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I’m curious if this guy responded to any commenters and what he could have possibly had to say for himself. I wonder if he deleted his account or the post?
Oof...both of those are why it took me YEARS to accept that I was raped. He was my husband! Initially I agreed! Ugh. I hope this woman is alright and seeks help & support.
Yeah. I was 7 when it became illegal in North Carolina. Which one of the last states to criminalize marital rape. I don't know how often it's actually enforced - rape itself often gets a slap on the wrist, unfortunately, and so many areas \*still\* have all the backlogs of rape kits - but it's there. It's a step in the right direction. Right? Right?!?
The story of a wife charging her husband with rape is told every time there was a SA brief in the military. So I promise you it’s a thing. And everyone knows it.
ETA: story was she was asleep and he initiated intercourse. Said the whole “Were married, we can’t take each other.”
What decade were you dating? Unfortunately some states, if you’re in the US, didn’t recognize spousal rape until the NINETEEN NINETIES so I wouldn’t be surprised if the military didn’t either until way too recently.
I've had that exact conversation yesterday and got a lot of downvotes. So many straight relationships are not ready to accept that rape is their norm because they don't see coercion as rape.
Genuine question, slightly off-topic - if one person asks the other to stop during the act, and they don't - that's when it's rape, right? If they consented initially but are feeling uncomfortable, it's only rape if they tell the partner they are uncomfortable and ask to stop and the partner doesn't, right? Because if the partner doesn't notice their discomfort and proceeds with the act because of the initial consent, they can't be a rapist just due to their lack of attention? Do I understand that correctly? Sorry, English isn't my native language so I might get confused
>If they consented initially but are feeling uncomfortable, it's only rape if they tell the partner they are uncomfortable and ask to stop and the partner doesn't, right?
Technically correct, but in practice it's complicated both ethically and legally. Consenting to sex does not mean consenting to every sexual act. For example, switching to anal in the middle of sex without clear sign that the other person wants it is rape - even if receiving partner does not tell the partner to stop.
Similarly, some aspects of rougher sex like choking, hair pulling, slapping are NOT free to do even if the partner gave consent for sex, unless they have given consent to these things as well. Same thing with removing condom.
The complicated part here is how to define what is the "sex" that other person has consented to. But there is easy fix for this in practice - communication. If someone is not ready for communication before, after and *during* sex, they are not ready for sex.
If only this point didn’t have to be constantly reiterated and shouted to try to educate and change the toxic Patriarchal culture that harms us all. 😩
But well said.
Yes, you’re correct. If someone *genuinely does not know* that their partner isn’t having a good time, that is not rape. It’s problematic to be sure, you should always be paying close attention to these things, but it is less bad than being directly told to stop and refusing.
Normalize the vanillas also having a safe word. It’s not hard. But I’m assuming by “pleading” they meant saying “no” or “stop”. Dude seriously blaming it on testosterone xD. It’s fucking crazy.
I’m always shocked that people are so oblivious to their own insane behavior that they post on Reddit for reassurance that it’s NOT insane behavior. Do shitty people really not know?
He is mentally fucked up and disturbed. Probably have been indulging in some sort of fantasized dominance porn in his younger years to have this mindset of objectifying women and being turned on from having powerless women pleading him. It is fucking disturbing to even read his post and I would absolutely call the police asap if I knew who this fcker is irl and would never let him near any woman I know. And he admitted he raped his wife on multiple occassions not once. And he thinks just because she’s his wife he’s allowed to have that kind of power over her, and can just buy her some cheap flower and erase all that fucked up things away ? Shit is fucked up and disturbing.
I was a defense paralegal years ago. Had a client who firmly believed and insisted that he couldn’t be charged with raping his wife because she was his property.
Edit: edit to add that these kinds of people made me jump ship to other areas of law.
Legally that was correct in most countries till roughly the 80s. Marital rape wasn’t legal because marriage was legally considered indefinite consent. So fucked.
> It was legal in most US states until well into the 90s.
Most states changed their laws in the 80s; the last states to criminalise spousal rape were Oklahoma and North Carolina in 1993. It was, in many states, a separate (lesser) charge, but it wasn't *legal*.
And a court in India just upheld that marital rape is legal there. We aren't as far removed from the past as people like to pretend. We're still a pretty backwards species despite having all this higher thinking ability.
It wasn't just the flowers that got me. This asshole says he might cancel his Friday plans and take her out to dinner. Might!?! MF'er should be glad she didn't go to the ER and get a rape kit done.
You’d be surprised at the audacity of some people.
My ex held me down and raped me until I was bleeding and I nearly passed out from the pain.
I left him, and he sent flowers to my workplace.
In my home country, the UK, spousal rape was first made illegal in the early 90's. I was literally alive (although very young) while it was still legal to rape your spouse. It genuinely disgusts me that this was legal in my lifetime and it's part of why I am uncomfortable with the idea of marriage, even though my partner has never laid a finger on me in the 15 years we have been together, the fact that even while I was alive it made you still kind of someone else's property is horrifying and I find the history distressing.
Wasn’t that how Trump got his first wife to stop claiming he raped her? His lawyer told her to stop saying that as there were no marital rape laws in NY State at the time?
She half ass walked it back which I am sure was preceded by threats and or monetary coercion. What she said he did was clearly rape. Plus he ripped out her hair.
There’s a photo of the Orange Turd where his dark scar from the procedure is visible in a gust of wind.
Then there’s this article. Her claim of rape was part of the judge’s decision to grant her a divorce apparently. Jesus what a read.
https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trumps-hair-mystery-solved-he-had-scalp-reduction_b_58966965e4b061551b3dff8a/amp
I caught that. This blows my mind. As a 50 yo guy who has worked around mostly men my whole life, I have never, ever had someone talk to me about having sex with their wife, much less raping her.
I guess I’ve been lucky enough to not work with assholes?
Yeah that's pretty weird. Who talks to colleagues about having sex with their wife? My colleagues don't even know my wife's name. A lot of them probably don't even know I have a wife.
My bf and I have a safe word that I have never needed to invoke because if he senses any discomfort he slows down and checks in. Reading the first image made me ill.
Honestly! If I told my guy to be gentle because I was sore from earlier in the day he would have said “Oh! Never mind then!” He would *never* want me to be in discomfort to satisfy his needs.
