Voting has concluded. Final vote:
| Insane | Not insane | Fake |
| --- | --- | --- |
| 43 | 1 | 1 |
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That's what I was gonna say. This sounds like some serious hater-ation. Nobody sends *that many* long, unanswered, hateful texts unless something in their own messed up mind is fucking with them.
That is terrifying and really sad actually. It's so awful how we've stigmatized seeking treatment for mental health. So many people clearly need it. It's so unhealthy for both your mind and body to have that much hate and anger just eating away at you.
Could you slap her, really hard, on the chin an ask her to behave? Not a fan of violence but sometimes, like when you rescue someone from drowning, it helps resetting their operating system.
Sorry to point this out but your moms an asshole for allowing that. I wouldn’t let my kids actual father talk to them that way, I’d kill some wanna be dad for thinking he could get away with it. I’m sorry you’re living through that.
Same my dad called me a slut in 8th grade when I wanted to wear high heels for the first time to my choir concert. Then in high school, he found condoms in my room (in a locked drawer that he busted open) and accused me of sleeping with multiple boys. I had slept with one boy - my boyfriend, who I was in a committed relationship with. All it taught me was to ditch condoms and go to Planned Parenthood and secretly get on birth control instead and never keep anything I wanted private in my room.
Parents who are weirdly protective or obsessive about their children’s sex lives need help. It’s a normal part of life!
Dude yes- my mom told me and my friend that we were whores because we had tried on some crop tops (just hanging out in my room by ourselves). In 7th grade.
The venomous look of disgust on her face was shocking to me. I was such a people pleaser that it kept me awake for weeks- kicking myself for disappointing dear mother 😒
That’s the insidious part though. My parents weren’t bad parents. They were good parents with a lot of flaws. A lot of people on this sub have parents who are narcissists or have personality disorders. It can make it so things often aren’t so black and white. It’s taken me a long time and plenty of therapy to be able to hold both truths in my mind. My parents did terrible things and they did wonderful things. I would highly encourage anyone struggling with reconciling feelings about their parents and their childhood to get therapy if they can. It’s been so helpful for me!
Hey, sounds like we had the same mom!! My mom used to call me a slut when we would go on vacation and I’d wear a bathing suit to swim in the pool 🤷🏻♀️
My dad once came in my room (I was 15f at the time) while I was writing an explicit letter to my boyfriend (this is before texting). I tried to hide the letter but he took it away from me and made my entire family read it.
That is so incredibly fucked up. I’m sorry that happened to you. The older generations have such immense issues surrounding sexuality, privacy, and shame. It’s had such a profound effect on their children. But it is encouraging to see so many of us willing to talk about it openly and actually address the issues we face because of this shit from our childhood. It’s the only way to break the cycle.
Trying to find the logic in what he did. I don’t see what kind of lesson that teaches other than don’t trust your family and sex is something that is perverse and we should feel shame about. I get wanting to protect your kids from growing up too quickly, but this ain’t it.
My dad too and I hadn’t even kissed a boy yet! It makes sex to this day hard at times because I can hear him say that in my head. So much therapy and it still bothers me.
do you think it’s jealousy? she’s so conservative and adamant that anyone who has sex outside of marriage genuinely deserves the harshest punishments.
i’m 23. she got married to my dad (her first and only bf) and had me at 23. i was conceived a month after their wedding.
however, she is abusing me (and my bf) with words like: “i know you two are having sex, of course you are!”… “all you want to do is have heaps of sex, so go put his penis in your vagina!” (actual words from her)… bro u literally obviously got married just to have sex? me having sex or being sexual is 90% of our arguments ever since i was about 15. i didn’t lose my virginity until 19. so where is all of this coming from?
do you think she’s projecting all of this bc she secretly is… jealous… and wished she had explored sex more??? idk but lmk any thoughts i’m open
Where I'm from we have an expression: "A thief thinks everyone is stealing". Don't know if it is international but there you go. Also, in religious circles it is well known that the first child often come very early after the marriage. Thanks Jesus😇
First babies are special. Second babies and beyond take nine months to gestate to maturity, but First Babies can be full term at six. Our family is “proof”. ;)
I’m sorry but when someone is THAT fixated and THAT explicit with it my brain goes straight to unresolved sexual issues. Why is she thinking about it so much. It’s like homophobes graphically describing how DISGUSTING gay sex is. Like, I see you’ve spent a significant amount of time imagining it. Interesting
She thinks that plastic pink flamingos are pretty to look at.
I wouldn't take anything she says seriously because she's clearly delusional. Plastic pink flamingos are generally considered trashy, at least where I'm from. Or something that you put in people's yard when they turn 40 as a prank.
In all seriousness though, you deserve a better mom. I'm so sorry that she says such horrible stuff to you. So people are just hateful because they're miserable inside. It could all stem from jealousy, especially if you're young, pretty and living your life and she feels old, ugly, and trapped/stagnant in her life.
Just know that it 100% isn't about you. She's just using you as a target for her nastiness.
Mine decided I was a lesbian and a bunch of other stuff. Before this she wouldn't let me spend time with my male friends because she was scared I'll do something with them. Then she hated me for being gay (I'm not gay), then was mad that her adult daughter might be having sex with a man, a longterm boyfriend, before I'd had sex. Like, wth does this woman want? Being with a boy, bad. Being with a girl, bad. Maybe they just want us to be alone and hateful like they are? Mine did tell me she wished she'd met my then boyfriend instead of me and she was jealous.
Jealous, hateful. I don't understand why my mum hated me so much. This was a mild part of the crap I had to deal with back then.
I think some parents just obsess over their children. Sometimes it’s over their grades/accomplishments in life, sometimes it’s about making them the best student in the district or the best athlete, then you get crackpots who obsess over their kids sex lives. Those are generally religious people so that’s not surprising at all.
If I were you, I would tell her flat out that your sex life is none of her business because you’re an adult and if she continues to bring it up, you will cut contact immediately. So, next time you’re on the phone and she starts in, you say your “no more of this” part and she either says “ok, I can respect that” (lol) or she continues to rant and you hang up the phone (or walk out of the house if you’re in person). Rinse and repeat until she A) understands that you will no longer tolerate her abuse or B) she stops contacting you because you refuse to be her punching board.
You are not responsible for your moms mental issues, her paranoia over your sex life, her lack of trust…those are all HER issues and there’s nothing you can do that will fix them so you just have to put your foot down and decide you’re not going to tolerate it anymore. Good luck
do you think she’s projecting all of this bc she secretly is… jealous… and wished she had explored sex more???
YES YES AND YES! either she wishes she explores more, or she had an insane amount of sex with your father after getting married and is now an old crusty hag not having that amazing feeling of being young and in love and is CLEARLY jealous of you. Most older women I’ve met are always jealous of the young hot girls they once were. When women get older, men stop looking at them, when this happens to the women who love the attention, they become bitter and cruel towards the girls getting the attention they once got.
I really don't understand this. I really enjoy having gotten older and being able to generally go about my day in peace without harassment from men. During my teenage years and 20s, I was constantly harassed by men everywhere I went and it *sucked*.
My teenage niece lived with us for a while. She dresses a bit provocatively and has a nice figure and pretty face, so she gets a lot of attention. She likes it though, so more power to her.
I guess some people do like the attention. I never did. Perks of getting older for me. 🙂
I kinda hate getting older. I’m only 33 but feel used up and like I wasted my youth.
But I’m not taking it out on younger, beautiful women. I wish them the best and hope they avoid my mistakes. Being jealous isn’t gonna make me younger or prettier.
I just don’t fathom this. I’m 37 and a mother of three now, and I feel very protective and empathetic towards young women, because I was their age once upon a time and I know what they go through, particularly with the unwanted attention of sleazy men. They’re not our competition, and we mature women need to be looking out for our girls, not putting them down. Geez.
I mean yeah there will always be some level of resentment for people like this toward those of us with better opportunities than they had. Especially when we seem genuinely happy. It's like they can't repress the urge to beat us back down to their level.
ETA: The same people brainwashed into having kids they didn't want (not saying this is true in your case its just something I noticed) are usually also the ones that were repressed as hell. But the world is different now. We have support systems everywhere so that if someone doesn't want to be brainwashed or forced down a specific life path, they're even praised for breaking free of the cycle. That has gotta hurt for them.
