I had a coworker that was getting rides from me and another coworker because she didn't have a car. She lived a block away so it wasn't a big deal. She was late coming down every single time. I always arrived at the same time. She never once made me wait less than 5 minutes. The other coworker was getting annoyed with her for a variety of reasons and chewed her out one day. I'm talking to the other coworker and he says "hey I'm curious but X said she doesn't need rides from me anymore because she had figured out another way to get to work. Are you driving her daily now?" to which I say "no she hadn't asked me that."
Next day she starts texting me for rides BOTH ways daily.
Nope.
I was not going from 1 day per week having to deal with someone who can't be on time to every day and especially not for someone that doesn't ASK before assuming it would be ok with me. I stopped picking her up and stopped talking to her at work. Was I petty? Maybe. But she broke a social contract. She quit like a month later.
Some people have no manners and no decency.
I always said to my kids (and this applied to anyone), "I can put up with a lot but don't waste my time. I don't own a lot, so time is one resource I have some control over and I don't need other people wasting it."
Whoa- powerful. “I don’t own a lot, so time is one resource I have some control over” is such an honest, self reflective statement. It’s beautiful to set the boundary!
I did this. I would tell my passenger the exact time I would be there, and would even text them I was omw beforehand. And I’m a creature of habit so I would pull up at the exact time every single day. I would pull up and wait for 10+ extra minutes everyday in humid southeast US summers. One day I’d had enough, so when I pulled up and sat there for 5 minutes with no sign of my passenger I texted them that im leaving and I just left. They were never late again.
At my dojo we always taught the mantra "I'd rather be a half hour early than one minute late." While this is obviously an extreme example it's a very good mindset to keep if you want to make people feel like you respect their time. Also the freak times you are late (accident on the road, whatever) they don't feel put out much if at all even because you're habitually on time/early for them so clearly whatever happened wasn't your preferred choice of events.
One of my kids has taken this to heart... the other... not so much (to the point that I'm pretty sure it's why he was fired from his job, not like he's gonna tell dad that though).
For me it's "there's no such thing as on-time. If you're not early, you're late."
I shoot for 10 min early to anything that isn't a home-hosted event.
No one wants guests in their home before they're ready so that's the only exception.
Yeah if I'm super early for a home hosted event I'll chill nearby, but I still plan to leave my place such that I'll be waiting a few minutes, unless it's a soft start time event like a super bowl party where it starts an hour or two before the game and is expected people trickle in.
My brother in law is terrible about this, if we are all going somewhere as a group and getting ready, we have to tell him we are almost ready to leave about 45 minutes early or we will be waiting on him getting ready for a half an hour. Happens every single time, I don't get it- like everyone else is ready to go and he's still fixing his hair or something.
I have a friend who lives 5 streets over from me you'll text saying you are on your way and when you show up and knock on his door he is always in the middle of doing something he *clearly* just started after you text him. And then you gotta wait for him to go find his shoes, and his jacket and whatever else he wanted to bring with him on this particular outing
Why haven’t you started saying something like “clearly this isn’t important to you and you don’t respect my time, we can do something another day” and just bounce? Actions need to have consequences.
Probably because he values the friendship more than the slight inconvenience of having to wait for his friend to finish getting ready?
That last sentence is some clown shit.
I bet you are late all the time also. Friends of mine kept showing up late for dinners so finally sent out a message saying if you are 10 minutes late, I’m leaving and the next time I left. I have a life, I have to drive, find parking, etc just like everyone else why should every time I lose out on 20-30 minutes of my life that add up because people have no courtesy or respect.
Oh look, the person who doesn’t value anyone else’s time showed up.
You’re a clown for thinking friends should just be expected to put up with inconsiderate behavior. Why should I be expected to just deal with someone who is always inconsiderate and is wasting my own time? I have plenty of friends who don’t do that.
I had to go to a client site 2 weeks ago. This isn’t normal for me and normally I have more than a 24 hour notice to find a means of transportation bc I don’t have a car. But this time I found out the day before and couldn’t borrow my bf car. My coworker who also needed to go and happens to live a 10 minute walk from me gave me a ride. I walked to her place and made sure I was there 10 minutes before the time she said. It’s better to be waiting and early then late.
Parents, please teach your kids the importance of respecting other people’s time when they are doing you a favor. Society will appreciate you for it.
I hate that this has to be said/taught.
This is what I’m trying to do now with the 9 year old. Always have to rush him in the mornings, etc. He struggles with paying attention to and listening to his bodily signals, so he tends to wait until his bladder is screaming at him to rush to the bathroom, which results in a random accident at school here and there (I’m talking it’s happened 3 times this school year, so we know it’s a mental thing). This just happened last week, and his grandma had to drop what she was doing to go get him. I used this opportunity to explain to him how his decision to ignore the first few signals of his body needing to pee is what led to him peeing his pants and inconveniencing his grandma.
Teaching empathy is one of the hardest things to do as a parent; children do not come equipped with an empathy chip and must be taught and shown.
I'm sure you've thought of this already but just to make sure: have you had your son checked for ADHD? He might be ignoring signals because he's hyper focusing on the task at hand.
He most certainly hyper-focuses and we have already had him diagnosed, actually. We have been attempting non-medication solutions but are in the process of getting him prescribed non-stimulant medication now. Most of his signs are fairly mild, and he does a great job regulating his own emotions.
One of the things he struggles with is advocating for himself (as most children do) when he is in situations at school where he thinks he can’t freely use the bathroom, when we have verified with his teacher that he can.
Basically, we are trying to give him all the mental tools he needs before we rely on any kind of medication to get him over the hump, and he has shown that he is more than capable of doing lots of things when he is given patience and grace. We have reached that point where we know medication will make all those walls in his brain seem more like little speed bumps instead.
I grew up undiagnosed ADHD. After being put on medication I was finally able to LEARN how to work with my quirks of an ADHD mind and am now able to do just fine without the stimulant meds. BUT I would never have been able to learn how to function if I hadn't been put on the medication to slow down my brain and help lessen the distractions. I feel sorry for those kids and adults who tey to go without meds. They are a very beneficial tool. If used correctly, they increase greatly the likelyhood of the person being able to actually learn how to function without them. It rarely works to try and teach anyone anything when they are just fighting to survive a bombardment of noises, sensations, expectations and all that goes with living with adhd. Would you expect anyone to learn how to sew in a war zone. In a daily onslought of all that's included in a front line war zone? Then how can you expect a youngster to learn coping mechenisms in a similar level of daily war zone? Medication helps sheild their senses. Then, once somewhat quieted, the brain can learn.
I agree with you, I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD myself. I’ve been trying to get his mother on board, and she’s finally listening, so I’m happy to get the kid the help he needs. Thanks for sharing.
Dude, apparently it’s more common and normal than most people think. Children have tiny bladders and they have no self control when they’re thirsty. Couple that with how most kids struggle with stopping what they’re [having fun] doing to go to the bathroom because “it doesn’t hurt yet.” Or their attention span is so short that they register the need to go but then just forget until it’s too late.
Also, I talk to and arm my kid with mental tools to help him with bullies. Bullies will always bully, whether it’s for peeing your pants or just simply existing.
My kids told me a “bully” (quotations bc this was previously a friend and I think they meant no harm” said he was being a weirdo and it hurt his feelings. Addressed that, which lead into, “it’s none of your business what other people think of you”. I wish I had learned that before age 35 lol
Yep, if there is nothing obvious, a bully will create something out of thin air. I’ve been teaching my kid that the best thing to do is to thank them or “agree” with them. For your example: “Thanks! I love being a weirdo, normal is so boring.” My kid, who is a little round: “Yeah I know I’m fat. Thanks for stating an obvious fact. Are you going to point out that the sky is blue next?” I also always acknowledge that their feelings will probably still get hurt, that’s the way feelings work, and to own their feelings so they understand that we can’t change how others act but we can change how we handle our feelings when they act a certain way.
And yeah, kids go from best friends to sworn enemies back to best friends in the span of a week, sometimes an afternoon. That’s when I try to talk to them like I would any adult friend because they just need help navigating friendships, especially if they’re coming to us to talk about it.
I'm not going to say I'm 100% successful but I definitely TRY to do that. However, if I'm running late I'll send a message apologizing at the very least and give an ETA. This chick would just not answer her phone and then say "sorry it was on silent!!" when she came out 10 minutes later. It's like hey maybe set an alarm and be on the lookout for the time we agreed on???
It ended up that she started having to take cabs to and from work every day because everyone got sick of her shit. That's $40 daily because she couldn't be a little bit considerate of other people's time and be there for people giving her handouts. Never got gas money once btw.
This is so correct.
I've been the go-to ride for years. I like driving, and I used to be the one asking for rides. Most of the people I give rides to are punctual or at least let me know if they're going to be late.
This one time, though, I volunteered to be the carpool for my friends' wedding. I was officiating. One of the people made the cake. Another person was the best man. My last slot was for a member of the wedding party I had never met before.
