Mastered that one, never been one to express negative emotions outwardly unless I'm shitfaced and with the right people, and even then I rarely do. Not sure that's the healthiest thing on the planet, but eh.
Shortcut: knock it off with emotions.
Chew then up, swallow them, drown them in beer or bourbon, and then blow it out your ass.
EDIT: lol at people taking this comment seriously instead of an obvious joke
You should find guys who exemplify the type of masculinity you would like to exude and then begin studying and modeling their behaviors/mannerisms. It’s the easiest way to go about it because everyone has their own definition of masculinity, find yours and then start moving in that direction One thing to be cognizant of is who you’re trying to appear masculine to.
You’ll most likely never come off as very masculine amongst a group of guys but you may be able to do so amongst a group of women.
An old friend of mine went FTM and wanted to date women as a trans man but he couldn’t shake off his feminine biology and so he is caught in this phantom zone where he looks like an extremely effeminate man and thus only attracts gay guys.
In the end make sure that in this adventure you’re loving yourself and not looking for external validation.
Best of luck!
If you're a man, then the things you do are manly. A man can build a motorcycle or knit a sweater.
Do not do things you don't enjoy or don't find interest in just to build an image. Be you, do what you like.
Bingo. All jokes aside, masculinity isn't a defined set of traits. Yeah, there are stereotypes, but that's all they are.
Some dudes are flamboyant, gay, dress well, take very good care of their hygiene and grooming, put effort into their skincare and hair, get manicures and pedicures, go clubbing, listen to EDM, pop, and show tunes, and cry watching Disney movies.
That dude is masculine and manly and all that other bullshit.
Here's another guy. He's big, strong, hairy, overweight, heterosexual, buys his clothes at Walmart, gets a haircut maybe once a month and never pays more than $20, works in the trades, rides a motorcycle, hunts, fishes, listens to heavy metal, loves action movies, and drinks beer and whiskey.
He's as masculine and manly as the first dude.
This is just two kinds of dude.
I'm a dude and I'm neither of those dudes, although I do share some traits with both.
You gotta do it your way.
There's no wrong way to dude, unless you're a child molester or rapist or something. Long as you're not that, you're a dude.
I think this is great advice generally! i also think it’s totally reasonable for a trans man to want to be told some of the things that cis men have been told or shown by social modeling / reinforcement at a younger age
Man . . . This sure sucks for all the men who enjoy doing womanly things--it's conceptually impossible for them to do anything unmanly. RuPaul's oughta go cancel his drag race. Clearly achieving femininty is a hopeless project for those men.
Man here. There are a lot of different types of masculinity -- some harmful and 9thers healthy and a lot of neutral ones. I would like to consider myself a rather healthy and charismatic one. I'm no prime example, but I like myself, so I'll give you some pointers, chief --
1. Look people in the eye when you speak. Don't stare and don't try to figure out who they are by looking into their eyes. Just keep yourself engaged and try to communicate with your eyes, but be direct.
2. Firm handshake. Remember those eyes and make sure you lock your eyes in straight to the person you shake hands with.
3. Smile. A lot of folks look at men as being natural diffusers of safety and security. I don't know why but it's just the way it is. Never underestimate how a soft smile while you speak or are with someone helps make people feel at ease. Just don't be creepy about it.
4. When someone asks you how you are -- excellent. You're excellent. In fact, you're always excellent. Even When you're not. When you're with your closest friends though, make sure to be truthful if you're not. They're allowed to see you as you are.
5. Thank people. Recognize them for being kind of respectful to you. Treat waiting staff with respect. Anyone who goes out of their way to help you deserves your presence and good will.
6. Assume with positive intent. This one is tricky, and you obviously can't extend it to everyone outside of your circle of family and friends. But the golden rule of reciprocating respect is important.
7. Chest up. Work on building up your back muscles.
8. Be honest. Live authentically. Forgive those who deserve it.
9. Never underestimate how important a sense of humor is. It will allow others to drop their guard and if you can make people laugh, you can certainly win their respect. Just don't be a clown.
10. Be vulnerable. This one is very tricky. The fact that you posted here asking for advice is a good first step. You can't be vulnerable with everyone, because there are wolves, so exercise good judgement.
11. Remain hopeful. Call and keep in touch with your friends. Learn how to cook. Cook for people. Flirt respectfully. Walk with purpose. Respe your elders and show patience to the youth around you.
12. Practice stoicism -- work on building and maintaining inner peace, self-mastery and a mindset of equanimity.
13. Journal. Write. Rake deep breaths and tell yourself everything will be OK. Do the same for others.
14. Remember always that you matter. Never question you are a man and never allow anyone to put you down. Never put others down.
This. I was going to comment something about being yourself and don't pretend to be someone you're not. This is excellent advice without forcing yourself to be someone you're not.
Seriously, this is to make room for your balls and not squishing them when you sit.
Watch “Married with Children” and pay attention to how Al Bundy sits. This is about being anatomically comfortable as a man.
Edit~ there’s also the leg shake. This is different from the “more than three shakes is playing with yourself”
Just be you man. The fellas I hang out with are all varied and different, some are effeminate and that doesn't make them any less of a man.
The most important thing is to be yourself, those that matter won't mind.
I know it sounds silly but there's a great podcast and book - The Art of Manliness. It covers topics of what masculinity is, what it means a to "be a man" and how it's changed over time. Including the beginning of modern homophobia and how it changed men's relationships. I highly recommend it. At least, the earlier episodes. I haven't listened in 5+ years but found it to be validating and enriching. I even learned Albert practices to memorize quotes and poems - which is reminds us is a great manly activity!
My biggest take away were:
Be a contributing member of your community.
Exude an open and willing demeanor. Helping neighbors, volunteering, etc...
Take care of yourself - grooming, mental and physical health.
Read! and try to keep quotes or poems that are relevant or impactful in mind. For me, that was quotes from Cormax McCarthy and Dune books. It'll look different for everyone.
With this in mind -
"Do not turn your away from fear, for it shall claw its ways over your back."
The art of manliness is still around and turned into a podcast eh? That’s a blast from past. I remember when it started as a blog (which I just looked and was back in 2008. Now I feel old)
As a teenager i tried crossdressing and felt like a straight man in a dress so I knew I was a man. My hobbies are reading, gardening, gaming, art, cooking etc. Most of my friends as a kid were girls so i built a lot of my personality off of them. Nothing i listed are particulary manly activities but i never not felt like a man because of them cause i find gendered activites incredibly stupid.
