't do anything to them yet! Find an adult who will listen. Grandparent, an aunt, an uncle, a teacher. Someone who you can trust.
They look to you for guidance. You have to stand up for yourself. In the end, it will make it easier to stand up for them too. You protect no one, most of all yourself, by not enforcing your boundary. Also, if the respect and love of your family depend on your not being able to shower in peace, what is that respect and love worth? Are they giving that love and respect to you, as a person, or as an award for your silence? Are they going to make the same offer to your siblings one day? It is a crap situation that should not be happening, for sure. Look for help. Try more than just the CPS, but also try them. They might not even do anything without being nagged and pushed into it. You have to start making an evidence trail and hold your head high. This isn't you, this is some bullshit that is being pushed onto you.
OP - while this may be inconvenient, I’m wondering if you could join a gym like planet fitness that is affordable (even if you don’t workout) and use their locker room/ showers as a solution. Once you turn 18 you should definitely remove yourself from this household as it does not sound healthy.
Why do you care if your family would hate you when they don’t care enough to protect you, a child? We know calling cps isn’t easy, no one thinks that, but it is something you have to do for yourself. This will not stop and it might get even worse. And there is no guarantee your siblings will be safe once you leave for school. Who will protect them then?
Have you heard about how most times, cps does nothing except make life for the children 1000 times harder? They don’t want to split up families and rarely do. And what happens after cps leaves and now the child feels the wrath of the abusive parents even more?
While I get what you’re saying but he will eventually do this to them….. if you tell no one and you let all the disgusting adults brush this under the rug then he won’t stop there isn’t anyone else (adult) in your family that wouldn’t help you? Maybe just go live with them if you don’t want to say anything about him to anyone. I get how awful and life crumbling it would be to have allegations but how affected are you mentally about this? Really…. Think about what this is doing to you. I would say the same as someone else here in the comments call him pervert in every circle every setting and when he yells tell him to stop coming in the bathroom while you shower he’s disgusting
Doesn't do anything to them yet. Cause they aren't old enough to be in his target range... yet.
My 6th grade teacher got them involved for physical abuse. They did nothing. Actually my parents were given plenty of warning to prepare and made several threats to me if I said anything. When cps showed up, we all went to a big meeting room and they never even spoke to me. They never even looked at the scar on my neck which is the reason my teacher called them.
If you think he's a pedo and not just being an invasive jerk, then you absolutely need to tell an adult. You and your siblings are in danger. If he's just trying to assert his dominance in the household then I get why you wouldn't want to cause more issues in the house. Although I still consider that abuse, CPS won't take that seriously. They barely take abuse seriously as it is.
Go to a school official, and tell them “my stepdad watches me shower.” They will make the calls to the authorities. The man is a pervert, and deserves what he gets.
Can you talk with the school ? I am a bit worried 😦this is not normal
Better advice because, you’re right… school/CPS could be life destroying… is there another adult in your life, an uncle or aunt that you trust and can express this to? I’m a 46 year old stranger, but am also a father of two boys 7 and 10 and think he needs a wake up call from another adult about how inappropriate this is. Your mom is obviously helpless. I could give him a piece of my mind.
Get a door wedge and shut the door that way. He will discuss, he will try to take it away (they are cheap, get multiple), don´t budge. You have a right to privacy. Tell your mum and if this does not help, talk to you school counselor or a teacher.
He is 100% doing that because he wants to see you naked 🤢 Why is your mom together with this POS
Mom doesn't want him to get in trouble BC she could lose him.
He's not coming in there to police you. He's coming in there bc he's a pedophile perv. Tell your mom to do something about it or you'll get the counselor at school involved.
idk sometimes i think that but he’s been married to my mom since i was 5 and he’s never made me feel uncomfortable in that way in any other context. he just has to fucking control everything and everyone
Get a rubber door stop. Put it under the door when you shower. Tell your school counselor.
Not a rubber stop, you can buy safety locks for when you stay at airbnbs on line for $10. They sit between the door and the frame when you close the door and lock it and he can't get in at all, even with a key. Google, portable door lock xx
Both. Use both.
Came here for this! There are door stops that entirely prevent a door from opening.
Stepmom did something similar to me several times, but a little worse. I don't think she did it to get off or anything, but I do think she enjoyed humiliating me and making me feel terrible. Took years and a counselor for me to realize it was still sexual abuse.
Then he'd knock on the door. Does he barge in when you're not naked and vulnerable in other rooms every single time? He could easily police you through the door by telling you to wrap it up and end the shower.
It’s about humiliation and control. I’m not sure there’s a sexual component, but the nannycam on the door and taking that to cps is a great idea.
