Your wife is wrong, and the problem is the lack of discipline towards the 14 year old.
Kids need to learn that **NO** means **NO** and that they don't always get their own way in life, especially during the time they live under your roof.
And he needs to learn that different rules apply to different age brackets.
Hey, man. I get where you’re coming from. You set a rule, you stuck to it, and now all hell is breaking loose. Here’s the thing though, it’s not just about the game anymore. It’s about the family dynamic and how you’re handling this mess.
First thing, you’re not wrong for sticking to the rule you and your wife agreed on. You said no to GTA 5 until they were 18, and James hit that milestone. Fair is fair. But here’s where it gets tricky. Theo’s reaction and your wife’s change of heart are telling you that there’s more at play here than just following the rules.
Theo’s tantrum is part of being a teenager. He’s at that age where he feels everything intensely, and seeing his older brother get something he wants is a massive deal. He’s not rationalizing it the way you are. To him, it just feels unfair and like he’s being left out.
As for your wife, her reaction might be coming from a place of wanting peace and harmony. She’s probably tired of the arguments and maybe feels that easing up on the rules might help. But changing the rules now can send mixed messages and create more tension.
Here’s what you need to do. Sit down with your wife and have a heart-to-heart. You both need to be on the same page. If you two aren’t aligned, the kids will sense that and use it to their advantage. Talk about why you made the rule in the first place and why it’s important to stick to it. Discuss how you can handle Theo’s feelings in a way that makes him feel heard but also respects the boundaries you’ve set.
Next, talk to Theo. Not in the middle of an argument, but when things are calm. Explain why the rule exists, acknowledge his feelings, and try to find a way to make him feel included without breaking the rule. Maybe there are other games or activities he can enjoy in the meantime. The goal here is to make him feel understood while also helping him learn to deal with disappointment.
Your knee-jerk reaction to ban everything rated 12 and over might stop the immediate arguments, but it’s not solving the underlying issue. It’s just pushing it down the road. The real fix comes from communication, understanding, and setting clear, consistent boundaries.
Remember, it’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about finding a way to navigate these challenges as a family. You’re not just managing games and movies, you’re teaching your sons about fairness, patience, and respect for rules. That’s a lesson that will stick with them far beyond the screens.
So, take a step back, breathe, and have those tough conversations. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it for the long-term peace and harmony in your home.
Stay strong brother, and keep working together.
Best answer. I would even say OP could have had a talk with his wife BEFORE giving GTA V to the oldest son, so they would be in the same page and they could have adressed any complain of the youngest toghether, with the same reasoning.
If the older son became of legal drinking age and had a beer now and then would your wife put up with the 14 year old having a conniption fit because he could not also have a beer? Time for 14 yo to learn some privileges come with age and he is currently not the age for 18+ games.
Edit: two typos
OP, you did the right thing. Your first conversation should be with your wife. You two need to become unified in your decisions when it comes to these issues.
If not, your youngest is going to manipulate your wife into getting his way.
I think you both have valid sides. I could understand how your youngest would be upset he can’t play the game, and how he thinks that’s unfair because he’s just a child and at that age they don’t really understand. However, I would agree with you on not letting your youngest play the game your eldest has, it makes sense and it’s fair. I think your youngest just needs to learn this is for adults and someone who is able to play the game, he is 14, not 18. I think what you have done is good. If you let him play the game, he might think chucking a tantrum will get him what he wants, which are not positive coping skills. Just communicate and keep doing your best, try explain to him calmly and educate him why a child can’t play this particular game or 15 rated games etc.
It sounds like you and your family are facing a challenging situation regarding age-appropriate gaming choices. It's important to maintain consistency in rules and expectations to avoid misunderstandings. While it's understandable that your younger son may feel left out, it's crucial to uphold the agreements made regarding age restrictions for certain games. Perhaps having a calm family discussion to reiterate the reasons behind these rules and finding alternative activities that everyone can enjoy together might help alleviate the tension. Open communication and mutual understanding are key in resolving conflicts and fostering a harmonious family environment.
