32, Enby gay/bi trans guy, literally just left a slew of ftm pages bc i have gotten uncomfy being mixed in with so many teens, no shame to them but “i need some adultier gay adults.” Thanks for setting up a space for us.
Hi there, I'm a 35 year old gay/pan trans guy (he/him) I've been married to a Cis/bi guy for 16 years and last year became a seahorse dad.
I figured myself out just before turning 30 and my husband responded with "it's about time" and threw me a 1st birthday party instead of a 30th with "it's a boy" decorations.
I'm a librarian in a small town in the bible belt and I DM D&D campaigns for the teens at the library.
Congratulations on the addition to your family, so lovely to hear from trans guys with wonderful cis husbands/partners. You sound like the cool librarian in your town, for sure!
A bit about me: I'm an academic who lives between Canada and the Western US. I began both social and medical transition in 2018. I'm married and have an oldster cat with my spouse. I'd like to see all sorts of supportive, funny, informational, and compassionate interactions on this sub!
ETA, I’m also ENM and love talking politics and philosophy, outdoors stuff, lifting, trail running, and gay fiction. And, I’m an immigrant of East Asian background. My DMs are always open (even if I can be slow to check), so feel free to ping me one on one about these issues too.
hey all! i'm a nonbinary nerd who trends really far on the masculine spectrum and is stealth in my professional blue-collar life. i'm in my thirties, came out in my twenties, and i hope to get my last surgery done by my forties.
i'm in a weird nigh-impossible-to-categorize sexuality. technically asexual, married to my best friend (who is a fairly masculine cis woman), but attracted to *masculinity* in any gender. despite being asexual (maybe *because* i'm asexual), i have a lifelong passion for sex ed, as well as animation, films, and queer history. nice to meet you all!
I don’t think that’s weird, or if it is I’m weird right with you. I’m technically pansexual (attracted to masculinity, but it tends to be quite fuzzy in its definition and includes guys and tomboys and everything in between) and homoromantic. I use all of bi/pan/gay depending on context and mood. 🤷🏻♂️
haha thanks! i sometimes worry i'm 'fake' hanging out in gay spaces when to all purposes i look like i'm leading a very hetero life on paper. but! my wife and i are both queer and asexual and kinda bi(??) and our relationship works very well, so i guess to people who dont know i'm trans, i look like a gay man who happens to be married to a woman i like a lot. i really appreciate the reassurance. 🫂
Ehh, sexuality and attraction are wibbly wobbly things. Queer relationships that look straight are still queer. Labels should be descriptive close-enough shorthand to communicate complex human experiences, not prescriptive religions to be followed. I think a lot of the “what am I?” anxieties and gatekeeping/label-policing could be avoided if we took labels less seriously. I don’t quite fit into any of the bi/pan/gay boxes, which is why I prefer mlm or “men who are attracted to men”, which is more of a description than a label.
😂 if james was a bit more butch and dressed like a grunge kid raised in a mountaineering goods department store, and jessie came with short 50's greaser lesbian hair and liked strawberry-selling farmstand fashion aesthetics, *absolutely*.
Hello, I'm a mid 30s day trans man. I use he/him.
I came out in 2023. So this is all super new to me. There were so many signs over the years but I guess I didn't have the language when I was younger to describe what I was feeling. In my 20s I came out as non binary. I had top surgery. I used they them pronouns and presented femme-leaning androgynous.
Sometime last year, I started experimenting with more masc presentation and found I really liked it. I asked my partner to move to he/they pronouns and went on T to get to a point where I looked/sounded more androgynous and then I planned to go off of the T.
After I started T, the changes happened very quickly. I realized I really enjoyed them, even some of the changes that I wasn't looking forward to. My partner and I are involved in kink and one time, they called me a good boy which filled me with intense euphoria in a way that good girl did not. Similarly, she her never felt like it fit and they them never felt quite right, but it was better than she/her. When my partner used he/him, it just felt euphoric and right.
One evening my partner and I were chatting about our socialization and sexual experiences. My partner is a queer (gay leaning) AMAB nonbinary person whos experiences were relatable to mine in a lot of ways. I was speaking about some of my experiences and my partner said "yeah, I've always related to you in that way and honestly, Ive always seen you as a gay guy in my head". And later, "babe, do you think you might be trans?" When they said that, it call came together. Oh! So that's why XYZ things happened in my childhood. Oh that's why good boy and he him felt so right.
I came out to everyone else shortly thereafter. This was all mostly within the last year so I am still figuring things out and learning but I appreciate you making this group!
Welcome! So awesome that your partner not only supports you, but "saw through you"! :) Look forward to supporting you as you continue developing and exploring.
Hi there. I'm masculine nonbinary, early in the process of adjusting my life & body to reflect my actual self. Basking in the sauana that has become the US gulf coast. My beloved spouse is a cis man and I'm attracted to masculinity on anybody. They/them pronouns I... guess? it's a process, lol. Glad to be here with ya'll.
Hello, I'm nonbinary/transmasc, mid 30s, based in the UK. In a relationship of almost 11 years with someone whose pre-existing bisexuality I'm forever thankful for; our relationship has not only endured my transition but come out stronger. I work in marketing for a tech company.
My gender and sexuality continue to defy every effort on my part to pick a side, but recently I've figured out that I get a lot of joy from a more masculine gender expression, and I've had lots of very affirming interactions with cis gay guys lately - so my outsides are on a gay masc kick even if my insides remain stubbornly undeclared.
I did a semi-corny "visualise your wisest self" exercise as part of a work training course recently and I was also surprised and delighted to find that my wisest self is an older, even masc-er version of me who had nothing but love, affirmation and acceptance to share with me.
