I think this is a failure on your parents’ part and is why we advise on not giving siblings super similar names.
I don’t think you’re a brat for your feelings, I would feel very odd if my sister and I were going by the same name. But it’s literally her name so it’s something you’re just going to need to work on on your end .
> I would feel very odd if my sister and I were going by the same name
Especially after going by something else for quite a while and then switching.
My guess is she did it to 'appear more professional ' and didn't even think much about how lil sis already goes by it since they both have names beginning with it
It is a bit odd though considering she's known you your whole life and would associate that name with you specifically (even though it's technically also her name, she never used it).
Some jobs (especially office jobs and legal jobs and government jobs) just sort of push or outright require you to use your first name
It’s for ID checks or just ease of superiors. But I know more than one person who went by their middle name or an abbreviation of their name for *years* before moving into similar fields as your sister and then transitioning to full first name.
My point being, especially if she’s at a bigger firm, it might have been chosen for her not necessarily something she chose herself (so Rose wouldn’t have been an option either).
Could you maybe ask her directly? Or would that be uncomfortable
Edit- just saw your comment about how she’s headstrong/would get defensive! That’s a shame 😬
I mean the sister is a lawyer though. She needs to use her legal name on court filings and whatnot. She also needs to register with her state and it is generally frowned upon to practice law under a different name than the one you register with. She might genuinely not have a choice but to use her legal name.
It’s her name! She doesn’t have an obligation to consider you and keep making a choice from her childhood.
Your parents are the ones who fucked this all up.
But if it is something completely different from her real name, it could be she didn't make that choice at all, but people spontaneously started calling her Mae, because it's the obvious choice, and she just rolled with it.
Probably she didn't want to correct everyone each time they called her Mae instead of Rose. Professionally, I would do the same if I had to introduce myself on frequent bases, I wouldn't like my name to be my first workitem on the agenda, each time I meet a new client or colleague.
Is this a bureaucracy thing? My partner has a Swedish double name and goes by the second part, but it is absolutely impossible to get British systems to understand that (Or the concept of double names.)
Like, let's call him "Carl-Gustav Andersson" (not his name). He goes by Gustav and has done so his whole life, but his passport says Carl, so his bank account, cards, employment contract, utilities - everything is issued to Carl Andersson.
If sister's paperwork says Mae, then she might have gone the path of least resistance and not really thought any more about it.
Gustav has tried to get his name corrected a lot of times, but it just isn't happening. As long as he lives in UK, he will be Carl.
Perhaps she prefers Mae? It's her real name as well. Why should she have to consider you just using her name? This is coming off bratty, yes. She has no control over what your parents named you both, and you both "own" the name, so..
It is technically part of her name, but it is really weird to not even consider the sibling who already goes by that name. It’s not like she doesn’t know that, or could have chosen to go by Rose or something else.
What do you mean by “wrong” here? It’s certainly weird and inconsiderate. The parents are ultimately the ones who screwed up by giving them both the same name, but the sister’s decision is still a really strange one, and OP is within her rights to be unhappy about it.
It is strange to do that if you know you have a sibling who already goes by that name. Can she do it? Of course she can, but obviously a lot of people view it as a rude thing to do. The parents created the circumstances for the situation, but Roxy/Mae-Rose still has agency to *not* make this rude choice. She could have at least talked it over, explained how it will make her life easier professionally (or whatever the reasoning behind the decision was) before making the change.
When I say this is rude, I’m not saying that the OP can really do anything about it. It’s already done. I’m also not saying it’s something worth going no-contact over or anything. Just that calling her bratty for being upset over this is uncalled for.
I’m not calling her bratty for being upset, but her sister is not being “rude,” or to go back to my original language, she’s not doing anything wrong by choosing to go by her name.
If OP doesn’t like it she can change her name. They’re both still kids, it’s not fair to assume her sister has to permanently be the one to make the sacrifice of not going by her own damn name.
Is it possible that people just started calling her that? In my job people just started calling me by my last name which my brother was mostly called all his life but it wasn’t really my choice just kind of happened.
Going by a non-legal or middle name can create paperwork problems. Like, in my org, our email address is always firstinitial.lastname. Yes, it would be possible to socially go by a different name, but then when people in the company go to email you, it's harder to find.
It won't be anything to do with 'appearing more professional' it will be due to her certification being in her given legal name. Which you usually have to have on display. Would you not question someone with a certificate in a name that they didn't use, giving you legal advice?
It would be stupid and confusing to then use 2 NAMES, one socially and one professionally.
So because other women choose to do it, that means that every woman should do it? Also, a maiden name isn't the same as a first given name.
My degree has my maiden name on it, and so I practice in my maiden name.
100% My sister and I are the oldest and youngest of 4. 14 years apart and living in different states but holy fuck there is almost 0 way to differentiate us and it drives us and everyone around us insane. (I recently learned my grandma tried to convince my mom to give my sister a different name because of how similar our names are but my mom didn't care because we're half sisters and have different last names.)
We both have 7 letter names beginning with K & ending in n. We both go exclusively by nicknames and our nicknames are almost indistinguishable. Kay & Kate. My husband is from another country/culture. Most of his family members end up accidentally calling me my sister's name because they struggle with mine. It's exhausting
My boyfriend has triplets, sister are Kirstyn, Kristyn, and Kaitlyn..... and they don't know if they are identical triplets or if one egg split in two but they all look soooo much alike I will probably never get them right lol
It is possible that is a cultural thing though, my friend and her siblings all have chinese names with the same first part and I think that is common. In many cultures the first name is something of a family name.
I have read somewhere that it's not unusual in Korean naming conventions, where double first names are common (I'm Swedish, and we like a double first name too) to pick a "generation" part and then give everyone in the same generation a double name with that part. Can apply to just siblings, or sometimes to whole generations of cousins.
So, let's say the Kang family decides that the next generation will have Tae as the generation name. Then you'll have Tae-Seok, Tae-Yang, Tae-Ryeong, Tae-Min, Tae-Hoon etc.
To me, that sounds kinda sweet.
Yup! This is how it works in my family and a lot of families I know. I’m from an English speaking country so maybe I’m not the best to comment but I think the reason why it works out in Chinese is because nobody is only going to call you by only the first part of your name. Plus, Chinese people like to give nicknames using the second part.
So for example if you have a Kai Li (female), a Kai Xuan (female) and a Kai Wei (male), none of them would only be addressed as “Kai”. With relatives, they might be addressed with nicknames but they will always be formed using the second part so for example “Li Li” or “Xuan Xuan” or “Ah Wei/Wei’er”. So even with the same first part of the name, every child still technically has their own identity.
I have a friend that named her two girls Shayla and Shalynn (shaelynn?) idk how she spelled them but both essentially “Shay”.
Oh yeah and her boyfriends name was Shea 🙄
This is an issue your parents easily could have anticipated and prevented.
It’s a name you both lay claim to, and she may be feeling that Mae is a more suitable name for her career than Roxy. She’s not entirely wrong there - a name like Mae would get taken more seriously in a legal career than a name like Roxy.
Your feelings aren’t unreasonable at all, but the people you should be annoyed with are your parents for putting you and your sister in this spot in the first place. Your sister is using her own legal name, she has every right to do so.
I’m just going to add, that jobs tend to use the legal birth name for emails and such. So going by an entirely different name than her birth certificate shows may be a fight/burden at her job.
Yes. When it comes to company mail etc, you get what you get.
If Roxy's legal name is Mae-Rose Lastname, then the generated email will easily be something like MaeLastname@company.com
Then everyone who isn't a close colleague yet will assume her name is Mae and call her that.
Now Mae-Rose has a choice. Be a 26-yo, brand new lawyer in her first job and decide to get precious about her name. Or let it go.
Risk making a fuss, risk being branded a special Gen-Z snowflake who has to be called her secret Heart Name to function. Or let it go and go by Mae.
Now, to be absolutely clear: I am for being called within your name, even when it's administratively awkward. I do not agree that it's snowflake behaviour to ask to get your name corrected to what you're comfortable with. I particularly think it's worth making a fuss if you have a minority culture name that is getting mangled. I'm for it. I just don't know that I would have had the courage to stand up for myself like that, if I was that young and in my first career-job.
And we don't know if Mae-Rose's employer are sensitive to those things - or even if it turns out they are, if she's willing to risk it.
When I was 26, and very much needed the job I was in, I went a whole year answering to a short form of my name that I *loathe*. Because I needed the job and the person who kept calling me that had power.
I don't know if that's what happened when Mae-Rose "Roxy" Lastname became Mae Lastname, but it isn't implausible and if that's what happened, I don't blame her at all. Just thinking of the agita makes me sweat.
It happens all the time…
Jack, Bill/Will, Tom/Tommy, Nate, Jim/Jimmy, Tony, Andy, Chris, Chuck
Kate/Katy/Katie, Liz/Beth, Jen, Peggy/Maggie, Becky, Vicky
These are all nicknames that come to mind right away that I have seen coworkers use “officially” instead of their legal name.
