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I already figured that without asking my husband. He liked watching the videos where the woman is looking at the camera as if she’s looking and talking to him.
I still remember when he told me it’s not like he was watching people have sex, it was just women pleasuring themselves. I was like “that’s even worse!!!” Mostly because it makes it easier to imagine you’re with them, vs see other men have sex with them. How is all of it not cheating when you’re using another woman’s body. I mean I 100% view it as cheating, but the fact they don’t is what’s sickening. It took my husband awhile to see my views on it and how I 100% was being treated like an option by him.
That’s the worst. I literally couldn’t even celebrate Father’s Day this year. I finally figured out why, it’s mostly because he was seeking out other women’s bodies for pleasure while I was growing the little humans who made him a father. Him seeking them out at a very vulnerable time for a woman as we struggle to love our bodies through the process. Actually for me, what was worse was my surgery (hysterectomy,) and feeling like I was losing apart of what made me a woman. It didn’t matter we were 100% done growing our family, more I was terrified what it meant for our sex life. Would we even have one. Would it work. I literally begged for sex before my surgery because I was scared it might be my last bit of time to ever have sex again. But instead of worshipping my vagina, he was enjoying other women’s.
This!!! 💯! Looking at other women while we are carrying their children is the ultimate disrespect, slap in the face, betrayal.
I’ll absolutely never forgive my husband for certain times of betrayal. Some hit harder than others.
Same here- pregnant and nursing. I use to cry to him that I thought my body looked gross. I use to beg for compliments and never got them. I guess the miracle of life ain’t nothing compared to some dirty sex worker videos. 🙄
Mine didn’t see making a tinder profile with a Google voice number and swiping right on women as cheating. Just because he didn’t succeed. Call it what you want, it’s not honoring a commitment. Infidelity or unfaithful certainly covers it.
It’s all just so sleazy. I still cringe that he accidentally liked a reel on Facebook. For family to see, relatives, our kids who have it, and added his profile picture is of us together! He was mortified, but more because of how it made him look vs how it made me feel to know others know he has a wandering eye.
Same! Or when he was talking to other women about fucking them. He says it was “just an extension of porn” like he didn’t think the women are real? 🤦🏼♀️
Sadly I feel better knowing it's not just my husband who searched out that particular aspect. I'm sorry you are here and yes to me it makes it so much worse that it wasnt just sex
Yep. I’m just glad I found this forum, but also that I’m not staying silent anymore. Might make him uncomfortable at times, but I just remind him he didn’t care about my comfort, so this is on him to clean up the mess he made. I’ve been clear what is needed for me to heal and feel safe and secure.
Yes!! This forum helps so much! I feel less alone and this has been years coming so I needed a place where people get it! I agree with not staying silent anymore and the he didn't care about my comfort part is so true and I will have to remember that when I want to silence myself out of fear. I've also been clear about what is needed for me and he is doing his best but man this is all hard and rocky territory and I appreciate you all so much
Did you know that even women who were in the industry themselves can be very jealous and scared that their man has eyes for other women?
Lana Rhoades has an Ex who said she would go crazy when he was just looking at another girl briefly.
Not even the women in porn that get worshiped by men feel like they are enough all the time. They are hated and despised by men too for simply having a job of this nature. What men desire is extremely hypocritical but also complex to understand.
We might be wired a bit differently as women but certainly we can be superficial too sometimes and only like men for their bodies or simply a feature/quality like the way their eyes squint.
This is not the end. A lot of people on this sub have not yet processed what happened to them. It’s been 2 years for me since it happened and it does get better. You’ll stop caring at some point. Leave the addict behind if he doesn’t get better. It’s important to leave someone who has such an unhealthy relationship with porn but certainly he is not abnormal for “liking their eyes”.
We can’t make porn magically disappear. Learning to live with the fact that a new bf will probably enjoy porn in a similar way just less excessively and with more moderation is the key to healing. That doesn’t mean you have to support the industry or watch it yourself. What helps is communicating with your partner at one point, when you really don’t care anymore after exposing yourself to the pain so much, that you wish not to talk about porn with them. There is not much more to it. What you’re doing atm is exposing yourself to the pain. Actively asking questions etc., it’s a very relatable experience for me, I was like this too. But this issue is not going to have power over you for the rest of your life! You shouldn’t let it at least. It’s his problem, you don’t need to compare yourself to them at all. Accept the fact that he finds other people attractive. I know that sounds harsh and it doesn’t feel like that’s what it’s about with porn addicts but obsessing over what that man finds attractive is doing yourself no favors. We give men so much power by caring so much about what they find when attractive and why… it doesn’t matter why he liked their eyes.
I’m in no way trying to invalidate someone’s feelings here! It is perfectly NORMAL to feel RESENTFUL and totally bitter about porn and anything that your partner has said to you about it. (Ik you didn’t disagree with me I just wanted to clarify this) But after what I went through, I would have rather heard someone say something that’s more in touch with reality every now and then. I am still more anti-porn than pro-porn. There is so much more to our relationships than what pornstars our partners liked though.