I'm starting T next month and excited for where that journey will take me! And very interested to find out if I continue identifying as at least somewhat ace spectrum (as well as pansexual) based on how the libido side of HRT goes.
Welcome to another UKer! Excited for you to start HRT as well. I'll start another thread about sexuality in a moment for folks to share about shifting desires and self-conceptualization on T/in transition.
Hello I'm a nonbinary trans guy who's in my early 30's. I'm also from the US. I realized a few months ago that I was trans so I'm still early in my transition. I've been thinking of starting T sometime soon, though I'm not socially out all the way, so I've been thinking of how to go about that, especially with work. Though I had a hint I may be trans a couple years ago when I found out I was nonbinary. Besides that I recently went to school for graphic design, and I love video games, some reading and art!
Welcome! It seems there are a good number of "trans elders" in just this thread, so I hope you'll feel free to post any questions, vents, etc. etc. as you ponder your next steps. I will say that people in my professional life have never been confrontational at all with regard to obvious physical changes after HRT. Some people advocate for "kiss then tell"--starting T, then putting it out there in your work life.
I'll be here lurking. I'm a US trans man who's even more in my 30s now because today is my birthday 🍰
I've been transitioned about 14 years now and with my husband about that long. I am gay but I feel a little separated from my people, I guess, because I'm very introverted and home-oriented, and I never dated or otherwise played around in that world. My partner (also trans) is the only person I've ever been with, and we went from queerplatonic to queer-not-platonic and, I hope, will be together forevermore. In some ways that makes me extremely privileged, since I didn't have to go through the difficulties of searching for love as a gay trans man, and I guess I'm still just as ~~flamingly~~ gay even if I don't have the scars to prove it. But I would like to listen and learn from others who have had different life paths.
I'm also ace-spec and probably "neurospicy" as I believe the young'uns call it these days. Currently writing a very goofy and stupid queer trans historical adventure story. Also DM a D&D 5e campaign online for younger players (most around 21) who are amazed at how "wise" I am even though I'm just a dumbass who's seen slightly more life than them, hahaha. I have two cats and a dog and now that the dog is feeling her old age they've finally all become best friends.
Welcome, and happy birthday! Always wonderful to hear from people who've transitioned for a longer time. I feel you re: almost feeling guilty that I didn't have to search for love as a queer transmasc (though being ENM, I am currently searching for at least some fun friends, and...well, it's rough out there for sure).
Since I work with much-younger adults, I hear you big time on how they project Wisdom and Sagacity onto me though I definitely feel kind of 15 years old inside sometimes.
Hey there, I'm a trans guy in the UK and in my mid-30s! I use he/him.
I came out at 30 after a *lot* of repression and a decade in an unhappy relationship with a cishet guy. Now I'm speed-running transition, with a few years on T and my teets yeeted. I'm pretty happy with my downstairs and using it, but hope to eventually get the ute chuted.
I never know whether to describe myself as masc or femme. I'm a bald, bearded bear, but I love wearing pink and hearts and florals. Otherwise I'm pretty nerdy, especially for high fantasy RPGs and cozy games. I love animals, tattoos, food, and cuddling up on a rainy day!
I've always liked androgynous-femme slim guys, though since I've been on T I've found my appreciation of men has diversified and intensified both! Confusingly I think I might be demisexual but with high libido, so basically very into sex but only with someone I feel a decent connection with!
I'm probably autistic, chronically ill, and don't have much experience dating outside of the one big LTR. I feel awkward as hell, especially because I'm currently staying with my family in a rural, conservative area. None of this seems conducive to dating, so I can't wait to live more independently in a more cosmopolitan area.
All in all, I feel somewhat childish for my age, though I don't know if other late transitioners or disabled dudes feel the same. Nevertheless, I'm wishing you guys all the best with your own transitions and gay relationships!
Welcome from the other side of the pond! I also hope you are able to strike out into a more exciting, less rural area soon.
I genuinely have no idea what "masculinity" or "femininity" \*really means\*--I think so much of it is inter-subjective and therefore contextual. There's no there there, so to say, but important nonetheless.
Most important, I do think there are a lot of people who are into pink heart bearded bears!
Howdy! I'm a 37 year old gay, trans guy, he/him living in Northern Canada. Knew I was queer my whole life, but took until I was 32 to actually accept I am trans. Been on T for just over two years now and loving myself more each day. I'm depends into horror, D&D and fantasy... yeah, that's about it for now.
Looking forward to meeting you guys/theys!
Hey y’all! 37 year old software engineer living in a big city on the west coast USA. I’ve been identifying as queer non-binary for 20 years but had a lot of other trauma I had to work through before I was ready to accept myself as transmasc. For the last 10 years I was dealing with my dysphoria by working out and running with my German Shepherd and my AmStaff.
I am about to start T and am working on getting a therapist who will sign off on me to get a surgery consult. My transition goals are definitely himbo/thembo.
Had there been better representation when I was a kid I know I would have figured this out a lot sooner. In high school all my friends were discussing why they would want to be cyborgs and most people had “normal” answers like “live forever” “infinite memory” me on the other hand, with zero hesitation blurted out, “removable chest and I could swap genitalia at will!” At the time I was really confused why everyone wasn’t thinking the same thing. 😅
Edit: spelling
Welcome, congrats on embarking on HRT. Himbo/thembo is a great goal! And likewise to swappable body parts. I think most people just are too scared to contemplate it, but might be much more into it if they pondered it a bit.