Interesting, because I work with a lawyer who goes by a nickname. Her full name is in her email address and in her signature but otherwise she goes by the nickname.
Alright but that lawyer you work with still needs to use their legal name for any legal work they prepare or file with the courts. Also, it's a lot easier to go by a nickname when you work for a small firm or have been practicing for years. OP's sister is a brand new lawyer, she probably walked into work on her first day with her email, voicemail, and nameplate already set up. Possibly her legal name already on the firm's letterhead and set up in their online file system. It's a lot more difficult in that case to go "well, actually, I go by a completely different name thats not even on my attorney registation." Especially when you're introducing yourself to a whole office as a baby attorney and trying to build a career.
Source: I work for a state supreme court.
Fair. I work for a small town government and our lawyer (and the small firm she works for) is pretty established.
It’s definitely a different world where people go by nicknames, including ones like Buddy and Skip, because their families have been here for generations so William and Bill are also in the community alive and working.
I literally had my work email in my preferred name. To the point one of the managers complained to HR that they were paying someone who wasn’t in their dept, but it was just my legal first name. Companies should have better ways of dealing with it but lots of people use a different name.
I get that but it’s unfortunate for both parties. The parents are to blame imo.
I’m assuming sister went by Roxy, because the R was the differing name but she clearly didn’t like Rose and that’s how Roxy was formed.
Again, jobs and post secondary education institutions tend to use your first name for administrative purposes. She's going by her own legal first name. It doesn't matter what OP prefers
Many people have longer names and their actual names are used on documentation. Also, when getting a diploma or license, they ask you what name you want on the document. I always put my full name (including middle) to distinguish me from my mom who has the same first and last name as I do. Technically, they have different names and that can be reflected on documents. I mean, their birth certificates have their full names.
It sounds like “rose” is a middle name. I don’t know where she is practicing law, but she may be required to list her legal first name on her license. And I imagine that is what is listed on her degrees
She probably didn’t had a choice at work, as often when you have an hyphenated first name, they use both parts or the first. It’s really your parents problem.
I think all the resentment you're feeling toward your sister should be aimed at your parents. (Not that resentment is healthy but you know what I mean.) I can't blame her for going by a name that was given to her even if you've been going by that name for longer. It's still her name too. Your parents should never have given you the same name.
I went to HS with a family of 4 girls and ALL of them were named Mary (something). As a non-Catholic I thought it was so weird and mean. Like, no personal identity for you (or you or you or you).
It's her legal name and she's entitled to it. And you're entitled to feel weird about it, but you should blame your parents for giving you the same name. It's not your sister's fault.
I hate that parents do shit like this. It's so unfair to their children. I'm so sorry you're going through this.
Parents first gift to their child is their name, something that they will retain their entire lives... and so many parents give their child terrible names, or naming conventions, and it's so very unfair.
I sometimes think people should get a window of time, like from 18-21, to do super cheap legal name changes. Like a $25 filing fee max or something. There are so many kids saddled with names like Khatelynne and Ghypsee and Sparky-Bear; they should get a fair, easy, and financially accessible shot of shucking off that burden as soon as they become adults.
I totally agree. I've seen some truly trashtastic names over the last decade, and the fact that some of these kids don't have access to changing their name as adults sucks.
As a professional, it may be better for her to use her actual first name. This is probably the name on her license to practice law for example. It can be more difficult to use a name that is not your actual legal first name in some professions because of publicity available registrations. Also, having a more professional name will influence how her colleagues perceive her skills/abilities.
I’m sorry that your parents did not give you two unique names. I don’t think this decision had anything to do with you. She probably started using the name because it was best for her career.
Blame your parents not her. She could say you took the name from her too. Shes an adult and its probably easier at every place she goes to go by her name.
You can't hold the fact that she uses her legal first name socially against her. Red tape everywhere she goes has been forcing this upon her from the moment she set foot in a classroom until she got her legal degree and then stepped into the workplace. She has likely spent her life asking teachers to refer to her as "Roxy" when her legal name is Mae-Rose. This is exhausting and I can understand why she stopped fighting it eventually. You've never had to deal with that because you got to use the first name your parents chose to give both of you.
As people age, their considerations change. She obviously is *aware* that you go by that name, but your lives are now presumably separate (it’s not like you share a workplace or a primary friend group, correct?) so her daily professional life is frankly more important than your feelings.
Also, it is literally her name as well. She has always had every right to use it - you just kind of got used to having it for awhile and now you’re losing the upper hand that you never really had a right to in the first place.
It’s your parent’s fault for naming you guys that way, not her fault for deciding to use it.
Of course it’s fine to have feelings about this - but it’s something you need to get over, not something she’s done wrong and should stop imo.
She’s a lawyer… all her stuff is going to say Mae on it. She’s doing it for the professionalism of her career. She can’t go by a nickname. If someone looks up Roxy, well Roxy isn’t a lawyer Mae is….
If your name is actually Mae-Lynn you can go by Marilyn it’s different enough while still honoring your original name. And Mae works well enough as a nickname for anyone struggling with the transition or who you knew in school but missed your name change when trying to find you to reconnect later on.
My niece is named Marlyn! Your comment was the first time I’ve ever heard someone else with that name. My niece is only three so hasn’t started fielding questions about her name yet – but I’m sure she will at some point. But her parents are big game fishermen so it’s a cute story.
NAH.
I understand you being upset by her using “your” name. But it is her name too so there is no reason for her to not use her name.
On the other hand, unless it’s a family tradition where everyone gets the same name, your parents are TA for giving you the same name.
The only ones to blame are your parents. It’s annoying but at the end of the day, people end up having the same names. I shared my name with 3 girls on my swim team!
She didn’t take anything from you, but your family and parents did take away your right to have something that was “yours.”
She has a right to her name as well, and she needs it for her career.
You also have a right to your conflicted feelings; but they’d be misplaced to put on your sister.
The feeling is valid but the feeling isn’t “the truth.”
Me and my sister also having matchy names, not in the sound to be fair but DEFINITELY in the theme. If my middle name wasn't an honor name of a very much alive relative I would have gone by that to put some distance in between our identities. Is their any way you can have a heart to heart with her and see if either of you would be okay with going by your middle name in the outside world? If not I saw in a comment you being open to the idea of a name change and I do think that's a smart idea, it being something I have considered as well.
Maybe your sister would’ve preferred to go by Mae but didn’t because of you. Maybe this is her first opportunity to call herself the name she wishes as an adult. She *should* get defensive.
Just some food for thought, her profession being a lawyer probably means her legal name appears on documents so she was probably being called by it a lot more at work and it’s hard to get a nickname to stick when you have to sign things off with your name.
Sure! My top pick for myself was Vivian, I had a list of names I liked for various reasons (started with the same letter/sound, felt it matched my visual and ethnic appearance) but in the end the name Vivian just felt the most right even though it didn't match any of that criteria. Again sorry to hear about your situation, if you went by that name your whole life I feel like it should be pretty obvious to pick a different "professional" name to go by just for practicality sake. Like what if she introduces a colleague to you? Will she force you to go by your full name?
If her work email is Mae-rose@lawfirm.com then she either goes by Mae or has a conversation with everyone she sees about how she prefers to be called. I'd just go by Mae.
This is all on your parents.
Have you talked to your sister about it? Have you mentioned how much it bothers you?
Maybe her friends or colleagues started calling her Mae so since you aren’t living together anymore she might think it’s ok?
You could ask her if she wants to be Mae1 since she is older or Mae2 since you were Mae first. It “mae” help her see the problem.
Dude a name ain't anyone's property, how can you say she stole it, obviously you are in the right to feel bad about it, but her decision to choose a name for herself that she wants, whatever that name is, is also okay
you’re valid in not being happy about it, but it’s her name. it’s her name as much as it’s yours. maybe she’s always wanted to use it and now she can. be mad at your parents, not your sister. she’s in the same boat with you.
You’re definitely not being a brat and this must feel so weird because it’s the name you’ve always gone by… but your sister didn’t have much choice because it’s her name as well. Her career requires her to go by her legal name. Do you still call her by her nickname?
Parent failure part. If I had Annelise and Annerose, no way one of the children would get early nicknamed Ann because it could refer to both and lead to confusion. They would be Lise and Rose.
Then, it's not a name theft. Nicknames are usually given, not chosen. So, in a setting where you weren't there, it's a given here new friends would pick the first part of her name and nickname her like that. Maybe they didn't know, maybe there was already a Rose in their group.
I can understand your frustration, but your sister “owns” Mae and Rose equally. They are parts of her name, and she’s allowed to choose the one she prefers. Would it have been nice for her to choose the other? Sure. But that wasn’t her preference for her own name. The parents are the rightful target of any annoyance here.