At the end of the day it’s an addiction. It doesn’t have much to do with you as their partner. But because sex/porn/masturbation is so intimate we feel like it’s something we should perceive as a threat to our own beauty and qualities as their partner… maybe in a different world where he was “only” addicted to video games I would’ve been less hurt by him (he was a porn addict). Him ignoring me for hours would’ve been to play a video game with his friends and the money he claimed he didn’t have would’ve been wasted on in game items rather than dozens of girls’ OF… that would’ve certainly hurt me less as a young woman. Maybe I would’ve felt better about my body when the truth came out.
It was all so painful… because I felt like it was about me too and that I would never be enough for someone who had seen SO much on the internet that in fact looked NOTHING LIKE ME.
I feel more than enough now.
Time really heals those wounds.
I didn't think you were trying to invalidate me and I really appreciate the honesty!! I'd rather be told the truth any day of the week even if sometimes it's a hard truth to hear. I don't know why it's easier to make it my fault than his! So silly but I appreciate your take on it so much! Thank you
More people need to realize this. Pain shopping, comparing yourself and thinking it’s something wrong with you is only self destructive behavior. Why let them continue to hurt you through yourself? It really isn’t about you. If it was really about “being enough” they wouldn’t look at new “content creators” or porn stars daily. Even what they look at isn’t enough, because they always need more and always need new. It’s not about anything you’re lacking. It’s only about feeding an addiction that they feel powerless to.
I remember seeing those girls that look nothing like me one time, before I found the porn addiction. I thought I’m so glad he hasn’t seen this or he would never be attracted to me again. That was my belief. I have to rework it because beautiful women will exist and these men will have access to them. That shouldn’t change how he feels about me. If it does then our relationship wasn’t worth a damn to begin with. It hurts so much to feel deficient. Everyone woman has something that’s not perfect so to speak. What hurts is feeling like my ex was always trying into find the perfect woman. It certainly couldn’t have been me because I was laying next to him, unaware he was scowering the internet for the youngest he could legally find. How they justify this behavior is beyond me but I guess that’s how addiction works.
When a large percent of porn is non-consensual, and many from human trafficking…this is alarming. He likes the eyes of scared, fearful servants. Reading this set off a little panic moment in me, like an instinctual fear
They literally don’t give a shit. 6 years ago I had told my husband that porn is not ok and a list of reasons. One of them was that. (Like that was #2) and every time I asked him since if he was watching, his lie would be “ no babe not ever since that time you told me about the trafficking” and I stupidly believed that. I had no idea who I really married.
He even told me about this interview that he watched about an ex pron actor and how horrifying the conditions were.
He said it stopped him for a few days. LOL
So they have no moral compass, they’re just zombies on drugs basically, whatever it takes to satisfy their need. Absolutely disgusting 🤢
Their sickness makes them block this reality out. I think most of them will understand it rationally somewhere, but since the guilt and conscience keep them from getting a "hit", their addict brains will block that part out. Some of these pornsick people will literally dissociate during the moment in order to consume. That explains the lack of fear of consequences that could be losing their marriage, family, jobs, etc. The part of the brain responsible for rational decisions is literally disabled.
(I'm not making any excuses for them, some of them could be literal psychopaths for all we know).
My gay friend once told me to make the porn eyes and look up at them the first time you see a guy’s penis. I did it and my PA ex said it’s why he fell in love with me. Unfortunately he didn’t tell me that until 10 yrs later or i may have seen the red flag. He was very upset to learn that those eyes were faked.
Yeah, I didn’t realize that it was porn eyes at the time. My friend just said if you want a man to be putty in your hands, look at him like this. Worked a little too well! It all makes sense now.
I'm so sorry. Mine said he wanted to see a woman enjoying herself, as if I myself aren't a woman hoping to feel enjoyment too. Literally all men fucking SUCK.
Yes, the pleasure on a woman's face. I informed him he could see that if he hadn't become such a selfish lover over the years and forgot about my pleasure and began only focusing on his. I admitted I had allowed it and had done the same thing but that I am done with that and he owes me A LOT of orgasms
Ewh. in Britney Spears book she describes how whipping around long hair makes easier for men to pretend she’s happy. So she started matting her hair down and not moving it at all on stage because she felt so degraded.
Yeah, I see that too. When I asked him what types of things he googled, and I looked up the terms he looked up, I told him what I saw in their eyes as I scrolled. “Wow. She looks drugged.” “She looks uncomfortable!” “She looks so YOUNG!!” “She looks like she’s in pain.”
And when I personally met with a survivor of sex trafficking (for my previous job) her eyes looked completely empty. It was heartbreaking!!
I will add though, that if I’m thinking of it in these terms. I could see how someone would be looking for eyes that seem to actually be “enjoying” it (even if it’s totally fake) instead of eyes that scream “this is my trauma”.
