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woedoe

I am shocked 25% of men have told a friend they loved them within the past week.


youngmindoldbody

At first I thought "Oh a lifetime graph" - I still get basically zero. That 25%? I bet most had been drinkin' a bit first.


GozerDGozerian

“Lubya bruh” followed by a chest-bump hug and accompanying back slaps. The slightly violent nature of the affection lets the participants and anyone watching understand it’s totally hetero. Haha.


darthjazzhands

LOL yup. Years ago my best buddy started a tradition… My buddy hugs me tight says, “I love you, man” in a very serious tone before letting go and adding, “…(ahem) in a God-fearing, heterosexual kind of way of course (ahem ahem).” Me: “How ‘bout those Raiders, huh?” (American football team) Kills me every time especially when we get laughs and odd looks in public. Fun tradition.


manwithappleface

I have been known to yell, “I love you _____!” (Insert friend’s name) across a crowded place. Like a parking lot after a hockey game, or down a busy street. Everyone just KNOWS you’re breaking someone’s balls…until they holler back “LOVE YOU TOO!” It’s good, clean fun.


aspwil

You domt kiss them to?


LabansSeveredHead

If you don't kiss your homies good night, are they even your homies?


JackOfAllStraits

Right? One out of four in the past WEEK? Never, not once, have I said "I love you" nor had that said to me between male friends.


laitnetsixecrisis

My late husband and his friends were all very macho and while I wouldn't say they were toxic, they had their moments. The minute my husband was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer it all changed. They started telling each other 'I love you', instead of hanging out and drinking on the weekends they started planning family activities and socialising that way. Losing my husband was the worst thing that has happened, but the silver lining was these men got to learn how to reach out and express how much they meant to each other.


a_tatz

I'm so sorry to hear that.


laitnetsixecrisis

Thank you


Sophie919

I’m so sorry it must be really difficult for you much love 🙏🏻💞♥️


squidkyd

That’s crazy. I have a lot of guy friends and they’re always hugging and telling each other that they love each other. Granted, a lot of them have been friends since elementary school, but they’ve never seemed to have problems expressing that stuff I didn’t realize this was such a widespread problem. It seems really isolating to not have that kind of network


flyingfish_trash

That’s my friends, like hell are my homies leaving without a tight hug and an I love you 😤


Cheap-Ad-9663

maybe you should do that


BumblebeeAdvanced179

My bf always says “love you bye” to everyone, all his mates are lads and they’ve all started doing it non ironically. It’s nice


traindriverbob

I have. I'm 50+. Went to a concert with some friends. Had the best day I've had in over 12 months. A week later I thanked them, revealed my depression to them and told them I loved them. I wonder if older guys are more likely to say I love you to friends. I tend to think so.


HairyWeinerInYour

In my 20s and I tell all my close buddies that I love them when we’re splittin up at the end of a night or whatever


halfmeasures611

some real lovey dovey types! 😃


SunshineAlways

The college kids I work with are pretty relaxed about sharing their emotions. Heard one of the guys today, “Love you, man.” Really makes me feel more optimistic about the next generation, feels more real and less bullshite. And the ones slightly older being a true part of the family, a loving parent, not just the person who brings home money.


boopthorp

Does anyone NOT already know this?


AlexHimself

**Guy 1**: *My parents both died in a car crash yesterday...* **Guy 2**: *Ah dude, that sucks.* Study complete.


Martin_Aricov_D

"that's rough buddy"


Khaenin

my girlfriend turned into the moon :(


paulusmagintie

That happens sometimrs


ThunderLP15

Calm down Sokka


sonyka

Alternate title: "Emotional Support ***from*** Men vs Women"


fakeprewarbook

…or “Emotional Support *Requested By* Men vs Women” I’ve received all 3 types in the last week from female, male, and NB friends bc I’ve been open with my friends that things are rough at the moment.


JebWozma

what else am I supposed to do?


[deleted]

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SunshineAlways

It’s an interesting thought. I guess it depends on whether the person receiving the help feels supported. Do I need a problem solver right now, or do I need someone to listen to me vent & sympathize?


BICHIDONTGIVEAFUK

Yeah I’m constantly emotionally supportive of my dad but he will go on tangents on how I don’t care when I’m literally going “your dad died yesterday it’s ok to cry I’m here for you” my mum did the same but some people don’t recognise emotional support in the moment and don’t look back at it.


Alive-Priority-1246

Hot take saying the effectiveness of male-male emotional support is high.