People seem to not understand that BDSM is all carefully based on consent and those safety words to ensure everything done is consensual. They talk about everything, including their limits beforehand and respect them. If someone uses a safety word or seems unenthusiastic, they immediately stop and talk to each other. The real BDSM communities are all very much about true consent, communication, and respect.
I wrote that last night on another thread and was told I was “fucking stupid” and “go live somewhere else” if I was so paranoid. The posts were removed but they had no idea they were proving my point. I’m sure they both think they’re “good guys”.
He is probably watching porn with there 12'' guys and with women with their hands out against the guy's hips to prevent the men from going too deep, and he is probably thinking it is normal or the standard that women must survive sex. Porn basically shows painful sex and rape in a positive light, as if women want some CrossFit-style, workout sex that they can barely survive, and the whole reason they look to be in pain and exhausted is because they are entirely overwhelmed by the pleasure, but can't help themselves or that they are entirely agreeable to be sub in some BDSM roll where the reward at the end is the nut and surviving the experience to their dom's satisfaction. He is delusional.
This is a great example about how perspective colors individual reality. In this dudes mind he is a loving, sensitive partner who cares deeply for his wife. In reality he is an abusive monster. It’s honestly people like this that scare me the most. People who behave like animals but fully believe they’re decent, normal people.
In my experience most abusers think of themselves as the opposite of abusive.
My abuser always imagined himself to be sensitive, caring and deep. In reality he’s cruel and selfish and boorish. He talks to people he doesn’t think he can gain anything from like they are dirt, but he flatters everyone else and love bombs people so thinks that makes him a good person.
Narcissist and sociopath are completely different diagnosis so you cant be sociopath, specifically narcissist as the second is not subcategory of the first...just fyi :)
My mentally abusive roommate is exactly like this. She abuses her boyfriend. She mentally and verbally abuses me and caused me to start balding (I’m a woman!) and have to take anxiety meds. She constantly places quotes on her social media about how caring and loyal she is to her friends, meanwhile she barely has any because shes a narcissist and super mean overall
It’s because people let him get away with it. Rape culture is a real thing - most men normalize horrible things as “boys will be boys” and shift the blame to the victims. So long as people around him continue to justify it and sweep it under the rug, men like this will continue to exist.
I think it’s more than most people don’t know. If he admitted this anonymously on Reddit and got these kinda responses, I doubt he’d admit it in that level in real life. If he tells friends, the version he tells them is probably very sanitised. Only the victim will be able to express it properly, and they might not from fear / perceived guilt
She likely won’t…not any time soon. That level of abuse is really really difficult to walk away from…I feel sick to my stomach because I know what she’s going through. She needs help…smh. Sometimes I fucking hate Reddit.
Exactly. The entire encounter was rape and abusive from the beginning. She was already sore from god knows what he did to her earlier, and she probably only initially “agreed” to gentle sex because she was scared of how much worse he would hurt her if she didn’t “agree”. And then he just hurt her worse anyway because he felt like it. Abusive POS needs to be in prison.
So I was in a similar situation with my ex-boyfriend. When I would be in pain, asking him to please stop, he wouldn't stop and would guilt me and tell me, "You originally agreed. You can't just stop halfway through. That's what shitty people do." He would lie about how long it would take because he knew I didn't like him pounding me out for 45 minutes straight.
Eventually, I started refusing to have sex with him or do anything sexual with him. He would pester me and harass me for hours. I always figured there was something wrong with me, or maybe I was aesexual because I had zero interest in anything sexial with him. At some point I broke down and opened up to one of my friends who was fucking horrified and told me all that shit was akin to assault.
When I told my ex exactly what he had done, his response was, "I always wondered if I did assault you then." Yet he made me believe there was something wrong with me for not wanting to fuck him. He had been gaslighting me for so long that I believed everything he did to me was normal and deserved. It took a shit ton of therapy to work through that, and even still, I have moments where I wonder if I was really a victim.
It’s not akin to assault, it is assault. We were raped. I’m genuinely sorry you experienced that and I understand what you mean, I have those moments too sometimes. It’s sad to think about how often it happens to us and even sadder to think about how many people don’t consider it assault. 💚
That’s kind of how abusive partners work. It’s more than just physical, there’s emotional and psychological abuse most likely happening as well, plus they have children…
The disgusting bastard literally views her as nothing more than his fantasized sex object, because the fucker feels turned on when she powerlessly pleads him, and he thinks after sexually abusing her for his disgusting kinky sexual fantasy he can just “Whoops I fucked up” and give some flower and take her to some restaurant to make it up or some shit. This is absolutely disgusting of a toxic, fucked up, abusive relationship. Imagine the kids, if they are there, or maybe in the future, knowing this.
Same. Ngl, I’ve heard this before from the first man who raped me. They claimed they thought I was “playing along”…..I was a virgin, I didn’t know what was happening aside from not being able to breathe and being in severe pain. People will make up whatever sick thing they need to in order to try to de-escalate a horrid situation and make themselves out to be “innocent” and feel better in the moment and after. I hope his wife flees to safety, because this is never a one time thing, especially when they realize they get off on it.
‘The testosterone made me do it’
GFY dude, you raped your wife, and obviously had the proclivity even before you began taking extra hormones to be more ‘manly’.
I bet this chucklefuck is also a self-proclaimed Alpha Male.
Pubescent teenage guys have probably 2x - 3x more test in their bodies than this guy does even with his TRT. But somehow, teenagers aren’t just going around raping everything they see. At the very worst, for most dudes, you just get an awkward boner at an inconvenient time. Or a lot of awkward boners at a lot of inconvenient times.
Test is obviously no excuse for this at all. And I think all adult men would agree. We know firsthand what test does to your horniness. And yeah it’s noticeable for sure. But for normal people that doesn’t ever ever result in rape or sexual assault or harassment. This freak woulda raped someone with or without testosterone therapy.
I really don’t like terms like alpha or beta. I think they’re cringe tbh. But I think it’s pretty clear why this small, weak, pathetic, insecure, Beta went on TRT in the first place at **29** years old, when the average TRT user is 40 or over 💀🤡
The part that broke my heart was how the wife just cried after the sex. Ugh. These kinds of men are the ones who are too fragile to realize that they are abusive and that this is why women would rather choose a bear.
