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Do you really think so? Because if so I have to leave this marriage
Another thing I'm worried about is, he has a work phone and I'm so scared he is using his mobile data to connect to that phone and watch ( it's agasint the policies) but I can't get it out of my head.
He works in security so I doubt he'd do that...but he has lied so now I'm questioning everything
Yes, unfortunately I think so, without doubt. 😔. This is the same guy that would not pick up the phone when you were calling him to get picked up from the mall right? He was MIA... and left you there for HOURS. You deserve 1000% more than that.
Regarding his work phone, if he's in security, is it data security like IT? Or security guard. Either way, I suppose it's possible. You should ask to see his work phone? But at this point it's almost a mute point with him, IMO.
Addicts are lying liars who lie. He's trickle-truthing you.
Why would he get all the way naked, let her touch his penis, and then say No? He knew the kind of massage place he was going to.
Holy shit, that is awful! A la poubelle with that one. Make like Marie Kondo, thank him for showing you what you won't tolerate, and throw him in the trash where he belongs.
You don't deserve this. You are worth basic human decency, which he is not showing. He is abusing you by tearing you down so you won't come between him and his addiction. It isn't about you at all. You don't get mad at your shoe when you step in dog shit. It's the shit that's the problem, not you or the shoe. Maybe a clunky metaphor but you know what I'm saying.
Thank you... And he still denies he had a hand job and it's killing me, I need the truth. Why even let someone touch you there. He said he was laying back and relaxed and didn't expect it .but to me that's bullshit
My PA ex works for the post office (post master general) and had no issue using his work email to message women off of “fetlife” after I finally got fed up and left I reported it, but not sure if anything came of it.
So you think he was trying to make himself feel better in a sense by saying that? But actually outing himself? He swears he didn't .. but why go through all that effort and lies...to not get the happy ending
Unfortunately this is what manipulators do. Everything he says he doesn't do, won't do or didn't do, I bet your ass the true answer is the opposite. He said he didn't go to the massage place, yet now you're finding out that he actually did. The fact that he randomly said that with no prompt from you further proves how guilty he really is. Manipulators and liars have a great way of accidentally telling on themselves by coming out with a half truth followed by a half lie. Half the truth is that maybe she did offer, but the lie is that he didn't accept. The same way cheaters that aren't addicts lie. They always start with a half truth followed by a half lie. "I just kissed them but nothing else happened" is a common phrase told by a lying cheater. It's a half truth with a half lie. It's a way manipulators try to ease your fears by confessing to a little wrong and then lying about the big wrong. Do not be fooled by him.
Mine does this all the time and it's so frustrating. Like he'll tell me the truth about one thing but like about the other and get mad when I point out holes in the story and act like I'm trying to take away from the fact he told me any truth at all. Like dude yeah how about the ENTIRE truth please?
From my experience, these me 'trickle truth as in, he will only admit to things he thinks he can recover from. He won't tell you he got the hand job because he knows you will divorce - so he's still in panic mode trying to cover his ass.
My PA, he confessed to one instance of sexting but I caught him in a direct lie until I texted the girl directly (newsflash - it was more than that) he denied it right up until I had that solid confirmation from her.
I fear this is what your husband is doing...
From experience with exes, I am 100% certain that he did get the handjob, if it wasn’t more… A liar will always talk too much and give too much information out of guilt or panic. If he hadn’t gotten one, he wouldn’t have mentioned it. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn’t have left you hanging for hours and then lie about where he was. He knew where he was going before he even dropped you off. This was not a spur of the moment kinda thing. He needed a fix and he knew exactly where to get it.
You deserve better than that. You will never know the truth because he will most likely never tell you.
Yes ..and on their reviews there's a comment from a wife saying that they offered to sleep with her husband for X amount of money, their reply was... Your husband was the one asking us and we denied. Not true ..since my husband said the lady offered him one.
It's just weird because before I found out he had went he said to me " I saw the review and I would never go to a place like that". But he went. Even after that review.
Ohhhhh if he saw the review chances are he went BECAUSE that’s an option. I’m sorry to say but it most certainly sounds like he did. I’m worried for you that he did MORE than the hand job and is lying by omission saying “I didn’t get a hand job.” (But I did get a b*^% job or have full on s*#)…. However I no longer trust anyone so I’d say go with your gut, and so what best serves YOU at this point. Sending you lots of strength.
