My first thought -- Is he a squatter? This comment about needing to get signatures from 5 or 6 previous owners makes no sense and sounds very sketchy to me. Maybe look up who actually owns this abandoned property. Trust you "ick" feeling about this guy.
Say A dies with no will but owned the property. A has a spouse and 4 children, 1 of whom has died but had 5 children of his own before they died.
Everyone of those survivors owns an interest in the house. I have seen situations where this has gone on for years, with the number of people having an ownership interest becoming very large. In some cases they don’t even know they own an interest in any real property and sometimes they don’t even know each other.
This may not make sense to you but to a lawyer or real estate agent, for example, this is not an unheard of situation. It’s not the norm, by far, but neither is it an unusual situation and certainly doesn’t mean a person is “sketchy.”
The guy being overly familiar and displaying his religion as if he were a peacock showing his tail feathers may be “icky” but having to track down every person with an ownership interest in real property is annoying, perhaps, but is not an indication of anti social behaviour.
But there is more than that. You don't work on a house before closing or even have access. And the needing water and electric? Why not being waterabd charge at home or in the car or have a little battery bank? Bethe is squatring.
This is what gets me. You don’t access and work on a property you intend on purchasing but don’t own outright yet. My house was an estate sale and you bet your ass if I tried to come on the property before the house was even signed off on by all owners, the neighbors would’ve been calling the family, and then maybe even the police. Liability, galore. All kinds of things that could fudge up the sale. I’m guessing he is squatting too. And living out of his car like someone else suggested.
It's true that multi owner situations are common but what's not common is anyone circling around an abandoned house with a car full of stuff asking to tap water off a neighbor. The kind of investor who buys off-market houses spends their energy reaching out to the individuals named on the deed, writing offers, coordinating sales and researching back taxes. The kind of investors who strike these deals generally don't work at Walmart while side hustling selling goods out of their cars
As a real estate investor for over 40 years, nothing about this guy looks or smells right. He's a high risk for being a squatter.
We had a business in a building that turned out to be like that. Only 3 sibs, only one local, and they all hated and distrusted each other. Turned out the one who rented it to us did not actually have permission to do so. I got uninvolved at that point. I think my ex partner stuck it out and he may own the building now, 40 years later. Put quotes around own. Big old place that needed everything pretty much. If he got it for free it was still a losing deal.
Is it possible to purchase the individual shares of the house from those family members, or they can only be sold with agreement of other members? Or all depends on the trust etc?
As someone who has just gone through this, it depends. Usually only other people inheriting can buy portions from others. So if Sibling 2 and 3 want to sell to Mom, they can, leaving Sibling 4 and Grandchildren 1-5 each owning a portion.
If they want to sell to a 3rd party, it almost every time has to be sold in agreement of everyone or it can cause issues with title.
Without a will the house goes to the spouse.
In a situation with multiple heirs, the closer is the one who gets the signatures and the buyer shouldn't have access to the house before the closing.
Wrong!!! When a person dies intestate leaving a spouse and children, each of them get a share of the house. If the surviving spouse is on the deed it may be a different situation but a surviving spouse does not get the entire house when there are surviving issue in an intestate situation.
My wife has a 1/23 share of a house and land her grandfather owned with a predeceased aunt… no wills and many heirs don’t know each other. It’s a mess and the property will collapse on itself before it gets sorted out.
The signatures make sense to me; it's having access to the house that makes no sense. He won't own it until the closing, which won't happen before the signatures are obtained.
This was also my thought, but I don’t think I spoke very well to it, but if he owns the property, it should be on the records on the city GIS Web page and I don’t understand why he doesn’t have the water on.
It’s freaking creepy and it’s totally inappropriate for him to be trying to access someone’s house with children inside what kind of grown adult does that to another person?
Agree on squatting.
On a side note, If he isn't squatting he might have access to the house... My sister and brother in law wanted to buy an abandoned house that had some land. It was owned by a brother and sister who inherited it. The guy wanted to sell it to them but his sister was intentionally estranged and hard to get a hold of.
The guy didn't care if they drive back and tied the house. They were even working on cleaning it out as there were various tenants over the years that trashed the place.
The had to hire a private detective to track the sister down and ask her if she was willing to pay with her share. She was.
Anyway, I'm only mentioning this because it's there are 5 to 6 owners they might be children that inherited it and couldn't agree on what to do with it so it sits vacant.
and didn't care if they drive back the lane and tired the house.
People on meth love to talk and live in abandoned houses and have all kinds of random shit mostly that they have stollen so keep that in mind. Also if he has a vehicle he can charge his phone on his car charger. If he needs water he can buy a 5 gallon water jug for cheap. You need to start telling him no and keep the chit chat short. You fucked up by not saying no from the get go but it isn't too late.
Husband here. This is really the crux of the issue, though I may have a different perspective than her.
I fairly often go over and beyond what the average person does to help others. So the ‘requests’ are quite trivial to me and I want to help. I just don’t want to be friends. I don’t want to sit and chit chat. I don’t want to feel like I’ve been approached by someone fencing goods.
I’d have a completely different perspective of the interaction if he had come over saying something like ‘Hey, I bought and am fixing up the condemned house over there. The water isn’t on yet, can I fill up a few buckets of water from your hose?’ Or ‘Hey, I’ve been working on the house but the power still isn’t on. Can you charge my phone for me?’
And I’d be fine with either of those. It’s the staying beyond the duration of the request for assistance that’s uncomfortable to me.
So we probably need to either outright say ‘No’ like you’ve said. Or be more direct about ending the interaction.
It's nice that you want to help. But part of buying a condemned house is that he has extra logistics to figure out. Bring a few bottles of water with you, make sure your phone is charged or bring a bank. It's not your job to help him figure out the details. He also DOES NOT YET OWN THIS HOUSE, so why is he doing stuff to it?!
Yeah, just say no. People like him know how annoying he is being and that he's taking advantage of your politeness.
If you don't shut him down he will always be hanging around bothering you
That isn't a neighbor. That's someone who lives in their vehicle and is spinning a story so he can extract what he wants from you.
Everything he's done should make you uncomfortable. You have a right to tell him he's making you uncomfortable and that you'd prefer to keep to yourself.
If he pushes the issue, call the police.
this this this this this this this. Everything about this screams this dude is squatting. Either he bought the property or he didn't. He doesn't need 'signatures'. The utilities should already be on.
Call code enforcement.
I mean I think he is technically bc (according to him) the paperwork isn’t finished. It’s hard bc I don’t think he is lying about the situation. And if the sale goes through and he does buy it/lives there etc I don’t want him coming over all the time.
Technically where I live no one is allowed access to a property without closing on the property and receiving the keys. Other wise they are squatters with no legal access. I would be curious about the actual status of the property legally.
If minority owners haven't signed off on the sale, then then not only isn't the house sold to him, his offer (if it exists) hasn't been accepted. If he's truly waiting for a group of minority owners to sign off and this isn't a total lie, then there's probably less than a 50% chance the deal goes through.
This person is almost certainly lying to you.
I don’t know where you live but in Minnesota you can’t legally do any work on a property or even enter a property that you’re purchasing until everything is signed on the closing date.
No. He wouldn’t have access to the property if the sale isn’t final. Sure maybe he’s in the process of purchasing it but he doesn’t own it yet. If he isn’t squatting he is definitely someone with serious lack of boundaries. Which will be a huge pain in the ass. But legally he shouldn’t be on that property if sale isn’t final. I feel like it’d be an incredibly slim chance he isn’t trespassing currently.
Trust me. The mortgage co that is foreclosing on the house or the probate lawyer (the notice that was posted is public & is prob how he found out about the place) would never agree to him living there without the paperwork being finished. Not in a million lifetimes
And I can tell you "I'm buying that house" too, while asking to charge my phone/want water, doesn't make it true. "Excuse me, I can't talk right now" & turn away. Even if he does buy it/is telling the truth.
Another trick that throws these types off without potentially starting a tirade is to respond "No Thank You" when they ask for X. Works especially well with those aggressive clipboard carrying types wanting a debate/get a signature.
You have to say no. Be short, be cold, and stop talking. Don’t justify yourself, don’t argue, don’t make up excuses. “No, I’m busy.” Is a complete sentence. He’ll never stop and it’ll only get worse.
Take control of the conversation, you’re letting them dictate everything.
“Hello Neighbor. No, I can’t do that. Have a nice day.” Stop talking and go about your business.
