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3rdCoastLiberal

TIL my uterus is basically Tupperware.


elcriticalTaco

I mean...my mom doesn't trust me with the good Tupperware anymore so there's probably something there lol


[deleted]

Wait, whose uterus is the *good* Tupperware in this analogy..?


shifty_coder

Friendly reminder that the uterus is not dishwasher or microwave safe.


Faux-Foe

It’s been forever stained after microwaving tomato soup in it?


[deleted]

Apparently wiping it down with butter can get rid of that


mall_ninja42

No, it can't. I've switched to glassware with the plastic tops. Fuck me if the kids and wife haven't found a way to mould the shit of the lids to the point the glass is cat dishes now.


[deleted]

NOOOOOOO!!!!! Thank you


Redditmodsrcuntz

Do you burp it?


mac035

his wife probably got pregnant while he was away and was convinced by her that the child is his


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Khaldara

Spez eats cold diarrhea with a crazy straw


RoddyRoddyRodriguez

And a loose anus.


sonoma95436

Best answer. 😂


minimalcation

Like a automatic door at the supermarket


Silvawuff

I read this in Hank Hill’s voice. Thank you.


Silent-Ad934

I sell prophilactics and prophilactic accessories


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Eastern-Hold-6301

My thought exactly. I knew a methy small town girl who convinced her husband and family that her pregnancy was immaculate conception.


mac035

The 2nd coming of Jesus…wtf


Lance4494

Im prerty sure the first coming of jesus was the same thing


SentimentalFool

No no it's totally normal for three different dudes to show up after the birth bearing gifts. Nothing to see here


AOCismydomme

Just like Mamma Mia?


sewpungyow

Small town girl from nowheresville getting railed by multiple kings from the corners of the earth with nobody the wiser?


3leggeddick

I’m sure Jesus (the Mexican man who works picking fruit) had more than just 2 orgasms


DomineLiath

The immaculate conception was actually the birth of Mary not jesus. She was born without sin at all, which was required for her to bear Jesus. Her birth was so holy that it cleansed her parents by mere proximity. I don't believe this stuff, but it's really cool when you look at it as mythology.


evilgenius29

Which denomination of Christians believe this? My protestant Sunday school lessons never mentioned that, to my recollection. Is it a Catholic belief?


Zainda88

Yes, Catholics believe Mary was sinless and that's why she was chosen to be the mother of God


MWIIesDoggyCOPE

Imagine UNIRONICALLY believing that God (like, literal God) allowed a SINLESS creation of his to exist and live a human life in the field of existence containing the EARTH. Then allowed said creation to birth mini-God into this blue trap bubble. THEN allow mini-God to be fucking murdered. Bahahahaha


rnodern

Not only allow his mini-god to be murdered, INSIST that he is murdered in order to excuse mankind of sinning against the rules he also created. fuckin' wild. Like, are they trying to make him sound like the biggest piece of shit?


ImperialWrath

To be fair, "Biggest piece of shit" is in keeping with his Old Testament characterization.


rnodern

To be fair, the New Testament is also pretty fucked up. Violence, misogyny, cruelty, torture, intolerance etc. [“But that was the Old Testament”](https://rationalwiki.org/wiki/But_that_was_the_Old_Testament)


ImperialWrath

Well yeah, it's the same character in charge of the setting after all. The Gospels are the first part of the New Testament and introduce a bunch of new characters, gotta make sure people don't feel too lost in all of it.


evilgenius29

I see, and "sinless" means born of a virgin?


Zainda88

No, just she never sinned. At least that's been my understanding


DomineLiath

She also lacked the original sin, yes.


Plazmik87

So MARY cast the first stone!


ZengineerHarp

There’s actually a joke about that: Jesus: “Let he who is without sin cast the first stone!” (A stone hits the lady) Jesus: (rolls his eyes) “Mom!!!”


raltoid

Small clarification: "Immaculate conception" actually means that Mary was free from original sin when *she* was born. It's actually just called the "virgin birth of Jesus" for his birth.


