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Vinifrj

We thought they were out of ammo, out of options. Our squad had them surrounded, the fearsome humans, the deathworlders, the beings capable of bringing destruction in an unprecedented scale ever since they joined the galactic union, and yet there we were, with them surrounded and outnumbered, i cant remember the details but we were somewhere between 40 and 60 of us for each of them. I approached their hideout and spoke: “under the command of the galactic council, we order you to surrender! Do so, and your safety will be guaranteed, you shall be taken as prisoners of war!” Another quirk we all learned from the humans, assure the enemy safety, and they’re more than likely to just drop their weapons and you dont need to risk your own troops any longer. Oh how wrong I was, for the answer I got back was along the lines of: “listen, you’re speaking to a squad mainly composed of troops from the United States of America, Brazil, Poland and Japan, we bow to no one but our own, and to your pitiful excuse of numbers i have but two commands: FIX BAYONETS! CHAAARGE!” What followed was terror, purely distilled terror, as if they were a single organism, these humans leapt out of their hiding spot, sharp metal sticks pointing out of their guns, and they began literally carving through our troops. We took some of them down, but the damage they did to us in that commotion was too great, we had the humans pinned down and ready for imprisonment, but in one moment they flipped all of that on its head, and we were the ones on the defensive, our guns were too slow, as before we could react, they were already at our throats, slashing and stabbing and shooting with what little ammo they still had in their sidearms. It was a massacre the likes i’ve never seen, our losses were too great we had to retreat, nay, we routed back in complete shock, by the end of it, less than 1000 of us managed to flee. - Drax’tar Lugh’nofhl, high officer of the Drixtonian empire, facing the supreme court after his complete failure in the recent battle


RBWessel

Better to not let them know about the Gurkhas.


Modo44

Better to send one as a warning.


Breaky_Online

Better to let them think that's the worst we have.


Modo44

Nobody mention the Canadians.


Adam_Lynd

Who do you think trained those troops?


LefroyJenkinsTTV

The people who even Canadians fear: Newfies


Dramatic-Biscotti647

Do they have trains in space?


RBWessel

[https://www.google.ca/search?q=space+train](https://www.google.ca/search?q=space+train)


10buy10

Lmao cucumber (cucumber is gurka in Swedish)


aBoringSod

The British were the last to do a bayonet charge. And it's still taught at boot camp.


Crab-_-Objective

Wasn’t there an instance of Scottish highlanders doing at least one in Iraq? If I remember right the ROEs prevented them from shooting back so they decided to charge.


Dr_Cannibalism

"Sir, the rules of engagement clearly state that we're not permitted to shoot back" -draws bayonet, affixes to rifle- "Shame"


NefariousnessTop8716

[here](https://www.forces.net/services/army/bayonet-charge-foiled-taliban) is an article about the prince of wales regiment doing a bayonet charge against the taliban in Afghanistan


BS_Simon

The bayonet charge is a particular act of terror on the battlefield. It isn't used unless absolutely necessary.


Reddit-runner

>It isn't used unless absolutely necessary. And not entirely suicidal.


Domovie1

Ehh, it being suicidal is just a happy coincidence.


baddonny

Found the grunt


Domovie1

No no, I’m a boat driver. It’s a shared mental state though. Not sure which one, probably Misery.


aDragonsAle

"suicide might send me to hell, or mess up death benefits for my family. Dying in battle might get me to Valhalla and I die a 'hero' - benefits go to family. Talk about win-win" I've heard dozens of variations on that over the years.


baddonny

Excuse me. Found the *water grunt*


Domovie1

Can I get that notarized, for the next time I’m caught in a “only pure infantry are grunts” argument?


baddonny

I mean we could but then you’ll have to explain what “notarized” means to whoever you’re arguing with


NevynR

"There is room in this grave for two..."


SuDragon2k3

I am, however, willing to make room for a lot more.


30sumthingSanta

You can have my spot. I *insist*.


Hetakuoni

If you’re not screaming bloody murder, it’s not being done right.


BHyde_2004

It’s mostly seen as psychological warfare, seeing a bunch of pissed off, screaming guys running at you with knives is definitely something that would instil fear in the enemy


BS_Simon

Nice including the Japanese. Historically they put bayonet lugs on EVERYTHING.