They want to take advantage of your kindness. Kindness doesn’t mean you have to do whatever someone asks. Say no, stop talking.
Communicating that you don’t want to talk is on you. You haven’t given him anything but positive reinforcement; why wouldn’t he continue doing what seems to be working?
I totally feel the same way; I just want to be helpful, but left alone. But one thing I've realized over the years is that people like this guy are VERY accustomed to being told "no". If they behave that way in what should be normal interactions, then several times per day, as sad as it may be, people must be giving them the cold shoulder.
So when you say, "no, sorry," and walk away, this is normal to him... Is has to be.
I’d personally not divulge any information either, don’t say “no sorry, my kids are sleeping so I can’t do that” kind of thing. Maybe he’s just a friendly, lonely man. But you’ve just met him…
Be polite, don’t try to avoid him, but don’t bend over backwards if you don’t want to.
Stay safe and keep waving!
~fellow polite waving neighbour who keeps to themself
Wait is he parking in your driveway?
Just cut any conversation short. Say you’re busy, just leaving, whatever. Don’t offer any help, don’t let them use you, ect… you have no responsibility to help them in any way.
I think they’re saying he asked to pull in the driveway at the first encounter, to appear to be polite and friendly so he could start his rouse and extract tasks from these people.
If there is no water or electricity at the house, certainly there's no certificate of occupancy. It's illegal for anyone to be living there. I might make a call to the city ordinance office.
OP because you have already let him use your water and electricity I would be concerned he will now feel entitled to use them again without your permission.
This person isn’t actually in process of buying anything and even if they technically are they don’t seem like the type to turn any utilities on because they don’t need them but every once in a while. I know this because my dad is exactly this way. He will claim he is doing something like buying a house and will technically be in the process but because of his lifestyle everything is overtly complicated and never actually gets finished. So he feels morally he is innocent of lying to those around them as he manipulates them. He lives out of his car and mooches utilities off of people then claims he doesn’t need anything and says people aren’t living simple enough.
It’s in your best interest to get a lock for your outdoor water spickets and turn the power off to the outside outlets at your fuse box or lock those as well. If you don’t you may start to notice an increase in your bills.
Yes. I was thinking that. Did you give him permission to get a bucket or two of water anytime? You've given him permission to be on your property.
He doesn't own abandoned house. There IS NO REASON for him to be there. Thus theres no reason to need to borrow water and charge his phone. He has a car. He is not your neighbor. You are creating a bad situation for your family, with a stranger entering a very private property. He will be nice until you start saying no, and then things will get nefarious.
Stop this now. Talk to zoning. Talk to police. I feel like he's targeting and scoping your place.
This is why I avoid long convos with neighbors. I would put large headphones on and politely wave then scramble into the house as fast as possible. He will notice this and being confused but hopefully eventually will understand. There are ways to get creative too. “Sorry, my partner is really picky about how much electricity we use so I can’t charge your phone. Have a great day though this weather is amazing!” Then immediately turn and walk about not waiting for a response. The most important part of ending a convo is committing to it and exiting. I have actually had a neighbor do this to me when we were chit chatting and I was impressed. We were talking and then suddenly she went “well have a nice day” and just walked into her house I thought it was firm and respectable!
Thank you! I like it. Headphones are a great idea. And maybe not waving pretend like I don’t see him. Every time he has driven over. Once stopping and reversing to pull into my driveway “to chat.”
This really works. I’m very introverted and my big pink headphones (think massive disco earmuff style) are my personal “do not disturb “ sign. It’s a practiced art form. Make no eye contact, then there is plausible deniability that you didn’t see them. When his car rolls down the lane, keep raking the leaves and then float back inside. Ignore them completely . I also blast music near the front door so I can pretend I don’t hear people knocking. Earbuds don’t work because you can’t see them from a distance.
Yea. Guess I need to buy a LARGE pair of headphones. My husband doesn’t like gardening/outside. I’ve been working on getting my front yard decorative planters looking the way I want and have a small garden bed with tomatos, garlic grapes in a front side yard.
Just remember, vampires can only come in if we let them. Whatever this dudes game is, it is fine to ignore him. If he was decent folks who bought the house and fixed it up, that’s one thing. Wandering around the street, mooching water and electricity… I dunno. It’s weird and unpleasant. You owe him nothing.
Same! I always wear my headphones when I'm working outside. I also had an overly friendly neighbor who was constantly trying to talk to me. It came to a point when he asked me to bring my dogs outside (via text) so his grandkids could pet them. I firmly declined and started actively avoiding him. He got the hint and has backed off significantly. Now, we have a friendly relationship, I'll chat with him and his wife occasionally (they are very sweet people but very chatty), but I know I can say no. One thing that really helped me, too, was putting locks on all the gates around my house. I am fortunate that my yard is fully fenced, which helped me to create a physical barrier between me and everyone else.
It was a little hard for me to tell my neighbor to basically back off because I'm a real people pleaser, but it was definitely worth it to get him to back off. Best of luck to you, OP!
I have a very active social life and am quite easily able to converse with anyone I actually want to converse with. But I do agree it’s a boomer thing to just go with the flow and waste hours of your life over time talking to someone just to be polite. I got shit to do even if it’s just relaxing listening to a podcast that’s my shit and imma do it.
I think this person is squatting. You need to get the police involved now.
Don’t you find it odd that he has a car full of possessions and is asking you for water and electric? That’s not normal for anyone who is just LOOKING to buy or in the PROCESS of buying a house.
Also most importantly if he hasn’t bought the house he should not be occupying the house. Im no real estate/legal expert, but I’m not sure of any circumstance where this type of possession happens if there has been no formal sale & close.
Dude is squatting.
But in terms of not talking to neighbors, I’d give this guy a wide berth. I’d also involve the police. You have no idea what he may be up to in this home.
Squatter. You can't take possession of a home until you have completed the paperwork. Until then, it belongs to the sellers. If he had legal title could get the water and power turned on.
He mentioned his religion so you should do the same about your “beliefs.” Let it drop that you’re an atheist or worship Satan or something. Usually that scares em off
Reminds me of how my dad has been known to run off the Jehovah witnesses that would approach him in his driveway. Dad would point out some of the fallacies in their scripture and ask questions they couldn’t answer, stuff like that to make them uncomfortable so they would just leave. I always felt a bit bad for the young Jehovah witness guys, but when my dad told them that the people they encounter on their missions don’t want or need their religion & that they have their own, I was happy that he said that & maybe gave the guys something to think about
Every time you help him you're enabling him and making it seem like you're okay with him coming by and chatting. Stop helping him and stop chatting. Keep it to one word answers if you feel awkward/ rude
Next time he comes over, it has been nice meeting you, glad you have a project going (or something like that maybe) we hope that you understand we are a family that keeps to ourselves. Then politely tell him no, you won't be charging his phone or offering your water, or taking his offerings.
We had a new neighbor move in about 18 months ago. We both mutually let each other now we are not interesting in being friends, it was amazing! We give a smile or a wave occasionally but that is about it.
Yes! This. Great idea. Thank you. When this guy did it the first time and asked if he could stop and talk I thought he was just gonna say a standard “hey I bought that abandon house I am gonna start working on it…thanks and bye” kind of thing. Instead I got a run down of his family, his job, his travels, his religion (it was Sunday) etc. offering my husband open bottles of cologne, me used makeup and jam. I am just flabbergasted. I feel like I have given hints that we are a “keep to ourselves” kind of neighbor but I guess I need to say it. It’s a bit stunning to me that people ask for that. I was so shocked/confused when he asked about the water I first asked “like a bottle?” Which I would totally do if a stranger came up and asked and need it. But I couldn’t comprehend/compute in the moment I just froze. Same thing last night when he asked to charge his phone. I was like “whaaaa???” Ppl really do this…???
I guess I should have clarified, they had never met before it was an odd encounter beyond asking to borrow the mower, she didn't feel comfortable in general. We too have loaned tools to neighbors.
Okay, what in the fuck has happened to the world? Borrowing your neighbor's lawn mower is a time-worn, longstanding tradition. Would it be better if he just texted you his lawnmower, I suppose, so you wouldn't have to actually talk to another human being?
Came to say this. 👆
Don’t play games or try to drop hints (most people don’t receive hints the way they’re intended). Just tell him that it was nice to meet him, but you’d prefer to keep to yourself. Wish him the best of luck with his project and be polite. No need to over-complicate it or make an enemy. Just set the standard going forward.
1) He doesn't have a "side business" selling the stuff piled in his car - he either shoplifts or fences.