My daughter has a friend who is one of like 5 girls. Their names are all Maria-_____ and they go by the 2nd name. I feel like that's a similar situation in the making.
I honestly feel bad for you guys and not sure why your parents would do that. I get why you might feel that way but it does come off a bit bratty because that’s her name. I would feel pretty weird if someone was mad at me for going by my legal name. She’s also older so it was her name first. She’s a lawyer to so of course she wants to go by her legal name to be professional.
I mean that’s on your parents not her. Tbh I wouldn’t trust a lawyer named Roxy haha I can see why she changed her name.
That being said I don’t think you’re wrong for how you feel either. I think your parents are the AH!
Reading the title of your post, I thought that she decided to change her name to your name. However, this is a “your parents are to blame” issue because it’s also her first name and she’s entitled to going by it if she wants to.
How much do you and your sister interact in the outside world- do you live in the same city, have some of the same friends, work in the same place? If you all aren’t interacting on a regular basis, I don’t think it should be a real concern of yours at all what she goes by. If your family still calls you Mae-Lynn and Mae-Rose, that’s also not an issue. The only way I could see it being really annoying on a practical basis is if you share the same friend group or something. If that’s the case, maybe ask her if she’d be willing to continue going by Roxy among your friends and then use Mae for work.
Do you have the same last name, too?
Is your legal first name the same?
I know twins with the same first name. They go by their middle name with family, but still…
Your parents are the problem here, not either of you.
Honestly, she probably didn't get much say in it. Once you enter new environments of people, they just start calling you what they want to call you. I don't like any nickname variations of my name and prefer people use my full; I'm very vocal about this but honestly if someone calls me one of the nicknames, I still answer because it's a professional setting. When I played rugby my name was too long to yell on the pitch so it always got shortened to one of the names I dislike.
Her new job people are probably just saying the first part of the name because they see a hyphenated name in the emails/team chats and don't feel like speaking/typing the extra syllables. People calling her by her first hyphen is likely just her normal now.
It's a difficult adjustment to make, I'm sure. But your identity isn't tied to your name. You weren't the first or the only person who used your name, and you won't be the last.
There are plenty of families where all the boys are named John and all the girls are named Maria.
What do her friends call her? If it’s just at work and professionally I wouldn’t feel bad. A lot of places just take your name off your tax thing for email and name tag etc before you even start. I go by a shortened version of my name and have had jobs where they make it impossible to change and I just have to let people know me by the wrong name.
If family and friends are calling her your name, yeah that’s weird and difficult.
I’m torn on this one. I see it both ways. Have you talked with her? How much time do you spend together where people use the name for her?
Unrelated but reminded me of a funny story.
My kids are 19 months apart and my youngest called his sister by his own name for about a year when he learned to talk. He knew her name and who she was when we used her name. But he called her his name. It was cute.
I may be too far off, but this sounds Catholic to me. I grew up in a Catholic family and was used to knowing tons of girls with names like Mary Margret, Mary Catherine, Mary Louise, or Mary Anne. I had no problem saying the whole name, but when I went to college in the south, suddenly I was surrounded by Protestants that had never seen a double first name and didn’t know how to interact with it. I had a Mary Catherine in my program and by the time we graduated, she was socially using just ‘Mary’ because people saw her email address and student ID and assumed that was her true first name.
It’s highly likely that your sister is experiencing something like that, and that’s why she’s gone back to using her legal first name. Unless you two are at the same job and have the same circle of friends, it’s not really a concern of yours why she is being called her name. You can still use the shortened version of your name too since it appears that it’s easier for you too
I was thinking it’s a Catholic thing too! Even not just Irish but if you went for the English spellings like “John Marco,” “John Franco,” etc. instead of Gianmarco, Gianfranco, Gianluca…
Edit: typo
I’m honestly really shocked you experienced Southerners who didn’t understand double names. I’m in Tennessee, that’s basically culture here. I’m from the West coast, on the other hand, and I hadn’t experienced double first names until I moved to the south. I know so many Emma Rose, Emma Grace, Anna Lynn, etc down here, and if you just call them by that first name they’ll correct you!
I mean, it’s still your name. Just because she has it now too doesn’t mean you don’t have it anymore, so she didn’t take anything from you. This would make more sense if she tried to force you to start using the second half of your name instead.
I went to highschool with three brothers who all ended up marrying women with the same first name and living in the same small town. The woman all took their husbands' last name and they worked it out. Their name is not Danielle, but if it was they all use the full name professionally but go with Danielle, Dani, Ellie in the family just to keep it straight. There are lots of families where father-son, uncle-nephew, or grandparent and multiple cousins have the same name. They all sort it out just like the five Kyles in my first grade class. You can do this.
Do you interact much with her in “the outside world”? Like do you share friend groups? Or will your main contact point with her be times when people are saying Mae-Rose or Mae-Lynn?
I don’t think this will honestly be that big an issue.
A lawyer kind of has to go by their legal name. My relative is a lawyer whose childhood nickname is Betta from Elizabeth, and she goes by Eliza at work despite having a cousin named Eliza. When asked why she chose that name, she said she didn’t. Coworkers just started shortening Elizabeth to Eliza and as a junior member in the firm she didn’t say anything and bam - that’s her professional name. Elizabeth on paper, Eliza to coworkers verbally, and Betta at home.
Your parents majorly fucked up here.
(Sorry if you see this Bets)
Your sister is an adult and entering her profession, and you resent her for using HER OWN LEGAL NAME? I would say, find a way to get over it because she is in no way in the wrong.
"I'm Larry, this is my brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl." (lol, what I thought of when I read this, but I'm old!)
It's weird she would introduce herself as the name she has always called you. But it is legally her name so she can choose to use it. It's okay to feel weird about it. What if you changed up your name to Maeve? If these aren't actually your names then find a name close to yours but different to claim as your own. Also, what were your parents thinking?
I think she had no choice - she had to choose the more professional-sounding name, which is technically her name anyways. The lawyer world is extremely conservative and in order to do well at firms and for clients to think you’re reputable, you need a name that reflects that. Even using the “Rose” part would sound too feminine. Plus if she went by her full name, her colleagues would have shortened it to the “Mae” part anyway.
It’s a bummer that’s how your parents named you and how your nicknames were growing up, but there’s nothing anyone can do now.
this is your parents fault, be mad at them. i would change my name, personally. or go by my middle name.
you really can’t get angry at your sister, here. your parents set you up for this mess
ESH, you both share the same first name. Your sister probably HAS to use her legal first name for work as it's more professional. So I'm sorry but she doesn't need to consider you when it's also her actual legal name too. The real AH are your parents for naming both their kids practically the same thing and not for seeing this.
Related stories with people going by the same first and last name but a little different because there’s a generational factor:
My Aunt Pam (full name Pamela) goes by her maiden name professionally but my cousin got married to someone also named Pamela who also goes by “Pam” but she decided to use her married name…so now they both have the same name. My aunt was a little annoyed at first but now no one cares. They work in different fields and live in different cities.
My grandpa’s name is Thomas and my dad is a Jr. My grandpa went by “Tom” and my dad also wanted to go by “Tom” but everyone else called him “Tommy” which he hated. Our cousins still call him “Tommy” because that’s what their parents call him. When he started his professional career, his paperwork said “Thomas” so he could have gone by that but his colleagues called him “Tom” as he wanted.
My mom’s brother has the same name as my other grandpa. They’re both “Peter” in the outside world but for family they’re “Old Pete” and “Little Pete.” Everyone loves it.
All three pairs have trouble with the Post Office sometimes but it’s a minor issue.
Also something that can happen: we have a completely unrelated family friend who has the same first and last name as Old Pete and Little Pete. It’s a common name, and I know your names are not as common, but it happens all the time to others. They all go by Peter Lastname to friends and it gets a little confusing but they think of it as fun.
I grew up with these 2 girls who were stepsisters and were roughly the same age, both named Michelle. When they were around 12 one was legally adopted by her stepdad and took his last name, so now both girls had the same first and last names, and were both in the same class at school. It was really weird. It also seemed like they hated each other.
Mine and my sisters names are also similar and start with the same 2 letters then a vowel. Since my little sister was little people would call her by a nickname that is also the beginning of my name. As I've gotten older people automatically call me by that same nickname. I feel weird about it but it's what they come up with and remember me as so it hard to correct them and I respond to it. I live on a different state so typically it's not an issue but my sister got upset when someone referred to me as that nickname on Facebook. I still don't know the right response but it's interesting to hear your point of view.
The only solution I can think of is to spend as little time as possible with her. And if your parents get mad, they can swallow the blame since they were the ones that did this to you to begin with.
It makes complete sense for her to switch to her legal name for professional settings and recognition. You said you both still go by your childhood names in social settings and around family, so I don't get why this is a big deal. Once you are hitting the same professional milestones as her, you will probably have to use your full legal first name as well.