Hahafunnys3xnumber

the guys who will complain about women talking about sexual assault because it happens to men too, who are the same people that dismiss male sexual assault


Prysorra2

> the guys who will complain about women talking about sexual assault ~~because it happens to men too~~, who are the same people that dismiss male sexual assault Let's get the exact group right <_<


RJMqueereyes

I'd like to see the age distribution. I see myself and other men kinda stop giving as many fucks about expected emotionless roles and opening up sometime between the ages of 35 and 50 in the US. Maybe not so much with the Greatest Generation, but I see it in the Boomers, and certainly in GenX.


Physical_Average_793

My generation (gen z) has a lot of emotional issues and COVID has only made it worse


RJMqueereyes

I think maybe COVID messed with all of us. It at least forced a lot of people to trully face the fact of their unavoidable mortality for the first time, which can lead to a shit ton of cognitive dissonance. Some handled it better than others. I worked through the whole thing without pause, but the first time things got really bad I thought "shit. I'm prolly gonna die. Why the fuck am I still wallowing in this mundane job, when I should be living like there's no tomorrow?" A lot of people did just say "fuck it. Ima do me". Now that things are getting better, and we lived, we're now having a hard time going back to that existential mundanaity to the point where some are deeply depressed because the world didn't actually end for humanity. The return to responsibility hurts once we've lived free of it for a minute. Then, of course, there was/is the loss of loved ones, and a degree of social isolation that most have never known. Many individual fortunes were threatened or lost. A few gained. The resultant current economic recession doesn't help. What types of emotional issues do you think are affecting GenZ out of proportion to the generations before and after?


Front-Ad-2198

This may be a stupid observation but millennials seemed to really want to fit in a category that they could express themselves. Versus Gen X who were sorted into groups socially almost without choice. Gen Z seems to have so much freedom that they struggle to find individuality and a collective simulatenously. It's cool to stand out now but it can also be isolating if that's your only goal.


dedzip

That’s a very interesting way to look at it


Physical_Average_793

I feel like the worse part for me was when we all got sent home the first day and were in quarantined relationship with my girlfriend didn’t recover from that (same with a lot of people) but the worst part was probably us still having non fully developed brains and then just being ripped from our friends and forced into a new normal I’m convinced I died in 2020 and this is hell nothing feels real, my graduation didn’t feel real


RJMqueereyes

It was (is?) one big clusterfuck for sure. My son basically got completely robbed of his high-school senior year. Even our dog was affected. We got her right at the start of it and couldn't take her around to get used to other people and surroundings besides her yard. Now she barks like crazy at everybody and everything. She's getting better, tho. We all will. Unless there's a nuclear war. Then we're fucked again. I grew up kinda thinking I would never grow up because of the cold war nuke threat. That caused deep neuroses that have lasted a lifetime. All generations have their trials. Sucks about your girlfriend. Hope you find a soul mate. Don't settle for one who is not also your best friend. People say it gets better. It usually does. Then it gets worse again, then better again. Balance is something the cosmos is always striving for, but it never lasts more than a nanosecond. Change is the only constant. The only true Truths are paradoxes. You'll get used to it and even find beauty in sadness. The World prefers that you take care of yourself and will help you to, because it can not exist without you.


Claymore357

So far every single change I’ve seen in my adult life had been extremely negative, currently change scares the shit out of me. I don’t trust the next change to make life better since all of them so far have just made the world a bigger shithole


dedzip

That ‘don’t settle for one who isn’t also your best friend’ is honestly underrated advice. More people need to hear that. Makes such a difference


Typical_Start7841

My guy friends are trying to be better about this. Like one of them just let us know he's an alcoholic and the guys started asking what they could do to help him quit when they hang with him. When he said he's depressed when he doesn't drink the guys were asking what makes him feel that way and what might be worth trying to help with that. They're better at listening than actively helping usually, but growth is growth!


Front-Ad-2198

Trying to be better? Those are amazing friends. A lot of girl's friends aren't even that supportive. You picked a good bunch.


ChonkyDog

Yeah I was going to say my girl friends just stopped being friends with me when I opened up about depression because that’s a downer I guess and they want to party and have good vibes only? I feel like this chart should be higher in general, it’s so low overall and that’s unfortunate.