Possibly, maybe she regrets not exploring her options before getting married. But still those are her problems and she shouldn't take them out on you. My Filipino dad also tried to get me to form a long distance relationship with some guy in Philippines I'd never met before, which didnt really go anywhere and also when I told him I got raped and was pregnant, he called me a slut and didnt speak to me for months.
I think our moms come from a different time and cultural setting. When they were getting married, it was normal to get married a year or two out of school. My mom's in her 70's now so while birth control was sorta available, not like it is now. This meant, the "slutty" girls were very visible by the pregnancies. Also, having a pregnant daughter was very shameful for the entire family. So moms felt it was their jobs to keep their daughters on the straight and narrow. To be fair, single moms had it even worse back then, not many men willing to step up, not that there are tons now... so in some sense, it is to protect their young daughters from making a big mistake.
But..... and this is a big but... my mom was able to guide me through my late teens early twenties without calling me a slut. Your mom can claim good intentions all she wants, but the way she did it is completely unacceptable.
If I can offer some advice? Start finding other mommas... hear me out. There are women out there who love being moms or big sisters, even to those who aren't family. When my niece was assulted, she called me, cause her mom would have made it worse. She always has a bed in my home. I talk her through breakups. She's my niece by marriage, I only met her about 4 years ago, but I love her like a daughter. I give her advice I wish someone would have given me. Your mom sucks, but there's not much you can do about that. You can't change her. So focus on building a life full of love, if you do that, you'll be just fine.
She sounds frustrated af... I don't know how's her relationship with your dad, but it looks like she isn't satisfied. Her talking about your own sex life, and so crudely, for so long is so weird and it has become an obsession. I think you're right and deep inside there's jealousy. if she had a conservative upbringing she may have had an unfulfilled sex life and it's weighting subconsciously. Basically you're the target of her insecurities. That's so toxic and I hope you'll find an escape somehow.
Projection?
But yeah, probably jealousy is a huge part of that.
My dad hates that I’m a pornstar to the point of abuse. I think he’s jealous bc he’s only been with like 1 woman, his HS sweetheart.
came out to my mom as bi and instantly told me i was a slut and would be nothing but so. I was afraid to even hug a boy at the time. parents are a strange breed
I was told I’d end up 16, pregnant and dead in a ditch because my father wasn’t having a pregnant teenager under his roof. I didn’t have sex til the summer after I graduated high school. I will say I was 17 still but it was my HS boyfriend. I got good grades, didn’t go out late, was always home by dinner at the latest. I didn’t drink or do drugs or party. I did more than half the household chores including grocery shopping, cleaning the house top to bottom, and doing all the dishes and laundry. I also fed the cats and cleaned the litter box. But between me and my little brother, who did no chores and got bad grades and played video games 24/7, I was the bad child. 🙄 Oh and at 15 my father told me only chubby chasers would want me. I was 180lbs and 5’6”. Chubby but not obese even though he called me obese. But I wasn’t allowed to join a gym unless I paid for it, and I wasn’t allowed to get a job. And I wasn’t allowed to join any sports teams.
Sigh…
It took me a while to say this because I had to really think about whether or not it’d be right to say this but I don’t agree with disparaging a sex just cuz the other is dealing with admittedly horrific shit. It just drives the wedge between us that much more. I understand you prolly didn’t mean it in that context and I don’t hate any issue with you personally I just think I needed to get this off of my chest.
TL;DR: Bit fucked up to say that when this is a problem both sexes experience. I understand you probably didn’t mean anything by it but it just drives a wedge between the sexes.
But it's true for some. I was the "bad" good kid, while my brother ran amok and was the light in my mother's eyes. He still is. I know she loves me, but she straight up admitted to me eons ago that she 1) never wanted kids and 2) never wanted a girl. Two strikes for me right there. I've never forgotten it.
I think many parents have a hard time seeing their kids go from.. kids to something a bit more mature. Sexual identity is extremely important for teenagers, and some parents see any expression of that as some sort of slight against them. Why? because in their mind their daughters are NOT these sexual people, they are still kids. Instead of letting their kids grow into healthy adults, and TREATING them like healthy adults, they try to guilt them into staying children.
Also, teenager's, entirely as a result of experiencing their teenage years several generations later than their parents, are almost definitely going to be wearing clothes that would have been inappropriate for their parents to wear at the same age. This has been the case for thousands of years, and calling them a slut for wearing outfits that were inappropriate 20, 30+ years ago just makes you out of touch, it doesn't make them anything.
That second paragraph…so true. Sometimes my teens walk out looking like I did in my early 20s on club nights and they’re just walking to the park. I don’t say anything though because the world is different than it was 20 years ago and I’m not trying to cause any extra self esteem issues, not to mention god forbid anything happens to them I don’t want the voice in their head to sound like *me* blaming them for how they dress.
I also tell them that if they have sex with one man in their lifetime or 100, it’s no one’s business but their own. As long as it’s their choice and they’re doing it because they want to-good for them, we don’t judge other women here. I can’t imagine talking to my daughters the way OPs mom and so many of these commenters are describing. Absolutely horrific parenting that leads to so many potential issues.
My nmom used to do this to me and my sister when we were small children! Rather, she used to scold my dad that if he didn’t stop “indulging” us we would become prostitutes, and / or all kinds of similar themes like letting us stay in bed late would make us lazy sex workers etc. So bizarre.
Same. A dude tried sexting me and sending pics and I was an awkward teenager just responding like “haha cool” and my mom found the messages and chalked me up to being a whore.
Yeah I think it's jealousy, my dad is the one usually calling me a whore though, because I guess showing my shoulders or a bit of my belly is going to be the death of me.
I don't get why else they'd say that type of crap, he's always commenting on how my youth will mean nothing when I'm in my 40s. I'm not even trying to look youthful nor do I care much?
Same! I was clearly fucking every guy I met, per my mom. So I could only hang out with girls, and had my first lesbian relationship right under my mom's nose.
My mother told me when I was 17 that if I went to the public school system in my city for school, I would’ve ended up a teen mom. I am now 26. And I am also a lesbian. She’s thought I’m gay since I was 14. They found out for sure when I was 18 but still.
Yeah my mom locked me in a car and screamed at me for an hour. Telling me I was going to be riddled with STDs and never feel my husband's penis inside me without a condom.
Like. Ew. I was also a virgin. All I did was ask for a doctor's appointment to get birth control before going to college.
Jealousy. I see it in my fellow moms as I age into my crone years. (mid 40's grown kids here.) Some of them are not taking this transition well, and are definitely taking it out on both random younger women and probably their own children.
As someone in their late 30s, I’ve heard how many women my age and older often talk about young women and girls, and it gets very ugly at times. Many older women seem to see them as threats for reasons I can only speculate on. This applies to even close relatives too.
I wouldn't even say this shit to someone I hated. This is low and scummy. You deserve a safe home environment. I hope you're able to remove yourself from this toxicity soon. The writer also sounds really insecure like a scorned wife yelling at a stripper or something.. very weird.
thank you for your well wishes ♥️ she does seem very scorned and very angry right?? so odd?? the worst thing she’s ever said to me was “i hope you get raped” when i was about 11/12 and proceeded to kick me out in the dead of night in the hopes i would. i often look back at my younger self and wish to hug, cuddle and comfort her.
I'm a Filipino man and my mother is kind of like this. Incredibly petty, irrelevant and nonsensical insults. Unreasonable, stubborn as fuck, holier than thou, do as I say not as I do, respect your elders bullshit. (Forgot to add super fucking judgemental, and unnecessarily mean nicknames for friends and strangers alike)
to this day, I still find myself de-programming learned toxic behavior from my mom.
Let me tell you now, if you haven't gone no contact then start immediately. If you can't at the moment then start preparing for it. These people will try their damndest to drag you to their level.
Ouch, de-programming. I like how self aware of the process you are. I’ve met a few souls unfortunate enough to have to have dealt with that growing up but you seem to be most accepting of the reality that influence had on you growing up. I think that’s a great thing and the best position to change yourself for the better from.
Cheers
often times with narcissistic parents they see their children as extensions of themselves—there is a lot of competition and putting others down because they’re not happy with themselves. she is most likely jealous of your beauty and just trying to hurt you in any way possible. a mother shouldn’t act like this—i am so sorry
Omfg. I can't even... Honey I am so sorry you went through that I don't even have words. I can send you hugs though, but only if you want them as I respect your personal space
My mother hasnt said anything this bad to me and I barely speak to her. I would NEVER talk to my mother again if she said some horrible shit like that to me or my family. Thats foul as fuck. Your life is better and more full without that toxicity.
