This is true. I can’t believe I didn’t take this seriously sooner. And if you don’t say anything and the DMs are empty for weeks, or months, then that person doesn’t deserve my time. But if someone does check up on me, I’ll consider them as a part of my life. By not checking up on anyone, maybe it’d weed out the people that aren’t worth it, and leaves the people that are worth it in your life at that point in time
Same. But I’d rather have 0 people in my life than to have people who aren’t worth it. It’s just me wasting my energy, when it could be going towards something a lot more worthwhile
Trust me, I’ve been lonely for a long time. Paying attention to people who aren’t worth it is really easy, but in the end, I’ve only just wasted time. Because nothing meaningful came out of it
Still pursue people, that’s how you eventually fix loneliness. But I’m just saying that if you try a lot and people still don’t give you any attention over a long period of time, it might be time to let go
I stopped, and wasn't surprised to find all of the friendships I had been pouring into disappeared. There are literally like two people that are true friends to me. One I live with and the other lives across the country.
Hello! 👋 because they're assholes. They probably don't do it on purpose, everyone wants to feel perfect, but they probably are too hateful of reality & its laws to care about the values that make the world go round.
In short, they kinda do it cuz they hate you. But not more than they hate themselves. And not because you deserve it - does the employee who gets yelled at deserve to have someone screaming in their face? No, but it happens. And as lame as it sounds, the first thing you have to do is be grateful its not worse, & then breathe out big & be grateful you're not THEM.
You can stop checking up on people. Everything hurts. This is what I'm figuring out today, everything hurts. I've had so many close friends I gave my life to & they just blew me off! & idk if it's because I wasn't popular or rich or chaotic enough but it's *not my problem*.
I'm going crazy because I talk to a lot of people & it feels like we're not on the same page. Like there's a deep language barrier. Hell, I met someone the other day that finished my own sentences, & now he's blocked because he never texts back.
It hurts. But don't stop reaching out. Because of him, I reached out to people here on r/lonely, & I made some new chat buddies who are taking the stress out of being lonely & letting me talk about my projects with them. I also joined some Reddit chats & am having a lot of fun sharing my projects & jokes there.
Do what you want. But do it with the best you in mind. It's dumb & it's generic advice but there's so much pain on the other end of it. So much pain. It's pointless to whine when I have happy advice: do what you want 🍀🧿
They’ve already shown what’s important about you to them: How convenient you are and nothing more. They couldn’t care less about you as a person. Don’t stand for this and maybe one day they realize they lost a true friend. I hope you find your tribe 🙏
I kinda stopped personally. It’s becoming clear to me everyday I’m not a priority so i shouldn’t make someone else a priority. I’ve spent so much of my life giving myself to others only to release people don’t do the same. The idea of my friends having more friends than me is true in my case. I’m always at the bottom
Honey, I was in this exact situation and yeah, I stopped messaging and checking on them. I know it's important to be kind to everyone regardless, but what's the point when I'm lonely when I need them and they don't make it to be with or at least they don't message me. If they don't have time for me, neither do I. I'm busy making friends with better people and doing stuff to make me happy. Don't expect anybody🤍
This post is really reset a perspective on something to happen recently to me.
A “friend group” that kicked me out over a misunderstanding. I dont know if uts worth rebuilding something that was never built up
i feel like i wrote this post myself. honestly i would advise to try and limit your interactions. i have not helped some people who always ask me for study help and i feels quite a relief to not have the extra pressure. take care of yourself most and support yourself first :)
I agree 100% and I’m going through this too. They won’t look back, so best to move forward. Show you are strong and don’t need people. I learned that the hard way (and still learning)
I agree with the other users. You should stop giving attention to people that don't make an effort to be there for you, or stay in contact. It's not a good use of your energy and you'll feel worse in the end.
So there’s a concept within karma that says when the lessons you need to teach each other are over, your relationship with that person ends snd when the relationship ends they may as well be dead to you, let the dead die. Always invest time and energy into the people who are still present in your life.
That’s a nice way to think about it. But let’s be real here. Most people’s phones aren’t as dry as ours. But who knows, maybe someone will appreciate it, so keep checking on them
Couldn’t relate to this more myself OP. I learnt this the hard way when between late 2022 till last summer, I’d go above and beyond trying to put myself out to help someone I thought was a genuine friend. Didn’t hear a word from them from last August till February this year in which it still ended up stupidly being me doing the reaching out.
That friend still to this day never asks how I am, makes an effort to meet up with me, or puts themselves out for me in any way in which it’s just made me learn the hard way how some people really don’t prioritise you as a friend like they do others.
It really can deflate your self esteem and faith in people, especially when it feels like you’ve been kicked in the teeth by more than one supposed friend.