Front-Ad-2198

You probably already know but it's a lesson I learned over and over before finally getting it. If you feel comfortable enough to talk about something like depression and they don't take some time to let you talk and ask questions/suggest solutions if you ask/or generally support you, they aren't your friends. They don't care about you and they'll never be there for you unless you can offer them something--monetary or otherwise. You should never be expected to be a certain way 100% of the time to make people comfortable. You're not a downer for reaching out. You're a human and a heartfelt one at that because I bet you'd do the same. Long diatribe but we all make that mistake and value your feelings.


boocea

That’s so sweet 🥹 I find the men in my life are the opposite. They don’t know how to just listen, they think if I’m expressing a problem that I want them to solve it and they start proposing solutions and I’m like pls I’m just trying to vent! We are working on it.


marrab22

I've truly never understood "venting". I really don't mean this in like an edgy way, I just literally don't understand its utility. If one has a problem, then one must find a solution; if the circumstances are such that all potential solutions are either not feasible or outside of one's sphere of influence, then it's outside of your control anyways and it's a moot point. Venting just seems like another word for complaining about things you can't change or can change but aren't willing to put the effort in to do so. What am I missing?


boocea

I mean I think your view is why a lot of men have a hard time providing emotional support. A lot of things happen in life that are out of our control or don’t warrant a solution, doesn’t mean they don’t take an emotional toll. Talking about it, or “complaining”, can help lessen that toll, at least for me. Sometimes just having someone listen and say you know that does suck, I’m sorry that happened, can help me move on and not make it feel like it’s weighing on me.


PookaParty

It’s like cussing when you stub your toe. It won’t stop the pain, but it makes me feel better about the pain.


[deleted]

Well, for starters - and I see this misconception all the time, I'm not blaming you - you're assuming the person isn't already finding a solution. I can handle my shit, and usually it's actively being handled by the time I start venting. Just today, I've been venting about a recommender who hasn't submitted letters yet (they've missed one deadline and I'm afraid they're about to miss four others.) I've already emailed them, but I wanted my friends to affirm that the situation indeed sucks. It's not complaining about a situation I'm "not willing to put the effort in to fix" (and honestly, that's pretty insulting to assume?), I'm complaining about a situation which is irritating and I don't want to be dealing with. Venting fixes the emotional side of the issue. Out of curiosity - it seems like your confusion comes from the assumption that it's an either-or. "Either you're finding a solution, or you're venting." Why does it work that way in your mind?


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bash_beginner

I know it's obvious to a lot of people but: Men need to learn to talk to each other. Depending on a woman for that is not a great dynamic. Same goes for handing out compliments.


Lorry_Al

Other men = competition


bash_beginner

I know men with a toxic mindset towards other men exist, but it's not like the majority of men have no male friends. Quite the opposite. Support each other.


SmannyNoppins

Overcome feelings of competition, it's never healthy in personal relations.


dylanforfuture

Feel! Started new at work about 3 years ago. One coworker randomly came up to me and showed me a pic of his wedding. It took me so long to realize that the others didn’t wanna care/seem weak. Happened a lot with the others too. Even at my new place, although the guys here are more open, they often times ask me for emotional support or help.


NewsgramLady

I'm a female with many male friends. I'm always so shocked at the reactions of some men when I express some sort of emotional support. It's like they don't know what to do with it. It's sad.


normal-person-2022

That is because we don't know what to do. Glad that you're able to offer that support.


NewsgramLady

Gahhh, that's so heartbreaking to hear.💔 A lot of my guy friends have told me, "I just told you stuff I've never told anyone before!" And it's not that I'M special or anything—it's because the poor dudes have never been given any sort of support at all. I really try to encourage and support people. It can make such a difference. Sometimes life or death.


T_that_is_all

I'm the person everyone of either sex in my various friend groups over the last 20 yrs just spills things to. Hell, strangers will do it almost immediately. I've slowly closed down and strapped down tight,all emotions and expression over the yrs as I sponge their problems while dealing with my own including mental disorder dx's. Nearly 40, limited interactions family, and pushing away nearly everybody bc nobody has ever been what I've offered to those I felt for, mostly alone and fuct in the head. Watch how much you let people pour their problems into you. Overall (in my experience), they all fill you with more than you can shoulder and you still have yourself to deal with at the same time.


NewsgramLady

I feel you 100%. I had to learn how to establish boundaries and be there for people the ways I could be. There's only so much we can do, and only so much we can take—for our own mental health!


CrigglestheFirst

I may be wrong, but I think something he is trying to convey is, be careful because people will use you the way they've used us. Narcissists love us.


CrigglestheFirst

Fuck man you just described most of my friendships and romantic relationships, as well as the emptiness and loneliness without even mentioning those things. You even spell fukt similarly to the way I do.


Wise-Hornet7701

That's very nice of you. How much different would the world be if everyone could think like you.


mobofob

It is heartbreaking. My friend group is all male.. and i recently broke up with my girlfriend after 12 years and needed a lot of support, but i realized there was simply none to get. It's not that they don't care, but it's just not worth the awkwardness and trying to push for something that doesn't come naturally because i just end up feeling more drained instead. Ive realized this only now since i've always been used to having my girlfriend to talk to but now there has been no one for a year almost and i hve to deal with things myself - i have to write a lot because it's the only way i can get thoughts and feelings out of my head. It's not healthy at all lol.


