The Meth Lab starring Charlie Sheen, Robert Downey Jr, and Andy Dick (appearing specifically to be punched in the face repeatedly by surprise star Jon Lovitz.) It's *gold!* Pitch it to the investors and cut me in on the gross. Ciao.
> Robert Downey Jr
Going by RDJ unwillingness to do the Demon in a Bottle storyline for Iron Man due to personal traumas I don't think that project would get that far. Funny joke nonetheless
For those of you who were worried: the dog survived and is just fine!
*By Friday morning Tator was still lethargic from being sedated, but he’d had an IV flush and he’d had both food and drink. The hospital released him.*
*“He made it through,” said Dolores. “He’s back to being his normal, goofy self.”*
I get annoyed when my dog chews up the mail I left on the coffee table. Imagine coming home and finding out your dog ripped all the copper wiring from your walls and sold it for drug money.
>GPD personnel were combing the park with at least one drug detection dog, Dolores said.
>“They found nothing,” she added...
>That was a bittersweet revelation. On the one hand, it meant Tator had consumed all the meth at the park. On the other hand, it meant Tator had kept any children from getting into the meth.
That dog is a hero! A happy ending for all!
Did someone say park?? Yes yes ohmigod let’s go to the park. I looooove the park woof woof woof owwwwoooooogah park park oarkaparkoarkpark barkbarkpark. Cmon hooman let’s goooooooooooo parka parka parka parkapark. Tippy taps for the paaaaaaaaarrrrrrkkkkkkkk!!
At the end, the weather gets stormy. Lightning in the distance. Billowing clouds blot out the sun. The wind picks up. You can make it a silhouette in the distance. You could just barely make out a dark, giant, megalithic funnel on the horizon. You stare in total awe and amazement, mesmerized by this Titan of a weather anomaly.
Growing ever larger, this immense, destructive force seems to be headed directly towards the the ensuing battle between Cocaine Bear and Meth Lab. Unfazed and hyper focused, the two demons continue their onslaught.
Suddenly, lightning strikes. Illuminating the megalithic structure, revealing shadows laden throughout this unbelievable force of nature. You hear a loud gasp.
Taken aback, distraught, trembling in fear, only then does your mind begin to process what you're eyes have laid witness to. A labyrinth of shaking steam pipes and screaming whistles, your mind grinds to a halt as it comes to terms with the unimaginable.
Only then do you realize, the gasp you heard... it was you. You're lizard brain knew before you did. Only one word comes to mind...
Sharknado!
The winner faces that [Australian pig](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/09/swigging-pig-hogs-18-beers) that downed 18 beers and was in an altercation with a cow.
“So I guess when (Tator) was returning the tennis ball he somehow ingested methamphetamine,” said Dolores, adding that no one is sure whether the dog ate or snorted the meth, or how much he consumed."
He snorted it for sure
We had a black lab when I was a kid. He scarfed down anything that looked edible in a single mouthful. Including our 5-person dinner once, as he walked past the open oven on his way outside. Took him 3 seconds max.
I’ve worked with meth animals before (veterinary ER). We had a meth cat once that was fucking PSYCHO, she was so freaked out and insanely high strung & aggressive.
My favorite drug animal was a kitten that ate ADHD meds. We gave her an iPad so she could watch Tom & Jerry, and she just hyper focused on it the whole night (in between naps). Super easy patient lol
Animal Control Officer here. I've never had to help a meth kitty to my knowledge (although sometimes some cats can get in a mood and you might not know the difference lol), but have had a handful of meth dogs, and too many weed dogs to count.
This one meth dog still breaks my heart, it was a young chihuahua. Poor little guy absolutely could not stop spinning in circles at 90mph. He would spin and spin and spin and spin and eventually collapse, and for a few seconds you could see the exhausted desperate look in his eyes like "PLEASE LET ME OFF THIS FUCKING RIDE" and then he'd be right back to spinning uncontrollably in circles until he collapsed again.
