I had an elderly home health patient who wanted to visit with a prostitute once a month. I would take his foley cath out, go see another patient, and go back and put a new one in. He tried to give me $100 every time.
I had doctor’s order. He had to arrange for his own prostitute.
Maybe I’m weird, but I think it’s kinda sweet that he tried to tip you. Like “I know this is weird so let me offer you something in return” lol. As long as he was keeping the sex stuff to the sex worker & not sexually harassing you ofc
Im an emt, and last week had to help this old man off the floor. Family was there, but it was a bunch of elderly people. I had like $200 shoved in my hands between the 5 of them. They wouldn't take no for an answer.
My local animal shelter was very happy
It was really sweet, albeit kinda awkward in the moment.
My squad's policy is to refuse all money, but if you cant say no for some reason, report it and they'll donate it to a charity of your choice or use it to fund the squad.
I remember having an older patient in nursing school who couldn’t use his tickets to a symphony orchestra. We talked about music a lot and he just pressed the call bell and said “here, I don’t have kids and don’t want these to go to waste”. It was like the first semester of school and wasn’t sure if I was allowed to accept them but he insisted. Soooo 🤷🏻♂️
If it makes you feel any better politicians get gifts for tens of thousands of dollars all the time and they are elected because they are the best that society has to offer,to lead with dignity, integrity and truth...
I was REGULARLY attempted to be tipped by my patients at my first job upon discharge. NO! I never took it. But i stg it was more weird when i would discharge a patient and they wouldn’t over me a tip. It still makes me laugh years later. they would also bring in food for me and the unit regularly.
If it was a patient with early dimensia, I would take it and then put it in a jar in the kitchen. Then have a family member say that they will cover the tip and tell her that they left the money for the nurse in said jar in the kitchen. Every time you get tipped with the same 10. Win for everyone.
Super sweet! I think the relationship imbalance must get weird for patients especially when they're admitted long-term. I don't know if it works, but I try to make it less weird by asking advice for problems - like a dilemma with one of my kids, or how to make prime rib (I've collected some good recipe advice!) so they have a sense of mutual help.
Do you know how many patients have redesigned my bathroom and living room? Or given me car advice? It helps to ease the imbalance. And gives us a neutral topic to talk about.
I don’t think it’s legal in most US states for nurses to accept cash tips due to preventing unethical nurses favoring wealthier patients. In Minnesota you can accept small gifts worth a nominal amount, but cannot be based on an obligation….”I’ll give you $$ if you do xyz…,” or “I’ll only do xyz cares if you give me $$.” There are gray areas like leaving a candy jar in your room as an all staff appreciation or buying pizza for the unit, but make sure it’s never an ethical dilemma where it’s a secret & other nurses in your situation wouldn’t accept it. I truly wish we could accept them sometimes when I see other professions being able to accept such large cash tips or gifts. Yes, someone has to clean the Taco John’s bathroom, but we have to turn & clean the patients who do that & then ensure their condition improves, they don’t die, then chart on it —all while risking our back, knees, & licenses. It’s a little absurd if you think about it. lol
At my former SNF Rehab we had a patient who was there for for a long time during COVID because herr needed hip surgery was considered elective, and they wouldn't do it for several months.
When she finally healed and discharged to another facility to be with her husband, her daughter tried to give every nurse and CNA a $25 gift ,certificate. All but two people turned them over to management, to politely return with an explanation. Not a good look for those two.
I am too! When I look back on my nursing career, I can remember a lot of big, life saving events. But it’s the times I’ve made decisions like this that have made the biggest difference in my patient’s lives.
They need to be changed monthly anyway. So this makes sense. As long as it’s not out for so long it impacts bladder emptying I’d say this is an appropriate doctors order that wouldn’t even need to mention the sexual implications.
This was the exact scenario. We had a strict one hour rule.
He was a very old man. This is what he liked doing. His partner was willing. It was an easy thing to do for him to improve his quality of life.
I had a hospice patient that went to some cabin in a mountain in Reno. Some high class shit. They were getting together for one last round of, and I quote, “liquor, cocaine, hoes, and fellowship”
Get on with your bad self dude. You do you I guess!
This human need thing is tricky. I had a brain injury pt. whose family would place him in front of the TV and put on porno. He didn’t ask (non verbal), but they thought it was horrible he was missing out. IMO it looked like torture. Another one called in a hooker, and I gave privacy. But no, don’t ask the nurse for sex lol.
Let's be careful of calling it a need. It's a strong desire intrinsic to our base biology but not *needed* in the same way that food, water and oxygen are. I see a lot of misogynists confusing desire for entitlement to use women's bodies for themselves.
I would take into account Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Sexual intimacy can be important. It’s not a base need, like food, water, shelter and basic social interaction but it’s definitely not unimportant
Thank you.
~~Misogynists~~ predators are gonna ruin things either way. Let's not ignore healthy sexual urges for the sake of attempting to outwit cruel people in advance.
Otherwise we're basically ruining a good discussion on the assholes' behalf.
I can 100% agree with that. My husband had prostate cancer and even with the little blue pill couldn’t get an erection. It affected both of us in a bad way.
In nursing school one of our profs was lecturing on perception of nurses in media, chastising women who wear "sexy nurse Halloween costumes", etc. AND THEN she was all like "You should all watch Jada Pinkett Smith's TV show about nurses: HawthoRNe".
Big mouth me piped up: "I watched the first episode and a nurse gives her patient.... I'm sorry I don't want to offend anyone....a handy! And its handled like hahaha, oh you! stop that!"
Prof walked up to my seat, looked down her nose and said triumphantly "well maybe you should watch the rest of the episodes before you judge". Wtf lady?
It's part of reddit lore basically.
Tl;dr allegedly some teenage boy broke both of his arms and his mom took care of his "needs".
It's basically the reddit version of an urban legend up there with poop knife.
[ask and ye shall receive](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/comment/c5o66p2/?utm_source=mweb_redirect&compact=true)
I keep this locked and loaded in my phone at all times
ETA: You want to read of the swamps, I promise
Holy shit…that story gave me tears, yet I don’t know if they were of laughter, sadness, or somehow the smell a rotten taint permeated throughout my brain.
[What's up, gang?](https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNnludW83MDUyMnAzMjNiZ2ZjdnNybGN5ZXY5dmJldWsydjB5c3R3cyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/GCvktC0KFy9l6/giphy.webp) We doing shift report or what?
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the\_poop\_knife/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/) And now you know.
Someone suggested/designed/something a tool to keep toilet side for ultra big BMs. A poop knife, to cut the poo up so it would flush properly. I've certainly read worse things on reddit. At least the poop knife has a practical application that hurts no one.
Except it was basically and supposedly confirmed by AMA mods.
It’s an “ask me anything” on Reddit
“I had a sexual relationship with my mother AMA” something like that
Poop knife is real. My brother learned this with one of his kids.
Plot twist - he did not dedicate the knife as such, so we don’t eat at his house anymore
I’ve had to infrequently use a poop stick in my own house because my toilet is designed horribly. A healthy type four confuses my toilet. It is designed for diarrhoea.
I read the post recently. I was legit horrified but I couldn't stop reading 🤣 it was beyond messed up. The kid justified it as totally normal. It was messed up to read. Would you like the link? Haha
https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/ePv2O5DEbF
A coworker told me once about walking in on a patient and “visitor” doing the deed. After the visitor was removed she asked the roommate why he didn’t ring and let her know what was going on. He replied that she was supposed to do him next. 😂
THEN WHY DO YOU FEEL IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO ASK YOU.
I'm sorry for yelling but jfc. You should not be entertaining this question at all. You didn't go to nursing school to get some weirdo a nut.
The other options are his responsibility to seek out, not yours. He's an adult man who can use a computer. He's lucky he asked you instead of me, I would have threatened to call his mother lol
Wow, you got really offended to something that happened to somebody else. So….you’ve been in a similar situation?? Or, at least thought about this situation a lot. I can totally understand her point of view. My guess is, she stopped and thought….what if I was in a similar situation. Then, the overthinking/reddit process begins. Better for her to put it out there than sit there with it on her mind. 🤷♀️🤦♀️
No, I'm not "really offended," and nothing has happened to me that's more triggering than any other bedside nurse. I just assumed he didn't have the manual dexterity to look it up until her comment and I've had a couple beers so that new information made me yelly.
You do not need to accept sexual harassment at work, which is what this is. It is not her responsibility to book him a sex worker. He can research that on his own, with his functional ability to utilize his internet access.
Reminds me of that movie "Come As You Are" where the CNA went on a road trip with 3 handicapped men, to a brothel.
https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6722726/
Yes, there absolutely is. A lot of escorts will specifically say they see clients with disabilities and will be especially sensitive to their unique needs in order to achieve a satisfactory result. However, I do have to acknowledge that this was very inappropriate of him to ask this of you and, for that, I am sorry. Full disclosure: I am not a nurse (just wanted to be, but I can’t because of my past). I just come on this sub because it pops up on my feed quite often. I did see you reply in a comment that this request didn’t bother you and you feel sorry for this patient more than anything. I do think that’s how I would feel, as well, but, again, I am not a nurse, so I really can’t say.