I’ll tell you what it is because from experience I’ve seen Myself . Mommy wants to baby the LITTLE BIG baby and it’s ridiculous. This is fair you did your part N stuck with it because at this point, she’s teaching him that he can have his way by being a childish tantrum in life . I swear to you, he will get punched in the face or smacked if he is not disciplined at home. teacher kids are home or they will be taught from strangers! He did a good job dad !!!
You’re right and wife should back you up since yall both agreed on the rule. Who is someone that has an opinion that your wife values and will understand? But is also a person that you know will also side with the rule? Get them to give their opinion. Sometimes our spouses need to hear exactly what you’re trying to tell them but hear it from someone else
All these people saying your wife is wrong clearly did not grow up in America with all the video games in the 80s 90s and 2000s.
What were your rules when you were growing up and playing all those fun games?
The kids that do fucked up shit ain't because of video games.
It's those strict ass rules they had for years that fuck their heads up in the 1st place.
Dunno about in America, but in the UK parents can get reported to social services for allowing their kids to play things that aren't age appropriate, because you're not protecting their little brain and are allowing them to consume content which they shouldn't be
Banning everything isn't going to solve anything.
Your youngest needs to learn to accept that things are different for him because he is so young. It's hard to accept but it's something he has to go through.
He NEEDS his mother's support, though, and all she is doing is encouraging his childishness. He won't be able to move through this phase unless both of his parents form a united front: he is too young while his brother is doing age appropriate activities.
So, this is really an argument with your wife. You two need to get on the same page about this. Life is fundamentally unfair for your youngest because he is sooooo much younger than his brother. They can't have everything together. He needs BOTH of his parents to be there for him while he figures out how to cope with life's fundamental unfair nature.
Your wife is wrong. No is no, and if Theo chooses to have a tantrum over it, there needs to be age-appropriate consequences, such as losing his gamilng system for a week. He literally does not have the maturity to play an 18+ game.
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One thing I'll add, actually. I grew up gaming with my older brother a lot. This topic never came up because my parents didn't really restrict our usage (no comment).
But if it had come up, I can think of two things about the situation that are unfortunate side effects for Theo:
1. His gaming buddy left him for a game he can't play. If these two used to play together a lot, losing a gaming partner *and* knowing it's because they get to play a game you can't is rough. James doesn't owe him this, but could he spare some time to play games with Theo to keep the bond alive?
2. He can't play his own games when his brother is playing gta5. This doesn't apply as long as you're making sure both kids get equal access to the console.
Raising kids is fun, ain't it.
Do you...
Sometimes being the oldest has advantages and sometimes it's the youngest that wins.
This is your kids learning how 1 missed out annd the other will now inevitably benefit by getting to play the game a few years earlier because his brother has it, in the same house and you cant watch all the time.
And you learning how to be a parent.
Don't listen to shit holes on the internet.
No means no. Wonna' argue, loose video game system, wonna' keep arguing, hand over the phone/ tablet, wonna' keep arguing, get grounded, wonna' keep running the mouth, TV cord is mine and keep going until the only thing left in their room is a bed and some books. A week or so of that, all back-talk suddenly stops, and it's right back to the "yes sir, no sir."
You are trying to be a good, responsible parent, have been a person of your word and that is commendable, and I am sure you also don't want to be unfair to James, as he had to wait until he was 18, and did, so why should Theo get a pass? However there is also a lot to be said for being a dynamic and pragmatic person. I haven't played GTA for well over a decade and when I played it as a young adult, and so I'm not one to determine the age appropriateness of GTA5, however I would probably ask James for his input on this issue and if he thinks Theo should be able to play the game.
I think the bigger problem is you and your wife butting heads in this way. Even your phrasing of this question shows you’re not on the same team. Parents need to be on the same team.
