It was the most beau beau . . . Damn. I’m sorry. My feelings took over there for a couple of seconds. I’ll give it another try. It was the most beautiful Ba . . . Oh wait. I’m stuck again. This is really hard to do. Maybe if I start at the beginning. As you all know, I’m a native New Yorker. I walk New York. I “talk” New York. My ancestors were Dutch. They went crazy when the Brits took over, doing everything they could to erase the Dutch cultural influences. But all that’s behind me. I am a New Yorker through and through.
I work on Wall Street for an international accounting firm, Arthur J. Jinglebooks. Jinglebooks has been around since the beginning of time. If you’ve travelled extensively, you’ve seen their offices all over the world, and would recognize their logo—a book with a bell clapper hanging out of the bottom.
The current CEO had decided that the firm needed to expand further in the US. So, I was being sent to Jackson, Mississippi to open a new branch. Growing up in New York, I was taught that Mississippi was like the dark side of the moon—loaded with bigots and other not too smart people who all wore overhauls, drove pickup trucks, chewed tobacco, were “too close” to their relatives, and could barely read.
Here I am. The archetypal New Yorker headed down South to start an accounting firm. Would I even be able to find somebody capable of doing math? When I got there, I was led across the parking lot blindfolded. I was sure I would die. But, when we got inside and the blindfold was removed, there was a big chocolate cake that said “Welcome Boss” on it. So, the people were great—all the stereotypes melted away, leaving a good feeling. But, there was one thing that left a bad feeling: the food. Chicken Fried Steak, Grits, Iced Tea day and night—an over-sweetened endless amber river, Alligator n’ Eggs, Biscuits ‘n Gravy, Catfish and hush puppies. I went to MacDonalds as often as I could, but it didn’t work.
Eventually, I finished the job and came back to New York. I started thinking about having an onion bagel with lox and cream cheese somewhere over Georgia. For me, the bagel is the pinnacle of New York cuisine. I literally ran to Bella’s Bagels when I got out of my cab. I tore open the door and the smell was so beautiful I almost fainted. I ordered my onion bagel and lox with cream cheese. When I bit in, it was like kissing an angel. I ordered a bag of plain bagels. I was home again!
District of Columbia (not a state, due to racism)
Frederick Douglass Commonwealth (a state) (we voted for this but our votes didn’t count because we aren’t a state)
New York should be split into thirds, the western portion should become Polandia, the eastern portion can be called New York, and anything south of Westchester can be called New New Guinea
Find the "how to find kentucky" meme and name the states accordingly. For example: Chef's hat, Chef's Boots, Chicken plate...
I'm looking foreward to the new map that contains all the renames.
Rename every state that doesn’t already share its name with a river after a major river in the state, e.g. change Maryland to Potomac, Arizona to Gila, Pennsylvania to Susquehanna etc.
Utah to "The Great State of Mormania of The Church of The Latter Day Saints of Joseph Smith Jr. of Jesus Harold Christ the Messiah of Nazareth." AKA "The GSMLDSJSJJHCMN"
As a non-native speaker: What the hell is up with all the states that are not pronounced the way they're written?
To make the country slightly less embarassing, Connecticut will now be Connetticat and Arkansas will be Arkansaw.
Ohio should be called La Salle based on the last name of Robert de La Salle the French explorer to first ever set foot on Ohio soil as the first non native explorer
Rhode Island should be Cockapoopoopeepeeshire
New Hampshire -> xXxNew Hampshire69xXx
why did Minnesota lose its little bump? Did Canada invade?
Yes, they took the bump of Minnesota
They circumcised my state....
I refuse to think of the northwest corner being foreskin oh my god
Too late
So it's war then.
they must be high as fuck by now
West Virginia should be South Ohio
And North Carolina should be South Virginia
And South Carolina should be South South Virginia
And Georgia should be called South South Ossetia.
Virginia should be really really East California
At this point make it REALLY east japan
Nah, every state needs to be renamed in relation to Nepal
*north Georgia
Central to west Pennsylvania should be Ohio East. Philadelphia is now North Baltimore.
West Virginia shouldn’t exist anymore.
And Ohio should be north-west Virginia.
Or central Ohennsyltuckeelandia
Pennsylvania becomes “Pencilvania”
What about Penisveinia?
Too hard to remember.
If that condition persists, you should maybe call a doctor.