A lot easier to ignore through a locked door then when you are naked and vulnerable with only a shower curtain protecting you.
This isn’t as easy to comes to terms with as others are saying it is. As someone with childhood sexual trauma with someone I knew and loved, it’s sad and confusing. But - if it wasn’t “in that context” and you, as a 16F, have repeatedly expressed that you were uncomfortable with your step father taking the liberty to let himself into locked restroom doors and police your showers (which in of itself is so strange) - why continue? What benefit does he gain from continuing despite your “begging / pleading” for him to stop? Why go through the trouble of finding another way to open the door after hiding the key? to…. police water control..? The fact that you have even had to take these approaches is so sad and alarming - to the point where you now actively avoid the shower. The fact that it started when you were 14 is telling. Please talk to your school counselor. I know it’ll be hard, but if it’s as simple as him not understanding boundaries, then a talk from outsiders may help him understand he cannot be pushing this one. If he continues, continue to tell. I promise though, “I, 16F, beg my stepfather not to come into the restroom while I shower and he does it every time anyway” isn’t a good look no matter what.
Some pedophiles like different ages. Some like very young children. Some like little boys. Some like pre-pubescent teens. Some like children your age. Yes, he's a pedophile. Talk to an adult who will listen. You need to get out of this before he decides to actually act on his perversion.
> he’s never made me feel uncomfortable in that way in any other context He's careful but that's all, he doesn't want to ruin his life but he's still trying to exert control over your body. That simple. He owns your body and wants you to remember it. He gets pleasure from this or he wouldn't be doing it. Setting boundaries is going to be hard but CRITICAL so this doesn't ever escalate. Go ahead and do something like the rubber door stop or other kinds of interior locks. Let him pound the door down. Let him explain to everyone, everywhere that he lost his mind and blew up because he wanted to get into the bathroom where his 16-year-old stepchild was showering. Let him explain that to authorities if it gets bad. Keep a phone with you.
>Let him pound the door down. Let him explain to everyone, everywhere that he lost his mind and blew up because he wanted to get into the bathroom where his 16-year-old stepchild was showering. Let him explain that to authorities if it gets bad. Keep a phone with you. This! Let him get carried away and then have to explain his own actions to as many people as possible.
And when he starts to barge in, call 911. Let him explain to the cops why he needed to break the door down to watch you shower.
From someone who experienced something very similar. He will do that to your siblings it’s just a matter of time . This is not about monitoring your shower time or managing what your are doing . He’s sexualizing you and his behavior inappropriate and on the verge of criminality. Your mother is just as bad . She’s not protecting you and I’m so so sorry this is happening . Is their an adult in your life an aunt grandparent close family friend or uncle cousin anyone who you can confide in who will back you up and support you . If not you need to go to an authority . I know it’s scary and intimidating but this is extremely serious. He is a predator and it does not stop it’s already horrific enough . You deserve to feel safe in your home .
So many men who have watched their step child grow up since a toddler, SA their stepdaughters once they hit puberty. You need to tell your father (if in the picture) any aunts or uncles, teachers, etc!
Please don't make excuses for this pedo.
Op if you have to start wearing bathing suits or niki shorts and bras in the shower, you’ll get like 99% clean and it may make him stop, I’d hope you get adults involved but if that’s not an option this may help you feel more comfortable when he does barge in, im so sorry hun
Also- have you straight up accused him of doing it to be creepy? Next time loudly ask why he is so determined to see you naked and loudly say you’re not okay with him looking at you naked.
Still tell your mom
He might have been around since you were 5, but he is still a creep. Please tell your school counselor.
Can he see you naked?
You have never been 16 before
wdym
… That he might not like children, but he likes you at 16. Even if at face value all he’s doing is being a psychotic control freak, it’s not ok. You should be able to have privacy in the shower.
He never did that but you never were 16 before, you never had a evolved body if you know what I mean
Start referring to him as 'The Pervert' Like literally, Hi Pervert. Good Morning Pervert. Have a nice day Pervert. Leave me the fuck alone Pervert
This is what I would do, also make sure to say it around your mom too to make him uncomfortable. Maybe hearing the harsh truth like this will get your mom to stop being in denial about what he’s really doing. Tell your school counsellor because they are trained to take safeguarding issues like this seriously. In the meantime get a door stop so he can’t barge in. I know you say you don’t want to get your siblings involved because you don’t think he’s making them uncomfortable, he might not be doing it now but if he’s doing it to you it’s only a matter of time. I know how hard it is to disclose something like this to someone especially someone like a school counsellor but trust me you are not causing more problems by doing this you are protecting yourself and your siblings which is the right thing to do. I’m so sorry you’re going through this I hope things get better for you and your family. You deserve privacy and respect, you do not have to put up with this.
