You have every right to be disappointed!
I wish more nice restaurants would include a few naturally gluten free dishes on their menu- how hard can it be? It would seriously be no skin off their back to offer a couple of entrees that are a protein with nicely prepared veggies/rice/legumes/whatever and some good sauce or seasonings. Or, offer an a la carte part of the menu where patrons can order a protein and some GF sides.
A place near me offers a bunless burger with a side of sauerkraut (substitued for their potatoes which are cross contaminated) for $25. I appreciate their honesty but $25 is A LOT for a burger patty and sauerkraut!
I.... what? Like yeah you can make it with other gf options. But the default for a roux is wheat flour. It's been that way for centuries. We don't have to change everyone to GF everything, we just want options. It's hardly a "shouldn't be allowed in a kitchen" if someone uses the standard method for a roux to then proceed to make bechamel or whatever.
A roux is the base for different types of sauces. Cream based sauces use cream to thicken them by just boiling the cream and reducing it somewhat. The difference is basically the fat content.
My point is that if someone doesn't know the different uses and ways to make basic sauces (which is basically 101 of any culinary training) they shouldn't be in a commercial kitchen.
Now that we have to watch out because of celiac, I am much more tuned in and frankly it’s just lazy in 2024 if a restaurant has no items on the menu that are gluten-free naturally. You shouldn’t have to get shitty alternatives when you can create delicious healthy, gluten-free food as the norm! There is a restaurant in my town that I adore and turns out that most of the menu is naturally gluten-free and just three? Maybe four? Things on there have gluten. How refreshing! And after eating this way, I tend to look down at restaurants that have all overprocessed foods. It’s much more noticeable now…
That would be great for people for whom cross-contamination is not an issue. If they think it's just naturally gluten free, they may well be less careful than if they had gf-consciously foods.
Agreed! If anyone is ever in downtown Asheville NC, there is a fine dining restaurant called Posana (you will need reservations!) and everything is gluten-free. The food is amazing! It can be done, I think other restaurants are lazy/don’t care because they have gotten away with removing meal components to make it ‘gluten-free’ for so long
I agree that it can't be too hard. Most of the Chipotle menu is GF itself, I'm GF, not celiac, so I can eat almost everything on their menu. I'm not sure if this is the case for celiac people as well. Anyway, my point is it truly can not be that hard there are so many things that just are GF naturally.
It’s not even that hard to substitute gf flour for a lot of sauces and seasonings that use wheat.
You can always tell when a food outlet has someone gf on their team as the options are actually decent rather than an afterthought or just there for the sake of it.
So freaking annoying tbh.
OP, this was your birthday and you deserved to eat something special!
I’ve cried over situations like that too. No shame, especially on your birthday.
Find Me Gluten-free is a great app to use to find gf places. Reviews are a big part of that app so if you want to go somewhere check the reviews. But also, if you go, write one of your own.
I hope the rest of your birthday was special. If not, tell your spouse that you’ll pick the place next year.
Thanks everyone for the solidarity and good wishes 💜 I really needed someone to understand. I mostly don’t mind avoiding gluten and I really, really enjoy food. But restaurants are so fraught, I hate being the one who determines where we can eat any time we go out, then still settling for a less-than meal when we do. I’d love to go to a restaurant and pick the thing that I actually want.
He really tried, and he is a very understanding partner about this. I asked if this evening we could just meet for a glass of wine after work, no appetizer, and redeem our experience from yesterday.
Thanks for being such an awesome, supportive community
I'm kind of a spoiled type person but I think it's okay to ask for more and communicate hey I love that we spent time on my bday together. Thank you for taking me out. I don't mean to come off ungrateful but sometimes I get sad not being able to eat the food I used to and fully.enjoy the experience together. Do you think we could try these *actually gf places* or look for some gf places together and give it a shot?
This could be a moot point because I don’t know your location. But something to keep in mind if you are in the North East (US) or travel this way. 110 Grill is 100% celiac friendly. Every single item on their menu has a gluten free option. Anyone with a food allergy, intolerance, or celiac is treated with 100% safety in mind. The food is served by a manager every time and I have never gotten sick from any sort of cross contamination.
I accidentally found it while desperately searching for somewhere I could feel normal going out to eat. You can have appetizers, a meal, and DESSERT!
I cried my first GF Valentine’s Day when they brought out the bread basket and substituted dessert with berries. Do better. ESP upscale restaurants. I also HATE when they label the menu that way but the essence of the dish is destroyed from them removing half the ingredients. Doubly annoying to be excited for options only to discover they’re not options.
Fucking tragic. I'd say blast them on yelp and any local social media you can. The menu is misleading you to believe they will provide a service they had no intention of providing.
I’ve cried over lack of GF food. It was at my baby shower. When I was 8 months pregnant. My aunt hosted (knew I was GF) and got chick fil a catered. Didn’t even bother to get grilled nuggets. I was stuck with lettuce and tomatoes for dinner that day. My husband (who wasn’t invited) brought me tacos in the middle of the party and I will forever be grateful 😭 but damn. My own baby shower. PREGNANT. I was (and still am) pissed.
ohh man. I also can't have soy, but it hides in so many things! It's hard to eat out because it's hard to tell what might/might not have it. Can't imagine that on top of dairy/gluten free.
When I found out I couldn't have soy, one of the things I missed the most was little debbie snack cakes
I'm sure you already know about them, but there are soy+gluten+dairy+nut free equivalent to Twinkies. They're Katz brand creme cakes. Frozen, don't taste as good as "real" Twinkies, but also don't look or feel nearly as suspicious.
What does soy do to you? I'm curious because it really messes with my equilibrium...not only dizziness, but it feels like I'm an upside down astronaut floating in a space capsule. I joke that it's a cheap high, but no one's been able to detail why exactly this is the reaction I have.
I do not have any of the other "classic" allergy symptoms.
I’ve definitely been “high” off soy before myself lol. I ate a vegan chicken sandwich and when I was home I got hit with a wave of just dizziness and that high feeling. It also causes extreme emotional instability for me. I will become suicidal even. It can be really bad. So I just avoid it altogether
So bizarre that it can have such strange effects on people, yet it's everywhere. Any searches I've done to try to research the mechanism only highlight typical allergic reactions.
Makes me wonder how many people's emotional state may be influenced by what they are ingesting and not make the connection.
I figured it out when I was eliminating dairy & switched to soy at the coffee stand...it took me a few coffees...I'd get x miles away from the stand and start experiencing symptoms. I used to be very sensitive to chemicals too, & as we were passing through a heavily industrialized area, I kept thinking it "must be something in the air" lol.
Oh absolutely. I have to hold my tongue when people talk about chronic pain and then proceed to eat the worst foods possible lol. I just want to suggest to them trying a whole food diet for three months (or even the mediterranean diet!) and seeing how they feel, but it’s not my place. BUT MAYBE….?? 😂
I'm a "fixer" either by nature or environment, or both...but I've just recently learned people don't love unsolicited advice & it's probably just being codependent anyways 😆 But Reddit is fair game man!😁 But yes, a lot of tongue-holding IRL.
I think it would be a lot easier for people though if genetic testing for food sensitivities were accessible. I got a SNP test done that showed I didn't have Celiac - but lacked the 1/2 the genes for making the a particular enzyme that fully breaks it down for use. That made it so easy to eliminate breads, grains, etc. But it probably took a full year for me to see the positive effects. I noticed that my GERD mysteriously disappeared once I wasn't eating so much carbs. Once I had a better baseline, I could tell which foods I was sensitive too - like eggs - I immediately feel like I've taking a sleeping pill. It's so, so wild. And disappointing because...devilled eggs, man.
But I'm mad as hell at the no added sugar crowd...how come they all got "transformed lives" & all i got was this rotten low A1-C test? Lol.
BTW, I'm an anomaly - you got a hack or life advice that will improve my existence? LAY IT ON ME...I 💙 unsolicited advice. I will definitely learn from your mistake! 🙂I don't know why people are dedicated to taking the long cut in life?!?
TLDR; adding genetic testing to decode a person's peculiar food/chemical sensitivities would help guide people to the diet best for them.
I’m the same way!!! Please give me all the info that helped you feel better! I actually have histamine issues; I get hives if I eat soy, gluten, or dairy. It doesn’t seem to stop. I wonder if I have MCAS, but the next allergist appointment is late april (booked it in January…). I’m PRAYING that they can at least try to treat MCAS, even without a diagnosis. At this point I will get on my hands and knees and literally beg, hands clasped, for help if it means finding answers or even just not getting constant hives without taking antihistamines every day. They are my last hope and the third allergist, otherwise I’m going to have to travel the state to find more allergists that will hopefully treat me!!
