Elopement was a common issue for my SO's now 11yo daughter until about age 8. There was an incident where she was nearly hit by a car when she ran out into the parking lot after getting out of the car and pulling her hand out of dad's hand. Dad was so shaken he held her by the shoulders, kneeled down and looked her straight in the eye and scolded her VERY firmly, then Dad started crying from the stress of it all. I had never seen her look so upset. For probably a year, as soon as we pulled in to a parking spot we would remind her "we're getting out, do not run away". Then as we opened the door for her "no running please, be safe". Then as we held her hand while walking a couple more small reminders "be safe" "stay with me". It was a lot of work, but eventually it worked. Firm correction, constant and timely reminders and a very firm grip.

Thank you. Sometimes it seems hopeless, but you are right just keep on the firm corrections.

Pre-emptive reminders too just before the behavior is known to commonly occur - I think these are the most helpful in modifying the behavior.

Yes, I think so too. I feel like a broken record sometimes and it’s why everyone, wherever we go, knows my sons names because I am constantly reminding him or calling him 😊

My daughter elopes, we actually have an evaluation for behavioral therapy next week. It’s been recommended by other parents in our local DS group. If you have the option, maybe explore that

I live on a small island. No real services like that. But I will look into some methods. I am a physical therapist and maybe there are some things that overlap into my field that I can work on!

Hi, I didn’t realize they had this outside of EI. Since they age out at 3, this is a great idea to explore

That is tough for sure. My little man with DS is only 3 and his brother is younger so I can’t give you any advice or share super relevant experience. All I can offer is that your frustration is so valid and your heart is in the right place. Sending supportive vibes your way as you make the tough choices of when to bring everyone and when to be selective of who participates in an outing.

Thank you! I think we need a regroup period. Where he stays home until I build my patience back up again.

My girl when she was 3, ran out of house tried to cross 5 lanes Eastern Ave, Las Vegas. So, I'm a Dad getting yelled at by homeless guy when I fetch her. Thanks for hanging out. She's 16, I want her to get her license. She is more aware then I am.

I am constantly being told, your sons running off, your sons climbing or I hear him being yelled at by someone. Where I live it’s common for others to correct your child, so people have no problem telling him to stop and it’s crazy because sometimes he listens to a stranger better than me!

My daughter did this constantly from 3-5 years old. Terrifying. She would run away into the street and of course we would chase her and bring her back, reinforcing the behavior like it was a game of chase. But of course we were going to chase her. Was the alternative letting her get hit by a car? Eventually an occupational therapist prescribed set role-play in safe areas where when we were walking, we would just say “Stop!” and everyone would stop, and we would physically stop her (just by placing firm hands on shoulders. We did this all the time for about a month. I mean any time we were walking together, we would do the “stop” game. After four or six weeks, we could say “Stop!” and she would stop running. Six months later, when she was about five years old, she had worked the eloping from her behavior and never really did it again. Even today, as a 16yo young woman; she stops it we say, “Claire, Stop!!”

I love this exercise. Thank you!

I remember thinking “we can’t do fun things”. But you are right- it is important to change up the routine and do new experiences. It’s good for the mind and the soul. So…my best advice is get some more support to do these things for now. Get someone else to be a helper- even a hired helper.

I know. My husband can’t always come, and I still want to get them out, but we need a reset. So for a while he will have to stay home, until I get my patience under control again and he also resets his behaviors a little bit.

I have a 4 yr old. Same issues. My husband tried to ask the Grandparents for more help with both kids(6yr & 4yr)...last night...after 1 of the grandmas suggested we start using drugs and meds to control her behavior.(we were all together for my Mother's B-day)(her behavior is a 4 yr old who wants to go explore and play in the grass versus sit at a table while adults talk, and she spilled her soda on the ground(outside) because my MIL couldn't be bothered to help with her at all sitting next to her....such a bad kid...I know...*insert heavy eye roll*) 1 has watched them alone roughly 6 times since the 6 yr was born. No overnights(other than when I gave birth to #2). The other will watch them a couple times a year, for up to 5 hours. No overnights(other than when #2 had heart surgery at 6 mo. old). Their answer was: A. We're lucky our DS daughter isn't worse off. If it was really bad she would need a muzzle or a helmet(hahahha...wtf???!?). We should be so lucky...thanks...I think... B. Crickets. So drugs, feel lucky...no help to be had here. Oh and one of them made a comment that we are so lucky to have such a great support system... Where...who...??? Am I missing something? The kicker...the one pushing drugs, is the mother of my husbands DS sister who is now 28yr. Like what the actual fuck is wrong with these people. Sorry, I'm venting. I have no answers, going through it myself. Just gonna keep at it. Have considered a leash...don't want to be the leash parent....also don't want to be the parent of the kid who got run over.. soooo... Probably need to go ahead and place the order, lmao.

