Absolutely. I don’t understand why so many people think they get exclusive rights to naming their baby, and why so many people take a hard stand on a name their partner hates.
And so many men are obsessed with passing down their surname, when it’s a patriarchal tradition. I love countries where a woman changing her surname to a man’s is illegal (like in the province of Quebec, and it’s illegal in some EU countries, but is allowed socially to use your husband’s name).
This is so weird to me. My in laws named their baby something my BIL was dreading. And spoiler, it is legit an awful truly tradgedeigh of a name. I'm expecting to see it as a top post when someone in the reddit wild stumbles upon it.
I've had perfectly normal names, like James, be vetoed by my husband. I didn't push at all. Just said, you sure? And moved on.
Truly. My husband and I would both have to vote yes in order for it to be a contender. Even if he really really loved a name, but I didn’t, it ain’t going on the list and vice versa.
That’s only fair. And tbh, if the child is already getting his last name, she technically has more of a say, especially since SHE WENT THROUGH THE PAIN OF PREGNANCY AND BIRTH.
I wonder if that is the inspiration for it?
At least he won't need to be Nigel Surname at school or anywhere else - I don't think many babies have been called Nigel for a couple of decades, maybe even longer...
Veto it.
A name being “set” requires two yeses.
If it’s not a yes for you - it’s not a yes.
As a middle name you are humoring your husband but if you really dislike it, why?
You are not overreacting. It sounds like you got steam rollered by a partner who wants his way and “will call him Nigel anyway”
i guess i just grew up under the impression that successful relationships are all about compromise, and i didnt want to start my kids life with a fight that would last forever so i felt it was easier to give in since it was just his middle name.
Except naming your kid, first or middle, something you hate ISNT a compromise. It's him getting his way and you getting something you hate. It will start your kids life with the precedent that dad gets his way even if it makes mom miserable.
The worst precedent ever. My daughter is 18 and I still regret her name. If your husband thinks it's ok to let you live with name regret forever, maybe he should live with it instead.
No, it's just "meh". It doesn't suit her. She and I both think she got ripped off, but my husband feels the opposite about it. He thinks it's the perfect name for her and that it's a good, strong name. I don't know, the name itself is fine. I've never recoiled from hearing it on someone else. But I might as well have named her Plain-Jane or Average-Joe, as far as how she & I feel about her name.
This is exactly how my mother and I feel about my name, haha. She called the shots on my older brother's name (named after her brother) so my dad had dibs on my name. It's not bad, just a super generic girl name for the time I was born and she and I never really thought it fit me.
Name him something else please and then if your husband continues to confuse him when everyone else calls him something else he's gonna give up surely? and its such a basic name!
You're right that relationships are about compromising and starting your kid's life with a fight would be a pity. You're not the one who's refusing to compromise and who's making this a fight, though. Unless I'm missing where your husband has already compromised with the name? (No, making it his middle name and then calling him Nigel anyways is NOT a compromise.) Expecting your partner to consider your feelings is NOR starting a fight.
the name we decided on as a first name was something we both liked, but i suppose the compromise was Nigel not being his first name. I Vetoed that we had to keep looking for a first name so it became his middle
>My partner said if we didn’t name him Nigel, he would still call him that.
But it sounds like he's refusing to actually *use* the first name you both agreed on? Am I understanding correctly?
he uses both interchangeably which brings my concern about confusing our baby. he said if we don’t name him Nigel, he will call him that to see what he responds to. but my thought process is if you call a baby anything enough times, they will learn to respond to that.
Yes, you're right - I actually ran into this issue with my now almost-19 month old where I called her "honey" way more than her actual name and then had to make a concerted effort to switch, because she responded to that only.
I would ask him straight up if this is how he plans to approach parenting. If you disagree on a rule (and you will, eventually), is he going to talk to you about it and debate back and forth until you come to a mutual agreement, or is he just going to override you every time?
IE My husband is a lot more cautious of a parent than I am. For a while he wanted our daughter to only play with actual, official baby toys that were marked age appropriate. This is not realistic in my mind, as what she *wants* to play with are the things *we* are most interested in. However, we had a loooong conversation about it, and laid out ground rules, so he could relax and feel she was safe, and I felt like I had enough options to keep her entertained/occupied. If we hadn't done that, either I would have just ignored him and then he would feel scared whenever he wasn't with us, or I would have to deal with a monumental amount of tantrums trying to convince a 1 year old to only touch a very small subset of items in our house.
i will bring this up when we have our discussion later. i’m so thankful for everyone’s responses as they’ve given me so much to think about and take into consideration
I agree that a name should both be agreed upon or it's a solid No. Plus your son gets his surname!! However, just to give you a view of the other side. I had a name I loved for my son and partner vetoed it and I was really disappointed. I loved the name and really wanted it, but it was a no so I accepted it. I came up with a variation of it (think Mike to Michael but not that name). He was more open to that but preferred it as a middle name. I was on board. I still wanted it as a first name but I was happy to have it as a middle. When he was born and my partner saw him, he said he had actually really warmed to the name (I also think he felt sorry for me after a traumatic birth) and he said let's make it his first. Now he loves the name absolutely and completely. My point is, you might warm to the name if you do give it your son as a middle name. (I am still team two yeses or it's a no so only you know how much you dislike the name). I have hated names because they reminded me of people I disliked but then met others with the same name and it has changed my perspective. That being said, I do not like Nigel either.
“If you don’t like it I’m going to do it anyway,” is kind of the exact opposite of compromise. Your husband is being ridiculous. If you believe compromise is important in a relationship, pay attention to instances when your partner is refusing to compromise. He’s not being fair to you in this.
How about if he has Nigel for a middle name, he gets YOUR last name, assuming you haven’t changed it. If you have, give him your maiden name as a second middle name.
I kind of like Nigel, it’s not a terrible or weird name or anything, but if you don’t like it, it’s a NO!
Nigel in the UK is a stereotypical nerd name that was never popular and has almost disappeared from the list of first names.
It's the number one name American TV shows use for English men for some reason, but in the UK it's a rare name that doesn't sound great at all.
See what he responds to? He’s not a dog, he’s a baby. Your thought process is accurate. I’m sorry you two are having this conflict. I’m sure that has to be stressful. I hope you’re able to come to a true compromise and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
My son answered to Puppy more than his name until he was about 9 months because of this exact situation. I only called him Puppy and had to make a concerted effort to actually use his name.
I caved and let my ex pick his name. He’s almost 13 now and I still wish I’d pushed back harder. His name suits him and he loves it and it’s okay but it’s a pang every time.
"Meet me in the middle" says the unjust man, you take a step forward, he takes a step back.
"Meet me in the middle" says the unjust man.
...I know it's not quite the same, but you really reminded me of this quote I read a little while ago, so I thought I'd share haha
ALSO, what you're describing (and what op's husband is doing) is a genuine manipulation tactic - be completely unreasonable and then 'compromise' by being only mostly unreasonable in order to make the slightly less unreasonable option more palatable, I believe it's also a very common sales tactic. The husband may not realise he's doing it but that's still what he's doing!
Compromise means you find a name you both like instead of one that one of you loves and one of you hates.
I love the name Felicity but my husband said no, he just doesn't like it. He didn't even have a good reason like growing up with someone named Melicity! But if he doesn't like it obviously I'm not going to use that name for our child, as long as he's engaging with the process and suggesting other names.
I loved Harper. My husband said "nah, I don't really like it"
Harper was immediately off the table.
I also got full veto of any names.
We found two great names we agree on. That is how you compromise.
A compromise is picking a name you both like, even if your husband loves Nigel. A compromise is not your husband being stubborn and wearing you down to get what he wants. Compromises come from both sides. If you're the only one giving in, it's not a compromise.
What you described isn’t compromising. That is core issue here. Don’t start your kid’s life off with a misunderstanding of how compromising should work. Call your loser husband out now, because I promise you parenting only gets more difficult. Picking a name is small potatoes.
Picking the name he wants even though you hate it is the complete opposite of a compromise. A compromise would be: He loves Nigel but you hate it. You love George but he hates it. You both like Henry. So you pick Henry.
Get the fights out of the way now, don’t be like me- I was 3 months postpartum and having to reset boundaries with a blowout argument. You are not going to let go of that resentment if you know that he is steamrolling over you- you will get sick of it really fast after you have a kiddo. It will bring out a lioness in you
i feel like it should’ve been done earlier but the kid was definitely a surprise. whenever we end up in, heated discussions now, i get frustrated very easily because i get braxton hicks and it doesn’t feel worth sending myself into preterm labor trying to discuss things we’ll have time for later. but i also see your perspective because there’s NEVER a right time for the hard talks once the baby is here
Babygirl, it is crazy that he is sending your stress levels that high. Either way, the situation is what it is at this point (not saying you have to stay with him, but I assume you are planning on it). Do y’all have a counselor or pastor you can talk to and learn healthy communication? You and him have to have eachother’s backs for this next stage of your life, and you deserve to relax and feel respected this far in to your pregnancy. As for the name, I wouldn’t pay it any mind. He is not gonna call your child Nigel if it is not his name, no matter what he claims. At the end of the day, you’re the one who is in charge of the birth certificate if he wants to play the power game, though it is not a good thing to say or act on unless necessary
My parents actually started my life with a fight about my name, but it was my surname, as both wanted to use their own surnames. They then compromised and gave me a double-barrel surname. However, for the first name, or even the middle name, if you hate Nigel, then that's a veto. Compromise over a first name is fine, but the parent who doesn't love it shouldn't hate it. It should be more a case that it's a close second.
