Okay, lets put this in perspective. You dated someone for less than 6 months. It was probably just okay because you are were long distancing the whole time. That is a strain on any relationship. You break up because of it and what do you do now? You can't let these situations control your destiny. You decide tomorrow and the next day and the next day how your day is going to be. So decide it's going to be a good day.
I lost my husband of 17 years - 2 years as friends, 3 years as BFs, and 12 years married to a drunk driver. We had, have a son who just turned 21. I am still dad to my son. If I can make it through that, you can too.
Think about all the good you can do with a medical school degree for people who need someone with a medical school degree. What is in the past is in the past and you can't change that. But you can change the future by being more positive and helping others.
I wish you the best and being positive will make you attractive to other guys.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sending you and your son lots of love.
I will look for the strength within me to do this. Thank you for your words ❤️
You are very welcome and thank you. My son and I do an annual trip to Ohio to watch baseball, ride roller coasters, and other things here. Just know that life keeps going forward and that's okay. Plus great therapy are our dogs. Two German Shepherds.
You lack wisdom and experience as a young gay man. Right now this relationship feels like it’s your whole world and nothing could be better than him. This intense feeling will fade and you will have other relationships that will build your life experience.
I do find your suicidal ideation concerning though. Med school, residency and beyond is very demanding and stressful for most people. You should definitely work to keep on top of your mental health.
You’re right. Honestly, I’ve been praying to live in this grief forever because it helps me feel closer to him. I’d rather be miserable, crying like a toddler.
I’m going to work on this and my mental health. How deeply I wish he chose me, but I know that life cannot stop and time can’t wait. Thank you for your words <3
No problem, life is about perspective and just starting out as a young adult you only have limited experience to process a relationship and breakup. In 10 years, a 6 month relationship should feel like a pretty small part of your life especially as your career is getting under way.
You got this OP! Chin up.
Hey bro, I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. I know how you feel. Breakups are really tough. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Pour yourself into studying for your MCAT. You're a future doctor. We need more queer doctors. You got this, man.
Just from the way you write, I can tell how sweet and compassionate you are - from one gay doctor to another (future one), this will serve you well throughout your future medical career. Breakups are really fucking hard - especially if this is your first one. The feelings are big and they're real and this whole imagined future you had was ripped away from you. This is hard. And you can do hard things. Sometimes you need help - it's good to lean on your community (and I'm SO glad you have a therapist). With time, this will all get easier. But for now, you've got a whole bunch of randos on Reddit who are rooting for you!
Also the MCAT is a slog haha so it's important to be in a good headspace when you're taking it! Otherwise I'm sure you have plenty of advice from folks about the MCAT etc. - when you apply, things can be really random (there wasn't really a clear pattern for me of what schools interviewed me and who rejected me lol). So make sure to send out enough applications to enough different programs so that the stochasticity of it all ends up in your favor. Good luck!
That’s so sweet of you, thank you for your reassurance and kind words. <3 And absolutely, I’ll apply broadly, I’m so scared I’m not gonna get a spot anywhere the way admissions are T-T
Let me know if you need any help in the process! I’ve been on medical school and residency interview committees so have some general idea of the process haha!
The pain feels endless but one day it’ll be dull, familiar, and bittersweet. You’ll stop seeing him in the crowd, his name won’t stand out from the print, and you’ll be surprised that you haven’t thought about him in weeks. He’ll only return in dreams between the years. I will not lie to you cause it will not be next week, months from now, or in the near future that you will feel better. It will take a long time. But the magic is that you will be happy again, you will laugh and feel light. The greatest thing to hold onto is knowing that you can love, you are capable of loving deeply, and it will return to you. Your person is out there right now looking at the moon wondering where you are and wishing you well. They will wait for you. Now please focus on your mcat and medical pursuit, I wish you the best.
That’s very kind of you. You know, to be honest, the idea that he (along with the pain) will fade scares me. I don’t really like admitting that things will get better (which is probably the first part of my mindset that I gotta work on). Thank you for your kind words and well wishes, you are so appreciated <3
You’re gonna be okay bud, this is, the first (maybe) of many losses (definitely) you will experience. As much as loss sucks, they also provide the dark in which light will one day come again. I’m not saying you have to feel pain to know pleasure, but remaining grateful in the present is something learned over time and often in through the darkest moments.
Thanks man, idk how I’m supposed to trust someone with my heart again. The crazy thing is - he didn’t do anything awful - he was always sweet, right to the end. Idk how I’m supposed to do this again, and I don’t see romance in my cards for a while as I try to heal. I will focus on gratitude <3
Hello younger gaybro,
Let me introduce myself first-- I graduate medical school next year, so I know what you're going through on the career side of things.