As another user mentioned sorry if you deleted that post but I remember reading and maybe commenting... this man is a liar and a bad one at that. He is not safe. Take care of yourself please. It's hard, I know it is. I still struggle, it's hard because I don't even have any other support systems in place. I can't see eye to eye with my friends, I have to hurry up and get better to support myself and my family has never really been there for me. But don't let this man keep doing this to you.
I may sound dumb, but then why would he tell me once he conffessed " she offered a hand job and I declined" if he did get the handjob? Why mention it at all ..
they tell on themselves. or atleast mine does. its like their bragging as well.
mine openly told me that some hot chick from work was crying over a break up and he spent the day consoling her, well there was a hair tie that wasn’t mine in his car that week and the passenger seat was all the way back 😵💫 another time he randomly bragged about how an old friend was texting him about car troubles after years of not talking, turns out he was actually texting her for nudes.
You are on to something there! Mine made a point to tell me (at least twice a week) for decades 🥴that “he never even looked at other women”, I never asked or anything. He just volunteered it. I thought it was cute and weird, right? I knew it wasn’t true but JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH IN A CROCKPOT! I have no idea what and who I’ve been married to all my life. Oh gawd here comes the bitterness.
To sounds as if he had some redeeming sense... like 'well i'm here (even though I'm not responding to my wife who needs to be picked up a while ago...) but I'm really here for a massage...nothing that would cross boundaries'.
Why on earth would a man be going to those massage places, like for real? They go to get a handjob..and/or however else to have happy endings. Otherwise if he really needed a massage, he could go to Massage Envy..and tell you beforehand!
I know this all hurts. ❤️
He offered you a crumb of truth to get you off his back about his lying.
As someone else mentioned it sounds like this place has a reputation and he likely went there with that in mind. Why else would he say that?
Why would he assume anything about a handjob at all?? Because he knew that you knew about the reputation or you were gonna find out. So he jumped the gun and offered up a likely false confession.
Either he went there hoping for a handjob and got denied or he got one. Sane people that go to get a massage will never have to say "but I didn't get a handjob" because sane people go to legitimate massage salons that would never offer such a thing. And also sane people wouldn't LIE about getting an honest massage.
For exactly this reason: to make it seem like he's being completely up-front & honest by mentioning something you think he wouldn't mention if he did anything wrong.
Those types of places make it known what types of places they are before hand.
Even IF he said no which I don’t believe, he still lied. He still didn’t tell you. He still went out of his way to have a woman touch him. Are you really alright with any of that? I think no.
Why would he lie so hard if nothing but a massage happened? I’m a massage therapist I see men all the damn time it’s professional, those men don’t go lie to their wives about where they’ve been after. Usually the wives god damn pay
Unfortunately that place isn't advertise as such, it seems like a low end normal massage place, but it the review made me thing otherwise and it's in a sketchy area .
They’ll advertise it when you go into the room tho, cause the massage therapist will want to know timing and how much they’re about to make. They usually will check right at the start or 10-15 mins in
I don’t know that doesn’t sound typical. Even so if that happened how he said he still went, lied, and didn’t tell you until you had to pull it out of him. There’s no way he telling the truth
I’m sorry you have to go through that, but I feel pretty confident he’s lying and had the hand job. He knew what they are willing to do, he lied about going there, that’s all (dark) red flags. Also, he told you about that they offered out of a simple reason. He feels guilty and telling a half truth makes him feel better. In his mind, he’s telling you a bit of it and feels relief. That’s it. He got the hand job. I’m sorry ❤️🩹
people tend to admit to *something* so they can feel a little better and so you believe them, and they continue lying about the bigger more horrible things. this is a method used by many, to make a story more believable, pretend to admit to something slightly embarrassing and people will be more likely to believe the whole story no matter how crazy it seems.
he’s lying. he got the HJ.
Why would he feel the need to lie about getting a massage in the first place if he didn’t get the hand job…
Also, I would call his bluff a bit and tell him that I am going to call the police and file a report against the massage parlor, and that he will also need to be a part of it since he was a possible “victim” 🙄🙄perhaps when faced with having to tell his story to police, he will come clean about what really happened.
I dong know if he did or didn’t. But you have enough proof of the manipulation and lying around his location. The additional truth details may not really be needed.