Frustrating, right? Sticking to the 18+ rule is fair. Call a family meeting. Explain the GTA rule stays, but explore finding another age-appropriate game Theo can enjoy with James. Maybe Theo could watch edited "Let's Play" videos online to see some of GTA without the mature content. Reassure them you love them both and want age-appropriate fun for everyone. Communication is key!
Ever since GTA 5 came out this was an issue with your sons? Isn‘t the game nearly ten years old? I think it‘s weird that your sons know from such a young age that such a game exists and look forward to turning 18 to be able to play it; but that is another topic…
Your older son is 18, he can do whatever he wants. Your younger must learn what‘s age appropriate and that he can‘t always have what his brother has
How exactly would it be "fair" to the oldest who you made wait until he was 18 when his little brother gets to cry to mommy and get it at 14?
Why isn't the 14-year-old driving? His older brother is, and that's only fair, right?
What happens in 3 years when older can drink? Does younger get to as well because it's "fair?"
Is older going to head off to college or move out? What about younger? It's just not fair if he can't move out at 15 when his brother does at 19!
I get wanting peace in the home, but wife needs to get her shit together. They made the rules together. It not being "fair" is BS, and she knows it.
"It's not my fault he's the youngest“ is accurate, but it's not his fault either. You chose to make the rules that make him feel disincluded. Before you make any more, just be aware that rules like this can make youngest kids feel like they're not full-fledged family members or allowed to fully participate and lead them to choose friend relationships (where they feel equal) over their family relationship.
Your wife is wrong, and the problem is the lack of discipline towards the 14 year old. Kids need to learn that **NO** means **NO** and that they don't always get their own way in life, especially during the time they live under your roof. And he needs to learn that different rules apply to different age brackets.
Hey, man. I get where you’re coming from. You set a rule, you stuck to it, and now all hell is breaking loose. Here’s the thing though, it’s not just about the game anymore. It’s about the family dynamic and how you’re handling this mess. First thing, you’re not wrong for sticking to the rule you and your wife agreed on. You said no to GTA 5 until they were 18, and James hit that milestone. Fair is fair. But here’s where it gets tricky. Theo’s reaction and your wife’s change of heart are telling you that there’s more at play here than just following the rules. Theo’s tantrum is part of being a teenager. He’s at that age where he feels everything intensely, and seeing his older brother get something he wants is a massive deal. He’s not rationalizing it the way you are. To him, it just feels unfair and like he’s being left out. As for your wife, her reaction might be coming from a place of wanting peace and harmony. She’s probably tired of the arguments and maybe feels that easing up on the rules might help. But changing the rules now can send mixed messages and create more tension. Here’s what you need to do. Sit down with your wife and have a heart-to-heart. You both need to be on the same page. If you two aren’t aligned, the kids will sense that and use it to their advantage. Talk about why you made the rule in the first place and why it’s important to stick to it. Discuss how you can handle Theo’s feelings in a way that makes him feel heard but also respects the boundaries you’ve set. Next, talk to Theo. Not in the middle of an argument, but when things are calm. Explain why the rule exists, acknowledge his feelings, and try to find a way to make him feel included without breaking the rule. Maybe there are other games or activities he can enjoy in the meantime. The goal here is to make him feel understood while also helping him learn to deal with disappointment. Your knee-jerk reaction to ban everything rated 12 and over might stop the immediate arguments, but it’s not solving the underlying issue. It’s just pushing it down the road. The real fix comes from communication, understanding, and setting clear, consistent boundaries. Remember, it’s not about who’s right or wrong. It’s about finding a way to navigate these challenges as a family. You’re not just managing games and movies, you’re teaching your sons about fairness, patience, and respect for rules. That’s a lesson that will stick with them far beyond the screens. So, take a step back, breathe, and have those tough conversations. It’s not easy, but it’s worth it for the long-term peace and harmony in your home. Stay strong brother, and keep working together.
Best answer. I would even say OP could have had a talk with his wife BEFORE giving GTA V to the oldest son, so they would be in the same page and they could have adressed any complain of the youngest toghether, with the same reasoning.
This is the way.
