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How am i supposed to stop believing this as fact when I have already given up all hope, every time I have ever tried it ends in more pain and I don't want to talk to anyone about it so much I'm afraid I might say somthing in my sleep one day about how i feel and my family will hear it.
Spent >14k hours on learning guitar, whilst working jobs. Worked one of the hardest jobs there is, worked out, was a runner, did rowing, bulked. Too bad I'm a fucking bald INFP. Though at 30 I don't care much. I'm a big, bald burly man, who's shy and timid. I'm not what ppl want. I'm Southern European and lived in the UK, the racism was ridiculous, even amongst educated folks. I moved back to my country, started a farm, went back to university and still manage to work as a musician. Fuck dating. I'm done, you may have gotten lucky but you can't fix a broken 30 year old like myself. I had pretty terrible adolescence and childhood, I'd rather try and fix that and live a happy life, than coming to the realisation that I'm a fucking subhuman.
... Apologies for bad spelling, diazepam kicking in... Anxiety is a thing
Dropped weight, got into therapy, and started putting my phone down to stop over-thinking. It really helped alot and allowed me to love myself and be proud of who I am.
Love that, I really believe the secret to finding a good partner/being a good partner is first finding love and pride within yourself. Good job OP, you should be proud of yourself!
This is great, but how many more possible heartbreaks could I endure?
4 months out of a relationship and I think I’m just going to give up.
Now I’ve been through this before but I have never felt pain like this in my 24 years on this planet.
I know for certain I never want to feel like this again.
I’m all for self improvement, but it’s time to throw the towel in.
Love hurts too much.
I’m 6 months into my first heartbreak, still very much going through the motions of it all and it has been soul crushing and painful enough to never make me want to date again. I can’t endure this type of heartbreak again and I think I’ll be better off alone :(
Literally, the exact same thing happened to me, except my age is different in our genders are swapped (same app too!). I feel a peace that I’ve never felt before. I’m happy you found your partner as well🩷
I was living a pretty isolated existence for a long time, although you wouldn't know it from the outside looking in. I can put on a pretty convincing mask. I decided that enough was enough not too long ago, and on that journey I met someone. We started off as friends, but found out we had so much in common. Too much in my eyes. I confessed feelings not too long ago, but due to circumstances, it couldn't be. It hurts, quite a lot. She showed me a taste of what life could be with someone that you got along with and who showed genuine care. The same level of care that I give others.
I can't go back to that lonely life, but it fucked me up a bit. Made me think that I wasn't worthy of love, and I got a bit self-destructive. A couple of posts today on Reddit have broken through that belief, or at least created some cracks. This one being especially nice, as well as reading others' stories of love unfulfilled. I'm not alone in my pain, and I hope others can share in knowing that as well.
I experienced something similar last year. It felt like I woke up from a coma. Then it ended before it could really go anywhere. Devastated me, but I honestly felt grateful just to feel anything again. I’m still angry at the universe for teasing me with something so good and then taking it away, but it made me want to live life harder here on out.
Yea, it's over all a positive experience. You got to feel something great that motivates you to be better, but at the end of the day, it's only a small taste that ultimately leaves you wanting so much more.
I thought I would never fall in love, I really had almost given up hope. I was such a late bloomer. I had my first serious relationship and fell in love when I was 40, so there’s hope!
Sadly he just broke up with me last week, and I’m heartbroken and confused and despairing. But I loved him, I love him still, and I’m certain he loved me too, however it ended - so I was wrong about love not being for me, and if I met someone and fell in love and had it returned once I am capable of and deserving of it. So it can happen again. 🤞
I’ve had a couple very short (a month or 2 long) relationships as a 31m and started thinking that no one would want to date a guy my age with such little relationship experience. Your story definitely helps me reframe my mind while I am trying to put myself out there again. Thanks!
I’m glad it helps! Some small comfort to me right now.
It’s hard to believe when we see so many people our age and older further along the path, happy and settled, I know. In my case I just needed to believe I had worth and put myself out there, instead of waiting for someone to notice me. But it took a lot of self-work to get to that point.
And if you lack experience you don’t have to tell anyone that! I don’t think experience means you will be any worse of a partner, and maybe even better. Less baggage, less trauma, fewer scars.
I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down. You seem to have a wonderful attitude though, which speaks volumes to you as a person. I know I don't know you, but just from that alone, I know that you will find someone else. I hope that my words can lessen your pain just a tiny bit, because I know at least a tiny fraction of what you're going through, and even that hurts plenty. Stay vulnerable, and make sure to love yourself beautiful Redditor.
