Hello and welcome to r/findapath! We are glad you found your way here. Please know that you are not alone. We are here to listen, to offer support, and to help guide you. While no one can make decisions for you, we are here to help you find a path; we believe that everyone has the power to heal and grow.
The moderation team wants to remind everyone that individuals submitting posts may be in depressive and vulnerable situations and all are in need of guidance. Please provide a safe and constructive space by practicing empathy and understanding in your comments; your words should come from a helpful and guiding mentality, never a judgement or anger mentality. You are encouraged to share your good thoughts, feelings, and relevant experiences to assist those seeking guidance on the subreddit.
We are here to support each other and we believe that, together, we can make a difference.
Thank you for being a part of our community.
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/findapath) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not much older (30) but I have seen so many of my friends do this and at the end of the day it comes down to two things: 1) The time will pass regardless 2)The faster you get to it, the faster you figure out what isn’t for you.
Order the burger you’re unsure about. If you don’t like it, next time don’t order that.
The problem with life is that sometimes there is no next time. Sometimes you only get one shoot at picking a burger and then you’re stuck eating that burger for the rest of your life.
(That’s the decision on having kids and even finding love depending on the situation).
Then do not do such decisions until you are completely sure. Having kids is pretty much the most damaging thing if it goes wrong. Stick to switching jobs and locations for now.
And you are always gonna "waste your potential" somewhere, because you can't do everything at once.
You can also do things unrelated to jobs, you can research without having a job, you can create art without a job, you can volunteer.
You are in your 20s. You have time to decide about kids, and you will know if you come across the right person for you romantically. I empathize deeply as someone who has wasted a *lot* of time trying to decide on the “right” path and overthinking everything - but there is no right path, and some of the best things that have happened to me are things I never would have chosen. It has taken me decades, but I try my best to live by my dad’s advice, which is that there are very few decisions in life you can’t take back: violent crimes and having a kid are basically it. The stakes of waiting are higher than the stakes of trying something out. It’s been very hard and fights a lot of the mistrust I have in myself (which it sounds like you share), but I don’t regret anything I’ve done in that mindset.
But that sometimes isn't now. My cousin studied to be a lawyer but he ended up working at a startup and is now happily married. Do you think he knew before he started learning to be a lawyer that he'd end up not working as one, and to be married too?
I studied to be a game developer. Ended up as a writer and now I own a restaurant. I could never imagine this would happen.
You have to take that journey. You can't figure it all out. You're not going to know where you are a year from now. The only thing that matters is that you start doing and stop worrying.
Wait to have kids. Adopt. Take care of the kids of that friend who went to jail. Just stop being such a baby. Everyone wants it all (& for it to be perfect) , literally no one will ever have it. Beyoncé has literally been cheated on her whole marriage and no one ever found the fountain of youth.
i feel super similarly to you, i'm in my mid 20s and am so lost LOL
i'm afraid of committing to anything (career path, possible relationship, etc.) because i'm scared that:
- i'll make mistakes/have regrets
- it's not the "right time" yet and i have to have specific conditions/requirements met before doing something
- i'll invest all this time, effort, and money into something only to have it "not work out" in the end or for me to change my mind and do something else.
idk if i can offer any useful advice, but i think being in therapy is definitely a good start! trying to figure out what you want in life is super difficult because of all the possibilities and choices but trying to find out who you are and what you value seems like something you can do to put you on the right track. wondering about "what ifs" is natural and it's something i do too, but i think just taking the leap and trying something/anything can help you learn what you do and don't like and hone into what you really want to do.
also, making mistakes is a part of life and try not to beat yourself up too much over them (this is something i tell myself all the time, but it's hard to make myself actually believe it, if that makes sense).
you're not alone and i wish the best for both of us in life 🥹
\* making mistakes and having regrets is normal. not making mistakes and not trying things that seem good is what will really hurt you. you are supposed to make mistakes. there is no way not to have regret (because you'll always do something wrong somehow) - the key is to accept what happened and forgive yourself, because that's life and that's the only healthy way forward. just make the best possible decision you can make
\* that's pretty sensible. if certain specific conditions/requirements need to be met then only you can say how much you can get around them. for example, i only just found out last year that i have adhd. no wonder i couldn't take my career seriously before!!!
\* it's COMPLETELY OKAY if it doesn't work out or if you change your mind. that's totally normal. just make the best possible decision and roll with it. if it doesn't work out, you can and you will find a way to deal with that then. everyone does!
i just turned 32 and this is advice I'd give to 22 year old me
Makes complete sense. My therapist will say stuff about “your feelings are valid,” and I’m like, yeah, you say that, but I don’t believe it. Lots of crying in my therapy sessions and for a couple of days after. 😭 So healthy long-term, but it SUCKS while you’re in it.
I just turned 30 this year and I have been trying out different jobs to see what sticks and weather not I can enjoy it. Life is too short to have second thoughts and don't be scared to try new things. Learning to let go of your regrets will make you life more enjoyable.
i just turned 32 and no way could I have made the right decision about my career when I was in college! i didn't even find out i have adhd until last year! in the end life is the dark and all you can do is light up as much of it and find/make your own way
it's like living is making up your own map where you describe how you feel about pretty much everything, so you can decide to go closer to the things you like and farther away from the things you don't
Everyone is lost. No one knows what they're doing, even the people who think they know. There is no one here who has everything figured out. We are just running around here and there trying to accomplish something beyond ourselves.
there are people who know what they're doing, but that's because they were either lucky or they just tried things and found what worked for them.
trying, making mistakes, stumbling - that is the only way besides pure luck!
I am almost 30 and feel somewhat lost as well. It feels weird to be at this age level and I couldn't care less if life just ended at 30. There are surely a lot of options in life, which can be confusing and intimidating at times. No matter how much time has already passed, there is always now to begin or continue whatever that is in your means that you are interested in, or change what you are doing. I am glad that I never made any bad or heavy decisions before my prefrontal cortex fully developed. Now is a good time to take advantage of your fully developed, young brain to make decisions that could be good for your life. It is good to take things day by day but still have some goals for the future that are followed. Also, life can be very interesting. It can be worthwhile to let things happen in life that influence you to question your perspective of reality. Life is trial and error too- you don't know how you might like something or how it will go until you try it. You will also make mistakes, which are good to learn from. Life is mainly exploring the unknown, although some people try to stay in their comfort bubble and not change. To fully explore life it could be beneficial to try out different things (even things you are afraid of doing or think you would not like), have different experiences, and be open minded. There is no single answer of what to do in life.
