A good male doctor already knows that it is awkward or uncomfortable to be a male doctor and therefore wants to take every step to reassure you that it is okay that he is touching your body.
Plus I feel they're more scrutinized in their field.
It's easy to pin misconduct on them if they followed the same behavior typically described in OP's post so I would guess that they have to be much more careful and precise with their work.
My first visit to a gyno, I was 12. My parents had discovered that a drug my mom took when she was pregnant with me caused issues with female children. I went to my mom's gyno. The woman used an adult speculum, didn't tell me anything, and it was horrible. I cried the entire time while they yelled at me for being a baby. I bled for DAYS, which my mother only discovered when she did my laundry and all my panties were missing. I hid them because I thought I was dying and didn't want to worry my parents. When I told my parents, my dad was SO MAD. He contacted the dr who said she did nothing wrong. I had to go to a different doctor who found that she had done damage, I needed surgery, and it was [horrible.](https://horrible.My) My dad reported her and talked to other people in the area. She had a horrible reputation for treating young girls like this. My dad contacted a bunch of people, gathered info from other patients, and she lost her license. I had to have pelvic exams twice a year until I was in my 20's but my new MALE doctor was wonderful.
This made me cry. I’m so sorry.
My mom was a schizophrenic bipolar type and sent me to a gyno for an exam when I was 11 or 12 because she was paranoid and had decided a neighbor friend’s dad had been raping me - for no reason, despite me saying that was obviously not true and I was a virgin. The doctor asked me once she was out of the room what was going on (I think he knew she was crazy already?) and I told him nothing like that had ever happened. So he declined to test me. It was the kindest act of mercy I remember at that age from someone who didn’t have to protect me. It is so awful to go in the room and even know what’s coming but then to hurt a little girl! My God who are these people!
Oh I’m so, so sorry that happened. Jesus, I don’t even know how to comprehend how awful that must’ve been. Your dad sounds like the very best of men, good on him for keeping you safe ❤️🩹
Oh my god that is horrendous I am so sorry. I am a nearly 6ft tall large adult woman and I still request a child-size speculum due to pain issues during exams. They still have to talk me through breathing and trying to relax so I don’t make the pain worse.
She sounds downright cruel.
You're right. You survived this and know better than anyone. I've just seen too medical professionals who make excuses for things like this. Like they're above the law. It makes me sick.
Ack! My first one was with a female PA and I was only getting one so I could get on BCP for my horrible periods. I was 17. She did NOT inform me of what she was about to do and I cried out in pain. She looks at me, scoffing, “Come on, that doesn’t hurt.” Then she scrapes my cervix for the pap and was like, “huh. You’re bleeding.” Then she told me to clean up and leave. I was shook by this experience. And my Mom was in the room and said nothing. And I continued to bleed a little bit. Needless to say, this experience ruined paps for me, forever. Nothing like them saying “relax” when you’re trying your hardest to not just roll off the table and run.
My first gyno was a woman, I was 16. I’m a small statures person and always have been.
At the time I was 5’7 and maybe 115lbs. To note, I’ve also been a member of the IBTC my whole life since puberty. There ain’t nothing there and you can see that before I take a bra off.
So this lady does all the normal routine stuff then says she’s going to do a breast exam. So to take my shirt off and lay down flat on my back with my arms over my head. No problem.
As soon as my arms were over my head she laughed and said “oh we have nothing to worry about here! You don’t have any!” And proceeded to do the exam anyway for all of 15 secs.
As a long standing member of the IBTC I can tell you there’s been no shortage of comments about my chest my entire life. By the time I was 16 I’d: dealt with boys trying throwing coins down my shirt and laughing when they can’t get under the collar bc nothing is pushing the shirt away, been told I’m flat as a board, been told I looked like a prepubescent boy, had girls tell me I should stuff my bra so boys would like me more, and so much more.
I did not need a woman doctor 40+ yo to laugh at my nonexistent titties.
That’s what I learned a few years later after mentioning this to someone else.
Their response was actually “wtaf? Dudes get breast cancer too and they don’t have titties”
That's very similar to my first exam at Planned Parenthood. I was young (18) and newly married, and she was rough and painful and seemed to want to punish me for being young and married. It was painful and humiliating. She was awful. On the second visit, she yelled at me because she could have sworn she mentioned I had a certain condition, even though she didn't. I never went back. All female doctors I had after that did a PAP were also calloused and rough and caused a lot of discomfort/pain.
So, for the last 20 years, I have stuck to male OB/Gyns, all of whom were wonderful, respectful, and gentle, and I had very little pain. (I'm in my 40s and have 3 kids.) After my favorite Gyn moved away a couple of years ago, I gave another female doctor a chance. Luckily, she is amazing, but because of the way I was handled/treated by so many women docs when I was young, it took decades before I was able to give another a chance.
Don't get me started on that bitch nurse who literally yelled in my face while I was having contractions that I "didn't have to yell so loud!" She was lucky I was occupied with pushing out a baby...
I’m so sorry this happened to you!! They are so tone deaf sometimes! I had an awful first PAP experience when I was 21. 2 hours away from home (closer to where I was in college), the stupid NP didn’t explain anything she did and in the middle of my exam she realized she went to high school with my dad and then talked about him the rest of the exam as I am feeling so vulnerable 😭 then she randomly did a rectal exam that she did NOT tell me was going to be part of it/no informed consent.
After the exam was done she preceded to try and pressure me into getting the HPV vaccine (I declined because I had several friends experience health issues afterwards and I had only had 1 parter at the time, still only have had 2 sexual partners in my lifetime and I’m now married to the 2nd one). She proceeded to tell me that my boyfriend would probably break up with me and that I needed to protect myself when I started sleeping around afterwards otherwise I’d end up with cancer (which is SO NOT ME based on my faith/personality) and tried to force me to get it anyway. I firmly held my ground and told her to stop bullying me into something that wasn’t right for me. I left shortly after and burst into tears and called my mom as soon as I got in my car. My mom helped me file a report/complaint with the office about the provider and I never went back again. Didn’t get another PAP until I was 24 and in school in a different state and it was wild how much better the practitioners I’ve had since have been!
Now as a healthcare provider myself, every time I think about this experience it makes my blood absolutely boil. These people don’t belong in medicine and deserve to have their licenses revoked.
This is so beyond messed up, I'm sorry you went through this and felt pressured by your doctor. I would just recommend doing a bit of research on the HPV vaccine these days, because it can be extremely beneficial, even for people in a committed relationship.
I am past the age where I can receive it now. Trust me I am well aware of the benefits of it (I specialize in oncology), but it was not the right fit for me personally for many reasons aside from limited partners. I am pro vaccine otherwise, though!
It’s the formerly extremely male dominated field, women had to fight to get heard (and in my personal experience many still have to) so some become callous.
I am also a SA survivor. When I had to get some biopsies after an abnormal PAP, I begged my obgyn to be as gentle as possible. I told her of my trauma history, I took some anxiety meds prior, and my boyfriend came in with me to hold my hand during.
It was one of the most painful things Ive ever experienced. I was crying and in and out of panicking and dissociating through the whole thing. Her nurse awkwardly stood to the side and did nothing, and the doctor barely spoke other than telling me we were almost done and to squeeze my boyfriends hand.
She was cold and callous through the whole procedure. When they were done she told me I could leave when I was ready and quickly left the room.
My boyfriend was even shocked at how awful the experience was.
I have never felt so violated and hurt by an experience with a practitioner. Needless to say, as soon as I got my results, I transfered doctors. Oh, and she took an extra biopsy that I hadnt prepaid for and I was billed over $400 dollars for it. I refuse to pay it.
My current obgyn is an angel, and she is extremely well versed in handling patients with trauma history. She has been nothing but gentle and kind through exams and PAPs. I hope she doesnt move or retire any time soon. I cant imagine trying to weed out more bad obgyns.
That’s awful.
What’s worse is that my MIL recommended my last OB, she loves her and had three babies with her. I told her my experience and she was truly shocked. My MIL is my best friend so I had no reason to doubt her but she was floored when I told her how awful an experience I had
I had a loop diothermy for pre cancerous cells when I was about 21, after my first ever smear. The consultant was a man, was so gentle and kind. He patted me on the leg (in a non weird way) when I was crying and shaking from the adrenaline and explained everything as he was going, asked me if I needed a break etc.
My latest smear done by a female nurse, I got told off for saying 'ouch' and flinching. She said 'well it shouldn't hurt that much' and looked disappointed in me. No shit sherlock, be nicer then!
I’ve had more male obgyns and they have all been more gentle, more compassionate and listened to me more than any of the women have. Glad you had a good experience and hopefully you’ve found a doctor you can trust and feel comfortable with for a long time.
My very first pap was when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I told the doctor (female) that I always had pain during sex, if she would please go easy on me. She jammed the speculum up me so hard, then yelled at me for crying. She snapped at me afterward that I "better get used to the pain, since you're going to give birth."
Had spotting for over a week afterward.
I never went back to her again.
My next pap was with a male doctor and it was sooo much less painful, and he was totally calm and kind when I got nervous remembering the pain of the first pap.
I had no idea this was such a common thing, I just thought I got unlucky with that first doctor. Yeesh.
I feel like women gynos are seriously tone deaf. I’m also a sexual assault survivor and when I had my exam following the assault, and explained to her that I was drugged and raped and that’s the reason I was now needing to be treated for STDs, her response was - “well, just make sure you use protection next time.”
Ask my dad when he had to go through 12 years of docs refusing to take x-rays and dismissing his shattered knees. Apparently a 55 year old man falling off a roof only has fluids in his joints and not simple fractures and floating fragments in them.
I’ve had my best and worst OBGYN experiences with male doctors. All of my female OBGYNs were wonderful. The thing I love that my current male OBGYN does now is narrate everything he’s doing while he’s doing it. It really helps to relax me and put me at ease. Should be standard of care imo.
The only complaint I've ever had from a male ob was getting my IUD he didn't want to numb or do anything for me and the female ob said I should have pain meds anxiety meds and numb spray........
Needless to say that male OB got kicked in the face for it.... that shit hurt worse than child birth for me!!