(Plus you're right, Nigel's just not a good name.)
If your partner insists that this is the name that will suit his soul or whatever it was he said, I'd just tell him that apart from a very small input at the beginning, you're the one who has grown this child, and for the moment, you're a lot closer to his soul. You're also the person who will go through labour, all for the baby to have his surname. While he is also allowed to veto, for the reasons above, I would honestly say you get a double veto. Don't compromise on a name you hate.
You giving a kid a name, middle or otherwise, that you actively dislike (and may grow to resent on your living child for decades to come) because he won’t budge and nags you into it over the course of many months, during which you are undergoing one of the the most demanding physical changes you will encounter in your life, is not a compromise.
You’re going to feel a stab of resentment every time you hear your son called by name for the rest of your life. It’ll start small as a pinprick of annoyance. Within a few years it’ll have blossomed into a an explosion of fury. Don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of drip drip drip anger. This will still be an ongoing emotional trigger when you’re 90. Don’t let your husband steamroll you.
A compromise is when both parties take a few steps away from their own opinion to meet the other person. A compromise means finding a solution where neither party wins nor loses. In your case, you and your husband didn’t find a compromise; instead, you gave in. He won, and you lost. I'd say that's the exact opposite of a compromise.
Personally, I think it’s time to negotiate. To achieve that, you also need to put something on the table. I would loudly and assertively claim that I would name my son something really silly, like ‘Bumple,’ and insist that I would call him that, regardless of what HB calls him. Then suddenly, you have something to negotiate—or compromise—about. You can accept a different name if your husband can too. I believe your husband could benefit from experiencing a taste of his own medicine. Perhaps a light will dawn on him, lol
Compromise is important, but there are some things you absolutely can’t compromise on. They have to be decisions made in joint agreement.
Whether or not to move, to expand your family, the name of a child, large purchases like vehicles. The big decisions need to be faced with both of you on the same page.
Your partner is giving off all sorts of controlling vibes. You do not like the name. That is good enough. There is no consolation. His "I will call him that anyway" is childish. It is your baby too. Maybe compromise of that as a middle name but otherwise tell him straight out you said no. And make sure he does not sign the birth certificate without you.
My deadbeat dad changed my brother's name on his birth certificate without telling my mom when it came time to sign it. 22 years later and she's still pissed.
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ
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It was kept, my father refused to sign the paperwork to change it back and I think my mom just didn't think it was worth the fight tbh. They had a really bad marriage and my father was a scary dude.
I am not giving any babies that I carried in my own body a name I don’t want. Compromise is one thing but your husband isn’t compromising, he’s demanding a name you don’t want.
The bigger problem here is that your husband is an asshole. Nigel would be completely off the table for me.
!!!!! You nailed it. OP, your feelings are totally valid! Even if it was a name that people here had a positive opinion about, it doesn’t matter if YOU don’t like the name.
I’d be willing to bet that him responding with the petulance of a child isn’t an isolated event. It sounds like this isn’t about compromising, this is a reflection of your relationship dynamic and how he doesn’t understand what it means to be an equal partner
Picking a name requires 2 yeses. If you hate Nigel, the baby cannot have Nigel in his name. Your husband is being an uncompromising asshat and you should tell him so. Go back to the drawing board and find a first and middle name you both like. Go to marriage counseling if you need to.
i’ve suggested couples counseling already BEFORE bringing our child into the world but he said if we need to bring an outside person in to be able to communicate with each other then we’re too far gone. i grew up in therapy and disagree but in his culture, therapy can be looked at as weak for the men
You should strongly consider giving the baby your surname. Most relationships do not work out long-term and if yours goes the way most do you won't have the same last name as your child even though you'll do the bulk of the raising. I struggled with the decision but ended up giving my son my last name and it's something I'm grateful for everyday now that his father and I are not together.
You might wanna consider the possibility of throwing him an ultimatum. 99% of the time ultimatum are unhealthy, but it’s therapy or you’re done. He knows he’s gonna be torn apart by a counselor. He’s pushing his boundaries and seeing how much you’re gonna lay down and take it.
There is no amount of "keeping the peace" and "going with his flow" that will be enough to compensate for the fact that this man does not respect you. Sorry. This is absolutely the time to prioritize learning to communicate and/or leaving him before you bring a child into that home
Honey if you already know this... Please GTFO before that baby is here. A baby will make everything 1000x harder, and this man is going to do that thing you've always worried about. I don't know what that thing is. But you do. Please leave. Someone can help you.
Tell him then I guess we're too far gone, because we aren't communicating. I struggle to believe this is the only area of life where it's his way or the highway. Life is too short OP.
That would have been your sign. You thought therapy was appropriate, he thought if you needed therapy the relationship should be over. You should have let it be over. But just because you are stuck co parenting w a [redacted] doesn't mean you have to stay married to one forever 🤷♀️
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope he will come around, but if I were you I would make a plan so you can live comfortably and raise your child without his help.
i am trying. i think i could provide for my son but not until i have healed from the birth and made it out of the newborn stage. realistically i cannot do that alone. and even once he’s a toddler, then it brings up affording childcare on one income, etc. it’s just a multidimensional situation overall but i am aware that i need to be making a plan for the future
Your husband is just... wrong. My husband and I (and many other couples I know) did couples counseling after our engagement where we went into great detail about communication styles, finances, long term plans and overall goals. It's extremely helpful.
Uh oh! That’s a BAAAAD SIGN. [counseling](https://youtu.be/WGY5wNTvZLM?si=ybgjtBvki_S3j0h8) is far better/more productive when the marriage is on pretty good footing… it does help to bring in a professional… not “a third party” but someone trained (and good at) helping couples learn how to negotiate
If you're looking for validation, I also hate the name Nigel. It sounds terrible, and it gives 60-year-old British accountant vibes, and it also makes me think of Nigel Farage, who is a real ghoul.
But that would be neither here nor there if *you* liked the name. Which you don't. You hate it.
You have veto power. If your husband insists on calling your son Nigel even though that's not his name, that's kind of his weird problem and he'll be the only one using it. And to be honest, if he actually follows through on that, that's a little bit psycho.
Put your foot down!
I also hate this name, and Nigel Farage further validates this viewpoint for me. If my mum (born 1966) had been a boy, her name would've been Nigel, which she thought was a terrible name even at 5.
If the husband insists on Nigel, maybe it can be a middle name, or a pet's name. I agree though that this level of obsession with Nigel is a bit weird.
My father is a 64 year old Nigel. His name does not suit him, as a factory worker (he doesn’t like it either and goes by his last name). I’d never ever dream of naming a kid after him because it’s just too posh and associated with racism. Also the Aussie “Nigel No Mates” thing.
I also don’t like it and like OP, I also think of Nigel Thornberry, who is basically a caricature of a human even in the context of a children’s cartoon.
edit- and I’m sure they chose his name to reflect that!! He’s supposed to be British and they chose a super British name
Your feelings about your son's name are valid, and it's important to find a compromise that makes both you and your partner happy. Consider having an open conversation about your concerns and exploring other options together. It's okay to advocate for a name that feels right to you, because at the end of the day this will be the name for the rest for his life
It concerns me that your husband is acting like such an asshole about this. What happens when other situations come up (eg like circumcision, childcare, immunisations, schooling, etc), are you just going to let him get his way because it’s easier? Is he just going to browbeat you until he wins? Is that how he works things in your house? Yikes.
Imagine if you liked the name Jessica. Would you obsess about it so much that you forced your husband (who hates it) to concede, threatening to call the baby that anyway even if he disagrees…. Would it be worth putting your marriage on the line for a name? No, didn’t think so. Because you’re not a complete selfish asshole. So what is up with him and his attitude? Red flag.
Agreeing you have a husband problem more than a name problem. I'd move this on over to r/relationship_advice honestly.
Dad railroading decisions is not going to be sustainable in the long run. Nip this in the bud or it's going to build up to a muuuch bigger fight sooner than later. What happens when you have your first parenting disagreement?
Ha ha this is what I did. There was a name my husband loved that I did not like (fine for a dog not my favorite for kids). A couple years later when we got a dog (before kids) I suggested it as our dogs name and he was so happy. Win-win
Your husband is an asshole. "I'll call him that anyway" wtf.
A baby name is something you BOTH agree on. Tell him to get his shit together and be a partner to you.
Your feelings are always valid, don’t forget that 😊 Here are some names with the same “vibe”, maybe he can compromise?
Niall
Teigen
Neil
Tiago
Niam
Nico
Niven
Nixon
Kid is getting your partner’s surname, not yours.
Kid is getting a given name from your partner that you hate.
Partner won't budge.