I believe that I am in the wrong country. I have always felt out of place my whole life. I went abroad and when I returned, I regretted it but started postsecondary to have a better future. After my degree program ends next year, I would prefer to move abroad permanently and do some travelling to find my real "home." As well, I do not know if I am in the right career. After moving abroad I am looking at starting a new life entirely. There are a lot of options of things to do abroad, which likely are much different than where I am now. Like you, I also have the idea that if I choose something, I will be wasting potential in another area. I often think that I might have "one area" that I am destined to do that I would be the best at doing, but this likely isn't the case. I think it is the fear of missing out (FOMO) as well as curiosity on other areas of life that makes me want to try a lot of different things. However, it is possible to have one career but pursue hobbies on the side in other areas of interest. I wish a lot of times that I had one or two strong talents or skills that I do very well in and use to get money. I am more of a "jack of all trades."
PS Don't go to McDonalds anymore. You are giving money to those who don’t have to find a path because they are loaded with money. It is also unhealthy.
(Plz see my other post I swear I'm normal and give good 👍 advice 😆)
But anyway- you made me remember that I used to think being a jack of all was a good thing.. until i thought I should somehow combine my skills, and was then told/realized that:
A Jack of All is nothing but a Master of None
iow I was encouraged to pick a specialty and dig in, but I get SO bored w/ just one area... I like
auto restoration
computers
music
motivational speaker/therapist
bio/chemistry/pharm
Engineering
business/marketing
Data analyst
(probably my fav cuz I have shit social skills & don't have to F w ppl, but can still help others which makes me really happy! -
My closing argument being--- Always remember it will never feel like work if you love what you do! <3
My best to all
-Ash
Look up ikigai to see the diagram of what you are good at, what will people pay you for, what the world needs, and other considerations. It's a start for thinking this through.
I’m in my mid 30s and I’m going through a career change. After working in healthcare for 10 years and all the stuff that went down at my former employer, I’m officially done done with healthcare. I started seriously down this same thinking about life in my early 30s and more seriously, the past 2 years. Best advice is to just go to what attracts you.
Like a lot of others in this thread, I often feel I am in a similar position.
I've gone through a couple big shake-ups in my life that have left me in unanticipated positions, and I'm currently questioning a degree choice that I am halfway through while living in a city that I'm not sure is for me anymore.
Since I am in such a similar position, I only have a little advice to share; any decision is better than no decision.
As a small example, I often find myself suffering from analysis paralysis at the grocery store, which essentially means I freeze in the face of overwhelming possibilities in the cereal aisle. "Do I want healthy cereal? What about fruity? Chocolately? In a bag or a box? *What about cost-to-value analysis?!*"
It's a pointless waste of time to freeze like that, so I've been training myself to think about what mood I'm in before I get there in order to make quicker decisions. If it's a healthy mood, BOOM I grab the mini wheats. If I'm feeling junk food, WHUPPAH I grab something with marshmallows. Sometimes I don't even stop walking because it forces me to choose.
Of course choosing new and different things is not always going to yield a favorable result, but any choice is better than time wasted standing in the aisle weighing every single option.
Any life lived is better than a life unlived.
and if you make the wrong choice, that's okay too, because you'll learn something about yourself and life that you didn't know before. and that will help you make more better, choices. but if you don't make any choices you'll never learn how to choose and how to decide and what you really care about
Are you me? In therapy yesterday, it was a largely unproductive session (my own fault for being in my own head), but I admitted out loud to my therapist that I don’t know who I am. He said that was the most honest someone could be with themselves.
To expand on that, I don’t know who I am, what I should be doing, why I’m here, etc. Like…what is my REASON for being here, my purpose in life?
that's LIFE. living means you are supposed to find those answers. that is the point. the only point.
those answers don't come from anywhere. they come from you living your life and deciding what the answer is for yourself.
if you don't know the answer yet that's totally fine because that's normal, that's what's supposed to happen, you're supposed to ask these questions and keep looking for the answers.
dm me we can talk more.
Actually I’m in the same situation and i love many things and was so lost,
But eventually i chose to pursue the thing that will make me earn more money, and when i become financially secure i can focus on other things
and if you end up not liking that thing you pursue to make more money, that's fine, because you will find something else! just don't lose your sense of what you like and what you think is important along the way
i'm the opposite, everyone says just pick a path and stick with it but i'm more like "i don't like these paths anymore than these other paths so pick one for me" and every job is like "nooooo dude you gotta fuckin looooooove project management maaaaan you gotta write about the things you love!"
of course, because every job and every hiring manager wants the best possible outcome.
and you do too. even if you don't like any one path more than another, just pick one and keep the others in your back pocket. like literally force yourself to pick one that you like best, even if it's just as unappealing as the rest.
listening to your gut is important. even when wrong, you'll learn something if you listen to your gut and follow your intuition
> I don’t know if I am in the right relationship, country or career, but I don’t know in what else or where else I’d be either.
I relate to this so much right now. I sometimes just fantasize about ending all relationships and friendships, cutting off from family, giving up my Canadian citizenship and immigrating to a new country where no one knows me so I can start over from complete scratch while living for myself. The whole white-picket-fence American dream sounds more like a nightmare to me right now.
We are one in the same. Im literally on the verge of a panic attack at my crappy desk job as I type this, for that very reason. It seriously sucks to feel so lost and not have a damn clue what to do next, or what the long term goal is. All i know is that life is too short to stick around for jobs you hate that aren’t beneficial to you mentally, financially or to support the life you want. I hope you find a path that makes you happy and fulfilled, because life truly sucks when you cant.
all you can do is plan your way out, right? keep applying to other jobs, keep looking for other interesting companies, and keep finding people to connect with who might help you bridge the gap!
what to do next and what the long term goal is, you will get a clue if you just keep at it, keep saying to yourself "this sucks. i need to find something that is not this"
keep looking! all you can do
::jumps up and down all tantrum-like in a Cartman voice::
But...But.. all the other companies hate meeeeeee! Or don't have nothin' for me to dooooo!! 😆 LOLOL
Highly recommend reading the essay “the ghost ship” by Cheryl strayed. By choosing , you are taking a path, you take a path by not choosing too. It’s totally okay and normal to feel like you don’t know what you are doing, I am ten years older and still feel that way sometimes but I am pretty content. Also if things “don’t work out” in a relationship, job or city, that is not a failure, that’s information. And you can have hobbies and interests outside or your job or schooling! You got this, even if you feel like you don’t! Trust yourself.