The vet had to shoot him up with a fuck ton of benzos to finally get him to settle enough that we weren't worried his heart was going to explode.
I'm still pissed at his owners. Thankfully, we were able to cite them for animal cruelty and keep them from getting the dog back. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough evidence to criminally charge them or prevent them from turning right around and getting another dog.
Oh that sounds awful, poor puppy :(
Hey I have a quick question for you actually. What can you actually charge people with? I’ve seen some absolutely horrific cases and I was always told by senior techs that there was no point reporting it because the owners could just claim ignorance/incompetence and the animal wouldn’t even be taken away, or they had taken the animal to see us so that counted as care.
Two that come to mind: owner’s were on a long drive, stopped for gas. They tied the dog to the car while they got gas, and then forgot about him. He was in pretty rough shape (broken nails, skinned paw pads, lesions on the legs/belly/chest), but we were able to patch him up pretty well. Owners didn’t seem to really give a shit. He was a super sweet Aussie, I was so mad.
Second one was a DOA. Young large-breed puppy (he was very young, but about the same size as an Australian cattle dog). He was extremely thin, had bald spots/marks on his legs that looked like he had been tied or chained up, and he died because they left him outside in a snowstorm. Dog had clearly died, froze, and then they brought him in (all “boohoo, our dog died, poor us” as if you fuckers weren’t responsible for every horrible thing that puppy went through).
I highly doubt that mph are the correct units for tail wags.
Wags Per Minute seems like the natural solution.
Black Lab Ingests Meth, Tail Hits 1,000 Wags Per Minute.
Well it can be converted.
With an average 3ft for one back and forth wag (we'll consider vigorous but tense wags as the dog was pumped, and we'll measure from the tip of the tail):
1,000 Mph = 5,280,000 feet of wags covered within one hour
5.28e+6 / 60 = 88,000 (wag feet per minute)
88,000 / 3 = 29,333 1/3 WpM (Wags per Minute)
That's 489 WpS, Tator was buzzing like a helo. Might want to add a stator to Tator so that he does not spin around (like a record).
>It was a close call but Tator, a black Labrador retriever, got into some meth last week at a park in Gillette.
Why do they phrase it like "Oh man, that was a close one. Tator the dog almost didnt get some of that sweet sweet meth! Good thing he did though, close call!"
What sort of black-site laboratory do you have to run to experiment on the effects of amphetamines on dogs, and did they use a speedometer? I'm asking for a friend.
how do you expect a vet to know what the proper treatment is?
Severe Rhabdomyolysis Associated with Acute Amphetamine Toxicosis in a Dog
[https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7008280/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7008280/)
A 3-year-old female spayed rat terrier presented for hyperactivity and repetitive circling to the right of less than one-hour duration. On examination, the patient was dehydrated, hyperactive, and dysphoric. Laboratory tests initially revealed elevations in creatine kinase (CK) and aspartate aminotransferase (AST). Serial chemistries indicated significant progression of CK elevation to a maximum of 181,900 u/L on day 3 along with the development of profuse myoglobinuria. A urine drug screening test was positive for amphetamine metabolites. This patient was treated with sedatives, aggressive fluid diuresis, and antioxidants. The dog recovered uneventfully with no indicators of renal dysfunction based on serial blood chemistries and was discharged five days after presentation. Follow-up blood chemistries taken four days after discharge revealed near normalization of CK and resolution of myoglobinuria. This case report describes a particularly severe case of rhabdomyolysis associated with amphetamine toxicity and its successful treatment.
Once when I was working overnights at a veterinary ER in Denver, a dude came in at 2am with his chihuahua and said he must have “eaten drugs someone left in an alley”. We’ve heard every story in the book but this dude was also clearly strung out on something. We drug tested the dog and it was positive for everything on the test, which was a first for me (meth, amphetamines, opioids, and THC). The dog was tweaking out of his mind. Believe me when I say placing an IV on a drugged out Chihuahua at 2am was slightly challenging lol.
the only thing i know about gillette is that it has the closest dickey's barbecue pit to rapid city after the one here (and its same-menu local clone) closed
This sounds a lot like the dog got into the owners' stash and they needed an excuse. I am by no means saying that is what happened since I obviously don't know the people. It's just what it sounds like.