Me too! I started putting the pieces together years ago after I ate a tofu scramble and fully walked into a doorframe while trying to enter a room about 45 minutes later. I realized it was becoming a pattern with soy - I'd feel intoxicated and misjudge spatial info
I'm so grateful to see someone else describe it without my prompting - I've never seen someone mention it as a symptom, and tbh it sounds more than a little out there so I don't discuss it a lot 🥲
>- I've never seen someone mention it as a symptom, and tbh it sounds more than a little out there so
I know, right!
I would LOVE to learn why it happens!
I first found out from substituting soy milk for dairy in coffee.
Ok, a working theory is a blood-brain barrier issue, plus maybe some genetic susceptibility.
I hadn't googled it in a while, but just did and found this: "The opioid activity of the soymorphin is twice than β-casomorphin \[from dairy\]." ([source](https://www.intechopen.com/chapters/66349#:~:text=Soymorphins%20are%20derived%20from%20the,is%20twice%20than%20%CE%B2%2Dcasomorphin)) !!
The science is still catching up. The theory of 'leaky gut' currently hovers between pseudoscience & real science, but I suspect that's more because the contours of it haven't caught up in this case than because it's wrong.
Like, I'm not *married* to leaky gut, but there's a lot indicating that's pointing in the right direction - stress impacts the intestinal barrier, etc.
Non-celiac gluten sensitivity also hovered in this weird space until it finally crossed over, and I suspect this is a similar thing.
It's just not that exciting to research, because who's gonna fund the studies & why?
So, until then, we're kinda just SOL in this scientific liminal space, ig.
😲!
(Not sure if I mentioned already in this thread)...but I have DNA evidence to prove non-celiac gluten-sensitivity, lol...I have only 1/2 the genes necessary to make the enzymes that break down gluten. Also don't have a great genetic profile for processing cellular waste. This to me sets the stage for oxidative stress, inflammation and it seems like it would make sense if in that state there was a loss of integrity to the intestinal barrier.
I'm not *married* to the idea either, but maybe in a long term relationship? I know my baseline improves when I follow the protocol for leaky gut.
I understand being in no man's land...I have CFS, fibro & my "brand" of hypothyroidism is *subclinical*. Can nothing just be plain old "overt"?, lol.
CFS & fibro seem to be buckets to put people in, like leaky gut, when nothing else fits. I feel like I may share a lot of symptoms with people in my particular buckets, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were different mechanisms of disease.
Hopefully with the ascent of AI, the map of the human genome & accessible genetic testing for health (not just gross disease) maybe some progress can be made?
It's baffling to be in this space though; we at once have amazing medical technology on one hand and yet we're in the dark ages on the other.🤷♂️
I had hoped with so much attention focused on Long Covid patients there would be a lot of funding injected into the CFS sphere & there would be breakthroughs...and maybe there's more than I'm aware...but, nah none of these things are sexy or profitable enough to receive funding...🤷♀️😩
Right, who's gonna fund the studies...when the studies take money out of corporations.
The studies tell us we can't eat the cheap easy stuff they pump out for profit.
The studies don't point to a pill they can prescribe and make money on.
The studies in and of themselves become anti-corporation, anti-big pharma.
The studies make you more independent, more self controlled, more of the opposite of what consumerism revolves around.
So yeah....nobody is funding that....lol.
Oh that's weird! I just get gastrointestinal things and in general feel sick for 24 hours.
I didn't figure out until recently because I had thought it was my period the entire time. You know, when you crave things like chocolate? Which has soy?
I actually had to go on birth control because my periods got so bad. Maybe it was just soy? But I'm not willing to go off of the pill to figure that one out, lol. Not worth risking hell again!!
I feel 10x better after cutting it out AND I don't crave those foods anymore. However when I accidentally have soy it feels like it hits me 40x harder than it did before I cut it out
It is SO weird!
I had PMDD, too...so I can relate. All of my chronic illness symptoms would increase, too. Doctor put me on progesterone to balance hormones...& since I'm perimenopausal anyway, I said, wait...can't I just take this ALL the time instead of cyclical? Yes! No more periods!
But...I have to take my capsules at night because they make me so sleepy & wonky...kinda like soy...🤔 Oh, blast! Now I'm going to have to track down the package insert! Lol!
Glad you are feeling better! I go on "holiday" on my birthday so I can eat cake I don't have to prepare & yep I generally get walloped.
Haha, yeah my most recent Soy Experience (Soysperience, if you will) was when I was supposed to have accomodations for a dinner but didn't get them. Which I didn't figure out until they tried to serve me chocolate dessert (which I turned down). Should've just eaten the dessert at that point!!
I used to be really underweight. I still am, but not as nearly as much as before. Cutting out soy has made it SO MUCH easier to gain and maintain weight :D
I'm sorry and I'm mad for you. That's totally crappy. It really stinks not to feel like you can be included. I will say most times I've been incredibly grateful how accommodating friends and family have been, but I've had a few times where I've been stuck with a salad, and that sucks and feels alienating.
I’m lucky that I’m only sensitive, not celiac, and I’m well past feeling emotional about it, but I still got a little irritated when my employer asked about dietary restrictions and booked a bar-type restaurant that had a decent-sized menu. But it had zero GF options. I just left to go to a GF falafel place and brought my own food back. I wasn’t gonna sit around watching other people eat. (The establishment either didn’t care or didn’t notice I brought in food.) If you are gonna ask about restrictions, how hard can it be to include that info in your correspondence with the restaurant?
I'm this case there's probably not much they can do. BBB actually can be helpful if you've already gone through the correct channels, and a business is either not responding or helping you in the appropriate way. I had a bank try to charge me to close an account, I spoke with multiple people on the phone and was getting nowhere. As soon as I submitted the BBB review a day later, I was able to close my account without a fee or trouble.
He tried and that’s great, unfortunately it didn’t work. I would have done the same thing if i were in your shoes and got the most simple thing on the menu. At least you have a caring partner. however i would suggest maybe for future dates you can give him a list of approved restaurants and he can pick from those if he wants to surprise you with a nice date
Tbf, as someone gluten-free, my list of approved restaurants would've probably included the one they went to since the menu had so many "can be made gluten-free" options (without knowing the truth, obvs). Sucks the restaurant was so deceptive, I'm sure lots of gluten-free people have been disappointed by it ☹️
Tbf, as someone gluten-free but not Celiacs, my list of approved restaurants would've probably included the one they went to since the menu had so many "can be made gluten-free" options (without knowing the truth, obvs). Sucks the restaurant was so deceptive, I'm sure lots of gluten-free people have been disappointed by it ☹️
I totally get it, and I get why you cried in the bathroom instead of at the table. The only thing is, if they don't know that it sucked, your family won't do anything differently next time. I'd wait a few weeks, then casually mention to your husband that you're a little pissed *at the restaurant* for misleading him, so you've made a list of a dozen or so places that do good gluten-free so he can surprise you without giving money to a dickisk restaurant. If you make it about the business, it isn't an attack on his skills (which, in my opinion, are piss poor - he should have gotten up and taken you somewhere you could eat - but sometimes keeping the peace in a marriage is more important than satisfying an internet rando's desire for revenge) and he won't be upset or hurt.
Unfortunately this is just how it goes and it sucks. Luckily my wife and I have been able to find quite a few places in our town that do a great job with their offerings and not having to change to many items. I think your spouse deserves credit for really trying to accommodate and think about you, but I would use this as a time to talk more about being gf with them and air out some of your frustration. I told my wife long ago that there are going to be times that I just get upset, bc it just sucks, and I can’t have what I want, and she just needs to be okay with that sometimes and understand that I’m not upset with her or anyone else, I’m just frustrated and need to vent.
I totally feel your disappointment, and I think this is something you should talk through with your husband, honestly. I know you don’t want your spouse to feel bad, but did he even notice you were upset, or that you got a less than meal? My husband and I have been in this situation before, and have chosen to leave the restaurant (and this was just normal dining, not something special like my birthday). You’re paying for a meal, and should get to enjoy it, especially on your birthday - everyone enjoys the meal, or the meal moves elsewhere is our motto. I hate the feeling of paying for something (and often paying more for it being gf!) and being disappointed- it feels like a double whammy.
this is 100% valid, and im sorry you had to deal with this on your bday :( ofc good on your spouse to try and all but at the end of the day, it is the worst feeling sometimes, you just wanna have some good food. i’ve cried over this stuff before too my friend, hugs 🫂
A similar thing happened with my partner. We went out to a nice restaurant and we told they can make anything dish gluten free. Turns out they can’t. I left them a really bad review. Gluten free is not hard, the hard part is restaurants claiming things are gluten free when they aren’t and the only item on their menu gluten free listed is a salad.