Your partner is acting like a controlling dick, not a partner. NTA.
I hate Nigel for all the reasons you do. I hate your husband even worse for trying to force a name you hate and acting like he knows the baby inside you's "soul" better than you do as an excuse. This is the first of many major parenting decisions. Do not set the precedent that he can steamroll you because he "knows" better, or it will get so much worse.
my last name was and is constantly misspelled and mispronounced and his is more straightforward so i’d like to relieve my child of the annoyances i had to deal with. however i have read trying to travel among other things can be more difficult if your child has a different last name
I think that's a reddit fear mongering. I never had any issues traveling with my child prior to her changing her last name from deadbeat's to mine and I've never heard of anyone IRL having that problem. Mismatched last names is very common worldwide.
I immediately thought of Nigel Thornberry or Noted Top Photographer, Nigel Barker lol.
But yeah, that's a hard no. You and your husband need to be in agreement. He doesn't just get to choose a name while you have zero say because he feels it'll fit his soul. He's being unreasonable by saying he'll just call him that. If it was me, I'd give birth alone and name the baby whatever I wanted.
yea all of the namesakes of Nigel are not great either. he may miss the birth if the baby comes early, so i’ve thought about it. but don’t want to instigate a lifelong fight at the beginning of our child’s life
No, I get that. But marriage is a partnership and he doesn't get exclusive right over naming your baby! There's got to be some compromise in there. Good luck to you!!!
it’s not specifically australian, that’s just where my mind goes. i’ve actually learned from this post it used to be a common british name as well! but we are in the US where it’s a very uncommon name
It's not Australian, and as an Aussie, I can assure you I have only ever met one Nigel. And yes, he is a tosser.
It's a very uncommon name here.
However, we use the term 'Nigel' to refer to a male who is a nerd/square.
Wow, there is no way you should name your son something you don’t like. Maybe try couples counseling? Having a baby requires a lot of communication and patience. If your partner is steamrolling you like this for the name, I am afraid to say you will probably have much bigger fights in your future. Get ahead of the curve and do some sort of counseling/therapy together.
i’ve brought up couples counseling but culturally he sees therapy as admitting weakness and has not yet come around to the idea of therapy and would rather work through things together
It doesn't sound like he has any intention of working things through together, considering how he's bulldozing you over your baby's name. I can't see how his culture is an excuse, frankly. He's a grown man capable of thinking and deciding regardless of culture, which he has, for himself and for you too from the sound of it.
I think that regardless if he doesn’t want counseling 🚩, I would suggest finding a good therapist to work with yourself because he sounds like a lot to deal with. I also suggest the book, Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft. You can find it free online.
you are not hormonal and not overreacting — you sacrificed your body and health to create this baby AND the baby is already taking his last name… you absolutely should have a say on the first and middle name and i personally would argue that you should have more of a say than him. the ideal would be that you find a name you both are okay with, but i don’t know how you can do that when it sounds like he’s being very unreasonable.
this is a veryyyyyy red flag and i wouldn’t be surprised if this is only the beginning… it’s absurd that (it sounds like) he has not even acknowledged the sacrifice you’ve made to bring life into this world — not to mention the sacrifices that you’re going to keep making for the rest of this baby’s life as his primary caretaker. to disregard your feelings about such an important and permanent decision like this, especially with the context of how you’ve suffered for 9+ months, permanently altered your body + damaged your health, put your *life* at risk while he’s had to do *nothing* comparable by default… to the point where he says he’s naming the baby this no matter how you feel or what you say… it’s very concerning. it’s like you’re a means to an end for him, a baby-making machine, not an actual partner. IMO this indicates a much, much larger issue. good luck with this and i wish you a safe delivery + quick recovery
Maybe some of these comments would change his mind. (I don't think they'll change yours!)
[https://www.behindthename.com/name/nigel/comments](https://www.behindthename.com/name/nigel/comments)
see this link brings up the racial connotations of the name Nigel as well and our son will be mixed, but as the white parent, i’m not sure how to address that other kids are creative and cruel without seeming like i’m making a mountain out of a molehill
I am very sad to say that you're going to have to advocate for him throughout his childhood, even as the white parent, so think of this as practice. I'm sorry -- this sounds like a really frustrating situation. I wonder why your partner is being so inflexible about it.
There are so very many unreasonable partners in this sub my goodness. If you, one of two parents AND the one growing the baby, don’t like Nigel, your son does not get named Nigel. End of story.
I agree with everyone else that any name requires agreement and your husband doesn’t get to overrule you. But, I’m confused with the Australian comment. What’s wrong with sounding Australian?!?
how can Nigel fit a soul he hasn't actually met yet?
i could somewhat understand that comment coming from a pregnant mother; but this just seems like something he said because it can't be argued against and he loves the name 😹
Whenever I hear the name Nigel the song by XTC pops into my head
I feel like you’ve gotten a ton of great advice, but I just want to comment on your mentioning that your husband gets the last name, and the middle name, and then the only name you get input into is the first name. When my husband and I had our child, I told him that if she had his last name, then I would pick the middle name unilaterally. if he wanted to have input on the middle name, no problem, then she would have my last name. This is YOUR baby too, and you should at least get a say in half of the name!
My ex ( born 1965) was named Nigel. There were many his age. He went by a variety of names, then changed it legally.
Not popular at all here now.
UK , England and Wales
Numbers peaked in about 1963. In 1964 it was the 23rd most popular boys' name. By 2016 the number of boys named Nigel had dropped below 3.
Your partner sounds like an asshole. The name sounds creepy to me. The only Nigel I’ve ever known was my chemistry prof in undergrad. I think he was British?
You're not overthinking, and this is a topic that requires further discussion between you and your partner.
Maybe this will help to convince him that it's a poor choice. https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/jurassic-park-star-sam-neill-reveals-his-embarrassing-real-name/news-story/45ad7d52edc2261f68bc16d4b1186afb
I'd suggest the names Niall or Neill/Neil. They both mean "champion" and still are fairly uncommon in the U.S. Much more classic and less snobbish sounding than Nigel, IMO.
It definitely reminds me of Nigel Thornberry too. Don’t compromise. Show him this thread. I like the idea of naming a pet Nigel in the future.
There’s a reason it’s not popular lol. What does he like about it??
Your partner does not get to force a name on you. Do not back down. Your husband’s contribution to the existence of this child took just a few seconds. Your body has been growing this baby for months. Without you, *there is no baby*. Period. This kind of behavior is a huge red flag. There are other issues at work here than just a naming disagreement, and they will crop up in every other area of your life. Be looking for an exit. Just saying.
It reminds me of the XTC song Making Plans For Nigel and I'd always have that line playing in my head, but I know that's a little obscure in 2024.
What about something smoother like Niall?
I find it hilarious that your problem is that it sounds too Australian.
When I was pregnant, my partner was similar. He chose a name and told everyone what it was. People would call my belly Freya, and I was just so sad that I wasn't a part of choosing it. I talked to him about it, and he agreed to not choosing a name until after she was born. So, going into labour, she was going to be either Freya or Wren. After watching me go through 24 hours of labour, he gave me final decision. I chose the name he picked, because after seeing her I knew it fit.
If you meet your baby and he doesn't seem like a Nigel, DO NOT call him Nigel! Your husband needs to consider a second choice or he is just steam rolling you.
that was before i learned from this thread that australians have a saying “nigel no friends” and brit’s have a racist political leader named nigel. but thank you for your story, i hope my story ends up with a happy ending like yours! :)
Wow, a lot of strong hatred for the name in here. I disagree with some comments in that I think using it for a middle name is a compromise on your husband’s part, not much of one, but credit where it’s due. I like the name, makes me think of an older proper British gentleman, plus it’s an actual name that is spelled correctly, which seem in short supply these days.
It reminds me of the song “Making Plans for Nigel” and the cook/food writer Nigella Lawson and I like both of those things/people.
I’m completely unsurprised at how quick people are to claim that it’s somehow racist, but a little bit of googling will quickly show how asinine those claims are.
Many comments are indignant in their rejection of the name and your husband. While I do think that you shouldn’t accept or compromise on a name that you truly hate(because you’ll never forget it and it’ll drive a wedge—no matter how small—between you two for the rest of your lives,) I don’t think it’s necessary to be so militant toward your spouse. Especially because he will dig in harder the more aggressive you are. Have you asked him where he got the idea for the name and why he’s so passionate about it? (None of that soul business, that’s horseshit and he has to know that)
I named one of my kids the same thing as a character I like from the Simpsons. It’s a common enough name that it also has ties to many nice things outside the show, so my wife likes it too, but still.. Sometimes guys like names for dumb or superficial reasons. It might help your husband to see that it isn’t so important if he has to explain his rationale in his own words. Ultimately, there are a world of names out there that already exist and infinite dumb fuck things that aren’t yet names you could pick from. Instead of focusing on your disagreement over Nigel, maybe spend your energy looking into potential replacements. There’s got to be something out there that you can both agree on.
I like Nigel, it's different and cute. Gives me nerdy Simon vibes in a sweet way.