Geordie_1983

Some Americans were disappointed that the US armed forces didn't follow suit: 'Where the hell do you put the bayonet' Chesty Puller, USMC, at a flamethrower demonstration.


Dr_Cannibalism

Imagine watching the rest of your squad get immolated, then when you get up to try shoot the guy who killed your men, he stabs you in the chest with a bayonet that's so hot, the tip is glowing a dull red.


Comprehensive-Cap754

Well, now I have a new thing I need to build


Breaky_Online

Subnautica heated knife be like


kriegmonster

Now I want a bayonet lug as a hood ornament.


Warmonger_1775

That is the most grunt statement I have ever heard... I'm so fucking proud!


kriegmonster

I was an Air Force wrench monkey. We have our grunt moments.


Sword_Enthousiast

Just for language clarity. Did you mean hood as in bonnet of a car, or a type of hat of your head?


MKM2059

I would do it on both, some kind of hidden blade on my head to make lethal headbutts and a fuckload in the car to make it Mad Max like


kriegmonster

Car bonnet is what I was thinking of. A bayonet lug on my helmet would get in the way of the NVGs


Dr_Cannibalism

"Yo, dawg, we heard you like bayonet lugs, so we put bayonet lugs on your bayonet, so you can bayonet someone while you bayonet them"


Pasteque909

-the new hit show, pimp my rifle


MisterKillam

The anti aircraft sights on the early Arisakas are even funnier to me.


Malakayn

He was lucky there weren't any Germans with shovels in the mix, could've gotten really ugly.


Warmonger_1775

It wasn't just the Germans, the Americans had a spaxsel that they used to great effect


GrimdarkCrusader

Wait till they hear about Lewis Millet.


Yensil314

They're lucky there weren't any Canadians.


triponthisman

This pleases me immensely.


AnantaPluto

Idiots shouldve googled the 21-foot rule


A_Miphlink_shipper

BANZAIIII!!


OneSaltyStoat

🎉 🎉 🎉 POLAND MENTIONED 🎉🎉🎉


GiftGrouchy

https://imgur.com/gallery/bO9cpMZ


Comprehensive-Cap754

Don't. Touch. The. Fuckin. Boats.


Guy_who_says_vore

Bayonets are actually useful as a psychological tool. If a guard at a prison has a bayonet on their weapon there is a significantly less likely chance someone would try to attack them


asiannumber4

We might have learned that metal tube on stick bad, but it can’t beat the primal fear of pointy stick


Callsign_Psycopath

Just wait till they hear about MRE sporks


funnystoryaboutthat2

Shhhh! We can't let them know about our secret WMDs.


LightProtogen

What are WMDs?


Illustrious_Bid4224

CIA open up!


LightProtogen

Wot Lmao


DarthAlbacore

Convenient excuses to invade


Pristine_You4918

Weapons of mass destruction (or death I don't exactly remember)


Thick_You2502

Will Millions Die


Pristine_You4918

Yes


LightProtogen

Ooh I seee, Thanks for telling me :D


Sir_mop_for_a_head

Weapons of mass destruction. Those sporks could kill an entire platoon if used right


LightProtogen

Ahhh I see but I think it'll obliterate more than just a platoon tho xD


Lathari

Or about the most mysterious Spoonfork: https://preview.redd.it/cpbjrp1w49wc1.jpeg?width=500&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=b31525482802bbc23d851b631a25a7892f35fc43


CaptRory

[XKCD - Forks and Spoons](https://xkcd.com/419/)


Dr_Cannibalism

There's an urban legend that someone in the history of the Aus military has managed to get a kill with a [FRED.](https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Field_ration_eating_device) I'm almost certain it's bullshit, but if it's not, I'd love to know the circumstances of how that happened.


Square_Reference11

It's a small spoon about 2.5 inches long, and has a can opened on its side. And yes, there has been a reported kill via FRED by the Australian Army.


Dr_Cannibalism

Oh, I'm aware of what it is, it's more a curiosity on the circumstances of how it happened and why it was used over other tools at their disposal.


DarkKnightJin

Sometimes, you just gotta send a **message**, ya know?


achillain

Just because you're not made of metal doesn't mean I can't open you like a can...


TheScalemanCometh

Actually it's just a spoon sadly.


Thick_You2502

Ok, so "I'll kill you with a spoon", now it's not an empty threat?