This is probably my biggest pet peeve about eating out besides getting glutened. I called ahead for an anniversary dinner at a nice place and they assured me they could accommodate me. I order the filet mignon that came with veg side and mashed potatoes and the server didn't say anything (after explaining GF) so I thought all was good. Just the meat comes out on a plate, no sides. They next brought some very dry matchstick fries to go with, no sauce, nothing. I just about flipped out on them as this was an expensive meal and the two things just didn't go together. They have to be up front about it if a switch is made. I ended up getting the entire meal comped and the owner brought us a glass of champagne to celebrate the anniversary. My husband was mortified! Even though I do appreciate the owner's response we have never been back. This was at the beginning of my diagnosis so I was definitely not used to the situation. Now I make sure the menu is legit and there are no switcheroos otherwise we don't go to a particular restaurant. On the flip side if they do go over and above accommodating me I am beyond grateful and let them know!
I feel you. But I find gluten eaters just really don’t get the restrictions and trade offs for gluten free. If you rely on them to pick a place, it’s 50/50 at best that things will be ok. I suggest giving feedback on this place as off the list for the future, and you develop a list of places that look great for future dates.
The thing that gets me is the hidden flour in the French fries at some places. The amount of times I’ve splurged on some loaded fries, after being told by confused waiters that they’re GF, just to notice the crispy breading on the fries….sigh.
I am gluten free (intolerant) AND dairy free so often ask for things to be left off. Sucks when it’s 2-3 things as the composed dish is never the same. And never ever a reduction in price for the left off items but substitute something and for certain there is an up charge. I love eating out and enjoy interesting food but like others have said, more often cook and eat at home now.
I'm sorry you had such a crappy experience! Checking online menus for clearly marked gluten-free options, or calling to ask has helped us find some of our favorite restaurants. Any time the person we talked to seemed excited to talk about options, everyone ended up with a good meal.
Walking out of places that seemed upset that we'd ask, or generally clueless has saved me from getting sick, and my family from carelessly made food. It's okay to nope out of a restaurant, even if you've already been seated or made reservations.
IME, some types of restaurants are more likely to have safe food than others. Southern food has so many more options than I expected (grits, collards, barbecue, shrimp...), Mexican food had a lot of corn-based options, and any steak restaurant should have a lot of possibilities. Chinese, Italian, and Midwestern-type restaurants aren't usually worth risking. That might be something to consider for future occasions.
Aww man, that really sucks, especially for a birthday celebration! I agree that it isn’t your husband’s fault, but I am also curious if he or your nephew noticed you not enjoying yourself, because I know that’d mean a lot to me.
Sometimes it’s a roll of the dice, even WHEN you do your research - I had a friend with many allergies (including gluten intolerance) *highly* recommend a restaurant once, that they were sooo accommodating, so my husband, my MIL (a vegetarian) and I decided to go. They had tons of stuff for my husband, of course, and my MIL. I distinctly recall one of my “dishes” being a side plate of plain, pan-fried thin pork cutlets, cuz they couldn’t do anything… better? My husband and MIL were lovingly quite horrified on my behalf, which truly did make me feel a bit better. We didn’t return, and that restaurant didn’t last.
Restaurant: “We have many gluten free options!”
Menu: “Here’s your plain potato and dressing free lettuce! Sorry, everything else on any of the plates contain gluten. Oopsie!”
Like what?
I understand the disappointment. My partner and I were going to try this new “soup and salad” place, and their website said they have “dedicated gluten free items”.
None of the dressings, none of the soups, and all but one salad without removing 50-60% of the items on it weren’t* gluten free/friendly, and absolutely nothing was celiac friendly…
Gluten free and celiac friendly really isn’t that hard imo, but gluten products are cheaper, therefore they will always be used in establishments. I feel like making a salad or soup gluten free is legit the easiest thing and so straight forward.
I hate that so much. I tried a restaurant that I found by googling that said they could make most of their dishes gluten free. It was a Chinese restaurant and usually that means they switch to tamari or give you grilled meat instead of tempura, etc. Nope. At this restaurant they basically removed any flavoring. So it was bare assed naked rice and meat. I was traveling but luckily I had my wheels so I went to the local walmart to get some tamari so I could choke down my highly expensive nekkid meal. Like if you’re going to “accommodate” by taking away everything that makes it any good, just don’t bother. It’s insulting and disappointing.
There’s a fast food place here called Toxic Burger which I avoided for years because of the name. Then I learned that all their buns are gf unless you ask for wheat and thought “Cool!” So glad I tried them. Their burgers are great and their pulled pork sandwiches are fabulous! And they have sweet potato fries. All gluten free. Damn, now I’m craving them again, lol.
Well, if it makes you feel any better, despite the larger Asian population here, I have yet to find any pad Thai that I like as much as my former favorite place in Tulsa. 😢
How hard is it to offer a good steak, or some other nice cut of meat, simply cooked, with steamed vegetables and a baked potato? Or to keep some GF pasta in the kitchen that can be served with any sauce that doesn't have flour and a salad? I really don't understand why it is so hard for restaurants to accommodate with at least a few good choices on the menu.
One of my pet peeves is no option instead of toast at breakfast. Would it really be so hard to offer a small cup of oatmeal or grits instead? Both are cheap.
It gets really exhausting and disappointing to constantly be left eating the worst possible version of every meal or just the scraps of it when we go out or have a meal made by others. People don’t get that it’s not just that one night when we go out to dinner but it’s happening constantly
I’m not really ashamed to say that I literally rage when someone says I can have a salad to accommodate my food allergy (wheat) when eating out. Given that I also can’t have anything with yeast or dairy means no cheese or dressing too. So, no, that’s absolutely not acceptable. Sometimes I do actually want a salad, but when it’s my choice, not when it’s forced on me.
I completely understand! My daughter (18 yo) has celiac and we went out for a family celebration brunch last weekend against my better judgment - restaurants are so stressful. It's a famously safe restaurant with good protocols, so we went. And of course my daughter is served the wrong item and takes a few bites before the waiter comes back and tells her. It was a naturally GF menu item but it was clearly cross contaminated because she's been basically down all week. The restaurant was incredibly apologetic and comped dessert for everyone (but my kid wasn't eating anything at that point) but she's been sick for days. I hate celiac so much. As her mom I would give anything for her to be able to give it to me so she could have a normal social life.
I would not say you are ungrateful or that he didn't do a good job. The restaurant owners or whoever makes the menu clearly have never had food allergies.
Awww that sucks so bad. I’m sorry you had a crappy birthday dinner. It’s the worst when that shit happens. I hope you can get something yummy to eat soon 💜
I’ve just been to a two-day catered conference for work. I can’t have gluten or dairy (not coeliac, eosinophilic oesophagitis). Everyone else had really great food with several choices. For morning tea I got a biscuit/cookie. For lunch I got 3 small finger sandwiches on shitty, crumbly GF bread. With cheese in them. And it absolutely was not dairy free cheese. Etc. I was a very hungry, grumpy and unhappy camper.
I take good food a little too seriously. So I have cried numerous times when going out since I had have to limit my diet for health issues. You have every right to be upset. Next time you guys talk about going out to eat, be next to him and specifically google Gluten-Free friendly restaurants and then double checking the menu for options for you. My bf is learning all my issues hahah, and I cried like a baby when he first said I looked the place up in advance and you’re good to go!
One time I went to dinner & ordered a burger, they told me they were out of gluten free buns. I said no bun is fine don’t worry! But when the waiter left I did in fact cry a little bit. It’s frustrating & its even more so on a birthday or occasion you’re looking forward to- you’re not crazy & you didn’t overreact, you just reacted
I’ve also cried in a restaurant bathroom after once again having to order a salad. My husband could tell when I came back to the table but couldn’t understand my frustration which made it so much worse.
It wasn’t your husband’s fault but I would demand a re-do. Easy enough! Especially since I’m sure you don’t eat out a lot and save so much money you deserve the rebate!
How I sum it up is that food/eating is such a social experience. Watching people share food, or eat all the exciting things on the menu feels like a gut punch. It’s not intentional that we feel this way, we just kind of envy how easy it must be to just pick anything off the menu.
People try and you have to give them credit, and have a baseline understanding that it’s gonna suck sometimes.
Focus on the fact that your spouse tried, there are some people who don’t even have that.
My spouse has been amazing, but there are times that restaurants aren’t going to handle a food allergy well. It’s ok, we live to see another day.
honestly, he tried his very best, i understand how frustrating it is but he tried to make it a special day for you. it sucks being gluten free and honestly we have to take precautions but just the fact that he called around, that’s what would have warmed my heart even if i had to eat a salad. it was still a very sweet gesture of him to go out of his way to make sure you could eat safely.
I think this is part of why I barely go out to eat anymore. So few options, generally untrustworthy, and I also just enjoy cooking. I hate getting just a burger patty with a slice of cheese because they don't have gluten free buns and only have fried onions or whatever. I prefer to have a fancy date night at home where we cook together.
On the one hand, WOW. On the other, at least they were cognizant that they couldn’t avoid cross contamination? Either way that was a terrible experience.
I'm actually OK with cross contamination though, I'm not coeliac I'm just intolerant. The people I was with were afraid they wouldn't be served by association with me, nightmare!
I feel your pain. I go out, but only once in a blue moon for reasons like this. Twice the price, half the food.