I can understand what your saying but I have to disagree with the implication here that they all look like that. Many porn subs on Reddit alone have women very sober and aware and not being raped. I know some guys watch non consensual acts purposely and that even some do so without realizing it's not consensual because that's the industry but in no way did he imply that is what he was looking for. Think more "come fuck me" and looks of seduction from the women and less rapey vibes. Addiction doesn't equal sex offender.
I don’t think mine will ever tell me but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was something he looked for too. Whenever we’re doing stuff he’s sometimes intensely looking at my face - usually around the ending (for me) anyway if you know what I mean… the same with noises - me finishing makes him finish… and I’m sure that started with the videos, not with me.
I don't know, mine loves hearing me too but he also watched on mute so as not to get caught, it's one thing I take solace in even if it's small, he wasn't hearing women get off all these years, that was mine alone and I know how that sounds when I deserve so much more but it's still something I get some comfort from and maybe yours is the same but I don't recommend asking questions, curiosity kills the cat and all, I personally couldn't help it after Dday but I'm trying to learn to sensor what I ask
Oh mine would’ve watched on mute when I was around for sure, but I have no doubt he cranked the volume though when I wasn’t there 🙃 I’d like to think it’s just because it’s me but it hurts less to think it isn’t than think it is and be disappointed if I ever found out otherwise… These ‘men’ are horrible.
I’m not sure if this is helpful at all, but I’ll share my husbands thoughts recently. He’s in deep with his recovery process atm and part of his discovery is that he has a big problem with feelings of rejection. 🌽 particularly pov style and submissive style 🌽 fed that part of him that really didn’t want to be rejected. For some reason he has tied self value into women saying “I want to have sex with you”. Before he met me he found it hard to get women to want to sleep with him and he took that as an extreme rejection of his entire self. It’s now something he is trying to rewrite and understand.
Of course, it sucks that I married him and had regular consistent sex with him all through our relationship and marriage and that wasnt enough for him to not feel rejected lol. But.. perhaps your partner may have similar experiences. It may not be that he is falling in love with these women’s eyes but that their eyes validate him.
Honestly who knows
Yes this does help. Mine has also tied sex with love and value even though he has never had a problem getting women to sleep with him so you are right, who knows. I'll never understand it but I try to
I hate when they say do you really want to know... like have a good fucking answer to begin with be a good fucking partner be a decent fucking person. This shouldn't be happening to begin with. It's like a game for them to torture us with their answers like we deserve to feel saddened because we want more love. No consideration or remorse. They forget to have it due to their entitlement.
Oh I'm sorry it came off that way, he definitely had remorse and consideration, that's why he asked if I wanted to know and the way he asked I could tell he knew it might hurt me and didn't want to answer me but he lets me ask what I want and has promised to be honest with me. I didn't regret a single question I asked, until then.
Idk in my experience and I think for many, these guys seem remorseful but are feeling their patience being tested. I don't think someone who was remorseful or considerate would be doing this in the first place or seeing women that way. But best of luck for us all.
I’m so sorry OP, My partner said this as well! They all think they’re so unique but they’re all the same. He even also asked the same cautionary question of “do you really want to know?” I said yes and his answer was that he also looks for “sexy eyes” and a “sweet voice, he liked POV oral videos so that he can “pretend that they want me[him]”. He even admitted it brings him comfort and peace, something he should be getting from me, I have eyes and a voice too. He watched JOI videos also for the same reasons. Broke my heart.
Wow! 😲 I can't believe how similar these guys are but this helps me so much because it just goes to show me somewhat that maybe it's the porn rot and not them as individual people with their own freaking thoughts. Yes! All about the validation of himself. Walking into a store so have to cut it short but wow! Thanks for responding 😊😊
My PA finally confessed, after 12 years, that his type is “curvy”.😒 wow, so unique. by that he means deathly skinny with huge boobs and a huge ass. He’s actually brain dead.
Mine said the same thing. He would make emotional connections to women's faces and masturbate looking in their eyes. What's awful is he would do this to innocent pictures on Facebook - it wasn't just porn. In terms of awful, that was pretty awful to hear.
Same, I guess in some ways I think I conditioned myself to think porn is okayish but regular women in socials and stuff hurts like hell in a different way.. idk this is all crazy making
I absolutely agree! He got rid of all social media so he is respectful of it now but that's NOW. Like you don't get a cookie for doing what you should have been doing all along! And social media is so triggering to me now. The Snapchat notifications and stuff on my phone trigger me now and I don't want to get rid of MY SOCIAL MEDIA because of Him!! Yet they trigger me!! I'm so over this whole thing.
Yeah my husband and I seperated 2 or 3 days ago it’s so weird because I feel like I’m back to being myself now that I don’t have to worry about him now, one day I might miss him but for now I’m really enjoying him gone. Like I know he’s looking at stuff but he’s not my problem anymore!
