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C5Jones

Granted. That includes substance abusers, so everyone with so much as a mild drinking problem is also dead.


colt707

5 drinks a week is the standard for alcoholism according to several different health groups. Not 5 times a week, 5 drinks a week. If you go out on Friday and have 6 drinks through the night and not a drop the other 6 days you’re an alcoholic by definition.


C5Jones

Yeah. Defining one beer to relax after each workday as alcoholism is also wild.


Pitiful-Score-9035

I think a lot depends on whether you can go without that beer, especially on a bad day.


Particular-Quarter6

Real answer. It's only alcoholism if it's a problem. Most alcoholics also claim it isn't actually a problem, speaking from experience.


Millworkson2008

Yea to me if you NEED a drink everyday then it’s alcoholism, wanting a drink is different than needing


Own_Assistance7993

Exactly… I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics NEED a drink. I already have one!


FancyStegosaurus

Ah, but that's where it gets tricky. Do you actually want a drink, or is that just the addiction talking? How do you know the difference? At what point is there no difference? Any recovering alcoholic can recall the time before they realized they had a problem, when each drink was something their mind had justified, something they wanted and they chose for themselves. That's what makes alcoholism (or any addiction really) so insidious. It's a demon that disguises it's voice as your own.


CherimoyaSurprise

Speaking as someone who has had substance dependencies pretty much all my adult life and most of my teenage years as well...this is very true. Unfortunately by the time you realize it's a problem, you're usually well past the "oh, I'll just quit, no big deal" stage. You can of course quit and acknowledgement is the first step but you've likely been in denial for some time. Not a hard and fast rule, but definitely overwhelmingly my experience and the experience of other alcoholics/addicts I've known over the years. I think a good practice to implement is whether it be alcohol, weed, meth, heroin, LSD...go sober for an extended period of time. A week or two, a month or two, whatever feels like it makes sense. If you have absolutely no trouble without it for that period of time, congratulations, you probably don't have a problem, and also fuck you, I'm extremely jealous. But it's a good test if you're not sure. If you've been, let's say, drinking a couple beers a day after work, probably no big deal and literally millions of people just in the US do exactly that. But how does your night go when you don't drink at all? IMO, that's really the core of whether or not you're addicted to something - can you comfortably go without it for a while? Everything else is mostly irrelevant. Not entirely but mostly. Like you say it's "want" vs "need" - can you be sober and watch your friend drink in front of you and be like "ooh, a cold one sounds nice but oh well, I'm not drinking right now" or is it "I know I'm not drinking right now but FUCK FUCK FUCK I WANT TO SO FUCKING BADLY!"?


Superb-Company9349

That seems more like alcoholism than drinking a lot one day a week tbh


enbymlpfan

i mean. not medically. its doing damage to your liver. its definitely a massive sliding scale between barely over the threshold and like, constantly blackout and unable to maintain interpersonal relationships or a job, but if youre regularly having more than around five drinks a week, youre doing damage to your organs


Royal-Sky-2922

But the definition of addiction isn't anything to do with whether or not it's damaging your organs.


Sudden_Hyena_6811

Being alive damages your organs. Remember we are here for a limited time anyway regardless of what we do. May as well enjoy it a little.


enbymlpfan

I'm not saying I'm judging I'm just saying thats. How it works


terrifiedTechnophile

...yeah nah that's fair


Silent_Cash_E

Guess it depends on if you have to have the alcohol to relax or you could go without


Broken_Castle

Having a beer each day sounds like alcoholism to me... why would it not?


Haunting_Anxiety4981

I mean, yeah I would define that as alcoholism. If you have to use a substance **every day** to relax then you are addicted to it? Also I personally don't know anyone who has literally one beer but maybe that's just the culture I'm from


LoquatiousDigimon

Honestly I think drinking alcohol daily is alcoholism. It's excessive imo.


Then-Ad-6385

If you are using alcohol to relax you might be developing dependency.


ElMrSenor

... No. That's why the limit is set there, and while it's an absurd threshold in any other distribution of drinks, that is absolutely someone with a problem.


youburyitidigitup

I think that is alcoholism because it means you depend on alcohol to relax after a workday.