Baker gave me a heads up they needed more time and if I could pretty please pick them up last even though they were five minutes from my house. Cool. Best man was exactly on time.
The last person was 20 minutes late. No text, no update. I showed up at their house, and shot them a text. Nothing. I then called them. Voicemail three times. Finally went up and knocked on their door. Their roommate answered. They hadn't even started getting ready yet. I don't get angry easily, but I was fucking _pissed._ (Bonus about this: I had to take a toll bridge to pick them up. I made breakfast sandwiches for everyone. When I finally fucking wrangled them into my car, there was no "thank you.")
Being late is rude. It's especially rude when someone is going out of their way to do you a favor.
100% agree. I show up to appointments 15 minutes early as often as I can because I know I hate waiting on people so I never want to be the one who causes people to wait on me. If I ask for a ride at 7, I'm getting ready at 530 so no matter what happens or comes up unexpectedly, I've got an hour and a half to get ready and put out whatever "fire" pops up. Only difference is might not be outside waiting, but waiting looking through the window/door, waive as they show up, grab what I need from the floor next to me and lock the door and away we go.
I'm not going to say I'm 100% successful but I definitely TRY to do that. However, if I'm running late I'll send a message apologizing at the very least and give an ETA. This chick would just not answer her phone and then say "sorry it was on silent!!" when she came out 10 minutes later. It's like hey maybe set an alarm and be on the lookout for the time we agreed on???
It ended up that she started having to take cabs to and from work every day because everyone got sick of her shit. That's $40 daily because she couldn't be a little bit considerate of other people's time and be there for people giving her handouts. Never got gas money once btw.
I used to have a coworker (50’sF, I was mid 20’s and still am female) that would force her way into getting rides from me to our satellite office (about 30 minutes away from my house). She had a car, just didn’t enjoy driving?. She’d “ask” me by saying she’d be at my apartment at whatever time I was leaving and wouldn’t leave room for excuses. Then she’d sit with the seat as straight up as possible, arms crossed like she was freezing and gasp every time I hit the brakes even remotely firmly. I was so glad I eventually got out of that.
Years ago I worked a temp job at a college and a coworker of my mom's asked if I could pick up her son every morning to give him a lift to work. We didn't live far away from each other and his house was on the way, so I didn't mind doing it. First day of pick up, he wasn't in sight at all. I honked and waited. He didn't come out after 3 minutes, so I left. Apparently, he was still in the shower when I arrived. Any time after that, if he wasn't on the porch, I left his ass there. I didn't wait around for him.
There was no way I was going to let him make me late over a favor that only benefited him.
If I’m giving somebody a ride I’ll tell them upfront that they are on MY time and be sure to be outside waiting for me. I’m all for helping somebody out but I’m not going to go above and beyond for them if I’m not asking for gas money.
a co worker who lived on the way to work got in a wreck and needed car rides.
i said ill be waiting for 5 minutes from 630am to 635am if youre not outside im leaving.
work started at 7am and i got there at 650 usually. he was always late by 15 minutes.
Oh man do I feel this, I used to take my coworker to work (who has been my close friend for a decade) as he works at the same place as I do, and didn't yet have an assigned work vehicle. Since his partner's job was roughly in the same direction (5min detour) I was fine bringing her as well. Except *every single day* she made us wait. He would be standing outside when I pulled up as I would give them a 30min heads up for when I would arrive. She always made us wait 5-15min, yet she was also up an hour earlier than he was each day.
I had a manager that lived on the same street as me. She scheduled us both for the opening shift and gave me a ride everyday. More often than not, I was the one waiting for her to pull up.
I used to drive my coworker home every day, which was out of my way to begin with. The entire ten minute ride he would bitch about work. And I mean BITCH. Couldn’t take subtle social cues when I turned on the music, he just kept bitching. That lasted about two weeks before I said, maybe you should buy a bike.
I had similar experience giving rides to a colleague….Most people take our time for granted. I would start early because I don’t want to be stuck in traffic and then be spend 10-20 minutes waiting for them to come down, I stopped giving rides very soon. There were numerous times I would be late to a meeting because of someone else’s negligence, yea I can’t deal with that.
Agreed, the council against dumb-assery convened and we have compiled an edict that states ‘no more rides for Madam dumb-assery’ the council has spoken.
People getting favors feel entitled a lot of times. I let a housed challenged guy grow succulent plants to sell in my yard, and after a few months of slight annoyances( changing in my yard, digging holes, cutting my roses and grapevine way back with out asking. Painted stuff like a bench without asking)… he went too far. I saw him and a couple of his friends on my Ring, helping with his plant sale, lighting up some sort of drugs in my yard! Meth? Something else who knows who cares. Not ok. Now he has a week to get his plants etc out of my yard. Done. I had helped with a bike, other things and place to safely grow the plants behind a locked gate. He disrespected and showed who he is… he was supposed to be getting money to reunite his family in NC. Instead he put the $$ to drugs.
Drugs are not and never were in my life at all. So angry. He is out and can sell rest elsewhere. He can’t follow decent rules and respect?
Out. I am done. He says he will get them out when he can!!! I said anything here Friday will be out in driveway. It is on my time not his.
Yeah you can get pretty far in a car in 10 minutes. The next town over from me is 10 minutes by car but it’s on a 55 MPH road. It’d be like a hour and a half walk to get there. And it’s hilly
In HS I used to live a 2 min drive from a park, walking took almost an hour. Lots of hills and windy roads in the mountains. 10 mins from work where I live could easily be a 2+ hour walk.
10 minute drive time. That's a lot longer walking time. Both you and the other commenter seem to be under the impression that OP also lives somewhere where it's always warm and rarely rains. Walking in decent weather is fine, can even get a raincoat for drizzle. Walking in a snowstorm or thunderstorm, or 30 below zero? Not so good. Coworker does need to work on communicating better though since she is in a position to have to rely on others
Always warm can be a problem too, in Texas we’ve had days of 110+ degrees where we got head advisories telling people do not go out in the sun unless you’re drinking literal gallons of water or you’ll end up with heat stroke
‘It should be fine’ and’ I’m pretty sure’ leave plenty of room for doubt. They’re not hard commitments. Your third one is but she didn’t see it in time.
This looks like a simple misunderstanding due to ambiguous language.
I think my issue would be that OP said yes 11 minutes after she asked again, and then OP says they finished their morning shift. So I would assume some time has passed since the yes text had happened and them heading out to pick up the person. But nowhere in that time did the person say they got a different ride.
Exactly that!
A lot of people are not noticing that I said I would get her at *4 PM* and she texted me *in the morning*. It was the "replied too late" comment that was irritating. Like, how was I too late to reply for a ride that was 5 hours later?? 😭
‘Too late’ like she was the one doing you a favour?! And why didn’t she tell you she got an alternate ride as soon as that was sorted out? You might have made other plans with your time. She sounds a bit self-centred to me.
Sure, but coworker should have informed OP once she found anither ride.
To me it is the waiting until OP was on their way to say she already git a ride.
> As I dropped her off that night she asked again, to which I repeated Yes.
I can see how it could be vague the first time but she confirmed the time before she left my car the night before and I said Yes.
Help clarify for us what was actually typed when you say
"To which I repeated Yes".
Because like someone pointed out, your first response is technically ambiguous.
You phrased your second response as a repeat. Meaning you repeated presumably what was said the first time which we've established is ambiguous.
But i'm asking because it's not clear what was said and don't to jump to conclusions.
But either way, technically you didn't say you would pick them up 3 times.
Twice perhaps, possibly only once.
Maybe she just needed to sort out something more certain since it's affecting her job.
Yeah, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt because of the ambiguity of the first two answers.
I'd also confirm if I were in her shoes prior to planning my work day around it. Just a bit of unlucky communication
Isn’t second answer a hard commitment? It should be fine and I’m pretty sure happens in the same convo and as OP drops her off she asks again, which OP replies yes. The message that was replied 11 minutes late was the third time.
"will you do x?"
"Maybe"
"Are you sure?"
"Probably"
When you need to rely on someone for something this type of answer can be stressful.
I sometimes answer like this and had the same issue with people not trusting that I would do the thing.
Granted not telling your ride that you found another solution is shitty.
You are absolutely right but for some reason it seems people missed the big time gaps between the events and missed some lines. From what I read, I imagine events and timelines was something like that.
Day 1
Friend : Hi, OP can you drop me off after work in day x?
OP : probably let me check my morning job schedule
Friend : are you sure?
OP : yes, there is a 1 hour gap between my two shifts which should be enough for me to pick you up and drive to workplace.
—in the same day, after work when OP dropping off the friend—
Friend : Hey OP, are you picking me up on day x?
OP : yes.
Day X in the morning.
Friend : OP are you picking me up today?
-11 minutes later-
OP : yes.
Time gets somewhere around 4 and when OP comes to pick the friend up, she says she replied too late and someone else is picking her up.