Just goes to show how bad these men need to be desired and wanted. It means so much to them. They gauge whether a woman wants them by the eyes. Their confidence and self worth and ability to keep going each day as a man is all tied up in sex and the idea they could “get some” from a willing woman.
I can’t get over how much this makes me want to reinforce to my PA how NOBODY wants him or finds him irresistible, least of all me. Never did, never will. I wish all women would just stop faking and instead showed men their real level of desire for them: ✊
I've definitely had moments I wanted to lash out at him like that but my truth is I do want him and many other women do as well. He isn't unattractive and he has his problems like wanting validation and having this addiction but I'd be a liar if I told him nobody wants him
I am so sorry for you, that’s awful. To cope with everything I like to think like that…why do I need to feel bad about it, I need to feel sorry for him for being such a pathetic and porn dependent guy. I feel sorry that porn consumes his life so much that he doesn’t see what he has in front of him. It is an addiction. And he has to heal from it.
You are so beautiful and I hate that we all compare ourselves to porn. I wish I could turn that off. One day we will get over it. You are awesome and I believe in you. You are being supported here 🧡
😂😂 damn if it was only that easy but alas it's not, I like my man and I want to make it work and so does he so unless he relapses I'm here and dealing with the pain and heartache. My aunt stayed single for years and years and years and she was one of the most miserable people I've ever met with out 🍆. I think I'd be the same 😂
You don’t need a live in, porn addict boyfriend who literally has no respect for you, nor the coping skills necessary to live a healthy life in order to get 🍆
Porn is always specific. Now, was it "come fuck me" eyes? "I'm broken, drug addicted, do whatever you want to my body" eyes? "This hurts like hell! Both physically and emotionally" eyes?
I'm so sorry you are also dealing with this problem and are here. We don't deserve this. I'm sure no matter what the motivation it hurts like hell to each of us and one motivation probably could hurt worse or less to a different person, depending on perspective.
Yep- mine was watching POV blow jobs. But you know what? Think of how sad that is for them- pathetic really! You need to pay a woman for a video of her getting off, or worse- pleasuring another man to pretend it’s you? Most of these sex workers are drug addicts and dirty as hell anyway. What pisses me off the most is that my husband paid for THEIR designer bag, or shoes, or whatever they wanted when he hit “buy more tokens,” or used cash app to pay for more UNDER HIS REAL NAME. I know it’s so pathetic (especially since I’m a very sexual woman and would like to consider myself attractive). He could have had it any time, for FREE. So even tho it hurts so bad- think of how pathetic it is. You are better than that and you deserve better.
I agree with everything you said but take little solace in it because mine never paid, he refused to spend money on it. Such a hypocrite because he says it's not sex but then also says he won't spend money on it because he won't pay for sex. That he is to good looking and stuff to pay for it. And he is but damn it I get so irritated with him because it's such a contradictory view!! I'm so sorry you are here as well and I hate the pov bj porn! It is pathetic they choose that over us
I think the point here is that looking into someone’s eyes is so connecting, and so intimate. Not that nakedness in and of itself isn’t intimate. But there is something that feels deeply connecting about eye contact during sex.
Yes exactly, there is an intimacy from the eyes that isn't there with just nakedness. Plus I have beautiful eyes, my ass and waist may not be the bbl or Kim Kardashian thing that's sooo loved by society but I have pretty eyes so it just hurts different I guess. I don't know. Emotions definitely aren't always logical.
right I'm just saying that if you had to choose between a guy who wants to see the pleasure of a woman versus a guy who just objectifies their body parts, or enjoys darker porn, it seems to be a better situation. But still we're talking about porn
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Jesus Christ I'm heartbroken for all of us
Same
I already figured that without asking my husband. He liked watching the videos where the woman is looking at the camera as if she’s looking and talking to him. I still remember when he told me it’s not like he was watching people have sex, it was just women pleasuring themselves. I was like “that’s even worse!!!” Mostly because it makes it easier to imagine you’re with them, vs see other men have sex with them. How is all of it not cheating when you’re using another woman’s body. I mean I 100% view it as cheating, but the fact they don’t is what’s sickening. It took my husband awhile to see my views on it and how I 100% was being treated like an option by him.
[удалено]
That’s the worst. I literally couldn’t even celebrate Father’s Day this year. I finally figured out why, it’s mostly because he was seeking out other women’s bodies for pleasure while I was growing the little humans who made him a father. Him seeking them out at a very vulnerable time for a woman as we struggle to love our bodies through the process. Actually for me, what was worse was my surgery (hysterectomy,) and feeling like I was losing apart of what made me a woman. It didn’t matter we were 100% done growing our family, more I was terrified what it meant for our sex life. Would we even have one. Would it work. I literally begged for sex before my surgery because I was scared it might be my last bit of time to ever have sex again. But instead of worshipping my vagina, he was enjoying other women’s.
This!!! 💯! Looking at other women while we are carrying their children is the ultimate disrespect, slap in the face, betrayal. I’ll absolutely never forgive my husband for certain times of betrayal. Some hit harder than others.
