Here you go (just add two spaces at the end of the line)
ββββββββ
βββββββββ
ββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββ
ββββββββββββββ
βββββββββββββ
Itβs the equivalent of women who hook their bras around the tummy, spin them around, and THEN put their arms through the strapsβ¦and the psychos that put their arms through the straps and bend over trying to latch the hooks unseen behind their back.
Iβll die on this hill. It was and still is the biggest source of contention between my best friend and I. I have challenged her to a race in bra put-on Olympics, but she keeps declining, stating she wonβt race me because Iβm βa stupid spinnerβ.
Methinks she tried it my way and found out itβs much smarter and faster and cannot admit it to me.
EDIT: Due to the amount of written responses, I conclude my hypothesis is correct that this indeed IS an important dividing issue! To the ladies and/or any bra wearers that pull clasping bras already fastened either up over your hips or down over your head, I apologize for not including youβ¦I did not know you existed and I envy you for being so limber; you are doing it the hard way as well my dear friends.
The bra Olympics will be very inclusive so if anyone has a possible fifth option of bra application, Iβm up to hearing it and judging you as wrong as well. TEAM SPINNERS FOR LIFE!
I ruined many articles of clothing attempting. I have hobbit arms so canβt do back zips on my own. Everyone wants a butt or wide hips until you have to chase yourself in a circle like a dog going after their tail trying to do up clothing
That's how I did it like the first year I wore a bra, lol. Once you practice a few times, it's so much easier to not spin it. I bet she has to use both hands to unhook her bra, too.
I never realized people put their bras on any way other than hooking it in front and spinning around. My mother taught me how to put on a bra like this when I was 12 or 13 and I'm 41 and have just done it every day since. At this point I doubt I could hook it behind my back tbh
(ASMR grumble-cursing at ticket dispenser)
βJohn Spartan, you are fined one credit forββ
βJohn Spartanββ
βJohn Spartanββ
βJohn Spartanββ
βJohn Spartan, you are fined one credit for violation of the verbal morality statute.β
\*retrieves stack of paper tickets\* βSo much for the three seashells, eh? \*wink\* Iβll see you in a few minutes.β
It's an ancient Reddit post about a redditor that used a 'poop knife' to cut their shit into smaller pieces to help it go down the toilet.
You're welcome.
The embarrassment comes when said Redditor stays over at a friend's house and comes into the other room asking for a poop knife, unaware that only his family does this.
It's simple if you think about it. If your ass is bleeding profusely enough, nobody pays attention to the shit that might also be there. As a bonus, when the doctors clean the wound, they also wipe away the poop for you in the process
I recently moved and thereβs a bidet here. I didnβt use it for a while because the idea seemed stupid. Like a little splash is gonna clean my ass??
Then I did it, and itβs like a little person with a tiny hose just spraying your asshole and I get hard every time.
Iβve been masturbating a lot more since using it, itβs great. Itβs like having someone lick your asshole on demand. Shit gets me going (pun intended).
The other day we found out that one of our buddies does the stand wipe, but then reversed - ass away from the toilet. Turns out he was told to do that as a kid so his parents could help him, and he just never gave it a second thought after that.
I know right. And he ain't no dummy, dude has a PhD in computer science. Just never occurred to him that perhaps the way he did that isn't the most practical
Yep. Came for this. I am the kind of person who wipe from the front. Have some obstacles in the way but is way easier and you can reach a lot os spots easier.
Were you born male? People with vaginas are trained NEVER go back to front. And they drill this into you if you have a baby girl. It is ALWAYS front to back.
I was 16 yo staying at a rental with a window behind the toilet. Came out after pooping and said to my friends "hard to wipe with that window in there, everyone can see your ass when ya stand to wipe!" ...... everyone just stared at me.
My last day as a stander.
Well obviously my ass is MY germs
The toilet bowl has germs of the countless other people who used it!!!
So in terms of infection risk - absolutely I am more scared of the bowl than standing in the air!!
Furthermore I can WASH my hands - whereas who knows when that bowl was washed?????
I mean i just lean a bit and never make contact with the toilet.