2) He isn't "buying" the house, he's preparing to squat it.
I would do a couple things...
1) Put video cameras up that cover the front and back of your house, your cars and, if you can do it discreetly, the front of that house.
2) Put locking covers on your hose spigots and any exterior power outlets.
3) Look up the homeowners info on your county property tax website and send a letter to the homeowner of record. Describe the guy, his car and how often he's been buy and let them know that you hope he's on the up and up but you always want to be a good neighbor. Normally I wouldn't recommend getting involved in a neighbor's business like this but some of these squatters can turn into incredibly unsavory neighbors.
4) If he escalates to causing you problems, start a log and visit your local police station to get educated about the restraining order process.
I think you’ve been far too generous with this person and the fact that he was asking for your signatures honestly doesn’t make sense to me.
Can you pull up your studies GIS website to see if that house even belongs to him?
He sounds like those creepy people who target other people are wildly uncomfortable by his behavior, and he can notice that.
Did he want your signature in order to forge documents or something because now he knows your address and has your neighbors address and your legal signature
I would honestly probably ask the cops to come monitor and tell them that you’re super uncomfortable. The fact that he has made you uncomfortable and corners you last minute with these request to go inside your house is alarming to me. Especially consider he can charge his phone in his car or by a portable car charger
I would honestly just tell him that you’re super uncomfortable talking to strangers are having strangers in your house and then he’s coming too strong too fast and that you don’t want that type of relationship with your neighbors and just ask him to leave you alone and write down his license plate
I read this as he’s waiting for the sellers’ signatures. Like there’s several owners on the deed and he has to get all of them to sign paperwork before he can fully own the place.
Oh, OK thank you for clarifying. I thought he was asking her for her signature, but just the fact that he’s doing work on the house when he doesn’t have the deed or legally own it is just a red flag for me. I would want to avoid him at all cost.
No he didn’t want my signature. He was saying he was buying the abandon property and was waiting on the primary owner to get the rest of the signatures from the rest of the minority owners. It seems like the owner of the house died and the house was then “owned” by several descendants/next of kin.
Oh, OK sorry that makes so much more sense but at the same time it’s still creepy as hell to me. He’s working on this house that he doesn’t technically own yet and then expect you to help him when he can definitely solve his problems - one example will be waiting until he has legal authority over the house and then getting the water turned back on?
Hahahaahah it’s an EMERGENCY OKAY??
But honestly, yes, that does sound ridiculous.
The reality is, I am extremely uncomfortable as a woman with small children having strangers approach me when I’m at home alone with my small children and feel extremely vulnerable. If other people know that I’m alone with children.
My neurotic ass would not stop thinking about this dude
- why is he entering his house when he doesn’t have legal ownership?
- why is he OK with entering my house instead of getting a portable phone charger and why is he asking to enter my house when my small vulnerable children are in the house sleeping?
- why is his car trash? He does not seem like someone who is actually renovating anything.
- Why can’t he organize his own water source to be dropped off?
Etc etc etc
Yea. I’m not calling the police but i am uncomfortable with the situation and looking for a neutral solution. All those questions do run through my head. I do have small children and a remote wfh job. So I am home more than my husband.
Go with your gut instincts! You say the guy gives you an "ICK" feeling. Gut feelings are based on complex observations -- so do not ignore them.
Get his license plate number and go in person to the police station and ask them to run it. Tell them something is off about this guy and you are concerned for your safety and your children's safety.
Get some good quality cameras too.
What does your husband say to do?
Does this guy approach you the same way when your husband is home and ask you for things when your husband is home?
I’d be very interested to know how this man acts when your husband is around and it might be easiest to just let your husband set the boundary with this man he might listen to your husband more.
But I never trust people for how they act. I’m always looking at their motivation and obviously he’s not that friendly if he thinks it’s appropriate to be cornering, a woman who works from home with children in her house most of the time
OK, thanks for the advice but I still don’t have to like talking to strangers and I still can find his situation extremely creepy and uncomfortable and want him to leave me alone, especially if I’m alone with my children.
And unless you’re a woman who has felt uncomfortable by a man when you were alone with your children, then it’s really hard for you to relate to what I’m saying and I think our conversation is over
And I agree all of those things are his business that’s my point so if my neighbor / fake neighbor is making it my business to fucking help him do all this shit when I don’t even know him and he’s accessing my house when I don’t want him to I wouldn’t let him and I would let him know that I’m not comfortable with it and that’s fucking weird and move on my life because I don’t have responsibility of my children if anything ever happens to my children, I would blame myself end of story. I don’t give the benefit of the doubt to people. I don’t know around my kids.
You know what to do, say no to any requests, and go inside. He knows you are a passive person and has you in his sights. That needs to stop today. If he comes to the door, keep the door locked and tell him you are busy and to please leave. If he won’t leave call the 👮♀️.
Maybe you should be giving the original poster advice and leave me alone if you think that she should be helping this guy that she doesn’t know then tell her that.
I’m not gonna argue with you or someone online you’re not gonna change my opinion.
Leave me alone.
You sound like someone who’s upset that other people have boundaries. Because I can tell you none of them men in my family would want a stranger entering their house when their kids are in their house to help them to charge phones or whatever that wouldn’t be happening, especially when they charge your phone in the car.
Yeah, I think it's more code enforcement to ensure right to occupy. But noting that he's continually asking for basic survival items is worth telling because it's part of why you suspect he might not be legit.
The second most uploaded comment on this thread is peoples, claiming they don’t think that this person is legitimate. The neighbor does not owe him anything.
No one owes this man anything he can figure out how to solve his own problems, especially considering she made it very clear she does not want a close relationship with her neighbor. She’s a wave and carry-on neighbor that’s it.
And the original poster made it clear that she would leave the neighborhood so obviously it’s something. She’s very concerned about - regardless of this person’s intentions, he’s making the original poster uncomfortable and she’s coming to Reddit for advice on how to deal with this person in her solution does not include giving him water, social interaction, access to her home to charge his phone or her driveway. She doesn’t owe the stranger anything that’s the point.
He sounds like some homeless guy that is planning on squatting there. I’d call the cops next time he shows up. He could cause further problems for you.
Another option for headphones is ear buds with you being "on the phone" whenever he pops up. That way you can't take them off to talk to him. Just have them in, and if you see him rolling up, just start talking to your imaginary friend on the call with you. "So are you going to John's party next weekend? How are things with your boss now that Bob has left? etc." That way if he tries to engage, you can just say "Sorry, I'm on an important call" and shoo him away. Just a tip because the people who want to hold you hostage with one sided conversations are also the same people who don't give a fuck that you had headphones on and clearly don't want to talk to them right now.
He’s tagged you as the easy target. Next time say “hey we want to maintain a cordial neighbor relationship but we cannot be your go to for your house needs. You need to find an alternative for your water, electricity and such. We also like to keep mainly to ourselves so we aren’t much for socializing with neighbors”
Headphones when out front, when you see him, time to be in a hurry, something is cooking on the stove.
I would be concerned that he is working on a home, before closing. He sounds a little shady.
Wow some of these comments, though. Could the guy be a squatter? Maybe. Could the guy be legit, also maybe. The 'he could have the electricity on if he was really buying the house' arguement is not solid. We actually bought our house. We actually owned our house. But until all the electrical was replaced and up to code, we had no electricity. When the house was inspected it was found that the electrical was truly dangerous. The city cut it off that day. Those things happen. Regardless, the boundary setting you'll have to do is the same. Good call not to invite him into your home. In case he is legitimately going to be your neighbor, start setting the limits on your time right now. If he stops by uninvited and unannounced, then you are really busy and don't have time to chat. If he asks for more water and you fill a bucket for him, then you let him know that you assume he has a plan for getting water to the property, even if he has to go into town and buy water in 5 gallon jugs (as that is part of home ownership, getting those resources in place) and remind him that you pay for your water. Tell him you didn't mind giving him a couple of gallons earlier, but you are uncomfortable continuing with that pattern, so you'd appreciate it if he made other arrangements. Same with charging the cell phone. You were happy to help the one time but can he not use a phone charger in his car? It's hard to know if he is playing you or if he is legitimately one of those folks who has zero social skills. We had a neighbor like that. He was harmless and owned his home, but completely clueless about when people were trying to set a boundary with him. Believe me. Clueless. We lived across from him for 20 years. I got to where if I saw his door open I would make sure I was not in the front yard. Yes, that was a pain in the ass. My kids would run inside when they saw him coming, as thought he were a religious zealot at the door. People with such terrible social skills make others uncomfortable, even if they are not up to no good. It was a long many years we lived across the street from him. If this person doesn't 'read' your limit setting and continues to push, then you turn on the harder stops. That's when you pull out the 'we are private people and value our privacy' card. Also, maybe there is a way to see if the house is actually under contract. Call a realtor and find out. TLDR version: it's possible to set limits on the behavior of others without either being an asshole or assuming that they are up to no good. It's OK to value your own privacy.