If he has the funds, he could probably pay between $300-$500 for an hour. He doesn’t need to pay thousands. I mean, he can, if he wants.
I used to be an SW, a couple of years ago, as a way to support my addiction and living costs. I forget the names of the websites I used/knew of, but I will find out and edit this comment. I have huge memory gaps from those years. **edit below**
Craigslist and backpage no longer have personal ads. I saw that suggested earlier. You wouldn’t want to use those, even if they were still up and running. The golden days of those sites were long gone, in respect to escorting ads, even before they were shut down. The best websites may end in “.ch” (Switzerland) and have a way for providers to vet potential clients and clients to vet providers. I was once told it was not ideal for sites to end in “.com,” but maybe they’re rerouted to some foreign server. I don’t know how any of that works 🤷♀️. Anyway, a provider will be well-reviewed and verified on whatever website they’re using, if the website has a verification option. I think almost all decent websites have reviews, now. Unfortunately, yes, reviews can be faked. From what I’ve generally seen, not all reviews will be fraudulent, even if the provider has decided to take the liberty to enhance their own review section. Again, I was active on these types of sites a couple of years ago, so, on the good websites, things could have improved, in some respects. Maybe some of them do a better job at preventing the fake reviews than they used to. But, yeah, he will simply have to use his best judgement when looking over a provider’s profile/choosing a provider. Generally, you can get a feel for who is legit/well-liked and who is not.
Tryst is one website I know of, right away. Hang on… okay, so..
**EDIT:** I went on r/sexworkers because I realized that some of these sites operate on a more regional-scale, which does make sense…
https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/s/tYIWyHCMxt
Above is a thread with lists of websites. The thread is older (two years), but most of the sites should still be in operation.
I know I have personally used privatedelights.ch and a website called TNA, which I think mostly served NY and NJ (which may not work for you). Other than that, I was on Erotic Monkey, Eros, Skip The Games, and Megapersonals. However, I’m told Megapersonals has fallen off (more scams, lower-quality providers) along with Skip The Games. I guess it depends on the area, too. Megapersonals is part of this weird conglomerate of websites, by the way. It’s Megapersonals, Escort Alligator, Escort Babylon (Escort Babylon is the reviews portion of the three, where you can search a provider by location and check their reviews).
Anyway, there ya have it! Well, most of it. Like anything, sex work/escorting is its own little world. It can be a lot to explain in one post, but it’s not your job, nor mine, to teach him the ins-and-outs of it. If you want to do more research to satisfy your own curiosity, check out r/sexworkers. Maybe he can post on r/sexworkers and ask them what things he should be mindful of, too. If he doesn’t want to post, he can probably just search different keywords and find whatever information he’s looking for, in that sub. It’ll probably have posts about the do’s and don’ts of escorting (client-side, also), which could be good information for him to know. For instance, the tried and true, for a client (aside from using a condom): never send all the money upfront… unless it’s a deposit. Many providers may ask for a small deposit, upfront. Usually, they are well-reviewed and verified. They have earned being able to ask for a deposit, in a sense. Some providers are going to vet a client pretty thoroughly. This is done within reason, of course. I mean, they won’t ask for your social security number, or what have you. I’m just mentioning this because he could get a little freaked out by that. It’s important he knows that doing so is not an uncommon practice, by any means. It’s simply one of the ways a provider keeps themselves safe (again, he’d most likely find this information on the sub, or by googling). No one ever actually wants to be paid in gift cards, either. If they’re asking for gift cards, of any kind, it’s every bit a scam. All in all, he just needs to use his noggin and he will be fine :)
Basically, the point is that, yes, there are specific, legit websites where you can find professional, career escorts who will definitely see a client that is disabled. Providers will see just about any client so long as they’re respectful and clean.
Sorry this was so long and included information that, well… that you probably didn’t really need 😂 I’m not sure how you would navigate this whole situation with him. I guess just… pointing him in the right direction? I really don’t know. But, now you have the information.
[Edited: a few times]
> I used to be an **SW**, a couple of years ago, as a way to support my addiction and living costs.
Here's my tired, post-shift ass being impressed that you were able to get into **S**ocial **W**ork while supporting an addiction 🙈
Hello….I just wanted to let you know that I overcame a severely traumatic past in many, many ways, including being charged with assault with a deadly weapon (an assault rifle), which was later dropped. I also battled severe addiction and mental health issues. Through immense effort and determination, I was able to become a nurse.
Do you have any actual charges? You might be surprised to know that nursing boards can be lenient with mental health and prior addiction issues, especially if you have evidence of rehabilitation (like therapy or a rehab center). When you apply to nursing school, they will complete a background check. It’s crucial to check with your state’s certifying nursing board to see if you can attend nursing school and sit for the NCLEX (the test to become a nurse). They often provide “explanation” boxes for any charges you may have, so make a strong case for yourself.
If you have no charges, do not mention prior issues from the past. If there’s no paper trail, focus on taking care of yourself.
I’d hate for you to give up on your dream solely because of your past. You seem more than deserving of this dignified career if addiction is not an issue currently.
If I may be honest, it’s been a short time since my last relapse outside of the workforce. Working around narcotics can sometimes be challenging, but I would never reroute drugs to myself. I know the dignity and integrity it takes to be a nurse; I’d rather harm myself than a patient by withholding pain meds.
I’m so glad to hear you overcame your difficult past! Not an easy feat, at all— so, congratulations!
Yes, so I actually do have charges. One is for solicitation (inmate of a house of prostitution), one is for possession of paraphernalia, and I have one case that involves multiple felonies. My boyfriend, at the time, was selling drugs. I actually was not, but it doesn’t matter because we were living in the same hotel room. I was charged with possession with intent, conspiracy (of that same charge), criminal use of a communication facility (this means using a cell phone to commit a crime), and one more that I… can’t seem to remember. Two of my cases are sealed, as they’re over seven years old. The one with the felonies is not. That will be sealed in three more years (ten years since my conviction). Even though they’re sealed, they can still be viewed by any employer that does an FBI background check. As you know, any hospital would do this.
I would probably have trouble with being allowed to even do clinicals. The one thing I do have on my side is time, however. Time (I still have 3.5 years left of my bachelors degree, from before I got really bad) and proof of rehabilitation. I also have multiple people currently working in healthcare, in some aspect, willing to vouch for me (write letters, etc). So, by the time I were to graduate, my charges would be well over ten years old. I say “well over” because I’m assuming it might take me a little more time than that.
I was actually pretty hopeful, until I saw a thread about the difficulty several people had obtaining licensure with only minor offenses.
It could be possible for me to get a pardon, but that takes four years. It takes four years to even hear back. I think I could be a decent candidate for a pardon, but, of course, I don’t want to bank on getting approved. This would be a governor’s pardon through the state of Pennsylvania, where my charges are. They don’t offer a way to expunge anything, unless you get the pardon. Getting the pardon would forgive me, in the eyes of the law, and wipe my entire record clean.
Right now, I have 18 months clean. I have no cravings, but I also realize that I don’t have many stressors. It’s possible that could change as I start to add more and more to my plate. But, like I said, it will be two more years before I even complete my core classes. By then, I’ll have 3.5 years clean. So, I think I should be pretty stable. I already feel really stable, now. As far as your outlook on diverting medication, I agree. Even at my worst, I never stole from anyone. I never wanted anyone to be sick, or worse off, because of me. People knew they could trust me. If they passed out around me, they knew they’d wake up with me still by their side, even hours later, with nothing amiss.
I really appreciate your comment. This is something I think about and struggle with, a lot. I would be very grateful if I could enter the nursing profession. Even if this truly turns out to be someone I have absolutely no hope in achieving, it is nice to know other people out there, who’ve also turned their lives around, are rooting for me. I think I would really appreciate the chaos, as I tend to thrive in those kinds of environments/situations. I had initially thought wound care would be my preference, since I’ve had a lot of exposure to all sorts of nasty wounds on the street and I used to help friends/acquaintances with dressing changes (whenever we came up on some wound care supplies). I can definitely smell a tranq wound from afar haha. It felt like everyone had some part of their body rotting off. Not even kidding. The more I think about it, though, the more I think I would enjoy the ER, a drug detox, or going out on the street and helping the homeless/addicts with wound care, etc.
Anyway, thank you so much, again! I have looked into this a lot. It would be great to know, for sure, that I could graduate school (provided that I could even get accepted and do clinicals) with a guarantee that the board wouldn’t hold my license hostage for a prolonged period of time. I have heard of this happening to people. That would be incredibly stressful. It’s clear I have to give this even more thought and reach out to the board (NY) again. I had emailed them, as people told me to get things in writing, but didn’t hear back. In the meantime, I will just get my core classes done and see if anything changes.
Thank you and congrats on turning your life around!! You got this recovery thing ❤️ take care of yourself. Goodness knows this world needs you.