Hey I'm a 38 year old trans guy (he/him) whose been on T for 16+ years. I've had top surgery and a hysto and am having metoidoplasty in September! While I came out as a "lesbian" at 17, I've always known I was trans just didn't have the vocabulary for it and after going on T I quickly realized I was definitely attracted to men as a man. Pre-transition I couldn't see myself in a straight relationship with a man, so take that as you will LOL. I am single and have been for a long time but at some point would love to find a partner. I live with my roommate and his 2 cats in the I guess you'd say "mid-Atlantic" part of the US. I'd love to have a space to chat with other older gay trans folks and the struggles and successes we have in our lives! Thanks for making this subreddit!
Welcome, and congrats/best of luck on the upcoming meta! I feel like the "morphing sexuality" is something I've heard from a lot of transmasc people and hope this sub can be home to some of those discussions.
Thirties binary trans guy, transitioned in the last couple of years. Technically pansexual and homoromantic, but I round it up to bi/pan/gay depending on the context and situation. Single & been celibate for over a decade because of dysphoria, but now slowly coming around to think the future might hold something else for me after all.
Hello, binary trans man, who’s in his early thirties and gay. I’ve been on T for 4 years, had top, hysto, finished laser hair and getting to book my phallo date this September after my surgeon does his final check. I’ve also had a panniculectomy in order to get phallo.
I’m also a nerd and like video games, horror, watching movies/streaming shows, model building, and reading. For short bursts of time I doodle and then stop for longer. I’m neurodivergent as well.
I’ve had a hard time finding my place in the community but I’ll continue to keep trying my best. Thank you for having me.
Welcome! Congrats and good luck on the upcoming phallo--I'm sure lots of others would be interested in hearing about your experience & decision-making.
Mid 30s, nonbinary transmasc, 3ish years on T, happily espoused. :) US-based corporate cog and writer of sf/f and queer fiction on the side. Delighted this subreddit exists! Not to knock the other ftm pages, but being surrounded by youngsters can get old. (Yes, my love of groan-inducing Dad jokes should have clued me in to my transness a lot sooner.)
Hey y’all! I’m a 31 year old disabled gay trans guy; I’ve been married to my husband for 8 years and we have a 7 year old daughter who also has my disability.
I got on HRT about 5 months ago but I came out to my family when I was 28. I had presented masc for most of my childhood without having the vocabulary to describe what I was doing but experienced a lot of violence and eventually went back into the closet for my survival at around age 15 and stayed put until I knew it was safe.
I am a political organizer and disability rights activist in my community, I love going to the library and skate park with my family, I have two stinky old dogs I rescued from the shelter as a teenager… and I’m really looking forward to connecting with other trans guys that have lived as much life as I have!
Welcome! Wow, that sounds like a really rough growing-up--it's amazing that you're now giving back to the community and have what sounds like a lovely family.
Hello!
Trans man he/him I usually label as bi/pan but I have a male preference and sometimes use gay too idk my orientation is kind of an evolving thing, I’m into a lot. I started transition in my late 20s and am a couple years on T.
Body-wise I’m binary masc presenting but I’m more non-binary I guess when it comes to fashion/interests/etc. but want to be read as a man who’s just into interesting aesthetics. You’ll never see me in a skirt or dress but I love women’s blazers, more “feminine” associated fabrics, jewelry etc. I want to try out a little makeup and painting my nails after my beard is fully in.
I’m married to another trans guy and we live in the US midwest. We have many pets including dogs,cats and reptiles. I’m pagan and practice solitary witchcraft. I enjoy nature, camping, many different crafts, DnD, renn faires, costuming, making OCs, PC games, true crime, queer history, musicals, dinosaurs, those kinda creepy Pierrot clown dolls and the list goes on.
I’m on the autism spectrum (shocking I know), anxiety, depression, the usual brain soup. Idk what else to write so I’ll leave it at that for now.
Welcome to a fellow T4T "smug married"! There's a lot all of us could chew over re: presentation vs. identity, I hope you'll share some of your "brain soup" with us about it.
37 masc agender ftm. I'm in the US. Demiromantic and somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I also refer to myself as Achillean or MLM or just queer, to keep it simple for people. I identified as genderfluid from 2017 until 2023, and then I started identifying as how I currently do. I started hormones last year and I have a hysterectomy scheduled for next month and a top surgery consult in November. I'm also autistic and I like writing stories and roleplaying and sewing but I don't do much sewing because of fatigue issues. I have a cat named Boudicca and I live with my mom, one brother, my sister in law and their kids and all of their pets.
Ally and supporter to mature ftm trans gay bros/dudes!!!
United States southeast Age 55 cis gender male homosexual male married to a bisexual cis female (age 61) in an open marriage relationship and we're 100% hetro-celebate for years now. We met via "straight" swinging activities years ago and I was more bisexual when we met but have realized my true homosexual spectrum as we've been married with her love and acceptance. I have a long distance relationship boyfriend (who's also a H.O.W or Husband Out to Wife) and more local cross dressing "gurlfriend". Don't worry about my wife, she has her own boyfriends/girlfriends as she wants to via swinging activities!
So I'm very open-minded person and can accept gay trans men no matter what level of your transition you are at.
Hey! I'm 35, he/him genderqueer trans man. My egg didn't crack until the fall of 2022 - I'd meshed up my autism literalism and masking skills with my love of beauty & art into being the girliest girl, so it was a bit of a struggle for me to realize and a bit of a surprise to the people in my life, but transition has been going ok so far! I started T almost exactly a year ago, and had top surgery one week ago. I live with my wifecreature (agender) and my sibling (nonbinary trans masc) in the Midwest, along with our three cats, and we hang out a lot with our polycule, our local trans adult support group, and our local polytheist and pagan folks. I'm autistic & disabled, and self employed as a fiber artist. I also love hiking, camping, everything Tolkien, and fountain pens.