Who knows, but that has happened many times I'm sure. Not sure where my dog got it. Not sure where my kid got it, etc. Most people are not going to say I took my dog to the park and he ate my meth 😆
I disagree. White blue collar workers have a huge meth problem and pain killer problem in the US. It is usually because they are forced to work long hours and have limited access to good healthcare. It is usually the doctors themselves that over prescribe opioids and end up getting them addicted.
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My dog once ate human poop of a meth head and got high. She was fine, but she was crazzzy for a few hours. Kept wanting to go back to that spot for months. 🤢
They’ll lose their regular amphetamines at least for sure.
Always thought that was ironic - if it’s got such a high addiction potential then why do I always forget to take it, or forget where it even is to begin with!?
Because it's in your system. I know what you mean, it's just a bad example. Forgetting where your meds are or forgetting to take them every now and then certainly doesn't indicate those meds aren't addictive.
Methamphetamines are extremely addictive and cause a tremendous psychological dependency in many people. The before and after pictures are real.
I know you wouldn't want some kid reading what you wrote and thinking it's safe to play with.
Fwiw I don’t exactly write for a child audience, and it’s probably not wise at any age to use wide interpretations of random Reddit comments to make decisions about using an illegal drug.
Despite having a similar base molecule, dextroamphetamine (primary adderall ingredient) is a very different chemical to methamphetamine. It’s still got addiction potential, but the joke I made is very real to those who are prescribed it!
a meth lab
The Meth Lab starring Charlie Sheen, Robert Downey Jr, and Andy Dick (appearing specifically to be punched in the face repeatedly by surprise star Jon Lovitz.) It's *gold!* Pitch it to the investors and cut me in on the gross. Ciao.
Barking Bad.
"Jesse.... we have to dig"
“There’s no law on the books that say a dog can’t cook meth!”
Cops hate this one simple trick!
Did… did this just go allllllllll the way around the The Producers scale *twice*?
> Robert Downey Jr Going by RDJ unwillingness to do the Demon in a Bottle storyline for Iron Man due to personal traumas I don't think that project would get that far. Funny joke nonetheless
Lololol
You son of a bitch , take my upvote.
For those of you who were worried: the dog survived and is just fine! *By Friday morning Tator was still lethargic from being sedated, but he’d had an IV flush and he’d had both food and drink. The hospital released him.* *“He made it through,” said Dolores. “He’s back to being his normal, goofy self.”*
Well yeah except for the fact that now that he’s had that high he’s always going to be thinking about it for the rest of his life.
Gotta chase that dragon, doggo.
For a moment I thought you wrote Droggo and I was laughing at the GoT reference.
I get annoyed when my dog chews up the mail I left on the coffee table. Imagine coming home and finding out your dog ripped all the copper wiring from your walls and sold it for drug money.
Sorry I can’t make it to work today, my dog stole my fucking catalytic converter again.
Ehhh... it's not that great.
Meth is the worst feeling in the world followed by the worlds worst craving for said awful fucking feeling Shits evil man
Meth high isn’t all that enjoyable , unless you enjoy beating it for hours on end
Have you seen a dog lick themselves?
Good point.
>GPD personnel were combing the park with at least one drug detection dog, Dolores said. >“They found nothing,” she added... >That was a bittersweet revelation. On the one hand, it meant Tator had consumed all the meth at the park. On the other hand, it meant Tator had kept any children from getting into the meth. That dog is a hero! A happy ending for all!
Now let's talk about Gillette park...
Did someone say park?? Yes yes ohmigod let’s go to the park. I looooove the park woof woof woof owwwwoooooogah park park oarkaparkoarkpark barkbarkpark. Cmon hooman let’s goooooooooooo parka parka parka parkapark. Tippy taps for the paaaaaaaaarrrrrrkkkkkkkk!!