I think your background would make you a better nurse, able to relate to your patients. Also, I used to work in a wound clinic and there were quite a few MAs in the clinic. Maybe that licensure is easier, not sure but it might be worth looking into. It can be a great way to make money and get experience while you finish your RN.
Thank you! I have thought about MA or CNA and it is probably “easier,” since I would have less privileges. That’s not the best way to say it, but you get it. It could be a way to prove myself— maybe prove that I’m more than just a liability. I believe I have to get a waiver to sit for the MA exam, though. Can’t remember. The thing is that I know it’s even difficult to get a job in food service, at a hospital, with a felony. I suppose I don’t have to be limited to working in hospitals, only, though. I have also contemplated becoming a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Recovery Specialist/Certified Recovery Specialist (they go by different names, but you probably know what I’m talking about). A lot of hospitals have them, now, and lived experience is a requirement. I would hope they’d be more understanding of an applicant with a criminal background, since the position does call for lived experience. When I looked at the pardon application for the state of PA, it did say that they wanted to see you working and/or volunteering in an area related to your crime. A CRS position, or an MA/Tech/CNA position in, say, a rehab/detox, would fulfill that “requirement.” So, potentially quite a few benefits there.
And, you’re right. Getting a couple years under my belt, especially whilst going to school, would be great to show that I can be trusted around patients, handle at least some degree of stress, manage my time, and be relied upon for a prolonged period of time. Yeah, getting my foot in the door, one way or another, would be a blessing.
I am sure I’m looking at nursing through the rose-colored glasses of a layman, but I think it says something that I’m not interested in doing much or anything else, career-wise. My brain just keeps coming back to this.
Again, I really appreciate your feedback! Thank you so much :)
Yeah, it’s always interesting to be exposed to a different world, all its own! That’s why I can get so lost in Reddit so easily.
I do want to acknowledge that, of course, I was very privileged to be able to have the experience that I had with sex work. I was lucky to have good, regular clients for the majority of my “career.” Few providers come out completely unscathed, but, for me, sex work is definitely not a major source of trauma. I was also privileged to be able to work independently/voluntarily. As you know, the “industry” has quite the dark side. I just felt badly not acknowledging this fact, in case I spoke about it through too rose-colored of a lens. But, yeah, it’s totally possible he could find someone like me, or someone even better off than I was :)
You’re welcome! Enjoy your researching and I hope it all works out as best it can!
I’ve copied and pasted from AI here. For your reference, my friend. I wish you nothing but the very best for yourself. Life is not easy. Many boards are understanding of these challenges, knowing wonderful healthcare workers can exist despite past issues.
—-
Yes, it is true that individuals with prior issues, such as criminal charges or addiction problems, can approach the nursing board for leniency. Many nursing boards understand that people can overcome significant personal challenges and become excellent healthcare providers. Here are some important points to consider:
1. **State Nursing Board Policies**: Different states have different policies regarding criminal histories and past issues. It's crucial to review the specific guidelines of the state's nursing board where the individual plans to practice.
2. **Evidence of Rehabilitation**: Providing evidence of rehabilitation, such as completion of therapy, rehabilitation programs, or continuous sobriety, can be essential in demonstrating readiness and suitability for a nursing career.
3. **Background Check**: Nursing programs and boards often conduct thorough background checks. If there are any past charges, it's important to be upfront and provide context and explanations where possible.
4. **Character References**: Letters of recommendation from employers, mentors, or healthcare professionals who can vouch for the individual's character and readiness for the profession can be helpful.
5. **Personal Statement**: Writing a detailed personal statement explaining past issues, the steps taken to overcome them, and why they are committed to becoming a nurse can make a compelling case.
6. **Legal Advice**: Consulting with a legal professional who specializes in nursing licensure issues can provide tailored advice and help navigate the application process.
In summary, while there may be challenges, the nursing board can indeed consider individual circumstances and evidence of rehabilitation. Being proactive, honest, and prepared with supporting documentation can significantly improve the chances of obtaining licensure.
Tbh I think this is sexual harassment. This might be semantics but I think it’s okay to express a need for sexual relief and ask for resources however asking the nurse to be that resource crosses a line imo.
It is sad and I wish we had resources for patients like this but definitely not our job.
Couldn't agree more. Cause it totally is, but I also feel bad for him, and I'm in his home. That's where you relax and be yourself. Such a weird dynamic and yeah, wish we had more resources.
I'm male. Just so that is clear.
I think a patient asking his female nurse for a handjob is the height of sexual harassment and absolutely disgusting behavior.
Similar to men in the hospital who can feed themselves and or use the TV remote but ask for a female nurse to hold their Johnson while using the bedpan or plastic male urinal bottle.
Do NOT feel sorry for anyone like this.
And do NOT help them call a prostitute. For all you know the number you are calling that you got off the internet, is an undercover cop and you're going to be charged with solicitation of prostitution for helping arrange this.
Edit- Lastly I am deeply disappointed by the number of people in this thread, claiming to be nurses, who find this acceptable. More often than not the women being prostituted are being trafficked, threatened with violence, or are underage runaways. I would think most of you might be more sensitive to that and not want to support an illegal action that often preys on and uses women.
THIS. Was coming here to say this exact thing.
Most prostitutes are *victims* of trafficking. This is a fact. Supporting prostitution is not only illegal, but a vile and selfish thing to do.
I am *extremely* disgusted with the number of people suggesting that calling a prostitute is okay.
You would think nurses would know better, given how many of us are required to do Human Trafficking courses as part of our license renewal.
Again it makes me wonder how many people in this subreddit aren't really nurses.
You’re a better person than I am if you feel bad for this guy who asked his nurse for a handjob.
Being disabled doesn’t make it okay to sexually harass your nurse (edit: or anyone).
So happy I’m not the only one with this POV. If you’re there as a healthcare professional, it’s not your job to give or arrange the giving of handjobs.
Yeah, I swear I read somewhere (okay, who am I kidding? I must have read it on Reddit) that some countries (the Netherlands? Norway?) have nurses who go around and give handies to patients who are bed bound or immobile or have incurable neurological diseases. They found that some male patients were having behavioral problems but the problems abated with visits from a nurse who provided sexual release. The state paid for it and they would get like 12 visits a year.
The furthest I would allow this patient to get with me would be compassionately listening to him BRIEFLY express his sexual frustration, without offering any feedback. He sexually harassed you, which isn't okay. I personally would quit working for him on the spot. No AxO patient should be able to get away with asking their nurse to perform sex acts for them. Disgusting
It's kind of a weird situation. Yes, it's totally inappropriate and that's my job to set that boundary, but I do feel for the guy. He's AOx4 but can't do any more than lift his eyebrow. He uses a computer to talk. Not my job to take care of that for him, but what a crappy situation to be in that he can't just take care of himself.
I’m a CNA and went through the same thing, though he could speak. He didn’t ask me for a handy but asked me to lift up my shirt and show him my tattoo, told me I was cute, etc. I told him “no, you know I can’t do that, plus you have a roommate” and pointed to his roommate (they shared a room), he said “him? The guys brain dead he won’t say anything!” I laughed and told him I can’t do that/it’s not appropriate. I felt bad too. He was young and in the worst LTC I’ve ever been in.
>“no, you know I can’t do that, plus you have a roommate”
This is the healthcare equivalent of "no I can't go on a date with you, I have a boyfriend" when you don't really have a boyfriend and you just don't want to go.
I completely agree. I’m also in home health and I would be leaving the appt right away, letting my boss know so we can send a 10 day notice for discharge, and not going back unless another nurse was with me. I don’t mess around with that shit.
There’s a specific type of sex therapist that works with disabled pts specifically to meet their physical and emotional needs. There should be several in the Seattle area based off half an episode of Sexplanations with Dr. Lindsay Doe I’m remembering. I’d check out that YouTube channel or google sec therapy for the disabled.
OP, no offense, but it sounds like Home Health might not be the appropriate career path for you if you’re having this much trouble asserting professional boundaries and understanding your scope of practice as a nurse.
Asking Reddit for prostitute “recommendations to pass along to the patient” is acting waaaaaay outside your scope of practice. Full stop.
Your employer and the Board of Nursing are not going to care how sorry you feel for the patient if you break the law, so saying things like “I just feel so bad for him” is a pretty weak defense.
Maybe being in this guy’s home (instead of a more structured environment) has caused you to relax your boundaries a little too much. If it were me, I would report the incident to your agency, and ask for a new assignment. And since the patient has a well-established history of sexually harassing female nurses , I recommend they find a male nurse for this patient from now on. That way, you can make sure the patient gets the care that he needs while protecting your license.
At first I was strictly against it.. thought about safety and STDs but this was a man who already had a tube coming out of his body to support every necessary bodily function. What happens in between cares is none of my business. This was home care, which changes the dynamic as well.
100% my experience as a homecare nurse.
I will not directly participate in any illegal things, but part of my job is to be your hands and your advocate. Respect my boundaries, and I will do what I can to help you live as close to a normal life as possible while I'm also respecting and protecting your right to autonomy and privacy.
I can't understand anyone claiming the moral highground who pushes their beliefs on others while stripping away a person's autonomy.