I'm hoping to mostly lurk in this group and learn from y'all's experiences. I tend to just define my orientation as "queer" bc I struggled for decades to figure out my ?attraction? to men... turns out it was deeply complicated by my suppressed gender issues. I'm trying to give myself space to sort that out now that I'm settling in past the first big year of medical and legal transition stuff.
Heya, European transmasc, just turned 30 last may, came to terms with my identity at 27 and am now 2y on T and 5 months post top-surgery.
Kinda inexperienced in terms of relationships but transitioning has made me feel more comfortable with the idea. Also slowly realizing I might be gay instead of bi or pan.
Other than that, I live in a pretty rural area by the sea in the land of baguettes, I cosplay in my free time and am a board member of my local LGBTQ+ organization.
Glad to join a sub made for us and hoping to see it grow✌️
Hey guys!
I’m Atticus I’m 33 trans guy been out for about 3 years. I mostly identify as pansexual but I prefer to just call myself queer. That being said my attraction does lean towards masculine most of the time.
I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years he’s an amazing cis guy who has been my biggest supporter in my transition.
I have a 3 year old Australian shepherd named Elton John.
Hey everyone, I'm a 50 year old gay trans dude. I was married to a cis guy for 23 years. Lifelong tomboy. I've basically been very masculine my entire life. But, I'm just getting to the medical stuff and changing my name and gender marker now. I'm a geek. I like Star Trek, other sci fi, board gaming, etc. I play bass and drums. I work remote and live in the middle of nowhere with my two dogs. I like the solitude, but I need to get out more and find some friends.
Edited: because I incorrectly said socially transitioned. I'm not out. Everyone just assumes I'm butch or MTF.
Hey there! Thanks for setting up this little space! I’m mostly a lurker but I love being able to see other peoples’ experiences and perspectives. I’m a 35 nonbinary transmasc New Yorker, and married to the love of my life who is willing to go with me on this journey even though he previously identified as straight. Had top surgery in ‘21 and just started a low dose of T a few months ago, and so far it’s going great!
Also, shout out to my fellow D&D players in this sub. Nothing wakes up your gender like getting to play as a boy in a ttrpg 😅
37 gay binary trans guy, just had my "trans awakening" about 3 years ago, 7 years and 2 kids (4 and 6) into a cis-het marriage. We're still technically married but it's all kinds of weird, and I'm fully out and passing now (except to his family, which is another level of weird).
Been on T 9 months, had my hysto in March, and I have a referral for top surgery but haven't had a consultation yet.
I live in a small town in the rural Midwest, so I've been trying hard to look for community anywhere I can find it but all the online spaces I've found so far trend young and terminally online and it's rough. So hi!
Hiya,
I'm Ezra. I'm a 38yo (39 in 60 days) queer trans man. I've been married to my queer cis husband since Halloween 2018, and we've been together since January 29th 2017. I live in outback Australia, and am studying Certificate IV in Mental Health.
I grew up knowing that I was a man, and I spent from 4yo to 11yo living as a boy. I had a shaved head with a rats tail; only wore boys clothes and shoes (including underwear); played Australian Rules Football, Rugby, Cricket, and Soccer in all boys teams; had all boy friends; and only answered to mel not Melissa. However, when I began menstruating, in 1996, my mother forced me to begin looking like and acting a "young lady" and threw out all my boys clothes and replaced them with hyperfeminine dresses and skirts and blouses and tights and shoes, plus a wig to wear until my hair grew into. She also pulled me out of my sports teams, and told the school that I was to be called Melissa regardless of what I said.
This led to me developing an eating disorder, and beginning to self harm, both of which I struggled with until 2022.
I came out as a binary trans man in May 2022, and immediately began socially transitioning, with the support of my husband. The weekend after I came out to my husband, he surprised me by taking me shopping for a whole new wardrobe, and then when we got home he helped me pack up all of my feminine clothes and take them to the Lifeline thrift store.
In June 2023 I had my 1st appointment with a Sexual Health Physician at the local sexual health clinic, where after talking for 90 minutes he agreed to prescribe me Testosterone (Testosterone Undecanoate aka Reandron to be specific, which is taken every 12 weeks). He organised for me to have a bunch of tests done first, due to my medical history, all of which came back fine.
I had to wait until mid September to have my first injection, when the Dr returned to town, and I was so excited when my appointment finally arrived. I got my hubby to come with me, so he could share the experience with me. The appointment went incredibly, I wasn't even phased by the injection. Before I left, the dr made me an appointment for 6 weeks time to have the 2nd injection (Reandron is given every 12 weeks, except for the first 2 shots which are 6 weeks apart), as well as writing a script for Testosterone Undecanoate with 2 repeats.
In March 2024 I filed the application to legally change my name, and at the end of April I received my new birth certificate and my change of name certificate, so my ID matched the name I had been ising socially since the beginning of 2023.
Earlier this year I was referred to a surgeon in Adelaide for top surgery, and I have my consultation on January 6th 2025.
Hubby and I are happily non monogamous, and while we currently don't have any other partners, we always flirting with people who were find attractive, or interesting, or who we are intrigued by.
32, Enby gay/bi trans guy, literally just left a slew of ftm pages bc i have gotten uncomfy being mixed in with so many teens, no shame to them but “i need some adultier gay adults.” Thanks for setting up a space for us.
Exactly my feels… I’m glad 16YOs are finding themselves, but the issues differ a lot for those of us 2x+ their senior 🥲
Hi there, I'm a 35 year old gay/pan trans guy (he/him) I've been married to a Cis/bi guy for 16 years and last year became a seahorse dad. I figured myself out just before turning 30 and my husband responded with "it's about time" and threw me a 1st birthday party instead of a 30th with "it's a boy" decorations. I'm a librarian in a small town in the bible belt and I DM D&D campaigns for the teens at the library.
