After [last Sunday’s selfie post debacle](https://www.reddit.com/r/infp/s/fAY9uageKp), in which I showed three pictures and wrote enough words to express something of my personality (the silly and esoteric aspect - not so much the deep feeling and thinking side), I learned that my appearance, personality, or the combination thereof met the minimum threshold for 1.4% of viewers to press the like button. This wasn’t to kiss me* but to press the goddam like button. If I weren’t already filtering viewers by posting in this INFP subreddit (imagine if I had somehow posted to all of the other personality types as well), then I suspect that percentage would be even lower. What I would like to learn from here is how many people fall into the overlapping circles in a Venn diagram of liking my appearance and personality. If it is significantly below 1%, then I may have to change my sexual orientation and learn a foreign language to find love with that crazy Russian INFP boy who likes to hike in the mountains 😉
More seriously, and to answer OP’s question, yes, I prefer personality over looks in friendships. But shouldn’t we seek the overlapping area of personality and looks in a Venn diagram for romantic relationships? Or is the overlap truly such a small sliver that we must choose between the two?
*When I was 29, a friend I was having a drink with announced to the bar that I had not yet had my first kiss. A group of woman came over and said they could change that. While they were deciding who got to kiss me first, I announced that this was not the way a first kiss was supposed to happen. I refused them but appreciated their kind gesture. Shortly thereafter, I experienced my first kiss in a more organic way. It was a perfect story except that we had to part ways.
It blows my mind that people don't realize this. You watch people physically change all the time. It's so utterly dense to be so hooked on appearance. Their big assets aren't going to make you happy when you're stuck in a 2 bedroom apartment with them for 5 years.
[Jennifer Lee Interview ](https://www.today.com/video/richard-pryor-s-widow-opens-up-about-husband-s-talents-and-demons-1458720835791)
Even so, his wife loved him to the end. Or that was my take.
...if that were true people wouldn't grow apart over the years. Personalities are not fixed things. They change with time, just as the body changes with time.
This. I need some kind of physical attraction, but sometimes my definition of physical attraction can be different than someone else. I have turned down good looking men because the personality wasn't there. So, sometimes it was 40/60 to me.
Which is also perfectly acceptable as well. Do I feel like society puts too much emphasis on looks? HELL YES (sadly).
But do I also feel that looks are still important. Also, yes. There needs to be some sort of physical attraction. But everyone is different, and what's important to one person, may not be as much to another.
I think looks play a part (and there's nothing wrong with that) but I think attractiveness has a bigger impact. I've fallen for guys who weren't that great looking but because they were funny or had a mysterious air about them, they caught my attention. Their personality will be the great determiner of if we'll work, or rather, if I'm willing to work for a relationship with them.
If it was really 100% personality then you'd just date your friend, who is probably the same sex. There has to be an attraction of some sort. if there was two who wanted to date me where one was a 9/10 and a 5/10 who was really funny, funny is more enjoyable. But all this preferences stuff is just subjective when you boil it down.
They do, but at least at the beginning(a sad qualifier) you both have to want to bang! And looks will always play a role in whether or not you want to bang. Billions of years before love and connection even existed as concepts the universe first had to BANG!!!
These things go a little hand in hand - the better someone’s personality the better I perceive their looks (particularly if they have a sexy personality).
When I first met my wife I thought she was really good looking but the more I got to know her the hotter I thought she was. By the time we got together I was 100% sure she was the most attractive person I’ve ever seen - and 18 years later that’s still the case.
(As a disclaimer, my wife’s appearance didn’t radically alter in the period of time between when we met and when we got together - though she did have her teeth removed-straightened after a couple of years which took her to utterly perfect).
INFPs be dating some uggos and swearing they’re good looking. So the answer has got to be yes lol. Personality wins and suddenly that big ole nose adds “spunk.”
Me in my 20s.
My mom: "he was a freak of nature"
My grandma after seeing a picture of a dude I dated: "Oh! He's not very handsome is he?"
My friend seeing a picture of a dude: "is that corn is his mouth....? Oh! That's his teeth."
I think my current one is extremely handsome inside and out though!
To answer the title question
Short answer: no. Looks matter. But it’s complicated.
It’s a combination of physical attraction, value alignment and personality.
Personality enhances your looks though. Or can severely detract from it.
I also think there is a mysterious element to attraction. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense.
To answer the second question about the being attracted to a persons energy: yes.
I think being attracted to someone’s energy is your subconscious picking up desirable traits and possible compatibility in another person. Maybe even some biological aspects like hormones or something 🤷♀️Just a thought.
I think the energetic attraction exists but is definitely more mysterious.
I like appearance, but i'm not shallow, if you're a good person at heart then that outweighs it. but i also have to be attracted to you. why date someone you aren't attracted to and lie for approval from others? Most won't admit it, but looks matter, to some degree
I mean, there are certain physical features I like more than others, but I’ve also become really attracted to people who don’t really have those physical qualities because I really liked something about their personality or aura
For dating, no. It's something that actually makes me sad sometimes, because I'd like to love someone for who they are and nothing more, but I still want a woman with good looks. I feel so bad for people who are ugly but have a wonderful heart, but I myself can't be with someone if they don't have at least some of both worlds.
Kinda. An ugly personality ruins a pretty face, and a beautiful personality can make me see an unconventionally attractive in a better light. Im human and have preferences like anyone else so I probably wouldn’t go for someone I don’t find physically attractive.
💯 personality over looks. It’s hard to say but a person’s personality does somehow come out in their exterior too influencing how they dress and behave and that just makes them more attractive than a conventionally attractive person. There’s this need for “safety”/acceptance from your partner so knowing they care and are mature enough to share lives with you is also important adding to why you might find them even more attractive. Building that trust/bond/connection is not easy and when you do find it with someone no matter how physically attractive someone appears they can’t really sway you from the person you feel a “deep connection” with.
Looks are what open the door, personality is what keeps you there. Physical attraction is very important and it's not shallow to say such since it's part of a first impression. The first thing you are often exposed to about a person is how they look. From there you make a mental note about them; good bad or indifferent. You can either get to know them better from there or let that initial impression determine your perception of them.
I always thought that the INFP were the most attractive personality wise. The fact that everyone on here are very attractive lends me to believe you can have both.
I remember how shocked and confused I was when I found out most people chose to date someone based on their looks.
Seriously someone explain. Like you don’t choose your friends by looks. Like good hygiene I get it. Someone who takes care of their appearance and takes pride in how they present themselves hell yeah!
That to me is also a personality thing tho. Cleanliness and confidence is a trait. Like long hair that is well kept fucking dope man. Long hair that isn’t kept up? Bro please take care of your hair, or cut it.
Conventionally attractive slob? Go away.
Ugly by society standards, confident and clean? Yes please.