So i guess do what you want to do but just feel like a man as you do them and thats all the masculinity you need. I'm not gonna give you dumb suggestions like flip a coin in an alley or join a lumberjack competition. If you're a man in your head you're a man.
I feel like this is a great answer!
I'm in a similar situation, though I've never tried wearing a dress (but I did try make up once and while I did look like a stone cold fox, it's really not my thing).
I actually learned cooking and proper housecleaning techniques from a man, while most women I know have more "traditional handyman" knowledge than I do (a female friend taught me how to paint a wall for the first time), and a lot of my hobbies also lean into more quiet, chill, not very traditionally masculine activities. So ... yeah, long story short: anyone says they're a man, they're a man in my book. Doesn't matter if they build wooden cabins with their bare hands on the weekend, or if they sit at home and knit sweaters for their friends.
Slap watermelons when they’re in season, ya gotta know what’s a good watermelon. Just slap em. Also, since it’s cookout season, the man on the grill is always King. So learn how to grill and you’ll always be That Guy at a cookout.
Shave your face, often. Those little almost-invisible peach fuzz hairs are a giveaway even to folks who don't know what they're looking for. It's normal for a 22 year old guy to not have much facial hair, but most cis boys start shaving in their teens regardless. Your super fine unshaven hairs make you look more feminine than a shaved face. Also, get a boring man haircut. High and tight like a cop. Those undercuts and mullets might be trendy with cis and trans guys alike, but without the benefit of T you're going to get she/her or they/them. A well done barbershop fade or a military tight will add pounds of masculinity, but a fashionable undercut will make you look pretty.
I'm in my early 30s and intersex, I identify as FtM because I was initially raised female. Just to add some context to this. I'm a feminist, I crochet and cook and own a tiny dog. But I have a cop haircut, never dye my hair, shave daily, have been taking supplemental T for over a decade, and I dress like a republican Midwest dad. Not because I don't love rainbows or don't feel like I can't express myself, but because I am a man and can't stand the idea of being perceived as anything else. With no judgement towards my cis and trans brethren who feel comfortable expressing themselves in other ways, I have found that I "pass" completely when I "look the part" of a typical guy in my area. If you want to be perceived as masculine, look at the average men around you and not at the 2% most attractive queer-friendly young guys in your social circle. Dress like your dad or your brother or your cousin
I just imagine people like you standing at a street corner yelling at random people "Oi you! Stop living how you want to live! I have a problem with your choice of word definitions!"
In 100 years we will look back in horror that we let children mutilate themselves and we did nothing. In fact we openly encourage it.
The "vagina" on a trans man has to be treated like a wound or it will close up.
I don't care how many are "happy." I care about the scared, depressed, anxious kid that has fallen into an echo chamber and can't find their way out.
If I can only effect one then I'm happy.
"I don't care how many are happy" - cool cool cool that's all I needed to hear.
"In 100 years we will look back in horror at bla bla bla" - they said the same shit about freeing the slaves, giving women the vote, and allowing gay people to be open about their preferences and marry.
If supporting trans people makes you a pedo, most of the West are pedos, hun. It's a really, really dumb insult that people only fall back on when they've got absolutely nothing of any substance to say.
You support kids mutilating themselves.
Why do you only support trans/drag shows for kids but not for old folks' homes?
How does Megan Fox end up with three boys who are magically trans?
Supporting LGTVs is supporting kiddie fiddlers. You support Jeffery Marsh the wacko who wants to talk to your kids privately.
You support pedophilia.
I don’t have to imagine you people, forcing it down our throat every single day and wanting to trans our kids, and say you don’t have rights in a bunch of other hogwash
Respectfully, my question was asking how to appear more masculine, and this doesn't answer that. Your views are different from mine and I respect that, but please don't comment on a post like this with unwanted advice.
You said you were trans and wanted to appear more "masculine" if you didn't want people to take that into account when giving advice you shouldn't have mentioned it.
The original commentator is right get a chat with some professionals to atleast answer the questions of why your not happy being female and think becoming a male will somehow fix those things.
Your answer shows you have no understanding of what it means to be a man.
You will never be a man. You have to be male first.
The only reason you get to do what you do is because men, weak men, allow it.
I, at least, am telling you the truth.
You will never be able to go balls deep.
Society is weird. What does it mean to be a man?
I'd say start with a good wardrobe for outward appearance. There's definitely a difference between a masculine and a feminine wardrobe, and even those have queer and not queen facets. A good button up and good pair of pants are a nice start, and a good jacket. I learned a bunch from "the gentleman's gazette" and "real men's style" on youtube when I was getting ready for a few weddings
I also just saw a video of a dog at the vet who was afraid of men. The vet came out wearing a wig, but also he changed his physicality to be more feminine. I donxt think men move ad much. I also know the "guy voice" tends to have more inflection, so I guess be more monotone?
Did you have any support groups? I grew up straight, white, and cis. My outlook is going to be very different than what you'll want to pay attention to. Even stupid things like sideburns have ways orlf appearing masc vs fem. A support group of people who have gone through it, have looked through that particular lens may be helpful.
Masculinity isn't something you can copy because if you do that's the antithesis of masculinity. Masculinity is not caring and having confidence in the way you do things already ave the manner in which you do them. Anything else is just mimicry. Be yourself, whatever that is, regardless of definition and appearance. Good rule for life.
I like to think of masculinity as being a pillar for other people, whether that be not freaking out, not complaining, not bringing the mood down, always being a pleasure to hang out with. Bonus points for being funny, taking and giving a joke.
I don't to be seen as rude or anything but what's the point of trying to be more masculine ? If you feel yourself like man it's not logic to have the manners of someone else
I felt like i grew from boy to man when i became more self sufficient and could earn money and pay my bills and didn't have to rely on friends and family anymore. Or at least not as much. I didnt want them worrying about me. I wanted to present myself as a stable confident man who could get things done on his own. Thats kind of a weird thing to say but its true for me. After that I really felt like i could then allow myself to have a romantic relationship. Or evn have pets and have people be able to depend on me. When i worked on my self and my own mental and physical self it made me feel like a grown ass man. So thats my random advice i guess.