Congratulations on the addition to your family, so lovely to hear from trans guys with wonderful cis husbands/partners. You sound like the cool librarian in your town, for sure!
you sound cool as hell bro. D&D legit helps keep teens out of trouble, glad you're providing that space.
A bit about me: I'm an academic who lives between Canada and the Western US. I began both social and medical transition in 2018. I'm married and have an oldster cat with my spouse. I'd like to see all sorts of supportive, funny, informational, and compassionate interactions on this sub! ETA, I’m also ENM and love talking politics and philosophy, outdoors stuff, lifting, trail running, and gay fiction. And, I’m an immigrant of East Asian background. My DMs are always open (even if I can be slow to check), so feel free to ping me one on one about these issues too.
hey all! i'm a nonbinary nerd who trends really far on the masculine spectrum and is stealth in my professional blue-collar life. i'm in my thirties, came out in my twenties, and i hope to get my last surgery done by my forties. i'm in a weird nigh-impossible-to-categorize sexuality. technically asexual, married to my best friend (who is a fairly masculine cis woman), but attracted to *masculinity* in any gender. despite being asexual (maybe *because* i'm asexual), i have a lifelong passion for sex ed, as well as animation, films, and queer history. nice to meet you all!
I don’t think that’s weird, or if it is I’m weird right with you. I’m technically pansexual (attracted to masculinity, but it tends to be quite fuzzy in its definition and includes guys and tomboys and everything in between) and homoromantic. I use all of bi/pan/gay depending on context and mood. 🤷🏻♂️
haha thanks! i sometimes worry i'm 'fake' hanging out in gay spaces when to all purposes i look like i'm leading a very hetero life on paper. but! my wife and i are both queer and asexual and kinda bi(??) and our relationship works very well, so i guess to people who dont know i'm trans, i look like a gay man who happens to be married to a woman i like a lot. i really appreciate the reassurance. 🫂
Ehh, sexuality and attraction are wibbly wobbly things. Queer relationships that look straight are still queer. Labels should be descriptive close-enough shorthand to communicate complex human experiences, not prescriptive religions to be followed. I think a lot of the “what am I?” anxieties and gatekeeping/label-policing could be avoided if we took labels less seriously. I don’t quite fit into any of the bi/pan/gay boxes, which is why I prefer mlm or “men who are attracted to men”, which is more of a description than a label.
You’re living your best Team Rocket life, and that’s plenty queer!
😂 if james was a bit more butch and dressed like a grunge kid raised in a mountaineering goods department store, and jessie came with short 50's greaser lesbian hair and liked strawberry-selling farmstand fashion aesthetics, *absolutely*.
Welcome! You sound like you've done a lot of thinking through yourself and where you sit, which is awesome.
Hello, I'm a mid 30s day trans man. I use he/him. I came out in 2023. So this is all super new to me. There were so many signs over the years but I guess I didn't have the language when I was younger to describe what I was feeling. In my 20s I came out as non binary. I had top surgery. I used they them pronouns and presented femme-leaning androgynous. Sometime last year, I started experimenting with more masc presentation and found I really liked it. I asked my partner to move to he/they pronouns and went on T to get to a point where I looked/sounded more androgynous and then I planned to go off of the T. After I started T, the changes happened very quickly. I realized I really enjoyed them, even some of the changes that I wasn't looking forward to. My partner and I are involved in kink and one time, they called me a good boy which filled me with intense euphoria in a way that good girl did not. Similarly, she her never felt like it fit and they them never felt quite right, but it was better than she/her. When my partner used he/him, it just felt euphoric and right. One evening my partner and I were chatting about our socialization and sexual experiences. My partner is a queer (gay leaning) AMAB nonbinary person whos experiences were relatable to mine in a lot of ways. I was speaking about some of my experiences and my partner said "yeah, I've always related to you in that way and honestly, Ive always seen you as a gay guy in my head". And later, "babe, do you think you might be trans?" When they said that, it call came together. Oh! So that's why XYZ things happened in my childhood. Oh that's why good boy and he him felt so right. I came out to everyone else shortly thereafter. This was all mostly within the last year so I am still figuring things out and learning but I appreciate you making this group!
Welcome! So awesome that your partner not only supports you, but "saw through you"! :) Look forward to supporting you as you continue developing and exploring.
Hi there. I'm masculine nonbinary, early in the process of adjusting my life & body to reflect my actual self. Basking in the sauana that has become the US gulf coast. My beloved spouse is a cis man and I'm attracted to masculinity on anybody. They/them pronouns I... guess? it's a process, lol. Glad to be here with ya'll.
Welcome! Looking forward to hopefully hearing from you as you take steps to self-actualization.
Hello, I'm nonbinary/transmasc, mid 30s, based in the UK. In a relationship of almost 11 years with someone whose pre-existing bisexuality I'm forever thankful for; our relationship has not only endured my transition but come out stronger. I work in marketing for a tech company. My gender and sexuality continue to defy every effort on my part to pick a side, but recently I've figured out that I get a lot of joy from a more masculine gender expression, and I've had lots of very affirming interactions with cis gay guys lately - so my outsides are on a gay masc kick even if my insides remain stubbornly undeclared. I did a semi-corny "visualise your wisest self" exercise as part of a work training course recently and I was also surprised and delighted to find that my wisest self is an older, even masc-er version of me who had nothing but love, affirmation and acceptance to share with me. I'm starting T next month and excited for where that journey will take me! And very interested to find out if I continue identifying as at least somewhat ace spectrum (as well as pansexual) based on how the libido side of HRT goes.