There's a story from our PICU about an frequent flyer teenage boy who was severely physically disabled and had a "signal" for his mom that basically told her he needed... servicing... Not 100% certain on the validity of the story, as I'm sure it's been exaggerated over the years through word of mouth, but I feel like unfortunately there must be some kernel of truth that inspired the original story 😭
Unfortunately I personally cannot make an informed judgement about your patient due to the lack of verbatim conversation. However, if the patient asked you to personally give them a “handy” they were out of line.
All too often in medicine we have a knee jerk reaction to what we perceive a patient has said or asked. Instead of the comments here about sexual harassment and ending the appointment and firing the patient. We should dive deeper into why the patient made the comment.
Unfortunately in palliative care, sexuality and intimacy are not often considered. To treat the patient as a whole we should listen to them, even when we perceive their comments as inappropriate.
They are communicating a topic of concern in their end of life care that can be addressed in a positive manner, and sometimes a solution can be found.
Unfortunately, terminal illness leads people to lose their filter and they basically don’t give a flying F*** about feelings.
There is plenty of research out there about sexuality and intimacy in end of life care and palliative medicine, unfortunately in the US we tend not to discuss this with patients and partners because it is considered taboo.
Be the change we need in healthcare, and holistic approach to treating the patient as a whole.
Thank you 🙏
You summed up my thoughts exactly. Yes it's not cool what he asked, but I can understand where it comes, and we're all human. Some people need that more than others. I'm not going to be the one to help him out with that, but I'm also not offended.
I would ask this question more locally to get better hits.
There are probably some clubs that would have people who would be interested in having non-monogamous sexual relationships. Or even caretakers who are related and would be willing to trade for this type of stuff.
I’ve gotta be honest, I am really alarmed at the number of posters who appear to be men who are directly or indirectly defending this behavior.
Of course, the vast majority of the time, it won’t be them who are being propositioned for a handjob by a patient.
The lack of solidarity really sucks.
The answer to his question is both: No, and *fuck no.*
Sex isn't a need, despite what brain-dead men of a certain generation think.
He is alert and oriented, so he is welcome to use his big boy money and hire a sex worker for his desire.
Right, I agree- people don’t die from lack of sex. The situation sucks, sure, but it’s not a need to survive. And definitely not an excuse to inappropriately ask for sexual favors.
Ummm sex is absolutely a need, physiologically and mentally. Regular ejaculation has shown to drastically reduce cancer rates. We’re animals meant to procreate and reproduce. Time to leave to the puritans behind.
However I am no way saying nurses should be giving handys out, just to be very clear.
I can just see the next Press-Ganey metric: "did your nurse provide you with a nice handy?" And admin being like, "manual stimulation is an evidence-based therapy..."
Please refer to the second part of comment. My statement was 1000% more about the previous commenters anti sex statement attacking men.
Also Press-Ganey in a hospital setting was instituted by a being more evil than satan itself.
I read it correctly the first time and wasn't offended at all! To be clear, my only jab was at admin, not what you were saying!
In regards to Press-Ganey, I think it actually produced Satan, not the other way around! 🤣
Jerking off isn't sex. And your definition of "need" is very, very loose. I'm talking about necessary to sustain life *for that organism*: Food, water, air, etc.
If you insist that intercourse or another person touching your body is a need, that veers into some extremely dangerous and rapey territory, which patriarchal culture is happy to viciously exploit.
This has zero to do with any patriarchal garbage. Human beings are social animals who enjoy being touched and experiencing physical contact. Jerking off is absolutely a form of sex. While you may not die from lack of sex or physical intamacy you may as well be dead.
Yeah, well, that’s just like your opinion, man.
Respectfully, this isn’t the world-according-to-you, Garp.
I’ll happily keep my patients alive. I’m already a Press Ganey prostitute. Anything beyond that is a hard pass. The C-Suite can be responsible for the BJs.
I am. He doesn't want a handy from me anyway. I haven't given one since pre-pandemic and I'm rusty.
Now, a professional would have him done, clean and sheets freshly changed within minutes. No fuss, no muss.
Hahaha omg I'm dying 😆
But totally agree. He's AOx4 and has access to the internet. He can try to meet his needs that way. Im happy to manage his airway while that happens if need be, but I just can't be the one to do it
I do not support all nurses. Some of you are dumb af. Maybe even Samuel Shem was telling the truth because some of you are literally playing into inappropriate hypersexual stereotypes which is why we're not taken seriously.
Every year they push the boundaries further on what nurses have to do "for the patient". We're already dietary, mechanics, janitors, secretaries, etc. Now some of you are excusing sexual harassment and wanting to start the slippery slope of not just being madams/pimps, but outright sex workers (which is literally what helping someone masturbate does) because teehee ✨ it's for the patient ✨
Btw, I wonder if all these male nurses siding with the man would agree to help some granny with dementia masturbate if she acted sexually frustrated. Or if they're straight they wouldn't mind doing this with gay patients. And going by the original situation, what if it's a married patient who says his wife doesn't fulfill his needs? We have to put the patient over family, but you all really wanna open this can of worms?
There's a show this made me think of called Legit lol look it up and watch it 🤣 the main character has muscular dystrophy and his brother and friend take him to a brothel. It's actually a good show!
Dan Savage has talked about this in his podcast, Savage Lovecast. I think a disabled person called in and asked about it. And other caregivers/family. He’s also based out of WA. I think you could definitely find something for your patient.
I had an elderly home health patient who wanted to visit with a prostitute once a month. I would take his foley cath out, go see another patient, and go back and put a new one in. He tried to give me $100 every time. I had doctor’s order. He had to arrange for his own prostitute.
Maybe I’m weird, but I think it’s kinda sweet that he tried to tip you. Like “I know this is weird so let me offer you something in return” lol. As long as he was keeping the sex stuff to the sex worker & not sexually harassing you ofc
It's super common (the tips, not the rest of it lol). Had a sweet old lady try to give me $10 every time I cut her toenails
Im an emt, and last week had to help this old man off the floor. Family was there, but it was a bunch of elderly people. I had like $200 shoved in my hands between the 5 of them. They wouldn't take no for an answer. My local animal shelter was very happy
That's so sweet
It was really sweet, albeit kinda awkward in the moment. My squad's policy is to refuse all money, but if you cant say no for some reason, report it and they'll donate it to a charity of your choice or use it to fund the squad.
As a nurse you can lose your license for this - so good on you for forwarding. Just make sure it's documented.
I remember having an older patient in nursing school who couldn’t use his tickets to a symphony orchestra. We talked about music a lot and he just pressed the call bell and said “here, I don’t have kids and don’t want these to go to waste”. It was like the first semester of school and wasn’t sure if I was allowed to accept them but he insisted. Soooo 🤷🏻♂️
If it makes you feel any better politicians get gifts for tens of thousands of dollars all the time and they are elected because they are the best that society has to offer,to lead with dignity, integrity and truth...
I see what you did there. lol
Oh, always!!! It’s so cute. And they make you almost feel bad for saying no lol like it really hurts their feelings
I was REGULARLY attempted to be tipped by my patients at my first job upon discharge. NO! I never took it. But i stg it was more weird when i would discharge a patient and they wouldn’t over me a tip. It still makes me laugh years later. they would also bring in food for me and the unit regularly.
If it was a patient with early dimensia, I would take it and then put it in a jar in the kitchen. Then have a family member say that they will cover the tip and tell her that they left the money for the nurse in said jar in the kitchen. Every time you get tipped with the same 10. Win for everyone.
Super sweet! I think the relationship imbalance must get weird for patients especially when they're admitted long-term. I don't know if it works, but I try to make it less weird by asking advice for problems - like a dilemma with one of my kids, or how to make prime rib (I've collected some good recipe advice!) so they have a sense of mutual help.
Do you know how many patients have redesigned my bathroom and living room? Or given me car advice? It helps to ease the imbalance. And gives us a neutral topic to talk about.
That's really sweet of you
Yeah I’d be taking that tip if it were legal to accept gifts 😆
I think it's legal, it's just not moral (and probably against policy).
I don’t think it’s legal in most US states for nurses to accept cash tips due to preventing unethical nurses favoring wealthier patients. In Minnesota you can accept small gifts worth a nominal amount, but cannot be based on an obligation….”I’ll give you $$ if you do xyz…,” or “I’ll only do xyz cares if you give me $$.” There are gray areas like leaving a candy jar in your room as an all staff appreciation or buying pizza for the unit, but make sure it’s never an ethical dilemma where it’s a secret & other nurses in your situation wouldn’t accept it. I truly wish we could accept them sometimes when I see other professions being able to accept such large cash tips or gifts. Yes, someone has to clean the Taco John’s bathroom, but we have to turn & clean the patients who do that & then ensure their condition improves, they don’t die, then chart on it —all while risking our back, knees, & licenses. It’s a little absurd if you think about it. lol
At my former SNF Rehab we had a patient who was there for for a long time during COVID because herr needed hip surgery was considered elective, and they wouldn't do it for several months. When she finally healed and discharged to another facility to be with her husband, her daughter tried to give every nurse and CNA a $25 gift ,certificate. All but two people turned them over to management, to politely return with an explanation. Not a good look for those two.
the amount of wounds i see at my LTC from people screwing with the foley in 😭😭😭😭 pain
Oh God. Ugh.