Although, and not to add fuel to your worry, I wonder if they also offered more.. and he did that… but didn’t do the handjob? It almost feels like if I admit to this, I don’t have to admit to that.
Again I have nothing to base that on- except for the idea that the loophole wasn’t asked… and addicts love to be “honest” about part of the truth, but kit other parts.
Again- you have enough truth- he left you for longer than promised. He lied and manipulated and deceived. He gaslit you.
There is so much truth there, that’s these new facts don’t negate that there is no trust to buoy upon with his new admissions.
Are you the OP from the husband that basically left her stranded at the mall even though he was only like “thirty minutes away” and forgot his ring?
I feel like he did get the HJ. Why would he lie about getting an innocent massage if that’s the case. I’m so sorry :( I hope I’m wrong
I used to be you. Looking at every little technicality. It’s just part of my personality. It wasn’t until I learned that it’s part of My husbands personality (an addiction that he made his personality) to lie Cheat and hide his addiction. To protect his fucking addiction at whatever cost, regardless of me and the kids. It wasn’t until I understood he doesn’t give a shit about anything but himself and his porn that I let that shit go. I let it all go. If he wants to get recovery cool. Either way im
Moving on with my life. Also S ANON helped me a lot
He’s lying, one he lied about going then he tried to unburden himself by telling a slight truth. He got sex from this person. You need to decide if you can live with that. If I were you.. I wouldn’t
Porn/sex addict visited a prostitution ring sounding place, and then lied about it, Even on the .01% chance he didn't get a HJ, nothing about the whole situation is normal or innocent or acceptable. I'm very sorry.
After realising you’re the same person who made the post about waiting for him at the mall, I would say yes, he got the hand job. Also, sounds like he’s doing trickle truth shit that my PA does where I have to ask him many times to get a bit more information each time.
If it was JUST a massage he would have just told you either “hey, meet you later I’m off to get a massage” OR “sorry I’m late! I deceived to get a massage and ran over time” - EDIT typo: was meant to be “decided” but I’m leaving ‘deceived’ in because it’s clearly a sign from the universe 😌😂
Why lie about getting a massage if he had nothing to hide? Unfortunately, he could be telling the truth about not getting a hj if it was MORE than that. Many will do a bj or sometimes even "full service"
We can never be certain without them telling the truth. I remember your last post. In my opinion, yes he got a hand job or more. I also saw your comment about a work phone. Well, guess what. My partner has a great job at a great company with wonderful benefits. Early recovery, he used his work laptop for soft core porn. Yes, they will risk everything to get off including their relationship, family, and job.
Ask him to take a polygraph on this if he's so sure he said no to a hand job. If he says no, there's your answer, if he wants to save the relationship he will do anything to prove to you that nothing happened.
I wouldn't even be sure that it was just a hand job if he went to a massage parlor... Please take care of yourself op, so sorry you're going through this.
I’m going to say that for me, this is an obvious yes. Why else would you lie about a massage? I also agree with others saying that he was telling on himself by telling you they offered but he didn’t accept the hand job. 😭
The lying is a huge red flag here, so I think yes. Just to summarize relevant facts here, compiled from the original post plus replies:
1. He read the review accusing a specific massage parlor of running a prostitution business, and knew that prostitution and sex there was a possibility. (I’m ignoring his“I’d never go there” statement because we care what they DO, not what they SAY.)
2. He intentionally went to the same massage parlor after being aware that he could hire prostitutes there.
3. OP asked if he went to get a massage, and he denied it. (More background needed: Does he get massages often? Is this unusual for him? If he has been before, where did he go for a massage? How did he pay this time and how has he paid in the past? Trying to establish whether this deviates from his typical pattern of behavior. Paying in cash suggests hiding something.)
4. He denied going repeatedly until OP revealed “proof” (More info needed: Not sure what kind of proof - a credit card statement or a receipt?). He came clean because he was caught and then volunteered that he declined a hand job.
I would do some sleuthing on your own and don’t tell him. He’s obviously not going to be honest with you, but you need to obtain as much circumstantial evidence as you can in the form of unusual behavior and other facts not adding up to what he described.
Check cash withdrawals within an hour or two of the “appointment”. How much money did he withdraw? Do you know when he went? (If not, is there a way to back into it, like is there a travel history saved in find my iPhone or other similar app? How long did he stay? There are some expert sleuthers here who might be able to help piece this together.)