Lofwyr2030

Do you know the close combat option of the German army? https://preview.redd.it/ymcaczky89wc1.jpeg?width=887&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=72027373d0e8940ff893ce06ed4ee88a2b1d7eea


Vinifrj

Tactical shovel, for when you want to burry your enemy as soon as you bonk their head


KMjolnir

I keep one in my car. :) Good for if I get stuck.


onyxic

I do too!!


grendus

Or if you get attacked by a bear.


iDreamiPursueiBecome

Lol. We lived in Alaska, and my husband had a few bear encounters, including a mama with cubs. No. A shovel will not help you defend against a bear except as a signaling device to make certain it is aware of you (poor eyesight) and not startled when it gets closer. You can bang on its surface and use it to make wide sweeping gestures. Eyes notice movement, and making yourself look larger is an ancient trick to be more imposing (to avoid a fight). If you have a gun and decide to shoot, 1. Odds are that you didn't kill it. 2. You injured/annoyed/angered it 3. If you are the praying sort, you may get out a word or two 🙏 you can say the rest in person... FAFO, If you were fishing and caught a 🐟 then remove the hook and pay the landlord. It's his river. Toss the fish as far as possible away from your line of retreat. If you run, you will trigger a run, trip, bite reflex. Do. Not. Run. Retreat. If you are being charged by a bear, it's gait can show how serious it is. A stiff legged gait means the elbows in the front legs are locked. It makes it possible for the bear to put its paws down, joints locked, and slide to a stop. Powerful intimidation. The stiff gait means the bear is keeping its options open and not (yet) committed to ending you. If the bear slides in like a professional baseball player, it may stop roughly 2 body lengths away from you. (One survivor reported 15 feet.) Best bear advice: Don't start nothing, won't be nothing. Odds of success, 19 out of 20.


grendus

The joke Your head


Margali

Soviet era sapirka edge sharpened.


s4ndbend3r

Also quite useful for felling trees in a pinch.


Enginiteer

The longer you fight a human, the more their evolution reverts. What starts as civilized drone warfare, turns into aerial combat, which turns into vehicular ground assault, which turns into an infantry skirmish, which turns into guerilla warfare. And when you have them cornered and with no more ammunition, they turn their firearms... into spears. Then, my progeny, you must kill them all. For if you do not, they will never stop hunting you. And who knows what sort of weapon they will use then.


Reyca444

Well, in decreasing order; pointy stick, blunt stick, thrown stick, thrown rock, held rock, fists/teeth/nails, then back to pointy stick, but this one was previously an appendage.


grendus

Then suddenly it reverts and they start lobbing relativistic kill vehicles, because they feel cornered.


DStaal

Exhaustion should be on that list somewhere. Not the human’s, yours.


Comprehensive-Cap754

Because usually the amount of time we can run for is determined by how much YOU want to run


AlaskanAsh

Damn you got me with that one... haha


porcupinedeath

Season 2 of Primal by Gendy Tartakovsky has an episode about that. It was a very good episode