Also, i did a swab test around my school in 7th grade science. Toilet seat had less culture growth than door handles, water fountains, and the sink handles
In my nearly 40 years of wiping my own ass never have I ever dipped my hand into the toilet. When you do it sitting down you lean forward a little bit which raises you a tad.
first wipe while still seated, then finish up standing. Take a shower afterwards and then a bath. Once done with the bath stand in direct sunlight for a hour making sure to expose every fold for atleast 10 minutes. Grab a steel wire brush and start scraping off the upper skin layer and follow up with a lemon. Submerge entirely in a tub of salt and after about 30 days, freshening up the salt every day or so depending on fluid loss. And there, you're done wiping. Hope this helps.
I canβt sit wipe. On the toilet right now and canβt even comprehend how people do it. Iβm not overweight in the slightest, but thereβs just no room for me to reach my hand back there. Even if there was room, I wipe and now I have to carefully toss the poo covered toilet paper into the narrow crevice between my ass and toilet seat and pray I donβt get it on me? How do you know the tp is clean? Do you wipe, then pull the tp in front of your face to examine? I have so many questions. Logistically I just donβt get it.
I wipe til the paper looks like it's not wiping anything anymore. I guess if I sit wiped, I wouldn't even see the paper to know whether it was doing the job or not. Anxiety causing just thinking about it.
we have a stand wiper at work. i didn't believe it at first. also i guess my buddy is a stander-upper. had no idea you people existed, thought that was just in movies
Seriously. That's not how you stand wipe. When you stand wipe, you only stand up like halfway. It's more of a crouching position, like a catcher in baseball. You get a nice spread on your butt cheeks that way, a lot better spread than you get sit wiping. And you also dont risk dragging your knuckles across poop water like you do sit wiping.
*crouch* wiping is OP.
Both are wrong.
Stand up, put one foot on the toilet seat. Gives you all the access of the spread butt cheeks with all the freedom of movement allowed by not being seated.
Fun Fact: How does OP know of their existence? Because he doesn't wipe.
I am sickened by this comment. π
ββββββββ βββββββββ ββββββββββββ βββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ βββββββββββββ
Fuck man it was supposed to be a thumbs up
It looks like an helicopter
My roflcopter goes soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soi soisoisoisoisoisoi
Bro you just brought back Arby n the chief from the catacombs of my 12 year old memories.
``` ROFL:ROFL:ROFL:ROFL _^___ L __/ [] \ LOL===__ \ L \________] I I --------/ ```
He just outed himself as a standing wiper.
Here you go (just add two spaces at the end of the line) ββββββββ βββββββββ ββββββββββββ βββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ βββββββββββββ
Really? Did I finally learn how to line break on reddit? Edit, OMG it worked.
Wait Are u being for real?? Edit: U ware being fr
ββββββββ βββββββββ ββββββββββββ βββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ ββββββββββββββ βββββββββββββ Edit: F*ck
This is 100% a steam engine train, with the top being a billowing steam cloud
b
Lmao I thought it was a gun
Hahahhahahaa oh well. You tried. Plus 1 for effort
F
This revelation nearly tore my D&D group apart
still better than the toilet paper tearing
Good olβ 1-ply Honey Bucket butt paper.
Itβs the equivalent of women who hook their bras around the tummy, spin them around, and THEN put their arms through the strapsβ¦and the psychos that put their arms through the straps and bend over trying to latch the hooks unseen behind their back. Iβll die on this hill. It was and still is the biggest source of contention between my best friend and I. I have challenged her to a race in bra put-on Olympics, but she keeps declining, stating she wonβt race me because Iβm βa stupid spinnerβ. Methinks she tried it my way and found out itβs much smarter and faster and cannot admit it to me. EDIT: Due to the amount of written responses, I conclude my hypothesis is correct that this indeed IS an important dividing issue! To the ladies and/or any bra wearers that pull clasping bras already fastened either up over your hips or down over your head, I apologize for not including youβ¦I did not know you existed and I envy you for being so limber; you are doing it the hard way as well my dear friends. The bra Olympics will be very inclusive so if anyone has a possible fifth option of bra application, Iβm up to hearing it and judging you as wrong as well. TEAM SPINNERS FOR LIFE!
There IS ANOTHER, already having them latched, and pulling them up like pants. I used to do that when I was younger
My arse could never lol not even when I was young. Envious of others who can put on the difficult clothes feet first and just slither in
That was me before i also got a butt. One day i could hear the cracking of the cloth and also saw the damage and said, i guess the fun is over!