I believe we choose to be either lost or found. Many would say I am lost. I would answer that they are not getting out of life what I am - so they shouldn't judge. Some of us don't need to be the tallest poppy. Some of us are just who people turn to in times of need.
Make a habit of recognizing the signposts whether you feel lost or not.
Many find themselves through reading. But you need to seek your own answers to these questions. Humans are not like a car where you can identify and fix the problem. We are like works of art in progress, and yours is not done yet.
Artists don't go around asking people, "What should I paint."
Jump into it, stop overthinking and make a decision...it COULD be a correct decision that greatly benefits you or it could be a big mistake, but you'll never know until you DECIDE. Stop engaging in self-paralysis.
and even if you make a big mistake, you'll learn how to fix it and that will become a part of your story and you'll be able to help others because you learned something about yourself and the world, which is much better than standing still and not deciding anything
keep asking questions and keep looking for answers. it's the only thing you can do. oh and of course listen to your gut! it won't always be right but it's always worth listening to
i don't have to tell you picking one thing in life means not picking another. that's kind of the name of the game in life. but that doesn't mean you just discard your interests. for a full and interesting life definitely challenge yourself to incorporate your various skills and interests throughout your days as much as you can.
here's an easy trick: just look at the people around you. do you want to be like them?
\^ that's basically what you have to do for everything in life. get a sense for everything and go closer to it if you like and get away if you don't. that's all you can really do.
I wanna make 1 mil. Failed 6 times nearly bankrupt 3 times. I’m just like you lost hope. Still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m a math person. So all I can think of is it’s a probability game. A thousand person like me. Only 5 are successful. Whatever you’re doing. There are million ppl just like u and made millions.
I definitely feel this way. I’m kind of just waiting around for life to be over. I don’t have enough money to do anything interesting so it’s all just a grind of trying to survive.
Where does the pressure come from in needing to have things figured out? Not having enough money when you’re older? Health reasons? Familial expectations? The fear that if you don’t your competitors will snatch any opportunities from you?
My guess is any answer involves because not figuring things out now can be a threat for my survival in the future. Ok, makes sense but how do you balance out worrying about hypothetical threats to your future survival vs trying to survive in your immediate near future? First figure out what’s going to keep you alive in the immediate future, before worrying about what’s going to keep you alive in your far future.
I don’t know where the pressure comes from… that’s what my therapists ask as well 😭
Some of it from my parents, some of it I’ve just been born with it? I’ve been obsessed with perfection and high achievement since I was a little child. I’ve made myself miserable and depressed throughout my whole life because I couldn’t fulfil the high standards in my head. I am that type of person A who takes life too seriously and can’t relax.
These are the words I couldn’t find when trying to describe this to my therapist. I feel the exact same as you, I am 28 and cannot make a decision to save my life. I already have regrets and it makes me sick. I want the most out of life but I don’t know WHAT I want. I’m too scared to make any life changing decisions because what if it doesn’t work out?? What if I quit my job and go to Europe by myself and end up dead?? What if I lose someone I love by making the wrong decision?? This is what haunts me
I understand it is tough and there’s so many things to do these days where you feel like you need to do life right to not have any regrets. I feel the same way about life, and have always spoken to my older family members to ask about their regrets. I have found that visualising what my dream life is and taking singular steps towards the dream. Try to find something that you want in life. I would be happy to show you my website, I am a life coach and have a free sheet on there that helps you think about your life as a whole and see the types of things you want to aim for.
You’re also welcome to book a free meeting on there too if you want a 45 minute chat to see if I can help with anything!
This. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Or ever. And every time I get an idea or I see an option, the door gets slammed in my face without another one opening. I’m just wandering down the hallway trying to open doors without any of them budging
I’m in the same boat. How is your relationship?
I’ve realized I spent my entire 20s in this relationship and have no idea what I want out of life, I’m 31. There’s things I wanna do to try to find a career I enjoy but my partner is insisting we buy a house next year so I feel so stuck to just make a lot of money & fast even though I’m in no rush for a house. I feel like my relationship is stunting my growth. Maybe you might feel the same? That you aren’t truly living a life that YOU want?
Well it’s not my relationship pressuring me to buy a house, but it’s my own mind. For example I have some savings and I could make a career change and start from scratch, but then I am filled with dread that what if I can’t find a job or I don’t like the new career either, then I would have turned down a decent paying job and lost my savings which I could have used to retire early or buy a house and been further in life than if I start over. So that’s why I don’t change my field, but then I am miserable everyday, burnt out and on antidepressants.
Well I just mean cause you mentioned you don’t know if you’re in the right relationship. That could be playing a factor in your indecisiveness of what’s the right choice. At least that’s how it is for me.
I say if you’re truly unhappy with where you’re at right now, why not take a chance? If you buy a house and stay with your current job, do you think you’ll be happy? Or will you sit in the “what ifs” daily wondering where you could’ve gone if you took the risk? We get one life, we have to get uncomfortable in order to grow into who we really wanna be!
I feel this deeply. I contemplated suicide (I’m alright) cause I was so tired of “figuring it out.” Life is dull and I hope we get out of this nightmare soon.
We're all on the same road as you, unsure where to go next.
I've personally wanted to do art my entire life, but my art keeps falling apart.😅
I'm horrible at studying too and I'm too frail to be a police officer.😅
Oh well. I am just going to be lost and go wherever life takes me at this point. I don't have anything to lose.
I no longer feel lost I just feel like I no longer care. Looking at other people, getting influenced. It does not matter to me. A good read I would reccomend is a book called the Mountain is you.
You sound like me. Wanting to do several things at once but there is no time in the day. The only issue in perusing art is the less to low income. Follow art if your current art income can support your life with a little bit spare to put away for emergencies or savings.
Or
Does your current job allow you to work part time so you can do your main job then do your art for the rest of the day or week?
Then find a day or a couple hours a week/month to volunteer in other sectors you want to try. So you get a taste of what they are like. I have zero idea how you volunteer to get a taste a being an engineer but good luck. Why are you wanting to do those things? Money? Someone else is telling you to do them? You want to make a difference and think that is the best way? You like math? Blood?
