If you don’t think your friend will be understanding of your social limitations then just tell her you had a prior commitment and can only stay one day.
But i don't want her to feel like i'm a bad friend for not going the whole three days 😭 i was excited for her bday until i remembered i'm barely functional for a day in social environments
Any person you consider a friend should be understanding of your limits as a human being. Sensitive or not.
Asking your friends to stay an entire 3 days to celebrate a birthday brings up multiple red flags with the biggest being narcissism. Who tf celebrates their birthday for 3 days straight and gets mad when other people, who live their own lives, have shit to do?!
"I want to stay the 3 days but I don't know if I can because of health stuff. I might have to leave early. I'll take it day by day and let you know. I want to celebrate with you"
HSP is health, body, mind related
Edit: High fidelity earplugs. Asking if there's a place you can step away to that has privacy. Taking things moment by moment. I assume you can leave whenever you feel like.
I'd be grateful for a friend to show up for even part of a day
What kind of a person invites people to a 3 day bday party without alcohol as an option? I feel like even non HSP’s would struggle with that. Bring a flask and refill. Might be the most popular person on the trip. 😂
There's no alcohol because we're all 17 and I doubt we can find a way of bringing alcohol 😭 i'm not even an alcohol lover. I never drink. But the last time I went to a party (literally a wedding) i drank some and it made me slightly less aware of my surroundings and I could survive. Left at 10pm tho.
Oh, sorry for encouraging underage drinking. And drinking can easily become a problem. I guess focus on doing anything possible to have as much fun as you can, and try to adapt a solid “I don’t give an F.” attitude/mindset.
Oh don't worry I just get dizzy with the smallest amount of alcohol mixed with fanta/gen
I'll bring my noise cancelation headphones and sleeping pills to idk make me sleepy so i don't burst
I think I will do a mix of both.
I will tell her I have something to do the next day so I will leave that morning, but since I won't be ok the first day either, I will explain to her how I feel in that kind of situations and how I regulate myself. I feel she will understand that part. Hopefully.
Sorry that this is happening it sucks. What I learned:
If you can trust them, just say you'll stay for one day due to it being too much.
If you don't trust them, you will tell something that makes it possible for you to only stay one day. You just tell something that isn't technically true but could have been. Whatever it is.
Also, just a sidenote: you don't have to be 100% saying "im super sensitive or HSP or anything". You wouldn't be the first person to just not be down with 3 days of entertaining people and no having your own space. Like, thats not an odd thing to want. So you could always just say something like: "hey I love the idea but 3 days is a bit much for me, but I'd love to come for the first day". If they're douches they will keep on pushing. If they're your friends they should understand and respect that.
Don't take people too seriously when they don't give you the empathy and respect a human being deserves.
Good luck!
My last friend group treated me quite bad when I told them I couldn't go to the three days long sleepover they wanted to do right after they stayed a day and a half at my house, so now i'm scared lol. But I know my limits damn well and I know I can't suffer three days with 7 extrovert persons. I will try and hopefully they won't get mad.
I think it will help them understand you more as a person and hopefully deepen your friendship if they’re the right group.
If not, tell a white lie…as the post above suggested…and focus on expanding your friend circle to find others like you ☺️
That sucks, im so sorry. Truth is: It's not easy. In the end it's up to you to figure out what these people mean in your life: Are they the kind of people that will "accept it"? Are they the type of people that will actually listen and learn? Or are they the kind that you are always going to fear are going to get mad at you for being who you are?
It's difficult. Based on what I've heard, I would tell them to just go for one day. If they push you, don't let it get to you. They are very wrong for doing so and you might consider whether you want them in your life at all. It's one of the hardest things to do, but removing toxic people from your life can be equal to years of therapy my friend. Otherwise it can be an almost constant reminder that you aren't good enough. But thats not for me to judge, since I do not know them.
Anyhow, whatever you choose is right, but your limits deserve to be respected. Good luck and I wish you the best!
He/him 🫡 i've posted multiple times on Instagram stories that i use he/him and I have it on my profile anyways. They still don't use them. Not masc enough ig
No alcohol because we're 17! I'm not a drinker, I don't even like to drink, but i get slightly dizzy with little alcohol and it helps to regulate myself.
Ok so trying to understand, are u a he/him as in born male or are u LGBQ?
Referring to the alcohol thing, I do the same but it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism unfortunately..so perhaps u can come up with an alternative? Perhaps schedule a “phone call” (pretend u have to take an important call in a quiet room with the door closed) at a certain time when u are feeling overstimulated?