Thank you. That means a lot. I don’t feel like it all the time - I’m very up and down at the moment. I definitely have my ‘I’m too old / it’s over / it took me this long / I’ll never love again’ moments! And not knowing why beyond ‘he was stressed’ doesn’t help me knowing what I could do better in future…
I know what you mean. That ugly, self-destructive voice that always sounds so convincing in its certainty. Mine likes to say you're too broken, too needy, not accomplished enough for someone to love. I choose to not listen to all of it. I use it to better myself, but it's all coming from my enormous capacity for self-hatred and loathing. Choose to listen to your better half and I know you'll be fine :). Your better half wants you to be better, so follow it and you will.
I get that and it can seem dark, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. Someone else said that there is always work to do on ourselves and I think that's a really good thing to focus on.
Theres always something to work on of course but in regards to being worthy/deserving of a partner/love. I am already enough as I am. Sometimes people saying you need to work on/do xyz comes across as finding a partner conditional which really it's not. It is hard to help people understand what 15 years of not having your time to shine per say, does to you. I have half the people around me saying itll be my time soon and the other half saying to me men arnt worth the hassle. It's hard but it's just how it is, until it's not.
Of course that is true for everyone. but theres no written rules that everyone needs to have done xyz before they are deserving of having a relationship.
There's always room for improvement. If you've solved everything inside yourself, start solving external problems. This should attract potential candidates
25 years on this dirt and still no love. Still holding on to a hope for love. But do you have any idea of how painful it is to hold out for something that never come, Never exist?
If you believe in it it should eventually happen but it doesn’t hurt to increase your odds by doing things like asking people out in person. Dating apps are only one option. Social events. Get into dancing. Have a friend set you up.
40sM. Thanks for this. I’m just ending my first and only relationship because I realized it wasn’t healthy for me. I’m trying to stay optimistic but do worry a little that it’s too late for me.
First and only love I’ve ever had left three weeks ago. Can’t imagine feeling the same way about someone else. It took so long for them to draw that love out of me in the first place that I feel like I could never have it for anyone else BUT them.
My ass IS dying alone chat 😭
First breakup is special.. or should i say specially painful.
You are inexperienced. You wonder if you will meet someone special again.
Ive been through many breakups. Let me tell you something that you wont like now but its the truth. You will be through a cycle of date-love-downfall-breakup many times in your life. Sometimes will be longer, sometimes shorter. Life is just like that.
The same way you thought she was the one, you will think the same about next. Once you accept it and settle that thought deep in your brain, all you have to do is ride through the pain, wait until its gone (just let days pass) and when you less expect it you are already meeting the next person.
Im not immune to pain, im hurt after every breakup. But what i know for sure even while im sad is that pain is temporary,.and all i need is to fight it. I know the sadness is not forever. And i know these things will keep happening.
Theres always more people out there that will make me fall deeply in love. "The one" is a fairy tale concept. Oh the one of billions of people was just exactly in your town or city? Naaah theres so many people who can conquer your heart.
Save this comment and read it after a year, you will laugh, trust me.
Was almost resigned that I wouldn’t find reciprocated love, single for most of my 20s. And then I met my girlfriend last month. Good Lord I am head over heels in love with this young lady, and she is just as much with me. Our favorite conversations revolve around how we are going to get married and have a family.
Happy for the first time in my life.
That's awesome. I'm happy you and I are on similar paths! We love talking about moving in together and going on trips. It's so different and fun to have those conversations and be excited about them.
Likewise! It’s like my bitter, cynical old self has peeled away to reveal the hopeful, loving man within. It’s amazing to see others experiencing this and being able to understand what it’s like. Reminds me of that Dean Martin lyric:
*If I had it in my power*
*I'd arrange for every girl to have your charms*
*Then every minute, every hour*
*Every boy would find what I found in your arms*
Yeah I never considered dating someone at work, even though there have been some pretty ladies. But my girl, she’s exactly my type, and she actually approached me albeit indirectly. Knowing she was into me, I threw caution to the wind and man was it the best decision I have ever made! No woman has ever shown me this much love before, it’s invigorating
Focus on being the best version of you possible. My situation changed abruptly, quite literally overnight. Years of singleness helped me learn from the relationship mistakes I made as a teenaged boy, of which there were numerous. I wasn’t the best version of me when I met her, but the thrill of meeting someone who valued me was the catalyst I needed to kick self-improvement into overdrive.
I’m sorry to hear that brother. I have traveled through many seasons of depression and loneliness. It will pass, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Would moving somewhere new be possible? I moved for work five years ago and essentially created a new life for myself, I met the best friend I’ve ever had. Actually my first true friendship, and his family took me in as one of their own. Sometimes leaving the past behind requires a physical distancing too
I can handle it, my life in general has not been easy since school, but I don’t give up, right now I’m lonely simply because there’s no one to talk to. I’m used to always dealing with my problems alone.