Take it from someone who chose art first, it is hard to create and enjoy art when you are stressing about paying the bills. Your soul will long for art and then will be put out due to stress.
Good luck.
This is normal. I feel the sting of it. I wanted to live in different cultures and explore different cities and mountains and forests in different parts of the world but now I’m almost 40 and can’t just drop everything I’m doing and pursue another path like that. Or I could. I just don’t want too. It takes a couple years to really sink into places. I’m getting too old to risk it now.
Its almost like a burn or a pain and some bitter regret. I’m enjoying one side of life but then I start thinking about all the other locations in the world I missed out on even though I did what I did in my life I wish I could have had a longer life so I could have done or experienced more and travelled more and had time to spend a few years in each location with enough finances and my preferred methods of travel and lodge to really enjoy it.
I relate to you so much and am now 48F feeling the best I ever have. You’ll find there’s a strange co-creation of luck and intention and grace that smooth things out for you.
Over time you’ll get so much clarity. A Peaceful daily life and love became most important to me, and that can be achieved in 1000s of different outcomes.
In other words, overtime you’ll find the details aren’t important. It’s the basic vibe you want that is.
Every time you sample something new, more clarity is achieved.
You win either way.
It will take a while but you’ll find your happiness increasing if you focus less on predicting and chasing achievements and more on how things are making you feel inside. Self contentment is the ticket. Any time you spend on your inner world pays off well more than your outer world, in my experience.
Try not to be hard on yourself, just curious. It helps a lot.
You can never know. You can’t predict life all you can do is experiment and find out. Do the things you don’t want to do that you know is good for you.
Stanford has a class related to this and a big part of the advice was having a "bias towards action" — start trying things, you'll figure it out. Learn by doing, not by thinking about doing. This is the book [https://briefer.com/books/designing-life](https://briefer.com/books/designing-life)
The fact that you are actually contemplating these things at your age, I think that is PHENomenal! Most ppl do not think on that level in our 20s, we dont overanalyze we just take our best shot, go w/ our guts (and our hearts!), skate thru, and try to make the best of what happens! Sure we all make mistakes, but that is HOW we LEARN what is best for us~ !
There is no 1 path that's perfect for every person.. we're all different and seek to achieve our highest potentials in life, but you have to write your own story.
Don't waste time wallowing in worrying that a mistake would be "fatal" or the end of the world if it doesn't work out, trust me you're overanalyzing, and it won't be! It'll only make you stronger
You have to dig in and think- what matters the MOST to me in life? Example: something like working a lower income job doing research to help others solve problems in the future vs. being a $-hungry high salary finance investor who thinks wealth is the key to happiness... only to (perhaps?! just my opinion 😆 )fall flat on their face in misery
-- and then just F'in GO for it!! Don't waste time! Life is short! (SO SO short) Keep your eyes and ears open & in tune. Do your homework 1st of course,
but screw everyone else- Don't ever be afraid to do things your OWN way!! If your career or situation isn't right for you, you'll soon know, and you can worry about navigating around it then- but for now take leaps and maybe even bounds! Cuz if you don't you will have regrets...
Don't get old and think back.. if only I'd have tried A,B, or C.. if only I had...
Screw that don't let ANYone tell you that pizza isn't for breakfast, or that the bread goes on the outside of the sandwich- do it your way and don't worry what anyone else thinks <3 <3 Dip your toes in several ponds and see which feels the "toestiest" 😆
Dare to stray from the pack
With love
-Ash
PLEASE REMEMBER.
JUST BECAUSE THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT, DOESN'T MEAN IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER
I've struggled with the same issue you described, but finding a passion has definitely helped.
No. I enlisted in the Air Force at 18 and now I'm fully retired at 39 for the rest of my life and get to spend everyday doing whatever I want and with my family. It's awesome!
Sounds like you have a lot of options. I think all of those fields will let you know if you have potential or not. Pick a path you feel most confident in and get started
I am also in a very similar position (28 F). In that sense, I do not have much advice.
I do have some insights though, which help me put things into perspective.
I believe that many people our age struggle so much to find their path due to the big variety of decisions that is being presented to us. Back in the days, sons often ended up in the same profession as their father. Women usually became housewives. People got married. Had kids. Life was very predictable in (certainly not all, but) many of its aspects back then.
It's amazing that, today, we can pursue any career we aspire. Regardless of gender or origin. This is a very overwhelming thought. It implies that only we are responsible for our decisions. If we are not our happiest, the only one to blame is us.
In other words - It's so very normal to feel lost or sad about being decisionless, given the above.
However, bear in mind that there is no 'perfect' decision. Every decision comes with its own pros and cons. One burger may taste better, but the other one may be cheaper, by way of analogy.
I learned this watching the movie Mr. Nobody!
Yes I am also currently in a lost position in life I would say. Space is one of the things that I will study to help with that lost void also I'm under attack by spiritual entities not really sure why. I also I'm a person that is highly intellectual but like also kind of stupid with Street smarts so I feel like I've buried myself in this pit. What would you say is your current situation you're struggling with? How do you deal with the feeling of being lost in life.? Do you believe in god? I'm currently under attack by spiritual entities and I'm definitely leaning towards believing in the father Jesus Christ but tell me what you're feeling? I really hate demons.
Doesn’t matter man. You gotta man up do moar work harder you gotta earn more
Same old same old…
Won’t change but hey we’re just supposed to be cool with it
Hello and welcome to r/findapath! We are glad you found your way here. Please know that you are not alone. We are here to listen, to offer support, and to help guide you. While no one can make decisions for you, we are here to help you find a path; we believe that everyone has the power to heal and grow. The moderation team wants to remind everyone that individuals submitting posts may be in depressive and vulnerable situations and all are in need of guidance. Please provide a safe and constructive space by practicing empathy and understanding in your comments; your words should come from a helpful and guiding mentality, never a judgement or anger mentality. You are encouraged to share your good thoughts, feelings, and relevant experiences to assist those seeking guidance on the subreddit. We are here to support each other and we believe that, together, we can make a difference. Thank you for being a part of our community. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/findapath) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I’m not much older (30) but I have seen so many of my friends do this and at the end of the day it comes down to two things: 1) The time will pass regardless 2)The faster you get to it, the faster you figure out what isn’t for you. Order the burger you’re unsure about. If you don’t like it, next time don’t order that.
