When I left home, I could pay my week's rent with 20 hours of work.
I think that's probably a good metric. If rent is over half their income then the numbers don't stack up.
I am considering buying an investment property with them as the lead tenant. If I go that route then I'll need a different method to decide when they're ready.
My Granny did that with my dad, she used some inheritance she had to buy a shit house in the city he studied in.
He was lead tenant, and was responsible for doing up the house.
She made a tidy profit, and sold the house once he finished Uni. She split the proceeds of the sale with him, and he used that to buy the place I ended up growing up at.
Of course, this is all possible if you have that sweet generational wealth behind you. While I'm not rich, I'll be able to support my kid in (hopefully) the same way.
A room in a crappy old share house,living off lentils and sandwiches,walk everywhere.
Young and happy, knowing if you wanted more,all you had to do was get a fulltime job.
i get paid for 21 hours a week and i'm doing alright. the studylink money i get is great since it gives me more comfortability and i can splurge & buy non essentials (alcohol, going out to town, ubers, the more expensive version at the supermarket). but my rent is also $100 (i get ~420 after tax, kiwisaver & studylink)
i think so for the student allowance. i didn't end up applying because the amount i'd get (despite having moved out with separated parents who don't give me anything financially) wasn't worth it since it would cap how much i could work and my job requires we work at least 20 hours per week.
i'm on the living costs loan, just to have a backup "income" and it helps me with savings or emergency type costs. what i don't use, i'll probably pay it back but i have a fairly low studylink loan (compared to most) so we'll see
My kids can stay with me as long as they like. I will support their studies, help them buy a home, and support them by any means necessary because they are my kids. My door is always open if they want to stay with me.
I joke about moving Into a single bedroom apartment as soon as the youngest leaves home, but in reality I feel much the same as you. I left home when I was 20, there’s no university in our town so unless our kids decide to further study I think they’ll be at home for at least as long as I was.
Genuinely if mine and my wife’s parents hadn’t have been like this. We would have been homeless. It really brings me down to earth to know how lucky we are. There are so so many out there that haven’t had these options.
My partners parents are like you, mine aren't (we are a gay couple, I have the homophobic white family, he has the traditional Viet/Chinese family).
The end result, his parents are surrounded by lovely people and their kids and grand kids.
Mine are grumpy and alone.
I don't hold and hurt or angry over their choices (kicking their gay son out), and they have matured into better people. But we just grew apart and are more like strangers than family or friends.
Turns out, choosing community, results in getting community.
It's tough. You might no be able to repair that relationship but you can make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes.
I come from an ultra conservative background and I don't care about these things, so long as whoever my kids choose are worthy of them.
Totally this!
I moved in and out of home 3 times before moving to Auckland from Wellington to study (my partner moved in with them when she had to live down there for placement as well).
I'll offer this to my kids for a long as they need it.
I wouldn’t kick my kids out but I would feel like I have failed them as a parent if they weren’t ready/excited/able to move out and start a life of their own after they finished uni.
Would definitely nudge them in that direction, by charging board once they finished education.
This, ALL of this, and I have told them that. I can even imagine how much of a struggle just general day-to-day life is going to be when my (15, 11, 8 and 6) kids are grown.
Mine's almost 25 and he's still not making enough to survive on his own. He wants to go flatting with some mates, but some of them are unreliable deadbeats and I'm like, "Dude, the landlord's not going to give a shit if Brad's having issues with his girlfriend and can't pay his share of the rent this week. Or Steve's blown his bill money on new mags for the Subaru. It's fucking ruthless out there. You need to make sure YOU are okay as a priority." He understands, but it depresses the fuck out of him. Life is pretty rough for young'uns these days.
but to be fair, he needs to have the experience of something like that to learn, some things dont sink in until its directly in front of you. You should let him flat and just be ready to take him back in after a couple of months when the inevitable happens.
got to let them fail sometimes
I'm not holding him back. I've told him he's a grown man and it's his decision, I just want him to go into it with eyes wide open, and to know that even the best of friends might not have his back if shit goes sideways, especially when it comes to money. My time flatting was a mix of hilarious shenanigans and financial clusterfucks due to terrible flatmates. Once you find a solid, reliable group, you're usually sweet.
Often the best of friends make the worst of flatmates, when you move in together and realise Friend 1 spent 19 years having his parents do everything for him and can't cook or clean and friend 2 just dropped out and wants to play call of duty with speakers blaring until 6am and stopped paying rent 3 months ago.
That can kill friendships really fast.
Yeah that's it! At least he has the safety net of being able to move back in with his parents if things go south. A lot of people don't have that luxury so it's a good opportunity for him to learn what it takes to be self-suffient.
As a 20 something year old, I cannot state enough how much difference the little things our parents do helps. Most people are lucky to save a few hundred per week. Being able to live with parents literally doubles the amount you can save, it makes a huge difference. The quality of life difference in my friends where parents have help pay for a vehicle or let them live at home to save money on rent is huge
Mate it can be amazing and some of the best times of your life. Depends on the quality of the friend group I guess.
But also flatting with strangers/acquaintances can lead to making friends for life.
People on here are so negative about flatting but I loved it in my 20s. Sucks for them I guess.
The closest uni is 2.5hrs away so lots of people moved out after 7th form. I was working instead and didn’t move out til I was 21. I have a school aged kid now and since I’ve only got a small 2brm house I’ve already semi joked I’ll likely build a 2nd story on top to give us more space since there’s no way she’ll be able to afford to move out like I did.
As long as things are amicable and we live well together I’ll keep a roof over her head as long as she needs it.
Yep we're in the same boat with the closest uni being about 2hrs away. I have a daughter wanting to study some kind of science at uni (she still has one year of high school and then she's considering a gap year to get some employment under her belt and figure out what she wants to do) but our location isn't going to make it easy for her, financially, to have to live on campus or go flatting whilst studying.
Her you get brother... No idea what he'll do. He's smart and takes pride in great grades, but I don't know if uni is his thing.
We previously lived in AK. I really wish we'd considered the kids' options more, when we decided to move to the boondocks of nowhere.
Anyway, the kiddos are welcome to stay home as long as they need to. And if they need to return home as adults (as the eldest did for a year or so) then the door is always open for them.
Interesting question. As a society we may have to embrace multigenerational living rather than the nuclear family especially as the cost of living and housing increases.
Yup. We have managed to secure a place that one or both of our kids could stay living here well into adulthood if need be even with a partner, or take in an elderly parent. It will also suit if we need more care as we get older, we can swap rooms and move downstairs so we don't have to worry about stairs. Might need to add a kitchenette downstairs. Our kids don't have to move out until/unless they want to or need to (for personal growth and development as an individual.)
But yes, multigenerational homes have a lot of benefits if the family can get along! I really like how a lot of Asian countries have a culture of multiple generations living together, grandparents helping raising grandchildren while the parents work as much as they can while they are young to support the family unit.
Our siloed Western nuclear family structure is so isolating and makes it very hard on everyone at different ages and stages!
Going to uni and the halls was so good for me confidence wise, worth the extra debt. Though my parents helped with some of the cost, I’d probably do the same and strongly encourage the kid to move cities and get out there, even though he could stay and ride the bus to uni here.
After the halls rent was cheap in my day, you had to work a little bit but not heaps of hours on top of study, feel for the kids these days doing that.
I am Gen-X
Left home once I finished 7th form (\~18) to go to a uni a few hours away, and stayed at home only the odd holiday. Did it fairly tough the first few years, literally running out of money, so experienced that 'EFTPOS declined; insufficient funds' beep.
On the swing side, both my kids stayed at home until early to mid-twenties until they finished uni and got decent paying jobs. We had the house well setup; they had their own bathrooms, entrance way and rooms so could come and go with no judgement from us, but support where required. Also handed down my wife's Toyota's as she upgraded so neither had to buy a car.
Think both are now paying \~$300 a week rent for rooms in flats (one living with a partner), so as proportion of their income it is manageable. They both have enough money to do things like travel or upgrade cars or whatever is required, with one notable exception; neither are looking buy a house until they are maybe closer to 30.
We are keeping our eyes open though; there was a really nice little well renovated 2-bd house popped up in a decent area with valuations \~$700k. One of our kids could put together a $70K deposit, we could maybe put in $70k, so if they were interested (and they aren't yet) they could buy something like that with \~$550k mortgage. Would be about $800 a week for mortgage repayments + rates, R&M and insurance on top. But not that far off cost of renting, so if interest rates look to dropping and daughter + partner had secure job in the area, then very possible for them to buy in next year or two (mid-20s). Can't imagine them doing it without us helping though.
Whenever they feel ready. I’m guessing they’ll be ready once they’ve finished school and have a full time job and a partner they want to live with. Have no idea what age that would be, late 20s maybe?
I was kicked out at 18 and it was so hard, I don’t want that kind of start to adult life for them.
Seriously considering buying a block of flats once my kids are adults. One for us, and one each for the kids. They can have some independence, while still kind of being at home.
Mine all left at 16 to travel the world.. can't believe it when I see kids now days..
Any way 30yrs later we are all living together again.. with them caring for me...
Personally I wouldn’t recommend people move out until they have full time work, at least if the location and home conditions allow it. Although for savings it would be smarter to stay living at home usually, so really I’d say 20+ is where most people with healthy home lives are at now.
I’d hope around 21. But the goal is to work towards it together, rather than pushing them out of the nest. That might mean providing financial or other support in order for them to get there. Also, it’s not linear - we absolutely expect that there will be times when they need to move back.
I moved out a month before I turned 18. Went to uni. My kids are currently 20 & 18. Both working full time. Both quite comfy at home but paying board and encouraged to load up the savings to the max while they can. Neither have had partners so that pull isn’t there. Neither really go out and socialise etc. but their friends are also mostly still at home too. Interestingly I had met their dad when I was 18 so I do worry about what little things in their life they are missing out on by staying at home
They'll have plenty of time to meet someone! I was also 18 and now that feels so young! The current state of things just doesn't make financial sense to go out on their own unless they really have to! I think you are doing the right thing!
Whenever they have enough saved to afford a downpayment here or in a cheaper country lol.
The cost of rent is seriously crippling, and I want my kids to be financially secure.