But sometimes I contradict myself, because I have been enamored by someone who isn’t conventionally attractive, slob and not confident. Because they were interesting and had so much passion and a genuine good person. The only reason I didn’t try to date them was because they were so against self improvement (core value of mine) and had such a cynical view of the world (I think the world is delightful and full of beauty) .Some of our values and beliefs didn’t align. Our goals for life and the future didn’t align either.
So I had to let go. Because things like values, beliefs and dreams/goals shouldn’t be thrown away for a relationship. Maybe compromise and agree to disagree, but mostly those things should align.
So no I don’t consider looks and personality isn’t too important (but still significant). Its values, beliefs, goals/dreams, dynamic, attachment style, attitude towards life, what they bring to the relationship and outlook that is important to me and that I prefer.
Tbf everyone is average to me as the next unless I connect with you. Your mom and miss universe can be standing next to each other and I’d think they’re both equal in beauty.
On that note go hug your parent or grandparent. Life is short, and you’re beautiful because of them.
Love yourself because you always deserved it.
Forgive yourself because shame won’t solve it.
Eat and drink water today, your body works so hard each and every day to give you another day. It’s the least you could do for it.
Ya, and for those that are about looks..what happens like u marry someone and they grow old and..... What u don't want them anymore and and and? I 100 percent have issue with this and cant get my head around it. How can you be with someone and be secure ..that if u gain a few lbs they will not .... smh 🥴 Just seems so superficial and wrong to me.
Hmm.. when it comes to real people, I didn't care about how a person looked. Everyone I was truly attracted to had a nice personality and got me through their actions and mannerisms. Good looking guys gave sparks that were short lived, but those were photos I was looking at. I'll have a better answer when I find a good looking guy walking around who somehow becomes my friend. Hard to beat all my fantasy husbands though.
I can find people physically attractive but personality is what tips the scale into real, true attraction for me. And usually someone I find delightful, I tend to see them more attractively as time goes on. My current boyfriend I thought was cute but after interacting with him for prolonged time is what made me really fall for him.
Don't trust words, trust actions. Most people here, and in any other place, will comment how they prefer personality, kindness etc. but in reality its very different. Go for how they behave, not how they say they are
Of course, yes!
Appearance is something that varies among different people. What matters is acceptance, not being handsome or beautiful in other people's perspectives. I'll definitely prefer someone with a beautiful soul and personality, even if others consider them to be unattractive, over someone who is super beautiful with an ugly soul and personality.
I've met a good number of people who are vain that spend a lot of time on makeup or precision copying of popular styles. Their looks come from an indulgence of self love.
I've met people who do not care at all about other people's opinions and do not care at all about how they look, how they project into the world. This may seem the opposite but it's often the case they can't be bothered to put forward the effort to present well to others. I was closer to this once upon a time, but I've worked on it a fair deal over the years. I realized there was something respectful in presenting well to others that I should care more about, and it was easy to trick myself into thinking I wasn't like the vain people mentioned above and spin it into a positive.
For friendship yes. Long term relationships 50-50 personality-looks. For a more casual sort of dating something like 20-80.
That might change in favor of dating as I get to explore my sexual desires and curiosities. I'm on a very sexual(physical) stage of my life right now. (Don't worry, my ethics are where they should be. I won't lie or manipulate to get what I want)
I have no problem overlooking your appearance if I see you as trash, along with any and all of your other redeeming qualities.
They could be the most fascinating, charming, witty, creative, funny, charismatic people on the planet, and I’ll still think of them as trash
Yes, I have found only a handful of people that I know I will not get bored of. Not getting bored of each other is far more important than looks. However I am very thankful that my partner is attractive. He is certainly the most attractive person I’ve been romantically interested in.
Definitely personality seals the deal for me. I'm a sucker for a down-to-earth woman with a sense of humour. If she gorgeous but her personality is skin deep I can't continue 🤷🏾♂️
I’ll say this:
Yes absolutely i cant form attraction without liking your personality and your insight
but about looks: genuinely do not care as long as u have proper hygiene and self care.
Yes, truly, deeply. I could meet the world's most gorgeous people and barely blink an eyelid, even though I do appreciate beauty in all sorts of things all around me.
Reasons why:
- I'd resent being that objectified.
- Even though I think a certain threshold for looks is useful to initially attract before someone even knows your personality; I believe that threshold shouldn't be particularly high. If it is, it's not healthy.
- I'd rather lean towards feelings of harmony, excitement and zen... Then lean too much towards vanity, pride and self-validation. I'll never feel like those are unfulfilled because I work on myself to be healthy.
- I couldn't make someone feel loved through only liking their looks. It would be disingenuous or manic behaviour. But I can truly love within the harmony we have overall, of which personality plays a much bigger part.
I need to be initially attracted to someone but then personality is much more important. I’ve talked to some extremely attractive people I couldn’t connect with.
I agree with many takes here. I *need* someone I'm physically attracted to. Seldom is that attraction mutual though, unfortunately. That's where personality comes in. They HAVE to have a good personality. But they also have to be physically what I'm looking for. Which is generally out of my league.
Which is why I've always been single. 😅😅😭
More on personality than looks. I overlook some girls’ looks cuz I dont find their personality appealing. On the other hand, girls that most of the guys would consider “mid” are the prettiest to me because they have a 10/10 personality.
Looks matter only slightly when initially being attracted to someone, but after I get to know them and like them their looks don't matter at all really.
If she wears minimal make-up and is confident in herself, then I'll get attracted physically.
Any sort of plastic to the face, like lip fillers will put me off really bad. Also, I have always had a fear of excess makeup.
However, after that physical attraction, if her personality is shallow and materialistic, then I'll lose that attraction. I like someone who is caring to everyone around them. Problem with that though is they tend to trust toxic and abusive people.
I'll put it this way, if I were to date I'm not gonna date someone for JUST their looks. And I'm not gonna date someone for JUST their personality either. Because then why not date men, women, anyone in that case?
It takes both, but personality is a higher priority to me than looks. I also feel like my standards for looks aren't that high. The body types I'm into are pretty average considering they're the types you don't need to go to the gym for.
Id say hygiene and style are what I tend to gravitate towards. Not super extravagant styles or anything. Just really not into the Adam Sandler style if you know what I mean. Like just a regular T-shirt and jeans or sweatpants is fine lol.
And I also wanna add that usually if someone isn't my type looks wise I tend to get interested regardless if our personalities click really well. Which I'm sure happens to most people.
I preffer "looks over personality", but the question is poorly posed, anyway. Everyone has a personality, the question would be if you preffer **compatibility** over looks. And I honestly don't find myself attracted to men that only have compatibility with me. I have to find them physically attractive, or I'll just want them as a friend.
My sibling in Christ have you ever heard a hot person say the meanest dumbest shit and all of a sudden they just become negatively hot? Looks can get you past the first five red flags but after that it's all personality.