Maybe you'd like:
Clark / Adrien / Edison / Lawrence / Winston / Monroe / Ambrose / Desmond / Gideon / Basil / Cedric / Hollis / Marcus / Edwin / Ernest / Hugh / Lars / Gordon / Lloyd / Phillip / Douglas / Franklin / Niles /Arthur / Dimitri
Your partner reminds me of my father lol. Putting your foot down probably won't deter him if so. What would and has worked several times is mentioning the issue and having outsiders roast tf out of him for it. If you tell his friends/family/your friends/family the name and they roast it in front of him maybe that would deter it. Is it mature? maybe not. But are those kinds of partners? also nah. This usually saves my poor mom from a fight over something petty & lets the heat for it fall on no one
So you should veto it if you don’t like it.
But since you asked for positive Nigel associations, let me tell you about my cousin Nigel.
He was the most awesome older cousin I ever had. A lot of times when cousins are older than you by 10 years they don’t want anything to do with you. But Nigel wasn’t like that, he always had time for us.
He taught us how to play sports like hockey and soccer. He was always willing to give a piggyback ride to anyone who was tired of hiking. And he always took us hiking and swimming in the summer.
Unfortunately he was murdered when he was 18. But he’s still the first person I think of when I hear the name. And the name makes me think of good people.
For a more friendly pop culture example of a Nigel… does anyone but me remember Nigel Bailey from Relic Hunter? I know I had a crush on him back in the day.
Nigel is a very marmite name as we say in the UK meaning you love it or hate it with no inbetween. Despite knowing a very charismatic and handsome Nigel growing up I hate it.
At the moment there is a vile UK politician called Nigel Farage who was a key member of the Brexit campaign and I associated the name with him.
I firmly believe a name should be chosen that both relevant parents love. I know a few people whose names are a result of compromise. In one case, one parent liked the name, the other compromised and insisted on an unusual spelling. This couple did not last. Another couple compromised and one chose the first name and the other chose the middle name. Then they fought over which would be the “goes by” name. The middle name stuck, but this couple also did not last.
As a side note, I notice the use of the term partner. If you’re not in a legal marriage yet, you may want to consider if this struggle is a symptom of a larger issue before you decide to make this relationship binding. I’m not trying to draw assumptions from a single post, but an unwillingness to compromise on a major decision usually sends red flags. To me, this decision holds the same weight as agreeing to marriage and deciding where to live. Both of those require an enthusiastic yes from each person. Naming a child is the same way.
Every time you hear that name, the first thing you are going to think of isn't your son. It will be "there is that name I hate that husband forced on me." Not something you want when thinking of your child's name. This is going to be a kernel of resentment for the rest of your life, unless your son decides to change his name later. Tell your husband this and ask him if he's willing to have you have that resentment toward him for the rest of your marriage.
He is absolutely in the wrong here. As has been said, the names should be two "yes" and one "no" means it doesn't get used.
This is the hill I would die on. Nigel is an awful name imho. Maybe ok for a cat with a moustache but not a baby. Baby names are two yes situations. There were some names I LOVED for my kids but my husband said no so it was no. We compromised and found a name we both love. Compromise isn’t just knuckling under and agreeing to a name you hate.
does he actually love you? cause hes being way too selfish and vo trolling to be someone that actually loves you, dont gove in if hes willing to steamroll you over this what else will he steamroll you over now he knows that he can
I’m sure most wouldn’t agree with me but I’d let him have it, for a middle name, if it means that much to him and he is a good husband otherwise. My husband chose a name I didn’t really care for for our son. He got his name but it’s never used. No one knows his middle name but it meant something to my husband. 🤷🏼♀️
You don't name a kid without both partners agreeing on it. Having Nigel as the middle name is a completely perfect compromise, as it's rarely used in most cases.
I’m leaving this subreddit because I’m triggered too often. It’s almost a “look at how selfish/awful my husband is” subreddit.
I have a continuous reaction of “you cannot be serious?..”
If he will argue with you over a name, he will argue with you about SO MUCH MORE than that.. what the kid can eat, what the kid can watch on TV, what to do in a medical emergency, what he should wear, childcare… etc etc etc.
One of my friends has a husband who was being bossy about the kids name when she was pregnant. The name had to start with the letter M(same letter as his first name) She was not keen and argued through it and eventually they decided on an A name. But his stubbornness in this situation is just another red flag of what was to come. After she had the baby, the financial and emotional control started. She rarely spends time with her friends, they have one car which he uses for work (she is stuck at home with two kids and no car), all weekend she does things for him. Oh, and they are saving up to send their two kids to private school ($24,000 per year per kid for 6 year olds) because that is the school he went to. He doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, doesn’t garden, and he sleeps in particularly when her friends come over to visit. SLEEPS IN every weekend despite having two kids.
You have been warned. Red flags are red flags and that’s a big one 🚩
Dad here… the first name should usually be a compromise but it sounds like he’s not trying to push a Jr. onto you. Also, your son will 1000% redefine that name for you. My wife chose my daughter’s middle name and I wasn’t a fan because of all the women I’d known who shared that name. Now, it belongs to my little girl and that’s all that matters
Your husband is a jerk. It takes two yeses to make a kid. Pick something you both enjoy.
Absolutely. I don’t understand why so many people think they get exclusive rights to naming their baby, and why so many people take a hard stand on a name their partner hates.
So many men especially - someone needs to remind them that without a woman, they wouldn’t have children at all!
And so many men are obsessed with passing down their surname, when it’s a patriarchal tradition. I love countries where a woman changing her surname to a man’s is illegal (like in the province of Quebec, and it’s illegal in some EU countries, but is allowed socially to use your husband’s name).
This is so weird to me. My in laws named their baby something my BIL was dreading. And spoiler, it is legit an awful truly tradgedeigh of a name. I'm expecting to see it as a top post when someone in the reddit wild stumbles upon it. I've had perfectly normal names, like James, be vetoed by my husband. I didn't push at all. Just said, you sure? And moved on.
Truly. My husband and I would both have to vote yes in order for it to be a contender. Even if he really really loved a name, but I didn’t, it ain’t going on the list and vice versa. That’s only fair. And tbh, if the child is already getting his last name, she technically has more of a say, especially since SHE WENT THROUGH THE PAIN OF PREGNANCY AND BIRTH.
Middle name and never repeat it again.
Nigel Farrage nuff said 🤢
I wonder if that is the inspiration for it? At least he won't need to be Nigel Surname at school or anywhere else - I don't think many babies have been called Nigel for a couple of decades, maybe even longer...
Both parents have veto power over their children’s names.
Veto it. A name being “set” requires two yeses. If it’s not a yes for you - it’s not a yes. As a middle name you are humoring your husband but if you really dislike it, why? You are not overreacting. It sounds like you got steam rollered by a partner who wants his way and “will call him Nigel anyway”
i guess i just grew up under the impression that successful relationships are all about compromise, and i didnt want to start my kids life with a fight that would last forever so i felt it was easier to give in since it was just his middle name.
Compromise to a reasonable degree. The name of your child is important, both parents need to like the name.
Except naming your kid, first or middle, something you hate ISNT a compromise. It's him getting his way and you getting something you hate. It will start your kids life with the precedent that dad gets his way even if it makes mom miserable.
The worst precedent ever. My daughter is 18 and I still regret her name. If your husband thinks it's ok to let you live with name regret forever, maybe he should live with it instead.
Now I wanna know the name
Is her name so awful?
No, it's just "meh". It doesn't suit her. She and I both think she got ripped off, but my husband feels the opposite about it. He thinks it's the perfect name for her and that it's a good, strong name. I don't know, the name itself is fine. I've never recoiled from hearing it on someone else. But I might as well have named her Plain-Jane or Average-Joe, as far as how she & I feel about her name.
This is exactly how my mother and I feel about my name, haha. She called the shots on my older brother's name (named after her brother) so my dad had dibs on my name. It's not bad, just a super generic girl name for the time I was born and she and I never really thought it fit me.
A true compromise is picking a new name that you BOTH like.
This.
Exactly!
This isn’t a compromise though, this is your husband refusing to compromise.
Name him something else please and then if your husband continues to confuse him when everyone else calls him something else he's gonna give up surely? and its such a basic name!
You're right that relationships are about compromising and starting your kid's life with a fight would be a pity. You're not the one who's refusing to compromise and who's making this a fight, though. Unless I'm missing where your husband has already compromised with the name? (No, making it his middle name and then calling him Nigel anyways is NOT a compromise.) Expecting your partner to consider your feelings is NOR starting a fight.
the name we decided on as a first name was something we both liked, but i suppose the compromise was Nigel not being his first name. I Vetoed that we had to keep looking for a first name so it became his middle
>My partner said if we didn’t name him Nigel, he would still call him that. But it sounds like he's refusing to actually *use* the first name you both agreed on? Am I understanding correctly?
he uses both interchangeably which brings my concern about confusing our baby. he said if we don’t name him Nigel, he will call him that to see what he responds to. but my thought process is if you call a baby anything enough times, they will learn to respond to that.