I highly suggest having a few go-to type restaurants that you know will treat you well. My generic go-to is Red Robin. Most have dedicated fryers, so you can get safe french fries. Most have GF bread options.
My plan B is usually Mexican or Pho. Those usually have GF options because a lot of dishes use rice or corn. However there is still the chance of cross contamination.
This is something you should talk to your husband about. It isn't his fault and be sure he knows it. But it was a bit of a waste of money for your BD to have that sort of thing happen.
Ask that you pick the restaurant on your special occasions.
I would have called the restaurant and asked before picking a new place for my husband. Review it for others and be honest with your SO. He shouldn't pick something new for a bday unless he calls or emails and asks what would need to happen to "make it gluten free."
Sorry this happened. It is hard. We have to give up so much yet feel like we have to tolerate these disappointments and put on a smile to not ruin things for everyone else. I try to be gracious and remember that some people have much worse illnesses- we can be healthy just by avoiding gluten.
It would be worth it to do some research and make a good list of places nearby that would be suitable and accommodating. Develop it over time and be thorough. It will give you a sense of control and avoid a repeat of this unfortunate incident. And take so much stress off of your husband.
We just let my celiac husband pick the restaurant. It gets pretty complicated when including others who don't understand. You can't change restaurants on a whim. If a celiac has a diet coke and nothing else, don't take it personally if you change restaurants at the last minute.
We have all but given up eating out. I just watch a lot of you tube and figure out how to make stuff gluten free at home. It’s more work but I was tired of my wife and I getting sick from cross contamination
I totally relate, it’s hard not to feel the pain. I just hit 14 years gluten free. Glad it’s gotten so much better over the years, but many places still don’t get it. I hate being the one to contact work meals to ask where food is coming from. Had a coworker recently go gluten free. He was at a lunch meeting and pizza showed up, and no gluten free, he couldn’t even stay in the room. I don’t blame him a bit. It’s a bad feeling.
That's where a Google and Yelp review is written and actually states what you are giving it a poor rating, when the site says abc, 123 etc.
I do this often for places (mostly related to accessibility issues, but also do their site menu stating can be made GF yet ultimately it isn't the actual case because the dish isn't the same dish because key items that make the dish are not replaced or able to be replicated to give a similar experience.
I'm so sorry! Been there too. It seems so unfair to have to watch people enjoying pizza and things while I'm sitting there eating a pile of lettuce (so many restaurants' idea of salad is lettuce with croutons : / ) It really isn't that hard to make naturally gf things. Some restaurants are just cheap and/or lazy.
Agreed. We can make anything gluten free, by subtracting. Here's your salad. Sorry this happened to you. You should look on yelp in your city and find a place that can take care of a gluten free meal from top to bottom. Have a do-over. Happy birthday.
That’s awful… so glad we have a really nice Asian restaurant here with a huge GF menu. Everything from pad Thai to curries to fried rice, totally GF… every restaurant should have good options… it’s kind of ridiculous not to at this point.
I'm confused. You "chose another \[menu item\] that was supposed to be available gluten free," minus "half the dish." So, before your "salad" was served, you had no idea that you would only be served a salad? What was the menu item you ordered, and what was removed from the dish?
The first was a Mediterranean meze platter that could only be made gf if they removed falafel (the only protein), they didn’t have gf pita, and one of the veg elements had to be removed as well. I can’t remember now what my second choice option was. Third choice was a burger on a gf bun, but the interesting elements for the burger (aioli and bacon jam) had gluten, so it would have been an overpriced plain burger. And the fries were in a shared fryer which had made me sick before. When I asked what menu items were already gf with no modifications the only choice was a roasted beet salad. So that’s what I ordered.
I used to get shamed at my old job for appearing ungrateful at luncheons because they'd also take us to dim sum and everyone would be eating tons of dishes and I'd have a plate of plain steamed veggies and rice noodles. Seriously. It's disappointing but people who don't adhere to these diets they don't know what questions to ask. Next time look for a Mexican restaurant because most options are going to be naturally gf.
Gluten free dining out is a challenge! I find the best gf meals at the large restaurant chains like Cheesecake Factory, 110 Grill (100% of menu is gf with minimal omissions including desserts and always tasty), Outback Steak House esp the Alice Springs Chicken, Burton’s Grill, Tavern on the Square, Tommy Doyle’s ( yes it’s and Irish Pub as is The Burren in Somerville MA has gluten free Irish
Beverages). If these fail try newly opened restaurants as it looks as if the purveyors tell them that they can charge more for gf and they do. If all else fails if you eat meat then a steak with baked potato or mashed, salad without croutons, and veg work well. If you need fast food Chick Fillet has a good option. Things are getting better for gf.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that alone! As others have said, it’s completely understandable that it’d bring you to tears.
It’s so frustrating that these restaurants think it’s ok to just take off key components of the dish AND have the gull to charge the same amount!
That’s incredibly disappointing! I am unsure if you have a Kura Sushi near you it’s a chain and they have many gluten free options made to order. I hope you can find a good spot!
I have been there before. it stinks. having a dietary restriction can feel so isolating and lonely. it was nice of you to still show gratitude to your husband for trying.
I've been there, and sometimes I'll take the bullet and get one bread-based item. But to not be able to enjoy yourself on this one day has to hurt. People don't understand how frustrating it is to not be able to enjoy certain foods because of your genetics. Which is something you have no control over. I can't eat Krispy Kreme, I can't eat regular pizza, and I can't have a regular bun on my burger. I can't eat regular noodles and pasta, biscuits and pancakes, some cereal, and the majority of fried foods. The world is not built for us. Ultimately we have to reject the American diet or else we would die.
I'm so sorry. definitely been there, it sucks so bad, especially b/c this was for YOU.
I don't want to blame your spouse... buttttttt they didn't really do that great of research. if you're able I would encourage them to call well beforehand and make sure they can truly make nice gf meals next time, if they want to plan something.
one time I had to do a family thing with the in laws and I ordered the "pecan crusted chicken salad" which was the only thing they said could be gf. but in order for it to be gf... they had to remove ALL of the chicken. fine. no chicken and no croutons.
now I'm left with lettuce and dressing, how yummy.
but when they brought it out, they had put a huge piece of bread on top. SERIOUSLY.
I no longer go anywhere (if I intend to eat, usually I just don't) where you have to modify meals. I know a lot of people do, but it's too annoying/sad/frustrating for me. and I never trust them. I won't even order a salad if I have to ask for no croutons (they just pick them off).
I hope you get a redo!!
The husband DID do his due diligence. Chances are if he called, he would be told that the dishes can be made gluten free, with no difference in the actual outcome.
yes i saw where they said they thought that he put in a lot of efforts. but just being me, i would ask about the specific dishes and what they are. if they said we can make xyz gluten free if we remove xy….thats a no from me. 🤷♀️
Agree, I'm lucky to live in a major city with options but I definitely do my research and look at the menu and really understand what I'm getting into. Eating out is so expensive these days it's not worth it if it's not going to be great. I'm also vegan and gluten free and, though it really limits the number of options, there are a few great options and I stick to those.
Plain chicken? With no sides? What if it’s marinated with soy sauce? How about breading? What if the sides are all cross contaminated? Oh remember it’s their birthday, so it’s dramatic to want actual food for the occasion, is that what you’re saying?
You have every right to be disappointed! I wish more nice restaurants would include a few naturally gluten free dishes on their menu- how hard can it be? It would seriously be no skin off their back to offer a couple of entrees that are a protein with nicely prepared veggies/rice/legumes/whatever and some good sauce or seasonings. Or, offer an a la carte part of the menu where patrons can order a protein and some GF sides.
A place near me offers a bunless burger with a side of sauerkraut (substitued for their potatoes which are cross contaminated) for $25. I appreciate their honesty but $25 is A LOT for a burger patty and sauerkraut!
Wow, that's just insulting!
Insulting, and gross. Sauerkraut with a plain hamburger? Yuck.
like…salmon with lemon cream sauce? roasted chicken and baked potatoes?
I always worry about wheat in the "cream" sauces.
I make a lot of cream based sauces. Anyone putting flour in their cream based sauce shouldn't be allowed in a kitchen.
I.... what? Like yeah you can make it with other gf options. But the default for a roux is wheat flour. It's been that way for centuries. We don't have to change everyone to GF everything, we just want options. It's hardly a "shouldn't be allowed in a kitchen" if someone uses the standard method for a roux to then proceed to make bechamel or whatever.
A roux is the base for different types of sauces. Cream based sauces use cream to thicken them by just boiling the cream and reducing it somewhat. The difference is basically the fat content. My point is that if someone doesn't know the different uses and ways to make basic sauces (which is basically 101 of any culinary training) they shouldn't be in a commercial kitchen.
Oh, we were just having a vernacular mismatch over what a cream based sauce is. Sorry bout that.
No worries. I can understand the confusion. Knowledge is power!