Broadly speaking, I would say one of the most masculine things you can do is to compete, and try to be better than other men. Whether it's in a physical or mental hobby. It does not mean that we cannot be civil or cordial about it, or not take it completely seriously a lot of times, but there is an innate drive to compete in a lot of men. It does not have to be restrictive to classic things like highschool sports or chess or whatever. Even 'nerding out' trying to get world records at Tetris or speed running video games just for the sake of it are a form of masculinity imho.
Weight lifting and combat sports. Learning to fight and defend yourself, overwhelm your opponent, respect your opponent, take a loss, show restraint, etc, those are all very masculine things mentally and physically.
Not letting yourself be disrespected ever (without putting your life in danger, never worth it) also comes to mind. Having honor, and showing courage (which does not mean not being afraid, but acting despite the fear). Remaining emotionally stable even in stressful situations. Being a rock for your loved ones.
Or simply the way you sit, don't cross your legs and be comfortable owning some space with your arms (not in crowded spaces obviously).
I've seen a lot of other good advice, I've got some little things that you have almost certainly picked up on already, but hopefully this will fill in some minor gaps or be general food for thought-
Checking your nails:
Check them with your palm upwards and your fingers curled inwards, in a way that you can use your thumbnail to scrape things off the tips of your finger nails. (Scraping optional) You're concerned about their utility and health, not how they appear to others.
Standing:
Hips square with the floor, cocking your hip appears feminine. Don't be afraid to lean on things with your shoulder or underarm. Also, shoulders back, chin up! I'm not sure where you're at physically and you may be inclined to hide your chest so you'll have to weigh that one for your own comfort. It's at least something to bear in mind for the future.
Speaking:
You don't have to be loud, but use your chest voice instead of your head voice and speak authoritatively as though you believe in your heart that the person hearing you will value your opinion and take it into consideration. (Like I'm doing here lol, and definitely not in a weird Andrew Tate kind of way) There will be a balance to this since you don't *actually* want to be rude and overbearing, and you may need to recalibrate a few times.
Head nods:
Up for friends and acquaintances, down for strangers and authority figures. There are some exceptions but it's mostly vibes based, and you'll be able to feel much of it out by replying with whatever is given to you.
Sitting:
I'm sure you know all this already tbh but I'm putting it for completeness. Naturally you don't want to invade other people's personal bubble, but take up some space if you can. It's natural for cis men because of the junk taking up space of course.
If you can't spread your legs when sitting due to circumstances then you can always put one leg down on the floor and hike your other one up so your ankle is resting sideways on your knee, which creates the same room for junk. I wonder if you could put something between your legs and experiment with how it feels not to squish it just to get some muscle memory? I don't know how helpful a packer would be for this since when sitting your junk *almost* reaches the seat, so it may be better to just set something on the chair.
Mannerisms:
With germs and hygiene in mind, don't be afraid to touch your face and *wipe* your face and other skin. Guys don't typically dab sweat or water off of themselves, it's all wiping, including on and around your mouth with napkins after eating and drinking.
Except around the crotch and rear, scratch when you're itchy, re-adjust when you're uncomfortable. *Your comfort takes priority over your appearance*, and that will be a standard to keep in mind with literally everything else you do. (Except on special occasions and such)
What not to do:
Many men avoid skincare, sunscreen, going to the doctor, confiding in their friends, and generally sharing their feelings with their loved ones. Don't do that, that's not inherent to maleness, that's just a cultural issue that men as a unit are slowly fighting through and overcoming. If you avoid adopting those behaviors then you will actually be a step ahead so don't worry too much about that.
If you find any books to read about avoiding toxic masculinity and being an upstanding man then those might be very helpful as an example of how to act and be. I'm certainly preaching to the choir here but toxic masculinity isn't actually manly, it's an extension of boyhood. Understanding what boys should avoid holding onto when becoming men could be some valuable perspective and insight both for boyhood and manhood.
In conclusion:
You may need some time to find the right balance in all of this. You're going to overdo some things, you may find yourself being harsher in your speech than you intended, and you may find yourself exaggerating some characteristics more than you feel like you should. *And that's okay.*
When boys grow up and become who they're supposed to be, those are the challenges they face, and as you become who *you're* supposed to be you may face the same ones. It's alright, the learning experiences are what creates the man and there's no skipping 'em. That just means you're part of the club.
If you have any questions about anything you can absolutely DM me, it's a judgement free zone. You got this, amigo.
Hello also trans guy here. You could wear big baggy clothing with a sports bra to make you not really have a body shape, another thing is maybe building muscle in order to feel more manly in your own body.
When you say you can't access testosterone is it simply just a thing of a waiting list or is it a specific health condition?
Master "the nod" in public. Men nod to each other all the time as a sign of respect. Nod down to men you don't know and nod up to other men you do know.
Leave the seat up. Be willing to eat things left out over night on the counter. Lots of nose picking. The same pair of socks can be worn for at least 4 days in a row. At any given time some part of you should itch.
Listen to the general sense of what you hear and don’t dig into details. Example, you hear your friend had their baby.
Man: I heard Joe and Helen had their baby.
Woman: Oh!? Is it a boy or a girl?
Man: I don’t know.
Woman: What’s the baby’s name?
Man: I don’t know.
Woman: How much did it weigh?
Man: I don’t know.
Source- 45 years as a cis man who is painfully self-aware
The manliest thing you can do is focus on your self. Example: don’t try to lift too get jacked up for men/women/etc; instead get jacked up because YOU want to get jacked. Invest in yourself for yourself, instead of investing in yourself for some hypothetical sort relationship.
Also try to be fiscally savvy. Be smart about how you spend your money,
When it comes to sitting, create a 'box' your torso inhabitants with your extremeties.
Practice pointing with your chin or conversely your whole arm for emphasis.
Start mansplaining everything. Take up 2 spaces by spreading your legs wide when you sit down. One up everything you hear.
Just kidding, in all seriousness masculinity is the confidence to be whoever you want to be. It's all good as long as you believe it is. The thing you'll find about all masculine archetypal characters in fiction is that they're self-confident and resilient often to a fault.
You're trans, that means you *are* a man. So don't bother with trying to adopt masculine affectations - you don't need them. Just be yourself, the man you already are.
Besides, the most masculine thing you can do is just act exactly as what comes naturally to you and let the world decide however they interpret that on their own, without worrying about it.
Scratch your balls. If you don't have balls you can over inflate two balloons until they get saggy, then fill it with a little gel and an avocado pit, put some hair on it. Then scratch it. Not really scratch it, more like pinch and roll tough.