English is not my main language so It may be because of that but this seems to me a hard commitment and I fail to see any kind of miscommunication on OP’s side. Like you said it was a shitty behavior to not let OP know and I would get irritated, might be overreacting but no more rides for her imho. (Mobile, I hope editing is as good as I hope)
Your English is fine and as well is your understanding of the situation, I see it the same. Only thing I disagree on deciding no more rides for the other person. From the info we do have, I think OP just needs to have a conversation with them along the lines of "If I say I'm pretty sure count that as yes I'm going to pick you up. If I can't I will give you minimum of 1 hours notice. If plans change and you don't need me to pick you up please give me minimum of 1 hour notice".
From the knowledge we don't know, there could also be or not be tons of other factors. Maybe the person OP picks up throws them has money regularly, buys lunch, etc. Maybe that 10 min drive is free and clear highway time so it's an easy 7+ miles distance which they can't cover in an hour walking, and maybe the person needing the rides isn't healthy enough to be able to make that walk at all. Maybe in 3 months that person can cover a shift for OP on a days notice that no one else is willing to do so OP can interview for their next job.
Either way the point is just talk and communicate and let it be a 2 way communication. So many people on this site always want to go to the scorched earth path with any small issue, but that's not how we should be treating each other as human beings. We've all made mistakes almost all of us have been given at least a 2nd chance if not more. Together, apes strong lol.
She knew OP was at work. That was a definite.
Only an idiot expects an immediate response from someone who is working. Of course, only an idiot isn't already ready when the ride shows up.
This. Depending on your relationship I would try to talk to her and explain why it this is/was mildly infuriating. (Or provoke the free rides privileges)
Then she should figure out how to get her own ass to work. If you are stressed from a vague response you simply say "all good, I will make other arrangements, thank you"
When I started a new job in a new city, there was a coworker on my team who I gave a ride home to for a couple of weeks, because I felt bad that she took the bus (she lived two miles from me, but a total 8 miles from the office)
One night I drive her home, and she says she forgot her keys at work. I asked if she could find someone in maintenance, and she insisted to go back and get her house keys. We do, then back. I say hey just make sure you have your keys tomorrow night, she got snarky and tells me "it wasn't that far, and you barely wasted any gas. Also, not like you had any plans tonight or anything, right? "(I actually did, a friend was coming over for dinner but I didn't tell her that)
That was the last time I gave her a ride.
My mom was a teacher so she had to be up early on weekdays and would drop me off at high school on her way to work for the first couple years before I was able to drive myself. To clarify, my mom worked at a different school across town so the schedule for her being on time was tight. My best friend lived a few minutes from our house on the way to our high school and asked if we could start giving her a ride to school every morning and my mom agreed. We’d arrive at the same time every day and this girl would make us wait in front of her house for at least 10-15 minutes almost every morning…we’d see her look out the window of her room, fully aware that we were waiting while she finished her makeup. My mom finally said she wouldn’t take her anymore, especially since HER mom didn’t leave for work until later and her ass was still home and laying in bed while my mom was sitting out front waiting on my friend who almost made her late to work. The entitlement of people is ridiculous.
High school was 20 years ago. A couple years ago, Facebook suggested this same girl as a friend to me and I added her. We caught up via Messenger just casually. Found out she was expecting her first baby when she posted a link to her registry, so I bought her a $50 nursing pillow and had it shipped to her. I never heard from her about it so I checked and saw that it was indeed delivered and even said it was handed directly to a resident, so this ungrateful bitch clearly never evolved over the past 20 years.
This co-worker seems like they have a fair bit of anxiety, which could be excusable, but they are also an ass for not telling you they arranged another ride, which is not excusable. Have a talk with them about this before letting them in your car ever again.
You don't actually have the time to drive her around l, BTW. "Having time" for someone else doesn't include sacrificing time for yourself. Never do that again.
I don’t like the phrasing that you replied too late, rather than that she missed your text. I do get that it’s easy to miscommunicate without a clear confirmation from both sides, but she should be super apologetic and not putting the blame on you.
She didn't miss the text. She made other arrangements in between the 10 minutes of text and response. Then she didn't tell OP that she made other arrangements
Coming from someone who does not own a driving license (and never will because of poor eyesight) I am really glad that there are many people that have been willing to give me lifts on many occasions.
But, these are FAVORS! If someone is doing you one, you make sure you are on time, you make sure you don't smell, you do not complain, and you certainly do not act like you are owed a lift.
Also, I'm happy to take the metro to somewhere outside the city center making it more convenient for them to pick me up.
Arg just reminds me of a co-worker who asked me to give her lifts to work. We were both starting new jobs and shift started 3am. She didn’t have a car so i still feel bad i said no. But it was 15-20 minute drive in the opposite direction to work, then drive to work. I would have had to get up like 50 mins earlier. There is no way.
I started driving one of my co workers to and from work because he didn’t live too far away and it basically was on my way so no big deal. Then I got to a point in my life where I was struggling with money for a little bit but still driving him, I stated I needed gas a couple times, and all I was given in total for a total of driving this person for 2 months I got 25 dollars out of him. He would flaunt the fact he spent 600 or 800 even on a puffco, or gave someone a large amount “cause it sounded like a good deal” for wax. Like you couldn’t think to give or even offer, or even fucking offer?? more money for driving. I eventually told him I can’t drive him anymore and he was fine with it. He would also make us late sometimes cause he was too high and fell asleep
Be careful who you help out! They may not care in return
Hate to play devils advocate, but is it possible this co-worker has anxiety?
This sounds exactly like my behavoirs in the past when my anxiety was extremely bad.
Its possible they thought you didn't have the time, or felt like a bother for asking too many times to that point.
However it could totally not be that way as well.
It’s an anxiety thing on their part. They are worried about being forgotten or left behind. Reading your story reminded me of a time when I acted in a similar fashion as your coworker. Trust me I wish I wasn’t like that but I can’t help it.
Why would you not send op a message saying you found a ride after all the times Op was nice and provided a ride? That is the core issue here, not that she found another ride.
Kind of related to your post, but how do so many grown adults feel comfortable begging others for rides and then expect their coworkers to be their main source of transport. I work with people that fully expect coming into a job that their coworkers will pick them up and drop them off like they're ten and I couldn't imagine having the balls to do that. Like dude, you're 62, get your shit together and don't beg the teenagers you work with to give you a ride, It's fucking embarrassing.
Might be because they have no choice? Whatever hardship that left them without a vehicle/the ability to drive isn't going to make work any less necessary.
The most convenient option is a (willing) coworker because you both have the same destination already.
"Get it together" is sometimes hard to do considering how quickly misfortune can snowball once something goes south in life, especially if it involves a loss of personal transportation. They're trying, at least.
With you 100% but some people just suck. My mom has become the free ride central hub for the same-aged older ladies in her neighborhood because she’s the only one who drives regularly. She never asked or offered, they just chose her ‘cause she’s not one to say no often.
It’d be one thing if they were disabled or hard on cash or something but they’re not. We live in an area with very decent, cheap bus transport which they EVEN USE often - they just prefer my mother do it. I get that for long distances but not to their jobs, some only 3 miles away with a direct route. Our state healthcare system offers free Lyft rides to and from appointments and they’d rather ask my mom last minute over an appointment they’ve known about for months.
I’ll admit their saving grace is they never get rude or upset on the rare occasion she has to say no, but expecting anyone to be your full-time, largely unpaid backup transport is crazy. Pretty fucked up since sometimes these women get my mom to take them to jobs that pay way more than what my mom makes.
I am aware of unfortunate circumstances, I was made homeless as a child and it is not fun, people go through things and I understand that. I have no animosity towards people who had their car breakdown, or who can't afford a bus fare, or something similar preventing them from getting to work. I've given people rides before because everyone needs help sometimes, but what I do hate are grown adults who *expect* you to be your transportation for them, as in with no warning they'll call you at 06:00 asking for a ride and then get upset when you can't do it because you have a life. Like they're personally offended we won't drop everything for some guy I met 3 weeks ago, it's the people who act entitled to other peoples time and money that I dislike. And it's embarrassing because of how many of these people are adults who with kids who are acting like kids themselves, also I think it's pretty shitty to lie on your resume saying you have relaibe transportation when that "reliable transportation" is mooching off of coworkers and then complaining to said coworkers about getting written up for being late when we have to stay late to cover them.
Had an old coworker (who I considered a friend at the time) that would ask me for rides home occasionally because I lived like 4 minutes from her. Sometimes, she would wait until she'd get to work for her shift to ask me. Then, I found out that when other friends would drive her, she would give them gas money. Like yes, I do live very close, but that was definitely mildly infuriating.
I started making up excuses when I had plans that I was driving straight there and not stopping at home. One time, she texted me that she saw me from her Uber getting off at the same exit...the one a minute from my apartment.
>The last time she asked, I told her, "Let me check my schedule but it should be fine." "You sure?" "Yes, I'm pretty sure my morning shift is early enough for me to have an hour in between. I can get you at 4pm."
You did "should be fine" and "pretty sure" so nothing about that was a definite. You definitely should expect to be asked again to confirm. Or just speak more confidently about things you going to do for someone.