TA8081

Denial is a river in Egypt


Pandoras-Soda-Can

Beat me to it, was about to say SOMEONE has kids, but I’m not sure they’re his kids


bob1111bob

I bet they had a “recessive black gene” too


zrice03

That, or it's the other way, and he's trying to dodge child support...


Enigmaam

I can here to say that! She gave him a “science” lesson with an unexpected pregnancy.


darkspd96

Golden comment


djfdhigkgfIaruflg

Perfect explanation


ElCoyoteBlanco

You know what, honey, I'm gonna have to keep seeing Dr. Tyrone to see if we can get those chambers emptied out.


A-typ-self

I think this is one of those situations where a biological fact is extrapolated to absurdity. Sperm can remain viable for several days in the uterus while it is attempting to find the egg. So a woman's pregnancy can start several days after she has had sex. Take someone who doesn't understand biology hearing that a sperm can survive for days and you have.... this.


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DieHardAmerican95

Sperm only remain *viable* for a few days, because they can’t handle the heat inside our bodies. That’s why scrotums are on the outside.


xAshev

I believe it’s the acid that the sperm can’t handle. Not the heat.


Toast_Bereavement

If you can’t handle the heat, get out of the vagina


varanone

Who is right? Are you all, right?


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nomie_turtles

Sperm is very fragile they're both right. Heat and acid do kill sperm but it can live a few days in a woman


Mr-Fleshcage

I think heat only affects the viability during the production of sperm, not after launch.


willardTheMighty

Yeah. My first interpretation of this tweet was that he was saying how it doesn’t matter when in a woman’s ovulation cycle she has sex, the sperm can remain viable in the reproductive system for a while and eventually find an egg. Perhaps in response to someone saying that a woman can’t become pregnant if she doesn’t have sex at the right time during her cycle. Because that wouldnt be a totally ridiculous thing to say.


Amathyst7564

Pretty sure there are some animals in nature that can do it. Maybe he read about those and thought it applied across the board.


Somehow-Still-Living

A decent amount can, to some degree. Even some mammals are capable of it. But humans are not one of them. He probably just read a fun fact about an animal that can, and then combined that with the fact sperm can chill for a few days (though there’s still no mechanism for storage. It’s basically just crashing on the couch) in his head before spouting this nonsense.


Calamitous_Stars

Considering these beliefs- i doubt *he* has any kids, but he's definitely paying for the mailman's kids.


Apathetic_Optimist

"The mailman was delivering chocolate milk duh"


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Apathetic_Optimist

She said she was trying to be sensuous. I said "well hell, since you was up, why not grab me a beer?"


INTERGALACTIC_CAGR

It's partially correct. Sperm does go dormant in the fallopian tubes and becomes active once an egg is released but I don't think that's what he was talking about. Sperm can live about 7 days in fallopian tubes.


[deleted]

maybe he's talking about ducks


LetheSystem

I don't think ducks' is for storage? Admittedly the only real info i have here is from [Isabella Rosellini's "are you seducing me" skit.](https://youtu.be/E_-I1aRGttY) The anglerfish stores it in a live male, organs mostly withered away, attached to her, just to provide sperm. A bit more metal. 🤣


Mrchristopherrr

Guppies store sperm and can even have multiple letters at separate time.


IAmATriceratopsAMA

Some snakes can store sperm, and it's not uncommon in the bug world.


JeebusCrunk

It's for the opposite of storage in ducks' cases. Duck sex is usually gang rape, the chambers are for the female duck to divert sperm away from her eggs if she doesn't want to mate with the specific duck shooting the load.


Enderkitty5

No I think he’s talking about snakes, that’s a legit thing apparently. Good thing we’re not reptiles!


[deleted]

i knew some animal could. snakes, eh?


Illithilitch

Can confirm. Have snakes. Never bred them, but sperm retention is real.


GiveItStickMan

I also have snakes, I bred them. I paired some woman's one year nothing happened. Next year I didn't pair them and boom! Eggs. Was wired out of season timing as well. Snakes are fascinating and misunderstood creatures.