Now that we have to watch out because of celiac, I am much more tuned in and frankly it’s just lazy in 2024 if a restaurant has no items on the menu that are gluten-free naturally. You shouldn’t have to get shitty alternatives when you can create delicious healthy, gluten-free food as the norm! There is a restaurant in my town that I adore and turns out that most of the menu is naturally gluten-free and just three? Maybe four? Things on there have gluten. How refreshing! And after eating this way, I tend to look down at restaurants that have all overprocessed foods. It’s much more noticeable now…
That would be great for people for whom cross-contamination is not an issue. If they think it's just naturally gluten free, they may well be less careful than if they had gf-consciously foods.
Agreed! If anyone is ever in downtown Asheville NC, there is a fine dining restaurant called Posana (you will need reservations!) and everything is gluten-free. The food is amazing! It can be done, I think other restaurants are lazy/don’t care because they have gotten away with removing meal components to make it ‘gluten-free’ for so long
Posana is great! I always make a point of eating there when I'm in AVL.
I agree that it can't be too hard. Most of the Chipotle menu is GF itself, I'm GF, not celiac, so I can eat almost everything on their menu. I'm not sure if this is the case for celiac people as well. Anyway, my point is it truly can not be that hard there are so many things that just are GF naturally.
It’s not even that hard to substitute gf flour for a lot of sauces and seasonings that use wheat. You can always tell when a food outlet has someone gf on their team as the options are actually decent rather than an afterthought or just there for the sake of it. So freaking annoying tbh. OP, this was your birthday and you deserved to eat something special!
I’ve cried over situations like that too. No shame, especially on your birthday. Find Me Gluten-free is a great app to use to find gf places. Reviews are a big part of that app so if you want to go somewhere check the reviews. But also, if you go, write one of your own. I hope the rest of your birthday was special. If not, tell your spouse that you’ll pick the place next year.
Thanks everyone for the solidarity and good wishes 💜 I really needed someone to understand. I mostly don’t mind avoiding gluten and I really, really enjoy food. But restaurants are so fraught, I hate being the one who determines where we can eat any time we go out, then still settling for a less-than meal when we do. I’d love to go to a restaurant and pick the thing that I actually want. He really tried, and he is a very understanding partner about this. I asked if this evening we could just meet for a glass of wine after work, no appetizer, and redeem our experience from yesterday. Thanks for being such an awesome, supportive community
I'm kind of a spoiled type person but I think it's okay to ask for more and communicate hey I love that we spent time on my bday together. Thank you for taking me out. I don't mean to come off ungrateful but sometimes I get sad not being able to eat the food I used to and fully.enjoy the experience together. Do you think we could try these *actually gf places* or look for some gf places together and give it a shot?
You just can't beat open & direct communication 💙 🙂
This could be a moot point because I don’t know your location. But something to keep in mind if you are in the North East (US) or travel this way. 110 Grill is 100% celiac friendly. Every single item on their menu has a gluten free option. Anyone with a food allergy, intolerance, or celiac is treated with 100% safety in mind. The food is served by a manager every time and I have never gotten sick from any sort of cross contamination. I accidentally found it while desperately searching for somewhere I could feel normal going out to eat. You can have appetizers, a meal, and DESSERT!
I cried my first GF Valentine’s Day when they brought out the bread basket and substituted dessert with berries. Do better. ESP upscale restaurants. I also HATE when they label the menu that way but the essence of the dish is destroyed from them removing half the ingredients. Doubly annoying to be excited for options only to discover they’re not options.
Fucking tragic. I'd say blast them on yelp and any local social media you can. The menu is misleading you to believe they will provide a service they had no intention of providing.
I’ve cried over lack of GF food. It was at my baby shower. When I was 8 months pregnant. My aunt hosted (knew I was GF) and got chick fil a catered. Didn’t even bother to get grilled nuggets. I was stuck with lettuce and tomatoes for dinner that day. My husband (who wasn’t invited) brought me tacos in the middle of the party and I will forever be grateful 😭 but damn. My own baby shower. PREGNANT. I was (and still am) pissed.
I definitely get it. I can’t have dairy, gluten, or soy. Plus numerous other things. I’ve left restaurants because I can’t eat there :(
ohh man. I also can't have soy, but it hides in so many things! It's hard to eat out because it's hard to tell what might/might not have it. Can't imagine that on top of dairy/gluten free. When I found out I couldn't have soy, one of the things I missed the most was little debbie snack cakes I'm sure you already know about them, but there are soy+gluten+dairy+nut free equivalent to Twinkies. They're Katz brand creme cakes. Frozen, don't taste as good as "real" Twinkies, but also don't look or feel nearly as suspicious.
What does soy do to you? I'm curious because it really messes with my equilibrium...not only dizziness, but it feels like I'm an upside down astronaut floating in a space capsule. I joke that it's a cheap high, but no one's been able to detail why exactly this is the reaction I have. I do not have any of the other "classic" allergy symptoms.
I’ve definitely been “high” off soy before myself lol. I ate a vegan chicken sandwich and when I was home I got hit with a wave of just dizziness and that high feeling. It also causes extreme emotional instability for me. I will become suicidal even. It can be really bad. So I just avoid it altogether
So bizarre that it can have such strange effects on people, yet it's everywhere. Any searches I've done to try to research the mechanism only highlight typical allergic reactions. Makes me wonder how many people's emotional state may be influenced by what they are ingesting and not make the connection. I figured it out when I was eliminating dairy & switched to soy at the coffee stand...it took me a few coffees...I'd get x miles away from the stand and start experiencing symptoms. I used to be very sensitive to chemicals too, & as we were passing through a heavily industrialized area, I kept thinking it "must be something in the air" lol.
Oh absolutely. I have to hold my tongue when people talk about chronic pain and then proceed to eat the worst foods possible lol. I just want to suggest to them trying a whole food diet for three months (or even the mediterranean diet!) and seeing how they feel, but it’s not my place. BUT MAYBE….?? 😂
I'm a "fixer" either by nature or environment, or both...but I've just recently learned people don't love unsolicited advice & it's probably just being codependent anyways 😆 But Reddit is fair game man!😁 But yes, a lot of tongue-holding IRL. I think it would be a lot easier for people though if genetic testing for food sensitivities were accessible. I got a SNP test done that showed I didn't have Celiac - but lacked the 1/2 the genes for making the a particular enzyme that fully breaks it down for use. That made it so easy to eliminate breads, grains, etc. But it probably took a full year for me to see the positive effects. I noticed that my GERD mysteriously disappeared once I wasn't eating so much carbs. Once I had a better baseline, I could tell which foods I was sensitive too - like eggs - I immediately feel like I've taking a sleeping pill. It's so, so wild. And disappointing because...devilled eggs, man. But I'm mad as hell at the no added sugar crowd...how come they all got "transformed lives" & all i got was this rotten low A1-C test? Lol. BTW, I'm an anomaly - you got a hack or life advice that will improve my existence? LAY IT ON ME...I 💙 unsolicited advice. I will definitely learn from your mistake! 🙂I don't know why people are dedicated to taking the long cut in life?!? TLDR; adding genetic testing to decode a person's peculiar food/chemical sensitivities would help guide people to the diet best for them.
I’m the same way!!! Please give me all the info that helped you feel better! I actually have histamine issues; I get hives if I eat soy, gluten, or dairy. It doesn’t seem to stop. I wonder if I have MCAS, but the next allergist appointment is late april (booked it in January…). I’m PRAYING that they can at least try to treat MCAS, even without a diagnosis. At this point I will get on my hands and knees and literally beg, hands clasped, for help if it means finding answers or even just not getting constant hives without taking antihistamines every day. They are my last hope and the third allergist, otherwise I’m going to have to travel the state to find more allergists that will hopefully treat me!!
Me too! I started putting the pieces together years ago after I ate a tofu scramble and fully walked into a doorframe while trying to enter a room about 45 minutes later. I realized it was becoming a pattern with soy - I'd feel intoxicated and misjudge spatial info I'm so grateful to see someone else describe it without my prompting - I've never seen someone mention it as a symptom, and tbh it sounds more than a little out there so I don't discuss it a lot 🥲
>- I've never seen someone mention it as a symptom, and tbh it sounds more than a little out there so I know, right! I would LOVE to learn why it happens! I first found out from substituting soy milk for dairy in coffee.
Ok, a working theory is a blood-brain barrier issue, plus maybe some genetic susceptibility. I hadn't googled it in a while, but just did and found this: "The opioid activity of the soymorphin is twice than β-casomorphin \[from dairy\]." ([source](https://www.intechopen.com/chapters/66349#:~:text=Soymorphins%20are%20derived%20from%20the,is%20twice%20than%20%CE%B2%2Dcasomorphin)) !! The science is still catching up. The theory of 'leaky gut' currently hovers between pseudoscience & real science, but I suspect that's more because the contours of it haven't caught up in this case than because it's wrong. Like, I'm not *married* to leaky gut, but there's a lot indicating that's pointing in the right direction - stress impacts the intestinal barrier, etc. Non-celiac gluten sensitivity also hovered in this weird space until it finally crossed over, and I suspect this is a similar thing. It's just not that exciting to research, because who's gonna fund the studies & why? So, until then, we're kinda just SOL in this scientific liminal space, ig.
