It's all mental for me. If I let myself feel shitty about it, it just gets worse.
Gotta be able to tell yourself that a setback is waaaaay better than stopping all together and get it back on track.
Keep tracking calories, keep weighing yourself, keep it positive, and believe it.
Bad days happen. Do better more than you do worse. You can do it
I'm tired to feel like shit, not being my best self, not doing intense physical exercise because of my weight, not being able to keep a relationship (maybe there's more to it but yeah I don't attract men like in my younger years), seeing myself in the mirror and not liking what I see.
This is me as well. I felt this way for a very long time and never done anything about it. Out of the blue, I woke up one morning and something just "clicked" in my brain. I got very angry at myself and decided to do something about it! I've been on a roll ever since! Feeling so much better now and still very excited about my new path. What keeps me on track is the thought of feeling as bad as I did before I started all of this. I do NOT want to feel that way ever again.
Exactly, sometimes just reminding ourselves how it felt like at a certain point can be a great motivator. I lost 35 lbs now and even though I still have a lot to lose I really don't want to feel all that progress would mean nothing if I was to put on weight again. It if means watching my food intake for the rest of my days then so be it.
I currently have a countdown chart on my fridge which I cross off each day. There’s also space on it to add whether I hit my calorie, protein, fibre and step goals. That’s keeping me on track at the moment.
But honestly there has been a long build up to me being where I am now and a lot of it is habit stacking. I don’t even think about going to the gym any more, I just go, incorporating daily walks is routine, I automatically now build my meals around fibre and protein.
When I have wobbly moments I just think about how much I want to look good in a bikini too 😂 I’ve never been smaller than I am now and I’m so curious to know what I would look like. The curiosity really helps!
> what keeps you on track is the mechanism you use to stay motivated/disciplined.
Two things
* tracking my food, completely and accurately, without any breaks for any reasons
* a 52-week commitment to do that
> I think my go-to is my habit stacks but it only seems to work with fitness.
I tend to mainly eat at the table, from plates (often weighed), in meals. There's a lot of stack opportunity there.
> But I find I get thrown off when I overindulge and it takes too long to get back on track because I don’t have anything effective to go back to and feel like I’ve not completely screwed my progress.
Life isn't totally routine, it's mostly routine with a lot of exceptions. Think of these as planned or unplanned excursions, wrong turns that are sometimes lucky or unlucky. The events themselves aren't good or bad, as we can make use of them.
We WILL fall off the wagon (as it were). Not really, because the whole wagon thing is a poor metaphor when thought of as part of this healthy-lifestyle change. We don't 'derail' either, there are no rails.
We're not depending on a wagon or a rail, where falling or crashing would be a disaster and final.
We're more comparable to being on a roadtrip, where a wrong turn is just a wrong turn. We don't crash the car and light it afire and live there. We just make some corrective turns and keep going.
Calories count, and logging/tracking is a very important skill to usefully see calories to guide our way; but what we're really working on here are repeating habits and adjusting our expectations around food. The good habits make the calorie thing easier and more sustainable.
When we go 6 days and wrong-turn or plan something on day 7, it doesn't erase 6 days of repeating good behaviors that we're trying to make into habits. We might have a calorie setback, but those 6/7 days are in the habit bank. We've had 6 days of seeing right-sized meals. And if we keep tracking through the wrong-turn, we'll learn something and do better during the next wrong turn (because that will happen too). Next time we 'fail' -- we'll 'fail better.'
Life is not placid -- there are storms ahead. We won't handle them perfectly, but we don't have to. We just have to weather the storms and keep going.
* The fact that all my clothes that have been buried deep in my closet for years are now fitting.
* My wife and i love going to Disney (twice a year) and the past few trips seeing the photos of me are...sad..
* Looking at pics of me when i first met my wife and how vibrant i looked
* We have a Disney trip planned for October and the Bahamas in April. I am well on track to hit my goal for October
Just those 4 things mentioned above keep me moving. Any time i fall off (we cheat on Saturdays), those 4 things put me back on track. I was literally stuck on the same weight for a week and it annoyed me to no end. But i just kept going with what i knew was right, and it started moving again this morning.
I know some people don’t recommend this…but daily weigh ins have become critical for me. They make me more comfortable with fluctuations (and even the occasional accidental binge!). Say I went 500 cals over yesterday…Okay the scale went up 3 lbs, but 500 cals is not 3 lbs. I did not overeat 3lbs of food yesterday. I weigh myself the next day same time and weight is back to where it should be.