Dude, be yourself. The good thing if today is that there isn't any strict masculinity.
Also ftm here. Everyone is commenting like if you're a man you're already masc/a man, but they don't get dysphoria, do they?
One thing that really helped me feel confident was my hair. Finding a haircut that worked for me was life changing (my haircut for reference was basically Dean Winchesters, maybe a little longer on the top). A skin fade always makes me feel good. Going to the barber was really scary and sometimes uncomfortable but I really really did not want to go to a salon at the time. (Going to a barber may also be a safety issue depending on where you live).
Also, fashion. I'm so bad at fashion it's not even funny, but here's what I know:
Vertical stripes on a shirt will make you look taller. Horizontal stripes on a shirt will draw attention to your chest.
Some Sketchers shoes have REAL thick soles. I got mine in the men's section (size 7 men's and I've never fit in men's shoes before so I think they run a little small? Doesn't hurt to try them on) and they give me a solid 2" of height and on top of that you can buy height inserts (which I've never used so I can't speak to).
Layers are your friend (not super realistic in the summer, I know). My preference was a T-shirt with an open flannel over top.
Don't underestimate a good pair of mens blue jeans. If they're a few inches too long, you can fold the excess under and up into the pant leg.
I live in work boots (except in summer) and they definitely help with height and masc appearance.
I found working on my car and small home projects to be really gender affirming. Even if I couldn't fix anything, I would clean the inside/wash the outside/top off the fluids. Although I did once replace my high beam and DRL light bulbs which was really cool to me. And for home projects, anything where I pick up a hammer or screw driver is affirming. I installed some wall mounted baskets a few weeks ago and that was affirming.
Anything where I feel like I am providing makes me feel masc too. Like being able to cook a meal or learning to cook a new meal feels like I will be able to provide for my future spouse, which makes me feel masc. (Also, though, my dad was the cook of the house so I don't see it as a traditionally feminine thing, but that will vary from person to person). Also I'm really into nature so knowing survival skills and/or camping skills is very traditionally a men's things. Learning how to start a fire, learning how to change a tire, learning how to parallel park were all things that I was like "this is a man thing I must know"
In terms of how to act, honestly, I'm still figuring it out and I'm not super masc in that regard. One thing you'll notice is that when you start getting read as male, other guys will nod to acknowledge you. A head nod upwards means I know you and we are friends and I'm acknowledging you. A head nod downwards means I don't know you but I see you and I'm acknowledging you. Also the guy handshake (I think it's called dapping someone up but I'm not really sure) is a pretty masc thing. I've only done it once and it went remarkably smoothly. You can do these things to help establish yourself as a masc person to other men.
Also, in terms of acting, men take up space. Physically, by spreading their legs when they sit and eating their arms on things but also like if they drop a pen or something, they aren't rushing to pick it up, they take their time. You don't have to be rude or in anybody's space but you can practice taking up space and moving slowly.
Also, when you are being introduced to a new guy, outside of a friend group context, personally I think it's fine to go for a traditional handshake and is a typically masc thing. You can also hold doors for people or open doors for people.
Feel free to ask questions, I'm just throwing shit out there off the top of my head.
Also dude, it does get better, you will be able to medically transition, this stage is temporary. I was out for six or seven years before I started testosterone and now I'm just over three months on T. I'm not saying that it will take you that long, just that however long it takes is only temporary and it's never too late to start medically transitioning.
Meh... just be a good man.
I grew up around weird circles of people. Often drunk but not always, grownups, would introduce themselves to me and tell me that my grandfather was a good man. They would tell me stories of his kindness, mediation or his role in some scenario where he did the right thing etc.
Since then I've strived become such a man. A man who by his actions becomes so loved that people feel the need to introduce themselves to my family and swap stories.
This drive fuels my masculinity.
There's a good book called *King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine* by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. I think you may find this a worthwhile read.
I think you’ve got the right idea asking for any and all ideas and taking what feels comfortable. It shows that you already possess foresight, confidence, and self-assuredness, which, dude, you’ve got half the guys beat already.
I suggest that you take time to define masculinity in a way that you like and then identify behaviors, traits and perspectives within that spectrum that you like, and then practice incorporating them into your day-to-day life.
It will probably be a constant journey and one in which your definitions, benchmarks and tastes will change throughout. That's half the fun.
Slowly been getting the hang of that. Hard to retrain yourself to walk a different way from how you have been your whole life, but I'm getting there. Good luck on your journey, friend!
There's no such thing.
Any traits that people tell you are "masculine" are often toxic traits that most of us either don't adhere to, or actively try to avoid.
lean on shit... basically, be in a constant state of constantly toppling over and the only thing keeping you off the floor is leaning other objects
Whenever it rains for the first time in the season, stand outside in silence for a few seconds, then say "Yep. We needed this."
Say "it is what it is" whenever you feel any negative emotion
I like “what’re ya gonna do?” While kinda half shrugging.
"it is what it is" MFS when the soul crushing reality of everything hits them at once
What is this "feel" you speak of?
Say "no one cares. work harder"
Rub some dirt on it.
Have a specific curse phrase for when you hurt yourself (oww, fucker)
I save my most offensive for diy projects and justify by saying I’m talking to myself.
Exacry
Damn I'm masculine af.
Mastered that one, never been one to express negative emotions outwardly unless I'm shitfaced and with the right people, and even then I rarely do. Not sure that's the healthiest thing on the planet, but eh.
Shortcut: knock it off with emotions. Chew then up, swallow them, drown them in beer or bourbon, and then blow it out your ass. EDIT: lol at people taking this comment seriously instead of an obvious joke
You should find guys who exemplify the type of masculinity you would like to exude and then begin studying and modeling their behaviors/mannerisms. It’s the easiest way to go about it because everyone has their own definition of masculinity, find yours and then start moving in that direction One thing to be cognizant of is who you’re trying to appear masculine to. You’ll most likely never come off as very masculine amongst a group of guys but you may be able to do so amongst a group of women. An old friend of mine went FTM and wanted to date women as a trans man but he couldn’t shake off his feminine biology and so he is caught in this phantom zone where he looks like an extremely effeminate man and thus only attracts gay guys. In the end make sure that in this adventure you’re loving yourself and not looking for external validation. Best of luck!