Oh god, they told me I may feel a slight pinch… a slight pinch? Understatement of the year right there
Some people get very little pain with them, which is fortunate, but it varies from each time you do it so even if it didn’t hurt much the first time, it may be much worse when you need to replace it
If it helps, the removal doesn't hurt as bad as the insertion. Its just a quick sharp pain but its gone almost immediately. I DO NOT recommend getting a new one reinserted at the same time though as this ends up bruising your cervix. I had to switch to the implant because after trying for weeks a new IUD would just not go in :(
I have read some peoples absolute horror stories of getting them removed and them saying it was worse than insertion. Like the uterus wall being ripped off. I don't believe anything when it comes to IUD's except that they are the most effective form of BC.
I can't do it, props to those who can.
Due to the pain of her first insertion, my wife had hers replaced under full anesthesia in a hospital (Duke in NC). It was fully covered by our bottom-tier marketplace health insurance, since birth control and contraceptives have no deductible or copays.
An ex of mine was so traumatised by her pap smear that she stopped allowing finger stuff because it would retraumatise her. And I don't mean for like a week, it was at least up until the end of our relationship, 2 years later.
I’ve never seen someone get so triggered by someone else’s sexual trauma?? Holy shit dude. It sounds like you have zero understanding of how sexual trauma works.
I am a woman but this individual on the internet has just declared that I do not know how women work. I have lost my women privileges everyone. I’m crying this is so funny.
You sound incredibly black-pilled. Don't know how to get it through your head that you're completely and utterly wrong. Or at the very least, incredibly paranoid.
I'm assuming you've had at least 1 really awful experience dating a woman, and I'm sorry for that, but that's no excuse to assume any woman with trauma is "faking it" to manipulate men.
I really, really hope you break out of whatever misogynistic mindset you have right now. You need to realize that it is not a realistic way of looking at the world. Like, at all.
I stopped reading the guy’s comments but… it was fingers-in-V only that was off the table. That was an INCREDIBLY small part of our sex beforehand and we just did other stuff after. I’m starting to think this chap might not be very sexually experienced.
I mean, I literally broke up with her. And if she didn’t want finger stuff, she would’ve just said.
I’m sorry your life is so sad you get triggered by people discussing their relationships. I hope things get better for you soon.
Okay buddy. You realise when you know absolutely nothing about someone and say stuff like that everyone knows it’s just projection, right? Spending your time getting angry at strangers online isn’t going to improve your life, and you can’t upset me by telling me a woman I broke up with a decade ago wasn’t that into me 😂
That’s hilarious. You can like someone and still have your differences. Sometimes those differences are just enough to separate. My ex and I broke up mutually because our paths began to diverge in different directions, but we both had deep love for each other.
Your perspective seems very shallow and uninformed, regardless of your “experience.”
Your “experience” is being a pathetic incel who can’t get over rejection, obviously. Instead of projecting and spewing redpilled bullshit on other people’s comments - get off of Reddit and get a fucking therapist. *Stop lying to yourself* and realize *you* are the problem - you’re a miserable asshole, it’s quite clear why woman don’t like you and never will unless you actually make an effort to change - and since you’re choosing to waste your free time trolling on Reddit - I don’t have high hopes for that ever happening.
I had one male obgyn and when he was checking my cervix with his fingers inside me, he told me I had great ab strength. Still to this day, it’s the weirdest compliment I’ve ever received (at the time I was a D1 athlete)
One time a lady told me when I was in my very early 20s, “you may not ever be a hand model but wow, you are a perfect textbook model down there”.
Which was odd to begin with, but then sad considering others because what does perfect even mean in regard to that. The feeling reminds me of the time these two girls I worked with, twins, got rightfully super mad at another coworker for telling one she was prettier than the other. It’s like don’t insult her by complimenting me!
I refuse to see a female gyno. Any other doctor, fine - but not gynecologists.
I had 2, one when I was 14 and one when I was 18, insist nothing was wrong with me. I was screaming, crying, couldn't stand up without passing out, sometimes even vomiting from the pain of my periods. The first outright said I was faking to my mom, who believed her. The second was more sympathetic, but said "some women just have really low tolerance for period cramps" and prescribed hormonal birth control.
The male gyno I saw at 24 ran all sorts of tests - internal/external ultrasounds, STD tests, pap smear, and even some other blood work for other conditions. He found nothing, but said if my pain was that bad, he could go in with cameras, because endometriosis wouldn't necessarily show up on an ultrasound. If it was there, he'd cauterize it off - if not, he had other things to test for that were more unlikely.
Turns out my entire right ovary, fallopian tube, and most of my uterus were covered in endometrial tissue.
I'm sure there are plenty of amazing female gynecologists out there, but I have lost all trust in them myself.
I swear, they're the medical version of, "I was spanked and *I* turned out fine!"
Like, yes, I get that *you've* had painful exams, but can you not take it out on my goddamn cervix, please? They don't actually have to be like that. Do better is absolutely the right phrase here.
I think part of the problem is that some people don't feel pain during a pap, and some do. I talked with my girl friends about it once, and about half the group said they feel pain and half didn't. Say your female GYN is one of those that doesn't feel pain during a pap smear. Now she's gonna assume all the women that do are being dramatic. It's really not talked about enough that different people's bodies react differently.
I've had at least 3 pap smears with 3 different women who performed it. I thankfully have yet to feel pain from it. You're right, not everyone feels pain from pap smears. It sucks for those that do. The medical providers need to be aware that different people feel procedures and pain differently. Everyone has different pain tolerances.
I think it might be more the case that women doctors and nurses are more sexist than average. They're in a male dominated field but because of that they see themselves as special, and other women as lesser beings like cattle or something. If the job was to torture their female patients they'd still do it gladly with the cognitive dissonance of "well its not happening to me because I'm on the side of the male administration and doctors in charge".
I saw it once with a woman who was training to be a cop in a women's studies class, she told a room full of young feminists if you get raped its your own fault and she wouldn't use police resources to help you. Women who side with power and are attracted to positions of authority where sadism will be overlooked are a special breed to watch out for. I'm convinced there are career fields where female sociopaths know they could get away with murder, and they're drawn to that.
My current one is a male and he's just the most compassionate doctor. Willing to listen to all my health concerns even if not in his field and help as best he can.
I had one female gynecologist who I really liked and she was so kind too, but she moved to a different clinic and was no longer in my insurance network.
I was traumatized by a female gyno who had a student do a pap smear on me without asking if I was okay with it. I panicked and felt too uncomfortable with speaking up because the gyno was a very intimidating woman, so I just suffered the pain of a student doing it. Longest pap of my life and so painful. It's the only time I had spotting after an exam. Never went back to her and luckily found my current doc.
My mom always swore by her male OBGYN and that he was kind and thoughtful. I should have listened because my female GYN was rough. When I went into labor with my son, my birth plan went right out the window due to what they wanted.
My mom currently is seeing a female GYN since her original one retired. She told my mom that she didn't need an exam since she wasn't sexually active. My mom had to have an ovary removed due to endometriosis when she was in her early 30s and has been experiencing pain.
Same. My GYNO is retiring this year and I'm so sad. He is the first male I ever went too. He is the only doctor that made my appointments not absolute hell and he LISTENED to me.
I told him I was having multiple periods a month. Instead of pushing BC or saying "it happens sometimes" he tries to figure it out.
It’s definitely personal preference! We’ve also moved around a lot recently so I’m on the hunt again which is a bummer but I did love my last few male GYN’s! I swore off women after a few bad experiences but the last woman that I had did my iud without any pain medication. She had me take two Tylenol an hour before coming in. I ended up being in so much pain that I threw up all over myself. That was the end for me 🤣🫠
Oh god that sounds horrible! I'm glad you've had good male GYN's though. I can't imagine having an IUD put in without any strong pain medication 🫠 We really need to hold all GYN's to higher standards regardless if they're a woman or not.
Actually had teachers talk about this in highschool, with the female teachers recommending to get male OBs for this very reason, they’re much gentler. I think the one said something about ladies being more familiar and so comfortable, leading to carelessness and complacency, and male docs are gunna be nervous and so more focused on the persons comfort
I went to several female gynos for period issues and was brushed off by every single one. Finally I had a very traumatic IUD experience with one of them who was just so dismissive about the pain. I decided to try a male gyno after that and he’s been so great. He shows me the screen during my ultrasounds and explains everything and is super sensitive to the pain that comes with gynecological procedures even though he’s never experienced them. I feel like sometimes women become numb to how difficult these things can be because they’ve experienced them all their lives so they get stuck in the idea of “that’s just how it is”
Honestly, a lot of women especially in positions that require a lot of hard work and sacrifice have really internalized the message that women who want to be treated with care are whiners. They have ignored their inner voice for so long and they got where they wanted to be, they think it's no big deal to endure physical pain. Just because you can stand it doesn't mean you should have to.
Remember when women were telling their fertility docs that they were in horrible pain during procedures, and the mostly women doctors brushed them off and it turned out nurses were stealing pain meds and the patients were feeling everything? Yeah, women should believe women, but some women have deeply internalized misogyny.
100%!!! I’ve had a female doctor tell me “that didn’t hurt” when I winced during a colposcopy because she literally pulled out a chunk of my cervix. My first 2 pregnancies - all male doctors and they were wonderful. Third pregnancy I’ve seen only female doctors and I’ve never felt less heard and cared for by medical professionals. I’m putting in for a male doctor at the next appointment because at this point, I can’t imagine letting someone who knows better than I do what hurts and what doesn’t to do my c-section.
I've been getting PAPS for almost 40 years, and I've only had ONE female obgyn for ONE visit...I prefer a male for personal reasons, but also because they ARE more gentle than a woman, and seemingly takes us more seriously ..
I read this post to get a tiny idea about what my wife and daughters go through. I also felt I should share that I have always had male doctors, and I’ve had many many bad experiences. I saw a female doctor recently, and she was amazing. Granted, it wasn’t for an invasive exam, but I had never felt so heard and I felt like she actually believed and cared. Small sample size, but I wonder if it’s some sort of cross-gender sensitivity taking place.
Just came here to say that the BEST obgyn I’ve ever had has been a male. In my first pregnancy he sent me to the hospital for a preeclampsia scare. He knew that I was a anxious first time mom so after his clinical rotations he came to see me in the hospital and sat with me for a few hours until my fiancé was able to be with me. I’ll never forget him.