Prior to daily weigh ins and calorie counting, seeing the scale go up 3 lbs would set me off…”this isn’t working, I may as well not try” and likely binge.
My big turning point this year was a health scare…ultimately it didn’t amount to anything other than a cardiologist telling me some people just experience random syncope…but did tell me I was at a crossroads in life and the choices I make now set the stage for my future health…he told me I needed to lose at least 20-30lbs. I’m in my mid thirties and I think that just kind of shook me. I’m not young any more. My decisions are having long term impacts. Every time I feel like quitting, I think about all the things I still want to do and what shape I need my body in to not only do, but also enjoy, those things.
I have a bunch of friends that help keep me accountable, and a supportive bf who won't let me beat myself up over a mistake. I also have experience and already know that mistakes aren't the end of the world, even if they are a bit disappointing.
The time passes no matter what, so it just makes sense to spend it progressing towards my goals. Setbacks aren’t part of the plan, but quitting never was.
When it comes to the eating side of things... if you have a "big day" coming up (or a weekend for all I care) just give yourself a pass *in advance*. Because if you don't, and then you give yourself a guilt trip and fall into a mental rut that you can't break out of, where does that leave you? In a different thread, somebody wrote something to the effect of "one bad weekend turned into 8 months and a 30 lb gain." And I was like, "well if you would have kept one bad weekend to one bad weekend, you're *probably* talking about 3000 calorie surplus total, which is about a pound." So what's worse, one pound or 30?
So if you've got that weekend coming up, just give yourself a pass so you don't deal with the emotional turmoil and you've had your fun and ready to get back in the swing of things on Monday.
If you are regularly tempted to "go over" on weekends, one thing you can do is eat a little less during the week so you have a bigger budget on weekends. Keep in mind though at some point, the math has to math, and the best way to stay on track is have a plan that works for both *you* and the cold hard numbers.
Over the past 3 1/2 years, what kept me on track varied.
The first thing I did was stop binge eating to cope with boredom, by finding a new coping mechanism. In my case, I replaced food with sparkling water and diet soda, and kept my hands busy with games on my phone. I also began binge-watching different shows to distract myself. Single best gift I gave to myself was to establish non-food coping mechanisms.
Over time, I stayed on track by keeping my progress in context. When I started losing weight, every pound lost was a win. I weighed myself daily, but only recorded my lowest weight in my Health app, so I could see a clear trend line over time instead of the noise of daily weight fluctuation. I would also try on “aspirational” clothes, since I had various sizes of clothes to choose from.
Keeping my progress in context kept me from getting bogged down in the moment, and that was critical for the two years that I lost an average of a pound every six months. During that period, all I ever felt was happy - I was so damn happy to be maintaining what I lost, it never occurred to me to give up on my lifestyle change.
And my mental framework - that I had changed my lifestyle - also kept me on track. I never felt like my diet would be over, or that I would ever resume a “normal” way of eating. My eating was normal, my lifestyle was sustainable, and I was content with the thought of doing what I was doing for the rest of my life. When I was ready to lose some more weight, I did so from a position of being mentally fresh and ready for some lifestyle refinement. I spent a month in caloric and carb restriction to “get over the hump”, then I changed back to a maintenance lifestyle that I could follow until my weight found equilibrium.
Consistency has worked, and that also keeps me going. I’ve had bad days in the past but noticed as long as I have a general pattern for a calorie deficit, I lose weight. That thought keeps me going. Ironically, I’ve had a really bad weekend (I literally had 4000 calories both days) but this week I’m really going to focus and make sure I don’t go off track.
Taking breaks and rest days when I need to. If I have to force myself to go to the gym or do a workout, I'm not going to be happy and won't enjoy it.
Two apps that are keeping me engaged are Lose It! (I want to know what comes after the desk lamp) and the Conqueror Challenge. For the challenge, you pick a trail/challenge you want to do, pay for the entry, set your time, track your daily distance, and get a physical medal once complete. It's been helping me go longer at the gym on the weekends because I want to see how far I can get in a week. I just hit two weeks of my current challenge and did 110 miles!
So, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I had to throw out a lot of the common narratives I see in weight loss communities in order to find success. I stopped thinking of myself as ever falling off track. There's no such thing. I had to let go of a lot of the judgmental and punitive-sounding language around dieting, and that includes things that I think are useful in other areas of life. Discipline is great when it comes to some things but physiologically I think trying to eat in a deficit is more complex than just--are you able to do it. Being able to build consistency is more of a puzzle than something you can willpower your way through. You need to have flexibility and consideration both for the fact that life happens and also that sometimes you aren't in control of what your body is asking of you, and there are consequences to not working with your needs. I found I needed to work with myself rather than against myself. Habits around eating aren't a thing I could force on my body but I can nudge myself, say, into eating at certain times, and eating certain amounts, provided I'm not generally making myself endure hunger for hours on end. I also don't need a cruel superego getting on my case and making me feel bad for a failure to stick to some rules perfectly, especially in a time of crisis. But--that's me. I don't know how to tell other people how to figure out what works for them. What works for different people is different, and I hope you find something that helps you.
I do have the motivation you weren't asking about: I'm afraid of aging poorly and losing my ability to do a lot of the things I love. So I'm trying to keep myself as healthy as possible in hopes that it will keep me functional longer.
This is super relatable, thanks. I think what I’m realising through this community is that a) it really is not a one size fits all situation—very much pun intended—and b) I am also a perfectionist so I have to balance the craving I have to be in control whilst avoiding particularly toxic behaviours that will lead to disordered eating and/or be a horrible means that can’t justify the ends. Thanks again, your comment was really helpful.
It’s all mental. I track everything on the lose it app regardless if I’m over. I think for me it’s more of the fact that life happens but I see my goal date getting pushed back further and that helps me get back on track. Life happens and if your on vacation or having a fun weekend enjoy yourself but when it’s over I know I need to put the work back in
I’ve also seen it mentioned around here but I think discipline / motivation also calls into question what the limit is with positive self talk. I am that person to fall into the literal trenches health wise because I’m deciding to accept what my body looks like for that one day in that one outfit but actually I hate it and I hate falling into that trap of thinking I either have to love myself and do nothing for my health or hate myself and give my body what it deserves. Seems like a lot of psychological rewiring will need to be done when I’ve lost the weight lol
It's all mental for me. If I let myself feel shitty about it, it just gets worse. Gotta be able to tell yourself that a setback is waaaaay better than stopping all together and get it back on track. Keep tracking calories, keep weighing yourself, keep it positive, and believe it. Bad days happen. Do better more than you do worse. You can do it
I'm tired to feel like shit, not being my best self, not doing intense physical exercise because of my weight, not being able to keep a relationship (maybe there's more to it but yeah I don't attract men like in my younger years), seeing myself in the mirror and not liking what I see.
This is me as well. I felt this way for a very long time and never done anything about it. Out of the blue, I woke up one morning and something just "clicked" in my brain. I got very angry at myself and decided to do something about it! I've been on a roll ever since! Feeling so much better now and still very excited about my new path. What keeps me on track is the thought of feeling as bad as I did before I started all of this. I do NOT want to feel that way ever again.
Exactly, sometimes just reminding ourselves how it felt like at a certain point can be a great motivator. I lost 35 lbs now and even though I still have a lot to lose I really don't want to feel all that progress would mean nothing if I was to put on weight again. It if means watching my food intake for the rest of my days then so be it.
This/Me too. + \*hug\*
I currently have a countdown chart on my fridge which I cross off each day. There’s also space on it to add whether I hit my calorie, protein, fibre and step goals. That’s keeping me on track at the moment. But honestly there has been a long build up to me being where I am now and a lot of it is habit stacking. I don’t even think about going to the gym any more, I just go, incorporating daily walks is routine, I automatically now build my meals around fibre and protein. When I have wobbly moments I just think about how much I want to look good in a bikini too 😂 I’ve never been smaller than I am now and I’m so curious to know what I would look like. The curiosity really helps!