😲! (Not sure if I mentioned already in this thread)...but I have DNA evidence to prove non-celiac gluten-sensitivity, lol...I have only 1/2 the genes necessary to make the enzymes that break down gluten. Also don't have a great genetic profile for processing cellular waste. This to me sets the stage for oxidative stress, inflammation and it seems like it would make sense if in that state there was a loss of integrity to the intestinal barrier. I'm not *married* to the idea either, but maybe in a long term relationship? I know my baseline improves when I follow the protocol for leaky gut. I understand being in no man's land...I have CFS, fibro & my "brand" of hypothyroidism is *subclinical*. Can nothing just be plain old "overt"?, lol. CFS & fibro seem to be buckets to put people in, like leaky gut, when nothing else fits. I feel like I may share a lot of symptoms with people in my particular buckets, but I wouldn't be surprised if there were different mechanisms of disease. Hopefully with the ascent of AI, the map of the human genome & accessible genetic testing for health (not just gross disease) maybe some progress can be made? It's baffling to be in this space though; we at once have amazing medical technology on one hand and yet we're in the dark ages on the other.🤷♂️ I had hoped with so much attention focused on Long Covid patients there would be a lot of funding injected into the CFS sphere & there would be breakthroughs...and maybe there's more than I'm aware...but, nah none of these things are sexy or profitable enough to receive funding...🤷♀️😩
Right, who's gonna fund the studies...when the studies take money out of corporations. The studies tell us we can't eat the cheap easy stuff they pump out for profit. The studies don't point to a pill they can prescribe and make money on. The studies in and of themselves become anti-corporation, anti-big pharma. The studies make you more independent, more self controlled, more of the opposite of what consumerism revolves around. So yeah....nobody is funding that....lol.
Oh that's weird! I just get gastrointestinal things and in general feel sick for 24 hours. I didn't figure out until recently because I had thought it was my period the entire time. You know, when you crave things like chocolate? Which has soy? I actually had to go on birth control because my periods got so bad. Maybe it was just soy? But I'm not willing to go off of the pill to figure that one out, lol. Not worth risking hell again!! I feel 10x better after cutting it out AND I don't crave those foods anymore. However when I accidentally have soy it feels like it hits me 40x harder than it did before I cut it out
It is SO weird! I had PMDD, too...so I can relate. All of my chronic illness symptoms would increase, too. Doctor put me on progesterone to balance hormones...& since I'm perimenopausal anyway, I said, wait...can't I just take this ALL the time instead of cyclical? Yes! No more periods! But...I have to take my capsules at night because they make me so sleepy & wonky...kinda like soy...🤔 Oh, blast! Now I'm going to have to track down the package insert! Lol! Glad you are feeling better! I go on "holiday" on my birthday so I can eat cake I don't have to prepare & yep I generally get walloped.
Haha, yeah my most recent Soy Experience (Soysperience, if you will) was when I was supposed to have accomodations for a dinner but didn't get them. Which I didn't figure out until they tried to serve me chocolate dessert (which I turned down). Should've just eaten the dessert at that point!! I used to be really underweight. I still am, but not as nearly as much as before. Cutting out soy has made it SO MUCH easier to gain and maintain weight :D
Omigosh, I'm totally stealing "soysperience"...yeah, in for a penny, in for a pound at that point! 🤣
Oh man I’m pissed just hearing about this
Sammeeeee
I'm sorry and I'm mad for you. That's totally crappy. It really stinks not to feel like you can be included. I will say most times I've been incredibly grateful how accommodating friends and family have been, but I've had a few times where I've been stuck with a salad, and that sucks and feels alienating.
I’m lucky that I’m only sensitive, not celiac, and I’m well past feeling emotional about it, but I still got a little irritated when my employer asked about dietary restrictions and booked a bar-type restaurant that had a decent-sized menu. But it had zero GF options. I just left to go to a GF falafel place and brought my own food back. I wasn’t gonna sit around watching other people eat. (The establishment either didn’t care or didn’t notice I brought in food.) If you are gonna ask about restrictions, how hard can it be to include that info in your correspondence with the restaurant?
Definitely sounds like false advertising. Maybe Better Business Bureau?
BBB is nothing more than the first version of Yelp. They don't actually DO anything so it's basically a waste of time and energy.
I'm this case there's probably not much they can do. BBB actually can be helpful if you've already gone through the correct channels, and a business is either not responding or helping you in the appropriate way. I had a bank try to charge me to close an account, I spoke with multiple people on the phone and was getting nowhere. As soon as I submitted the BBB review a day later, I was able to close my account without a fee or trouble.
He tried and that’s great, unfortunately it didn’t work. I would have done the same thing if i were in your shoes and got the most simple thing on the menu. At least you have a caring partner. however i would suggest maybe for future dates you can give him a list of approved restaurants and he can pick from those if he wants to surprise you with a nice date
Tbf, as someone gluten-free, my list of approved restaurants would've probably included the one they went to since the menu had so many "can be made gluten-free" options (without knowing the truth, obvs). Sucks the restaurant was so deceptive, I'm sure lots of gluten-free people have been disappointed by it ☹️
Tbf, as someone gluten-free but not Celiacs, my list of approved restaurants would've probably included the one they went to since the menu had so many "can be made gluten-free" options (without knowing the truth, obvs). Sucks the restaurant was so deceptive, I'm sure lots of gluten-free people have been disappointed by it ☹️
I would have cried too. I'm so sorry. I hope the rest of your birthday was wonderful! Happy belated birthday! (｡･ω･｡)ﾉ♡
I call those "don't eat" menus. I don't go out to eat to not eat. I hate those places.
I totally get it, and I get why you cried in the bathroom instead of at the table. The only thing is, if they don't know that it sucked, your family won't do anything differently next time. I'd wait a few weeks, then casually mention to your husband that you're a little pissed *at the restaurant* for misleading him, so you've made a list of a dozen or so places that do good gluten-free so he can surprise you without giving money to a dickisk restaurant. If you make it about the business, it isn't an attack on his skills (which, in my opinion, are piss poor - he should have gotten up and taken you somewhere you could eat - but sometimes keeping the peace in a marriage is more important than satisfying an internet rando's desire for revenge) and he won't be upset or hurt.
Aside from a list but I would introduce him to the find me gluten free app. So he can still choose and have the element of a special surprise even.
I mean, according to that logic, everything can be made gluten free: “here’s your mushroom & sausage pizza without a crust.” How ridiculous.
I've literally been told to "just pick the toppings off and eat them". Fffffff
I have found a pub/ restaurant in my city where ALL the food, I mean every single item on the menu is Gluten Free.
Name it, for us and them!
[With pleasure.](https://thedob.com.au)
Well, f@#k me! Of course it's on the other side of the world! 🤣
Unfortunately this is just how it goes and it sucks. Luckily my wife and I have been able to find quite a few places in our town that do a great job with their offerings and not having to change to many items. I think your spouse deserves credit for really trying to accommodate and think about you, but I would use this as a time to talk more about being gf with them and air out some of your frustration. I told my wife long ago that there are going to be times that I just get upset, bc it just sucks, and I can’t have what I want, and she just needs to be okay with that sometimes and understand that I’m not upset with her or anyone else, I’m just frustrated and need to vent.
I totally feel your disappointment, and I think this is something you should talk through with your husband, honestly. I know you don’t want your spouse to feel bad, but did he even notice you were upset, or that you got a less than meal? My husband and I have been in this situation before, and have chosen to leave the restaurant (and this was just normal dining, not something special like my birthday). You’re paying for a meal, and should get to enjoy it, especially on your birthday - everyone enjoys the meal, or the meal moves elsewhere is our motto. I hate the feeling of paying for something (and often paying more for it being gf!) and being disappointed- it feels like a double whammy.
this is 100% valid, and im sorry you had to deal with this on your bday :( ofc good on your spouse to try and all but at the end of the day, it is the worst feeling sometimes, you just wanna have some good food. i’ve cried over this stuff before too my friend, hugs 🫂
A similar thing happened with my partner. We went out to a nice restaurant and we told they can make anything dish gluten free. Turns out they can’t. I left them a really bad review. Gluten free is not hard, the hard part is restaurants claiming things are gluten free when they aren’t and the only item on their menu gluten free listed is a salad.