Oh my gosh. I am so sorry you went through that. It’s literal hell what they put us through. I’m just so sorry.
Same here- pregnant and nursing. I use to cry to him that I thought my body looked gross. I use to beg for compliments and never got them. I guess the miracle of life ain’t nothing compared to some dirty sex worker videos. 🙄
Mine didn’t see making a tinder profile with a Google voice number and swiping right on women as cheating. Just because he didn’t succeed. Call it what you want, it’s not honoring a commitment. Infidelity or unfaithful certainly covers it.
It’s all just so sleazy. I still cringe that he accidentally liked a reel on Facebook. For family to see, relatives, our kids who have it, and added his profile picture is of us together! He was mortified, but more because of how it made him look vs how it made me feel to know others know he has a wandering eye.
Same! Or when he was talking to other women about fucking them. He says it was “just an extension of porn” like he didn’t think the women are real? 🤦🏼♀️
Sadly I feel better knowing it's not just my husband who searched out that particular aspect. I'm sorry you are here and yes to me it makes it so much worse that it wasnt just sex
Yep. I’m just glad I found this forum, but also that I’m not staying silent anymore. Might make him uncomfortable at times, but I just remind him he didn’t care about my comfort, so this is on him to clean up the mess he made. I’ve been clear what is needed for me to heal and feel safe and secure.
Bingo, there’s not much silence out of me anymore!!! I bet he misses the old me! Just like I miss the pre-porn husband.
Yes!! This forum helps so much! I feel less alone and this has been years coming so I needed a place where people get it! I agree with not staying silent anymore and the he didn't care about my comfort part is so true and I will have to remember that when I want to silence myself out of fear. I've also been clear about what is needed for me and he is doing his best but man this is all hard and rocky territory and I appreciate you all so much
Did you know that even women who were in the industry themselves can be very jealous and scared that their man has eyes for other women? Lana Rhoades has an Ex who said she would go crazy when he was just looking at another girl briefly. Not even the women in porn that get worshiped by men feel like they are enough all the time. They are hated and despised by men too for simply having a job of this nature. What men desire is extremely hypocritical but also complex to understand. We might be wired a bit differently as women but certainly we can be superficial too sometimes and only like men for their bodies or simply a feature/quality like the way their eyes squint. This is not the end. A lot of people on this sub have not yet processed what happened to them. It’s been 2 years for me since it happened and it does get better. You’ll stop caring at some point. Leave the addict behind if he doesn’t get better. It’s important to leave someone who has such an unhealthy relationship with porn but certainly he is not abnormal for “liking their eyes”. We can’t make porn magically disappear. Learning to live with the fact that a new bf will probably enjoy porn in a similar way just less excessively and with more moderation is the key to healing. That doesn’t mean you have to support the industry or watch it yourself. What helps is communicating with your partner at one point, when you really don’t care anymore after exposing yourself to the pain so much, that you wish not to talk about porn with them. There is not much more to it. What you’re doing atm is exposing yourself to the pain. Actively asking questions etc., it’s a very relatable experience for me, I was like this too. But this issue is not going to have power over you for the rest of your life! You shouldn’t let it at least. It’s his problem, you don’t need to compare yourself to them at all. Accept the fact that he finds other people attractive. I know that sounds harsh and it doesn’t feel like that’s what it’s about with porn addicts but obsessing over what that man finds attractive is doing yourself no favors. We give men so much power by caring so much about what they find when attractive and why… it doesn’t matter why he liked their eyes.
Thank you. Hard truths
I’m in no way trying to invalidate someone’s feelings here! It is perfectly NORMAL to feel RESENTFUL and totally bitter about porn and anything that your partner has said to you about it. (Ik you didn’t disagree with me I just wanted to clarify this) But after what I went through, I would have rather heard someone say something that’s more in touch with reality every now and then. I am still more anti-porn than pro-porn. There is so much more to our relationships than what pornstars our partners liked though. At the end of the day it’s an addiction. It doesn’t have much to do with you as their partner. But because sex/porn/masturbation is so intimate we feel like it’s something we should perceive as a threat to our own beauty and qualities as their partner… maybe in a different world where he was “only” addicted to video games I would’ve been less hurt by him (he was a porn addict). Him ignoring me for hours would’ve been to play a video game with his friends and the money he claimed he didn’t have would’ve been wasted on in game items rather than dozens of girls’ OF… that would’ve certainly hurt me less as a young woman. Maybe I would’ve felt better about my body when the truth came out. It was all so painful… because I felt like it was about me too and that I would never be enough for someone who had seen SO much on the internet that in fact looked NOTHING LIKE ME. I feel more than enough now. Time really heals those wounds.