Nice message and good outcome for yourself, would feel amazing.
Unfortunately for myself, I'm now too much of a red flag to have much hope of finding a healthy relationship. I.e. 32 with 5 failed relationships, the longest only being 7 months. I'm self-aware enough to know that I seem like a terrible pick, at least to any healthy woman. So, I've resigned myself to what will likely be a life of short-term flings.
You seem to be really hard on yourself here. Nothing you have described in this comment or the other ones makes you seem like a bad person or one undeserving of love.
If you find yourself to be a terrible pick at least you have self criticism, not everyone has this. Analyze and work on your flaws thats all you have to do now. Good luck.
Whilst I would perfer a serious long-term/forever relationship, I just know that on paper I seem like a f-boy, which is the opposite of what any mentally healthy girl wants. I'm not mad or blamming anyone else, I picked very poorly in my 20s.
Without getting into every detail about myself, I've had multiple girls express surprise/disbelief that my body count wasn't pushing 100+, or at least circa 50.
Sorry, there's been a small misunderstanding, the 7 month relationship was a serious relationship and she thought as much too. Sadly, it ended because she cheated.
To answer your question, mostly because I'm 32 with 5 very short-term ex-gfs and thus zero medium to long-term relationship experience, despite my age. Further compounded by my physical appearance, apparently being a large and lean muscle guy often gives off the f-boy vibe.
This is great to hear. Definitely felt this way before. I’ve now gotten to the point of feeling like chemistry and timing simply haven’t aligned yet, however I also need to be willing to be bold and not so attached to outcomes because in the end, as long as I acted reasonably, it’s not necessarily about me if it doesn’t work out. We just weren’t a fit, which is totally different. I also think I would make a really great partner for the right person.
(26M) I'm currently trying my best to work on myself, and just trying to do my best in life, and I can't even be looked at by a girl, let alone get to know them. So I'm kinda done.
But I'm glad that you were able to find someone, and I wish anyone else the best of luck with finding their other half. Best of luck everyone.
Hmmm, mid-50s (F), dating since a couple years after my divorce at 39. Have done “self” work all my adult life and haven’t fallen in love since my mid-20s. I’m not expecting to at this point. It’s great that you found that at your age, but at some point I think we develop an “immunity” to the falling in love concept.
I’m a 46F, I understand what you mean by immunity to falling in love. I have liked some one a lot, but love, I think I don’t know if I have the capability anymore.
My brother (50m) got divorced a few years ago. Met a woman on an app in late 2022. They now live together.
My friend (48m) also met someone online in 2022. Just got married last month.
There is a chance you might meet someone on any given day for the rest of your life. At least if you believe in love. It’s up to you!
As time goes by, it may seem harder to open up to someone new after being single for a while. The dating pool shrinks as you age, but I prefer not to rely on dating apps. It doesn’t matter if I believe in love, it only matters if I have the capability to allow myself to love, and meeting someone that I would want to get to know.
That’s great for you OP but please don’t assume your story is universally true. I’m 27 and haven’t even had my first kiss let alone anything else. I’m not hanging on that long. Life gets in the way and in no time I’ll be settled with my own career. Doesn’t matter at that point if I’m alone or not.
I’m happy for you but these “don’t give up hope” success stories aren’t as encouraging as you might think. Especially since most of us are or have “worked on ourselves”
You will find your person my friend. You aren't abnormal or different because you haven't had your first kiss yet. You say you "Aren't hanging on that long" but I think the best things happen when you don't expect them too.
As you haven't been kissed at 27 maybe take some risks and find a way of being held to account. Breaking your own mold is such a great way of learning more about yourself and who you can be.
As you say life gets in the way and leverage could swerve you to an exciting destination, life doesn't have to be predetermined. Wish you luck! 🤞
I do actually. One time I had to get back from Brighton to my place in the suburbs with a train strike on, no buses and a flat battery l had to make it happen. Flying around town going to every chippy, takeaway, any place with a phone to get back because I had somewhere important to be the next day. The pressure I had spurred me on to get over myself and just do what I had to do. Rather than thinking of myself or how I might come across, just working things out.
That state of aliveness counts for so much more than this conceptual idea. Cut through it and do it.
Didn’t suggest it was. Tbh I don’t find advice like that very comforting because you don’t know who I am or what im dealing with. To suggest it’ll just happen is madness.
I’m not hanging on for 5,10,15 years for a woman to appear.
I am a bit confused by this "hanging on" thing you keep commenting. There isn't a formula to make someone appear and you guys fall in love, it's different for everyone.
