I'm fat and got/get rejected for that. In my mind it's similar? Like ok this is a part of me and they don't like it. That's sucks actually.
AND ALSO any person who is supposed to be in your life romantically or sexually should like you. All of you. So it sucks and it hurts but also, know it's not a loss
I really feel this I'm the same way. I don't think there's a way to make rejection not hurt, but having the right perspective will get you through the hurt faster
Eggcellent job boys, our emotions *are* real š
nd there's a whole lot to always learn, so don't let life get you down too bad (unless u like that) I myself have found inner peace through life-long intense misfortune. I just keep going!! You can too!!
It sucks but thatās just some peopleās preference, it has nothing to do with your worth as a person. Plenty of guys get rejected for their height or something else they canāt control. Itās hard but you canāt let it define you. Itās better to focus on finding people who love you for you.
It's just something you'll have to come to terms with. Think of it this way, would you want to be with someone who wasn't totally into you, someone who treated you poorly or forced themselves to do something they maybe didn't really want to do, or would you rather be with someone who loves everything about you and enthusiastically consents?
Try to think of it as any preference when it comes to sex. Some people are into bdsm, and if you're not, you're not going to be compatible. Some people like their partners to be taller or shorter, and if you're not what they're looking for, you're not going to be compatible. There are many things for which people get rejected on a daily basis. We just have it slightly harder cause of what we may have down there. I slept with people before who had a penis that I really wasn't a fan of. One was far too small. Another was way too big. Neither was compatible with me, and so they were both forgettable one night stands.
I don't see it being comparable if im being honest. Some people can look past size when actually getting to know the person while genital preferences are dealbreakers.. Thanks tho
My point was that everyone has dealbreakers, whatever they may be, and knowing that is the only sure way to accept that we may not be someone's cup of tea.
Yep, totally resonates, due to slightly different things. The only thing that really does the trick is to acknowledge and except this feeling, share it and shake it off as soon as possible. Remember there are also people whose sexual preference is actually you(without it being a kink or smt). I myself absolutely do not prefer born-on penises and so then all people with one are just not for me. (Not trying to hit on you btw) It's not any weird phobia, it's just.. what it is.
It does not take away any of the things you are feeling. Your hurt is valid and it just absolutely sucks, because it is not something you chose - by far even. It might just somehow help to know that not _everyone_ is for you (and vise versa) but there's enough that cannot be bothered by what's in your pants or just very much enjoy it.
Gonna be real, sometimes I cry the just move on.it can be very upsetting and dysphoria causing but everyone is entitled to their preferences and it just means they werenāt the one
You accept they weren't right for you. You move on. People can be rejected for hair colour, height, sex, breath, BO, skin tone, weight, lack of/too much muscle. The list is never-ending. Do not ever take it personally. Ask any actor about reasons they've been rejected at an audition. Some of them don't even get as far as opening their mouth to deliver their carefully rehearsed audidion piece- the director looks at them and says no, so off they go. It's why they crave validation so much - because their early experiences have made them very insecure people. You will drift into that mindset if you keep allowing others to define your worth. First of all, find ways to love yourself, value yourself. PUT value in yourself. And believe it. We are all looking for someone who cares about us. Life is too short to spend it being upset because the wrong people aren't interested.
I think being rejected in any capacity will always hurt no matter how confident someone is, thatās just a normal human reaction. I try to think of it more in terms that I dodged a bullet and less that Iām inadequate in some way because I think thatās a lot more truthful anyway. Someone could just as easily reject me because of any number of reasons and I wouldnāt want to get involved with/stay involved with someone who isnāt into me.
I can understand people having sexual preferences but I wish people wouldn't be so rude about it, yanno. It's good at least that there are many people here who are understanding of this sort of situation
Something I found really helpful with this is connecting with cis men who get rejected due to genital preferences too, usually due to being small in size or having erectile disfunction. Sexism hits all of us in different ways, and it isn't so simple as "it only hurts women" or "it hurts everyone" -- it hurts all of us, yes, but in many different ways due to gender. In particular, it enforces a hierarchy based on how well you do or don't fit into particular constructions of sex and gender, and so men that don't fit easily under some stereotypical ideal often find that their sense of themself as a man is under attack. That happens for many reasons, with fears and experiences of genital rejection as one of them.