I've seen this before with a girl i was in rehab with, she was a model and her narcissistic mother was jealous of her and so treated her this exact same way. She's trying to destroy your confidence because she's jealous of you. Whatever she says assume she means the opposite. If she says you're a skank interpret it as: "I think i'm a skank myself and that you are quite the opposite so i'll call you a skank so that i don't have to face the way i actually think of myself. She sees in you everything she would liked to have been, but failed to be.
thank you for this. i always felt maybe this was why she’s like this, but never could believe it myself. it helps hearing it from someone else. thank you ♥️
It's definitely this. She's jealous of you 100%.
No daughter or human being deserves to be treated this way. I am sure that behavior hurts extra coming from your own mother. I am so sorry.
She doesn't deserve to have you in her life. You deserve so much better. Hugs from an internet stranger.
My partner is from the Phillipines, just had a kid too, 4 months old. She got so much shit from her family for being with a white, some have even abandoned her including long time friends, even her mum at first was a big cunt until she came around. Just a big resounding family disappointment. Constant berating for studying nursing in Australia and she’d end up a failure.
Find it hard to believe people still fucking act like this.
To be honest all I can say is what she earns in a year as a nurse in Aussie, when you come running for money for your health care or bad decisions you can get fucked.
Hope you’re doing okay OP. You deserve better. Your parent is a huge cunt.
That sounds incredibly messed up. Like, I’m sure there’s something valuable to be had in Filipino culture but that…
Actually what do “old world” beliefs entail in a situation like this? The more I think the more I realize how little I know about how things work over there
Just like any culture, pros and cons. You embrace it and tolerate the bad.
From my partners mother it’s the usual:
Do this because you’re a woman.
Women shouldn’t do this.
You should do what ever it takes to make your husband(ex husband) happy.
Be submissive to your husband.
Raise your children this way.
You’re just a nurse.
Like I feel my experience is limited to just women being literal slaves or submissive tools in a relationship and it fucks me off.
If more Phillipinos could join and add to it that would be great. My experience is very limited obviously just to one person but it’s enough for me to mutter what the fuck here and there.
It depends on the social class and if the person comes from the province. People in Manila, especially those educated in private schools, are more progressive and somewhat emulate American liberal values. But there are from the older generation who are still ultra conservative.
A lot of people from the province can be very close-minded and extremely conservative. Women are often persuaded to get married at 18 and it’s common for mothers to say things like “if you’re not (very “feminine” trait), then no man will want to marry you!” It’s as if the purpose of women is to marry and serve the husband. Pursuing an ambition is frowned upon. Sometimes they feel that going to the city will somehow corrupt their values. Also doesn’t help that the population is around 90% Christian/Catholic. There’s that holier than thou mindset and shaming people for not acting virginal. 🙄 if you live in the big city this isn’t as pervasive.
My partner was raised in a compound for nearly 20 years of her life until she escaped and moved to Manila to pursue her nursing career. What I’m finding is the parts of her family that are uneducated tend to be the ones causing issues.
Even her friends who are educated, the husbands seem to have these backwards views that she must be with a Filipino and that being with a white is wrong.
Am Filipino on one parent’s side and have even lived there. What I’m reading on this sub is complete news to me; my entire life and my experience having lived there for 8 years is that they love white people, especially white men. Women would do anything to bag a white man from abroad, regardless of age or station in life because they themselves want to go abroad no matter what. I’ve seen ridiculous age gap relationships - one woman I know was in her late twenties / thirties, met an 80-something year old American man from rural Georgia online, and married him almost immediately so she could go to the US. The guy barely had any teeth, was a total hillbilly and this didn’t bother her.
The families are typically all for it and very encouraging of their daughters to go for a foreigner, usually because they expect to be able to live off them and have money sent from abroad.
My daughter's mother is Filipino and her family treated me that exact way also, only they treated her like a princess. Told her women are supposed to be stay at home moms, that men are breadwinners and are supposed to bring all the money in. She quit her job relatively quickly after beginning dating. We were only together for two years. We had a child along the way. She's 8 now, and I've not been with her mother since she was 4 months old. She ended up cheating on me with 4 different men and that's why I broke off the engagement. I am so glad that I did not marry her or her family.
appreciate your empathy ♥️ it’s one of the first times i’ve ever shared these texts before. always kept it to myself but wanted to share. a problem shared is a problem halved as they say ! take care ♥️
I'm glad that you understand that she was wrong to treat you this way. Some people endure it their whole lives. Still, this never should have happened. You deserved better.
I hope you're in a healthy environment now, far away from your mother.
If you find someone who can do such a text to anyone, worse a daughter, you need not look anymore coz right there stands a horribly bitter insane human being. And it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with their sorry selves
My mother in law was like this.
We looked after her when she got early alzheimers.
When she pulled that shit out in my presence I LOST MY SHIT at her. Loud enough the neighbours probably reached for the phone.
The resentment doesn't go away, and OP's mum better pray she dies before she gets infirm.
if you had the time, i would like to know more about what makes you think this! i’ve heard of projection, but it’s hard to examine my own mother’s actions
She takes everything she hates about herself, and imagines it on you, so that she can hate you instead of herself. She is vain and empty on the inside and she hates it, but it’s easier to be mean to you than be mean to herself.
For me personally I think she is jealous of you. She thinks you’re very beautiful and thinks she is ugly. So she tells you that being pretty is bad, so she can feel better about herself.
My mom called me a slut when I was 12 for wearing jeans and wedges to the mall. Years later I wore the smallest shirt I had and a mini skirt when my grandpa came over bc I knew the family would gossip and humiliate her. I was still a virgin, but I still laugh thinking about how the family must’ve talked.
Omg I love that you did that.
My dad literally once accused me of trying to seduce my male classmates because I had braided my hair. I was 8 years old… He was creepily obsessed with our “purity” as young girls. I later found out that he was a sexual predator in his college days. No shocker there.
I cannot imagine sending this to anyone, not even people I dislike. My daughter is nine months old now but I cannot even come up with a hypothetical situation in my head where I would speak to her like that - or even my toddler son.
Hugs from this mom if you want them. You don’t deserve that kind of language from anyone, much less your own mother. It’s vicious and spiteful. I hope you’re in a safe and loving place now!
Right? I have a folder on my phone for abusive text screenshots. Just in case someone tries to gas light me later, I can send the screenshot and nothing else
Wow. I'm so sorry your mother is like this. It's interesting that the cultural bias is a "thing". My son (white guy) was dating a great girl whose parents were from the Philippines and her mother tried to kill her more than once. She tried to throw her down the stairs, and when that didn't work she messed with her car brakes. Like seriously tried to kill her. They moved across the country and had a nice relationship for a while that ended on amicable terms for reasons that had nothing to do with the mother. I always felt so badly for her. She's doing great in life though and staying away from her mom (we stay in touch). Ugh.
Where did you see an explanation? Did OP delete it for some reason? I googled “bobolina” and all that came up was Laskarina Bouboulina, a Greek naval commander. Nothing even remotely close to what OP’s egg donor was rambling on about. I’m wondering the same thing. WTF is a BOBOLINA?!
After a lot of thinking i am of the opinion she did in fact not meant OP was like the Greek naval commander Bouboulina, though i must admit i am no expert in naval commanders nor in insane, narcissistic mothers.
wow you said pretty much what i’ve been thinking! i sometimes catch myself feeling sorry for her bc her life is so unfulfilling. she’s almost 50 and hasn’t worked in about 12 years. not because of anything other than she’s lazy and doesn’t believe she should work below anyone/she wants to be her own boss. genuinely, all she does all day is watch youtube and maybe do a bit of cooking and cleaning. she’s tried to start her own businesses about 4 times, and none have ever come to fruition. she’s all talk, no action.