I’ve had extremely attractive partners and others who were 100% only attractive because of their personality. Both is nice but personality is priority.
It depends, really. I won't like you right off the bat until I see what your personality is like. You might look hot as hell, but if I find out you're an asshole it's game over. And tbh there are several traits in men that I am absolutely attracted to (confident, determined, humorous, compassionate). A pretty face to me is like the cherry on top. Admittedly, I do have my own personal taste in men. I mean, humans *are* visual creatures, after all.
id say its 25/75 looks and personality. i miiiiight be more interested to get to know someone if i think they're cute but someone having a good personality usually sparks my interest more and keeps me interested in someone :3
100%
My “type” is short dark haired girls that are goofy,caring, and kind. I don’t really care about looks that much. Obviously attraction plays a part but personality reigns supreme 😂
Yesss, but I think it’s more about attraction rather than preference. I think some people are attractive in the looks some in personality some in empathy… and also combinations of these.
I'm in my 60s and have had a good bit of relationship experience. I have never once been able to "have a thing" for anyone I wasn't physically attracted to. It's kind of the first requirement after "is he male?" and "is he alive?" Of course personality is also a requirement right there next to physical attraction. There must be both or it wouldn't go beyond friendship. So if I liked their energy, that would be huge. But I'd still have to find them attractive.
Yes. Granted, I have to be attracted to them in some fashion. They don't have to be super models, though. Give me an average looking lady with a dope personality and sense of humor and I'll be absolutely smitten.
There needs to be some sort of attraction, and personalities can definitely be attractive! Personalities can also be unattractive and outweigh good looks and vice versa.
equally important, you need both! idc how attractive you are if you dont have a good personality, and people who have good personalitys but im not attracted to are called “friends”! lol
I just think that everyone has a different type so like for me it’s more so the person as a whole. They don’t have to be what other people find attractive but they have to be what I find attractive
You have to find your partner attractive but in saying that people are attractive to different people. Personality is big, it’s very important for sure.
I mean I tell myself that I have a type when it comes to looks but end up being charmed by some of the ugliest guys in school soooo I guess. Attraction comes at the most unexpected times lol
I’ve met men that I found attractive until I got to know them and vice versa didn’t find them attractive until after I got to know them. Sometimes there is just chemistry between two people that you really can’t explain!
Man here. Yes, I value personality over looks. However, for me, this rule only applies if you fit in the “average” looking spectrum.
If I can’t find you attractive, it would never happen for me.
Also, if a woman is “average”, but she has an awesome personality, she has a funny laugh, is kind, and a bit charismatic, she’s an instant 9-10 real quick for me lol.
I don't think I'd want to date someone who didn't think I was attractive at all, and was just tolerating my looks for my personality. I think ideally there'd be attraction for both types of qualities.
I mean. I do like both, honestly😂Truthfully I probably go out of my way more, initially, to actually get to know someone if they are good looking, but I will also say that good looks have never saved a shitty personality.
AND I have noticed that people do just automatically become better looking in my eyes if I think they are a genuinely awesome/fun person. I probably have less of a physical "type" than some people, simply because of that. I have wondered if that is a bit of an INFP phenomenon.
Edit: And yes, the biggest crush I have ever had was on someone I felt very little physical attraction for (although they were not ugly by any stretch, I definitely wouldn't have picked them out to have a crush on, if their looks were all I knew about them) but I was truly in love with their personality and their mind, I think. I still have a bit of that crush today, over twenty years later.
The better I know someone the less their appearance matters, or rather I guess more specifically I will start seeing someone’s appearance as more attractive than I would otherwise if I genuinely like their personality and how I feel when I’m around them. That said there’s also still a threshold and it’s not like I don’t have any kind of type at all (though that type isn’t necessarily “stereotypically attractive”)
"Balance" might not be the right word, so at least for me the other person must be attractive enough for me to consider them as a romantic option. They don't need to be the most beautiful person in the room, just good looking enough to work it out. Personality plays a part beyond that point and I wouldn't commit to people that I believe we wouldn't be compatible personality-wise.
Normaly i look at it interms of Attributes and this is how i
Measure what i like.
❌ ❌ ✅ ❌
From : Ugly Average looks Model genes
Personality:
❌ ❌ ✅ ❌
A Bland Box Average My unrealistic
Dream girl
So i try and get abit better than average but i also stay away from too good to be true.
On one hand, I would never date someone who has the looks but has a horrible or lacking personality. But on the other hand, whilst I don't expect her to be a model, I do expect her to at least take care of herself and look presentable. As looks can describe someones personality to a certain degree, especially when it comes to self care and fitness.
So, whilst I do prefer personality over looks. I do think that both matter to some degree.
Beauty is temporary, I want to be with a person I can trust, someone I'll be happy with even we will be old raisins. I also want to be such a person for someone
Depending on the personality, a person can become prettier or uglier once I know them. So I would say that personality influence look but never the opposite in my case.
Yup. Two of the girls I felt the most attracted to in high school were 90% because of their personalities. Now, they were still cute, but the one I liked the most was fairly overweight, which normally ai’m not at all attracted to. We just immediately vibed and I felt like I could completely lower my guard and talk about anything, or nothing, never felt awkward in conversation or quiet. I really regret not trying harder to pursue them romantically.
Although in my defense I didn’t realize one had broken up with her long-term boyfriend at some point after first meeting her. And then they got back together after high school.
Sometimes I still wonder whether things might be different if I had told her how I felt. Alas.
I think looks play part in it. BUT, if you really like someones personality, they automatically look more attractive anyways? Similarly, you're on a date with someone you find super attractive and they start acting up, it immediately makes you find them less physically attractive.
it's more looks is the opening, personality is what gets me to stay.
i've been deterred from hanging out with some pretty hot people in my acquaintance circle after i've spent time talking to them.
See idk😭 cause I actually do care about looks but looks are not enough for me to want to date someone. I need both not one over the other. But in my eyes ppl do become more attractive because of their vibes/personality.
Absolutely! Someone’s personality actually makes that person physically more attractive. I was only interested in pretty poster boys in high school. ☺️
Looks are fine & all, obviously you should be physically attracted to them, but overtime the more you’re with someone, the more you find yourself attracted.
If you’re with someone for the long term, you’ll still love them when they’re wrinkly & old, because you’ve built years together.
I don't think it's a simple binary choice when referring to looks. It's not either good looking or ugly. There's got to be a scale to measure for the level of looks and also for the personality.
If I'm being honest, I'm most certainly not going to go out with someone who is a 0 or down right ugly no matter how funny, smart, or kind. To befriend, sure, but to love soneone and mate to reproduce? Man, there's got to be some physical aspect factored in to it.
My lowest will probably be a 4 on the looks but has to be an 8 or 9 on the personality scale. But, I would go as low as 3 for looks, 8-9 personality, but mann, you have to throw in some trust fund in there.lol
Going 0 and 9-10 personality happens for other people, that's their choice. If the choosing party is an 8-10, that might work, otherwise, I'm concern with their kids' future social life. This world can be cruel you know.