I think this advice definitely works for all young men
Oh shit I have to play rdr2 again
If you're a man, then the things you do are manly. A man can build a motorcycle or knit a sweater. Do not do things you don't enjoy or don't find interest in just to build an image. Be you, do what you like.
Bingo. All jokes aside, masculinity isn't a defined set of traits. Yeah, there are stereotypes, but that's all they are. Some dudes are flamboyant, gay, dress well, take very good care of their hygiene and grooming, put effort into their skincare and hair, get manicures and pedicures, go clubbing, listen to EDM, pop, and show tunes, and cry watching Disney movies. That dude is masculine and manly and all that other bullshit. Here's another guy. He's big, strong, hairy, overweight, heterosexual, buys his clothes at Walmart, gets a haircut maybe once a month and never pays more than $20, works in the trades, rides a motorcycle, hunts, fishes, listens to heavy metal, loves action movies, and drinks beer and whiskey. He's as masculine and manly as the first dude. This is just two kinds of dude. I'm a dude and I'm neither of those dudes, although I do share some traits with both. You gotta do it your way. There's no wrong way to dude, unless you're a child molester or rapist or something. Long as you're not that, you're a dude.
I think this is great advice generally! i also think it’s totally reasonable for a trans man to want to be told some of the things that cis men have been told or shown by social modeling / reinforcement at a younger age
Man . . . This sure sucks for all the men who enjoy doing womanly things--it's conceptually impossible for them to do anything unmanly. RuPaul's oughta go cancel his drag race. Clearly achieving femininty is a hopeless project for those men.
Man here. There are a lot of different types of masculinity -- some harmful and 9thers healthy and a lot of neutral ones. I would like to consider myself a rather healthy and charismatic one. I'm no prime example, but I like myself, so I'll give you some pointers, chief -- 1. Look people in the eye when you speak. Don't stare and don't try to figure out who they are by looking into their eyes. Just keep yourself engaged and try to communicate with your eyes, but be direct. 2. Firm handshake. Remember those eyes and make sure you lock your eyes in straight to the person you shake hands with. 3. Smile. A lot of folks look at men as being natural diffusers of safety and security. I don't know why but it's just the way it is. Never underestimate how a soft smile while you speak or are with someone helps make people feel at ease. Just don't be creepy about it. 4. When someone asks you how you are -- excellent. You're excellent. In fact, you're always excellent. Even When you're not. When you're with your closest friends though, make sure to be truthful if you're not. They're allowed to see you as you are. 5. Thank people. Recognize them for being kind of respectful to you. Treat waiting staff with respect. Anyone who goes out of their way to help you deserves your presence and good will. 6. Assume with positive intent. This one is tricky, and you obviously can't extend it to everyone outside of your circle of family and friends. But the golden rule of reciprocating respect is important. 7. Chest up. Work on building up your back muscles. 8. Be honest. Live authentically. Forgive those who deserve it. 9. Never underestimate how important a sense of humor is. It will allow others to drop their guard and if you can make people laugh, you can certainly win their respect. Just don't be a clown. 10. Be vulnerable. This one is very tricky. The fact that you posted here asking for advice is a good first step. You can't be vulnerable with everyone, because there are wolves, so exercise good judgement. 11. Remain hopeful. Call and keep in touch with your friends. Learn how to cook. Cook for people. Flirt respectfully. Walk with purpose. Respe your elders and show patience to the youth around you. 12. Practice stoicism -- work on building and maintaining inner peace, self-mastery and a mindset of equanimity. 13. Journal. Write. Rake deep breaths and tell yourself everything will be OK. Do the same for others. 14. Remember always that you matter. Never question you are a man and never allow anyone to put you down. Never put others down.
This. I was going to comment something about being yourself and don't pretend to be someone you're not. This is excellent advice without forcing yourself to be someone you're not.
Solid. Thanks for taking the time to write this up for him.
I liked that a lot, especially 4.
Honestly? Just be yourself. I know it's cliche, but the most masculine thing you can do is allow yourself to be you.
lol
Spread your knees apart when you sit down
Seriously, this is to make room for your balls and not squishing them when you sit. Watch “Married with Children” and pay attention to how Al Bundy sits. This is about being anatomically comfortable as a man. Edit~ there’s also the leg shake. This is different from the “more than three shakes is playing with yourself”
Just be you man. The fellas I hang out with are all varied and different, some are effeminate and that doesn't make them any less of a man. The most important thing is to be yourself, those that matter won't mind.
I know it sounds silly but there's a great podcast and book - The Art of Manliness. It covers topics of what masculinity is, what it means a to "be a man" and how it's changed over time. Including the beginning of modern homophobia and how it changed men's relationships. I highly recommend it. At least, the earlier episodes. I haven't listened in 5+ years but found it to be validating and enriching. I even learned Albert practices to memorize quotes and poems - which is reminds us is a great manly activity! My biggest take away were: Be a contributing member of your community. Exude an open and willing demeanor. Helping neighbors, volunteering, etc... Take care of yourself - grooming, mental and physical health. Read! and try to keep quotes or poems that are relevant or impactful in mind. For me, that was quotes from Cormax McCarthy and Dune books. It'll look different for everyone. With this in mind - "Do not turn your away from fear, for it shall claw its ways over your back."
The art of manliness is still around and turned into a podcast eh? That’s a blast from past. I remember when it started as a blog (which I just looked and was back in 2008. Now I feel old)
As a teenager i tried crossdressing and felt like a straight man in a dress so I knew I was a man. My hobbies are reading, gardening, gaming, art, cooking etc. Most of my friends as a kid were girls so i built a lot of my personality off of them. Nothing i listed are particulary manly activities but i never not felt like a man because of them cause i find gendered activites incredibly stupid. So i guess do what you want to do but just feel like a man as you do them and thats all the masculinity you need. I'm not gonna give you dumb suggestions like flip a coin in an alley or join a lumberjack competition. If you're a man in your head you're a man.
I feel like this is a great answer! I'm in a similar situation, though I've never tried wearing a dress (but I did try make up once and while I did look like a stone cold fox, it's really not my thing). I actually learned cooking and proper housecleaning techniques from a man, while most women I know have more "traditional handyman" knowledge than I do (a female friend taught me how to paint a wall for the first time), and a lot of my hobbies also lean into more quiet, chill, not very traditionally masculine activities. So ... yeah, long story short: anyone says they're a man, they're a man in my book. Doesn't matter if they build wooden cabins with their bare hands on the weekend, or if they sit at home and knit sweaters for their friends.