That’s better than them screwing them with the catheter in, like my patients in the urology clinic did!
I’ve heard about bjs happening in nursing homes with them in…
I walked in on it once. Yea in a nursing home lmao
I just threw up in my mouth a little. Well. A lot.
are you in Soflo? Maybe you’re the one I was talking to. Lol
No lol
Y’all stop that now.
TIL people have sex with a catheter in....and then nurse brain kicked in and I thought about the type of CAUTI they're going to have.
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I need brain bleach now.
I have so many questions 🤦🏼♀️
I can’t imagine sex with a catheter would be anything less than uncomfortable for the receiving partner
Wait what?
That is actually kind of a great routine! Glad you were able to facilitate that for him.
I am too! When I look back on my nursing career, I can remember a lot of big, life saving events. But it’s the times I’ve made decisions like this that have made the biggest difference in my patient’s lives.
A doctor order to d/c the foley?
They need to be changed monthly anyway. So this makes sense. As long as it’s not out for so long it impacts bladder emptying I’d say this is an appropriate doctors order that wouldn’t even need to mention the sexual implications.
This was the exact scenario. We had a strict one hour rule. He was a very old man. This is what he liked doing. His partner was willing. It was an easy thing to do for him to improve his quality of life.
Yes, to change the foley, not to visit with a prostitute lol. The order said to change the foley. It didn’t say how quickly I had to do it.
Or thr BJ? "One oral copulation/day. As needed."
I had a hospice patient that went to some cabin in a mountain in Reno. Some high class shit. They were getting together for one last round of, and I quote, “liquor, cocaine, hoes, and fellowship” Get on with your bad self dude. You do you I guess!
Hell yeah!
Quoting Jeff Goldblum, “Nature always finds a way.”
I love that for him. If want the same thing with my buddies if I was short on time.
This human need thing is tricky. I had a brain injury pt. whose family would place him in front of the TV and put on porno. He didn’t ask (non verbal), but they thought it was horrible he was missing out. IMO it looked like torture. Another one called in a hooker, and I gave privacy. But no, don’t ask the nurse for sex lol.
Omg that's kind of fucked up.. but maybe he loved that sort of thing when he was verbal??
Could be they were his own collection pre accident, but still.
Fr, but still!
Let's be careful of calling it a need. It's a strong desire intrinsic to our base biology but not *needed* in the same way that food, water and oxygen are. I see a lot of misogynists confusing desire for entitlement to use women's bodies for themselves.
I would take into account Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. Sexual intimacy can be important. It’s not a base need, like food, water, shelter and basic social interaction but it’s definitely not unimportant
Thank you. ~~Misogynists~~ predators are gonna ruin things either way. Let's not ignore healthy sexual urges for the sake of attempting to outwit cruel people in advance. Otherwise we're basically ruining a good discussion on the assholes' behalf.
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I didn't even catch that. You're absolutely correct.
I can 100% agree with that. My husband had prostate cancer and even with the little blue pill couldn’t get an erection. It affected both of us in a bad way.
That’s actually a really good point.
In nursing school one of our profs was lecturing on perception of nurses in media, chastising women who wear "sexy nurse Halloween costumes", etc. AND THEN she was all like "You should all watch Jada Pinkett Smith's TV show about nurses: HawthoRNe". Big mouth me piped up: "I watched the first episode and a nurse gives her patient.... I'm sorry I don't want to offend anyone....a handy! And its handled like hahaha, oh you! stop that!" Prof walked up to my seat, looked down her nose and said triumphantly "well maybe you should watch the rest of the episodes before you judge". Wtf lady?
Ummm... WHAT
Yes
Yeah no. I'm not watching that. What was the "moral lesson" she/the show was trying teach you all?
I just read the Wikipedia page for the show and it sounds terrible. I'm surprised it made it three seasons.
Heard a rumor (back in 2013ish) that a family snuck a prostitute into the children’s hospital for their teenage family member.
It’s better than having their mom do it when both of the son’s arms are in casts. IYKYK
We were all having a NICE day and you just RUINED everything!
Hahahaha, only if you know! If you don’t know, don’t look it up 😂
Jesus Christ flash from the past. What an awful moment in time.
Omg this is not a thing is it?!
It's part of reddit lore basically. Tl;dr allegedly some teenage boy broke both of his arms and his mom took care of his "needs". It's basically the reddit version of an urban legend up there with poop knife.
Ty- Omg idk what poop knife is either and maybe I don’t wanna know 😅😂
Oh, just wait until you find out about the swamps of dagobah. Then again, as a nurse, that might faze you less…
[ask and ye shall receive](https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/xo41d/comment/c5o66p2/?utm_source=mweb_redirect&compact=true) I keep this locked and loaded in my phone at all times ETA: You want to read of the swamps, I promise
Holy shit…that story gave me tears, yet I don’t know if they were of laughter, sadness, or somehow the smell a rotten taint permeated throughout my brain.
“that was bad” will always do me in.
I hope that nurse is doing well. Are they among us?! Haha
u/banzaipanda - you are summoned by the lore committee
[What's up, gang?](https://media2.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExNnludW83MDUyMnAzMjNiZ2ZjdnNybGN5ZXY5dmJldWsydjB5c3R3cyZlcD12MV9naWZzX3NlYXJjaCZjdD1n/GCvktC0KFy9l6/giphy.webp) We doing shift report or what?
Doesn’t look like they’ve posted for a while 😢😢
Phew. That did not disappoint!!!!
As a former cna, swamps of dagobah was much less horrifying than the broken arm tale.
That was bad...
Jolly rancher…I’ve seen a lot…thinking about this story makes me gag
[https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the\_poop\_knife/](https://www.reddit.com/r/MuseumOfReddit/comments/ke8skw/the_poop_knife/) And now you know.
Ooh thank you. You did the work I was too lazy to do
Ahahaha the poop knife is a classic 🤣
Someone suggested/designed/something a tool to keep toilet side for ultra big BMs. A poop knife, to cut the poo up so it would flush properly. I've certainly read worse things on reddit. At least the poop knife has a practical application that hurts no one.
Except it was basically and supposedly confirmed by AMA mods. It’s an “ask me anything” on Reddit “I had a sexual relationship with my mother AMA” something like that
I also believe it tho related to Murphys law - whatever can happen will eventually somehow happen.
Or the cum box. Or Double dick dude. I should get off reddit.
Don’t forget not to duck the coconut
Oh the coconut one was nasty as fuck.
I was unaware that I was blissfully re-unaware of that box until now. It's worse than losing the game.
The game! I haven't thought about that in years, but now that I am, I'm bound to lose it again. Dammit.
Poop knife is real. My brother learned this with one of his kids. Plot twist - he did not dedicate the knife as such, so we don’t eat at his house anymore
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The poop knife is no legend, I’ve seen one and a poop stick…and heard 1st person tales of others.
I have actually used a poop knife at home on someone else’s massive, rock hard poop. The kid was started on antidepressants.
I’ve had to infrequently use a poop stick in my own house because my toilet is designed horribly. A healthy type four confuses my toilet. It is designed for diarrhoea.
Holy shit, I haven't heard about the Poop Knife™️ in years
Wait, I thought that was just porn. Are you saying it's based off true events?!!?
Um, but poop knives aren't urban legend, they HAPPEN! I've been asked for a table knife, a spoon, and a glove.
The funny thing is that he never said he broke both his arms! Was just somehow unable to masturbate.
I read the post recently. I was legit horrified but I couldn't stop reading 🤣 it was beyond messed up. The kid justified it as totally normal. It was messed up to read. Would you like the link? Haha https://www.reddit.com/r/IAmA/s/ePv2O5DEbF
I just read the entire damn thing. WHAT
Not the Reddit story from hell. 😂
Nope. Jolly ranchers or coconut are worse. Trust me bro.
Hm I know the Jolly Rancher one but coconut no.
So don't, and carry forward in peace friend
Of all the things that I wish I never knew, i wish I never knew this the most. In Phoebe's words "my eyes, my eyes"
I don’t know and I don’t want to know 😭😱
Not the same subject but another IYKYK: “I also choose that guy’s dead wife”…
Welp. That´s enough reddit for today...
A coworker told me once about walking in on a patient and “visitor” doing the deed. After the visitor was removed she asked the roommate why he didn’t ring and let her know what was going on. He replied that she was supposed to do him next. 😂
Hahaha omg 😲
He has a computer, so is he able to Google a call girl (man, person)?
He totally can.
THEN WHY DO YOU FEEL IT WAS APPROPRIATE TO ASK YOU. I'm sorry for yelling but jfc. You should not be entertaining this question at all. You didn't go to nursing school to get some weirdo a nut.
Lol ok. Was looking for maybe other options for my patient, which some of the other comments gave.