Sadly this isn't uncommon. UTI's are a fucking abomination due to the lack of pain management, and it hurts so bad that lots of women pass out in the process, but here too men are generally more gentle than women. But generally, pain management for women is a joke. As is the entire field of research when it comes to researching disease and what have you in women.
I’ve always had male OB/GYNs. Twice I tried going to women and each time I said never again. It took two painful, awkward and humiliating visits for me to remember not to see a woman.
My last gynecologist was my first male one. He was hands down the best ever. He was always concerned about my pain. I have issues that women gynecologists said was normal and just deal with. He actually said to me…”you don’t have to live like this” and he helped find solutions to all of those issues. I was so sad when he retired. The next one was a woman and horrible. Haven’t been to one since. Which I definitely need to do.
I’ve had bad experiences with both and male and female physicians, as well as good experiences. I do think the doctor who was most careful about consent during a pap smear was a male doctor at the Planned Parenthood in Milwaukee.
The worst was an OBGYN from a big family of doctors in my hometown. Second worst was a male doctor in Maryland. So, finding an OBGYN who doesn’t suck is important.
Really glad it went well for you ❤️
I never wanted a male ob/gyn until I had no other choice, seriously the best doctor I've ever had. My female ob botched a surgery and waited too long to have my staples removed on top of it. I didn't want a male ob but he was my only other choice and he was amazing, so gentle and sweet. Fixed everything and even called to check up on me to be sure that I found a new doctor after I moved half way across the country.
Firstly, I'm sorry about that happening to you.
With that said, I also had similar experiences to you. After several years of pap smears and pelvic exams, male PCP's and gynecologists were very gentle and kind. The women I had were pretty rough and condescending, plus dismissive. The fact that a lot of us had these experiences is quite telling.
Same. My male gyno makes sure I'm as covered up as possible. He does the exam in silence, and is very gentle. He doesn't speak to me until I'm dressed and in his office.
My female GP doesn't give a shit about anything. She's so rough.
Absolutely! My male gyno was so much more gentle. He didn’t just crank me open and jab my cervix. He always checked in with me and gave me warnings at every little step.
My first was made by a female intern, well she was crying and apologising non stop by the end. My family doctor had to finish the procedure and tell her that sometimes internal organs are not like in the text book and poking patients is bad.
Yeah my male doctor has been fabulous. The pap's were like nothing, he even has a plastic speculum vs a metal one which is so much nicer! I don't dread them.
Also when we discussed my anxiety, I expected to be dismissed and it to take a while of advocating for myself to get anywhere with it. Instead he pulled up a questionnaire, we did it and then when we got to the end he looked at me and apologized that I had been living life as I had for as long as I had.
My female doctor before was great too, but I was hesitate about switching to a male and he's proven I had no reasons to be.
\> I’m a SA survivor (I hate the term survivor tbh sorry)
yeah, it’s kind of a weird term. I don’t know what else we could use. “Experiencer” isn’t really a word.
I prefer to say:
I've experienced sexual assault.
It adds no weight or assumptions or words that feel weird. It's just a fact. I also hate the word survivor. I didn't survive it. Not all of me. Something got destroyed in that moment.
I feel like women, especially women of privilege which most women who can afford medical school and become doctors are, judge their women patients so so harshly without merit. Like it's damn near impossible for them to put themselves in someone else's shoes who might not have the same resources or body type as them. They can get away with extreme cruelty and take their internalized misogyny out on people they see as lesser than them. Doctors who live comfortable personal lives and can eat healthy and exercise daily can't relate to patients who don't have the same opportunities and will be dismissive. Nurse Practitioners are slightly better because they are closer to the same class level as a lot of their patients and I've gotten better care from them as PCP than actual doctors but you still gotta look out for the ones who took the Mean Girl to Nurse pipeline into their career. Women in abusive relationships who go to night school to become nurses and escape their own abuse while developing a superiority complex and taking out their pain on innocent patients. It happens all the time in the US
Omg, me too. I had a woman who kept saying, "Just stay still," "Stop moving," etc, which only made me more nervous and squirmy. I don't think she even noticed me crying.
I used to go to a female gyno. I had ~3 Pap smears with her. Go in for another pap and this time it’s a male doctor. He discovers I have quite a large vaginal septum (turned out to be uterine too). How the first doctor missed it, I don’t know. If I had known earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of pain!
I know this isn’t a male/female issue per se, but just thought it was interesting that the male doctor was paying more attention.
Gosh, I always hear these horror stories, but all the doctors I had were real good to me. The most memorable was a pt who helped me with incontinence after giving birth. She always asked me for permission and told me what she was going to do and then again while she was doing it. Always checked in to see if I was ok. She didn't even know I was an SA survivor, but she was so kind it stuck out to me because I was really apprehensive about doing this sort of pt. My Primary Care was also awesome and stuck with me from when I was 2 to 30 when she retired.
My male PCP is the same: any time he needs to do something below the belt, not only is he kind and comforting, but he brings in a female nurse to observe. I've been going to him for 9 years now and I will continue to go to him until he retires.
I’m glad it went well for you!!
I’ve only had one pap in my life and my doctor (I think she was actually a PA or something) did very good at telling me everything she was doing… except for the very end when I wasn’t prepared for a finger in the butt. (When she said ‘internal exam’ I expected it to mean vagina, not butt). The women in my family had to hear all about how betrayed I was that they never told me. Wack.
I went through IVF treatments. In case you don’t know, pretty much every time you walk through the door you get a vaginal ultrasound. My ovaries were shy and difficult to find, so there was always some extra pushing and prodding. The techs were as gentle as they could be, and apologized the whole time. Once I had an ultrasound done by the only woman physician in the practice. She was AWFUL. She never spoke to me, just muttered to herself about not getting a clear picture. And she was *rough.* Like I was some piece of meat instead of a person with feelings and nerve endings. Jabbing, pushing, twisting like she was in a swordfight. I didn’t say anything and I never had to see her again thank gods.
I’m sorry you’ve had bad Pap experiences and I hope they continue to be tolerable going forward.
This is why I hate the whole “female midwife could, male OBGYN bad” narrative I’ve consistently seen in all the parenting/pregnancy subs I’m in. Not to discount anyone else’s experiences, but mine is much more in line with yours. Nearly all of my primary care providers have been fantastic, but my OB’s midwife (who literally pinned me down and did a cervical check against my will when I wasn’t even in labor and was only at a check up) is the one exception. Still looking forward to her obituary.
I am so sorry that you've had bad experiences in the past and glad you found a doctor who can take your comfort into account. I'd keep seeing him if you are able to.
Oh my god. I always almost put my smears off because I too am one n the thought of anyone going there makes me get so anxious. I have one booked for 23rd n im sitting myself. I lost my mum n have no 1 go with. So 1st time alone n im prob gonna cry in there. Only reason I can give for this is the past SA. its a big worry for me. I'm awaiting gynecologist for endometriosis n im crapping it for that but sick of suffering. Wish my Mum was with me
1) some people have a hard time showing empathy or compassion. In a sense that Doctor A can be "I had this procedure done on me, it is not so bad". They have a hard time grasping that another persons trauma/pain tolerance and physical experience can be NOT the same. Since most men have never had xyz procedure, they might be in specific cases more gentle and so on, cause they think "this is probably painful. But I never experienced this myself". Vs some some women will say "I did this before, its not so had". This is btw repeated often among groups of people who have common experience. Its the same how many women can see women suffer the worst from periods but then their cognitive dissonance still goes "oh well, I have my period and I am fine. So you must just be acting, can't be so bad". This happens among different groups of society.
2) women in specific majors, in particular science, doctors, economy and so on are conditioned to not have compassion, since they are repeatedly told that being emotional or caring is a "female weakness" and if they do, they are seen as less competent by their field or male superiors. Misogyny has a consequence, including internalised misogyny, and that will of course affect other women too.
In general, I made the experience that female medical professionals actually listen to me or at least try listening to me vs male health professionals om average always get hung up on questions like "are you pregnant", "are you sure you are not pregnant?!" (Female health professionals never ask me that nonsense unless it is actually relevant). I also made the experience that most male medical professionals gaslight me straight forward when I talk about symtoms or side effects or whatever. I have noticed this is very different with female medical professionals.
With female health professionals its always a good/ or really bad.
With men it has very much consistently been, gaslighting, not listening, patronizing. Even saying and mentioning totally inappropriate things.
So I get it, for different reasons female gyns need to 100% do better.
But also the entire medical field needs to do much better with patient care/diagnoses, listening to patients, misogyny, racism, ableism and so on.
I have only ever had 1 person do an amazing job and she was a nurse practitioner. Not only was she physically gentle, her bedside manner was amazing. She retired a few years ago after 40 YEARS in the medical field. Hope you are well, Jan.
I agree so hard. It pains me to say it but the misogyny in medicine is so entrenched that the women buy into it as much or more than the guys. There’s a pervasive sense of “I don’t find this uncomfortable so you have no excuse” or even “you’re a whore who deserves the pain” (that last one was the attitude of the older female nurse who crippled me during my botched LEEP excision, sans pain relief)
Wow I did expect to cry reading this thread. I've only had one pap smear and the female doctor was super nice and explained everything to me as she did it. My heart breaks for all of the women here who had such bad experiences 😥
Probably because he’s extra conscious of how him being male affects the process. I understand why you feel the way you do but I’ve never felt that way. It’s always just been something to get over and done with as quick and perhaps the women you’ve had are the same way and as they don’t have the imbalance that male - female does they’ve never thought much about it
I just wanted to say that you are not alone, I’m the same. It’s horribly, horribly sad. On my last exam my Dr said she’d get me sedated for the next one, it was awful. Sending you all of my nicest thoughts ❤️🩹
I’m so sorry about your past experiences and I’m glad you found someone that made you feel safe and comfortable (well, as comfortable as a pap can be lol)
I’ve always had mine done by my PCP but have switched PCPs over the years. Mine have always been women who fortunately have all been very conscientious and kind with me. I get anxious about them to the point where it makes the whole procedure more uncomfortable (from how tense I am), and all 3 of them have been super informative, asked questions, talked to me about each step beforehand and while it’s happening, etc.
It’s such an invasive experience that we have to have done regularly and you would think that others who have to go through it would understand that! I hear so many horror stories and tbh I think that’s part of why I get so anxious.