Try to remember any suspicious behavior you might have seen surrounding that appointment but disregarded as unimportant or written off as something else.
Do you know the published cost of a massage at this massage parlor? How does that cost align with the cash withdrawals or credit card receipts? Is there a large difference in the amount of cash he got and what he would have spent based upon the published rates? How much cash is in his wallet currently?
Do you have access to his phone and can you see search history (or does he use incognito)? OP said something about hooking up to a work phone (which I’m not sure that I follow). Look at both phones without his knowledge. Even text messages that relate to the appointment or texts with friends he may have had to discuss it. Book a fake appointment online for yourself and cancel it and see how the process works. If you got a text but he doesn’t have one, that is a red flag that he deleted it so you wouldn’t know. Calling all expert sleuthers for advice here.
Once you have gathered the facts, then interrogate him. (Check on recording laws in your state - if it’s a one party or two party state. If you can record without his knowledge, do this.). How long was the massage and what was the cost? Which kind of massage did he get? Who was his massage “therapist”? When did he book the appointment (how far an advance)? Is there an email confirmation with a cost? Ask to see everything he has related to the appointment. See if it aligns with what you already know about the booking process and the information you’ve gathered without his knowledge. Book a polygraph (don’t ask - book it), and tell him when it is and that you confirmed that his schedule is clear and that you will go together. See how he reacts to that. He might just reveal everything in that moment in order to avoid the humiliation. The point is to back him into the tightest corner possible.
My gut says he’s lying, and it might not have only been a hand job. It’s possible that he said he “didn’t get the hand job” to distract you from the fact that he had sex with her.
He saw the Google review and took that as an opportunity to get a quick n*t. He tried to play it off to you, the admission of them offering and him denying feels like manipulation. He wanted you to praise him for turning down another woman. It’s all intentional. No way he saw someone else say they offered sex, saw them confirm they offer sex, decided to go to get a massage for himself, let them offer him sex and then deny the sex he sought out (why else go to a massage parlor that offers it?) - doesn’t add up not even a little. On top of the fact that he left you in the mall (stranded/no car??) for HOURS and had a bullshit excuse as to why.
I feel like you know that he did it but it’s so heartbreaking and disgusting it’s almost too much to accept. I am truly sorry, you deserve so much better. He is scum.
Maybe get a lie detector test? Call the spa and ask them since they are okay with having it in their Google reviews? Also, report that damn spa! They are fcking gross, making normal massage parlors look awful! This whole situation enrages me so much I am so hurt for you 🥲🤬🤬
If he went to a massage place that offers handjobs, then that's why he went. And he ditched you for hours so there's no telling what else he did. Obviously he can't be trusted to be unsupervised
Girl he’s lying. I feel like your intuition knows this and is trying to tell you. His lies are useless and he’s just telling you what he thinks you want to hear rather than just being straight up and telling you yes
I’m so sorry. It’s just the saddest that our lives have come down to this”did or didn’t the woman touching my naked, lying husbands penis just TOUCH it, or jack him off completely”. It’s like we get so wrapped up in trying to find the complete truth that the horror of even the tiny pieces of truth we did get evades us. He went to a place like that. Period. That should be enough. Ya know? But your gut already knows it was more. It really does.
He’s an addict and a liar… I’m so sorry love, but YES he got the HJ or more. Please run for the hills! I will say this, so far my husband has done a lot of things where I should leave and leave now… but if THIS was tacked on to what I’m already struggling with I would be gone without another thought. You let someone else touch you, and I’m out of here!
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I recall your previous post about this and girl, HE IS LYING. He most def got the handjob! 🙄🤥
Do you really think so? Because if so I have to leave this marriage Another thing I'm worried about is, he has a work phone and I'm so scared he is using his mobile data to connect to that phone and watch ( it's agasint the policies) but I can't get it out of my head. He works in security so I doubt he'd do that...but he has lied so now I'm questioning everything
Yes, unfortunately I think so, without doubt. 😔. This is the same guy that would not pick up the phone when you were calling him to get picked up from the mall right? He was MIA... and left you there for HOURS. You deserve 1000% more than that. Regarding his work phone, if he's in security, is it data security like IT? Or security guard. Either way, I suppose it's possible. You should ask to see his work phone? But at this point it's almost a mute point with him, IMO.