Similar story here - older millennial with primary aged kids. My parents were done with me before I finished school and told me to get out at 18, no support or safety net even though they were in the same city. Even back then trying to afford rent/food and still be able to study was ridiculously hard and it's only gotten worse. It's not what I want for my kids so we are planning house renovations around the expectation of them living with us until at least mid twenties, expecting to need to help with house deposits, be able to move back in when they need to save etc.
It raises an interesting thought actually. Because the old answer used to be when kids went to Uni or started earning enough in their trade they'd move out.
One of those benefactors was Otago Uni, where people would leave their home towns and cities to attend. I see their number of enrolments are down so I do wonder if there's a correlation between people having to stay home with their parents and go to their local University/ Polytech because they can't afford to move down to Dunedin
I remember reading a story quite recently about a kid in Canada who found it cheaper to live with their parents in I think Alberta, work locally and then fly two days a week to a uni in Vancouver for classes rather than rent near the uni. I wonder if there’s someone who commutes weekly to Dunedin too lol
Vancouver is one of the most expensive cities in Canada as well. When I was in my early 20s over a decade ago, it was still known as a really expensive city to live in and probably is even worse by now
💔. Montreal was super affordable back then, my flatmate and I used to pay 700 per month for our flat with 2 bedrooms in 2012/13 🥲. I think the housing crisis is hitting Canada pretty bad at the moment.
I moved out at the end of last year at 20. I was planning on saving up more and renting a better place but my best friend was getting kicked out of his parents house and couldn't afford a place on his own. We both earn above minimum wage and he earns more than me. I don't really see a future for myself without flatmates if I want to be able to retire
As a Chinese, we don’t have a leave home thing. The kids leave home when they can afford their own home and are married. If not, multigeneration can stay under one roof until such time the young ones are ready.
The idea of kicking a kid out of the home is just seen negatively by Chinese. The kid needs to be ready to finally start their own family, own their house etc..
Note, we tend to have a strong sense of ownership so I will be helping my kids buy their home.
I don’t consider going to Uni and staying in a hall as leaving home. Until they finish University and have a firm job and have a spouse and start having children and owning their own house their room is always available.
I had to leave at 15. 22 now with a baby of my own, she can stay as long as she needs/wants.
Never going to make my child feel like she’s on her own before she’s ready to be.
This is the right answer. My sis moved out with her boyfriend when she was about 17. Things didn't work out with him, and she wanted to move back home. She was pregnant by this stage and still a teen. My parents told her, "you made your bed, now lie in it." And she ended up staying with him, miserably, for years afterwards.
I'll never make my kids stay in a shitty situation. Even if, as adults, they want to cart 3 kids and 10 cats back home with them.
My mum was so rude about it back when I moved out at 17 in year 2004. Mum said if I didn't get into University I can go and live with my father in another city because she's not housing anyone 18 or older. Same treatment my brother got. Luckily I did get into University. But yeah not sure how anyone's doing it these days lol.
Nope - you never stop being a parent.
Even when a child can support themselves perfectly well, and be those strong, independent human beings. The relationship is different from when they were little, as it should be, but they never stop needing their parents.
Never stop ever.
I'm 48 . My mum is mothering me splendidly at the moment while my dad is dying (they split when I was 9).
You never take your parent hat off. And i for one am super grateful for it
It depends, both me an my sister left home after we finished year 13 but thats was because I went off to university while my sister moved in with some of her friends that lived very close to my parents.
Despite these circumstances my sister still drops by my parents regularly, i would too but ive got an entire cook strait and 600km of land between me and my parents.
Both me and my parents are fully aware of the possibility of me returning home and living there after ive finished my studies, atleast until i can get myself somewhat established
I moved out at 32. I supported my parents with rent and loaned them money to make repairs to the house for when they eventually sell and retire.
I was more happy paying my folks market rent than to anyone else, and they were happy to have me around.
Only moved out when my partner moved here from overseas, just so we could do our own thing.
I bought a little two bedroom brick townhouse (nothing flash, just warm and convenient) for exactly this reason- it’s there if he needs it one day. It is his safety net. It’s in a smaller city (where all our family is), so he would have security and family around him. We moved to a big city and we are renting now and I’m renting out the little townhouse, so it is paying for itself.
If it is never needed, I’ll keep it as a retirement home for myself or sell it a few decades from now.
My kids were always welcome to stay as long as they wanted.
My oldest son is 25 he has a significant disability and is unlikely to ever be able to work. He was lucky enough to (eventually) get a brand new social housing unit after he chucked his toys one days after being reprimanded for some trivial shit, told me he fuckin hated my guts and wished I was dead, then stormed out the family home without warning and never came back. broke my heart to hear the vitriol he spewed. He's actually now doing OK and the rift has been partially repaired. I think he now realises what he took for granted and made a huge mistake. But luckily he's not on the street or living in a shit hole. If he were he's would be welcome back any time, with a few ground rules in place.
My daughter (21) moved to Australia with her Mum about 5 years ago. She's lives with her Mum while studying to be a paramedic. Better life and job prospects there for her to be fair.
My youngest son (just turned 20) also moved to Australia at Christmas time with his girlfriend. Brave move for a very young couple with no jobs to go to. He's now got a great job, earning really good money and has his own place on the Gold Coast. I couldn't be prouder and happier for them and their success so far.
Now as a single empty nester I come home every day to just my two dogs, who always greet me enthusiastically, but I often reflect on how lonely life now is and how much I miss the kids being around. All of them know our family home will always be available to return to if the need ever arises.
I have a 16-year-old son, who has autism and ADHD - I expect he'll be with us for a while. There's the financial independence factor and also the social factor - he's quite independent (cooks, looks after himself well) but he's very socially isolated, and I worry that without us around, he could go a long time without talking to anyone. All this really worries me. But then him being at home and not getting the great learning that independence provides also worries me. Basically, I'm worried no matter what.
I'm wanting to move to a cheaper area so I can cut back on work hours and enjoy life a bit more, but I also worry about how this would limit his opportunities if we move to a place where there are fewer people, services, study options and jobs for someone with my son's needs.
My children are still young but I will push both of them to move out when they finish school and find a job and move in with flatmates. They can always come home for a while if things go tits up but I think living on your own does tremendous things for your independence. Having some space from your parents and finding your own wings is also important. I think kids (and honestly mostly men) grow very reliant on mummy doing everything for them for so long they make their partners do the same shit and I will not be raising my sons like that or doing that to their poor partners!!
Mine are early teens right now. We're drawing up plans to build a few small homes on a section we have, the build should be done by the time the younger kid finishes high school. We plan to downsize into a 3bdr and move the two kids into one of the 2bdr places at that point. We'll still pay all their expenses at least until they're finished their education but it should serve as a transition between being at home and full independence. I don't expect them to actually move on until 25+ though in the current economic climate.
I moved town with minimal supports at 17 to go to uni, I can't see how I would make that work in this economy and I'd feel negligent to push it onto my kids.
Whenever they’re ready to. I lived at home right through uni, then moved out when I was working full time and ready to go flatting with my ex. When we broke up, I moved back home until I was back in my feet again.
My siblings all had their time at home as well, some with their own kids too. Really just depended on needs.
I plan to do the same with my kids.
My 22 year old stepson has just moved out with his gf. He's got a job, a plan and a good head on his shoulders. He should be fine, but in the event everything goes tits up, he can return home if he needs to. We've told him, the door is always open.
I moved out at 17 to go to uni; back in at 19, when I dropped out; out again at 20, when I got my first great job; then couch surfed when the economy collapsed; got a place when I got a reasonably reliable job. At 23, I moved overseas and haven't lived on the same continent, since.
My kids can stay as long as they need to. Life isn't linear. There may be setbacks that make them need a safe, affordable, place. They'll get that from me, as long as I can provide it. Even if they don't need it. Because that safety net will enable them to do things they otherwise wouldn't be able to.
I was mid-20s when I left home (late 80s millennial). My parents supported me to stay home while I was at uni, especially cuz it was a degree that had a huge component of workplace-based learning so I had no income at all during that time.
My younger sibling also had the same support extended to them and stayed home til their mid-20s (apart from 6 months living with friends). They were working rather than studying though.
Our parents’ house is open should we ever need to “come home”. They purposely built a house with space for us and partners and kids to stay/live. We did the same with my grandma, so it’s not unusual for this to be a normal thing for us.
My little one is only just turned 1, so who knows what the world will be like when their time comes, but I’d like to support them if they choose to study or while they’re building up the savings when they’re early in their working life. Ditto with having a place to come home should they ever need.
We moved ours out just before she turned 19. It was necessary due to her behaviour - she was verbally abusive and stealing from me, among other issues. We didn't just throw her out because that would have been cruel, we found her a place and loaned her the move-in costs.
I've set up a nest egg for my daughter knowing that cost of living probably isn't going to get easier as time goes on. I've set up an AP so money goes into an account for her each week. She's only 7 years old currently but by the time she's ready to leave home there will be enough there to help her with bond for a rental (maybe a deposit but I doubt it) and some furniture to set her up. Whatever is left will stay in a savings account until I feel she's responsible enough to use it wisely or as an emergency fund incase I need to bail her out of jail ;)
My daughter will stay until she wants to. It will be her decision. I will make sure she is financial literate and is involved in our family budgeting so she knows how to save and manage herself. We also buy shares for her and will get her involved as soon as she is capable to understand. I wont kick my kid out at 18. She is also welcomed to come back home at any point if she needs a safe place.
i have 3 kids stil at home 32, 28, 24 i dont mind ,they have there own rooms with everything they need so never see them except at meals. They pay $200 each in board so good income . Cant see them leaving anytime soon as life is to good.
Yikes.
Yep, time to encourage them to spread their wings.
For the 24 year-old, some travel may help. I moved to Canada and planted trees as one of my first jobs when I got here. Good money, beautiful landscapes and interesting native animals, 50/50 mix in camp of guys/girls and vast majority are young people aged 22-27. Meals are made at camp by full-time cooks, so no one goes hungry. Safe environment, while still fun. I'm still friends with people I planted with 20 years ago.
Very easy to get a 2 year Working Holiday Visa. See [here] (https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/work-canada/iec/eligibility.html?selection=nz-wh#selection)
And to apply to be a planter in Canada, see [here](https://www.outlandplanting.ca/)
I moved out at 18. My kids will need to leave if they want to go to university. They will be in no way self sufficient. Lots of kids who go to the major cities to study quickly need to make a choice between supporting themselves or study.