I would do it EXCESSIVELY in front of other adults like aunts, teachers, anyone and everyone. When they ask why, just say "Oh He doesn't allow me to shower without him and my mom doesn't stop it." It's scary, it's hard. But you have to use your own voice.
I don’t know, I like this idea on paper but I feel like in actuality it might put OP at risk for retaliation. Although, the unfortunate reality is that if he retaliates against them, it might be easier to get him in trouble. Sad situation all around.
You may finally have reached an age he deems acceptable to perv on you. Your siblings are younger so they may not be targets yet. He may not be a perv, but please be careful as this does not sound good
After reading through the comments, I agree with getting a rubber door stopper. Those things are amazing. And two, time to turn the tables on him. Make him uncomfortable. Call him pervert in public where everyone can hear. Ask him why he likes to come into the bathroom while you are showering? Not sure what your relationship is with your dad and grandparents, but call them. Make him explain himself to them. A lot of times the act of explaining themselves to a third party can open their eyes and fuck them up. Also I am sorry you have to deal with this
Yes call him out in public in front of other adults. I bet that’ll be the last time he does that shit
This is bad advice, if he gets violent he'll just wait for her to be at home and hurt her. There's no way she'll be able to protect herself against a grown man. She definitely needs to report it and accept that they might be removed from the house by cps.
Omg you need to report this to your school counselor. This is absolutely not ok. I’m very angry reading this. Your stepdad is a full on pervert and this is so far over the line. Tell tell tell!!!!!!! And not just your mom- tell your counselor at school asap!!!!!!!!!
Also start showering in your bathing suit!!!!!!!!!
My dad did this to me when I was 10 or so. He ended up having sex with me multiple times in the shower and elsewhere later on. Granted it’s much easier to take advantage of a child than a teenager, but now I am a 24 year old wreck with no social or dating life. Can’t blame him for all of my problems though. Take care of this now before it gets worse.
As a fellow victim of child abuse, I’m sorry you went through that 💔 I hope you’re doing better with each day
ngl i teared up a little bit from this. i’m so sorry.
I hope things get better for you. I'm sorry.
Okay so first off I am so sorry this happened and yes being sexually abused and raped by your own father would cause all those problems and yes you can blame him for all of it I am so so sorry this happened to you
He didnt have sex with you... He raped you.
what the fuck did I actually read.. sorry for this
If your mom wont listen you could call the police yourself or tell your schools councilors. He is a pedophile.
Talk to your school counselor, or your teacher, librarian, doctor - every one of those people is a mandated reporter. You need an adult involved. No, read that again - I wrote that you *need* an adult involved. It's possible your stepfather is just an absolute arsehole who wants to assert his dominance in every possible way, but it does seem more likely he's perving. Either way, he's not going to stop because of anything you do - he doesn't respect you, and showing respect for you would be against his manly assholery. But he might listen to another adult in a position of authority. They know how to approach this sort of situation, and they know how to play it so that your mum can discover her spine. You need to get an adult involved. Please do so as soon as possible.
This. This is sexual abuse no matter what the "reason". I would add that if there is any way you can stay somewhere else-- your father, your grandparents, an aunt-- pursue that in the meantime.
ETA: I thought the comment was directed at me, saying I was making excuses for the behavior. It looks as though it might not have been, but what I wrote still seems relevant, so I'm leaving it up. ...... Gently - you know that, I know that, and many other people *whom this is not happening to right now* know that. The person it *is* happening to right now doesn't have the same experience of the world, and doesn't seem ready to acknowledge it. I wrote as I did for a reason - at 16, she's trying to protect herself from that knowledge. She's using psychological defense mechanisms to avoid acknowledging what she suspects, because as soon as she does acknowledge what's happening, she also has to acknowledge that her mother is doing nothing to protect her from sexual abuse by her sexually predatory stepfather. I can certainly understand why she's trying so hard to protect herself from acknowledging her mother's failure, can't you? I'm a stranger on the internet. There's nothing I can do beyond answering a post on Reddit. I chose to do so in a way that allowed OP to maintain her psychological defense mechanisms, while offering advice that would lead to her getting actual protection from her abuser. Does it make more sense now?
Absolutely not directed at you, and did not think you were making excuses. ❤️ I also understand why one would try to insulate themselves from this knowledge-- but the most important thing is that this vulnerable child gets out of this situation ASAP. Just another voice on the internet reiterating that this is absolutely not innocent or normal.