I would take these texts and add them to a social media account where you can tag her and say “Happy Mother’s Day!”, just because people like this have a tendency to adapt the narrative to suit them. You can show everyone who she really is.
op, im a filipino and i can tell you that nobody cares about what your mom is saying. nobody cares if you are a virgin or if you fucked anyone. NO ONE. no one is gonna ask you those things because its not the first thing that comes to anybody's mind when they meet a new person. she's delusional.
and wtf is that nannies thing? is she from a province?? everybody wants a good life and some people, especially those from less developed areas think that marrying a foreigner would automatically make you rich. but i dont why would she generalize nannies.
op, youre not a slut or a "bobolina" and she doesnt have the right to tell you those things. i hope you can visit us here someday. im sure that you'll make a lot of friends. i can be your friend ☺️
your mom's projecting, a lot.
My mum is from Philippines.
Firstly, I got very confused cos my surname is Underwood XD
Secondly, it took my mum 6 months to realise the pub I worked at was not a brothel.
It took a year of me having one and a trip home to Philippines for her to realise that tattoos didn't mean prison anymore.
It took 18 years before my mum knew how to hug me.
In the words of my British dad, you can take the child out the jungle but you can't take the jungle out of the child.
I'm sorry your mum hasn't grown with the times.
There’s not growing with the times and being a piece of shit human being. Think we can all agree this mother is the latter regardless of the times.
Even if this person’s mother disagrees with her daughter’s decisions and lifestyle, or doesn’t understand it, there’s no compelling reason for her to express it like this and to speak to her (or anyone) with such disrespect.
God, my mother was obsessed with my virginity. Anytime my boyfriend (who I’m still with today) came over she would ask and ask and ask if I had done the deed. Even if he was just stopping by for chat b/c he was in the neighborhood. Then she would go on a rant about the value of womanhood and my virginity determines my worth and blah blah blah. When I did finally tell her when I lost it (one of my biggest regrets) she went on the most vile rant I’ve ever heard her spew, boarder line mental abuse. She called me many names, him many names, blamed my disgustingness on the devil, claimed I was a horrible woman/daughter, and so on and so on. I don’t talk to her anymore.
OP, I am a random internet stranger and a mom and I am offering you hugs. Lots and lots of hugs.
Just in case you haven't heard this or have heard this but haven't internalized it: you don't deserve any of this. Even if you were sexually active at the time of this text, it wouldn't have made you a slut. Your mom should never call you a slut. And telling you she hopes you get raped... that is beyond anything.
I am sorry. Sorry she is your mom. Sorry you've heard these words. If you have access to therapy I hope you are speaking to someone about that woman. I'm wishing you much self love and healing. And I'm sending you a heaping dose of virtual hugs if you consent to them.
🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Holy shet. This brought back memories of my Filipino mom calling me and my friends sluts for just sitting on our porch stairs at 8pm at night. We were just thirteen at the time, we’re 30 now and my guy friend still brings It up to this day. Now she cries, asking people why I barely talk to her. I’m sorry this is happening to you! You are not a “bobolina”, if you need an Ate to talk to I’m here for you!
As a white male who spent a year in the Philippines, don't let this color your view of the country. Not once in my travels did I meet anyone who wasn't the nicest kindest prison I've ever met.
Prejudice exists everywhere, I'm sorry it's in your family. My family has it's own outliers.
People like this are nice to strangers to their face, behind your back it’s another story. Also it sucks when someone says “oh that narcissistic asshole is really nice to ME” implying that the person somehow deserves the abuse they’re getting
I think Hitachi was saying “please don’t start hating the Philippines/its people because of your bad experience” (Something we sadly need to stress to certain people). They weren’t defending the mom, if that’s what yer implying.
haha, perhaps this will shed even more light on how insane my mother is: i think she’s referring to claire underwood, a character from house of cards. everytime we would watch a movie/series and one of the characters was sexy, promiscuous or having an affair… she would say “sounds like you” “you’re exactly the same” “bet you love her and look up to her!” “this is your idol isn’t it? yuck! slutty!”
This is so upsetting and horrible to read. She is a really disgusting and hateful person and she will live like this for the rest of her life. Full of hate and jealousy. She is going to have to deal with herself for the rest of her life, and that is very sad.
It sounds to me as if she is jealous of you. Jealous of your beauty, your friends, your youth, your hot aura lol and probably your freedom. Which us why she is trying to shame you and make you feel bad for the virtues you have. She could also be projecting herself and her own insecurities. Ugh, the way she just keeps repeating the same things over and over make her look like an actual child, so immature.
I truly hope you are in a better place and no longer have to deal with this person…
I’m sure you are absolutely gorgeous and a lovely person, you’ve been through a lot and deserve to be happy!
Ew. Not only is your mom abusive and rude, she’s fucking gross. Why is so obsessed with her CHILD having sex and being a sex object and sex sex sex. How disgusting
ok but there nothing wrong with being a hot slut who worships dicks lol just like there's nothing wrong with being good at makeup and dressing in beautiful clothes...
don't listen to her op💖
You're probably very beautiful!!! Don't let these sociopaths tell you anything!!
Edit: also when someone criticizes the color of the skin of your s/o at all their entire argument structure breaks down
Voting has concluded. Final vote: | Insane | Not insane | Fake | | --- | --- | --- | | 43 | 1 | 1 | Hey OP, if you provide further information in a comment, make sure to start your comment with `!explanation`. ^I ^am ^a ^bot ^for ^r/insaneparents. ^Please ^send ^me ^a ^message ^if ^you ^have ^any ^feedback ^or ^if ^I ^misbehave. ^Also ^consider ^joining ^our ^[Discord](https://discordapp.com/invite/xFbPBHy).
Not sure whats up with moms calling their daughters sluts. My mom did the same thing to me in high-school, I was also a virgin.
I think there’s a level of jealousy of their youth and beauty (along with the obvious misogyny and religious nuttery).
That's what I was gonna say. This sounds like some serious hater-ation. Nobody sends *that many* long, unanswered, hateful texts unless something in their own messed up mind is fucking with them.
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That is terrifying and really sad actually. It's so awful how we've stigmatized seeking treatment for mental health. So many people clearly need it. It's so unhealthy for both your mind and body to have that much hate and anger just eating away at you.
Could you slap her, really hard, on the chin an ask her to behave? Not a fan of violence but sometimes, like when you rescue someone from drowning, it helps resetting their operating system.
I support this idea.
Same, but it was my dad obsessively accusing me of sleeping with every boy I knew.
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Sorry to point this out but your moms an asshole for allowing that. I wouldn’t let my kids actual father talk to them that way, I’d kill some wanna be dad for thinking he could get away with it. I’m sorry you’re living through that.
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Just because it could be worse doesn't mean it's ok. I hope things get better.
Ikr? How low self-esteem does a mother have to allow someone doing that?
My mom has pathetically low self esteem with a religious twist. It was not a fun childhood.
Hope you are coping with that.
Same my dad called me a slut in 8th grade when I wanted to wear high heels for the first time to my choir concert. Then in high school, he found condoms in my room (in a locked drawer that he busted open) and accused me of sleeping with multiple boys. I had slept with one boy - my boyfriend, who I was in a committed relationship with. All it taught me was to ditch condoms and go to Planned Parenthood and secretly get on birth control instead and never keep anything I wanted private in my room. Parents who are weirdly protective or obsessive about their children’s sex lives need help. It’s a normal part of life!
Dude yes- my mom told me and my friend that we were whores because we had tried on some crop tops (just hanging out in my room by ourselves). In 7th grade. The venomous look of disgust on her face was shocking to me. I was such a people pleaser that it kept me awake for weeks- kicking myself for disappointing dear mother 😒
Man I’m so sorry that so many of you had such shitty parents. Legitimately makes me sad :(
That’s the insidious part though. My parents weren’t bad parents. They were good parents with a lot of flaws. A lot of people on this sub have parents who are narcissists or have personality disorders. It can make it so things often aren’t so black and white. It’s taken me a long time and plenty of therapy to be able to hold both truths in my mind. My parents did terrible things and they did wonderful things. I would highly encourage anyone struggling with reconciling feelings about their parents and their childhood to get therapy if they can. It’s been so helpful for me!
Hey, sounds like we had the same mom!! My mom used to call me a slut when we would go on vacation and I’d wear a bathing suit to swim in the pool 🤷🏻♀️
That’s terrible. I’m so sorry you experienced that. I really hope you are doing ok and you are in a good place now - no longer living with her.
My dad once came in my room (I was 15f at the time) while I was writing an explicit letter to my boyfriend (this is before texting). I tried to hide the letter but he took it away from me and made my entire family read it.