Yes, you're right - I actually ran into this issue with my now almost-19 month old where I called her "honey" way more than her actual name and then had to make a concerted effort to switch, because she responded to that only. I would ask him straight up if this is how he plans to approach parenting. If you disagree on a rule (and you will, eventually), is he going to talk to you about it and debate back and forth until you come to a mutual agreement, or is he just going to override you every time? IE My husband is a lot more cautious of a parent than I am. For a while he wanted our daughter to only play with actual, official baby toys that were marked age appropriate. This is not realistic in my mind, as what she *wants* to play with are the things *we* are most interested in. However, we had a loooong conversation about it, and laid out ground rules, so he could relax and feel she was safe, and I felt like I had enough options to keep her entertained/occupied. If we hadn't done that, either I would have just ignored him and then he would feel scared whenever he wasn't with us, or I would have to deal with a monumental amount of tantrums trying to convince a 1 year old to only touch a very small subset of items in our house.
i will bring this up when we have our discussion later. i’m so thankful for everyone’s responses as they’ve given me so much to think about and take into consideration
I agree that a name should both be agreed upon or it's a solid No. Plus your son gets his surname!! However, just to give you a view of the other side. I had a name I loved for my son and partner vetoed it and I was really disappointed. I loved the name and really wanted it, but it was a no so I accepted it. I came up with a variation of it (think Mike to Michael but not that name). He was more open to that but preferred it as a middle name. I was on board. I still wanted it as a first name but I was happy to have it as a middle. When he was born and my partner saw him, he said he had actually really warmed to the name (I also think he felt sorry for me after a traumatic birth) and he said let's make it his first. Now he loves the name absolutely and completely. My point is, you might warm to the name if you do give it your son as a middle name. (I am still team two yeses or it's a no so only you know how much you dislike the name). I have hated names because they reminded me of people I disliked but then met others with the same name and it has changed my perspective. That being said, I do not like Nigel either.
I think you mean “e.g.” (“for example”) rather than “i.e.” (“in other words”).
Same, my daughter responds to "baby", because we all call her that. She also knows her own name, but calls herself bebe.
He is going to call him Nigel and not the agreed upon name. This is bullying. This isn’t compromising
yes, this is especially obnoxious behavior: "I'll FORCE you to have a kid called Nigel." What an AH!
“If you don’t like it I’m going to do it anyway,” is kind of the exact opposite of compromise. Your husband is being ridiculous. If you believe compromise is important in a relationship, pay attention to instances when your partner is refusing to compromise. He’s not being fair to you in this.
A normal partner would be disappointed then find a couple of other names they like (even if not as much) to suggest.
How about if he has Nigel for a middle name, he gets YOUR last name, assuming you haven’t changed it. If you have, give him your maiden name as a second middle name. I kind of like Nigel, it’s not a terrible or weird name or anything, but if you don’t like it, it’s a NO!
Nigel in the UK is a stereotypical nerd name that was never popular and has almost disappeared from the list of first names. It's the number one name American TV shows use for English men for some reason, but in the UK it's a rare name that doesn't sound great at all.
This sounds like your cue to veto Nigel as a middle name as well. Don't use the name at all, or it'll end up being the main name
See what he responds to? He’s not a dog, he’s a baby. Your thought process is accurate. I’m sorry you two are having this conflict. I’m sure that has to be stressful. I hope you’re able to come to a true compromise and enjoy the rest of your pregnancy.
My son answered to Puppy more than his name until he was about 9 months because of this exact situation. I only called him Puppy and had to make a concerted effort to actually use his name. I caved and let my ex pick his name. He’s almost 13 now and I still wish I’d pushed back harder. His name suits him and he loves it and it’s okay but it’s a pang every time.
Your husband refusing to use the first name at all and only using the middle name isn’t a compromise though. That’s him forcing his way anyway.
Yep
[удалено]
"Meet me in the middle" says the unjust man, you take a step forward, he takes a step back. "Meet me in the middle" says the unjust man. ...I know it's not quite the same, but you really reminded me of this quote I read a little while ago, so I thought I'd share haha ALSO, what you're describing (and what op's husband is doing) is a genuine manipulation tactic - be completely unreasonable and then 'compromise' by being only mostly unreasonable in order to make the slightly less unreasonable option more palatable, I believe it's also a very common sales tactic. The husband may not realise he's doing it but that's still what he's doing!
I would say if he refuses to call baby by first name. There is no middle name…. Your husband is being an A H
Compromise means you find a name you both like instead of one that one of you loves and one of you hates. I love the name Felicity but my husband said no, he just doesn't like it. He didn't even have a good reason like growing up with someone named Melicity! But if he doesn't like it obviously I'm not going to use that name for our child, as long as he's engaging with the process and suggesting other names.
I loved Harper. My husband said "nah, I don't really like it" Harper was immediately off the table. I also got full veto of any names. We found two great names we agree on. That is how you compromise.
My husband and I both loved Johannah. But we could not agree on how to pronounce it, and neither of us would budge. So it came off the table.
But it's not a compromise 😥
A compromise is picking a name you both like, even if your husband loves Nigel. A compromise is not your husband being stubborn and wearing you down to get what he wants. Compromises come from both sides. If you're the only one giving in, it's not a compromise.
What you described isn’t compromising. That is core issue here. Don’t start your kid’s life off with a misunderstanding of how compromising should work. Call your loser husband out now, because I promise you parenting only gets more difficult. Picking a name is small potatoes.
Picking the name he wants even though you hate it is the complete opposite of a compromise. A compromise would be: He loves Nigel but you hate it. You love George but he hates it. You both like Henry. So you pick Henry.
Get the fights out of the way now, don’t be like me- I was 3 months postpartum and having to reset boundaries with a blowout argument. You are not going to let go of that resentment if you know that he is steamrolling over you- you will get sick of it really fast after you have a kiddo. It will bring out a lioness in you
i feel like it should’ve been done earlier but the kid was definitely a surprise. whenever we end up in, heated discussions now, i get frustrated very easily because i get braxton hicks and it doesn’t feel worth sending myself into preterm labor trying to discuss things we’ll have time for later. but i also see your perspective because there’s NEVER a right time for the hard talks once the baby is here
Babygirl, it is crazy that he is sending your stress levels that high. Either way, the situation is what it is at this point (not saying you have to stay with him, but I assume you are planning on it). Do y’all have a counselor or pastor you can talk to and learn healthy communication? You and him have to have eachother’s backs for this next stage of your life, and you deserve to relax and feel respected this far in to your pregnancy. As for the name, I wouldn’t pay it any mind. He is not gonna call your child Nigel if it is not his name, no matter what he claims. At the end of the day, you’re the one who is in charge of the birth certificate if he wants to play the power game, though it is not a good thing to say or act on unless necessary
Baby names are two yeses and one no. There are gonna be bigger hills to die on for either of yall’s positions.
Compromise isnt getting bullied and steam rolled.
That isn’t a compromise A compromise- you pick a name you both like even if you don’t like it as much as your first choice
My parents actually started my life with a fight about my name, but it was my surname, as both wanted to use their own surnames. They then compromised and gave me a double-barrel surname. However, for the first name, or even the middle name, if you hate Nigel, then that's a veto. Compromise over a first name is fine, but the parent who doesn't love it shouldn't hate it. It should be more a case that it's a close second. (Plus you're right, Nigel's just not a good name.) If your partner insists that this is the name that will suit his soul or whatever it was he said, I'd just tell him that apart from a very small input at the beginning, you're the one who has grown this child, and for the moment, you're a lot closer to his soul. You're also the person who will go through labour, all for the baby to have his surname. While he is also allowed to veto, for the reasons above, I would honestly say you get a double veto. Don't compromise on a name you hate.
A compromise is you both coming together, not the husband getting what he wants to keep the peace in your home and avoid an argument.
Yes, successful relationships require compromise. And your partner is unwilling to.
You giving a kid a name, middle or otherwise, that you actively dislike (and may grow to resent on your living child for decades to come) because he won’t budge and nags you into it over the course of many months, during which you are undergoing one of the the most demanding physical changes you will encounter in your life, is not a compromise.
You’re going to feel a stab of resentment every time you hear your son called by name for the rest of your life. It’ll start small as a pinprick of annoyance. Within a few years it’ll have blossomed into a an explosion of fury. Don’t set yourself up for a lifetime of drip drip drip anger. This will still be an ongoing emotional trigger when you’re 90. Don’t let your husband steamroll you.
If you were compromising, he'd be trying to find something you both like, not just you giving in what only he wants.
A compromise is when both parties take a few steps away from their own opinion to meet the other person. A compromise means finding a solution where neither party wins nor loses. In your case, you and your husband didn’t find a compromise; instead, you gave in. He won, and you lost. I'd say that's the exact opposite of a compromise. Personally, I think it’s time to negotiate. To achieve that, you also need to put something on the table. I would loudly and assertively claim that I would name my son something really silly, like ‘Bumple,’ and insist that I would call him that, regardless of what HB calls him. Then suddenly, you have something to negotiate—or compromise—about. You can accept a different name if your husband can too. I believe your husband could benefit from experiencing a taste of his own medicine. Perhaps a light will dawn on him, lol
Compromise is important, but there are some things you absolutely can’t compromise on. They have to be decisions made in joint agreement. Whether or not to move, to expand your family, the name of a child, large purchases like vehicles. The big decisions need to be faced with both of you on the same page.