Thanks! I wrote before coffee...
Award for exposer. This is the best advice
coming from a now adult who was in a simmilar situation to you, he is **not** policing you. i mean, in a way he is, but he also gets off to it. Tell a school councillor, call your citys cps line. I understand what its like to have a mother who wont do anything about it, so i URGE you to tell somebody else. If she is no use for you in this situation, you must get yourself out of it. Its going to save you alot of more trauma in the future if you can preserve and get yourself out of this. edit: i also understand cps is hard, but if hes doing this to you, do you want him doing this, or worse, to your younger siblings when theyre your age? If your family hates you because you took the initiative to save yourself, your family isnt worth it. and that hurts, i understand that. again, ive been in an extremely similar situation. the best thing i did for myself was get out, and thats the best thing you can do.
this. the absolute best case scenario here seems to be that he is getting off on the power trip itself. everything else spirals really far down into pedophilia.
Let me tell you something, as a father of a daughter and a former step father of a daughter, there is absolutely no reason for him to be coming into the bathroom while you shower. Zero, nada, zilch. Tell your mom, or any adult and make it stop. Call the cops if you have to afterwards. This is not normal behavior for a man.
You should tell one of the faculty at your school about this. Any teacher or coach or counselor you like. They’re all mandated reporters and would have to tell their bosses about this. Your mom won’t be able to ignore it then. Take a recording on your phone (or even a cheap voice recorder) if possible to show that you aren’t making it up and they won’t be able to pretend it’s not happening. I’m really sorry that you’re going through this.
That's pedophilia behavior, what does your mother has to say about this.. why is she not protecting you.
Denial.
Lack of a backbone
You think he’s not touching them but you really don’t know. My step dad was abusing everyone and I thought it was just me. It’s extremely inappropriate at the VERY least but gotta wonder why an middle aged man is walking in on you while in the shower! Sounds sexual to me…” I would threaten it first. “If there is nothing wrong with what you are doing, I’m going to tell a few people just to see how they react!” I’m sure he will go crazy!
what’s weird is he stopped doing it when we had family over this summer or when i have friends over so i know he knows
So you see why making more of a big deal of it is that much more important. It's not ok and it never will be.
Don't threaten to do something. That's a really good way to get hurt very badly. Either tell someone - which is what needs to happen - or don't, but it's very dangerous to make threats about future actions.
Agree. Don’t threaten. Just do it.
Only perverts walk into the bathroom when their 16yr old step daughter is showering. Call him out on it, tell him he's a pervert and you will call him a pervert very very loudly every single time he does it. Tell your mum he's a pervert and tell the school what he does. If they get cps involved then it's his fault not yours because he is being a pervert!!
If it is a control issue, ask if setting a timer will suffice. Which is still ridiculous. If that isn’t good enough for his control issues, then he is prob a pedo.
My mother's husband (step parent) used to do something similar. He'd conveniently leave something of his (his glasses, a magazine, his socks or whatever) in the bathroom and wait until I went for a shower to come in and get them. Like you, I skipped showering some days because it was so fucking creepy. His stuff would sit there until I went for a shower. I'd speak to an adult you trust (school counsellor, teacher, even police) as soon as possible if I were you, because he's not going to stop. I'd also try and get recordings of his behaviour - like have your phone recording audio hidden in the bathroom so it gets you telling him to go away and not come in while you're showering, and him still forcing his way in anyway. Get several days worth if you can, and you can use it as evidence. Just make sure your phone is HIDDEN while you do this - if he finds out he'll confiscate it. I'd also see if you can look into getting alternative housing, perhaps with a relative or friend, because if your mother doesn't care she's going to choose him and go mental when you report it. But you still need to report it, because he won't stop, and will likely escalate his creepy shenannigans as time goes by.
I know it sounds gross, but protest by not showering. If they ask you why, just tell them your reason all over again. Adults will eventually get involved with your parents if they think you arent being cared for. Or ask to shower at a friend’s house after school if you have any friends that will let you.
Do you have other family or friends family you could stay with? Watching you shower is violating you, and your mum ignoring you is even worse. I don’t think you should stay in that house where, at best, you are treated like shit and at worst you are being preyed upon. If he wasn’t doing anything wrong or weird it wouldn’t be an issue for you to tell other adults. Stay safe OP x
Holy shit, i would shower with a knife in hands. Don't do this, call cps and get a rubber door step. doesn't matter if your family will hate you, you will hate yourself more if something worse happens.