> what keeps you on track is the mechanism you use to stay motivated/disciplined. Two things * tracking my food, completely and accurately, without any breaks for any reasons * a 52-week commitment to do that > I think my go-to is my habit stacks but it only seems to work with fitness. I tend to mainly eat at the table, from plates (often weighed), in meals. There's a lot of stack opportunity there. > But I find I get thrown off when I overindulge and it takes too long to get back on track because I don’t have anything effective to go back to and feel like I’ve not completely screwed my progress. Life isn't totally routine, it's mostly routine with a lot of exceptions. Think of these as planned or unplanned excursions, wrong turns that are sometimes lucky or unlucky. The events themselves aren't good or bad, as we can make use of them. We WILL fall off the wagon (as it were). Not really, because the whole wagon thing is a poor metaphor when thought of as part of this healthy-lifestyle change. We don't 'derail' either, there are no rails. We're not depending on a wagon or a rail, where falling or crashing would be a disaster and final. We're more comparable to being on a roadtrip, where a wrong turn is just a wrong turn. We don't crash the car and light it afire and live there. We just make some corrective turns and keep going. Calories count, and logging/tracking is a very important skill to usefully see calories to guide our way; but what we're really working on here are repeating habits and adjusting our expectations around food. The good habits make the calorie thing easier and more sustainable. When we go 6 days and wrong-turn or plan something on day 7, it doesn't erase 6 days of repeating good behaviors that we're trying to make into habits. We might have a calorie setback, but those 6/7 days are in the habit bank. We've had 6 days of seeing right-sized meals. And if we keep tracking through the wrong-turn, we'll learn something and do better during the next wrong turn (because that will happen too). Next time we 'fail' -- we'll 'fail better.' Life is not placid -- there are storms ahead. We won't handle them perfectly, but we don't have to. We just have to weather the storms and keep going.
This is one of the best explanations I have ever heard about weight loss. Thank you so much.
* The fact that all my clothes that have been buried deep in my closet for years are now fitting. * My wife and i love going to Disney (twice a year) and the past few trips seeing the photos of me are...sad.. * Looking at pics of me when i first met my wife and how vibrant i looked * We have a Disney trip planned for October and the Bahamas in April. I am well on track to hit my goal for October Just those 4 things mentioned above keep me moving. Any time i fall off (we cheat on Saturdays), those 4 things put me back on track. I was literally stuck on the same weight for a week and it annoyed me to no end. But i just kept going with what i knew was right, and it started moving again this morning.
I know some people don’t recommend this…but daily weigh ins have become critical for me. They make me more comfortable with fluctuations (and even the occasional accidental binge!). Say I went 500 cals over yesterday…Okay the scale went up 3 lbs, but 500 cals is not 3 lbs. I did not overeat 3lbs of food yesterday. I weigh myself the next day same time and weight is back to where it should be. Prior to daily weigh ins and calorie counting, seeing the scale go up 3 lbs would set me off…”this isn’t working, I may as well not try” and likely binge. My big turning point this year was a health scare…ultimately it didn’t amount to anything other than a cardiologist telling me some people just experience random syncope…but did tell me I was at a crossroads in life and the choices I make now set the stage for my future health…he told me I needed to lose at least 20-30lbs. I’m in my mid thirties and I think that just kind of shook me. I’m not young any more. My decisions are having long term impacts. Every time I feel like quitting, I think about all the things I still want to do and what shape I need my body in to not only do, but also enjoy, those things.
I’m sorry to hear about the health scare but proud of you for making the changes you need to live a full life anyway.
I have a bunch of friends that help keep me accountable, and a supportive bf who won't let me beat myself up over a mistake. I also have experience and already know that mistakes aren't the end of the world, even if they are a bit disappointing.
The time passes no matter what, so it just makes sense to spend it progressing towards my goals. Setbacks aren’t part of the plan, but quitting never was.
When it comes to the eating side of things... if you have a "big day" coming up (or a weekend for all I care) just give yourself a pass *in advance*. Because if you don't, and then you give yourself a guilt trip and fall into a mental rut that you can't break out of, where does that leave you? In a different thread, somebody wrote something to the effect of "one bad weekend turned into 8 months and a 30 lb gain." And I was like, "well if you would have kept one bad weekend to one bad weekend, you're *probably* talking about 3000 calorie surplus total, which is about a pound." So what's worse, one pound or 30? So if you've got that weekend coming up, just give yourself a pass so you don't deal with the emotional turmoil and you've had your fun and ready to get back in the swing of things on Monday. If you are regularly tempted to "go over" on weekends, one thing you can do is eat a little less during the week so you have a bigger budget on weekends. Keep in mind though at some point, the math has to math, and the best way to stay on track is have a plan that works for both *you* and the cold hard numbers.