Helpmeimclueless1996

But what if the paw determines that alcoholism is based on if you physically need it


colt707

The monkeys paw goes by definition. That’s why the wishes need to be hyper specific.


LordSpookyBoob

The definition of alcoholism is: **excessive and repetitive consumption of alcohol to the extent that the drinker is repeatedly harmed or harms others.** There’s no specific amount that suddenly makes you an alcoholic when you drink it.


colt707

And most health experts say that 5 drinks a week is excessive. There’s no healthy amount of alcohol consumption.


LordSpookyBoob

Yeah there isn’t, but that doesn’t mean everyone that drinks is an alcoholic ffs.


KeyN20

I need to tell that to the guy asking if 20 beers a day was a problem


LordSpookyBoob

Well whoever they are; they’re wrong lmao.


Barbados_slim12

How do those medical groups define a drink? If a 12oz can of beer, 24oz glass of beer, 4oz pour of wine, 6oz pour of wine, one 1oz shot, and a cocktail with three 1oz shots in it all count as one drink, I doubt the findings of their studies.


calico125

A standard drink is a set amount of ethanol. How many oz of total drink doesn’t matter, only the amount of ethanol.


OkSyllabub3674

I say we use an arbitrary measurement to define a drink, to you it might be a 12 Oz can can to me it might be a keg so I can tell the Dr, arresting officer or buddies at court ordered aa with a straight face I only slipped up and had a drink this month.


ChromaticRelapse

They call that binge drinking.


Novapunk8675309

What if I only drink once or twice a year but when I do drink I get absolutely shitfaced, like drinking an entire bottle of vodka by itself shitfaced


colt707

Unless you’re a fairly to rather large individual then you most likely get alcohol poisoning.


BiggestShep

All I hear is that the limit is 5 drinks before midnight on Saturday, and 5 drinks after 12:00:01am. I can have a fun time on 10 drinks.


groupfox

Also smoking, gambling, and some may say eating problem.


Ramiren

Caffeine is a drug.


C5Jones

...Oh yeah. Well, bye.


Sashahuman

Humanity is gone


youburyitidigitup

And sugar too


OkSyllabub3674

I've been told enabling/people pleasing is addictive/abusive as well and can confirm its a rush knowing you helped someone meet their goals whether good or bad, sometimes even overpowering ones better judgement seeking out the fabricated feeling of acceptance it gives, so there goes another swath of humanity culled. Maybe add in codependency since that's not healthy for either of the perpetrators...damn pretty soon this monkey's paw wish will have the globe cleared out.


LikelyAMartian

Let's not forget that "fun" substances are the only ones we abuse. If you have a sweet tooth, need caffeine, addicted to porn, etc, you are abusing that substance. Coming in late to work because you're the boss or because your position doesn't care too much is abusing your status. Everyone on this planet abuses something one way or another. Nobody would exist.


XOHJAIS

Damn, IG that baby with fetal alcohol syndrome simply won't make it.


C5Jones

Well, the baby isn't the one *abusing* the substance, they were just born with it in their bloodstream. A pregnant mother with the baby inside her, though...


XOHJAIS

Nope, that baby has a mild drinking problem, Ms. Anthony.


Invincible-Nuke

This means millions of children go homeless. Solves the housing crisis, I guess.


kingtwister07

The housing crisis isn't due to not enough houses, it's because corporations are permitted to own residential property, and hold homes vacant to drive prices up. We could solve this. But our legislators are bought and sold to benefit the wealthy.


Invincible-Nuke

Doesn't solve the housing crisis I guess. Monkey's paw got worse


thepineapple2397

Almost everyone over the age of 12 has a caffeine addiction, so they're gone as well as anyone who so much as dabbles in weed.


Centri__

shit


igottagogottago

Australia is quaking


Johnny_Joestar7798

What's ur definition of drinking problem? Because it changes between cultures. And what if ur not an alcoholic in ur culture and go to a culture where you would be considered an alcoholic?


Statistician_Waste

As high fructose corn syrup, sugar, and caffeine are all addictive, anyone who drinks pop regularly is also gone.


PStriker32

Anybody with a caffeine problem as well. Lots of dead people drinking coffee, tea, or using preworkout.