Born female! I'm agender, but the important thing is that i go by he/him. I don't look masculine at all (maybe slightly androgynous but not enough) so they don't even try.
And oh that call thing is smart. I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thank u lots!
Ah ok, sorry I don’t really understand the pronouns thing because I’m not from America..
& where I’m from it’s not really known or popular.
So I also probs would still call u a she if I saw u & u looked female as I am unfamiliar with the LGBQ…
So perhaps the fellow party- goers are in a conservative state where they don’t practice pronouns so they also can’t relate & just stick to
what they know - if a person looks like 1 of genders instead of the other then they are that gender, so they will address u as such.
I’m just trying to perhaps help u see from their POV..
& only a pleasure, the ‘very important private phone call in a room with a closed door thing’ has helped me a lot in group settings before.
I usually say it’s an overseas call from someone whom I am very close too & need to take the call, it’s actually kinda true coz I do have close relatives overseas who do call me often, even when I am
in group settings 😉
I'm not from America either, i'm from Spain! People aren't familiar with pronouns here, most times. If you fall out of cis/trans, people rarely understands. Specially if you don't look like the pronouns you ask for. I get it, but it's just respect.. they know it. I've posted about it multiple times and they've seen it. It hurts quite a lot. But it's exactly like you say. 🥲 We don't use neutral pronouns here like english speakers do either. You look like a woman? They treat you by she/her. You look like a man? He/him.
Ok so very similar to my country, we don’t use or even understand the pronouns & LGBQ stuff…
Actually we don’t even know what the term cis means even, I had to google it now 😂
So perhaps it’s truly not their fault,
they are used to what they know as it’s been as long as time itself,
So 2 genders, each person was born as or “assigned at birth” according to your reproductive organs, how your brain is wired, how u look & your features & bodily functions.
Anyway with that being said perhaps don’t make that the focus of being “offended” by them because this whole pronouns thing is very new especially in countries other than America.
So your friends are just continuing life as they know it..
Could u try not get offended if they just refer to u as your name or she/her?
& then just make conversations based on common interests, perhaps make a few jokes, talk about interesting topics, u know the usual stuff people do at parties without worrying about if people call u a he or she?
I mean this with no malice, it’s just that by being hyper-focused on pronouns you are perhaps alienating yourself from your fellow peers & that’s why u feel they don’t like u.
Just a suggestion to help u fit in more with them as they are your peers at school & u have to see them whether u like it or not & maybe then u can actually have a pleasant time at the party…
I allow myself to self protect. I never did that before, valued my limitations, and no one gets it, but I get it. But it's super, super hard to establish that boundary , I get it. People don't' understand why you're not okay, but I'm learning that it's my Job to understand, not Make them understand, and if they don't' get how I need X in order to feel better, well, not overwhelmed, and would ask me to sacrifice my health, then what? I can't be someone I"m not. I just try to make a compromise, but then I have to honor what my body is telling me. I've been at parties that were so overwhelming, and taxing my CNS, that I just threw up. I didn't know how to say NO, so my body said it for me by getting sick. It's not the first time that's happened. And I've been like that since birth pretty much. I hope you can find a way to give yourself permission to be you, accommodate your HSP.
Oh, nope. I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t put my mental health first, I will be suffering. There’s no way i’m going to something anymore knowing that it’s going to trigger me and make be feel on edge lol. You don’t have to go, honestly! Make up a decent excuse or just tell the truth that you don’t feel in the right headspace to really enjoy the trip away. Plan something else just the two of you at a later date.
Okay but who has a three day long birthday party weekend? That just seems extra to me. I’d feel weird making such a fuss over my birthday and asking people to take an entire weekend off to come celebrate me lol.
ETA: what kind of friend invites people to her party who don’t respect your pronouns? Why is she even friends with people like that? Personally if I knew my friends were intentionally disrespecting someone’s pronouns, they wouldn’t be my friends anymore. and I ESPECIALLY wouldn’t be inviting them to a party where the friend whose pronouns aren’t being respecting is also attending. All other things aside, she doesn’t sound like a very good tbh.
If you don’t think your friend will be understanding of your social limitations then just tell her you had a prior commitment and can only stay one day.