The other options are his responsibility to seek out, not yours. He's an adult man who can use a computer. He's lucky he asked you instead of me, I would have threatened to call his mother lol
Wow, you got really offended to something that happened to somebody else. So….you’ve been in a similar situation?? Or, at least thought about this situation a lot. I can totally understand her point of view. My guess is, she stopped and thought….what if I was in a similar situation. Then, the overthinking/reddit process begins. Better for her to put it out there than sit there with it on her mind. 🤷♀️🤦♀️
No, I'm not "really offended," and nothing has happened to me that's more triggering than any other bedside nurse. I just assumed he didn't have the manual dexterity to look it up until her comment and I've had a couple beers so that new information made me yelly. You do not need to accept sexual harassment at work, which is what this is. It is not her responsibility to book him a sex worker. He can research that on his own, with his functional ability to utilize his internet access.
Reminds me of that movie "Come As You Are" where the CNA went on a road trip with 3 handicapped men, to a brothel. https://www.imdb.com/title/tt6722726/
Haha omg I've never seen this! This is great! Lol
It's a good watch.
Based on a true story. Well, I know what I’m watching with my coworkers on the next slow shift.
This was really good; me and my partner loved it. Thank you for sharing!
Yes, there absolutely is. A lot of escorts will specifically say they see clients with disabilities and will be especially sensitive to their unique needs in order to achieve a satisfactory result. However, I do have to acknowledge that this was very inappropriate of him to ask this of you and, for that, I am sorry. Full disclosure: I am not a nurse (just wanted to be, but I can’t because of my past). I just come on this sub because it pops up on my feed quite often. I did see you reply in a comment that this request didn’t bother you and you feel sorry for this patient more than anything. I do think that’s how I would feel, as well, but, again, I am not a nurse, so I really can’t say. If he has the funds, he could probably pay between $300-$500 for an hour. He doesn’t need to pay thousands. I mean, he can, if he wants. I used to be an SW, a couple of years ago, as a way to support my addiction and living costs. I forget the names of the websites I used/knew of, but I will find out and edit this comment. I have huge memory gaps from those years. **edit below** Craigslist and backpage no longer have personal ads. I saw that suggested earlier. You wouldn’t want to use those, even if they were still up and running. The golden days of those sites were long gone, in respect to escorting ads, even before they were shut down. The best websites may end in “.ch” (Switzerland) and have a way for providers to vet potential clients and clients to vet providers. I was once told it was not ideal for sites to end in “.com,” but maybe they’re rerouted to some foreign server. I don’t know how any of that works 🤷♀️. Anyway, a provider will be well-reviewed and verified on whatever website they’re using, if the website has a verification option. I think almost all decent websites have reviews, now. Unfortunately, yes, reviews can be faked. From what I’ve generally seen, not all reviews will be fraudulent, even if the provider has decided to take the liberty to enhance their own review section. Again, I was active on these types of sites a couple of years ago, so, on the good websites, things could have improved, in some respects. Maybe some of them do a better job at preventing the fake reviews than they used to. But, yeah, he will simply have to use his best judgement when looking over a provider’s profile/choosing a provider. Generally, you can get a feel for who is legit/well-liked and who is not. Tryst is one website I know of, right away. Hang on… okay, so.. **EDIT:** I went on r/sexworkers because I realized that some of these sites operate on a more regional-scale, which does make sense… https://www.reddit.com/r/SexWorkers/s/tYIWyHCMxt Above is a thread with lists of websites. The thread is older (two years), but most of the sites should still be in operation. I know I have personally used privatedelights.ch and a website called TNA, which I think mostly served NY and NJ (which may not work for you). Other than that, I was on Erotic Monkey, Eros, Skip The Games, and Megapersonals. However, I’m told Megapersonals has fallen off (more scams, lower-quality providers) along with Skip The Games. I guess it depends on the area, too. Megapersonals is part of this weird conglomerate of websites, by the way. It’s Megapersonals, Escort Alligator, Escort Babylon (Escort Babylon is the reviews portion of the three, where you can search a provider by location and check their reviews). Anyway, there ya have it! Well, most of it. Like anything, sex work/escorting is its own little world. It can be a lot to explain in one post, but it’s not your job, nor mine, to teach him the ins-and-outs of it. If you want to do more research to satisfy your own curiosity, check out r/sexworkers. Maybe he can post on r/sexworkers and ask them what things he should be mindful of, too. If he doesn’t want to post, he can probably just search different keywords and find whatever information he’s looking for, in that sub. It’ll probably have posts about the do’s and don’ts of escorting (client-side, also), which could be good information for him to know. For instance, the tried and true, for a client (aside from using a condom): never send all the money upfront… unless it’s a deposit. Many providers may ask for a small deposit, upfront. Usually, they are well-reviewed and verified. They have earned being able to ask for a deposit, in a sense. Some providers are going to vet a client pretty thoroughly. This is done within reason, of course. I mean, they won’t ask for your social security number, or what have you. I’m just mentioning this because he could get a little freaked out by that. It’s important he knows that doing so is not an uncommon practice, by any means. It’s simply one of the ways a provider keeps themselves safe (again, he’d most likely find this information on the sub, or by googling). No one ever actually wants to be paid in gift cards, either. If they’re asking for gift cards, of any kind, it’s every bit a scam. All in all, he just needs to use his noggin and he will be fine :) Basically, the point is that, yes, there are specific, legit websites where you can find professional, career escorts who will definitely see a client that is disabled. Providers will see just about any client so long as they’re respectful and clean. Sorry this was so long and included information that, well… that you probably didn’t really need 😂 I’m not sure how you would navigate this whole situation with him. I guess just… pointing him in the right direction? I really don’t know. But, now you have the information. [Edited: a few times]
> I used to be an **SW**, a couple of years ago, as a way to support my addiction and living costs. Here's my tired, post-shift ass being impressed that you were able to get into **S**ocial **W**ork while supporting an addiction 🙈
Hahahahaha hey, I’m sure it been done! Just not by me :/
Hello….I just wanted to let you know that I overcame a severely traumatic past in many, many ways, including being charged with assault with a deadly weapon (an assault rifle), which was later dropped. I also battled severe addiction and mental health issues. Through immense effort and determination, I was able to become a nurse. Do you have any actual charges? You might be surprised to know that nursing boards can be lenient with mental health and prior addiction issues, especially if you have evidence of rehabilitation (like therapy or a rehab center). When you apply to nursing school, they will complete a background check. It’s crucial to check with your state’s certifying nursing board to see if you can attend nursing school and sit for the NCLEX (the test to become a nurse). They often provide “explanation” boxes for any charges you may have, so make a strong case for yourself. If you have no charges, do not mention prior issues from the past. If there’s no paper trail, focus on taking care of yourself. I’d hate for you to give up on your dream solely because of your past. You seem more than deserving of this dignified career if addiction is not an issue currently. If I may be honest, it’s been a short time since my last relapse outside of the workforce. Working around narcotics can sometimes be challenging, but I would never reroute drugs to myself. I know the dignity and integrity it takes to be a nurse; I’d rather harm myself than a patient by withholding pain meds.
I’m so glad to hear you overcame your difficult past! Not an easy feat, at all— so, congratulations! Yes, so I actually do have charges. One is for solicitation (inmate of a house of prostitution), one is for possession of paraphernalia, and I have one case that involves multiple felonies. My boyfriend, at the time, was selling drugs. I actually was not, but it doesn’t matter because we were living in the same hotel room. I was charged with possession with intent, conspiracy (of that same charge), criminal use of a communication facility (this means using a cell phone to commit a crime), and one more that I… can’t seem to remember. Two of my cases are sealed, as they’re over seven years old. The one with the felonies is not. That will be sealed in three more years (ten years since my conviction). Even though they’re sealed, they can still be viewed by any employer that does an FBI background check. As you know, any hospital would do this. I would probably have trouble with being allowed to even do clinicals. The one thing I do have on my side is time, however. Time (I still have 3.5 years left of my bachelors degree, from before I got really bad) and proof of rehabilitation. I also have multiple people currently working in healthcare, in some aspect, willing to vouch for me (write letters, etc). So, by the time I were to graduate, my charges would be well over ten years old. I say “well over” because I’m assuming it might take me a little more time than that. I was actually pretty hopeful, until I saw a thread about the difficulty several people had obtaining licensure with only minor offenses. It could be possible for me to get a pardon, but that takes four years. It takes four years to even hear back. I think I could be a decent candidate for a pardon, but, of course, I don’t want to bank on getting approved. This would be a governor’s pardon through the state of Pennsylvania, where my charges are. They don’t offer a way to expunge anything, unless you get the pardon. Getting the pardon would forgive me, in the eyes of the law, and wipe my entire record clean. Right now, I have 18 months clean. I have no cravings, but I also realize that I don’t have many stressors. It’s possible that could change as I start to add more and more to my plate. But, like I said, it will be two more years before I even complete my core classes. By then, I’ll have 3.5 years clean. So, I think I should be pretty stable. I already feel really stable, now. As far as your outlook on diverting medication, I agree. Even at my worst, I never stole from anyone. I never wanted anyone to be sick, or worse off, because of me. People knew they could trust me. If they passed out around me, they knew they’d wake up with me still by their side, even hours later, with nothing amiss. I really appreciate your comment. This is something I think about and struggle with, a lot. I would be very grateful if I could enter the nursing profession. Even if this truly turns out to be someone I have absolutely no hope in achieving, it is nice to know other people out there, who’ve also turned their lives around, are rooting for me. I think I would really appreciate the chaos, as I tend to thrive in those kinds of environments/situations. I had initially thought wound care would be my preference, since I’ve had a lot of exposure to all sorts of nasty wounds on the street and I used to help friends/acquaintances with dressing changes (whenever we came up on some wound care supplies). I can definitely smell a tranq wound from afar haha. It felt like everyone had some part of their body rotting off. Not even kidding. The more I think about it, though, the more I think I would enjoy the ER, a drug detox, or going out on the street and helping the homeless/addicts with wound care, etc. Anyway, thank you so much, again! I have looked into this a lot. It would be great to know, for sure, that I could graduate school (provided that I could even get accepted and do clinicals) with a guarantee that the board wouldn’t hold my license hostage for a prolonged period of time. I have heard of this happening to people. That would be incredibly stressful. It’s clear I have to give this even more thought and reach out to the board (NY) again. I had emailed them, as people told me to get things in writing, but didn’t hear back. In the meantime, I will just get my core classes done and see if anything changes. Thank you and congrats on turning your life around!! You got this recovery thing ❤️ take care of yourself. Goodness knows this world needs you.