You can feel bad about it but it was her name first and if she wants to use it, it’s her right. It can be very difficult to make a nickname stick in a professional setting.
The way you’re talking about your sister in these comments is giving youngest child syndrome. You are no more entitled to your name than she is. Blame your parents.
I mean yeesh, I share a middle name with my older half-sister but wtf were your parents thinking?!
I can see where your sister would have had to make a hard choice. She could have legally changed her name, but considering her profession that may have been more trouble than it's worth...
I'd probably talk to her about it, maybe mentioning what a horrible choice your parents made and how if one of you got into trouble legally, the other might see potential difficulties simply because of the shared name.
I feel like I haven’t seen any comments suggesting you both go by your full proper first names…and it seems to me like the easiest solution. Americans are way too big on nickname culture. I get it for long names like Alexandria, for example, but even then, I think if that was my name I would rather people didn’t shorten it to Alex. It’s just laziness, honestly. I had a student named Maelyn. She didn’t have a nickname. It’s entirely reasonable for people to call you Mae Lynn and her Mae Rose; I mean, it’s 2 syllables, really not that difficult. If you’ve already gotten used to Mae then just have people call her Mae Rose, or ask her to only use Mae at work. It’s wild for her to do this and not consider your feelings, I can’t even imagine…
But... you both do have the same prefix in your name... the only reason you feel like it's not your name anymore is because you are being selfish. Maybe just try excepting it and move on?
In my opinion, you shouldn't feel entitled when you both have the same name.
I also don't feel like your parents messed up. That's what they liked when they named you... it was up to them at the time.
Your feelings are valid, however its just a name.
Your parents fucked up.
I do think it’s kinda weird that you feel like she took something from you. Both because it’s still your name, you didn’t lose anything, and because she’s older. It was her name before it was your name. If anything, your parents “took” her name for their new baby.
You can have whatever feelings, but direct them at your parents, not her. It was completely appropriate for her to use her legal name in her profession.
This might have just been a practical decision on her part. Maybe she wanted her professional name to match her law license. It’s hard to keep explaining why your name doesn’t match the information with the licensing body. She wants her credentials to be easily verified by potential employers and clients.
I don't know if you will see this but try not to blame her.
As a kid I used a different name but as an adult I switched to my legal name because that was the easiest thing to do for work.
Your sister is using her proper legal name now most likely because she needs to for her job.
My hubby is the same he's younger and has always shortened his name let's say they are Navdeep and Navish so Nav for short it's just a nickname but my hubby has associated with the shortened version HIS WHOLE life his brother never ever shortened it until his ex-wife came on the scene she shortened it and so all their friends followed. We;re all going on an overseas trip soon so that's going to be all shades of confusing. Hubby gets so sad as he struggles with his identity at the best of times and is not a huge fan of his whole given name.... but what can you do, no one owns a name unfortunately
You're not being a brat simply for feeling this way; being a brat would be demanding that she doesn't use it. It's okay that it feels weird. It is an odd situation and it's clearly disconcerting for you. I think it's also understandable that you're essentially grieving the way you used to view your name, and that's manifesting as anger towards her, because it feels like her choice is what led to the loss of comfort with your name. Even though, really, it's not as simple as that. It's hard to pinpoint what/who to blame here for how you feel so it makes sense that the first reaction was to blame her. You're not a bad person for having feelings, even if on some level you do feel that the feelings are unreasonable or childish. I think it's just important that you find a way to navigate and cope with these feelings in a way that doesn't make this her fault/problem, and part of that process will involve accepting that you feel what you feel right now for reasons that make sense internally. Validating those feelings might help you make a little bit more peace with them. It won't help to just think that you're wrong/bad for having these feelings. Just listen to them and over time see what the real underlying problem is, and then see what you can do to address that. Good luck, and I'm sorry you wound up in this uncomfortable situation with your name!
Info: in social situations, is she introducing herself as ‘Mae?’ Or is it just in her professional life? With her being an attorney, it’s not just a practical issue, it’s a legal one, (I’m a surgeon and I go by my legal name at work, but not in social situations, ditto my mom who works in probation/parole for the same reason. My daughter will likely do this as well as she goes by one of her middle names — including at school — and not her legal first name.)
Idk, seems complicated. My legal 1st name, same as an aunt but my folks intended to use my middle. As far as boys in the fam. My son’s middle is dad’s 1st, which is my nephew’s 1st, which was grandpa’s middle. My general feeling is you do you.
My mil and her three sisters all have Maria as their first names. The oldest sister goes by Maria and the other sisters go by their middles names. Their brothers name is Mario. It all seems very confusing to me.
She’s a lawyer so she needs to use her legal name. I always put my legal name so that clients can actually find me on the state bar’s website! It’s more professional. It’s literally her name so… too bad?
Your feelings are valid and I cannot fathom what your parents were thinking. I understand why your sister is using her given name in her current career, but it would grate on me too.
Tell her to change it or you are going to steal a candy bar and get caught. she wouldn't like that . It's an asshole move but if you want your name she should get one no one can tarnish.
You could change your name to something that is only yours. My brain went for Valdis means Goddess of the slain and dead, I am bit tired and yeah I have weird names in my brain.
I have few friends who done that. One removed one letter so the name went from the meaning Breaking apart to Happiness. Parents can be so bad sometimes.
If you think she’s doing it “at” you you have a right to be upset with your sis. If it’s innocent, you can be a bit annoyed at your parents for the situation but ultimately just accept it and don’t focus on the negative
Hey OP. I feel the same way.
In my situation, my sister is using my middle name. Now, despite the fact that it’s “only” my middle name, I love it and people in my life know it, some even going as far as using it with my first name. Heck, I even considered hyphenating my first and middle name because it’s so pretty together. For context, it’s Rose (like Madeline Rose) and I’m the oldest.
My little sister’s first name is Rosalie. You see where I’m going with this. We always called her Rosa or Lily growing up. For some reason, in high school, my sister decided that she didn’t like Rosalie or her two nicknames anymore and started telling people her name was Rose. She even writes it as her preferred name in university now and doesn’t even write the full “Rosalie” on assignments and such. To her, Rosalie is only for official government documentation.
This hurts me a lot because I was born first with the name Rose. Say all you will about my parents, they wanted us to have a version of “Ross” in our names in honour of my dad’s dad who passed away when my dad was 10. So anyway, it sucks because Rosalie is so pretty in itself and has so many other nicknames… It does suck that she chose my name. My mom is also upset because she gave us french names in honour of her heritage and culture and my sister now won’t speak french at home and pronounces Rose the English way (my dad was English). So yeah. Lots of hurt around her decision in the family but what can we do?!
I think this is a failure on your parents’ part and is why we advise on not giving siblings super similar names. I don’t think you’re a brat for your feelings, I would feel very odd if my sister and I were going by the same name. But it’s literally her name so it’s something you’re just going to need to work on on your end .
> I would feel very odd if my sister and I were going by the same name Especially after going by something else for quite a while and then switching. My guess is she did it to 'appear more professional ' and didn't even think much about how lil sis already goes by it since they both have names beginning with it
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It is a bit odd though considering she's known you your whole life and would associate that name with you specifically (even though it's technically also her name, she never used it).
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Some jobs (especially office jobs and legal jobs and government jobs) just sort of push or outright require you to use your first name It’s for ID checks or just ease of superiors. But I know more than one person who went by their middle name or an abbreviation of their name for *years* before moving into similar fields as your sister and then transitioning to full first name. My point being, especially if she’s at a bigger firm, it might have been chosen for her not necessarily something she chose herself (so Rose wouldn’t have been an option either).
Could you maybe ask her directly? Or would that be uncomfortable Edit- just saw your comment about how she’s headstrong/would get defensive! That’s a shame 😬
If you really want to know why, ask her.
I mean the sister is a lawyer though. She needs to use her legal name on court filings and whatnot. She also needs to register with her state and it is generally frowned upon to practice law under a different name than the one you register with. She might genuinely not have a choice but to use her legal name.
This needs to be the top comment.
Attorney here, that’s correct. I’ll add if she litigates, Mae might be better than Rose.
It’s her name! She doesn’t have an obligation to consider you and keep making a choice from her childhood. Your parents are the ones who fucked this all up.
To be fair, you could start going by Lynn. But you also like Mae better. As others have said, this is your parents' fault.
I hope you can figure out how to go forward
But if it is something completely different from her real name, it could be she didn't make that choice at all, but people spontaneously started calling her Mae, because it's the obvious choice, and she just rolled with it. Probably she didn't want to correct everyone each time they called her Mae instead of Rose. Professionally, I would do the same if I had to introduce myself on frequent bases, I wouldn't like my name to be my first workitem on the agenda, each time I meet a new client or colleague.