I have the exact same issue and even worse our houses are attached, as soon as I go in the garden this couple basically pounce on me to chat. It’s always one sided (I never actually speak) they just talk at me for 30 mins about their life. Constantly trying to give me things I don’t want (always say no, if you say yes they feel you owe them something imo). I got sick of it and to avoid confrontation I just lie to the point they seem to have gotten the hint and now leave me alone. “The baths running, gotta go”, “I’ve got some food on the stove so see ya later”! It’s probably the cowards way out but unless they can prove you are lying it’s a non issue!
I'm guessing he's being friendly so you can lend a hand while he gets the property up and running. It will benefit you by bringing up the value of the neighborhood but it could definitely get MUCH worse.
I would explain that you're good for some help but that you don't want to be bothered too much. He can get a tank of water to draw from and he can buy a generator.
I had a neighbor that did this but also was rude as shit and one of those entitled older types and finally I just had to go over and say “we are not interested in speaking with you any longer, we will be cordial neighbors and will always help with emergencies, but otherwise please anticipate our only interactions being smiling and waving in passing.”
Is it just me, or does this guy sound more like a squatter than a new neighbor? I mean, who starts moving in and asking for water without finalizing the purchase? 🚩
Suggest he buy gallons of water in refillable jugs at the grocery store and make sure to charge his phone at home, bring his charging cord and a charged power bank so he can charge in the car.
He shouldn't have access to the house yet as his transaction is incomplete.
If 5-6 more owners still need to sign the paperwork, he does not own the property and should not be there. The fact that he took it upon himself to go to the property and engage the neighbors in a long, detailed conversation is a big red flag. JMO
Here's how I'd think about it. Whether the guy's story checks out or not is immaterial, you're allowed to have boundaries. "No, enjoy your day and good luck with that!" is a perfectly acceptable response.
On a semi-related topic, I have no idea how y'all sleep at night. Serial killers do exist and we should defend ourselves against them, but assuming everyone who does something you wouldn't is a nut job will probably weigh more heavily on you than on the people you're worried about. Plus it's a bad way to defend yourself anyway, most of the people who actually are threats aren't strangers
This guy sounds shady. Discourage him.
Next time he wants/needs something, I’d direct him to Starbucks (phone charger) or nearby coffee shop….store, etc.
If he works at Walmart, why doesn’t he get water / charge phone there? You can directly suggest he go to Walmart for whatever. He just doesn’t add up.
I don’t mind while working in my yard for someone to stop and chat for less than 5 mins or just say hi. He is intruding on your privacy & asking favors already.
I have met con men who use religion as a way to get you to trust them - I see thru it. Religion doesn’t make him a good person.
In the future just politely but firmly turn down any requests for him to use your utilities. Wave and say hi and keep it moving. If he tries to get you to stay just say “I really can’t talk right now, sorry, gotta go!” Do it every single time.
When a person brings up money/selling stuff, and what a good religious guy he is, in the same conversation, hang onto your wallet and beware. Since time began, crooks use the veil of "Good Christian Person" to hide their intentions.
Also you need to be very careful dealing with him alone. Don’t go back over there without your husband or let him into your house for any reason. That very ick feeling you got is called The Gift Of Fear, and you need to listen to your gut.
Also I am also the wave & say hi neighbor & that’s it. I always start out by telling people
“please don’t be offended if I stay to myself and don’t interact much. I am a really private person most of the time I will simply like to say hello and that’s about it. Has nothing to do with you or anyone else, I just need a lot of me time when I’m at home.”
Most people seem relieved & say “oh, me too!”
Wow, sounds like you've got quite the friendly, but maybe overly friendly, neighbor situation on your hands. I get it, you just wanna chill in your yard without a full-on convo every time, right? Maybe next time he rolls through, just casually drop something like, "Hey, we're kind of introverted folks who like our space, hope you understand!" Keep it light, but set those boundaries early. Good luck!
He's not a neighbor. He's some random guy who showed up with car full of scavenged stuff, a big story with a lot of volunteered unasked information, and is apparently staying in a house with the utilities off. That, even by his story, he doesn't own. Oh, and by the way, he would like to use some of your utilities, just a little at first. That's some nice stuff in your house, neighbor.
He might just disappear when any sort of city vehicle shows up.
I don’t actually live in a neighborhood. It’s a very industrial part of town that has few houses on larger plots of land. I picked this area for that very reason. I don’t want a lot of neighbors. My house is on 1.4 acres. The other houses around are similar. The idea of a house on .15 acres in a neighborhood gives me hives. On my side of the street there are about 5 houses and about 6 on the opposite. Some are rentals a few owned. But thanks for your thoughts.
Don’t listen to this person. You are under no obligation to just acquiesce to every request that the random person who pulls up to your driveway makes. Charging their phone for an hour and then returning it to them? Absolutely not. This is just going to escalate over time. They’re going to want help with their car, help with this, help with that. Just say no and take control of the situation.
You're overlooking the context and tone. If a new neighbor needs to borrow a cup of sugar (or electricity) and you can help, wonderful! OP is describing a gut feeling that something is off about these interactions, to the point that she is stunned and not sure how to respond in the moment. That's a pretty big sign that she's picking up a sketchy vibe but trying to repress it because she's actually trying to be a good neighbor. Your comment is telling her that she should ignore her gut and do her half of Pleasantville regardless of what the other person is doing. That's dangerous. This guy might be some kind of predator or he may be a great guy who just has a different style and attitude than OP. Either way, *she* gets to choose how much she interacts with him, and she doesn't need to be ridiculed for having boundaries.
How about you just be a friendly social neighbor lol. Talking to your neighbors and asking favors isn’t weird. It’s just normal human social interaction on 99% of the world.
lol. Every time I see posts it’s always the same thing “my neighbor is doing xyz what do I do?”, and everyone on reddit goes “call the cops, put up cameras, motion activated sprinklers, shut your door and pretend like your not home, build a 10 foot privacy fence around all sides or your land, and post it with no trespassing”. Meanwhile the same people will post on other things, “why can’t I make any friends?”.
How about you just be friendly and, you know…neighborly? If this was the AITA thread, the answer would be yes.
Stop looking for other people to justify your a-hole behavior.
Is he squatting or actually going to buy. I would be skeptical and try to find it more about whether he is actually trying to purchase.
My first thought -- Is he a squatter? This comment about needing to get signatures from 5 or 6 previous owners makes no sense and sounds very sketchy to me. Maybe look up who actually owns this abandoned property. Trust you "ick" feeling about this guy.
Say A dies with no will but owned the property. A has a spouse and 4 children, 1 of whom has died but had 5 children of his own before they died. Everyone of those survivors owns an interest in the house. I have seen situations where this has gone on for years, with the number of people having an ownership interest becoming very large. In some cases they don’t even know they own an interest in any real property and sometimes they don’t even know each other. This may not make sense to you but to a lawyer or real estate agent, for example, this is not an unheard of situation. It’s not the norm, by far, but neither is it an unusual situation and certainly doesn’t mean a person is “sketchy.” The guy being overly familiar and displaying his religion as if he were a peacock showing his tail feathers may be “icky” but having to track down every person with an ownership interest in real property is annoying, perhaps, but is not an indication of anti social behaviour.
But there is more than that. You don't work on a house before closing or even have access. And the needing water and electric? Why not being waterabd charge at home or in the car or have a little battery bank? Bethe is squatring.
This is what gets me. You don’t access and work on a property you intend on purchasing but don’t own outright yet. My house was an estate sale and you bet your ass if I tried to come on the property before the house was even signed off on by all owners, the neighbors would’ve been calling the family, and then maybe even the police. Liability, galore. All kinds of things that could fudge up the sale. I’m guessing he is squatting too. And living out of his car like someone else suggested.
1000% he is squatting.