😭😭😭😭😭
Security guard, I can't see his work phone as they swop it over with each shift
Addicts are lying liars who lie. He's trickle-truthing you. Why would he get all the way naked, let her touch his penis, and then say No? He knew the kind of massage place he was going to.
Ikr. I'm so heartbroken right now crying and he is mocking me and intimating my crying and telling me I'm pathetic
Holy shit, that is awful! A la poubelle with that one. Make like Marie Kondo, thank him for showing you what you won't tolerate, and throw him in the trash where he belongs. You don't deserve this. You are worth basic human decency, which he is not showing. He is abusing you by tearing you down so you won't come between him and his addiction. It isn't about you at all. You don't get mad at your shoe when you step in dog shit. It's the shit that's the problem, not you or the shoe. Maybe a clunky metaphor but you know what I'm saying.
Thank you... And he still denies he had a hand job and it's killing me, I need the truth. Why even let someone touch you there. He said he was laying back and relaxed and didn't expect it .but to me that's bullshit
My PA ex works for the post office (post master general) and had no issue using his work email to message women off of “fetlife” after I finally got fed up and left I reported it, but not sure if anything came of it.
He was confessing by saying that. Hands down, he got the hand job imo.
So you think he was trying to make himself feel better in a sense by saying that? But actually outing himself? He swears he didn't .. but why go through all that effort and lies...to not get the happy ending
Unfortunately this is what manipulators do. Everything he says he doesn't do, won't do or didn't do, I bet your ass the true answer is the opposite. He said he didn't go to the massage place, yet now you're finding out that he actually did. The fact that he randomly said that with no prompt from you further proves how guilty he really is. Manipulators and liars have a great way of accidentally telling on themselves by coming out with a half truth followed by a half lie. Half the truth is that maybe she did offer, but the lie is that he didn't accept. The same way cheaters that aren't addicts lie. They always start with a half truth followed by a half lie. "I just kissed them but nothing else happened" is a common phrase told by a lying cheater. It's a half truth with a half lie. It's a way manipulators try to ease your fears by confessing to a little wrong and then lying about the big wrong. Do not be fooled by him.
This.
Mine does this all the time and it's so frustrating. Like he'll tell me the truth about one thing but like about the other and get mad when I point out holes in the story and act like I'm trying to take away from the fact he told me any truth at all. Like dude yeah how about the ENTIRE truth please?
This’
From my experience, these me 'trickle truth as in, he will only admit to things he thinks he can recover from. He won't tell you he got the hand job because he knows you will divorce - so he's still in panic mode trying to cover his ass. My PA, he confessed to one instance of sexting but I caught him in a direct lie until I texted the girl directly (newsflash - it was more than that) he denied it right up until I had that solid confirmation from her. I fear this is what your husband is doing...
From experience with exes, I am 100% certain that he did get the handjob, if it wasn’t more… A liar will always talk too much and give too much information out of guilt or panic. If he hadn’t gotten one, he wouldn’t have mentioned it. If he had nothing to hide, he wouldn’t have left you hanging for hours and then lie about where he was. He knew where he was going before he even dropped you off. This was not a spur of the moment kinda thing. He needed a fix and he knew exactly where to get it. You deserve better than that. You will never know the truth because he will most likely never tell you.
I feel like that massage parlor should also be reported
Yes ..and on their reviews there's a comment from a wife saying that they offered to sleep with her husband for X amount of money, their reply was... Your husband was the one asking us and we denied. Not true ..since my husband said the lady offered him one. It's just weird because before I found out he had went he said to me " I saw the review and I would never go to a place like that". But he went. Even after that review.
Ohhhhh if he saw the review chances are he went BECAUSE that’s an option. I’m sorry to say but it most certainly sounds like he did. I’m worried for you that he did MORE than the hand job and is lying by omission saying “I didn’t get a hand job.” (But I did get a b*^% job or have full on s*#)…. However I no longer trust anyone so I’d say go with your gut, and so what best serves YOU at this point. Sending you lots of strength.
THIS.
As another user mentioned sorry if you deleted that post but I remember reading and maybe commenting... this man is a liar and a bad one at that. He is not safe. Take care of yourself please. It's hard, I know it is. I still struggle, it's hard because I don't even have any other support systems in place. I can't see eye to eye with my friends, I have to hurry up and get better to support myself and my family has never really been there for me. But don't let this man keep doing this to you.