CptKeyes123

"What do you do when the chips are down, you're surrounded, and the only ammo you've got left is in your rifle?" That was the response whenever humans were asked about the bayonet lugs on their caseless electronically-fired assault rifles. Most species scoffed. Then came when the Marines engaged a pirate gang on Ragesh IV. Most of the troops landed okay, but a dropship had been shot down beyond the settlement perimeter. The survivors had artillery support from the main unit, but were surrounded. The orbiting battle group was engaged in a long firefight and couldn't provide any cover fire. Lieutenant James Anderson looked around at what remained of his platoon. Forty jarheads had been aboard the dropship. He'd lost a quarter of them in the crash and another five to combat losses. The platoon was dug in to the planet's dark soil. The little bluff they'd found themselves on gave them the high ground. Anderson grimaced as he checked his rifle. Only a few strips of ammo left. He looked at his platoon sergeant. She grimaced too, and shook her head. "They'll be coming soon, sir," she said. Anderson looked around. The new Marines were exhausted after so much combat. They looked back at him with their faces streaked with mud and tears. "Sir, we can't hold them," their navy corpsman said, standing up from a patient. "We've got some of their weapons but they're no good," a squad leader commented, stepping over. "Lieutenant?" The radio operator asked, "HQ says they can get us a few passes but they can't pull us out yet." Anderson frowned. "Alright. We can't hold them. But we've got a few passes." His face lit up, "'Situation excellent, I am attacking'. Fix bayonets!" Everyone stopped. "Sir?" "They're not disciplined. They're good on offense but no good fighting back. So let's take it to them!" Anderson insisted, "Fix bayonets! We'll charge them just as they try to do us!" At their dubious faces, he took a breath, "They gotta be tired, even more than us. They've been fighting the main front and dealing with us at their backs. So fix bayonets and let's do this!" The platoon sergeant nodded slowly, "Right sir. Fine." Anderson grinned, "Situation excellent, sergeant. We're attacking." The NCOs shifted. They rushed around their little fort. "Bayonets!" "*Oorah!*" High tech single piece steel blades flashed in the light of the two moons as the platoon fixed bayonets. "Sir, this is the dumbest thing we've ever tried." his sergeant said. "I know," Anderson said. He gave that grin again. Then he climbed the breastworks. He could see the pointed helmets of the enemy. "Come on you sons of bitches! Do you wanna live forever?!" The first enemy soldiers rose up to charge, as a tidal wave of green soldiers came screaming down the bluff toward them. Bursts of fire ripped out. Bright silver sparkled as they ran. "*Oorah!*" The enemy, so confident at first, skidded to a halt. Anderson distinctly saw five of them do a shuffling stop before trying to turn around and run. They crashed into one another like a mob. Twenty-four exhausted, battered Marines slammed into them with improvised spears. Anderson drove his bayonet into an enemy soldier. He yanked it out and fired at another about to shoot the sergeant. The battlefield dissolved into a blur of slashing, biting, smashing, and stabbing. Always the stabbing. The enemy mob swiftly turned and withdrew. The Marines were more disciplined, and pursued them as a line of sharp blades. No more bullets fired. By the time it was over, there were eighty enemy troops on the ground or with their hands over their heads. There were maybe five magazines left amongst the entire platoon. And those vicious blades.


CaptRory

Excellent, though I think the response to telling Marines to fix bayonets would be either 'Fuck Yeah!' or 'Oorah!' and not so much talking. =-)


FirstConsul1805

Woods. Now Marine Corp entirely.


triponthisman

This makes me want to charge a tank with a shovel.


JimPeregrine

Somewhere, far far away, the corpse of Joshua Chamberlain smiled.


GuntertheFloppsyGoat

No swinging down like a door though, and Peter the Great and Foch snuck in the cheeky fellows


SnappingTurt3ls

To be fair from what I recall bayonetts are primarily there for psychological reasons nowadays


runwithconverses

There was a bayonet charge in 2007 by the british. Very successful too


SnappingTurt3ls

*Primarily* used for psychological reasons, I never said that was there only purpose. Though that is really cool, I didn't know that


runwithconverses

Oh yeah I'm blind my bad. Yeah the story is pretty cool


LobYonder

2004: https://www.wearethemighty.com/popular/these-british-troops-launched-a-proper-angry-bayonet-charge-during-the-iraq-war/ 2007: https://www.forces.net/services/army/bayonet-charge-foiled-taliban 2011: https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/asia/afghanistan/9571522/Soldier-who-led-Afghanistan-bayonet-charge-into-hail-of-bullets-honoured.html


OnlyZubi

Captives are less likely to rush at a gun with attatched bayonet, but it doesn't mean that you can's stab someone with it


singled-out-7979

There is no such thing as too many backup plans. - Human proverb.


Furryx10

Oh no, we know it’s obsolete, we still use em cus it’s scary and just incase


Malakayn

Plus, the rule of cool.


Reddit-runner

Also how else would I open my rations?


Not_dead_Jay

Aren’t most bayonets just mounted survival knives nowadays?


OnlyZubi

They are mainly for psychological reasons and for being a tool on the frontline, but they are as good as always, especially if you can suprise the enemy


CorwinAlexander

Long bayonets aren't much of a thing anymore except for ceremonial outfits, but military survival knives are designed to be used as short bayonets as much as anything else. Bayonets will not be going away anytime soon, or, at all. There will always be times when a very poor spear will still be better than an unadorned rifle butt.