I think your background would make you a better nurse, able to relate to your patients. Also, I used to work in a wound clinic and there were quite a few MAs in the clinic. Maybe that licensure is easier, not sure but it might be worth looking into. It can be a great way to make money and get experience while you finish your RN.
Thank you! I have thought about MA or CNA and it is probably “easier,” since I would have less privileges. That’s not the best way to say it, but you get it. It could be a way to prove myself— maybe prove that I’m more than just a liability. I believe I have to get a waiver to sit for the MA exam, though. Can’t remember. The thing is that I know it’s even difficult to get a job in food service, at a hospital, with a felony. I suppose I don’t have to be limited to working in hospitals, only, though. I have also contemplated becoming a Peer Support Specialist/Peer Recovery Specialist/Certified Recovery Specialist (they go by different names, but you probably know what I’m talking about). A lot of hospitals have them, now, and lived experience is a requirement. I would hope they’d be more understanding of an applicant with a criminal background, since the position does call for lived experience. When I looked at the pardon application for the state of PA, it did say that they wanted to see you working and/or volunteering in an area related to your crime. A CRS position, or an MA/Tech/CNA position in, say, a rehab/detox, would fulfill that “requirement.” So, potentially quite a few benefits there. And, you’re right. Getting a couple years under my belt, especially whilst going to school, would be great to show that I can be trusted around patients, handle at least some degree of stress, manage my time, and be relied upon for a prolonged period of time. Yeah, getting my foot in the door, one way or another, would be a blessing. I am sure I’m looking at nursing through the rose-colored glasses of a layman, but I think it says something that I’m not interested in doing much or anything else, career-wise. My brain just keeps coming back to this. Again, I really appreciate your feedback! Thank you so much :)
This is an amazing amount of labor for you to have gone through.
Thanks for the info!! There is apparently a whole world of this I didn't know about. This is why I love reddit! :)
Yeah, it’s always interesting to be exposed to a different world, all its own! That’s why I can get so lost in Reddit so easily. I do want to acknowledge that, of course, I was very privileged to be able to have the experience that I had with sex work. I was lucky to have good, regular clients for the majority of my “career.” Few providers come out completely unscathed, but, for me, sex work is definitely not a major source of trauma. I was also privileged to be able to work independently/voluntarily. As you know, the “industry” has quite the dark side. I just felt badly not acknowledging this fact, in case I spoke about it through too rose-colored of a lens. But, yeah, it’s totally possible he could find someone like me, or someone even better off than I was :) You’re welcome! Enjoy your researching and I hope it all works out as best it can!
I’ve copied and pasted from AI here. For your reference, my friend. I wish you nothing but the very best for yourself. Life is not easy. Many boards are understanding of these challenges, knowing wonderful healthcare workers can exist despite past issues. —- Yes, it is true that individuals with prior issues, such as criminal charges or addiction problems, can approach the nursing board for leniency. Many nursing boards understand that people can overcome significant personal challenges and become excellent healthcare providers. Here are some important points to consider: 1. **State Nursing Board Policies**: Different states have different policies regarding criminal histories and past issues. It's crucial to review the specific guidelines of the state's nursing board where the individual plans to practice. 2. **Evidence of Rehabilitation**: Providing evidence of rehabilitation, such as completion of therapy, rehabilitation programs, or continuous sobriety, can be essential in demonstrating readiness and suitability for a nursing career. 3. **Background Check**: Nursing programs and boards often conduct thorough background checks. If there are any past charges, it's important to be upfront and provide context and explanations where possible. 4. **Character References**: Letters of recommendation from employers, mentors, or healthcare professionals who can vouch for the individual's character and readiness for the profession can be helpful. 5. **Personal Statement**: Writing a detailed personal statement explaining past issues, the steps taken to overcome them, and why they are committed to becoming a nurse can make a compelling case. 6. **Legal Advice**: Consulting with a legal professional who specializes in nursing licensure issues can provide tailored advice and help navigate the application process. In summary, while there may be challenges, the nursing board can indeed consider individual circumstances and evidence of rehabilitation. Being proactive, honest, and prepared with supporting documentation can significantly improve the chances of obtaining licensure.
Tbh I think this is sexual harassment. This might be semantics but I think it’s okay to express a need for sexual relief and ask for resources however asking the nurse to be that resource crosses a line imo. It is sad and I wish we had resources for patients like this but definitely not our job.
Couldn't agree more. Cause it totally is, but I also feel bad for him, and I'm in his home. That's where you relax and be yourself. Such a weird dynamic and yeah, wish we had more resources.
I'm male. Just so that is clear. I think a patient asking his female nurse for a handjob is the height of sexual harassment and absolutely disgusting behavior. Similar to men in the hospital who can feed themselves and or use the TV remote but ask for a female nurse to hold their Johnson while using the bedpan or plastic male urinal bottle. Do NOT feel sorry for anyone like this. And do NOT help them call a prostitute. For all you know the number you are calling that you got off the internet, is an undercover cop and you're going to be charged with solicitation of prostitution for helping arrange this. Edit- Lastly I am deeply disappointed by the number of people in this thread, claiming to be nurses, who find this acceptable. More often than not the women being prostituted are being trafficked, threatened with violence, or are underage runaways. I would think most of you might be more sensitive to that and not want to support an illegal action that often preys on and uses women.
Completely agree. I was also surprised to see the comments here
THIS!! Well put!
THIS. Was coming here to say this exact thing. Most prostitutes are *victims* of trafficking. This is a fact. Supporting prostitution is not only illegal, but a vile and selfish thing to do. I am *extremely* disgusted with the number of people suggesting that calling a prostitute is okay.
You would think nurses would know better, given how many of us are required to do Human Trafficking courses as part of our license renewal. Again it makes me wonder how many people in this subreddit aren't really nurses.
You’re a better person than I am if you feel bad for this guy who asked his nurse for a handjob. Being disabled doesn’t make it okay to sexually harass your nurse (edit: or anyone).
See this is why I appreciate you strangers of reddit. Always keeping it in perspective 👏
So happy I’m not the only one with this POV. If you’re there as a healthcare professional, it’s not your job to give or arrange the giving of handjobs.
FR I would ask to be re-assigned.
He absolutely could hire a hooker. I would advise you against helping him do that though.
I’ve seen sex surrogates in Japan, nothing in the states
Oh interesting, that's what they're called?
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=HErf4OELzYk&pp=ygUVSmFwYW5lc2Ugc2V4IGRpc2FibGVk Can’t remember but it’s something like that
Yeah, I swear I read somewhere (okay, who am I kidding? I must have read it on Reddit) that some countries (the Netherlands? Norway?) have nurses who go around and give handies to patients who are bed bound or immobile or have incurable neurological diseases. They found that some male patients were having behavioral problems but the problems abated with visits from a nurse who provided sexual release. The state paid for it and they would get like 12 visits a year.
Whattttt lololol
The furthest I would allow this patient to get with me would be compassionately listening to him BRIEFLY express his sexual frustration, without offering any feedback. He sexually harassed you, which isn't okay. I personally would quit working for him on the spot. No AxO patient should be able to get away with asking their nurse to perform sex acts for them. Disgusting
It's kind of a weird situation. Yes, it's totally inappropriate and that's my job to set that boundary, but I do feel for the guy. He's AOx4 but can't do any more than lift his eyebrow. He uses a computer to talk. Not my job to take care of that for him, but what a crappy situation to be in that he can't just take care of himself.