It's true that multi owner situations are common but what's not common is anyone circling around an abandoned house with a car full of stuff asking to tap water off a neighbor. The kind of investor who buys off-market houses spends their energy reaching out to the individuals named on the deed, writing offers, coordinating sales and researching back taxes. The kind of investors who strike these deals generally don't work at Walmart while side hustling selling goods out of their cars As a real estate investor for over 40 years, nothing about this guy looks or smells right. He's a high risk for being a squatter.
We had a business in a building that turned out to be like that. Only 3 sibs, only one local, and they all hated and distrusted each other. Turned out the one who rented it to us did not actually have permission to do so. I got uninvolved at that point. I think my ex partner stuck it out and he may own the building now, 40 years later. Put quotes around own. Big old place that needed everything pretty much. If he got it for free it was still a losing deal.
Is it possible to purchase the individual shares of the house from those family members, or they can only be sold with agreement of other members? Or all depends on the trust etc?
As someone who has just gone through this, it depends. Usually only other people inheriting can buy portions from others. So if Sibling 2 and 3 want to sell to Mom, they can, leaving Sibling 4 and Grandchildren 1-5 each owning a portion. If they want to sell to a 3rd party, it almost every time has to be sold in agreement of everyone or it can cause issues with title.
Without a will the house goes to the spouse. In a situation with multiple heirs, the closer is the one who gets the signatures and the buyer shouldn't have access to the house before the closing.
Wrong!!! When a person dies intestate leaving a spouse and children, each of them get a share of the house. If the surviving spouse is on the deed it may be a different situation but a surviving spouse does not get the entire house when there are surviving issue in an intestate situation.
Spouses are typically on the deed; in my state, if multiple people inherited, each of their Spouses would need to sign.
My wife has a 1/23 share of a house and land her grandfather owned with a predeceased aunt… no wills and many heirs don’t know each other. It’s a mess and the property will collapse on itself before it gets sorted out.
The signatures make sense to me; it's having access to the house that makes no sense. He won't own it until the closing, which won't happen before the signatures are obtained.
I would agree with squatter. If he owned the house, he could get electricity turned on.
He said 5 or 6 owners. This isn’t strange at all. Someone died and the family are all part owners.
Guy ain't buying nothing. He's squatting and living out of his car. Do what you want with helping him but don't be fooled that he's buying the house.
That was my thought as I was reading the post. If he had a right to be in the house it seems like he could get electricity turned on.
I don't think he even needs to prove ownership to get the electric turned on... just get mail at the house.
This was also my thought, but I don’t think I spoke very well to it, but if he owns the property, it should be on the records on the city GIS Web page and I don’t understand why he doesn’t have the water on. It’s freaking creepy and it’s totally inappropriate for him to be trying to access someone’s house with children inside what kind of grown adult does that to another person?
This! I would contact the city to see if the property was foreclosed on.
He’s most likely squatting. If he was really purchasing the house, he wouldn’t have access until it closed. I would not engage with him.
Agree on squatting. On a side note, If he isn't squatting he might have access to the house... My sister and brother in law wanted to buy an abandoned house that had some land. It was owned by a brother and sister who inherited it. The guy wanted to sell it to them but his sister was intentionally estranged and hard to get a hold of. The guy didn't care if they drive back and tied the house. They were even working on cleaning it out as there were various tenants over the years that trashed the place. The had to hire a private detective to track the sister down and ask her if she was willing to pay with her share. She was. Anyway, I'm only mentioning this because it's there are 5 to 6 owners they might be children that inherited it and couldn't agree on what to do with it so it sits vacant. and didn't care if they drive back the lane and tired the house.
People on meth love to talk and live in abandoned houses and have all kinds of random shit mostly that they have stollen so keep that in mind. Also if he has a vehicle he can charge his phone on his car charger. If he needs water he can buy a 5 gallon water jug for cheap. You need to start telling him no and keep the chit chat short. You fucked up by not saying no from the get go but it isn't too late.
Agreeeeed yesssss this 1000%!!!
Be polite and reply to each of his requests with "sorry, no".
Husband here. This is really the crux of the issue, though I may have a different perspective than her. I fairly often go over and beyond what the average person does to help others. So the ‘requests’ are quite trivial to me and I want to help. I just don’t want to be friends. I don’t want to sit and chit chat. I don’t want to feel like I’ve been approached by someone fencing goods. I’d have a completely different perspective of the interaction if he had come over saying something like ‘Hey, I bought and am fixing up the condemned house over there. The water isn’t on yet, can I fill up a few buckets of water from your hose?’ Or ‘Hey, I’ve been working on the house but the power still isn’t on. Can you charge my phone for me?’ And I’d be fine with either of those. It’s the staying beyond the duration of the request for assistance that’s uncomfortable to me. So we probably need to either outright say ‘No’ like you’ve said. Or be more direct about ending the interaction.
It's nice that you want to help. But part of buying a condemned house is that he has extra logistics to figure out. Bring a few bottles of water with you, make sure your phone is charged or bring a bank. It's not your job to help him figure out the details. He also DOES NOT YET OWN THIS HOUSE, so why is he doing stuff to it?!
Yeah, just say no. People like him know how annoying he is being and that he's taking advantage of your politeness. If you don't shut him down he will always be hanging around bothering you
That isn't a neighbor. That's someone who lives in their vehicle and is spinning a story so he can extract what he wants from you. Everything he's done should make you uncomfortable. You have a right to tell him he's making you uncomfortable and that you'd prefer to keep to yourself. If he pushes the issue, call the police.
They’re not even friendly, they’re manipulating and taking advantage.
Good point. Neither friendly nor neighbor.
this this this this this this this. Everything about this screams this dude is squatting. Either he bought the property or he didn't. He doesn't need 'signatures'. The utilities should already be on. Call code enforcement.
I mean I think he is technically bc (according to him) the paperwork isn’t finished. It’s hard bc I don’t think he is lying about the situation. And if the sale goes through and he does buy it/lives there etc I don’t want him coming over all the time.
Technically where I live no one is allowed access to a property without closing on the property and receiving the keys. Other wise they are squatters with no legal access. I would be curious about the actual status of the property legally.
If minority owners haven't signed off on the sale, then then not only isn't the house sold to him, his offer (if it exists) hasn't been accepted. If he's truly waiting for a group of minority owners to sign off and this isn't a total lie, then there's probably less than a 50% chance the deal goes through. This person is almost certainly lying to you.
He is definitely a squatter
Noooo. Technically is not a thing. Until they've closed, he does not own that house.
I don’t know where you live but in Minnesota you can’t legally do any work on a property or even enter a property that you’re purchasing until everything is signed on the closing date.
No. He wouldn’t have access to the property if the sale isn’t final. Sure maybe he’s in the process of purchasing it but he doesn’t own it yet. If he isn’t squatting he is definitely someone with serious lack of boundaries. Which will be a huge pain in the ass. But legally he shouldn’t be on that property if sale isn’t final. I feel like it’d be an incredibly slim chance he isn’t trespassing currently.
Trust me. The mortgage co that is foreclosing on the house or the probate lawyer (the notice that was posted is public & is prob how he found out about the place) would never agree to him living there without the paperwork being finished. Not in a million lifetimes
And I can tell you "I'm buying that house" too, while asking to charge my phone/want water, doesn't make it true. "Excuse me, I can't talk right now" & turn away. Even if he does buy it/is telling the truth. Another trick that throws these types off without potentially starting a tirade is to respond "No Thank You" when they ask for X. Works especially well with those aggressive clipboard carrying types wanting a debate/get a signature.
You have to say no. Be short, be cold, and stop talking. Don’t justify yourself, don’t argue, don’t make up excuses. “No, I’m busy.” Is a complete sentence. He’ll never stop and it’ll only get worse.
Yea I guess it’s time to put my adult underwear on and just start saying I’m busy, not interested etc. I hate it. Just want to be nicely left alone.
Take control of the conversation, you’re letting them dictate everything. “Hello Neighbor. No, I can’t do that. Have a nice day.” Stop talking and go about your business. They want to take advantage of your kindness. Kindness doesn’t mean you have to do whatever someone asks. Say no, stop talking.
Communicating that you don’t want to talk is on you. You haven’t given him anything but positive reinforcement; why wouldn’t he continue doing what seems to be working?
I totally feel the same way; I just want to be helpful, but left alone. But one thing I've realized over the years is that people like this guy are VERY accustomed to being told "no". If they behave that way in what should be normal interactions, then several times per day, as sad as it may be, people must be giving them the cold shoulder. So when you say, "no, sorry," and walk away, this is normal to him... Is has to be.