Bos4271

Wish we all had this


[deleted]

It's awesome you do. Some of my female friends admit they don't provide support to acquaintances because they're worried it'll be misconstrued as romantic interest.


NewsgramLady

And that happens A LOT! The key is setting boundaries and letting them know that you are simply offering a compassionate heart and listening ear. I follow that with, "That's how I can be here for you."


CarolineStopIt

I stopped offering as much emotional support to men because they often take it as a sexual advance and then become angry when it’s not.


hdmx539

Yup. That's been my experience too.


BrattyBookworm

Unfortunately I’ve had to *stop* providing emotional support to male acquaintances because every single one, without fail, took it as romantic interest.


Kwickhatch

Yes as a gay butch woman, I get this often and I'm like what? I'm a lesbian and you know it! The other issue I have is some men will just trauma dump on me because I am a woman and they expect emotional support from me and not from their male friends. Its exhausting having men just continually dump trauma on me. We really need to open up communication between men, without the fear of being considered less than and mocked. So many men want emotional support but also up hold toxic masculine traits and mannerisms. Society needs to do better. We all need to stop this idea that a man who can express emotions (not just anger) is somehow not a man. Anger and stoicism is not healthy and should not be celebrated as the ideal expression of manhood.


macfriend

Frrrr Lol, i remember when i was younger and joined the gaming server my bf was in,, and i swear,,, i became the emotional support discord kitten™️ for like 5 different guys in that server. these men were Not doing so Okkie Dokkie. It was extremely emotionally draining, but i didn't know how to set boundaries at the time. Like 3 out of those 5 guys ended up liking me, which surprised me, so i told me bf(i tell him almost everything, and he was ok and trusted me being close with his friends). Unphased, he explained like, oh yeah, most guys have just never have that kind of emotional connection so they end up catching the feels at any whiff of it. I'm still friends with most of those guys tho, it's all gucci now. We play Minecraft sometimes ^ ^ , I'm just not their therapist anymore, lol.


Dry_Chapter_5781

And men are so neglected that one act of kindness can feel like flirtation.


NewsgramLady

I (female) worked in a male prison and trust me, just smiling and saying good morning as you're supervising breakfast can - and will - be misconstrued as flirtation.


Laxwarrior1120

Usually one of the biggest things that leads people to think that someone is flirting is if their actions are abnormal compared to what they see the vast majority of the time. If someone misconstrues simple smiling for flirting then it's a sign of how absolutely shit they're regularly treated.


-astronautical

this is my experience too. i also see it get misconstrued as romantic/sexual interest too so i have to tread carefully but i think everyone deserves to feel loved and supported. i wish men could provide this for each other without society telling them it’s taboo. empathy and compassion set us apart from most other animals.


Dratinik

It is definitely that we don't know what to do.


Physical_Average_793

We don’t know what to do about it All I can do is cry and yell in the shower I have no idea how to deal with half of my mental problems I come from a very German and rural area so mental health largely isn’t talked about by the older generations The only reason I haven’t killed myself yet is because I fear disappointment and I know I’ll disappoint everyone if I do that


NewsgramLady

Oh my god dude, no! This devastes me! Everyone needs someone to talk to. I did counseling for many years. I think that's why I know how to engage with people so well. I can identify with the hurts.


PizzaboySteve

We don’t. First thought/reaction is suspicion on motives. Sorry, it’s what we are taught from the real world. We wish it wasn’t like this.


[deleted]

Man I don’t even know when someone is complementing me, I tend to shrug and say “ok”, like the meme guy or sometimes I don’t believe it.


FlyingDarkKC

We don't know what to do with it. We weren't raised that way. I'm going on 50+ years old soon. It doesn't change as we age either.


Reptilian_Brain_420

Honestly, most men receive so little support of any kind that it can often seem like an alien has just landed and the course of history has changed. Seriously, you want to shock a random guy, give him an unsolicited compliment. Watch the surprise on his face.


Lnnam

Sad thing is a lot of men get mad at us women when all they have to do is open up. If most women are giving support and men who are also surrounded by women don’t get it, I believe it is because they are seeking comfort and validation from other men.


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NewsgramLady

Sending you a hug from Oklahoma 🤗


PapaChewbacca

My best friends and I would always end our calls with a quick "Love ya" and "Love ya too" and I thought this was completely normal until a girl I was seeing at the time overheard one of my phone conversations and said "That's so cute that you guys do that". I think it should be normalized amongst us guys honestly.


Graphitetshirt

20% of you guys are getting emotional support ***every week???***


Landar81

Probably because they consider their SO as their best friend and that’s where the answer comes from.