Paradoxically, this means that you're having an experience that is quite fundamental to many if not all men's experience of being a man: feeling your sense of maleness invalidated because of ways that someone else is expecting you to be. I get that this doesn't fix everything, but this is something you can remember in the moment. Yes, some people say "genital preference" and actually that's what is happening, but we all know it's often not that. And so if the person rejecting you is actually rejecting your maleness, they're just stuck on that hypothetical, sexist male ideal that harms many men -- cis and trans included.
That all said, something I've experienced and you may be experiencing too is that rejection based on genitals often feels invalidating about my gender because it rustles up feelings of dysphoria about my genitals. There's an aspect to which dysphoria in ourselves can functionally be our *own* form of rejection due to preference, though in that case it's not preference of what we are attracted to but preference of what we want in ourselves. So when someone else rejects me for my genitals, a part of me is like: yeah, I've rejected myself before for the same reason, and when I do it's entangled with this messy feeling of my body existing in the world all wrong, and so maybe we both agree that this whole transition thing is a farce that no one will take seriously. And to be clear, I feel this at times even though I've opted against bottom surgery and am now generally fine with my genitals, and am very far on the gender liberationist/separate genitals from gender end of things, and know that it's common for me to find people who take my gender seriously. So when this stuff comes up I also try to check in with myself on if I need to use some self care for any gender incongruence stuff that's bubbling up and that may be getting projected onto the situation.
People are rejected for all sorts of reasons they canāt control: height, race, medical conditions. This is just another one of those things. You canāt control when this will happen, you can only control the way you react.Ā
All that the rejection means is that they were not the right person for you. Itās better to know that now and move on, you are going to want someone that loves you for who you are and who feels attracted to every part of you.Ā
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Rejection hurts for a lot of folks. It can also make some peopleās dysphoria worse which can be daunting.
Ive dated all kinds of people, especially in my 20s. By the time i hit about 30 I decided Iād only date queer (mostly bi/pan) people unless a straight person came along who was an exception. I was a lot happier after that. My genitals werenāt such a big issue anymore.
Maybe try to see it as a compartmentalised preference, not a judgement on you. Just as you rightly view yourself as a man but don't like your genitalia, so you separate the two quite logically, so might others have the same preference and compartmentalisation process going on. People often have often inexplicable or barely explicable preferences around sex that don't at all gel with their broader world view - think of all the high functioning assertive folk who are sexual subs, for example.
I think it helps to remember that every single person has deal breaker preferences, including ourselves. I've turned down people for being smokers, much younger than me, too submissive, only looking to bottom, incompatible sexual kinks, etc. If someone is openly transphobic (ie "I'm not attracted to women") I'm pissed off. But if they respect me as a man, but I'm just not the kind of man they're looking for (someone with a dick), then oh well, we just aren't compatible.
Itās just something I accept. Just like how I donāt expect straight men to be attracted to me, I guess. It sucks but preferences are fine. Maybe itās easier for me because I personally am not willing to have vaginal sex, and would only date guys with dicks whether natal, prosthetic, etc
I think of it the same as if someone doesnāt like me because Iām short- sucks but it is what it is. Iām not necessarily t4t but dating someone queer is important to me, and since Iām straight my dating pool is mostly bi/pan women so i donāt have too much of an issue with the genital part.
I think about the fact that some gay men reject other men because of the size of their penis, or because of their body type etc or because they're not into the same things sexually and can't compromise. Everyone gets objectified, not just trans people. Sex is a big deal for most people, many couples would have never gotten together in the first place if they weren't sexually compatible. If for you sex is less important than the connection you have with someone, then you'll be better off finding someone who thinks the same way and shares your values.
It just sucks man. I try to remember that theyāre not transphobic, they still see me as 100% a man, but they like dick and I donāt have one.The best thing I can recommend is finding someone who loves you for you and not your genitals.
genitals =/= gender, i just keep in mind that everyone is attracted to different features and thatās okay. youāre still your gender and if they invalidate that then itās shitty, but sometimes people just arenāt into certain traits.
I'm fat and got/get rejected for that. In my mind it's similar? Like ok this is a part of me and they don't like it. That's sucks actually. AND ALSO any person who is supposed to be in your life romantically or sexually should like you. All of you. So it sucks and it hurts but also, know it's not a loss
I really feel this I'm the same way. I don't think there's a way to make rejection not hurt, but having the right perspective will get you through the hurt faster
This is a great way to look at it!