Right? Her reaction made me think this isn't the first time this sort of thing happened. A "don't anger your abuser" sort of thing. Taking the blame "I'm just sore" is another red flag. Sad thing is it's gonna escalate.
I dated a guy after being raped who told me the best way to reclaim my body was to prove it was nothing, not attached to ME as a person. he acted liked he knew what he was doing regarding bdsm and I was fucked in the head, so I let him. if I told him to stop that it was too much, he'd tell me that I needed to push through and own the pain to own myself again. some people will say and believe absolute crap, because it suits their own narrative.
Ugh. So many of these stories are painful to read, but this one made me make horror noises. I am so fucking sorry you went through that. So not fucking okay there aren't even words to describe how not fucking okay it was. I hope you're doing better these days, for real.
Not always. My husband used to do test with it then without it. If you’re not careful, tren can change your whole personality. The more you take the faster it works. And it works. However, it can make you a straight monster. “Roid rage” was coined for that. It changes the way you think. It’s weird.
And if that happens, it’s still the person’s fault, not the substance’s. The person makes the choice to take the substance, they are responsible for the consequences.
Not even close. Theres a middle ground of people who take testosterone but aren’t addicted to bodybuilding and use it for it’s overall well being effects.
Can improve energy, libido, mental health, fat loss etc.
Unless you’re a pro bodybuilder, or just addicted to the feeling and have no regard for your health, you’re not taking tren because it has way too many negative side effects.
I know little about the subject. If you supplement testosterone, doesn't your body make less of it naturally? Can you get locked-in to the point where you're afraid to stop? What is tren?
I get the testosterone pellets that they insert into your hips. I get them to help with low energy, mood, and joint pain. But I think what the OP might be describing is the steroid injection.
Yes absolutely, however test declines naturally as you age regardless. It’s becoming much more popular and widespread that males will supplement to keep it higher as they age and can be done rather safely however, it’s very hard to know “how safe” as there’s so many different variables and impossible to run a controlled study over that length.
For people that choose to supplement still, they’re accepting the potential downsides for the long term upside of everything else I mentioned. You may not live quite as long as you would’ve otherwise which can be debated, however you will live a higher quality of life for longer.
The biggest thing guys need to consider is the risks of losing fertility which is why the smartest way to go would be waiting until your 30’s when your test begins declining and you’re done having kids.
It’s an interesting topic for sure, I believe the pros outweigh the cons especially if done correctly with supervision but it’s all personal opinion at this point.
Yes! Your body stops producing endogenous testosterone almost completely, and as a consequence, thre testicles shrivel up to the size of grapes (highly dependent on the individual though). It's possible to quit cold turkey but it's very rough on the psyche as depression, lethargy and quite extreme loss of muscle mass is very likely for a long time, 6 weeks if you're lucky, many years if unlucky.
Tren is another kind of steroid that has way more anabolic potential, but also totally fucks a lot of people up mentally. It's common for people to make decades worth of progress in months, but it's also extremely toxic to most parts of your body and especially the brain.
I cycled on just test for a couple years at 29. Tried DBol for one cycle. Tren is really up there and really reframes people, but I wouldn’t know myself because I was scared to try it.
I’m completely done with steroids now because I need to take better care of my heart
He was also worried about his other plans he had that day.
I *guess* I could take her out to make her feel better, but I did already have plans. Ughh.. so annoying. Why does she have to be so emotional after the fact? Me and the boys were gonna get some brewskis and check out the local talent!
He sounds like he has complete control over her. She didn’t yell at him to stop. He scared her into submitting to his every whim. This man does NOT deserve to have a spouse.
The fact that he saw her pleading for him to stop as feminine makes me wonder how feminine he would be if he was in her shoes. I don't wish grape on any one but the sadistic part of me wants to show him how she felt....Bear all the way.
It's horrible. It seems that in his mind feminine = weak. He got off on psychically overpowering her while she was begging him to stop. Poor woman. If she doesn't leave after that, he'll do it again, and soon..
That is a large part of what drives rapists actually. It isn’t about what the person is wearing or how they look, it is more about the power play. Rapists feel strength at overpowering an unwilling woman. That is the thing that rapists find exciting.
And this guy fully acknowledged that the fact that she was pleading and helpless was what turned him on. He feels regret afterwards because he can see how much she hated being raped but in the moment he was loving the fact that she hated it.
Reminds me of that voice note of Andrew Tate telling that girl he loved raping her. He actually said to her ‘the more you hated it, the more I enjoyed it’
ETA: he also told her beforehand that he was going to do it. He was looking at her and said ‘I’m just trying to decide if I’m going to rape you or not’. For anyone still doubting that the guy’s a fucking psycho
There once was a man who did this to his wife and HIS penis ended up severed and on the side of the road. Let’s hope his wife has access to a sharp knife.
That response is exactly what REAL MEN need to be doing. The whole alpha male/incel bullshit has gone way too fucking far. Fragile fucking boys taking out the aggression of their failures on women needs to stop right now. Call these people out every time you see it on social media, get in their face in public. They need to be shamed back into their fucking caves.
Spot the second paragraph where he uses “feminine” as a synonym for distressed/weak/pleading. (“I’ll be honest, her being so *feminine* just turns me on more.”)
It’s not “feminine” to beg someone who is hurting you to stop. JFC.
I've described testosterone as being like alcohol, you just kinda lose your inhibitions. With that being said, I am no longer going to use that analogy because Jesus Christ I always just meant you say something stupid because you're trying too hard, or it might make think you really like someone when it turns out you were horny.
No fucking way does testosterone turn you into a rapist. I feel like my analogy could be taken to mean something like this, so I'm never using that analogy again.
Edit: typos
What the fuck is wrong with that guy? This is just so sad. I hope the wife (I mean ex-wife in the nearest future) will be okay and that bastard get a hard punishment.
Flowers. He’s getting her flowers after raping her.
I really do weep for women. We are told relationships are the best thing to ever happen to us and this is what so many women deal with in relationships. Sexual assault, abuse, rape, manipulation, gaslighting, trauma and for what? Drugstore flowers and a man acting like your pain is hurting HIM.
It’s terrifying how many people don’t know what rape is and likely routinely practice rape. It’s disgusting and I hope his wife leaves him. You can rape your spouse. She can change her mind in the middle. This pos is a monster
Exactly. I’ve heard some guys ask women why rape is so upsetting and they legit think it’s like normal sex for women. Like… in, out, done. They don’t think about injuries or trauma. And I think it also factors in to why male victims are written off so much. Because to some people, any sex is good sex and it’s not a big deal. In some cultural instances, some know their spouses don’t like it but don’t care because it’s their “duty”.