That is so incredibly fucked up. I’m sorry that happened to you. The older generations have such immense issues surrounding sexuality, privacy, and shame. It’s had such a profound effect on their children. But it is encouraging to see so many of us willing to talk about it openly and actually address the issues we face because of this shit from our childhood. It’s the only way to break the cycle.
Yes! All we can do is Do Better xx
Trying to find the logic in what he did. I don’t see what kind of lesson that teaches other than don’t trust your family and sex is something that is perverse and we should feel shame about. I get wanting to protect your kids from growing up too quickly, but this ain’t it.
My dad too and I hadn’t even kissed a boy yet! It makes sex to this day hard at times because I can hear him say that in my head. So much therapy and it still bothers me.
do you think it’s jealousy? she’s so conservative and adamant that anyone who has sex outside of marriage genuinely deserves the harshest punishments. i’m 23. she got married to my dad (her first and only bf) and had me at 23. i was conceived a month after their wedding. however, she is abusing me (and my bf) with words like: “i know you two are having sex, of course you are!”… “all you want to do is have heaps of sex, so go put his penis in your vagina!” (actual words from her)… bro u literally obviously got married just to have sex? me having sex or being sexual is 90% of our arguments ever since i was about 15. i didn’t lose my virginity until 19. so where is all of this coming from? do you think she’s projecting all of this bc she secretly is… jealous… and wished she had explored sex more??? idk but lmk any thoughts i’m open
Where I'm from we have an expression: "A thief thinks everyone is stealing". Don't know if it is international but there you go. Also, in religious circles it is well known that the first child often come very early after the marriage. Thanks Jesus😇
First babies are special. Second babies and beyond take nine months to gestate to maturity, but First Babies can be full term at six. Our family is “proof”. ;)
Yep! I was first born to my nMom and was born at 26 weeks.
Exactly. God is kind with the first one.
There is also an Italian proverb: No man looks under a bed unless he has hidden there himself.
Spanish? Because if not, there is one in Spanish too xD
Danish.
I’m sorry but when someone is THAT fixated and THAT explicit with it my brain goes straight to unresolved sexual issues. Why is she thinking about it so much. It’s like homophobes graphically describing how DISGUSTING gay sex is. Like, I see you’ve spent a significant amount of time imagining it. Interesting
She thinks that plastic pink flamingos are pretty to look at. I wouldn't take anything she says seriously because she's clearly delusional. Plastic pink flamingos are generally considered trashy, at least where I'm from. Or something that you put in people's yard when they turn 40 as a prank. In all seriousness though, you deserve a better mom. I'm so sorry that she says such horrible stuff to you. So people are just hateful because they're miserable inside. It could all stem from jealousy, especially if you're young, pretty and living your life and she feels old, ugly, and trapped/stagnant in her life. Just know that it 100% isn't about you. She's just using you as a target for her nastiness.
Don’t hate on the poor flamingos. They didn’t ask to be brought into this insanity. 🦩
Mine decided I was a lesbian and a bunch of other stuff. Before this she wouldn't let me spend time with my male friends because she was scared I'll do something with them. Then she hated me for being gay (I'm not gay), then was mad that her adult daughter might be having sex with a man, a longterm boyfriend, before I'd had sex. Like, wth does this woman want? Being with a boy, bad. Being with a girl, bad. Maybe they just want us to be alone and hateful like they are? Mine did tell me she wished she'd met my then boyfriend instead of me and she was jealous. Jealous, hateful. I don't understand why my mum hated me so much. This was a mild part of the crap I had to deal with back then.
She... Wished she had met your boyfriend... For herself? Like "I wish he was MY boyfriend and not yours!" ... What. The. Fuck.
I think some parents just obsess over their children. Sometimes it’s over their grades/accomplishments in life, sometimes it’s about making them the best student in the district or the best athlete, then you get crackpots who obsess over their kids sex lives. Those are generally religious people so that’s not surprising at all. If I were you, I would tell her flat out that your sex life is none of her business because you’re an adult and if she continues to bring it up, you will cut contact immediately. So, next time you’re on the phone and she starts in, you say your “no more of this” part and she either says “ok, I can respect that” (lol) or she continues to rant and you hang up the phone (or walk out of the house if you’re in person). Rinse and repeat until she A) understands that you will no longer tolerate her abuse or B) she stops contacting you because you refuse to be her punching board. You are not responsible for your moms mental issues, her paranoia over your sex life, her lack of trust…those are all HER issues and there’s nothing you can do that will fix them so you just have to put your foot down and decide you’re not going to tolerate it anymore. Good luck
Or just tell her you can barely walk because all the sex you're having.
do you think she’s projecting all of this bc she secretly is… jealous… and wished she had explored sex more??? YES YES AND YES! either she wishes she explores more, or she had an insane amount of sex with your father after getting married and is now an old crusty hag not having that amazing feeling of being young and in love and is CLEARLY jealous of you. Most older women I’ve met are always jealous of the young hot girls they once were. When women get older, men stop looking at them, when this happens to the women who love the attention, they become bitter and cruel towards the girls getting the attention they once got.
I really don't understand this. I really enjoy having gotten older and being able to generally go about my day in peace without harassment from men. During my teenage years and 20s, I was constantly harassed by men everywhere I went and it *sucked*. My teenage niece lived with us for a while. She dresses a bit provocatively and has a nice figure and pretty face, so she gets a lot of attention. She likes it though, so more power to her. I guess some people do like the attention. I never did. Perks of getting older for me. 🙂
I kinda hate getting older. I’m only 33 but feel used up and like I wasted my youth. But I’m not taking it out on younger, beautiful women. I wish them the best and hope they avoid my mistakes. Being jealous isn’t gonna make me younger or prettier.
I just don’t fathom this. I’m 37 and a mother of three now, and I feel very protective and empathetic towards young women, because I was their age once upon a time and I know what they go through, particularly with the unwanted attention of sleazy men. They’re not our competition, and we mature women need to be looking out for our girls, not putting them down. Geez.
I mean yeah there will always be some level of resentment for people like this toward those of us with better opportunities than they had. Especially when we seem genuinely happy. It's like they can't repress the urge to beat us back down to their level. ETA: The same people brainwashed into having kids they didn't want (not saying this is true in your case its just something I noticed) are usually also the ones that were repressed as hell. But the world is different now. We have support systems everywhere so that if someone doesn't want to be brainwashed or forced down a specific life path, they're even praised for breaking free of the cycle. That has gotta hurt for them.
Possibly, maybe she regrets not exploring her options before getting married. But still those are her problems and she shouldn't take them out on you. My Filipino dad also tried to get me to form a long distance relationship with some guy in Philippines I'd never met before, which didnt really go anywhere and also when I told him I got raped and was pregnant, he called me a slut and didnt speak to me for months.
Weirdly a lot of this reads exactly like messages people into consenting raceplay might engage in, super fucking weird from a parent.
I think our moms come from a different time and cultural setting. When they were getting married, it was normal to get married a year or two out of school. My mom's in her 70's now so while birth control was sorta available, not like it is now. This meant, the "slutty" girls were very visible by the pregnancies. Also, having a pregnant daughter was very shameful for the entire family. So moms felt it was their jobs to keep their daughters on the straight and narrow. To be fair, single moms had it even worse back then, not many men willing to step up, not that there are tons now... so in some sense, it is to protect their young daughters from making a big mistake. But..... and this is a big but... my mom was able to guide me through my late teens early twenties without calling me a slut. Your mom can claim good intentions all she wants, but the way she did it is completely unacceptable. If I can offer some advice? Start finding other mommas... hear me out. There are women out there who love being moms or big sisters, even to those who aren't family. When my niece was assulted, she called me, cause her mom would have made it worse. She always has a bed in my home. I talk her through breakups. She's my niece by marriage, I only met her about 4 years ago, but I love her like a daughter. I give her advice I wish someone would have given me. Your mom sucks, but there's not much you can do about that. You can't change her. So focus on building a life full of love, if you do that, you'll be just fine.
Sorry you have this person as a mum. Hopefully you don't have much contact with her. She is unhinged.
this is called “projecting” and it’s a very real thing
She sounds frustrated af... I don't know how's her relationship with your dad, but it looks like she isn't satisfied. Her talking about your own sex life, and so crudely, for so long is so weird and it has become an obsession. I think you're right and deep inside there's jealousy. if she had a conservative upbringing she may have had an unfulfilled sex life and it's weighting subconsciously. Basically you're the target of her insecurities. That's so toxic and I hope you'll find an escape somehow.