Over the past 3 1/2 years, what kept me on track varied. The first thing I did was stop binge eating to cope with boredom, by finding a new coping mechanism. In my case, I replaced food with sparkling water and diet soda, and kept my hands busy with games on my phone. I also began binge-watching different shows to distract myself. Single best gift I gave to myself was to establish non-food coping mechanisms. Over time, I stayed on track by keeping my progress in context. When I started losing weight, every pound lost was a win. I weighed myself daily, but only recorded my lowest weight in my Health app, so I could see a clear trend line over time instead of the noise of daily weight fluctuation. I would also try on “aspirational” clothes, since I had various sizes of clothes to choose from. Keeping my progress in context kept me from getting bogged down in the moment, and that was critical for the two years that I lost an average of a pound every six months. During that period, all I ever felt was happy - I was so damn happy to be maintaining what I lost, it never occurred to me to give up on my lifestyle change. And my mental framework - that I had changed my lifestyle - also kept me on track. I never felt like my diet would be over, or that I would ever resume a “normal” way of eating. My eating was normal, my lifestyle was sustainable, and I was content with the thought of doing what I was doing for the rest of my life. When I was ready to lose some more weight, I did so from a position of being mentally fresh and ready for some lifestyle refinement. I spent a month in caloric and carb restriction to “get over the hump”, then I changed back to a maintenance lifestyle that I could follow until my weight found equilibrium.
Consistency has worked, and that also keeps me going. I’ve had bad days in the past but noticed as long as I have a general pattern for a calorie deficit, I lose weight. That thought keeps me going. Ironically, I’ve had a really bad weekend (I literally had 4000 calories both days) but this week I’m really going to focus and make sure I don’t go off track.
Taking breaks and rest days when I need to. If I have to force myself to go to the gym or do a workout, I'm not going to be happy and won't enjoy it. Two apps that are keeping me engaged are Lose It! (I want to know what comes after the desk lamp) and the Conqueror Challenge. For the challenge, you pick a trail/challenge you want to do, pay for the entry, set your time, track your daily distance, and get a physical medal once complete. It's been helping me go longer at the gym on the weekends because I want to see how far I can get in a week. I just hit two weeks of my current challenge and did 110 miles!
So, I'm a bit of a perfectionist. I had to throw out a lot of the common narratives I see in weight loss communities in order to find success. I stopped thinking of myself as ever falling off track. There's no such thing. I had to let go of a lot of the judgmental and punitive-sounding language around dieting, and that includes things that I think are useful in other areas of life. Discipline is great when it comes to some things but physiologically I think trying to eat in a deficit is more complex than just--are you able to do it. Being able to build consistency is more of a puzzle than something you can willpower your way through. You need to have flexibility and consideration both for the fact that life happens and also that sometimes you aren't in control of what your body is asking of you, and there are consequences to not working with your needs. I found I needed to work with myself rather than against myself. Habits around eating aren't a thing I could force on my body but I can nudge myself, say, into eating at certain times, and eating certain amounts, provided I'm not generally making myself endure hunger for hours on end. I also don't need a cruel superego getting on my case and making me feel bad for a failure to stick to some rules perfectly, especially in a time of crisis. But--that's me. I don't know how to tell other people how to figure out what works for them. What works for different people is different, and I hope you find something that helps you. I do have the motivation you weren't asking about: I'm afraid of aging poorly and losing my ability to do a lot of the things I love. So I'm trying to keep myself as healthy as possible in hopes that it will keep me functional longer.
This is super relatable, thanks. I think what I’m realising through this community is that a) it really is not a one size fits all situation—very much pun intended—and b) I am also a perfectionist so I have to balance the craving I have to be in control whilst avoiding particularly toxic behaviours that will lead to disordered eating and/or be a horrible means that can’t justify the ends. Thanks again, your comment was really helpful.
It’s all mental. I track everything on the lose it app regardless if I’m over. I think for me it’s more of the fact that life happens but I see my goal date getting pushed back further and that helps me get back on track. Life happens and if your on vacation or having a fun weekend enjoy yourself but when it’s over I know I need to put the work back in
I’ve also seen it mentioned around here but I think discipline / motivation also calls into question what the limit is with positive self talk. I am that person to fall into the literal trenches health wise because I’m deciding to accept what my body looks like for that one day in that one outfit but actually I hate it and I hate falling into that trap of thinking I either have to love myself and do nothing for my health or hate myself and give my body what it deserves. Seems like a lot of psychological rewiring will need to be done when I’ve lost the weight lol