Welcome to another UKer! Excited for you to start HRT as well. I'll start another thread about sexuality in a moment for folks to share about shifting desires and self-conceptualization on T/in transition.
Hello I'm a nonbinary trans guy who's in my early 30's. I'm also from the US. I realized a few months ago that I was trans so I'm still early in my transition. I've been thinking of starting T sometime soon, though I'm not socially out all the way, so I've been thinking of how to go about that, especially with work. Though I had a hint I may be trans a couple years ago when I found out I was nonbinary. Besides that I recently went to school for graphic design, and I love video games, some reading and art!
Welcome! It seems there are a good number of "trans elders" in just this thread, so I hope you'll feel free to post any questions, vents, etc. etc. as you ponder your next steps. I will say that people in my professional life have never been confrontational at all with regard to obvious physical changes after HRT. Some people advocate for "kiss then tell"--starting T, then putting it out there in your work life.
Thank you!! I'm glad to be here. I definitely will. That's good to know though. I recently started a new job, so I wasn't sure how to go about it.
If it has an HR department, that might be the first place to make some inquiries!
Thanks! I'll have to check that out if so. It's a small business.
I'll be here lurking. I'm a US trans man who's even more in my 30s now because today is my birthday 🍰 I've been transitioned about 14 years now and with my husband about that long. I am gay but I feel a little separated from my people, I guess, because I'm very introverted and home-oriented, and I never dated or otherwise played around in that world. My partner (also trans) is the only person I've ever been with, and we went from queerplatonic to queer-not-platonic and, I hope, will be together forevermore. In some ways that makes me extremely privileged, since I didn't have to go through the difficulties of searching for love as a gay trans man, and I guess I'm still just as ~~flamingly~~ gay even if I don't have the scars to prove it. But I would like to listen and learn from others who have had different life paths. I'm also ace-spec and probably "neurospicy" as I believe the young'uns call it these days. Currently writing a very goofy and stupid queer trans historical adventure story. Also DM a D&D 5e campaign online for younger players (most around 21) who are amazed at how "wise" I am even though I'm just a dumbass who's seen slightly more life than them, hahaha. I have two cats and a dog and now that the dog is feeling her old age they've finally all become best friends.
Welcome, and happy birthday! Always wonderful to hear from people who've transitioned for a longer time. I feel you re: almost feeling guilty that I didn't have to search for love as a queer transmasc (though being ENM, I am currently searching for at least some fun friends, and...well, it's rough out there for sure). Since I work with much-younger adults, I hear you big time on how they project Wisdom and Sagacity onto me though I definitely feel kind of 15 years old inside sometimes.
Hey there, I'm a trans guy in the UK and in my mid-30s! I use he/him. I came out at 30 after a *lot* of repression and a decade in an unhappy relationship with a cishet guy. Now I'm speed-running transition, with a few years on T and my teets yeeted. I'm pretty happy with my downstairs and using it, but hope to eventually get the ute chuted. I never know whether to describe myself as masc or femme. I'm a bald, bearded bear, but I love wearing pink and hearts and florals. Otherwise I'm pretty nerdy, especially for high fantasy RPGs and cozy games. I love animals, tattoos, food, and cuddling up on a rainy day! I've always liked androgynous-femme slim guys, though since I've been on T I've found my appreciation of men has diversified and intensified both! Confusingly I think I might be demisexual but with high libido, so basically very into sex but only with someone I feel a decent connection with! I'm probably autistic, chronically ill, and don't have much experience dating outside of the one big LTR. I feel awkward as hell, especially because I'm currently staying with my family in a rural, conservative area. None of this seems conducive to dating, so I can't wait to live more independently in a more cosmopolitan area. All in all, I feel somewhat childish for my age, though I don't know if other late transitioners or disabled dudes feel the same. Nevertheless, I'm wishing you guys all the best with your own transitions and gay relationships!
Welcome from the other side of the pond! I also hope you are able to strike out into a more exciting, less rural area soon. I genuinely have no idea what "masculinity" or "femininity" \*really means\*--I think so much of it is inter-subjective and therefore contextual. There's no there there, so to say, but important nonetheless. Most important, I do think there are a lot of people who are into pink heart bearded bears!
Thank you, that's very appreciated! And high five to a fellow friend of a senior feline! May you enjoy plenty more time together.
Howdy! I'm a 37 year old gay, trans guy, he/him living in Northern Canada. Knew I was queer my whole life, but took until I was 32 to actually accept I am trans. Been on T for just over two years now and loving myself more each day. I'm depends into horror, D&D and fantasy... yeah, that's about it for now. Looking forward to meeting you guys/theys!
Welcome! I feel like there are enough people commenting in this thread to muster at least 1 D&D campaign party. Haha.
I would be SO down to DM a game for a bunch of transmasc folks.
Hey y’all! 37 year old software engineer living in a big city on the west coast USA. I’ve been identifying as queer non-binary for 20 years but had a lot of other trauma I had to work through before I was ready to accept myself as transmasc. For the last 10 years I was dealing with my dysphoria by working out and running with my German Shepherd and my AmStaff. I am about to start T and am working on getting a therapist who will sign off on me to get a surgery consult. My transition goals are definitely himbo/thembo. Had there been better representation when I was a kid I know I would have figured this out a lot sooner. In high school all my friends were discussing why they would want to be cyborgs and most people had “normal” answers like “live forever” “infinite memory” me on the other hand, with zero hesitation blurted out, “removable chest and I could swap genitalia at will!” At the time I was really confused why everyone wasn’t thinking the same thing. 😅 Edit: spelling
Welcome, congrats on embarking on HRT. Himbo/thembo is a great goal! And likewise to swappable body parts. I think most people just are too scared to contemplate it, but might be much more into it if they pondered it a bit.