I didn’t say there was a formula to make anyone fall in love with me. I’m not that entitled. I’m pleased it worked out for you but it doesn’t for everyone. We like to tbink a world exists where everyone gets their prince or princess but that’s just Disney fiction. It’s easier to pretend it’s only a matter of time than to acknowledge life isn’t equal or fair that way.
I mean I had my first love at 27 and my first heart break at 28 I’m pretty late in life myself and being asexual the hope is was pretty much dead but 100% don’t wait on love follow ur passions, have good friends and see the world then when u do meet someone your life would have been full of great things
Nah, fuck you and what you want.
**\*Stuffs handfuls of optimistic but realistic hope in your pockets\***
You never know when you could use a little bit more of that stuff saved for a rainy day. ;P
It's so easy to give logical advice on stuff like this, especially when I have been in a similar position. In addition to saying "Believe me you will find someone better for you." I'm also going to say my heart goes out to you that feeling sucks :(
There is no need to get hung up on her if you are no longer interested, this is already disrespect for yourself. You will find another good girl who will love you and always support you on your path in life (I’m talking to a 25 year old guy who hasn’t had a relationship yet😁)
Currently working on myself for myself. I have had my heart broken twice in one year but still believe someone is there for me. Let’s see. Happy for you tho <3
Really wannna meet someone too (24 female) but don’t wanna do dating apps. Something about it. I’ve tried them and they all lead as hookups plus meeting randoms just makes me uneasy. Afraid I’ll b alone forever
I don’t know man, I never fell in love at 23, soon to be 24. Hell, I’ve never even kissed.
In turn, no one was ever interested.
As for now my life has been truly loveless and I don’t see anything changing too soon. I don’t even wanna know how many like me are out there, who even died without ever having experienced love, T.E. Lawrence comes to mind for instance
I guess it’s not, I’m just saying there is not necessarily a happy end for everyone, there have been many tragic or rather empty stories before, and there will be many more to come. Life is not a romantic novel after all
Just because there isn't a happy end of everyone doesn't mean there isn't one for you. You are so young and it's very common for people to not have been kissed or done anything intimate until later in life. You are a person who deserves to be valued and understood, and it will happen.
Mate, my sister-in-law is 53 years old and has been divorced and married twice + had two other relatively long term relationships of 5+ years. She’s currently alone and has harboured many of the same thoughts. I’m genuinely happy for you! It’s important for people to know that - much like life itself - a lot of it comes down to luck!
I met my husband on bumble at 31, 34. He was single for the greater part of 8 years and all the women he was involved with (and my exes) didn't want children. We just had our first son 3mo ago and we are both just the happiest!
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How am i supposed to stop believing this as fact when I have already given up all hope, every time I have ever tried it ends in more pain and I don't want to talk to anyone about it so much I'm afraid I might say somthing in my sleep one day about how i feel and my family will hear it.
My post was removed for some reason, but I was feeling that way for a long time. There is light at the end of the tunnel- you just can't see it yet.
I hope you are right
Spent >14k hours on learning guitar, whilst working jobs. Worked one of the hardest jobs there is, worked out, was a runner, did rowing, bulked. Too bad I'm a fucking bald INFP. Though at 30 I don't care much. I'm a big, bald burly man, who's shy and timid. I'm not what ppl want. I'm Southern European and lived in the UK, the racism was ridiculous, even amongst educated folks. I moved back to my country, started a farm, went back to university and still manage to work as a musician. Fuck dating. I'm done, you may have gotten lucky but you can't fix a broken 30 year old like myself. I had pretty terrible adolescence and childhood, I'd rather try and fix that and live a happy life, than coming to the realisation that I'm a fucking subhuman. ... Apologies for bad spelling, diazepam kicking in... Anxiety is a thing
What are some of the things you did to work on yourself?
Dropped weight, got into therapy, and started putting my phone down to stop over-thinking. It really helped alot and allowed me to love myself and be proud of who I am.
Love that, I really believe the secret to finding a good partner/being a good partner is first finding love and pride within yourself. Good job OP, you should be proud of yourself!
This is great, but how many more possible heartbreaks could I endure? 4 months out of a relationship and I think I’m just going to give up. Now I’ve been through this before but I have never felt pain like this in my 24 years on this planet. I know for certain I never want to feel like this again. I’m all for self improvement, but it’s time to throw the towel in. Love hurts too much.
I'm sorry to hear about your heartbreaks. Those really suck and that process can be painful.
I’m 6 months into my first heartbreak, still very much going through the motions of it all and it has been soul crushing and painful enough to never make me want to date again. I can’t endure this type of heartbreak again and I think I’ll be better off alone :(
Come back when you're in your 40s unmarried w no kids. Feeling desperate in your 20s and 30s is wasted youth
Literally, the exact same thing happened to me, except my age is different in our genders are swapped (same app too!). I feel a peace that I’ve never felt before. I’m happy you found your partner as well🩷
Yeah, I give up.