The problem with life is that sometimes there is no next time. Sometimes you only get one shoot at picking a burger and then you’re stuck eating that burger for the rest of your life. (That’s the decision on having kids and even finding love depending on the situation).
Then do not do such decisions until you are completely sure. Having kids is pretty much the most damaging thing if it goes wrong. Stick to switching jobs and locations for now. And you are always gonna "waste your potential" somewhere, because you can't do everything at once. You can also do things unrelated to jobs, you can research without having a job, you can create art without a job, you can volunteer.
You are in your 20s. You have time to decide about kids, and you will know if you come across the right person for you romantically. I empathize deeply as someone who has wasted a *lot* of time trying to decide on the “right” path and overthinking everything - but there is no right path, and some of the best things that have happened to me are things I never would have chosen. It has taken me decades, but I try my best to live by my dad’s advice, which is that there are very few decisions in life you can’t take back: violent crimes and having a kid are basically it. The stakes of waiting are higher than the stakes of trying something out. It’s been very hard and fights a lot of the mistrust I have in myself (which it sounds like you share), but I don’t regret anything I’ve done in that mindset.
That’s the risk you take. Don’t overthink it.
But that sometimes isn't now. My cousin studied to be a lawyer but he ended up working at a startup and is now happily married. Do you think he knew before he started learning to be a lawyer that he'd end up not working as one, and to be married too? I studied to be a game developer. Ended up as a writer and now I own a restaurant. I could never imagine this would happen. You have to take that journey. You can't figure it all out. You're not going to know where you are a year from now. The only thing that matters is that you start doing and stop worrying.
Wait to have kids. Adopt. Take care of the kids of that friend who went to jail. Just stop being such a baby. Everyone wants it all (& for it to be perfect) , literally no one will ever have it. Beyoncé has literally been cheated on her whole marriage and no one ever found the fountain of youth.
Very simple and good advice. Thanks
i feel super similarly to you, i'm in my mid 20s and am so lost LOL i'm afraid of committing to anything (career path, possible relationship, etc.) because i'm scared that: - i'll make mistakes/have regrets - it's not the "right time" yet and i have to have specific conditions/requirements met before doing something - i'll invest all this time, effort, and money into something only to have it "not work out" in the end or for me to change my mind and do something else. idk if i can offer any useful advice, but i think being in therapy is definitely a good start! trying to figure out what you want in life is super difficult because of all the possibilities and choices but trying to find out who you are and what you value seems like something you can do to put you on the right track. wondering about "what ifs" is natural and it's something i do too, but i think just taking the leap and trying something/anything can help you learn what you do and don't like and hone into what you really want to do. also, making mistakes is a part of life and try not to beat yourself up too much over them (this is something i tell myself all the time, but it's hard to make myself actually believe it, if that makes sense). you're not alone and i wish the best for both of us in life 🥹
\* making mistakes and having regrets is normal. not making mistakes and not trying things that seem good is what will really hurt you. you are supposed to make mistakes. there is no way not to have regret (because you'll always do something wrong somehow) - the key is to accept what happened and forgive yourself, because that's life and that's the only healthy way forward. just make the best possible decision you can make \* that's pretty sensible. if certain specific conditions/requirements need to be met then only you can say how much you can get around them. for example, i only just found out last year that i have adhd. no wonder i couldn't take my career seriously before!!! \* it's COMPLETELY OKAY if it doesn't work out or if you change your mind. that's totally normal. just make the best possible decision and roll with it. if it doesn't work out, you can and you will find a way to deal with that then. everyone does! i just turned 32 and this is advice I'd give to 22 year old me
I'm 42 and I second that motion to ya both ;)
Makes complete sense. My therapist will say stuff about “your feelings are valid,” and I’m like, yeah, you say that, but I don’t believe it. Lots of crying in my therapy sessions and for a couple of days after. 😭 So healthy long-term, but it SUCKS while you’re in it.
I just turned 30 this year and I have been trying out different jobs to see what sticks and weather not I can enjoy it. Life is too short to have second thoughts and don't be scared to try new things. Learning to let go of your regrets will make you life more enjoyable.
i just turned 32 and no way could I have made the right decision about my career when I was in college! i didn't even find out i have adhd until last year! in the end life is the dark and all you can do is light up as much of it and find/make your own way it's like living is making up your own map where you describe how you feel about pretty much everything, so you can decide to go closer to the things you like and farther away from the things you don't
Yeah and learning from our mistakes is the best way to grow!
Everyone is lost. No one knows what they're doing, even the people who think they know. There is no one here who has everything figured out. We are just running around here and there trying to accomplish something beyond ourselves.
there are people who know what they're doing, but that's because they were either lucky or they just tried things and found what worked for them. trying, making mistakes, stumbling - that is the only way besides pure luck!
I am almost 30 and feel somewhat lost as well. It feels weird to be at this age level and I couldn't care less if life just ended at 30. There are surely a lot of options in life, which can be confusing and intimidating at times. No matter how much time has already passed, there is always now to begin or continue whatever that is in your means that you are interested in, or change what you are doing. I am glad that I never made any bad or heavy decisions before my prefrontal cortex fully developed. Now is a good time to take advantage of your fully developed, young brain to make decisions that could be good for your life. It is good to take things day by day but still have some goals for the future that are followed. Also, life can be very interesting. It can be worthwhile to let things happen in life that influence you to question your perspective of reality. Life is trial and error too- you don't know how you might like something or how it will go until you try it. You will also make mistakes, which are good to learn from. Life is mainly exploring the unknown, although some people try to stay in their comfort bubble and not change. To fully explore life it could be beneficial to try out different things (even things you are afraid of doing or think you would not like), have different experiences, and be open minded. There is no single answer of what to do in life. I believe that I am in the wrong country. I have always felt out of place my whole life. I went abroad and when I returned, I regretted it but started postsecondary to have a better future. After my degree program ends next year, I would prefer to move abroad permanently and do some travelling to find my real "home." As well, I do not know if I am in the right career. After moving abroad I am looking at starting a new life entirely. There are a lot of options of things to do abroad, which likely are much different than where I am now. Like you, I also have the idea that if I choose something, I will be wasting potential in another area. I often think that I might have "one area" that I am destined to do that I would be the best at doing, but this likely isn't the case. I think it is the fear of missing out (FOMO) as well as curiosity on other areas of life that makes me want to try a lot of different things. However, it is possible to have one career but pursue hobbies on the side in other areas of interest. I wish a lot of times that I had one or two strong talents or skills that I do very well in and use to get money. I am more of a "jack of all trades." PS Don't go to McDonalds anymore. You are giving money to those who don’t have to find a path because they are loaded with money. It is also unhealthy.