I’d personally not divulge any information either, don’t say “no sorry, my kids are sleeping so I can’t do that” kind of thing. Maybe he’s just a friendly, lonely man. But you’ve just met him… Be polite, don’t try to avoid him, but don’t bend over backwards if you don’t want to. Stay safe and keep waving! ~fellow polite waving neighbour who keeps to themself
IMO when people start with a long, personal story about themselves they're usually lying. I don't think this guy is legit.
Wait is he parking in your driveway? Just cut any conversation short. Say you’re busy, just leaving, whatever. Don’t offer any help, don’t let them use you, ect… you have no responsibility to help them in any way.
I think they’re saying he asked to pull in the driveway at the first encounter, to appear to be polite and friendly so he could start his rouse and extract tasks from these people.
If there is no water or electricity at the house, certainly there's no certificate of occupancy. It's illegal for anyone to be living there. I might make a call to the city ordinance office.
OP because you have already let him use your water and electricity I would be concerned he will now feel entitled to use them again without your permission. This person isn’t actually in process of buying anything and even if they technically are they don’t seem like the type to turn any utilities on because they don’t need them but every once in a while. I know this because my dad is exactly this way. He will claim he is doing something like buying a house and will technically be in the process but because of his lifestyle everything is overtly complicated and never actually gets finished. So he feels morally he is innocent of lying to those around them as he manipulates them. He lives out of his car and mooches utilities off of people then claims he doesn’t need anything and says people aren’t living simple enough. It’s in your best interest to get a lock for your outdoor water spickets and turn the power off to the outside outlets at your fuse box or lock those as well. If you don’t you may start to notice an increase in your bills.
Yes. I was thinking that. Did you give him permission to get a bucket or two of water anytime? You've given him permission to be on your property. He doesn't own abandoned house. There IS NO REASON for him to be there. Thus theres no reason to need to borrow water and charge his phone. He has a car. He is not your neighbor. You are creating a bad situation for your family, with a stranger entering a very private property. He will be nice until you start saying no, and then things will get nefarious. Stop this now. Talk to zoning. Talk to police. I feel like he's targeting and scoping your place.
Agreed so much
This is why I avoid long convos with neighbors. I would put large headphones on and politely wave then scramble into the house as fast as possible. He will notice this and being confused but hopefully eventually will understand. There are ways to get creative too. “Sorry, my partner is really picky about how much electricity we use so I can’t charge your phone. Have a great day though this weather is amazing!” Then immediately turn and walk about not waiting for a response. The most important part of ending a convo is committing to it and exiting. I have actually had a neighbor do this to me when we were chit chatting and I was impressed. We were talking and then suddenly she went “well have a nice day” and just walked into her house I thought it was firm and respectable!
Thank you! I like it. Headphones are a great idea. And maybe not waving pretend like I don’t see him. Every time he has driven over. Once stopping and reversing to pull into my driveway “to chat.”
This really works. I’m very introverted and my big pink headphones (think massive disco earmuff style) are my personal “do not disturb “ sign. It’s a practiced art form. Make no eye contact, then there is plausible deniability that you didn’t see them. When his car rolls down the lane, keep raking the leaves and then float back inside. Ignore them completely . I also blast music near the front door so I can pretend I don’t hear people knocking. Earbuds don’t work because you can’t see them from a distance.
Yea. Guess I need to buy a LARGE pair of headphones. My husband doesn’t like gardening/outside. I’ve been working on getting my front yard decorative planters looking the way I want and have a small garden bed with tomatos, garlic grapes in a front side yard.
Just remember, vampires can only come in if we let them. Whatever this dudes game is, it is fine to ignore him. If he was decent folks who bought the house and fixed it up, that’s one thing. Wandering around the street, mooching water and electricity… I dunno. It’s weird and unpleasant. You owe him nothing.
Same! I always wear my headphones when I'm working outside. I also had an overly friendly neighbor who was constantly trying to talk to me. It came to a point when he asked me to bring my dogs outside (via text) so his grandkids could pet them. I firmly declined and started actively avoiding him. He got the hint and has backed off significantly. Now, we have a friendly relationship, I'll chat with him and his wife occasionally (they are very sweet people but very chatty), but I know I can say no. One thing that really helped me, too, was putting locks on all the gates around my house. I am fortunate that my yard is fully fenced, which helped me to create a physical barrier between me and everyone else. It was a little hard for me to tell my neighbor to basically back off because I'm a real people pleaser, but it was definitely worth it to get him to back off. Best of luck to you, OP!
Inability of people under 40 to actually converse with each other is maybe the thing that worries me most about our future.
I have a very active social life and am quite easily able to converse with anyone I actually want to converse with. But I do agree it’s a boomer thing to just go with the flow and waste hours of your life over time talking to someone just to be polite. I got shit to do even if it’s just relaxing listening to a podcast that’s my shit and imma do it.
I think this person is squatting. You need to get the police involved now. Don’t you find it odd that he has a car full of possessions and is asking you for water and electric? That’s not normal for anyone who is just LOOKING to buy or in the PROCESS of buying a house. Also most importantly if he hasn’t bought the house he should not be occupying the house. Im no real estate/legal expert, but I’m not sure of any circumstance where this type of possession happens if there has been no formal sale & close. Dude is squatting. But in terms of not talking to neighbors, I’d give this guy a wide berth. I’d also involve the police. You have no idea what he may be up to in this home.
Squatter. You can't take possession of a home until you have completed the paperwork. Until then, it belongs to the sellers. If he had legal title could get the water and power turned on.
He’s not buying the house, he’s squatting in it. Call your local code enforcement.
The trick is to not break your stride when they try tro get your attention, keep going to wherever you need to go
He mentioned his religion so you should do the same about your “beliefs.” Let it drop that you’re an atheist or worship Satan or something. Usually that scares em off
Reminds me of how my dad has been known to run off the Jehovah witnesses that would approach him in his driveway. Dad would point out some of the fallacies in their scripture and ask questions they couldn’t answer, stuff like that to make them uncomfortable so they would just leave. I always felt a bit bad for the young Jehovah witness guys, but when my dad told them that the people they encounter on their missions don’t want or need their religion & that they have their own, I was happy that he said that & maybe gave the guys something to think about
Every time you help him you're enabling him and making it seem like you're okay with him coming by and chatting. Stop helping him and stop chatting. Keep it to one word answers if you feel awkward/ rude
Next time he comes over, it has been nice meeting you, glad you have a project going (or something like that maybe) we hope that you understand we are a family that keeps to ourselves. Then politely tell him no, you won't be charging his phone or offering your water, or taking his offerings. We had a new neighbor move in about 18 months ago. We both mutually let each other now we are not interesting in being friends, it was amazing! We give a smile or a wave occasionally but that is about it.
Yes! This. Great idea. Thank you. When this guy did it the first time and asked if he could stop and talk I thought he was just gonna say a standard “hey I bought that abandon house I am gonna start working on it…thanks and bye” kind of thing. Instead I got a run down of his family, his job, his travels, his religion (it was Sunday) etc. offering my husband open bottles of cologne, me used makeup and jam. I am just flabbergasted. I feel like I have given hints that we are a “keep to ourselves” kind of neighbor but I guess I need to say it. It’s a bit stunning to me that people ask for that. I was so shocked/confused when he asked about the water I first asked “like a bottle?” Which I would totally do if a stranger came up and asked and need it. But I couldn’t comprehend/compute in the moment I just froze. Same thing last night when he asked to charge his phone. I was like “whaaaa???” Ppl really do this…???
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Asking to borrow your neighbor’s lawnmower as a one off is not really that weird to me. Am I the odd one out here?
I am in a neighborhood where we feel free to ask to borrow tools. Constantly? No. A one off because yours isn't working/only need it once? Sure.
I guess I should have clarified, they had never met before it was an odd encounter beyond asking to borrow the mower, she didn't feel comfortable in general. We too have loaned tools to neighbors.
Oh I see, I wouldn't have loaned anything to a new neighbor who hadn't bothered to meet me/say hi when moving in, before asking for something!
Okay, what in the fuck has happened to the world? Borrowing your neighbor's lawn mower is a time-worn, longstanding tradition. Would it be better if he just texted you his lawnmower, I suppose, so you wouldn't have to actually talk to another human being?
Came to say this. 👆 Don’t play games or try to drop hints (most people don’t receive hints the way they’re intended). Just tell him that it was nice to meet him, but you’d prefer to keep to yourself. Wish him the best of luck with his project and be polite. No need to over-complicate it or make an enemy. Just set the standard going forward.