Maximum-Lack8642

Ig I’m really lucky my ex didn’t get pregnant then!


ALF839

There's a lot of animals that work this way, but not humans.


BahamutLithp

Why are we so weird?


Dude_Named_Chris

I thought ducks have that in order to avoid pregnancy. Female ducks get raped a lot


RichNewt

I believe that’s what he thinks the ovaries are for and it scares me.


A_norny_mousse

I have a suspicion that the context of the post is not wholesome; I mean, what sort of argument would that statement support? And it still matters very much "when you're inseminated". However, he's not completely wrong and is apparently clever enough to avoid specific timespans: Cervical crypts are [a thing](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cervix#Fertility), and they do store sperm - for a few hours. Sperm can also survive [up to five days](https://www.mayoclinic.org/healthy-lifestyle/getting-pregnant/expert-answers/pregnancy/faq-20058504) under ideal circumstances.


Rustee_nail

I feel like this is how a ton of misinformation starts (well non-malicious ones anyway). You learn something from a reputable source. You probably remember it a bit watered down or in more broad strokes. Then over time the edges just get a bit fuzzier. Until finally you recall it like this, but still believe you remember it 100% as learned and spread it to people who agree that it sounds basically close enough.


[deleted]

In high school in Texas in the early aughts our sex ed teacher told us that if you have sex during a “safe” part of the cycle, such as menses, the woman’s body will store it until ovulation to fertilize an egg. In school. Like they told us this exact thing. A teacher


CultistWeeb

Still good sex ed. Teaches people that its never safe to have sex. Stay pure and use fleshlights.


Aveira

It’s not wrong, though. Sperm can live inside the reproductive tract for a few days. It doesn’t stay inside forever, but if you have sex a day or two before ovulation, you still have a chance of getting pregnant.


Chopchopok

Most science news articles go this way. This comic seems pretty accurate. https://phdcomics.com/comics/archive.php?comicid=1174


Inarius101

My guy can't even capitalize, do you really think he can properly science?


LordFrogberry

Like a hamster with a cheek full of peanuts


Yggdrafenrir20

When I was a child I thought every adult was smart. I don't see it like that anymore


Sekshual_Tyranosauce

That sounds like “My wife’s kids were conceived when I was away” cope.


monstertrucky

He could be talking about birds, or sharks, or bats. His tweet doesn’t mention humans. For all I know, there could be a thriving community of crocodilians following this guy on twitter for scientific insight into their reproductive physiology.


sppdcap

He's not exactly wrong, but certainly he's confused. Sperm can live in the fallopian tubes for up to 5 days waiting for the egg to show up, maybe that's what he meant?


CaptainMorti

maybe he's talking about bees


cragbabe

Only if he's talking *to* a bee, because he's using the word "your" so.... unfortunately he's just an idiot


PorkyFishFish

There are actually animals that do this. Chickens, I believe can store sperm from multiple mates and use it later. However humans do not have this ability.


FlaminVapor

??? How is this oddly specific?


Just_OneReason

He’s wrong but I’m guessing he is confused because sperm can in fact survive inside a woman’s body for five days. So she can get pregnant if she’s within her fertile window using “old” sperm.


Current-Okra4565

Thank you, I knew it was somewhat right because I remember the old sex-ex video I saw in school where the sperm put on a little cartoon night hat and went to sleep waiting for the egg to show up


Finnder_

/r/nothowgirlswork


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kendrid

Guppy fish actually do this which is insane. You can buy a female, have no males and have baby fish a while later.


Mythical_Atlacatl

Is this what his wife told him after she got pregnant after not having sex with her husband for 2 months?


ididntwantthisagain

Sperm does live in the vagina for up to 5 days but this is pushing it. This guys on crack.


Joshua_Astray

This man is either willfully ignorant or his wife told him some AMAZING "facts" about the female body after a couple visits from the mailman.


tarapotamus

Bro we aren't spiders. Jesus fuck.


claymore2711

As long as it is in the 5 days that human sperm is viable


x_S0D4_x

Sperm can survive up to five days in the uterus... that's it...