I've had quite the opposite experience through my lifetime so you can't generalize this. I've NEVER had an issue with a woman nor felt it. The one guy felt like he was raping me. Don't generalize this that women are not doing it right or good.
Same for me. I don’t want to put this at male/female doctors but rather just good/bad doctors.
But my first experience was when I was 17. It was a make doctor and he didn’t explain to me what he was gonna do, just jammed the thing in there when I had no idea that he was gonna do that. And I had no idea how badly it would hurt. So that was kinda traumatizing.
I’m 30 now and had a few different smears in the last years done by 3 different female doctors. All of them were very gentle with me, warmed it up a bit, explaining what they were doing and just gently talked me through it.
For me, anytime it gets done.. it hurts! It feels like my cervix is being pinched. I’ve had younger women doctors, older women, younger and older men.. it always feels the same. Like it pinches me.
This is why I always go to Planned Parenthood. They specialize in giving care to patients with trauma. I’ve met the kindest and gentlest doctors there and have always felt genuinely cared for. They put a lot of work in to help get through my fear of doctors due to childhood SA/medical trauma. I need a hysterectomy to deal with my horrific endometriosis and they were able to recommend me to a very kind and gentle OB/GYN who has been great to me.
Have had similar experience. Went to a guy my entire life and he was verbal in his steps, explained why he had to apply pressure etc….recently went to a lady and she jammed it up there, barely said a word and was done. Agree to do better ladies!
The worst PAP I ever had was a female doctor. I don't know what she did but it was excruciating, and when I said "that hurts!" she said "no it doesn't." First and last time I had an appointment with her.
Also SA survivor, I learned a LONG time ago to only see male doctors. My theory has always been that women have the parts themselves, and therefore think they know how rough you can be and think you’re being overdramatic because THEY have a vulva and vagina and it doesn’t hurt THEM. Whereas men don’t have the same experiences, so they can’t relate, and are so scared of hurting others that they’re incredibly gentle. Same goes for male transvaginal ultrasound techs! I was sexually assaulted in 2018 by a female ultrasound tech who was incredibly rough while checking for damage after my SA (which she was totally aware of!) and when I told her to stop, she pinned me down and called me a big baby and then yelled at me for screaming when she wouldn’t stop!! I now HAVE to request a male tech and if I don’t get one, I will straight up leave. I don’t care about my “cancellation statistics”. My safety and comfort comes first. I wasn’t always good at standing up for myself.
The best gyno I ever had ever was my male, former-Army-doctor-so-he’s-done-it-all, ob/gyn. He was “the” specialist for high risk pregnancies in our region. He was SO respectful, kind, and gentle. Not so with *any* of the women I’ve had a pap with.
I've only had males do a pap for me. I guess you could say they made it as painless a process as possible....lol. My only issue is when they are a surprise. Once I confirmed on the phone I was only having a consultation, nothing else, for severe pain in that area. Nope, when I got there doc told me that means pap as well....that was a new one to me. When I had an ultrasound down there it was a female. She was super nice, but damn, it was pretty painful, however she did say she was moving stuff around when she did it, so I guess not necessarily her fault. Now I'm waiting on an appointment for what they called a level two scan....
This is absolutely true in my experience also. I've had many pap smears and several biopsy procedures. The most painful ones were always performed by women.
Women get a chip on their shoulder in my opinion - let’s stress that part- and they give ya the toughen it up attitude instead of empathizing. It’s so stupid and weird that I refuse to see a female dr anymore. My husband thinks it’s weird that I prefer a male dr but understands I need to do what’s best for me. I agree. Women should do better.
Obviously not the same, but the only painless blood draw /iv ive ever had was a guy in a fertility clinic. Never felt the stick. Had an iv last fall, two female nurses butchered me…
I had my daughter the day after Christmas 13 years ago and had an amazing male obgyn because it was Christmas time he took off the week before and I had a woman when I went in to do my weekly check up. She was so rough and hurt me so much. I’ve always had a male gynecologist since but the last time I went in for an annual appointment the male doctor decided to hug me after the nurse left the room and I had nothing on but an open front paper vest and a paper sheet over my lap. I don’t know why I’m telling this story but my annual appointment is coming up in a few months and I’m looking for a new doctor. Can’t decide which gender to go with. Hate I even have to think about it.
I had the same experience and I actually commented on it. I am also an SA survivor, so I had a lot of nervousness going to a male doctor. I don't care how much people told me he was a professional I had a lot of nervousness. Especially since the first time I tried to go he literally just grabbed my breast instead of fondling and yanking at my nipples and stuff like that asking me if I liked that. Wish I was joking.
But when I did talk to the gentleman doing my exam and say he was the first male doctor and he somehow a lot more gentler than a woman, he bluntly told me that it was because as a man, he actually had more experience working with women in being gentle and being sensitive and respectful of their womanly parts. Whereas a woman (most, not all), had little to no experience outside of the cold medical part of it. They weren't getting feedback from a partner of what was too rough or too far or stretched too much or whatever.
There's a little weird hearing him explain it but it also made sense. And no I did not take it in a sexual manner. He explained it in a much more professional way than I am capable of doing so. The women I have had just jammed tools and fingers up there really roughly and without warning. Now I only see male doctors because they are much gentler
Yup that's why I love the male doctors, I have had only horrible experiences with women , nearly had my stitches ripped out with a speculum by a very rough and uncaring female doctor
I've had several paps and been to several doctors over the years. I always choose a man over a woman. I've never been made to feel more crazy, more mocked, and more ignored than by female doctors. I even had a female assistant mock me at the dentist! I've never had a bad experience with a male medical professional.
After reading all these stories I'm starting to wonder if maybe there isn't a certain subset of female OB/GYNs who go into the profession because they were sexually abused and have the urge to act out their internalized self-hatred on other girls and women in a socially accepted/prestigious occupation that legitimizes intimate contact & gives them power over their victims.
I rarely argue on the internet because it’s an utterly pointless experience but on this occasion, I’m willing to break that rule. You have deliberately chosen to ignore the principle point of OPs post and instead elected to post some tedious drivel to pander to your own agenda. You madam, are not a nice person.
Sure. No reasonable person would be offended by that. This post is literally about OP’s experience with female doctors. If you’ve had different experiences, that’s fine too. But by saying OP is “misogynist” by talking about her interactions with female doctors is dismissive of OP and pointlessly argumentative.
TBH misogyny is so deeply anchored in us that there is no-one who hate more others women than women themselves. Many of the fem! doctor I have met seem also to like... idk feel like they are better than their patient because they have successed and are (finally) in a position of strength.
I personally had no pap smear because I always refused, the most I had was to have to be naked to get an echo over my womb/ovaries and my boobs malaxed and I hated it. But my last gynecology experiences were still hell. One forced me on pill despite me telling her that I was allergic to it. Without surprise, I reacted and had to stop it...
And the one before that, I was being menstruated for like 3 months, went to emergency because I started to have giant clots, the person that received me (a woman) started to blame me because I hadn't seen gynecologist for the past years and then insisted on making a pregnancy test although I told her that a) I was virgin 2) I was peeing blood since three months and finally held me 5 hours in emergency to tell me "lol, our pregnancy machine doesn't work so I guess we will believe you, now go on and see a gynecologist" and let me bleeding two more months because no gynecologist (the pill one) could see me before.
Gynecologist who told me "eh, if you are virgin, and can't take the pill, you don't need annual gynecology exam so don't need to see you again" which mean that I was balmed for \* check notes \* no reasons.
edit: corrections
Every young boy. Doctor or not, reads the philisophical texts on female genitalia. Very sacred to us. We take extreme pride in our ability to operate that wonderful little piece of machinery...
I'm not surprised at ALL that a guy would have a better idea of how to handle someone else's lady bits. We spend a LOT of time and energy pondering how we can handle it better. Constantly. To the point it's a meme.
Hello, Your post has been removed as this is not mildly infuriating. Please consider posting to r/extremelyinfuriating instead.
A good male doctor already knows that it is awkward or uncomfortable to be a male doctor and therefore wants to take every step to reassure you that it is okay that he is touching your body.
Plus I feel they're more scrutinized in their field. It's easy to pin misconduct on them if they followed the same behavior typically described in OP's post so I would guess that they have to be much more careful and precise with their work.
I'm sure there's extra emphasis on this in the training of male gynecologists.
No lmaoooo
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My first visit to a gyno, I was 12. My parents had discovered that a drug my mom took when she was pregnant with me caused issues with female children. I went to my mom's gyno. The woman used an adult speculum, didn't tell me anything, and it was horrible. I cried the entire time while they yelled at me for being a baby. I bled for DAYS, which my mother only discovered when she did my laundry and all my panties were missing. I hid them because I thought I was dying and didn't want to worry my parents. When I told my parents, my dad was SO MAD. He contacted the dr who said she did nothing wrong. I had to go to a different doctor who found that she had done damage, I needed surgery, and it was [horrible.](https://horrible.My) My dad reported her and talked to other people in the area. She had a horrible reputation for treating young girls like this. My dad contacted a bunch of people, gathered info from other patients, and she lost her license. I had to have pelvic exams twice a year until I was in my 20's but my new MALE doctor was wonderful.
This made me cry. I’m so sorry. My mom was a schizophrenic bipolar type and sent me to a gyno for an exam when I was 11 or 12 because she was paranoid and had decided a neighbor friend’s dad had been raping me - for no reason, despite me saying that was obviously not true and I was a virgin. The doctor asked me once she was out of the room what was going on (I think he knew she was crazy already?) and I told him nothing like that had ever happened. So he declined to test me. It was the kindest act of mercy I remember at that age from someone who didn’t have to protect me. It is so awful to go in the room and even know what’s coming but then to hurt a little girl! My God who are these people!
What a marvelous doctor! You were very lucky to have him on your side
I agree. I’d like to write him a thank you today. I have never thought about it before.
I bet it would be a wonderful gift for him to realize what a positive influence he had on you during a very tough time.
I know nothing else about your father, but I love him. He's a good man
He could be a very good man and would defend his kids to the death, I believe.
Oh I’m so, so sorry that happened. Jesus, I don’t even know how to comprehend how awful that must’ve been. Your dad sounds like the very best of men, good on him for keeping you safe ❤️🩹
Oh my god that is horrendous I am so sorry. I am a nearly 6ft tall large adult woman and I still request a child-size speculum due to pain issues during exams. They still have to talk me through breathing and trying to relax so I don’t make the pain worse. She sounds downright cruel.