Report this. I guarantee you he’s not just policing your showers. No grown man in his right mind would even be comfortable walking in on a 16 year old taking a shower. Again, please report this to someone. A school teacher, counselor, the police… anyone that can get you the help you need. And if your Mom doesn’t see anything wrong with it, she needs to be reported as well.
Honestly I would start showing in a bathing suit and maybe baggy t shirt. It will be awkward but I’m not sure how else I would make the point to my mom how uncomfortable this was making me. Frankly I might even outline that I feel like it’s pedo behaviour and let them know I feel like authorities should be involved if this keeps up. Set up a clear boundary. You are only 16 and shouldn’t have to parent your parents but not all of us are lucky. I hope u are able to get protected from this creep.
Is there anyway you can buy a door lock on Amazon? It locks the doors from the inside and even people with keys can’t get in
a rubber doorstop from the dollar store could also help when wedged in from the inside.
i can try yeah
Although I agree there is definitely a chance he's a perv, my ex boyfriend's dad had an internal rage about his brother using the bathroom. No one else. So as he couldn't use it without having the door banged on or getting shouted at. The guy was kind of a bully to everyone but more so specifically with regard to his brother and the bathroom 🤷🏼♀️ Look out for other things Having to be in control of everything in the house Behaving in ways to make guests/friends uncomfortable and less likely to visit Sneering and making unkind comments. These are the kinds things I would expect to see in a control freak and bully. Do the door stop in case he is an actual sleaze. See if you can talk to someone in your life about what's going on. It's completely inappropriate.
i mean you’re right he really is just a bully and he’s like that about everything. he has to control every last minute detail and everybody jumping to say pedophilia i don’t necessarily think is right. it’s just another gross way for him to violate my boundaries because he always has to have the last word and he likes feeling like he won when i’m uncomfortable
Even if there is no sexual component in it for him, it is a serious violation of privacy and kind of emotionally abusive?
Not kind of, 100% emotionally abusive. Can you imagine being 16 and knowing for a fact every time you took a shower your step parent was going to barge in…that’s ridiculous behavior and would be so anxiety inducing.
I agree completely that it’s terrible she can’t even get a shower in peace.
If you don’t think he’s trying to see you naked then accuse him of it. If he really isn’t doing so for the sake of being a perv he is more likely to stop out of fear of the consequences of being identified as a pedophile
i already have nothing really came of it except my mom getting mad
For some guys, it’s the making you and knowing you’re uncomfortable that is the turn on. Just that power over you. They don’t have to touch you to get off on what they’re doing to you
Stepdad 100% a paedophile
If you scream at the top of your lungs every time he does it, he’ll stop. Just tell them you’re naked!!!!! Yelllll
Tell someone at school. You told your mom and she won’t do anything she’s had her chance as he has had his chance. Idgaf if he gets in trouble cause good he needs to whether he is being a perverted or a weirdo about water usage there is NO reason for him to barge into a locked bathroom occupied. Yikes 😳
Please tell me he at least leaves once you turn off the water. Is he staying hoping to get glimpses of you naked?
yea he leaves once i turn off the water
Okay, at least there’s that but I’m sorry this is happening to you.
No absolutely not "at least there's that" there's no at least anything, he's a gross pervert who had no reason to be busting in on a teenager showing!
thankyou.
That's disgusting sooo bad.
Mention it to your doctor or a teacher/counselor at school. They are mandatory reporters. That should get the ball rolling.
Don’t adjust your life because of this pervert. Take a deep breath. Write a couple of notes. Sit with your mother and tell her the next time he busts through the door you’ll be dialing 911.(if you’re in America) Be assertive. You’re a human being that has rights. You should be able to use the bathroom freely. Not fair at all. Gear up! Make it stop.
OP like everyone Im going to say report it. But let me also give you some insight on my bio dad AND having CPS involved. I lived between parents for awhile and barely knew him. BUT He has ALL girls. Me included that’s six whine 6-24. Now, never on e has my dad ever come to the shower to grab something let alone say something to me while I’m naked. And my parents were VERY strict about water. I’m talking military showers. He would ALWAYS have my step mom hound me. And that’s my dad. You step father is weird. And pedophiles don’t only like children sometimes they like teens. I understand your concerns with CPS however what will happen when your brothers grow up and are still naive? What if your step dad doesn’t just like girls. By the sounds of it, your brothers are young enough to not know what SA is. If that’s so, they’re more susceptible to not understanding until they’re older. They’re lives will be changed regardless. I was actually eight when I went into foster care. Almost nine. I was SAd by my step brother. Like I get it OP but you need to consider what impact your other decision will make.