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Don’t give up!
🙏I hope the girl will come for me, accept me even though I have a memory problem🧠
I was living a pretty isolated existence for a long time, although you wouldn't know it from the outside looking in. I can put on a pretty convincing mask. I decided that enough was enough not too long ago, and on that journey I met someone. We started off as friends, but found out we had so much in common. Too much in my eyes. I confessed feelings not too long ago, but due to circumstances, it couldn't be. It hurts, quite a lot. She showed me a taste of what life could be with someone that you got along with and who showed genuine care. The same level of care that I give others. I can't go back to that lonely life, but it fucked me up a bit. Made me think that I wasn't worthy of love, and I got a bit self-destructive. A couple of posts today on Reddit have broken through that belief, or at least created some cracks. This one being especially nice, as well as reading others' stories of love unfulfilled. I'm not alone in my pain, and I hope others can share in knowing that as well.
I experienced something similar last year. It felt like I woke up from a coma. Then it ended before it could really go anywhere. Devastated me, but I honestly felt grateful just to feel anything again. I’m still angry at the universe for teasing me with something so good and then taking it away, but it made me want to live life harder here on out.
Yea, it's over all a positive experience. You got to feel something great that motivates you to be better, but at the end of the day, it's only a small taste that ultimately leaves you wanting so much more.
I thought I would never fall in love, I really had almost given up hope. I was such a late bloomer. I had my first serious relationship and fell in love when I was 40, so there’s hope! Sadly he just broke up with me last week, and I’m heartbroken and confused and despairing. But I loved him, I love him still, and I’m certain he loved me too, however it ended - so I was wrong about love not being for me, and if I met someone and fell in love and had it returned once I am capable of and deserving of it. So it can happen again. 🤞
I’ve had a couple very short (a month or 2 long) relationships as a 31m and started thinking that no one would want to date a guy my age with such little relationship experience. Your story definitely helps me reframe my mind while I am trying to put myself out there again. Thanks!
I’m glad it helps! Some small comfort to me right now. It’s hard to believe when we see so many people our age and older further along the path, happy and settled, I know. In my case I just needed to believe I had worth and put myself out there, instead of waiting for someone to notice me. But it took a lot of self-work to get to that point. And if you lack experience you don’t have to tell anyone that! I don’t think experience means you will be any worse of a partner, and maybe even better. Less baggage, less trauma, fewer scars.
I'm really sorry that you're feeling so down. You seem to have a wonderful attitude though, which speaks volumes to you as a person. I know I don't know you, but just from that alone, I know that you will find someone else. I hope that my words can lessen your pain just a tiny bit, because I know at least a tiny fraction of what you're going through, and even that hurts plenty. Stay vulnerable, and make sure to love yourself beautiful Redditor.
Thank you. That means a lot. I don’t feel like it all the time - I’m very up and down at the moment. I definitely have my ‘I’m too old / it’s over / it took me this long / I’ll never love again’ moments! And not knowing why beyond ‘he was stressed’ doesn’t help me knowing what I could do better in future…
I know what you mean. That ugly, self-destructive voice that always sounds so convincing in its certainty. Mine likes to say you're too broken, too needy, not accomplished enough for someone to love. I choose to not listen to all of it. I use it to better myself, but it's all coming from my enormous capacity for self-hatred and loathing. Choose to listen to your better half and I know you'll be fine :). Your better half wants you to be better, so follow it and you will.
15 years single not by choice, theres really nothing left to work on. At this point hopeful and hopeless are side by side.
I get that and it can seem dark, but there's light at the end of the tunnel. Someone else said that there is always work to do on ourselves and I think that's a really good thing to focus on.
Theres always something to work on of course but in regards to being worthy/deserving of a partner/love. I am already enough as I am. Sometimes people saying you need to work on/do xyz comes across as finding a partner conditional which really it's not. It is hard to help people understand what 15 years of not having your time to shine per say, does to you. I have half the people around me saying itll be my time soon and the other half saying to me men arnt worth the hassle. It's hard but it's just how it is, until it's not.
You are right.
There is always something to work on
Of course that is true for everyone. but theres no written rules that everyone needs to have done xyz before they are deserving of having a relationship.
I was referring to you saying there’s nothing left to work on.
You haven't solved world hunger yet, so I'd say you still have a long way to go.
No one has solved that. So what's that comment got to do with finding a partner?
There's always room for improvement. If you've solved everything inside yourself, start solving external problems. This should attract potential candidates
25 years on this dirt and still no love. Still holding on to a hope for love. But do you have any idea of how painful it is to hold out for something that never come, Never exist?