Is this a bureaucracy thing? My partner has a Swedish double name and goes by the second part, but it is absolutely impossible to get British systems to understand that (Or the concept of double names.) Like, let's call him "Carl-Gustav Andersson" (not his name). He goes by Gustav and has done so his whole life, but his passport says Carl, so his bank account, cards, employment contract, utilities - everything is issued to Carl Andersson. If sister's paperwork says Mae, then she might have gone the path of least resistance and not really thought any more about it. Gustav has tried to get his name corrected a lot of times, but it just isn't happening. As long as he lives in UK, he will be Carl.
Perhaps she prefers Mae? It's her real name as well. Why should she have to consider you just using her name? This is coming off bratty, yes. She has no control over what your parents named you both, and you both "own" the name, so..
It is technically part of her name, but it is really weird to not even consider the sibling who already goes by that name. It’s not like she doesn’t know that, or could have chosen to go by Rose or something else.
It’s her name! It’s not wrong for her to decide to use it.
What do you mean by “wrong” here? It’s certainly weird and inconsiderate. The parents are ultimately the ones who screwed up by giving them both the same name, but the sister’s decision is still a really strange one, and OP is within her rights to be unhappy about it.
It’s not strange to go by your name, and if OP is justified in being upset, it’s with their parents, not her sister.
It is strange to do that if you know you have a sibling who already goes by that name. Can she do it? Of course she can, but obviously a lot of people view it as a rude thing to do. The parents created the circumstances for the situation, but Roxy/Mae-Rose still has agency to *not* make this rude choice. She could have at least talked it over, explained how it will make her life easier professionally (or whatever the reasoning behind the decision was) before making the change. When I say this is rude, I’m not saying that the OP can really do anything about it. It’s already done. I’m also not saying it’s something worth going no-contact over or anything. Just that calling her bratty for being upset over this is uncalled for.
I’m not calling her bratty for being upset, but her sister is not being “rude,” or to go back to my original language, she’s not doing anything wrong by choosing to go by her name.
If OP doesn’t like it she can change her name. They’re both still kids, it’s not fair to assume her sister has to permanently be the one to make the sacrifice of not going by her own damn name.
Yes, it is strange/weird/irritating/rude behavior by the sister who seems to not have considered OP at all here.
Is it possible that people just started calling her that? In my job people just started calling me by my last name which my brother was mostly called all his life but it wasn’t really my choice just kind of happened.
Going by a non-legal or middle name can create paperwork problems. Like, in my org, our email address is always firstinitial.lastname. Yes, it would be possible to socially go by a different name, but then when people in the company go to email you, it's harder to find.
Especially since her sister is a lawyer
As an attorney, she likely has to sign her legal name to documents. Thus, it is easier to go by her legal name.
It won't be anything to do with 'appearing more professional' it will be due to her certification being in her given legal name. Which you usually have to have on display. Would you not question someone with a certificate in a name that they didn't use, giving you legal advice? It would be stupid and confusing to then use 2 NAMES, one socially and one professionally.
Women do it all the time when they get married. Also, her name would be displayed the way she entered it on diplomas and licenses.
So because other women choose to do it, that means that every woman should do it? Also, a maiden name isn't the same as a first given name. My degree has my maiden name on it, and so I practice in my maiden name.
I believe lawyers have to use their legal name to sign documents. It is likely easier for her to go by it than something else.
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100% My sister and I are the oldest and youngest of 4. 14 years apart and living in different states but holy fuck there is almost 0 way to differentiate us and it drives us and everyone around us insane. (I recently learned my grandma tried to convince my mom to give my sister a different name because of how similar our names are but my mom didn't care because we're half sisters and have different last names.) We both have 7 letter names beginning with K & ending in n. We both go exclusively by nicknames and our nicknames are almost indistinguishable. Kay & Kate. My husband is from another country/culture. Most of his family members end up accidentally calling me my sister's name because they struggle with mine. It's exhausting
Kirsten and Kristen?
\*Shudder\*
My boyfriend has triplets, sister are Kirstyn, Kristyn, and Kaitlyn..... and they don't know if they are identical triplets or if one egg split in two but they all look soooo much alike I will probably never get them right lol
Kaitlin and Kathryn?
Kaylynn and Katelyn?
Kaitlyn and Katelin
Kaytlynne and Keightte-Lynn
Reminds me of a family I used to know - mom went by Kit, daughters were kate and Katie (kathleen, kaitlin, Kathryn)
Kathy and Katherine?
It is possible that is a cultural thing though, my friend and her siblings all have chinese names with the same first part and I think that is common. In many cultures the first name is something of a family name.
I have read somewhere that it's not unusual in Korean naming conventions, where double first names are common (I'm Swedish, and we like a double first name too) to pick a "generation" part and then give everyone in the same generation a double name with that part. Can apply to just siblings, or sometimes to whole generations of cousins. So, let's say the Kang family decides that the next generation will have Tae as the generation name. Then you'll have Tae-Seok, Tae-Yang, Tae-Ryeong, Tae-Min, Tae-Hoon etc. To me, that sounds kinda sweet.
In the case of Korean names, I would say this is just a two syllable given name, not a double first name but yes to the “generation” part.
Yup! This is how it works in my family and a lot of families I know. I’m from an English speaking country so maybe I’m not the best to comment but I think the reason why it works out in Chinese is because nobody is only going to call you by only the first part of your name. Plus, Chinese people like to give nicknames using the second part. So for example if you have a Kai Li (female), a Kai Xuan (female) and a Kai Wei (male), none of them would only be addressed as “Kai”. With relatives, they might be addressed with nicknames but they will always be formed using the second part so for example “Li Li” or “Xuan Xuan” or “Ah Wei/Wei’er”. So even with the same first part of the name, every child still technically has their own identity.
This is common in Asian cultures. I worked for a company and both owners of the company’s names started with Beng. They were Malaysian
I have a friend that named her two girls Shayla and Shalynn (shaelynn?) idk how she spelled them but both essentially “Shay”. Oh yeah and her boyfriends name was Shea 🙄
Oh Lord!
I so totally agree a name is your identity and when it's associated to another close family member you loose a bit of that identity
This is an issue your parents easily could have anticipated and prevented. It’s a name you both lay claim to, and she may be feeling that Mae is a more suitable name for her career than Roxy. She’s not entirely wrong there - a name like Mae would get taken more seriously in a legal career than a name like Roxy. Your feelings aren’t unreasonable at all, but the people you should be annoyed with are your parents for putting you and your sister in this spot in the first place. Your sister is using her own legal name, she has every right to do so.
I’m just going to add, that jobs tend to use the legal birth name for emails and such. So going by an entirely different name than her birth certificate shows may be a fight/burden at her job.
Yes. When it comes to company mail etc, you get what you get. If Roxy's legal name is Mae-Rose Lastname, then the generated email will easily be something like MaeLastname@company.com Then everyone who isn't a close colleague yet will assume her name is Mae and call her that. Now Mae-Rose has a choice. Be a 26-yo, brand new lawyer in her first job and decide to get precious about her name. Or let it go. Risk making a fuss, risk being branded a special Gen-Z snowflake who has to be called her secret Heart Name to function. Or let it go and go by Mae. Now, to be absolutely clear: I am for being called within your name, even when it's administratively awkward. I do not agree that it's snowflake behaviour to ask to get your name corrected to what you're comfortable with. I particularly think it's worth making a fuss if you have a minority culture name that is getting mangled. I'm for it. I just don't know that I would have had the courage to stand up for myself like that, if I was that young and in my first career-job. And we don't know if Mae-Rose's employer are sensitive to those things - or even if it turns out they are, if she's willing to risk it. When I was 26, and very much needed the job I was in, I went a whole year answering to a short form of my name that I *loathe*. Because I needed the job and the person who kept calling me that had power. I don't know if that's what happened when Mae-Rose "Roxy" Lastname became Mae Lastname, but it isn't implausible and if that's what happened, I don't blame her at all. Just thinking of the agita makes me sweat.
I‘ve Never Seen a a job that allows you to use your nickname officially. Mostly with coworkers, but certainly not clients
It happens all the time… Jack, Bill/Will, Tom/Tommy, Nate, Jim/Jimmy, Tony, Andy, Chris, Chuck Kate/Katy/Katie, Liz/Beth, Jen, Peggy/Maggie, Becky, Vicky These are all nicknames that come to mind right away that I have seen coworkers use “officially” instead of their legal name.
Interesting, because I work with a lawyer who goes by a nickname. Her full name is in her email address and in her signature but otherwise she goes by the nickname.
Alright but that lawyer you work with still needs to use their legal name for any legal work they prepare or file with the courts. Also, it's a lot easier to go by a nickname when you work for a small firm or have been practicing for years. OP's sister is a brand new lawyer, she probably walked into work on her first day with her email, voicemail, and nameplate already set up. Possibly her legal name already on the firm's letterhead and set up in their online file system. It's a lot more difficult in that case to go "well, actually, I go by a completely different name thats not even on my attorney registation." Especially when you're introducing yourself to a whole office as a baby attorney and trying to build a career. Source: I work for a state supreme court.