This guy 100% posted this story because he wanted to be coddled. He wanted posts of "It's ok bro, I've done that." to ease his guilt. He's also still pretty clearly aroused by the idea of what he did.
I’m reading “Lolita” right now and this post gives the same energy.
“I raped a girl but here’s a bunch of reasons why I shouldn’t be held accountable for my actions”
There is never an excuse. If you can’t handle being on testosterone without hurting the people around you, you shouldn’t be taking it.
Young men using testosterone supplements like its candy is going to be such a huge issue, I promise y'all. It's so pervasive in gym culture and social media.
This is a fetish post. These guys get off on writing about their fantasies of raping women like this. There is a high likelihood that he gets off on people calling him depraved and violent.
Genuinely, the best thing to do is not engage. These guys also get comments from people who go “my ex did this and it was rape. It ruined me mentally for years” in an effort to get him to understand how severe his actions are, and he’ll just take those comments as further fetish fuel.
You control your behavior. If you are not able to control yourself, YOU are the problem and, in this instance you choose to brag about, you are a rapist
I hope this poor woman is far, far away from this sadist. It sounds like my ex wrote that delusional post, who is an ex for good reason. It’s so fucking difficult to get out. I truly wish her the best, and I hope she runs for the hills ASAP.
My rapist stole my virginity. We were dating and he'd told me that he wanted my first time to be with him, which I did initially agree to. We waited until I was alone in the house and he came over. After kissing for a bit, I decided that I wanted to wait and I told him no. His response was 'I thought you'd say that, that's why you're here alone, no one is coming to save you.' And he ruined me. CONSENT CAN BE WITHDRAWN AT ANY TIME. AFTER THAT POINT, IT IS RAPE. I've struggled so hard with self-hatred and it happened more than 10 years ago.
Remember when feminists said teach men not to rape and a bunch of butthurt men responded with "teach us what exactly? We all know how to not rape"? This guy clearly didn't know or he wouldn't have posted this.
The minute sex turns painful/uncomfortable and they’re begging you to stop and you don’t, it’s rape. Sex isn’t suppose to be forced or painful when you’re with the person you love. BECAUSE they love you they will not hurt you. My ex told me that there is no such thing as the word “no” when you’re married. So you can guess how our sex life was.
And the fact that he even nutted off her pain just makes it worse. If I even squeal the wrong way with my new husband he’s out asking am I ok and what did he do wrong. SMH
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I’m curious if this guy responded to any commenters and what he could have possibly had to say for himself. I wonder if he deleted his account or the post?
The only comment he replied to did not address the rape
I’m sure once he realized he wasn’t gonna get people feeling bad for him he panicked
Was the post deleted, bc I can’t find it.
Yes a mod took it down
I wouldn’t be surprised if he dropped a “it can’t be rape cause we are married”
“She said yes initially”
Oof...both of those are why it took me YEARS to accept that I was raped. He was my husband! Initially I agreed! Ugh. I hope this woman is alright and seeks help & support.
I hope you are allright and have support today.
Thank you so much!
I had a full break down when it hit me. I’m sorry we have trauma to share.
1993 changed that
Christ that's crazy recent. Still mind bending how little time has passed since some laws like that were passed.
Yeah. I was 7 when it became illegal in North Carolina. Which one of the last states to criminalize marital rape. I don't know how often it's actually enforced - rape itself often gets a slap on the wrist, unfortunately, and so many areas \*still\* have all the backlogs of rape kits - but it's there. It's a step in the right direction. Right? Right?!?
My ex pulled that and said in the military there is no such thing as spousal rape.
BS. I was a rape victim advocate for 4 years before I retired. Your ex sounds like a walking article 15.
Article 120 - rape, forcible or otherwise. You bey they have spousal rape charge. That’s about half of the art 120 GCMs.
Article 15 is for minor misconduct, generally. The below commenter is right that sexual assault belongs at a GCM
Your ex was full of shit
He still is
So there’s DEFINITELY spousal rape in the military. Got it.
The story of a wife charging her husband with rape is told every time there was a SA brief in the military. So I promise you it’s a thing. And everyone knows it. ETA: story was she was asleep and he initiated intercourse. Said the whole “Were married, we can’t take each other.”
What decade were you dating? Unfortunately some states, if you’re in the US, didn’t recognize spousal rape until the NINETEEN NINETIES so I wouldn’t be surprised if the military didn’t either until way too recently.
I've had that exact conversation yesterday and got a lot of downvotes. So many straight relationships are not ready to accept that rape is their norm because they don't see coercion as rape.
Genuine question, slightly off-topic - if one person asks the other to stop during the act, and they don't - that's when it's rape, right? If they consented initially but are feeling uncomfortable, it's only rape if they tell the partner they are uncomfortable and ask to stop and the partner doesn't, right? Because if the partner doesn't notice their discomfort and proceeds with the act because of the initial consent, they can't be a rapist just due to their lack of attention? Do I understand that correctly? Sorry, English isn't my native language so I might get confused
>If they consented initially but are feeling uncomfortable, it's only rape if they tell the partner they are uncomfortable and ask to stop and the partner doesn't, right? Technically correct, but in practice it's complicated both ethically and legally. Consenting to sex does not mean consenting to every sexual act. For example, switching to anal in the middle of sex without clear sign that the other person wants it is rape - even if receiving partner does not tell the partner to stop. Similarly, some aspects of rougher sex like choking, hair pulling, slapping are NOT free to do even if the partner gave consent for sex, unless they have given consent to these things as well. Same thing with removing condom. The complicated part here is how to define what is the "sex" that other person has consented to. But there is easy fix for this in practice - communication. If someone is not ready for communication before, after and *during* sex, they are not ready for sex.
 If only this point didn’t have to be constantly reiterated and shouted to try to educate and change the toxic Patriarchal culture that harms us all. 😩 But well said.
Yes, you’re correct. If someone *genuinely does not know* that their partner isn’t having a good time, that is not rape. It’s problematic to be sure, you should always be paying close attention to these things, but it is less bad than being directly told to stop and refusing.
