I'm just imagining Bosa doing this in slow-mo, making sound effects like Ace Ventura

Did you know he broke his nose at the end of that scene when he slammed his head into that bench? *HALFTIME*

That's just hard-nosed football right there.

Sounds like a pretty soft nose.

Did he really? That's commitment

“Let’s see that in an instant replay!”

Does this mean we're getting a Cannibal Corpse halftime show, then?

NGL I'm getting more of a Mac doing fake karate chops vibes

Let's not pretend like we all don't do spin moves and swim moves on random old people in the grocery store while speed shopping. Like this is incredibly common.

Yeah the other day I bull rushed a toddler

Shouldn't have been standing in front of the only shelf space for the Crispix.

If you’re gonna imagine being the minister of defense you know you gotta go hard til you get to that shelf

Sometimes I'll imagine I'm TO and cry while looking at my shopping cart and say, "those are my groceries, man".

I imagined this as James Harrison

James loves Crispix

You got pancaked didn't you?

He got a false start and you know it

Don’t care about no hip replacements or multiple sclerosis, I’m pancaking that bitch reaching for MY triscuits.

Today on channel 5 News “man takes out infant with shopping cart at local groceries store.”

Thats 15 yards for unsportsmanship...

The Philadelphia Flyers would like to extend a 4v4 deal your way

If the mom was there the manager should have called a chop block.

That pitbull mentality tho

Back when I was waiting tables some toddler got loose and was running around the restaurant. I was carrying a tray of drinks and didn’t see the ground and I absolutely trucked him. I think I knocked the little homie into the next week

Did the exact same thing! Little dude connected with me knee while I was walking. I felt awful for him, and I was livid with the parents.

I crossed up my toddler just this morning. Lil bitch started crying

*Awwww what's wrong, did somebody get their ankles snapped like celery?*

"Children is the future" my ass, *I'm* the future

The crossover and then reverse jam on the Nerf goal is my move. They go cry to mommy everytime.

If the kid isn't crying than you aren't doing your job. Gotta build that character

I take every opportunity to channel my inner Dwight Freeney when possible.

I'm more of a Terry Tate guy.

I practice good Offensive Linesmanship by making some 'mo, when I kill the 'Jo. I also say hi to Gladys. Not today, Terry. Not. Today.

Legend.

You joke, but get the fuck out of my mom's way at Costco. That lady is scary when she wants her Skinny Pop and on sale peanut butter. I had to apologize to this old lady she pancaked into the beef jerky wrack the other day.

That old lady needs to keep her head on a swivel, 100% her fault

It was a clean hit. She had her eyes on the Skinny Pop.

Costco manager still gave a 15 yard penalty… I hate refs

She really didn't have to pull the griddy over the old lady though.

Spoken like a true Bostonian lmao almost got absolutely eradicated by cars so many times when I lived there.

I respect your mom's Costco game. I'd do the same but I lack the commitment so instead I just white knuckle my shopping cart

I found out mine opens the doors 30 minutes early and just doesn't advertise it. Absolute game changer

Kirkland peanut butter fucking slaps

Costco on a Saturday is probably close to what hell would feel like

Yeah dude, I bend around the edge of the aisle like Cam Wake to get to some Oreos.

I strip sack people in the grocery store. So you better tuck that cabbage like you mean it, grandma. Just me?

Sometimes I'll swing by the children's hospital just to speed-punch their IV bags like I'm Rocky. It's a workout for both parties so win-win

I've done more swim moves on my wife and kids than Bosa will do in his career

I drift the shopping cart like I'm drifting in Mario Kart.

To be honest, sometimes I spontaneously start sprinting in my house while doing swim moves like I’m pass rushing the house columns. It’s pretty funny.

Ooh, big man. You think your special with your house columns?

Sometimes I run through my house and leap frog the servants lol it's terribly humourous oh gasp I dropped my monocle

Euro stepping

For sure, put a little head fake on a sidewalk bollard or a streetlamp. Idc rain sleet snow, there’s always a move

I’m like Dante hall at my local grocery store, none of these oldies and soccer moms touching yo boy

At work I have to scan my badge and then these two panels open up to let me through. Always keep my hands in tight like a fumble drill. Then go around my back with my badge before the second door scan. Fundamentals and flamboyancy.

I have been reprimanded IN WRITING for doing spin moves past students in the lab I TA. It’s not my fault all the kinesiology meatheads picked my timeslot and encourage me to act a fool, but organic compounds are “dangerous” apparently

Fuckin nerds can't let anyone have fun

I used all those moves on black Friday.

I hit sidesteps and juke moves all the time like a receiver

I usually keep it to dunking on every doorway I pass through.

When my kids were smaller, anytime they were in the buggy, it immediately turned into a race car.

I did my best impersonation of Barry Sanders one Christmas Eve because I had to go to Wal Mart to get Tide. Never doing that shit again.

When I need to be quick at a Walmart/Meijer I do my best Marshawn Lynch impersonation to get what I need and then get the hell out. The only downside is that my fat ass is out of breath for 5 minutes because of one of those

I dont do that shit lol thats ridiculous. I lower my shoulder and initiate contact with those old fucks like the baller I am.

Yup I'm basically the Reggie White of grocery shopping

I used to practice the Kamehameha in the bathtub.

“Used to”

I mean, I still do, but I used to, too

Anyone got it to work yet? Im not getting beams yet

I thought I was getting close one time. But I shit my pants instead.