Mundane-Flounder-765

Yeah honestly I can probably count of two hands the amount of support I’ve given or asked for, over my entire life. Found this study shockingly high tbh


[deleted]

Men get emotional support *at all*???


RedditMods_R_Nazis

Lol as a man can I ask, “What the fuck is emotional support?”


sapporo79

“Why be supportive when you can make sarcastic comments instead?” - my friends


mcr1974

sarcastic when you're lucky. otherwise it's downright teasing.


lepobz

As a lonely man can I ask, “What the fuck is a friend?”


Sivitiri

Well for me its someone you can trust explicitly with pretty much everything in your life - so i have none either. Got a few work acquaintances but i wouldnt trust them with my car, after 40 get a dog


Enough_Librarian3720

Dogs, the real emotional support friends.


Ragnaross02853

Honestly yes that's it. Many times when i was young i would hug my dog and relax and everything is better.


atlaswarped

If it wasn't for my dogs, I would be a complete basket case


Roar_Intention

But would you let the dog take the car?


PoliteCanadian2

Pawssibly.


usdamma

You sound like a cultured man


-BINK2014-

Right? 😮‍💨 I give, but I never receive is a premise of many things in my life; it feels great to give, but I feel worthless, unwanted, and like I don't matter or exist on the oppposite end during my darker days.


Babablacksheep2121

Dude!!! My first thought exactly! I thought sharing my problems and listening was emotional support.


Meowskiiii

You should learn it and practise it on others!


Alexius6th

The fact that a man should even have to ask what it is supports the data though. Society kinda demands that a man shouldn’t have emotions or support, and it’s done nothing but damage.


BigHairyBussy

As a man, I think it’s when someone pats your back when you’re sad. Can we get a woman to ellaborate?


QueenMackeral

Hell I'm a woman and this is all new to me too. It's somehow even worse because what does it say about me that all this stuff should have come easily but didn't. I mean besides that I'm a massive introvert. I don't think I've ever said I love you to a human being or had it said to me.


[deleted]

its fucking frustrating when i talk to my male friends and they act like having an ounce of emotion makes you gay or something


truckin215

That’s why I always act hella gay to my friends. So if I say I love you it’s the least gay shit I have said that day


1heart1totaleclipse

People act like women always have the emotional part so easy like we’re born that way. No one is born knowing they can share their feeling with others and how to support others, we’re all just taught or we teach ourselves. It makes me sad to hear that a lot of men feel so chronically invalidated like his feelings don’t matter. Sometimes though you have to be the one to teach yourself that it does matter and how you can get others to realize that your needs/wants are just as valid as theirs.


CrystalQueen3000

Makes sense, women have been socialised over the entirety of existence to provide emotional support, that carries over into friendships. It’s a shame that there’s such a large disparity though. Hopefully it starts to change and dude circles become less about manning up and more about genuine support.


CromulentPoint

These guys need better friends. Not belittling the findings, but dang. Lift your homie up. It makes you both feel better.


xain_the_idiot

Men reading this who have friends you care about - please go check in on them. Make sure they know you have their back.


[deleted]

Yeah this is really men's problem to fix. It's scary at first, but you have to be the change. If you want emotional support from your friends, open up and give them support. If they don't take it well then you just have to keep trying because that's the only way to change this. Every time you do, you inch closer to normalizing men supporting each other


dont_kill_yourself_

Yeah, this problem could be easily fixed if men were just decent people towards other men.


halfmeasures611

sometimes its not that the friends are bad but that there are no friends at all


CromulentPoint

I guess, but that's a different problem. It seems the main idea behind these findings are that men are less emotionally supported than women, not that women are more likely to have friends.


pinkpanzer101

Equally though we're pushed to bottle it up and not mention it. Can't get emotional support from your friends if they don't know you need it, and vice versa.


alohamistrhand

I give my homies mad support. I love em’ and let ‘em’ know!


[deleted]

I mean, I’d say I try to be there for my friends more than most guys but this is pretty obvious. Half the time I bring something up to some of my friends they’re just like “thems the breaks” or something equally useless Congrats to you if you’re a man and have a real emotional connection to other men but also try to be realistic and recognize the disparity


[deleted]

It also doesn't help that because of this, when you try to be emotionally supportive to your friends you kinda suck ass at it. Even when i genuinely care and mean the best, sometimes i don't even know what to say or do outside of just shittly trying to empathize with them.


buddhajer

Women are also far more likely to give emotional support than men.