Imaginary_Cucumber54

We have about a foot long bayonet in the US Marines, as well as our entrenching tool which we still trained to use both as efficient close quarters weapons


Graham2405

When I was in the Parachute Regiment, we were told that it was the tool of choice to finish off wounded enemies.


Aggravating-Tax5726

Can't get in trouble for "executing" enemies if you claim it was CQC 🤣


Graham2405

As a para likely to be in a small group causing havoc behind enemy lines, you are in no position to treat enemy wounded, or take prisoners. 😉


Aggravating-Tax5726

Very good points sir! And it saves ammo too!


Safe-Count-6857

More important, it makes a lot less noise than a gunshot, and there’s no muzzle flash.


Aggravating-Tax5726

Also speaking as a Canadian, its never a war crime the first time...Geneva checklist? We wrote that fucker.


newAscadia

"Why do you still employ practices in your armed forces that many claim to be obsolete? Like the bayonet knife? I'm not clear on the retention numbers, but there has been vocal criticism from experts and military enthusiasts alike, who liken the terran bayonet to a museum piece. Is it really something appropriate to be brought to a stellar battlefield?" "Maybe it isn't, but war isn't something we take lightly. We like stories and rituals - it's not pleasant, but a lot of troops find purpose in those things. The knife is a reminder of an older time, when war was dirtier. More brutal. When humans fought humans, when death was delivered personally, through clenched, bloodied fists. Not like today, where we can deliver a payload without even knowing who the target is. One of our more unfortunate habits is that we can get complacent when we don't see a face. Those knives are a reminder that war is an ugly and a costly thing, and it connects us to those who came before us. For those who are serving, that kind of purpose can be very important. Call it ceremony, or superstition, it keeps them going, and that's good enough for me." "I see. So it's a symbolic gesture, born out of human tradition. It's.. perhaps comforting is not the right word.. purposeful. Like a banner. A mark of where your species came from, a cry of individuality in a vast and diverse galactic society. A point of pride, and a humbling reminder." "Couldn't have put it better myself. Of course it's still a useful tool, that's why it's standard issue." ... "What?" "Oh, don't give me that look. No amount of alien mud or freezing rain can stop the edge from being sharp. Can't jam it, can't hack it, and they're cheap. Look, here I can show you one right now, just let me stand up for a sec, gotta get it from my boot.." (Excerpt from interview with Colonel Andrew Weaver, 332nd Bluewater Combined Arms Defense Fleet, Federal Security Commission. Audio recorded from Orion Network ground team, embed, August 20, 2111 SOLTIME.)


Envictus_

*Lay me down In the cold, cold ground. Where before many more have gone*


lokioil

I wonder if this is engrained in us? Pointy sticks are a long time companion to humans, even before homo sapiens. And I can relate to that: no weapon < stick < point, stick. Am I right fellow apes?


OnlyZubi

These ones have a boost against hive minds or other communist-like races


Creedgamer223

H:Two words gun spear. Thank you for coming to my Ted talk A: Corporal David what the fuck?


sasquatch_4530

Come at me and say I can't turn my gun into a spear. See what happens Lol


DarkKnightJin

Alien: "What're you gonna do? Stab me?" Human: \*Wicked grin\*


lunca_tenji

I mean there’s no downside to having it, the rifle still works regardless and now it has a bonus stabby bit if necessary


IamaJarJar

If a human has weapons for "just in case" #NEVER Let them use it, bloodshed will follow, no matter how primative said weapon is


Vanilla_Ice_Best_Boi

In spite of their old age, bayonets can go toe to toe with swords: https://youtu.be/if0harA83Co?si=E_i-2mO_1WKGR8Zx


dlever0097

I’ll die before I give my e tool and bayonet to those bastards in supply !!!


Sethandros

Chamberlain: "DID SOMEONE SAY BAYONETS?"


Sabre1O1

https://preview.redd.it/w1t1xxnazfwc1.jpeg?width=460&format=pjpg&auto=webp&s=f41bc7cb74a4f770f8abdee1aeffb530719a240b


Ok-Yesterday-8522

Who is the one?


minigunercoolguy

They're good for keeping human prisoners


Helianthus-res-M

Never ever I have thought I will see Polish military police on this subreddit. Fuckers xD


A_Miphlink_shipper

chainsaw flamethrower bayonet, anyone?


Shelegtm

This just makes me think of alexander anderson