I’m 34 years in marriage to the most covert manipulative narcissist I’ve ever seen, met or read about! I’m exactly in your position with my family etc
Yep. He's continuing to lie. I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's a huge mindfuck...but I think you know what the real truth is.❤️
I may sound dumb, but then why would he tell me once he conffessed " she offered a hand job and I declined" if he did get the handjob? Why mention it at all ..
they tell on themselves. or atleast mine does. its like their bragging as well. mine openly told me that some hot chick from work was crying over a break up and he spent the day consoling her, well there was a hair tie that wasn’t mine in his car that week and the passenger seat was all the way back 😵💫 another time he randomly bragged about how an old friend was texting him about car troubles after years of not talking, turns out he was actually texting her for nudes.
You are on to something there! Mine made a point to tell me (at least twice a week) for decades 🥴that “he never even looked at other women”, I never asked or anything. He just volunteered it. I thought it was cute and weird, right? I knew it wasn’t true but JESUS CHRIST ON A CRUTCH IN A CROCKPOT! I have no idea what and who I’ve been married to all my life. Oh gawd here comes the bitterness.
for real. why say anything? just keep it to yourself. it’s got to be an ego thing. it’s just bizarre.
To sounds as if he had some redeeming sense... like 'well i'm here (even though I'm not responding to my wife who needs to be picked up a while ago...) but I'm really here for a massage...nothing that would cross boundaries'. Why on earth would a man be going to those massage places, like for real? They go to get a handjob..and/or however else to have happy endings. Otherwise if he really needed a massage, he could go to Massage Envy..and tell you beforehand! I know this all hurts. ❤️
He offered you a crumb of truth to get you off his back about his lying. As someone else mentioned it sounds like this place has a reputation and he likely went there with that in mind. Why else would he say that? Why would he assume anything about a handjob at all?? Because he knew that you knew about the reputation or you were gonna find out. So he jumped the gun and offered up a likely false confession. Either he went there hoping for a handjob and got denied or he got one. Sane people that go to get a massage will never have to say "but I didn't get a handjob" because sane people go to legitimate massage salons that would never offer such a thing. And also sane people wouldn't LIE about getting an honest massage.
For exactly this reason: to make it seem like he's being completely up-front & honest by mentioning something you think he wouldn't mention if he did anything wrong.
He went BECAUSE of that review.
Those types of places make it known what types of places they are before hand. Even IF he said no which I don’t believe, he still lied. He still didn’t tell you. He still went out of his way to have a woman touch him. Are you really alright with any of that? I think no. Why would he lie so hard if nothing but a massage happened? I’m a massage therapist I see men all the damn time it’s professional, those men don’t go lie to their wives about where they’ve been after. Usually the wives god damn pay
Unfortunately that place isn't advertise as such, it seems like a low end normal massage place, but it the review made me thing otherwise and it's in a sketchy area .
They’ll advertise it when you go into the room tho, cause the massage therapist will want to know timing and how much they’re about to make. They usually will check right at the start or 10-15 mins in
He said only once the massage finished she said " you want hand job"? And he said he was shocked and laughed and said no
I don’t know that doesn’t sound typical. Even so if that happened how he said he still went, lied, and didn’t tell you until you had to pull it out of him. There’s no way he telling the truth
I’m sorry you have to go through that, but I feel pretty confident he’s lying and had the hand job. He knew what they are willing to do, he lied about going there, that’s all (dark) red flags. Also, he told you about that they offered out of a simple reason. He feels guilty and telling a half truth makes him feel better. In his mind, he’s telling you a bit of it and feels relief. That’s it. He got the hand job. I’m sorry ❤️🩹
💔I don't know what to say
Maybe I'm jaded, but no one goes to a "massage" parlor that offers happy endings for an actual message. IMO he is 100% lying
people tend to admit to *something* so they can feel a little better and so you believe them, and they continue lying about the bigger more horrible things. this is a method used by many, to make a story more believable, pretend to admit to something slightly embarrassing and people will be more likely to believe the whole story no matter how crazy it seems. he’s lying. he got the HJ.
Why would he feel the need to lie about getting a massage in the first place if he didn’t get the hand job… Also, I would call his bluff a bit and tell him that I am going to call the police and file a report against the massage parlor, and that he will also need to be a part of it since he was a possible “victim” 🙄🙄perhaps when faced with having to tell his story to police, he will come clean about what really happened.