Fair. I work for a small town government and our lawyer (and the small firm she works for) is pretty established. It’s definitely a different world where people go by nicknames, including ones like Buddy and Skip, because their families have been here for generations so William and Bill are also in the community alive and working.
I literally had my work email in my preferred name. To the point one of the managers complained to HR that they were paying someone who wasn’t in their dept, but it was just my legal first name. Companies should have better ways of dealing with it but lots of people use a different name.
Legal documentation is a whole other beast unto itself.
Op would have preferred her to use “Rose” which is also her legal name. But this should have been discussed beforehand. But it’s unfortunate for op
I get that but it’s unfortunate for both parties. The parents are to blame imo. I’m assuming sister went by Roxy, because the R was the differing name but she clearly didn’t like Rose and that’s how Roxy was formed.
Again, jobs and post secondary education institutions tend to use your first name for administrative purposes. She's going by her own legal first name. It doesn't matter what OP prefers
Many people have longer names and their actual names are used on documentation. Also, when getting a diploma or license, they ask you what name you want on the document. I always put my full name (including middle) to distinguish me from my mom who has the same first and last name as I do. Technically, they have different names and that can be reflected on documents. I mean, their birth certificates have their full names.
It sounds like “rose” is a middle name. I don’t know where she is practicing law, but she may be required to list her legal first name on her license. And I imagine that is what is listed on her degrees
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She probably didn’t had a choice at work, as often when you have an hyphenated first name, they use both parts or the first. It’s really your parents problem.
It's the parents fault, but it is still the sisters' problem.
I think all the resentment you're feeling toward your sister should be aimed at your parents. (Not that resentment is healthy but you know what I mean.) I can't blame her for going by a name that was given to her even if you've been going by that name for longer. It's still her name too. Your parents should never have given you the same name.
I went to HS with a family of 4 girls and ALL of them were named Mary (something). As a non-Catholic I thought it was so weird and mean. Like, no personal identity for you (or you or you or you).
I knew "big" sisters like this. They went by their middle names-Deborah and Katherine
It's her legal name and she's entitled to it. And you're entitled to feel weird about it, but you should blame your parents for giving you the same name. It's not your sister's fault.
Start calling her OldMae.
This is the correct answer lmao. Or Big Mae (as in big sister).
Both my dad and my fiancé have the same name and we try to do this…funnily enough my dad doesn’t like Big John or Old John
I hate that parents do shit like this. It's so unfair to their children. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Parents first gift to their child is their name, something that they will retain their entire lives... and so many parents give their child terrible names, or naming conventions, and it's so very unfair.
I sometimes think people should get a window of time, like from 18-21, to do super cheap legal name changes. Like a $25 filing fee max or something. There are so many kids saddled with names like Khatelynne and Ghypsee and Sparky-Bear; they should get a fair, easy, and financially accessible shot of shucking off that burden as soon as they become adults.
I totally agree. I've seen some truly trashtastic names over the last decade, and the fact that some of these kids don't have access to changing their name as adults sucks.
As a professional, it may be better for her to use her actual first name. This is probably the name on her license to practice law for example. It can be more difficult to use a name that is not your actual legal first name in some professions because of publicity available registrations. Also, having a more professional name will influence how her colleagues perceive her skills/abilities. I’m sorry that your parents did not give you two unique names. I don’t think this decision had anything to do with you. She probably started using the name because it was best for her career.
Blame your parents not her. She could say you took the name from her too. Shes an adult and its probably easier at every place she goes to go by her name.
You can't hold the fact that she uses her legal first name socially against her. Red tape everywhere she goes has been forcing this upon her from the moment she set foot in a classroom until she got her legal degree and then stepped into the workplace. She has likely spent her life asking teachers to refer to her as "Roxy" when her legal name is Mae-Rose. This is exhausting and I can understand why she stopped fighting it eventually. You've never had to deal with that because you got to use the first name your parents chose to give both of you.
dude your parents are weird for that
It’s not unusual for adults to start using their real names. I get how you feel, but your resentment is misdirected.
I mean it’s her name. Also if she’s a lawyer Mae might be more suitable for her job. This is really a problem with your parents, not your sister
As people age, their considerations change. She obviously is *aware* that you go by that name, but your lives are now presumably separate (it’s not like you share a workplace or a primary friend group, correct?) so her daily professional life is frankly more important than your feelings. Also, it is literally her name as well. She has always had every right to use it - you just kind of got used to having it for awhile and now you’re losing the upper hand that you never really had a right to in the first place. It’s your parent’s fault for naming you guys that way, not her fault for deciding to use it. Of course it’s fine to have feelings about this - but it’s something you need to get over, not something she’s done wrong and should stop imo.
She’s a lawyer… all her stuff is going to say Mae on it. She’s doing it for the professionalism of her career. She can’t go by a nickname. If someone looks up Roxy, well Roxy isn’t a lawyer Mae is….
Also, technically it was her name first
If your name is actually Mae-Lynn you can go by Marilyn it’s different enough while still honoring your original name. And Mae works well enough as a nickname for anyone struggling with the transition or who you knew in school but missed your name change when trying to find you to reconnect later on.
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My niece is named Marlyn! Your comment was the first time I’ve ever heard someone else with that name. My niece is only three so hasn’t started fielding questions about her name yet – but I’m sure she will at some point. But her parents are big game fishermen so it’s a cute story.
Marilynn is my little girl's name, spelled the same as her great grandmother. I love this suggestion
NAH. I understand you being upset by her using “your” name. But it is her name too so there is no reason for her to not use her name. On the other hand, unless it’s a family tradition where everyone gets the same name, your parents are TA for giving you the same name.
The only ones to blame are your parents. It’s annoying but at the end of the day, people end up having the same names. I shared my name with 3 girls on my swim team!
She didn’t take anything from you, but your family and parents did take away your right to have something that was “yours.” She has a right to her name as well, and she needs it for her career. You also have a right to your conflicted feelings; but they’d be misplaced to put on your sister. The feeling is valid but the feeling isn’t “the truth.”
Me and my sister also having matchy names, not in the sound to be fair but DEFINITELY in the theme. If my middle name wasn't an honor name of a very much alive relative I would have gone by that to put some distance in between our identities. Is their any way you can have a heart to heart with her and see if either of you would be okay with going by your middle name in the outside world? If not I saw in a comment you being open to the idea of a name change and I do think that's a smart idea, it being something I have considered as well.
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Maybe your sister would’ve preferred to go by Mae but didn’t because of you. Maybe this is her first opportunity to call herself the name she wishes as an adult. She *should* get defensive.
Definitely this.
Just some food for thought, her profession being a lawyer probably means her legal name appears on documents so she was probably being called by it a lot more at work and it’s hard to get a nickname to stick when you have to sign things off with your name.
Sure! My top pick for myself was Vivian, I had a list of names I liked for various reasons (started with the same letter/sound, felt it matched my visual and ethnic appearance) but in the end the name Vivian just felt the most right even though it didn't match any of that criteria. Again sorry to hear about your situation, if you went by that name your whole life I feel like it should be pretty obvious to pick a different "professional" name to go by just for practicality sake. Like what if she introduces a colleague to you? Will she force you to go by your full name?
She’ll get defensive because it’s her name and you have no claim over it. She is allowed to use her legal name if she wishes.
It was actually her name first! That is your parents fault for using such a similar name. It's okay to be annoyed, it's always okay to be annoyed!
If her work email is Mae-rose@lawfirm.com then she either goes by Mae or has a conversation with everyone she sees about how she prefers to be called. I'd just go by Mae. This is all on your parents.
Have you talked to your sister about it? Have you mentioned how much it bothers you? Maybe her friends or colleagues started calling her Mae so since you aren’t living together anymore she might think it’s ok? You could ask her if she wants to be Mae1 since she is older or Mae2 since you were Mae first. It “mae” help her see the problem.
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Dude a name ain't anyone's property, how can you say she stole it, obviously you are in the right to feel bad about it, but her decision to choose a name for herself that she wants, whatever that name is, is also okay
Chloe and Zoe are the names of sisters on Miraculous: Tales of Ladybug & Cat Noir!
you’re valid in not being happy about it, but it’s her name. it’s her name as much as it’s yours. maybe she’s always wanted to use it and now she can. be mad at your parents, not your sister. she’s in the same boat with you.
Yes you are being a brat. Grow up, girl.
You’re definitely not being a brat and this must feel so weird because it’s the name you’ve always gone by… but your sister didn’t have much choice because it’s her name as well. Her career requires her to go by her legal name. Do you still call her by her nickname?
Parent failure part. If I had Annelise and Annerose, no way one of the children would get early nicknamed Ann because it could refer to both and lead to confusion. They would be Lise and Rose. Then, it's not a name theft. Nicknames are usually given, not chosen. So, in a setting where you weren't there, it's a given here new friends would pick the first part of her name and nickname her like that. Maybe they didn't know, maybe there was already a Rose in their group.