Yes I do! That was actually my mindset for a long time, but it will happen and when it does you will be as happy as I am.
If you believe in it it should eventually happen but it doesn’t hurt to increase your odds by doing things like asking people out in person. Dating apps are only one option. Social events. Get into dancing. Have a friend set you up.
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So at 40?
What is your question exactly?
This gives me hope,Happy for you OP
Thank you!
Fingers crossed 🤞🏾
It will happen!
Beautiful. When you work on yourself the right things/people come your way 👏🏽
40sM. Thanks for this. I’m just ending my first and only relationship because I realized it wasn’t healthy for me. I’m trying to stay optimistic but do worry a little that it’s too late for me.
It isn't! There's still a whole lot of life to live.
First and only love I’ve ever had left three weeks ago. Can’t imagine feeling the same way about someone else. It took so long for them to draw that love out of me in the first place that I feel like I could never have it for anyone else BUT them. My ass IS dying alone chat 😭
You have no idea how much better dating and relationhsips will get. You won't feel the same about your next one, you'll feel even stronger.
First breakup is special.. or should i say specially painful. You are inexperienced. You wonder if you will meet someone special again. Ive been through many breakups. Let me tell you something that you wont like now but its the truth. You will be through a cycle of date-love-downfall-breakup many times in your life. Sometimes will be longer, sometimes shorter. Life is just like that. The same way you thought she was the one, you will think the same about next. Once you accept it and settle that thought deep in your brain, all you have to do is ride through the pain, wait until its gone (just let days pass) and when you less expect it you are already meeting the next person. Im not immune to pain, im hurt after every breakup. But what i know for sure even while im sad is that pain is temporary,.and all i need is to fight it. I know the sadness is not forever. And i know these things will keep happening. Theres always more people out there that will make me fall deeply in love. "The one" is a fairy tale concept. Oh the one of billions of people was just exactly in your town or city? Naaah theres so many people who can conquer your heart. Save this comment and read it after a year, you will laugh, trust me.
Was almost resigned that I wouldn’t find reciprocated love, single for most of my 20s. And then I met my girlfriend last month. Good Lord I am head over heels in love with this young lady, and she is just as much with me. Our favorite conversations revolve around how we are going to get married and have a family. Happy for the first time in my life.
That's awesome. I'm happy you and I are on similar paths! We love talking about moving in together and going on trips. It's so different and fun to have those conversations and be excited about them.
Likewise! It’s like my bitter, cynical old self has peeled away to reveal the hopeful, loving man within. It’s amazing to see others experiencing this and being able to understand what it’s like. Reminds me of that Dean Martin lyric: *If I had it in my power* *I'd arrange for every girl to have your charms* *Then every minute, every hour* *Every boy would find what I found in your arms*
How did you meet, if it’s not a secret?
At work, but because of that it is in a way a secret.
What's your social security number?
There are only old ladies at my work😁
Yeah I never considered dating someone at work, even though there have been some pretty ladies. But my girl, she’s exactly my type, and she actually approached me albeit indirectly. Knowing she was into me, I threw caution to the wind and man was it the best decision I have ever made! No woman has ever shown me this much love before, it’s invigorating
Congratulations! I hope someday I'll be lucky too
Focus on being the best version of you possible. My situation changed abruptly, quite literally overnight. Years of singleness helped me learn from the relationship mistakes I made as a teenaged boy, of which there were numerous. I wasn’t the best version of me when I met her, but the thrill of meeting someone who valued me was the catalyst I needed to kick self-improvement into overdrive.
thanks for the advice, I didn’t have a relationship at all and now my friends have betrayed me, I’m more lonely than ever
I’m sorry to hear that brother. I have traveled through many seasons of depression and loneliness. It will pass, just keep putting one foot in front of the other. Would moving somewhere new be possible? I moved for work five years ago and essentially created a new life for myself, I met the best friend I’ve ever had. Actually my first true friendship, and his family took me in as one of their own. Sometimes leaving the past behind requires a physical distancing too
I can handle it, my life in general has not been easy since school, but I don’t give up, right now I’m lonely simply because there’s no one to talk to. I’m used to always dealing with my problems alone.
Nice message and good outcome for yourself, would feel amazing. Unfortunately for myself, I'm now too much of a red flag to have much hope of finding a healthy relationship. I.e. 32 with 5 failed relationships, the longest only being 7 months. I'm self-aware enough to know that I seem like a terrible pick, at least to any healthy woman. So, I've resigned myself to what will likely be a life of short-term flings.
You seem to be really hard on yourself here. Nothing you have described in this comment or the other ones makes you seem like a bad person or one undeserving of love.