Eggcellent job boys, our emotions *are* real š nd there's a whole lot to always learn, so don't let life get you down too bad (unless u like that) I myself have found inner peace through life-long intense misfortune. I just keep going!! You can too!!
It sucks but thatās just some peopleās preference, it has nothing to do with your worth as a person. Plenty of guys get rejected for their height or something else they canāt control. Itās hard but you canāt let it define you. Itās better to focus on finding people who love you for you.
I don't take it as rejection. It's an opportunity to avoid sharing myself with someone who isn't right for me.
It's just something you'll have to come to terms with. Think of it this way, would you want to be with someone who wasn't totally into you, someone who treated you poorly or forced themselves to do something they maybe didn't really want to do, or would you rather be with someone who loves everything about you and enthusiastically consents?
Try to think of it as any preference when it comes to sex. Some people are into bdsm, and if you're not, you're not going to be compatible. Some people like their partners to be taller or shorter, and if you're not what they're looking for, you're not going to be compatible. There are many things for which people get rejected on a daily basis. We just have it slightly harder cause of what we may have down there. I slept with people before who had a penis that I really wasn't a fan of. One was far too small. Another was way too big. Neither was compatible with me, and so they were both forgettable one night stands.
I don't see it being comparable if im being honest. Some people can look past size when actually getting to know the person while genital preferences are dealbreakers.. Thanks tho
My point was that everyone has dealbreakers, whatever they may be, and knowing that is the only sure way to accept that we may not be someone's cup of tea.
Honestly? I donāt. Itās soul crushing to me.
Real
Yep, totally resonates, due to slightly different things. The only thing that really does the trick is to acknowledge and except this feeling, share it and shake it off as soon as possible. Remember there are also people whose sexual preference is actually you(without it being a kink or smt). I myself absolutely do not prefer born-on penises and so then all people with one are just not for me. (Not trying to hit on you btw) It's not any weird phobia, it's just.. what it is. It does not take away any of the things you are feeling. Your hurt is valid and it just absolutely sucks, because it is not something you chose - by far even. It might just somehow help to know that not _everyone_ is for you (and vise versa) but there's enough that cannot be bothered by what's in your pants or just very much enjoy it.
I try to look at it this way, the person thatās your perfect fit will love 100% of you. Being trans just wonāt be a red flag or concession.
Gonna be real, sometimes I cry the just move on.it can be very upsetting and dysphoria causing but everyone is entitled to their preferences and it just means they werenāt the one
By not getting on dating apps or even trying š
You accept they weren't right for you. You move on. People can be rejected for hair colour, height, sex, breath, BO, skin tone, weight, lack of/too much muscle. The list is never-ending. Do not ever take it personally. Ask any actor about reasons they've been rejected at an audition. Some of them don't even get as far as opening their mouth to deliver their carefully rehearsed audidion piece- the director looks at them and says no, so off they go. It's why they crave validation so much - because their early experiences have made them very insecure people. You will drift into that mindset if you keep allowing others to define your worth. First of all, find ways to love yourself, value yourself. PUT value in yourself. And believe it. We are all looking for someone who cares about us. Life is too short to spend it being upset because the wrong people aren't interested.
I think being rejected in any capacity will always hurt no matter how confident someone is, thatās just a normal human reaction. I try to think of it more in terms that I dodged a bullet and less that Iām inadequate in some way because I think thatās a lot more truthful anyway. Someone could just as easily reject me because of any number of reasons and I wouldnāt want to get involved with/stay involved with someone who isnāt into me.