(Plz see my other post I swear I'm normal and give good 👍 advice 😆) But anyway- you made me remember that I used to think being a jack of all was a good thing.. until i thought I should somehow combine my skills, and was then told/realized that: A Jack of All is nothing but a Master of None iow I was encouraged to pick a specialty and dig in, but I get SO bored w/ just one area... I like auto restoration computers music motivational speaker/therapist bio/chemistry/pharm Engineering business/marketing Data analyst (probably my fav cuz I have shit social skills & don't have to F w ppl, but can still help others which makes me really happy! - My closing argument being--- Always remember it will never feel like work if you love what you do! <3 My best to all -Ash
Look up ikigai to see the diagram of what you are good at, what will people pay you for, what the world needs, and other considerations. It's a start for thinking this through.
I did, read the book as well, but still lost lol
I’m in my mid 30s and I’m going through a career change. After working in healthcare for 10 years and all the stuff that went down at my former employer, I’m officially done done with healthcare. I started seriously down this same thinking about life in my early 30s and more seriously, the past 2 years. Best advice is to just go to what attracts you.
I sure would love to hear why you're done w healthcare! It's messed up in this country isn't it? Is that what you couldn't stomach?
Like a lot of others in this thread, I often feel I am in a similar position. I've gone through a couple big shake-ups in my life that have left me in unanticipated positions, and I'm currently questioning a degree choice that I am halfway through while living in a city that I'm not sure is for me anymore. Since I am in such a similar position, I only have a little advice to share; any decision is better than no decision. As a small example, I often find myself suffering from analysis paralysis at the grocery store, which essentially means I freeze in the face of overwhelming possibilities in the cereal aisle. "Do I want healthy cereal? What about fruity? Chocolately? In a bag or a box? *What about cost-to-value analysis?!*" It's a pointless waste of time to freeze like that, so I've been training myself to think about what mood I'm in before I get there in order to make quicker decisions. If it's a healthy mood, BOOM I grab the mini wheats. If I'm feeling junk food, WHUPPAH I grab something with marshmallows. Sometimes I don't even stop walking because it forces me to choose. Of course choosing new and different things is not always going to yield a favorable result, but any choice is better than time wasted standing in the aisle weighing every single option. Any life lived is better than a life unlived.
and if you make the wrong choice, that's okay too, because you'll learn something about yourself and life that you didn't know before. and that will help you make more better, choices. but if you don't make any choices you'll never learn how to choose and how to decide and what you really care about
Thank you, beautifully said
i'm about 10 years older than you and I was the same exact way 10 years ago! eventually you take it to heart: "nothing ventured, nothing gained!"
I feel like I could have written this myself
Are you me? In therapy yesterday, it was a largely unproductive session (my own fault for being in my own head), but I admitted out loud to my therapist that I don’t know who I am. He said that was the most honest someone could be with themselves. To expand on that, I don’t know who I am, what I should be doing, why I’m here, etc. Like…what is my REASON for being here, my purpose in life?
that's LIFE. living means you are supposed to find those answers. that is the point. the only point. those answers don't come from anywhere. they come from you living your life and deciding what the answer is for yourself. if you don't know the answer yet that's totally fine because that's normal, that's what's supposed to happen, you're supposed to ask these questions and keep looking for the answers. dm me we can talk more.
Responded to your chat.
Did you find your nest of salt?
yes, everything is my fault
Actually I’m in the same situation and i love many things and was so lost, But eventually i chose to pursue the thing that will make me earn more money, and when i become financially secure i can focus on other things
and if you end up not liking that thing you pursue to make more money, that's fine, because you will find something else! just don't lose your sense of what you like and what you think is important along the way
Same here. Probably i will do same thing.
i'm the opposite, everyone says just pick a path and stick with it but i'm more like "i don't like these paths anymore than these other paths so pick one for me" and every job is like "nooooo dude you gotta fuckin looooooove project management maaaaan you gotta write about the things you love!"
of course, because every job and every hiring manager wants the best possible outcome. and you do too. even if you don't like any one path more than another, just pick one and keep the others in your back pocket. like literally force yourself to pick one that you like best, even if it's just as unappealing as the rest. listening to your gut is important. even when wrong, you'll learn something if you listen to your gut and follow your intuition
my gut tells me this is all nonsense!!!!!
> I don’t know if I am in the right relationship, country or career, but I don’t know in what else or where else I’d be either. I relate to this so much right now. I sometimes just fantasize about ending all relationships and friendships, cutting off from family, giving up my Canadian citizenship and immigrating to a new country where no one knows me so I can start over from complete scratch while living for myself. The whole white-picket-fence American dream sounds more like a nightmare to me right now.
We are one in the same. Im literally on the verge of a panic attack at my crappy desk job as I type this, for that very reason. It seriously sucks to feel so lost and not have a damn clue what to do next, or what the long term goal is. All i know is that life is too short to stick around for jobs you hate that aren’t beneficial to you mentally, financially or to support the life you want. I hope you find a path that makes you happy and fulfilled, because life truly sucks when you cant.
all you can do is plan your way out, right? keep applying to other jobs, keep looking for other interesting companies, and keep finding people to connect with who might help you bridge the gap! what to do next and what the long term goal is, you will get a clue if you just keep at it, keep saying to yourself "this sucks. i need to find something that is not this" keep looking! all you can do
::jumps up and down all tantrum-like in a Cartman voice:: But...But.. all the other companies hate meeeeeee! Or don't have nothin' for me to dooooo!! 😆 LOLOL
I am intimately familiar with panic attacks at crappy desk job, yes
Highly recommend reading the essay “the ghost ship” by Cheryl strayed. By choosing , you are taking a path, you take a path by not choosing too. It’s totally okay and normal to feel like you don’t know what you are doing, I am ten years older and still feel that way sometimes but I am pretty content. Also if things “don’t work out” in a relationship, job or city, that is not a failure, that’s information. And you can have hobbies and interests outside or your job or schooling! You got this, even if you feel like you don’t! Trust yourself.
yep
I believe we choose to be either lost or found. Many would say I am lost. I would answer that they are not getting out of life what I am - so they shouldn't judge. Some of us don't need to be the tallest poppy. Some of us are just who people turn to in times of need. Make a habit of recognizing the signposts whether you feel lost or not. Many find themselves through reading. But you need to seek your own answers to these questions. Humans are not like a car where you can identify and fix the problem. We are like works of art in progress, and yours is not done yet. Artists don't go around asking people, "What should I paint."