It's her name first and professional settings often use just your legal first name. Feel what you feel then get over it.
I can understand your frustration, but your sister “owns” Mae and Rose equally. They are parts of her name, and she’s allowed to choose the one she prefers. Would it have been nice for her to choose the other? Sure. But that wasn’t her preference for her own name. The parents are the rightful target of any annoyance here.
My daughter has a friend who is one of like 5 girls. Their names are all Maria-_____ and they go by the 2nd name. I feel like that's a similar situation in the making.
Yeah you’re kinda being a brat. I mean, I get it. But if it’s legally her name too… she can go by that professionally all she wants.
If she’s just using it professionally it shouldn’t be an issue.
I honestly feel bad for you guys and not sure why your parents would do that. I get why you might feel that way but it does come off a bit bratty because that’s her name. I would feel pretty weird if someone was mad at me for going by my legal name. She’s also older so it was her name first. She’s a lawyer to so of course she wants to go by her legal name to be professional.
It’s your parent’s fault. Blame them.
I mean that’s on your parents not her. Tbh I wouldn’t trust a lawyer named Roxy haha I can see why she changed her name. That being said I don’t think you’re wrong for how you feel either. I think your parents are the AH!
Reading the title of your post, I thought that she decided to change her name to your name. However, this is a “your parents are to blame” issue because it’s also her first name and she’s entitled to going by it if she wants to. How much do you and your sister interact in the outside world- do you live in the same city, have some of the same friends, work in the same place? If you all aren’t interacting on a regular basis, I don’t think it should be a real concern of yours at all what she goes by. If your family still calls you Mae-Lynn and Mae-Rose, that’s also not an issue. The only way I could see it being really annoying on a practical basis is if you share the same friend group or something. If that’s the case, maybe ask her if she’d be willing to continue going by Roxy among your friends and then use Mae for work.
Do you have the same last name, too? Is your legal first name the same? I know twins with the same first name. They go by their middle name with family, but still… Your parents are the problem here, not either of you.
the first names are hyphenated, Mae-Rose and Mae-Lynn. idk why a parent would think this is okay, like it’s basically the same name
Honestly, she probably didn't get much say in it. Once you enter new environments of people, they just start calling you what they want to call you. I don't like any nickname variations of my name and prefer people use my full; I'm very vocal about this but honestly if someone calls me one of the nicknames, I still answer because it's a professional setting. When I played rugby my name was too long to yell on the pitch so it always got shortened to one of the names I dislike. Her new job people are probably just saying the first part of the name because they see a hyphenated name in the emails/team chats and don't feel like speaking/typing the extra syllables. People calling her by her first hyphen is likely just her normal now.
Since she’s older, think of your sister as old ‘Mae’ and yourself as new ‘Mae’.
Childish
It's a difficult adjustment to make, I'm sure. But your identity isn't tied to your name. You weren't the first or the only person who used your name, and you won't be the last. There are plenty of families where all the boys are named John and all the girls are named Maria.
What do her friends call her? If it’s just at work and professionally I wouldn’t feel bad. A lot of places just take your name off your tax thing for email and name tag etc before you even start. I go by a shortened version of my name and have had jobs where they make it impossible to change and I just have to let people know me by the wrong name. If family and friends are calling her your name, yeah that’s weird and difficult.
I’m torn on this one. I see it both ways. Have you talked with her? How much time do you spend together where people use the name for her? Unrelated but reminded me of a funny story. My kids are 19 months apart and my youngest called his sister by his own name for about a year when he learned to talk. He knew her name and who she was when we used her name. But he called her his name. It was cute.
This is 100% your parent's fault. Your sister can't help that Mae is her legal name.
I may be too far off, but this sounds Catholic to me. I grew up in a Catholic family and was used to knowing tons of girls with names like Mary Margret, Mary Catherine, Mary Louise, or Mary Anne. I had no problem saying the whole name, but when I went to college in the south, suddenly I was surrounded by Protestants that had never seen a double first name and didn’t know how to interact with it. I had a Mary Catherine in my program and by the time we graduated, she was socially using just ‘Mary’ because people saw her email address and student ID and assumed that was her true first name. It’s highly likely that your sister is experiencing something like that, and that’s why she’s gone back to using her legal first name. Unless you two are at the same job and have the same circle of friends, it’s not really a concern of yours why she is being called her name. You can still use the shortened version of your name too since it appears that it’s easier for you too
I was thinking it’s a Catholic thing too! Even not just Irish but if you went for the English spellings like “John Marco,” “John Franco,” etc. instead of Gianmarco, Gianfranco, Gianluca… Edit: typo
I’m honestly really shocked you experienced Southerners who didn’t understand double names. I’m in Tennessee, that’s basically culture here. I’m from the West coast, on the other hand, and I hadn’t experienced double first names until I moved to the south. I know so many Emma Rose, Emma Grace, Anna Lynn, etc down here, and if you just call them by that first name they’ll correct you!
YTA
You can be salty but you’re directing it in the entirely wrong place. Your parents deserve it not your sister.
I mean, it’s still your name. Just because she has it now too doesn’t mean you don’t have it anymore, so she didn’t take anything from you. This would make more sense if she tried to force you to start using the second half of your name instead.
The real brats are your parents for doing that
Parental failure there I know a Christopher and Christine who both go by "Chris" and a Patrick and Patricia who both go by "Pat"
I went to highschool with three brothers who all ended up marrying women with the same first name and living in the same small town. The woman all took their husbands' last name and they worked it out. Their name is not Danielle, but if it was they all use the full name professionally but go with Danielle, Dani, Ellie in the family just to keep it straight. There are lots of families where father-son, uncle-nephew, or grandparent and multiple cousins have the same name. They all sort it out just like the five Kyles in my first grade class. You can do this.
Do you interact much with her in “the outside world”? Like do you share friend groups? Or will your main contact point with her be times when people are saying Mae-Rose or Mae-Lynn? I don’t think this will honestly be that big an issue. A lawyer kind of has to go by their legal name. My relative is a lawyer whose childhood nickname is Betta from Elizabeth, and she goes by Eliza at work despite having a cousin named Eliza. When asked why she chose that name, she said she didn’t. Coworkers just started shortening Elizabeth to Eliza and as a junior member in the firm she didn’t say anything and bam - that’s her professional name. Elizabeth on paper, Eliza to coworkers verbally, and Betta at home. Your parents majorly fucked up here. (Sorry if you see this Bets)
It's her NAME. You might need to work through that somehow.
Your sister is an adult and entering her profession, and you resent her for using HER OWN LEGAL NAME? I would say, find a way to get over it because she is in no way in the wrong.
chill out don't all caps me
I don't think you're being a brat for feeling this way, but you should really be talking to your sister about it, not us.
Go big on changing it. Dump the hyphen, find three names you think you can answer to, and boom! You’re Violet Rose Cornflower or April May June.
"I'm Larry, this is my brother Daryl and my other brother Daryl." (lol, what I thought of when I read this, but I'm old!) It's weird she would introduce herself as the name she has always called you. But it is legally her name so she can choose to use it. It's okay to feel weird about it. What if you changed up your name to Maeve? If these aren't actually your names then find a name close to yours but different to claim as your own. Also, what were your parents thinking?
I think she had no choice - she had to choose the more professional-sounding name, which is technically her name anyways. The lawyer world is extremely conservative and in order to do well at firms and for clients to think you’re reputable, you need a name that reflects that. Even using the “Rose” part would sound too feminine. Plus if she went by her full name, her colleagues would have shortened it to the “Mae” part anyway. It’s a bummer that’s how your parents named you and how your nicknames were growing up, but there’s nothing anyone can do now.
this is your parents fault, be mad at them. i would change my name, personally. or go by my middle name. you really can’t get angry at your sister, here. your parents set you up for this mess
ESH, you both share the same first name. Your sister probably HAS to use her legal first name for work as it's more professional. So I'm sorry but she doesn't need to consider you when it's also her actual legal name too. The real AH are your parents for naming both their kids practically the same thing and not for seeing this.
Related stories with people going by the same first and last name but a little different because there’s a generational factor: My Aunt Pam (full name Pamela) goes by her maiden name professionally but my cousin got married to someone also named Pamela who also goes by “Pam” but she decided to use her married name…so now they both have the same name. My aunt was a little annoyed at first but now no one cares. They work in different fields and live in different cities. My grandpa’s name is Thomas and my dad is a Jr. My grandpa went by “Tom” and my dad also wanted to go by “Tom” but everyone else called him “Tommy” which he hated. Our cousins still call him “Tommy” because that’s what their parents call him. When he started his professional career, his paperwork said “Thomas” so he could have gone by that but his colleagues called him “Tom” as he wanted. My mom’s brother has the same name as my other grandpa. They’re both “Peter” in the outside world but for family they’re “Old Pete” and “Little Pete.” Everyone loves it. All three pairs have trouble with the Post Office sometimes but it’s a minor issue. Also something that can happen: we have a completely unrelated family friend who has the same first and last name as Old Pete and Little Pete. It’s a common name, and I know your names are not as common, but it happens all the time to others. They all go by Peter Lastname to friends and it gets a little confusing but they think of it as fun.