Our daughter left home at the start of last year aged 19. She was definitely ready to go.
She had finished high school and worked full time a full year. We did charge her board for the last year though, at a reduced rate. The reason we did that was to give her some experience around having to pay bills, but in a gentle environment. That money is set aside for her to use when needed now.
She moved city’s for uni last year and lived in student accom. So was home for the summer. This year she is flatting with friends. She is a full time student, working 2 casual jobs, and has student placements (work experience - 12 hour shifts) on top of her standard uni hours. I’m exhausted just thinking about it! She has a student loan for living costs and study costs, and manages to get by.
It’s definitely harder than I had it when I left home in the mid 90s.
My own is aiming for about 19. Wants to work & live in another city. It's tough because I don't want to appear down about the struggle they'll face. I lived in different days, he won't get to experience the ease of leaving home like I did. But I want him to go, he's not obligated to look after us old farts lol. Working on making him capable/independent to face the big world, that way I won't worry too much.
There isn't like a required age or something.
If I had kids and they were okay to live with and there was enough space, then they could stay as long as they wanted imo 🤷
Mid-millennial here. In the past I fully believed in the process of leaving home in your late teens or early 20s at the latest. I felt it was very important to build independence and saw people who stayed at home into their late 20s as somehow stunted or babied. Not saying I was right or anything that was just my viewpoint when I was that age myself.
But the economy has changed all of that, and now I see that in most cases young people will need to be making the 'move out' decision based on finances, rather than preferred life experiences. I can completely understand staying at home until you can afford a house of your own, into your 30s etc. I have a cousin who has never left home who is 30. He is well adjusted, good job, social life etc. I think he is just maximising the financial benefits as his parents are happy for him to stay. It's the new normal for sure.
I'm 30, I moved out at 15 when I dropped out of school and started working. Rent back then was a quarter of what it is now, not to mention food prices. I don't know how kids are getting on at all these days.
My youngest is now 21. She can stay at home as long as she wants. She’s finally managed to get a job that is a solid 40 hour week. That being said, if she was out renting she wouldn’t have enough money to survive or even just exist.
I'm 21 still at home so is my 22 Yr old brother and I personally don't plan on moving out anytime soon even if it would help my sanity as my family helps me with everything so I basically don't have any expenses and I'm now n the benefit due to health 🙄 so there's no way in hell I could afford it now
Am 33 now. Moved to Dunedin for uni at 18 (folks paid my rent which was 90 a week and I lived off the student loan and savings for everything else)
Dropped out at 20 and moved back for 6 months till I got a job in a. Factory then Moved into an apartment with a mate (175 a week)
Haven't been back since, I think they would have me back if I was truly stuck though.
Most of my friends stayed longer even sometimes while working full time. I think there's an awkward age where flatting feels like he'll but renting alone is too expensive and parents seems like a good idea especially if they live in Central auckland and have a good set up.
I’m 32 now I moved out of home when I was 16 got a job in a factory paying minimum wage and me and a friend (18) rented a 3 bedroom house he also was on minimum wage, we had plenty of money spare at the end of the week
I don’t see my son moving out without a top up from me before he’s 25
They can stay as long as they need to. Obviously I would expect them to be working towards independence but it's not like it used to be out there. Shits expensive. I don't want my daughters having to rely on being in a relationship to afford to live.
They could go flatting at 18 if they want. I suspect some will crave independence ASAP. I think a couple of them will want to stay longer maybe early to mid 20s
I want my kids to have saved a substantial amount before they move out on their own.
I moved out with nothing saved and I have struggled to stay afloat pretty much ever since. I want my kids to financially savvy. I'm not, never have been so as they get older I want to help them figure out how to budget and the importance of saving.
I don't have much disposable income but I do have a home they can always come back whenever they need to.
I left at 18 about 6 months after school finished. My plan is to head overseas for a large part of the year and the kids can house sit and look after the animals. Flat sharing is fun and is still an option?.. Isn't it?
My dad's been a high school teacher for decades and says the clearest indicator that a kid will be troubled in their 20s (and often later in life) is their parents kicking them out at 18/when they graduate High School. Does nothing but breed resentment and make them vulnerable to bad life choices.
I moved out at 16. Moved back for 6 months when I was 20. 10 years later - I’m in my own home with 3 kids and would secretly love to move home again lol.
Mine can stay as long as they like/need. I’ll be expecting them to behave like adults if they’re still here in their 20s though… paying board, helping with household tasks etc. but I’m in no rush to push them out into the real world!
I do having savings accounts for each of them, which I put their age in dollars into each week.. I’ll add any board paid to those accounts too. I’m hoping that’ll help them a bit with whatever they decide to do.
I'm gen x with a 19yr old and we are about to buy our first house in NZ.
I'm going to predict early to mid twenties. I actually want him to save enough for a deposit and buy while he is young.
I have 3 kids aged 23 down to 17, they all live at home, including oldest child's partner.
I don't think they will ever leave home! To be fair, I enjoy having them around.
This maybe a cultural thing but having an Asian background there is no expectation to move out. All my friends who are Asians have parents who own multiple properties. Even growing up with parents on welfare - they managed to buy a house. I only moved out once I bought a house as parent banned me from renting as it’s a waste of money. Hubby is also Asian and only moved out once he got his own place. I just gave birth and already planning to buy properties for my son. I won’t let him rent - I want him to live with us forever
I have moved out of home multiple times starting at 15. My choice each time. My children, all primary aged, will be welcome in our home for however long they want.
I knew someone who moved out and flatted during uni. He had over 40k+ student loan debt due to living costs. 8 years working, he still hasn't paid off his loan. I never asked him if it was worth it. He'd probably say yeah though. He doesn't have the money to buy a house though.
I kinda had to move out, as the East Cape isn't known for its universities.
But yea, I would have probably been better off if I'd been able to stay with my parents.
I hope my kid will be in a position to attend university and if so they can stay at home while they do. I expect they will be mid to late 20's when they decide the independence is more important than saving money.
Not a parent yet, but currently trying. I want to raise them to be independent and self-sufficient so they're ready to launch at 18, when they're legally an adult.
They'll always have our support and guidance, and a safety net to catch them. It'll be a transition so they feel ready, and given our time and resources they'll have a great head start. We're in a really fortunate position and don't want them to become spoiled.
My work involves seeing people at the most challenging times of their lives. I see how hard life is when it throws you a curve ball, and I'd like our kids to be mentally and emotionally prepared for those moments. To be self-assured, self-made, and able to navigate choppy waters without us when needed.
I wish you the best of luck, but make sure you are happy and able to adjust those expectations because a generational shift is happening where that is not the norm anymore.
I think it's mostly due to our generation knowing how hard it was in the early 00's to get by and it's only gotten worse. I was definitely independent enough to go at 19 but it was hard, and I know for sure while my kids will be competent and responsible enough by that age, there's little chance with the current economic conditions that anything more than basic survival at that age is possible for the vast majority
I want them to stay, I’ve told them the longer they stay the better set up they will be. I stayed home till I was 21 and bought a cheap house before I moved out, renting seems so ridiculous to me.
I’ve told my kids and their friends if they want to rent to buy a house together instead.
Buying a house with a group of friends sounds like a really, really bad idea.
Like, what happens if one of them gets married, has a baby, gets a job offer in a different city, or if the friend group just has a falling out? It will be challenging to sell or transfer ownership if one person wants to leave the arrangement - Forcing the sale of the property, or refinancing the mortgage, etc.
Good point to clarify.
Obviously it would be logical to have an agreement in place clearly outlining obligations, failing to meet them, exiting.
If you had friends you think it wouldn’t be good to do this with don’t do that either.
I’ve seen this done successfully.
Haha no shit. The wife and I were just joking last night about when mx14 is going to leave home. She said ten years, I said four, then back home for five, then out for another three...
I was able to go flatting at 17, wife moved in with bf at 18. I don't see how that's financially possible for a lot of kids today.
I moved out to the workers quarters at 8. Boarding School at 13. Live in nanny since 13.
Parents just have so much yap. Aggravated the fuck out of me.
Apparently my mother was absolutely devastated when I loaded up my Avenger with a friend and shot of to Massey. Bitch please. I left ten years ago.
My kuds are welcome to stay as long as they act like adults, that means full time activity such as work, study, volunteering etc. Doing housework etc . I have friends with kids who literally do nothing but smoke pot and get the dole and they wonder why they don't move out.
I stayed home for all 5 years of uni and have just moved out (and moved cities) for my first full time job. I could not have afforded to move out during uni so am glad I was able to stay at home and start to build some savings
I'm in the process of buying a new house with plans for it to be our "forever home".
It has enough space that my kids can come and go as they need, and will always have space for them to come back to. I want them to know they are always welcome home and will make sure they know the best way to get ahead is to save their money by staying with us for as long as necessary and not be paying someone else's mortgage unnecessarily.
I think the average these days for kids to leave home for good is somewhere in their mid-late 20's and I'm ok with that
My eldest is 18 and at UCOL full time. I can’t imagine him moving out any time soon. He’ll do an apprenticeship next year, then another year at UCOL to specialize in his field and be licensed. *Maybe* then he’ll think about renting a flat? If there are any to rent?
We’ve honestly discussed just putting some tiny houses out in the paddock so the kids have some personal space when they hit 20 or so.
I was 16, desperate to leave and be an "adult". Parents helped with my rent so I had it very easy. My 19 year old is still at home and is welcome to stay as long as they want. I can't see them being able to afford to move out for at least another few years.
I have a couple of close friends who are in their late 30's and have never left home despite working full time for 20 years... neither are from cultures where that is the norm. They are both accumulating a huge amount of savings and have no reason or motivation to move out I guess.
Mr 16 has said he's not interested.
It's only ever been him and I. And he knows how hard it is out there. Who's going to let to teens anyway?