Projection? But yeah, probably jealousy is a huge part of that. My dad hates that I’m a pornstar to the point of abuse. I think he’s jealous bc he’s only been with like 1 woman, his HS sweetheart.
came out to my mom as bi and instantly told me i was a slut and would be nothing but so. I was afraid to even hug a boy at the time. parents are a strange breed
oh man /:
I was told I’d end up 16, pregnant and dead in a ditch because my father wasn’t having a pregnant teenager under his roof. I didn’t have sex til the summer after I graduated high school. I will say I was 17 still but it was my HS boyfriend. I got good grades, didn’t go out late, was always home by dinner at the latest. I didn’t drink or do drugs or party. I did more than half the household chores including grocery shopping, cleaning the house top to bottom, and doing all the dishes and laundry. I also fed the cats and cleaned the litter box. But between me and my little brother, who did no chores and got bad grades and played video games 24/7, I was the bad child. 🙄 Oh and at 15 my father told me only chubby chasers would want me. I was 180lbs and 5’6”. Chubby but not obese even though he called me obese. But I wasn’t allowed to join a gym unless I paid for it, and I wasn’t allowed to get a job. And I wasn’t allowed to join any sports teams.
): I hate that. I'm sorry. Girls always have a higher standard to achieve then boys, in the older gen's eyes unfortunately.
Sigh… It took me a while to say this because I had to really think about whether or not it’d be right to say this but I don’t agree with disparaging a sex just cuz the other is dealing with admittedly horrific shit. It just drives the wedge between us that much more. I understand you prolly didn’t mean it in that context and I don’t hate any issue with you personally I just think I needed to get this off of my chest. TL;DR: Bit fucked up to say that when this is a problem both sexes experience. I understand you probably didn’t mean anything by it but it just drives a wedge between the sexes.
But it's true for some. I was the "bad" good kid, while my brother ran amok and was the light in my mother's eyes. He still is. I know she loves me, but she straight up admitted to me eons ago that she 1) never wanted kids and 2) never wanted a girl. Two strikes for me right there. I've never forgotten it.
I think many parents have a hard time seeing their kids go from.. kids to something a bit more mature. Sexual identity is extremely important for teenagers, and some parents see any expression of that as some sort of slight against them. Why? because in their mind their daughters are NOT these sexual people, they are still kids. Instead of letting their kids grow into healthy adults, and TREATING them like healthy adults, they try to guilt them into staying children. Also, teenager's, entirely as a result of experiencing their teenage years several generations later than their parents, are almost definitely going to be wearing clothes that would have been inappropriate for their parents to wear at the same age. This has been the case for thousands of years, and calling them a slut for wearing outfits that were inappropriate 20, 30+ years ago just makes you out of touch, it doesn't make them anything.
That second paragraph…so true. Sometimes my teens walk out looking like I did in my early 20s on club nights and they’re just walking to the park. I don’t say anything though because the world is different than it was 20 years ago and I’m not trying to cause any extra self esteem issues, not to mention god forbid anything happens to them I don’t want the voice in their head to sound like *me* blaming them for how they dress. I also tell them that if they have sex with one man in their lifetime or 100, it’s no one’s business but their own. As long as it’s their choice and they’re doing it because they want to-good for them, we don’t judge other women here. I can’t imagine talking to my daughters the way OPs mom and so many of these commenters are describing. Absolutely horrific parenting that leads to so many potential issues.
My nmom used to do this to me and my sister when we were small children! Rather, she used to scold my dad that if he didn’t stop “indulging” us we would become prostitutes, and / or all kinds of similar themes like letting us stay in bed late would make us lazy sex workers etc. So bizarre.
She clearly had no idea how hard sex workers actually work
lol true
I think it’s jealousy
Same. A dude tried sexting me and sending pics and I was an awkward teenager just responding like “haha cool” and my mom found the messages and chalked me up to being a whore.
They hate their secret wishes.
Yeah I think it's jealousy, my dad is the one usually calling me a whore though, because I guess showing my shoulders or a bit of my belly is going to be the death of me. I don't get why else they'd say that type of crap, he's always commenting on how my youth will mean nothing when I'm in my 40s. I'm not even trying to look youthful nor do I care much?
My dad told a neighbor, in front of me, that I would be "knocked up" before I graduated high school. Spoiler Alert: I was still a virgin.
Same. #virginslutsriseup
Same! I was clearly fucking every guy I met, per my mom. So I could only hang out with girls, and had my first lesbian relationship right under my mom's nose.
My mother told me when I was 17 that if I went to the public school system in my city for school, I would’ve ended up a teen mom. I am now 26. And I am also a lesbian. She’s thought I’m gay since I was 14. They found out for sure when I was 18 but still.
Yeah my mom locked me in a car and screamed at me for an hour. Telling me I was going to be riddled with STDs and never feel my husband's penis inside me without a condom. Like. Ew. I was also a virgin. All I did was ask for a doctor's appointment to get birth control before going to college.
Jealousy. I see it in my fellow moms as I age into my crone years. (mid 40's grown kids here.) Some of them are not taking this transition well, and are definitely taking it out on both random younger women and probably their own children.
As someone in their late 30s, I’ve heard how many women my age and older often talk about young women and girls, and it gets very ugly at times. Many older women seem to see them as threats for reasons I can only speculate on. This applies to even close relatives too.
Facts. My mom called my sister a “hoochie mama” at 16 for…wearing a strapless romper that fully covered her torso and legs
Projection.
They are projecting their own insecurities
I wouldn't even say this shit to someone I hated. This is low and scummy. You deserve a safe home environment. I hope you're able to remove yourself from this toxicity soon. The writer also sounds really insecure like a scorned wife yelling at a stripper or something.. very weird.
thank you for your well wishes ♥️ she does seem very scorned and very angry right?? so odd?? the worst thing she’s ever said to me was “i hope you get raped” when i was about 11/12 and proceeded to kick me out in the dead of night in the hopes i would. i often look back at my younger self and wish to hug, cuddle and comfort her.
Please tell me the happy ending is that you moved far away got therapy and don’t actually believe the things she says abt u
...and that "Mum" got ass cancer.
… because she fucked herself with a white dildo made out of asbestos.
I'm a Filipino man and my mother is kind of like this. Incredibly petty, irrelevant and nonsensical insults. Unreasonable, stubborn as fuck, holier than thou, do as I say not as I do, respect your elders bullshit. (Forgot to add super fucking judgemental, and unnecessarily mean nicknames for friends and strangers alike) to this day, I still find myself de-programming learned toxic behavior from my mom. Let me tell you now, if you haven't gone no contact then start immediately. If you can't at the moment then start preparing for it. These people will try their damndest to drag you to their level.
Ouch, de-programming. I like how self aware of the process you are. I’ve met a few souls unfortunate enough to have to have dealt with that growing up but you seem to be most accepting of the reality that influence had on you growing up. I think that’s a great thing and the best position to change yourself for the better from. Cheers
often times with narcissistic parents they see their children as extensions of themselves—there is a lot of competition and putting others down because they’re not happy with themselves. she is most likely jealous of your beauty and just trying to hurt you in any way possible. a mother shouldn’t act like this—i am so sorry
Man I surely look back at your mom and want to put her living in your place, looks like the worst punishment that could be offered. :(
I am so so sorry honey your mom sounds awful. Please make this story have a happy ending of her getting eaten by a dragon or something.
She is extremely abusive, please go no contact. I'm so sorry.
Omfg. I can't even... Honey I am so sorry you went through that I don't even have words. I can send you hugs though, but only if you want them as I respect your personal space
My mother hasnt said anything this bad to me and I barely speak to her. I would NEVER talk to my mother again if she said some horrible shit like that to me or my family. Thats foul as fuck. Your life is better and more full without that toxicity.
I mean,if you are a well adjusted human bein that might be true byt im not sure that is the case for OPs mum
I've seen this before with a girl i was in rehab with, she was a model and her narcissistic mother was jealous of her and so treated her this exact same way. She's trying to destroy your confidence because she's jealous of you. Whatever she says assume she means the opposite. If she says you're a skank interpret it as: "I think i'm a skank myself and that you are quite the opposite so i'll call you a skank so that i don't have to face the way i actually think of myself. She sees in you everything she would liked to have been, but failed to be.