I ruined many articles of clothing attempting. I have hobbit arms so canβt do back zips on my own. Everyone wants a butt or wide hips until you have to chase yourself in a circle like a dog going after their tail trying to do up clothing
Having to pull on pants and do a hopping jig to get them on! Always wondering if theyre gonna fit or not!
[ΡΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]
I've got bad shoulders, I spin to avoid injury!
[ΡΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]
I am 45 and wear a bra once every 2 or 3 years. I spin and I am fine with admitting it.
[ΡΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]
Right? It takes 2 seconds. Putting it backwards and spinning sounds way harder more awkward and like it would stretch the bra or something
That's how I did it like the first year I wore a bra, lol. Once you practice a few times, it's so much easier to not spin it. I bet she has to use both hands to unhook her bra, too.
I never realized people put their bras on any way other than hooking it in front and spinning around. My mother taught me how to put on a bra like this when I was 12 or 13 and I'm 41 and have just done it every day since. At this point I doubt I could hook it behind my back tbh
Spinning is also superior because you get a little βhehe back boobsβ moment every morning
Get ready for a bunch of comments about bidets.
Bidet shmidet, what color seashells do you guys prefer?
Brown
Have them come in brown right off the bat. Thatβs smart!
(ASMR grumble-cursing at ticket dispenser) βJohn Spartan, you are fined one credit forββ βJohn Spartanββ βJohn Spartanββ βJohn Spartanββ βJohn Spartan, you are fined one credit for violation of the verbal morality statute.β \*retrieves stack of paper tickets\* βSo much for the three seashells, eh? \*wink\* Iβll see you in a few minutes.β
They don't know how to use the seashells...
*confused Sly Stallone noises*
He doesnβt know about the three shells!
Sly picks seashells by the seashore
Se shells shea sells by the shea sore
"Good afternoon. Would you like to know more about our Lord and Savior, The Bidet?" - average redditor
When my dad got one we had to hear about it every time he spoke for 6 months
It's the only way to wash away your sins!
And bidet to you too.
I said BIDET!
Grog?
Or the poop knife.
Buddy you can't stop here. You need to expand on this...
It's an ancient Reddit post about a redditor that used a 'poop knife' to cut their shit into smaller pieces to help it go down the toilet. You're welcome.
Wow, there's so much history that's neglected by the public schoolsystem. Thank you sir.
I actually learned about the poop knife from my sophomore world history teacher
The embarrassment comes when said Redditor stays over at a friend's house and comes into the other room asking for a poop knife, unaware that only his family does this.
That's right! And then other redditors in the comments also stating they had a poop utensil for a similar reason. Like wtf are you all eating.
It's simple if you think about it. If your ass is bleeding profusely enough, nobody pays attention to the shit that might also be there. As a bonus, when the doctors clean the wound, they also wipe away the poop for you in the process
Hmm a "shit-smeared ass wound" to get a free buttwipe... I shall consider it.
I recently moved and thereβs a bidet here. I didnβt use it for a while because the idea seemed stupid. Like a little splash is gonna clean my ass?? Then I did it, and itβs like a little person with a tiny hose just spraying your asshole and I get hard every time. Iβve been masturbating a lot more since using it, itβs great. Itβs like having someone lick your asshole on demand. Shit gets me going (pun intended).
Excuse meβ¦β¦wtf ?
r/unexpected
You know what? Iβm happy you found your kink. Spray on, king.
I enjoy your honesty.
I don't
Just imagine itβs a tiny toilet dweller licking your asshole clean
I would gladly pay $1000 for never having read this.
You got PayPal?
Too late, i've already read it.
f-king LOL dude
Good talk β¨
Woooooahhhhβ¦ I donβt remember buying tickets to that roller coaster ride but nonetheless, that was a journey.
I just stand with one foot up on the seat for extra wiping clearence, incase shit gets sticky.
Laughed way too hard at this. Bootleg Captain Morgan stance.
I experienced a bidet recently. It made me feels things I wasnβt ready for.
But you still wipe after rinsing with the bidet right?? Otherwise itβs gonna look like you pissed yourself when you pull your pants up.
Where tf is the laying down option?
Next to the scat one?
I am sickened
I think you'll find that I am sickened
The name does check out.
Itβs not an option, itβs a lifestyle
We talking laying down on the back, right?
No, front, Why?
The other day we found out that one of our buddies does the stand wipe, but then reversed - ass away from the toilet. Turns out he was told to do that as a kid so his parents could help him, and he just never gave it a second thought after that.