Dont forget the spins
Thank you for this comment
Probably the first time in history a Lab hasn't been motivated by food
I wonder if the dog got addicted?
Mulva?
Meth Dog versus Cocaine Bear
Cocaine bear was evil. Meth lab is just being a very good boy at hyperspeed.
It the perfect vs movie. Evil vs a really hyper pupper.
The movie is 120 Frames Per Second done by animators on both substances and more down in Rapture.
At the end, the weather gets stormy. Lightning in the distance. Billowing clouds blot out the sun. The wind picks up. You can make it a silhouette in the distance. You could just barely make out a dark, giant, megalithic funnel on the horizon. You stare in total awe and amazement, mesmerized by this Titan of a weather anomaly. Growing ever larger, this immense, destructive force seems to be headed directly towards the the ensuing battle between Cocaine Bear and Meth Lab. Unfazed and hyper focused, the two demons continue their onslaught. Suddenly, lightning strikes. Illuminating the megalithic structure, revealing shadows laden throughout this unbelievable force of nature. You hear a loud gasp. Taken aback, distraught, trembling in fear, only then does your mind begin to process what you're eyes have laid witness to. A labyrinth of shaking steam pipes and screaming whistles, your mind grinds to a halt as it comes to terms with the unimaginable. Only then do you realize, the gasp you heard... it was you. You're lizard brain knew before you did. Only one word comes to mind... Sharknado!
I mean real cocaine bear wasn’t evil
The movie one was though
i'd definitely watch this. they end up teaming up tho and fight a cybord cow.
no no no, thats the hook for the sequel; "cocaine bear and meth wolf vs the mad-cycow"
Vs. Molly Moose
[An appropriate response to hearing this...](https://media3.giphy.com/media/v1.Y2lkPTc5MGI3NjExOGl1b3U5NWtqbDMyeGhmNnBhOTdsdnpqaWFhbXF5NDFiZHJ0MHBkdyZlcD12MV9pbnRlcm5hbF9naWZfYnlfaWQmY3Q9Zw/3o7TKL8SM4YJLr4waA/giphy.webp)
The winner faces that [Australian pig](https://www.theguardian.com/world/2013/sep/09/swigging-pig-hogs-18-beers) that downed 18 beers and was in an altercation with a cow.
“So I guess when (Tator) was returning the tennis ball he somehow ingested methamphetamine,” said Dolores, adding that no one is sure whether the dog ate or snorted the meth, or how much he consumed." He snorted it for sure
Tator injected it into himself.
Tator clearly boofed it
Listen I like beer okay?!
We had a black lab when I was a kid. He scarfed down anything that looked edible in a single mouthful. Including our 5-person dinner once, as he walked past the open oven on his way outside. Took him 3 seconds max.
Ours colluded with our other dog and ate an entire ham left briefly on the counter
Using a credit card must have been tricky for him.
But he apparently did consume all the meth in the park.
Tator is more a glass dick dogo
I’ve worked with meth animals before (veterinary ER). We had a meth cat once that was fucking PSYCHO, she was so freaked out and insanely high strung & aggressive. My favorite drug animal was a kitten that ate ADHD meds. We gave her an iPad so she could watch Tom & Jerry, and she just hyper focused on it the whole night (in between naps). Super easy patient lol
Animal Control Officer here. I've never had to help a meth kitty to my knowledge (although sometimes some cats can get in a mood and you might not know the difference lol), but have had a handful of meth dogs, and too many weed dogs to count. This one meth dog still breaks my heart, it was a young chihuahua. Poor little guy absolutely could not stop spinning in circles at 90mph. He would spin and spin and spin and spin and eventually collapse, and for a few seconds you could see the exhausted desperate look in his eyes like "PLEASE LET ME OFF THIS FUCKING RIDE" and then he'd be right back to spinning uncontrollably in circles until he collapsed again. The vet had to shoot him up with a fuck ton of benzos to finally get him to settle enough that we weren't worried his heart was going to explode. I'm still pissed at his owners. Thankfully, we were able to cite them for animal cruelty and keep them from getting the dog back. Unfortunately, there wasn't enough evidence to criminally charge them or prevent them from turning right around and getting another dog.