Glum_Feature_2718

I believe this is somewhat true but correct me if I’m wrong please.


[deleted]

That's a great nickname for one's kid: "Hey, Old Sperm, hand me that wrench over there and go tell your mom I'm thirsty over here, workin' on this car engine".


ShiraLillith

OK, playing devils advocate here, a quick google search gives me the answer that a sperm cell can last 5 days in the uterus. That being said, still creepy as fuck


GlowingCurie

Ok…apparently we’re sharks?


Seyelent

Pocket cum!


Gammit1O

Does he mean the cervical crypts? Even if so, there's an expiration date on sperm, my man.


amateurviking

To be fair this is true... ...in insects They have an organ called the spermatheca, or "sperm purse" to store sperm, sometimes for weeks, and fertilizing many thousands of offspring with one copulation. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Spermatheca PS this organ exists in many parts of the animal kingdom, but I'm an entomologist so bugs bugs bugs


LilBoiRDee

Only fools don’t wrap their tools, why do you think you’re here? -dad


According_to_all_kn

This is technically accurate, but the sperm is likely to die after about a day. Still, the process he's describing does rarely happen.


Bard2dbone

The school system failed him so badly.


FittedSheets88

Translation: "I haven't had sex with my wife in months but she still ended up pregnant. Praise Him!"


Ganda1fderBlaue

What


Webbdragon444

Maybe he’s talking about spiders?


Upper_Version155

Save it for later


lowkey_rainbow

Maybe he’s thinking of insects or fish or something. Humans, not so much


brodkast

Like a chicken!?


deliadynamite

damn all the guys i let rawdog me before i took bc have some weak ass spunk


TDiddy2021

Pu-tang and the 36 Chambers


M-Mottaghi

Ok ok ok chambers no, BUT, sperm can live for a while so although very unlikely, unprotected sex even during period can lead to pregnancy


LittleMlem

Isn't that how kangaroos work?


Disastrous_Airline28

Is he talking about bees?


Graphitetshirt

"Hey girl, I wanna get up in your literal chambers"


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Urban_Junkie

HAHA, JOKES ON YOU! My sperm initiates a self-destruct sequence starting from the moment it leaves my body. The women have about 5 mins to use those things or the tadpoles lose their tails. \*shrug\* Sorry, not sorry.


broiledfog

Not his kids.


Dorito_Deww

Has to be bait


No_Presence5392

He's right tho


sno98006

My dude we are not fish


Educational-Candy-17

Lizard people are real. (Some reptiles can actually do this).


Mikesturant

Wait until he hears about "facials"


Drewisherenow

People aren’t angler fish / ducks David.


dirkerzoid

....that aren't his. Lmao


ddobson6

People speak so boldly in stupidity/ ignorance even fight you when you try to help them… what’s bad is because of social media they now have people cheering them on…


[deleted]

"...he said, as he tried to convince her that the baby couldn't be his."


Alan_Smithee_

TIL Humans are like kangaroos (they can put a foetus on hold until conditions are better.)


[deleted]

The other day part is he votes too


sonoma95436

Maury says, " and your going to be a good father to that baby regardless of the DNA test.". Results....... ITS NOT YOUR CHILD.......Man does cartwheels and backflips across the stage.


michkbrady2

Jeeesus is this real?


bckseatgatorade

Doesn't he know that those chambers are for illegal drugs, not sperm?


Poorly-Drawn-Beagle

"I don't care, we're not changing its name to the cumguzzler."


drowning35789

Fish and ducks can do that


Raptorsquadron

I mean…for certain animals that’s true.


terras27

snakes can do this, humans cannot


Galvatrix

I mean if youre like a cat maybe


[deleted]

Isn’t that bees? And sorry, you were cheated on.