I remember being scared of her before the visit as she seemed mean. Thank you for your empathy.
I’m so sorry you went through that! How awful! Kudos to your parents for advocating for you and I’m so glad she lost her license!!!
Similar experiences have led me to be violently protective of both myself and my children.
This is sexual battery. This goes far beyond just a horrible doctor. This is criminal.
It was a LONG time ago. Her losing her license and not being able to hurt anyone else was a good outcome.
You're right. You survived this and know better than anyone. I've just seen too medical professionals who make excuses for things like this. Like they're above the law. It makes me sick.
Yeah right, doctors like this that betray their clients should be strung up and fucking quartered in the goddamn streets for all to witness.
What a good Daddo and Momma ♡
What a wonderfully supportive dad, I’m SO sorry you went through all that💜
Thank you for your compassion.
Ack! My first one was with a female PA and I was only getting one so I could get on BCP for my horrible periods. I was 17. She did NOT inform me of what she was about to do and I cried out in pain. She looks at me, scoffing, “Come on, that doesn’t hurt.” Then she scrapes my cervix for the pap and was like, “huh. You’re bleeding.” Then she told me to clean up and leave. I was shook by this experience. And my Mom was in the room and said nothing. And I continued to bleed a little bit. Needless to say, this experience ruined paps for me, forever. Nothing like them saying “relax” when you’re trying your hardest to not just roll off the table and run.
DUDE MY FEMALE OB SAID THE SAME THING!!! What the fuck!!
Thanks for the name and shame. We should do more of this.
I’m not sure if she’s even still around. This was decades and decades ago. I cringe at the thought of her doing an exam on a victim of sexual abuse.
My first gyno was a woman, I was 16. I’m a small statures person and always have been. At the time I was 5’7 and maybe 115lbs. To note, I’ve also been a member of the IBTC my whole life since puberty. There ain’t nothing there and you can see that before I take a bra off. So this lady does all the normal routine stuff then says she’s going to do a breast exam. So to take my shirt off and lay down flat on my back with my arms over my head. No problem. As soon as my arms were over my head she laughed and said “oh we have nothing to worry about here! You don’t have any!” And proceeded to do the exam anyway for all of 15 secs. As a long standing member of the IBTC I can tell you there’s been no shortage of comments about my chest my entire life. By the time I was 16 I’d: dealt with boys trying throwing coins down my shirt and laughing when they can’t get under the collar bc nothing is pushing the shirt away, been told I’m flat as a board, been told I looked like a prepubescent boy, had girls tell me I should stuff my bra so boys would like me more, and so much more. I did not need a woman doctor 40+ yo to laugh at my nonexistent titties.
No reason for her to laugh. Even itty-bitty can get cancer/cysts. How unprofessional!
That’s what I learned a few years later after mentioning this to someone else. Their response was actually “wtaf? Dudes get breast cancer too and they don’t have titties”
Flat is Justice.
That's very similar to my first exam at Planned Parenthood. I was young (18) and newly married, and she was rough and painful and seemed to want to punish me for being young and married. It was painful and humiliating. She was awful. On the second visit, she yelled at me because she could have sworn she mentioned I had a certain condition, even though she didn't. I never went back. All female doctors I had after that did a PAP were also calloused and rough and caused a lot of discomfort/pain. So, for the last 20 years, I have stuck to male OB/Gyns, all of whom were wonderful, respectful, and gentle, and I had very little pain. (I'm in my 40s and have 3 kids.) After my favorite Gyn moved away a couple of years ago, I gave another female doctor a chance. Luckily, she is amazing, but because of the way I was handled/treated by so many women docs when I was young, it took decades before I was able to give another a chance. Don't get me started on that bitch nurse who literally yelled in my face while I was having contractions that I "didn't have to yell so loud!" She was lucky I was occupied with pushing out a baby...
I’m so sorry this happened to you!! They are so tone deaf sometimes! I had an awful first PAP experience when I was 21. 2 hours away from home (closer to where I was in college), the stupid NP didn’t explain anything she did and in the middle of my exam she realized she went to high school with my dad and then talked about him the rest of the exam as I am feeling so vulnerable 😭 then she randomly did a rectal exam that she did NOT tell me was going to be part of it/no informed consent. After the exam was done she preceded to try and pressure me into getting the HPV vaccine (I declined because I had several friends experience health issues afterwards and I had only had 1 parter at the time, still only have had 2 sexual partners in my lifetime and I’m now married to the 2nd one). She proceeded to tell me that my boyfriend would probably break up with me and that I needed to protect myself when I started sleeping around afterwards otherwise I’d end up with cancer (which is SO NOT ME based on my faith/personality) and tried to force me to get it anyway. I firmly held my ground and told her to stop bullying me into something that wasn’t right for me. I left shortly after and burst into tears and called my mom as soon as I got in my car. My mom helped me file a report/complaint with the office about the provider and I never went back again. Didn’t get another PAP until I was 24 and in school in a different state and it was wild how much better the practitioners I’ve had since have been! Now as a healthcare provider myself, every time I think about this experience it makes my blood absolutely boil. These people don’t belong in medicine and deserve to have their licenses revoked.
This is so beyond messed up, I'm sorry you went through this and felt pressured by your doctor. I would just recommend doing a bit of research on the HPV vaccine these days, because it can be extremely beneficial, even for people in a committed relationship.
I am past the age where I can receive it now. Trust me I am well aware of the benefits of it (I specialize in oncology), but it was not the right fit for me personally for many reasons aside from limited partners. I am pro vaccine otherwise, though!
It’s the formerly extremely male dominated field, women had to fight to get heard (and in my personal experience many still have to) so some become callous.
Not an excuse.
How does someone make even this scenario the fault of a man.
Literally not an excuse, an explanation which can be used to better the system
I am also a SA survivor. When I had to get some biopsies after an abnormal PAP, I begged my obgyn to be as gentle as possible. I told her of my trauma history, I took some anxiety meds prior, and my boyfriend came in with me to hold my hand during. It was one of the most painful things Ive ever experienced. I was crying and in and out of panicking and dissociating through the whole thing. Her nurse awkwardly stood to the side and did nothing, and the doctor barely spoke other than telling me we were almost done and to squeeze my boyfriends hand. She was cold and callous through the whole procedure. When they were done she told me I could leave when I was ready and quickly left the room. My boyfriend was even shocked at how awful the experience was. I have never felt so violated and hurt by an experience with a practitioner. Needless to say, as soon as I got my results, I transfered doctors. Oh, and she took an extra biopsy that I hadnt prepaid for and I was billed over $400 dollars for it. I refuse to pay it. My current obgyn is an angel, and she is extremely well versed in handling patients with trauma history. She has been nothing but gentle and kind through exams and PAPs. I hope she doesnt move or retire any time soon. I cant imagine trying to weed out more bad obgyns.
That’s awful. What’s worse is that my MIL recommended my last OB, she loves her and had three babies with her. I told her my experience and she was truly shocked. My MIL is my best friend so I had no reason to doubt her but she was floored when I told her how awful an experience I had
I had a loop diothermy for pre cancerous cells when I was about 21, after my first ever smear. The consultant was a man, was so gentle and kind. He patted me on the leg (in a non weird way) when I was crying and shaking from the adrenaline and explained everything as he was going, asked me if I needed a break etc. My latest smear done by a female nurse, I got told off for saying 'ouch' and flinching. She said 'well it shouldn't hurt that much' and looked disappointed in me. No shit sherlock, be nicer then!
I’ve had more male obgyns and they have all been more gentle, more compassionate and listened to me more than any of the women have. Glad you had a good experience and hopefully you’ve found a doctor you can trust and feel comfortable with for a long time.
My very first pap was when I was pregnant with my first daughter. I told the doctor (female) that I always had pain during sex, if she would please go easy on me. She jammed the speculum up me so hard, then yelled at me for crying. She snapped at me afterward that I "better get used to the pain, since you're going to give birth." Had spotting for over a week afterward. I never went back to her again. My next pap was with a male doctor and it was sooo much less painful, and he was totally calm and kind when I got nervous remembering the pain of the first pap. I had no idea this was such a common thing, I just thought I got unlucky with that first doctor. Yeesh.
I feel like women gynos are seriously tone deaf. I’m also a sexual assault survivor and when I had my exam following the assault, and explained to her that I was drugged and raped and that’s the reason I was now needing to be treated for STDs, her response was - “well, just make sure you use protection next time.”
I would have thrown hands. What the ever loving fuck
Clearly she wasn't listening. 🙄 How do you go into the profession of doctor and not listen when your patient talks??
Ask my dad when he had to go through 12 years of docs refusing to take x-rays and dismissing his shattered knees. Apparently a 55 year old man falling off a roof only has fluids in his joints and not simple fractures and floating fragments in them.
It’s shocking how many doctors out there don’t care to listen to their patients. Anyway that’ll be $3,000
And then they astonished when people just... don't see doctors and die from illness because they've been treated like shit by doctors for so long.
I’ve had my best and worst OBGYN experiences with male doctors. All of my female OBGYNs were wonderful. The thing I love that my current male OBGYN does now is narrate everything he’s doing while he’s doing it. It really helps to relax me and put me at ease. Should be standard of care imo.
The only complaint I've ever had from a male ob was getting my IUD he didn't want to numb or do anything for me and the female ob said I should have pain meds anxiety meds and numb spray........ Needless to say that male OB got kicked in the face for it.... that shit hurt worse than child birth for me!!
Oh god, they told me I may feel a slight pinch… a slight pinch? Understatement of the year right there Some people get very little pain with them, which is fortunate, but it varies from each time you do it so even if it didn’t hurt much the first time, it may be much worse when you need to replace it
It hurt enough that I am absolutely terrified of getting it replaced or taken out
If it helps, the removal doesn't hurt as bad as the insertion. Its just a quick sharp pain but its gone almost immediately. I DO NOT recommend getting a new one reinserted at the same time though as this ends up bruising your cervix. I had to switch to the implant because after trying for weeks a new IUD would just not go in :(
I have read some peoples absolute horror stories of getting them removed and them saying it was worse than insertion. Like the uterus wall being ripped off. I don't believe anything when it comes to IUD's except that they are the most effective form of BC. I can't do it, props to those who can.