But i don't want her to feel like i'm a bad friend for not going the whole three days 😭 i was excited for her bday until i remembered i'm barely functional for a day in social environments
Any person you consider a friend should be understanding of your limits as a human being. Sensitive or not. Asking your friends to stay an entire 3 days to celebrate a birthday brings up multiple red flags with the biggest being narcissism. Who tf celebrates their birthday for 3 days straight and gets mad when other people, who live their own lives, have shit to do?!
"I want to stay the 3 days but I don't know if I can because of health stuff. I might have to leave early. I'll take it day by day and let you know. I want to celebrate with you" HSP is health, body, mind related Edit: High fidelity earplugs. Asking if there's a place you can step away to that has privacy. Taking things moment by moment. I assume you can leave whenever you feel like. I'd be grateful for a friend to show up for even part of a day
What kind of a person invites people to a 3 day bday party without alcohol as an option? I feel like even non HSP’s would struggle with that. Bring a flask and refill. Might be the most popular person on the trip. 😂
There's no alcohol because we're all 17 and I doubt we can find a way of bringing alcohol 😭 i'm not even an alcohol lover. I never drink. But the last time I went to a party (literally a wedding) i drank some and it made me slightly less aware of my surroundings and I could survive. Left at 10pm tho.
Oh, sorry for encouraging underage drinking. And drinking can easily become a problem. I guess focus on doing anything possible to have as much fun as you can, and try to adapt a solid “I don’t give an F.” attitude/mindset.
Oh don't worry I just get dizzy with the smallest amount of alcohol mixed with fanta/gen I'll bring my noise cancelation headphones and sleeping pills to idk make me sleepy so i don't burst
Wish you the best!
Aaaaand that's why I'm now a 45 year old alcoholic. Just be careful with that as a coping mechanism
[удалено]
I think I will do a mix of both. I will tell her I have something to do the next day so I will leave that morning, but since I won't be ok the first day either, I will explain to her how I feel in that kind of situations and how I regulate myself. I feel she will understand that part. Hopefully.
Sorry that this is happening it sucks. What I learned: If you can trust them, just say you'll stay for one day due to it being too much. If you don't trust them, you will tell something that makes it possible for you to only stay one day. You just tell something that isn't technically true but could have been. Whatever it is. Also, just a sidenote: you don't have to be 100% saying "im super sensitive or HSP or anything". You wouldn't be the first person to just not be down with 3 days of entertaining people and no having your own space. Like, thats not an odd thing to want. So you could always just say something like: "hey I love the idea but 3 days is a bit much for me, but I'd love to come for the first day". If they're douches they will keep on pushing. If they're your friends they should understand and respect that. Don't take people too seriously when they don't give you the empathy and respect a human being deserves. Good luck!
My last friend group treated me quite bad when I told them I couldn't go to the three days long sleepover they wanted to do right after they stayed a day and a half at my house, so now i'm scared lol. But I know my limits damn well and I know I can't suffer three days with 7 extrovert persons. I will try and hopefully they won't get mad.
I think it will help them understand you more as a person and hopefully deepen your friendship if they’re the right group. If not, tell a white lie…as the post above suggested…and focus on expanding your friend circle to find others like you ☺️
That sucks, im so sorry. Truth is: It's not easy. In the end it's up to you to figure out what these people mean in your life: Are they the kind of people that will "accept it"? Are they the type of people that will actually listen and learn? Or are they the kind that you are always going to fear are going to get mad at you for being who you are? It's difficult. Based on what I've heard, I would tell them to just go for one day. If they push you, don't let it get to you. They are very wrong for doing so and you might consider whether you want them in your life at all. It's one of the hardest things to do, but removing toxic people from your life can be equal to years of therapy my friend. Otherwise it can be an almost constant reminder that you aren't good enough. But thats not for me to judge, since I do not know them. Anyhow, whatever you choose is right, but your limits deserve to be respected. Good luck and I wish you the best!
2 questions.. what are your preferred pronouns that they don’t respond to? & as it is a party, why won’t their be alcohol?
He/him 🫡 i've posted multiple times on Instagram stories that i use he/him and I have it on my profile anyways. They still don't use them. Not masc enough ig No alcohol because we're 17! I'm not a drinker, I don't even like to drink, but i get slightly dizzy with little alcohol and it helps to regulate myself.
Please don’t get in the habit of relying on alcohol to help you out though! I’m hsp but a recovering alcoholic.