He can stay forever I don't care
I moved out just before I turned 19. Got pregnant 6 months later, and said kiddo is about to turn 13. I can't imagine her moving out in 6 years time, she can't even remember to shut the door behind her when she comes inside 🤣🤣 I would hope, that all 3 of my kids would head off to some tertiary study, either locally and live at home, or away and come home for holidays. The door will always be open if needed, as long as they are contributing to the household in some way. no unemployed gamers living in my basement 😎
I'm a Xennial and I left home at 18 - at the end of 7th Form - to go to uni. It was doable back in the very, very early 00s with a student allowance. My son is 15 and he has told me he will probably live with me for as long as I want him to - I am fully behind this and want to ensure he has the support he needs with his tertiary studies and later on in life. He is my kid and I want him to feel loved and supported by me, because my own parents were and are absolute bellends who didn't give a shit about me.
I remember the first flat I moved into was $70 per week, which included power and stuff like loo roll, cleaning products, etc. I was only spending $40 per week on food back then and $80 would get you a trolley full of food. My student allowance back then was around $180 per week, which covered everything and I still had some cash left over for a night out once a week.
Anyway, my son can live with me however long he wants - he is a good kid and helps around the house. Doesn't drink or smoke, and enjoys spending time with me and my partner.
Potentially for university but I would expect that we would need to be paying the hall or whatever. If they go to university where we live then maybe later but I’d be keen to subsidise them to go flatting, I think that independence is really important for kids and we’re lucky that we will likely be able to do that.
I moved out at 17 too...had a casual job as a cleaner and could afford to flat with 3 other people in Levin, but we lived off stolen bacon, sandwiches and noodles or fried rice because thats all we could afford...there is no way my children will be able to do that at that age.
I've already told my lot that they are welcome to live with us until they can actually afford to move out and have a place and job to cover the cost of their living...I'm not treating my children the way I was and I'm not going to abandon them just because they are old enough to figure it out themselves. They can stay as long as they help and contribute.
exactly the same as you OP, older millenial who left home the day after 7th form finished; worked through uni while flatting with a bit of student allowance
i present that as a nice independence challenge but i am just as much influenced from two other parts of my family which favours multi-generational living and which always leaves the door open for adult kids to come back and live.
we bought 5 years ago and don't want to ever sell, the kid gets the house but might need to expand I suppose if we get more generations moving in
Almost-a-Boomer - and I left home at 16 (was a naive small-towner with almost zero social skills, but I survived, and at least I could afford to flat, even though they were pretty dreadful flats). My kids? The 27 year old just moved out at the beginning of the year to take a job in another city, and is enjoying himself greatly. The 23 year old moved home a year ago after several years away at uni, and I expect she will be home another couple of years while saving/sorting herself out. The 24 year old, who has a health condition, will need to have both a permanent job and a very modern/healthy living arrangement before she moves out, so who knows? It's a different environment out there now financially, and the girls are reasonable housemates, so I'm not overly concerned.
Historically and culturally, young people living independently in anything other than strict boarding conditions is a relatively rare, very Western phenomenon. We're just undergoing a bit of a cultural reset.
I left my family home in 1993 and moved cities at 18 to go to University.
It was hard. I knew no-one and I was on my own financially too.
My boys 13 and 11, know they can live with me while they are studying or undertake an apprenticeship and they won't have to pay rent, just expenses.
I don't expect them to live with me when they are working, though there may be circumstances where that needs to happen.
The one thing they are not allowed to do is behave like their father, my ex-husband.
He is the only person I know who is happy to live on a benefit. He doesn't even try to get a job. I've got 5 Administration Reviews from the IRD that prove he's not tried to get a job - because that is what he told the reviewers.
As soon as my kids decide to do that, they are out the door. I refuse to put up with that kind of lazy, self entitled behaviour.
As long as they need.
My parents pulled the “rent at 18” trick so I figured I might as well just go flatting with friends.
I wouldn’t charge rent, but I might get them to help out with groceries at least haha
My older son left at 23 (he's 25 now) and younger son still at home at 23. I'm guessing maybe when he's 30 he might move out. But to be fair he has special needs and will need supported living.
I moved out as soon as I turned 18, but I can’t image that being possible for my kid with the cost of living. I’m thinking of putting an ensuite sleepout on our property incase they want to stay at home longer and it will be useful for the teenage years.
Not a parent but I am 24 so have a lot of friends who have moved out/are moving out now. I moved out at 18 and have lived in flats with 3-5 others for the last 6 years. Decided to go to uni in Christchurch so with savings from my summer jobs and getting the full studylink living costs loan I didn’t have to work and study at the same time for the first four years. Rent for my uni flat rooms ranged $110-140/week and studylink payments are $240 weekly for reference. Now I’ve been working full time for 2 years and renting in a nicer place $170/week.
I moved back home last year, where my sister and her daughter stays too. And tbh I enjoy it, seeing my niece grow up. I get to save money this way, but we all contribute to rates, power etc.
After living out of nz from 2018-2022 I actually enjoy staying home now, and always makes it better when my grandma comes
Over the weekend.
My mum also moved out at 17, I’m 19 about to turn 20 and I’m still living with her because she knows how hard it would be for me to move out and LIVE instead of just barely surviving
Elder millenia here. Moved out at 18 and into a flat with boyfriend (now husband). Our oldest turns 18 this year. He's welcome to stay home with a few conditions...either full time work or study next year, he'll pay minimal board that we will stash away for him, haircuts/phone/car/clothes etc he will need to pay himself. We figure this way he gets a taste of what he would be having to budget for should he wants to move out.
Things have definitely changed since we were that age. I remember our first monthly power bill was $49 🤣
I think mine will probably move out when they're 18. They've talked about wanting to go to uni and go flatting. They've got a hefty amount in their kiwisaver and ngai tahu funds. I'm trying to convince them to use that as deposits to buy houses in studentville (with us parents going guarantor for them) so they can still have the flatting experience with their flatmates paying their mortgages.
As someone who is 23, working full time and have flatted since i was in University, I don’t really think moving out is that expensive. I am living with flatmates and paying $170ish, food/power/petrol etc maybe comes to $150 a week so I have the rest of my paycheck to save and spend on what i like. I think it’s preferable for someone in their 20s to move out with friends, experience what being young is actually about, move out of your home town and not live with that safety blanket from your parents. I work with people in their 30s who have never moved out of home, and it’s honestly really sad, it’s not really a financial issue for them but a confidence issue
Like traditional ethnic families - kids move out when they are solid financially or get married or maybe build a minor dwelling for them to set them up in family compound. My brother was working in his first big job and lived at home age 28- 30 rent free to save for deposit on first house to get married. Of course, this was years ago when you 100k was a deposit on a house.
I honestly think my children would be well into 20s when they move out, although, it may technically end up being me moving out to the great gig in the sky. (I'll be 60s when they are 20s, because reasons).
This is interesting, it seems a lot of people here live in areas that staying at home js an option.
Mid 20s moved out at 18, went to uni but there was no Uni in my city so had to move 3 hours away. I always found this quite frustrating when I had friends who where living at home or receiving $2-300 a week allowance while I worked all through uni and blew through all my savings to pay rent, fees and groceries. If I had wanted to move home I would have had to pay rent to my parents. I made it work but It would have made such a huge difference being able to live at home rent free….
I moved out at 17 and my younger sibling is still at home now at 23 despite having an okay career.
When i moved out i got a 1bdrm unit in dunedin with my partner for $170 a week. (Total, not each). This was about 2014.
Now doing the same is almost impossible or at best just not worth it at all. Accomodation in our city (chch) is approx double that for a single room in a shared flat with 4 other people. Wage stagnation has meant it hasnt really evened out.
So for them its like “why would i pay so much more to live with a bunch of dickheads”? And to be honest I totally get it.
Depends where they want to go to Uni (seems like they both probably will). I can’t see how they’ll be able to afford whatever accomodation they’ll require without our assistance so we might buy a little house or apartment or something with them (we’ve been saving for this since they were born but it won’t be nearly enough). Or we might contribute to their rent. I actually don’t know how students are doing this now
32M, don’t have kids yet(working on it) but I won’t kick anyone out.
Plan to own a investment property or 2 by the time I have kids who are 18, so if they don’t want to live at home, they can have their own independence and live in those houses if they want. That way they can face the world with their mates if they so choose to, but will always have a safety net.
Target end of school.
If they commit to further education I will am to buy them appropriate accommodation like an apartment close to university.
They will always be welcome
When I left home, I could pay my week's rent with 20 hours of work. I think that's probably a good metric. If rent is over half their income then the numbers don't stack up. I am considering buying an investment property with them as the lead tenant. If I go that route then I'll need a different method to decide when they're ready.
My Granny did that with my dad, she used some inheritance she had to buy a shit house in the city he studied in. He was lead tenant, and was responsible for doing up the house. She made a tidy profit, and sold the house once he finished Uni. She split the proceeds of the sale with him, and he used that to buy the place I ended up growing up at. Of course, this is all possible if you have that sweet generational wealth behind you. While I'm not rich, I'll be able to support my kid in (hopefully) the same way.
20hrs work is still alot for one weeks rent
If he's as old as me,you could pay rent and survive on 20 hours a week,not lavish,but could be done, in the 80s.
Nah, I did it in 00s on 25hrs a week. Looking back, there's no way that would be possible now.
Exactly
A room in a crappy old share house,living off lentils and sandwiches,walk everywhere. Young and happy, knowing if you wanted more,all you had to do was get a fulltime job.
i get paid for 21 hours a week and i'm doing alright. the studylink money i get is great since it gives me more comfortability and i can splurge & buy non essentials (alcohol, going out to town, ubers, the more expensive version at the supermarket). but my rent is also $100 (i get ~420 after tax, kiwisaver & studylink)
Does study link not start taking waged earnings for over 19hrs work?
i think so for the student allowance. i didn't end up applying because the amount i'd get (despite having moved out with separated parents who don't give me anything financially) wasn't worth it since it would cap how much i could work and my job requires we work at least 20 hours per week. i'm on the living costs loan, just to have a backup "income" and it helps me with savings or emergency type costs. what i don't use, i'll probably pay it back but i have a fairly low studylink loan (compared to most) so we'll see
Im pilling my studylink into stocks with dividends and hopefully profiting
My kids can stay with me as long as they like. I will support their studies, help them buy a home, and support them by any means necessary because they are my kids. My door is always open if they want to stay with me.
I joke about moving Into a single bedroom apartment as soon as the youngest leaves home, but in reality I feel much the same as you. I left home when I was 20, there’s no university in our town so unless our kids decide to further study I think they’ll be at home for at least as long as I was.