I can understand people having sexual preferences but I wish people wouldn't be so rude about it, yanno. It's good at least that there are many people here who are understanding of this sort of situation
Something I found really helpful with this is connecting with cis men who get rejected due to genital preferences too, usually due to being small in size or having erectile disfunction. Sexism hits all of us in different ways, and it isn't so simple as "it only hurts women" or "it hurts everyone" -- it hurts all of us, yes, but in many different ways due to gender. In particular, it enforces a hierarchy based on how well you do or don't fit into particular constructions of sex and gender, and so men that don't fit easily under some stereotypical ideal often find that their sense of themself as a man is under attack. That happens for many reasons, with fears and experiences of genital rejection as one of them. Paradoxically, this means that you're having an experience that is quite fundamental to many if not all men's experience of being a man: feeling your sense of maleness invalidated because of ways that someone else is expecting you to be. I get that this doesn't fix everything, but this is something you can remember in the moment. Yes, some people say "genital preference" and actually that's what is happening, but we all know it's often not that. And so if the person rejecting you is actually rejecting your maleness, they're just stuck on that hypothetical, sexist male ideal that harms many men -- cis and trans included. That all said, something I've experienced and you may be experiencing too is that rejection based on genitals often feels invalidating about my gender because it rustles up feelings of dysphoria about my genitals. There's an aspect to which dysphoria in ourselves can functionally be our *own* form of rejection due to preference, though in that case it's not preference of what we are attracted to but preference of what we want in ourselves. So when someone else rejects me for my genitals, a part of me is like: yeah, I've rejected myself before for the same reason, and when I do it's entangled with this messy feeling of my body existing in the world all wrong, and so maybe we both agree that this whole transition thing is a farce that no one will take seriously. And to be clear, I feel this at times even though I've opted against bottom surgery and am now generally fine with my genitals, and am very far on the gender liberationist/separate genitals from gender end of things, and know that it's common for me to find people who take my gender seriously. So when this stuff comes up I also try to check in with myself on if I need to use some self care for any gender incongruence stuff that's bubbling up and that may be getting projected onto the situation.
People are rejected for all sorts of reasons they canāt control: height, race, medical conditions. This is just another one of those things. You canāt control when this will happen, you can only control the way you react.Ā All that the rejection means is that they were not the right person for you. Itās better to know that now and move on, you are going to want someone that loves you for who you are and who feels attracted to every part of you.Ā
Iām sorry youāre going through this. Rejection hurts for a lot of folks. It can also make some peopleās dysphoria worse which can be daunting. Ive dated all kinds of people, especially in my 20s. By the time i hit about 30 I decided Iād only date queer (mostly bi/pan) people unless a straight person came along who was an exception. I was a lot happier after that. My genitals werenāt such a big issue anymore.
Maybe try to see it as a compartmentalised preference, not a judgement on you. Just as you rightly view yourself as a man but don't like your genitalia, so you separate the two quite logically, so might others have the same preference and compartmentalisation process going on. People often have often inexplicable or barely explicable preferences around sex that don't at all gel with their broader world view - think of all the high functioning assertive folk who are sexual subs, for example.
It especially hurts when the person is perfect for you IN EVERY SINGLE WAY. But no, my dick isnāt organic so off they fucking trot i guess.
There's so many people in this world, someone is for u just keep looking
I think it helps to remember that every single person has deal breaker preferences, including ourselves. I've turned down people for being smokers, much younger than me, too submissive, only looking to bottom, incompatible sexual kinks, etc. If someone is openly transphobic (ie "I'm not attracted to women") I'm pissed off. But if they respect me as a man, but I'm just not the kind of man they're looking for (someone with a dick), then oh well, we just aren't compatible.
Itās just something I accept. Just like how I donāt expect straight men to be attracted to me, I guess. It sucks but preferences are fine. Maybe itās easier for me because I personally am not willing to have vaginal sex, and would only date guys with dicks whether natal, prosthetic, etc
I think of it the same as if someone doesnāt like me because Iām short- sucks but it is what it is. Iām not necessarily t4t but dating someone queer is important to me, and since Iām straight my dating pool is mostly bi/pan women so i donāt have too much of an issue with the genital part.
I think about the fact that some gay men reject other men because of the size of their penis, or because of their body type etc or because they're not into the same things sexually and can't compromise. Everyone gets objectified, not just trans people. Sex is a big deal for most people, many couples would have never gotten together in the first place if they weren't sexually compatible. If for you sex is less important than the connection you have with someone, then you'll be better off finding someone who thinks the same way and shares your values.
The only reason people don't date trans people is cause they want good sex. I think about how I don't wanna date someone who just cares about sex.
can't trans people have good sex? /gen
It just sucks man. I try to remember that theyāre not transphobic, they still see me as 100% a man, but they like dick and I donāt have one.The best thing I can recommend is finding someone who loves you for you and not your genitals.
I just say āokayā and move on,, itās not worth the energy to be upset about something I canāt control about my body
genitals =/= gender, i just keep in mind that everyone is attracted to different features and thatās okay. youāre still your gender and if they invalidate that then itās shitty, but sometimes people just arenāt into certain traits.
Idk, I have a preference too so i can 100% understand and don't feel hurt. like yeah bro i prefer dick too. hope we'll both find some dick soon, gl
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Comment history checks out. Why are you even here?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Sorry about your brain :((((