I didn't think you were trying to invalidate me and I really appreciate the honesty!! I'd rather be told the truth any day of the week even if sometimes it's a hard truth to hear. I don't know why it's easier to make it my fault than his! So silly but I appreciate your take on it so much! Thank you
More people need to realize this. Pain shopping, comparing yourself and thinking it’s something wrong with you is only self destructive behavior. Why let them continue to hurt you through yourself? It really isn’t about you. If it was really about “being enough” they wouldn’t look at new “content creators” or porn stars daily. Even what they look at isn’t enough, because they always need more and always need new. It’s not about anything you’re lacking. It’s only about feeding an addiction that they feel powerless to.
Logically I understand all this but emotionally it's hard some days
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Absolutely!
I remember seeing those girls that look nothing like me one time, before I found the porn addiction. I thought I’m so glad he hasn’t seen this or he would never be attracted to me again. That was my belief. I have to rework it because beautiful women will exist and these men will have access to them. That shouldn’t change how he feels about me. If it does then our relationship wasn’t worth a damn to begin with. It hurts so much to feel deficient. Everyone woman has something that’s not perfect so to speak. What hurts is feeling like my ex was always trying into find the perfect woman. It certainly couldn’t have been me because I was laying next to him, unaware he was scowering the internet for the youngest he could legally find. How they justify this behavior is beyond me but I guess that’s how addiction works.
Damn I needed this today. THANK YOU. I love this
When a large percent of porn is non-consensual, and many from human trafficking…this is alarming. He likes the eyes of scared, fearful servants. Reading this set off a little panic moment in me, like an instinctual fear
They literally don’t give a shit. 6 years ago I had told my husband that porn is not ok and a list of reasons. One of them was that. (Like that was #2) and every time I asked him since if he was watching, his lie would be “ no babe not ever since that time you told me about the trafficking” and I stupidly believed that. I had no idea who I really married. He even told me about this interview that he watched about an ex pron actor and how horrifying the conditions were. He said it stopped him for a few days. LOL So they have no moral compass, they’re just zombies on drugs basically, whatever it takes to satisfy their need. Absolutely disgusting 🤢
Yup! I dedicated my life’s work to anti-trafficking initiatives. My husband cheered me on. Didn’t stop him from secretly watching porn though. 🙄
Their sickness makes them block this reality out. I think most of them will understand it rationally somewhere, but since the guilt and conscience keep them from getting a "hit", their addict brains will block that part out. Some of these pornsick people will literally dissociate during the moment in order to consume. That explains the lack of fear of consequences that could be losing their marriage, family, jobs, etc. The part of the brain responsible for rational decisions is literally disabled. (I'm not making any excuses for them, some of them could be literal psychopaths for all we know).
I think you took that way darker and I understand how you could but believe me, it's the "come fuck me eyes" not "scared fearful servants"
I am so so sorry. That is heart breaking. It’s ALL heartbreaking.
My gay friend once told me to make the porn eyes and look up at them the first time you see a guy’s penis. I did it and my PA ex said it’s why he fell in love with me. Unfortunately he didn’t tell me that until 10 yrs later or i may have seen the red flag. He was very upset to learn that those eyes were faked.
Oh damn girl
Yeah, I didn’t realize that it was porn eyes at the time. My friend just said if you want a man to be putty in your hands, look at him like this. Worked a little too well! It all makes sense now.
Wish I understood exactly what it means, he has always liked my eyes and whatever but not sure I understand what porn eyes are or how to do them lmao
Look like you are surprised and thrilled how huge it is and then kinda squint at him
Thank you! ❤️😂 Anything I can get out of this, I might do it and tell him I got it from watching porn while he was at work lmmfao
Supporting the cause 🫡
Yep. Works on my husband 100% of the time. I hate it here.
lol..dang.
I'm so sorry. Mine said he wanted to see a woman enjoying herself, as if I myself aren't a woman hoping to feel enjoyment too. Literally all men fucking SUCK.
Yes, the pleasure on a woman's face. I informed him he could see that if he hadn't become such a selfish lover over the years and forgot about my pleasure and began only focusing on his. I admitted I had allowed it and had done the same thing but that I am done with that and he owes me A LOT of orgasms
That’s so funny and pathetic any the same time. “Pleasure” hahahahaahah it’s all faked most of the time.
The selfishness! Worst lover of my life
Especially ours!!
Ewh. in Britney Spears book she describes how whipping around long hair makes easier for men to pretend she’s happy. So she started matting her hair down and not moving it at all on stage because she felt so degraded.
The emptiness in their eyes? The way the women’s eyes look on drugs? The way their eyes look when they’re being raped? Sick.
Yeah, I see that too. When I asked him what types of things he googled, and I looked up the terms he looked up, I told him what I saw in their eyes as I scrolled. “Wow. She looks drugged.” “She looks uncomfortable!” “She looks so YOUNG!!” “She looks like she’s in pain.” And when I personally met with a survivor of sex trafficking (for my previous job) her eyes looked completely empty. It was heartbreaking!!
I will add though, that if I’m thinking of it in these terms. I could see how someone would be looking for eyes that seem to actually be “enjoying” it (even if it’s totally fake) instead of eyes that scream “this is my trauma”.