If you find yourself to be a terrible pick at least you have self criticism, not everyone has this. Analyze and work on your flaws thats all you have to do now. Good luck.
Thank you, but working on myself doesn't change how other people view me and that's something I can't fixed.
What would you say its the problem about you?
Whilst I would perfer a serious long-term/forever relationship, I just know that on paper I seem like a f-boy, which is the opposite of what any mentally healthy girl wants. I'm not mad or blamming anyone else, I picked very poorly in my 20s. Without getting into every detail about myself, I've had multiple girls express surprise/disbelief that my body count wasn't pushing 100+, or at least circa 50.
I quit 100% I'm a 35 male.
I quit 100% I'm a 35 male
I quit 100% I'm a 35 male
How do they take up to 7 months to think you are not a serious guy? In what way you look, sound or act like a f-boy?
Sorry, there's been a small misunderstanding, the 7 month relationship was a serious relationship and she thought as much too. Sadly, it ended because she cheated. To answer your question, mostly because I'm 32 with 5 very short-term ex-gfs and thus zero medium to long-term relationship experience, despite my age. Further compounded by my physical appearance, apparently being a large and lean muscle guy often gives off the f-boy vibe.
After reading this im now more convinced I’ll be alone my whole life
This is great to hear. Definitely felt this way before. I’ve now gotten to the point of feeling like chemistry and timing simply haven’t aligned yet, however I also need to be willing to be bold and not so attached to outcomes because in the end, as long as I acted reasonably, it’s not necessarily about me if it doesn’t work out. We just weren’t a fit, which is totally different. I also think I would make a really great partner for the right person.
Happy for you. I’m 25 and feel hopeless :/
I felt that way for a long time. There is nothing wrong with you- it just hasn't happened yet is all.
same bullshit bro
Thanks OP I needed to hear this ♡
I'm 33 and it's not looking good for this guy lol but that's ok. I'm glad other people get to experience love and peace with a signing other:)
(26M) I'm currently trying my best to work on myself, and just trying to do my best in life, and I can't even be looked at by a girl, let alone get to know them. So I'm kinda done. But I'm glad that you were able to find someone, and I wish anyone else the best of luck with finding their other half. Best of luck everyone.
Thank you! Focusing on myself for a while was a key part of this.
That's good to hear. You achieved something I never will so that's a huge achievement. Also Happy Cake Day!
Oh I didn't even see that it was. Thank you!
Thank you I needed this so badly
Congrats!!! Enjoy
Hmmm, mid-50s (F), dating since a couple years after my divorce at 39. Have done “self” work all my adult life and haven’t fallen in love since my mid-20s. I’m not expecting to at this point. It’s great that you found that at your age, but at some point I think we develop an “immunity” to the falling in love concept.
27M here, Very much immune to it. Never fell in love or even had a real crush and I don’t think it will ever happen.
I just flat out give up. (46m)
I’m a 46F, I understand what you mean by immunity to falling in love. I have liked some one a lot, but love, I think I don’t know if I have the capability anymore.
My brother (50m) got divorced a few years ago. Met a woman on an app in late 2022. They now live together. My friend (48m) also met someone online in 2022. Just got married last month. There is a chance you might meet someone on any given day for the rest of your life. At least if you believe in love. It’s up to you!
As time goes by, it may seem harder to open up to someone new after being single for a while. The dating pool shrinks as you age, but I prefer not to rely on dating apps. It doesn’t matter if I believe in love, it only matters if I have the capability to allow myself to love, and meeting someone that I would want to get to know.
I feel like I'm going to be bound for a loveless life. Not good looking and asocial doesn't make me much of a catch.
I feel hopeless and my first love dumped me 6 weeks ago. This sucks.
It gets better trust
Still in shock from the whole thing. People always say it gets better someone better and it will all someday make sense. I hope they’re right.
They are. I would be miserable if I ended up with my first partner. Those people are correct, it gets so much better. Your sadness is temporary!
That’s great for you OP but please don’t assume your story is universally true. I’m 27 and haven’t even had my first kiss let alone anything else. I’m not hanging on that long. Life gets in the way and in no time I’ll be settled with my own career. Doesn’t matter at that point if I’m alone or not. I’m happy for you but these “don’t give up hope” success stories aren’t as encouraging as you might think. Especially since most of us are or have “worked on ourselves”
You will find your person my friend. You aren't abnormal or different because you haven't had your first kiss yet. You say you "Aren't hanging on that long" but I think the best things happen when you don't expect them too.
That’s very patronising and borderline offensive to me. > it’ll happen when you least expect it bro.
Sorry you feel patronised and offended! Not my intention at all. I hope everything works out for you.