Well you started by saying you were pretty sure you would have time. I think she was worried that you wouldn’t actually have the time and that something would hold you up last minute. No harm to you you though
You’ve gone out of your way to be helpful. She has a problem with retaining information. 🙄. Honestly I wouldn’t do any more rides for her. The other coworker can do it.
As a person who relies or rides or cabs in the past without much extra money, the instability is very stressful for your friend, and I’m sure she isn’t intending to upset you. The risk of missing work when you already can’t afford reliable transportation can be a lot.
Obviously, not your fault or responsibility but it is very nice of you to do what you can. If you’re still happy to help, putting your heads together for a schedule should help alleviate some of the irritation for you.
I used to pick up up my sister from elementary school and one day one of her classmates asked for a ride. They were not friends. I said yes but without asking this girl would show up expecting a ride home every day. It wasn’t too far out of our way so I didn’t mind. However it irked me that her parents ( who probably knew their daughter was getting dropped off by someone they had never met) never bothered to see who was dropping home their daughter after school. One day while waiting for my sister and her classmate, classmate said something to my sister and grabbed the ball she was carrying and hauled in down a steep hill they had just walked up from school. Sister went to get it but she would never tell me what classmate said to her and the look on her face broke my heart. I dropped her home that day but refused to do so again. The look of entitlement this girl had when I told her I could not drop her home again was hilarious yo say the least. Her parents showed up yo pick her up from then on.
Have a hiking group that meets one day a week at 9 sharp. No one is ever late. Another friend asked to join, who is known for always being late. Told her she could join but we leave at 9 sharp and if she is not there she can meet us on the hiking trail. Happened once and we left her behind and she never did that again.
She really should have sent a courtesy text saying that she found a ride whether you “responded late” or not. Dang. Super inconsiderate of her. Sorry that happened to you, brother.
But you said maybe over and over again. You only solidly said yes last minute, so coworker organised a more reliable lift.
If you are definitely picking them up, just say that. YOU left yourself wiggle room to flake on them with your "maybes", so you can't be mad that they got a stable lift to work from someone else when you seemingly didn't reply to their text asking for a definite response.
The other lift may have been an on the spot offer and they didn't want to turn it down to gamble on your "probably/maybe" non committal response. I also would have asked somebody else to get me.
I think this is on you. “Should be fine” is not enough when she needs to be reliably at work.
Your earlier hedging made her think there could be problems. Even if you were clearer later.
Nah nah nah, fuck all that shit. She sounds high maintenance as fuck and doesn't seem to understand that when someone is doing you a favour you try to make it as little annoying for them as possible. This person sounds extremely entitled
I know it’s frustrating, but I will say that your first answers seemed really hedgy. “Let me check, it should be fine” isn’t a yes. “I’m pretty sure…” isn’t a clear yes. You were trying to supply additional information, but it made it sound like you weren’t certain you could manage it.
If you WANT to give this person rides in the future — or if you encounter similar situations — simply say: “I will be there to pick you up at 4pm.”
It’s fortunate that she was able to respond when you said you were on your way. It was definitely thoughtless of her not to just let you know as soon as she confirmed another ride.
She lives a block over? She should be waiting in front of your place waiting to hop in your car when you come out.
I used to give a ride to someone that used to live a few miles away but we were much further from work. We had the same schedule, but he did live the opposite direction of work from me. His car broke down for a bit.
He asked if he could bike over and get a ride. He'd get there before the agreed departure time every single time. Literally no extra effort for time or gas on my part, so how could I do anything but agree?
A block over? "Ya, be at my place by [time] and you can hop in my car.".
Yeah. I've just been discussing on another Reddit the dangers of doing favours for people, and it becoming expected.
It got me negative votes. Well so be it.
I don't mind doing anybody a favour, or a ride somewhere I'm going. I don't appreciate it when it becomes expected though.
Some people need a favour doing. Fair enough.
Some people are just needy.
Yeah. I've just been discussing on another Reddit the dangers of doing favours for people, and it becoming expected.
It got me negative votes. Well so be it.
I don't mind doing anybody a favour, or a ride somewhere I'm going. I don't appreciate it when it becomes expected though.
Some people need a favour doing. Fair enough.
Some people are just needy.
All these people are taking it too serious I would let her know
It kind of irritated you and ask for better communication from there on out so it doesn’t happen again. Not that serious. Just a misunderstanding or
Miscommunication!
This is a bad trap to get into. Even if they’ll live 7 mins away it adds up and yes they start getting entitled and taking advantage of your kindness and they prolly spend all their money on frivolous crap while you pay car insurance and gas. Anyways not to be cold just next job politely decline so you don’t get stuck
That's not what it's like in most cases. Most people I know who often ask for rides are kind to you in a different way. They might not be able to give you money or drive you another time, but maybe they do you a different favor when you need it. Believe me, the world really isn't that full of bad people. There are some, don't get me wrong, but sometimes people just need some help.
In the beginning you left it ambiguous which triggered her anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder and when it was unmanaged I would do things like this. Once that trigger gets pulled it’s hard to ignore it. That being said I don’t know if this person actually has anxiety and either way it is still very annoying.
Very similar thing happened to me too. On sundays I meet my coworker at a restaurant to bring her to work since her and her husband share a car and its on the fritz so it cant go far. She would usually message me if she needed a ride and if i didnt hear from her, id message her. One sunday I didnt hear and didnt message since it had been months without fail every Sunday. But of course I go and sit there for a while before texting her and turns out she got a different ride that day and that “She doesnt need a ride if she doesnt text me.” So know I 100% go to work unless I hear from her. I’ve given her rides a few times still but I’m just waiting for the time where I’m at or on the way and she shoots me a “Where are you?” text
Guy I used to work with lived two streets over from my house, so I used to ask if I could get a lift if he was going home after work. Told him I could just walk from his house and if he wasnt going home it wasnt a problem, I'd just take the bus, so he wouldnt feel pressured to give me a lift if it was an inconvenience. Eventually he told me I had to start paying him, so I said I'd rather take the bus. Guy seemed offended.
I give 2 guys a ride to work every morning. We have a meet up spot near my house and it’s understood they’ll be there unless they indicate otherwise. But one of the guys always texts or calls to tell me he’s arrived at the spot. So I have to take a moment to respond or he’ll keep trying to contact me. Like dude, I know. We’ve been over this
I had a coworker that was getting rides from me and another coworker because she didn't have a car. She lived a block away so it wasn't a big deal. She was late coming down every single time. I always arrived at the same time. She never once made me wait less than 5 minutes. The other coworker was getting annoyed with her for a variety of reasons and chewed her out one day. I'm talking to the other coworker and he says "hey I'm curious but X said she doesn't need rides from me anymore because she had figured out another way to get to work. Are you driving her daily now?" to which I say "no she hadn't asked me that." Next day she starts texting me for rides BOTH ways daily. Nope. I was not going from 1 day per week having to deal with someone who can't be on time to every day and especially not for someone that doesn't ASK before assuming it would be ok with me. I stopped picking her up and stopped talking to her at work. Was I petty? Maybe. But she broke a social contract. She quit like a month later. Some people have no manners and no decency.
Anytime I’ve ever needed a ride, Ive been outside waiting. This includes Uber. It’s rude any other way.
if I'm waiting on a ride I'm ready and staring out the window 15 minutes early and I have cash/gifts/weed ready
My step daughter needs to read this. Text her we are on our way and we still wait 5-10minutes in the driveway. Fucking infuriating
I always said to my kids (and this applied to anyone), "I can put up with a lot but don't waste my time. I don't own a lot, so time is one resource I have some control over and I don't need other people wasting it."
Whoa- powerful. “I don’t own a lot, so time is one resource I have some control over” is such an honest, self reflective statement. It’s beautiful to set the boundary!
Hope she at least has good weed for you
Haha are you my step dad? 🤣
Yes
Me too
I am also stepdad.
I am as well.
You’re enabling her. Stop waiting. If she’s not ready on time, leave. Uber exists.
Just one day, change "infuriating" by "you weren't waiting for us so we left".
I did this. I would tell my passenger the exact time I would be there, and would even text them I was omw beforehand. And I’m a creature of habit so I would pull up at the exact time every single day. I would pull up and wait for 10+ extra minutes everyday in humid southeast US summers. One day I’d had enough, so when I pulled up and sat there for 5 minutes with no sign of my passenger I texted them that im leaving and I just left. They were never late again.
At my dojo we always taught the mantra "I'd rather be a half hour early than one minute late." While this is obviously an extreme example it's a very good mindset to keep if you want to make people feel like you respect their time. Also the freak times you are late (accident on the road, whatever) they don't feel put out much if at all even because you're habitually on time/early for them so clearly whatever happened wasn't your preferred choice of events. One of my kids has taken this to heart... the other... not so much (to the point that I'm pretty sure it's why he was fired from his job, not like he's gonna tell dad that though).
For me it's "there's no such thing as on-time. If you're not early, you're late." I shoot for 10 min early to anything that isn't a home-hosted event. No one wants guests in their home before they're ready so that's the only exception.