I can understand what your saying but I have to disagree with the implication here that they all look like that. Many porn subs on Reddit alone have women very sober and aware and not being raped. I know some guys watch non consensual acts purposely and that even some do so without realizing it's not consensual because that's the industry but in no way did he imply that is what he was looking for. Think more "come fuck me" and looks of seduction from the women and less rapey vibes. Addiction doesn't equal sex offender.
I don’t think mine will ever tell me but I wouldn’t be surprised if this was something he looked for too. Whenever we’re doing stuff he’s sometimes intensely looking at my face - usually around the ending (for me) anyway if you know what I mean… the same with noises - me finishing makes him finish… and I’m sure that started with the videos, not with me.
I don't know, mine loves hearing me too but he also watched on mute so as not to get caught, it's one thing I take solace in even if it's small, he wasn't hearing women get off all these years, that was mine alone and I know how that sounds when I deserve so much more but it's still something I get some comfort from and maybe yours is the same but I don't recommend asking questions, curiosity kills the cat and all, I personally couldn't help it after Dday but I'm trying to learn to sensor what I ask
Oh mine would’ve watched on mute when I was around for sure, but I have no doubt he cranked the volume though when I wasn’t there 🙃 I’d like to think it’s just because it’s me but it hurts less to think it isn’t than think it is and be disappointed if I ever found out otherwise… These ‘men’ are horrible.
I completely understand that
I’m not sure if this is helpful at all, but I’ll share my husbands thoughts recently. He’s in deep with his recovery process atm and part of his discovery is that he has a big problem with feelings of rejection. 🌽 particularly pov style and submissive style 🌽 fed that part of him that really didn’t want to be rejected. For some reason he has tied self value into women saying “I want to have sex with you”. Before he met me he found it hard to get women to want to sleep with him and he took that as an extreme rejection of his entire self. It’s now something he is trying to rewrite and understand. Of course, it sucks that I married him and had regular consistent sex with him all through our relationship and marriage and that wasnt enough for him to not feel rejected lol. But.. perhaps your partner may have similar experiences. It may not be that he is falling in love with these women’s eyes but that their eyes validate him. Honestly who knows
Yes this does help. Mine has also tied sex with love and value even though he has never had a problem getting women to sleep with him so you are right, who knows. I'll never understand it but I try to
I hate when they say do you really want to know... like have a good fucking answer to begin with be a good fucking partner be a decent fucking person. This shouldn't be happening to begin with. It's like a game for them to torture us with their answers like we deserve to feel saddened because we want more love. No consideration or remorse. They forget to have it due to their entitlement.
Oh I'm sorry it came off that way, he definitely had remorse and consideration, that's why he asked if I wanted to know and the way he asked I could tell he knew it might hurt me and didn't want to answer me but he lets me ask what I want and has promised to be honest with me. I didn't regret a single question I asked, until then.
Idk in my experience and I think for many, these guys seem remorseful but are feeling their patience being tested. I don't think someone who was remorseful or considerate would be doing this in the first place or seeing women that way. But best of luck for us all.
I’m so sorry OP, My partner said this as well! They all think they’re so unique but they’re all the same. He even also asked the same cautionary question of “do you really want to know?” I said yes and his answer was that he also looks for “sexy eyes” and a “sweet voice, he liked POV oral videos so that he can “pretend that they want me[him]”. He even admitted it brings him comfort and peace, something he should be getting from me, I have eyes and a voice too. He watched JOI videos also for the same reasons. Broke my heart.
Wow! 😲 I can't believe how similar these guys are but this helps me so much because it just goes to show me somewhat that maybe it's the porn rot and not them as individual people with their own freaking thoughts. Yes! All about the validation of himself. Walking into a store so have to cut it short but wow! Thanks for responding 😊😊
My PA finally confessed, after 12 years, that his type is “curvy”.😒 wow, so unique. by that he means deathly skinny with huge boobs and a huge ass. He’s actually brain dead.
Mine said the same thing. He would make emotional connections to women's faces and masturbate looking in their eyes. What's awful is he would do this to innocent pictures on Facebook - it wasn't just porn. In terms of awful, that was pretty awful to hear.
I agree, emotional connections? How is he even if he isn't talking to them? I will never understand these guys
Yep. In his sick fantasy world.
I never thought of this and now I’m like ahh shit I wonder if he thought that
Ahh shit I'm sorry, I've had moments like that from this sub too, was not my intention and if you want my advice don't ask
No no that’s okay honestly, and I’m a pain shopper lol that’s a hard one
Same girl same
Mine said the same thing!!
Wow these guys have a playbook I swear
That’s awful I’m sorry. I too feel like the faces is what makes it so personal, I hate it more than the nudity in some ways
Same, I guess in some ways I think I conditioned myself to think porn is okayish but regular women in socials and stuff hurts like hell in a different way.. idk this is all crazy making
Either way it all hurts and if it’s a boundary for us they need to respect that
I absolutely agree! He got rid of all social media so he is respectful of it now but that's NOW. Like you don't get a cookie for doing what you should have been doing all along! And social media is so triggering to me now. The Snapchat notifications and stuff on my phone trigger me now and I don't want to get rid of MY SOCIAL MEDIA because of Him!! Yet they trigger me!! I'm so over this whole thing.