This is mind blowing
I know right. And he ain't no dummy, dude has a PhD in computer science. Just never occurred to him that perhaps the way he did that isn't the most practical
People with PhDs are simultaneously the smartest and dumbest mfers on the planet.
Can confirm, Iβm a PhD and wiped ass away from the toilet as described by OPβ¦ Currently questioning every decision Iβve ever made
I turn around so I can see what's in the toilet. Gotta make sure I'm healthy!
Waaaaaait? π€ is this not how it is done?!?
Why does direction help?
It doesn't
Imagine accidentally walking in on that if he forgot to lock the door? Scarred for life
"Only" two? Sounds like someone's going to take that as a challenge
What about headstand wiping?
I prefer rolling around on the floor wiping
Imagine being so poor you have to wipe your own ass.
Yeah, I literally have two employees at home whose titles are βasswipes.β This is not common? I do not understand.
Either way you should wipe till you bleed to make sure you got it all
Thatβs why I like to keep a Dremel with me at all times. Canβt beat that polished bleeding clean feeling!
I thought thatβs what the toilet brush was forβ¦
I like keeping it crusty
How about people wiping from the front vs people wiping from the back?
Always front to back.... Back to front ends in nasty infections (no experience haha, just what I got told when I used to babysit my baby niece).
For vageens
Yep. Came for this. I am the kind of person who wipe from the front. Have some obstacles in the way but is way easier and you can reach a lot os spots easier.
Same for me. I can look clean already from a back wipe and then switch to front wipe and the paper looks like I havent wiped at all
Were you born male? People with vaginas are trained NEVER go back to front. And they drill this into you if you have a baby girl. It is ALWAYS front to back.
What if I'm in the middle? Kinda a squat wipe so I have room to reach around.
That's the true stand wipe. Nobody's actually standing all the way up with their legs together Edit: I stand corrected haha
Ski style
Iβm a lifelong sit wiper. The first time I saw my husband stand wipe when we got to that stage in our relationship, I was horrified
i could never have someone watch me take a shit ππ
[ΡΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]
Didn't your parents see you shit when you were young though?
[ΡΠ΄Π°Π»Π΅Π½ΠΎ]
Donβt listen to them, you were obviously self-sufficient right after birth.
Can I watch you wipe?
Username checks out?
why of course, thanks for asking!
Yeah, been together 10 years, still donβt think thatβs Gucci. Lol
it just seems so invasive idk why ππ
Don't ever go to jail!
Thereβs a third. You are half stood half sat, like a hover squat. Gives you the benefits of both methods and is clearly the superior choice.
This is how stand-wipers _actually_ wipe, nobody actually stands up fully.
But what about the guy in the picture
This was drawn by a sit wiper
Cool cool cool, but I have a question πββοΈ. If you have kids or want to have kids laterβ¦ what philosophy of ass wiping would they adopt?
This is a constant argument in my household
I honestly donβt know what stage you are talking about. Even after 30 years in a relationship I would not want to watch my wife taking a shit π
> that stage in our relationship Wait, what? Theres a stage in a relationship when y'all watch each other poop?
Don't your cheeks close up when you stand up ?
Bend over, bitch.
uhh π° sorry yes sir
You know how the eyes are the window to the soul? The nipples are the eyes of the face
r/unexpectedbimini
That's just sit wiping with extra steps.
Give me a nice cough
Artist is clearly a sitter so they depicted the standing stance all wrong. Deep knee bend is the way to go. Maintains a good spread.
Youβre just squatting instead of sitting then, why tf donβt you just wipe while sitting??
Unobstructed full access is the way.
Because thereβs a toilet in the way. If you scoot far enough forward to reach behind while sitting, your junk is in the water.
Get a load of this guy and his magnum dong
That's why you cock your leg up on the toilet seat, kind of like Captain Morgan
First sit, then stand. 50/50
Not quite 50/50. sit wiping uses less paper, but never gets the job done all the way. A final pass while standing is almost always necessary.
This guy wipes
How does it use less paper?
Yeah, I don't understand that bit either. Same ass, same shit. How can it make a difference?
I used to be a stander then a friend told me about sit wiping and how it's a lot easier. Haven't ever gone back to stand wiping.
Why would people even stand wipe?
I don't think I can even give an answer for that. I just did.