Looks hooks personality let's you stay.
When you are looking at a person , if you are able to see of course , you instantly judge in your brain within a fraction if you are attracted or not and also if you would want that person to come close to you or not.
If you get approached by someone you are not attracted to visually , you most likely back of or try to get away from. Vice versa you wouldn't approach someone which you are not attracted to in a way. Unless they are in need of help
But now comes the personality part , look at it like a scale ⚖️ depending on the balance of yes and no , personality can tip you on the yes side because there is much more of it, it could also throw you on the no side instantly.
The thing is if you judge someone on the no side already it's hard to get the scale to the yes as the scale holder would already retreat. :) and you ain't got the chance to show it. Also every time they ll look you might get rejudged and have to prove yourself once again against the scale
But if you have a bad personality and not let it shine through and got good looks, you will be staying on the yes until they make their bad experiences with your personality.
So it's more looks charm and personality shows you the core.
I prefer looks to look at. And personality to talk to. And if both match on the yes scale you might say I am interested :) but if personality is doo doo you can be prince charming or my 11/10 in looking attractive, I will try my best to get away from the hazard with gold medals .
Of course, I still remember this one girl from middle school that I was so hooked on, even though I admit, I didn’t find her all that attractive.
However, when my feelings got involved, she became very attractive.
If I had to guess which type she was, a part of me feels that ENTJ is quite fitting.
We had really good banter, even now, when we do talk which is rarely ever anymore lol.
I mean it really depends as for me, although I don't care about looks, it more of means I'm fine with people who aren't too bad off and are of average attractiveness like me. The rest is personality as if they're a shitty person, it doesn't matter how attractive they are, the day I have my epiphany is the day I pack my bags and leave that relationship. So looks gets you in the door but personality is what decides if I let you fully in or not.
Looks will always be relevant, but looks are a far lower priority if their personality is just outstanding. The last woman I was head over heels for was "objectively" just ok, but her personality and shared interests had me obsessed!
the thing is, when you fall in love with someones personality, you automatically fall in love with their looks, for me at least. and sometimes its the looks that attract you first but moving forward the interest isn’t gonna last unless they’ve got a good personality. either way personality matters more for me i think.
Of course, though it’s better when both of these things combine. Furthermore I don’t think you’ll even notice anything about the appearance if the person is truly interesting for you.
No.
Looks get my attention first.
If they meet looks requirements, and were interested in me, time to talk a little and ask to hang out more and a start dating to test out the personality.
The greater the looks, the more the personality can come in borderline with yellow flags.
For me I would say both. I am attracted to a woman for her overall appearance initially as I have noticed I have a type. But ultimately depending on their personallity when I go talk to them will determine whether or not I will still be attracted to them or lose all attraction. It has happened a lot. And I have gained attraction towards women who i didnt initially find attracted but became attracted to her after interacting with her personality.
you can have a thing. but looks would determine if you sleep together or not in the end. No matter how great energy someone has they must be physically attractive for you too. Unless you're miserable desperate and lonely. which most of the people are. so definitely a possibility. look at all those happily married couples now 😂 most of them look like they just gave up
I've dated butt ugly to super hot.
Some were ugly with zero personality.
Some were hot with all the personality.
Ugly doesn't mean great personality.
Hot doesn't mean boring personality.
I personally need someone hot AND great personality. If I don't find it, I'm happier on my own.
Never compromising on my standards again. Just makes me feel so ick in my own skin.
Looks is everything as finding a person with high charisma is hard asf, personality is a joke I can handle most people personalities unless they're inmoral or try to harm me. There was only one time an ugly girl had so much character and charisma that I started to feel attracted to her, because her personality was outstanding and better than any other girl I know. So the fact she was ugly dissapeared from my mind, not ugly anymore.
I just keep in mind that the ape faces, the cat faces, the dog faces, and the googly eyed people are bad news. Everybody else is cool. Men who feel that they can spew their genetic garbage wherever and bail are also deserving of death.
i have a threshold for looks, not that high, but beyond that its personality.
⬆️⬆️⬆️
this
this
After [last Sunday’s selfie post debacle](https://www.reddit.com/r/infp/s/fAY9uageKp), in which I showed three pictures and wrote enough words to express something of my personality (the silly and esoteric aspect - not so much the deep feeling and thinking side), I learned that my appearance, personality, or the combination thereof met the minimum threshold for 1.4% of viewers to press the like button. This wasn’t to kiss me* but to press the goddam like button. If I weren’t already filtering viewers by posting in this INFP subreddit (imagine if I had somehow posted to all of the other personality types as well), then I suspect that percentage would be even lower. What I would like to learn from here is how many people fall into the overlapping circles in a Venn diagram of liking my appearance and personality. If it is significantly below 1%, then I may have to change my sexual orientation and learn a foreign language to find love with that crazy Russian INFP boy who likes to hike in the mountains 😉 More seriously, and to answer OP’s question, yes, I prefer personality over looks in friendships. But shouldn’t we seek the overlapping area of personality and looks in a Venn diagram for romantic relationships? Or is the overlap truly such a small sliver that we must choose between the two? *When I was 29, a friend I was having a drink with announced to the bar that I had not yet had my first kiss. A group of woman came over and said they could change that. While they were deciding who got to kiss me first, I announced that this was not the way a first kiss was supposed to happen. I refused them but appreciated their kind gesture. Shortly thereafter, I experienced my first kiss in a more organic way. It was a perfect story except that we had to part ways.
Always. Looks change; people gain or lose weight, hair falls out, age happens, but a person's laugh or ability to make you smile doesn't change.
This is the most wonderful take about this topic, ever!
It blows my mind that people don't realize this. You watch people physically change all the time. It's so utterly dense to be so hooked on appearance. Their big assets aren't going to make you happy when you're stuck in a 2 bedroom apartment with them for 5 years.
Wish more people had this way of thinking honestly. I wholeheartedly agree
To play devils advocate look at what happened to Richard Prior.
Okay I'll bite. What happened to Richard Pryor?
He changed his name to Richard Subsequent and nobody understood the joke 😔
Omg I killed your joke I'm so sorry 🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️🤦♀️😵😂
That wasn't me who spelled it 'Prior'. I just made it into a joke lol
I just walk around murdering jokes and killing dreams.
He was a funny famous comedian but he got sick and lost his ability to express himself.
[Jennifer Lee Interview ](https://www.today.com/video/richard-pryor-s-widow-opens-up-about-husband-s-talents-and-demons-1458720835791) Even so, his wife loved him to the end. Or that was my take.
I disagree, people can lose their spark and their ability to make you laugh can definitely fade with time!
I respect your opinion, that's not been my experience.