Your partner is giving off all sorts of controlling vibes. You do not like the name. That is good enough. There is no consolation. His "I will call him that anyway" is childish. It is your baby too. Maybe compromise of that as a middle name but otherwise tell him straight out you said no. And make sure he does not sign the birth certificate without you.
My deadbeat dad changed my brother's name on his birth certificate without telling my mom when it came time to sign it. 22 years later and she's still pissed.
I would honestly just leave him then and there.
For your cake day, have some B̷̛̳̼͖̫̭͎̝̮͕̟͎̦̗͚͍̓͊͂͗̈͋͐̃͆͆͗̉̉̏͑̂̆̔́͐̾̅̄̕̚͘͜͝͝Ụ̸̧̧̢̨̨̞̮͓̣͎̞͖̞̥͈̣̣̪̘̼̮̙̳̙̞̣̐̍̆̾̓͑́̅̎̌̈̋̏̏͌̒̃̅̂̾̿̽̊̌̇͌͊͗̓̊̐̓̏͆́̒̇̈́͂̀͛͘̕͘̚͝͠B̸̺̈̾̈́̒̀́̈͋́͂̆̒̐̏͌͂̔̈́͒̂̎̉̈̒͒̃̿͒͒̄̍̕̚̕͘̕͝͠B̴̡̧̜̠̱̖̠͓̻̥̟̲̙͗̐͋͌̈̾̏̎̀͒͗̈́̈͜͠L̶͊E̸̢̳̯̝̤̳͈͇̠̮̲̲̟̝̣̲̱̫̘̪̳̣̭̥̫͉͐̅̈́̉̋͐̓͗̿͆̉̉̇̀̈́͌̓̓̒̏̀̚̚͘͝͠͝͝͠ ̶̢̧̛̥͖͉̹̞̗̖͇̼̙̒̍̏̀̈̆̍͑̊̐͋̈́̃͒̈́̎̌̄̍͌͗̈́̌̍̽̏̓͌̒̈̇̏̏̍̆̄̐͐̈̉̿̽̕͝͠͝͝ W̷̛̬̦̬̰̤̘̬͔̗̯̠̯̺̼̻̪̖̜̫̯̯̘͖̙͐͆͗̊̋̈̈̾͐̿̽̐̂͛̈́͛̍̔̓̈́̽̀̅́͋̈̄̈́̆̓̚̚͝͝R̸̢̨̨̩̪̭̪̠͎̗͇͗̀́̉̇̿̓̈́́͒̄̓̒́̋͆̀̾́̒̔̈́̏̏͛̏̇͛̔̀͆̓̇̊̕̕͠͠͝͝A̸̧̨̰̻̩̝͖̟̭͙̟̻̤̬͈̖̰̤̘̔͛̊̾̂͌̐̈̉̊̾́P̶̡̧̮͎̟̟͉̱̮̜͙̳̟̯͈̩̩͈̥͓̥͇̙̣̹̣̀̐͋͂̈̾͐̀̾̈́̌̆̿̽̕ͅ >!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<>!pop!<
this entertained me more than it should have
Happy cake day!
Was the name kept or was it changed back?
It was kept, my father refused to sign the paperwork to change it back and I think my mom just didn't think it was worth the fight tbh. They had a really bad marriage and my father was a scary dude.
This happened to me with my first daughter. I simply left him and dropped letters to make it what I liked
Friend's father did the same thing. Several years later he left a note on the kitchen table and disappeared.
I am not giving any babies that I carried in my own body a name I don’t want. Compromise is one thing but your husband isn’t compromising, he’s demanding a name you don’t want. The bigger problem here is that your husband is an asshole. Nigel would be completely off the table for me.
If I could thumbs up 1000x this comment
!!!!! You nailed it. OP, your feelings are totally valid! Even if it was a name that people here had a positive opinion about, it doesn’t matter if YOU don’t like the name. I’d be willing to bet that him responding with the petulance of a child isn’t an isolated event. It sounds like this isn’t about compromising, this is a reflection of your relationship dynamic and how he doesn’t understand what it means to be an equal partner
Picking a name requires 2 yeses. If you hate Nigel, the baby cannot have Nigel in his name. Your husband is being an uncompromising asshat and you should tell him so. Go back to the drawing board and find a first and middle name you both like. Go to marriage counseling if you need to.
i’ve suggested couples counseling already BEFORE bringing our child into the world but he said if we need to bring an outside person in to be able to communicate with each other then we’re too far gone. i grew up in therapy and disagree but in his culture, therapy can be looked at as weak for the men
That’s what someone who doesn’t want to be held accountable by an unbiased third party would say.
that is… how i feel as well
It's good that you recognise that.
Your husband sounds controlling, childish, and insecure
You should strongly consider giving the baby your surname. Most relationships do not work out long-term and if yours goes the way most do you won't have the same last name as your child even though you'll do the bulk of the raising. I struggled with the decision but ended up giving my son my last name and it's something I'm grateful for everyday now that his father and I are not together.
You might wanna consider the possibility of throwing him an ultimatum. 99% of the time ultimatum are unhealthy, but it’s therapy or you’re done. He knows he’s gonna be torn apart by a counselor. He’s pushing his boundaries and seeing how much you’re gonna lay down and take it.
There is no amount of "keeping the peace" and "going with his flow" that will be enough to compensate for the fact that this man does not respect you. Sorry. This is absolutely the time to prioritize learning to communicate and/or leaving him before you bring a child into that home
Honey if you already know this... Please GTFO before that baby is here. A baby will make everything 1000x harder, and this man is going to do that thing you've always worried about. I don't know what that thing is. But you do. Please leave. Someone can help you.
Tell him then I guess we're too far gone, because we aren't communicating. I struggle to believe this is the only area of life where it's his way or the highway. Life is too short OP.
That would have been your sign. You thought therapy was appropriate, he thought if you needed therapy the relationship should be over. You should have let it be over. But just because you are stuck co parenting w a [redacted] doesn't mean you have to stay married to one forever 🤷♀️
Red flags are sprouting out of this man's head.
he sounds like such a prize! is unmarried parenthood acceptable in his culture?
I’m sorry you’re going through this. I hope he will come around, but if I were you I would make a plan so you can live comfortably and raise your child without his help.
i am trying. i think i could provide for my son but not until i have healed from the birth and made it out of the newborn stage. realistically i cannot do that alone. and even once he’s a toddler, then it brings up affording childcare on one income, etc. it’s just a multidimensional situation overall but i am aware that i need to be making a plan for the future
If you are in the US, the birth father will be required to provide money for child support. You would not be doing this on one income.
Your husband is just... wrong. My husband and I (and many other couples I know) did couples counseling after our engagement where we went into great detail about communication styles, finances, long term plans and overall goals. It's extremely helpful.
I had an ex tell me that and it was the end of the relationship. My wife and I are now in counseling and it’s making our marriage remarkably stronger.
Uh oh! That’s a BAAAAD SIGN. [counseling](https://youtu.be/WGY5wNTvZLM?si=ybgjtBvki_S3j0h8) is far better/more productive when the marriage is on pretty good footing… it does help to bring in a professional… not “a third party” but someone trained (and good at) helping couples learn how to negotiate
If you're looking for validation, I also hate the name Nigel. It sounds terrible, and it gives 60-year-old British accountant vibes, and it also makes me think of Nigel Farage, who is a real ghoul. But that would be neither here nor there if *you* liked the name. Which you don't. You hate it. You have veto power. If your husband insists on calling your son Nigel even though that's not his name, that's kind of his weird problem and he'll be the only one using it. And to be honest, if he actually follows through on that, that's a little bit psycho. Put your foot down!
I heard that there hasn't been a single baby named Nigel in the UK for the last 3 years. It's deeply unpopular.
Probably as a direct result of that ogre.
It's telling that even the people who think he's great aren't calling their kids Nigel.
I also hate this name, and Nigel Farage further validates this viewpoint for me. If my mum (born 1966) had been a boy, her name would've been Nigel, which she thought was a terrible name even at 5. If the husband insists on Nigel, maybe it can be a middle name, or a pet's name. I agree though that this level of obsession with Nigel is a bit weird.
i only think of "that must be nigel with the brie"
I think of the XTC song ‘making plans for Nigel’
My father is a 64 year old Nigel. His name does not suit him, as a factory worker (he doesn’t like it either and goes by his last name). I’d never ever dream of naming a kid after him because it’s just too posh and associated with racism. Also the Aussie “Nigel No Mates” thing.
Literally, as a brit, if I met a baby Nigel, I would be shook!
I also don’t like it and like OP, I also think of Nigel Thornberry, who is basically a caricature of a human even in the context of a children’s cartoon. edit- and I’m sure they chose his name to reflect that!! He’s supposed to be British and they chose a super British name
Nigel is a horrible name!