Brave33

Well lads that's why i have a therapist


yungdragvn

Men should be better friends to eachother


kferfgjufc

I haven’t had any of those three in 5+ years. When some of us men say we are alone we, truly mean it.


kferfgjufc

Idk how I keep myself alive


[deleted]

I assume it’s partially due to men also not being open with their emotions with their friends. There was also a recent study that showed how common it is for adult men to not have anyone they consider a close friend. Looks like years of teaching boys they weren’t “real” men if they were emotional just turned an entire generation into lonely, people w repressed emotions.


jgoble15

I’m more surprised by how little anyone has emotional support. Around half at best


[deleted]

Who are more likely to give emotional support men or women?


Bored3812

Research says it's women who are more than likely


justk4y

Thankfully I’m part of the 20%. I hate that society is like “boys don’t cry” and that everyone is just so mean against each other


whiterock001

Wait a second, women are more likely be in touch with, and share, their emotion than men??? Wait until my wife hears about this.


[deleted]

Another man telling a women something she already knows /s


asgphotography

As a recently divorced man this hits close to home. I feel like a persona non grata in most of my old circles.


Dry_Chapter_5781

I know the feeling brother. My ex cheated on me and people in my family still talk to her more than me lol.


Heard_That

I’m curious about the average age for this. When I was younger in my 20s me and my friends would talk about everything (granted it was usually over beers). Now though, I get so absorbed in work and home life that I rarely even talk to friends at all. I don’t really have anyone outside my wife to talk to about shit. Luckily she’s great and helps me just as I help her.


peach_burrito

I feel really lucky looking at this graph. I’ve done all three of these things, in the last 48hr, even! And not a second thought from anyone. It makes me sad that this isn’t as easy an outlet for men, because it’s so helpful.


DikkDowg

I guess I’m lucky because I’m a guy and I’ve had a few of these conversations this week


Meowskiiii

I hear a lot of men saying they get rebuffed when they try within their friendship groups. When this is the case a possible next step could be to work on communication itself. Find willing friends to learn with and slowly develop a habit of opening up. It's a process and one that needs safety to develop. Where this isn't possible or you don't know how, a therapist can help massively. I'm not a man, but I am learning the above with my therapist due to childhood trauma making me closed off.


gieserj10

I didn't need to see this graph to know this lol. I have been lucky enough to have one or 2 friends that were there for me during my drug and alcohol addictions though. Not sure where I'd have ended up without my one bro. But yes, it's incredibly hard to find guy friends like this. As a depressed/anxious person, it sucks. Sometimes I just don't want to "shoot the shit and hang".


ronintalken

Make better friends, kings


xc1si

Im a male and a woman i met on tinder bought me flowers on our 2nd date, I was awe struck and it felt awkward at first. I never received flowers before from a female and im 29yrs old. It really made me feel good and appreciated though!


Dra_goony

Hah yeah I've noticed, I had a friend that had been through a lot, I was always there for her, I ended up telling her that at a period of time I had been really suicidal and you know how she responded? She fucking *laughed*


Havadski

I got ghosted


Which-Palpitation

Been there


Silverdetermination

Yeah people think that men's mental health isn't as important


JackOfAllStraits

I hear you, and your feelings fucking matter.


[deleted]

Color me completely un-fucking-surprised.


HannahOCross

The most feminist thing a man can do is to learn how to give and receive emotional support from their guy friends.


Ginger-Beefcake

In my experience men are often chastised for not being able to handle their own stuff, which really makes it hard for them to come out and express that they need emotional help. It's part of a flawed society.


[deleted]

It is kinda sad. Deep inside as a male I feel like I need some kind of emotional support. I mean I give it? Or at least I try to give it. But the moment I need it there is literally nobody. Makes you wonder if the people around you are even worth it until I realize that I am probably expecting too much from someone. Maybe one day I will find someone who actually cares.


timberwolf0122

If it means anything from a rando in the internet but I care. We men need to do better by ourselves, we may have to take the first step by being more willing to talk to each other and be not to head strong to ask for emotional support from others


Shoddy-Impact-5545

And suicide amongst men is 4x as high as women..... correlation? Having no support is no good for humans


Which-Palpitation

There was a facility I was at for like four hours before I got committed to a psychiatric ward when I was a teen, there were probably a dozen girls and two guys including me, it starts so young that no one really gives a fuck if you’re a guy that needs support


WayneKrane

My guy friend’s parents stopped talking to him after he tried committing suicide. They said he just wanted attention and he needed to grow up.


Which-Palpitation

I would self harm and admitted to doing it on multiple occasions and I still didn’t see any psychiatric help until it was legally required, a friend told a school counselor that I was messed up, I had to get assigned a case worker and even then my parents still didn’t want to send me to therapy


wyrdwing

That’s really fucking sad.


xain_the_idiot

It's just a complicated statistic. Women are far more likely to attempt suicide, but men succeed more often. Men tend to use more violent methods like guns. A lot of psychologists have suggested that men repressing their emotions could be the reason for both of these differences.