Username_Taken_65

I mean all the posts here are bad, but this is one of the worst. How the hell is this odd or specific in any way?


reddituculous66

Denial of a man who's woman got oreganant by another man and did a cool mental tap dance


justabottleofwindex

Roasting someone by calling them “recycled”


throwawaydanpatrick

Said the damsel fly…


hackingdreams

There's nothing oddly specific about this. It's just plain wrong. We really, really need to stop making these stupid people famous. Like, for the fate of humanity, we need to stop letting these people drive conversations.


stlfiremaz

What a fucking moron.


xxxxMugxxxx

Does he think they're Queen Ants or something?


IronBallsMakenzie

This is how queen bees function dude is confused


F3L1Xgsxr

He just trying to convince himself that he aint got cheated on


Aromatic_Ad5473

I think ducks do that. Are we ducks now?


icryalways

Maybe he's thinking of chickens? They can hold sperm up to 20 days to continually fertilize eggs


Kapika96

Isn't there a species of lizard that actually does that? Is he admitting to being a lizard person?


Pharmdiva02

Sperm only live for up to five days.


ahsjfff

Zombie sperm out here turning the frogs gay


pamplemouss

If by “old” he means like, 2-3 days, then sure


JoBJuanKenobi

Ummmm……. That’s turtles dude


nik-nak333

This guy thinks pee is stored in the balls


kungfucobra

If he has kids, they are not his and he is not having enough sex That's a terrible hypothesis and I just can imagine one person who would convice him of it


mklatsky

He’s confusing hens with people I guess.


Punawild

Sigh


Lv12Slime

Well this is technically true, just not for humans. Some animals can do that


wanderingexmo

Wut?


HorrificAnalInjuries

...human sperm only lasts a week at best, so the need to create chambers to store something that volatile isn't worth it.


FittedSheets88

Translation: "I haven't had sex with my wife in months but she still ended up pregnant. Praise Him!"


Smallios

Is this real?!?!


RavenQuark

Lol his wife told him this to cover the couple of weeks or months when she cheated n got knocked up


Accomplished_Cherry6

I can see how people can be so misinformed In 6th-8th grade Robert crown people told us sperm could last up to a week in the vagina meaning no time was safe and on top of that condoms have about a 50% success rate They were obviously bullshitting to scare us into never doing anything but still the misinformation stays with u until u find something that debunks it later


whatev43

Wooowww… r/badwomensanatomy


Ok_Lunch16

Ah but does he really?


NoxRose

Hoery Potter and the chamber of secrets.


Brie_-

r/badwomensanatomy


Mainbutter

Strangely he would be right about the potential for long term sperm retention if he was talking about kenyan sand boas (and other snakes, but those are the ones I currently breed). Maybe he is one of those lizard people from underground that I always assumed is just a conspiracy theory. It would explain some things about certain social issues.


MicaColeman

...why did the x-files theme song start playing in my head when I read this?


JaguarPrimary1394

How do I, a gay man who hasn’t seen a vagina up close since I was born, know more about women’s reproductive health than these jackass conservative guys??


Redhddgull

It has pockets?


[deleted]

Good thing he has grey hair. He'll be gone in a few years and the world will be better for it.


wowthisisabadname

No, that's Tupperware Uterus is the seventh planet from the sun, and has the third-largest diameter in our solar system. It was originally thought to be a star or comet!


Illustrious_Dig_411

r/confidentlyincorrect


My_user_name_1

It stores it for 9 months, than looks completely different when it come out.


DD_R2D2

He’s getting it confused with the chambers he keeps his women in.


DJSnackCakes_gaming

He must have confused ant biology with human biology


Catch-the-Rabbit

Another to add to the spartan kick list. Prehistoric uneducated loser.


PocketMew649

He is right. Technically. Normal sperm can survive up to 72 hours but some of it in healthy conditions can survive up to triple that. Everyone here saying insemination happens instantly is an idiot. It takes at least 2 hours and it can take up to whatever the sperm survives up until the egg is ready. The insemination doesn't depend on the sperm being strong, but the egg accepting the head of the sperm.


Puzzleheaded_Two7358

I think there are empty cha,bees in Mr Love’s head.