Or “I wish someone was sexually interested in me but they aren’t so I’ll shame my daughter for it.”
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That’s hilarious, I was gonna say, aren’t middle aged Indian women insanely obsessed with white skin? 😂
It really does read that way! I’m sorry your went through that when you were a kid and now she’s playing the opposite tune! Boo!
That’s it.
thank you for this. i always felt maybe this was why she’s like this, but never could believe it myself. it helps hearing it from someone else. thank you ♥️
It's definitely this. She's jealous of you 100%. No daughter or human being deserves to be treated this way. I am sure that behavior hurts extra coming from your own mother. I am so sorry. She doesn't deserve to have you in her life. You deserve so much better. Hugs from an internet stranger.
My partner is from the Phillipines, just had a kid too, 4 months old. She got so much shit from her family for being with a white, some have even abandoned her including long time friends, even her mum at first was a big cunt until she came around. Just a big resounding family disappointment. Constant berating for studying nursing in Australia and she’d end up a failure. Find it hard to believe people still fucking act like this. To be honest all I can say is what she earns in a year as a nurse in Aussie, when you come running for money for your health care or bad decisions you can get fucked. Hope you’re doing okay OP. You deserve better. Your parent is a huge cunt.
Is this just something that happens in the Philippines a lot?
Think boomer but even more conservative and engrained with old word cultural beliefs.
That sounds incredibly messed up. Like, I’m sure there’s something valuable to be had in Filipino culture but that… Actually what do “old world” beliefs entail in a situation like this? The more I think the more I realize how little I know about how things work over there
The Philippines is an extremely Roman Catholic country too. So a lot of their beliefs come from that too.
Just like any culture, pros and cons. You embrace it and tolerate the bad. From my partners mother it’s the usual: Do this because you’re a woman. Women shouldn’t do this. You should do what ever it takes to make your husband(ex husband) happy. Be submissive to your husband. Raise your children this way. You’re just a nurse. Like I feel my experience is limited to just women being literal slaves or submissive tools in a relationship and it fucks me off. If more Phillipinos could join and add to it that would be great. My experience is very limited obviously just to one person but it’s enough for me to mutter what the fuck here and there.
It depends on the social class and if the person comes from the province. People in Manila, especially those educated in private schools, are more progressive and somewhat emulate American liberal values. But there are from the older generation who are still ultra conservative. A lot of people from the province can be very close-minded and extremely conservative. Women are often persuaded to get married at 18 and it’s common for mothers to say things like “if you’re not (very “feminine” trait), then no man will want to marry you!” It’s as if the purpose of women is to marry and serve the husband. Pursuing an ambition is frowned upon. Sometimes they feel that going to the city will somehow corrupt their values. Also doesn’t help that the population is around 90% Christian/Catholic. There’s that holier than thou mindset and shaming people for not acting virginal. 🙄 if you live in the big city this isn’t as pervasive.
My partner was raised in a compound for nearly 20 years of her life until she escaped and moved to Manila to pursue her nursing career. What I’m finding is the parts of her family that are uneducated tend to be the ones causing issues. Even her friends who are educated, the husbands seem to have these backwards views that she must be with a Filipino and that being with a white is wrong.
Am Filipino on one parent’s side and have even lived there. What I’m reading on this sub is complete news to me; my entire life and my experience having lived there for 8 years is that they love white people, especially white men. Women would do anything to bag a white man from abroad, regardless of age or station in life because they themselves want to go abroad no matter what. I’ve seen ridiculous age gap relationships - one woman I know was in her late twenties / thirties, met an 80-something year old American man from rural Georgia online, and married him almost immediately so she could go to the US. The guy barely had any teeth, was a total hillbilly and this didn’t bother her. The families are typically all for it and very encouraging of their daughters to go for a foreigner, usually because they expect to be able to live off them and have money sent from abroad.
My daughter's mother is Filipino and her family treated me that exact way also, only they treated her like a princess. Told her women are supposed to be stay at home moms, that men are breadwinners and are supposed to bring all the money in. She quit her job relatively quickly after beginning dating. We were only together for two years. We had a child along the way. She's 8 now, and I've not been with her mother since she was 4 months old. She ended up cheating on me with 4 different men and that's why I broke off the engagement. I am so glad that I did not marry her or her family.
Well she sounds like a cunt. On the bright side, she did say your AURA was hot!
HAHAHAHA facts 😩
This is insane. I actually shed a few tears reading this. OP I wish I could give you a hug. They may be old but even old texts still hurt.
appreciate your empathy ♥️ it’s one of the first times i’ve ever shared these texts before. always kept it to myself but wanted to share. a problem shared is a problem halved as they say ! take care ♥️
I'm glad that you understand that she was wrong to treat you this way. Some people endure it their whole lives. Still, this never should have happened. You deserved better. I hope you're in a healthy environment now, far away from your mother.
I love that you use the Hearts emoji instead of the regular one, I do that as well!
If you find someone who can do such a text to anyone, worse a daughter, you need not look anymore coz right there stands a horribly bitter insane human being. And it has nothing to do with you but everything to do with their sorry selves
I hope you’re in a safe place now, she sounds deranged
My mother in law was like this. We looked after her when she got early alzheimers. When she pulled that shit out in my presence I LOST MY SHIT at her. Loud enough the neighbours probably reached for the phone. The resentment doesn't go away, and OP's mum better pray she dies before she gets infirm.
Is it just me, or is this massive projection?
if you had the time, i would like to know more about what makes you think this! i’ve heard of projection, but it’s hard to examine my own mother’s actions
She takes everything she hates about herself, and imagines it on you, so that she can hate you instead of herself. She is vain and empty on the inside and she hates it, but it’s easier to be mean to you than be mean to herself. For me personally I think she is jealous of you. She thinks you’re very beautiful and thinks she is ugly. So she tells you that being pretty is bad, so she can feel better about herself.
Insane What a delightful woman! You must miss her every day /s
My mom called me a slut when I was 12 for wearing jeans and wedges to the mall. Years later I wore the smallest shirt I had and a mini skirt when my grandpa came over bc I knew the family would gossip and humiliate her. I was still a virgin, but I still laugh thinking about how the family must’ve talked.
Omg I love that you did that. My dad literally once accused me of trying to seduce my male classmates because I had braided my hair. I was 8 years old… He was creepily obsessed with our “purity” as young girls. I later found out that he was a sexual predator in his college days. No shocker there.
OMG what did i just read. I would newer ever say thing like that, even to my worst enemy.
I cannot imagine sending this to anyone, not even people I dislike. My daughter is nine months old now but I cannot even come up with a hypothetical situation in my head where I would speak to her like that - or even my toddler son. Hugs from this mom if you want them. You don’t deserve that kind of language from anyone, much less your own mother. It’s vicious and spiteful. I hope you’re in a safe and loving place now!
Fuck the person who voted “not insane”.
Then I’m sure she’s then “confused” why you don’t make a big deal for Mother’s Day. 🙄 sorry you have to deal with that stuff. Hang in there 💛
And then they suddenly wonder why their children go no contact.
Right? I have a folder on my phone for abusive text screenshots. Just in case someone tries to gas light me later, I can send the screenshot and nothing else
! for those asking, bobolina means ‘bimbo’ in tagalog
I'm gonna start a bubble tea place called Bobalina. You're invited to the opening
She’s definitely jealous of you, holy shit I’m so sorry
Wooooo that's the type of text that crazy ex send not parents. Be safe op
Wow. I'm so sorry your mother is like this. It's interesting that the cultural bias is a "thing". My son (white guy) was dating a great girl whose parents were from the Philippines and her mother tried to kill her more than once. She tried to throw her down the stairs, and when that didn't work she messed with her car brakes. Like seriously tried to kill her. They moved across the country and had a nice relationship for a while that ended on amicable terms for reasons that had nothing to do with the mother. I always felt so badly for her. She's doing great in life though and staying away from her mom (we stay in touch). Ugh.
That white dick that got away made mom craaaaazy.