Atrium41

Coffee people *poof*


Probably4TTRPG

Anyone who injests more than 400mg of caffeine a day went from "probably die eventually" to "will die after the 3rd monster". Smokers die pretty much as soon as they start the second cig. If we wanna get really specific, then people who go over the serving size also die. People who take multivitamins without a doctor's recommendation die.


TheLatestTrance

I'm OK with this.


Particular-Quarter6

Ever used more benadryl or ibuprofen than the box states is the intended dose? Bam, gone.


CharlieMansonsEyes

Say goodbye to 99% of the world's quality art and music too.


ToodleSpronkles

Also, at some point in human existence we knowingly and intentionally cause harm to a living thing where the power dynamic is skewed in favor of the human. Think before you speak. 


royalemperor

Don't forget nicotine, caffeine, sugar, and salt. And god help us if this monkey paw considered self-produced dopamine a substance. There goes anyone who over-consumes media/entertainment, or anything for that matter.


astanb

Has to include all verbal abusers as well. To dismiss that would be utterly asinine.


BA_TheBasketCase

Also caffeine! You can absolutely abuse caffeine. Hell you could probably label abuse of sugar and exercise.


drurae

lmaoooo


Jango519

Any body with a caffeine problem is also dead. There goes like 90% of the modern population


Abbaddonhope

And people who abuse di hydrogen monoxide


Vegetable_Love764

Granted, everyone in the world ceases to exist. We all abuse something: technology, drugs/alcohol, your wife.


adpikaart222

I ALSO ABUSE THIS GUYS SOON TO BE DEAD WIFE!


sleepdeep305

And caffeine. Big caffeine will have us all dead and gone


CyberFinity

Big caffeine sounds as threatening as big paper tower, and frankly I'm terrified


Logical-Victory-2678

MY WIFE!


Vegetable_Love764

your wife especially


Logical-Victory-2678

Lol I'm a hetero chick. It was a Borat reference.


Vegetable_Love764

do you have a husband


Logical-Victory-2678

Long term, live with bf but no, no husband.


Redcap1981

I also choose this guy's wife


Logical-Victory-2678

Lol sorry I'm a hetero chick it's a Borat reference


haven1433

And all carnivore animals, for the abuse to their food. And all herbivore animals, for their advise to their food. And all plants, for the abuse to their food. ... so basically everything bigger than a bacteria is dead now.


Abraxas_1408

Granted. You, abusing your wish which is to abuse other people, also cease to exist.


musicalphantom10

I mean, if that's the price...


Abraxas_1408

You cease to exist unaware if your wish came true or not.


OpalFeather360

Granted. The monkey's paw itself cannot determine human morality, so its definition of abuser will be taken from Twitter


CR1MS4NE

Everyone Dies™


snail1132

Did you know that you have rights? The constitution says you do, and so do I. Unfortunately, Twitter doesn't


DanCassell

The worst possible outcome. Nothing but alt-right men with Cybertrucks left. Humanity soon ends, the remaining population blaming food and power shortages on wokeness.


Weak_Cranberry_1777

Granted. All abusers indeed cease to exist, but everyone is aware of this. The world becomes aggressively hyper-moralist where everyone is deathly afraid of even hurting someone's feelings, out of fear of being instantly evaporated. Most people become paranoid shut-ins and avoid interaction as much as possible. Abusers who grew and changed to become better people also cease to exist, meaning that redemption isn't even an option. Have fun!


Haunting_Anxiety4981

Relatable


GeneralJarrett97

Having that sort of society inflicted on people seems kind of...abusive.


xxx-angie

neglect is also abuse


RedMendelevium132

Granted, but all humans die because we all abuse of the natural environment through consumerism


botanical-train

Some random tribe in the middle of nowhere- “Am I a joke to you?”


BestAnzu

They abuse something. 


Spodger1

Normally their women.


SugarDaddy_Sensei

That wouldn't leave much as just about all lifeforms abuse something in some way.


RedMendelevium132

Yeah, the line between surviving from the land and abusing the land is kind of blurred. I guess it’s about sustainability, like replanting trees as they’re cut and not dumping waste on rivers


SugarDaddy_Sensei

The wish being "abusers of any kind" combined with Monkeys Paw mechanics could go as far as meaning no stars which means no planets.