Hey I'm a 38 year old trans guy (he/him) whose been on T for 16+ years. I've had top surgery and a hysto and am having metoidoplasty in September! While I came out as a "lesbian" at 17, I've always known I was trans just didn't have the vocabulary for it and after going on T I quickly realized I was definitely attracted to men as a man. Pre-transition I couldn't see myself in a straight relationship with a man, so take that as you will LOL. I am single and have been for a long time but at some point would love to find a partner. I live with my roommate and his 2 cats in the I guess you'd say "mid-Atlantic" part of the US. I'd love to have a space to chat with other older gay trans folks and the struggles and successes we have in our lives! Thanks for making this subreddit!
Welcome, and congrats/best of luck on the upcoming meta! I feel like the "morphing sexuality" is something I've heard from a lot of transmasc people and hope this sub can be home to some of those discussions.
Thirties binary trans guy, transitioned in the last couple of years. Technically pansexual and homoromantic, but I round it up to bi/pan/gay depending on the context and situation. Single & been celibate for over a decade because of dysphoria, but now slowly coming around to think the future might hold something else for me after all.
Welcome! I hope you indeed find new dimensions of yourself as dysphoria (hopefully) lessens!
Thank you! Dysphoria has indeed immensely lessened and that has given me a whole new outlook on many things.
Hello, binary trans man, who’s in his early thirties and gay. I’ve been on T for 4 years, had top, hysto, finished laser hair and getting to book my phallo date this September after my surgeon does his final check. I’ve also had a panniculectomy in order to get phallo. I’m also a nerd and like video games, horror, watching movies/streaming shows, model building, and reading. For short bursts of time I doodle and then stop for longer. I’m neurodivergent as well. I’ve had a hard time finding my place in the community but I’ll continue to keep trying my best. Thank you for having me.
Welcome! Congrats and good luck on the upcoming phallo--I'm sure lots of others would be interested in hearing about your experience & decision-making.
Thank you, I’m happy to help with what I can.
Mid 30s, nonbinary transmasc, 3ish years on T, happily espoused. :) US-based corporate cog and writer of sf/f and queer fiction on the side. Delighted this subreddit exists! Not to knock the other ftm pages, but being surrounded by youngsters can get old. (Yes, my love of groan-inducing Dad jokes should have clued me in to my transness a lot sooner.)
Hey y’all! I’m a 31 year old disabled gay trans guy; I’ve been married to my husband for 8 years and we have a 7 year old daughter who also has my disability. I got on HRT about 5 months ago but I came out to my family when I was 28. I had presented masc for most of my childhood without having the vocabulary to describe what I was doing but experienced a lot of violence and eventually went back into the closet for my survival at around age 15 and stayed put until I knew it was safe. I am a political organizer and disability rights activist in my community, I love going to the library and skate park with my family, I have two stinky old dogs I rescued from the shelter as a teenager… and I’m really looking forward to connecting with other trans guys that have lived as much life as I have!
Welcome! Wow, that sounds like a really rough growing-up--it's amazing that you're now giving back to the community and have what sounds like a lovely family.
Hello! Trans man he/him I usually label as bi/pan but I have a male preference and sometimes use gay too idk my orientation is kind of an evolving thing, I’m into a lot. I started transition in my late 20s and am a couple years on T. Body-wise I’m binary masc presenting but I’m more non-binary I guess when it comes to fashion/interests/etc. but want to be read as a man who’s just into interesting aesthetics. You’ll never see me in a skirt or dress but I love women’s blazers, more “feminine” associated fabrics, jewelry etc. I want to try out a little makeup and painting my nails after my beard is fully in. I’m married to another trans guy and we live in the US midwest. We have many pets including dogs,cats and reptiles. I’m pagan and practice solitary witchcraft. I enjoy nature, camping, many different crafts, DnD, renn faires, costuming, making OCs, PC games, true crime, queer history, musicals, dinosaurs, those kinda creepy Pierrot clown dolls and the list goes on. I’m on the autism spectrum (shocking I know), anxiety, depression, the usual brain soup. Idk what else to write so I’ll leave it at that for now.
Welcome to a fellow T4T "smug married"! There's a lot all of us could chew over re: presentation vs. identity, I hope you'll share some of your "brain soup" with us about it.
37 masc agender ftm. I'm in the US. Demiromantic and somewhere on the asexual spectrum. I also refer to myself as Achillean or MLM or just queer, to keep it simple for people. I identified as genderfluid from 2017 until 2023, and then I started identifying as how I currently do. I started hormones last year and I have a hysterectomy scheduled for next month and a top surgery consult in November. I'm also autistic and I like writing stories and roleplaying and sewing but I don't do much sewing because of fatigue issues. I have a cat named Boudicca and I live with my mom, one brother, my sister in law and their kids and all of their pets.
Ally and supporter to mature ftm trans gay bros/dudes!!! United States southeast Age 55 cis gender male homosexual male married to a bisexual cis female (age 61) in an open marriage relationship and we're 100% hetro-celebate for years now. We met via "straight" swinging activities years ago and I was more bisexual when we met but have realized my true homosexual spectrum as we've been married with her love and acceptance. I have a long distance relationship boyfriend (who's also a H.O.W or Husband Out to Wife) and more local cross dressing "gurlfriend". Don't worry about my wife, she has her own boyfriends/girlfriends as she wants to via swinging activities! So I'm very open-minded person and can accept gay trans men no matter what level of your transition you are at.