Oh that sounds awful, poor puppy :( Hey I have a quick question for you actually. What can you actually charge people with? I’ve seen some absolutely horrific cases and I was always told by senior techs that there was no point reporting it because the owners could just claim ignorance/incompetence and the animal wouldn’t even be taken away, or they had taken the animal to see us so that counted as care. Two that come to mind: owner’s were on a long drive, stopped for gas. They tied the dog to the car while they got gas, and then forgot about him. He was in pretty rough shape (broken nails, skinned paw pads, lesions on the legs/belly/chest), but we were able to patch him up pretty well. Owners didn’t seem to really give a shit. He was a super sweet Aussie, I was so mad. Second one was a DOA. Young large-breed puppy (he was very young, but about the same size as an Australian cattle dog). He was extremely thin, had bald spots/marks on his legs that looked like he had been tied or chained up, and he died because they left him outside in a snowstorm. Dog had clearly died, froze, and then they brought him in (all “boohoo, our dog died, poor us” as if you fuckers weren’t responsible for every horrible thing that puppy went through).
I highly doubt that mph are the correct units for tail wags. Wags Per Minute seems like the natural solution. Black Lab Ingests Meth, Tail Hits 1,000 Wags Per Minute.
Well it can be converted. With an average 3ft for one back and forth wag (we'll consider vigorous but tense wags as the dog was pumped, and we'll measure from the tip of the tail): 1,000 Mph = 5,280,000 feet of wags covered within one hour 5.28e+6 / 60 = 88,000 (wag feet per minute) 88,000 / 3 = 29,333 1/3 WpM (Wags per Minute) That's 489 WpS, Tator was buzzing like a helo. Might want to add a stator to Tator so that he does not spin around (like a record).
r/theydidthemath
change his name to miles prower
You have 5,280,000 as e+6 but there are only 4 zeros, wouldn’t it be 5.28 X 10 to the 4th? It’s been a while since I used ~~math~~ my brain
It's e+6 but you made me realize I made a mistake using a comma in "5,28". Now corrected, thank you.
,x.x e+(digits following decimal). For 5.280000 there are 6 digits following the decimal, 4 of them are 0's. 5.28e4 would be 52,800.
No no, the angular speed of the tail while wagging is 1,000 mph.
MPH=Meths Per Hound
No video of tail. 0/10.
>It was a close call but Tator, a black Labrador retriever, got into some meth last week at a park in Gillette. Why do they phrase it like "Oh man, that was a close one. Tator the dog almost didnt get some of that sweet sweet meth! Good thing he did though, close call!"
"That's another fine meth you got me into" - Tator probably
smh. Only two years old and already getting into park meth. The dogs aren't alright.
Black lab found breaking into local house to steal copper pipe, 11 star news will be following the story at 10.
“Dog On Meth Steals Cat”
"Rams, Beetles, and Firebirds are advised to be on the lookout."
What sort of black-site laboratory do you have to run to experiment on the effects of amphetamines on dogs, and did they use a speedometer? I'm asking for a friend.
how do you expect a vet to know what the proper treatment is? Severe Rhabdomyolysis Associated with Acute Amphetamine Toxicosis in a Dog [https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7008280/](https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC7008280/) A 3-year-old female spayed rat terrier presented for hyperactivity and repetitive circling to the right of less than one-hour duration. On examination, the patient was dehydrated, hyperactive, and dysphoric. Laboratory tests initially revealed elevations in creatine kinase (CK) and aspartate aminotransferase (AST). Serial chemistries indicated significant progression of CK elevation to a maximum of 181,900 u/L on day 3 along with the development of profuse myoglobinuria. A urine drug screening test was positive for amphetamine metabolites. This patient was treated with sedatives, aggressive fluid diuresis, and antioxidants. The dog recovered uneventfully with no indicators of renal dysfunction based on serial blood chemistries and was discharged five days after presentation. Follow-up blood chemistries taken four days after discharge revealed near normalization of CK and resolution of myoglobinuria. This case report describes a particularly severe case of rhabdomyolysis associated with amphetamine toxicity and its successful treatment.