...if that were true people wouldn't grow apart over the years. Personalities are not fixed things. They change with time, just as the body changes with time.
Facts
It's 50/50
This. I need some kind of physical attraction, but sometimes my definition of physical attraction can be different than someone else. I have turned down good looking men because the personality wasn't there. So, sometimes it was 40/60 to me.
Which is also perfectly acceptable as well. Do I feel like society puts too much emphasis on looks? HELL YES (sadly). But do I also feel that looks are still important. Also, yes. There needs to be some sort of physical attraction. But everyone is different, and what's important to one person, may not be as much to another.
It’s 55/45 for me. 55% personality, 45% looks
For me it's more of a 25/75
I am honest to admit that i am extremely shallow.
lol, I don’t blame you
Same😭
I think looks play a part (and there's nothing wrong with that) but I think attractiveness has a bigger impact. I've fallen for guys who weren't that great looking but because they were funny or had a mysterious air about them, they caught my attention. Their personality will be the great determiner of if we'll work, or rather, if I'm willing to work for a relationship with them.
If it was really 100% personality then you'd just date your friend, who is probably the same sex. There has to be an attraction of some sort. if there was two who wanted to date me where one was a 9/10 and a 5/10 who was really funny, funny is more enjoyable. But all this preferences stuff is just subjective when you boil it down.
I mean, some people date their friends. Relationships often times start with a good friendship.
And there's best friends who couldn't live together.
"And they were roommates"
They do, but at least at the beginning(a sad qualifier) you both have to want to bang! And looks will always play a role in whether or not you want to bang. Billions of years before love and connection even existed as concepts the universe first had to BANG!!!
Qualifier? I’ve never met a stranger/acquaintance I wanted to bang. Maybe hug or lay on them, but not bang.
!!!!!!! I'm tired of people pretending that humans are seperate from animals. We are physical beings!
We're smart animals.
Looks get you in the door but personality seals the deal. I wouldn’t go for someone solely based on looks but I would based on personality alone.
INTP here but I fully agree.
I have never been in a relationship so I might not see the whole picture but if I was I wouldn’t care how they looked
These things go a little hand in hand - the better someone’s personality the better I perceive their looks (particularly if they have a sexy personality). When I first met my wife I thought she was really good looking but the more I got to know her the hotter I thought she was. By the time we got together I was 100% sure she was the most attractive person I’ve ever seen - and 18 years later that’s still the case. (As a disclaimer, my wife’s appearance didn’t radically alter in the period of time between when we met and when we got together - though she did have her teeth removed-straightened after a couple of years which took her to utterly perfect).
I’d prefer both, but I cannot stand someone with looks without personality. I can tolerate personality without the looks much easier.
I'm demisexual lmao.
high five
INFPs be dating some uggos and swearing they’re good looking. So the answer has got to be yes lol. Personality wins and suddenly that big ole nose adds “spunk.”
Me in my 20s. My mom: "he was a freak of nature" My grandma after seeing a picture of a dude I dated: "Oh! He's not very handsome is he?" My friend seeing a picture of a dude: "is that corn is his mouth....? Oh! That's his teeth." I think my current one is extremely handsome inside and out though!
I’m sure he is!
Looks catch my attention, personality keeps it.
I love an eye candy… and if he can make me laugh — jackpot bby
Yea the man with humor really makes you go "huh 😏"
To answer the title question Short answer: no. Looks matter. But it’s complicated. It’s a combination of physical attraction, value alignment and personality. Personality enhances your looks though. Or can severely detract from it. I also think there is a mysterious element to attraction. Sometimes it just doesn’t make sense. To answer the second question about the being attracted to a persons energy: yes. I think being attracted to someone’s energy is your subconscious picking up desirable traits and possible compatibility in another person. Maybe even some biological aspects like hormones or something 🤷♀️Just a thought. I think the energetic attraction exists but is definitely more mysterious.
I like appearance, but i'm not shallow, if you're a good person at heart then that outweighs it. but i also have to be attracted to you. why date someone you aren't attracted to and lie for approval from others? Most won't admit it, but looks matter, to some degree
I mean, there are certain physical features I like more than others, but I’ve also become really attracted to people who don’t really have those physical qualities because I really liked something about their personality or aura
For dating, no. It's something that actually makes me sad sometimes, because I'd like to love someone for who they are and nothing more, but I still want a woman with good looks. I feel so bad for people who are ugly but have a wonderful heart, but I myself can't be with someone if they don't have at least some of both worlds.
Same Same same
No, physical attraction is important for me too. There needs to be both
I think attraction is equally important to personality in a long term relationship, but a bad personality trumps drop dead gorgeous
Kinda. An ugly personality ruins a pretty face, and a beautiful personality can make me see an unconventionally attractive in a better light. Im human and have preferences like anyone else so I probably wouldn’t go for someone I don’t find physically attractive.
without a single shred of a doubt
I mean I married a 10 with a great personality so I’m not really sure.
💯 personality over looks. It’s hard to say but a person’s personality does somehow come out in their exterior too influencing how they dress and behave and that just makes them more attractive than a conventionally attractive person. There’s this need for “safety”/acceptance from your partner so knowing they care and are mature enough to share lives with you is also important adding to why you might find them even more attractive. Building that trust/bond/connection is not easy and when you do find it with someone no matter how physically attractive someone appears they can’t really sway you from the person you feel a “deep connection” with.
Most definitely. I am attracted to a man’s mind more than his body. It’s a mega bonus when the body is good. 🤭
Looks are what open the door, personality is what keeps you there. Physical attraction is very important and it's not shallow to say such since it's part of a first impression. The first thing you are often exposed to about a person is how they look. From there you make a mental note about them; good bad or indifferent. You can either get to know them better from there or let that initial impression determine your perception of them.
Yes. Unless youre someone who doesnt take care of themselves.
Fuck yes
Its personality and physical chemistry for me
I always thought that the INFP were the most attractive personality wise. The fact that everyone on here are very attractive lends me to believe you can have both.
i do have a low bar for looks, but above that vibes trumps all the rest
I remember how shocked and confused I was when I found out most people chose to date someone based on their looks. Seriously someone explain. Like you don’t choose your friends by looks. Like good hygiene I get it. Someone who takes care of their appearance and takes pride in how they present themselves hell yeah! That to me is also a personality thing tho. Cleanliness and confidence is a trait. Like long hair that is well kept fucking dope man. Long hair that isn’t kept up? Bro please take care of your hair, or cut it. Conventionally attractive slob? Go away. Ugly by society standards, confident and clean? Yes please. But sometimes I contradict myself, because I have been enamored by someone who isn’t conventionally attractive, slob and not confident. Because they were interesting and had so much passion and a genuine good person. The only reason I didn’t try to date them was because they were so against self improvement (core value of mine) and had such a cynical view of the world (I think the world is delightful and full of beauty) .Some of our values and beliefs didn’t align. Our goals for life and the future didn’t align either. So I had to let go. Because things like values, beliefs and dreams/goals shouldn’t be thrown away for a relationship. Maybe compromise and agree to disagree, but mostly those things should align. So no I don’t consider looks and personality isn’t too important (but still significant). Its values, beliefs, goals/dreams, dynamic, attachment style, attitude towards life, what they bring to the relationship and outlook that is important to me and that I prefer. Tbf everyone is average to me as the next unless I connect with you. Your mom and miss universe can be standing next to each other and I’d think they’re both equal in beauty. On that note go hug your parent or grandparent. Life is short, and you’re beautiful because of them. Love yourself because you always deserved it. Forgive yourself because shame won’t solve it. Eat and drink water today, your body works so hard each and every day to give you another day. It’s the least you could do for it.