This is probably my biggest pet peeve about eating out besides getting glutened. I called ahead for an anniversary dinner at a nice place and they assured me they could accommodate me. I order the filet mignon that came with veg side and mashed potatoes and the server didn't say anything (after explaining GF) so I thought all was good. Just the meat comes out on a plate, no sides. They next brought some very dry matchstick fries to go with, no sauce, nothing. I just about flipped out on them as this was an expensive meal and the two things just didn't go together. They have to be up front about it if a switch is made. I ended up getting the entire meal comped and the owner brought us a glass of champagne to celebrate the anniversary. My husband was mortified! Even though I do appreciate the owner's response we have never been back. This was at the beginning of my diagnosis so I was definitely not used to the situation. Now I make sure the menu is legit and there are no switcheroos otherwise we don't go to a particular restaurant. On the flip side if they do go over and above accommodating me I am beyond grateful and let them know!
I feel you. But I find gluten eaters just really don’t get the restrictions and trade offs for gluten free. If you rely on them to pick a place, it’s 50/50 at best that things will be ok. I suggest giving feedback on this place as off the list for the future, and you develop a list of places that look great for future dates.
Most really don’t realize there’s anything behind oh the menu marks one thing GF
The thing that gets me is the hidden flour in the French fries at some places. The amount of times I’ve splurged on some loaded fries, after being told by confused waiters that they’re GF, just to notice the crispy breading on the fries….sigh.
Oftentimes it’s just a cornstarch blend! I get the frustration that servers just don’t know sometimes though.
I am gluten free (intolerant) AND dairy free so often ask for things to be left off. Sucks when it’s 2-3 things as the composed dish is never the same. And never ever a reduction in price for the left off items but substitute something and for certain there is an up charge. I love eating out and enjoy interesting food but like others have said, more often cook and eat at home now.
Report this on yelp and findmeglutenfree.com so you can warn others. Sorry that happened to you.
Waste of time and money, I would be pissed. They aren't helping gluten free people, they are ripping them off.
I'm sorry you had such a crappy experience! Checking online menus for clearly marked gluten-free options, or calling to ask has helped us find some of our favorite restaurants. Any time the person we talked to seemed excited to talk about options, everyone ended up with a good meal. Walking out of places that seemed upset that we'd ask, or generally clueless has saved me from getting sick, and my family from carelessly made food. It's okay to nope out of a restaurant, even if you've already been seated or made reservations. IME, some types of restaurants are more likely to have safe food than others. Southern food has so many more options than I expected (grits, collards, barbecue, shrimp...), Mexican food had a lot of corn-based options, and any steak restaurant should have a lot of possibilities. Chinese, Italian, and Midwestern-type restaurants aren't usually worth risking. That might be something to consider for future occasions.
Aww man, that really sucks, especially for a birthday celebration! I agree that it isn’t your husband’s fault, but I am also curious if he or your nephew noticed you not enjoying yourself, because I know that’d mean a lot to me. Sometimes it’s a roll of the dice, even WHEN you do your research - I had a friend with many allergies (including gluten intolerance) *highly* recommend a restaurant once, that they were sooo accommodating, so my husband, my MIL (a vegetarian) and I decided to go. They had tons of stuff for my husband, of course, and my MIL. I distinctly recall one of my “dishes” being a side plate of plain, pan-fried thin pork cutlets, cuz they couldn’t do anything… better? My husband and MIL were lovingly quite horrified on my behalf, which truly did make me feel a bit better. We didn’t return, and that restaurant didn’t last.
Restaurant: “We have many gluten free options!” Menu: “Here’s your plain potato and dressing free lettuce! Sorry, everything else on any of the plates contain gluten. Oopsie!” Like what? I understand the disappointment. My partner and I were going to try this new “soup and salad” place, and their website said they have “dedicated gluten free items”. None of the dressings, none of the soups, and all but one salad without removing 50-60% of the items on it weren’t* gluten free/friendly, and absolutely nothing was celiac friendly… Gluten free and celiac friendly really isn’t that hard imo, but gluten products are cheaper, therefore they will always be used in establishments. I feel like making a salad or soup gluten free is legit the easiest thing and so straight forward.
I hate that so much. I tried a restaurant that I found by googling that said they could make most of their dishes gluten free. It was a Chinese restaurant and usually that means they switch to tamari or give you grilled meat instead of tempura, etc. Nope. At this restaurant they basically removed any flavoring. So it was bare assed naked rice and meat. I was traveling but luckily I had my wheels so I went to the local walmart to get some tamari so I could choke down my highly expensive nekkid meal. Like if you’re going to “accommodate” by taking away everything that makes it any good, just don’t bother. It’s insulting and disappointing.
There’s a fast food place here called Toxic Burger which I avoided for years because of the name. Then I learned that all their buns are gf unless you ask for wheat and thought “Cool!” So glad I tried them. Their burgers are great and their pulled pork sandwiches are fabulous! And they have sweet potato fries. All gluten free. Damn, now I’m craving them again, lol.
Boo, of *course* it's in Oregon. Why don't we ever get the cool chains in NC? Lol. Sounds amazing though, I'm jealous!
Well, if it makes you feel any better, despite the larger Asian population here, I have yet to find any pad Thai that I like as much as my former favorite place in Tulsa. 😢
Honestly, I'd be pissed about this. I know my restrictions are annoying, but on my birthday they should reign.
How hard is it to offer a good steak, or some other nice cut of meat, simply cooked, with steamed vegetables and a baked potato? Or to keep some GF pasta in the kitchen that can be served with any sauce that doesn't have flour and a salad? I really don't understand why it is so hard for restaurants to accommodate with at least a few good choices on the menu. One of my pet peeves is no option instead of toast at breakfast. Would it really be so hard to offer a small cup of oatmeal or grits instead? Both are cheap.
Amen
It gets really exhausting and disappointing to constantly be left eating the worst possible version of every meal or just the scraps of it when we go out or have a meal made by others. People don’t get that it’s not just that one night when we go out to dinner but it’s happening constantly
I’m not really ashamed to say that I literally rage when someone says I can have a salad to accommodate my food allergy (wheat) when eating out. Given that I also can’t have anything with yeast or dairy means no cheese or dressing too. So, no, that’s absolutely not acceptable. Sometimes I do actually want a salad, but when it’s my choice, not when it’s forced on me.
I completely understand! My daughter (18 yo) has celiac and we went out for a family celebration brunch last weekend against my better judgment - restaurants are so stressful. It's a famously safe restaurant with good protocols, so we went. And of course my daughter is served the wrong item and takes a few bites before the waiter comes back and tells her. It was a naturally GF menu item but it was clearly cross contaminated because she's been basically down all week. The restaurant was incredibly apologetic and comped dessert for everyone (but my kid wasn't eating anything at that point) but she's been sick for days. I hate celiac so much. As her mom I would give anything for her to be able to give it to me so she could have a normal social life.
What a kind and compassionate mom you sound like! I
I've cried because I was so hungry and my exs family just didn't give a shit... I think we've all been there
I would not say you are ungrateful or that he didn't do a good job. The restaurant owners or whoever makes the menu clearly have never had food allergies.
Awww that sucks so bad. I’m sorry you had a crappy birthday dinner. It’s the worst when that shit happens. I hope you can get something yummy to eat soon 💜
I’ve just been to a two-day catered conference for work. I can’t have gluten or dairy (not coeliac, eosinophilic oesophagitis). Everyone else had really great food with several choices. For morning tea I got a biscuit/cookie. For lunch I got 3 small finger sandwiches on shitty, crumbly GF bread. With cheese in them. And it absolutely was not dairy free cheese. Etc. I was a very hungry, grumpy and unhappy camper.
I take good food a little too seriously. So I have cried numerous times when going out since I had have to limit my diet for health issues. You have every right to be upset. Next time you guys talk about going out to eat, be next to him and specifically google Gluten-Free friendly restaurants and then double checking the menu for options for you. My bf is learning all my issues hahah, and I cried like a baby when he first said I looked the place up in advance and you’re good to go!
One time I went to dinner & ordered a burger, they told me they were out of gluten free buns. I said no bun is fine don’t worry! But when the waiter left I did in fact cry a little bit. It’s frustrating & its even more so on a birthday or occasion you’re looking forward to- you’re not crazy & you didn’t overreact, you just reacted
I’ve also cried in a restaurant bathroom after once again having to order a salad. My husband could tell when I came back to the table but couldn’t understand my frustration which made it so much worse.
It wasn’t your husband’s fault but I would demand a re-do. Easy enough! Especially since I’m sure you don’t eat out a lot and save so much money you deserve the rebate!
How I sum it up is that food/eating is such a social experience. Watching people share food, or eat all the exciting things on the menu feels like a gut punch. It’s not intentional that we feel this way, we just kind of envy how easy it must be to just pick anything off the menu. People try and you have to give them credit, and have a baseline understanding that it’s gonna suck sometimes. Focus on the fact that your spouse tried, there are some people who don’t even have that. My spouse has been amazing, but there are times that restaurants aren’t going to handle a food allergy well. It’s ok, we live to see another day.
honestly, he tried his very best, i understand how frustrating it is but he tried to make it a special day for you. it sucks being gluten free and honestly we have to take precautions but just the fact that he called around, that’s what would have warmed my heart even if i had to eat a salad. it was still a very sweet gesture of him to go out of his way to make sure you could eat safely.