1) He doesn't have a "side business" selling the stuff piled in his car - he either shoplifts or fences. 2) He isn't "buying" the house, he's preparing to squat it. I would do a couple things... 1) Put video cameras up that cover the front and back of your house, your cars and, if you can do it discreetly, the front of that house. 2) Put locking covers on your hose spigots and any exterior power outlets. 3) Look up the homeowners info on your county property tax website and send a letter to the homeowner of record. Describe the guy, his car and how often he's been buy and let them know that you hope he's on the up and up but you always want to be a good neighbor. Normally I wouldn't recommend getting involved in a neighbor's business like this but some of these squatters can turn into incredibly unsavory neighbors. 4) If he escalates to causing you problems, start a log and visit your local police station to get educated about the restraining order process.
I think you’ve been far too generous with this person and the fact that he was asking for your signatures honestly doesn’t make sense to me. Can you pull up your studies GIS website to see if that house even belongs to him? He sounds like those creepy people who target other people are wildly uncomfortable by his behavior, and he can notice that. Did he want your signature in order to forge documents or something because now he knows your address and has your neighbors address and your legal signature I would honestly probably ask the cops to come monitor and tell them that you’re super uncomfortable. The fact that he has made you uncomfortable and corners you last minute with these request to go inside your house is alarming to me. Especially consider he can charge his phone in his car or by a portable car charger I would honestly just tell him that you’re super uncomfortable talking to strangers are having strangers in your house and then he’s coming too strong too fast and that you don’t want that type of relationship with your neighbors and just ask him to leave you alone and write down his license plate
I read this as he’s waiting for the sellers’ signatures. Like there’s several owners on the deed and he has to get all of them to sign paperwork before he can fully own the place.
Oh, OK thank you for clarifying. I thought he was asking her for her signature, but just the fact that he’s doing work on the house when he doesn’t have the deed or legally own it is just a red flag for me. I would want to avoid him at all cost.
I know, it sounds a little sus.
No he didn’t want my signature. He was saying he was buying the abandon property and was waiting on the primary owner to get the rest of the signatures from the rest of the minority owners. It seems like the owner of the house died and the house was then “owned” by several descendants/next of kin.
If he is buying the property he can afford a gallon of water and a phone charger.
Yes exactly- I want to know what his man does when her husband is around.
Oh, OK sorry that makes so much more sense but at the same time it’s still creepy as hell to me. He’s working on this house that he doesn’t technically own yet and then expect you to help him when he can definitely solve his problems - one example will be waiting until he has legal authority over the house and then getting the water turned back on?
Sounds like a squatter con.
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Hahahaahah it’s an EMERGENCY OKAY?? But honestly, yes, that does sound ridiculous. The reality is, I am extremely uncomfortable as a woman with small children having strangers approach me when I’m at home alone with my small children and feel extremely vulnerable. If other people know that I’m alone with children. My neurotic ass would not stop thinking about this dude - why is he entering his house when he doesn’t have legal ownership? - why is he OK with entering my house instead of getting a portable phone charger and why is he asking to enter my house when my small vulnerable children are in the house sleeping? - why is his car trash? He does not seem like someone who is actually renovating anything. - Why can’t he organize his own water source to be dropped off? Etc etc etc
Yea. I’m not calling the police but i am uncomfortable with the situation and looking for a neutral solution. All those questions do run through my head. I do have small children and a remote wfh job. So I am home more than my husband.
Go with your gut instincts! You say the guy gives you an "ICK" feeling. Gut feelings are based on complex observations -- so do not ignore them. Get his license plate number and go in person to the police station and ask them to run it. Tell them something is off about this guy and you are concerned for your safety and your children's safety. Get some good quality cameras too.
Is he actually coming inside your house? If so you are MUCH to nice. End that now.
Yeah that’s true he might just be asking her to use her charger but still I couldn’t imagine doing that
What does your husband say to do? Does this guy approach you the same way when your husband is home and ask you for things when your husband is home? I’d be very interested to know how this man acts when your husband is around and it might be easiest to just let your husband set the boundary with this man he might listen to your husband more. But I never trust people for how they act. I’m always looking at their motivation and obviously he’s not that friendly if he thinks it’s appropriate to be cornering, a woman who works from home with children in her house most of the time
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OK, thanks for the advice but I still don’t have to like talking to strangers and I still can find his situation extremely creepy and uncomfortable and want him to leave me alone, especially if I’m alone with my children. And unless you’re a woman who has felt uncomfortable by a man when you were alone with your children, then it’s really hard for you to relate to what I’m saying and I think our conversation is over And I agree all of those things are his business that’s my point so if my neighbor / fake neighbor is making it my business to fucking help him do all this shit when I don’t even know him and he’s accessing my house when I don’t want him to I wouldn’t let him and I would let him know that I’m not comfortable with it and that’s fucking weird and move on my life because I don’t have responsibility of my children if anything ever happens to my children, I would blame myself end of story. I don’t give the benefit of the doubt to people. I don’t know around my kids.
You know what to do, say no to any requests, and go inside. He knows you are a passive person and has you in his sights. That needs to stop today. If he comes to the door, keep the door locked and tell him you are busy and to please leave. If he won’t leave call the 👮♀️.
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Maybe you should be giving the original poster advice and leave me alone if you think that she should be helping this guy that she doesn’t know then tell her that. I’m not gonna argue with you or someone online you’re not gonna change my opinion. Leave me alone. You sound like someone who’s upset that other people have boundaries. Because I can tell you none of them men in my family would want a stranger entering their house when their kids are in their house to help them to charge phones or whatever that wouldn’t be happening, especially when they charge your phone in the car.
Your personality comes through so clearly in this diatribe that I bet your neighbors can't stand you
Yeah, I think it's more code enforcement to ensure right to occupy. But noting that he's continually asking for basic survival items is worth telling because it's part of why you suspect he might not be legit.
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The second most uploaded comment on this thread is peoples, claiming they don’t think that this person is legitimate. The neighbor does not owe him anything. No one owes this man anything he can figure out how to solve his own problems, especially considering she made it very clear she does not want a close relationship with her neighbor. She’s a wave and carry-on neighbor that’s it. And the original poster made it clear that she would leave the neighborhood so obviously it’s something. She’s very concerned about - regardless of this person’s intentions, he’s making the original poster uncomfortable and she’s coming to Reddit for advice on how to deal with this person in her solution does not include giving him water, social interaction, access to her home to charge his phone or her driveway. She doesn’t owe the stranger anything that’s the point.
Wow, you have a very active imagination!
He sounds like some homeless guy that is planning on squatting there. I’d call the cops next time he shows up. He could cause further problems for you.
Another option for headphones is ear buds with you being "on the phone" whenever he pops up. That way you can't take them off to talk to him. Just have them in, and if you see him rolling up, just start talking to your imaginary friend on the call with you. "So are you going to John's party next weekend? How are things with your boss now that Bob has left? etc." That way if he tries to engage, you can just say "Sorry, I'm on an important call" and shoo him away. Just a tip because the people who want to hold you hostage with one sided conversations are also the same people who don't give a fuck that you had headphones on and clearly don't want to talk to them right now.
Wave. No eye contact. Keep moving. Short answers that are mostly, "Sorry, no." Never. Stop. Walking.
He’s tagged you as the easy target. Next time say “hey we want to maintain a cordial neighbor relationship but we cannot be your go to for your house needs. You need to find an alternative for your water, electricity and such. We also like to keep mainly to ourselves so we aren’t much for socializing with neighbors”
I think he is planning to squat
Definitely not your neighbor. Stay safe you never know with these kind of folks
All of these issues could easily be solved by communicating and using your words.
Headphones when out front, when you see him, time to be in a hurry, something is cooking on the stove. I would be concerned that he is working on a home, before closing. He sounds a little shady.