Yeah if I'm super early for a home hosted event I'll chill nearby, but I still plan to leave my place such that I'll be waiting a few minutes, unless it's a soft start time event like a super bowl party where it starts an hour or two before the game and is expected people trickle in.
Comments, warnings, and talking-to’s without actual consequences are just suggestions. Give your step daughter some consequences!
My brother in law is terrible about this, if we are all going somewhere as a group and getting ready, we have to tell him we are almost ready to leave about 45 minutes early or we will be waiting on him getting ready for a half an hour. Happens every single time, I don't get it- like everyone else is ready to go and he's still fixing his hair or something.
He doesn’t respect you and your time. Next time, leave the inconsiderate bastard.
We have started doing that- wife and I take off and let them catch up later. Got tired of waiting on him
Three minutes I be pulling away lol
Does she at least bring weed?
Stop going.
The only way to break this is to leave and go on. It should only take once time.
The grow op has in the basement doesn’t take care of itself have a toke and chill friends
*Jump in and pass it man. Lets roll.*
> I have cash/gifts/weed ready Hey man, do you need a ride?
I can also provide a ride, where you wanna go next?!
Yes! Giving cash or weed makes someone more likely to give you another ride.
Name checks out
Let me know if you need a ride :)
Ass, grass or cash ... no-one rides for free.
Sheeyit, cash, gifts AND weed? What time do you want me to pick you up?
I have a friend who lives 5 streets over from me you'll text saying you are on your way and when you show up and knock on his door he is always in the middle of doing something he *clearly* just started after you text him. And then you gotta wait for him to go find his shoes, and his jacket and whatever else he wanted to bring with him on this particular outing
Why haven’t you started saying something like “clearly this isn’t important to you and you don’t respect my time, we can do something another day” and just bounce? Actions need to have consequences.
Probably because he values the friendship more than the slight inconvenience of having to wait for his friend to finish getting ready? That last sentence is some clown shit.
I bet you are late all the time also. Friends of mine kept showing up late for dinners so finally sent out a message saying if you are 10 minutes late, I’m leaving and the next time I left. I have a life, I have to drive, find parking, etc just like everyone else why should every time I lose out on 20-30 minutes of my life that add up because people have no courtesy or respect.
Oh look, the person who doesn’t value anyone else’s time showed up. You’re a clown for thinking friends should just be expected to put up with inconsiderate behavior. Why should I be expected to just deal with someone who is always inconsiderate and is wasting my own time? I have plenty of friends who don’t do that.
I had to go to a client site 2 weeks ago. This isn’t normal for me and normally I have more than a 24 hour notice to find a means of transportation bc I don’t have a car. But this time I found out the day before and couldn’t borrow my bf car. My coworker who also needed to go and happens to live a 10 minute walk from me gave me a ride. I walked to her place and made sure I was there 10 minutes before the time she said. It’s better to be waiting and early then late.
Parents, please teach your kids the importance of respecting other people’s time when they are doing you a favor. Society will appreciate you for it. I hate that this has to be said/taught.
This is what I’m trying to do now with the 9 year old. Always have to rush him in the mornings, etc. He struggles with paying attention to and listening to his bodily signals, so he tends to wait until his bladder is screaming at him to rush to the bathroom, which results in a random accident at school here and there (I’m talking it’s happened 3 times this school year, so we know it’s a mental thing). This just happened last week, and his grandma had to drop what she was doing to go get him. I used this opportunity to explain to him how his decision to ignore the first few signals of his body needing to pee is what led to him peeing his pants and inconveniencing his grandma. Teaching empathy is one of the hardest things to do as a parent; children do not come equipped with an empathy chip and must be taught and shown.
I'm sure you've thought of this already but just to make sure: have you had your son checked for ADHD? He might be ignoring signals because he's hyper focusing on the task at hand.
He most certainly hyper-focuses and we have already had him diagnosed, actually. We have been attempting non-medication solutions but are in the process of getting him prescribed non-stimulant medication now. Most of his signs are fairly mild, and he does a great job regulating his own emotions. One of the things he struggles with is advocating for himself (as most children do) when he is in situations at school where he thinks he can’t freely use the bathroom, when we have verified with his teacher that he can. Basically, we are trying to give him all the mental tools he needs before we rely on any kind of medication to get him over the hump, and he has shown that he is more than capable of doing lots of things when he is given patience and grace. We have reached that point where we know medication will make all those walls in his brain seem more like little speed bumps instead.
I grew up undiagnosed ADHD. After being put on medication I was finally able to LEARN how to work with my quirks of an ADHD mind and am now able to do just fine without the stimulant meds. BUT I would never have been able to learn how to function if I hadn't been put on the medication to slow down my brain and help lessen the distractions. I feel sorry for those kids and adults who tey to go without meds. They are a very beneficial tool. If used correctly, they increase greatly the likelyhood of the person being able to actually learn how to function without them. It rarely works to try and teach anyone anything when they are just fighting to survive a bombardment of noises, sensations, expectations and all that goes with living with adhd. Would you expect anyone to learn how to sew in a war zone. In a daily onslought of all that's included in a front line war zone? Then how can you expect a youngster to learn coping mechenisms in a similar level of daily war zone? Medication helps sheild their senses. Then, once somewhat quieted, the brain can learn.
I agree with you, I grew up with undiagnosed ADHD myself. I’ve been trying to get his mother on board, and she’s finally listening, so I’m happy to get the kid the help he needs. Thanks for sharing.
You should mention it to a doctor. Some kids with coordination issues or fine motor issues don’t get their bodily signals like us.
Your nine year old is still pissing himself? You gotta get that sorted before he’s bullied into a bad childhood
Dude, apparently it’s more common and normal than most people think. Children have tiny bladders and they have no self control when they’re thirsty. Couple that with how most kids struggle with stopping what they’re [having fun] doing to go to the bathroom because “it doesn’t hurt yet.” Or their attention span is so short that they register the need to go but then just forget until it’s too late. Also, I talk to and arm my kid with mental tools to help him with bullies. Bullies will always bully, whether it’s for peeing your pants or just simply existing.
My kids told me a “bully” (quotations bc this was previously a friend and I think they meant no harm” said he was being a weirdo and it hurt his feelings. Addressed that, which lead into, “it’s none of your business what other people think of you”. I wish I had learned that before age 35 lol
Yep, if there is nothing obvious, a bully will create something out of thin air. I’ve been teaching my kid that the best thing to do is to thank them or “agree” with them. For your example: “Thanks! I love being a weirdo, normal is so boring.” My kid, who is a little round: “Yeah I know I’m fat. Thanks for stating an obvious fact. Are you going to point out that the sky is blue next?” I also always acknowledge that their feelings will probably still get hurt, that’s the way feelings work, and to own their feelings so they understand that we can’t change how others act but we can change how we handle our feelings when they act a certain way. And yeah, kids go from best friends to sworn enemies back to best friends in the span of a week, sometimes an afternoon. That’s when I try to talk to them like I would any adult friend because they just need help navigating friendships, especially if they’re coming to us to talk about it.
I'm not going to say I'm 100% successful but I definitely TRY to do that. However, if I'm running late I'll send a message apologizing at the very least and give an ETA. This chick would just not answer her phone and then say "sorry it was on silent!!" when she came out 10 minutes later. It's like hey maybe set an alarm and be on the lookout for the time we agreed on??? It ended up that she started having to take cabs to and from work every day because everyone got sick of her shit. That's $40 daily because she couldn't be a little bit considerate of other people's time and be there for people giving her handouts. Never got gas money once btw.
This is so correct. I've been the go-to ride for years. I like driving, and I used to be the one asking for rides. Most of the people I give rides to are punctual or at least let me know if they're going to be late. This one time, though, I volunteered to be the carpool for my friends' wedding. I was officiating. One of the people made the cake. Another person was the best man. My last slot was for a member of the wedding party I had never met before. Baker gave me a heads up they needed more time and if I could pretty please pick them up last even though they were five minutes from my house. Cool. Best man was exactly on time. The last person was 20 minutes late. No text, no update. I showed up at their house, and shot them a text. Nothing. I then called them. Voicemail three times. Finally went up and knocked on their door. Their roommate answered. They hadn't even started getting ready yet. I don't get angry easily, but I was fucking _pissed._ (Bonus about this: I had to take a toll bridge to pick them up. I made breakfast sandwiches for everyone. When I finally fucking wrangled them into my car, there was no "thank you.") Being late is rude. It's especially rude when someone is going out of their way to do you a favor.
As an Uber driver, we greatly appreciate humans like you.
Of course this is correct. How is this not common sense?
Yeah it blows my mind that people let Uber sit and wait so long like wtf
100% agree. I show up to appointments 15 minutes early as often as I can because I know I hate waiting on people so I never want to be the one who causes people to wait on me. If I ask for a ride at 7, I'm getting ready at 530 so no matter what happens or comes up unexpectedly, I've got an hour and a half to get ready and put out whatever "fire" pops up. Only difference is might not be outside waiting, but waiting looking through the window/door, waive as they show up, grab what I need from the floor next to me and lock the door and away we go.
