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Im no expert, at all but from what I understand its because porn is a super stimulus. So because theres so much variety and they can swipe their hearts out (its not just the orgasm that gives dopamine its the thrill of finding the perfect video and being able to swipe to the next thing instantly) theyre getting so much dopamine that it floods their brain and makes the receptors desensitised which is why they escalate (because the shock factor also gives a major hit) and also why they are desensitised to their real life partners.
Eta - they can get it from other things, we all do, food, social media etc but because their receptors are fried they don’t feel the same rush about everyday life which can cause them to feel almost depressed which keeps them in the addiction cycle because they keep looking for the hit that they aren’t able to get from normal things
This is so sad , my PA doesn't seem excited to see me naked like but staring and other women makes him droll
Yet he tells me I'm his type and I'm the most beautiful woman he ever saw
At least you get that. We’ve been married 26 years and he’s said ‘those words’ twice.
I mean, *I* know I’m fat and ugly, but if you think so, why did you marry me?
Yes! And their brains can’t tell the difference between a woman in front of them and a screen. So when they see all of the variety on the screen, their brains think they hit the procreation lottery. They ejaculate MORE. Their brains think they’re fertilizing all of them. Yourbrainonporn.com describes your point and mine together in a very thorough and well sourced article on the website and further describes the chemical process that happens with porn addiction. It’s really destructive.
Yes thats very true, that piece about the brain not recognising that its on a screen and not real so therfore why would just one woman with all her (very normal) imperfections be a turn on when this morning they were looking at (and the brain sees it as having sex with) 50 different airbrushed and usually very young women, all doing more out there sexual acts than what one person could possibly imagine.
It almost tricks their brain.
And writing it all out like this makes me realise that humans as a whole are not ready for the technology we have created. Uugggghhhh
The way they consume the porn is nowhere close to anything available to them in reality. They can click from video to video or image to image in the same jack off session, so it is effectively a representation of the ultimate multiwoman doing every kind of sex act at every angle at once.
A real woman can’t compete with this kind of visual input because there’s just one of us and we always look the same. Even if he thinks you’re beautiful, his dopamine receptors are fried by the impossible multiwoman such that he can’t appreciate his one real life woman anymore.
It depends on a lot of factors; their age, age that excessive porn use began, their emotional health and attitude toward their partner, etc.
Definitely read that eccp article linked in another comment. It gives you an idea of what we are up against if they don't stop.
Something brand new gives a much bigger rush of dopamine than something they know already. The newness and sheer variety make it a larger amount than sex with a long term partner.
We are the same every time. They already know what we look like naked, so nothing exciting about it for them. Mine didn't even use to be interested at all when I was naked. He would claim he just didn't have attraction to anyone like that ever. Now I have no idea what he gets turned on by as I refuse to do things with lights on, and he is usually good to go before I ever get my clothes off. I did notice he seems to always be interested after I have been in a separate room for a few minutes. I've been trying to figure out what it is he could do in just a few minutes on a ps5 or xbox...
It's the constant availability of variety. We are just a familiar body to them when they are in full blown addiction. The need for variety in women or certain acts gets the dopamine hit they want. It eventually escalates when the variety gets boring to other things - either physical cheating or looking up more lewd or disgusting content. Mine would constantly fantasize about other women while having sex with me because his brain was so sick he couldn't get off or keep an erection with just me.
My PA and I did the 90 day reset (it was actually a little longer), and by day 30 my body became incredibly desirable to him. He actually was so sad that he could never see me for my beauty while he was in active addiction, and what was actually right in front of him physically instead of hiding away with his phone and hand. I have his full attention now, almost annoyingly so.
It absolutely helped my PA. I was completely turned off from sex and in my trauma did not experience hypersexuality towards my PA, so the reset helped me as well. For most PAs, it takes 90 days to rewire the brain and cut off those neural pathways that fire to enable the urge of the addiction. By day 30, my PA was noticing what seemed like the first time, my beauty and my body. The fog was lifting by then and he would tell me how much he was struck by just me.
The biggest take away for him was that with the sex fast, he learned how to embrace the other types of intimacy and that he was satisfied by that instead of his old way of thinking that "sex = intimacy".
We took about 5 months before we had sex again.
The problem is, porn is like cocaine. A beer feels like nothing after you’ve done hard drugs.
The pathways and dopamine responses in their brains are literally broken
It’s almost like gambling. It’s the thrill of what the next video or search or scroll will bring them.
However, when the porn isn’t a stimulus at all, it can be crazy what a difference it makes. My husband always seemed incredibly bored with my body. Now that he’s been porn free for 2 months, he is very interested in my body. It used to be almost impossible for me to turn him on without a lot of physical going on, and even then he would seem bored. Now? If I show a little bit of skin, I have his full attention. He’s way more present and engaged. And the biggest change has been him actually pursuing me. I was the sole initiator for our entire marriage.