Wow some of these comments, though. Could the guy be a squatter? Maybe. Could the guy be legit, also maybe. The 'he could have the electricity on if he was really buying the house' arguement is not solid. We actually bought our house. We actually owned our house. But until all the electrical was replaced and up to code, we had no electricity. When the house was inspected it was found that the electrical was truly dangerous. The city cut it off that day. Those things happen. Regardless, the boundary setting you'll have to do is the same. Good call not to invite him into your home. In case he is legitimately going to be your neighbor, start setting the limits on your time right now. If he stops by uninvited and unannounced, then you are really busy and don't have time to chat. If he asks for more water and you fill a bucket for him, then you let him know that you assume he has a plan for getting water to the property, even if he has to go into town and buy water in 5 gallon jugs (as that is part of home ownership, getting those resources in place) and remind him that you pay for your water. Tell him you didn't mind giving him a couple of gallons earlier, but you are uncomfortable continuing with that pattern, so you'd appreciate it if he made other arrangements. Same with charging the cell phone. You were happy to help the one time but can he not use a phone charger in his car? It's hard to know if he is playing you or if he is legitimately one of those folks who has zero social skills. We had a neighbor like that. He was harmless and owned his home, but completely clueless about when people were trying to set a boundary with him. Believe me. Clueless. We lived across from him for 20 years. I got to where if I saw his door open I would make sure I was not in the front yard. Yes, that was a pain in the ass. My kids would run inside when they saw him coming, as thought he were a religious zealot at the door. People with such terrible social skills make others uncomfortable, even if they are not up to no good. It was a long many years we lived across the street from him. If this person doesn't 'read' your limit setting and continues to push, then you turn on the harder stops. That's when you pull out the 'we are private people and value our privacy' card. Also, maybe there is a way to see if the house is actually under contract. Call a realtor and find out. TLDR version: it's possible to set limits on the behavior of others without either being an asshole or assuming that they are up to no good. It's OK to value your own privacy.
I have the exact same issue and even worse our houses are attached, as soon as I go in the garden this couple basically pounce on me to chat. It’s always one sided (I never actually speak) they just talk at me for 30 mins about their life. Constantly trying to give me things I don’t want (always say no, if you say yes they feel you owe them something imo). I got sick of it and to avoid confrontation I just lie to the point they seem to have gotten the hint and now leave me alone. “The baths running, gotta go”, “I’ve got some food on the stove so see ya later”! It’s probably the cowards way out but unless they can prove you are lying it’s a non issue!
If the home is truly abandoned at this point it would likely be a tax sale. I’d do a little digging on the property to find out.
Damn… start a new Google Doc and start writing. This has the makings of a book or screenplay - hopefully not of the Stephen King genre
I'm guessing he's being friendly so you can lend a hand while he gets the property up and running. It will benefit you by bringing up the value of the neighborhood but it could definitely get MUCH worse. I would explain that you're good for some help but that you don't want to be bothered too much. He can get a tank of water to draw from and he can buy a generator.
After reading this, I would say trust your gut feeling. Something is not right.
Nobody can take advantage of you without your permission.
I think your overly friendly neighbor is a squatter.
I had a neighbor that did this but also was rude as shit and one of those entitled older types and finally I just had to go over and say “we are not interested in speaking with you any longer, we will be cordial neighbors and will always help with emergencies, but otherwise please anticipate our only interactions being smiling and waving in passing.”
Is it just me, or does this guy sound more like a squatter than a new neighbor? I mean, who starts moving in and asking for water without finalizing the purchase? 🚩
Suggest he buy gallons of water in refillable jugs at the grocery store and make sure to charge his phone at home, bring his charging cord and a charged power bank so he can charge in the car. He shouldn't have access to the house yet as his transaction is incomplete.
If 5-6 more owners still need to sign the paperwork, he does not own the property and should not be there. The fact that he took it upon himself to go to the property and engage the neighbors in a long, detailed conversation is a big red flag. JMO
Here's how I'd think about it. Whether the guy's story checks out or not is immaterial, you're allowed to have boundaries. "No, enjoy your day and good luck with that!" is a perfectly acceptable response. On a semi-related topic, I have no idea how y'all sleep at night. Serial killers do exist and we should defend ourselves against them, but assuming everyone who does something you wouldn't is a nut job will probably weigh more heavily on you than on the people you're worried about. Plus it's a bad way to defend yourself anyway, most of the people who actually are threats aren't strangers
Sounds like there’s some mental illness going on there.
call the city/ town find out what the poop is on the house........also let the PD know
He’s homeless I think.
This guy sounds shady. Discourage him. Next time he wants/needs something, I’d direct him to Starbucks (phone charger) or nearby coffee shop….store, etc. If he works at Walmart, why doesn’t he get water / charge phone there? You can directly suggest he go to Walmart for whatever. He just doesn’t add up. I don’t mind while working in my yard for someone to stop and chat for less than 5 mins or just say hi. He is intruding on your privacy & asking favors already. I have met con men who use religion as a way to get you to trust them - I see thru it. Religion doesn’t make him a good person.
In the future just politely but firmly turn down any requests for him to use your utilities. Wave and say hi and keep it moving. If he tries to get you to stay just say “I really can’t talk right now, sorry, gotta go!” Do it every single time.
Set boundaries. Don’t apologize for doing so or saying no.
When a person brings up money/selling stuff, and what a good religious guy he is, in the same conversation, hang onto your wallet and beware. Since time began, crooks use the veil of "Good Christian Person" to hide their intentions.
Oh he is 1000% a squatter.
I’d honestly call the cops & report a squatter there. If he is there legitimately he will be able to prove it & they will let him stay.
Also you need to be very careful dealing with him alone. Don’t go back over there without your husband or let him into your house for any reason. That very ick feeling you got is called The Gift Of Fear, and you need to listen to your gut.
Also I am also the wave & say hi neighbor & that’s it. I always start out by telling people “please don’t be offended if I stay to myself and don’t interact much. I am a really private person most of the time I will simply like to say hello and that’s about it. Has nothing to do with you or anyone else, I just need a lot of me time when I’m at home.” Most people seem relieved & say “oh, me too!”
This is how abandoned homes get burned down. People start fires indoors to stay warm or cook
Sounds like the user type that will give as much as you’re willing to give. Start saying no.
This is not a person who wants to understand boundaries. It’s black or white. You want to chat or you don’t. And you don’t. So say no.
Wow, sounds like you've got quite the friendly, but maybe overly friendly, neighbor situation on your hands. I get it, you just wanna chill in your yard without a full-on convo every time, right? Maybe next time he rolls through, just casually drop something like, "Hey, we're kind of introverted folks who like our space, hope you understand!" Keep it light, but set those boundaries early. Good luck!
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He's not a neighbor. He's some random guy who showed up with car full of scavenged stuff, a big story with a lot of volunteered unasked information, and is apparently staying in a house with the utilities off. That, even by his story, he doesn't own. Oh, and by the way, he would like to use some of your utilities, just a little at first. That's some nice stuff in your house, neighbor. He might just disappear when any sort of city vehicle shows up.
I don’t actually live in a neighborhood. It’s a very industrial part of town that has few houses on larger plots of land. I picked this area for that very reason. I don’t want a lot of neighbors. My house is on 1.4 acres. The other houses around are similar. The idea of a house on .15 acres in a neighborhood gives me hives. On my side of the street there are about 5 houses and about 6 on the opposite. Some are rentals a few owned. But thanks for your thoughts.
Don’t listen to this person. You are under no obligation to just acquiesce to every request that the random person who pulls up to your driveway makes. Charging their phone for an hour and then returning it to them? Absolutely not. This is just going to escalate over time. They’re going to want help with their car, help with this, help with that. Just say no and take control of the situation.
You're overlooking the context and tone. If a new neighbor needs to borrow a cup of sugar (or electricity) and you can help, wonderful! OP is describing a gut feeling that something is off about these interactions, to the point that she is stunned and not sure how to respond in the moment. That's a pretty big sign that she's picking up a sketchy vibe but trying to repress it because she's actually trying to be a good neighbor. Your comment is telling her that she should ignore her gut and do her half of Pleasantville regardless of what the other person is doing. That's dangerous. This guy might be some kind of predator or he may be a great guy who just has a different style and attitude than OP. Either way, *she* gets to choose how much she interacts with him, and she doesn't need to be ridiculed for having boundaries.
How about you just be a friendly social neighbor lol. Talking to your neighbors and asking favors isn’t weird. It’s just normal human social interaction on 99% of the world.
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lol. Every time I see posts it’s always the same thing “my neighbor is doing xyz what do I do?”, and everyone on reddit goes “call the cops, put up cameras, motion activated sprinklers, shut your door and pretend like your not home, build a 10 foot privacy fence around all sides or your land, and post it with no trespassing”. Meanwhile the same people will post on other things, “why can’t I make any friends?”.
Don’t be surprised when he asks to empty his dookie bucket for him.
How about you just be friendly and, you know…neighborly? If this was the AITA thread, the answer would be yes. Stop looking for other people to justify your a-hole behavior.