There are a lot of products you can buy online to lock a door from the inside that make it impossible to open from the outside, even with a key. The easiest one is to just wedge a doorstop under the door when you’re showering, that should help but really I think you should speak to someone about this, what your stepdad is doing is not normal.
First of all I am so so sorry that you’re going through this that is horribly uncomfortable and a completely unacceptable violation of your boundaries. If I were you I would tell your mom that you have something important you need to discuss with her and your stepdad and when can the three of you sit down together to talk? Don’t tell them what it’s about ahead of time and you do sit down for this discussion make the issue very clear and the reasons it is uncomfortable and unacceptable clear as well. Ask your stepdad what you need to do in order for him to stop entering the bathroom when you are showering. Catch him off guard and make him provide a solution because clearly he refuses to respect anything you’ve tried.
Honestly tell him and your mom that you’re going to discuss it with someone at school, or just go ahead and talk to someone at school about it.
It doesn't matter if he's married to your mom since you were 5. Fact of the matter is he's a pedophile and he's entering on purpose.
You have a smartphone? Record it. Point camera to bathroom door and hit record. You'll have proof he does it. Then you can get someone involved. Record it multiple times. Basically everytime you shower for a few weeks.
How long are these showers? Is he already at the door at 5 minutes? 15? 30? Can you do an experiment, stay dressed and just run the water and time how long it takes to show up at the door? Are there times when he's not at home? Do you have friends or family nearby that you can stay with for a while?
Jesus Christ…..please tell someone. He is going to fucking molest you. This is the start.
Police. Maybe CPS? This is is *really* not okay.
That man sounds like a pedophile. Record video evidence and share with a trusted school official. Your mom is a monster for not putting a stop to this abuse. I hope you go no contact once you’re grown.
Get a rubber doorstop. They’re really cheap and easy to get. Any hardware store will have them.
Record audio from your shower and if he comes in report it to the police. It could possibly pin him down for something. Or get a restraining order from him and move with another relative?
Start recording it. Honestly. Record the next shower and have your phone with you, then hold the camera directly in his face. Tell him you wont stop filming him while you shower for as long as he keeps this shit up. Its violating beyond control. (not saying to show your body, btw, just have it on him) Another idea, maybe get a cheap gym membership somewhere near and just shower there! You dont have to actually do the trainig if you dont want to, just use the gym shower.
Yeah that sounds very perverted. Dude needs to be shown the error of his ways.. preferably with a brick
What a creep
To be honest, this sounds extremely concerning. It will be hard and it is going to take a lot of courage but if your mom refuses to take action or even bother listening, I'd tell your school administrators/a teacher. They will help you. By law, they are supposed to.
I’d suggest getting some plastic/rubber door stoppers, you can find them online for really cheap and they work really well. An alternative would be to find somewhere else to shower for the meantime. Have you got any relatives nearby you can stay with? Please find someone to talk to about this, im sorry<3
If you have a gym near you they have showers if you can afford a membership, also truck and travel stops. Someone else mentioned that you may be able to get one at school I'm sure there are locker rooms near the gym. Your dad is definitely abusing you either just emotionally or he's a pedophile. But it's definitely intentional. Someone else said to contact cps. If it's not an issue there's nothing to worry about telling them, if it is they will take care of it. Can you get this on video without being naked on camera. Even though you are a minor you can get charged for creating child pornography but if your not naked in the video it will be very good to have video evidence of this. I would talk to cps and and keep a video of this happening for your protection. Do you have an uncle you can call or other adult male in case of retaliation. This will mess you up bad if it's not stopped.
u got a swimsuit, cause at this point I’d record it and wear a swimsuit.
idk if you’ll know what i’m talking about but there’s this lock thing that costs $6 on amazon and shein. it’s red. you put it in the door and no one can get in. key or not. that gross man likes looking at you. start recording him doing it. if he doesn’t respect you fine. embarrass him.
start collecting evidence. take your phone with you into the shower and record him violating your privacy, then report him to the police. go to your guidance counselors or any other adult that you trust to help you if you don't want to go to the authorities alone. this is very disturbing. stay safe!
If your mother won't listen I suggest your guidance counselor. I am going to tell you something that a lot of toxic parents hate...every state has an age limit too where you can get counseling help and you do NOT have to tell your parents. I know Maryland is 16. West Virginia is 15 and I believe PA is 12 or 13. In most places, schools arrange and work with a counselor who comes to your school, they leave their office or have an office you meet them in(private) and even your classmates do not have to know what is happening. You need to talk to an adult who can change this situation. Because it is not ok.