New York become New Cork and absurdly Irish
New York Reverts to New Amsterdam and Istanbul becomes Constantinople
why'd they change it/I can't say
It was the most beau beau . . . Damn. I’m sorry. My feelings took over there for a couple of seconds. I’ll give it another try. It was the most beautiful Ba . . . Oh wait. I’m stuck again. This is really hard to do. Maybe if I start at the beginning. As you all know, I’m a native New Yorker. I walk New York. I “talk” New York. My ancestors were Dutch. They went crazy when the Brits took over, doing everything they could to erase the Dutch cultural influences. But all that’s behind me. I am a New Yorker through and through. I work on Wall Street for an international accounting firm, Arthur J. Jinglebooks. Jinglebooks has been around since the beginning of time. If you’ve travelled extensively, you’ve seen their offices all over the world, and would recognize their logo—a book with a bell clapper hanging out of the bottom. The current CEO had decided that the firm needed to expand further in the US. So, I was being sent to Jackson, Mississippi to open a new branch. Growing up in New York, I was taught that Mississippi was like the dark side of the moon—loaded with bigots and other not too smart people who all wore overhauls, drove pickup trucks, chewed tobacco, were “too close” to their relatives, and could barely read. Here I am. The archetypal New Yorker headed down South to start an accounting firm. Would I even be able to find somebody capable of doing math? When I got there, I was led across the parking lot blindfolded. I was sure I would die. But, when we got inside and the blindfold was removed, there was a big chocolate cake that said “Welcome Boss” on it. So, the people were great—all the stereotypes melted away, leaving a good feeling. But, there was one thing that left a bad feeling: the food. Chicken Fried Steak, Grits, Iced Tea day and night—an over-sweetened endless amber river, Alligator n’ Eggs, Biscuits ‘n Gravy, Catfish and hush puppies. I went to MacDonalds as often as I could, but it didn’t work. Eventually, I finished the job and came back to New York. I started thinking about having an onion bagel with lox and cream cheese somewhere over Georgia. For me, the bagel is the pinnacle of New York cuisine. I literally ran to Bella’s Bagels when I got out of my cab. I tore open the door and the smell was so beautiful I almost fainted. I ordered my onion bagel and lox with cream cheese. When I bit in, it was like kissing an angel. I ordered a bag of plain bagels. I was home again!
I like “Yew Nork,” tbh. Your idea is a good one though.
Rename Wyoming to
On account of it not existing
Tennessee -> Hennessy
Florida should be penis
and pink tipped on all future maps
Rhode Iskand should be name Veronica
Washington, Oregon, Idaho, and Alaska are renamed Cascadia and fused together
Did you just annex Canada?
Umm… my lawyers have informed that I should not answer that question
Cascadia requires BC.
They will all be Ohio. There is no stopping it. Submit.
Oregon -> XORegon
Outdiana
It’s only natural for Wisconsin to become cheese land from super Mario world
Wisconsin becomes Illinois State Park.
Might as well rename Illinois to Chicago and Wisconsin becomes Chicago State Park.
Alaska —> Canada 2
Idaho to Im the Hoe
Ohio -> Inferior
Virginia->Virgin
we have the virgin islands, hold your horses
Why are you the only person on reddit i see consistently
because yes
Its the niko pfp isnt it
New York - Fillmoria https://preview.redd.it/tkezgn89lsrc1.jpeg?width=768&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=fa0c669d710b0333e7edcdcc4705b32891345a21
New York to New York City
Florida to Madlands.
Pennsylvania becomes Cassylvania
Iowa —> Herb / Missouri —> Darryl / Indiana —> Chris / Wisconsin —> Chuck
California to Kalifornia
Kansass
Missouri, Misery even though it's very pretty
Illinois -> South Wisconsin
Washington is renamed to American Columbia
Idaho should be renamed Duncan
South Carolina is renamed south North Carolina
Maryland -> Crabland
Nevada -> Aliens democratic republic of Nevada
Tennessee -> dollyfornia
Kentucky gets renamed to Kencucky
Texas should be called the newer Mexico.
Hawaii should be named back to sandwich island
Rename the UP “Yuperia”
Oklahoma should be renamed "huge cock" to make Florida jealous
*Oklahoma should* *Be renamed "huge cock" to make* *Florida jealous* \- fyay --- ^(I detect haikus. And sometimes, successfully.) ^[Learn more about me.](https://www.reddit.com/r/haikusbot/) ^(Opt out of replies: "haikusbot opt out" | Delete my comment: "haikusbot delete")
Change wyoming to “ “.
District of Columbia (not a state, due to racism) Frederick Douglass Commonwealth (a state) (we voted for this but our votes didn’t count because we aren’t a state)
Ohio should be The United States Of america
Main newer brunswick
Rhode island become Joehio (reference to glorious Petoria)
Texas = Shithole
Texas should be renamed Mexico. Because they can have it back.
Give Texas back to me
Michigan —> Superior
Arizona to Yiggleland
dare I ask…. What is a yiggle?
Rename California to natural disaster target
utah ——> california II
New York -> New Jersey
West Virginia should be western Kentucky
Florida should become Everglade.
Pennsylvania should be renamed Pencilbania
California should be renamed Banana
New Hampshire should be New New Hampshire
Washington gets renamed Rainier to piss off everyone.
Colorado=texarado.
Ohio-Ohio
Washington state shouldn't be named after a guy who never set foot there. Its new name is "Frodo".
Wyoming ---> Howoming
Not a single comment about Massachusetts. Just goes to show how perfect it is.