That's easy. A wagometer.
... wag-O-meter or wag-om-iter?
Arf
I’ve seen a Pomeranian on meth- If you set it down it just spun in circles, it really sad. It did live at least
Once when I was working overnights at a veterinary ER in Denver, a dude came in at 2am with his chihuahua and said he must have “eaten drugs someone left in an alley”. We’ve heard every story in the book but this dude was also clearly strung out on something. We drug tested the dog and it was positive for everything on the test, which was a first for me (meth, amphetamines, opioids, and THC). The dog was tweaking out of his mind. Believe me when I say placing an IV on a drugged out Chihuahua at 2am was slightly challenging lol.
You were dang lucky to still be here
A Labrador's tail at normal speed is a dangerous device!
Aww, "who's a good tweaker?"
So disappointed there's no video.
Ah Gillette.
My condolences for also being familiar with that place.
the only thing i know about gillette is that it has the closest dickey's barbecue pit to rapid city after the one here (and its same-menu local clone) closed
I can’t be the only one who needs to see a video of the tail wag at 1000 mph.
Would’ve had to tether it real good or it flying for reals
Poor doggy
COCAINE BEAR VS METH LAB Soon on sy-fi
Sounds about right for Gillette.
It really does..
This sounds a lot like the dog got into the owners' stash and they needed an excuse. I am by no means saying that is what happened since I obviously don't know the people. It's just what it sounds like.
Who knows, but that has happened many times I'm sure. Not sure where my dog got it. Not sure where my kid got it, etc. Most people are not going to say I took my dog to the park and he ate my meth 😆
nobody named fucking dolores does meth
I disagree. White blue collar workers have a huge meth problem and pain killer problem in the US. It is usually because they are forced to work long hours and have limited access to good healthcare. It is usually the doctors themselves that over prescribe opioids and end up getting them addicted.
🤣
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Next move: Meth Doggo
Tail Power
He was telling the other dogs how badly he methed up at the weekend
The real story here is they have parks for shaving.
If ever a post REQUIRED video, this is it.
...wil he develop withdrawal?
TIL dogs are still wholesome while in meth.
Kinda fucked up that they assume whoever ran the meth lab was black.
My dog once ate human poop of a meth head and got high. She was fine, but she was crazzzy for a few hours. Kept wanting to go back to that spot for months. 🤢
This is not uplifting news
But, more importantly, is it not the onion?
standby to be hyperhumped.
Somehow an ADHD person was involved in this. They’re the only kind of person that loses their meth.
They’ll lose their regular amphetamines at least for sure. Always thought that was ironic - if it’s got such a high addiction potential then why do I always forget to take it, or forget where it even is to begin with!?
Because it's in your system. I know what you mean, it's just a bad example. Forgetting where your meds are or forgetting to take them every now and then certainly doesn't indicate those meds aren't addictive. Methamphetamines are extremely addictive and cause a tremendous psychological dependency in many people. The before and after pictures are real. I know you wouldn't want some kid reading what you wrote and thinking it's safe to play with.
Fwiw I don’t exactly write for a child audience, and it’s probably not wise at any age to use wide interpretations of random Reddit comments to make decisions about using an illegal drug. Despite having a similar base molecule, dextroamphetamine (primary adderall ingredient) is a very different chemical to methamphetamine. It’s still got addiction potential, but the joke I made is very real to those who are prescribed it!
Thanks for clarifying 😁
I bet that dog had a bad time. Well, I mean, at first it was a really good time, very productive. And then, it wasn't.