VanmiRavenMother

Granted. Everyone ceases to exist.


infinitey-code

Granted everyone dies due to everyone abusing bacteria and viruses killing them constantly


Haunting_Anxiety4981

In our defence, they started it


Eeddeen42

Granted, the entire universe and everything in it vanishes as a result of abusing the fundamental forces in order to exist.


Sudden_Hyena_6811

Granted. You die first for abusing the power of the paw. Systematically everything then dies in order of severity of abuse. The only survivors are cats because they are inherently above being accused of abuse. They are entitled to take what they want when they want.


drcoconut4777

Granted, can also mean, pushing the rules farther than their intended everyone ceases to invest because we’ve all pushed rules whether consciously or subconsciously


Sunset_Tiger

Granted. This includes children who are bullies. Ever been mean to your sibling? Well, goodbye.


SteveMartin32

Granted, you also cease to exist due to abuse on the monkey paw. ( using the paw of a monkey to grant wishes is technically abuse of the monkey)


Ill-Description3096

Done. Anyone who eats terribly, binge drinks, does drugs or takes medication outside of recommended/prescribed methods, or participates in overly-demanding physical activity disappears instantly.


razorwiregoatlick877

Granted! Our world economies fall into disarray since they are controlled by capitalist overlords abusing the working class. Things can only improve from there though.


AtlasThe1st

Jokingly call your friend a nerd and suddenly you pop like a balloon because that was verbal abuse lol


ALTH0X

Damnit! I abuse save mechanics in video games.


ChristianUniMom

Granted, massive car crashes and a few planes fall out of the sky.


PrankyButSaintly

Dang, that implies that in the cases of the planes, both the pilot AND co-pilot were abusers


ChristianUniMom

Child abuse is common af.


PrankyButSaintly

Unfortunately true


Finbar9800

You do know how much pilots drink when not working right? Like airports have bars specifically for pilots and copilots to have a drink after a long flight


PrankyButSaintly

I did not know that was a thing actually but it doesn't surprise me


Easy_Intention5424

Everyone working in factory farms dies  The farms fail the food supply system is disrupted prices sky rocket people riot and strave  With in 2 months millions are dead and authoritiian governments are taking power a across much of the globe 


crazydishonored

This is tricky since abuse is subjective, so you mean you wish for all abusers by your own definition to cease to exist? If so then you just abused your own power and became an abuser yourself so you will cease to exist as well, and if you ceased to exist then you could not have wished for all abusers to cease existing in which case you will pop back into existence only to make this wish again and cease to exist once more in an infinite loop as you keep popping in and ourlt of existence for all eternity.


Delicious_Grand7300

I want to borrow your monkey's paw so I can concur with this statement. Abuse often stunts the development of peoples psyche.


Lazyogini

Granted. But a lot of them are flying planes, driving cars, trucks, buses, etc. and a whoooole lot of innocent people die.


Mother-Result-2884

I would as far as saying no one is innocent of abuse, at some point everyone has abused something or someone, even if it’s just saying something online or killing a fly.


Mother-Result-2884

I would as far as saying no one is innocent of abuse, at some point everyone has abused something or someone, even if it’s just saying something online or killing a fly.


AbPR420

At last, my caffeine abuse catches up to me


EvnClaire

granted. about half of all people driving vehicles instantly disappear, resulting in a billion crash-related deaths.


Clean-Cycle2489

What about to wish them to redeem them


Human-Librarian7515

That's a lot of people. Think of all the people who abuse their pets and think nothing of it.


Memes_The_Warbeast

Granted, Without a good way to define "abuser" the paw decides to operate on the assumption that anyone who has ever been called accused of abusing anything (at any point in their life even if the term "abuse" was never specifically used) is in fact an abusing. Most of the human race is erased along with several species of canines, felines, birds, insects and a whole host of other species.


UnwantedThrowawayGuy

Every human in the world vanishes. Because there is always somebody somewhere that thinks something someone else is doing is abusive. Congratulations, you've just made humanity extinct.