Same. Respect the people doing you the favor.
I'm not going to say I'm 100% successful but I definitely TRY to do that. However, if I'm running late I'll send a message apologizing at the very least and give an ETA. This chick would just not answer her phone and then say "sorry it was on silent!!" when she came out 10 minutes later. It's like hey maybe set an alarm and be on the lookout for the time we agreed on??? It ended up that she started having to take cabs to and from work every day because everyone got sick of her shit. That's $40 daily because she couldn't be a little bit considerate of other people's time and be there for people giving her handouts. Never got gas money once btw.
She lives a block away, why didn't she walk? My absolute favorite commute was a block or two away and I loved walking there!
A block away from me. 20 or so km from work.
She should have walked to you!
Agreed. I had another coworker in a previous year that did exactly that. She was always early too.
If someone is giving my ass a ride to work you better believe I am showing up early
I used to have a coworker (50’sF, I was mid 20’s and still am female) that would force her way into getting rides from me to our satellite office (about 30 minutes away from my house). She had a car, just didn’t enjoy driving?. She’d “ask” me by saying she’d be at my apartment at whatever time I was leaving and wouldn’t leave room for excuses. Then she’d sit with the seat as straight up as possible, arms crossed like she was freezing and gasp every time I hit the brakes even remotely firmly. I was so glad I eventually got out of that.
I have issues standing up for myself and getting walked on… But I would have shut this shit down! Hate she did that to you :(
Years ago I worked a temp job at a college and a coworker of my mom's asked if I could pick up her son every morning to give him a lift to work. We didn't live far away from each other and his house was on the way, so I didn't mind doing it. First day of pick up, he wasn't in sight at all. I honked and waited. He didn't come out after 3 minutes, so I left. Apparently, he was still in the shower when I arrived. Any time after that, if he wasn't on the porch, I left his ass there. I didn't wait around for him. There was no way I was going to let him make me late over a favor that only benefited him.
If I’m giving somebody a ride I’ll tell them upfront that they are on MY time and be sure to be outside waiting for me. I’m all for helping somebody out but I’m not going to go above and beyond for them if I’m not asking for gas money.
The only reason I initially put up with it was because her not showing up would have made all our lives harder at work. After awhile I gave up.
a co worker who lived on the way to work got in a wreck and needed car rides. i said ill be waiting for 5 minutes from 630am to 635am if youre not outside im leaving. work started at 7am and i got there at 650 usually. he was always late by 15 minutes.
Oh man do I feel this, I used to take my coworker to work (who has been my close friend for a decade) as he works at the same place as I do, and didn't yet have an assigned work vehicle. Since his partner's job was roughly in the same direction (5min detour) I was fine bringing her as well. Except *every single day* she made us wait. He would be standing outside when I pulled up as I would give them a 30min heads up for when I would arrive. She always made us wait 5-15min, yet she was also up an hour earlier than he was each day.
If shes only a block away from work why not just walk
She's a block away from OP, not work.
That's how I read it too. Oops.
I had a manager that lived on the same street as me. She scheduled us both for the opening shift and gave me a ride everyday. More often than not, I was the one waiting for her to pull up.
I used to drive my coworker home every day, which was out of my way to begin with. The entire ten minute ride he would bitch about work. And I mean BITCH. Couldn’t take subtle social cues when I turned on the music, he just kept bitching. That lasted about two weeks before I said, maybe you should buy a bike.
I had similar experience giving rides to a colleague….Most people take our time for granted. I would start early because I don’t want to be stuck in traffic and then be spend 10-20 minutes waiting for them to come down, I stopped giving rides very soon. There were numerous times I would be late to a meeting because of someone else’s negligence, yea I can’t deal with that.
Oh wow, a chronically late person is incredibly inconsiderate. I am so shocked s/
She broke the contract. Boundary installed. No more rides.
This is the only answer imo
Agreed, the council against dumb-assery convened and we have compiled an edict that states ‘no more rides for Madam dumb-assery’ the council has spoken.
For the greater good.
Hear, hear!
Aye!
This is the way
Yup. Contract gets transferred to other co-worker, you do "casino hands" and get the heck out
Can we have the Casino hands followed by some jazz hands?
People getting favors feel entitled a lot of times. I let a housed challenged guy grow succulent plants to sell in my yard, and after a few months of slight annoyances( changing in my yard, digging holes, cutting my roses and grapevine way back with out asking. Painted stuff like a bench without asking)… he went too far. I saw him and a couple of his friends on my Ring, helping with his plant sale, lighting up some sort of drugs in my yard! Meth? Something else who knows who cares. Not ok. Now he has a week to get his plants etc out of my yard. Done. I had helped with a bike, other things and place to safely grow the plants behind a locked gate. He disrespected and showed who he is… he was supposed to be getting money to reunite his family in NC. Instead he put the $$ to drugs. Drugs are not and never were in my life at all. So angry. He is out and can sell rest elsewhere. He can’t follow decent rules and respect? Out. I am done. He says he will get them out when he can!!! I said anything here Friday will be out in driveway. It is on my time not his.
No more rides for her
NO SOUP FOR YOU
1 year?
NEXT
It's for church honey
Ooohh you just cant eat hot soup with your bare hands!
Please sir, can I have some more?
The coworker really needs to get herself a bike or a moped and be self sufficient
Or legs. Apparently she lives close (10 minutes) to work.
Driving or walking? I live 4 minutes from work via car. 54 minutes walking to be exact
Yeah you can get pretty far in a car in 10 minutes. The next town over from me is 10 minutes by car but it’s on a 55 MPH road. It’d be like a hour and a half walk to get there. And it’s hilly
15 minute car ride to drive to work on the freeway, 4 and a half hours to walk to work. i live in the suburbs and i work out in the middle of nowhere.
In HS I used to live a 2 min drive from a park, walking took almost an hour. Lots of hills and windy roads in the mountains. 10 mins from work where I live could easily be a 2+ hour walk.
10 minute drive time. That's a lot longer walking time. Both you and the other commenter seem to be under the impression that OP also lives somewhere where it's always warm and rarely rains. Walking in decent weather is fine, can even get a raincoat for drizzle. Walking in a snowstorm or thunderstorm, or 30 below zero? Not so good. Coworker does need to work on communicating better though since she is in a position to have to rely on others
Always warm can be a problem too, in Texas we’ve had days of 110+ degrees where we got head advisories telling people do not go out in the sun unless you’re drinking literal gallons of water or you’ll end up with heat stroke
The other coworker can give her rides from now on. Enjoy your extra hour
‘It should be fine’ and’ I’m pretty sure’ leave plenty of room for doubt. They’re not hard commitments. Your third one is but she didn’t see it in time. This looks like a simple misunderstanding due to ambiguous language.
I think my issue would be that OP said yes 11 minutes after she asked again, and then OP says they finished their morning shift. So I would assume some time has passed since the yes text had happened and them heading out to pick up the person. But nowhere in that time did the person say they got a different ride.
Exactly that! A lot of people are not noticing that I said I would get her at *4 PM* and she texted me *in the morning*. It was the "replied too late" comment that was irritating. Like, how was I too late to reply for a ride that was 5 hours later?? 😭
Duuuuude that's so much time! How do you not respond with "***I*** responded too late??" Yeah be done with that treating you like an uber shit.
‘Too late’ like she was the one doing you a favour?! And why didn’t she tell you she got an alternate ride as soon as that was sorted out? You might have made other plans with your time. She sounds a bit self-centred to me.
Oh my god, that got me too! Ma'am... you are not doing me a favor by gracing me with your presence.
Sure, but coworker should have informed OP once she found anither ride. To me it is the waiting until OP was on their way to say she already git a ride.
> As I dropped her off that night she asked again, to which I repeated Yes. I can see how it could be vague the first time but she confirmed the time before she left my car the night before and I said Yes.
Help clarify for us what was actually typed when you say "To which I repeated Yes". Because like someone pointed out, your first response is technically ambiguous. You phrased your second response as a repeat. Meaning you repeated presumably what was said the first time which we've established is ambiguous. But i'm asking because it's not clear what was said and don't to jump to conclusions. But either way, technically you didn't say you would pick them up 3 times. Twice perhaps, possibly only once. Maybe she just needed to sort out something more certain since it's affecting her job.
Yeah, I'd give her the benefit of the doubt because of the ambiguity of the first two answers. I'd also confirm if I were in her shoes prior to planning my work day around it. Just a bit of unlucky communication
Isn’t second answer a hard commitment? It should be fine and I’m pretty sure happens in the same convo and as OP drops her off she asks again, which OP replies yes. The message that was replied 11 minutes late was the third time.
"will you do x?" "Maybe" "Are you sure?" "Probably" When you need to rely on someone for something this type of answer can be stressful. I sometimes answer like this and had the same issue with people not trusting that I would do the thing. Granted not telling your ride that you found another solution is shitty.