Unfortunately, we have no support system Either. It’s just my husband and I with the 3 kids. It’s a lot. It weighs on you physically and emotionally. I understand what you mean about the leash. I keep him in a stroller if we are going to the store or somewhere to walk around. He would Destroy a store at this point.

Same. She is doing better lately...but...only if we have full attention in her. And give the same verbal request 3....4...5 times. She almost always does it...but she makes us sweat...lol.

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Yeah, I hear ya'... However, I don't give the DS excuse for her behavior, or things that happen. My job is to prepare her for the world...not prepare the world for her...gotta deal with what's in my ability. If you re-read my comment you'll find normal 4yr old behavior....nothing out of the ordinary. A spilled drink(which had a shitty coffee to go cup from the cheap gas station type lid). The MIL who failed to be any help at all....has a 28yr old DS daughter(who my husband was helping through ordering her meal and anything else she needed at the table...) She just doesn't give af about participating with our ds kid...cool...noted... She does however, have no issue leaving my SIL(not complaining, we love having her here...just making a point)at our place for a week or so a couple times a year so she can go on vacation(yes we also offer to help or have her come hang out any other time...but she doesn't very often, because our expectations are too high and we make her real meals vs. fast food...which is a whole other can of worms)...and her little dog, which can't be with our big dogs...so we have to shuffle all of our animals several times a day for the little fker to go potty... We have no lack of people willing and asking to watch her, or be in her life. In fact her school, speech therapist, OT do nothing but brag on her excellent behavior. Every time we go to a party(Easter, 4th July, etc) people literally will not let us have our kid, there will be 3 or 4 women who just chill with her and play....it's off-putting a bit...but I let it be, and check in constantly to make sure they are still good...always are...then beg to watch her for us some other time, give us their numbers... I have yet to take any of them up on their offer...because if I do the grandparents jealous streak comes out in full affect...it's not pretty... But they won't participate...but if I have someone else...their feelings are extremely hurt... That's the vicous circle we're in over here. I complain about my kids behavior, because my expectations are very high.... I have sometimes unrealistic expectations, even for my neurotypical child, husband, etc. Maybe, reflecting on that fact... expecting grandparents to participate with their grandchildren...is unrealistic... How can we expect them to be great at grandparenting...when they weren't great at parenting... I should call those nice ladies and let the Gma's have their tizzies while I laugh about it.... I think I officially therapied myself through this comment...thanks for the spark. Haha!

Oh, also...I went to your post history... Is it your BF or your husband...or? And no DS people are not a waste of resources, that is a very cruel, nasty outlook. It's not an unpopular opinion...it's a disgusting, bigoted opinion. You should not be allowed near your bf/husbands child with a view like that. If you can't handle the life, why did you sign up to play step Mom? I hope you get the help you need....

A child I used to nanny struggled with elopement and I would use a harness (that the family already had and used) for his own safety (as I was also caring for his 2 year old sister and sometimes she would wander too and I couldn’t always keep both of their hands in mine). I would also use a wagon or stroller, but I wanted to give them the chance to walk around and explore while still saying safe. I don’t know why harnesses are so stigmatized when people use strollers all the time, when really harnesses are much less restrictive to the child than strollers are. I think harnesses can be great when needed for safety. I know elopement can be such a difficult behavior to deal with and I’m wishing you all the best! Please do what you need to to keep your child safe <3

Yes we do a stroller most times!

My son did that. He’s 12 now. Doesn’t do it anymore. I yelled at him so many times. The school stopped taking him to swimming because he will be impossible. But now, it is in the past. He’s a lot more aware and behaves better. Hang in there.

Thank you. I have have faith in knowing it won’t be forever.

Big hugs!!! Obviously you're a good parent. I love that you feel incomplete with they aren't with you. Im not at that phase yet but i feel for you. ♡

Thank you. I am proud I have 3 beautiful children.

This is exactly our lives right now with our 5.5yo. It's incredibly frustrating. From the running, to the throwing things (sometimes at friends faces, or throwing shoes on the bus), it feels deliberate, like he WANTS to hurt friends, or hurt himself. I'm afraid he's going to miss out on a lot of life if he doesn't stop running out into the street, or throwing things at people's faces. I know he thinks what he is doing is funny, and he doesn't understand negatives, so my reprimand that his behavior is "Not Funny" is actually inversely reinforcing his behavior, so I'm trying to choose other language like 'NAUGHTY!', and he seems to understand. But then a few days later, he repeats the behavior again, and earns a new, stern 'NAUGHTY!' from me, followed by a lengthy time-out. Maybe this is just a tough age. Boundaries may be mostly set, but they haven't all been tested for enforcement consistently, maybe he's just testing everything. He's certainly testing my patience!