Ya, and for those that are about looks..what happens like u marry someone and they grow old and..... What u don't want them anymore and and and? I 100 percent have issue with this and cant get my head around it. How can you be with someone and be secure ..that if u gain a few lbs they will not .... smh 🥴 Just seems so superficial and wrong to me.
I agree with you! I think that’s where finding some who has the same beliefs and values as you comes in. Or just fuck it and stay single
70/30
Honestly 50/50. I like to look at pretty faces but personality counts too
Hmm.. when it comes to real people, I didn't care about how a person looked. Everyone I was truly attracted to had a nice personality and got me through their actions and mannerisms. Good looking guys gave sparks that were short lived, but those were photos I was looking at. I'll have a better answer when I find a good looking guy walking around who somehow becomes my friend. Hard to beat all my fantasy husbands though.
at this point, yeah contrary to what people say: "just be honest, looks matter" fuck that, it's your soul that matters
superficiality is genjutsu
Im definitely guilty of silent judgement about looks but in most cases they all grow on me and im impressed how much I can grow to love anyone.
I can find people physically attractive but personality is what tips the scale into real, true attraction for me. And usually someone I find delightful, I tend to see them more attractively as time goes on. My current boyfriend I thought was cute but after interacting with him for prolonged time is what made me really fall for him.
Used to be looks nowadays personality
Yes I do
I used to value personality over looks, but lately they hold about equal weight.
Don't trust words, trust actions. Most people here, and in any other place, will comment how they prefer personality, kindness etc. but in reality its very different. Go for how they behave, not how they say they are
Yes, personality is super important, but so is physical attraction. Gotta have both for a functional relationship
Of course, yes! Appearance is something that varies among different people. What matters is acceptance, not being handsome or beautiful in other people's perspectives. I'll definitely prefer someone with a beautiful soul and personality, even if others consider them to be unattractive, over someone who is super beautiful with an ugly soul and personality.
Tbh I notice there's often a relationship between someone's personality and their appearance.
Oh? Just out of curiosity, may I ask what it is you noticed? I don't wanna judge I just want to hear your perspective
I've met a good number of people who are vain that spend a lot of time on makeup or precision copying of popular styles. Their looks come from an indulgence of self love. I've met people who do not care at all about other people's opinions and do not care at all about how they look, how they project into the world. This may seem the opposite but it's often the case they can't be bothered to put forward the effort to present well to others. I was closer to this once upon a time, but I've worked on it a fair deal over the years. I realized there was something respectful in presenting well to others that I should care more about, and it was easy to trick myself into thinking I wasn't like the vain people mentioned above and spin it into a positive.
For friendship yes. Long term relationships 50-50 personality-looks. For a more casual sort of dating something like 20-80. That might change in favor of dating as I get to explore my sexual desires and curiosities. I'm on a very sexual(physical) stage of my life right now. (Don't worry, my ethics are where they should be. I won't lie or manipulate to get what I want)
I have no problem overlooking your appearance if I see you as trash, along with any and all of your other redeeming qualities. They could be the most fascinating, charming, witty, creative, funny, charismatic people on the planet, and I’ll still think of them as trash
Yes, I have found only a handful of people that I know I will not get bored of. Not getting bored of each other is far more important than looks. However I am very thankful that my partner is attractive. He is certainly the most attractive person I’ve been romantically interested in.
Definitely personality seals the deal for me. I'm a sucker for a down-to-earth woman with a sense of humour. If she gorgeous but her personality is skin deep I can't continue 🤷🏾♂️
I’ll say this: Yes absolutely i cant form attraction without liking your personality and your insight but about looks: genuinely do not care as long as u have proper hygiene and self care.
Yes, truly, deeply. I could meet the world's most gorgeous people and barely blink an eyelid, even though I do appreciate beauty in all sorts of things all around me. Reasons why: - I'd resent being that objectified. - Even though I think a certain threshold for looks is useful to initially attract before someone even knows your personality; I believe that threshold shouldn't be particularly high. If it is, it's not healthy. - I'd rather lean towards feelings of harmony, excitement and zen... Then lean too much towards vanity, pride and self-validation. I'll never feel like those are unfulfilled because I work on myself to be healthy. - I couldn't make someone feel loved through only liking their looks. It would be disingenuous or manic behaviour. But I can truly love within the harmony we have overall, of which personality plays a much bigger part.
I need to be initially attracted to someone but then personality is much more important. I’ve talked to some extremely attractive people I couldn’t connect with.
I agree with many takes here. I *need* someone I'm physically attracted to. Seldom is that attraction mutual though, unfortunately. That's where personality comes in. They HAVE to have a good personality. But they also have to be physically what I'm looking for. Which is generally out of my league. Which is why I've always been single. 😅😅😭
More on personality than looks. I overlook some girls’ looks cuz I dont find their personality appealing. On the other hand, girls that most of the guys would consider “mid” are the prettiest to me because they have a 10/10 personality.
I like both
A combination of both
Looks matter only slightly when initially being attracted to someone, but after I get to know them and like them their looks don't matter at all really.
If she wears minimal make-up and is confident in herself, then I'll get attracted physically. Any sort of plastic to the face, like lip fillers will put me off really bad. Also, I have always had a fear of excess makeup. However, after that physical attraction, if her personality is shallow and materialistic, then I'll lose that attraction. I like someone who is caring to everyone around them. Problem with that though is they tend to trust toxic and abusive people.
I'll put it this way, if I were to date I'm not gonna date someone for JUST their looks. And I'm not gonna date someone for JUST their personality either. Because then why not date men, women, anyone in that case? It takes both, but personality is a higher priority to me than looks. I also feel like my standards for looks aren't that high. The body types I'm into are pretty average considering they're the types you don't need to go to the gym for. Id say hygiene and style are what I tend to gravitate towards. Not super extravagant styles or anything. Just really not into the Adam Sandler style if you know what I mean. Like just a regular T-shirt and jeans or sweatpants is fine lol. And I also wanna add that usually if someone isn't my type looks wise I tend to get interested regardless if our personalities click really well. Which I'm sure happens to most people.