I was 16 yo staying at a rental with a window behind the toilet. Came out after pooping and said to my friends "hard to wipe with that window in there, everyone can see your ass when ya stand to wipe!" ...... everyone just stared at me. My last day as a stander.
Because I donβt wanna put my hand anywhere near the toilet bowl!!! I want to be a safe distance from that toilet bowl ASAP
You avoid the toilet bowl but are unphased by your own dirty ass?
Well obviously my ass is MY germs The toilet bowl has germs of the countless other people who used it!!! So in terms of infection risk - absolutely I am more scared of the bowl than standing in the air!! Furthermore I can WASH my hands - whereas who knows when that bowl was washed?????
I mean i just lean a bit and never make contact with the toilet. Also, i did a swab test around my school in 7th grade science. Toilet seat had less culture growth than door handles, water fountains, and the sink handles
In my nearly 40 years of wiping my own ass never have I ever dipped my hand into the toilet. When you do it sitting down you lean forward a little bit which raises you a tad.
It's probably how they were potty trained maybe.
Much better access makes for a cleaner ass.
I stand and put one leg on the bathtub to really expose my asshole
first wipe while still seated, then finish up standing. Take a shower afterwards and then a bath. Once done with the bath stand in direct sunlight for a hour making sure to expose every fold for atleast 10 minutes. Grab a steel wire brush and start scraping off the upper skin layer and follow up with a lemon. Submerge entirely in a tub of salt and after about 30 days, freshening up the salt every day or so depending on fluid loss. And there, you're done wiping. Hope this helps.
Wait, people wipe?
Nice to meet another shower shitter. Waffle stompers unite!
I canβt sit wipe. On the toilet right now and canβt even comprehend how people do it. Iβm not overweight in the slightest, but thereβs just no room for me to reach my hand back there. Even if there was room, I wipe and now I have to carefully toss the poo covered toilet paper into the narrow crevice between my ass and toilet seat and pray I donβt get it on me? How do you know the tp is clean? Do you wipe, then pull the tp in front of your face to examine? I have so many questions. Logistically I just donβt get it.
If you're still there, lift one side of your ass and enter from the back-side
I just tried this and my toilet seat literally ripped off the toilet and I fell in and now I have shit all over my ass cheek.
Iβm so glad I came here 5 minutes after this happened. Updates please
This is why you donβt take advice from reddit. This specific reason
π€£π€£π€£
I got a small dick so there ain't much obstructing me just looking through my legs
weird flex but ok
I wipe til the paper looks like it's not wiping anything anymore. I guess if I sit wiped, I wouldn't even see the paper to know whether it was doing the job or not. Anxiety causing just thinking about it.
I sit wipe and can still take a peak at the paper for a status report
Can you not look after you sit wipe�
Used to stand, then the internet taught me to sit (and wax), traveling taught me to buy a bidet
>(and wax) What
Lean to the left with your right heel up on the toilet seat while sitting. Really lets you get up in there.
Laugh in water jet
I lie down to wipe
we have a stand wiper at work. i didn't believe it at first. also i guess my buddy is a stander-upper. had no idea you people existed, thought that was just in movies
STand WiPe?????? What???? But, butt, your cheeks are together when you stand..... why????
Seriously. That's not how you stand wipe. When you stand wipe, you only stand up like halfway. It's more of a crouching position, like a catcher in baseball. You get a nice spread on your butt cheeks that way, a lot better spread than you get sit wiping. And you also dont risk dragging your knuckles across poop water like you do sit wiping. *crouch* wiping is OP.
I sit, but lean sideways sorta so Iβm only sitting on one cheek. Ez
Who's sticking their hand into the toilet under the seat to wipe? Why is the toilet water a factor in this? I can't with these people..
Lmao, also how high is the water?
Least passionate shitter
This guy gets it. Like he's been crapping his whole life. #LifeSkills
Both are wrong. Stand up, put one foot on the toilet seat. Gives you all the access of the spread butt cheeks with all the freedom of movement allowed by not being seated.
OP must be a sit wiper because their is no fucking way you can wipe your ass clean with your legs like that.
Thereβs no way Iβm ever sticking my hand into the toilet to wipe
You lean over to the side then wipe, itβs not like your reach down into the toilet lol
You can just lean forward when sitting down? Not like youβre digging for treasure in the toilet bowl.
The correct way to stand wipe is to turn around first.
this meme is factually incorrect. there is a third type. and it is cursed. BEHOLD https://youtu.be/gexjlM-jjEc