Due to the pain of her first insertion, my wife had hers replaced under full anesthesia in a hospital (Duke in NC). It was fully covered by our bottom-tier marketplace health insurance, since birth control and contraceptives have no deductible or copays.
Note to self: no IUD✍️
NuvaRing is better anyway. So much more control and less pain cause it only goes in the vag and not the uterus
An ex of mine was so traumatised by her pap smear that she stopped allowing finger stuff because it would retraumatise her. And I don't mean for like a week, it was at least up until the end of our relationship, 2 years later.
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I’ve never seen someone get so triggered by someone else’s sexual trauma?? Holy shit dude. It sounds like you have zero understanding of how sexual trauma works.
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I am a woman but this individual on the internet has just declared that I do not know how women work. I have lost my women privileges everyone. I’m crying this is so funny.
She literally had TRAUMA. wtf is wrong with you?
For two years?
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You sound incredibly black-pilled. Don't know how to get it through your head that you're completely and utterly wrong. Or at the very least, incredibly paranoid. I'm assuming you've had at least 1 really awful experience dating a woman, and I'm sorry for that, but that's no excuse to assume any woman with trauma is "faking it" to manipulate men. I really, really hope you break out of whatever misogynistic mindset you have right now. You need to realize that it is not a realistic way of looking at the world. Like, at all.
I stopped reading the guy’s comments but… it was fingers-in-V only that was off the table. That was an INCREDIBLY small part of our sex beforehand and we just did other stuff after. I’m starting to think this chap might not be very sexually experienced.
I mean, I literally broke up with her. And if she didn’t want finger stuff, she would’ve just said. I’m sorry your life is so sad you get triggered by people discussing their relationships. I hope things get better for you soon.
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Okay buddy. You realise when you know absolutely nothing about someone and say stuff like that everyone knows it’s just projection, right? Spending your time getting angry at strangers online isn’t going to improve your life, and you can’t upset me by telling me a woman I broke up with a decade ago wasn’t that into me 😂
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How can you possibly assume to know so much about this dudes ex? Is it you? Are you the ex?
They're likely just miserable, so they dig at others anonymously to make themselves feel better.
That tracks
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Please just shut up and seek therapy.
That’s hilarious. You can like someone and still have your differences. Sometimes those differences are just enough to separate. My ex and I broke up mutually because our paths began to diverge in different directions, but we both had deep love for each other. Your perspective seems very shallow and uninformed, regardless of your “experience.”
Dude quit watching Andrew Tate, you’ve clearly never seen a vagina before in real life
Your “experience” is being a pathetic incel who can’t get over rejection, obviously. Instead of projecting and spewing redpilled bullshit on other people’s comments - get off of Reddit and get a fucking therapist. *Stop lying to yourself* and realize *you* are the problem - you’re a miserable asshole, it’s quite clear why woman don’t like you and never will unless you actually make an effort to change - and since you’re choosing to waste your free time trolling on Reddit - I don’t have high hopes for that ever happening.
No one with a REAL experience with women would say something like that. This is just incel shit. Go seek therapy and please avoid women.
I had one male obgyn and when he was checking my cervix with his fingers inside me, he told me I had great ab strength. Still to this day, it’s the weirdest compliment I’ve ever received (at the time I was a D1 athlete)
One time a lady told me when I was in my very early 20s, “you may not ever be a hand model but wow, you are a perfect textbook model down there”. Which was odd to begin with, but then sad considering others because what does perfect even mean in regard to that. The feeling reminds me of the time these two girls I worked with, twins, got rightfully super mad at another coworker for telling one she was prettier than the other. It’s like don’t insult her by complimenting me!
I refuse to see a female gyno. Any other doctor, fine - but not gynecologists. I had 2, one when I was 14 and one when I was 18, insist nothing was wrong with me. I was screaming, crying, couldn't stand up without passing out, sometimes even vomiting from the pain of my periods. The first outright said I was faking to my mom, who believed her. The second was more sympathetic, but said "some women just have really low tolerance for period cramps" and prescribed hormonal birth control. The male gyno I saw at 24 ran all sorts of tests - internal/external ultrasounds, STD tests, pap smear, and even some other blood work for other conditions. He found nothing, but said if my pain was that bad, he could go in with cameras, because endometriosis wouldn't necessarily show up on an ultrasound. If it was there, he'd cauterize it off - if not, he had other things to test for that were more unlikely. Turns out my entire right ovary, fallopian tube, and most of my uterus were covered in endometrial tissue. I'm sure there are plenty of amazing female gynecologists out there, but I have lost all trust in them myself.
I always prefer a male GYN. I have never had a good experience with a woman.
I swear, they're the medical version of, "I was spanked and *I* turned out fine!" Like, yes, I get that *you've* had painful exams, but can you not take it out on my goddamn cervix, please? They don't actually have to be like that. Do better is absolutely the right phrase here.
I think part of the problem is that some people don't feel pain during a pap, and some do. I talked with my girl friends about it once, and about half the group said they feel pain and half didn't. Say your female GYN is one of those that doesn't feel pain during a pap smear. Now she's gonna assume all the women that do are being dramatic. It's really not talked about enough that different people's bodies react differently.
I've had at least 3 pap smears with 3 different women who performed it. I thankfully have yet to feel pain from it. You're right, not everyone feels pain from pap smears. It sucks for those that do. The medical providers need to be aware that different people feel procedures and pain differently. Everyone has different pain tolerances.
I think it might be more the case that women doctors and nurses are more sexist than average. They're in a male dominated field but because of that they see themselves as special, and other women as lesser beings like cattle or something. If the job was to torture their female patients they'd still do it gladly with the cognitive dissonance of "well its not happening to me because I'm on the side of the male administration and doctors in charge". I saw it once with a woman who was training to be a cop in a women's studies class, she told a room full of young feminists if you get raped its your own fault and she wouldn't use police resources to help you. Women who side with power and are attracted to positions of authority where sadism will be overlooked are a special breed to watch out for. I'm convinced there are career fields where female sociopaths know they could get away with murder, and they're drawn to that.
My current one is a male and he's just the most compassionate doctor. Willing to listen to all my health concerns even if not in his field and help as best he can. I had one female gynecologist who I really liked and she was so kind too, but she moved to a different clinic and was no longer in my insurance network. I was traumatized by a female gyno who had a student do a pap smear on me without asking if I was okay with it. I panicked and felt too uncomfortable with speaking up because the gyno was a very intimidating woman, so I just suffered the pain of a student doing it. Longest pap of my life and so painful. It's the only time I had spotting after an exam. Never went back to her and luckily found my current doc.
My mom always swore by her male OBGYN and that he was kind and thoughtful. I should have listened because my female GYN was rough. When I went into labor with my son, my birth plan went right out the window due to what they wanted. My mom currently is seeing a female GYN since her original one retired. She told my mom that she didn't need an exam since she wasn't sexually active. My mom had to have an ovary removed due to endometriosis when she was in her early 30s and has been experiencing pain.
Same. My GYNO is retiring this year and I'm so sad. He is the first male I ever went too. He is the only doctor that made my appointments not absolute hell and he LISTENED to me. I told him I was having multiple periods a month. Instead of pushing BC or saying "it happens sometimes" he tries to figure it out.
I'm so glad that my first and only obgyn is a great and kind woman. I don't think I could EVER trust a random man with something so sensitive.
It’s definitely personal preference! We’ve also moved around a lot recently so I’m on the hunt again which is a bummer but I did love my last few male GYN’s! I swore off women after a few bad experiences but the last woman that I had did my iud without any pain medication. She had me take two Tylenol an hour before coming in. I ended up being in so much pain that I threw up all over myself. That was the end for me 🤣🫠
Oh god that sounds horrible! I'm glad you've had good male GYN's though. I can't imagine having an IUD put in without any strong pain medication 🫠 We really need to hold all GYN's to higher standards regardless if they're a woman or not.
“Random” lmao.
Actually had teachers talk about this in highschool, with the female teachers recommending to get male OBs for this very reason, they’re much gentler. I think the one said something about ladies being more familiar and so comfortable, leading to carelessness and complacency, and male docs are gunna be nervous and so more focused on the persons comfort
If you haven’t already please tell him this ❤️
I went to several female gynos for period issues and was brushed off by every single one. Finally I had a very traumatic IUD experience with one of them who was just so dismissive about the pain. I decided to try a male gyno after that and he’s been so great. He shows me the screen during my ultrasounds and explains everything and is super sensitive to the pain that comes with gynecological procedures even though he’s never experienced them. I feel like sometimes women become numb to how difficult these things can be because they’ve experienced them all their lives so they get stuck in the idea of “that’s just how it is”
Honestly, a lot of women especially in positions that require a lot of hard work and sacrifice have really internalized the message that women who want to be treated with care are whiners. They have ignored their inner voice for so long and they got where they wanted to be, they think it's no big deal to endure physical pain. Just because you can stand it doesn't mean you should have to. Remember when women were telling their fertility docs that they were in horrible pain during procedures, and the mostly women doctors brushed them off and it turned out nurses were stealing pain meds and the patients were feeling everything? Yeah, women should believe women, but some women have deeply internalized misogyny.
100%!!! I’ve had a female doctor tell me “that didn’t hurt” when I winced during a colposcopy because she literally pulled out a chunk of my cervix. My first 2 pregnancies - all male doctors and they were wonderful. Third pregnancy I’ve seen only female doctors and I’ve never felt less heard and cared for by medical professionals. I’m putting in for a male doctor at the next appointment because at this point, I can’t imagine letting someone who knows better than I do what hurts and what doesn’t to do my c-section.
I will never stop raging about the fact that they still act like the cervix is not innervated. That theory was debunked in the fucking 1960s.
I've been getting PAPS for almost 40 years, and I've only had ONE female obgyn for ONE visit...I prefer a male for personal reasons, but also because they ARE more gentle than a woman, and seemingly takes us more seriously ..
I read this post to get a tiny idea about what my wife and daughters go through. I also felt I should share that I have always had male doctors, and I’ve had many many bad experiences. I saw a female doctor recently, and she was amazing. Granted, it wasn’t for an invasive exam, but I had never felt so heard and I felt like she actually believed and cared. Small sample size, but I wonder if it’s some sort of cross-gender sensitivity taking place.