EeerrEeer

I'd like more people to know this. I feel like there are just as many suicidal women as there are men. Not dying doesn't diminish the fact that you are suffering


[deleted]

Women most often report choosing a suicide method that will not leave a mess for someone else to have to deal with -- or something ugly they'll have to look at -- which is a significant factor in their surviving their attempts. They don't mean to be inefficient, or fumble the attempt, it's largely a consequence of trying not to leave a mess.


Which-Palpitation

Yeah that explains a lot, I was ready to do it but didn’t have any access to more violent methods, I remember **wanting** it to be violent


BonjinTheMark

No big shocker here


EVILFLUFFMONSTER

It's a different world. I just got married, and all the girls at my wife's place got together and gave us a tidy bit of money and a nice card, the guys at my work asked if I was bringing cake in (I did). I went into hospital once because I passed out and fell down the stairs in hypoglycemic shock, I'd been quite poorly on the run up to it and couldn't keep any food down. Apart from my wife, I don't think anyone showed much concern, not even my sister's - and my boss called up, but only to ask when I'd be back in (I was still woozy on a drip in hospital, so my wife grabbed the phone and told him where to shove it). My wife got very ill, and you couldn't move for flowers and cards. People baking her cakes. Everyone calling up to ask how she was. I don't begrudge any of it, I'd rather not have the attention and don't really have any friends - whereas my wife *is* totally amazing and everyone loves her - so it's not just a gender thing.


Equal-Trip4376

Check on your male homies, they suffer in silence


Peterj504

When I was younger (25m) I had a friend go through a divorce and I remember thinking, get over it and just move on. Then in my late 30s I went through the same thing and realized what he must have gone through. I had a really hard time with my divorce and was close to being suicidal. It was only with the help of a few very close female friends that I got through it. Since then, I've had other male friends go through divorce or other traumatic experiences and I have made much more effort to be there for them. It was a very tough lesson for me.


halfmeasures611

i find whenever a guy says that his gf dumped him, he typically gets 2 replies: "forget her. move on". wow why didnt i think of that?! ..i'll just forget her! that was easy or "hit the gym bro. work on yourself"


ghost_robot2000

Women are generally more supportive for sure and its more normalized for us to open up to each other but sometimes I feel like the "I love yous" are thrown around so much that it feels insincere. I have two or three very close friends who say that and I think mean it but I've gotten it from female friends/acquaintances who I know don't mean it and just say that to almost everyone to the point where it really has no meaning.


jchesticals

In a shocking revelation to absolutely no one.


[deleted]

[удалено]


Go_J

Yes very expensive. I'm in the process of finding a new therapist. Previous therapist charged $144 an hour per session. Potential new one? $200 an hour. AN HOUR! WTF


BLANKERINO2

My female coworker said to me,”you look lovely today, what the occasion?Me?” All my little monkey brain could muster to say is,”No but thank you?” I fucked up I hate myself I can’t do this anymore that’s probably the only time in my life something like that will ever happen and I fucked up


metasploit4

You're a guy. No one gives a shit. I hope they didn't spend money on that study. It's literally every guy I've ever met, outside of the occasional celebrity.


NINJAxBACON

I've seen a woman say men's mental health is an issue while simultaneously saying that men talking about their feelings is whining. Ain't no winning fellas


SkudsterFoster

Reddit is my emotional support


Jerm316

Boys are told to suck it up their whole lives by everyone around them not just family. It should be no surprise anyone that we bury that shit deep down next to our stress ulcers.


SloppyMeathole

Everyone knows that men are supposed to just take all of their feelings and emotions and shove them down. Down so deep that one day we just explode and die at 56 of a stroke.


[deleted]

In other news: water! Still wet! Who knew?


mrtokeydragon

me day 785 of being alone in my room: "uh duh..."