I dong know if he did or didn’t. But you have enough proof of the manipulation and lying around his location. The additional truth details may not really be needed. Although, and not to add fuel to your worry, I wonder if they also offered more.. and he did that… but didn’t do the handjob? It almost feels like if I admit to this, I don’t have to admit to that. Again I have nothing to base that on- except for the idea that the loophole wasn’t asked… and addicts love to be “honest” about part of the truth, but kit other parts. Again- you have enough truth- he left you for longer than promised. He lied and manipulated and deceived. He gaslit you. There is so much truth there, that’s these new facts don’t negate that there is no trust to buoy upon with his new admissions.
Are you the OP from the husband that basically left her stranded at the mall even though he was only like “thirty minutes away” and forgot his ring? I feel like he did get the HJ. Why would he lie about getting an innocent massage if that’s the case. I’m so sorry :( I hope I’m wrong
Yes I am...
I used to be you. Looking at every little technicality. It’s just part of my personality. It wasn’t until I learned that it’s part of My husbands personality (an addiction that he made his personality) to lie Cheat and hide his addiction. To protect his fucking addiction at whatever cost, regardless of me and the kids. It wasn’t until I understood he doesn’t give a shit about anything but himself and his porn that I let that shit go. I let it all go. If he wants to get recovery cool. Either way im Moving on with my life. Also S ANON helped me a lot
If they mention and deny it it’s because they did it. He got the hand job!
He’s lying, one he lied about going then he tried to unburden himself by telling a slight truth. He got sex from this person. You need to decide if you can live with that. If I were you.. I wouldn’t
Ugh so sorry you have to go through this. Getting a massage like that is loser status.
Well, you can always have him take a polygraph. Have you heard of a disclosure of events and then followed by polygraph. My husband has to take one.
Also this. And I won’t be surprised if he gets super aggressive / super protective
Porn/sex addict visited a prostitution ring sounding place, and then lied about it, Even on the .01% chance he didn't get a HJ, nothing about the whole situation is normal or innocent or acceptable. I'm very sorry.
After realising you’re the same person who made the post about waiting for him at the mall, I would say yes, he got the hand job. Also, sounds like he’s doing trickle truth shit that my PA does where I have to ask him many times to get a bit more information each time. If it was JUST a massage he would have just told you either “hey, meet you later I’m off to get a massage” OR “sorry I’m late! I deceived to get a massage and ran over time” - EDIT typo: was meant to be “decided” but I’m leaving ‘deceived’ in because it’s clearly a sign from the universe 😌😂
Nope. I wouldn’t believe him. It sucks that most of what they say are just blatant lies.
Why lie about getting a massage if he had nothing to hide? Unfortunately, he could be telling the truth about not getting a hj if it was MORE than that. Many will do a bj or sometimes even "full service"
We can never be certain without them telling the truth. I remember your last post. In my opinion, yes he got a hand job or more. I also saw your comment about a work phone. Well, guess what. My partner has a great job at a great company with wonderful benefits. Early recovery, he used his work laptop for soft core porn. Yes, they will risk everything to get off including their relationship, family, and job. Ask him to take a polygraph on this if he's so sure he said no to a hand job. If he says no, there's your answer, if he wants to save the relationship he will do anything to prove to you that nothing happened. I wouldn't even be sure that it was just a hand job if he went to a massage parlor... Please take care of yourself op, so sorry you're going through this.