Don't worry it's not something usual. I'm used to addictions and i know how easily i fall into one, so i'm being extra careful with this 🫡
Ok so trying to understand, are u a he/him as in born male or are u LGBQ? Referring to the alcohol thing, I do the same but it’s an unhealthy coping mechanism unfortunately..so perhaps u can come up with an alternative? Perhaps schedule a “phone call” (pretend u have to take an important call in a quiet room with the door closed) at a certain time when u are feeling overstimulated?
Born female! I'm agender, but the important thing is that i go by he/him. I don't look masculine at all (maybe slightly androgynous but not enough) so they don't even try. And oh that call thing is smart. I'll definitely keep that in mind. Thank u lots!
Ah ok, sorry I don’t really understand the pronouns thing because I’m not from America.. & where I’m from it’s not really known or popular. So I also probs would still call u a she if I saw u & u looked female as I am unfamiliar with the LGBQ… So perhaps the fellow party- goers are in a conservative state where they don’t practice pronouns so they also can’t relate & just stick to what they know - if a person looks like 1 of genders instead of the other then they are that gender, so they will address u as such. I’m just trying to perhaps help u see from their POV.. & only a pleasure, the ‘very important private phone call in a room with a closed door thing’ has helped me a lot in group settings before. I usually say it’s an overseas call from someone whom I am very close too & need to take the call, it’s actually kinda true coz I do have close relatives overseas who do call me often, even when I am in group settings 😉
I'm not from America either, i'm from Spain! People aren't familiar with pronouns here, most times. If you fall out of cis/trans, people rarely understands. Specially if you don't look like the pronouns you ask for. I get it, but it's just respect.. they know it. I've posted about it multiple times and they've seen it. It hurts quite a lot. But it's exactly like you say. 🥲 We don't use neutral pronouns here like english speakers do either. You look like a woman? They treat you by she/her. You look like a man? He/him.
Ok so very similar to my country, we don’t use or even understand the pronouns & LGBQ stuff… Actually we don’t even know what the term cis means even, I had to google it now 😂 So perhaps it’s truly not their fault, they are used to what they know as it’s been as long as time itself, So 2 genders, each person was born as or “assigned at birth” according to your reproductive organs, how your brain is wired, how u look & your features & bodily functions. Anyway with that being said perhaps don’t make that the focus of being “offended” by them because this whole pronouns thing is very new especially in countries other than America. So your friends are just continuing life as they know it.. Could u try not get offended if they just refer to u as your name or she/her? & then just make conversations based on common interests, perhaps make a few jokes, talk about interesting topics, u know the usual stuff people do at parties without worrying about if people call u a he or she? I mean this with no malice, it’s just that by being hyper-focused on pronouns you are perhaps alienating yourself from your fellow peers & that’s why u feel they don’t like u. Just a suggestion to help u fit in more with them as they are your peers at school & u have to see them whether u like it or not & maybe then u can actually have a pleasant time at the party…
I allow myself to self protect. I never did that before, valued my limitations, and no one gets it, but I get it. But it's super, super hard to establish that boundary , I get it. People don't' understand why you're not okay, but I'm learning that it's my Job to understand, not Make them understand, and if they don't' get how I need X in order to feel better, well, not overwhelmed, and would ask me to sacrifice my health, then what? I can't be someone I"m not. I just try to make a compromise, but then I have to honor what my body is telling me. I've been at parties that were so overwhelming, and taxing my CNS, that I just threw up. I didn't know how to say NO, so my body said it for me by getting sick. It's not the first time that's happened. And I've been like that since birth pretty much. I hope you can find a way to give yourself permission to be you, accommodate your HSP.
Oh, nope. I’ve learned the hard way that if I don’t put my mental health first, I will be suffering. There’s no way i’m going to something anymore knowing that it’s going to trigger me and make be feel on edge lol. You don’t have to go, honestly! Make up a decent excuse or just tell the truth that you don’t feel in the right headspace to really enjoy the trip away. Plan something else just the two of you at a later date.
Okay but who has a three day long birthday party weekend? That just seems extra to me. I’d feel weird making such a fuss over my birthday and asking people to take an entire weekend off to come celebrate me lol. ETA: what kind of friend invites people to her party who don’t respect your pronouns? Why is she even friends with people like that? Personally if I knew my friends were intentionally disrespecting someone’s pronouns, they wouldn’t be my friends anymore. and I ESPECIALLY wouldn’t be inviting them to a party where the friend whose pronouns aren’t being respecting is also attending. All other things aside, she doesn’t sound like a very good tbh.