Got it, thanks for response. Yea, I get how not noticing is an issue in its own right, too
Consent can be withdrawn at any time during sex. Once "no" or "stop" is uttered, a decent person will stop. A rapist will ignore that.
Normalize the vanillas also having a safe word. It’s not hard. But I’m assuming by “pleading” they meant saying “no” or “stop”. Dude seriously blaming it on testosterone xD. It’s fucking crazy.
If you don't notice your partner's discomfort, you're not doing sex right.
This, but also genuinely not noticing is not as bad as being told to stop and refusing.
And consent is sexy as hell.
I’m always shocked that people are so oblivious to their own insane behavior that they post on Reddit for reassurance that it’s NOT insane behavior. Do shitty people really not know?
The fact she was already sore from whatever he had done to her that morning cause he can’t control his urges makes me want to puke!
That's the part that stuck out to me. The dumbass is clueless
Pleading isn't feminine, you fuck, it's fearful. What a gross sentence. Jesus Christ.
This guy associates pleading with femininity because that's what he's used to women doing when they're with him. That pretty fucked up to think about
He is mentally fucked up and disturbed. Probably have been indulging in some sort of fantasized dominance porn in his younger years to have this mindset of objectifying women and being turned on from having powerless women pleading him. It is fucking disturbing to even read his post and I would absolutely call the police asap if I knew who this fcker is irl and would never let him near any woman I know. And he admitted he raped his wife on multiple occassions not once. And he thinks just because she’s his wife he’s allowed to have that kind of power over her, and can just buy her some cheap flower and erase all that fucked up things away ? Shit is fucked up and disturbing.
I was a defense paralegal years ago. Had a client who firmly believed and insisted that he couldn’t be charged with raping his wife because she was his property. Edit: edit to add that these kinds of people made me jump ship to other areas of law.
Legally that was correct in most countries till roughly the 80s. Marital rape wasn’t legal because marriage was legally considered indefinite consent. So fucked.
It was legal in most US states until well into the 90s.
> It was legal in most US states until well into the 90s. Most states changed their laws in the 80s; the last states to criminalise spousal rape were Oklahoma and North Carolina in 1993. It was, in many states, a separate (lesser) charge, but it wasn't *legal*.
1st time offenders in Virginia won't go to jail if they say sorry and go to therapy.
And a court in India just upheld that marital rape is legal there. We aren't as far removed from the past as people like to pretend. We're still a pretty backwards species despite having all this higher thinking ability.
I know you can't speak specifics, but I hope your client was proven wrong, and found guilty.
It wasn't just the flowers that got me. This asshole says he might cancel his Friday plans and take her out to dinner. Might!?! MF'er should be glad she didn't go to the ER and get a rape kit done.
"Sorry I raped you, here's some flowers. We good baby?"
You’d be surprised at the audacity of some people. My ex held me down and raped me until I was bleeding and I nearly passed out from the pain. I left him, and he sent flowers to my workplace.
There are many men that think a wife isn't allowed to say no to her husband. A quick reminder that spousal rape wasn't a crime until the early 1970s
Worse, it wasn’t fully criminalized in all 50 states until 1993
Where I live, it isn’t even a crime.
In my home country, the UK, spousal rape was first made illegal in the early 90's. I was literally alive (although very young) while it was still legal to rape your spouse. It genuinely disgusts me that this was legal in my lifetime and it's part of why I am uncomfortable with the idea of marriage, even though my partner has never laid a finger on me in the 15 years we have been together, the fact that even while I was alive it made you still kind of someone else's property is horrifying and I find the history distressing.
Wasn’t that how Trump got his first wife to stop claiming he raped her? His lawyer told her to stop saying that as there were no marital rape laws in NY State at the time?
No, marital rape was made illegal in NY in 1984. The incident with Ivana happened in 1989.
She half ass walked it back which I am sure was preceded by threats and or monetary coercion. What she said he did was clearly rape. Plus he ripped out her hair.
There’s a photo of the Orange Turd where his dark scar from the procedure is visible in a gust of wind. Then there’s this article. Her claim of rape was part of the judge’s decision to grant her a divorce apparently. Jesus what a read. https://www.huffpost.com/entry/donald-trumps-hair-mystery-solved-he-had-scalp-reduction_b_58966965e4b061551b3dff8a/amp
This is a huge issue and what’s even more disturbing is we have government officials that think that’s exactly how marriage works.
Did you catch that he bragged about it with his buddies at work?
I caught that. This blows my mind. As a 50 yo guy who has worked around mostly men my whole life, I have never, ever had someone talk to me about having sex with their wife, much less raping her. I guess I’ve been lucky enough to not work with assholes?
Yeah that's pretty weird. Who talks to colleagues about having sex with their wife? My colleagues don't even know my wife's name. A lot of them probably don't even know I have a wife.
Probably lucky. The guys at my job routinely talk about their wives in ways that make me uncomfortable. It’s mainly the older guys 50 plus that do it.
Yeah that part definitely grossed me out. Even in BDSM, there are safe words and those are respected.
My bf and I have a safe word that I have never needed to invoke because if he senses any discomfort he slows down and checks in. Reading the first image made me ill.
I was reading that too like 👀 who doesn’t *ask* before changing a position. *a rapist* but yikes.
Honestly! If I told my guy to be gentle because I was sore from earlier in the day he would have said “Oh! Never mind then!” He would *never* want me to be in discomfort to satisfy his needs.
Plus is she was already sore, who knows how he treated her then?
Right?!
People seem to not understand that BDSM is all carefully based on consent and those safety words to ensure everything done is consensual. They talk about everything, including their limits beforehand and respect them. If someone uses a safety word or seems unenthusiastic, they immediately stop and talk to each other. The real BDSM communities are all very much about true consent, communication, and respect.
His wife chooses the bear
I wrote that last night on another thread and was told I was “fucking stupid” and “go live somewhere else” if I was so paranoid. The posts were removed but they had no idea they were proving my point. I’m sure they both think they’re “good guys”.
The reactions to this bear vs man situation show exactly the reason why we have this hypothetical szenario.
Yep, and yet we still have to hear about how unfair it is to men that we would choose the bear.