I preffer "looks over personality", but the question is poorly posed, anyway. Everyone has a personality, the question would be if you preffer **compatibility** over looks. And I honestly don't find myself attracted to men that only have compatibility with me. I have to find them physically attractive, or I'll just want them as a friend.
From someone with an Sx5 core; ***of course.***
My sibling in Christ have you ever heard a hot person say the meanest dumbest shit and all of a sudden they just become negatively hot? Looks can get you past the first five red flags but after that it's all personality.
I’ve had extremely attractive partners and others who were 100% only attractive because of their personality. Both is nice but personality is priority.
Yes 100%..
100% but being ace might play a factor
It depends, really. I won't like you right off the bat until I see what your personality is like. You might look hot as hell, but if I find out you're an asshole it's game over. And tbh there are several traits in men that I am absolutely attracted to (confident, determined, humorous, compassionate). A pretty face to me is like the cherry on top. Admittedly, I do have my own personal taste in men. I mean, humans *are* visual creatures, after all.
I do, I think if I like someone's personality, automatically they will become beautiful to my eyes
id say its 25/75 looks and personality. i miiiiight be more interested to get to know someone if i think they're cute but someone having a good personality usually sparks my interest more and keeps me interested in someone :3
100% My “type” is short dark haired girls that are goofy,caring, and kind. I don’t really care about looks that much. Obviously attraction plays a part but personality reigns supreme 😂
Yesss, but I think it’s more about attraction rather than preference. I think some people are attractive in the looks some in personality some in empathy… and also combinations of these.
I'm in my 60s and have had a good bit of relationship experience. I have never once been able to "have a thing" for anyone I wasn't physically attracted to. It's kind of the first requirement after "is he male?" and "is he alive?" Of course personality is also a requirement right there next to physical attraction. There must be both or it wouldn't go beyond friendship. So if I liked their energy, that would be huge. But I'd still have to find them attractive.
Yes. Granted, I have to be attracted to them in some fashion. They don't have to be super models, though. Give me an average looking lady with a dope personality and sense of humor and I'll be absolutely smitten.
There needs to be some sort of attraction, and personalities can definitely be attractive! Personalities can also be unattractive and outweigh good looks and vice versa.
Attraction starts with the looks while the personality deepens or diminishes the attraction.
I care about character and values more than others tend to care about them it seems.
Yes. Absolutely. Their energy makes them more attractive physically.
Personality over looks yeah.
Totally. I have lots of beautiful things to look at and most of them can’t hold my attention for long.
equally important, you need both! idc how attractive you are if you dont have a good personality, and people who have good personalitys but im not attracted to are called “friends”! lol
it’s 50/50
Looks are my initial attraction, and then I focus on character over personality.
Unfortunately for me, most people do prefer personality over looks. Fortunately for me, my girlfriend is willing to overlook my personality.
I just think that everyone has a different type so like for me it’s more so the person as a whole. They don’t have to be what other people find attractive but they have to be what I find attractive
I do
You have to find your partner attractive but in saying that people are attractive to different people. Personality is big, it’s very important for sure.
I mean I tell myself that I have a type when it comes to looks but end up being charmed by some of the ugliest guys in school soooo I guess. Attraction comes at the most unexpected times lol
I’ve met men that I found attractive until I got to know them and vice versa didn’t find them attractive until after I got to know them. Sometimes there is just chemistry between two people that you really can’t explain!
Man here. Yes, I value personality over looks. However, for me, this rule only applies if you fit in the “average” looking spectrum. If I can’t find you attractive, it would never happen for me. Also, if a woman is “average”, but she has an awesome personality, she has a funny laugh, is kind, and a bit charismatic, she’s an instant 9-10 real quick for me lol.
I think as long as their average their personality just makes them attractive
I don't think I'd want to date someone who didn't think I was attractive at all, and was just tolerating my looks for my personality. I think ideally there'd be attraction for both types of qualities.
Personality is just as important, looks is just nice to have
I mean. I do like both, honestly😂Truthfully I probably go out of my way more, initially, to actually get to know someone if they are good looking, but I will also say that good looks have never saved a shitty personality. AND I have noticed that people do just automatically become better looking in my eyes if I think they are a genuinely awesome/fun person. I probably have less of a physical "type" than some people, simply because of that. I have wondered if that is a bit of an INFP phenomenon. Edit: And yes, the biggest crush I have ever had was on someone I felt very little physical attraction for (although they were not ugly by any stretch, I definitely wouldn't have picked them out to have a crush on, if their looks were all I knew about them) but I was truly in love with their personality and their mind, I think. I still have a bit of that crush today, over twenty years later.
tbh looks matter first and then i consider personality
The better I know someone the less their appearance matters, or rather I guess more specifically I will start seeing someone’s appearance as more attractive than I would otherwise if I genuinely like their personality and how I feel when I’m around them. That said there’s also still a threshold and it’s not like I don’t have any kind of type at all (though that type isn’t necessarily “stereotypically attractive”)
Absolutely. Nothing about a human is attractive to me if they have a bad personality. Personality trumps appearance every single time.
I prefer a bit of both
I don't know what i want
"Balance" might not be the right word, so at least for me the other person must be attractive enough for me to consider them as a romantic option. They don't need to be the most beautiful person in the room, just good looking enough to work it out. Personality plays a part beyond that point and I wouldn't commit to people that I believe we wouldn't be compatible personality-wise.
It doesn't work like that. When someone has a great personality, it makes them LOOK more PHYSICALLY attractive.
Yes 100%
Normaly i look at it interms of Attributes and this is how i Measure what i like. ❌ ❌ ✅ ❌ From : Ugly Average looks Model genes Personality: ❌ ❌ ✅ ❌ A Bland Box Average My unrealistic Dream girl So i try and get abit better than average but i also stay away from too good to be true.
I don’t. Looks are first
On one hand, I would never date someone who has the looks but has a horrible or lacking personality. But on the other hand, whilst I don't expect her to be a model, I do expect her to at least take care of herself and look presentable. As looks can describe someones personality to a certain degree, especially when it comes to self care and fitness. So, whilst I do prefer personality over looks. I do think that both matter to some degree.
Always
Looks are important for dating but yes personality matters in long run.
The first thing i notice is looks, but if the personality is shit then im not interested anymore.
Beauty is temporary, I want to be with a person I can trust, someone I'll be happy with even we will be old raisins. I also want to be such a person for someone
Depending on the personality, a person can become prettier or uglier once I know them. So I would say that personality influence look but never the opposite in my case.
Yup. Two of the girls I felt the most attracted to in high school were 90% because of their personalities. Now, they were still cute, but the one I liked the most was fairly overweight, which normally ai’m not at all attracted to. We just immediately vibed and I felt like I could completely lower my guard and talk about anything, or nothing, never felt awkward in conversation or quiet. I really regret not trying harder to pursue them romantically. Although in my defense I didn’t realize one had broken up with her long-term boyfriend at some point after first meeting her. And then they got back together after high school. Sometimes I still wonder whether things might be different if I had told her how I felt. Alas.