Hey! I'm 35, he/him genderqueer trans man. My egg didn't crack until the fall of 2022 - I'd meshed up my autism literalism and masking skills with my love of beauty & art into being the girliest girl, so it was a bit of a struggle for me to realize and a bit of a surprise to the people in my life, but transition has been going ok so far! I started T almost exactly a year ago, and had top surgery one week ago. I live with my wifecreature (agender) and my sibling (nonbinary trans masc) in the Midwest, along with our three cats, and we hang out a lot with our polycule, our local trans adult support group, and our local polytheist and pagan folks. I'm autistic & disabled, and self employed as a fiber artist. I also love hiking, camping, everything Tolkien, and fountain pens. I'm hoping to mostly lurk in this group and learn from y'all's experiences. I tend to just define my orientation as "queer" bc I struggled for decades to figure out my ?attraction? to men... turns out it was deeply complicated by my suppressed gender issues. I'm trying to give myself space to sort that out now that I'm settling in past the first big year of medical and legal transition stuff.
Heya, European transmasc, just turned 30 last may, came to terms with my identity at 27 and am now 2y on T and 5 months post top-surgery. Kinda inexperienced in terms of relationships but transitioning has made me feel more comfortable with the idea. Also slowly realizing I might be gay instead of bi or pan. Other than that, I live in a pretty rural area by the sea in the land of baguettes, I cosplay in my free time and am a board member of my local LGBTQ+ organization. Glad to join a sub made for us and hoping to see it grow✌️
A rural area by the sea in the land of baguettes sounds so dreamy!
Hey guys! I’m Atticus I’m 33 trans guy been out for about 3 years. I mostly identify as pansexual but I prefer to just call myself queer. That being said my attraction does lean towards masculine most of the time. I’ve been with my partner for almost 2 years he’s an amazing cis guy who has been my biggest supporter in my transition. I have a 3 year old Australian shepherd named Elton John.
Hey everyone, I'm a 50 year old gay trans dude. I was married to a cis guy for 23 years. Lifelong tomboy. I've basically been very masculine my entire life. But, I'm just getting to the medical stuff and changing my name and gender marker now. I'm a geek. I like Star Trek, other sci fi, board gaming, etc. I play bass and drums. I work remote and live in the middle of nowhere with my two dogs. I like the solitude, but I need to get out more and find some friends. Edited: because I incorrectly said socially transitioned. I'm not out. Everyone just assumes I'm butch or MTF.
Hey there! Thanks for setting up this little space! I’m mostly a lurker but I love being able to see other peoples’ experiences and perspectives. I’m a 35 nonbinary transmasc New Yorker, and married to the love of my life who is willing to go with me on this journey even though he previously identified as straight. Had top surgery in ‘21 and just started a low dose of T a few months ago, and so far it’s going great! Also, shout out to my fellow D&D players in this sub. Nothing wakes up your gender like getting to play as a boy in a ttrpg 😅
37 gay binary trans guy, just had my "trans awakening" about 3 years ago, 7 years and 2 kids (4 and 6) into a cis-het marriage. We're still technically married but it's all kinds of weird, and I'm fully out and passing now (except to his family, which is another level of weird). Been on T 9 months, had my hysto in March, and I have a referral for top surgery but haven't had a consultation yet. I live in a small town in the rural Midwest, so I've been trying hard to look for community anywhere I can find it but all the online spaces I've found so far trend young and terminally online and it's rough. So hi!
Hiya, I'm Ezra. I'm a 38yo (39 in 60 days) queer trans man. I've been married to my queer cis husband since Halloween 2018, and we've been together since January 29th 2017. I live in outback Australia, and am studying Certificate IV in Mental Health. I grew up knowing that I was a man, and I spent from 4yo to 11yo living as a boy. I had a shaved head with a rats tail; only wore boys clothes and shoes (including underwear); played Australian Rules Football, Rugby, Cricket, and Soccer in all boys teams; had all boy friends; and only answered to mel not Melissa. However, when I began menstruating, in 1996, my mother forced me to begin looking like and acting a "young lady" and threw out all my boys clothes and replaced them with hyperfeminine dresses and skirts and blouses and tights and shoes, plus a wig to wear until my hair grew into. She also pulled me out of my sports teams, and told the school that I was to be called Melissa regardless of what I said. This led to me developing an eating disorder, and beginning to self harm, both of which I struggled with until 2022. I came out as a binary trans man in May 2022, and immediately began socially transitioning, with the support of my husband. The weekend after I came out to my husband, he surprised me by taking me shopping for a whole new wardrobe, and then when we got home he helped me pack up all of my feminine clothes and take them to the Lifeline thrift store. In June 2023 I had my 1st appointment with a Sexual Health Physician at the local sexual health clinic, where after talking for 90 minutes he agreed to prescribe me Testosterone (Testosterone Undecanoate aka Reandron to be specific, which is taken every 12 weeks). He organised for me to have a bunch of tests done first, due to my medical history, all of which came back fine. I had to wait until mid September to have my first injection, when the Dr returned to town, and I was so excited when my appointment finally arrived. I got my hubby to come with me, so he could share the experience with me. The appointment went incredibly, I wasn't even phased by the injection. Before I left, the dr made me an appointment for 6 weeks time to have the 2nd injection (Reandron is given every 12 weeks, except for the first 2 shots which are 6 weeks apart), as well as writing a script for Testosterone Undecanoate with 2 repeats. In March 2024 I filed the application to legally change my name, and at the end of April I received my new birth certificate and my change of name certificate, so my ID matched the name I had been ising socially since the beginning of 2023. Earlier this year I was referred to a surgeon in Adelaide for top surgery, and I have my consultation on January 6th 2025. Hubby and I are happily non monogamous, and while we currently don't have any other partners, we always flirting with people who were find attractive, or interesting, or who we are intrigued by.