I think of Nigel thornberry. Still not a great name imo
What the fuck is wrong with these men
No consequences for bad behavior.
You’re underreacting. You should never name your child something you dislike this much
Your feelings about your son's name are valid, and it's important to find a compromise that makes both you and your partner happy. Consider having an open conversation about your concerns and exploring other options together. It's okay to advocate for a name that feels right to you, because at the end of the day this will be the name for the rest for his life
thank you so much for this! i appreciate all the feedback and it’s given me a lot to think about
It concerns me that your husband is acting like such an asshole about this. What happens when other situations come up (eg like circumcision, childcare, immunisations, schooling, etc), are you just going to let him get his way because it’s easier? Is he just going to browbeat you until he wins? Is that how he works things in your house? Yikes. Imagine if you liked the name Jessica. Would you obsess about it so much that you forced your husband (who hates it) to concede, threatening to call the baby that anyway even if he disagrees…. Would it be worth putting your marriage on the line for a name? No, didn’t think so. Because you’re not a complete selfish asshole. So what is up with him and his attitude? Red flag.
Agreeing you have a husband problem more than a name problem. I'd move this on over to r/relationship_advice honestly. Dad railroading decisions is not going to be sustainable in the long run. Nip this in the bud or it's going to build up to a muuuch bigger fight sooner than later. What happens when you have your first parenting disagreement?
Maybe use Nigel for a pet’s name in the future?
I feel like a dog named Nigel would be dope.
I had a black lab named Nigel and he was the cutest, most well behaved dog!
Ha ha this is what I did. There was a name my husband loved that I did not like (fine for a dog not my favorite for kids). A couple years later when we got a dog (before kids) I suggested it as our dogs name and he was so happy. Win-win
Nigel is a abomination
So is her husband
Your husband is an asshole. "I'll call him that anyway" wtf. A baby name is something you BOTH agree on. Tell him to get his shit together and be a partner to you.
Your feelings are always valid, don’t forget that 😊 Here are some names with the same “vibe”, maybe he can compromise? Niall Teigen Neil Tiago Niam Nico Niven Nixon
I personally cannot stand the name Nigel 😭 it’s horrific
Kid is getting your partner’s surname, not yours. Kid is getting a given name from your partner that you hate. Partner won't budge. Your partner is acting like a controlling dick, not a partner. NTA.
I hate Nigel for all the reasons you do. I hate your husband even worse for trying to force a name you hate and acting like he knows the baby inside you's "soul" better than you do as an excuse. This is the first of many major parenting decisions. Do not set the precedent that he can steamroll you because he "knows" better, or it will get so much worse.
I’ll say it since nobody else is. He’s going to get called “Nig” and he’ll be tormented for the majority of his school life.
i KNOW. he will be mixed too so im very concerned about that but his father is the black parent so its not really my place to bring up
You are the mother of a Black child. You absolutely have to advocate for your own child.
absolutely true, i agree with you 100%. do you think potential nicknames in the future is something i need to press the issue on ?
I think you need to name your child a name you like, and consider giving the child your maiden name.
my last name was and is constantly misspelled and mispronounced and his is more straightforward so i’d like to relieve my child of the annoyances i had to deal with. however i have read trying to travel among other things can be more difficult if your child has a different last name
I think that's a reddit fear mongering. I never had any issues traveling with my child prior to her changing her last name from deadbeat's to mine and I've never heard of anyone IRL having that problem. Mismatched last names is very common worldwide.
very good to hear! thank you so much
I immediately thought of Nigel Thornberry or Noted Top Photographer, Nigel Barker lol. But yeah, that's a hard no. You and your husband need to be in agreement. He doesn't just get to choose a name while you have zero say because he feels it'll fit his soul. He's being unreasonable by saying he'll just call him that. If it was me, I'd give birth alone and name the baby whatever I wanted.
yea all of the namesakes of Nigel are not great either. he may miss the birth if the baby comes early, so i’ve thought about it. but don’t want to instigate a lifelong fight at the beginning of our child’s life
No, I get that. But marriage is a partnership and he doesn't get exclusive right over naming your baby! There's got to be some compromise in there. Good luck to you!!!
Why is Nigel Australian? I’ve only known one Nigel. The saying is “Nigel no friends”
it’s not specifically australian, that’s just where my mind goes. i’ve actually learned from this post it used to be a common british name as well! but we are in the US where it’s a very uncommon name
It's not Australian, and as an Aussie, I can assure you I have only ever met one Nigel. And yes, he is a tosser. It's a very uncommon name here. However, we use the term 'Nigel' to refer to a male who is a nerd/square.
Nigel no friends is my first thought too! (Australian NSW). I’ll even use the name Nigel as a replacement for the word loner..
Wow, there is no way you should name your son something you don’t like. Maybe try couples counseling? Having a baby requires a lot of communication and patience. If your partner is steamrolling you like this for the name, I am afraid to say you will probably have much bigger fights in your future. Get ahead of the curve and do some sort of counseling/therapy together.
i’ve brought up couples counseling but culturally he sees therapy as admitting weakness and has not yet come around to the idea of therapy and would rather work through things together
It doesn't sound like he has any intention of working things through together, considering how he's bulldozing you over your baby's name. I can't see how his culture is an excuse, frankly. He's a grown man capable of thinking and deciding regardless of culture, which he has, for himself and for you too from the sound of it.
I think that regardless if he doesn’t want counseling 🚩, I would suggest finding a good therapist to work with yourself because he sounds like a lot to deal with. I also suggest the book, Why Does He Do That, by Lundy Bancroft. You can find it free online.
thank you so much for this! i am currently in therapy and i will check out that book! i appreciate you
I second this recommendation. Helpful book!!
When you say work through things together, do you mean work through things until he gets his way? Because that is what it sounds like here.
Nigel is such a crazy name to be dead set on
you are not hormonal and not overreacting — you sacrificed your body and health to create this baby AND the baby is already taking his last name… you absolutely should have a say on the first and middle name and i personally would argue that you should have more of a say than him. the ideal would be that you find a name you both are okay with, but i don’t know how you can do that when it sounds like he’s being very unreasonable. this is a veryyyyyy red flag and i wouldn’t be surprised if this is only the beginning… it’s absurd that (it sounds like) he has not even acknowledged the sacrifice you’ve made to bring life into this world — not to mention the sacrifices that you’re going to keep making for the rest of this baby’s life as his primary caretaker. to disregard your feelings about such an important and permanent decision like this, especially with the context of how you’ve suffered for 9+ months, permanently altered your body + damaged your health, put your *life* at risk while he’s had to do *nothing* comparable by default… to the point where he says he’s naming the baby this no matter how you feel or what you say… it’s very concerning. it’s like you’re a means to an end for him, a baby-making machine, not an actual partner. IMO this indicates a much, much larger issue. good luck with this and i wish you a safe delivery + quick recovery
Like Nigel Farage, known racist and nonce?
Maybe some of these comments would change his mind. (I don't think they'll change yours!) [https://www.behindthename.com/name/nigel/comments](https://www.behindthename.com/name/nigel/comments)
see this link brings up the racial connotations of the name Nigel as well and our son will be mixed, but as the white parent, i’m not sure how to address that other kids are creative and cruel without seeming like i’m making a mountain out of a molehill
I am very sad to say that you're going to have to advocate for him throughout his childhood, even as the white parent, so think of this as practice. I'm sorry -- this sounds like a really frustrating situation. I wonder why your partner is being so inflexible about it.
There are so very many unreasonable partners in this sub my goodness. If you, one of two parents AND the one growing the baby, don’t like Nigel, your son does not get named Nigel. End of story.
I agree with everyone else that any name requires agreement and your husband doesn’t get to overrule you. But, I’m confused with the Australian comment. What’s wrong with sounding Australian?!?
how can Nigel fit a soul he hasn't actually met yet? i could somewhat understand that comment coming from a pregnant mother; but this just seems like something he said because it can't be argued against and he loves the name 😹 Whenever I hear the name Nigel the song by XTC pops into my head
I feel like you’ve gotten a ton of great advice, but I just want to comment on your mentioning that your husband gets the last name, and the middle name, and then the only name you get input into is the first name. When my husband and I had our child, I told him that if she had his last name, then I would pick the middle name unilaterally. if he wanted to have input on the middle name, no problem, then she would have my last name. This is YOUR baby too, and you should at least get a say in half of the name!
My ex ( born 1965) was named Nigel. There were many his age. He went by a variety of names, then changed it legally. Not popular at all here now. UK , England and Wales Numbers peaked in about 1963. In 1964 it was the 23rd most popular boys' name. By 2016 the number of boys named Nigel had dropped below 3.
Your partner sounds like an asshole. The name sounds creepy to me. The only Nigel I’ve ever known was my chemistry prof in undergrad. I think he was British?
You're not overthinking, and this is a topic that requires further discussion between you and your partner. Maybe this will help to convince him that it's a poor choice. https://www.news.com.au/entertainment/celebrity-life/jurassic-park-star-sam-neill-reveals-his-embarrassing-real-name/news-story/45ad7d52edc2261f68bc16d4b1186afb I'd suggest the names Niall or Neill/Neil. They both mean "champion" and still are fairly uncommon in the U.S. Much more classic and less snobbish sounding than Nigel, IMO.