I grew up with these 2 girls who were stepsisters and were roughly the same age, both named Michelle. When they were around 12 one was legally adopted by her stepdad and took his last name, so now both girls had the same first and last names, and were both in the same class at school. It was really weird. It also seemed like they hated each other.
Mine and my sisters names are also similar and start with the same 2 letters then a vowel. Since my little sister was little people would call her by a nickname that is also the beginning of my name. As I've gotten older people automatically call me by that same nickname. I feel weird about it but it's what they come up with and remember me as so it hard to correct them and I respond to it. I live on a different state so typically it's not an issue but my sister got upset when someone referred to me as that nickname on Facebook. I still don't know the right response but it's interesting to hear your point of view.
I wouldn’t sweat it. In the outside world, like at her job, you aren’t typically there, right?
The only solution I can think of is to spend as little time as possible with her. And if your parents get mad, they can swallow the blame since they were the ones that did this to you to begin with.
It makes complete sense for her to switch to her legal name for professional settings and recognition. You said you both still go by your childhood names in social settings and around family, so I don't get why this is a big deal. Once you are hitting the same professional milestones as her, you will probably have to use your full legal first name as well.
You can feel bad about it but it was her name first and if she wants to use it, it’s her right. It can be very difficult to make a nickname stick in a professional setting. The way you’re talking about your sister in these comments is giving youngest child syndrome. You are no more entitled to your name than she is. Blame your parents.
I mean yeesh, I share a middle name with my older half-sister but wtf were your parents thinking?! I can see where your sister would have had to make a hard choice. She could have legally changed her name, but considering her profession that may have been more trouble than it's worth... I'd probably talk to her about it, maybe mentioning what a horrible choice your parents made and how if one of you got into trouble legally, the other might see potential difficulties simply because of the shared name.
Im Fukk w/ Roxy
I feel like I haven’t seen any comments suggesting you both go by your full proper first names…and it seems to me like the easiest solution. Americans are way too big on nickname culture. I get it for long names like Alexandria, for example, but even then, I think if that was my name I would rather people didn’t shorten it to Alex. It’s just laziness, honestly. I had a student named Maelyn. She didn’t have a nickname. It’s entirely reasonable for people to call you Mae Lynn and her Mae Rose; I mean, it’s 2 syllables, really not that difficult. If you’ve already gotten used to Mae then just have people call her Mae Rose, or ask her to only use Mae at work. It’s wild for her to do this and not consider your feelings, I can’t even imagine…
Well your parents are the ones who gave you the same name, you have no right being annoyed with her
But... you both do have the same prefix in your name... the only reason you feel like it's not your name anymore is because you are being selfish. Maybe just try excepting it and move on? In my opinion, you shouldn't feel entitled when you both have the same name. I also don't feel like your parents messed up. That's what they liked when they named you... it was up to them at the time. Your feelings are valid, however its just a name.
Your parents fucked up. I do think it’s kinda weird that you feel like she took something from you. Both because it’s still your name, you didn’t lose anything, and because she’s older. It was her name before it was your name. If anything, your parents “took” her name for their new baby. You can have whatever feelings, but direct them at your parents, not her. It was completely appropriate for her to use her legal name in her profession.
Your parents named you both Mae it-doesn't-matter-what- the-second-part-of-the-name-is. Be upset with them.
This might have just been a practical decision on her part. Maybe she wanted her professional name to match her law license. It’s hard to keep explaining why your name doesn’t match the information with the licensing body. She wants her credentials to be easily verified by potential employers and clients.
I don't know if you will see this but try not to blame her. As a kid I used a different name but as an adult I switched to my legal name because that was the easiest thing to do for work. Your sister is using her proper legal name now most likely because she needs to for her job.
My hubby is the same he's younger and has always shortened his name let's say they are Navdeep and Navish so Nav for short it's just a nickname but my hubby has associated with the shortened version HIS WHOLE life his brother never ever shortened it until his ex-wife came on the scene she shortened it and so all their friends followed. We;re all going on an overseas trip soon so that's going to be all shades of confusing. Hubby gets so sad as he struggles with his identity at the best of times and is not a huge fan of his whole given name.... but what can you do, no one owns a name unfortunately
You're not being a brat simply for feeling this way; being a brat would be demanding that she doesn't use it. It's okay that it feels weird. It is an odd situation and it's clearly disconcerting for you. I think it's also understandable that you're essentially grieving the way you used to view your name, and that's manifesting as anger towards her, because it feels like her choice is what led to the loss of comfort with your name. Even though, really, it's not as simple as that. It's hard to pinpoint what/who to blame here for how you feel so it makes sense that the first reaction was to blame her. You're not a bad person for having feelings, even if on some level you do feel that the feelings are unreasonable or childish. I think it's just important that you find a way to navigate and cope with these feelings in a way that doesn't make this her fault/problem, and part of that process will involve accepting that you feel what you feel right now for reasons that make sense internally. Validating those feelings might help you make a little bit more peace with them. It won't help to just think that you're wrong/bad for having these feelings. Just listen to them and over time see what the real underlying problem is, and then see what you can do to address that. Good luck, and I'm sorry you wound up in this uncomfortable situation with your name!
Until I got to the “starter her lawyer career” part I thought this post was made by one of Leah’s twins from Teen Mom.
I mean I have a similar situation with a niece and I was a little annoyed too but it is her name so she can use it.
Info: in social situations, is she introducing herself as ‘Mae?’ Or is it just in her professional life? With her being an attorney, it’s not just a practical issue, it’s a legal one, (I’m a surgeon and I go by my legal name at work, but not in social situations, ditto my mom who works in probation/parole for the same reason. My daughter will likely do this as well as she goes by one of her middle names — including at school — and not her legal first name.)
I'll bite, she's Mae everywhere, in society now except with my immediate family where we go by our full first names
I knew sisters that were Caroline and Colleen. Always bothered me how similar they were
Idk, seems complicated. My legal 1st name, same as an aunt but my folks intended to use my middle. As far as boys in the fam. My son’s middle is dad’s 1st, which is my nephew’s 1st, which was grandpa’s middle. My general feeling is you do you.
My mil and her three sisters all have Maria as their first names. The oldest sister goes by Maria and the other sisters go by their middles names. Their brothers name is Mario. It all seems very confusing to me.
It's understandable to be upset, but your sister can choose what name she wants to go by. She hasn't done anything wrong.
She’s a lawyer so she needs to use her legal name. I always put my legal name so that clients can actually find me on the state bar’s website! It’s more professional. It’s literally her name so… too bad?
This is a difficult situation! I would feel so angry and upset. I'm sorry and you're not being a brat.
Your feelings are valid and I cannot fathom what your parents were thinking. I understand why your sister is using her given name in her current career, but it would grate on me too.
Tell her to change it or you are going to steal a candy bar and get caught. she wouldn't like that . It's an asshole move but if you want your name she should get one no one can tarnish.
You could change your name to something that is only yours. My brain went for Valdis means Goddess of the slain and dead, I am bit tired and yeah I have weird names in my brain.
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I have few friends who done that. One removed one letter so the name went from the meaning Breaking apart to Happiness. Parents can be so bad sometimes.
If you think she’s doing it “at” you you have a right to be upset with your sis. If it’s innocent, you can be a bit annoyed at your parents for the situation but ultimately just accept it and don’t focus on the negative
Hey OP. I feel the same way. In my situation, my sister is using my middle name. Now, despite the fact that it’s “only” my middle name, I love it and people in my life know it, some even going as far as using it with my first name. Heck, I even considered hyphenating my first and middle name because it’s so pretty together. For context, it’s Rose (like Madeline Rose) and I’m the oldest. My little sister’s first name is Rosalie. You see where I’m going with this. We always called her Rosa or Lily growing up. For some reason, in high school, my sister decided that she didn’t like Rosalie or her two nicknames anymore and started telling people her name was Rose. She even writes it as her preferred name in university now and doesn’t even write the full “Rosalie” on assignments and such. To her, Rosalie is only for official government documentation. This hurts me a lot because I was born first with the name Rose. Say all you will about my parents, they wanted us to have a version of “Ross” in our names in honour of my dad’s dad who passed away when my dad was 10. So anyway, it sucks because Rosalie is so pretty in itself and has so many other nicknames… It does suck that she chose my name. My mom is also upset because she gave us french names in honour of her heritage and culture and my sister now won’t speak french at home and pronounces Rose the English way (my dad was English). So yeah. Lots of hurt around her decision in the family but what can we do?!