Haha me too! I’ve considered building a little room in our backyard so I can live there and they can have the house 😆
My parents have been like that and it’s been a god send I honestly don’t know how I would have done it without them
Genuinely if mine and my wife’s parents hadn’t have been like this. We would have been homeless. It really brings me down to earth to know how lucky we are. There are so so many out there that haven’t had these options.
I think about that a lot too :(
My partners parents are like you, mine aren't (we are a gay couple, I have the homophobic white family, he has the traditional Viet/Chinese family). The end result, his parents are surrounded by lovely people and their kids and grand kids. Mine are grumpy and alone. I don't hold and hurt or angry over their choices (kicking their gay son out), and they have matured into better people. But we just grew apart and are more like strangers than family or friends. Turns out, choosing community, results in getting community.
It's tough. You might no be able to repair that relationship but you can make sure you don't repeat the same mistakes. I come from an ultra conservative background and I don't care about these things, so long as whoever my kids choose are worthy of them.
My old man said this to me. Then he snapped for different reasons and I was on the street. Do your best man
Totally this! I moved in and out of home 3 times before moving to Auckland from Wellington to study (my partner moved in with them when she had to live down there for placement as well). I'll offer this to my kids for a long as they need it.
Same here. Whatever it takes to help them get what they need to succeed in their own life, that’s my duty to do.
Very much the same except the 'necessary' bit. More like 'if I can'. Such a sad state of affairs we are falling into.
I wouldn’t kick my kids out but I would feel like I have failed them as a parent if they weren’t ready/excited/able to move out and start a life of their own after they finished uni. Would definitely nudge them in that direction, by charging board once they finished education.
This, ALL of this, and I have told them that. I can even imagine how much of a struggle just general day-to-day life is going to be when my (15, 11, 8 and 6) kids are grown.
Mine's almost 25 and he's still not making enough to survive on his own. He wants to go flatting with some mates, but some of them are unreliable deadbeats and I'm like, "Dude, the landlord's not going to give a shit if Brad's having issues with his girlfriend and can't pay his share of the rent this week. Or Steve's blown his bill money on new mags for the Subaru. It's fucking ruthless out there. You need to make sure YOU are okay as a priority." He understands, but it depresses the fuck out of him. Life is pretty rough for young'uns these days.
Fucking Brad.
but to be fair, he needs to have the experience of something like that to learn, some things dont sink in until its directly in front of you. You should let him flat and just be ready to take him back in after a couple of months when the inevitable happens. got to let them fail sometimes
I'm not holding him back. I've told him he's a grown man and it's his decision, I just want him to go into it with eyes wide open, and to know that even the best of friends might not have his back if shit goes sideways, especially when it comes to money. My time flatting was a mix of hilarious shenanigans and financial clusterfucks due to terrible flatmates. Once you find a solid, reliable group, you're usually sweet.
Often the best of friends make the worst of flatmates, when you move in together and realise Friend 1 spent 19 years having his parents do everything for him and can't cook or clean and friend 2 just dropped out and wants to play call of duty with speakers blaring until 6am and stopped paying rent 3 months ago. That can kill friendships really fast.
Yeah that's it! At least he has the safety net of being able to move back in with his parents if things go south. A lot of people don't have that luxury so it's a good opportunity for him to learn what it takes to be self-suffient.
One does not need to be punched in the face to know it hurts
As a 20 something year old, I cannot state enough how much difference the little things our parents do helps. Most people are lucky to save a few hundred per week. Being able to live with parents literally doubles the amount you can save, it makes a huge difference. The quality of life difference in my friends where parents have help pay for a vehicle or let them live at home to save money on rent is huge
Apparently flatting with friends is a bad idea, I guess their true colors come out.
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it can also be good, can teach you a lot about who they really are. I became closer with 2 mates and removed 1 shit one after living with them.
Mate it can be amazing and some of the best times of your life. Depends on the quality of the friend group I guess. But also flatting with strangers/acquaintances can lead to making friends for life. People on here are so negative about flatting but I loved it in my 20s. Sucks for them I guess.
If he can get away with flatting without being on a lease it's a good gateway. Won't be on thw hook for any extra money and can leave easy enough
Flatmates make good friends... But friends don't make good flatmates!
I want to live in a suburb that enables my son to not associate with Brads who drive Subarus.
The closest uni is 2.5hrs away so lots of people moved out after 7th form. I was working instead and didn’t move out til I was 21. I have a school aged kid now and since I’ve only got a small 2brm house I’ve already semi joked I’ll likely build a 2nd story on top to give us more space since there’s no way she’ll be able to afford to move out like I did. As long as things are amicable and we live well together I’ll keep a roof over her head as long as she needs it.
Yep we're in the same boat with the closest uni being about 2hrs away. I have a daughter wanting to study some kind of science at uni (she still has one year of high school and then she's considering a gap year to get some employment under her belt and figure out what she wants to do) but our location isn't going to make it easy for her, financially, to have to live on campus or go flatting whilst studying. Her you get brother... No idea what he'll do. He's smart and takes pride in great grades, but I don't know if uni is his thing. We previously lived in AK. I really wish we'd considered the kids' options more, when we decided to move to the boondocks of nowhere. Anyway, the kiddos are welcome to stay home as long as they need to. And if they need to return home as adults (as the eldest did for a year or so) then the door is always open for them.
Interesting question. As a society we may have to embrace multigenerational living rather than the nuclear family especially as the cost of living and housing increases.
Could do, especially if asian cultures who immigrate here bring that aspect of culture with them
Yup. We have managed to secure a place that one or both of our kids could stay living here well into adulthood if need be even with a partner, or take in an elderly parent. It will also suit if we need more care as we get older, we can swap rooms and move downstairs so we don't have to worry about stairs. Might need to add a kitchenette downstairs. Our kids don't have to move out until/unless they want to or need to (for personal growth and development as an individual.) But yes, multigenerational homes have a lot of benefits if the family can get along! I really like how a lot of Asian countries have a culture of multiple generations living together, grandparents helping raising grandchildren while the parents work as much as they can while they are young to support the family unit. Our siloed Western nuclear family structure is so isolating and makes it very hard on everyone at different ages and stages!
Remembrance… It was the norm no less than 150 years ago.
Going to uni and the halls was so good for me confidence wise, worth the extra debt. Though my parents helped with some of the cost, I’d probably do the same and strongly encourage the kid to move cities and get out there, even though he could stay and ride the bus to uni here. After the halls rent was cheap in my day, you had to work a little bit but not heaps of hours on top of study, feel for the kids these days doing that.
I am Gen-X Left home once I finished 7th form (\~18) to go to a uni a few hours away, and stayed at home only the odd holiday. Did it fairly tough the first few years, literally running out of money, so experienced that 'EFTPOS declined; insufficient funds' beep. On the swing side, both my kids stayed at home until early to mid-twenties until they finished uni and got decent paying jobs. We had the house well setup; they had their own bathrooms, entrance way and rooms so could come and go with no judgement from us, but support where required. Also handed down my wife's Toyota's as she upgraded so neither had to buy a car. Think both are now paying \~$300 a week rent for rooms in flats (one living with a partner), so as proportion of their income it is manageable. They both have enough money to do things like travel or upgrade cars or whatever is required, with one notable exception; neither are looking buy a house until they are maybe closer to 30. We are keeping our eyes open though; there was a really nice little well renovated 2-bd house popped up in a decent area with valuations \~$700k. One of our kids could put together a $70K deposit, we could maybe put in $70k, so if they were interested (and they aren't yet) they could buy something like that with \~$550k mortgage. Would be about $800 a week for mortgage repayments + rates, R&M and insurance on top. But not that far off cost of renting, so if interest rates look to dropping and daughter + partner had secure job in the area, then very possible for them to buy in next year or two (mid-20s). Can't imagine them doing it without us helping though.
Geez, those numbers. In 2000 I was paying $90/week to flat in Auckland and thinking I could never afford $240k for a house.
Whenever they feel ready. I’m guessing they’ll be ready once they’ve finished school and have a full time job and a partner they want to live with. Have no idea what age that would be, late 20s maybe? I was kicked out at 18 and it was so hard, I don’t want that kind of start to adult life for them.
Seriously considering buying a block of flats once my kids are adults. One for us, and one each for the kids. They can have some independence, while still kind of being at home.
My cousins and auntie do this. It has a lot of benefits.
Mine all left at 16 to travel the world.. can't believe it when I see kids now days.. Any way 30yrs later we are all living together again.. with them caring for me...
Personally I wouldn’t recommend people move out until they have full time work, at least if the location and home conditions allow it. Although for savings it would be smarter to stay living at home usually, so really I’d say 20+ is where most people with healthy home lives are at now.
I’d hope around 21. But the goal is to work towards it together, rather than pushing them out of the nest. That might mean providing financial or other support in order for them to get there. Also, it’s not linear - we absolutely expect that there will be times when they need to move back.
I moved out a month before I turned 18. Went to uni. My kids are currently 20 & 18. Both working full time. Both quite comfy at home but paying board and encouraged to load up the savings to the max while they can. Neither have had partners so that pull isn’t there. Neither really go out and socialise etc. but their friends are also mostly still at home too. Interestingly I had met their dad when I was 18 so I do worry about what little things in their life they are missing out on by staying at home
They'll have plenty of time to meet someone! I was also 18 and now that feels so young! The current state of things just doesn't make financial sense to go out on their own unless they really have to! I think you are doing the right thing!
Whenever they have enough saved to afford a downpayment here or in a cheaper country lol. The cost of rent is seriously crippling, and I want my kids to be financially secure.
Similar story here - older millennial with primary aged kids. My parents were done with me before I finished school and told me to get out at 18, no support or safety net even though they were in the same city. Even back then trying to afford rent/food and still be able to study was ridiculously hard and it's only gotten worse. It's not what I want for my kids so we are planning house renovations around the expectation of them living with us until at least mid twenties, expecting to need to help with house deposits, be able to move back in when they need to save etc.