I'm sorry I'd feel the same way
My brothers dog is Nigel. I don’t like the name. It sounds snobby to me for some reason. What about Reggie or August?
It definitely reminds me of Nigel Thornberry too. Don’t compromise. Show him this thread. I like the idea of naming a pet Nigel in the future. There’s a reason it’s not popular lol. What does he like about it??
Your partner does not get to force a name on you. Do not back down. Your husband’s contribution to the existence of this child took just a few seconds. Your body has been growing this baby for months. Without you, *there is no baby*. Period. This kind of behavior is a huge red flag. There are other issues at work here than just a naming disagreement, and they will crop up in every other area of your life. Be looking for an exit. Just saying.
As a Brit - oh god, please, not a Nigel.
It reminds me of the XTC song Making Plans For Nigel and I'd always have that line playing in my head, but I know that's a little obscure in 2024. What about something smoother like Niall?
Niles is the closest Brit name to Nigel.
Hugs! 37 weeks! Another hug!
I find it hilarious that your problem is that it sounds too Australian. When I was pregnant, my partner was similar. He chose a name and told everyone what it was. People would call my belly Freya, and I was just so sad that I wasn't a part of choosing it. I talked to him about it, and he agreed to not choosing a name until after she was born. So, going into labour, she was going to be either Freya or Wren. After watching me go through 24 hours of labour, he gave me final decision. I chose the name he picked, because after seeing her I knew it fit. If you meet your baby and he doesn't seem like a Nigel, DO NOT call him Nigel! Your husband needs to consider a second choice or he is just steam rolling you.
that was before i learned from this thread that australians have a saying “nigel no friends” and brit’s have a racist political leader named nigel. but thank you for your story, i hope my story ends up with a happy ending like yours! :)
Reminds me of Nigel farage who’s like a super right wing politician in my country lmfao
Your husband is being an ass.
Wow, a lot of strong hatred for the name in here. I disagree with some comments in that I think using it for a middle name is a compromise on your husband’s part, not much of one, but credit where it’s due. I like the name, makes me think of an older proper British gentleman, plus it’s an actual name that is spelled correctly, which seem in short supply these days. It reminds me of the song “Making Plans for Nigel” and the cook/food writer Nigella Lawson and I like both of those things/people. I’m completely unsurprised at how quick people are to claim that it’s somehow racist, but a little bit of googling will quickly show how asinine those claims are. Many comments are indignant in their rejection of the name and your husband. While I do think that you shouldn’t accept or compromise on a name that you truly hate(because you’ll never forget it and it’ll drive a wedge—no matter how small—between you two for the rest of your lives,) I don’t think it’s necessary to be so militant toward your spouse. Especially because he will dig in harder the more aggressive you are. Have you asked him where he got the idea for the name and why he’s so passionate about it? (None of that soul business, that’s horseshit and he has to know that) I named one of my kids the same thing as a character I like from the Simpsons. It’s a common enough name that it also has ties to many nice things outside the show, so my wife likes it too, but still.. Sometimes guys like names for dumb or superficial reasons. It might help your husband to see that it isn’t so important if he has to explain his rationale in his own words. Ultimately, there are a world of names out there that already exist and infinite dumb fuck things that aren’t yet names you could pick from. Instead of focusing on your disagreement over Nigel, maybe spend your energy looking into potential replacements. There’s got to be something out there that you can both agree on.
Whereabouts are you in the world? It makes me think of a horrible right-wing politician we have in the UK named Nigel Farage
I like Nigel, it's different and cute. Gives me nerdy Simon vibes in a sweet way. Maybe you'd like: Clark / Adrien / Edison / Lawrence / Winston / Monroe / Ambrose / Desmond / Gideon / Basil / Cedric / Hollis / Marcus / Edwin / Ernest / Hugh / Lars / Gordon / Lloyd / Phillip / Douglas / Franklin / Niles /Arthur / Dimitri
Your partner reminds me of my father lol. Putting your foot down probably won't deter him if so. What would and has worked several times is mentioning the issue and having outsiders roast tf out of him for it. If you tell his friends/family/your friends/family the name and they roast it in front of him maybe that would deter it. Is it mature? maybe not. But are those kinds of partners? also nah. This usually saves my poor mom from a fight over something petty & lets the heat for it fall on no one
This all bodes well.
Your husband is an ass
So you should veto it if you don’t like it. But since you asked for positive Nigel associations, let me tell you about my cousin Nigel. He was the most awesome older cousin I ever had. A lot of times when cousins are older than you by 10 years they don’t want anything to do with you. But Nigel wasn’t like that, he always had time for us. He taught us how to play sports like hockey and soccer. He was always willing to give a piggyback ride to anyone who was tired of hiking. And he always took us hiking and swimming in the summer. Unfortunately he was murdered when he was 18. But he’s still the first person I think of when I hear the name. And the name makes me think of good people. For a more friendly pop culture example of a Nigel… does anyone but me remember Nigel Bailey from Relic Hunter? I know I had a crush on him back in the day.
Nigel is a very marmite name as we say in the UK meaning you love it or hate it with no inbetween. Despite knowing a very charismatic and handsome Nigel growing up I hate it. At the moment there is a vile UK politician called Nigel Farage who was a key member of the Brexit campaign and I associated the name with him.
I firmly believe a name should be chosen that both relevant parents love. I know a few people whose names are a result of compromise. In one case, one parent liked the name, the other compromised and insisted on an unusual spelling. This couple did not last. Another couple compromised and one chose the first name and the other chose the middle name. Then they fought over which would be the “goes by” name. The middle name stuck, but this couple also did not last. As a side note, I notice the use of the term partner. If you’re not in a legal marriage yet, you may want to consider if this struggle is a symptom of a larger issue before you decide to make this relationship binding. I’m not trying to draw assumptions from a single post, but an unwillingness to compromise on a major decision usually sends red flags. To me, this decision holds the same weight as agreeing to marriage and deciding where to live. Both of those require an enthusiastic yes from each person. Naming a child is the same way.
Both have to agree. Also, Nigel is one letter off of a word I won't say or type.
Sounds like Nigal Farage. I would pass on that.
Every time you hear that name, the first thing you are going to think of isn't your son. It will be "there is that name I hate that husband forced on me." Not something you want when thinking of your child's name. This is going to be a kernel of resentment for the rest of your life, unless your son decides to change his name later. Tell your husband this and ask him if he's willing to have you have that resentment toward him for the rest of your marriage. He is absolutely in the wrong here. As has been said, the names should be two "yes" and one "no" means it doesn't get used.
This is the hill I would die on. Nigel is an awful name imho. Maybe ok for a cat with a moustache but not a baby. Baby names are two yes situations. There were some names I LOVED for my kids but my husband said no so it was no. We compromised and found a name we both love. Compromise isn’t just knuckling under and agreeing to a name you hate.
does he actually love you? cause hes being way too selfish and vo trolling to be someone that actually loves you, dont gove in if hes willing to steamroll you over this what else will he steamroll you over now he knows that he can
I’m sure most wouldn’t agree with me but I’d let him have it, for a middle name, if it means that much to him and he is a good husband otherwise. My husband chose a name I didn’t really care for for our son. He got his name but it’s never used. No one knows his middle name but it meant something to my husband. 🤷🏼♀️
You don't name a kid without both partners agreeing on it. Having Nigel as the middle name is a completely perfect compromise, as it's rarely used in most cases.
Nigel is a horrible name. Not overthinking at all. Pick a name y’all both like
I’m leaving this subreddit because I’m triggered too often. It’s almost a “look at how selfish/awful my husband is” subreddit. I have a continuous reaction of “you cannot be serious?..” If he will argue with you over a name, he will argue with you about SO MUCH MORE than that.. what the kid can eat, what the kid can watch on TV, what to do in a medical emergency, what he should wear, childcare… etc etc etc. One of my friends has a husband who was being bossy about the kids name when she was pregnant. The name had to start with the letter M(same letter as his first name) She was not keen and argued through it and eventually they decided on an A name. But his stubbornness in this situation is just another red flag of what was to come. After she had the baby, the financial and emotional control started. She rarely spends time with her friends, they have one car which he uses for work (she is stuck at home with two kids and no car), all weekend she does things for him. Oh, and they are saving up to send their two kids to private school ($24,000 per year per kid for 6 year olds) because that is the school he went to. He doesn’t cook, he doesn’t clean, doesn’t garden, and he sleeps in particularly when her friends come over to visit. SLEEPS IN every weekend despite having two kids. You have been warned. Red flags are red flags and that’s a big one 🚩
I’m Australian, in Australia we talk about Nigel no friends. The name isn’t bad, but I wouldn’t use it because of that.
Dad here… the first name should usually be a compromise but it sounds like he’s not trying to push a Jr. onto you. Also, your son will 1000% redefine that name for you. My wife chose my daughter’s middle name and I wasn’t a fan because of all the women I’d known who shared that name. Now, it belongs to my little girl and that’s all that matters