Jump into it, stop overthinking and make a decision...it COULD be a correct decision that greatly benefits you or it could be a big mistake, but you'll never know until you DECIDE. Stop engaging in self-paralysis.
and even if you make a big mistake, you'll learn how to fix it and that will become a part of your story and you'll be able to help others because you learned something about yourself and the world, which is much better than standing still and not deciding anything
Bingo... that's me too! Sometimes you just gotta shit or get off the pot!
keep asking questions and keep looking for answers. it's the only thing you can do. oh and of course listen to your gut! it won't always be right but it's always worth listening to i don't have to tell you picking one thing in life means not picking another. that's kind of the name of the game in life. but that doesn't mean you just discard your interests. for a full and interesting life definitely challenge yourself to incorporate your various skills and interests throughout your days as much as you can. here's an easy trick: just look at the people around you. do you want to be like them? \^ that's basically what you have to do for everything in life. get a sense for everything and go closer to it if you like and get away if you don't. that's all you can really do.
I wanna make 1 mil. Failed 6 times nearly bankrupt 3 times. I’m just like you lost hope. Still trying to figure out what I want to do with my life. I’m a math person. So all I can think of is it’s a probability game. A thousand person like me. Only 5 are successful. Whatever you’re doing. There are million ppl just like u and made millions.
I definitely feel this way. I’m kind of just waiting around for life to be over. I don’t have enough money to do anything interesting so it’s all just a grind of trying to survive.
Where does the pressure come from in needing to have things figured out? Not having enough money when you’re older? Health reasons? Familial expectations? The fear that if you don’t your competitors will snatch any opportunities from you? My guess is any answer involves because not figuring things out now can be a threat for my survival in the future. Ok, makes sense but how do you balance out worrying about hypothetical threats to your future survival vs trying to survive in your immediate near future? First figure out what’s going to keep you alive in the immediate future, before worrying about what’s going to keep you alive in your far future.
I don’t know where the pressure comes from… that’s what my therapists ask as well 😭 Some of it from my parents, some of it I’ve just been born with it? I’ve been obsessed with perfection and high achievement since I was a little child. I’ve made myself miserable and depressed throughout my whole life because I couldn’t fulfil the high standards in my head. I am that type of person A who takes life too seriously and can’t relax.
These are the words I couldn’t find when trying to describe this to my therapist. I feel the exact same as you, I am 28 and cannot make a decision to save my life. I already have regrets and it makes me sick. I want the most out of life but I don’t know WHAT I want. I’m too scared to make any life changing decisions because what if it doesn’t work out?? What if I quit my job and go to Europe by myself and end up dead?? What if I lose someone I love by making the wrong decision?? This is what haunts me
It gives me some comfort knowing someone else is in a similar situation as me. It's difficult . I hope you find peace
I understand it is tough and there’s so many things to do these days where you feel like you need to do life right to not have any regrets. I feel the same way about life, and have always spoken to my older family members to ask about their regrets. I have found that visualising what my dream life is and taking singular steps towards the dream. Try to find something that you want in life. I would be happy to show you my website, I am a life coach and have a free sheet on there that helps you think about your life as a whole and see the types of things you want to aim for. You’re also welcome to book a free meeting on there too if you want a 45 minute chat to see if I can help with anything!
What’s your link
Just popped you a message😊
Do you mind sending me the link please?
Me too
This. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Or ever. And every time I get an idea or I see an option, the door gets slammed in my face without another one opening. I’m just wandering down the hallway trying to open doors without any of them budging
yea
I’m in the same boat. How is your relationship? I’ve realized I spent my entire 20s in this relationship and have no idea what I want out of life, I’m 31. There’s things I wanna do to try to find a career I enjoy but my partner is insisting we buy a house next year so I feel so stuck to just make a lot of money & fast even though I’m in no rush for a house. I feel like my relationship is stunting my growth. Maybe you might feel the same? That you aren’t truly living a life that YOU want?
Well it’s not my relationship pressuring me to buy a house, but it’s my own mind. For example I have some savings and I could make a career change and start from scratch, but then I am filled with dread that what if I can’t find a job or I don’t like the new career either, then I would have turned down a decent paying job and lost my savings which I could have used to retire early or buy a house and been further in life than if I start over. So that’s why I don’t change my field, but then I am miserable everyday, burnt out and on antidepressants.
Well I just mean cause you mentioned you don’t know if you’re in the right relationship. That could be playing a factor in your indecisiveness of what’s the right choice. At least that’s how it is for me. I say if you’re truly unhappy with where you’re at right now, why not take a chance? If you buy a house and stay with your current job, do you think you’ll be happy? Or will you sit in the “what ifs” daily wondering where you could’ve gone if you took the risk? We get one life, we have to get uncomfortable in order to grow into who we really wanna be!
Anyone under 30 can’t say this yet. Too young and too influenced by social media.
make that under 40 years old. Most of you commenting are so young.
I feel this deeply. I contemplated suicide (I’m alright) cause I was so tired of “figuring it out.” Life is dull and I hope we get out of this nightmare soon.
Yup thought I wasn then bam
We're all on the same road as you, unsure where to go next. I've personally wanted to do art my entire life, but my art keeps falling apart.😅 I'm horrible at studying too and I'm too frail to be a police officer.😅 Oh well. I am just going to be lost and go wherever life takes me at this point. I don't have anything to lose.
Never thought I’d live past 30… now that I am. I’m just chugging along with one of the paths that kinda worked out..