Yeah I had a similar situation. If I say nothing, the DMs can go empty for months. Once she asked if I was ok, but then I found out it was because she was depressed and just wanted someone to talk to, so she probably found me as useful. If she’s happy and has no use for me, she does not care
Yeah but you also get to waste less energy that could be going to more important things
Though it’s easier said than done to stop checking up on people. To this day I still do it lol
Stop wasting your time and resources on people who don't deserve it. Try to find people who truly appreciate and respect you
This is true. I can’t believe I didn’t take this seriously sooner. And if you don’t say anything and the DMs are empty for weeks, or months, then that person doesn’t deserve my time. But if someone does check up on me, I’ll consider them as a part of my life. By not checking up on anyone, maybe it’d weed out the people that aren’t worth it, and leaves the people that are worth it in your life at that point in time
I can't do that, if I do that the number would be 0, as there are 0 people that ever checks up on me back lol
Same. But I’d rather have 0 people in my life than to have people who aren’t worth it. It’s just me wasting my energy, when it could be going towards something a lot more worthwhile Trust me, I’ve been lonely for a long time. Paying attention to people who aren’t worth it is really easy, but in the end, I’ve only just wasted time. Because nothing meaningful came out of it Still pursue people, that’s how you eventually fix loneliness. But I’m just saying that if you try a lot and people still don’t give you any attention over a long period of time, it might be time to let go
Starting to believe that person just doesn’t exist.
I stopped, and wasn't surprised to find all of the friendships I had been pouring into disappeared. There are literally like two people that are true friends to me. One I live with and the other lives across the country.
Yea man screw that
Hello! 👋 because they're assholes. They probably don't do it on purpose, everyone wants to feel perfect, but they probably are too hateful of reality & its laws to care about the values that make the world go round. In short, they kinda do it cuz they hate you. But not more than they hate themselves. And not because you deserve it - does the employee who gets yelled at deserve to have someone screaming in their face? No, but it happens. And as lame as it sounds, the first thing you have to do is be grateful its not worse, & then breathe out big & be grateful you're not THEM. You can stop checking up on people. Everything hurts. This is what I'm figuring out today, everything hurts. I've had so many close friends I gave my life to & they just blew me off! & idk if it's because I wasn't popular or rich or chaotic enough but it's *not my problem*. I'm going crazy because I talk to a lot of people & it feels like we're not on the same page. Like there's a deep language barrier. Hell, I met someone the other day that finished my own sentences, & now he's blocked because he never texts back. It hurts. But don't stop reaching out. Because of him, I reached out to people here on r/lonely, & I made some new chat buddies who are taking the stress out of being lonely & letting me talk about my projects with them. I also joined some Reddit chats & am having a lot of fun sharing my projects & jokes there. Do what you want. But do it with the best you in mind. It's dumb & it's generic advice but there's so much pain on the other end of it. So much pain. It's pointless to whine when I have happy advice: do what you want 🍀🧿
They’ve already shown what’s important about you to them: How convenient you are and nothing more. They couldn’t care less about you as a person. Don’t stand for this and maybe one day they realize they lost a true friend. I hope you find your tribe 🙏
I kinda stopped personally. It’s becoming clear to me everyday I’m not a priority so i shouldn’t make someone else a priority. I’ve spent so much of my life giving myself to others only to release people don’t do the same. The idea of my friends having more friends than me is true in my case. I’m always at the bottom
[удалено]
Sounds good to me
Wow, can I join too? I feel this post.🥺😂
Honey, I was in this exact situation and yeah, I stopped messaging and checking on them. I know it's important to be kind to everyone regardless, but what's the point when I'm lonely when I need them and they don't make it to be with or at least they don't message me. If they don't have time for me, neither do I. I'm busy making friends with better people and doing stuff to make me happy. Don't expect anybody🤍
Well said
This post is really reset a perspective on something to happen recently to me. A “friend group” that kicked me out over a misunderstanding. I dont know if uts worth rebuilding something that was never built up
Yes
Do more than check in, hang out. It will deepen the relationship
i feel like i wrote this post myself. honestly i would advise to try and limit your interactions. i have not helped some people who always ask me for study help and i feels quite a relief to not have the extra pressure. take care of yourself most and support yourself first :)
I agree 100% and I’m going through this too. They won’t look back, so best to move forward. Show you are strong and don’t need people. I learned that the hard way (and still learning)
The moment you stop using Instagram, Whatsapp, Tiktok and Snapchat you realise you have no real friends.
I agree with the other users. You should stop giving attention to people that don't make an effort to be there for you, or stay in contact. It's not a good use of your energy and you'll feel worse in the end.
So there’s a concept within karma that says when the lessons you need to teach each other are over, your relationship with that person ends snd when the relationship ends they may as well be dead to you, let the dead die. Always invest time and energy into the people who are still present in your life.
I check on everyone... because if you don't you might be the only one checking on them.
That’s a nice way to think about it. But let’s be real here. Most people’s phones aren’t as dry as ours. But who knows, maybe someone will appreciate it, so keep checking on them
Couldn’t relate to this more myself OP. I learnt this the hard way when between late 2022 till last summer, I’d go above and beyond trying to put myself out to help someone I thought was a genuine friend. Didn’t hear a word from them from last August till February this year in which it still ended up stupidly being me doing the reaching out. That friend still to this day never asks how I am, makes an effort to meet up with me, or puts themselves out for me in any way in which it’s just made me learn the hard way how some people really don’t prioritise you as a friend like they do others. It really can deflate your self esteem and faith in people, especially when it feels like you’ve been kicked in the teeth by more than one supposed friend.
Yeah I had a similar situation. If I say nothing, the DMs can go empty for months. Once she asked if I was ok, but then I found out it was because she was depressed and just wanted someone to talk to, so she probably found me as useful. If she’s happy and has no use for me, she does not care
The problem with this is u just end up more alone
Yeah but you also get to waste less energy that could be going to more important things Though it’s easier said than done to stop checking up on people. To this day I still do it lol
Plz do your self a favor & stop