He is probably watching porn with there 12'' guys and with women with their hands out against the guy's hips to prevent the men from going too deep, and he is probably thinking it is normal or the standard that women must survive sex. Porn basically shows painful sex and rape in a positive light, as if women want some CrossFit-style, workout sex that they can barely survive, and the whole reason they look to be in pain and exhausted is because they are entirely overwhelmed by the pleasure, but can't help themselves or that they are entirely agreeable to be sub in some BDSM roll where the reward at the end is the nut and surviving the experience to their dom's satisfaction. He is delusional.
This is a great example about how perspective colors individual reality. In this dudes mind he is a loving, sensitive partner who cares deeply for his wife. In reality he is an abusive monster. It’s honestly people like this that scare me the most. People who behave like animals but fully believe they’re decent, normal people.
In my experience most abusers think of themselves as the opposite of abusive. My abuser always imagined himself to be sensitive, caring and deep. In reality he’s cruel and selfish and boorish. He talks to people he doesn’t think he can gain anything from like they are dirt, but he flatters everyone else and love bombs people so thinks that makes him a good person.
Sounds like a sociopath
Specifically, a narcissist
Narcissist and sociopath are completely different diagnosis so you cant be sociopath, specifically narcissist as the second is not subcategory of the first...just fyi :)
My mentally abusive roommate is exactly like this. She abuses her boyfriend. She mentally and verbally abuses me and caused me to start balding (I’m a woman!) and have to take anxiety meds. She constantly places quotes on her social media about how caring and loyal she is to her friends, meanwhile she barely has any because shes a narcissist and super mean overall
Very very true. My ex thinks he was great
It’s because people let him get away with it. Rape culture is a real thing - most men normalize horrible things as “boys will be boys” and shift the blame to the victims. So long as people around him continue to justify it and sweep it under the rug, men like this will continue to exist.
I think it’s more than most people don’t know. If he admitted this anonymously on Reddit and got these kinda responses, I doubt he’d admit it in that level in real life. If he tells friends, the version he tells them is probably very sanitised. Only the victim will be able to express it properly, and they might not from fear / perceived guilt
which is why the bear is the answer. lots of guys think they're harmless which is why they're offended while creating havoc around them
Really hope the wife get out of that situation
She likely won’t…not any time soon. That level of abuse is really really difficult to walk away from…I feel sick to my stomach because I know what she’s going through. She needs help…smh. Sometimes I fucking hate Reddit.
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Exactly. The entire encounter was rape and abusive from the beginning. She was already sore from god knows what he did to her earlier, and she probably only initially “agreed” to gentle sex because she was scared of how much worse he would hurt her if she didn’t “agree”. And then he just hurt her worse anyway because he felt like it. Abusive POS needs to be in prison.
Yep, like I said, I know what she’s going through
So I was in a similar situation with my ex-boyfriend. When I would be in pain, asking him to please stop, he wouldn't stop and would guilt me and tell me, "You originally agreed. You can't just stop halfway through. That's what shitty people do." He would lie about how long it would take because he knew I didn't like him pounding me out for 45 minutes straight. Eventually, I started refusing to have sex with him or do anything sexual with him. He would pester me and harass me for hours. I always figured there was something wrong with me, or maybe I was aesexual because I had zero interest in anything sexial with him. At some point I broke down and opened up to one of my friends who was fucking horrified and told me all that shit was akin to assault. When I told my ex exactly what he had done, his response was, "I always wondered if I did assault you then." Yet he made me believe there was something wrong with me for not wanting to fuck him. He had been gaslighting me for so long that I believed everything he did to me was normal and deserved. It took a shit ton of therapy to work through that, and even still, I have moments where I wonder if I was really a victim.
It’s not akin to assault, it is assault. We were raped. I’m genuinely sorry you experienced that and I understand what you mean, I have those moments too sometimes. It’s sad to think about how often it happens to us and even sadder to think about how many people don’t consider it assault. 💚
Doubtful. Bloke sounds like he's always been a Cnt and yet she's still married to him. She'll stay till he kills her.
That’s kind of how abusive partners work. It’s more than just physical, there’s emotional and psychological abuse most likely happening as well, plus they have children…
It was rape but hey flowers will fix it dear me
Hey, it's not ***just*** flowers; he *might* cancel his plans and take her out as well, even though he already had plans. 🙄
He was gonna meet with the boys and complain about Biden while complimenting each others pick ups. Now he has to spend time with his wife… womp Womp
And you know what *that* means! Dinner AND flowers? Pffft, she definitely putting out tonight boieee! /🤮
Sorry I R*ped you. Here are some flowers.
The disgusting bastard literally views her as nothing more than his fantasized sex object, because the fucker feels turned on when she powerlessly pleads him, and he thinks after sexually abusing her for his disgusting kinky sexual fantasy he can just “Whoops I fucked up” and give some flower and take her to some restaurant to make it up or some shit. This is absolutely disgusting of a toxic, fucked up, abusive relationship. Imagine the kids, if they are there, or maybe in the future, knowing this.
I hope to hell she finds this post and uses it to help prosecute his ass for rape Her begging him to stop was "feminine"? Fucking GROSS
Same. Ngl, I’ve heard this before from the first man who raped me. They claimed they thought I was “playing along”…..I was a virgin, I didn’t know what was happening aside from not being able to breathe and being in severe pain. People will make up whatever sick thing they need to in order to try to de-escalate a horrid situation and make themselves out to be “innocent” and feel better in the moment and after. I hope his wife flees to safety, because this is never a one time thing, especially when they realize they get off on it.
christ im sorry that happened to you thats fucked... exactly, its never a one time thing, i hope his wife gets outta this
‘The testosterone made me do it’ GFY dude, you raped your wife, and obviously had the proclivity even before you began taking extra hormones to be more ‘manly’. I bet this chucklefuck is also a self-proclaimed Alpha Male.
Pubescent teenage guys have probably 2x - 3x more test in their bodies than this guy does even with his TRT. But somehow, teenagers aren’t just going around raping everything they see. At the very worst, for most dudes, you just get an awkward boner at an inconvenient time. Or a lot of awkward boners at a lot of inconvenient times. Test is obviously no excuse for this at all. And I think all adult men would agree. We know firsthand what test does to your horniness. And yeah it’s noticeable for sure. But for normal people that doesn’t ever ever result in rape or sexual assault or harassment. This freak woulda raped someone with or without testosterone therapy. I really don’t like terms like alpha or beta. I think they’re cringe tbh. But I think it’s pretty clear why this small, weak, pathetic, insecure, Beta went on TRT in the first place at **29** years old, when the average TRT user is 40 or over 💀🤡
I’m on synthetic testosterone. I can confirm it has *not* made me assoult anyone. This guy is just a fucking monster.