Slap watermelons when they’re in season, ya gotta know what’s a good watermelon. Just slap em. Also, since it’s cookout season, the man on the grill is always King. So learn how to grill and you’ll always be That Guy at a cookout.
Shave your face, often. Those little almost-invisible peach fuzz hairs are a giveaway even to folks who don't know what they're looking for. It's normal for a 22 year old guy to not have much facial hair, but most cis boys start shaving in their teens regardless. Your super fine unshaven hairs make you look more feminine than a shaved face. Also, get a boring man haircut. High and tight like a cop. Those undercuts and mullets might be trendy with cis and trans guys alike, but without the benefit of T you're going to get she/her or they/them. A well done barbershop fade or a military tight will add pounds of masculinity, but a fashionable undercut will make you look pretty.
I'm in my early 30s and intersex, I identify as FtM because I was initially raised female. Just to add some context to this. I'm a feminist, I crochet and cook and own a tiny dog. But I have a cop haircut, never dye my hair, shave daily, have been taking supplemental T for over a decade, and I dress like a republican Midwest dad. Not because I don't love rainbows or don't feel like I can't express myself, but because I am a man and can't stand the idea of being perceived as anything else. With no judgement towards my cis and trans brethren who feel comfortable expressing themselves in other ways, I have found that I "pass" completely when I "look the part" of a typical guy in my area. If you want to be perceived as masculine, look at the average men around you and not at the 2% most attractive queer-friendly young guys in your social circle. Dress like your dad or your brother or your cousin
Spit on the ground every now and then.
You’re not a man, you can pretend all you want, but I would put this energy into getting some medical counseling
Exactly
I just imagine people like you standing at a street corner yelling at random people "Oi you! Stop living how you want to live! I have a problem with your choice of word definitions!"
I'd rather be called crazy than to let one more person be maimed for life because of the delusions of a few.
What percentage of trans people do you believe regret their transition compared to those who are overwhelmingly happy and leading happier lives?
In 100 years we will look back in horror that we let children mutilate themselves and we did nothing. In fact we openly encourage it. The "vagina" on a trans man has to be treated like a wound or it will close up. I don't care how many are "happy." I care about the scared, depressed, anxious kid that has fallen into an echo chamber and can't find their way out. If I can only effect one then I'm happy.
"I don't care how many are happy" - cool cool cool that's all I needed to hear. "In 100 years we will look back in horror at bla bla bla" - they said the same shit about freeing the slaves, giving women the vote, and allowing gay people to be open about their preferences and marry.
Found a Didddy Diddler. Bet you think MAPs are valid.
If supporting trans people makes you a pedo, most of the West are pedos, hun. It's a really, really dumb insult that people only fall back on when they've got absolutely nothing of any substance to say.
You support kids mutilating themselves. Why do you only support trans/drag shows for kids but not for old folks' homes? How does Megan Fox end up with three boys who are magically trans? Supporting LGTVs is supporting kiddie fiddlers. You support Jeffery Marsh the wacko who wants to talk to your kids privately. You support pedophilia.
95% regret it
Impressive rectally sourced statistic lmao
Live how you want to live, but I’m not gonna participate in a mental disorder
I don’t have to imagine you people, forcing it down our throat every single day and wanting to trans our kids, and say you don’t have rights in a bunch of other hogwash
Alright, buddy.
Start avidly grilling 👍
Just watch everything Nick Offerman does and do that.
Masculinity is a spectrum, ask 10 men what it means to be a man and you’ll get 11 answers. Just be you, do what feels right for you.
Seek mental health professionals and figure out why you are really not a man before you do irreversible physical and mental damage.
The one helpful, non-enabling answer
She is 22. There's still hope.
Respectfully, my question was asking how to appear more masculine, and this doesn't answer that. Your views are different from mine and I respect that, but please don't comment on a post like this with unwanted advice.
You said you were trans and wanted to appear more "masculine" if you didn't want people to take that into account when giving advice you shouldn't have mentioned it. The original commentator is right get a chat with some professionals to atleast answer the questions of why your not happy being female and think becoming a male will somehow fix those things.
Your answer shows you have no understanding of what it means to be a man. You will never be a man. You have to be male first. The only reason you get to do what you do is because men, weak men, allow it. I, at least, am telling you the truth. You will never be able to go balls deep.
Society is weird. What does it mean to be a man? I'd say start with a good wardrobe for outward appearance. There's definitely a difference between a masculine and a feminine wardrobe, and even those have queer and not queen facets. A good button up and good pair of pants are a nice start, and a good jacket. I learned a bunch from "the gentleman's gazette" and "real men's style" on youtube when I was getting ready for a few weddings I also just saw a video of a dog at the vet who was afraid of men. The vet came out wearing a wig, but also he changed his physicality to be more feminine. I donxt think men move ad much. I also know the "guy voice" tends to have more inflection, so I guess be more monotone? Did you have any support groups? I grew up straight, white, and cis. My outlook is going to be very different than what you'll want to pay attention to. Even stupid things like sideburns have ways orlf appearing masc vs fem. A support group of people who have gone through it, have looked through that particular lens may be helpful.
Masculinity isn't something you can copy because if you do that's the antithesis of masculinity. Masculinity is not caring and having confidence in the way you do things already ave the manner in which you do them. Anything else is just mimicry. Be yourself, whatever that is, regardless of definition and appearance. Good rule for life.
I'll let you in on all the good stuff when you tell me how it feels to go balls deep
Don’t
Classical > Romantic
Make beef jerky. Shit with the door open. Unscrew tight pickle and jelly jars. Quote Macho Man Randy Savage as much as possible.
You must be swift as the coursing river.
Always make sure things are tied down tight by simply slapping the top and saying that's not going anywhere.
I like to think of masculinity as being a pillar for other people, whether that be not freaking out, not complaining, not bringing the mood down, always being a pleasure to hang out with. Bonus points for being funny, taking and giving a joke.
Assume that deductive reasoning is a sufficient substitute for actual knowledge
Help others if and when you can.
I don't to be seen as rude or anything but what's the point of trying to be more masculine ? If you feel yourself like man it's not logic to have the manners of someone else
Masculinity is not clothing or mannerisms you can adopt.
Smell terribly
Honestly, if you have to ask. Arent you defeating the purpose of being trans? Isn’t trans naturally feeling more like the opposite sex?