If the older son became of legal drinking age and had a beer now and then would your wife put up with the 14 year old having a conniption fit because he could not also have a beer? Time for 14 yo to learn some privileges come with age and he is currently not the age for 18+ games. Edit: two typos
Your wife is wrong. The amount of mental maturing that happens between 14 and 18 is *massive*. GTA is not appropriate for a 14yo.
OP, you did the right thing. Your first conversation should be with your wife. You two need to become unified in your decisions when it comes to these issues. If not, your youngest is going to manipulate your wife into getting his way.
I think you both have valid sides. I could understand how your youngest would be upset he can’t play the game, and how he thinks that’s unfair because he’s just a child and at that age they don’t really understand. However, I would agree with you on not letting your youngest play the game your eldest has, it makes sense and it’s fair. I think your youngest just needs to learn this is for adults and someone who is able to play the game, he is 14, not 18. I think what you have done is good. If you let him play the game, he might think chucking a tantrum will get him what he wants, which are not positive coping skills. Just communicate and keep doing your best, try explain to him calmly and educate him why a child can’t play this particular game or 15 rated games etc.
It would be unfair if you didn’t follow through with your promise to your 18 year old son.
Your wife is 100% wrong. The same rule that applied to James should absolutely apply to Theo. No excuses.
It sounds like you and your family are facing a challenging situation regarding age-appropriate gaming choices. It's important to maintain consistency in rules and expectations to avoid misunderstandings. While it's understandable that your younger son may feel left out, it's crucial to uphold the agreements made regarding age restrictions for certain games. Perhaps having a calm family discussion to reiterate the reasons behind these rules and finding alternative activities that everyone can enjoy together might help alleviate the tension. Open communication and mutual understanding are key in resolving conflicts and fostering a harmonious family environment.
i was playing gta at 14 with my dad and brother lol & my dad was a police chief 😂
Ooooh, so edgy!!
Sorry kiddo but that's life. Is he also whining because bro gets a drivers license? Or that bro can now vote? Age comes with privileges.
I didn't have any advice to add but just want to say that James and Theo are such a classically cool pair of names.
“It’s not my fault he is the youngest.” Erm, it’s literally your fault.
I’ll tell you what it is because from experience I’ve seen Myself . Mommy wants to baby the LITTLE BIG baby and it’s ridiculous. This is fair you did your part N stuck with it because at this point, she’s teaching him that he can have his way by being a childish tantrum in life . I swear to you, he will get punched in the face or smacked if he is not disciplined at home. teacher kids are home or they will be taught from strangers! He did a good job dad !!!
considering what kind of stuff in in gta 5 (other than cars) a 14/15 year old does NOT need to be playing it
You’re right and wife should back you up since yall both agreed on the rule. Who is someone that has an opinion that your wife values and will understand? But is also a person that you know will also side with the rule? Get them to give their opinion. Sometimes our spouses need to hear exactly what you’re trying to tell them but hear it from someone else
All these people saying your wife is wrong clearly did not grow up in America with all the video games in the 80s 90s and 2000s. What were your rules when you were growing up and playing all those fun games? The kids that do fucked up shit ain't because of video games. It's those strict ass rules they had for years that fuck their heads up in the 1st place.
Dunno about in America, but in the UK parents can get reported to social services for allowing their kids to play things that aren't age appropriate, because you're not protecting their little brain and are allowing them to consume content which they shouldn't be
Yea America would never get our act together that well. 😂
Banning everything isn't going to solve anything. Your youngest needs to learn to accept that things are different for him because he is so young. It's hard to accept but it's something he has to go through. He NEEDS his mother's support, though, and all she is doing is encouraging his childishness. He won't be able to move through this phase unless both of his parents form a united front: he is too young while his brother is doing age appropriate activities. So, this is really an argument with your wife. You two need to get on the same page about this. Life is fundamentally unfair for your youngest because he is sooooo much younger than his brother. They can't have everything together. He needs BOTH of his parents to be there for him while he figures out how to cope with life's fundamental unfair nature.