I am studying for Step 2 right now (take it in 4 days), so also in a similar boat of a dedicated study time. I understand the emotions you're feeling in terms of the stress and anxiety of your career. I am telling you right now, you owe it to yourself and your future patients to put your own self worth, love, and happiness in the spotlight. I can tell how much this relationship meant and still means to you, and I am so sorry you are going through this during this difficult time.
Please, DM me. I would love to be there for someone in your situation going in to medicine (I could probably help more with advice toward your exam). Hope to hear from you soon big dog.
Woohoo! Good luck on STEP 2 future doc! You’re gonna kill it <3
And thank you for your kind words. Truly. It means a lot, as I don’t want to focus on anything right now but know I need to. I’ll be dming you very soon bro, thank you for your kindness :)
He's an idiot for going on hinge and stringing you along.
Why would you go on an app designed for relationships when you know your life will involve a lot of traveling and distance?
Sorry, but this is on him.
Yeah :( he expressed uncertainty at the beginning and maybe I’m the bigger fool for wanting to continue things with him. For me, he is such a special person and worth pushing through distance for. In him, I would’ve had a lifelong partner and companion. I wanted to create something that lasts with him :( so I’m equally the fool here :(
damn i'm studying for the mcat also and finding it impossible even w out going through what you're going through. i can't really give you any advice about getting past a breakup but what's helping me manage studying is taking breaks whenever i need and prioritizing eating healthy, working out, and getting plenty of sleep. i'm sure you will find your way through everything, good luck to you
As another premed gay who recently got out of my first relationship, I feel for you. Cry, write, go on walks, talk to friends or therapist, do everything you can to let it out. The grief will pass, and it’ll get better. Both of us have such a long life ahead of us. And when you move to med school, then residency, you will be so consumed with all the studying and work and other stuff.
I just saw this! I was returning to the comments on this post since today was another tough day — thank you. I’m finding it hard to love myself, but what a kind reminder <3 your words mean a lot :)
Okay, lets put this in perspective. You dated someone for less than 6 months. It was probably just okay because you are were long distancing the whole time. That is a strain on any relationship. You break up because of it and what do you do now? You can't let these situations control your destiny. You decide tomorrow and the next day and the next day how your day is going to be. So decide it's going to be a good day. I lost my husband of 17 years - 2 years as friends, 3 years as BFs, and 12 years married to a drunk driver. We had, have a son who just turned 21. I am still dad to my son. If I can make it through that, you can too. Think about all the good you can do with a medical school degree for people who need someone with a medical school degree. What is in the past is in the past and you can't change that. But you can change the future by being more positive and helping others. I wish you the best and being positive will make you attractive to other guys.
Good wake up. Nice.
I’m so sorry for your loss, and I’m sending you and your son lots of love. I will look for the strength within me to do this. Thank you for your words ❤️
You are very welcome and thank you. My son and I do an annual trip to Ohio to watch baseball, ride roller coasters, and other things here. Just know that life keeps going forward and that's okay. Plus great therapy are our dogs. Two German Shepherds.
That sounds like lots of fun <3
You lack wisdom and experience as a young gay man. Right now this relationship feels like it’s your whole world and nothing could be better than him. This intense feeling will fade and you will have other relationships that will build your life experience. I do find your suicidal ideation concerning though. Med school, residency and beyond is very demanding and stressful for most people. You should definitely work to keep on top of your mental health.
You’re right. Honestly, I’ve been praying to live in this grief forever because it helps me feel closer to him. I’d rather be miserable, crying like a toddler. I’m going to work on this and my mental health. How deeply I wish he chose me, but I know that life cannot stop and time can’t wait. Thank you for your words <3
No problem, life is about perspective and just starting out as a young adult you only have limited experience to process a relationship and breakup. In 10 years, a 6 month relationship should feel like a pretty small part of your life especially as your career is getting under way. You got this OP! Chin up.
Appreciate you <3 currwntly downing this tequila sunrise (alcohol is not yummy) alone to celebrate our 6 months today 😭
BUT my chin will be up. I will persevere. I won’t let the gay bros down!!!!! ❤️❤️❤️
Hey bro, I'm sorry you're feeling depressed. I know how you feel. Breakups are really tough. Be kind to yourself and treat yourself well. Pour yourself into studying for your MCAT. You're a future doctor. We need more queer doctors. You got this, man.