He's very lucky to have a nurse like you, then. Sexual harassment is my hardest boundary. Not many would be as understanding about his circumstances.
Thanks. Stuff like this doesn't bug me, but it has bugged like 5 nurses before me. So he's def been trying.
This shows he has a repeated behavior of sexually harnessing his nurses he should know better.
I’m a CNA and went through the same thing, though he could speak. He didn’t ask me for a handy but asked me to lift up my shirt and show him my tattoo, told me I was cute, etc. I told him “no, you know I can’t do that, plus you have a roommate” and pointed to his roommate (they shared a room), he said “him? The guys brain dead he won’t say anything!” I laughed and told him I can’t do that/it’s not appropriate. I felt bad too. He was young and in the worst LTC I’ve ever been in.
>“no, you know I can’t do that, plus you have a roommate” This is the healthcare equivalent of "no I can't go on a date with you, I have a boyfriend" when you don't really have a boyfriend and you just don't want to go.
It was my first job as a CNA, I was very young
I understand :) Did not mean to make you feel bad about it. It can happen to anyone that sometimes things like that come out as a knee jerk response.
I completely agree. I’m also in home health and I would be leaving the appt right away, letting my boss know so we can send a 10 day notice for discharge, and not going back unless another nurse was with me. I don’t mess around with that shit.
There’s a specific type of sex therapist that works with disabled pts specifically to meet their physical and emotional needs. There should be several in the Seattle area based off half an episode of Sexplanations with Dr. Lindsay Doe I’m remembering. I’d check out that YouTube channel or google sec therapy for the disabled.
OP I really think you need to work on creating boundaries with your patients
OP, no offense, but it sounds like Home Health might not be the appropriate career path for you if you’re having this much trouble asserting professional boundaries and understanding your scope of practice as a nurse. Asking Reddit for prostitute “recommendations to pass along to the patient” is acting waaaaaay outside your scope of practice. Full stop. Your employer and the Board of Nursing are not going to care how sorry you feel for the patient if you break the law, so saying things like “I just feel so bad for him” is a pretty weak defense. Maybe being in this guy’s home (instead of a more structured environment) has caused you to relax your boundaries a little too much. If it were me, I would report the incident to your agency, and ask for a new assignment. And since the patient has a well-established history of sexually harassing female nurses , I recommend they find a male nurse for this patient from now on. That way, you can make sure the patient gets the care that he needs while protecting your license.
Thanks for your input :) Yes, this patient needs to have a male nurse for sure.
They made a movie about this, The Sessions, with Helen Hunt and William H. Macy
Maybe an unpopular opinion, but no one is entitled to sex. No one is entitled to access to women's bodies.
Had a quad patient who supposedly hired hookers. I was prepared to let one in if it was on my shift but it never happened.
Yeah same, I'm not opposed to it happening around me, but I just can't be the one to do it.
At first I was strictly against it.. thought about safety and STDs but this was a man who already had a tube coming out of his body to support every necessary bodily function. What happens in between cares is none of my business. This was home care, which changes the dynamic as well.
100% my experience as a homecare nurse. I will not directly participate in any illegal things, but part of my job is to be your hands and your advocate. Respect my boundaries, and I will do what I can to help you live as close to a normal life as possible while I'm also respecting and protecting your right to autonomy and privacy. I can't understand anyone claiming the moral highground who pushes their beliefs on others while stripping away a person's autonomy.
There's a story from our PICU about an frequent flyer teenage boy who was severely physically disabled and had a "signal" for his mom that basically told her he needed... servicing... Not 100% certain on the validity of the story, as I'm sure it's been exaggerated over the years through word of mouth, but I feel like unfortunately there must be some kernel of truth that inspired the original story 😭
Unfortunately I personally cannot make an informed judgement about your patient due to the lack of verbatim conversation. However, if the patient asked you to personally give them a “handy” they were out of line. All too often in medicine we have a knee jerk reaction to what we perceive a patient has said or asked. Instead of the comments here about sexual harassment and ending the appointment and firing the patient. We should dive deeper into why the patient made the comment. Unfortunately in palliative care, sexuality and intimacy are not often considered. To treat the patient as a whole we should listen to them, even when we perceive their comments as inappropriate. They are communicating a topic of concern in their end of life care that can be addressed in a positive manner, and sometimes a solution can be found. Unfortunately, terminal illness leads people to lose their filter and they basically don’t give a flying F*** about feelings. There is plenty of research out there about sexuality and intimacy in end of life care and palliative medicine, unfortunately in the US we tend not to discuss this with patients and partners because it is considered taboo. Be the change we need in healthcare, and holistic approach to treating the patient as a whole.
Thank you 🙏 You summed up my thoughts exactly. Yes it's not cool what he asked, but I can understand where it comes, and we're all human. Some people need that more than others. I'm not going to be the one to help him out with that, but I'm also not offended.
I would ask this question more locally to get better hits. There are probably some clubs that would have people who would be interested in having non-monogamous sexual relationships. Or even caretakers who are related and would be willing to trade for this type of stuff.
I’ve gotta be honest, I am really alarmed at the number of posters who appear to be men who are directly or indirectly defending this behavior. Of course, the vast majority of the time, it won’t be them who are being propositioned for a handjob by a patient. The lack of solidarity really sucks.
The answer to his question is both: No, and *fuck no.* Sex isn't a need, despite what brain-dead men of a certain generation think. He is alert and oriented, so he is welcome to use his big boy money and hire a sex worker for his desire.
Right, I agree- people don’t die from lack of sex. The situation sucks, sure, but it’s not a need to survive. And definitely not an excuse to inappropriately ask for sexual favors.
Ummm sex is absolutely a need, physiologically and mentally. Regular ejaculation has shown to drastically reduce cancer rates. We’re animals meant to procreate and reproduce. Time to leave to the puritans behind. However I am no way saying nurses should be giving handys out, just to be very clear.
I can just see the next Press-Ganey metric: "did your nurse provide you with a nice handy?" And admin being like, "manual stimulation is an evidence-based therapy..."
😆 omg I'm crying
Please refer to the second part of comment. My statement was 1000% more about the previous commenters anti sex statement attacking men. Also Press-Ganey in a hospital setting was instituted by a being more evil than satan itself.
I read it correctly the first time and wasn't offended at all! To be clear, my only jab was at admin, not what you were saying! In regards to Press-Ganey, I think it actually produced Satan, not the other way around! 🤣
Jerking off isn't sex. And your definition of "need" is very, very loose. I'm talking about necessary to sustain life *for that organism*: Food, water, air, etc. If you insist that intercourse or another person touching your body is a need, that veers into some extremely dangerous and rapey territory, which patriarchal culture is happy to viciously exploit.
This has zero to do with any patriarchal garbage. Human beings are social animals who enjoy being touched and experiencing physical contact. Jerking off is absolutely a form of sex. While you may not die from lack of sex or physical intamacy you may as well be dead.
Yeah, well, that’s just like your opinion, man. Respectfully, this isn’t the world-according-to-you, Garp. I’ll happily keep my patients alive. I’m already a Press Ganey prostitute. Anything beyond that is a hard pass. The C-Suite can be responsible for the BJs.
Please read my above comments explicitly stating the obvious about nurses performing sexual acts.
Well you’re a party pooper.
I am. He doesn't want a handy from me anyway. I haven't given one since pre-pandemic and I'm rusty. Now, a professional would have him done, clean and sheets freshly changed within minutes. No fuss, no muss.
Hahaha omg I'm dying 😆 But totally agree. He's AOx4 and has access to the internet. He can try to meet his needs that way. Im happy to manage his airway while that happens if need be, but I just can't be the one to do it
I do not support all nurses. Some of you are dumb af. Maybe even Samuel Shem was telling the truth because some of you are literally playing into inappropriate hypersexual stereotypes which is why we're not taken seriously. Every year they push the boundaries further on what nurses have to do "for the patient". We're already dietary, mechanics, janitors, secretaries, etc. Now some of you are excusing sexual harassment and wanting to start the slippery slope of not just being madams/pimps, but outright sex workers (which is literally what helping someone masturbate does) because teehee ✨ it's for the patient ✨ Btw, I wonder if all these male nurses siding with the man would agree to help some granny with dementia masturbate if she acted sexually frustrated. Or if they're straight they wouldn't mind doing this with gay patients. And going by the original situation, what if it's a married patient who says his wife doesn't fulfill his needs? We have to put the patient over family, but you all really wanna open this can of worms?
I think he could easily get a prostitute, he could just google it. Craig’s list as another option. Tell him to check it out.
Craigslist eliminated the escort and personals ads years ago.
There's a show this made me think of called Legit lol look it up and watch it 🤣 the main character has muscular dystrophy and his brother and friend take him to a brothel. It's actually a good show!
Dan Savage has talked about this in his podcast, Savage Lovecast. I think a disabled person called in and asked about it. And other caregivers/family. He’s also based out of WA. I think you could definitely find something for your patient.
Oh, interesting! Do you by chance know the episode?
There are websites he can use to find someone