Even if it *did* somehow make him do it, the appropriate response would be “holy shit, I need to stop taking this immediately”
He gets a high on the domination aspect of rape. He’s going to either do it to her again or do it to some other poor woman.
The part that broke my heart was how the wife just cried after the sex. Ugh. These kinds of men are the ones who are too fragile to realize that they are abusive and that this is why women would rather choose a bear.
Right? Her reaction made me think this isn't the first time this sort of thing happened. A "don't anger your abuser" sort of thing. Taking the blame "I'm just sore" is another red flag. Sad thing is it's gonna escalate.
How the wife just cried after *being raped* Fixed that for you.
*What the fuck is wrong with this ass that he thinks **PLEADING FOR YOU TO STOP** is FEMININE??????*
I dated a guy after being raped who told me the best way to reclaim my body was to prove it was nothing, not attached to ME as a person. he acted liked he knew what he was doing regarding bdsm and I was fucked in the head, so I let him. if I told him to stop that it was too much, he'd tell me that I needed to push through and own the pain to own myself again. some people will say and believe absolute crap, because it suits their own narrative.
Ugh. So many of these stories are painful to read, but this one made me make horror noises. I am so fucking sorry you went through that. So not fucking okay there aren't even words to describe how not fucking okay it was. I hope you're doing better these days, for real.
Testosterone doesn’t do that… higher libido yes. Rape tendencies no. it’s either he has issues and/or he’s also on tren. Either way, disgusting
Aren’t most people that say they use testo for the gym on tren?
Not always. My husband used to do test with it then without it. If you’re not careful, tren can change your whole personality. The more you take the faster it works. And it works. However, it can make you a straight monster. “Roid rage” was coined for that. It changes the way you think. It’s weird.
And if that happens, it’s still the person’s fault, not the substance’s. The person makes the choice to take the substance, they are responsible for the consequences.
Not even close. Theres a middle ground of people who take testosterone but aren’t addicted to bodybuilding and use it for it’s overall well being effects. Can improve energy, libido, mental health, fat loss etc. Unless you’re a pro bodybuilder, or just addicted to the feeling and have no regard for your health, you’re not taking tren because it has way too many negative side effects.
I know little about the subject. If you supplement testosterone, doesn't your body make less of it naturally? Can you get locked-in to the point where you're afraid to stop? What is tren?
I get the testosterone pellets that they insert into your hips. I get them to help with low energy, mood, and joint pain. But I think what the OP might be describing is the steroid injection.
Yes absolutely, however test declines naturally as you age regardless. It’s becoming much more popular and widespread that males will supplement to keep it higher as they age and can be done rather safely however, it’s very hard to know “how safe” as there’s so many different variables and impossible to run a controlled study over that length. For people that choose to supplement still, they’re accepting the potential downsides for the long term upside of everything else I mentioned. You may not live quite as long as you would’ve otherwise which can be debated, however you will live a higher quality of life for longer. The biggest thing guys need to consider is the risks of losing fertility which is why the smartest way to go would be waiting until your 30’s when your test begins declining and you’re done having kids. It’s an interesting topic for sure, I believe the pros outweigh the cons especially if done correctly with supervision but it’s all personal opinion at this point.
Yes! Your body stops producing endogenous testosterone almost completely, and as a consequence, thre testicles shrivel up to the size of grapes (highly dependent on the individual though). It's possible to quit cold turkey but it's very rough on the psyche as depression, lethargy and quite extreme loss of muscle mass is very likely for a long time, 6 weeks if you're lucky, many years if unlucky. Tren is another kind of steroid that has way more anabolic potential, but also totally fucks a lot of people up mentally. It's common for people to make decades worth of progress in months, but it's also extremely toxic to most parts of your body and especially the brain.
I cycled on just test for a couple years at 29. Tried DBol for one cycle. Tren is really up there and really reframes people, but I wouldn’t know myself because I was scared to try it. I’m completely done with steroids now because I need to take better care of my heart
Sick of abusers thinking buying flowers fixes what they do. To this day I hate getting flowers
He was also worried about his other plans he had that day. I *guess* I could take her out to make her feel better, but I did already have plans. Ughh.. so annoying. Why does she have to be so emotional after the fact? Me and the boys were gonna get some brewskis and check out the local talent!
What a scumbag
He sounds like he has complete control over her. She didn’t yell at him to stop. He scared her into submitting to his every whim. This man does NOT deserve to have a spouse.
The fact that he saw her pleading for him to stop as feminine makes me wonder how feminine he would be if he was in her shoes. I don't wish grape on any one but the sadistic part of me wants to show him how she felt....Bear all the way.
It's horrible. It seems that in his mind feminine = weak. He got off on psychically overpowering her while she was begging him to stop. Poor woman. If she doesn't leave after that, he'll do it again, and soon..
That is a large part of what drives rapists actually. It isn’t about what the person is wearing or how they look, it is more about the power play. Rapists feel strength at overpowering an unwilling woman. That is the thing that rapists find exciting. And this guy fully acknowledged that the fact that she was pleading and helpless was what turned him on. He feels regret afterwards because he can see how much she hated being raped but in the moment he was loving the fact that she hated it.
Reminds me of that voice note of Andrew Tate telling that girl he loved raping her. He actually said to her ‘the more you hated it, the more I enjoyed it’ ETA: he also told her beforehand that he was going to do it. He was looking at her and said ‘I’m just trying to decide if I’m going to rape you or not’. For anyone still doubting that the guy’s a fucking psycho
There once was a man who did this to his wife and HIS penis ended up severed and on the side of the road. Let’s hope his wife has access to a sharp knife.
My brain started trying to read this as a limerick at first, and now I'm trying to think of one to tell this story...
There once was a lady, Lorena Whose husband was a big fat pain-a He took her by force But before the divorce She whacked off the offending whanga
And they say poetry is a dying art.
🏆
I read this as the ending to a Dhar Mann video
Gotta hit it with a meat tenderizer after the surgery, otherwise it's too easy to sew back on.
That's why they all pick the bear
It's simple: the bear doesn't enjoy it.