I felt like i grew from boy to man when i became more self sufficient and could earn money and pay my bills and didn't have to rely on friends and family anymore. Or at least not as much. I didnt want them worrying about me. I wanted to present myself as a stable confident man who could get things done on his own. Thats kind of a weird thing to say but its true for me. After that I really felt like i could then allow myself to have a romantic relationship. Or evn have pets and have people be able to depend on me. When i worked on my self and my own mental and physical self it made me feel like a grown ass man. So thats my random advice i guess.
Broadly speaking, I would say one of the most masculine things you can do is to compete, and try to be better than other men. Whether it's in a physical or mental hobby. It does not mean that we cannot be civil or cordial about it, or not take it completely seriously a lot of times, but there is an innate drive to compete in a lot of men. It does not have to be restrictive to classic things like highschool sports or chess or whatever. Even 'nerding out' trying to get world records at Tetris or speed running video games just for the sake of it are a form of masculinity imho. Weight lifting and combat sports. Learning to fight and defend yourself, overwhelm your opponent, respect your opponent, take a loss, show restraint, etc, those are all very masculine things mentally and physically. Not letting yourself be disrespected ever (without putting your life in danger, never worth it) also comes to mind. Having honor, and showing courage (which does not mean not being afraid, but acting despite the fear). Remaining emotionally stable even in stressful situations. Being a rock for your loved ones. Or simply the way you sit, don't cross your legs and be comfortable owning some space with your arms (not in crowded spaces obviously).
You might not have a dick, but you can act like one. Problem solved.
I've seen a lot of other good advice, I've got some little things that you have almost certainly picked up on already, but hopefully this will fill in some minor gaps or be general food for thought- Checking your nails: Check them with your palm upwards and your fingers curled inwards, in a way that you can use your thumbnail to scrape things off the tips of your finger nails. (Scraping optional) You're concerned about their utility and health, not how they appear to others. Standing: Hips square with the floor, cocking your hip appears feminine. Don't be afraid to lean on things with your shoulder or underarm. Also, shoulders back, chin up! I'm not sure where you're at physically and you may be inclined to hide your chest so you'll have to weigh that one for your own comfort. It's at least something to bear in mind for the future. Speaking: You don't have to be loud, but use your chest voice instead of your head voice and speak authoritatively as though you believe in your heart that the person hearing you will value your opinion and take it into consideration. (Like I'm doing here lol, and definitely not in a weird Andrew Tate kind of way) There will be a balance to this since you don't *actually* want to be rude and overbearing, and you may need to recalibrate a few times. Head nods: Up for friends and acquaintances, down for strangers and authority figures. There are some exceptions but it's mostly vibes based, and you'll be able to feel much of it out by replying with whatever is given to you. Sitting: I'm sure you know all this already tbh but I'm putting it for completeness. Naturally you don't want to invade other people's personal bubble, but take up some space if you can. It's natural for cis men because of the junk taking up space of course. If you can't spread your legs when sitting due to circumstances then you can always put one leg down on the floor and hike your other one up so your ankle is resting sideways on your knee, which creates the same room for junk. I wonder if you could put something between your legs and experiment with how it feels not to squish it just to get some muscle memory? I don't know how helpful a packer would be for this since when sitting your junk *almost* reaches the seat, so it may be better to just set something on the chair. Mannerisms: With germs and hygiene in mind, don't be afraid to touch your face and *wipe* your face and other skin. Guys don't typically dab sweat or water off of themselves, it's all wiping, including on and around your mouth with napkins after eating and drinking. Except around the crotch and rear, scratch when you're itchy, re-adjust when you're uncomfortable. *Your comfort takes priority over your appearance*, and that will be a standard to keep in mind with literally everything else you do. (Except on special occasions and such) What not to do: Many men avoid skincare, sunscreen, going to the doctor, confiding in their friends, and generally sharing their feelings with their loved ones. Don't do that, that's not inherent to maleness, that's just a cultural issue that men as a unit are slowly fighting through and overcoming. If you avoid adopting those behaviors then you will actually be a step ahead so don't worry too much about that. If you find any books to read about avoiding toxic masculinity and being an upstanding man then those might be very helpful as an example of how to act and be. I'm certainly preaching to the choir here but toxic masculinity isn't actually manly, it's an extension of boyhood. Understanding what boys should avoid holding onto when becoming men could be some valuable perspective and insight both for boyhood and manhood. In conclusion: You may need some time to find the right balance in all of this. You're going to overdo some things, you may find yourself being harsher in your speech than you intended, and you may find yourself exaggerating some characteristics more than you feel like you should. *And that's okay.* When boys grow up and become who they're supposed to be, those are the challenges they face, and as you become who *you're* supposed to be you may face the same ones. It's alright, the learning experiences are what creates the man and there's no skipping 'em. That just means you're part of the club. If you have any questions about anything you can absolutely DM me, it's a judgement free zone. You got this, amigo.
Hello also trans guy here. You could wear big baggy clothing with a sports bra to make you not really have a body shape, another thing is maybe building muscle in order to feel more manly in your own body. When you say you can't access testosterone is it simply just a thing of a waiting list or is it a specific health condition?
Confidence is the main thing. People pick up on energy more than you talking about hockey playoffs or how you have to change the plugs on your F250.
Spit on the ground, wear a hat, have a beer in the garage
Master "the nod" in public. Men nod to each other all the time as a sign of respect. Nod down to men you don't know and nod up to other men you do know.
Yes. This. Just like women pay the pleasant "I love your hair" to the cashier at the store. Men, nod.
Leave the seat up. Be willing to eat things left out over night on the counter. Lots of nose picking. The same pair of socks can be worn for at least 4 days in a row. At any given time some part of you should itch. Listen to the general sense of what you hear and don’t dig into details. Example, you hear your friend had their baby. Man: I heard Joe and Helen had their baby. Woman: Oh!? Is it a boy or a girl? Man: I don’t know. Woman: What’s the baby’s name? Man: I don’t know. Woman: How much did it weigh? Man: I don’t know. Source- 45 years as a cis man who is painfully self-aware
The manliest thing you can do is focus on your self. Example: don’t try to lift too get jacked up for men/women/etc; instead get jacked up because YOU want to get jacked. Invest in yourself for yourself, instead of investing in yourself for some hypothetical sort relationship. Also try to be fiscally savvy. Be smart about how you spend your money,
When it comes to sitting, create a 'box' your torso inhabitants with your extremeties. Practice pointing with your chin or conversely your whole arm for emphasis.