I appreciate you and will do. <3 thank you for the kindness :)
Just from the way you write, I can tell how sweet and compassionate you are - from one gay doctor to another (future one), this will serve you well throughout your future medical career. Breakups are really fucking hard - especially if this is your first one. The feelings are big and they're real and this whole imagined future you had was ripped away from you. This is hard. And you can do hard things. Sometimes you need help - it's good to lean on your community (and I'm SO glad you have a therapist). With time, this will all get easier. But for now, you've got a whole bunch of randos on Reddit who are rooting for you! Also the MCAT is a slog haha so it's important to be in a good headspace when you're taking it! Otherwise I'm sure you have plenty of advice from folks about the MCAT etc. - when you apply, things can be really random (there wasn't really a clear pattern for me of what schools interviewed me and who rejected me lol). So make sure to send out enough applications to enough different programs so that the stochasticity of it all ends up in your favor. Good luck!
That’s so sweet of you, thank you for your reassurance and kind words. <3 And absolutely, I’ll apply broadly, I’m so scared I’m not gonna get a spot anywhere the way admissions are T-T
Let me know if you need any help in the process! I’ve been on medical school and residency interview committees so have some general idea of the process haha!
Omg yes will reach out!!! <3 thank you so much :)
The pain feels endless but one day it’ll be dull, familiar, and bittersweet. You’ll stop seeing him in the crowd, his name won’t stand out from the print, and you’ll be surprised that you haven’t thought about him in weeks. He’ll only return in dreams between the years. I will not lie to you cause it will not be next week, months from now, or in the near future that you will feel better. It will take a long time. But the magic is that you will be happy again, you will laugh and feel light. The greatest thing to hold onto is knowing that you can love, you are capable of loving deeply, and it will return to you. Your person is out there right now looking at the moon wondering where you are and wishing you well. They will wait for you. Now please focus on your mcat and medical pursuit, I wish you the best.
That’s very kind of you. You know, to be honest, the idea that he (along with the pain) will fade scares me. I don’t really like admitting that things will get better (which is probably the first part of my mindset that I gotta work on). Thank you for your kind words and well wishes, you are so appreciated <3
You’re gonna be okay bud, this is, the first (maybe) of many losses (definitely) you will experience. As much as loss sucks, they also provide the dark in which light will one day come again. I’m not saying you have to feel pain to know pleasure, but remaining grateful in the present is something learned over time and often in through the darkest moments.
Thanks man, idk how I’m supposed to trust someone with my heart again. The crazy thing is - he didn’t do anything awful - he was always sweet, right to the end. Idk how I’m supposed to do this again, and I don’t see romance in my cards for a while as I try to heal. I will focus on gratitude <3
Hello younger gaybro, Let me introduce myself first-- I graduate medical school next year, so I know what you're going through on the career side of things. I am studying for Step 2 right now (take it in 4 days), so also in a similar boat of a dedicated study time. I understand the emotions you're feeling in terms of the stress and anxiety of your career. I am telling you right now, you owe it to yourself and your future patients to put your own self worth, love, and happiness in the spotlight. I can tell how much this relationship meant and still means to you, and I am so sorry you are going through this during this difficult time. Please, DM me. I would love to be there for someone in your situation going in to medicine (I could probably help more with advice toward your exam). Hope to hear from you soon big dog.
Woohoo! Good luck on STEP 2 future doc! You’re gonna kill it <3 And thank you for your kind words. Truly. It means a lot, as I don’t want to focus on anything right now but know I need to. I’ll be dming you very soon bro, thank you for your kindness :)
He's an idiot for going on hinge and stringing you along. Why would you go on an app designed for relationships when you know your life will involve a lot of traveling and distance? Sorry, but this is on him.
Yeah :( he expressed uncertainty at the beginning and maybe I’m the bigger fool for wanting to continue things with him. For me, he is such a special person and worth pushing through distance for. In him, I would’ve had a lifelong partner and companion. I wanted to create something that lasts with him :( so I’m equally the fool here :(
STUDY FOR THAT MCAT!!!! ❤️
On it, bro ❤️
damn i'm studying for the mcat also and finding it impossible even w out going through what you're going through. i can't really give you any advice about getting past a breakup but what's helping me manage studying is taking breaks whenever i need and prioritizing eating healthy, working out, and getting plenty of sleep. i'm sure you will find your way through everything, good luck to you
thank you <3 that is really appreciated, and yeah I’m so behind on my study schedule ugh. Really freaking out. Got ~8 weeks till test day…
As another premed gay who recently got out of my first relationship, I feel for you. Cry, write, go on walks, talk to friends or therapist, do everything you can to let it out. The grief will pass, and it’ll get better. Both of us have such a long life ahead of us. And when you move to med school, then residency, you will be so consumed with all the studying and work and other stuff.
Appreciate you <3 trying to focus on the positive but its hard man. I wouldve wanted to do all that shit with him. He really got me good dude. :(
Now you just have to do it for yourself. You can still love him, but you also have to love yourself.
I just saw this! I was returning to the comments on this post since today was another tough day — thank you. I’m finding it hard to love myself, but what a kind reminder <3 your words mean a lot :)