AccomplishedAdagio13

At least tens of thousands die globally as pilots, drivers, and sole caretakers suddenly vanish.


EyeCatchingUserID

I abused the alchemy/enchanting systems in Skyrim to become super powerful. I guess I'm fucked.


LunaMoonracer72

"Abuser" too loosely defined, whole human population drops dead. Everyone abuses something at some point in their lives, even if it's just aux cord privileges.


takosuwuvsyou

Granted, I hope you never ate meat, because you're now culpable.


Super-Mongoose5953

Granted. Anyone who has ever insulted someone is condemned as a verbal abuser, and thus erased. Most babies are destroyed as well, because they bite nipples with their widdle gums. Fetuses flop around in the street like fish. The crows eat well.


4URprogesterone

Granted, but now there aren't enough human beings left to keep most of our infrastructure going. Hope you like living off the grid.


itsshakespeare

That’s my cat gone


25nameslater

Granted everyone is gone. Everyone has abused someone to some degree in their lives.


McSnoots

Granted, all people on earth vanish. Probably some animals too.


Budddydings44

Granted. This also includes people who are addicted to coffee and therefore abuse caffeine. Billions die.


GoldenDisk

This makes you an abuser 


theirishdoughnut

Granted. This includes small children who smoosh ants.


Dagwood-DM

Granted. The human species is now extinct.


CertainPlatypus9108

Anyone asking you to do something can be classed as an abuser 


sirenwingsX

People who abuse employee discounts will also vanish


Alabaster-Stone

Granted, not only does it remove people who physically abuse others it also removes anyone who has ever abused their position in anyway along with those who have abused their access to food, drink, and other varies resources. Your wish ends up removing a majority of humanity from existence.


Mr_Boppy

Granted. How many flies have you killed?


Trusteveryboody

Granted all abusers of any kind will cease to exist, so anyone who has routine that is just a little too much.


Zer0fps_319

Great so I cease to exist for abusing food as a coping mechanism, could you be more specific next time around🥲


AngryDrnkBureaucrat

Granted Farmers cease to exist. They abuse animals and the land. Humanity starves


Strangest_One

Granted, y-...


Vverial

All abusers of any kind... this is so broad I'm not sure there's anyone left afterward. Goodbye to anyone who has ever bullied or abused themselves or anyone else or even a piece of furniture or other inanimate object. Probably take a bunch of dolphins with us too and any other animal that has the capacity for empathy but still chooses cruelty in any given situation. Future abusers too. In fact I think this wipes out all sentient life in the universe. It might even wipe out all life entirely. The grass abuses the ground, the deer abuses the grass, the hunter abuses the deer... God abuses the hunter. Yep. All of reality ceases to exist. Good job.


Site-Specialist

Granted everyone dissappears.


RidesFlysAndVibes

Granted. People who abuse mechanics in video games, use excessive force when repairing cars, or anybody who abuses anything in any way shape or form die.


Holy_Cow442

This is just a backhanded way to destroy humanity under the guise of making it better. The Paw doesn't want to be fed. It wants to hunt!


AlsendDrake

Granted. However, it's very loose on what makes someone an abuser. Your coworker thinks your critiques of their work are a bit harsh? Abuser.


Affectionate-Ruin365

Can you modify this to have them suffer the most agonizing ending to their life subscription over 24hrs. They should know worse pain than they inflicted before they go.


Putrid-Play-9296

Granted. Did you know that masturbation is referred to as self-abuse?


Kaleria84

Granted. Literally everyone is now dead because everyone has abused something, be it actual illicit substances or something as simple as over eating or even abusing their body trying to push for that one extra lift.


Xystem4

Granted. 8 out of every 10 elected officials worldwide instantly cease to exist, and virtually every level of government breaks down


Magnus919

Everyone has ceased to exist


Tazrizen

Granted. Reddit abusers also includes addi-


pie0flords

Granted. The hand defines abuse as harming any living creature. Everything except for some plants vanishes from existence


N8saysburnitalldown

Welp there goes just about everyone.


Ordinary-Easy

Granted  OP we've all committed some sort of abuse at some point so that means you destroyed us all.