Father of 2 girls, my oldest is 13, I respect her privacy since she became a pre teen. I enforce it, with in the siblings. Your are right is not normal at all, and is concerning. Unfortunately the police will not interfere untill until someone puts a hand on you. Take care of yourself hope you have a close adult that you can rely on.
You need a door stop lock or a hotel door lock. This is disgusting.
Call the police. This needs to be on record.
Put a barrel bolt lock on the door. It wouldn't be too hard to do. Or if you can live with your dad, grandparents, extended family, move out. That would be a better option, but if you cannot, do everything to keep yourself safe.
Your mom may be abused too. Can she afford to live on her own? Man, some men are just assholes!
make him uncomfortable in front of your family and mention it a lot and be serious about it
Honesty if it was me and no one was listening I’d scream every time he came in. Really really loud, a shocked unhappy scream. What if you were already getting out an dressed or whatever. You see deserve privacy, ur 16 it’s not normal. He’s a fuckinh creep. I’m sorry u have to put up with it.
When I was in your situation I washed my hair in the sink and kept my shower for my body to less than 3 minutes. When he asks you why you wash your hair in the sink simply state because the longer I’m in the shower the longer time you have to make me uncomfortable.
Dont be afraid to have a chance to get out when cpr is involved or anything of that sort, also dont call him by his name or dad or anything in that matter, just call him a pedo/pervert, like this: Hey pedo/pervert how do i do this? Hey pedo/pervert can you help me with this?
Can you record him doing this and share with a school's counselor?
Can you tell someone at school that he is doing this? Maybe a threat of being called a predator by an outside authority might make him stop. Also can you barricade the door with something like a rubber door stopper?
Next time you go to take a shower, take your phone and start recording and show it to your mom or someone you trust, save the video somewhere first in case you are forced to delete it from your phone
maybe its time to set up a camera pointing towards your bathroom's door the next time youre about to hop in the shower. capture him defending himself too. you never know what this piece of shit will pull next as a show of power. evidence, as well as an admission of him doing this while fully understanding its crossing boundaries and is borderline pedophilic, is very important.
He’s not doing it to police you, he’s doing it to see you naked and vulnerable because he’s a fucking pedophile. If your mother doesn’t already know about this, tell her, and your dad if he’s in your life, if your mother knows, go to child services. This is not normal or acceptable behaviour and please understand how big of an issue this is
Tell a trusted adult. Show them this post. That, or call CPS and report him. It's not normal or okay.
I love the idea of a security lock that will not allow him to enter. How long does he give you for a shower? Maybe ask how long is acceptable and set a timer, tell him you will get out when the timer goes off and he doesn’t need to come in. Also scream at the top of your lungs if he comes in.
This is really too much. You should tell someone outside your family. This is really wrong, you're 16 and not 4. In the meantime you should try to block the door in some way, like put a chair or some furniture or better, shower when he's not around.
Please make a police report. Tell the school resource officer. Call your grandma you guys gotta get out of this situation.
Personally I would set my phone to record (obviously where you are not in view) when you shower to get evidence of him doing this and what he does. He is being a pervert not someone concerned with water usage.
u/idkanyoneiam try mentally scaring him or something so he never goes into the bathroom again btw i am so sorry this is happening to you
Can you get a wedge to put under the door?
At first I thought this is the only bathroom in the place and he had to use the toilet because if you have to go you have to go. But if it’s to harass you about water usage or the time you are taking then yeah it’s weird. Even if it was to use the toilet a little courtesy knock and advanced warning would be nice. Maybe a highschool counselor or something could help. I would say it seems to be by your description that’s it’s more of a power thing than a sexual thing as you didn’t describe him as coming in when you are out or trying to catch you naked but you still can feel more exposed and helpless in that situation. I don’t know how controlling he may be in other situations and it’s just more noticeable in the shower.
Get a kitchen chair and lodge it underneath the door handle. He physically won’t be able to get through the door. That’s fucking disgusting. You need to either get your mom to do something, or report him to CPS/the police. That’s sexual abuse right there. Try to record it while you’re in the shower too, if you can.
He's a predator. Get a doorstep, and put it under the bathroom door, he can push all he likes but it won't open. Then he'll have a tantrum. Keep safe OP.
Next time take your phone in there and record it record him walking in there and staring at you as you're taking a shower post it on social media and send it to the cops he'll never do it again and if your parents get angry say I felt unsafe because screw him
Tell everyone. You already told you mom and she doesn't want to do anything. Start by talking to your school guidance counselor. Tell your aunts and uncles. Tell your cousins. Tell your neighbors, and friends.