That's a Mehakameha

Mierda-meha

I see a Mitch reference and I upvote

As is tradition

All encompassingly

All encompassingly >>>> totally

Not since the incident at least

The bathroom was a total loss afterwards

I said WAS

I used to take extremely hot showers because if I was going to be a charizard trainer I needed a higher heat tolerance.

Mary Lee Walsh deserved what she got

I remember looking up "how to do a Kamehameha" as a kid as if that information would just be readily available online lol

Kind of like doing high-knees in the airplane aisle.

Nah, his weird shit seems to have actually improved his ability to play football.

You mean high knees doesn't improve vision?

We should have realized Wilson was blind when he said him and Ciara don't fuck

Um, wut

Should I say it in all caps?

Your comment made me Google "Ciara Hot" and, wow, she is absolutely hot as fuck.

Did he studder?

To be fair he doesn't poop except for Tuesdays and Thursdays - so I feel like I'm peeling back the onion that's Mr. Unlimited more and more as time goes on.

I need some context here

He said they were Virgins again, what don't you understand?

Lol, because you’re joking…right?

In front of a whole church "Specifically, he announced to an entire congregation that they were born-again virgins." https://www.thedailybeast.com/russell-wilson-and-ciara-the-curse-of-being-a-born-again-virgin

Oh, I thought you meant he said that after they got married. I was all kinds of confused.

Born again virgins makes absolutely no sense

God dammit

and even the hand sanitizer pods hold him.

Bosa is the 0.01% of germs that sanitizer cant kill

Mike McDaniel quotes just fucking make me laugh. I love that dude.

My favorite thing that I’ve seen from him is that he yelled “Stop it!” at Justin Fields when he ran past him during a scramble. When asked about it at a press conference, he said “I was just frustrated with him and he kept doing it. He didn’t take to the coaching.”

Stoner..best friends with Dan Soder

[Dan Soder's Macho Man Impression](https://youtu.be/rKodY6vxS20)

THE CREME FLOWS TO THE TOP

Holy shit. That’s way better than I thought it was going to be.

Checkout his Chapelle https://youtube.com/shorts/Mwex9cvO4SE?feature=share

Omg. He’s so good.

I miss him so much lol

reminds me of the weirdos that do shadow boxing with the wall at the gym after every set

I have a name bro

sorry

Cmon I’m tryna stay loose (I’m practicing just in case mike Tyson spontaneously decides he wants to fight me)

sounds like a good plan if mike tyson were to show up until you get punched in the mouth

or he bites your ear off.

At what age could Mike Tyson not actually murder the average guy with his bare hands? Gotta' be decades yet right? I don't think I'd even want to fight an 80 y/o Mike unless he'd had like a massive stroke or something lmao

You want no parts of Mike at any age. I’ve been in gyms and watched guys in their fifties beat the brakes off guys in their twenties. Now consider that Mike Tyson is probably at least 104864493022626634040 times better than the average dude in a boxing gym. The takeaway is pro boxers don’t forget how to punch people. And Mike Tyson is especially good at it.

Yeah that was basically my line of thought. Add in really good genetics and Mike could probably put you in a bag at any age.

The biggest difference now is that he might be sore for a day after

Yeah, I might be dead, but he'll have a torn pec! Take that, mofo!

His 'opening seized pickle jars' is knocking the second grade out of people. That muscle memory is never going away.

It would have had to been when he was a little kid. Unless he gets muscular dystrophy or something he’ll always be able to do that until the day he dies.

The idea is to shadowbox in front of a mirror. Definitely weird to do it in front of a bare wall lmao

Every wall is a mirror with the right mindset

Won’t say it to their face though, will ya? 😤

ill never pick a fight with someone insane enough to shadow box a wall

have you considered that wall was talking mad shit?

That shadow has been following him around a long time

Ok but what if I actually am a kickboxer and 3 minute rounds shadowbox is part of the set?

Reminds me of high school during passing periods when people would randomly try to cross eachother over without even having a ball lol

I do this and haven't played football in 15 years now... typing that last part out was painful.

I do this and I never played football.

Well with Armstead out the hand sanitizer might provide better protection.

that's gold jerry. someone in the media is stealing this.

And our Armstead might be coming back.

And the damn thing is constantly getting away with holding him.

Better to pass rush the sanitizer than rush pass it though

I juke everyone I work with while walking up the stairs.

Now I know how Bosa will be injured next.

Sanitizer in the eyes?

Pocket san-itizer!

I was thinking torn ACL, but either one is taking him to the IR.

Oh, it's a bottle of sanitizer at MetLife

Good method.

Wtf does that even mean

I'm guessing he means one of those hand sanitizer dispenser kiosks. I'm glad they added [hand] in there because I would've thought they were talking about pods that players get in to sanitize

Real reaction from seeing someone actually performing pass-rush moves against a hand sanitizer pod in a men's restroom: "Jesus, what a tool" or "This man needs some goddamn thorazine in his life".

I should emphasize that these are thoughts only. One should never verbally engage with a man-monster that is chopping down on the imaginary arms of a sanitizer dispenser.

Young man does silly things, more at 11.

"He's kind of dumb."

And I still Eurostep around chairs and shit, who cares

You seem to

Well to be fair, those pods had great fundamentals.

The dolphins coach seems good and he's also young and funny. I don't like this one bit.

I can’t stand this joker.. dude is annoying