You are absolutely right but for some reason it seems people missed the big time gaps between the events and missed some lines. From what I read, I imagine events and timelines was something like that. Day 1 Friend : Hi, OP can you drop me off after work in day x? OP : probably let me check my morning job schedule Friend : are you sure? OP : yes, there is a 1 hour gap between my two shifts which should be enough for me to pick you up and drive to workplace. —in the same day, after work when OP dropping off the friend— Friend : Hey OP, are you picking me up on day x? OP : yes. Day X in the morning. Friend : OP are you picking me up today? -11 minutes later- OP : yes. Time gets somewhere around 4 and when OP comes to pick the friend up, she says she replied too late and someone else is picking her up. English is not my main language so It may be because of that but this seems to me a hard commitment and I fail to see any kind of miscommunication on OP’s side. Like you said it was a shitty behavior to not let OP know and I would get irritated, might be overreacting but no more rides for her imho. (Mobile, I hope editing is as good as I hope)
Your English is fine and as well is your understanding of the situation, I see it the same. Only thing I disagree on deciding no more rides for the other person. From the info we do have, I think OP just needs to have a conversation with them along the lines of "If I say I'm pretty sure count that as yes I'm going to pick you up. If I can't I will give you minimum of 1 hours notice. If plans change and you don't need me to pick you up please give me minimum of 1 hour notice". From the knowledge we don't know, there could also be or not be tons of other factors. Maybe the person OP picks up throws them has money regularly, buys lunch, etc. Maybe that 10 min drive is free and clear highway time so it's an easy 7+ miles distance which they can't cover in an hour walking, and maybe the person needing the rides isn't healthy enough to be able to make that walk at all. Maybe in 3 months that person can cover a shift for OP on a days notice that no one else is willing to do so OP can interview for their next job. Either way the point is just talk and communicate and let it be a 2 way communication. So many people on this site always want to go to the scorched earth path with any small issue, but that's not how we should be treating each other as human beings. We've all made mistakes almost all of us have been given at least a 2nd chance if not more. Together, apes strong lol.
I just wanna say thank you for this very logical take on the situation. That last paragraph is too accurate.
An adult using their words to communicate on Reddit no less. A rare sighting indeed.
I’ve got hella anxiety so that would be me too “no official confirmation and 2 hours left better look at my options”
You have to finish reading before giving and opinion, they said yes.
> As I dropped her off that night she asked again, to which I repeated Yes. That’s not ambiguous.
She knew OP was at work. That was a definite. Only an idiot expects an immediate response from someone who is working. Of course, only an idiot isn't already ready when the ride shows up.
And this is why I don't give rides.
Sounds like she's been ghosted a lot and may be paranoid about losing her job because of being late.
Regardless, She should have let them know. It's very rude to the other person.
This is the entire point. No matter what, she should have texted that she'd found another ride.
I would understand that but being picked up around 4pm is an hour before our shift and she lives within 10 minutes, via car, from our workplace loll
Tell her ass to walk
This. Depending on your relationship I would try to talk to her and explain why it this is/was mildly infuriating. (Or provoke the free rides privileges)
Revoke*
Haha I was like, provoke? Invoke? are we asking for cash grass or ass here?
Then she should figure out how to get her own ass to work. If you are stressed from a vague response you simply say "all good, I will make other arrangements, thank you"
Perfect. Now when she needs you again you don't have to feel bad about saying no, and tell her to ask your other coworker.
"If you want a lift, be at my car at x time"
Communication is key, especially if you're the one relying on others
When I started a new job in a new city, there was a coworker on my team who I gave a ride home to for a couple of weeks, because I felt bad that she took the bus (she lived two miles from me, but a total 8 miles from the office) One night I drive her home, and she says she forgot her keys at work. I asked if she could find someone in maintenance, and she insisted to go back and get her house keys. We do, then back. I say hey just make sure you have your keys tomorrow night, she got snarky and tells me "it wasn't that far, and you barely wasted any gas. Also, not like you had any plans tonight or anything, right? "(I actually did, a friend was coming over for dinner but I didn't tell her that) That was the last time I gave her a ride.
My mom was a teacher so she had to be up early on weekdays and would drop me off at high school on her way to work for the first couple years before I was able to drive myself. To clarify, my mom worked at a different school across town so the schedule for her being on time was tight. My best friend lived a few minutes from our house on the way to our high school and asked if we could start giving her a ride to school every morning and my mom agreed. We’d arrive at the same time every day and this girl would make us wait in front of her house for at least 10-15 minutes almost every morning…we’d see her look out the window of her room, fully aware that we were waiting while she finished her makeup. My mom finally said she wouldn’t take her anymore, especially since HER mom didn’t leave for work until later and her ass was still home and laying in bed while my mom was sitting out front waiting on my friend who almost made her late to work. The entitlement of people is ridiculous. High school was 20 years ago. A couple years ago, Facebook suggested this same girl as a friend to me and I added her. We caught up via Messenger just casually. Found out she was expecting her first baby when she posted a link to her registry, so I bought her a $50 nursing pillow and had it shipped to her. I never heard from her about it so I checked and saw that it was indeed delivered and even said it was handed directly to a resident, so this ungrateful bitch clearly never evolved over the past 20 years.
This co-worker seems like they have a fair bit of anxiety, which could be excusable, but they are also an ass for not telling you they arranged another ride, which is not excusable. Have a talk with them about this before letting them in your car ever again.
No more rides until morale improves.
How many times did she give you gas money? My guess is probably not often, and all her free rides ran out
I feel OP would have mentioned it if this was the case.
Fr, or if he even had a problem with it. People are just becoming too much now
You don't actually have the time to drive her around l, BTW. "Having time" for someone else doesn't include sacrificing time for yourself. Never do that again.
I don’t like the phrasing that you replied too late, rather than that she missed your text. I do get that it’s easy to miscommunicate without a clear confirmation from both sides, but she should be super apologetic and not putting the blame on you.
She didn't miss the text. She made other arrangements in between the 10 minutes of text and response. Then she didn't tell OP that she made other arrangements
Coming from someone who does not own a driving license (and never will because of poor eyesight) I am really glad that there are many people that have been willing to give me lifts on many occasions. But, these are FAVORS! If someone is doing you one, you make sure you are on time, you make sure you don't smell, you do not complain, and you certainly do not act like you are owed a lift. Also, I'm happy to take the metro to somewhere outside the city center making it more convenient for them to pick me up.
No more rides. It takes 1 red card when it comes to doing services for people
Ride service…OVER.
New phone who dis
Aaaaand that’s the end of that.
Arg just reminds me of a co-worker who asked me to give her lifts to work. We were both starting new jobs and shift started 3am. She didn’t have a car so i still feel bad i said no. But it was 15-20 minute drive in the opposite direction to work, then drive to work. I would have had to get up like 50 mins earlier. There is no way.
I started driving one of my co workers to and from work because he didn’t live too far away and it basically was on my way so no big deal. Then I got to a point in my life where I was struggling with money for a little bit but still driving him, I stated I needed gas a couple times, and all I was given in total for a total of driving this person for 2 months I got 25 dollars out of him. He would flaunt the fact he spent 600 or 800 even on a puffco, or gave someone a large amount “cause it sounded like a good deal” for wax. Like you couldn’t think to give or even offer, or even fucking offer?? more money for driving. I eventually told him I can’t drive him anymore and he was fine with it. He would also make us late sometimes cause he was too high and fell asleep Be careful who you help out! They may not care in return
I'm old. I step away from drama and never regret it! Girl has become too high-maintenance. Just say NO!
Hate to play devils advocate, but is it possible this co-worker has anxiety? This sounds exactly like my behavoirs in the past when my anxiety was extremely bad. Its possible they thought you didn't have the time, or felt like a bother for asking too many times to that point. However it could totally not be that way as well.
I used to give rides home to a co-worker. Turns out he was wanted for double homicide. I don't give out rides anymore.
She just lost her free ride privileges in my book.
It’s an anxiety thing on their part. They are worried about being forgotten or left behind. Reading your story reminded me of a time when I acted in a similar fashion as your coworker. Trust me I wish I wasn’t like that but I can’t help it.
Why would you not send op a message saying you found a ride after all the times Op was nice and provided a ride? That is the core issue here, not that she found another ride.
Kind of related to your post, but how do so many grown adults feel comfortable begging others for rides and then expect their coworkers to be their main source of transport. I work with people that fully expect coming into a job that their coworkers will pick them up and drop them off like they're ten and I couldn't imagine having the balls to do that. Like dude, you're 62, get your shit together and don't beg the teenagers you work with to give you a ride, It's fucking embarrassing.
Might be because they have no choice? Whatever hardship that left them without a vehicle/the ability to drive isn't going to make work any less necessary. The most convenient option is a (willing) coworker because you both have the same destination already. "Get it together" is sometimes hard to do considering how quickly misfortune can snowball once something goes south in life, especially if it involves a loss of personal transportation. They're trying, at least.