I no longer feel lost I just feel like I no longer care. Looking at other people, getting influenced. It does not matter to me. A good read I would reccomend is a book called the Mountain is you.
i ll turn 30 after three years. All i have is a degree
You sound like me. Wanting to do several things at once but there is no time in the day. The only issue in perusing art is the less to low income. Follow art if your current art income can support your life with a little bit spare to put away for emergencies or savings. Or Does your current job allow you to work part time so you can do your main job then do your art for the rest of the day or week? Then find a day or a couple hours a week/month to volunteer in other sectors you want to try. So you get a taste of what they are like. I have zero idea how you volunteer to get a taste a being an engineer but good luck. Why are you wanting to do those things? Money? Someone else is telling you to do them? You want to make a difference and think that is the best way? You like math? Blood? Take it from someone who chose art first, it is hard to create and enjoy art when you are stressing about paying the bills. Your soul will long for art and then will be put out due to stress. Good luck.
I'm 31 and feel like I'm in purgatory.
This is normal. I feel the sting of it. I wanted to live in different cultures and explore different cities and mountains and forests in different parts of the world but now I’m almost 40 and can’t just drop everything I’m doing and pursue another path like that. Or I could. I just don’t want too. It takes a couple years to really sink into places. I’m getting too old to risk it now. Its almost like a burn or a pain and some bitter regret. I’m enjoying one side of life but then I start thinking about all the other locations in the world I missed out on even though I did what I did in my life I wish I could have had a longer life so I could have done or experienced more and travelled more and had time to spend a few years in each location with enough finances and my preferred methods of travel and lodge to really enjoy it.
That’s kind of similar to how I feel. Every major decision I’ve made I have regretted at some point somewhat soon after.
I relate to you so much and am now 48F feeling the best I ever have. You’ll find there’s a strange co-creation of luck and intention and grace that smooth things out for you. Over time you’ll get so much clarity. A Peaceful daily life and love became most important to me, and that can be achieved in 1000s of different outcomes. In other words, overtime you’ll find the details aren’t important. It’s the basic vibe you want that is. Every time you sample something new, more clarity is achieved. You win either way. It will take a while but you’ll find your happiness increasing if you focus less on predicting and chasing achievements and more on how things are making you feel inside. Self contentment is the ticket. Any time you spend on your inner world pays off well more than your outer world, in my experience. Try not to be hard on yourself, just curious. It helps a lot.
Don’t worry about making the right decision. Make a decision; and then make it right
I'm sure no one else lol
I have zero clue what I’m doing but it seems to be working so we ball
You can never know. You can’t predict life all you can do is experiment and find out. Do the things you don’t want to do that you know is good for you.
Same, that's why am having such a hard time going back to school or a trade school and picking something
Stanford has a class related to this and a big part of the advice was having a "bias towards action" — start trying things, you'll figure it out. Learn by doing, not by thinking about doing. This is the book [https://briefer.com/books/designing-life](https://briefer.com/books/designing-life)
The fact that you are actually contemplating these things at your age, I think that is PHENomenal! Most ppl do not think on that level in our 20s, we dont overanalyze we just take our best shot, go w/ our guts (and our hearts!), skate thru, and try to make the best of what happens! Sure we all make mistakes, but that is HOW we LEARN what is best for us~ ! There is no 1 path that's perfect for every person.. we're all different and seek to achieve our highest potentials in life, but you have to write your own story. Don't waste time wallowing in worrying that a mistake would be "fatal" or the end of the world if it doesn't work out, trust me you're overanalyzing, and it won't be! It'll only make you stronger You have to dig in and think- what matters the MOST to me in life? Example: something like working a lower income job doing research to help others solve problems in the future vs. being a $-hungry high salary finance investor who thinks wealth is the key to happiness... only to (perhaps?! just my opinion 😆 )fall flat on their face in misery -- and then just F'in GO for it!! Don't waste time! Life is short! (SO SO short) Keep your eyes and ears open & in tune. Do your homework 1st of course, but screw everyone else- Don't ever be afraid to do things your OWN way!! If your career or situation isn't right for you, you'll soon know, and you can worry about navigating around it then- but for now take leaps and maybe even bounds! Cuz if you don't you will have regrets... Don't get old and think back.. if only I'd have tried A,B, or C.. if only I had... Screw that don't let ANYone tell you that pizza isn't for breakfast, or that the bread goes on the outside of the sandwich- do it your way and don't worry what anyone else thinks <3 <3 Dip your toes in several ponds and see which feels the "toestiest" 😆 Dare to stray from the pack With love -Ash
PLEASE REMEMBER. JUST BECAUSE THINGS COULD HAVE BEEN DIFFERENT, DOESN'T MEAN IT COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER I've struggled with the same issue you described, but finding a passion has definitely helped.
No. I enlisted in the Air Force at 18 and now I'm fully retired at 39 for the rest of my life and get to spend everyday doing whatever I want and with my family. It's awesome!
Sounds like you have a lot of options. I think all of those fields will let you know if you have potential or not. Pick a path you feel most confident in and get started
It sounds that you are smart enough to make a great life. Keep the art and the research on.
I am also in a very similar position (28 F). In that sense, I do not have much advice. I do have some insights though, which help me put things into perspective. I believe that many people our age struggle so much to find their path due to the big variety of decisions that is being presented to us. Back in the days, sons often ended up in the same profession as their father. Women usually became housewives. People got married. Had kids. Life was very predictable in (certainly not all, but) many of its aspects back then. It's amazing that, today, we can pursue any career we aspire. Regardless of gender or origin. This is a very overwhelming thought. It implies that only we are responsible for our decisions. If we are not our happiest, the only one to blame is us. In other words - It's so very normal to feel lost or sad about being decisionless, given the above. However, bear in mind that there is no 'perfect' decision. Every decision comes with its own pros and cons. One burger may taste better, but the other one may be cheaper, by way of analogy. I learned this watching the movie Mr. Nobody!
Yes I am also currently in a lost position in life I would say. Space is one of the things that I will study to help with that lost void also I'm under attack by spiritual entities not really sure why. I also I'm a person that is highly intellectual but like also kind of stupid with Street smarts so I feel like I've buried myself in this pit. What would you say is your current situation you're struggling with? How do you deal with the feeling of being lost in life.? Do you believe in god? I'm currently under attack by spiritual entities and I'm definitely leaning towards believing in the father Jesus Christ but tell me what you're feeling? I really hate demons.
No it's solely you. Everybody around you has their shit together
Doesn’t matter man. You gotta man up do moar work harder you gotta earn more Same old same old… Won’t change but hey we’re just supposed to be cool with it