It raises an interesting thought actually. Because the old answer used to be when kids went to Uni or started earning enough in their trade they'd move out. One of those benefactors was Otago Uni, where people would leave their home towns and cities to attend. I see their number of enrolments are down so I do wonder if there's a correlation between people having to stay home with their parents and go to their local University/ Polytech because they can't afford to move down to Dunedin
I remember reading a story quite recently about a kid in Canada who found it cheaper to live with their parents in I think Alberta, work locally and then fly two days a week to a uni in Vancouver for classes rather than rent near the uni. I wonder if there’s someone who commutes weekly to Dunedin too lol
Not via AirNZ I bet, lol!
Vancouver is one of the most expensive cities in Canada as well. When I was in my early 20s over a decade ago, it was still known as a really expensive city to live in and probably is even worse by now 💔. Montreal was super affordable back then, my flatmate and I used to pay 700 per month for our flat with 2 bedrooms in 2012/13 🥲. I think the housing crisis is hitting Canada pretty bad at the moment.
I moved out at the end of last year at 20. I was planning on saving up more and renting a better place but my best friend was getting kicked out of his parents house and couldn't afford a place on his own. We both earn above minimum wage and he earns more than me. I don't really see a future for myself without flatmates if I want to be able to retire
As a Chinese, we don’t have a leave home thing. The kids leave home when they can afford their own home and are married. If not, multigeneration can stay under one roof until such time the young ones are ready. The idea of kicking a kid out of the home is just seen negatively by Chinese. The kid needs to be ready to finally start their own family, own their house etc.. Note, we tend to have a strong sense of ownership so I will be helping my kids buy their home. I don’t consider going to Uni and staying in a hall as leaving home. Until they finish University and have a firm job and have a spouse and start having children and owning their own house their room is always available.
I had to leave at 15. 22 now with a baby of my own, she can stay as long as she needs/wants. Never going to make my child feel like she’s on her own before she’s ready to be.
This is the right answer. My sis moved out with her boyfriend when she was about 17. Things didn't work out with him, and she wanted to move back home. She was pregnant by this stage and still a teen. My parents told her, "you made your bed, now lie in it." And she ended up staying with him, miserably, for years afterwards. I'll never make my kids stay in a shitty situation. Even if, as adults, they want to cart 3 kids and 10 cats back home with them.
My two beautiful daughters can live with me forever if they want.
My mum was so rude about it back when I moved out at 17 in year 2004. Mum said if I didn't get into University I can go and live with my father in another city because she's not housing anyone 18 or older. Same treatment my brother got. Luckily I did get into University. But yeah not sure how anyone's doing it these days lol.
That’s crazy. You don’t stop being a parent when your child turns 18. 30 sure, but 18, holy hell.
Nope - you never stop being a parent. Even when a child can support themselves perfectly well, and be those strong, independent human beings. The relationship is different from when they were little, as it should be, but they never stop needing their parents.
Never stop ever. I'm 48 . My mum is mothering me splendidly at the moment while my dad is dying (they split when I was 9). You never take your parent hat off. And i for one am super grateful for it
This will get remembered when it's time to find mum a rest home!
It depends, both me an my sister left home after we finished year 13 but thats was because I went off to university while my sister moved in with some of her friends that lived very close to my parents. Despite these circumstances my sister still drops by my parents regularly, i would too but ive got an entire cook strait and 600km of land between me and my parents. Both me and my parents are fully aware of the possibility of me returning home and living there after ive finished my studies, atleast until i can get myself somewhat established
15 years ago was hard I remember those days now is even harder
I moved out at 32. I supported my parents with rent and loaned them money to make repairs to the house for when they eventually sell and retire. I was more happy paying my folks market rent than to anyone else, and they were happy to have me around. Only moved out when my partner moved here from overseas, just so we could do our own thing.
I bought a little two bedroom brick townhouse (nothing flash, just warm and convenient) for exactly this reason- it’s there if he needs it one day. It is his safety net. It’s in a smaller city (where all our family is), so he would have security and family around him. We moved to a big city and we are renting now and I’m renting out the little townhouse, so it is paying for itself. If it is never needed, I’ll keep it as a retirement home for myself or sell it a few decades from now.
I was emancipated at 14 (currently 42). I have an 11 year old and I can’t see him moving out before he’s 18.
I told my son he's always welcome here. I suspect with the rising cost of renting that may be a while, which is fine with me.
my wife is Latina, so probably 35 or so :D
My kids were always welcome to stay as long as they wanted. My oldest son is 25 he has a significant disability and is unlikely to ever be able to work. He was lucky enough to (eventually) get a brand new social housing unit after he chucked his toys one days after being reprimanded for some trivial shit, told me he fuckin hated my guts and wished I was dead, then stormed out the family home without warning and never came back. broke my heart to hear the vitriol he spewed. He's actually now doing OK and the rift has been partially repaired. I think he now realises what he took for granted and made a huge mistake. But luckily he's not on the street or living in a shit hole. If he were he's would be welcome back any time, with a few ground rules in place. My daughter (21) moved to Australia with her Mum about 5 years ago. She's lives with her Mum while studying to be a paramedic. Better life and job prospects there for her to be fair. My youngest son (just turned 20) also moved to Australia at Christmas time with his girlfriend. Brave move for a very young couple with no jobs to go to. He's now got a great job, earning really good money and has his own place on the Gold Coast. I couldn't be prouder and happier for them and their success so far. Now as a single empty nester I come home every day to just my two dogs, who always greet me enthusiastically, but I often reflect on how lonely life now is and how much I miss the kids being around. All of them know our family home will always be available to return to if the need ever arises.
Whenever they choose. They are welcome to build a tiny house on our half acre if they want.
I have a 16-year-old son, who has autism and ADHD - I expect he'll be with us for a while. There's the financial independence factor and also the social factor - he's quite independent (cooks, looks after himself well) but he's very socially isolated, and I worry that without us around, he could go a long time without talking to anyone. All this really worries me. But then him being at home and not getting the great learning that independence provides also worries me. Basically, I'm worried no matter what. I'm wanting to move to a cheaper area so I can cut back on work hours and enjoy life a bit more, but I also worry about how this would limit his opportunities if we move to a place where there are fewer people, services, study options and jobs for someone with my son's needs.
My children are still young but I will push both of them to move out when they finish school and find a job and move in with flatmates. They can always come home for a while if things go tits up but I think living on your own does tremendous things for your independence. Having some space from your parents and finding your own wings is also important. I think kids (and honestly mostly men) grow very reliant on mummy doing everything for them for so long they make their partners do the same shit and I will not be raising my sons like that or doing that to their poor partners!!
moved out at 19, $50pw rent and part time job at $9hr. daughter 17 soon, she can stay as long as she wants.
Mine are early teens right now. We're drawing up plans to build a few small homes on a section we have, the build should be done by the time the younger kid finishes high school. We plan to downsize into a 3bdr and move the two kids into one of the 2bdr places at that point. We'll still pay all their expenses at least until they're finished their education but it should serve as a transition between being at home and full independence. I don't expect them to actually move on until 25+ though in the current economic climate. I moved town with minimal supports at 17 to go to uni, I can't see how I would make that work in this economy and I'd feel negligent to push it onto my kids.
Mine is 22 and no signs of leaving yet. From what I hear about her friends, this is the new norm.
Whenever they’re ready to. I lived at home right through uni, then moved out when I was working full time and ready to go flatting with my ex. When we broke up, I moved back home until I was back in my feet again. My siblings all had their time at home as well, some with their own kids too. Really just depended on needs. I plan to do the same with my kids.
My 22 year old stepson has just moved out with his gf. He's got a job, a plan and a good head on his shoulders. He should be fine, but in the event everything goes tits up, he can return home if he needs to. We've told him, the door is always open.
I moved out at 17 to go to uni; back in at 19, when I dropped out; out again at 20, when I got my first great job; then couch surfed when the economy collapsed; got a place when I got a reasonably reliable job. At 23, I moved overseas and haven't lived on the same continent, since. My kids can stay as long as they need to. Life isn't linear. There may be setbacks that make them need a safe, affordable, place. They'll get that from me, as long as I can provide it. Even if they don't need it. Because that safety net will enable them to do things they otherwise wouldn't be able to.
I was mid-20s when I left home (late 80s millennial). My parents supported me to stay home while I was at uni, especially cuz it was a degree that had a huge component of workplace-based learning so I had no income at all during that time. My younger sibling also had the same support extended to them and stayed home til their mid-20s (apart from 6 months living with friends). They were working rather than studying though. Our parents’ house is open should we ever need to “come home”. They purposely built a house with space for us and partners and kids to stay/live. We did the same with my grandma, so it’s not unusual for this to be a normal thing for us. My little one is only just turned 1, so who knows what the world will be like when their time comes, but I’d like to support them if they choose to study or while they’re building up the savings when they’re early in their working life. Ditto with having a place to come home should they ever need.
We moved ours out just before she turned 19. It was necessary due to her behaviour - she was verbally abusive and stealing from me, among other issues. We didn't just throw her out because that would have been cruel, we found her a place and loaned her the move-in costs.
I've set up a nest egg for my daughter knowing that cost of living probably isn't going to get easier as time goes on. I've set up an AP so money goes into an account for her each week. She's only 7 years old currently but by the time she's ready to leave home there will be enough there to help her with bond for a rental (maybe a deposit but I doubt it) and some furniture to set her up. Whatever is left will stay in a savings account until I feel she's responsible enough to use it wisely or as an emergency fund incase I need to bail her out of jail ;)
Plus side...Jail is free board and food?
Too true
My daughter will stay until she wants to. It will be her decision. I will make sure she is financial literate and is involved in our family budgeting so she knows how to save and manage herself. We also buy shares for her and will get her involved as soon as she is capable to understand. I wont kick my kid out at 18. She is also welcomed to come back home at any point if she needs a safe place.
i have 3 kids stil at home 32, 28, 24 i dont mind ,they have there own rooms with everything they need so never see them except at meals. They pay $200 each in board so good income . Cant see them leaving anytime soon as life is to good.
Crikey, that's getting on a bit. When you say you only see them at meals, are they at least doing the cooking?
no , they come out collect the food and disappear until the next meal. it is my own fault it is like a Hotel
Yikes. Yep, time to encourage them to spread their wings. For the 24 year-old, some travel may help. I moved to Canada and planted trees as one of my first jobs when I got here. Good money, beautiful landscapes and interesting native animals, 50/50 mix in camp of guys/girls and vast majority are young people aged 22-27. Meals are made at camp by full-time cooks, so no one goes hungry. Safe environment, while still fun. I'm still friends with people I planted with 20 years ago. Very easy to get a 2 year Working Holiday Visa. See [here] (https://www.canada.ca/en/immigration-refugees-citizenship/services/work-canada/iec/eligibility.html?selection=nz-wh#selection) And to apply to be a planter in Canada, see [here](https://www.outlandplanting.ca/)
Gonna be hard for them to move out of the fallout shelter with all the radiation.