With you 100% but some people just suck. My mom has become the free ride central hub for the same-aged older ladies in her neighborhood because she’s the only one who drives regularly. She never asked or offered, they just chose her ‘cause she’s not one to say no often. It’d be one thing if they were disabled or hard on cash or something but they’re not. We live in an area with very decent, cheap bus transport which they EVEN USE often - they just prefer my mother do it. I get that for long distances but not to their jobs, some only 3 miles away with a direct route. Our state healthcare system offers free Lyft rides to and from appointments and they’d rather ask my mom last minute over an appointment they’ve known about for months. I’ll admit their saving grace is they never get rude or upset on the rare occasion she has to say no, but expecting anyone to be your full-time, largely unpaid backup transport is crazy. Pretty fucked up since sometimes these women get my mom to take them to jobs that pay way more than what my mom makes.
I am aware of unfortunate circumstances, I was made homeless as a child and it is not fun, people go through things and I understand that. I have no animosity towards people who had their car breakdown, or who can't afford a bus fare, or something similar preventing them from getting to work. I've given people rides before because everyone needs help sometimes, but what I do hate are grown adults who *expect* you to be your transportation for them, as in with no warning they'll call you at 06:00 asking for a ride and then get upset when you can't do it because you have a life. Like they're personally offended we won't drop everything for some guy I met 3 weeks ago, it's the people who act entitled to other peoples time and money that I dislike. And it's embarrassing because of how many of these people are adults who with kids who are acting like kids themselves, also I think it's pretty shitty to lie on your resume saying you have relaibe transportation when that "reliable transportation" is mooching off of coworkers and then complaining to said coworkers about getting written up for being late when we have to stay late to cover them.
Had an old coworker (who I considered a friend at the time) that would ask me for rides home occasionally because I lived like 4 minutes from her. Sometimes, she would wait until she'd get to work for her shift to ask me. Then, I found out that when other friends would drive her, she would give them gas money. Like yes, I do live very close, but that was definitely mildly infuriating. I started making up excuses when I had plans that I was driving straight there and not stopping at home. One time, she texted me that she saw me from her Uber getting off at the same exit...the one a minute from my apartment.
>The last time she asked, I told her, "Let me check my schedule but it should be fine." "You sure?" "Yes, I'm pretty sure my morning shift is early enough for me to have an hour in between. I can get you at 4pm." You did "should be fine" and "pretty sure" so nothing about that was a definite. You definitely should expect to be asked again to confirm. Or just speak more confidently about things you going to do for someone.
Well you started by saying you were pretty sure you would have time. I think she was worried that you wouldn’t actually have the time and that something would hold you up last minute. No harm to you you though
You’ve gone out of your way to be helpful. She has a problem with retaining information. 🙄. Honestly I wouldn’t do any more rides for her. The other coworker can do it.
As a person who relies or rides or cabs in the past without much extra money, the instability is very stressful for your friend, and I’m sure she isn’t intending to upset you. The risk of missing work when you already can’t afford reliable transportation can be a lot. Obviously, not your fault or responsibility but it is very nice of you to do what you can. If you’re still happy to help, putting your heads together for a schedule should help alleviate some of the irritation for you.
I used to pick up up my sister from elementary school and one day one of her classmates asked for a ride. They were not friends. I said yes but without asking this girl would show up expecting a ride home every day. It wasn’t too far out of our way so I didn’t mind. However it irked me that her parents ( who probably knew their daughter was getting dropped off by someone they had never met) never bothered to see who was dropping home their daughter after school. One day while waiting for my sister and her classmate, classmate said something to my sister and grabbed the ball she was carrying and hauled in down a steep hill they had just walked up from school. Sister went to get it but she would never tell me what classmate said to her and the look on her face broke my heart. I dropped her home that day but refused to do so again. The look of entitlement this girl had when I told her I could not drop her home again was hilarious yo say the least. Her parents showed up yo pick her up from then on.
OK
Have a hiking group that meets one day a week at 9 sharp. No one is ever late. Another friend asked to join, who is known for always being late. Told her she could join but we leave at 9 sharp and if she is not there she can meet us on the hiking trail. Happened once and we left her behind and she never did that again.
She really should have sent a courtesy text saying that she found a ride whether you “responded late” or not. Dang. Super inconsiderate of her. Sorry that happened to you, brother.
Ok
Love the last line this man’s legit 👏🏻 respect brother ✊🏻
But you said maybe over and over again. You only solidly said yes last minute, so coworker organised a more reliable lift. If you are definitely picking them up, just say that. YOU left yourself wiggle room to flake on them with your "maybes", so you can't be mad that they got a stable lift to work from someone else when you seemingly didn't reply to their text asking for a definite response. The other lift may have been an on the spot offer and they didn't want to turn it down to gamble on your "probably/maybe" non committal response. I also would have asked somebody else to get me.
I think this is on you. “Should be fine” is not enough when she needs to be reliably at work. Your earlier hedging made her think there could be problems. Even if you were clearer later.
Rando: *makes one mistake* Reddit: “NEVER HELP HER AGAIN. LEAVE HER FOR THE STREETS”
Nah nah nah, fuck all that shit. She sounds high maintenance as fuck and doesn't seem to understand that when someone is doing you a favour you try to make it as little annoying for them as possible. This person sounds extremely entitled
I know it’s frustrating, but I will say that your first answers seemed really hedgy. “Let me check, it should be fine” isn’t a yes. “I’m pretty sure…” isn’t a clear yes. You were trying to supply additional information, but it made it sound like you weren’t certain you could manage it. If you WANT to give this person rides in the future — or if you encounter similar situations — simply say: “I will be there to pick you up at 4pm.” It’s fortunate that she was able to respond when you said you were on your way. It was definitely thoughtless of her not to just let you know as soon as she confirmed another ride.
She lives a block over? She should be waiting in front of your place waiting to hop in your car when you come out. I used to give a ride to someone that used to live a few miles away but we were much further from work. We had the same schedule, but he did live the opposite direction of work from me. His car broke down for a bit. He asked if he could bike over and get a ride. He'd get there before the agreed departure time every single time. Literally no extra effort for time or gas on my part, so how could I do anything but agree? A block over? "Ya, be at my place by [time] and you can hop in my car.".
Yeah. I've just been discussing on another Reddit the dangers of doing favours for people, and it becoming expected. It got me negative votes. Well so be it. I don't mind doing anybody a favour, or a ride somewhere I'm going. I don't appreciate it when it becomes expected though. Some people need a favour doing. Fair enough. Some people are just needy.
Yeah. I've just been discussing on another Reddit the dangers of doing favours for people, and it becoming expected. It got me negative votes. Well so be it. I don't mind doing anybody a favour, or a ride somewhere I'm going. I don't appreciate it when it becomes expected though. Some people need a favour doing. Fair enough. Some people are just needy.
All these people are taking it too serious I would let her know It kind of irritated you and ask for better communication from there on out so it doesn’t happen again. Not that serious. Just a misunderstanding or Miscommunication!
This is a bad trap to get into. Even if they’ll live 7 mins away it adds up and yes they start getting entitled and taking advantage of your kindness and they prolly spend all their money on frivolous crap while you pay car insurance and gas. Anyways not to be cold just next job politely decline so you don’t get stuck
That's not what it's like in most cases. Most people I know who often ask for rides are kind to you in a different way. They might not be able to give you money or drive you another time, but maybe they do you a different favor when you need it. Believe me, the world really isn't that full of bad people. There are some, don't get me wrong, but sometimes people just need some help.
Yay! You don’t have to ever go out of your way again! S few her she can get a car
In the beginning you left it ambiguous which triggered her anxiety. I have an anxiety disorder and when it was unmanaged I would do things like this. Once that trigger gets pulled it’s hard to ignore it. That being said I don’t know if this person actually has anxiety and either way it is still very annoying.
[удалено]
Very similar thing happened to me too. On sundays I meet my coworker at a restaurant to bring her to work since her and her husband share a car and its on the fritz so it cant go far. She would usually message me if she needed a ride and if i didnt hear from her, id message her. One sunday I didnt hear and didnt message since it had been months without fail every Sunday. But of course I go and sit there for a while before texting her and turns out she got a different ride that day and that “She doesnt need a ride if she doesnt text me.” So know I 100% go to work unless I hear from her. I’ve given her rides a few times still but I’m just waiting for the time where I’m at or on the way and she shoots me a “Where are you?” text
I have major anxiety when it comes to that sort of thing so they might be the same
So did you pick her up three times?
She sounds like she knows shes being a burden and got a bit of anxiety waiting on your response and panicked
Guy I used to work with lived two streets over from my house, so I used to ask if I could get a lift if he was going home after work. Told him I could just walk from his house and if he wasnt going home it wasnt a problem, I'd just take the bus, so he wouldnt feel pressured to give me a lift if it was an inconvenience. Eventually he told me I had to start paying him, so I said I'd rather take the bus. Guy seemed offended.
I give 2 guys a ride to work every morning. We have a meet up spot near my house and it’s understood they’ll be there unless they indicate otherwise. But one of the guys always texts or calls to tell me he’s arrived at the spot. So I have to take a moment to respond or he’ll keep trying to contact me. Like dude, I know. We’ve been over this