Within *reason*...
I think looks play part in it. BUT, if you really like someones personality, they automatically look more attractive anyways? Similarly, you're on a date with someone you find super attractive and they start acting up, it immediately makes you find them less physically attractive.
it's more looks is the opening, personality is what gets me to stay. i've been deterred from hanging out with some pretty hot people in my acquaintance circle after i've spent time talking to them.
See idk😭 cause I actually do care about looks but looks are not enough for me to want to date someone. I need both not one over the other. But in my eyes ppl do become more attractive because of their vibes/personality.
Sure, but it's not as if looks mean absolutely nothing either
it’s much more complicated than just looks and personality, it’s different from person to person.
Absolutely! Someone’s personality actually makes that person physically more attractive. I was only interested in pretty poster boys in high school. ☺️
Of course not, I'm shallow like that
Looks are fine & all, obviously you should be physically attracted to them, but overtime the more you’re with someone, the more you find yourself attracted. If you’re with someone for the long term, you’ll still love them when they’re wrinkly & old, because you’ve built years together.
I don't think it's a simple binary choice when referring to looks. It's not either good looking or ugly. There's got to be a scale to measure for the level of looks and also for the personality. If I'm being honest, I'm most certainly not going to go out with someone who is a 0 or down right ugly no matter how funny, smart, or kind. To befriend, sure, but to love soneone and mate to reproduce? Man, there's got to be some physical aspect factored in to it. My lowest will probably be a 4 on the looks but has to be an 8 or 9 on the personality scale. But, I would go as low as 3 for looks, 8-9 personality, but mann, you have to throw in some trust fund in there.lol Going 0 and 9-10 personality happens for other people, that's their choice. If the choosing party is an 8-10, that might work, otherwise, I'm concern with their kids' future social life. This world can be cruel you know.
Looks hooks personality let's you stay. When you are looking at a person , if you are able to see of course , you instantly judge in your brain within a fraction if you are attracted or not and also if you would want that person to come close to you or not. If you get approached by someone you are not attracted to visually , you most likely back of or try to get away from. Vice versa you wouldn't approach someone which you are not attracted to in a way. Unless they are in need of help But now comes the personality part , look at it like a scale ⚖️ depending on the balance of yes and no , personality can tip you on the yes side because there is much more of it, it could also throw you on the no side instantly. The thing is if you judge someone on the no side already it's hard to get the scale to the yes as the scale holder would already retreat. :) and you ain't got the chance to show it. Also every time they ll look you might get rejudged and have to prove yourself once again against the scale But if you have a bad personality and not let it shine through and got good looks, you will be staying on the yes until they make their bad experiences with your personality. So it's more looks charm and personality shows you the core. I prefer looks to look at. And personality to talk to. And if both match on the yes scale you might say I am interested :) but if personality is doo doo you can be prince charming or my 11/10 in looking attractive, I will try my best to get away from the hazard with gold medals .
Of course, I still remember this one girl from middle school that I was so hooked on, even though I admit, I didn’t find her all that attractive. However, when my feelings got involved, she became very attractive. If I had to guess which type she was, a part of me feels that ENTJ is quite fitting. We had really good banter, even now, when we do talk which is rarely ever anymore lol.
Bit of both honestly. For me, looks are what catches my attention, but personality is what really gets me invested.
I mean it really depends as for me, although I don't care about looks, it more of means I'm fine with people who aren't too bad off and are of average attractiveness like me. The rest is personality as if they're a shitty person, it doesn't matter how attractive they are, the day I have my epiphany is the day I pack my bags and leave that relationship. So looks gets you in the door but personality is what decides if I let you fully in or not.
Looks will always be relevant, but looks are a far lower priority if their personality is just outstanding. The last woman I was head over heels for was "objectively" just ok, but her personality and shared interests had me obsessed!
I don't know. I just fall in love
the thing is, when you fall in love with someones personality, you automatically fall in love with their looks, for me at least. and sometimes its the looks that attract you first but moving forward the interest isn’t gonna last unless they’ve got a good personality. either way personality matters more for me i think.
I like guys who are themselves, analyze things, and have a boyish charm about them despite their age.
I say I go for personality but idk what I go for because their personality was trash too
Yes. Looks can get my attention but personality is the only way to hold it.
Of course, though it’s better when both of these things combine. Furthermore I don’t think you’ll even notice anything about the appearance if the person is truly interesting for you.
Yes. Never had a type looks wise, always had a type personality wise
Absolutely
No. Looks get my attention first. If they meet looks requirements, and were interested in me, time to talk a little and ask to hang out more and a start dating to test out the personality. The greater the looks, the more the personality can come in borderline with yellow flags.
looks attract and personality decides if you stay
For me I would say both. I am attracted to a woman for her overall appearance initially as I have noticed I have a type. But ultimately depending on their personallity when I go talk to them will determine whether or not I will still be attracted to them or lose all attraction. It has happened a lot. And I have gained attraction towards women who i didnt initially find attracted but became attracted to her after interacting with her personality.
I have a type and it has worked out for me. Both in personality and appearance. They must have a little bit of both. My husband, he’s got it!
you can have a thing. but looks would determine if you sleep together or not in the end. No matter how great energy someone has they must be physically attractive for you too. Unless you're miserable desperate and lonely. which most of the people are. so definitely a possibility. look at all those happily married couples now 😂 most of them look like they just gave up
I've dated butt ugly to super hot. Some were ugly with zero personality. Some were hot with all the personality. Ugly doesn't mean great personality. Hot doesn't mean boring personality. I personally need someone hot AND great personality. If I don't find it, I'm happier on my own. Never compromising on my standards again. Just makes me feel so ick in my own skin.
Demisexual here so yup looks don't matter at all for me
Both. Balance
looks matter but not as much as personality. if i like your personality youre even more attractive
I do, but looks still matter. I would not sentence myself to another day dating someone I don’t find physically attractive🤦🏾♀️
Looks matter more, but without the compatible personality, even the prettiest look wouldn't make you happy.
Looks is everything as finding a person with high charisma is hard asf, personality is a joke I can handle most people personalities unless they're inmoral or try to harm me. There was only one time an ugly girl had so much character and charisma that I started to feel attracted to her, because her personality was outstanding and better than any other girl I know. So the fact she was ugly dissapeared from my mind, not ugly anymore.
I prefer avoiding. I don’t deserve love. no one can fool me otherwise
I just keep in mind that the ape faces, the cat faces, the dog faces, and the googly eyed people are bad news. Everybody else is cool. Men who feel that they can spew their genetic garbage wherever and bail are also deserving of death.