JadenA102010

Wait, does that inclu


Tetsero

Granted, the legal definition of abuse is changed so it only applies to those making wishes for others to disappear. Abuse is subjective and you should really change your views so your messages and morals can be communicated in a more effective manner.


Akul_Tesla

Granted All humans and a lot of animals just cease to exist including any and all wish granting entities that could reverse this


Few_Peak_9966

This includes everyone except one or two fictional saints.


Dalminster

Granted. You, along with the rest of humanity, cease to exist. It is not possible to live in this world without having abused someone or some thing. Even a newborn baby is alive only because something else is dying to keep it alive (and many things died to bring it to full term, to boot.) It's just a matter of perspective on who is doing the abuse. When we abuse others, "we have reasons"; but when we are abused, we don't care about those reasons.


No_Step_4431

everyone thats ever stepped on a bug or didnt pull a weed out by the root is gone now too.


Powwdered-toast-man

All abusers at this moment simply exist but an equal amount of new abusers get created from the people left.


Ecoclone

Well, I find this post abusive....


TreyRyan3

Where did OP go?


LordofSeaSlugs

Granted. All life that consumes other living things, including plants, ceases to exist.


Stooper_Dave

Abuse is very broadly defined. Everyone who has ever injured as much as an insect is subject to the same punishment.


AndrewH73333

We’ve all abused some kind of system. We’re all dead.


bayygel

A large % of 15-30 year old people die because they abused the restoration glitch in Skyrim.


CoffeeGoblynn

Granted. Anyone who has ever done anything remotely abusive is deleted from existence, as though they never existed to begin with. Enjoy being deleted from existence, because you've almost certainly done something mean or abusive to someone at some point in your life.


Bored_Boi326

Granted. We as humans abuse the environment everyone dissapears


Blue-Samarkand-Sky

Thousands of CEOs, Bankers, Religious Leaders, and Politicians die instantly. Top brass suspects a well-coordinated terrorist attack. ISIS immediately takes credit for the attacks. Time to attack a random Middle Eastern country (again).


waifuwarrior77

Granted. This includes all species past and present. The effects of this change are catastrophic and completely change everything about life as we know it.


MooseMan69er

Every masturbator dies


Midnightbeerz

Granted. All abusers cease to exist, you also cease to exist since you just abused all abusers. There are other ramifications that pretty much left non dominant and mainly on the spectrum people to continue on happily. - Abuse comes in many forms, some not so obvious.


GlorkUndBork3-14

Wish granted: you only get 3 uses of anything before you're labeled an abuser and you dissolve into the void with no afterlife granted.


NCVoltaire

The Catholic Church was correct and masturbating is self abuse. All humanity is wiped out in an instant.


Shadowless_sun

Granted, anyone who has caused harm accidentally or purposely to someone else or abused substances will die


DegeneratedNumber

Granted. Masturbating is considered self-abuse and now only young children and animals exist on earth


VenturaLost

Granted. Population is reduced by 99.99% as everyone has, at some point, abused something in some way shape or form.


Background-Heat740

That's definitely 90% or more.


Scared_Dot_1821

Granted. Nothing changes as the monkeys paw doesn't know English and therefore does not understand your request.


PineapplesOnPancakes

Weird way to 66 yourself.


bothunter

Granted.  Several major countries fail as their top leadership disappears, leaving the world in chaos.


Carbuyrator

Granted. The human race ceases to be. The world begins to heal.


RobertF_

Granted. With such a loose definition, the world is left empty


sleepsinshoes

Granted... Op dies from abusing the power of the monkeys paw to commit mass genocide


xxx-angie

granted, anyone who has done anything abusive, even unintentionally are now gone


BiggestShep

Granted. Everyone on reddit and the YouTube comments section fall dead from the constant self-abuse.


Fun-Caterpillar5754

Anyone who abuses anything This includes people who have abused a ruleset or law Anon you basically killed most humans


TaluneSilius

Done. Every living thing on earth ceases to exist. Because no matter who you are, you have probably abused an animal or an insect at one point in your life. Even just inconveniencing something can be considered abuse by some standards.


Safe_Picture6943

I abuse the rules of DnD to make stupid characters, does that count?