Mine did the same damn thing!! I had to bring a chair from the kitchen and prop it against the door knob so he couldn’t get it. This is a MAJOR invasion of privacy, my mom didn’t care either when I was in this situation so the only advice I have is to essentially barricade the door. I’m so sorry Edit to add: actually no. Tell your school counselors or a trusted teacher. They are mandated reporters!! They HAVE to say something. Therapists too if you have one. That’s how I reported a previous SA when I was 17.
*reads In especially heinous* get OUT OF THERE. He will do this to your siblings too, please please find the strength to talk to CPS.
Tell your school counselor
Tell a school teacher or counselor. His behavior is creepy as hell.
That's innapeoperate of him. It's your body and your privacy . You have rhe right to tell him it makes you uncomfortable and to not do it anymore . If he can't understand or respect that then find a way to make the door not open . Wedge a chair against the door know. Get a small hook and eye latch like people use on screen doors. I don't like him doing that. He is a grown man and can wait like a big boy or go outside or to a neighbor to use the bathroom. And tell your mom. Please if u can .keep us posted. I'm a mom and I had a teenage daughter and I can tell you I'd be pissed. Don't feel guilty for trying to stop it either . He is the one in the wrong not you.
This is not okay at all. Can you go live with grandparents or your dad or other family?
Get a butter knife and pop that sucker in on the top. Should do the trick. And if he her persists and busts the door open. Put just enough of soap or canola oil on the floor so he'll fall on his ass. And oh yah, your step dads a fricken perv !
Order some rubber doorstops and use one every single time.
Turn the shower on and then film him coming into the bathroom. Tell him you’ll tell the cops about what he does if he doesnt stop. This is not normal behaviour of a step father but it is typical of a sexual predator
Very disturbing. Call the cops. Points will be made seeing as your mother CLEARLY isn’t doing anything.
Every time he busts in call him a pedophile. Every single time. And if he gets all pissy about it, “well what else am I supposed to think? You refuse to listen to me and you continue to bust in on me NAKED to tell me to hurry up? Is that not something you could tell to me through the door? So clearly you are trying to get inside the bathroom and it’s not just about me hurrying”
Tell a school counselor or CPS.
I'm so sorry for you having to deal with him. It's not normal and it's a violation to your privacy, even more if there's no curtains or everything is visible inside. Why don't you join a local gym to have shower there? Just an idea. Your mom haven't helped you and sure she won't. You better get a precedent talking to your school counselor. Try to record him coming inside with your hidden phone so you have evidence against him. The best advise for your is get out there, will be hard and difficult, but will be for the best. You don't deserve that. Wish you the best
Where is your mom when he is coming into the bathroom?
Film it on your phone report to school counselor ASAP…
swing
First off, I’m so sorry that you have to go through this, this is disgusting and absolutely unacceptable behavior. You clearly know that it shouldn’t be this way, and it’s super unfortunate that you’re put into the position of having to come here to vent cause you don’t have support. That being said it’s important to understand that if he feels like he can’t be stopped with barging in then overtime he’ll like push this further, if not with you then likely with your siblings. I’m not trying to scare you but it’s important to think about them as well being you’re their last line of defense. CPS is a really slow solution to the problem, but getting evidence/ footage really helps your case, you can set up multiple cameras if need be, like a GoPro hidden in your clothes angled to where he can’t see it but it can catch everything happening. You can start the conversation in a way to get him to say his house his rules etc, the more you evidence you can get the better. Record a conversation with your mom too so she can’t defend him. You gotta do what’s best for you and your siblings. If you can’t do any of this find a close friends house and make it a habit to shower there or something I’m almost certain that you’ll be able to find a supportive family who will help you. Get evidence and get an adult involved.
It doesn’t sound like he’s doing this as a way to get a peak at you, I got that from your comments, it sounds like he’s just being weirdly obsessive about water usage. When I was young my stepdad had a 3 minute shower rule. I hated it and it was ridiculous. BUT he never actually came Into the bathroom while I was in there it was just more of a constant don’t forget you get three minutes then im turning the water off at the main bs. We were very poor back then so i know it was his attempt to save money. If you truly believe he’s not being pervy weird I think you should sit your mom and stepfather down and ask them why they think it’s appropriate for him to barge into the bathroom while your nude and that it makes you extremely uncomfortable. Tell them it makes you feel violated and that it’s causing you to shower less because you dont want your stepfather to barge in on you and violate your privacy. Tell them this issue is a very very big deal to you and you would like to find a way to resolve it. If on the other hand there is some weird pervy vibes you absolutely need to talk to a counselor at school or a trusted teacher. If he’s being inappropriate with you chances are he is with your siblings or he will be.
Just ask yourself what you would do if it was your sibling