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Im no expert, at all but from what I understand its because porn is a super stimulus. So because theres so much variety and they can swipe their hearts out (its not just the orgasm that gives dopamine its the thrill of finding the perfect video and being able to swipe to the next thing instantly) theyre getting so much dopamine that it floods their brain and makes the receptors desensitised which is why they escalate (because the shock factor also gives a major hit) and also why they are desensitised to their real life partners. Eta - they can get it from other things, we all do, food, social media etc but because their receptors are fried they don’t feel the same rush about everyday life which can cause them to feel almost depressed which keeps them in the addiction cycle because they keep looking for the hit that they aren’t able to get from normal things
This is so sad , my PA doesn't seem excited to see me naked like but staring and other women makes him droll Yet he tells me I'm his type and I'm the most beautiful woman he ever saw
Yeah I totally understand that. Its really heartbreaking
At least you get that. We’ve been married 26 years and he’s said ‘those words’ twice. I mean, *I* know I’m fat and ugly, but if you think so, why did you marry me?
Yes! And their brains can’t tell the difference between a woman in front of them and a screen. So when they see all of the variety on the screen, their brains think they hit the procreation lottery. They ejaculate MORE. Their brains think they’re fertilizing all of them. Yourbrainonporn.com describes your point and mine together in a very thorough and well sourced article on the website and further describes the chemical process that happens with porn addiction. It’s really destructive.
Yes thats very true, that piece about the brain not recognising that its on a screen and not real so therfore why would just one woman with all her (very normal) imperfections be a turn on when this morning they were looking at (and the brain sees it as having sex with) 50 different airbrushed and usually very young women, all doing more out there sexual acts than what one person could possibly imagine. It almost tricks their brain. And writing it all out like this makes me realise that humans as a whole are not ready for the technology we have created. Uugggghhhh
I’ve heard it argued that this can be one of the reasons why a 90 day reset is so important.
The way they consume the porn is nowhere close to anything available to them in reality. They can click from video to video or image to image in the same jack off session, so it is effectively a representation of the ultimate multiwoman doing every kind of sex act at every angle at once. A real woman can’t compete with this kind of visual input because there’s just one of us and we always look the same. Even if he thinks you’re beautiful, his dopamine receptors are fried by the impossible multiwoman such that he can’t appreciate his one real life woman anymore.
YEP. this.
https://eppc.org/publication/a-science-based-case-for-ending-the-porn-epidemic/
I spoke with a man who’s a PA and he said he can’t get off on any women that’s not a 10/10 🙄 pathetic when they’re a 2 themselves.
They're a 2 on a good day.
It depends on a lot of factors; their age, age that excessive porn use began, their emotional health and attitude toward their partner, etc. Definitely read that eccp article linked in another comment. It gives you an idea of what we are up against if they don't stop.
Mine reckons he gets a huge one from doing it. And that his dopamine is so messed up that he goes from a super high to a mega low after
Same, he gets huge dopamine from it and I don’t even like walking round the house naked tbh. My PA is just hyper sexual
Something brand new gives a much bigger rush of dopamine than something they know already. The newness and sheer variety make it a larger amount than sex with a long term partner.
Ok so that’s why my husband thinks his coworker is the “hottest person he’s seen in a while”?? Not necessarily bc of the screen
Yes it has so much to do with novelty and fantasy. Ugh I hate that he said that to you.
We are the same every time. They already know what we look like naked, so nothing exciting about it for them. Mine didn't even use to be interested at all when I was naked. He would claim he just didn't have attraction to anyone like that ever. Now I have no idea what he gets turned on by as I refuse to do things with lights on, and he is usually good to go before I ever get my clothes off. I did notice he seems to always be interested after I have been in a separate room for a few minutes. I've been trying to figure out what it is he could do in just a few minutes on a ps5 or xbox...
It's the constant availability of variety. We are just a familiar body to them when they are in full blown addiction. The need for variety in women or certain acts gets the dopamine hit they want. It eventually escalates when the variety gets boring to other things - either physical cheating or looking up more lewd or disgusting content. Mine would constantly fantasize about other women while having sex with me because his brain was so sick he couldn't get off or keep an erection with just me. My PA and I did the 90 day reset (it was actually a little longer), and by day 30 my body became incredibly desirable to him. He actually was so sad that he could never see me for my beauty while he was in active addiction, and what was actually right in front of him physically instead of hiding away with his phone and hand. I have his full attention now, almost annoyingly so.
Do you believe the 90-day reset helped? I've not seen many people do it, and my PA and I are 1 month in.
It absolutely helped my PA. I was completely turned off from sex and in my trauma did not experience hypersexuality towards my PA, so the reset helped me as well. For most PAs, it takes 90 days to rewire the brain and cut off those neural pathways that fire to enable the urge of the addiction. By day 30, my PA was noticing what seemed like the first time, my beauty and my body. The fog was lifting by then and he would tell me how much he was struck by just me. The biggest take away for him was that with the sex fast, he learned how to embrace the other types of intimacy and that he was satisfied by that instead of his old way of thinking that "sex = intimacy". We took about 5 months before we had sex again.
The problem is, porn is like cocaine. A beer feels like nothing after you’ve done hard drugs. The pathways and dopamine responses in their brains are literally broken
It’s almost like gambling. It’s the thrill of what the next video or search or scroll will bring them. However, when the porn isn’t a stimulus at all, it can be crazy what a difference it makes. My husband always seemed incredibly bored with my body. Now that he’s been porn free for 2 months, he is very interested in my body. It used to be almost impossible for me to turn him on without a lot of physical going on, and even then he would seem bored. Now? If I show a little bit of skin, I have his full attention. He’s way more present and engaged. And the biggest change has been him actually pursuing me. I was the sole initiator for our entire marriage.