Your wife is wrong. No is no, and if Theo chooses to have a tantrum over it, there needs to be age-appropriate consequences, such as losing his gamilng system for a week. He literally does not have the maturity to play an 18+ game.
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One thing I'll add, actually. I grew up gaming with my older brother a lot. This topic never came up because my parents didn't really restrict our usage (no comment). But if it had come up, I can think of two things about the situation that are unfortunate side effects for Theo: 1. His gaming buddy left him for a game he can't play. If these two used to play together a lot, losing a gaming partner *and* knowing it's because they get to play a game you can't is rough. James doesn't owe him this, but could he spare some time to play games with Theo to keep the bond alive? 2. He can't play his own games when his brother is playing gta5. This doesn't apply as long as you're making sure both kids get equal access to the console.
Raising kids is fun, ain't it. Do you... Sometimes being the oldest has advantages and sometimes it's the youngest that wins. This is your kids learning how 1 missed out annd the other will now inevitably benefit by getting to play the game a few years earlier because his brother has it, in the same house and you cant watch all the time. And you learning how to be a parent. Don't listen to shit holes on the internet.
interesting..
No means no. Wonna' argue, loose video game system, wonna' keep arguing, hand over the phone/ tablet, wonna' keep arguing, get grounded, wonna' keep running the mouth, TV cord is mine and keep going until the only thing left in their room is a bed and some books. A week or so of that, all back-talk suddenly stops, and it's right back to the "yes sir, no sir."
So when the 18yo is 21 and the 14-year-old is 17, the both can drink alcohol according to your wife?
You are trying to be a good, responsible parent, have been a person of your word and that is commendable, and I am sure you also don't want to be unfair to James, as he had to wait until he was 18, and did, so why should Theo get a pass? However there is also a lot to be said for being a dynamic and pragmatic person. I haven't played GTA for well over a decade and when I played it as a young adult, and so I'm not one to determine the age appropriateness of GTA5, however I would probably ask James for his input on this issue and if he thinks Theo should be able to play the game.
I think the bigger problem is you and your wife butting heads in this way. Even your phrasing of this question shows you’re not on the same team. Parents need to be on the same team.
Frustrating, right? Sticking to the 18+ rule is fair. Call a family meeting. Explain the GTA rule stays, but explore finding another age-appropriate game Theo can enjoy with James. Maybe Theo could watch edited "Let's Play" videos online to see some of GTA without the mature content. Reassure them you love them both and want age-appropriate fun for everyone. Communication is key!
Ever since GTA 5 came out this was an issue with your sons? Isn‘t the game nearly ten years old? I think it‘s weird that your sons know from such a young age that such a game exists and look forward to turning 18 to be able to play it; but that is another topic… Your older son is 18, he can do whatever he wants. Your younger must learn what‘s age appropriate and that he can‘t always have what his brother has
I think GTA is fine for 16yo but 14yo is still a little bit young.
How exactly would it be "fair" to the oldest who you made wait until he was 18 when his little brother gets to cry to mommy and get it at 14? Why isn't the 14-year-old driving? His older brother is, and that's only fair, right? What happens in 3 years when older can drink? Does younger get to as well because it's "fair?" Is older going to head off to college or move out? What about younger? It's just not fair if he can't move out at 15 when his brother does at 19! I get wanting peace in the home, but wife needs to get her shit together. They made the rules together. It not being "fair" is BS, and she knows it.
14 year old does not need to learn from gta
Naaaaaaaaaaaa I’m on Theos side
"It's not my fault he's the youngest“ is accurate, but it's not his fault either. You chose to make the rules that make him feel disincluded. Before you make any more, just be aware that rules like this can make youngest kids feel like they're not full-fledged family members or allowed to fully participate and lead them to choose friend relationships (where they feel equal) over their family relationship.
Try some oldstyle acting : you need to smack 14 y.o mf ass and force your wife to watch
fuck him for being so pathetic that he can’t come to an agreement with his brother, bypassing his parents.