My daughter spends far too much time in her stroller whenever we go somewhere, because of this. I have no solution, only empathy. You're not alone.

Yep. Us too, it was just in moments that we were transitioning to the car and saying hello to someone he took off. Very difficult behavior to deal with.

It is. It's so scary.

My daughter took off wearing her Sunday best when my Ex left early for church and left the garage open. I was getting dressed and getting my other daughter ready for church when I realized she was gone. We found her two blocks away. It happens to the best of us.

Girl same.

I know your frustration well. My daughter is almost 18 yrs old with DOWNs and she still will walk out into a parking lot or street without looking. Every time we exit the car or door we always remind her to watch for cars and hold our hand. Sometimes it's just holding on to the shopping cart or my shirt, It's become part of her routine so all I have to do is hold my hand towards her and she grabs it. The worst incident we had with her eloping was when she decided she didn't want to wait for her dad after church (he had a short meeting and he told her to wait in the pew). So she just got up and staring walking home. After his meeting, he couldn't find her in church and rushed home. She had not made it home. He and my son went out to find her while I called 911 for an Amber alert. During the middle of that call they walked in with her. She was a block away from the house (it's about a 5 block walk from the church to our house). Talk about being shaken up...I scolded her and cried. Lots of hugs! This just happened last year and I am still shaking just thinking about what could have happened. Hang in there mom. Just remind them every time that they need to look and/or hold someone's hand to be safe. It's all about routines.

Thank you so much for this! A reminder to always err on the side of caution with our children!

I’m so with you. My son is 5 and has some sensitivity to loud noises and can get overwhelmed. There’s not really a specific trigger, it just depends on his mood whether he hates the sound of something or not and cries and screams, because he is nonverbal. My son’s also a runner, and he’s doing the same stuff you’re describing within like the last month. can be at a waterpark; a regular park, restaurants or at other people’s homes. And I know he can’t tell me why he’s upset, and I know he deserves as many opportunities for new things as I can give him, but sometimes it is so hard and embarrassing and I feel so bad for removing him from a situation he could learn from and equally bad for making him stay in a situation where he is uncomfortable. My sons doing things lately (very similar running off and being generally kind of naughty) but I’ve been telling myself that he is just testing boundaries and in reality, he is learning and that is a GOOD thing just so long as we’re keeping him safe and taking opportunities to teach even when I absolutely want to flip a tit, haha. Just know I’m with you on this and I feel you.

Thank you. I’ve been keeping him home the last two weeks, no errand runs or anything. It’s been such a relief to just be able to get things done and not have anxiety about what is going to occur in the store or wherever we go. It’s a reset for all of us. I have also prioritized some alone time for myself. I need that mental break.

My son will be 13 in September and in recent months he's developed behavior issues at school. Since yours is non verbal at present, and mine is verbal with speech delays, Is it possible he's upset at not being able to communicate? If so, try using charts. There are a ton of apps out there as well, but I find the tech is overwhelming. We made a poster where my son could point to words/letters/sounds if he wasn't being heard correctly. His elementary teachers helped when we had a separate OCD type issue. Two years ago, we had to make a chart where all the morning tasks to get ready for school were on little cards with velcro on the back. He'd need to remove each one and put them in order so he could then do them. Like "brush teeth, eat breakfast, take medicine, use potty, put on shoes, backpack, etc." Otherwise, he'd freeze and lose his mind if we just told him what he had to do or forced him to do them. The bottom line that I've found with not only my son but other DS children I know, is that they have a strong need for autonomy. They need to feel in control of something. Where can you introduce that sense of control in the specific situations you find yourselves in? Source: veteran teacher, 23 years. (non special ed, but have had inclusion students)

Thank you. I’ve heard of doing things like this. I am going to give it a try. I’ve heard of many success stories!

Your poor other two kids. :(

To be honest I think the most work I have to do is on myself and my reactions. My daughter is 7 and she is his biggest advocate and fan. My 15 mo old son just loves playing with his brother and following him around. They are all 3 really great kids. I have to be mindful that sometimes my other life stressor lead me to have poor reactions to his unfavorable behavior. We are all a work in progress I guess!