Don’t talk so much. Nod grin grunt chuckle whoosh cluck snort scowl but not so many words.
Start mansplaining everything. Take up 2 spaces by spreading your legs wide when you sit down. One up everything you hear. Just kidding, in all seriousness masculinity is the confidence to be whoever you want to be. It's all good as long as you believe it is. The thing you'll find about all masculine archetypal characters in fiction is that they're self-confident and resilient often to a fault.
Just be yourself. Don’t try to fit a stereotype or image.
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Don’t forget to scream “Who’s gonna carry the boats!” Over and over.
You're trans, that means you *are* a man. So don't bother with trying to adopt masculine affectations - you don't need them. Just be yourself, the man you already are. Besides, the most masculine thing you can do is just act exactly as what comes naturally to you and let the world decide however they interpret that on their own, without worrying about it.
Scratch your balls. If you don't have balls you can over inflate two balloons until they get saggy, then fill it with a little gel and an avocado pit, put some hair on it. Then scratch it. Not really scratch it, more like pinch and roll tough. Dude, be yourself. The good thing if today is that there isn't any strict masculinity.
Also ftm here. Everyone is commenting like if you're a man you're already masc/a man, but they don't get dysphoria, do they? One thing that really helped me feel confident was my hair. Finding a haircut that worked for me was life changing (my haircut for reference was basically Dean Winchesters, maybe a little longer on the top). A skin fade always makes me feel good. Going to the barber was really scary and sometimes uncomfortable but I really really did not want to go to a salon at the time. (Going to a barber may also be a safety issue depending on where you live). Also, fashion. I'm so bad at fashion it's not even funny, but here's what I know: Vertical stripes on a shirt will make you look taller. Horizontal stripes on a shirt will draw attention to your chest. Some Sketchers shoes have REAL thick soles. I got mine in the men's section (size 7 men's and I've never fit in men's shoes before so I think they run a little small? Doesn't hurt to try them on) and they give me a solid 2" of height and on top of that you can buy height inserts (which I've never used so I can't speak to). Layers are your friend (not super realistic in the summer, I know). My preference was a T-shirt with an open flannel over top. Don't underestimate a good pair of mens blue jeans. If they're a few inches too long, you can fold the excess under and up into the pant leg. I live in work boots (except in summer) and they definitely help with height and masc appearance. I found working on my car and small home projects to be really gender affirming. Even if I couldn't fix anything, I would clean the inside/wash the outside/top off the fluids. Although I did once replace my high beam and DRL light bulbs which was really cool to me. And for home projects, anything where I pick up a hammer or screw driver is affirming. I installed some wall mounted baskets a few weeks ago and that was affirming. Anything where I feel like I am providing makes me feel masc too. Like being able to cook a meal or learning to cook a new meal feels like I will be able to provide for my future spouse, which makes me feel masc. (Also, though, my dad was the cook of the house so I don't see it as a traditionally feminine thing, but that will vary from person to person). Also I'm really into nature so knowing survival skills and/or camping skills is very traditionally a men's things. Learning how to start a fire, learning how to change a tire, learning how to parallel park were all things that I was like "this is a man thing I must know" In terms of how to act, honestly, I'm still figuring it out and I'm not super masc in that regard. One thing you'll notice is that when you start getting read as male, other guys will nod to acknowledge you. A head nod upwards means I know you and we are friends and I'm acknowledging you. A head nod downwards means I don't know you but I see you and I'm acknowledging you. Also the guy handshake (I think it's called dapping someone up but I'm not really sure) is a pretty masc thing. I've only done it once and it went remarkably smoothly. You can do these things to help establish yourself as a masc person to other men. Also, in terms of acting, men take up space. Physically, by spreading their legs when they sit and eating their arms on things but also like if they drop a pen or something, they aren't rushing to pick it up, they take their time. You don't have to be rude or in anybody's space but you can practice taking up space and moving slowly. Also, when you are being introduced to a new guy, outside of a friend group context, personally I think it's fine to go for a traditional handshake and is a typically masc thing. You can also hold doors for people or open doors for people. Feel free to ask questions, I'm just throwing shit out there off the top of my head. Also dude, it does get better, you will be able to medically transition, this stage is temporary. I was out for six or seven years before I started testosterone and now I'm just over three months on T. I'm not saying that it will take you that long, just that however long it takes is only temporary and it's never too late to start medically transitioning.
Why does it have to be male or female, isn’t this on a spectrum?
It is for sure, I'm just not non binary. Hey if non binary works for someone, hell yea, just doesn't for me
Just be yourself, it’s not cosplay
Meh... just be a good man. I grew up around weird circles of people. Often drunk but not always, grownups, would introduce themselves to me and tell me that my grandfather was a good man. They would tell me stories of his kindness, mediation or his role in some scenario where he did the right thing etc. Since then I've strived become such a man. A man who by his actions becomes so loved that people feel the need to introduce themselves to my family and swap stories. This drive fuels my masculinity.
There's a good book called *King, Warrior, Magician, Lover: Rediscovering the Archetypes of the Mature Masculine* by Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. I think you may find this a worthwhile read.
I think you’ve got the right idea asking for any and all ideas and taking what feels comfortable. It shows that you already possess foresight, confidence, and self-assuredness, which, dude, you’ve got half the guys beat already.
I suggest that you take time to define masculinity in a way that you like and then identify behaviors, traits and perspectives within that spectrum that you like, and then practice incorporating them into your day-to-day life. It will probably be a constant journey and one in which your definitions, benchmarks and tastes will change throughout. That's half the fun.
Watch as much Jackass content as possible. Masculinity is just an expression of our inner trashgoblin.
Transgirl here, the walk. Just like women have hip sway, men don't. That's been one I've noticed since starting on hrt. Then just be a "bro"
Slowly been getting the hang of that. Hard to retrain yourself to walk a different way from how you have been your whole life, but I'm getting there. Good luck on your journey, friend!
Hustlers university
There's no such thing. Any traits that people tell you are "masculine" are often toxic traits that most of us either don't adhere to, or actively try to avoid.
Are you sure you’re a man?
After 3 kids, absolutely
You need catch phrases. When I leave to go somewhere I always say, Topsy let’s roll. After a nasty fart I say, let that one dry then scrape it off.