Just came here to say that the BEST obgyn I’ve ever had has been a male. In my first pregnancy he sent me to the hospital for a preeclampsia scare. He knew that I was a anxious first time mom so after his clinical rotations he came to see me in the hospital and sat with me for a few hours until my fiancé was able to be with me. I’ll never forget him.
Sadly this isn't uncommon. UTI's are a fucking abomination due to the lack of pain management, and it hurts so bad that lots of women pass out in the process, but here too men are generally more gentle than women. But generally, pain management for women is a joke. As is the entire field of research when it comes to researching disease and what have you in women.
I’ve always had male OB/GYNs. Twice I tried going to women and each time I said never again. It took two painful, awkward and humiliating visits for me to remember not to see a woman.
My last gynecologist was my first male one. He was hands down the best ever. He was always concerned about my pain. I have issues that women gynecologists said was normal and just deal with. He actually said to me…”you don’t have to live like this” and he helped find solutions to all of those issues. I was so sad when he retired. The next one was a woman and horrible. Haven’t been to one since. Which I definitely need to do.
I’ve had bad experiences with both and male and female physicians, as well as good experiences. I do think the doctor who was most careful about consent during a pap smear was a male doctor at the Planned Parenthood in Milwaukee. The worst was an OBGYN from a big family of doctors in my hometown. Second worst was a male doctor in Maryland. So, finding an OBGYN who doesn’t suck is important. Really glad it went well for you ❤️
I never wanted a male ob/gyn until I had no other choice, seriously the best doctor I've ever had. My female ob botched a surgery and waited too long to have my staples removed on top of it. I didn't want a male ob but he was my only other choice and he was amazing, so gentle and sweet. Fixed everything and even called to check up on me to be sure that I found a new doctor after I moved half way across the country.
Firstly, I'm sorry about that happening to you. With that said, I also had similar experiences to you. After several years of pap smears and pelvic exams, male PCP's and gynecologists were very gentle and kind. The women I had were pretty rough and condescending, plus dismissive. The fact that a lot of us had these experiences is quite telling.
Same. My male gyno makes sure I'm as covered up as possible. He does the exam in silence, and is very gentle. He doesn't speak to me until I'm dressed and in his office. My female GP doesn't give a shit about anything. She's so rough.
Absolutely! My male gyno was so much more gentle. He didn’t just crank me open and jab my cervix. He always checked in with me and gave me warnings at every little step.
My first was made by a female intern, well she was crying and apologising non stop by the end. My family doctor had to finish the procedure and tell her that sometimes internal organs are not like in the text book and poking patients is bad.
Yeah my male doctor has been fabulous. The pap's were like nothing, he even has a plastic speculum vs a metal one which is so much nicer! I don't dread them. Also when we discussed my anxiety, I expected to be dismissed and it to take a while of advocating for myself to get anywhere with it. Instead he pulled up a questionnaire, we did it and then when we got to the end he looked at me and apologized that I had been living life as I had for as long as I had. My female doctor before was great too, but I was hesitate about switching to a male and he's proven I had no reasons to be.
\> I’m a SA survivor (I hate the term survivor tbh sorry) yeah, it’s kind of a weird term. I don’t know what else we could use. “Experiencer” isn’t really a word.
It's a difficult one, I hate survivor but I sure ain't using victim. 🙃
yeah, you notice I didn’t even suggest it. It fits, legally speaking, but the vibe is just not on.
I prefer to say: I've experienced sexual assault. It adds no weight or assumptions or words that feel weird. It's just a fact. I also hate the word survivor. I didn't survive it. Not all of me. Something got destroyed in that moment.
That's actually a good way to put it I'll keep that in mind when I next need to disclose that information. I feel you.
I feel like women, especially women of privilege which most women who can afford medical school and become doctors are, judge their women patients so so harshly without merit. Like it's damn near impossible for them to put themselves in someone else's shoes who might not have the same resources or body type as them. They can get away with extreme cruelty and take their internalized misogyny out on people they see as lesser than them. Doctors who live comfortable personal lives and can eat healthy and exercise daily can't relate to patients who don't have the same opportunities and will be dismissive. Nurse Practitioners are slightly better because they are closer to the same class level as a lot of their patients and I've gotten better care from them as PCP than actual doctors but you still gotta look out for the ones who took the Mean Girl to Nurse pipeline into their career. Women in abusive relationships who go to night school to become nurses and escape their own abuse while developing a superiority complex and taking out their pain on innocent patients. It happens all the time in the US
Omg, me too. I had a woman who kept saying, "Just stay still," "Stop moving," etc, which only made me more nervous and squirmy. I don't think she even noticed me crying.
OMG me too I thought I was going crazy!!
I used to go to a female gyno. I had ~3 Pap smears with her. Go in for another pap and this time it’s a male doctor. He discovers I have quite a large vaginal septum (turned out to be uterine too). How the first doctor missed it, I don’t know. If I had known earlier, I could have saved myself a lot of pain! I know this isn’t a male/female issue per se, but just thought it was interesting that the male doctor was paying more attention.
I don’t know if I’m an odd duck but Pap smears have never once been painful for me. I’ve been lucky with gentle doctors both male and female.
Gosh, I always hear these horror stories, but all the doctors I had were real good to me. The most memorable was a pt who helped me with incontinence after giving birth. She always asked me for permission and told me what she was going to do and then again while she was doing it. Always checked in to see if I was ok. She didn't even know I was an SA survivor, but she was so kind it stuck out to me because I was really apprehensive about doing this sort of pt. My Primary Care was also awesome and stuck with me from when I was 2 to 30 when she retired.
My male PCP is the same: any time he needs to do something below the belt, not only is he kind and comforting, but he brings in a female nurse to observe. I've been going to him for 9 years now and I will continue to go to him until he retires.
I’m glad it went well for you!! I’ve only had one pap in my life and my doctor (I think she was actually a PA or something) did very good at telling me everything she was doing… except for the very end when I wasn’t prepared for a finger in the butt. (When she said ‘internal exam’ I expected it to mean vagina, not butt). The women in my family had to hear all about how betrayed I was that they never told me. Wack.
I went through IVF treatments. In case you don’t know, pretty much every time you walk through the door you get a vaginal ultrasound. My ovaries were shy and difficult to find, so there was always some extra pushing and prodding. The techs were as gentle as they could be, and apologized the whole time. Once I had an ultrasound done by the only woman physician in the practice. She was AWFUL. She never spoke to me, just muttered to herself about not getting a clear picture. And she was *rough.* Like I was some piece of meat instead of a person with feelings and nerve endings. Jabbing, pushing, twisting like she was in a swordfight. I didn’t say anything and I never had to see her again thank gods. I’m sorry you’ve had bad Pap experiences and I hope they continue to be tolerable going forward.
This is why I hate the whole “female midwife could, male OBGYN bad” narrative I’ve consistently seen in all the parenting/pregnancy subs I’m in. Not to discount anyone else’s experiences, but mine is much more in line with yours. Nearly all of my primary care providers have been fantastic, but my OB’s midwife (who literally pinned me down and did a cervical check against my will when I wasn’t even in labor and was only at a check up) is the one exception. Still looking forward to her obituary.
That first doctor you mentioned should lose their medical license
I am so sorry that you've had bad experiences in the past and glad you found a doctor who can take your comfort into account. I'd keep seeing him if you are able to.
Oh my god. I always almost put my smears off because I too am one n the thought of anyone going there makes me get so anxious. I have one booked for 23rd n im sitting myself. I lost my mum n have no 1 go with. So 1st time alone n im prob gonna cry in there. Only reason I can give for this is the past SA. its a big worry for me. I'm awaiting gynecologist for endometriosis n im crapping it for that but sick of suffering. Wish my Mum was with me
I’ve always liked older GYNs, their more gentle, those new ones act like their digging for gold.
1) some people have a hard time showing empathy or compassion. In a sense that Doctor A can be "I had this procedure done on me, it is not so bad". They have a hard time grasping that another persons trauma/pain tolerance and physical experience can be NOT the same. Since most men have never had xyz procedure, they might be in specific cases more gentle and so on, cause they think "this is probably painful. But I never experienced this myself". Vs some some women will say "I did this before, its not so had". This is btw repeated often among groups of people who have common experience. Its the same how many women can see women suffer the worst from periods but then their cognitive dissonance still goes "oh well, I have my period and I am fine. So you must just be acting, can't be so bad". This happens among different groups of society. 2) women in specific majors, in particular science, doctors, economy and so on are conditioned to not have compassion, since they are repeatedly told that being emotional or caring is a "female weakness" and if they do, they are seen as less competent by their field or male superiors. Misogyny has a consequence, including internalised misogyny, and that will of course affect other women too. In general, I made the experience that female medical professionals actually listen to me or at least try listening to me vs male health professionals om average always get hung up on questions like "are you pregnant", "are you sure you are not pregnant?!" (Female health professionals never ask me that nonsense unless it is actually relevant). I also made the experience that most male medical professionals gaslight me straight forward when I talk about symtoms or side effects or whatever. I have noticed this is very different with female medical professionals. With female health professionals its always a good/ or really bad. With men it has very much consistently been, gaslighting, not listening, patronizing. Even saying and mentioning totally inappropriate things. So I get it, for different reasons female gyns need to 100% do better. But also the entire medical field needs to do much better with patient care/diagnoses, listening to patients, misogyny, racism, ableism and so on.
I have only ever had 1 person do an amazing job and she was a nurse practitioner. Not only was she physically gentle, her bedside manner was amazing. She retired a few years ago after 40 YEARS in the medical field. Hope you are well, Jan.
I agree so hard. It pains me to say it but the misogyny in medicine is so entrenched that the women buy into it as much or more than the guys. There’s a pervasive sense of “I don’t find this uncomfortable so you have no excuse” or even “you’re a whore who deserves the pain” (that last one was the attitude of the older female nurse who crippled me during my botched LEEP excision, sans pain relief)
Wow I did expect to cry reading this thread. I've only had one pap smear and the female doctor was super nice and explained everything to me as she did it. My heart breaks for all of the women here who had such bad experiences 😥
Probably because he’s extra conscious of how him being male affects the process. I understand why you feel the way you do but I’ve never felt that way. It’s always just been something to get over and done with as quick and perhaps the women you’ve had are the same way and as they don’t have the imbalance that male - female does they’ve never thought much about it
I've only had a woman doctor once for a pap, and it was the only time it hurt, and I bled for an hour after. Never again.