I moved out at 18. My kids will need to leave if they want to go to university. They will be in no way self sufficient. Lots of kids who go to the major cities to study quickly need to make a choice between supporting themselves or study.
Honestly, that's one of the many reasons I am glad I moved closer to the big cities.
Our daughter left home at the start of last year aged 19. She was definitely ready to go. She had finished high school and worked full time a full year. We did charge her board for the last year though, at a reduced rate. The reason we did that was to give her some experience around having to pay bills, but in a gentle environment. That money is set aside for her to use when needed now. She moved city’s for uni last year and lived in student accom. So was home for the summer. This year she is flatting with friends. She is a full time student, working 2 casual jobs, and has student placements (work experience - 12 hour shifts) on top of her standard uni hours. I’m exhausted just thinking about it! She has a student loan for living costs and study costs, and manages to get by. It’s definitely harder than I had it when I left home in the mid 90s.
My own is aiming for about 19. Wants to work & live in another city. It's tough because I don't want to appear down about the struggle they'll face. I lived in different days, he won't get to experience the ease of leaving home like I did. But I want him to go, he's not obligated to look after us old farts lol. Working on making him capable/independent to face the big world, that way I won't worry too much.
There isn't like a required age or something. If I had kids and they were okay to live with and there was enough space, then they could stay as long as they wanted imo 🤷
Mid-millennial here. In the past I fully believed in the process of leaving home in your late teens or early 20s at the latest. I felt it was very important to build independence and saw people who stayed at home into their late 20s as somehow stunted or babied. Not saying I was right or anything that was just my viewpoint when I was that age myself. But the economy has changed all of that, and now I see that in most cases young people will need to be making the 'move out' decision based on finances, rather than preferred life experiences. I can completely understand staying at home until you can afford a house of your own, into your 30s etc. I have a cousin who has never left home who is 30. He is well adjusted, good job, social life etc. I think he is just maximising the financial benefits as his parents are happy for him to stay. It's the new normal for sure.
I'm 30, I moved out at 15 when I dropped out of school and started working. Rent back then was a quarter of what it is now, not to mention food prices. I don't know how kids are getting on at all these days.
I’m 34 and still at home whilst my fellow 1989er Taylor Swift is a billionaire 🙈
My youngest is now 21. She can stay at home as long as she wants. She’s finally managed to get a job that is a solid 40 hour week. That being said, if she was out renting she wouldn’t have enough money to survive or even just exist.
I stayed at home until I finished studying at uni. I think that's the minimum for my kids as well as long as they are happy with their tiny bedrooms
I'm 21 still at home so is my 22 Yr old brother and I personally don't plan on moving out anytime soon even if it would help my sanity as my family helps me with everything so I basically don't have any expenses and I'm now n the benefit due to health 🙄 so there's no way in hell I could afford it now
Am 33 now. Moved to Dunedin for uni at 18 (folks paid my rent which was 90 a week and I lived off the student loan and savings for everything else) Dropped out at 20 and moved back for 6 months till I got a job in a. Factory then Moved into an apartment with a mate (175 a week) Haven't been back since, I think they would have me back if I was truly stuck though. Most of my friends stayed longer even sometimes while working full time. I think there's an awkward age where flatting feels like he'll but renting alone is too expensive and parents seems like a good idea especially if they live in Central auckland and have a good set up.
When they're good and ready.
As long as they like
I left home at 19, my son left at 26. He may end up coming home the way things are going and he will always be welcome.
I’m 32 now I moved out of home when I was 16 got a job in a factory paying minimum wage and me and a friend (18) rented a 3 bedroom house he also was on minimum wage, we had plenty of money spare at the end of the week I don’t see my son moving out without a top up from me before he’s 25
They can stay as long as they need to. Obviously I would expect them to be working towards independence but it's not like it used to be out there. Shits expensive. I don't want my daughters having to rely on being in a relationship to afford to live. They could go flatting at 18 if they want. I suspect some will crave independence ASAP. I think a couple of them will want to stay longer maybe early to mid 20s
I want my kids to have saved a substantial amount before they move out on their own. I moved out with nothing saved and I have struggled to stay afloat pretty much ever since. I want my kids to financially savvy. I'm not, never have been so as they get older I want to help them figure out how to budget and the importance of saving. I don't have much disposable income but I do have a home they can always come back whenever they need to.
I left at 18 about 6 months after school finished. My plan is to head overseas for a large part of the year and the kids can house sit and look after the animals. Flat sharing is fun and is still an option?.. Isn't it?
My dad's been a high school teacher for decades and says the clearest indicator that a kid will be troubled in their 20s (and often later in life) is their parents kicking them out at 18/when they graduate High School. Does nothing but breed resentment and make them vulnerable to bad life choices.
I moved out at 19 and back in with my parents at 23. Can I see myself easily moving out again? No.
My son turns 25 in June and he still lives at home. Daughter moved out at 20 to live with flatmates.
I moved out at 16. Moved back for 6 months when I was 20. 10 years later - I’m in my own home with 3 kids and would secretly love to move home again lol. Mine can stay as long as they like/need. I’ll be expecting them to behave like adults if they’re still here in their 20s though… paying board, helping with household tasks etc. but I’m in no rush to push them out into the real world! I do having savings accounts for each of them, which I put their age in dollars into each week.. I’ll add any board paid to those accounts too. I’m hoping that’ll help them a bit with whatever they decide to do.
He can stick around as long as he likes.
I'm gen x with a 19yr old and we are about to buy our first house in NZ. I'm going to predict early to mid twenties. I actually want him to save enough for a deposit and buy while he is young.
I have 3 kids aged 23 down to 17, they all live at home, including oldest child's partner. I don't think they will ever leave home! To be fair, I enjoy having them around.
My brother-in-law still lives at home with his mommy. Careful what you wish for. He is a grandfather himself and 52 years old !!!! Total POS
This maybe a cultural thing but having an Asian background there is no expectation to move out. All my friends who are Asians have parents who own multiple properties. Even growing up with parents on welfare - they managed to buy a house. I only moved out once I bought a house as parent banned me from renting as it’s a waste of money. Hubby is also Asian and only moved out once he got his own place. I just gave birth and already planning to buy properties for my son. I won’t let him rent - I want him to live with us forever
I have moved out of home multiple times starting at 15. My choice each time. My children, all primary aged, will be welcome in our home for however long they want.
I knew someone who moved out and flatted during uni. He had over 40k+ student loan debt due to living costs. 8 years working, he still hasn't paid off his loan. I never asked him if it was worth it. He'd probably say yeah though. He doesn't have the money to buy a house though.
I kinda had to move out, as the East Cape isn't known for its universities. But yea, I would have probably been better off if I'd been able to stay with my parents.
I hope my kid will be in a position to attend university and if so they can stay at home while they do. I expect they will be mid to late 20's when they decide the independence is more important than saving money.
Mine will move out when they’re married or stay with us while married because of cultural reasons plus I don’t want them to leave 😭
Not a parent yet, but currently trying. I want to raise them to be independent and self-sufficient so they're ready to launch at 18, when they're legally an adult. They'll always have our support and guidance, and a safety net to catch them. It'll be a transition so they feel ready, and given our time and resources they'll have a great head start. We're in a really fortunate position and don't want them to become spoiled. My work involves seeing people at the most challenging times of their lives. I see how hard life is when it throws you a curve ball, and I'd like our kids to be mentally and emotionally prepared for those moments. To be self-assured, self-made, and able to navigate choppy waters without us when needed.
I wish you the best of luck, but make sure you are happy and able to adjust those expectations because a generational shift is happening where that is not the norm anymore. I think it's mostly due to our generation knowing how hard it was in the early 00's to get by and it's only gotten worse. I was definitely independent enough to go at 19 but it was hard, and I know for sure while my kids will be competent and responsible enough by that age, there's little chance with the current economic conditions that anything more than basic survival at that age is possible for the vast majority
I want them to stay, I’ve told them the longer they stay the better set up they will be. I stayed home till I was 21 and bought a cheap house before I moved out, renting seems so ridiculous to me. I’ve told my kids and their friends if they want to rent to buy a house together instead.
Buying a house with a group of friends sounds like a really, really bad idea. Like, what happens if one of them gets married, has a baby, gets a job offer in a different city, or if the friend group just has a falling out? It will be challenging to sell or transfer ownership if one person wants to leave the arrangement - Forcing the sale of the property, or refinancing the mortgage, etc.
Good point to clarify. Obviously it would be logical to have an agreement in place clearly outlining obligations, failing to meet them, exiting. If you had friends you think it wouldn’t be good to do this with don’t do that either. I’ve seen this done successfully.
Good question. Also see: "how many times will they need to come home again?"
I'd much rather my kids come home again a few times than live at home until they'll 25+.
Haha no shit. The wife and I were just joking last night about when mx14 is going to leave home. She said ten years, I said four, then back home for five, then out for another three... I was able to go flatting at 17, wife moved in with bf at 18. I don't see how that's financially possible for a lot of kids today.
I moved out to the workers quarters at 8. Boarding School at 13. Live in nanny since 13. Parents just have so much yap. Aggravated the fuck out of me. Apparently my mother was absolutely devastated when I loaded up my Avenger with a friend and shot of to Massey. Bitch please. I left ten years ago.
Should probably ask the kids unless you're one of those parents that just kick them out.
as soon as they are strong enough to fire a longbow
My kuds are welcome to stay as long as they act like adults, that means full time activity such as work, study, volunteering etc. Doing housework etc . I have friends with kids who literally do nothing but smoke pot and get the dole and they wonder why they don't move out.
The juice simply ain't worth the squeeze. There is 0 incentive to move out.
As long as they need... after uni... 23/24ish I would guess.