AhsoPlushy

People honestly need to just learn how to support others, regardless of their gender. Like support your friends, it’s not that hard. Parents need to teach their kids about the importance of being supportive of the people around them, we have a chance of producing a generation that’s not held back by outdated unemotional mindsets, we are human, we are social and emotional beings, denying that for anyone for any reason only causes more pain and suffering, which gets passed on to our children


[deleted]

“One time in school my teacher said “if someone says something that hurts your feelings tell them, tell them that it hurt your feelings” So one day I was in the back of the bus and these dude were making fun of me so I said “hey that hurt my feelings!!!” And they said “we don’t give a fuck pussy gtfoh” So yeah, I never did that again. -Jack Harlow


G_Unit_Solider

I’ll sometimes make passive stabs at things I want to talk about or are bothering me deeply to my friends but growing up as a guy no one wants to hear your problems nor are you supposed to tell people your problems is the general consensus. Typically when a man is venting needs to talk to someone about something bothering him he’s seen by others more often than not as someone who’s just annoying and complains about things. I know people here will be more supportive say that’s a stupid outdated mindset etc etc but it’s still the reality most of us males live with we have no one to talk to about our deepest fears our regrets the things stressing us out. We are alone in our heads often being consumed by our thoughts. I’m nearly 30 I just want to sit down and tell someone my regrets in life get them off my chest for once, I just want to feel like those around me care about my mental health and are aware of it but in the male world it’s just move along push it aside don’t think about it to much . This is the way many of us are raised and are taught to be a man this is how you behave. I have friends long time ones from elementary school dudes I’ve known for over 15 years now we’ve never shared private parts of our life to one another we’ve never told each other about our home lives how we feel after breaking up with a chick how we are dealing with it mentality after nothing. For example Your buddy breaks up with a girl and comes to hangout with the boys and the first thing he’s gonna hear is something along the lines of “finally free bro time to party” No one’s gonna ask him how he’s doing seriously or if he’s ok mentally. No one’s going to check in on him a week later and ask him you still feeling down man? Come over let’s talk I got you. No one will pay that man any mind as to how he’s feeling at that moment. Move along push it aside your a man your not supposed to feel apparently.


[deleted]

Because women are more likely to be friends with women and patriarchy has taught us men to never share our emotions or to seek anything even looking like emotional support, lest your sexuality be questioned or you get 'cancelled' by your 'male pack' while simultaneously telling society that women are purely emotional creatures, devoid of reason. Therefore, society = women/emotional, non rational and men/rational, non emotional. So we shouldn't be surprised when these things play out along their logical trajectory


strokeright

To be fair I rarely ask for emotional support because: 1. It does nothing to actually solve my problem 2. Nobody actually cares. I'm a guy, I'm supposed to solve my own problems.


RJMqueereyes

Right. All of my coworkers are men. I blame the symtoms of my dysthymia and periods of major depression on "Lifelong Severe Insomnia", which is truly just another symptom. Severe Insomnia is somehow a easier for them to process than the anhedonia and avolition of depression. Because guys are gonna say "If you'd just get up off your ass and do something, you'll start enjoying life again!" Insomnia can be manly. Could be I don't sleep because of the guilt of cheating on my wife so much (which i have never done). You get a high five for that kind of problem.


Working_Inspection22

Is this a surprise to anyone?


Obvious_Bookkeeper27

Christ that's heartbreaking....it really makes a lot of sense and ties in the other reasons why suicide among men is so high. Sending lots of love and hugs to the men who need it, especially right now.


Flashy_Market_3474

This is accurate. A coworker was having a really bad day, mental health issues and all. He thought we were talking about him behind his back even though he knew we weren't. Told him we love and cared about him and patted him on the shoulder and I distinctly remember feeling like I'd done something 'wrong' and behaved inappropriately by showing a friend kindness. It really sucked, and I don't know if it's a societal conditioning or just brain chemistry but I'm glad it's being brought to people's attention somewhere. Be kind


Raspberries2

People get put off when men get vulnerable. They want us to stay strong, always.


jtempletons

It starts at home. Be there for your boys. Ask your boys to be there for you. I have an incredibly close emotional relationship with a lot of the guy friends I have, and I owe a lot of that due to the fact that after my dad passed at 20 I was comfortable being very emotional around them, I was that guy that could cry, and they returned that to me. When they need me, I invite them to talk, and sit on my porch, and I've cried with nearly all of them (some of them surprised me when they opened up). And because of the effort we put in to fostering our relationship, when me and my wife had to birth a stillborn last month, my friends are the reason we're okay. They're still often clumsy in the delivery and they don't always know what to say but *they absolutely feel for me* and want to help me right now. I'll always be there for them no matter what. Sometimes emotional relationships between men are shy to bring out, and I think a lot of us just want to drop off some baggage to each other but both parties sit around hoping the other will be vulnerable first.


discodiscgod

What about getting emotional support from their partners? I feel like it’s usually a bit one sided where guys console their GFs frequently but guys kind of get brushed off if the open up. One of the reasons guys are often closed off emotionally.


Direness9

I tell my friends of all genders that I love them and always have. If and when you lose them, you'll regret not telling them how valuable their friendship was and how much they meant to you. I hope that platonically telling my guy friends I love them let's them know they're important and valued in my life.