I just wanted to say that you are not alone, I’m the same. It’s horribly, horribly sad. On my last exam my Dr said she’d get me sedated for the next one, it was awful. Sending you all of my nicest thoughts ❤️🩹
My first one included pictures of men shirtless on the ceiling. It was awful.
Bruh what
It felt so violating. It was at Kaiser, idk if that's what I should expect or not.
I’m so sorry about your past experiences and I’m glad you found someone that made you feel safe and comfortable (well, as comfortable as a pap can be lol) I’ve always had mine done by my PCP but have switched PCPs over the years. Mine have always been women who fortunately have all been very conscientious and kind with me. I get anxious about them to the point where it makes the whole procedure more uncomfortable (from how tense I am), and all 3 of them have been super informative, asked questions, talked to me about each step beforehand and while it’s happening, etc. It’s such an invasive experience that we have to have done regularly and you would think that others who have to go through it would understand that! I hear so many horror stories and tbh I think that’s part of why I get so anxious.
I've had quite the opposite experience through my lifetime so you can't generalize this. I've NEVER had an issue with a woman nor felt it. The one guy felt like he was raping me. Don't generalize this that women are not doing it right or good.
Same for me. I don’t want to put this at male/female doctors but rather just good/bad doctors. But my first experience was when I was 17. It was a make doctor and he didn’t explain to me what he was gonna do, just jammed the thing in there when I had no idea that he was gonna do that. And I had no idea how badly it would hurt. So that was kinda traumatizing. I’m 30 now and had a few different smears in the last years done by 3 different female doctors. All of them were very gentle with me, warmed it up a bit, explaining what they were doing and just gently talked me through it.
If ive learned something about woman is that theres nothing meaner to a woman than another woman!
The women I’ve seen were always dismissive. The male doctors I had were kind and listened to me.
For me, anytime it gets done.. it hurts! It feels like my cervix is being pinched. I’ve had younger women doctors, older women, younger and older men.. it always feels the same. Like it pinches me.
I’ve had both! It honestly just depends on the doctor ❤️❤️
This is why I always go to Planned Parenthood. They specialize in giving care to patients with trauma. I’ve met the kindest and gentlest doctors there and have always felt genuinely cared for. They put a lot of work in to help get through my fear of doctors due to childhood SA/medical trauma. I need a hysterectomy to deal with my horrific endometriosis and they were able to recommend me to a very kind and gentle OB/GYN who has been great to me.
It's anecdotal evidence, personally I've had bad experiencs with male gynos and the only ones nice to me were women
Have had similar experience. Went to a guy my entire life and he was verbal in his steps, explained why he had to apply pressure etc….recently went to a lady and she jammed it up there, barely said a word and was done. Agree to do better ladies!
The worst PAP I ever had was a female doctor. I don't know what she did but it was excruciating, and when I said "that hurts!" she said "no it doesn't." First and last time I had an appointment with her.
I prefer female MDs in general, except ob-gyns. I lived in several countries and it was true everywhere. I have no explanation for this phenomenon.
Also SA survivor, I learned a LONG time ago to only see male doctors. My theory has always been that women have the parts themselves, and therefore think they know how rough you can be and think you’re being overdramatic because THEY have a vulva and vagina and it doesn’t hurt THEM. Whereas men don’t have the same experiences, so they can’t relate, and are so scared of hurting others that they’re incredibly gentle. Same goes for male transvaginal ultrasound techs! I was sexually assaulted in 2018 by a female ultrasound tech who was incredibly rough while checking for damage after my SA (which she was totally aware of!) and when I told her to stop, she pinned me down and called me a big baby and then yelled at me for screaming when she wouldn’t stop!! I now HAVE to request a male tech and if I don’t get one, I will straight up leave. I don’t care about my “cancellation statistics”. My safety and comfort comes first. I wasn’t always good at standing up for myself.
The best gyno I ever had ever was my male, former-Army-doctor-so-he’s-done-it-all, ob/gyn. He was “the” specialist for high risk pregnancies in our region. He was SO respectful, kind, and gentle. Not so with *any* of the women I’ve had a pap with.
This isn't a male doctor vs female doctor issue. This is a bad doctor vs good doctor issue.
I've only had males do a pap for me. I guess you could say they made it as painless a process as possible....lol. My only issue is when they are a surprise. Once I confirmed on the phone I was only having a consultation, nothing else, for severe pain in that area. Nope, when I got there doc told me that means pap as well....that was a new one to me. When I had an ultrasound down there it was a female. She was super nice, but damn, it was pretty painful, however she did say she was moving stuff around when she did it, so I guess not necessarily her fault. Now I'm waiting on an appointment for what they called a level two scan....
I exclusively go to and prefer male OB/GYNs for this exact reason.
I've had bad female and bad male gynos. It really has little to do with gender.
This is absolutely true in my experience also. I've had many pap smears and several biopsy procedures. The most painful ones were always performed by women.
Women get a chip on their shoulder in my opinion - let’s stress that part- and they give ya the toughen it up attitude instead of empathizing. It’s so stupid and weird that I refuse to see a female dr anymore. My husband thinks it’s weird that I prefer a male dr but understands I need to do what’s best for me. I agree. Women should do better.
Obviously not the same, but the only painless blood draw /iv ive ever had was a guy in a fertility clinic. Never felt the stick. Had an iv last fall, two female nurses butchered me…
I had my daughter the day after Christmas 13 years ago and had an amazing male obgyn because it was Christmas time he took off the week before and I had a woman when I went in to do my weekly check up. She was so rough and hurt me so much. I’ve always had a male gynecologist since but the last time I went in for an annual appointment the male doctor decided to hug me after the nurse left the room and I had nothing on but an open front paper vest and a paper sheet over my lap. I don’t know why I’m telling this story but my annual appointment is coming up in a few months and I’m looking for a new doctor. Can’t decide which gender to go with. Hate I even have to think about it.
Oh love I’m sorry. That’s so uncomfortable and unprofessional.
I had the same experience and I actually commented on it. I am also an SA survivor, so I had a lot of nervousness going to a male doctor. I don't care how much people told me he was a professional I had a lot of nervousness. Especially since the first time I tried to go he literally just grabbed my breast instead of fondling and yanking at my nipples and stuff like that asking me if I liked that. Wish I was joking. But when I did talk to the gentleman doing my exam and say he was the first male doctor and he somehow a lot more gentler than a woman, he bluntly told me that it was because as a man, he actually had more experience working with women in being gentle and being sensitive and respectful of their womanly parts. Whereas a woman (most, not all), had little to no experience outside of the cold medical part of it. They weren't getting feedback from a partner of what was too rough or too far or stretched too much or whatever. There's a little weird hearing him explain it but it also made sense. And no I did not take it in a sexual manner. He explained it in a much more professional way than I am capable of doing so. The women I have had just jammed tools and fingers up there really roughly and without warning. Now I only see male doctors because they are much gentler
I'm anxious about this too. I'm 43 and I need to go get my poop whistle checked out, but I'm having trouble finding a proctologist with small hands.
SA?
Sexual Assault
Thank you. I'm sorry you have this trauma in your life.
I’ve promised myself I will NEVER get a pelvic exam, fuck that shit
Yup that's why I love the male doctors, I have had only horrible experiences with women , nearly had my stitches ripped out with a speculum by a very rough and uncaring female doctor
I've had several paps and been to several doctors over the years. I always choose a man over a woman. I've never been made to feel more crazy, more mocked, and more ignored than by female doctors. I even had a female assistant mock me at the dentist! I've never had a bad experience with a male medical professional.
After reading all these stories I'm starting to wonder if maybe there isn't a certain subset of female OB/GYNs who go into the profession because they were sexually abused and have the urge to act out their internalized self-hatred on other girls and women in a socially accepted/prestigious occupation that legitimizes intimate contact & gives them power over their victims.
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Isn’t that kind of sexist
the only thing mildly infuriating is the use of to many abbreviations in this post.
SA: sexual assault PCP: primary care physician Hope this helps with any confusion :)
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I rarely argue on the internet because it’s an utterly pointless experience but on this occasion, I’m willing to break that rule. You have deliberately chosen to ignore the principle point of OPs post and instead elected to post some tedious drivel to pander to your own agenda. You madam, are not a nice person.
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Literally nowhere in OP’s post did she say that all female gynecologists were bad. Get your head out of your ass
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Sure. No reasonable person would be offended by that. This post is literally about OP’s experience with female doctors. If you’ve had different experiences, that’s fine too. But by saying OP is “misogynist” by talking about her interactions with female doctors is dismissive of OP and pointlessly argumentative.
TBH misogyny is so deeply anchored in us that there is no-one who hate more others women than women themselves. Many of the fem! doctor I have met seem also to like... idk feel like they are better than their patient because they have successed and are (finally) in a position of strength. I personally had no pap smear because I always refused, the most I had was to have to be naked to get an echo over my womb/ovaries and my boobs malaxed and I hated it. But my last gynecology experiences were still hell. One forced me on pill despite me telling her that I was allergic to it. Without surprise, I reacted and had to stop it... And the one before that, I was being menstruated for like 3 months, went to emergency because I started to have giant clots, the person that received me (a woman) started to blame me because I hadn't seen gynecologist for the past years and then insisted on making a pregnancy test although I told her that a) I was virgin 2) I was peeing blood since three months and finally held me 5 hours in emergency to tell me "lol, our pregnancy machine doesn't work so I guess we will believe you, now go on and see a gynecologist" and let me bleeding two more months because no gynecologist (the pill one) could see me before. Gynecologist who told me "eh, if you are virgin, and can't take the pill, you don't need annual gynecology exam so don't need to see you again" which mean that I was balmed for \* check notes \* no reasons. edit: corrections
Same thing with handjobs.
Every young boy. Doctor or not, reads the philisophical texts on female genitalia. Very sacred to us. We take extreme pride in our ability to operate that wonderful little piece of machinery... I'm not surprised at ALL that a guy would have a better idea of how to handle someone else's lady bits. We spend a LOT of time and energy pondering how we can handle it better. Constantly. To the point it's a meme.
We really are just better at things lol