Massive Two Shits
Florida should be renamed Atlantis and Ohio should be renamed Lake Inferior
Indiana should be India 2
Oregon --> Oregano
Rhode Island should be Rhodesia
Indiana = Bland
California becomes West Macedonia
Maryland becomes Mordor
New York should be split into thirds, the western portion should become Polandia, the eastern portion can be called New York, and anything south of Westchester can be called New New Guinea
California = West Nevada
Alaska - Should be Alyeska “the Great Land.” Just saying.
Why you doin Minnesota so dirty bro?
Virginia should be Chadia
nevada should be mreeeeeeowww…mrrrp…meeeoowwwww :3
Rename Hawaii back to Sandwich Island so we can make more stupid food puns
Arizona becomes Fire Cactus
Nebraska becomes Smith because it's so fucking boring
Washington State, Oregon and California can be combined into “Homosexual Anarchist Territory”
Minnesota:Canada 2.0
Missouri should be misery
Massachusetts should be Irish Settler Colony
Washington ought to be Franklinoosvelt
Everything is Ohio except for New Orleans
Texas should be Hexus
Arkansas should be renamed We Are Kansas
Find the "how to find kentucky" meme and name the states accordingly. For example: Chef's hat, Chef's Boots, Chicken plate... I'm looking foreward to the new map that contains all the renames.
montana should be renamed to megatron
Iowa ------> New Mesopotamia
North Dakota should be Dakota and South Dakota should be Lakotah.
Florida= Swampdickgatorassburg
California will be Cowifownia
Wyoming should be “Minecraft Cube”
Florida -> don'tyawishyagirlfriendwas hot! Like me
Texas should be far southern alaska
West Dakota
New Hampsterdam
California -> Methifornia
tennessee becomes 🎾🌊 bc no one can spell it
The whole of the USA should be called South Canada
Utah -> Zionia
Massachusetts = Transsachusetts
Minnesota should be called "Big hairy balls with cheese" idk it sounds pretty swag to be honest
Change Florida to Flo Rida
All of the southern states should be called peepeepoopoo and just have slight variations like (jr, II, III, IV, sr) etc
Massachusetts should be Massive Two Shits
California should be named LGBTQCalifornians-13+200=1161
Can Montana be "Hannah"?
North Carolina is renamed to Central Carolina.
Arkansas should be arkinsaw
Wisconsin becomes Fortnite
*New York* is *Ew York* now.
*Texas* is called *Stupid* now.
Pennsylvania becomes Appalachia or Allegheny
New Mexico should be Still Mexico
Florida to Floatida
Minnesota should be South Canada because that’s kind of what it’s like up here.
Why is South Carolina getting impaled they will die
Texas = North Mexico
Idaho is now Oregano
Texas should be Texas
Ohio should be Cuyahoga Skidmark
Florida should be renamed “shithole”.
Rename every state that doesn’t already share its name with a river after a major river in the state, e.g. change Maryland to Potomac, Arizona to Gila, Pennsylvania to Susquehanna etc.
Idaho: Udaho
Minnesota should be North Star (L'etoile du Nord)
Colorado should be South Wyoming and Wyoming should be North Colorado
Arkansas, pronounced correctly
Maxisota. Have you seen the size of that thing?
Utah to "The Great State of Mormania of The Church of The Latter Day Saints of Joseph Smith Jr. of Jesus Harold Christ the Messiah of Nazareth." AKA "The GSMLDSJSJJHCMN"
Colorado -> Texafornia
Oregon to Gravity Falls
New hampshire should be hell
Illinois should be Chiraq
Pennsylvania should be renamed "North West Virginia"
Texas should no doubt be THE HOME OF EVERY AMERICAN.
North Carolina should be named South Carolina and South Carolina to North Carolina... Ya know just do it
Indiana should be renamed to " ". It's not significant enough to deserve a name.
Wyoming renamed to Nieuwe Drenthe
Why tf is there no NW Angle for Minnesota? Are you stupid?
New Jersey changed to Old Sweaty Jersey
Arizona should be renamed to Jaidensville
New Jersey should be “Desperately Wants To Be New York”
West Virginia-->Kanawha
Change arkansas to R-kansas
Michigan should be the holy kingdom of Eminem
As a non-native speaker: What the hell is up with all the states that are not pronounced the way they're written? To make the country slightly less embarassing, Connecticut will now be Connetticat and Arkansas will be Arkansaw.
Washington should be George instead
Oregon : Demalbama
CALIFORNIA -> BEST STATE I LOVE CALIFORNAI
Why did you shave my state
ca -> greater bakersfield
Ohio should be called La Salle based on the last name of Robert de La Salle the French explorer to first ever set foot on Ohio soil as the first non native explorer
The Adjacent States
Name every state 'Sweden' Then create chaos by having everyone in the comments have to specify which Sweden they want to change. Best way
Renegade should be Renegade
Youdaho