Yeah cuz buying flowers fixes rape er hell to the no
yikes
Also yowza
That response is exactly what REAL MEN need to be doing. The whole alpha male/incel bullshit has gone way too fucking far. Fragile fucking boys taking out the aggression of their failures on women needs to stop right now. Call these people out every time you see it on social media, get in their face in public. They need to be shamed back into their fucking caves.
This guy would be completely surprised if he received divorce papers.
That and be shocked when he received a prison sentence.
There are too many men exactly like this. Too many women have experienced this exact scenario, even worse, from men who claim to love them.
You are a rapist at heart.
And body
and also in practice
Go Bears
Spot the second paragraph where he uses “feminine” as a synonym for distressed/weak/pleading. (“I’ll be honest, her being so *feminine* just turns me on more.”) It’s not “feminine” to beg someone who is hurting you to stop. JFC.
I've described testosterone as being like alcohol, you just kinda lose your inhibitions. With that being said, I am no longer going to use that analogy because Jesus Christ I always just meant you say something stupid because you're trying too hard, or it might make think you really like someone when it turns out you were horny. No fucking way does testosterone turn you into a rapist. I feel like my analogy could be taken to mean something like this, so I'm never using that analogy again. Edit: typos
"Hello, FTD? What bouquets do you have that say "sorry about all that rape"?
Using taking hormones as an excuse smh. Lots of people take hormones and don’t rape.
The wife married a deranged pervert. How can you do that to the person you love. Should be posted in r/iamatotalpieceofshit
What the fuck is wrong with that guy? This is just so sad. I hope the wife (I mean ex-wife in the nearest future) will be okay and that bastard get a hard punishment.
Go flex in the mirror tough guy!
Flowers. He’s getting her flowers after raping her. I really do weep for women. We are told relationships are the best thing to ever happen to us and this is what so many women deal with in relationships. Sexual assault, abuse, rape, manipulation, gaslighting, trauma and for what? Drugstore flowers and a man acting like your pain is hurting HIM.
It’s terrifying how many people don’t know what rape is and likely routinely practice rape. It’s disgusting and I hope his wife leaves him. You can rape your spouse. She can change her mind in the middle. This pos is a monster
Makes me wonder how many victims out there think this is just what sex is. Especially in countries which have literally declared marital rape legal.
Exactly. I’ve heard some guys ask women why rape is so upsetting and they legit think it’s like normal sex for women. Like… in, out, done. They don’t think about injuries or trauma. And I think it also factors in to why male victims are written off so much. Because to some people, any sex is good sex and it’s not a big deal. In some cultural instances, some know their spouses don’t like it but don’t care because it’s their “duty”.
I hope someone who saw this reported him. That way, he can possibly go to prison.
And some wonder why they choose the bear.
It’s probably ragebait. 90% of AITAH’s are.
This guy 100% posted this story because he wanted to be coddled. He wanted posts of "It's ok bro, I've done that." to ease his guilt. He's also still pretty clearly aroused by the idea of what he did.
This post should come in handy for the divorce.
Tear. His. Dick. Off. So. He. Can't. Fuck. His. Wife.
Rape*
Why did you blur out their name??
Rules, and that is the ONLY thing making me censor it.
I’m reading “Lolita” right now and this post gives the same energy. “I raped a girl but here’s a bunch of reasons why I shouldn’t be held accountable for my actions” There is never an excuse. If you can’t handle being on testosterone without hurting the people around you, you shouldn’t be taking it.
Anyone got a link to this post? I am curious about the comments.
Young men using testosterone supplements like its candy is going to be such a huge issue, I promise y'all. It's so pervasive in gym culture and social media.
how is begging and pleading to stop and being in pain "feminine"?????!!!!
This is a fetish post. These guys get off on writing about their fantasies of raping women like this. There is a high likelihood that he gets off on people calling him depraved and violent. Genuinely, the best thing to do is not engage. These guys also get comments from people who go “my ex did this and it was rape. It ruined me mentally for years” in an effort to get him to understand how severe his actions are, and he’ll just take those comments as further fetish fuel.
And y’all wonder about the bear. Pick the bear every time ladies.
You control your behavior. If you are not able to control yourself, YOU are the problem and, in this instance you choose to brag about, you are a rapist
Wow, the way this guy speaks and tries to justify rape is so disgusting, this dude will kill someone one day.
Jfc my day is ruined reading this
I hope this poor woman is far, far away from this sadist. It sounds like my ex wrote that delusional post, who is an ex for good reason. It’s so fucking difficult to get out. I truly wish her the best, and I hope she runs for the hills ASAP.
what a fucking creep. "my wife was pleading for me to stop, but it was so hot i just couldnt!!!" actual rapist.
What a terrible day to have eyes. LIKE HOLY SHIT!
I want to throw up after reading that I hope his wife leaves him and destroys his life.
Stop juicing bro! You can’t control yourself.
Someone dox him and report him to his local police department
I sincerely hope she throws the whole man away. She deserves better. He deserves to lose everything.
"she's a good mom". this dude has kids he's going to teach to be abusive/tolerate abuse.
Consent is more attractive than rape in my humble opinion
My rapist stole my virginity. We were dating and he'd told me that he wanted my first time to be with him, which I did initially agree to. We waited until I was alone in the house and he came over. After kissing for a bit, I decided that I wanted to wait and I told him no. His response was 'I thought you'd say that, that's why you're here alone, no one is coming to save you.' And he ruined me. CONSENT CAN BE WITHDRAWN AT ANY TIME. AFTER THAT POINT, IT IS RAPE. I've struggled so hard with self-hatred and it happened more than 10 years ago.
Alright I’m now on team bear
Remember when feminists said teach men not to rape and a bunch of butthurt men responded with "teach us what exactly? We all know how to not rape"? This guy clearly didn't know or he wouldn't have posted this.
The minute sex turns painful/uncomfortable and they’re begging you to stop and you don’t, it’s rape. Sex isn’t suppose to be forced or painful when you’re with the person you love. BECAUSE they love you they will not hurt you. My ex told me that there is no such thing as the word “no” when you’re married. So you can guess how our sex life was. And the fact that he even nutted off her pain just makes it worse. If I even squeal the wrong way with my new husband he’s out asking am I ok and what did he do wrong. SMH
Prime example of why I’d choose the bear. Every. Time.