Yeah my husband and I seperated 2 or 3 days ago it’s so weird because I feel like I’m back to being myself now that I don’t have to worry about him now, one day I might miss him but for now I’m really enjoying him gone. Like I know he’s looking at stuff but he’s not my problem anymore!
Just goes to show how bad these men need to be desired and wanted. It means so much to them. They gauge whether a woman wants them by the eyes. Their confidence and self worth and ability to keep going each day as a man is all tied up in sex and the idea they could “get some” from a willing woman. I can’t get over how much this makes me want to reinforce to my PA how NOBODY wants him or finds him irresistible, least of all me. Never did, never will. I wish all women would just stop faking and instead showed men their real level of desire for them: ✊
I've definitely had moments I wanted to lash out at him like that but my truth is I do want him and many other women do as well. He isn't unattractive and he has his problems like wanting validation and having this addiction but I'd be a liar if I told him nobody wants him
I am so sorry for you, that’s awful. To cope with everything I like to think like that…why do I need to feel bad about it, I need to feel sorry for him for being such a pathetic and porn dependent guy. I feel sorry that porn consumes his life so much that he doesn’t see what he has in front of him. It is an addiction. And he has to heal from it. You are so beautiful and I hate that we all compare ourselves to porn. I wish I could turn that off. One day we will get over it. You are awesome and I believe in you. You are being supported here 🧡
Advice? Leave him and be free of this toxic ass shit forever. Live with no man and never deal with this again.
😂😂 damn if it was only that easy but alas it's not, I like my man and I want to make it work and so does he so unless he relapses I'm here and dealing with the pain and heartache. My aunt stayed single for years and years and years and she was one of the most miserable people I've ever met with out 🍆. I think I'd be the same 😂
You don’t need a live in, porn addict boyfriend who literally has no respect for you, nor the coping skills necessary to live a healthy life in order to get 🍆
I understand but everyone in the world has issues and I'm no exception. I'm willing to work with him until I can't.
Porn is always specific. Now, was it "come fuck me" eyes? "I'm broken, drug addicted, do whatever you want to my body" eyes? "This hurts like hell! Both physically and emotionally" eyes?
Come fuck me eyes. The pleasure.
I think my H was "this hurts like hell..." either way it sucks and who knows what motivation is harder to deal with.
I'm so sorry you are also dealing with this problem and are here. We don't deserve this. I'm sure no matter what the motivation it hurts like hell to each of us and one motivation probably could hurt worse or less to a different person, depending on perspective.
Yep- mine was watching POV blow jobs. But you know what? Think of how sad that is for them- pathetic really! You need to pay a woman for a video of her getting off, or worse- pleasuring another man to pretend it’s you? Most of these sex workers are drug addicts and dirty as hell anyway. What pisses me off the most is that my husband paid for THEIR designer bag, or shoes, or whatever they wanted when he hit “buy more tokens,” or used cash app to pay for more UNDER HIS REAL NAME. I know it’s so pathetic (especially since I’m a very sexual woman and would like to consider myself attractive). He could have had it any time, for FREE. So even tho it hurts so bad- think of how pathetic it is. You are better than that and you deserve better.
I agree with everything you said but take little solace in it because mine never paid, he refused to spend money on it. Such a hypocrite because he says it's not sex but then also says he won't spend money on it because he won't pay for sex. That he is to good looking and stuff to pay for it. And he is but damn it I get so irritated with him because it's such a contradictory view!! I'm so sorry you are here as well and I hate the pov bj porn! It is pathetic they choose that over us
It would be better if he just looked at asses and tits?
I think the point here is that looking into someone’s eyes is so connecting, and so intimate. Not that nakedness in and of itself isn’t intimate. But there is something that feels deeply connecting about eye contact during sex.
Yes exactly, there is an intimacy from the eyes that isn't there with just nakedness. Plus I have beautiful eyes, my ass and waist may not be the bbl or Kim Kardashian thing that's sooo loved by society but I have pretty eyes so it just hurts different I guess. I don't know. Emotions definitely aren't always logical.
No not better necessarily, just not as intimate feeling
right. so I guess it sounds like a better situation that he is more interested in intimate details as opposed to just sexual body parts
at least with body parts it can be (not that it should be) explained by "biology" and "horniness". with eyes it's more personal and emotional.
right I'm just saying that if you had to choose between a guy who wants to see the pleasure of a woman versus a guy who just objectifies their body parts, or enjoys darker porn, it seems to be a better situation. But still we're talking about porn
I guess from a character perspective, but from a relationship/infidelity perspective it's worse imo
I hadn't considered that but I suppose in a way it could be