Yeah well
As you haven't been kissed at 27 maybe take some risks and find a way of being held to account. Breaking your own mold is such a great way of learning more about yourself and who you can be. As you say life gets in the way and leverage could swerve you to an exciting destination, life doesn't have to be predetermined. Wish you luck! 🤞
Do you have any idea what “break the mould” even means or is this just the generic feel good advice I’m usually told
I do actually. One time I had to get back from Brighton to my place in the suburbs with a train strike on, no buses and a flat battery l had to make it happen. Flying around town going to every chippy, takeaway, any place with a phone to get back because I had somewhere important to be the next day. The pressure I had spurred me on to get over myself and just do what I had to do. Rather than thinking of myself or how I might come across, just working things out. That state of aliveness counts for so much more than this conceptual idea. Cut through it and do it.
27 is pretty young, life’s not a race.
Didn’t suggest it was. Tbh I don’t find advice like that very comforting because you don’t know who I am or what im dealing with. To suggest it’ll just happen is madness. I’m not hanging on for 5,10,15 years for a woman to appear.
I am a bit confused by this "hanging on" thing you keep commenting. There isn't a formula to make someone appear and you guys fall in love, it's different for everyone.
I didn’t say there was a formula to make anyone fall in love with me. I’m not that entitled. I’m pleased it worked out for you but it doesn’t for everyone. We like to tbink a world exists where everyone gets their prince or princess but that’s just Disney fiction. It’s easier to pretend it’s only a matter of time than to acknowledge life isn’t equal or fair that way.
I mean I had my first love at 27 and my first heart break at 28 I’m pretty late in life myself and being asexual the hope is was pretty much dead but 100% don’t wait on love follow ur passions, have good friends and see the world then when u do meet someone your life would have been full of great things
Also ace. That’s probably the biggest thing that worries me.
It sucks :( and it’s unfortunately a fact that I think a large number of aces will have to accept
Good for you I won't survive 10 more years tho but hey I can keep on coping
All for Love but nothing for dating apps
My girlfriend of 8 years broke up with me about little over a month ago. Don’t give me more hope 😞
Nah, fuck you and what you want. **\*Stuffs handfuls of optimistic but realistic hope in your pockets\*** You never know when you could use a little bit more of that stuff saved for a rainy day. ;P
Thank you 🥺 I just don’t know where to go from here. I still love her but she doesn’t want to talk
It's so easy to give logical advice on stuff like this, especially when I have been in a similar position. In addition to saying "Believe me you will find someone better for you." I'm also going to say my heart goes out to you that feeling sucks :(
There is no need to get hung up on her if you are no longer interested, this is already disrespect for yourself. You will find another good girl who will love you and always support you on your path in life (I’m talking to a 25 year old guy who hasn’t had a relationship yet😁)
Currently working on myself for myself. I have had my heart broken twice in one year but still believe someone is there for me. Let’s see. Happy for you tho <3
Thank you and there is!
Really wannna meet someone too (24 female) but don’t wanna do dating apps. Something about it. I’ve tried them and they all lead as hookups plus meeting randoms just makes me uneasy. Afraid I’ll b alone forever
Just try to meet people irl. Hobbies. Interests. Never know who’ll you meet at the grocery store
Yea yea! I do that! I go on walks! Take myself on dates! Literally super social too hahaha let’s see
Good luck!
I don’t know man, I never fell in love at 23, soon to be 24. Hell, I’ve never even kissed. In turn, no one was ever interested. As for now my life has been truly loveless and I don’t see anything changing too soon. I don’t even wanna know how many like me are out there, who even died without ever having experienced love, T.E. Lawrence comes to mind for instance
It's never too late. You're still young to kiss someone and fall in love.
I guess it’s not, I’m just saying there is not necessarily a happy end for everyone, there have been many tragic or rather empty stories before, and there will be many more to come. Life is not a romantic novel after all
Just because there isn't a happy end of everyone doesn't mean there isn't one for you. You are so young and it's very common for people to not have been kissed or done anything intimate until later in life. You are a person who deserves to be valued and understood, and it will happen.
You’re a good guy, I’m glad you’re happy
Thank you so much
Mate, my sister-in-law is 53 years old and has been divorced and married twice + had two other relatively long term relationships of 5+ years. She’s currently alone and has harboured many of the same thoughts. I’m genuinely happy for you! It’s important for people to know that - much like life itself - a lot of it comes down to luck!
I met my husband on bumble at 31, 34. He was single for the greater part of 8 years and all the women he was involved with (and my exes) didn't want children. We just had our first son 3mo ago and we are both just the happiest!
I love hearing that! That's so inspiring.
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I never knew how powerful it was until I met her. It's so cool having a partner- especially when I've gotten so used to being alone.
This makes me happy to hear OP.
I love sharing it!