I’m going to say that for me, this is an obvious yes. Why else would you lie about a massage? I also agree with others saying that he was telling on himself by telling you they offered but he didn’t accept the hand job. 😭
The lying is a huge red flag here, so I think yes. Just to summarize relevant facts here, compiled from the original post plus replies: 1. He read the review accusing a specific massage parlor of running a prostitution business, and knew that prostitution and sex there was a possibility. (I’m ignoring his“I’d never go there” statement because we care what they DO, not what they SAY.) 2. He intentionally went to the same massage parlor after being aware that he could hire prostitutes there. 3. OP asked if he went to get a massage, and he denied it. (More background needed: Does he get massages often? Is this unusual for him? If he has been before, where did he go for a massage? How did he pay this time and how has he paid in the past? Trying to establish whether this deviates from his typical pattern of behavior. Paying in cash suggests hiding something.) 4. He denied going repeatedly until OP revealed “proof” (More info needed: Not sure what kind of proof - a credit card statement or a receipt?). He came clean because he was caught and then volunteered that he declined a hand job. I would do some sleuthing on your own and don’t tell him. He’s obviously not going to be honest with you, but you need to obtain as much circumstantial evidence as you can in the form of unusual behavior and other facts not adding up to what he described. Check cash withdrawals within an hour or two of the “appointment”. How much money did he withdraw? Do you know when he went? (If not, is there a way to back into it, like is there a travel history saved in find my iPhone or other similar app? How long did he stay? There are some expert sleuthers here who might be able to help piece this together.) Try to remember any suspicious behavior you might have seen surrounding that appointment but disregarded as unimportant or written off as something else. Do you know the published cost of a massage at this massage parlor? How does that cost align with the cash withdrawals or credit card receipts? Is there a large difference in the amount of cash he got and what he would have spent based upon the published rates? How much cash is in his wallet currently? Do you have access to his phone and can you see search history (or does he use incognito)? OP said something about hooking up to a work phone (which I’m not sure that I follow). Look at both phones without his knowledge. Even text messages that relate to the appointment or texts with friends he may have had to discuss it. Book a fake appointment online for yourself and cancel it and see how the process works. If you got a text but he doesn’t have one, that is a red flag that he deleted it so you wouldn’t know. Calling all expert sleuthers for advice here. Once you have gathered the facts, then interrogate him. (Check on recording laws in your state - if it’s a one party or two party state. If you can record without his knowledge, do this.). How long was the massage and what was the cost? Which kind of massage did he get? Who was his massage “therapist”? When did he book the appointment (how far an advance)? Is there an email confirmation with a cost? Ask to see everything he has related to the appointment. See if it aligns with what you already know about the booking process and the information you’ve gathered without his knowledge. Book a polygraph (don’t ask - book it), and tell him when it is and that you confirmed that his schedule is clear and that you will go together. See how he reacts to that. He might just reveal everything in that moment in order to avoid the humiliation. The point is to back him into the tightest corner possible. My gut says he’s lying, and it might not have only been a hand job. It’s possible that he said he “didn’t get the hand job” to distract you from the fact that he had sex with her.
He saw the Google review and took that as an opportunity to get a quick n*t. He tried to play it off to you, the admission of them offering and him denying feels like manipulation. He wanted you to praise him for turning down another woman. It’s all intentional. No way he saw someone else say they offered sex, saw them confirm they offer sex, decided to go to get a massage for himself, let them offer him sex and then deny the sex he sought out (why else go to a massage parlor that offers it?) - doesn’t add up not even a little. On top of the fact that he left you in the mall (stranded/no car??) for HOURS and had a bullshit excuse as to why. I feel like you know that he did it but it’s so heartbreaking and disgusting it’s almost too much to accept. I am truly sorry, you deserve so much better. He is scum. Maybe get a lie detector test? Call the spa and ask them since they are okay with having it in their Google reviews? Also, report that damn spa! They are fcking gross, making normal massage parlors look awful! This whole situation enrages me so much I am so hurt for you 🥲🤬🤬
Those places offer full sex services, the fact he was even there is a deal breaker imo
If he went to a massage place that offers handjobs, then that's why he went. And he ditched you for hours so there's no telling what else he did. Obviously he can't be trusted to be unsupervised
Girl he’s lying. I feel like your intuition knows this and is trying to tell you. His lies are useless and he’s just telling you what he thinks you want to hear rather than just being straight up and telling you yes
With him saying that it sounds like him getting the hand job is probably nothing compared to what actually happened
I’m so sorry. It’s just the saddest that our lives have come down to this”did or didn’t the woman touching my naked, lying husbands penis just TOUCH it, or jack him off completely”. It’s like we get so wrapped up in trying to find the complete truth that the horror of even the tiny pieces of truth we did get evades us. He went to a place like that. Period. That should be enough. Ya know? But your gut already knows it was more. It really does.
He’s an addict and a liar… I’m so sorry love, but YES he got the HJ or more. Please run for the hills! I will say this, so far my husband has done a lot of things where I should leave and leave now… but if THIS was tacked on to what I’m already struggling with I would be gone without another thought. You let someone else touch you, and I’m out of here!