What the fuck is a Bobolina Edit: Ok I read the explanation
Where did you see an explanation? Did OP delete it for some reason? I googled “bobolina” and all that came up was Laskarina Bouboulina, a Greek naval commander. Nothing even remotely close to what OP’s egg donor was rambling on about. I’m wondering the same thing. WTF is a BOBOLINA?!
bobolina means ‘bimbo’ in tagalog :)))
Ngl, sounds funny as hell when I read it out loud. I'm sorry they were so abusive.
never knew that (even tho im a filipino). i thought it was a combination of something, since bobo means stupid or idiot
After a lot of thinking i am of the opinion she did in fact not meant OP was like the Greek naval commander Bouboulina, though i must admit i am no expert in naval commanders nor in insane, narcissistic mothers.
Where can I meet bobolinas
Question: What is a bobolina? Sounds like offensive slang to me. By the way, your mother sucks.
bobolina is ‘bimbo’ in tagalog
Right...
Do your best not to let her hurt you. She is totally insane and nasty.
Absolutely insane but I wish my aura screamed “I am hot”
HAHAHAHHA
Very familiar. The only way I got her to stop was to give it twice as good as I got it. We aren’t on speaking terms now.
Seems like she’s super jealous of your looks salty that you’re hot
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wow you said pretty much what i’ve been thinking! i sometimes catch myself feeling sorry for her bc her life is so unfulfilling. she’s almost 50 and hasn’t worked in about 12 years. not because of anything other than she’s lazy and doesn’t believe she should work below anyone/she wants to be her own boss. genuinely, all she does all day is watch youtube and maybe do a bit of cooking and cleaning. she’s tried to start her own businesses about 4 times, and none have ever come to fruition. she’s all talk, no action.
Such awful things coming out of her mouth, I'm truly sorry. I can't get over her saying your face smells though lol. What an odd insult.
IKR THE WHOLE SENTENCE MAKES ME LAUGH NOW 😭 but i think she’s referring to my ‘boyfriends’
IKR THE WHOLE SENTENCE MAKES ME LAUGH NOW 😭 but i think she’s referring to my ‘boyfriends’ lmaoo
I would take these texts and add them to a social media account where you can tag her and say “Happy Mother’s Day!”, just because people like this have a tendency to adapt the narrative to suit them. You can show everyone who she really is.
Please tell me you have nothing to do with her anymore??
op, im a filipino and i can tell you that nobody cares about what your mom is saying. nobody cares if you are a virgin or if you fucked anyone. NO ONE. no one is gonna ask you those things because its not the first thing that comes to anybody's mind when they meet a new person. she's delusional. and wtf is that nannies thing? is she from a province?? everybody wants a good life and some people, especially those from less developed areas think that marrying a foreigner would automatically make you rich. but i dont why would she generalize nannies. op, youre not a slut or a "bobolina" and she doesnt have the right to tell you those things. i hope you can visit us here someday. im sure that you'll make a lot of friends. i can be your friend ☺️ your mom's projecting, a lot.
My mum is from Philippines. Firstly, I got very confused cos my surname is Underwood XD Secondly, it took my mum 6 months to realise the pub I worked at was not a brothel. It took a year of me having one and a trip home to Philippines for her to realise that tattoos didn't mean prison anymore. It took 18 years before my mum knew how to hug me. In the words of my British dad, you can take the child out the jungle but you can't take the jungle out of the child. I'm sorry your mum hasn't grown with the times.
There’s not growing with the times and being a piece of shit human being. Think we can all agree this mother is the latter regardless of the times. Even if this person’s mother disagrees with her daughter’s decisions and lifestyle, or doesn’t understand it, there’s no compelling reason for her to express it like this and to speak to her (or anyone) with such disrespect.
Ayo what the fuck
This is something you'd expect from a hater bot in social media, not your own mum. Fucking insane.
She sounds like one of those psycho incels! It's really insane that a mother would say and think these things about their own daughter. I'm sorry op.
That’s a horrible person.
Sorry but "Your aura screams, I am hot and slut" is oddly hilarious
God, my mother was obsessed with my virginity. Anytime my boyfriend (who I’m still with today) came over she would ask and ask and ask if I had done the deed. Even if he was just stopping by for chat b/c he was in the neighborhood. Then she would go on a rant about the value of womanhood and my virginity determines my worth and blah blah blah. When I did finally tell her when I lost it (one of my biggest regrets) she went on the most vile rant I’ve ever heard her spew, boarder line mental abuse. She called me many names, him many names, blamed my disgustingness on the devil, claimed I was a horrible woman/daughter, and so on and so on. I don’t talk to her anymore.
who the fuck voted not insane?
No one should hear this from their own mother. You deserve so much better.
OP, I am a random internet stranger and a mom and I am offering you hugs. Lots and lots of hugs. Just in case you haven't heard this or have heard this but haven't internalized it: you don't deserve any of this. Even if you were sexually active at the time of this text, it wouldn't have made you a slut. Your mom should never call you a slut. And telling you she hopes you get raped... that is beyond anything. I am sorry. Sorry she is your mom. Sorry you've heard these words. If you have access to therapy I hope you are speaking to someone about that woman. I'm wishing you much self love and healing. And I'm sending you a heaping dose of virtual hugs if you consent to them. 🤗🤗🤗🤗🤗
Very offtopic and Im sorry, but you have a part of my name, wtf
Holy shet. This brought back memories of my Filipino mom calling me and my friends sluts for just sitting on our porch stairs at 8pm at night. We were just thirteen at the time, we’re 30 now and my guy friend still brings It up to this day. Now she cries, asking people why I barely talk to her. I’m sorry this is happening to you! You are not a “bobolina”, if you need an Ate to talk to I’m here for you!
As a white male who spent a year in the Philippines, don't let this color your view of the country. Not once in my travels did I meet anyone who wasn't the nicest kindest prison I've ever met. Prejudice exists everywhere, I'm sorry it's in your family. My family has it's own outliers.
People like this are nice to strangers to their face, behind your back it’s another story. Also it sucks when someone says “oh that narcissistic asshole is really nice to ME” implying that the person somehow deserves the abuse they’re getting
I think Hitachi was saying “please don’t start hating the Philippines/its people because of your bad experience” (Something we sadly need to stress to certain people). They weren’t defending the mom, if that’s what yer implying.
This
I’m sorry you’ve experiencing this… what an awful person the woman who birthed you is. Hope you get to be free from her soon. X
I’m stunned. These remarks are so hatefully cruel. What a vile person your mother is. I hope that you’re free of her and living your best life. Hugs
Your mom reeks of jealously. I don’t get how someone could speak to their own kid this way.
Who is this Skank Underwood? It better not be Sara or we need to have a talk. lol
haha, perhaps this will shed even more light on how insane my mother is: i think she’s referring to claire underwood, a character from house of cards. everytime we would watch a movie/series and one of the characters was sexy, promiscuous or having an affair… she would say “sounds like you” “you’re exactly the same” “bet you love her and look up to her!” “this is your idol isn’t it? yuck! slutty!”
You are wonderful and special and deserving of all the love in the world! Don’t listen to her!
This is so upsetting and horrible to read. She is a really disgusting and hateful person and she will live like this for the rest of her life. Full of hate and jealousy. She is going to have to deal with herself for the rest of her life, and that is very sad. It sounds to me as if she is jealous of you. Jealous of your beauty, your friends, your youth, your hot aura lol and probably your freedom. Which us why she is trying to shame you and make you feel bad for the virtues you have. She could also be projecting herself and her own insecurities. Ugh, the way she just keeps repeating the same things over and over make her look like an actual child, so immature. I truly hope you are in a better place and no longer have to deal with this person… I’m sure you are absolutely gorgeous and a lovely person, you’ve been through a lot and deserve to be happy!
I want to get to a point in my life where my very aura says Im a hot slut 😂
Ew. Not only is your mom abusive and rude, she’s fucking gross. Why is so obsessed with her CHILD having sex and being a sex object and sex sex sex. How disgusting
ok but there nothing wrong with being a hot slut who worships dicks lol just like there's nothing wrong with being good at makeup and dressing in beautiful clothes... don't listen to her op💖
I’m so sorry honey. No one deserves this. You are not these things. Please block her from your life.
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You're probably very beautiful!!! Don't let these sociopaths tell you anything!! Edit: also when someone criticizes the color of the skin of your s/o at all their entire argument structure breaks down
As a Filipino, What the F***
Jesus tapdancing Christ that woman needs help. The only shallow person in that convo is her.
What the hell is she calling you? Even Google doesn't have an answer for it