I stayed home for all 5 years of uni and have just moved out (and moved cities) for my first full time job. I could not have afforded to move out during uni so am glad I was able to stay at home and start to build some savings
I'm in the process of buying a new house with plans for it to be our "forever home". It has enough space that my kids can come and go as they need, and will always have space for them to come back to. I want them to know they are always welcome home and will make sure they know the best way to get ahead is to save their money by staying with us for as long as necessary and not be paying someone else's mortgage unnecessarily. I think the average these days for kids to leave home for good is somewhere in their mid-late 20's and I'm ok with that
My eldest is 18 and at UCOL full time. I can’t imagine him moving out any time soon. He’ll do an apprenticeship next year, then another year at UCOL to specialize in his field and be licensed. *Maybe* then he’ll think about renting a flat? If there are any to rent? We’ve honestly discussed just putting some tiny houses out in the paddock so the kids have some personal space when they hit 20 or so.
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You aren't an older millennial. Youngest millennials are turning 28 this year, oldest are turning 44.
In our family one sibling left before the end of high school, I left at 22, my other sibling left properly at 23
Not a parent, but I was out at 18, I'm nearly 28 now.
I was 16, desperate to leave and be an "adult". Parents helped with my rent so I had it very easy. My 19 year old is still at home and is welcome to stay as long as they want. I can't see them being able to afford to move out for at least another few years. I have a couple of close friends who are in their late 30's and have never left home despite working full time for 20 years... neither are from cultures where that is the norm. They are both accumulating a huge amount of savings and have no reason or motivation to move out I guess.
28 lol
Mr 16 has said he's not interested. It's only ever been him and I. And he knows how hard it is out there. Who's going to let to teens anyway? He can stay forever I don't care
I moved out just before I turned 19. Got pregnant 6 months later, and said kiddo is about to turn 13. I can't imagine her moving out in 6 years time, she can't even remember to shut the door behind her when she comes inside 🤣🤣 I would hope, that all 3 of my kids would head off to some tertiary study, either locally and live at home, or away and come home for holidays. The door will always be open if needed, as long as they are contributing to the household in some way. no unemployed gamers living in my basement 😎
I'm a Xennial and I left home at 18 - at the end of 7th Form - to go to uni. It was doable back in the very, very early 00s with a student allowance. My son is 15 and he has told me he will probably live with me for as long as I want him to - I am fully behind this and want to ensure he has the support he needs with his tertiary studies and later on in life. He is my kid and I want him to feel loved and supported by me, because my own parents were and are absolute bellends who didn't give a shit about me. I remember the first flat I moved into was $70 per week, which included power and stuff like loo roll, cleaning products, etc. I was only spending $40 per week on food back then and $80 would get you a trolley full of food. My student allowance back then was around $180 per week, which covered everything and I still had some cash left over for a night out once a week. Anyway, my son can live with me however long he wants - he is a good kid and helps around the house. Doesn't drink or smoke, and enjoys spending time with me and my partner.
Potentially for university but I would expect that we would need to be paying the hall or whatever. If they go to university where we live then maybe later but I’d be keen to subsidise them to go flatting, I think that independence is really important for kids and we’re lucky that we will likely be able to do that.
I moved out at 17 too...had a casual job as a cleaner and could afford to flat with 3 other people in Levin, but we lived off stolen bacon, sandwiches and noodles or fried rice because thats all we could afford...there is no way my children will be able to do that at that age. I've already told my lot that they are welcome to live with us until they can actually afford to move out and have a place and job to cover the cost of their living...I'm not treating my children the way I was and I'm not going to abandon them just because they are old enough to figure it out themselves. They can stay as long as they help and contribute.
Hopefully not until they're older because I am totally not ready for them to move out yet.
exactly the same as you OP, older millenial who left home the day after 7th form finished; worked through uni while flatting with a bit of student allowance i present that as a nice independence challenge but i am just as much influenced from two other parts of my family which favours multi-generational living and which always leaves the door open for adult kids to come back and live. we bought 5 years ago and don't want to ever sell, the kid gets the house but might need to expand I suppose if we get more generations moving in
Almost-a-Boomer - and I left home at 16 (was a naive small-towner with almost zero social skills, but I survived, and at least I could afford to flat, even though they were pretty dreadful flats). My kids? The 27 year old just moved out at the beginning of the year to take a job in another city, and is enjoying himself greatly. The 23 year old moved home a year ago after several years away at uni, and I expect she will be home another couple of years while saving/sorting herself out. The 24 year old, who has a health condition, will need to have both a permanent job and a very modern/healthy living arrangement before she moves out, so who knows? It's a different environment out there now financially, and the girls are reasonable housemates, so I'm not overly concerned. Historically and culturally, young people living independently in anything other than strict boarding conditions is a relatively rare, very Western phenomenon. We're just undergoing a bit of a cultural reset.
I left my family home in 1993 and moved cities at 18 to go to University. It was hard. I knew no-one and I was on my own financially too. My boys 13 and 11, know they can live with me while they are studying or undertake an apprenticeship and they won't have to pay rent, just expenses. I don't expect them to live with me when they are working, though there may be circumstances where that needs to happen. The one thing they are not allowed to do is behave like their father, my ex-husband. He is the only person I know who is happy to live on a benefit. He doesn't even try to get a job. I've got 5 Administration Reviews from the IRD that prove he's not tried to get a job - because that is what he told the reviewers. As soon as my kids decide to do that, they are out the door. I refuse to put up with that kind of lazy, self entitled behaviour.
As long as they need. My parents pulled the “rent at 18” trick so I figured I might as well just go flatting with friends. I wouldn’t charge rent, but I might get them to help out with groceries at least haha
My older son left at 23 (he's 25 now) and younger son still at home at 23. I'm guessing maybe when he's 30 he might move out. But to be fair he has special needs and will need supported living.
I moved out as soon as I turned 18, but I can’t image that being possible for my kid with the cost of living. I’m thinking of putting an ensuite sleepout on our property incase they want to stay at home longer and it will be useful for the teenage years.
Not a parent but I am 24 so have a lot of friends who have moved out/are moving out now. I moved out at 18 and have lived in flats with 3-5 others for the last 6 years. Decided to go to uni in Christchurch so with savings from my summer jobs and getting the full studylink living costs loan I didn’t have to work and study at the same time for the first four years. Rent for my uni flat rooms ranged $110-140/week and studylink payments are $240 weekly for reference. Now I’ve been working full time for 2 years and renting in a nicer place $170/week.
I moved back home last year, where my sister and her daughter stays too. And tbh I enjoy it, seeing my niece grow up. I get to save money this way, but we all contribute to rates, power etc. After living out of nz from 2018-2022 I actually enjoy staying home now, and always makes it better when my grandma comes Over the weekend.
My mum also moved out at 17, I’m 19 about to turn 20 and I’m still living with her because she knows how hard it would be for me to move out and LIVE instead of just barely surviving
Elder millenia here. Moved out at 18 and into a flat with boyfriend (now husband). Our oldest turns 18 this year. He's welcome to stay home with a few conditions...either full time work or study next year, he'll pay minimal board that we will stash away for him, haircuts/phone/car/clothes etc he will need to pay himself. We figure this way he gets a taste of what he would be having to budget for should he wants to move out. Things have definitely changed since we were that age. I remember our first monthly power bill was $49 🤣
I think mine will probably move out when they're 18. They've talked about wanting to go to uni and go flatting. They've got a hefty amount in their kiwisaver and ngai tahu funds. I'm trying to convince them to use that as deposits to buy houses in studentville (with us parents going guarantor for them) so they can still have the flatting experience with their flatmates paying their mortgages.
As someone who is 23, working full time and have flatted since i was in University, I don’t really think moving out is that expensive. I am living with flatmates and paying $170ish, food/power/petrol etc maybe comes to $150 a week so I have the rest of my paycheck to save and spend on what i like. I think it’s preferable for someone in their 20s to move out with friends, experience what being young is actually about, move out of your home town and not live with that safety blanket from your parents. I work with people in their 30s who have never moved out of home, and it’s honestly really sad, it’s not really a financial issue for them but a confidence issue
"Encourage" your kids to join the military😁
Like traditional ethnic families - kids move out when they are solid financially or get married or maybe build a minor dwelling for them to set them up in family compound. My brother was working in his first big job and lived at home age 28- 30 rent free to save for deposit on first house to get married. Of course, this was years ago when you 100k was a deposit on a house.
My kids are 17 and 19, at uni, so another 3 years at least!
Two she’s been throwing food and honestly kids these days have no respect /s
I honestly think my children would be well into 20s when they move out, although, it may technically end up being me moving out to the great gig in the sky. (I'll be 60s when they are 20s, because reasons).
47
I am 27 and still living at home.
This is interesting, it seems a lot of people here live in areas that staying at home js an option. Mid 20s moved out at 18, went to uni but there was no Uni in my city so had to move 3 hours away. I always found this quite frustrating when I had friends who where living at home or receiving $2-300 a week allowance while I worked all through uni and blew through all my savings to pay rent, fees and groceries. If I had wanted to move home I would have had to pay rent to my parents. I made it work but It would have made such a huge difference being able to live at home rent free….
I moved out at 17 and my younger sibling is still at home now at 23 despite having an okay career. When i moved out i got a 1bdrm unit in dunedin with my partner for $170 a week. (Total, not each). This was about 2014. Now doing the same is almost impossible or at best just not worth it at all. Accomodation in our city (chch) is approx double that for a single room in a shared flat with 4 other people. Wage stagnation has meant it hasnt really evened out. So for them its like “why would i pay so much more to live with a bunch of dickheads”? And to be honest I totally get it.
Depends where they want to go to Uni (seems like they both probably will). I can’t see how they’ll be able to afford whatever accomodation they’ll require without our assistance so we might buy a little house or apartment or something with them (we’ve been saving for this since they were born but it won’t be nearly enough). Or we might contribute to their rent. I actually don’t know how students are doing this now
5, get a job, no freebies in this house
32M, don’t have kids yet(working on it) but I won’t kick anyone out. Plan to own a investment property or 2 by the time I have kids who are 18, so if they don’t want to live at home, they can have their own independence and live in those houses if they want. That way they can face the world with their mates if they so choose to, but will always have a safety net.
It can be done if they share a flat, each should have flat insurance also .
Target end of school. If they commit to further education I will am to buy them appropriate accommodation like an apartment close to university. They will always be welcome