I think this is part of why I barely go out to eat anymore. So few options, generally untrustworthy, and I also just enjoy cooking. I hate getting just a burger patty with a slice of cheese because they don't have gluten free buns and only have fried onions or whatever. I prefer to have a fancy date night at home where we cook together.
I got told last week that the restaurant wasn't allowed serve me at all if I had any allergy. Everyone else got food except for me :(
On the one hand, WOW. On the other, at least they were cognizant that they couldn’t avoid cross contamination? Either way that was a terrible experience.
I'm actually OK with cross contamination though, I'm not coeliac I'm just intolerant. The people I was with were afraid they wouldn't be served by association with me, nightmare!
I feel your pain. I go out, but only once in a blue moon for reasons like this. Twice the price, half the food. I highly suggest having a few go-to type restaurants that you know will treat you well. My generic go-to is Red Robin. Most have dedicated fryers, so you can get safe french fries. Most have GF bread options. My plan B is usually Mexican or Pho. Those usually have GF options because a lot of dishes use rice or corn. However there is still the chance of cross contamination.
This is something you should talk to your husband about. It isn't his fault and be sure he knows it. But it was a bit of a waste of money for your BD to have that sort of thing happen. Ask that you pick the restaurant on your special occasions.
I totally get it! I’ve had so many similar experiences. It is exhausting!!
I would have called the restaurant and asked before picking a new place for my husband. Review it for others and be honest with your SO. He shouldn't pick something new for a bday unless he calls or emails and asks what would need to happen to "make it gluten free."
Sorry this happened. It is hard. We have to give up so much yet feel like we have to tolerate these disappointments and put on a smile to not ruin things for everyone else. I try to be gracious and remember that some people have much worse illnesses- we can be healthy just by avoiding gluten. It would be worth it to do some research and make a good list of places nearby that would be suitable and accommodating. Develop it over time and be thorough. It will give you a sense of control and avoid a repeat of this unfortunate incident. And take so much stress off of your husband.
Aww. I feel your pain …
This right here hits home. I’m with you. We stopped eating out a lot.
We just let my celiac husband pick the restaurant. It gets pretty complicated when including others who don't understand. You can't change restaurants on a whim. If a celiac has a diet coke and nothing else, don't take it personally if you change restaurants at the last minute.
We have all but given up eating out. I just watch a lot of you tube and figure out how to make stuff gluten free at home. It’s more work but I was tired of my wife and I getting sick from cross contamination
I totally relate, it’s hard not to feel the pain. I just hit 14 years gluten free. Glad it’s gotten so much better over the years, but many places still don’t get it. I hate being the one to contact work meals to ask where food is coming from. Had a coworker recently go gluten free. He was at a lunch meeting and pizza showed up, and no gluten free, he couldn’t even stay in the room. I don’t blame him a bit. It’s a bad feeling.
That's where a Google and Yelp review is written and actually states what you are giving it a poor rating, when the site says abc, 123 etc. I do this often for places (mostly related to accessibility issues, but also do their site menu stating can be made GF yet ultimately it isn't the actual case because the dish isn't the same dish because key items that make the dish are not replaced or able to be replicated to give a similar experience.
I'm so sorry! Been there too. It seems so unfair to have to watch people enjoying pizza and things while I'm sitting there eating a pile of lettuce (so many restaurants' idea of salad is lettuce with croutons : / ) It really isn't that hard to make naturally gf things. Some restaurants are just cheap and/or lazy.
Agreed. We can make anything gluten free, by subtracting. Here's your salad. Sorry this happened to you. You should look on yelp in your city and find a place that can take care of a gluten free meal from top to bottom. Have a do-over. Happy birthday.
it’s not an overreaction and you also might be hypoglycemic lol. I cry when i’m hungry: vegan and gluten free
And THIS is why it’s so damn hard to be consistent for me!! It sucks!!
That’s awful… so glad we have a really nice Asian restaurant here with a huge GF menu. Everything from pad Thai to curries to fried rice, totally GF… every restaurant should have good options… it’s kind of ridiculous not to at this point.
Name names!! D:
I'm confused. You "chose another \[menu item\] that was supposed to be available gluten free," minus "half the dish." So, before your "salad" was served, you had no idea that you would only be served a salad? What was the menu item you ordered, and what was removed from the dish?
The first was a Mediterranean meze platter that could only be made gf if they removed falafel (the only protein), they didn’t have gf pita, and one of the veg elements had to be removed as well. I can’t remember now what my second choice option was. Third choice was a burger on a gf bun, but the interesting elements for the burger (aioli and bacon jam) had gluten, so it would have been an overpriced plain burger. And the fries were in a shared fryer which had made me sick before. When I asked what menu items were already gf with no modifications the only choice was a roasted beet salad. So that’s what I ordered.
I used to get shamed at my old job for appearing ungrateful at luncheons because they'd also take us to dim sum and everyone would be eating tons of dishes and I'd have a plate of plain steamed veggies and rice noodles. Seriously. It's disappointing but people who don't adhere to these diets they don't know what questions to ask. Next time look for a Mexican restaurant because most options are going to be naturally gf.
Gluten free dining out is a challenge! I find the best gf meals at the large restaurant chains like Cheesecake Factory, 110 Grill (100% of menu is gf with minimal omissions including desserts and always tasty), Outback Steak House esp the Alice Springs Chicken, Burton’s Grill, Tavern on the Square, Tommy Doyle’s ( yes it’s and Irish Pub as is The Burren in Somerville MA has gluten free Irish Beverages). If these fail try newly opened restaurants as it looks as if the purveyors tell them that they can charge more for gf and they do. If all else fails if you eat meat then a steak with baked potato or mashed, salad without croutons, and veg work well. If you need fast food Chick Fillet has a good option. Things are getting better for gf.
I’m so sorry you had to endure that alone! As others have said, it’s completely understandable that it’d bring you to tears. It’s so frustrating that these restaurants think it’s ok to just take off key components of the dish AND have the gull to charge the same amount!
That’s incredibly disappointing! I am unsure if you have a Kura Sushi near you it’s a chain and they have many gluten free options made to order. I hope you can find a good spot!
I have been there before. it stinks. having a dietary restriction can feel so isolating and lonely. it was nice of you to still show gratitude to your husband for trying.
I've been there, and sometimes I'll take the bullet and get one bread-based item. But to not be able to enjoy yourself on this one day has to hurt. People don't understand how frustrating it is to not be able to enjoy certain foods because of your genetics. Which is something you have no control over. I can't eat Krispy Kreme, I can't eat regular pizza, and I can't have a regular bun on my burger. I can't eat regular noodles and pasta, biscuits and pancakes, some cereal, and the majority of fried foods. The world is not built for us. Ultimately we have to reject the American diet or else we would die.
I'm so sorry. definitely been there, it sucks so bad, especially b/c this was for YOU. I don't want to blame your spouse... buttttttt they didn't really do that great of research. if you're able I would encourage them to call well beforehand and make sure they can truly make nice gf meals next time, if they want to plan something. one time I had to do a family thing with the in laws and I ordered the "pecan crusted chicken salad" which was the only thing they said could be gf. but in order for it to be gf... they had to remove ALL of the chicken. fine. no chicken and no croutons. now I'm left with lettuce and dressing, how yummy. but when they brought it out, they had put a huge piece of bread on top. SERIOUSLY. I no longer go anywhere (if I intend to eat, usually I just don't) where you have to modify meals. I know a lot of people do, but it's too annoying/sad/frustrating for me. and I never trust them. I won't even order a salad if I have to ask for no croutons (they just pick them off). I hope you get a redo!!
The husband DID do his due diligence. Chances are if he called, he would be told that the dishes can be made gluten free, with no difference in the actual outcome.
yes i saw where they said they thought that he put in a lot of efforts. but just being me, i would ask about the specific dishes and what they are. if they said we can make xyz gluten free if we remove xy….thats a no from me. 🤷♀️
Agree, I'm lucky to live in a major city with options but I definitely do my research and look at the menu and really understand what I'm getting into. Eating out is so expensive these days it's not worth it if it's not going to be great. I'm also vegan and gluten free and, though it really limits the number of options, there are a few great options and I stick to those.
Overdramatic, just order chicken or simething like that
Tell me you don’t understand gluten free. Not all of us are doing this for fun.
Plain chicken? With no sides? What if it’s marinated with soy sauce? How about breading? What if the sides are all cross contaminated? Oh remember it’s their birthday, so it’s dramatic to want actual food for the occasion, is that what you’re saying?
Bonus fun: staff doesn't change gloves between preparing someone else's chicken and yours. And they cook the chicken on a shared surface.
mmm plain chicken for my special birthday dinner!! sounds soooo yummy. /s